EB’s, the human body snatchers
Relationships, successful ones at least, depend largely on two factors: compatibility and timing. Since compatibililty depends primiarly on personality, and since your peer group does more to influence your personality than any other entity, it makes perfect sense to do whatever it takes to extract toxic people from your life.
In a two part series, The Champ will examine two types of toxic people, evil bitch’s broad’s (EB’s) and diva dudes, letting you know exactly how to detect them, and why you should expunge them from your existence.
without further ado…
Five signs that you might be an evil bitch broad (EB)
1. You’ve physically fought another woman over a man
Read that statement very carefully though. You CAN defend your man. In fact, you SHOULD defend your man if you ever see him in distress and are in a position to provide assistance. Thing is, and let me make myself very clear with this: there are absolutely no circumstances where it’s okay to fight another woman in order to win a man’s affection. No man is worth this. Nobody. Not even me, and I’m The Champ. If it ever gets to this point, cut your losses and walk away. Any man that’s actually worth fighting for wouldn’t even let you have to fight to win his affection
2. You’re not clinically depressed, and you don’t have eclectic teeth, but you never smile.
Women with serious mental and/or emotional issues are excused from the whole “never smiling” thing. Thing is, if you’re not clinically depressed, and you still haven’t cracked a smile in public since Eriq Lasalle was still on “ER”, then you very well might be an EB.
Also, smiling is sexy. Let me repeat that just in case anybody missed it the first time. Smiling is sexy. Very. Very, very sexy. (Please pause and re-read those last three sentences)
Seriously, the champ has a borderline obsessive infatuation with crush on Jill Scott just because of her smile and the possibility that she’d make me early morning fish and grits while smiling that sexy ass smile.
(best served with post-coital grits and turkey bacon)
These are also usually the type of women who are just plain mean and nasty to everyone. Dogs, waitresses, cab drivers, cats, tree bark, mailmen, co-workers, salespeople…it doesn’t matter. They are perpetually curt and ungracious, somehow brainwashed into thinking that “meanness” equals “confidence” or “sexiness”.
Guys sometimes get fooled by these types of women because men whom they find attractive (at first) are usually the only people who don’t feel their wrath. Thing is guys, the meanness and selfishness will eventually affect you as well, for these are the women who’ll hide your car keys before you take you great aunt to her weekly dialysis appointment because you made the wrong flavor of kool-aid the night before.
3. You have ZERO female friends
The women who say things like “women are bitches…that why I only have close male friends” are probably EB’s. Seriously, somebody has to be suspect if they can go through 20+ years of their life and not be close to ANYBODY else in their peer group. EB’s tend to attract other EB’s. They can sniff out each others presence, and they run in packs like wild wolves or jaded Hispanics. If you’re one of those women who always seem to fall victim to EB’s and EB like activity, chances are, you’re an EB as well.
****Just to give you a clue of how utterly jacked up the “I hate other females” line is, imagine, women, if some guy you’re dating actually said “I’ve always got along better with women. I just can’t stand dudes at all. I can’t trust them, have nothing in common with them, and think they’re all silly“. I think the term “deal-breaker” was invented for people like that****
4. You consistently refer to yourself in the third person and it’s never tongue-in-cheek.
This also applies to people who consistently use air quotes to “express” their “thoughts” and “what they’re trying to say” “and stuff”. A-hole’s.
5. Nothing can embarrass you or make you blush.
It says a lot about a person who is never affected by others opinions or standard. No, you shouldn’t live your entire life strickly appeasing other people’s ideals of culture or normal behavior, but to be totally oblivious is a sign of EB-dom. These are the women who partake in consistently cringe-worthy behavior, yet the only people who actually cringe are the ones witnessing it.
Plus, along with smiling, blushing is sexy as well. There’s nothing more endearing than a woman who’s grounded enough to still feel a bit of modest awkwardness when given a sincere compliment.
EB’s are to be avoided at all costs by both sexes for one simple reason: they will make your life a living hell. Their negativity will eventually infect you, permeating into your personaility and emitting through your pores like a virus or the smell of fried salmon, snatching your body, making you virtually unfriendable and undateable
If you suspect that you or someone close to you may be exhibiting any of these behaviors, please contact our 21-hour hotline at contact@verysmartbrothas.com.
***coming soon, part 2: “diva dudes….the relationship jabberwockys“***
—the champ
237 comments
SO TRUE! This is why it should be impossible for you to ever fight over a man.
I love men who love Jill Scott.
P.S. Love the hotline idea. Guess who’ll be manning the phones???
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:25 am}
“Guess who’ll be manning the phones???’
does her name start with an “l”?
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I cant dispute any of your points. Let me sleep on it and see what I come up with…why is the hotline only open 21 hours? What if I need to refer someone the during the 4 hours that it’s closed?
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 9:45 am}
Maybe I’m the slow one here, but umm…
…21+4=25.
Somebody just invented the leap-hour.
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Liz {May 1st, 2008 at 9:50 am}
I didn’t wanna say nuthin, but you’re the smart one here, so good job!
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 11:40 am}
now y’all know that the last hour doesn’t really count, cause nobody wants to get stuck on the phone the last hour of work when they’re supposed to be getting ready to go home let’s keep it real. And my excuse was its been a long day, it was really late, I was really tired, math has never been my strong point,
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:26 am}
“Let me sleep on it and see what I come up with”
lol…i think she just really needed some sleep
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 12:04 pm}
*looking at you squinty eyed with a sneer*
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 12:21 pm}
*looking at you squinty eyed with a sneer*
this sounds painful.
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm}
EB style…lol
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*waiting for pt.2.
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Shelia {May 1st, 2008 at 1:13 am}
Me too AJA.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:26 am}
part two is coming on the 12th.
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LMAO @ jaded Hispanics! Too funny…
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:29 pm}
i thought that had a better ring to it than “cynical alaskians”
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kamakula {May 1st, 2008 at 3:27 pm}
Sup kisune, didn’t know foxes roamed VSB.
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The Boom says you shouldn’t trust people who talk in the 3rd person.
in addition to not having female friends at all, women that have a revolving cast of female friends are usually bad news too. shows they can maybe hook them, but can never reel ‘em in. It ain’t all the other fishes boo, it’s you.
and y’all must be some very smart brothas indeed to have snuck in an extra hour a day.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 9:46 am}
Ouch.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:27 am}
ouch indeed.
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Hmmm…good list thus far.
The only one I think I may SLIGHTLY disagree with is the:
“You’re not clinically depressed, and you don’t have eclectic teeth, but you never smile”.
I’m not big on smiling “just because”. That doesn’t mean I’m evil or mad at the world, it just means I’m not walking around cheesing 24/7. Don’t get me wrong, when something is funny or I’m out with friends having a good ol’ time, I have no problem cracking the biggest smile and laugh around town…but I don’t usually smile “just because”. I’ve heard some people say I look mad at the world…but my angry look is very obvious & way different from my “just not smiling” look. A lot of the times, I’m just in deep thought about something and really not thinking about what my face is showing others at that moment. Especially if I’m not engaging in conversation with them and just casually doing my own thing.
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Monnie {May 1st, 2008 at 8:04 am}
Co-signing to the fullest!
Although I tend to walk around smiling for no damn reason (as some people would say) and I am one of the few grown women that blushes (I get called out for this too often), these actions are not an everyday/all day occurances. Sometime you just don’t feel like smiling.
Like Ms. Freckles said, “. A lot of the times, I’m just in deep thought about something and really not thinking about what my face is showing others at that moment.”
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 9:52 am}
Only in America and quite possibly Venezuela do so many woman actually complain about men liking women that smile.
It’s a fact. Any time men say they like women who smile, a gang of chicks rivaled in size only by the Crips and the population of Taiwan will come out of the woodwork and defend not smiling like we’re asking for appendages.
And y’all ain’t in that deep a thought that often, you just don’t smile. Sometimes it’s that simple.
I’ll actually take this a step further. It’s not just never smiling (though I do think that women who never smile should be out siphoning oil with their mouths to help bring gas prices down), its the fact that heffas who never smile also tend to have shitty dispositions that make us not want to be around them.
There is no such thing as a hot chick who never smiles.
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2Degreez {May 1st, 2008 at 10:10 am}
I have to agree. I think it’s reached a point where men are surprised when you smile at that them. Men have actually said “thank you” as a response to my smile.
But men have to understand that it’s not always safe to go around looking all friendly and approachable. For example, on the A train in parts of Washington Heights or the 2 in parts of Bed-Stuy. You might get followed home.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 10:13 am}
Thing is, you can get followed around even if you don’t smile. Granted, you shouldn’t go inviting the insanity into your living room, but I doubt that JUST a smile is going to cause some cat to think, “you know what? I should follow this smiling chick home, slice her up into skittles, then eat her.”
I think the main bullet point is that you should both have the ability to smile and actually execute the smile sometimes. There are heffas who never do. And they should eat rocks.
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2Degreez {May 1st, 2008 at 10:28 am}
Eat rocks??? LOL!! That would ultimately lead to eclectic teeth which would give those heffas a valid reason for not smiling.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:30 am}
yeah…again, i’m not saying you hafta walk around all day like stepin fetchit, but an occasional smile does make a huge difference
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The Queen {May 1st, 2008 at 10:58 am}
lol a woman who walked around like stepin fetchit would be creepy.
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 11:43 am}
not to mention one eatin’ rocks. what the hell?
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Deviant {May 1st, 2008 at 12:06 pm}
“Skittles”, P?
lmao… “taste the rainbow”…
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Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 12:49 pm}
Yes skittles…and not those chocolate monstrosities either!
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Treezy F. Baby {May 1st, 2008 at 1:52 pm}
I have also noticed this in my observations especially in the Chi…I mean, men here will actually request for you to smile since they haven’t seen one since Shanice was a one-hit wonder. In fact, I used to be one of those girls that never smiled because I thought it would keep someone from making skittles mince meat out of me also. But I have learned that smiling has made my stocks go way up and with so little risk on the investment! Therefore, I wish to give a shout-out to all the females out there (Hey to Shaneka the drive thru cashier at White Castle!) that have fed the demand for this now rare commodity.
:::passes Go and collects her dividends:::
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:29 pm}
good job!!!!
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GOODENess {May 1st, 2008 at 5:12 pm}
I always tell my birds…there is something SUCCUBUS-esque about a woman with no sister/friends…and why wouldn’t you smile…you’re young, gifted and Black…you can be in deep thought during that “leap hour” Ana was typing about…I SMILE ALL THE TIME! having a pleasant countenance is an asset…I LOVE MY SMILE and it makes me happy to smile at someone who isn’t, and they smile just because it’s contagious…I know I am not an EB…but I am related to one…I’m SO glad it’s not genetic…ABCDE is my best friend and you know when we get together cause it’s all smiling, blushing, and laughing to the point of tears! so to all the EB’s that are replying to this blog under the misguided impression that you are NOT an EB…I have set aside $5 on PayPal for my “Coke and a Smile” program…and for every eb that we convert, I will donate $0.05 to the “Jaded Hispanics Outreach Project”…
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Pretty darn accurate list here.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:30 am}
thank you, monk.
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Yup, nothing here I can argue with! But I will the co-sign the co-sign about why I am often found with a blank expression, especially when I am alone in the streets. Sometimes, I am just thinking really hard. And my pet peeve is guys who say “Why you look so mad, ma?”
While a decent guy can get away with saying this and not getting snapped on (and a cute guy can get more than just ‘away’ with it), it’s always Pookie or Roscoe Lee talking about “Why you ain’t smiiiiling fo’?”, in which instances I may launch in to a “You don’t know what the fuck might be on my mind right now!” tirade.
Hint for the menfolk: if you want to make a woman smile, try something more creative than “Why aren’t you smiling?” Have you ever made someone come by saying “I wish you would have an orgasm”? Exactly.
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Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 8:33 am}
LMAO @ Sister Toldja’s comment
I co-sign the:
“Hint for the menfolk: if you want to make a woman smile, try something more creative than “Why aren’t you smiling?” Have you ever made someone come by saying “I wish you would have an orgasm”? Exactly.”
Too funny!
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 9:55 am}
‘Have you ever made someone come by saying “I wish you would have an orgasm”? Exactly.’
No, but I’m sure it’d make her laugh. Perhaps at me and not with me.
But the precursor to the laugh is the smile.
Mission accomplished.
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 10:22 am}
Now Panama is got Leroy’nem thinking they can walk down the street telling women “I want you to have an orgazim babay!”
VSB-fucking brothers up in the game since 1981.
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Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 11:36 am}
ROTFLMAO!
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:33 am}
“especially when I am alone in the streets. Sometimes, I am just thinking really hard”
i’m just mad that (according to you) you consistently wander the streets alone in deep thought. that just seems kind of creepy.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 10:38 am}
Besides, I think jay-z said it best:
“we don’t believe you, you need more people…”
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 11:20 am}
GRRR!!!! What is this, y’all tag teaming me?
Sometimes, I am thinking about what to wear to the bar, or how the devils are attacking Jermiah Wright, or how did the second verse on “Nickle Bags” start, or what is today’s date or what should I have for dinner or what do I want to be when I grow up or who was, in fact, better: Al B. Sure or Christopher Williams or what is the title of my book gonna be or “Is this your real phone number? Is you gonna call like you saaaaid you was?”* or how much it cost me to fill my tank or sex. It is often sex and/or a combination of all of these things.
There you go, tag team. Whoomp, there it is.
Oh, and Panama Debarge, I BETS not see your tail in DC this weekend, cause you have been coming at me on the sly as of late….
*I don’t like you if you don’t get that.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 11:30 am}
Buh-ring it.
Hmm…does any of that count as deep thought? Or just thought?
And I ain’t been gettin’ at you on the sly. I’m straight no chaser, dun dun.
Shit, I even ride around in something so foolish just to let you know I’m gully.
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 11:50 am}
I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!
Now, Champ (b/c I am not speaking to old whatshisname anymore), question for you. What is your default “in the streets” face? I’m not saying I am scowling extra hard, but I don’t usually smile unless I am making eye contact with someone. Let me find out y’all are walking around DC looking like Mantan. By the way, I know that Panama does NOT look that friendly. I seent him.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 11:55 am}
@Sister Toldja -
Exsqueeze me?? I do look friendly at all times. Girl Scouts ask me for candy. Little children walk up to me in the streets and ask me to read them stories about the fabled life of Aesop.
Flowers lean in my direction when I walk by. That’s how friendly I am.
I’m so friendly, Friendly’s asked my permission to use the term as their brand as not to ruin the goodwill I’d started.
Take that. Take that.
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Jess {May 1st, 2008 at 12:27 pm}
Look, don’t forget. The same rules don’t apply in NY. She’s repping BK right now. You can’t just go smiling all willy nilly around here. god forbid you’re pretty and smiling, you’re gonna look up and in a minute someone will be jerking off on you.
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 12:43 pm}
THANK YOU, Jess! It’s real in these streets! I am a certified Crooklyn Dodger now, I can’t look like no herb, son. Wordlife, God.
DC was the same case. I looked too friendly once and someone told me “You look like you not from around here”. AND I had on Siobiotos and Nike boots and slouch socks at that very moment. Also, the last part is a lie.
Panama “Centipede” Jackson, I am greasing my face with Vaseline in sheer anticipation of hunting you down buddy.
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Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 12:55 pm}
@Sister Toldja - I ain’t scared of you. You know where I be. Word.Life.
I run these streets.
And granted I understand that NY is a different animal in and of itself, however, I seriously doubt your running around looking like you’ll merk any sucka that steps to you wrong. Which means that you’re just in your strong-face deep thought mode which is supposed to ward off the crazies into thinking that talking to you might result in a triple whammy when in reality, you’re just thinking about bloomers…not stopping some cat from following you home.
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Some of y’alls mouths look like y’all lift lips professionally.
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 2:46 pm}
P- since you all Mr. Hospitality today, me and my girlfriends looking to hang out in your neck of the woods this weekend, Anywhere between Bmore and DC. Drinks and live music, more classy than trashy. What do you know?
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 3:18 pm}
@Ana B: what kind of live music? We talking jazz or r&b or what…
http://www.fusicology.com has lists of all that stuff…
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 4:04 pm}
@ P either jazz or R&B, Looking for a sat evening (after 10) spot with GOOD drinks and music
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Panamanian Devil {May 1st, 2008 at 5:07 pm}
@Ana B:
Well in DC might I recommend live jazz at Bohemian Caverns. they make real good drinks too (from what I hear).
http://www.bohemiancaverns.com
Could be a good time for you and yours…
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GOODENess {May 1st, 2008 at 5:20 pm}
@ Panama…”Little children walk up to me in the streets and ask me to read them stories about the fabled life of Aesop.” WOW…DOPE-NESS…when you was a “killer” in “apparel” yestiddy! riiiiiiiiight!
@Sister Toldja - I hear ya mama! “And it’s good to be here…when we landed up on lex,
stirrin up the ground with the sound of Doug E Fresh…” and you killing me talking bout PANAMA-BARGE lookin like MANTAN…stop it girl you gonna get me FIRED!
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm}
“What is your default “in the streets” face? I’m not saying I am scowling extra hard, but I don’t usually smile unless I am making eye contact with someone. Let me find out y’all are walking around DC looking like Mantan”
being that i live in pittsburgh, it would be quite strange for me to be walking around dc daily with a christmas cheese on my face.
with that being said, i’ve been told that my default face is somewhat “british”, and I look like i’m always thinking “it’s really not that serious”.
i have strange friends
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 2:05 pm}
If a fella who looks remotely nice or handsome locks eyes with me, there is a guaranteed smile in the deal. There may even be a bashful eye lowering (complete with fluttering lashes) and a bit of blushing (as much as someone as chocolately as me can summon up).
Please remember that if you see me at 5PM and think I am pretty, chances are four of our brothers have thought the same, three of them have been less gracious and one may have gone so far as to holler “bitch, you ain’t that cute ANYWAY” upon being rejected. All that to say, sisters may need you Very Smart Brothas to be a little extra friendly to compensate for all the ugliness we are gonna face from other brothers.
Panama-what is cracking in the Urrea this Friday and Sat? I want to go do hoodrat stuff with my friends.
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 2:13 pm}
you attract what you are
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 2:26 pm}
Great Ana. So I now have confirmation that I am, in fact, a human being. Because I attract brown, yellow, Puerto Rican and Hatian. Male, female, short, tall, skinny, fat. Educated, crackheaduacated.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 2:35 pm}
@Sister Toldja - I have no clue whats going on special this weekend. Feels like another random weekend. Of course for Hoodrat Games, I suggest Fuego out in Hyattsville. Their fliers suggest some of the raunchiest fun you could ever have.
On Wednesday nights they have “Amatuer Exotic Dancer Night” where you can win prizes. I think you have to bring your own bottles of Lysol and Febreeze and a rag.
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 2:36 pm}
Sister Toldja that was for the champ…I guess I shoulda been more specific in my post.
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 2:57 pm}
Ah, okay Ana, LOL. I thought you were raring for that arguement of “only jacked up girls meet jacked up dudes”. I was like, aw hell naw, what did I do to offend her?
On that note, I retract my last staement and add: hahahaha, she called you weird, bwaahahaa!
Panama- Uh, hell. No. I do not do the Ville anymore, unless I stop at PG. What is a Fuego? If I am going to see bulletwounded titties, I’d just go to the House on Georgia Ave….damn I miss DC!
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 3:17 pm}
@Sister Toldja - I mean you have your standard Friday night events. Bohemian Caverns has a weekly grown-n-sexxy joint in their restaurant called The Luv Lounge. Definitely for the reading crowd. Old school-hip-hop, etc. Good party in general and its $Free.99.
Though, you went to school here you should know all the hot spots!
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Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 4:42 pm}
I DID know all the spots. And then I moved away a year ago, 1 billion white people came in and took my place and now I don’t know which way is up in DC.
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Jess {May 1st, 2008 at 5:58 pm}
“british” + “it’s not that serious” = your chin is tilted up and your eyebrows are always slightly raised. True?
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Great list!!My additions would be
1. A woman who never has anything positive to say about any of her ex’s. I am not saying to sing there praises constantly, but damn there must have been something good about him cause you decided to be with him and have regular (and hopefully innovative) sex with the guy. Unless you judgement is just that off you constatly pick out and decided to spend months screwing jackasses. In which case the issue really isnt the guy now is it?
2. A woman who is never accountable for anything she does. Everything is always someone else fault. My blood rises one degree each time I hear a woman use the phrase ‘Yeah that was messed up, but it wasnt my fault because….’ I despise hearing this statement. I just want to scream, “You fucked up, own it, deal with it and get the fuck over it. This shit just pisses me off
3. Women who regularly allow minor shit to ruin their day. Pick your battles in life. Every little thing is not always going to go your way. That is why the invented Plan B! Employ one and use it as necessary.
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K. {May 1st, 2008 at 9:41 am}
Great additions.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:34 am}
“3. Women who regularly allow minor shit to ruin their day. Pick your battles in life. Every little thing is not always going to go your way. That is why the invented Plan B! Employ one and use it as necessary.”
this definitely needs to be on the list
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Treezy F. Baby {May 1st, 2008 at 2:04 pm}
Great adds. Would these still be EBs though?
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Suga&Spice {May 1st, 2008 at 3:54 pm}
Definately all signs of EBs!
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I understand where some of you all are coming from about the no smiling bit. I’m the same way in that my neutral face isn’t usually a smile, and that’s ok. My face still lights up when I do smile, and I know how to have a good laugh, at any moment. I think that leaving yourself open and free to smile and light up is just as acceptable. Some chicks never break their game face for a smile.
Besides who wants to go around looking like The Joker all day anyway??
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#2 & #3 stand out to me. Every woman I’ve ever heard say that they don’t have female friends was a b!tch. Oh, and [supposedly] grown azz women who say things like “they’re hatin’ on me.” I mean, aren’t you the common denominator in all of your interactions? They ain’t hatin’ - they just don’t like your b!tch azz!
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:35 am}
“They ain’t hatin’ - they just don’t like your b!tch azz!”
this is another great t-shirt idea, btw
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Deviant {May 1st, 2008 at 2:44 pm}
words of wisdom for any day
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“This also applies to people who consistently use air quotes to “express” their “thoughts” and “what they’re trying to say” “and stuff”. A-hole’s.”
HEY, I use air quotes alot but I also blush and smile like a 8 year old who is getting complimented by her secret crush. And I have NEVER fought over a man except in the 4th grade…side tracked…LOL!I agree with everything on this list and am happy to know that I am not an EB! I would also like to add that an EB can also suck the happiness out of Pee Wee Herman. They are miserable so everyone around them has to be miserable, boyfriend, BFF’s, anyone!!!
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:36 am}
“I would also like to add that an EB can also suck the happiness out of Pee Wee Herman.”
that imagery was (*paging charles barkley*) terrible, terrible, terrible
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Abcde A-Lexus {May 1st, 2008 at 2:48 pm}
That was the happiest person I could think of short of Barney the Purple Dinosaur. I agree with 2DEGREEZ we should try and be nice to EB’s and take them into our circles and show them how to lub (spelled incorrectly on purpose). Bring them into our fold like Old Yeller and hope that we dont have to shoot them in the end.
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Ya know, this begs a question. The assumption is that crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy so they continue along in their craziness ruining the lives of the good people on the planet.
Do EB’s know that they’re EB’s? Or do they all need interventions and hours of Oprah?
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Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 10:06 am}
“Ya know, this begs a question. The assumption is that crazy people don’t know that they’re crazy so they continue along in their craziness ruining the lives of the good people on the planet.” -Panama
I beg to differ! Crazy people (most of them anyway) know they’re crazy and some will actually tell you they’re crazy - lol.
I think a EB knows she’s an EB and just may label it differently.
[Reply]
Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 10:14 am}
Some of them know they are EB’s and revel in it (think of a Foxy Brown or Naomi Campbell). Others are in denial and unaware and can still be cured with a little tough love and daytime TV.
[Reply]
Jess {May 1st, 2008 at 12:29 pm}
Or some blunt ass friends who will tell you for your own good. I hate the ones who revel in it.
[Reply]
Other names for EB:
1. Anti-humans
2. Allergic to Being Nice Syndrome (ABNS)
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 10:37 am}
“2. Allergic to Being Nice Syndrome (ABNS)”
some time in the future we’re going to post a list of all the acronyms and sayings used here.
[Reply]
LOL, “relationship jabberwockys” just made me a happier person.
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 12:30 pm}
thanks, rochelle. we’re big fans of happy people
[Reply]
I believe a lot of EB’s are depressed but have difficulty accepting it. Maybe they just can’t recognize it. I know some EBs who are actually good people but they think the world is against them. They let one bad relationship, friendship, or life event justify “evil” actions.
In CERTAIN instances I think women should try to be a good friend to an EB (be cautious in the selection process). Not everyone should get cut off without being given a chance.
[Reply]
panama {May 1st, 2008 at 10:51 am}
You’re suggesting an EB-Mentorship Program.
Adopt-An-Evil Broad?
[Reply]
2Degreez {May 1st, 2008 at 11:17 am}
HAHAHA!!! Well, why not? It might reduce the percentage of evil wenches running amok.
But seriously, I think no problem should be presented without a solution (and a real one, not suggesting a person chomp on gravel…though I LOVE that visual). I’m not saying to run around trying to help EVERY EB you meet. That could lead to dire consequences. But I think sometimes it’s OK to try to help folks out.
Please pardon any poor grammar. I’m multi-tasking.
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 12:32 pm}
this actually isnt a bad idea. think of all the crime and car re-detailing that would be prevented if we were able to each adopt an eb.
[Reply]
Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 12:56 pm}
We’re in a recession, we might need EB’s at least until August to keep some people in business.
[Reply]
This list should be endorsed by Obama.
Here’s another…
1.) Approach a woman who wears big expensive sunglasses with extreme caution. I have found that you can’t tell them nothin’! I have rarely (possibly never) had a good 1st interaction with one of these chicks.
[Reply]
kamakula {May 1st, 2008 at 11:59 am}
Here’s a tip for those - make fun of their glasses. Tell her they look just like a pair your cousin picked up from the dollar store the other day.
She’ll either ignore your or try to defend herself. If she’s defending herself, you did well.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 12:28 pm}
HAAA! that is hilarious and ingenious. If I were still on the prowl I would definitely try that out– cause clever sh*t like this actually works. Kamakula, with gems like that you could publish a book entitled “Pimping Made Easy” I’d be delighted to write the foreword for you (for a nominal fee, of course).
[Reply]
Jess {May 1st, 2008 at 12:31 pm}
Please do this with caution. Dress nice if you’re going to insult someone’s expensive ass accessories. Otherwise, you’re just going to look like a hater.
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 12:34 pm}
jess, “wet blanket” just called, and wants to know why you’re going around impersonating him
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 12:40 pm}
LMAO! These phone calls are really funny as f*ck!
[Reply]
Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 2:15 pm}
yes these phone calls tickle me to near death
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:14 pm}
I concur with Jess!
You better make sure you are on point from your head to your pinky toe!
[Reply]
Deviant {May 1st, 2008 at 3:15 pm}
The hair on my balls says I don’t have to care about accessories. I will shit on your accessories while wearing dirty pajamas with HATER in big boldface letters in a kool aid stained undershirt. I find humor in doing such things.
[Reply]
kamakula {May 1st, 2008 at 3:31 pm}
Exactly. Those aviator pretending (though hot) girls aren’t used to someone poking fun at their looks.
Even if they try to come at you, just turn it around on them.
SunGlassChika: dollar store! do you really think you can talk to me with those fake Jordans?
Kamakula: Get with the times girl, everybody’s wearing fake LeBrons now. Fake Jordans are out of style.
SunGlassChika: Kamakula, you’re so sexy.
Kamakula: I know girl, I know - while you’re at it, get me a Baileys on the rocks.
[Reply]
Jess {May 1st, 2008 at 6:02 pm}
LOL!
[Reply]
I agree with some of the ladies…a constant Joker-face would be a little Stepford wifish (is that a word?), but I don’t think we are expecting women to keep a botox induced cheese at all times (lol).
It seems as though most of the ladies are describing pensive moods and that’s all fine and understandable. I guess from a guy’s point of view it’s refreshing to see a woman smile.
And Champ…I so feel you on Jilly from Philly’s smile. It’s like sunshine on a Saturday morning with the smell of breakfast in the air.
*Now listening to “A Long Walk”*
[Reply]
Suga&Spice {May 1st, 2008 at 11:39 am}
Wow, I never knew that women smiling was that much of an issue on both sides. I think it is funny how women dont seem to have that on their list for men. Wonder why? We tend to like men with nice smiles, but usually dont put too much stock in how often a dude smiles.
Thoughts?
[Reply]
Shelia {May 1st, 2008 at 11:46 am}
I hadn’t thought about it much until this post, but I do love it when a guy smiles and especially if it seems like I’m the reason for the smile.
Nobody wants to be around someone who is always frowning.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 11:51 am}
That’s a really good question…I have a tough time dealing with ANYBODY who doesn’t smile enough. What the f*ck are you so mad (or pensive) about that you can’t even calm down for two seconds to ac’ right.
I hate EBs who are too sexy, damaged, self-absorbed or disinterested to smile and show some basic human warmth. Get over yourself, because (as Kanyeezy) put it “there’s a thousand yous and only one of me.” This hatred also extends to fake (or real) thugs who are too “tough” to smile. That sh*t is not intimidating.
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:15 pm}
D*…you sound angry. Okay I’m smiling for you riiiiiiight now!
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 1:41 pm}
lol Yeah…I was a bit too hyped. I don’t know what came over me.
[Reply]
AkShone {May 1st, 2008 at 11:59 am}
S&S,
I think it’s a matter of approachability. Whether it be to get to know someone better or just general conversation while waiting to get slices of Hoghead turkey at the local grocery.
I understand women get unwanted attention at times and a smile may bring on more, but sometimes a brotha just like to see that. Maybe it’s a deep-rooted reminder of all the women that may have left a positive influence on our lives (momma, grandmomma, Mrs. Parker from second grade, that unknown girl you met on spring break back in college)…or maybe I’m just reaching.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 12:20 pm}
That’s some Freudian sh*t right there. You might be onto something.
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 12:40 pm}
i think it comes down to qualities that are usually deemed attractive by each gender. generally speaking, a man can get away with being “harder” or more gruff and still have women attracted to him. some might even be attracted to that hardness and gruffness.
on the other hand, men generally don’t want gruff chicks. gimme jilly from philly over remy ma any day.
[Reply]
Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 12:57 pm}
and once again, chicks that look gruff might also look like they bite trees…which generally isn’t a good thing.
[Reply]
AkShone {May 1st, 2008 at 1:06 pm}
Or shoot random chicks in the stomach…which isn’t so lady-like.
[Reply]
I’ve been stalking this site for weeks but just had to jump in on this topic.
I’m not a smiler I never have been since childhood. But I’m just as nice as nice can get. I mean seriously at 7:30 in the morning on the Green Line I am NOT smiling at every dude on the damn train. I get tired of the “smile ma”, “why you mad” or the begging “can you just give me a smile” what the f*ck am I a puppy? You already checked out my ass and my boobs what more do you want!
Some days I don’t want the unwanted attention on the train, when i’m walking to get coffee, pumpin gas, washing my car or at the friggin checkout line at Tarjey!
I do smile and laugh when I’m out with the girls or having a good conversation. But damn if i smiled 24/7 the muscles in my face would crack. But this doesn’t go both ways because men don’t seem to be ‘required’ to smile.
I am guilty of wearing the big ass expensive sunglasses. I don’t like to people to see my eyes or make unnecessary eye contact. Unfortunately the damn construction workers next to my job don’t seem to get the hint.
[Reply]
Liz {May 1st, 2008 at 12:52 pm}
Welcome to the site!
I agree with you, it does seem as though you get harassed just having certain body parts, no need to invite more with your stunning smile lol. I’m learning that no matter if you smile or not, That Dude is still going to say something ot you, regardless. Maybe the non-smiling then makes you an easier target? I’ve been spending too much time thinking about this, clearly lol.
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 12:58 pm}
Thank you! I agree Liz! They already estimated my waist to ass ratio in less than 10 seconds, eye-f*cked me in 30 seconds and now you want a smile too! All this at 8:00am on Monday. Lawd I can’t take that kind of pressure.
Hmmm you might be on to something cuz the harder I try NOT to smile the harder they work. Soooo if i flip it and give them the 32 teeth it might scare em off! And here in DC nobody smiles.
[Reply]
Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 1:00 pm}
Not true, I smiled yesterday.
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SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:11 pm}
You didn’t smile out SW yesterday…when people smile in SW the heavens weep
[Reply]
Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 1:14 pm}
Once again, not true. I work out in SW, and smiled.
Thwarted once more!
Seriously, when was the last time you heard somebody use the word “thwart” in a conversation?
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 2:04 pm}
That “thwart” completely threw me off! I’ve been foiled again!
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:19 pm}
“They already estimated my waist to ass ratio in less than 10 seconds, eye-f*cked me in 30 seconds and now you want a smile too! All this at 8:00am on Monday. Lawd I can’t take that kind of pressure.” -SOB
I couldn’t agree with you more on that one!Makes you feel like a piece of meat in a lions den!
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:36 pm}
“They already estimated my waist to ass ratio in less than 10 seconds”
HA at 10. by the 10th second we’re already on the second chapter of the 4th fantasy.
i usually get the ratio down in less than 1.5 seconds
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 2:43 pm}
Oh you must be a ’speed’ reader!
Damn 1.5 seconds…guinness book stats
[Reply]
kamakula {May 1st, 2008 at 5:23 pm}
There are definitely parts of DC that you can walk around and everyone is mean-mugging you. Imagine my surprise when I met nice people in Tallahassee. The first few times I was worried that those smiling people were going to try and rob me
[Reply]
Deviant {May 1st, 2008 at 6:16 pm}
Thats how I felt moving from Hampton Roads to Nashville. People were speaking and saying hi and smiling and I didn’t even know them. I thought I was being set up to get jumped. I was uncomfortable as hell. Maybe it says something about my dysfunction when I’m more comfortable being surrounded by people that look at me like they want to kill me.
[Reply]
Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 12:59 pm}
“You already checked out my ass and my boobs what more do you want!”
Umm…a smile.
And Welcome to VSB, where sarcasm reigns supreme.
That rhymed, actually.
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:04 pm}
(mumbling)greedy mofos…never satisfied
let me get my Crest Whitestrips game on them
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 1:12 pm}
SOB, Do you have more than two girlfriends? If not, you may be heading down the wrong path.
Seriously though…speaking of the big ass sunglasses…do they some how take you too a place of supremacy or are you already there prior to putting them on?
I guess I am just wondering if it is the actual glasses that transform some women and make them look EB-esque or do these women just look that way in general.
*Sorry if I’m the only one who actually is intrigued by the Sunglasses thing. but it’s killing me for some reason.
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:18 pm}
I have three girlfriends…i think! lol
I think my sunglasses have superpowers that can transform normal women into an automatic EB. When I wear mine I think of world domination.
Honestly I wear them because they block out harmful UV rays and save my face from potential crows feet. I am typing this with a straight face…lol
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:21 pm}
“Honestly I wear them because they block out harmful UV rays and save my face from potential crows feet. I am typing this with a straight face…lol” -SOB
Girl you are on a roll today. LMAO.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm}
LOL. Let me tell you something when I put my sunglasses on…my swagger’s profoundness increases 10 fold. Seriously, I calculated it.
Oh and if you have a clique of homegirls that numbers less than three…you may be an extreme-friendship-elitist, which could very well indicate that you have EB tendencies.
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:46 pm}
Ok D I need more girlfriends STAT!! I’m borderline EB.
You right about the sunglasses swagger. I could have on sweats and flip-flops but let me put my shades on…WHAT! you can’t even get on my level.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 1:49 pm}
lol Yeah I won’t even let my momma talk to me when I’m in shades.
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 2:15 pm}
Number One Stunna!
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:20 pm}
By the way whats the minimum amount of girlfriends i need to have to avoid being an official EB? Cuz I may have to go out and recruit.
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:22 pm}
I was just thinking that same thing SOB!
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:28 pm}
Right ms. freckles maybe i need to go jump some in! Who should I jump in first…the PTA Moms, the pre-menopausal coworkers or my latin mamas next door!
I kid, I kid
[Reply]
The Queen {May 1st, 2008 at 1:58 pm}
Just make sure you don’t jump in other women that are EBs. Otherwise you accomplish what you are trying to avoid.
*officially reviewing your initial statement*
Scratch that…if you have to jump in new friends, you are already an EB. lol
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 2:01 pm}
You’re right Queen I think I am! It must have been a long slow decline into EB-ism for me. Just like an alcoholic you can’t remember when you ‘became’ one you just know you are.
[Reply]
i totally agree with all the women on here that have defended their reasons for not smiling…smiling is great, don’t get me wrong, but someone walking around with a permanent grin tattooed on their face could be deemed a bit creepy. i smile when i make eye contact with someone, i smile when someone gives me a compliment, i smile at all the appropriate smile times but because I am not smiling, doesn’t mean that I am mean and it doesn’t mean that I want you to come up to me and ask me why I’m not smiling.
Just a thought, but if a woman walked around grinning all day like a chess cat, i think the fellas would find something to say about that as well….like what the hell is she so happy about? Does she not know that gas is a billion dollars a gallon?
Just a thought…
[Reply]
Panama {May 1st, 2008 at 1:16 pm}
See, the post said women who never smile. There are actually women who never smile. Now the problem is some women’s reason for why they don’t smile…
@ Sister Toldja - “deep thought” and shit…
AND then using Digable Planets as a legit deep thought.
I couldn’t stop myself. I just couldn’t. LOL.
[Reply]
Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 2:34 pm}
Whateverrrrrr. Don’t be hating on the psychadelic soul that put the Planets on the map.
[Reply]
panamajackson {May 1st, 2008 at 2:39 pm}
It’s not hate…its truth.
Digable Planets = not deep.
Hell, they aint even from Brooklyn…none of them. Reppin’ BK like it’s home 4 lyfe.
[Reply]
Sister Toldja {May 1st, 2008 at 4:46 pm}
I didn’t say they was deep, I just said I likeded them. And I occasionally could maybe possibly be walking around singing they songs to myself and, ya dig?
I’m not from here either but, ummmmereaaaa, Brooklyn IS home for life. Me and my duns love it here. Son.
[Reply]
Panamanian Devil {May 1st, 2008 at 5:26 pm}
How you gonna shout out Q-Boro slang in your Brooklyn love post????
I still got nothing but love for ya like the Heav-sta.
So I suppose it’s safe to assume that yesterday, or whenever it was and you shouted out that new york was red hot, you were referencing Digable Planets…
…come check me. get with me…
[Reply]
Sister Toldja {May 2nd, 2008 at 1:14 am}
Yup! I’m slicker this year, I’m slicker this year.
And may I add (as it is only relevant from 7.22.08-7.21.09), that I live Brooklyn this year like yeah, 24 for sure….
I got love for Queens as well. Linden Boulevard represent, represent-sent…
[Reply]
Sister Toldja {May 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 am}
(it’s actually “I live Brooklyn like year 24/for sure…”. The hair color is seeping into my brain, time to rinse”)
[Reply]
Ok I must be a different type of chick because although I dont walk around with a smile tatted on my face I try not to mean mugg all the time anyway either. If a dude says to me ‘dang, it aint that bad is it? what’s with the mean mug?’ I actually stop to think ‘Is the shit on my mind really THAT important?’
But hell I like myself more when I am in a good mood.
[Reply]
I once met this chick (a cousin of a friend) who was a fairskinned 35 yrs old, 5′11 and cerebral. She wore her hair natural and had glasses (bifocles I believe). She was extremely down on herself about not being able to find a good man. She was knee-deep in the sorority game. She had the meanest shoe game ever. Always, walked around with a scowl. She was the epitome of an Evil Broad.
I say all this because I am wondering which of these qualities doomed her to her villainous fate? Or better yet which of these qualities would qualify as general signs of EBism? Her intellect, height, hairstyle, age, single status, her sorority zeal…what?
[Reply]
SassySouthernGyrl {May 1st, 2008 at 1:42 pm}
none of these qualities seem like things that would have cause said chick to spriral into EB-dom….i know other women with these same qualities and they have not fallen prey to this evil disease. however, it could be in her genes-she could come from a long line of EBs and was not able to break the cycle.
or maybe her shoes were too small and they were making her feet hurt…that would bring the EB out of the best of us!
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:52 pm}
I had on a pair this past monday and not only did they start to hurt BUT we had a damn FIRE DRILL. After I walked 2 blocks and stood for half an hour my EB level was on self destruct!
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:40 pm}
in my very unscientific opinion, i think tall girls are probably more likely to be eb’s. i’m thinking it might be because they consistently hear the worst pick-up lines
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 3:13 pm}
lol I actually think they have it the worst too…but what do you mean “they consistently hear the worst pick-up lines?”
I think they have the greatest EB probability because they have the slimmest pickins. Considering the discussion on deal breakers…height is a real issue and their are just not an abundance of single extra tall dudes who are also looking for tall women.
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 3:36 pm}
you just always hear taller women complaining about guys hitting them with “i’d sure like to climb you” and “you know, when we lay down in bed, we’re the exact same size”.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pm}
yikes…that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that. sucks for them.
[Reply]
2Degreez {May 1st, 2008 at 3:38 pm}
That may be true. I wouldn’t want to hear men tell me how they like to climb trees.
But then again, women like me who are blessed with “Ds” get the worst pick up lines of all (if the guy can manage to form a sentence in the midst of staring so hard). So tall chicks have no excuse.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 3:47 pm}
2D, Do men actually comment on them thangs while trying to pick you up?
[Reply]
2Degreez {May 1st, 2008 at 4:06 pm}
LOL! It happened a lot when I was younger (my college campus was brutal). Now the comments are more subtle like, “I love your shirt.” Now, if I’m wearing a crew neck from the Gap I know for damn sure he ain’t giving me props on my t-shirt game.
It’s a bit more common for men to try and sneak a quick look while we’re having a conversation.
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 4:13 pm}
Yeah that tshirt line is a charade.
But, look at the bright side… sneaking a quick look is much better than having a man telling you to “put ‘em on the glass”…that could happen too, ya know.
[Reply]
2Degreez {May 1st, 2008 at 4:20 pm}
Dear D*Stroy,
Never quote Sir Mix-A-Lot. You’re better than that.
Sincerely,
2Degreez
[Reply]
D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 4:30 pm}
I don’t think I like your tone. Sir Mix-A-Lot was one of the most prolific thinkers of our time. The man that you mock, is the same man that freely expressed his deep appreciation for the female rear-end(echoing the sentiments of black men world-wide, might I add). You should pay hommage to him… but at the very least do not disparage me for keeping his legacy alive.
[Reply]
kamakula {May 1st, 2008 at 5:26 pm}
Ds . . . by themselves are not sufficient. She’s going to have to be at least 5′9 at that point for me.
[Reply]
1. Stop assuming just because a woman isn’t smiling at you that she’s mad at the world or has issues and desires of being labeled a EB. Maybe…just maybe she had something happen that morning that she’s thinking about, maybe she just gave her favorite dog away and regretting it as she’s walking down the street, MAYBE she just doesn’t want to smile at your overly paying attention arse! Just a thought…
-and-
2. Sunglasses are the shiiiizzznit. The bigger the better!
[Reply]
SassySouthernGyrl {May 1st, 2008 at 1:36 pm}
I concur with both of these points…you never know what a person had to deal with before they get to you…and if you ask a question, you should be ready for the response.
Sunglasses are great…big sunglasses are even greater and I say if you can pull them off (because everyone can’t)…do it!
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:40 pm}
Thank you SassySouthernGyrl.
It’s not like they (men) hear us saying how much we hate men wearing sunglasses when there isn’t any sun out or in the club because they think it’s “sexy”. In fact, I think the VSB’s have rocked sunglasses at night or when there was no sign of the sun anywhere!
[Reply]
SassySouthernGyrl {May 1st, 2008 at 1:46 pm}
UGH…that is the worst…unless you have some type of vision impairment that causes you to be sensitive to light there is no reason to wear shades in the dark…you are not a superstar and even if you were, you are the only fool in here with shades on…i think we’ll be able to spot you buddy!
[Reply]
panama {May 1st, 2008 at 1:57 pm}
I’ll have you know that this VSB doesn’t even own a pair of sunglasses. Word.Life.
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:59 pm}
Panama…you a lie and the truth ain’t in ya!
You took a picture wearing sunglasses and a WIG if I’m not mistaken…and allowed it to be captured on camera! lol
[Reply]
panama {May 1st, 2008 at 2:04 pm}
Actually, you’re just misinformed. That picture was taken literally 3 years ago and it was an 80s party where I was dressed as Eazy-E. After the party, the shades went vamoose.
Once again, this VSB doesn’t even own a pair of sunglasses.
Thanks for playing.
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 2:05 pm}
For all I know you could be LYING! ED’s are known to tell tales…
[Reply]
panama {May 1st, 2008 at 2:09 pm}
why would I lie, when you can ver-i-fy?
[Reply]
The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:42 pm}
“I’ll have you know that this VSB doesn’t even own a pair of sunglasses. Word.Life.”
me neither. sunglasses in the club, regardless of gender, is some true cornball ish
[Reply]
SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 1:40 pm}
Since I don’t practice my facial expressions in the mirror (even though Tyra says I should) maybe i’m not aware of my look.
I LOVE my sunglasses. I stan for the big ones!
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:42 pm}
Exhibit A:
The person in this picture is not hardly smile, smirking, cracking any type of grin….maybe we should label him a ED - Evil Dude
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 1:44 pm}
Exhibit A: The profile picture of Panama himself!
[Reply]
panama {May 1st, 2008 at 1:59 pm}
Terrible terrible example. For one I’m sexxy. For two, that pic was taken on purpose in that manner. LOL.
Back to the drawing board for you.
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 2:00 pm}
Dude…you are not smiling in not ANY of the pictures. You have a gorgeous young woman SMILING next to you…but you’re not smiling at all! lol. You lucky I dont know how to post pictures in comments. I’d put you on blast!
[Reply]
Liz {May 1st, 2008 at 2:05 pm}
LOL @ the call out minus the incriminating photos.
[Reply]
The Queen {May 1st, 2008 at 2:07 pm}
“2. Sunglasses are the shiiiizzznit. The bigger the better!”
Hold the phone…Sunglasses are great but they should only be so big. If they take up the majority of your face, don’t do it…reconsider…read some litera-ture…
*raising my hand* I admit, I have worn my sunglasses at night. I was in Miami and very excited. I was the number one stunna. Ahh, Miami.
In fact, I am re-inspired by my flashback of Miami. I am wearing my sunglasses tonight.
[Reply]
Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 2:21 pm}
In honor of the Queen I will wear my extra large sunglasses at night this weekend while I’m in Miami….. not really, but it sounded nice didn’t it? lol
[Reply]
The Queen {May 1st, 2008 at 2:22 pm}
Yes, do it. Do it. I promise you’ll feel so good about your decision. lol
Either way, I will wear mine this weekend as a tribute to Miami. (that was a huge stretch…even I can’t support that reasoning)
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D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 2:21 pm}
Queen,
*Shamefully* I too have worn sunglasses at night.
I was in Times Square, I had on my good outfit and I was really feeling myself. I had no choice but to put the stunnas on.
I knew it was wrong…but it felt oh so right.
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The Queen {May 1st, 2008 at 2:26 pm}
See, you too have fallen victim. You definitely feel oh so right. (*whispering* We might need a support group.)
I wonder if there is an age limit for wearing sunglasses at night? Once I become a senior citizen I plan to do it all the time. When you are old, you can get away with murder. So I add wear sunglasses to my current list which includes wearing big church hats and playing the tambourine. Still the number one stunna.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:45 pm}
the only time i can remember wearing sunglasses at night was during caribana in ‘02, which, considering the weekend i had, completely excuses me
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er uh “You’re not clinically depressed, and you don’t have eclectic teeth, but you never smile.”
on a serious note, i suspect a lot of EBs are undiagnosed depressives or bipolar or schizophrenics. one EBs i know was diagnosed bipolar while attending anger management therapy after she stabbed her BF in the neck.
i also have a fam member who was diagnosed schizophrenic. family legend says she was “mean” as a young’un.
so um, maybe we should start throwing lithium at mean folks and see what happens… LOL.
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panama {May 1st, 2008 at 2:10 pm}
um. damn. i was just trying to avoid them…you’re trying to create chemical reactions.
VSB - Where education goes to far!
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Ana B {May 1st, 2008 at 2:34 pm}
I had an EB in a class once (she was a student) at the end of the semester she confided to me that she had been in counseling for anger management issues. so you may be on to something there.
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D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 2:52 pm}
Since we’re sharing…I dated a DB who was diagnosed with clinical depression but she said she had “worked through her issues.” So I, being the non-prejudicial man that I am, decided I’d overlook her proven propensity for maniacal behavior because she was a dime (not to mention she seemed normal). STUPID, Stupid, stupid! Lo and behold, She turned out to be crazy as hell and meaner than a pitbull with a rabid hamster stuck in its booty.
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D*stroy {May 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm}
I meant EB but DB works too…Demented Broad
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tiffany {May 1st, 2008 at 5:11 pm}
FYI: there’s no such thing as “i’ve worked through … ” when you have clinical depression.
there’s only “i’m working on managing my depression and sometimes i might fall off the wagon and get a little batsh*t. and when i get like that, i probably won’t realize it, so let me know i’m doing it, pass me some prozac and be patient until the vitamin P kicks in.”
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Here’s my question for the women defending not smiling because it makes them look “creepy”. So what do you say to the women (like Jill Scott) who do smile? She doesn’t look creepy but everytime I see her I wanna spend more time with her because she’s pleasant!!! I think in addition to the smile one has to have a pleasant demeanor. When dudes say “why you look so mad” its not just because you’re not smiling, its because you do in fact look mad.
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Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 2:47 pm}
I say POWER to the Jill Scott’s in the world who love to cheese. Every woman is not the same and all women don’t walk around with a huge smile of their face all the time. If I made Jill’s salary, I’d probably be walking around cheesing like sh*t too! lol—not really because I just don’t smile 24/7 unless the mood hits me too.
For the brothas who are “intimidated” by a woman who doesn’t smile….just don’t say anything or approach them. I’m sure a non-smiling woman isn’t offended by you not speaking…I know I wouldn’t be.
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SOB {May 1st, 2008 at 2:55 pm}
Amen to Jill. I’m wondering if she had to put 3.70 worth of gas in the whip this morning or looked at her Pepco bill and wept! Cuz I was not smiling in either of those cases.
And I’m not offended at all when a man doesn’t speak due to my non-smiling. If we make eye contact it’s all good and if not lets keep it moving.
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SassySouthernGyrl {May 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm}
If I recall the posts correctly, no one said it was “creepy” to smile…it was walking around all day with a smile permanently etched on your face that was “creepy.” Jill has a beautiful smile, I will give her that, and the times that I’ve seen her smile she was getting paid to do to so (media ads, videos, concerts, etc.). Now don’t assume that I am only saying that Jill smiles when she is paid to, that would be ridiculous, but there are too times that I have seen Jill not smile and that didn’t make me assume that she was any less pleasant. She’s human and there are going to be times that she just does not feel like smiling and damn it, that’s her choice, her prerogative, and she should not be labeled “mean” because at the one time that you happened to have the pleasure of crossing her path that you did nothing extraordinary that caused her to forget the momentary funk that she was in and bless you a smile.
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The Champ {May 1st, 2008 at 2:51 pm}
“When dudes say “why you look so mad” its not just because you’re not smiling, its because you do in fact look mad.”
thank you. i think some are missing the point. i’m wasnt saying you hafta smile all of the time…just that you shouldnt be consistently frowning whenever you’re in public (or private, i guess).
that is all
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Ms. Freckles {May 1st, 2008 at 2:54 pm}
And all I’m saying is sometimes when women don’t smile, they are not intentionally trying to look mean; did you ever think that maybe that’s just their facial disposition that they were BORN with when they aren’t smiling from ear to ear?
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The Queen {May 1st, 2008 at 3:33 pm}
I’m just not sure why not smiling is even being defended. Can we just agree on a middle ground people? Smile sometimes…see, settled.
I bet if you see a fine (pronounced foinnnnn) man ladies, you’ll smile. See, you are smiling just thinking about it.
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Monnie {May 1st, 2008 at 4:08 pm}
Thank you. I have big jaws and cheeks. They are wonderful to have when I’m smiling, but when I’m not, I might look like I’m about to break my foot off in someone but this is the way I look.
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Panamanian Devil {May 1st, 2008 at 5:36 pm}
once again, women vehemently defending not smiling like there’s never a reason to do it.
this is why we can’t rise as a people. this is like the naacp burying the n-word.
mis-allocated passion.
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Monnie {May 1st, 2008 at 9:30 pm}
It’s not that I don’t smile… I just don’t smile all the time. Now if you see this person everyday and they never smile, then you have a point (or the person might not like you). If this is a person in the passing, I suggest looking into their eyes. They really do tell the story.
Side note: I have smiled at people only to have them mean mug me so h