Eastside of Long Beach
I’ll never understand for the life of me why two people who are dating will give one another the passwords to their personal email or voicemail accounts. There’s no way in high Hell that I’d ever give up that information. I really don’t see a reason or a need for a significant other to have it. Everybody is entitled to some semblance of privacy in a relationship and chances are that email and cell phones are the last bastions of privacy for both parties involved.
Now it can be said that if you have nothing to hide then it shouldn’t matter. And you’re right. Except you’re not. Just because you have nothing to hide doesn’t mean you should share everything. But of course, not everybody is as smart as I am and many people get duped into giving up their personal information under the guise of full disclosure. Which brings up two questions:
1) If you have your significant other’s password, does that give you freedom to peruse their accounts?
2) Say they didn’t give it to you, but you have it, if you find something that causes you discomfort, are you allowed to bring it up?
Oy vey. Can of worms? Consider yourself opened.
Somehow, in my brain of brains, I don’t think having passwords gives you the freedom to search as you please. But I also realize that temptation is a mother and if a relationship is having issues, the urge to surf thru email to potentially find a culprit is hard to fend off.
(Which is of course why I’d never give up my passwords. Why give somebody the keys to a car you don’t want them to drive? It’s like Halle Berry standing in your living room dripping wet with a condom in one hand and a bottle of Patron in the other with a sign around her neck that says “Don’t touch or I’ll disappear” – that just sucks all the way around.)
However, I think that if you do search through email, then you reserve the right to shut the fuck up about whatever you find and you should deal with it on your own. For one, you have no business going through emails. In the second place, you have no right to question somebody about some shit you found while you were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing in the first place. And I’m an evil enough bastard that I would hope you’d come across something that would drive you apeshit — so apeshit, in fact, that you’d have to bring it to me and hang yourself.
For me, once I’ve lost trust, you might as well just go on ahead and walk it out like an usher because I probably don’t want to see you again.
Babyface asked when could he see you again. Me? Give me the keys to the range and don’t forget to move, bitch. Get out the way.
I’m genuinely interested in responses to those two questions. I tend to think that women are more likely to go through their man’s shit than a man is to go through a woman’s…however, I know both men and women who’ve done both.
To snoop or not to snoop? That is the question.
–PANAMA JACKSON
240 comments
Take my advice DON’T do it. I did this once many many moons ago and let’s just say…he was f*cking somebody else. I think someone commented a while back (maybe Liz? or Treezy?) about their spidey sense giving way to legitimate jealousy…and it’s true. A few years ago my ‘pseudo-lover’ forgot to sign out of his email account and when i went to go check mine it was still logged in to his username. Let’s just say that I saw a familiar sender (an ex) and yeh I read it. She was apparently thanking him for the orgasms he gave her on her birthday the previous month. damn. I decided not to even confront him about it. Instead, I just broke it off. I told him I didn’t trust him. I didn’t even bring that sh*t up as the reason, because(and on some level I agree with Panama) I shouldn’t have looked at his email anyway. I feel this situation is an exception because he was not the kind of guy who would have brought me Cambodian breast milk…he was the kind of guy who wanted me to date him exclusively on the down-low without any of the emotional commitments of a real relationship.
Truth is I’ve never done this with any of my ‘REAL’ boyfriends…because the spidey sense was never activated. Ya feel me?
Bottom line: don’t snoop, instead just trust your instincts. Chances are if you are really that distrustful of him, there’s a reason behind it. Stop lying to yourself and move on…
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Kitsune {May 21st, 2008 at 1:54 am}
But if he was your ‘pseudo-lover’, you guys weren’t committed to each exclusively anyway right? He wasn’t a ‘real’ boyfriend? I think these loose/non-exclusive kind of relationships can add an element of insecurity into the mix.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:04 am}
Actually, I say pseudo because he liked me enough to exchange the “L” word but we never went out publicly, held hands or told anyone that we were involved. He even went so far as to initiate the monogamy talk with me. It was a very strange “arrangement” and reflected poorly on my self-worth, self-esteem and overall maturity at that time in my life. You’re absolutely right one should not be romantically involved in the grey zone…either you are f*ck buddies or he’s your man. It’s just that simple.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:40 am}
“either you are f*ck buddies or he’s your man”
another t-shirt
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Treezy F. Baby {May 21st, 2008 at 5:59 pm}
I have a feeling that a lot us are always wondering if the knowledge Panama and The Champ drop on us even applies because of the abundance of our experiences having stemmed from these kinds of pseudo-ships. I know I’m guilty…in fact I don’t think I’ve ever been in a “real” relationship…I don’t even know what that is? Maybe that’s a whole ‘nother post.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 8:27 pm}
“I don’t even know what that is? Maybe that’s a whole ‘nother post.”
it is
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Kitsune {May 21st, 2008 at 11:12 pm}
Gotcha Miss Patterson.
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Men seem to find this hard to believe but, I have never snooped. I value my own privacy too much. Just the thought of someone going through my emails or my phone or whatever just turns me the hell off. So I can’t do the same to my man. That being said, I certainly am not giving up my passwords. FOR WHAT?
I can’t say it enough, if you’re at the point where you feel like must snoop, it’s already a problem.
I can’t live that way. I ain’t no damn private eye.
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 10:52 am}
I had an ex a long time ago who was seriously peeved that I refused to come off my passwords. For her, she felt like if I trusted her and I had nothing to hide, whats the big deal?
Dumb thing is, she didn’t feel the need to come off of hers since I told her I didn’t want them.
By the way she never got my passwords and got busted trying to go thru my phone.
Shipped.Out.
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Monk {May 21st, 2008 at 7:11 pm}
Hopefully with one paddle.
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I typically don’t use email for private conversation. I either have it face to face or over the phone. So, my ex got the password to my account because there were times I’d be somewhere without access to a computer or internet (like driving to a job interview or going to some conference or event someplace I’d never been before) and I needed information that was in my email account.
I got hers a bit later, but I never snooped. Only went in when asked to retrieve some piece of information for her when she was in a similar situation.
I think the temptation to snoop largely depends on how we use the medium. Since she uses email and IM for personal/private communications, it’s natural to assume I would as well. Since I didn’t, there was no temptation on my part, because it just didn’t occur to me that there would be anything to see.
And I possess the ability to ignore things that I don’t need to see or remove any interest in knowing something. This is useful for when someone has info they want to keep from you, because then in the face of my complete disinterest, they end up telling me since I took the fun away from having a secret.
Anyway I can’t really say whether it’s a good thing or bad thing. My ex was a very. . . possessive . . person and I’m a very friendly/flirty person w/ my female friends, regardless of whether I have any interest. So, IM conversations that were logged ended up causing problems for me.
Do I wish she never looked at them? Yeah. However, I can’t say that one (bad) result justifies not sharing that information given the amount of trust there was between us. (Too much now that I look back, but still, at the time, it made sense).
I don’t think boundaries are hard to set up or hard not to cross. When we started dating, we both had diaries that we’d kept prior to and for a few months after we’d started. While we both knew of each others, we’d decided that we didn’t want the other person to read it. So despite having numerous opportunities to violate this trust without fear of being caught, it never happened.
In a good relationship, I don’t think this issue is ever really a problem.
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 10:54 am}
“So despite having numerous opportunities to violate this trust without fear of being caught, it never happened.”
Do you know it never happened or do you assume it never happened?
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Deviant {May 21st, 2008 at 11:01 am}
If a tree falls in the woods…?
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kamakula {May 21st, 2008 at 3:42 pm}
I am 99% sure it never happened. Based on her personality and argument tactics at the time and a few other things, it would have come up at some point if she did.
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1) If they GAVE me the account info, then yes I have freedom to do what I please. But I think it’s my responsibility to use it discreetly. I think it can be useful if you’re away from a computer and need me to look something up for you right quick.
2) No you can’t use it against them unless you confess what you did to get the password. Me? In a former life I have snooped in e-mail accounts left logged in, and even hacked into a few others. I confessed what I did when necessary, but it was all futile in the end.
This kind of stuff is only good if you’re one of them broads who NEEDS to see proof of everything. These days if I ever feel like I need proof, that IS my proof to fall back. I shouldn’t be in a situation where I feel like I need to snoop or need to read every piece of communication to be close to and trust my man.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:44 am}
“If they GAVE me the account info, then yes I have freedom to do what I please.”
i’m sorry lizzzzzzzzzz, but i don’t agree with this. i mean, if i gave someone my house keys, that doesn’t mean that they have free will to hibernate in my kitchen for 2 weeks straight or paint my walls. typically, when personal info is shared, it’s to be used for emergencies only.
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Liz {May 21st, 2008 at 10:06 am}
All I am sayin is, don’t be surprised to find me all up in your kitchen if you gave me your keys. Yes it is my responsibility to use it only when neccessary, like emergencies……..but just don’t act extra appalled to find me there on another occasion lol.If it’s an issue for you, then don’t give me the keys, end of story.
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D*stroy {May 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am}
I aint mad at ya, Liz…but FYI–you’re not even gonna get keys to my mailbox, since you obviously don’t know how to act! LOL!
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 11:48 am}
i don’t want you in my kitchen!!!
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 12:04 pm}
yeah see, its one thing to be all up in my kitchen if i know about it. but just randomly being all up in my kitchen is a problem if you have a kitchen of your own.
in fact, i don’t even like it if you have a key and i know you’re coming over and you don’t knock and allow me to let you in. you have a key…so does my landlord and that motherfucker knocks and can put me AND you out. me? i can put you out.
knock bitch.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:41 pm}
“knock bitch.”
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just topped my list of funniest sh*t ever.
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Elenda {May 21st, 2008 at 1:21 pm}
Now that should be on a freakin’ t-shirt. KNOCK BITCH… hell to the naw (word to Whitney)
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 1:22 pm}
@ Panama… I’m with you, I don’t like surprise visits either. but “knock b*tch”…harsh but hilarious.
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 4:46 pm}
I sooooooooooo agree with you on this. Knock. Unauthorized key usage is a red flag to me. I had an ex that found my spare key in the broom closet and used it to lock my apartment door one day when he slept a little later than gainfully employed me. And one day, he was on my living room couch when I got home. Red white and blue flag. That was only the beginning of the uncool things that were to follow. Sigh, if I only knew then what I know now.
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Treezy F. Baby {May 21st, 2008 at 6:02 pm}
Dayum…I wanna hear some more… :::goes to get the popcorn:::
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 9:22 pm}
Treezy, Im bringin raisenettes leave room for me on couch
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The Killa {May 21st, 2008 at 6:54 pm}
LMAO@”knock bitch”
reminds me of Chappelle’s Show, “When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong” and Dave is wacking off on the toilet and his granny comes in and he’s like, “Granny no!!!!!!”
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Monk {May 21st, 2008 at 7:13 pm}
Co-Signature.
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bballmom {May 22nd, 2008 at 7:21 pm}
there is something very wrong with you!! LMAO
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If you’re looking for something, pretty good chance you’ll find it. It’s never a good idea to invade someone’s space/privacy. Treat them the way you’d want to be treated with the same level of respect. Snooping is a sign of insecurity - either stemming from your own baggage or because of things that person has actually done. If you’re insecure as a result of your own experiences, you need to do some self reflection. Maybe take a break from the relationship thing until you’ve healed. If you’re snooping because of things your partner has done, might be a good time to have a chat. Let them know you’re feeling insecure and need some reassurance that whatever happened won’t happen again. Snooping is a slippery slope. Starts off going through a phone and before you know it, you’re hiding up a tree with binoculars outside his mama’s house. It’s sneaky and deceptive. Bottom line: If you can’t trust each other why are you still in the relationship?! And if you’re not committed to each other and you’re snooping you KNOW you have problems!
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:06 am}
“If you’re insecure as a result of your own experiences, you need to do some self reflection. Maybe take a break from the relationship thing until you’ve healed.” –I agree whole-heartedly. After that whole ordeal it was imperative that I take a break from relationships…and I did. For two years. Self-reflection is very powerful thing.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:45 am}
“you’re hiding up a tree with binoculars outside his mama’s house.”
lol…why at his mama’s house though? what’s momma got to do with it?
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Kitsune {May 21st, 2008 at 11:14 pm}
Checking if he’s really there I guess? Like, “he said he’s at his mama’s house…yeah right.” LOL! Just sounded like a rock-bottom scenario.
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I’m with you Jackson; No snoop rule all the way call me paranoid.
A good rule of thumb is to keep a minimum of three email accounts. Your work account should be used exclusively for work-related conversations. Your second email account should be used for personal conversations and contacts, and your third email account should be used as a general catch-all for all hazardous behavior; furthermore, you should install a high security vault with lockout doors. The steel needs to be a MINIMUM of 12 inches thick, with a recommended thickness of 24 inches. Make sure that the vault itself is electro statically isolated with multiple Faraday cages. Hire security guards, preferably ex-military commando Navy SEAL ninjas.
If your girlfriend/girlfriends still insist try this; Hyper-encrypt the files with SHA-1024 with TripleDES Blowfish keys. Make SURE you salt your hash strings otherwise you’re leaving yourself wide open to brute force attack vectors. Ideally you’ll want to install a deadman switch on the harddrive and rotate your passwords hourly.-Chief
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:47 am}
“If your girlfriend/girlfriends still insist try this; Hyper-encrypt the files with SHA-1024 with TripleDES Blowfish keys. Make SURE you salt your hash strings otherwise you’re leaving yourself wide open to brute force attack vectors. Ideally you’ll want to install a deadman switch on the harddrive and rotate your passwords hourly”
i think somebody’s seen “enemy of the state” one too many times
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D*stroy {May 21st, 2008 at 11:17 am}
Word! If you know how to do all this techno-sh*t, sneaky women should be the least of your worries. Ex-KGB spies and assassins, on the other hand, would seemingly be of the utmost concern.
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 11:15 am}
@CHIEF that is just out of control if it really came to all that then its time to move on.
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The Queen {May 21st, 2008 at 11:26 am}
WOW! lol If you have to do all this to keep an account private, it sounds like:
a) you don’t need a girlfriend because you have way too much dirt to hide
OR
b)if she is doing all this to break into your account she doesn’t trust you…tell her to kick rocks
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Birv {May 21st, 2008 at 4:49 pm}
Dang! Hence the need for multiple email accounts. It doesn’t matter what email account password they have b/c you can easily create another one in 30 seconds. One could easily provide a pseudo account just for general purposes and/or GF/BF security. (Not that I have done this before.)
Plus, access to some accounts is only available in specific locations…in your case.
My ex always managed to hack or sneak his way into my accounts. I guess that’s what I get for using his computer. He left no stone unturned. Damn, computer information systems major. He even forwarded my own inbox message to me!!
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I have my man’s password, SSN and some other personal info of his. However, I have NEVER used it or searched his personal emails and cell phone. For what?
The only time I’ve used his SSN was to fill out his hospital paperwork on his behalf.
I feel if I have the urge to want to search (or feel I need to search) thru his private communications…then I don’t need to be with him because I obviously don’t trust him.
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LOL @ your third email account should be used as a general catch-all for all hazardous behavior
I would never share my passwords with a significant other. I have nothing to hide, but I agree, everyone is entitled to some privacy.
However, I will check out your e-mail if you don’t “log out”….LOL.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:50 am}
“…everyone is entitled to some privacy.
…However, I will check out your e-mail if you don’t “log out””
aroundharlem, a “ms. hypocrite” called, and asked why you’re going around impersonating her
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AroundHarlem.com {May 21st, 2008 at 1:15 pm}
I’m not being hypocritical. It’s called curiosity.
I wouldn’t be upset if the reverse happened.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:38 pm}
“I’m not being hypocritical. It’s called curiosity.”
i believe the term is “hypocritical curiosity”
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AroundHarlem.com {May 21st, 2008 at 4:32 pm}
LOL. OK. LOL.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 1:29 pm}
if that ever happens to you just close the browser window. even if you do trust your man and he has nothing to hide…the imagination is a powerful and evil thing. wouldn’t you be embarrassed if you confronted your man on what turned out to be spam from tia tequila?
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Never should we exchange passwords, and if we give one out in an “emergency” (i.e. “Can you get on your computer and send this email for me for work, cause I can’t at the moment?” or “Can you print xyz for me right now?”), then the owner should change that password ASAP.
Curiosity is normal. Distrust is a problem. Either you have issues with trust, your sig other has given you reason to doubt or both. If someone forgets to log out and say you glance over and see that he has a log-in from “Adam For Adam”….then you have license to check that out. Possible same-sex e-cheating (and obvious opposite sex creeping) is the exception to the rule. But let your mate’s irresponsibilty be the reason you see this, not you being an ass and logging in.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:57 am}
“Possible same-sex e-cheating”
i know this is off-topic, but i’m curious: this is an actual problem that women hafta deal with, or is it just a cliched sound bite? do women really encounter so many “switch-hitting” guys that you all are constantly on the look out for them, or is this more urban legend than actual reality?
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Sister Toldja {May 21st, 2008 at 10:39 am}
I have met an inordinate number of closeted gay men. Not as romantic partners (Thank GOD!), but as classmates and friends. I have just accepted it as a possible point of deception with a lover (just as I would accept that any boyfriend may possibly be a cheater, have a secret family, lie about small stuff, etc). I’m not constantly on the look-out, so to speak, but I do examine red flags throroughly.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 11:51 am}
“Not as romantic partners (Thank GOD!)”
this is what i’m talking about. whenever you hear someone talking about this, it’s never a first-person account. i’ve yet to meet a woman who has had this actually happen to her
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Sister Toldja {May 21st, 2008 at 11:56 am}
But I KNEW the men. Knew them well. Part of the reason I wouldn’t have dated them if presented with the opportunity was because I knew they were in the closet. I never had a lover with an “invisible life”, but I know men who lived it. Maybe I was able to avoid it cause I could see the signs! LOL.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 1:35 pm}
I’ve never personally encountered the switch hitting man, but the fear was implanted long ago when i first heard the term “forty-percenters” at Morehouse. In my opinion, it’s part AUC urban myth, part Oprah told me so…
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Sister Toldja {May 21st, 2008 at 2:10 pm}
It was a myth at MC? That shit was real in the FIELD at HU. Heartbreaking on so many levels.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm}
Ok, so many it wasn’t a myth at the House, per se. But I can’t really vouch for the percentage stats because I never actually met a Down Low guy…I just heard about them (existing mostly among Alphas). *hiding under desk until the gunshots clear*
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:47 pm}
This whole Down Low phenomenon seems to be just another silly myth that works at emasculating the Black man in America. You can put this up on the “Bull Sh*t Shelf” along with “Haiti originated AIDS” and “Black Men commit more crimes than whites” etc…
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Sister Toldja {May 21st, 2008 at 3:42 pm}
Blood pressure is rising, ladies and gents.
1) LAUGHING IN YOUR FACE at the concept of the DL being used to emascualte the Black man.
2) Asking- how does being gay make one less of a man? Unless you are referring to them being ‘less than a man’ for not being honest about their gayness. Which I can agree with.
The only way I can see this absurd theory of yours making sense is….no, it just doesn’t make sense. I am not saying that this phenomena is not exaggerated. I am saying that it does, however, exist and in disturbing numbers.
40% is ridiculous, but I would say that some 15% of the men I met at Howard were gay or damn suspect. Which is fine because I am a hag, but not fine, cause I can’t hag in a closet.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 4:13 pm}
“I am not saying that this phenomena is not exaggerated. I am saying that it does, however, exist and in disturbing numbers”
thing is, doesn’t the exaggeration help create the hysteria? this is what we’re referring to. we know it exists, but it just seems like alot of attention is given to men (dl cats) who comprise maybe 3 percent of the population.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:53 pm}
Ok, so maybe it wasn’t a myth at the House… per se, but I can’t really vouch for the percentage stats because I never actually met a Down Low guy…I just heard about them (existing mostly among Alphas & Kappas). *hiding under desk until the gunshots clear*
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:41 pm}
“but the fear was implanted long ago when i first heard the term “forty-percenters””
what does this mean?
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 3:00 pm}
It means 40% of the students at The House were gay. And apparently most of them worked in the mailroom…
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 3:03 pm}
they also had s-curls and their nails were did.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 3:09 pm}
40 percent is a big number. really big
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 3:23 pm}
Yes it is. At Morehouse we have about 3,000 students…so that would mean that about 1200 of our student body is gay or DL.
Somehow percentages don’t quite stack up when compared with the actual numbers you’re speaking of.
Shit I was there for 4 whole years and I can honestly say that I only know about 10 gay dudes from Morehouse. Now are there cats I assume or supposed were gay, yeah, of course. But I’ll be damned if it wasn’t 1190 more.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 4:12 pm}
true dat, 40% is a big number. but that’s what the brothas used to tell me…i went to CAU so again this what i ‘heard’ around the way.
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AroundHarlem.com {May 21st, 2008 at 1:37 pm}
It’s reality.
When I was in college, I used to work in Greenwich Village and I’d see all types of “switch-hitters”. (I hate that term. I’m only using it cause you did.)
Anyway, under the context of my meeting some of them and the knowledge acquired from my gay coworker, these men definitely exist. They truly lead double lives.
I’ve come across two of them in my personal life.
One I found out about because I was on his computer and found a “Love” letter to a guy. (I wasn’t snooping. I was working.)
The other I found out about when I looked him up on MySpace. Granted, I don’t have actual proof with this one, but I will say that I don’t know any straight men who would befriend and communicate with a transvestite.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm}
One I found out about because I was on his computer and found a “Love” letter to a guy. (I wasn’t snooping. I was working.)
Right…what exactly were you working on? Editing his love letter!? Be honest…you were snooping, weren’tcha?!
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 4:10 pm}
“Editing his love letter!?” LMAO… ROTFL LMAO
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AroundHarlem.com {May 21st, 2008 at 4:33 pm}
I really was working. I was a contractor using his computer and looking for a file.
The funny thing is that he named it something generic. It wasn’t titled “Love letter to Joe”.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 4:51 pm}
LOL! Oh, you were looking for a file, alright! A love letter file!
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AroundHarlem.com {May 21st, 2008 at 4:35 pm}
Also, it was the sappiest thing I have ever read.
He could have written for Hallmark….LOL.
“You’ve changed my life …..”
“I never thought I’d find someone like you ….”
That kind of stuff.
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:38 pm}
^^^^ I’m with D*Pain up there…how were you working and came across a love letter to another guy?!? Was it in one his files labeled, “My Girl’s Work Documents”?
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:39 pm}
I mean folders, not files.
Awww, fiddlesticks.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:40 pm}
“^^^ I’m with D*Pain up there…how were you working and came across a love letter to another guy?!? Was it in one his files labeled, “My Girl’s Work Documents”?”
me three
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Sister Toldja {May 21st, 2008 at 3:45 pm}
Well, I had something like this happen once. I tried to check the weather from a friends Trio and he had left the instant message function open. Damn my speed reading skills, cause before I could look away I had peeped the word “Masc” and I knew what that meant immediately. I admitted what I had done, and so did he.
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AroundHarlem.com {May 21st, 2008 at 4:36 pm}
I really was working. I was a contractor using his computer and looking for a file.
The funny thing is that he named it something generic. It wasn’t titled “Love letter to Joe”.
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You’re so on point on this one! I have never given out any passwords to my accounts. I have nothing to hide, but there is no need for anyone else to have access to my e-mail or anything else. This just causes problems and it’s not worth it. One of my closest friends shares the same e-mail address with her husband (don’t ask me why) and this just caused so many fights when she found out that he looks at porn online. She said that it made her feel like he didn’t want her and I told her that guys just like porn and not to think too much about it. They fought for so many months over it. It’s easier if couples keep their passwords private, seriously it’s not worth the headaches.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:58 am}
“She said that it made her feel like he didn’t want her and I told her that guys just like porn and not to think too much about it.”
future vsb.com topic, btw
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:05 pm}
awww snap! sign me up, i can’t wait until that post.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:42 pm}
lol…aren’t you already signed up?
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:55 pm}
you’ve got a point…VSB do or die!
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 9:29 pm}
ooh another shirt…
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I totally agree with ST in this:
“Curiosity is normal. Distrust is a problem.” I also believe that one should retain a certain level of privacy and that can include personal information such as passwords, PIN’s, etc.
Back in school, I did have an ex who figured out the voicemail to my pager (yes, it was a while back) and she checked it without me knowing for a great period of time. It was easy to figure cause I just used my birthdate as the code. Silly of me…
Nowadays, I do periodically change my passwords for everything just in case.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 11:52 am}
“I also believe that one should retain a certain level of privacy”
thats it in a nutshell
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I’ve had the passwords to email, online banking, paypal accounts, voicemails, ebay accounts, etc. I don’t snoop and I don’t violate. To me trust is paramount in a relationship. Once I have the trust, I intend on keeping it.
I also am of the school - if you go looking for trouble, you are DAMN SURE gonna find it. Even if there isn’t shit to find.
I agree everyone needs a barrier of privacy, and anyone (man or woman) that throws the whole “if you have nothing to hide then whats the big deal” shit in your face, THEY more than likely have shit to hide.
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Sheryl {May 21st, 2008 at 9:42 am}
I agree, if you go looking for trouble and end up with nothing…trust me there will still be hell to pay. Your partner may give you the info just to see what you’ll do with it and flip the whole thing around and make you out to be the bad guy…so save yourself the drama and leave it alone.
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Monk {May 21st, 2008 at 7:28 pm}
I agree Cheryl because we all know that the one who is doing the dirt is usually the one flipping out because their conscious is a weighing on them.
This could be another topic VSB.
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I see no reason to exchange passwords or to snoop.
I had some guy whom I was merely ‘talking to’ snoop through my email (forgot to log out from his new phone I was playing around with) and read something negative I wrote about him to one of my friends (basically just that I had some doubts about him but would give it a little more time). He tried to confront me by telling me that someone he knows overheard me saying things about him but wouldn’t tell me who or what was said. Nevermind that we had no friends/associates in common. A little while later it hit me that he read my email. That, along w/ his following actions confirmed everything I wrote about him to my friend and that was the end of that.
Even if my SO forgot to log off I’d close my eyes and click the logoff button STAT. It’s not so much about catching your partner cheating, but moreso reading some of their thoughts that you’d never have access to otherwise. Then you’d get offended and cause hoopla over nothing.
On the cheating thing, if you ‘think’ they’re cheating then they’re cheating. No need to snoop and ‘confirm’ what the hell you already know!
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 9:59 am}
“On the cheating thing, if you ‘think’ they’re cheating then they’re cheating.”
this hurts my heart and shit
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Deviant {May 21st, 2008 at 10:19 am}
I would have to had that these “thoughts” should be valid suspicions and not just “you’re not getting their attention every waking moment and so they must be cheating” delusions.
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Deviant {May 21st, 2008 at 10:24 am}
This is always the best way to dent yourself the urge to snoop. Just hit “Sign Out” the same way you would if you were in the library or a public computer lab.
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The Queen {May 21st, 2008 at 11:22 am}
I’ve done that before numerous times. Why doesn’t everyone just log the other person off?
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I’ve snooped. I was suspicious and I when opportunity presented itself I took advantage. I went looking for trouble and found it. I didn’t throw it up in their face but I was honest and told them that I imitated Sherlock Holmes and went sleuthing.
I learned my lesson though. LIke a lot of people have already said if you feel the need to snoop, you’ve already lost trust in that person and chances of the relationship surviving after that are nil.
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I just disagree with the whole thing and for no specific reason other than what’s the point? Who needs that kind of reassurance…if you’re feeling like having his key to show up unnanounced is necessary then there are other issues that need to be checked and addressed.
I’m not in a committed relationship, but even when I was I didn’t want that info. And it had nothing to do with trust, it had to do with reality. The reality is that people will do whatever they want with whomever they want to do it with at that moment, they will justify it and even rationalize it…so again, why bother. If I’m married and my husband has cheated, even if I can sense it I will not go looking for the evidence…and simply b/c I don’t need that kind of reality check.
We are ALL human, and we all have flaws…we have all succumb to temptation even in the most unlikeliest of circumstances and if I’m happy in my existence then why rock that foundation. If my husband cheated a year into the marriage and 15 years later we’re still happy, then how is knowing going to make it any better…naw, you can keep that shit…I don’t need it.
And on a sidenote, I think people who are honest about cheating do it for 2 reasons:
1. Because they want out and they feel it will be the breaking point.
2. Because they’re freaking selfish, they want to be able to sleep at night, forget how it will change your life and in that instance leaving might be a option, because who needs someone that damn selfish anyways.
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Honestly in the end I think people here are overthinking it. Its folks at my job whose passwords and usernames I know off the dome because they’re real lax about giving the info out, (we work on the web so we use passwords for everything). Never have I felt the need to look at their stuff, and vice versa. Its not that deep to a lot of people. If someone gives you the info they trust you not to violate their space all willy nilly, so respect that.
In addition, I have so many diff passwords for diff things, if someone I’m with knows one or two, big deal. You can have the password to my myspace acct, nothing big is going down there. I don’t need privacy on frickin myspace. I wouldn’t be dating anybody who is handling top secret and/or deep emotional issues on myspace in the first place.
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I’m anti-snooping and I’ve never snooped. My friends think I’m crazy but they run criminal and property background checks on dudes. Even my male friends snoop. Maybe it’s the only child in me. Anything I need to know will come out in the wash. I treat others how I want to be treated and I HATE someone going through my stuff.
I’ve dumped 2 former dudes over this…one went through my caller ID and deleted numbers. Adios. The second read my journal and then accidentally told on himself. There was no need for conversation…I put him and his things outside within 2 minutes.
All that being said, I don’t like when a man voluntarily tells me I can’t have access to his passwords and stuff. I feel like he might have something to hide and he doesn’t trust me. I don’t really want it…I want him to want me to have it. lol
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 11:54 am}
“one went through my caller ID and deleted numbers. Adios”
wow. somebody obviously took their bold pill that morning, lol
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 11:57 am}
“All that being said, I don’t like when a man voluntarily tells me I can’t have access to his passwords and stuff. I feel like he might have something to hide and he doesn’t trust me. I don’t really want it…I want him to want me to have it. lol”
Total.Chick.Logic. If you don’t need it since you don’t snoop, then why should he feel a need to want to give it to you.
“…want him to want me to have it…”
I believe it was the great philosopher and orator Lil Jon who said it best…
“WHAT?!?!?!?!?!”
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D*stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:05 pm}
I really hate that phrase “I want you to want to [_______]”
If I wanted to, I would’ve done it, damn it!!!!
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 12:07 pm}
exactly. if you’re ever dating a woman who claims to not be like other women and she uses that phrase, you’re well within your rights to make sure she’s aware that she’s just like every other chick out there.
i think the 18th amendment mentions that in the fine print or something.
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D*stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:17 pm}
LOL! Yeah, I think I read that too.
But, can you imagine if guys used this line of thinking…
Guy: “Baby, I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing you to give me fellatio, I want YOU to want to give it to me!”
Girl: You know something, papi…you’re absolutely right!
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 12:19 pm}
Lucky for men most women want to do it anyway!
Zing!
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm}
“Guy: “Baby, I don’t want to feel like I’m forcing you to give me fellatio, I want YOU to want to give it to me!””
so, ummmm, i can’t say this anymore?
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 1:52 pm}
Bitterness, check. Resentment, check.(lol)
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 5:04 pm}
I hate you Panama. But you know this. But you know some dudes are more like chicks than chicks!!!! There are some chick-esque dudes walking around. And don’t let the macho exterior fool you - that’s the persona he uses with his boys. Behind closed doors, dudes are crying and begging and always wanting to TALK. Uggh… negro, didn’t we just talk YESTERDAY? *slam*
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm}
EXACTLY D*stroy, EXACTLY. What the hell? I don’t get that at all. LOL And from what I understand, head only works when the giving party WANTS to do it. And it’s really wack otherwise. I mean I’ve been neither the head nor the tail on the unwilling coin, so I have no clue, but that’s just what I hear.
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Leila {May 21st, 2008 at 1:00 pm}
He deleted your numbers!!! That’s crazy.
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 4:57 pm}
But why would someone WANT you to have their password? I mean “want” you to have it for what? When someone “wants” you to have something, it usually holds some appeal, and I just don’t see what that would be in this instance.
It’s like when women say, “I don’t want him to just do the dishes because I want him to, I want him to WANT to do the dishes.” Who the heck WANTS to do dishes? ROFLMAO Maybe it’s me… I just don’t get it. *shrug*
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I generally find that people who are suspicious and quick to get on that sherlock sh*t are generally the the one deserving of suspicion. They seem to project their own insecurities based on their shady behavior on to their partner.
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D*stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 11:31 am}
My bad for the errors.
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ladytreez {May 21st, 2008 at 11:43 am}
Yeah…I can attest to that. I was that suspicious/insecure chic that was doing dirt. Had to end it. I did confess that I was inspector gadgeting his shit for a bit before I broke it off though.
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ladytreez {May 21st, 2008 at 11:44 am}
…and also confessed that I was doing dirt.
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What about giving your signifcant other your passwords and full access to email, phone, etc when you are trying to rebuild trust?
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 12:11 pm}
Man, I don’t know what the next step up from “hell no” is, perhaps “motherf*ck no”, but whatever it is…
…that’s what i’d like to say here.
i understand the logic in theory, but you’re basically giving your SO carte blanche to become your Parole Officer and not only question every move you make, but also have access to every detail of your life. unless your SO is a warden in the prison system that is your life, f*ck ‘em.
then again, if i f*ck up, and you are ready to let me go, them i’m out anyway. i’m not gonna sit back and give you full access to every facet of my life so you feel better. you’re my SO, not my God.
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 3:10 pm}
“I will take your heart
I will take your soul out of your body
as though I were God.
I will not be satisfied
with the touch of your hand
nor the sweet of your lips alone.
I will take your heart for mine.
I will take your soul.
I will be God when it comes to you.”
To Artina
Langston Hughes
@P not disagreeing with you, but isn’t this what it is all about?
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 3:19 pm}
Amazing to me how things that so long ago sounded so poetic and beautiful…
…really just sound stalkerish and insane today.
And possessive too. Damn Langston, believe in independence much?
Then again, perhaps this is akin to today’s dumb ass saying of, “girl, let me be your manager…”
I wish a motherf*cker would tell me they’d be God when it comes to me.
Yeah, son, Langston missed me with that one.
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 3:27 pm}
not me. that shit is quite profound. Yes, in today’s context somewhat stalkeresque. But I don’t think Langston was talking about passwords. Because this is on some deeper level. Like I don’t need a damn password to know that you are f*cking around. I just know, because I know and see all, because I know you internally.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 3:45 pm}
Nah…I’m with my n*gga P on this one. This is just some creepy sh*t. Or perhaps some pimp sh*t.
It almost seems like it should end with “I own you, b*tch”
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 4:31 pm}
Yeah…it does sound like a speech straight out of The Mack, doesn’t it?
Like when Goldie booked Diane.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 6:39 pm}
NEWS ALERT: Langston was as gay a mailroom intern at Morehouse. It’s true. believe dat!
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 9:33 pm}
he probably wrote that shit for some dude. codename Artina.
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 12:13 pm}
NOPE! if they are going to give you a second chance (or vice versa) then that is exactly what it is…by taking me back…you have forgiven me my trespasses…and therefore relinquish all rights to throw it in my face, second guess my explanations, and go through my shit! Forgive…not Forget…but you have to start over…all the way over…in the bond…not my inbox…that shit is more trouble than it’s worth and breeds mistrust in the other direction…now you are watching EVERYTHING you do, say, and type because you know massuh may be watching! EFF DAT (that’s Chinese too)
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D*stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:19 pm}
I feel what both of you are saying…so how do you suppose both parties regain trust?
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 12:24 pm}
I feel like you if you really want to get them back then you have to show them that you’re 100 percent committed to them in your actions. Words mean nothing. You probably said you wouldn’t cheat. But if you’re there as much as you can be and supportive and doing what you can…and here’s the capper…THEY ARE RECEPTIVE TO IT…then i think you can rebuild trust.
The key is to determining whether or not they’ll ever let you off the hook (not forget, but actually forgive) you for whatever it was. If you dont think they will…there’s no hope anyway.
Go to the strip club.
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 1:57 pm}
damn P. Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re playing the role of devil’s advocate or angry black man. Whichever it is…it’s inspiring alot of conversation on this topic. In my opinion most people can’t forget or forgive after a partner ‘trespasses’ so putting your lover on probation does nothing more to cement your level of distrust for the other person.
ps- strip clubs have germs.
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:35 pm}
I’m not an angry black man, i just play one on television.
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Precious Rubenstein {May 21st, 2008 at 2:44 pm}
“damn P. Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re playing the role of devil’s advocate or angry black man.”
Me too! I can’t decide if he’s just really raw or really facetious. Which means he’s a good writer!
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 3:17 pm}
Aww shucks ma’am…I’m just doing mah job. Thank’y.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:41 pm}
I am on the fence about this issue. I think that allowing someone to be your parole officer is a problem but if in fact there are trust issues in a relationship they should be strategically addressed. And I don’t think simply getting over the offense is the answer. I think that it may prove beneficial to allow someone to answer your phone or browse your email to see that you are no longer doing dirt and that you are deserving of trust.
I don’t think the word probation evokes the proper stigma but in essence that is what it is…it is a period of time where a person establishes whether or not they are deserving of second chance. It sucks for the person who’s on probabtion but they are the one who f-ed up. Now, i’m not saying that a person should be on probation forever and at some point either a person is going to forgive or they are not.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:53 pm}
My bad P, I read your response earlier and let it marinate too long. I forgot some of your points when responding and didn’t realize I was plagiarizing (or cosigning) much of what you said.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:47 pm}
“If you dont think they will…there’s no hope anyway.”
in a nutshell and shit.
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 1:00 pm}
been there…and honestly…I had to walk away…we didn’t communicate at all for about a year…but I couldn’t deny that he was the realest connection I have ever experienced…I don’t use the “L” word because it isn’t big enough to encompass what I felt/feel…fast forward 12 months…we are in communication but not together…we are friendly but not friends…I can’t lie…if he came correct, I would give him another chance…but I needed that time apart from him to heal…depending on the “offense”…time is all you really have…because regardless of the words, your actions will be second guessed by the one who was hurt…for a long time…I had to separate myself in order to decide if it was really worth the trouble…and this is the man whose “whisper I could hear across a crowded room” so it was some CELLULAR LEVEL pain and healing involved…
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:34 pm}
Goodeness,
This was a very powerful comment. So, what are you going to do? Let him go? Or go get him?
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 3:18 pm}
there is nothing for ME to do…HE fucked up…not ME…we were long distance…he cheated…time has passed…soul has healed…spirits have grown…but we are still long distance…so I am not willing to seriously entertain a HOME-coming (as he so eloquently puts it) until somebody packs a box…it’s complicated…but “we connected at The Roots a long time ago…” even without communcation for a year, we got the same tattoo during that black out…very complicated…(shrugging) for once…I’m at a loss for words to explain it to you love…
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 3:39 pm}
Sorry Goody,
This relationship seems almost cosmic. I hope he shows up on your doorstep with box in hand.
But pride is truly a relationship’s worst enemy…. whether it be exhibited by the victim or the victimizer.
This brought another question to mind…when someone in a relationship f*cks up…should the person who has been wronged share the blame and/or the burden of fixing the relationship?
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 4:12 pm}
I fel you on that one D…but this wasn’t pride…this was soul disruption…the other sister called me, fwd’d me his texts and emails…it was painful! and then THEY tried to “make it work” but they fouhgt all the time because she couldn’t shake the fact that SHE could feel ME in HIS touch…(her words not mine) even now…I would take him back…he knows it…he beats himself about the episode more than I do…I forgave him…in the most genuine sense of the word…we’ve talked about it…alas, no box packing…men are simple…either you want it or you don’t…I have opened my “self” to this man and made my feelings clear…call it what you want…but I don’t see the point in asking for what should be given freely…especially when you tore me…ya dig?
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I am SO SORRY…VSB, I love you both like my siser’s best friend’s play cousin twice reomved…God knows I do…but you completely missed me on this one! you lost me right at…
“Just because you have nothing to hide doesn’t mean you should share everything.”
I don’t get it…and ain’t gonna do it!
CO(muihfuggin)SIGN…and I’m out!
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 12:27 pm}
I think I can clear this up since I completely agree. I’ll put it this way - just because you are not cheating and have nothing to hide, why should your man get to read all your emails about your hopes, dreams, fears and concerns.
Shit like: your email to your cousin when you were upset because she’s been acting funny ever since you got a new boyfriend. Your email to your best friend when you first met him. Her email to you when SHE first met him. Your email to your boss about your review. Her reply back to you. The email from the bank about the status of your loan application. Your email to your uncle about why you haven’t paid him back. Your sister’s email to you about why she hasn’t paid YOU back. Your mother’s email about how proud/disappointed she is in your life choices. Your email to your father about how hurt you were that he didn’t come to your birthday party, was never a part of your life, didn’t send the check, etc.
Though none of it is, “Oh baby, thank you so much for lying to your man about your sick great-great-grandmother, and coming to see me instead… I still smell your perfume on my sheets,” none of it, absolutely none of it, is his damn business either. So there are a million examples of how you can have nothing to hide, but damn sure don’t need to disclose all that… to anyone. It’s your private business.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:51 pm}
you know x, i think she understood…she just doesnt agree. sometimes things just arent meant for everyones ears. i dont know why thats so hard to understand
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 3:09 pm}
nah… I COMPLETELY AGREE…
when I said you “lost” me…I meant lost me in the sense that this post wasn’t geared toward a sister like me…cause I wouldn’t even entertain that madness…ya dig? you will pass away before you get my passwords!
and I used too many pronouns…when I said “I don’t get it…ain’t gonna do it”..”it” was used in place of giving away passwords at all…it’s senseless trivial fuckery!
in my head it made sense but it was lost in translation…bad day second day of parking and riding this morning…I was off task…my bad…
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 3:16 pm}
I was confused as the f*ck too.
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 3:22 pm}
my bad ya’ll…I haven’t been on a fuggin bus in 14 years…and it was a HOTGHETTOMESS this morning…and I got on the wrong train…I was all freustrated and discombobulated this morning…but I love ya’ll so I had to comment…
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 8:34 pm}
thank you for clearing this up. both p and i were confused about this, and thats not good, because when p is confused, he likes to shank people
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 3:55 pm}
Oh. I thought she didn’t get it and was lost. LOL I was trying to help, Ike. LOL
But yeah I just don’t do the whole full-disclosure thing. I had a life before you, will have one during, and if we don’t Make it Last Forever like a Keith Sweat song, well then I’ll have one after you too. I don’t see the need to tell-all or even pretend that I do. Shit is on a need-to-know or want-to-know basis with me (and that is ME wanting you to know LOL). But then again, I’m single now so what the hell do I know? *shrug*
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I don’t snoop. I think it’s dumb.
As for passwords? I would actually be MORE wary of people who just offer theirs up gleefully, as they are probably more full of shit than the person who prefers to keep theirs to themselves. And let’s keep it real… we all have more than one email account, so what does giving up your password really mean? Exactly.
The bottom line? People do what the hell they want. And even if you have a platinum snatch lined with diamonds; are a gourmet chef; have a Halle face with a Beyonce body (minus the halitosis); have won international stand up comedy competitions; are a certified genius; and find time between cooking, cleaning, running your business, and giving your husband the best head of his life, to save the whales and adopt some African babies - if he wants to cheat… he will. Period. Knowing that, for me, makes checking his cell phone or email just seem dumb and besides… I trust my instincts more than anything and firmly believe if I suddenly THINK he’s cheating… he probably is. *shrug* But that’s just me.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:38 pm}
X, you killed it with this comment! Clever and hilarious as usual.
However, I must inquire about the whole “halitosis” remark. Do you know something I don’t? As a previous love-maker to both Halle and Beyonce (albeit not simultaneously), I can say with absolute certainty that both have minty fresh breath. So, the next time you make outlandish statements like this, be sure to have your facts straight. Thanks and carry on.
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2Degreez {May 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm}
Did you refer to yourself as a “previous love-maker?” LOL! You’re a mess.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:54 pm}
I’m not exactly sure what about that statement caused you to “laughing out loud”… but yes, I did make love to those two. Not sure why that is hard to believe but whatever. Granted, it was years ago, in a different time and a different place… where lovers were free to indulge in the fruits that god gave us.
Girl you don’t know nan ’bout dat!
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 4:26 pm}
“in a different time and a different place… where lovers were free to indulge in the fruits that god gave us.”
this almost sounds like the intro to star trek the series or the Twilight zone, that used to come on tv… the different time would be some alternate time continuum that only exists in your (different space) brain. i.e. D*LUSIONAL
LOL~Im just messing w cha
But for real tell the voices to use their inside voices and keep it down
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 2:07 pm}
@D*Stroy aka D*Pain~you need to add D*Lusional to your new moniker
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:20 pm}
LOL! Wow, Ana! Never in a million years would I imagine that I would see you relegated to the depths of hateration. I thought I knew you.
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 2:54 pm}
@D*Stroy aka D*Pain aka D*Lusional, its not hateration I have a background in mental health…. that is an official professional assessment and diagnosis and I didn’t even charge you my usual consulting fee so see it’s all love
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 2:56 pm}
**two fist pumps to the heart and throwin’ you the peace sign**
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 3:18 pm}
LMAO!!! Guess I should say thanks then, huh? Nothing like getting free sh*t.
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 3:29 pm}
yeah and Mental Health Care is not cheap!
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 3:26 pm}
ROFLMAO!!! Well thank you… =)
GASP! You mean Wendy Williams and my cousin’s boyfriend’s best friend’s girlfriend’s sister are not reliable sources???? The horror. *carrying on* =)
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 6:43 pm}
yeh riiiiiight. Halle AND Beyonce? Get the freak outta here!
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 12:54 pm}
please and thank you!
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 2:00 pm}
LOL @ ‘platinum snatch lined with diamonds’ I have to use that somewhere.
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 2:13 pm}
yeah on a tshirt that I will be wearing soon. lol
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 2:55 pm}
this is true. to quote chuck klosterman, the only reason why people cheat is because they think being faithful is unreasonable.
btw, the “platinum snatch” seems like it would be excessively dry, which generally isn’t a good look. “jelly-based snatch” sounds a bit more enticing
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 3:04 pm}
I also thought about the diamond encrusted aspect of a platinum lined snatch and the thought that snatch would be encrusted with anything really isn’t appealing, as a matter of opinion snatch and encrusted shouldn’t even be in close proximity to each other. The mere thought just sounds painful and nasty at the same time.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 3:05 pm}
Not to mention the diamond encrusted walls. that’s where the sh*t gets ugly.
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 3:13 pm}
i meant to type “jelly-based snatch with sugar substitutes”
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Ana B {May 21st, 2008 at 3:32 pm}
but without that aspartame aftertaste?
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The Champ {May 21st, 2008 at 8:35 pm}
the aftertaste is the best part!!
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Miss Patterson {May 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm}
you got issues Champ. lol.
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 3:28 pm}
Hmm… where do I reply to hate you all simultaneously? I’m all about time management. LOL
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 3:41 pm}
LMAO yes that is oh-so-true. And George Bernard Shaw said that “Virtue is insufficient temptation.” So for all you virtuous people exclaiming that you have never and would never cheat, GBS said you’ve just never been sufficiently tempted - which I wholeheartedly agree with.
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 5:06 pm}
as much as I LOVE GBS…and I agree that for lesser mortals and youngsters this is true…I can agree to an extent for grown ups…once you have been cheated on…the act of cheating loses it’s yummy candy coated appeal…regardless of temptation…for me…I will leave your ass draggin dick in the dust before I cheat…but it’s only because I have been fucked over and wouldn’t wish that ish on anyone…before that life lesson, however, I had been the side piece…in like 10th grade but never actually been in something and had something on the side…well…there was that one time at band camp…but what happens at band camp…stays at band camp!
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Kamilah {May 21st, 2008 at 4:36 pm}
Chuuuurch! Now can someone pass the offering plate.
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“People do what the hell they want. And even if you have a platinum snatch lined with diamonds; are a gourmet chef; have a Halle face with a Beyonce body (minus the halitosis); have won international stand up comedy competitions; are a certified genius; and find time between cooking, cleaning, running your business, and giving your husband the best head of his life, to save the whales and adopt some African babies - if he wants to cheat… he will. ”
This is so true! No one is immune to infidelity. It can happen to anyone for a plethora of reasons.
Does Beyonce’ really have halitosis?
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:46 pm}
2D, You may not have read my last comment so let me be the first to answer that @ss…NO, SHE DOESN’T!
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2Degreez {May 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm}
“…let me be the first to answer that @ss…” Again, did you REALLY just say that? You’re full of all types of craziness as usual.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 12:58 pm}
No but on some real ish! She messed me up with that whole halitosis thing. Why did X have to go and mess up a good thing!? I loved Beyonce.
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 1:02 pm}
just dip your dick in listerine…and VOILA….spring time fresh!
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 1:04 pm}
LMAO!!! You should be ashamed of yourself! LOL.
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2Degreez {May 21st, 2008 at 1:09 pm}
HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Stop! Too funny!
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GOODENess {May 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm}
but you KNOW I am not ashamed of myself…don’t you…LOL
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2Degreez {May 21st, 2008 at 1:07 pm}
I’m sure it destroys the illusion you have of her. But when you sit around thinking about her crawling on your living room floor her mouth is closed, so it shouldn’t matter. Did that make sense?
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 1:11 pm}
You know…you’re right. Thank you.
And I take back the whole “Girl you don’t know nan” comment. Because you just proved that you do know nan…you know nan real good, too.
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2Degreez {May 21st, 2008 at 1:21 pm}
LMAO! Thanks, D
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Xquizzyt1 {May 21st, 2008 at 3:44 pm}
ROFLMAO!!! I’m sorry!!! Look, I think it gives her… character??? Oh, come on… you knew SOMETHING had to be wrong with that heifer. So just roll with tic-tacs in case you run into her… umm… again. LOL
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 3:52 pm}
Something wrong with her??? Something WRONG with HER??? If by “wrong” you mean “right”…I guess I feel you.
Anyway, she could breath that hot @ss breath right into my mouth and I wouldn’t give rat’s @ss! Matter o’ fact, she could lick her luscious lips leaving a sh*t-stenched saliva residue on ‘em and kiss me on my upper lip area… and I’d smell that funk-nastiness with glee! HOLLA AT YA BOY!
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panamajackson {May 21st, 2008 at 4:33 pm}
Hmm… ^^^^^ That’s nasty.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 5:55 pm}
P, nastiness is the purest form of love.
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After reading all this shit, I am about to go clean out my email accounts right nah!!
But to answer your questions, it is never necessary to give out your passwords.If you have the passwords, use them as much as you like. I have two X’s passwords and I use them regualarly. Mind you, I have no desire to get back with them. I do it because I can… it guess
2) You can only NOT bring up new shit that has never been discussed. If it has been dicussed and he/she was lying before you foound the proof; then and only then can you bring up the discovery!!!!
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Teacia {May 21st, 2008 at 2:09 pm}
Man I’m happy MDH doesn’t read VSB!!
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 2:17 pm}
MDH?
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Teacia {May 21st, 2008 at 3:06 pm}
her boo…lol.
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D*Stroy aka D*Pain {May 21st, 2008 at 3:13 pm}
DON’T LAUGH AT ME TEACIA! Damn you for making me look like a dummy!
But seriously, what’s even more pathetic is that I still can’t put together the stupid acronym.
Please don’t leave me in the dark, guys.
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Teacia {May 21st, 2008 at 3:52 pm}
LMAO!!!…ur super silly today…that’s his initials and the post was actually intended just for E…sorry for leaving you out D*.
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