I received this letter in an email from a chick trying to explain to me why she was single. Apparently this laundry list of excuses utter non-sense bull malarkey horseshit declarations helped her to illustrate why she was, indeed, single. You may have heard of Nina Brown. If not, google her.
I call bullshit. But perhaps I just THINK all of these proclamations are a cry for help. Could be me.
-VSB P aka Soul Brotha #2
(DISCLAIMER: This is long.)
***************************************
Why I’m Single
by Nina Brown
I am single because I have a 6 year old son who soaks up everything like a sponge and I haven’t met too many men who would leave an impression on him I would be proud of.
I am single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.
I am single because I am a “single black female addicted to retail” and when the going gets tough, I spend my money on very expensive jeans or a fabulous new designer hand bag. I spend my own money on my fetishes because I never want to feel like I owe a man anything because he bought me something .
I am single because after 3 months of dating, you cut me off with no explanation… only for me to realize, you’ve been engaged to be married the entire time. It’s unfortunate a radio show had to bring the truth out. Wow, thanks for copying on me the non-existent memo.
I am single because I can be very stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards because of the shortage of available, straight men.
I am single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to date a man who lacks it.
I am single because my vision is grand, and my man has to understand that, and be working on his own incredible vision simultaneously.
I am single because I am quick witted and extremely driven. I will not date a “slow lane” dude. I’d like my man to drive faster than I do, so that I can be challenged by a new speed and inspired to “keep up”.
I am single because I will never allow a man to make me feel like I’m not the shit. Even when my skin isn’t perfect, my waist isn’t the smallest and my booty isn’t the biggest… I’m still the shit.
I am single because I have an incredible Daddy who raised me, I understand what a stand up dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, woman and household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.
I am single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men can’t handle the fact I’m around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7.
I am single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don’t always want to be the “driver”. I’d like to ride shotgun every once in a while, as my man takes over. He’ll never have to worry about my ability to drive, when he’s tired, I’ll gladly take over.
I am single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have ego’s that need to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel like “men”, looking down upon “independent women”. Fortunately, I’m not looking for a “daddy”, I’ve got one. I’m looking for an “equal” who can help me take over the world.
I am single because my male mentors expose me to things most men can’t, like fine dining and traveling to new places some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would never expect a man to attempt to keep up with another, but its a state of mind, I need my man to want to expose me to new shit. Teach me something I don’t already know, show me something I haven’t already seen. If you can’t physically or financially do that, be able to do it mentally, it does count.
I am single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance.
I am single because the one guy who captured my heart, happens to be a lil busy taking over the world, managing a multi-platinum artist and running a successful record label, timing is everything… and it wasn’t our time. I fell in love with his work ethic, so I could never stand in the way of his grind. I watch from afar in amazement at his growth. Proud of everything he has accomplished and who he has become. I fall back easily, knowing you win some and you lose some… And if you’re lucky, you remain friends for a lifetime, which means… you never really lost.
I am single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the majority of men these days have no idea where they’re going… And I’m supposed to follow you???
I am single because I will not sweat or stalk you, regardless of how fine you might be… I’ve got pride and a life.
I am single because I choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you drive a flashy car, rock $500 Evisu jeans or have an icy watch and chain to match. Often times, that’s all you’ve got… these 4 things.
I am single because I’m attracted to the hip hop culture and sometimes shy away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I’m addicted to swagger, its not my fault.
I am single because sometimes I’d rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at 3:30 am, 5 days a week… You have to be the SHIT to make me sacrifice my R & R.
I am single because I’d sometimes rath er hang out with my fabulous girlfriends then play the “get to know you” game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?
I am single because I don’t want to inherit your baby mama drama… My sons father is one of the most unselfish men I’ve ever met. I thank God I don’t have baby daddy drama, why welcome yours?
I am single because some men are intimidated by my profession.
I am single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I’m a good girl, if that doesn’t make you want to make me number one, I keep it moving.
I am single because I don’t want to meet your kids on the second date, just because you date, doesn’t mean your children do too… I need a man who understands that.
I am single because I think male groupies are the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they see it in themselves. Its disgusting.
I am single because I realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the benefits of my profession. If I were the same chick and working at QT, you wouldn’t be that pressed.
I am single because the most important men in my life told me, I deserve the best, and now, that’s what I want.
I am single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult to my intelligence.
I am single because I have a phobia for the down low. I need a man who digs women… Only!
I am single because I walk away at the first sight of a “red flag”. I have an incurable syndrome called “quick-to-cut-a-nigga-off”. Surprisingly, men suffer from psycho behavior too… Funny, I thought that was just a “girl thing”???
I am single because I choose to be. When the right man comes along who truly deserves my love, I will not doubt, second guess or conditionally love him. He will have me, and ALL of me. I will hold no punches and always be honest, yet compromising, realizing anything worth having requires hard work. I won’t expect a relationship shortcut, I’ll welcome the long route and enjoy the scenery along the way.
Just my thoughts,
Nina Brown
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{ 199 comments… read them below or add one }
She forgot “I am single because I am an arrogant prick.” Then the list would be complete!
Ya know, I thought the same damn thing when I read this.
Actually I had thought “c*nt” rather than “prick” tho.
“I am single because I have more baggage than Samsonite.”
The End.
oookay?!?!?!?
I wasn’t referring to myself miss t-lee. I was summing up the long email in one sentence, hence the quotes.
Not that it’s directly related but that’s a topic in and of itself…
…is it really possible to be without baggage?
I know everybody has some…at least a carry-on but what if you met somebody who seemingly had no baggage? I think that might scare me off.
It’s that “it’s too good to be true” diesease. We find ourselves looking for something wrong…
I agree about the baggage stuff. The older you get the more you have baggage, naturally. If you’re 40 with no baggage, then something is off. I think most people tend to think, how does one handle their baggage. It’s one thing to have some closed and organized LV baggage vs having some KMart duffle baggage that’s spilling all your belongings everywhere. It’s all in how you carry it.
“I agree about the baggage stuff. The older you get the more you have baggage, naturally.”
future vsb.com post, btw.
when you do address the baggage topic on VSB can you also talk about WHEN to reveal said baggage to your partner. i.e.) do you tell him your father is in prison for mob related activities on the 1st date or the 15th date?
duly noted. that’s actually a good ass question. if you let that shit out at the wrong time, not only are they gonna drop you…they’re gonna tell EVERYBODY.
Looking forward to that one! Everyone’s definition of baggage is different so this should be interesting…and entertaining!
Most people have baggage, but it’s the way that you handle it. When one relationship ends, then I leave it with that relationship and don’t bring it into the next relationship. The new guy had nothing to do with the ex and shouldn’t be responsible for what happened in the previous relationship.
Yeah but in the case of children (just an example, I like to not hink of kids as baggage but a lot of people do), you can’t check your baggage (child) at your last relationship. At least, I hope not lolol.
i think theres a difference between punishing the next man for what the last man did, and learning from your mistakes. problem is, theres far too many people who dont know where that particular line is drawn!
in my mind, a grown up with a lack of baggage speaks to maybe some dangerous delusional disorders, impaired reality testing or personality disorder….im just sayin.
*gasp* you totally stole my guest blogger, such betrayal!
thats how we roll.
next? you.
She’s single because she talks too damn much! Am I the only person who didn’t know who the f*ck Nina Brown was until I googled her? Only then to find out she’s some two-bit myspace celebrity? First of all, what the hell does her expensive taste in clothes have to do with being single? And furthermore, if her baby’s daddy is so unselfish and perfect why the hell ain’t she with him? huh?
I can come up with a much better and more concise list of reasons of why I’m still single at age 32. Here goes…
1. From age 0-32 I didn’t know what I wanted in a man.
2. I didn’t fill out until I was 30.
3. I don’t put out on the first date or I put out too soon. (whatcha gonna do, sometimes panties DO just fall off)
4. VSB just launched in March ’08.
~The End~
“I don’t put out on the first date or I put out too soon. (whatcha gonna do, sometimes panties DO just fall off)”
the ultimate cunundrum….when to put out? I fail miserably at this.
oh and yet another t shirt
I have learned that how soon I put out is directly proportional to the last time I has some. This is why I tend to spend some quality time with BOB before certain dates.
“This is why I tend to spend some quality time with BOB before certain dates”
……….
Champ-Dont you judge me! lol
if the rabbit fits…
Yes this is soooo true!
“4. VSB just launched in March ‘08.”
this makes me all warm and fuzzy inside and shit
Her list is ridiculous.
My list for being single at 34:
1. I am in that in between time, healing from the last relationship time. Introspective time.
Oh, and this is the rule I use for putting out: Put out when YOU feel comfortable. If dude can’t handle your control over your sexuality, then his ass wasn’t meant for you from jump.
i kid, i kid…i’m just having a little fun man! Except #4 stays
Number 3, I can totally understand.
Number 4 is hot! LOLOL.
“Number 3, I can totally understand.”
Liz, I agree. Rule book, please.
She forgot “I am single because I spend a lot of time making up lies and excuses on why I am single when I could be out meeting guys who could possibly take me out of my current, lonely existence.”
Perhaps it’s her indirect way of saying she is afraid of committment.
I can make this really simple: I am single because I want to be. I am single because when I have opened myself up to the idea of being boo’d up, I haven’t been swept off my feet. I still believe in being swept off my feet. But mostly, I just want to be single.
“…swept off my feet”
in your opinion, what exactly does this mean?
Last night I saw “let a playa play” by katt williams for the um-tenth time. You are only single and the shit…when you are out in public.
It’s hard to define. I can’t put my finger on it. I guess it’s different w/each person. It’s not so much what HE does, but really about how I feel and act. See, I usually don’t like anyone. I could care less.I’m cold as ICE! LOL
But if I run into a man and I can’t stop thinking about him, if I actually start to care and start acting different (shy, quiet instead of my crazy boisterous self) then I know he’s special.
i second that.
Ultimately, I can’t find fault with her reasons. It seems like she has a pretty good idea of what she wants and very few people you may meet in a given week will cut it.
It’s tough out there
. In the time I’ve been single (well, it’s been 18 months since I finally accepted the fact), I’ve met exactly 4 people who kept me up at night fantasizing about what life would be like with them.
Apparently, the feeling hasn’t been mutual.
LoL. It hasn’t been that bad, one was taken, I’m good friends with two and a weird relationship with a third. The fourth . . . I think I scared her off
*given week* . . . more like given quarter.
“In the time I’ve been single (well, it’s been 18 months since I finally accepted the fact), I’ve met exactly 4 people who kept me up at night fantasizing about what life would be like with them.”
you do realize though, that most people don’t meet 4 people that conjure that type of feeling in 4 years?
Could be that I’m just easy. . .
I agree…there is nothing wrong with a woman knowing what she does and does not want. That’s the first step to a developing a healthy relationship.She is not bitter and seems content with her situation. As long as you are prepared to deal with the consequences (i.e., potential singleness), there is nothing wrong with having well thought-out standards. JMO
P.S. I think many people’s responses to this post are biased by Soul Brotha #2′s intro…come on people…if he had introduced it by saying “now this is a woman who is focused on what she wants and is honest about her singlehood…” I would bet that the tone of people’s replies would be very different. You have a lot of influence Soul Brotha #2!
though i don’t think i have that much influence, i do agree that my intro probably did bias the whole perspective from jump.
oops.
Even without an intro, my feelings stay the same. It’s too negative. It’s obvious that she’s unhappy or she wouldn’t have made this list.
LOL! Okay, so miss Nina Brown had a lot on her mind and felt the need to vent. To each his or her own…. and maybe that’s really why she’s single.
Long azz read! Too dayum early in the morning to comprehend all that! lmao
I think this list is just a way to make herself feel better about the fact she is single. Once you get past the “I’m all this” and “I’m all that” it reads like a wish list to Jesus for a man.
LOL..its funny because its true. hehe
“wish list to Jesus for a man” -hilarious!
…can i be real for a second and just admit that i was once encouraged to do that by one of my church elders in atlanta. I’m laughing my a$$ off right now!!!
LOLLLLLLLL. Sorry your comment cracked me up. So true. It’s a cry for help.
IN general the broad is LONG winded. Her bio on her myspace page goes on like the Iliad.
Not the Iliad!!!!! LMAO!!!!
lol, yeah. the Iliad line made me choke on my waffles and lobster this morning
@ Champ maybe you shouldn’t drink or eat while reading this blog, I would hate for us to be the reason you choke to death or get electricuted by spewing some liquid on your computer. READ WITH CAUTION
Eh. I don’t see anything wrong with what she said. She knows her. She knows her situation. But I have to wonder if Mr. Record Guy is so great and she’s so great, why hasn’t he stepped up to the plate??
My girl A wrote a post like last week about every woman not being a wife. Maybe Nina just isn’t wife/girlfriend material. She seemed to miss that possibility. Everyone isn’t meant to be a part of a couple. Hell, some of those people are the very ones going from relationship to relationship. But that’s a whole ‘nother topic.
Where can I read this?
I will blow this motherfucker up before I am religated to “not being a wife”. And by “this motherfucker”, I mean the Planet Earth. If I don’t get to be fruitful and multiply, nobody lives. You hear me? NOBODY.
LMAO, girl I hear ya.
I’m with you. I mean I’ve already multiplied but BY DAMN its time my ass was fruitful and shit!!
LOL!!
I’m looking for it. Will be back once she sends me the link.
LMAO…I don’t wanna bust your bubble but considering the fact that that was written in the Old Testament when the Earth still needed to be populated and now today with over-population in some parts of the world, diminishing natural resources and global warming maybe that’s not the biggest item on the agenda right now? LOL. I kid. I kid. And I feel you!
i know ur exaggerating but ahhhh this is the panic i smell on so many women.
“Everyone isn’t meant to be a part of a couple.”
i agree. if it was for everyone, it would be alot easier
Why is she wasting so much time on why she’s single. If you want to be in a relationship, you can’t carry that much baggage and negativity with you. Men pick up on that quickly and won’t want to deal with you. There are great guys out there, but if you have a laundry list of qualifications than you’re gonna miss out on them. It’s that simple!
Yep!!!! Say that!
Her baggage wasn’t advertised (only her son if you consider that baggage). Her expectations weren’t negative but particular. I do agree that the “list” was extremely long…
I disagree Neonnea. She has so much emotional baggage it’s ridiculous. “Single black female addicted to retail”: she’s missing something and compensates by buying STUFF; “…cut off after 3 months of dating w/no explanation”: she’s injured because of this…she presents herself as being so fabulous yet dudes cut her off w/no explanation; “…even when my skin isn’t perfect, my waist isn’t the smallest…”: insecure, comparing herself to others in spite of her fabulosity; feels that some men want her just because of her affiliations: she has a hard time trusting men & assumes that some are just interested in her b/c they want to be around who she knows & her “fabulous job” that consumes so much of her time. I could go on & on but you get the point. Her long tirade was chock-full of with emotional baggage.
Ok, while she is the anti-Toldja in soooo many ways, I want to defend her a little bit. I think her list does in fact explain why she is single.
1. She has a 6 year old. Not only is that time-consuming AND a turn-off (even to men who have 6 children of their own by various women), it also means that she has to be a bit more discerning in her choice of men.
2. She works in an industry dominated by “powerful” men (read: pretentious pretenders), which may be intimidating to a man outside of said industry.
3. She has the nerve to have standards.
4. She has standards that may limit her to 2-3 men in the world: she sounds like she wants a man with a lot of money, sans arrogance and a lot of flashy things, but with some subtlety to their ownership and display of these things.
5. She fails to realize that the sort of things that she wants in a man do not line up with what she brings to the table. The sort of man she describes is usually so RIDUCULOUS and absurd with what he asks for, and can get away with it because he is a Black man of means and the world is his woman buffet.
5A. The sort of man she describes does not want a woman over 30 with a 6 year old. He wants a woman in her early to mid 20′s who is a model, probably some
exotic mulatto or “Creole” to boot. Even if he’s not color struck, he still don’t want no baggage. The world has told him he is golden and he wants a “perfect” woman to complete the package.
6. A lot of men are assholes.
7. She’s Black.
She’s kinda douche-baggy and a little self-righteous (and the whole retail addict thing makes me *vomit noises*), but I don’t think I’d call the list bullshit. I’ll just say she’s gonna have a damn hard time getting un-single. At least she’s pretty…
“She has standards that may limit her to 2-3 men in the world”
basically.
Preach!!!
Yeah. Her list might not be BS. But she is bringina kid to the table. That limits her options with the men she wants. It’s funny cus what you wrote is what I kinda discussed today. Hoes, I mean women, need to be honest about what their options really are and work within them. Her options probably do NOT include the men she wants. I wish her luck!
Also, if she knows these are the reasons she’s single, is she willing to make any adjustments to get out of the apparent lonely pit that singledom must be for her to write such a detailed list!?
Thank you ST for breaking down the list to make some damn sense. Yours was way more realistic and honest. She had way too much fluff on hers.
I heart you ST LOL.
To me it isn’t about her apperance. It’s more her attitude. Also the type of man she wants most likely wants a woman who is equally yoked and/or someone who is ridiculously attractive. Nina doesn’t fall in either category.
fyi, sista T, hypothetically speaking, where might 5A be located if a baggage-free, non douchey-baggy or self-righteous single, well-educated, attractive sista were searching?
O:-)
I like this list. She sounds like she’s being honest. The way it’s posted here is out of context, imo.
“I am single because I walk away at the first sight of a “red flag”. I have an incurable syndrome called “quick-to-cut-a-nigga-off”.”
Me too ROFL!!
“The way it’s posted here is out of context, imo.”
how so?
thing is kiesha is that the people who feel the need to justify why theyre not in a relationship are usually the ones who are dying to be in one, and if she stays true to her “list” she probably will be single for, ummmm, ever
This is why context is important. If she was just randomly throwing this out here, I would call bullshyt on it too. But from what I Googled and from recent comments on this post, it was just a tongue-in-cheek response to the “why are you single?” question that single women (well myself at least) are CONSTANTLY asked. And it’s often asked in a very condescending ‘you don’t want to get with every wonky-eyed dumbazz who smiles at you so your standards must be too high’ sort of way.
I agree that a lot of people try to make themselves feel better about their perpetual singledom by throwing the opposite sex under the bus though.
But lets be real, everyone has lists. I’m sure that if we all posted our lists, someone else would look at them and find things that they don’t agree with or think are unreasonable. I’m also sure that nobody actually sticks to their list to the T.
I see where you’re going here. It’s true, I get tired of being asked why I am single, especially by some ole dude who is trynna date me. It’s even worse when he asks me in a way that’s very suspicious. Either way, he has two options 1) stick around or 2) move on. I don’t have time to sit around and write lists for these dudes, as I am sure the reasons fluctuate. I think in the end it’s the same answer for me, I haven’t found anyone I am willing to date consistently. Granted, I am not out there on the prowl for men, but just because I choose to be single and happy about it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with me.
I too have made lists about what I want in a man and relationship but that was only after I made up a list entitled “What Kind of Woman Do I Want Be.” Things on that list are mostly related to how I would be in a relationship but also personal and career goals I have for myself. I look at that list everyday…cause it’s the things on that list that I can work on right now while I still am single that are simultaneously preparing for marriage and motherhood.
Now I see what you mean by out of context. I’ll cop to not having seen the full list as Deviant provided below. A chick I know forwarded it to me from other chicks she knows…etc…
I have to wonder why they didn’t include the full blog post…
If you have this many reasons why you’re single, I’m thinking the common denominator is yourself.
Why can’t she be like me and just say, I was dating an azzhole for a year and a half, who thanks to this blog I know refer to as a DivaDude (when I used to call him a punk azz chump), and I’m taking a break right now.
See very simple.
That’s really all you need to say.
“I was dating an azzhole for a year and a half, who thanks to this blog I know refer to as a DivaDude (when I used to call him a punk azz chump), and I’m taking a break right now. ”
i’m glad we could help
Hmmm… Well maybe she got tired of getting asked that first date “why are you single” question. I know I do. And thus the list was born…
That’s exactly it.
Yes! Since Deviant has posted Nina’s whole post below. I don’t know whether it’s rewarding or scary that I was in Nina Brown’s head, and just knew from the list that it was more like a middle finger to people who continually ask ‘why are you single…’
See, I don’t have a problem with creating a list. Hell, I assume women do that type of stuff all the time. Like I said, a chick I know who’s single sent it to me because I’ve asked her why she’s single.
However, let’s not pretend that a lot of the stuff on the list is pure biship. Well, let’s not even go that far; her reasons are her reasons.
However, it comes off as a “I am woman, I have standards and men aren’t stepping up to the plate.” If you’re pissed you might say somethings to make yourself feel better…however…there’s not one iota of “some of this shit is on me” involved.
And if you have the wherewithall to make this list, at some point you should read it and say, “wow, men blow, but I kind of suck too.”
P,
What exactly are you calling bullshit on?
The list of “reasons” itself or one “reason” in particular?
I don’t have a beef with the list itself. To each his own.
But all of that deflection and projection…she hasn’t spent any time on self-reflection.
I can’t believe I just went Jesse Jackson on dat azz.
I only call bullshit because after reading it, her reasons for being single, though justified in her mind, let me know that she’s the type of person who would blame the curb for existing if she tripped over it.
Maybe you just can’t walk.
Everybody knows that Jesse was an aspiring rapper that turned to a life of social uplifting and justice when things didn’t pan out.
Unfortunately, he still retained some of the qualities from his rapper days but managed to keep the baby mama drama under wraps for a very long time.
Point Panama Jackson.
Nina, girl I commend you on even making a list. To many times folks dont look at their own accountability on why they are in certain situations. Espeically women, we are so quick to say, I am single because these men out here (Fill In The Blank). So kudos to you on at least taking that step.
Now after reading over the list it seems like you said the same thing at least 6 times but just used a different basket of words. Honey, you are a control freak. I recognize myself when I see me. You are used to being in control of everything professionally and personally. You have been doing it for so long that your mind doesnt really know how to mentally have at least 2 contingency plans. And the thought of handing that over to someone else is unsettleing as hell because you dont trust them to not eff it up. But here is the hing though…until you hand something off to someone you will never know if they will eff it up or not. Sucks but hey such is life.
Also although introspection is always a great thing. You might want to do a poll of the folks (male and female) that you trust to give you an honest opinion. They see shit we dont sometimes. Example-I was out with some friends at Utopia having a few drinks this weekend and my homeboy (whom I’ve know since freshman year in college was about 5 shots of Patron ahead of me for the night) says to me ‘Yo, I saw some old pic of you. You was banging as hell. You done gained some weight. What the fuck happened? You still fine, but you need to get that shit off of you.’ Now, I have been working out because I’d recently realized I needed to drop a few and luckily was born with thick skin so this didnt bother me like it would have some women. He went on to say ‘Man, Atlanta is full of banging women with good jobs. Step ya game up, I want to see you with a good dude. Your worth it.’ Now that is the type of honesty you will rarely get from girlfriends and almost never give to give yourself. Yours may be something totally different, maybe you talk to much or maybe you are still hung up on ole boy mentioned earlier.
Damn, my post was about as long as hers. My bad ya’ll. But work kept me from VSB this week and I had to make up for it in one post.
Guys will tell it to you straight. That’s why I usually ask my boys for advice on relationships. They know how guys think.
“Damn, my post was about as long as hers. My bad ya’ll. But work kept me from VSB this week and I had to make up for it in one post.”
lol…don’t worry about it. and, as much as i pride myself on being honest, after reading what your friend said to you, i dont know if i’ve ever been THAT honest…while sober at least.
maybe i should try to write each entry next week while drunk
Yeah, that is some honesty for that ass.
I can’t top it but I did tell a good friend of mine that she needed some d*ck in her life on a very crowded street in New Orleans during the Bayou Classic. Not to mention I was drunk as hell and very loud.
But I really did think she needed to loosen up. I was trying to help. So I took her to a strip club.
Yeah…a couple of years ago, a few of my friends told me that I had gotten fat, too. The sh*t hurt because I was only fat in my stomache. The rest of me was tall and skinny. It’s not so bad to be tall. It’s not so bad to be fat. Its not so bad to be skinny…but to be tall, fat and skinny simultaneous is the worst possible look. After that I decided it was time to get rizzight!
Just thought I’d share that.
You are crazy as hell. I just thought you should know that. ROFL!!!
Everybody needs friends that keep it funky with them every once in a while…I don’t consider anyone my friend until they have put me in check at least one good time!
Treezy, this is so true… my bestest ride or die b*tches, happen to be the ones that have told me “cut your shit, stop acting/being a bitch, u suck”. That is how I really know they love me because they are willing to tell me my shit stinks, cause guess what? it does! as does everyone elses! Everyone needs at least someone to keep it real when your pedastal gets a little too high.
She needs to get rid of her list. I got out of a long-term relationship with a guy last year who met my “list.” He was smart, attractive, graduated from an Ivy League school, successful, family-oriented and most of the time I was unhappy. After that ended, I met a guy who I would never thought of I would end up and he made me more happy than any guy that I ever dated and we shared the same goals in life. It made me realize that you can’t judge guys until you get to really know them and that these lists are silly. Yes, there are guys who are not worth our time but there are also good guys out there if you take the time to give them a chance.
I was sent this list last year sometime…I agree with some of her “reasons” but others are more like excuses why she isn’t willing to compromise but wants others to compromise with her…as a single, single mom (one 4yr old boy) I am a firm believer in “just because I am dating, doesn’t mean my son is…” other than that…I think she made the list because she gets asked the question often…she probably carries copies of it around with her to pass out at a moments notice…she does come off as pretentious, arrogant, delusionional, and ingenuine in some of her declarations…but I am a straight woman, so I am relieved that I will never have to be concerned with dating her…LOL…
She created a 10 page list of reasons why she is single and then ends it all with ‘I am single cause I choose to be’.She could’ve just left it at that. If you are truly happy with being single, you dont need a list to validate why you are that way. Listing credentials, the lack of potential fathers-husbands, your career and blah blah blah, makes it seem as if she is not single because she chooses to be. It acutally makes her seem a bit sad. I am successfully single and I hold my head high and broadcast no excuses and have no list as to why I am this why. I dont need my single tickets validated, thank you, and until she realizes that the list will grow…… It’s easier to blame the world for your unhappiness, rather than pointing the finger at yourself.
Ooooh you took the words right out of my mouth! Amen!
I must admit, I didn’t read the whole list. That shit got boring after 45 seconds. Who the hell wants to hear all that bitching?
Yeah I read the Iliad a couple of times (I was an English lit major) I remember most of it and really didn’t need to relive it throught her soliloquy
You know I just had to do this because 1) whoever sent you that email probably got it from someone who got it from someone who cut and paste if from the real thing and 2) it’s always better to read things IN CONTEXT.
So here it is straight up, no chaser from her MySpace page. You can go verify this info yourself.
(BTW: You should really be calling bullshit on the fact that she refers to herself as the “Black Carrie Bradshaw” – I think I’m gonna go write about why Black folks always want to be the Black [Insert White celebrity]. Join me later.)
Why I’m Single!
If I had a dollar for every time I was asked, “Why don’t you have a man?” I could easily put everyone’s kid through college.
Working in Atlanta’s “Black Hollywood” as a young, single female with morals, I face my own set of challenges. However, I never imagined dating would be so high on the list. I have come to realize, just because the industry glitters, doesn’t mean its hardly golden! While I wouldn’t trade my industry experiences for anything in the world, I will admit, it takes a new-age Nancy Drew to crack the millions of mysteries that come with this package deal.
When my dating scene went from bad to worst, I began to ask myself, Why am I single??? As I experienced dating deal breaker after dating deal breaker (DDB), I began to keep record of them in my blackberry to see if I could get to the bottom of my own rhetorical questions.
In the beginning, I thought it was me. I constantly made excuses why my dating life was on a path of self-destruction. Had I become a bad man-magnet? I considered everything from where I lived (outside the city) to the extra 10lbs I gained, but once I moved downtown and lost 25lbs, things still didn’t change!
I then asked myself, was it really me?
Now, I’m far from perfect, but I know who I am, and more importantly, I know what I want. I have standards that I’m not willing to lower or compromise. While I realize, I won’t be every man’s “perfect 10″, I stand tall by my personal beliefs and I refuse to cut corners and settle for wack plea bargains. Life’s way too short to be complacent with convenience or settle for mediocrity.
I have stopped asking myself, “Why am I single?” because the answers I was looking for were before me, and as clear as a cloudless day.
Let’s begin…
I’m single because I have an amazing son who soaks up everything like a sponge, and I haven’t met too many men who would leave an impression on him I would be proud of.
I’m single because I have a fabulous job that consumes so much of my time.
I’m single because in the words of Kanye West, I’m a “single black female addicted to retail” and I enjoy spending money on over-priced jeans or designer handbags that I’m only going to tote for a season. I spend my OWN money because I never want to feel indebted to a man because he bought me something.
I’m single because I’m stubborn. I refuse to lower my standards in the midst of this “D.L. epidemic”.
I’m single because I have an obsession with swagger and I refuse to date a man who lacks it. Swag is simply the ability to communicate self-confidence verbally and non-verbally. If you can’t do that, I can’t do you!
I’m single because my vision is incredibly big, and my man has to understand the movement, and have his own vision as well.
A good man will compliment me, not complete me.
I’m single because I’m quick witted and extremely driven. I refuse to date a “slow lane” dude. In fact, I prefer my man to drive at a faster speed than I do, so I’m challenged by his speed and inspired to “keep up”.
I’m single because I will never allow a man to make me feel like I’m anything less than fabulous. Even when my skin isn’t perfect, my waist line isn’t the smallest and my booty isn’t the biggest… I’m still absolutely and incredibly fabulous!
I’m single because I have an amazing Daddy who raised me well; because of him, I know what a stand up dude is. I expect my man to take care of his children, his woman and his household just as my Daddy did. There is no excuse.
I’m single because I work in a male dominated industry and most men can’t handle the fact I’m around other powerful, popular and well-connected men 24/7. In this entertainment industry, these men are simply my “co-workers”, no need to feel threatened by the people I have to work with.
I’m single because I have more backbone than a lot of men and I don’t always want to be the “driver”. I like riding shotgun and watching my man do his thing behind the wheel. However, my man will never have to worry about my ability to drive, when he’s too tired or unable, I’ll be there to hold him down.
I’m single because I can carry my own weight. Most men have egos that need to be stroked, so they seek needy women to make them feel empowered, looking down upon independent women. Quite honestly, I don’t need another daddy; I need a man who doesn’t feel threatened by my aggressiveness. If I respect you, I will never question who wears the pants. If I don’t respect you, I’ll wear the pants, the belt and kick you out of the closet!
I’m single because my male mentors expose me to things most men can’t, like fine dining and traveling to new places some only experience thru the Discovery Channel. I would NEVER expect a man to attempt to keep up with another, but it’s a state of mind. I need my man to WANT to expose me to new things. Teach me something I don’t already know; show me something I haven’t already seen. If you can’t physically or financially do that, be able to do it mentally, it does count.
I’m single because I have a zero tolerance for ignorance. Zero! I skate out on the first sign of ignorance without looking in my rear view. Ignorance is a character trait and almost impossible to change. Yep, sad but true, it is what it is.
I’m single because I expect my man to lead, and quite honestly, the majority of men these days have no idea where they’re going… And I’m supposed to follow you???
I’m single because I will not sweat or stalk you, regardless of how gorgeous or successful you might be… I’ve got pride and a great life! I’m not afraid to walk without you because I came into this world walking solo with God. Happily, I’ll go out the same way!
I’m single because I choose to keep a good reputation, I will not sleep with you because you drive a flashy car, rock $500 designer jeans or have an icy watch and chain to match. Often times, that’s all you’ve got… these 4 things.
I’m single because I’m attracted to the hip hop culture and often times shy away from everything else. I should keep my options open, but I’m addicted to swagger. I swear, it’s not my fault!!
I’m single because sometimes I’d rather sleep then be on the social scene. I wake up at 3 am, 5 days a week… You have to be something EXTRAORDINARY to make me sacrifice my R & R.
I’m single because I was taught the difference between personality and character and I need a man with character. Your personality can change depending on what side of the bed you wake up on, your character won’t change. Character is what you will do when no one is looking and when no one is keeping score. My integrity, humility and compassion define my character, what define yours?
I’m single because I’d sometimes rather hang out with my fabulous girlfriend’s then play the “get to know you” game with some new dude. My girlfriends mean guaranteed laughter and good times, can you guarantee that?
I’m single because I don’t want to inherit your baby mama drama. My son’s father is one of the most unselfish men I’ve ever met. I thank God I don’t have parenting drama. Hmmm, now exactly why would I want yours?
I’m single because I have a spirit of fearlessness and my man has to be just as fearless and understand that God didn’t put the spirit of fear in any of us. A good man will encourage you to dream big because “impossible” isn’t an option in his world.
I’m single because some men are intimidated by my profession. I’m a radio producer, that won’t change when the clock strikes twelve. I figured out my purpose in life and I’m on a mission that goes far beyond the tangible things in life.
I’m single because I was taught life is much like a theater and I’m the superstar on stage! I have the ability to determine who sees my performance and who is so privileged to sit in my VIP front row. My “front row” people won’t let just any man sit next to them. My front row people have my best interest at heart and I trust them with my life!
I’m single because I refuse to play the sideline chick. I’m a good girl, if that doesn’t make you want to make me number one, I keep it moving.
I’m single because I don’t want to meet your kids on the second or third date, just because you date, doesn’t mean your children do too… I need a man who understands how important it is to protect our easily influenced, overly exposed children.
I’m single because I think male groupies are the lowest form of man. I see the groupie in a lot of men before they see it in themselves. It’s disgusting.
I’m single because I understand, what God has for me, is for me. There’s no need to solicit applications and rush to fill the position, my business is always booming, with or without a man!
I’m single because I realize some men want to be affiliated with my connections and reap the benefits of the many blessings I’ve received. If I were the same chick and working at the corner Shell station, you wouldn’t be this pressed! Daddy didn’t raise no dummy, Playa!
I’m single because the most important men in my life told me, I deserve the best, and now, it’s the ONLY thing I’ll settle for.
I’m single because I will not tolerate being lied too. What an insult to my intelligence.
I’m single because I run at the first sight of a “red flag”. I have an incurable syndrome called “quick-to-cut-him-off” and my intuitions have never let me down. Surprisingly, men suffer from insecurities and psycho behavior too.
Funny, I coulda swore this was just a “girly thing”!!!
And again, I’m single because I have an extreme phobia for the down low. I need a man who digs women only…(just in case you missed this one the first time, I had to bring it back!)
But most importantly, I’m single because I CHOOSE TO BE.
I’ve never been the type who had to have a boyfriend.Clearly, after all of these years and only two real relationships, I had to learn how to do me and enjoy the qualities God blessed me with. I stopped looking for validation from others when I experienced God’s incredible favor.
Let me keep it real though, working in this industry has completely changed my views about relationships and dating, and undeniably, it’s one of the most complicated things I’ve ever taken part in.
Listen, I’m not your “angry black woman”. I will never categorize you or blame you for another man’s shortcomings. I’m so far from desperate and humorlessly, I WISH I had the time to decode the many intricacies of being a gold digger or a groupie!
Oddly enough, because this industry is such an international small circle of people and because life moves at such a rapid speed, you begin to appreciate the days when you get to wear your watch because it simply compliments your outfit, and not because it serves as a constant reminder of how “time-managed” and “schedule-driven” your life has become.
And when meeting someone, you learn to appreciate when you finally make it past the first few layers of the getting to know you game, we call “social networking”.
If you’re lucky, you’ll realize who your ride or die friends are, and you’ll establish a circle of life lines you’d give your right arm for and vice versa. Being comfortable with who you are makes it easier to realize when a “D.W.P” (dude with potential) crosses your path.
No, it certainly doesn’t mean you jump at every handsome face and charming voice, but you get to a point when you present “the real you” from the commencement because it’s the only thing you’ve got left.
You go into newly formed “situations” with no expectations. Your only promise?? A few coffee shop pow-wow’s, a couple of casual lunches or possibly even an early-dinner when it’s convenient for both.
Without fail, the 1st few attempts at connecting don’t go through. In the beginning, you play phone tag until the score is tied and the constant blackberry emails and texts messages always end with several smileys and “LOL’s”. Secretly, blackberry flirting can easily be the highlight of any long day!
If nothing else, your curiosity peaks and you begin to wonder if his talk is as bold as his type! You even ask yourself, is this just game or could God have possibly blessed someone with this much swag?
Sometimes it works, most times it DOESN’T… It’s the inevitable law of numbers – yes, even the numbers are now officially against you!
You conveniently blame it on an intense work schedule, because it’s the easy let down and the fool-proof fall back plan that’s guaranteed like the 1st and 15th!
But let’s keep it real, you ALWAYS make time for things you really want to pop off!
And please believe, when the right one comes along, the un-compromising, damn near impossible schedule will all of a sudden become the, “you just name the time and place, and I’ll make it happen” schedule! Oh boy!
Magically, you make time you didn’t even know you had and live life on the edge by rolling the dating dice like you were Vegas’ Queen Bee!
Laughing, we both know, this is called, “futuristically optimistical” because it will happen… one day!
Yes, one day, it’ll pop off and be so genuine, so authentic and so meaningful.
Yes, one day, he’ll be “THE ONE”, and the greatest thing about it is, the confirmation will be innate!
Unlike this glitzy industry we have grown to love, “THE ONE” will be so perfectly timed and not the least bit complex.
But until that exclusive day…
Continue to enjoy life, pray for patience and learn from the f’ ups along the way.
Laugh at the inevitable mistakes you will make and understand every challenge plays a part in the “big picture”… Each day you get a little stronger.
Most importantly, you have to remember, being single isn’t a curse!
It’s a free pass to live life in the fast lane, question-free, baggage-free and FEARLESSLY!!!
And being single means you can pass go if you wanna and collect the $200 if you need to! And best of all, you don’t even need a free pass to get out of jail, because it’s YOUR world and the cell is kept unlocked!
So, take a stroll down Park Place and continue on to the Boardwalk! Let your hair down and kick your shoes off… Enjoy this good life and the blessings that came with it!
So, the next time a man asks you, “Why don’t you have a man?”
Just smile and say, “Do you really have time to hear all the reasons why, or shall we just move on to a less cumbersome question?”
Love Always,
Nina Brown aka The Black Carrie Bradshaw
*Dedicated to the two men who have continued to tell me, I deserve only the best because I am highly favored & truly blessed, Frank Ski & Bobby Patterson. Thank you for being my rocks! Ride or die, today, tomorrow… FOREVER!
You’re right, context does help. And I did receive this email as a part of an email chain that was being forwarded over and over sans the full blog that it came from.
In context, it does paint a different picture. I’ll concede that.
So I withdraw my bullshit call from Nina. HOWEVER, I would like to assert my bullshit claim to the myriad woman who have run with this type of list under the auspices of, in general, men do indeed suck which is why they cannot find a man.
the entire article was VERY helpful…poignant even…I really feel that if you are single, it’s because you want to be…for whatever reason…it’s easy to “have someone” just might not be the right someone…the list (regardless of context) is a laundry list of finger pointing at the LACK of men qualified to pluck her from the ranks of single womanhood…which supports my previous claim of pretentious-ness…I agree that being single (as in wanting a relationship and not having one) is challenging…but you got kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince…(shrugging) whatchu gonna do?
Thanks for the context and hey, I do suspect one of those dudes is my linesister’s brother. The world is sooo damned small.
I also want to add that her reasonings and self-evaluations at the question “is it me?” involved where she lived, losing vanity weight (less than 10lbs), and being a principled/moral woman unwilling to “cut corners”…all of this (even the last one) are esoteric evaluations…we all have moral convictions, but how do you wear yours? I mean…when you ask yourself “is it me?” you have to look at everything from the way you talk to (and treat) people to whether or not you are the type of mate you would want? HONESTLY! are you juddemental? condescending? unaffectionate? rude? materialistic? an enabler? do you have the patience you expect others to have with you? if YOU weren’t YOU…would YOU date YOU? why or why not? had nothing to do with where you live…unless of course you live on a cult compound in West Texas…but you get my point…
All that being typed to say that in my most humble (and completely unsolicited) opinion, she is going to have to dig a little deeper to figure out what’s really going on…I’m just saying!
Good points!
I read as much as I could… I skimmed past the first couple of comments too… Some of them are really out there, but a lot of them are credible reasons for singledom. not lowering standards, swagger, vision, slow lane, being the shit, tolerance for ignorance, pride, reputation, sleep, getting to know you game, sideline… im choosing to be single right now, and I dont have any bitterness or resentment inside me for the male species… not all single people are lonely, looking for excuses to justify why theyre alone, ya know
er uh. except for points 1 (i’m child free by choice), 3 (my addictions are books and beads, not clothing) and some other stuff that’s specific to her (like her industry and overblown DL phobia), i cosign most of this list.
it’s really, REALLY easy to find someone to fall into some sh*t and have a relationship with.
but it’s really, REALLY HARD to find a romantic interest who will not only accept and love who you are now but also give you the room and challenge you to be your best self.
i don’t think she’s looking for a rich man. i think she’s looking for a confident man who is at ease with who he is and where he is — and isn’t bothered by her being who she is and where she is.
(no seriously — for men, money = status = power. and a lot of men don’t feel comfortable when another *person,* but *ESPECIALLY* when a woman has more money, status, power or hell, just more experience and knowledge than he.)
“and a lot of men don’t feel comfortable when another *person,* but *ESPECIALLY* when a woman has more money, status, power or hell, just more experience and knowledge than he”
this is a two-way street though. how many women immediately don’t feel compatible around a guy who has less “money, status, power or hell, just more experience and knowledge” than she, even if the guy’s perfectly okay with it?
actually most women who have money, status and power know that they’re an anomaly.
they’re willing to have a relationship with a man with less money/power/status, so long as he:
(a) isn’t trifling
(b) isn’t bothered by her success
(c) has some chameleon in him
(d) is responsible
(e) shares similar goals and values
i have no problem dating a security guard if he’s a man about his and has enough polish to keep folks at the office christmas party from looking at me sideways.
Funny thing is, I actually have a problem dating men who have considerably more money and status than I do.
truth be told, so do most people. that’s why you see so many “power couples” and, uh … so many not so power couples.
people tend to marry those of like education, upbringing and status.
yeah so i definately am not the chick looking for someone to take care of me. And when I have dated men with lots of money, I have a problem taking stuff from them. I remember I was seeing this guy and he invited me to his friends house for New Years and this chick says ‘oh so you are the girl he has been seeing. I aint mad, girl get that money.’ I almost blew a gasget(sp) I had to pull him up outside and let him know if this is the type of chick he is used to we need to cut our losses now and keep it moving cause I dont get involved with the kept woman/groupie lifestyle.
“I am single because the one guy who captured my heart, happens to be a lil busy taking over the world, managing a multi-platinum artist and running a successful record label, timing is everything… and it wasn’t our time. I fell in love with his work ethic, so I could never stand in the way of his grind. I watch from afar in amazement at his growth. Proud of everything he has accomplished and who he has become. I fall back easily, knowing you win some and you lose some… And if you’re lucky, you remain friends for a lifetime, which means… you never really lost.”
This is where her whole issue is really centered. She is stuck on this dude she can’t have and she compares everyone to him. If you are not him or better you must proceed to kick rocks.
And there is nothing wrong with loving yourself but when you are “in love” with yourself it can become an issue. She is single because any man who holds one conversation with her probably runs away as fast as he can.
And now that I have Googled her, I have to wonder if some of this arrogance is really just a defense mechanism for herself. Does she reject everyone because she is afraid of being rejected herself due to her non-hotness?
I’m googling her just cuz of your “non-hotness” comment …
*googling*
she just has a weird smile. but i find nothing unappealing about her appearance.
The smile totally ruins her for me. And she is too damn skinny for my taste. Either way, hotness is in the eye of the beholder. And I am having a hard time beholding any hotness in her pics!
lmao.
her smile is too toothy…almost forced looking…like her lips are running from her breath…but she’s cute…as long as she doesn’t smile…EVER!
WOW.And here I was just thinking I was only single because I only meet men at the club and the gas station…
and WAL-MART…don’t forget WAL-MART…lol
Bella,
Much props on your blog too. Mad entertaining, kid.
awwwww thanks love. feel free to come by and show some love. with a name like that though you sound like the type of person i would totally fall for. and THEN blog about. i guess i should watch out. or rather YOU should watch out
ummm…he’s married, watch urself..lol, u don’t want his wife tracking you down by ur ISP…lol.
Damn, Teacia!!! You couldn’t even let a n*gga get his virtual groove back!?
What a blog-blocker!
Anyway Bella, what were you saying before we were so rudely interrupted?…I thought you were getting ready to write that I am clearly a “Mack-a-roni Toni.” To what I would’ve replied…”you are right.”
“blog-blocker”
Yet another GREAT t-shirt and I think I just might get one made up!!
(giving you “the people’s eyebrow” ROCK style) now just yesterday you said your wife has all your passwords and ish…tsk tsk tsk…naughty naughty boy!
and the grocery store in the frozen food section when my nipples are undoubtedly hard(just figured that one out).
please…not to take up VSB blog, well, actually to take it up…sorry yall we just had a chat about how effed up some approaches were…i once had a dude tried to holla at me while an associate was unlocking a kiosk and i was picking out an EPT…are you serious dude. I obviously got more shit on my plate than “AY AY…I’m really tryin ta get to know you Shawty…”
and D*Stroy…I’ma let your wife handle all the Pain you serving these days…sorry boo
DAMN YOU TEEEAAACCCCIIIIAAAA!!!
I respect that Bella. We had something good, though…that is until some saboteur (TEACIA!) had to come between us. I guess I’ll see you next life time.
*end of the road plays in the background*
RTFLMAO…man it’s good I came home and read this, I was rolling on my bed lauging while reading it.
WOW…not even I have had that experience…lol, not the “ay ay if it’s negative can i put something up in ya” tone…lol, PRICELESS!!
Oh and I’m not sure if my comment came up on ur blog but I say gooooooo to that damn concert gurl and get ur teenage love affair on, u will so regret it if you don’t!!!
So, the next time a man asks you, “Why don’t you have a man?”
Just smile and say, “Do you really have time to hear all the reasons why, or shall we just move on to a less cumbersome question?”
Um, yeah…that’s really gonna help you snag a brotha. She probably doesn’t have a man b/c che talks too much and doesn’t listen enough. And she’s not the “Black Carrie Bradshaw” b/c Carrie’s getting MARRIED to Mr. Big. Not to mention Aidan (a great guy) PROPOSED to Carrie. Carrie was single by choice. Carrie she is not. My rant is over.
My bad, Deviant. Somehow I thought your list was apart of Miss Nina’s and got them mixed up. I’d like to retract my previous statement. See what happens when you don’t pay attention. OOPS!
Now I’m just confusing myself. If those in fact were Nina’s statements, I meant everything I said. I have no business blogging and working at the same time.
LMAO! 2D, Get a hold of yourself!
I don’t think I’d want to be referred to as the Black Carrie Bradshaw. If you were really a watcher of SATC, you already know why. Chick had issues.
LOL
Yeah, she was a scatterbrain.
You got some nerve calling somebody scatterbrained. Need I remind you of you’re previous 3 comments (2 of which were replies to yourself, correcting yourselrf) LOL!
Just joshin’ wit’ ya!
LMAO!!!! You’re right. I deserve that.
*picking up my face*
I have my moments, but not enough moments to create a TV series.
“Carrie was single by choice. Carrie she is not. My rant is over.”
well um, actually carrie was perpetually trying to find mr. right. she was NOT single by choice.
she was single because the man she wanted (big) didn’t want her. she was single because aidan (the man she settled for) in the end wasn’t right for her. she was just too stupid and/or chickensh*t to admit that.
ooh … and the above has just demonstrated to me why i need to stop spending my saturdays watching SATC on DVD.
If you can’t have the man you want (Big), but you still have the opportunity to be with a quality man (Aidan), you are choosing to be single.
Just like if I want a car. I’d prefer a Jaguar, but a Nissan is in my price range. If I decide to leave the Nissan at the dealer b/c someday I may get the Jag, what am I doing? Choosing to walk, take the bus, carpool, etc.
Agreed. C. Bradshaw definitely chose singlehood.
P.S. I have watched and deconstructed every SATC episode in an effort to make win my wife’s affection. With that said, my SATC knowledge is unparalelled.
P.P.S. I’m still G’d up from my feet up!
“P.S. I have watched and deconstructed every SATC episode in an effort to make win my wife’s affection. With that said, my SATC knowledge is unparalelled.”
i think theres a rule somewhere about this. hold on, i need to check one of my textbooks
LMAO…ok!!
LOL Is this how you guys repay me for sharing my innermost secret…with judgement and betrayal!?!
But seriously though…at first I copped a few seasons for my lady. She asked me to watch a few episodes with her…and the next thing you know… I was hooked and sh*t. What can I say, I got GOT!
Deconstructed every episode, huh? I’d love to hear a man’s analysis of SATC.
D* here is where I have issue with you (and your kind i.e The Champ and others) Why is it an issue, so much so that you have to declare no homo? “P.P.S. I’m still G’d up from my feet up!”
Because you watched and enjoyed SATC with your wife?
Yet you and your kind expect us, women such as your wife, to enjoy basketball and countless hours of football and wrestling, or hockey whatever testosterone filled event you complain that we complain that you enjoy way too much and that we know way too little about. So why is it ok for us to sit there with you on a Sunday afternoon and enjoy and you cant admit that you enjoy SANC without declaring NO HOMO? Especially when you did it as a way “to win your wife’s affection”. Which in it of it self (why do we say that?) really is all the reason anyone needed and did not necesitate for you to assert your manhood. How romantic until you felt you had to assert your manhood
erm… except that she’s GETTING. MARRIED. in the movie. so she didn’t choose to be single as much as she waited for big to realize her fabulousness.
Yeah, the damned movie’s effing our brains up…the TV show kept it real all 6 seasons and then they just had to cop out and sell us some Mr. BIG fairy tale LIE! Lies I tell you! Lies!
The Black Carrie Bradshaw…
Lets break that down. She considers herself the black version of a fictional character based on a still living person…Candace Bushnell.
Candace Bushnell grew up in NY’s social scene, has written a few books, and has been published in several magazines. Relationship issues aside, Nina Brown is not Candace Bushnell.
Going further, I think she identifies with a character (well really a caricature) because she is a character herself. To those saying “she knows who she is and what she wants” I disagree and say “she knows who she wants and that’s determining what she is.” She doesn’t really know who she is at all. If she did, she wouldn’t cling so hard to the Carrie Bradshaw character. Instead, she’d be broadcasting that She. Is. Nina Brown.
I read this sometime last year on another blog and I’m very familiar with Miss Nina Brown (I listen to the show every morning on the way to the office). I was a bit amazed at her LIST, but it also gave me further insight into her singleness pride.
I can’t knock someone for stating what they want & don’t want in their significant other (we all have some requirements), but along with this filter exercise I think it could be a self-inflicted hindrance. I mean, when your expectations are THAT high…yeah, it’s going to be a bit of a battle to find that guy; also if and when you do, expect to do some expectation reaching of your own for him in a line that resembles Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon full of ladies (and jump-offs). After reading the entire entry, I understand a bit more, but it still doesn’t detract from the core of what I felt she was saying.
It’s a microcosm of reasons that come into play when you work in that industry off GP, hell, even dudes that are in that industry eventually get tired of the groupies and jump-offs and start his quest for a wifey that encompasses what he’s looking for; and he’ll probably have a list that has 70% of what she states, but from a male point of view.
I mean…good luck, but there also needs to be some accountability on her part also beyond those stated in her blog entry.
To me, this brings up something I’ve pondering…the concept of honest self-reflection. I read a lot of the comments after each entry on this website, and many of people seem eager to establish themselves as SO *not* whatever characteristic/behavior pattern Panama or Champ is lambasting for the day. Myself included. I’m not sure if this is attributed to group-think, denial…or is it maybe that we can never truly see how we present ourselves to the world, and how that affects our relationships? If we all had it together as much as we think we do ( Hello Nina Brown), then a lot of this stuff wouldn’t resonate as much.
If love/relationships was as simple as she (we?) make it out to be, then the shit wouldn’t be an issue and we could ride out into the sunset.
I don’t know, I guess I just wish there was more honesty about failures, shortcomings, complexities and less “here’s why this bitch is crazy/here’s why I’m not/the end”. I hope that made sense and wasn’t accusatory towards anyone. Just my 2 cents.
“If we all had it together as much as we think we do ( Hello Nina Brown), then a lot of this stuff wouldn’t resonate as much.”
good point. definitely worth at least 5 cents
not accusatory at all. i agree with you on the concept of honest self-reflection- it is key. But with regards to this blog in particular I feel like I’ve been given permission to ‘peek behind the curtain’ of the opposite sex. don’t you think? and a lot of us (me included) have revealed some not so desirable details about ourselves, though I see what you’re saying layers of denial prevail…
I can feel what you’re saying. That’s why most of us have aliases on here…cause we are consciously taking on a persona of who we want to present on here. And is obvious, by the tone of our discussions, a lot of times this VSB thing is for sh*ts and giggles. As for myself though, the times it does get poignant I do allow it to marinate. I think the way people respond to engage in dialogue doesn’t necessarily indicate that they aren’t doing some serious consideration of what has been said.
Never heard of Nina Brown…and I don’t have time to google her after I just read 5 min. worth of her rant…but…it’s all relative. Maybe those are truly her reasons on being single…just b/c they’re hers…doesn’t mean that everyone else shares the same reasons as to why they’re single…
Shit, I was single for a long time b/c I prefer a man who doesn’t lie, has clear skin sans razor bumps, who didn’t have more than 2 kids, came with his own house/car/career…wasn’t trying to lean on my accomplishments, ..etc..etc..and I’m not single right now b/c I found someone who fit MY equation.
Everyone has a reason as to why they’re single…it’s all relative to their situation.
And I co-sign with Precious Rubenstein…
I have a guy friend who has a laundry list to why he’s single…and I’ll never knock it…or understand it…but it’s not my place to, actually.
see… and her rant could have been condensed into that one sentence:
“I’m (not) single right now b/c I (haven’t) found someone who fit(s) MY equation.”
but that’s too short to bother with writing a blog post…LOL.
*groan* Whoa… slow down Iyanla. Back awaaay from the self-help aisle and your stack of “chicken soup” books and take the antidote to Prozac. LOL
I hope that list made her feel better about being single. Anyone who takes 26 pages to tell you how okay they are with being single… *whispering* is really trying to convince themselves. LOL
How bout:
“I’m single because if you think READING this is painful… imagine me in PERSON!”
LMAO…best one yet!!!
LOL Thank you Teacia – I’m telling you – I could only get through like the first 90 on the list… after that… I had a headache. LOL
How bout:
“I’m single because if you think READING this is painful… imagine me in PERSON!”
::snickering::
ha! “X” you are the BOMB… I was trying so hard to hold in my giggles @ “Whoa… slow down Iyanla.” that I think I slobbered on myself a little…lol…
ROFLMAO Thank you!!! =))) Ya’ll are hilarious!!! I was cracking UP at some of these!!!
Okay so after reading both versions my conclusion is the same:
She’s single b/c she’s fucking stupid!!
Who sits around and thinks up 50 damn reasons their loser ass can’t keep a man…I mean stopping at 10 hot ones should be more than enough to begin some serious self-reflection.
SHE’S SINGLE BECAUSE SHE’S IMPOTENT AND CAN’T COMMITT!!!
It’s a simple as that, she’s always looking for a reason to kill that high…shit, she’s single b/c she claims that shit and in this case, she claimed it in 50 different ways. What you put out you will most certainly get in return.
Teacia, tell us how your really feel about her rant
i’m saying though…damn…really…all of that…it really doesn’t take ALL of that does it…lol.
lol…i’m not sure if teacia and subtlety have ever met
this is a blog, subtlety is for losers…lol.
word.life.
Love it.
I can’t just single out one in particular because there are so many classics. But you people are the best.commenters.ever.
I’ve been over here dying laughing.
Agreed. Ya’ll have made this slow day at work more bearable.
same here:)
Everyday in VSB land…that is except when ya’ll post on some banal ass sh*t…
:::laughs as Panama and Champ scramble their brains to figure out which of their posts was banal:::
My wonderful boss who told us last week to work from home on tues, wednes & thurs just held a conference call to tell us that since tomorrow is the beginning of a holiday weekend, we should all not only take a half a day but do it from home *sigh* I am going to have to get that man a great x-mas present.
And yes i know this has nothing to do with our topic and yes i know only about 1/2 a person gives a shit. But I am sharing damnit!
ROTFL…I feel ya…CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES COME ON!!!
LOL. This is part of my relationship theraphy. I suffer from OCS (Only Child Syndrome), so I am learning to share.
LMAO…yall are TRULY killing me today…I couldn’t even get any work done between this one and singleblackmale’s…I was forced to leave early and try again tomorrow…lol!!
Yeah at some point I stopped reading her post and I stopped reading all these damn comments on here too. LOL.
But for most of what I did read I was feeling it. It was pretty on point to me. This was less I think about her own reasons but in general all the possible scenarios that really make it difficult to be with someone…if so, I think she pretty much thought of everything.
I find it comical that my some of my fellow VSB readers are condemning Ms. Brown for doing the very thing we do here on the daily: openly discuss the reasoning behind our relationship issues.
I mean I know some of you have probably blogged about why you think you’re single more than once…
(I know I have. And lets not even mention the pages and pages of my journals from years past that are devoted to that very thing.)
… but someone actually opens up and shares their personal itemization of the things in their life they think have been obstacles at having romantic success and all of a sudden she’s doing too much.
“Gurl/Boy stop…”
I know for a fact that most women have spent hours (see VSB blog comments) talking with their girls about why they are single at this precise moment in time and have probably said many if not all of the things on that list.
Don’t bother denying it.
“There ain’t no future in yo’ frontin’…”
ROFL: see. and THAT’s why i don’t have a problem with this list. i see a lil too much of myself in it. ultimately: i’m picky dang it and i ain’t settling.
…that chick is really not that cute in my eyes and that’s just one black mans opinion. Im not sure if her teeth can be defined as “eclectic” but Im sure her gums can. ok look she’s in Atlanta. I don’t care what kind of female you are, you’re subject to get palyed in “The A.” I’ve seen wack dudes, punks, a gaggle of sissies with reprobate mind, squares and the like play women in “The A.” It’s typical for some women to become jaded as it relates to dating a man with the desire to have more out of the relationship in “The A.” It seems only the few women who are genuinely detached from EXPECTATIONS in their desires get at least close to the action/results they desire when dating in “The A.”
The law of attraction states that energy attracts like energy, and what you focus your mind on is what you attract.
Work on getting your concious and subconcious mind right.
The law of detachment states that creation is free to be worked on by the universal mind when you mentally and emotionally detach from your intention.
The law of God Action states that it is the universe itself that is creating through you.
Nina Browns’ undertone seems like she’s disappointed, a wee bit hurt/damaged by her lack in fitting men and is over compensating for the loss with her grip, her connects etc. …sounds like she wishes it was her neck, her back, her coochie, just like that. (or however that song goes)
I find that most women are so in love with the IDEA of being “in love or married” that they can’t develop it. …and its ashamed that women have to chase a biological clock and that some get a lil frantic and loose their composure under the presure. Sometimes its more important to have experiences that teach you what you DON’T want than it is what you do.
Let’s play a game: “The REAL Reason Why Nina Brown is Single”
She is single because she is the queen of narcissism!
She is single because she lives on her d*mn high horse!
She is single because she is PARANOID!
She is single because she because she suffers from the mental condition of “smellingherselfitis”
She is single because she talks about her profession as if she is out saving lives
She is single because she is materialistic and uses her possesions to make her feel like she is the sh*t when in all actuality she’s not even a pinch of it
She is single because she she is a grown azz woman with a 7 year old child at home and choose to write blogs instead of spending time with the child.Can we say priorities not in order?
She is single because she keeps referring to “taking over the world”
She is single because she is an alien from outer space and on her planet everyone is perfect, Jk, but funny nonetheless.
And Finally (for me anyway) she is single because she is the only one who recognizes herself as a good woman. If you were that good a good man would have recognized your value a long time ago and you would be with said man instead of writing this long azz blog!
You forgot one…
She’s ALSO SINGLE because if Nina Brown possessed all the quality attributes that she says make her up…she wouldn’t have to broadcast that sh*t.
This is utter bullshit, but sadly it’s an epidemic.
Also, the word swagger needs to be retired or banned.
Is this broad serious? Nina is single because she probably has A LOT of baggage, is narcissistic, and superficial. Besides any woman who refers themselves as the Black Carrie Bradshaw should send ANY man with good common sense running for the hills. Carrie Bradshaw was a hoe who played emotional games, was unsure of herself, financially irresponsible, and very materialistic.
Besides Nina shouldn’t be focusing on dating when she has a six year old kid? I’m assuming she is a single mother since there is no mention of the baby daddy (note that I didn’t see anything about her having a husband so that tells me she made some questionable life choices when she got knocked up).
Broads like Nina make my skin crawl. The woman is clearly delusional about her own self worth. Sadly I didn’t see anywhere in her Gold digger manefesto about giving back to the community and being an assest to society.
Bottom line: this chick is single because she’s annoying. And nauseating. Anyone who dates her better take some Dramamine 2 hrs before their date. She calls herself “The Black Carrie Bradshaw”, comparing herself to the fictional character that Sarah-Jessica Parker portrayed on “Sex And The City.” *yawn* Maybe she should add “I’m single because I compare myself to a white fictional character on a show that was cancelled 4 years ago” to her list.
LMAO @ Kitsune. I swear I was thinking the same thing.
As my 3rd grade teacher taught me to say…. “Boooooo… Hissssss!”
You know it’s the truth! She’s as much the black Carrie Bradshaw as Lil’ Kim is the black Erica Kane.
BTW, I think your 3rd grade teacher watched “Tom Slick”. I’m pretty sure that’s where the “booo! hissssss!” came from.
LMAO!!! Don’t have me screaming at work!
OMG!!! that was soooo long i couldn’t read it all… i think it really could have been summed up with an
“i am single because I’m in denial”
I mean, how is she a GOOD mother of a 6-year old when she’s surrounded by powerful and well-networked men 24/7???? unless she’s in a certain profession that shall remain nameless…