ending a romantic relationship is one of the most difficult things to do.
actually, thats a lie.
its not really that difficult, its just that most people at the end of their relationship ropes don’t want to be the bad guy, especially if the relationship malaise hasnt been caused by any egregious sin like cheating, abuse, or a professed admiration for jim jones. sometimes, you just want out, but you dont want to be the one to do it, so as your last act of relationship bitchassedness kindness, you want to give the person the pleasure of breaking up with you first.
how do you accomplish this? well, to expedite this process, here are the champ’s four foolproof ways to get dumped. enjoy and sh*t
1. intentional sack wackness
don’t cheat, but do everything in your power to insure that this person never wants to have sex with you ever again.
how do you do this?
climax in seven pumps. ride lazier than shaq’s left eye. scream “jeopardy”, pull out, and run a lap around the bed whenever you smack her ass. attempt to give head with a mouth full of chocolate cake. during missionary, abruptly stop, pull out, get dressed and go on your couch and watch tv, all without saying a word. instead of “daddy”, incorporate names of other family members when its getting good, preferably “cousin jack” or “auntie“. when he’s about to go down on you, “forget” to remind him that your aunt flow is visiting this week. two words: gorilla mask
be creative
2. be sarah palin
with even the smallest real or perceived slight, reply matter-of-factly with the cruelest, most ignorant, most random insult you could possibly imagine…while smiling. example:
“my bad honey, i forgot to buy grape kool-aid”
“babe, how can a grown man’s d*ck be so little? seriously, babycakes, how does that happen? did your grandfather lose a bet with God or something? when you pee, does it hit your balls on the way down”?
or
“i’ll be maybe 10 minutes late picking you up today”
“you know, sweetie, you’re too ugly for me to ever consider having kids with you. i thought you were an anomaly, but after seeing your mom, i know it runs in your wretched family, and baby, i dont want to be infected with your sad, sad joke of a gene pool”
3. respond to every question or statement with the exact same phrase
it doesnt matter. he asked how your day was? she wants to know what groceries she should get at the store? regardless of the topic, continue to respond with the exact same sentence each time. personally, i prefer, “whatever floats your boat, queen bee” or “who cares about it all anyway, ever”
4. report any every intimate thing that you do together on the internet
that intense lunch quickie earlier in the week? put it up on rude.com. that issue she’s having with her sister’s kids? create a topic about it on okayplayer.com. that 2000 word email he sent you, expressing dismay about the direction his life was headed? post it as a note on facebook, under the title “how should i respond?”
***bonus points if you include dates, times, and real names***
thats it from me….for now. what else would you add to the list?
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
dang, another rude.com shout out….are you missin something in yo life champster?
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:27 am
“are you missin something in yo life champster?”
you have nooooooo idea. po’ thang.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:18 am
awwww! poor champie!
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:08 am
“are you missin something in yo life champster?”
you have nooooooo idea. po’ thang.
keep it up, gem. keep it up
Reply
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
“keep it up, gem. keep it up”
apparently you’re used to saying this to your lady-friends when getting intimate due to your impotence problem. right 8th??
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
“apparently you’re used to saying this to your lady-friends when getting intimate due to your impotence problem. right 8th??”
wow. by osmosis i’ve officially created a crew of efficiently snarky comeback artists, and i couldnt be prouder of myself
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
narcissistic much? lmao!
superwoman Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:10 am
i know, i know!!!! i am TRAUMATISED by the postings on rude.com – horrid!
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:57 am
As you should be.
The world is twisted.
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Good list Champ.
Let’s see,
1. Give them an ultimatum–one you know they’ll refuse. I.e., Either we go to the justice of the peace this week or else we need to go our seperate ways type of ultimatum.
2. Fake amnesia — come in late or not at all for days on end.
3. Admit he has the smallest penis you’ve ever seen.
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VSBlurker Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:06 am
“I.e., Either we go to the justice of the peace this week or else we need to go our seperate ways type of ultimatum.”
umm, you may just be taken up on your offer
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:09 am
“I.e., Either we go to the justice of the peace this week or else we need to go our seperate ways type of ultimatum.”
yeah…this DEFINITELY wouldnt have worked for me. i would have been married like 8 times already. and by “8″ i mean like “twice”, but the point remains the same
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Shelia Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:13 am
lol…it probably won’t work for men but for us women, that will get rid of some men so quick he’ll leave your head spinning.
Leila Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:06 am
I’m trying to get out a relationship now with a guy who wants to get married, so I definitely can’t use that approach lol…
J. McFly Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Yeah this would definitely be a problem if you didn’t mean it. Perform this one at your own risk.
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Shelia Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:14 am
“Perform this one at your own risk.”
J & Miss T, you definately must know the person well enough in order to offer them an ultimatum you know they will refuse.
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:56 am
Yeah when you throw ultimatums out there, you gotta be prepared for the person to call you on it.
It’s like playing poker.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Yeah when you throw ultimatums out there, you gotta be prepared for the person to call you on it.
It’s like playing poker.
this is why i dont do ultimatums.
or latinas
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
“this is why i dont do ultimatums.
or latinas”
Perhaps it is the Latinas that don’t do you especially once news of your rising power got out
***raising eyebrows***
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
“Perhaps it is the Latinas that don’t do you especially once news of your rising power got out”
try again
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:22 am
yeah, much like my compadre el championes, if i had pulled that with a few chicks, i’d be married more times than akon. hell, i had chicks track me down JUST to tell me they got married and throw it in my face like i was missing something. i NEVER do those kind of ultimatums…
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Yeah, what’s up with chicks trying to throw that shyt in our faces?? If it didn’t work out between us, so be it…your just another dude’s problem…lol.
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
insecure heffas.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
“your just another dude’s problem”
great t-shirt right here
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:20 am
i would love an excuse for a good (fake) dissociative fugue. just up and leave and start a new life in a new town with a new name.
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:07 am
I loved that you used “fugue”.
*gives you daps*
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shay Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
word i caught that one, too
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
you know how i do! lol *curtsy*
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:23 am
lol. um, i’m sure that’d work on Pluto or in Alaska, but how would you make that one work here in the real world, Tupac?
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Who needs an excuse for a dissociative fugue? I will just choose not to know who you are.
I saw this “drunk mistake” in Popeye’s one day and when he came up and started talking to me, trying to get me to remember him. I told him I’d had traumatic head injury and didn’t remember anything prior to March 1999, so he may as well stop talking.
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my tactic: one word answers to eveything
examples.:
Did you see that I called?
yep
Why didn’t you answer?
busy.
Did you get my message?
isoceles
What is your problem?
5
Where is this relationshp headed?
griffin
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:21 am
welcome to dumpsville. population: YOU
i dont think isosceles gets used enough…
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
nor griffin… I think I am going to start using griffin as a means to slander people.
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8th Wonder Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:39 am
“Where is this relationshp headed?
griffin”
I chortled.
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MDUBB Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 6:53 am
What is your problem ?
5
That’s some funny shiz right there
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:12 am
“Did you see that I called?
yep”
yea, answering questions like that that are supposed to lead to follow up questions will should eventuallu get you nexted
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:52 am
“Did you see that I called?
yep”
I’ve done this…lol
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ladyb Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:55 am
yeah – this works really well, especially on nerdy chicks.
what’s tragic is that the dude who did it had NO CLUE that it was driving (and quickly drove) me away…
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Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am
not coincidentally, answering questions like this to a woman ALSO leads to bricks in windshields and writing on hoods with permanent sharpies.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
there is this stuff that you can buy at Home Depot that removes graffiti it also remove car finishes… I heard
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:29 am
my jackelope is going to gore your griffin. my sasquach is going to stand on his tail and defile and mawl him from beind. my pegasus is going to fly over and shyt on him right after kicking that unicorn in the face.
I’m not sorry I’m all jumped up on mountain dew!
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:37 am
This is blasphemy for encouraging violence upon a unicorn, PETMC (People for the Ethical Treatment of Mythical Creatures) will not look kindly upon this… CBG, PBG, and miss t-lee will throat punch you if you continue such behavior.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:52 am
@Alise..Sportin playin ..i KNOWS yes KNOWS they don’t want no throat punch from Ms T, while PBG sprANkles pixie dust, and Nick POOPS out Sunshine while I WHOMP dat azz with my well hosed down martha stewart country collection dust ruffle.
i just KNOW they dont want none of that..and i was being extra nice today.
but its always somebody on friday who come test it. ALWAYS.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
“@Alise..Sportin playin ..i KNOWS yes KNOWS they don’t want no throat punch from Ms T, while PBG sprANkles pixie dust, and Nick POOPS out Sunshine while I WHOMP dat azz with my well hosed down martha stewart country collection dust ruffle.”
i dont know if i should be happy, sad, or frightened that i complete;y understood this paragraph
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
i dont know if i should be happy, sad, or frightened that i complete;y understood this paragraph
u just hatin thats all tryna be in fantasy island..but ya @zz is stuck in pittsburgh.
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
my minitor stay ready bring it! I got a evil care bear stare from the south side of imagination land’s dark side. Cuz my happy tree friends don’t like your red n blue bandana whearing bambi’s. pixie dust? don’t make me introduce you to the tooth fairies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thGM05B45xo
and I’ll trundle up into T-lee’s dojo It would go down a lil something like this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XHxHivq3oI
That’s Mah Word Son
You thaught Wu Tang knew http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGHz1lVEiBE
I’ma tie you up and make you eat that sunshine son sonnn till my sh!t turns purple and tastes like rainbow sherbert.
maybe yall should get off the http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNTmXk5H0Nc
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
How in the hell did I get involved with foolywang?
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
i don’t know but i really see some of yall aint ride or pixie dust-feather sham type women..im all out here wit my @zz in the breeze tryna defend a unicorn’s honor..one in which i aint NEVER EVA met.
im calling bullshyt on all yall’s loyalty ..and this is some fukyed up fairy dust..cause we aint even supposed to be fightin in front of somebody who be stayin on dat “minitor”.
dis “visitor” can’t even use her words..resorting to multiple you tubes which suggests they watch way too much dam#n tv and do even less readin rainbow type stuff.
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Woe woe woe there snowballer. I don’t even own a Utv nor do I subscribe to hood entrapment (see Drentacenter). I can’t spell too well so what. & why Ayou wanna take it to the people let your mythical Mcreatures stand up 4 themselves. And I been here Asince like may & just wanted to give yall shyt about Nthe pixie dust n glitter. minitor-half bull half man Hbad ssa mickey fickey. Lets see you give him the olay Itreatment w/ them wet bed chlothes.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
sporty …LOL..right now. I don’t know whose @zz is crazier you or me.
peace out.
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
wait wait wait comeback
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Comeback did you get the decoded message? Yo 8th Comeback needs your code breaking skills. Check up on the capital letters not all of em but some of em.
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Ochooooo Paaaaan
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Champ let that girl up so she can get this work sigh
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
i knew it was you wu..
i can’t believe i got that emotionally attached to a mythical da3mn creature. I no longer wanna be apart of the pixie dust posse. this is some bullshyt.
i see rhat nah what would happen if my dust ruffles were ever stranded in a forest. i may not be back on monday.
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Can we get a e-hug n make up(what did champ say about hugging? ssapeak oh yeah) **e-hug** take me w/ you this place is killing my productivity. smh. This ain’t my house but I’m sure your more than welcom n e time. smooches
PBG Reply:
October 19th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
“How in the hell did I get involved with foolywang?”
This is the working title of my meticulously documented divorce proceedings.
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I know he didn’t say anything against our beloved unicorns!!
*rappin’* “He don’t want no problems, problems
cuz I’m a ni99a that can solve ‘em, solve ‘em!”
~Rapper Big Pooh
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:45 am
I’m not sorry I’m all jumped up on mountain dew!
Niice.
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Shoule we T-shirt it T-Lee?
I think so
ladyb Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
my inner hermione <3 s you
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“Did you get my message?
isoceles”
i LOVE that you used the word isosceles!!
if i had to use it in an end-a-relationship sentence, i’d probably say… “i just don’t think we’re right for each other. you keep tryin to fit your isosceles peg into my scalene hole. and quite frankly, it hurts.”
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:42 am
tee hee…. great sentence
also you are not that acute so obtuse deez right angles in ya protractor ninja!….
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:44 am
best.geometry.sentence.ever!!
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:26 am
can we work rhombus in there somehow? parallelogram? i know you two can make it happen!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:50 am
*cracks neck* before i call it a night…
you can’t get with the parallelogram so you’ll never cosine on this rhombus again. you can, however, kiss my asymptote.
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:54 am
I heart nerds. They’re GREAT for Knowledge. And I lovesss me some knowledge.
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 6:47 am
I do not have a mathematical brain @ all but this geometry comment thread is absolutely epic. I’m loving it.
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:48 am
PBG, you don’t need to have a “mathematical brain” to give good “knowledge”…if you know what I mean.
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
we ALL know what you mean, monk. lmao
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:01 am
Gem that was beautiful!!! youre my shero!
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:08 am
I will start telling people today to get with the paralellogram, that was pretty dang on hillarious.
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:32 am
being nerdy only works with folks who ain’t as nerdy as you cuz a ninja like me would be like:
“word? graph it, b*tch. graph it. “
shay Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
i think i love u
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
LOL! word?
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
@PJ I just spit out my tuna fish samich from Subway, Jared would like a word with you
“word? graph it, b*tch. graph it. “ LMAO
Deviant Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
be careful they may pull out a TI-86 on you
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
and to that i’d say:
“i’ll graph this fist on the slope of your nose. now shut your TRAPezoid before you get kicked in the perpenDICular.”
blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
graph this…
proq regression data= members_of_VSB;
model s3xayness=nerdiness;
by comments_thread;
run;
quit;
RESULTS
s3xayness= 3.29 + 1.09(nerdiness)
meaning the more nerdy comments you make, the more s3xay you possess…
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
“i’ll graph this fist on the slope of your nose. now shut your TRAPezoid before you get kicked in the perpenDICular.”
seriously…this is pure genius!!! lmao!
now, somehow you gotta work in the Pythagorean theorem and i’ll be set for the weekend…
Ro Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am
suprisingly enough, I used that on a guy in high school and he just looked at me like I was speaking spanish…
Oh how I love being a nerd!
blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
as a resident mathematician and nerd, I apporve this sentence.
well done
this whole geometry thread made me smile
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
Mathletes stand up!!!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
awwwww thanks guys and gals
so sad that only in cyberspace is my cutesy nerdiness actually appreciated. well, here and lab meetings.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:13 am
vsb.com: smart brothas and the ultra nerdy black chicks who dig them
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:15 am
thats a superfantastic new tagline….
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:32 am
I agree.
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I agree w/all this agreeing.
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:51 am
lol!!
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Love this tagline. It should be on a tee.
Deviant Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
nerdy black chicks make my wang stand at attention
Cruel. Remind me never to need you to break up with me.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:15 am
question, when you sleep at night with the wet blanket, do you sleep underneath it, or do you use it to wrap yourself?
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Liz Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Oh be quiet!!!
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all of these comments are funny as he!! and I’m ’bout to boycott this website cuz it’s bad for my productivity!!!!
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:47 am
it’s the devil right?? becuz of this site, my need for healing with holy oil has dramatically increased.
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pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:55 am
lololol… girl i swear this site is gonna get me axed… people switching names to get back on undetecded by the internet police… lol..
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
“people switching names to get back on undetecded by the internet police”
OMG why you calling him out hes under the internet witness protection plan
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
OOOOooooppppps!
*covers mouth demurely* My bad!
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:53 am
like really… is there a VSB equivalent to “crackberry”? like VScrackblog?? just curious. someone should make one up and put it in the glossary…
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:16 am
thats your project for the weekend.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am
let me know when you figure it out. i spent waaaaaaay too much time on here…but the first step is admitting you have a problem.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:34 am
it’s impossible to spend too much time on here.
VSB…we’re all f*cking awesome.
SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:54 am
true…
“attempt to give head with a mouth full of chocolate cake.”
Wanna talk about it? I hope that your inspiration is part experience, part wild imagination…lol.
Now for my sure-fire tips:
Everyone’s relationship pet peeve: repeatedly bring up old sh*t.
“Why were you late?”
“I mean, I never said nothing when you picked me up late all those times, and you know my job is more important.”
Rude. Bring up old sh*t at every possible turn. You will push your SO away in no time.
Another surefire way is to just fall apart in the hygiene department, then show up when his boys/her girls are over. Basically deconstruct the trophy girlfirend/boyfriend. Look as raggedy as Anne , but worse.
Finally, laugh at the most inappropriate times, then say “oh i just remembered something, continue”. This should be done when he just told you he feels that this quarter life crisis (which is real yall lol) is making him feel like he is not advancing in life.
Now clearly, I can’t employ any of my own strategies…its too mean, which brings me back to square one. I’m sure 8th wonder will come in on some “I’m just not into you” type ish and that will be the end of that.
That’s it, see yall tomorrow!! And Champ, I’m also interested to know what cool spots normal, gainfully employed, VSBs hang out at (in the MD, DC, VA urrea). Like minded people chill and sh*t right?
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:07 am
“Finally, laugh at the most inappropriate times, then say “oh i just remembered something, continue”. This should be done when he just told you he feels that this quarter life crisis (which is real yall lol) is making him feel like he is not advancing in life.”
i’ve actually done this. on accident. it didn’t end well. so yes, it works.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:28 am
hee hee…i just did this or another version i guess. i didn’t laugh as much as say, uh huh, what am i supposed to do with this information?
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
lmao! the worst is when some one is spilling their guts, you get bored, stop paying attn, do your nails, flip channels, etc. then they ask you a question. time to go SP on that @$$ and back pedal. “ummmm in what aspect are you asking that question?” or just don’t answer the question at all. lol
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:18 am
“Another surefire way is to just fall apart in the hygiene department, then show up when his boys/her girls are over. Basically deconstruct the trophy girlfirend/boyfriend. ”
**nodding head**
btw, i can give you suggestions about where to chill in the burgh, but not the dmv
Reply
kamakula Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:27 am
suggest away
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am
ava or the shadow, thursday and friday nights.
the barroom on the southside, sunday nights.
any event dj finesse or nate the phat barber throws.
(occasionally) houlihan’s in monroeville during the weekends.
the harris grill or buffalo blues.
gem of the oceans bedroom.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:39 am
also, look out for the next gallery crawl
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
“gem of the oceans bedroom.”
**Side EYE**
While I am mad that my girl Gem is on the receiving end of this, Im so glad you stopped picking on me.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
lol dang can my tutor hold me down?? first teasing about KG, not this. for shame.
blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
he didn’t stop picking on you… look downthread…
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
“gem of the oceans bedroom”
a place Champie has been denied access. VIPs only.
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Also there’s a new Black owned lounge in the Strip called Godfrey’s… I can’t vouch 4 it, I haven’t been yet (and it may b closed by the time i get there lol) … but it’s Black owned and me likes that so i will check on it… but i found a little info on it:
Godfrey’s is the newest, black owned lounge in the Strip District that promotes a wide variety of events. Come join us this and every weekend. We are open 1am to 3:30am Thursdays and Sundays and 10pm to 3:30am on Fridays and Saturdays. We also have drink specials and an open kitchen all night long. Some of our upcoming events include, live entertainment happy hours, Sunday brunches, and open mic nights.
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Formula 412 is performing @ the Altar Bar in the Strip on the 24th. I heart them…
just in case u was tryin to get ur live hiphop band on…
overit Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
boo. i’m rarely in the burgh, good lookin though champ.
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:31 am
“I’m also interested to know what cool spots normal, gainfully employed, VSBs hang out at (in the MD, DC, VA urrea). Like minded people chill and sh*t right?”
I have been trying to figure this out for the two months that I have been here. I went to Ibiza yesterday in DC and have not been around so many children in a long time. Plus, my understanding is that since it is Howard Homecoming, its gonna be ridiculously expensive to get into places .
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Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am
as the resident mayor of the DMV, actually, i just run U Street…lol…I can tell you that my club (Liv Nightclub/Bohemian Caverns) will not be uber expensive…
we have an early concert at 8pm (7pm doors) featuring Eric Roberson (an HU alum) and Algebra Bassett, and then tonight we have the legendary Kid Capri DJing…and tomorrow we have Pete Rock DJing…
Love has Diddy so it’s gonna be hella expensive…but it’s Diddy…lol.
one problem with howard homecomign this weekend is that the Hip-Hop Awards joint is happening in Atlanta this weekend too…all the celebs are gonna be in Atlanta…
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overit Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
resident mayor huh? i know a couple of people in DC who claim that title lol, as well as “talk of dc” and others.
Bohemian is cool, last time i was there mos def was supposed to show…but didnt lol. its all good, i had just seen him at the kennedy center but why they have to say he was coming?
here is my thing, the party scene is not me. i mean, i’m on my grown woman, unless there is something major going on, i’ve always been more chill and laid back.
so..any ideas in that regard?
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:41 am
in DC…it depends on your scene…do you want the urban professional crowd? if so, The Park, Layla Lounge, Republic Gardens, are good places to get depending on the night. those get old after a while though…
Love and Ibiza are definitely the main spots and that means all the youngsters go there for their first real fill of the party life…
Fur is good depending on the night.
what kind of vibe and party are you looking for?
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:49 am
“Love and Ibiza are definitely the main spots and that means all the youngsters go there for their first real fill of the party life…”
Ibiza pissed me the F off last night. . . here I am in my work clothes with these little b@st@rd children running around with empty Grey Goose bottles . . . I wasted 3 hours of my life yesterday.
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i may or may not have mentioned this before (even I dont listen when i talk)….but my friend once told me about how her brother broke up with his girlfriend via AIM…using only lyrics from Lil John songs…
i propose that speaking exclusively in lines from Lil John is an excellent way to get someone to break up with you.
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:49 am
or talk only in jay-z song titles….
“excuse me miss”, “ain’t no love” in
methe heart of the city and you are “so ghetto” that “aint no ni**a” going to put up with your “party life” 24/8….. you forgot “who ya wit” and “you dont’ know” that I am rare as unicorns and “black republicans” so good luck wth your “hard knock life”……. “can i live?”Reply
aja Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Love that! lol
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:03 am
that was fabulous!!! lmao
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:26 am
Nat Alise 2.0, “I’m Feelin’ It”…this comment that is. I’ll add the following:
You’ve been acting “Super Ugly” but you “Can’t Knock The Hustle” cause I’ve BEEN “Big Pimpin’”. You know I love them “Girls, Girls, Girls” so just “Change Clothes”, “Get That Dirt Off Your Shoulders”, and get a “Moment Of Clarity”. I’m “30 Something” and I got “99 Problems”???? C’mon, I’m not sitting on my “Beach Chair” waiting on some “Blue Magic” for you to get your shyt together. The “Allure” of this “Dream”… “Hollywood” life doesn’t mean “Anything” to me “So Get Your Mind Right, Mami”. And for my “Encore”, I have one question, “Can I Get a F*ck You”??
Don’t even answer, you just “Lost One”.
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8th Wonder Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:42 am
*applause*
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I co-sign that whole Jay-Z comment Monk.
Niiice.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:05 am
i have to admit “Moment of Clarity” my thoughts went first to John Mayer. I was gonna give him more big ups for mixing it.
but then i figured most black men don’t like John..okey dokey.
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Mayer is cool but nobody’s jockin’ John Mayer like they’re “Jockin’ Jay-Z”. Actually, this statement is false.
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Thanks t-lee.
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Monk got skills. ****glitter****
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Nat Alise 2.0, “I’m Feelin’ It”…this comment that is. I’ll add the following:
You’ve been acting “Super Ugly” but you “Can’t Knock The Hustle” cause I’ve BEEN “Big Pimpin’”. You know I love them “Girls, Girls, Girls” so just “Change Clothes”, “Get That Dirt Off Your Shoulders”, and get a “Moment Of Clarity”. I’m “30 Something” and I got “99 Problems”???? C’mon, I’m not sitting on my “Beach Chair” waiting on some “Blue Magic” for you to get your shyt together. The “Allure” of this “Dream”… “Hollywood” life doesn’t mean “Anything” to me “So Get Your Mind Right, Mami”. And for my “Encore”, I have one question, “Can I Get a F*ck You”??
Don’t even answer, you just “Lost One”.
i’m jealous that you were able to do this off the top of your head
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Me 2
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
“i’m jealous that you were able to do this off the top of your head”
if by jealous you mean wet. yeah count me in
blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
this was fah-bulous!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
i’m jumpin on the bandwagon–hot like fire!
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:44 am
Unicorns will always be hot in these streets!!
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
2.0–you are on it!
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SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:34 am
“but my friend once told me about how her brother broke up with his girlfriend via AIM…using only lyrics from Lil John songs…”
SHATANI!!!! DAMN IT. I literally have tea all over my keyboard, desk, jeans and dribbling down my chin from the obscene way this comment snuck up on me and caused me to choke.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
sneak attack!
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Speaking in Lil Jon lines…yeah, that will do it. Or pulling a Flav (i know Champ, we can’t discuss him, but we are discussing ways to turn someone OFF…) just be like, “wooooooooooooow, homeboy is trying to control me….nuh uh, not me, (shaking head vigrously) not ME”. Basically, act like a d*mn nut.
Shatani,Naturally, Gem, I think if we are to go the math route, we should draw some inspiration from our 5% brothas in NY:
“Look ma, peep the math, your parallelogram is not fitting into my program.”
Or, “your equilateral is like the sound of one hand clappin, G*d”
They will be confused into singledom.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:17 am
whats a 5% brotha?
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:06 am
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Nation_of_Gods_and_Earths
Check it.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:14 am
i dated a guy when i was like 20 who was in the 5% nation and these men are sooo extra they make EVERYTHING a damn degree.
“girl my arm was just 125 degrees away from the phone when you called. I wish you would hurry up and complete my 180.”
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:18 am
tee-hee!!!
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:47 am
grrrrrrrl yes, those are some fooly wangtastic bros if I ever did meet any. The next one I will kindly say, “Please get away from me talking about your MAFFMATICS…. “
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:51 am
i don’t know..i still have a weak spot for ny guys (all those dudes seem to be from up top) with the little accent and the cute little jim jones top lip curve.
puff Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:22 am
“the cute little jim jones top lip curve”
girlllllllllll are you trying to get cyber-shot on the corner of VSB Boulevard?
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
““the cute little jim jones top lip curve”
girlllllllllll are you trying to get cyber-shot on the corner of VSB Boulevard?
”
i don’t give a dam@n …comeback girls stay dodging bullets with wet shams and throughs..we don’t die and we don’t stop.
**can i get a woolite hi 5**
puff Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:08 am
**can i get a woolite hi 5**
haha i got you with that downy fresh scent
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:12 am
“haha i got you with that downy fresh scent”
for real??? on low spin 15 mins??? and not heat tumble dry?
JBoogie Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:05 am
I lurve you for using the phrase “fooly wangtastic”!
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Co-sign CG…
I work with a couple at my weekend job. It’s alway SOOO major…
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:04 am
Co-sign CG…
I work with a couple at my weekend job. It’s alway SOOO major…
there are five percenters in the burgh?
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I’m curious do tell…I always just though it was a NY thing?
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:13 am
i don’t know about the burgh, but they are in the South, like CBG said they are always from “up top” or roll with a crew of ninjas who are from “up top”, they always have some made up name like Knowledge or Supreme…
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
there are 5 percenters everywhere…literally. i met a 5 percenter from Idaho. and i’m not joking.
in undergrad, we had this cat who went by the name Golden Son who used to espouse his mathematics ad nauseum to anybody who’d listen. he also couldn’t stand white people.
his mother is white.
he was a confused lad.
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Oh yeah… there’s a tiny contingent. They used to do shows at Kingsley a few years back called Theraputix… I’ve known several for a few years… out of town transplants (pitt alum) mostly but a few native converts. Mostly inhabit the eastside..
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:02 am
he also couldn’t stand white people.
his mother is white.
Wow…
pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:10 am
his mother is white.
he was a confused lad.
confused indeed lol
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
“They used to do shows at Kingsley a few years back called Theraputix…”
how come 5 percenters cant spell?
shay Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
damn i wasnt even eating nor drinking and i choked for that one.
I think the closest I’ve come to this is to call out another woman’s name.. that always get’s rid of them quick. It’s also easy to mention that we have to finish quickly…before my new girl friend gets here. Both of those are 100% guaranteed to work.
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:44 am
Eathan, you know what…I’ve never tried this personally, but I can vouch for you that it will work.
That, as well as confusing a few chicks’ situations.
For example, if a chick disclose some serious, personal information to you…you digest it…and tell ANOTHER chick, “Oh, by the way, I’m sorry to hear about the death of your grandfather, your pregnant 12-year-old sister, and the abusive relationship your parents are in” thinking she was the other…yep, sure fire way of ending it.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:55 am
i think any form of puttin business (of a sensitive nature) out in the street will probably do it…
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:30 am
It’s not really putting business out in the streets, but moreso confusing two women’s major issues.
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:46 am
man, i TOTALLY did that before. hell, in regular conversation i once called my then-girlfriend of a year another chicks name. and it JUST so happened to be the name of a chick she HATED. that went over REAL well…
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Sometimes its good to just be blunt about it. Cuz some fools just dont get the hint. Say things like :
“You bore me now.”
And if you really wanna be cold about it… send them a break up text and then block their number lol
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:06 am
cold. blooded.
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:46 am
I like this girl’s style!!!
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:54 am
word! i dont know what happened to me! in highschool i used to make folks cry on the daily! now im some pansyass that doesnt want to hurt anyone’s feelings?!?!
i oughta kick my own @ss….
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:04 am
You gotta do some reachin’ Shatani.
I believe in you.
ladyb Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:00 am
when i’m with you, “boredom besets me like a pack of wild hounds on a bloody fox”
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:07 am
And if you really wanna be cold about it… send them a break up text and then block their number lol
thing is, how exactly will that force them to break up with you? you’re doing all the breaking upping
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Leila Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:10 am
“send them a break up text and then block their number”
Dayum that’s cold.
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I have gotten rid of a bamma by simply sitting on the edge of the bed and ridiculing his truly wack s3x game:
“Dude, for real? That was horrible! Are you even comfortable w/YOURSELF after that?? I wouldn’t be! Woooo! That was a mess, man. You stay fumblin’!! See if your Mama can get you a Metronome and some blue pills”** chortling and guffawing included**
Have you ever heard a heart break?
Have you ever seen a soul disintergrate?
Have you ever seen a dude iron a church shirt while dressed in shame??
I have. (It’s hilarious!!)
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:08 am
dang, you said all that and then stuck around to watch him iron his chuch clothes?!?! wow!
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:13 am
H3ll, he was in my house, I was waiting for him to leave. And the fact that he (a) was ironing that shirt himself and (b)didn’t smell any turkey bacon n’ grits cooking should’ve been testament enough to his wackness. I didn’t have to say a word, but it was fun to see his sad eyes in Sunday mornin’ sunlight.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:19 am
cold. blooded.
sent that man to see the Lord feelin all inadequate and stuff. lmao!
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:45 am
PBG…mayne!!! She ain’t playing.
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:52 am
only thing is, now i want some turkey bacon and grits….but i have to leave for work. *le sigh…*
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Turkey bacon sounds much better than this yogurt I’m “enjoying”.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:34 am
da#m …so one bad romp and all that happened. He couldn’t even have a glass of water?
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
CBG, he couldn’t drink out of my toilet. He was an a$$hole in general and deserved every bit of my venom and acidic sarcasm. He was one of those cats that talks like his s3x game is beyond reproach. He had waaay too much bass in his voice. Had to brought down a notch or two.
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:48 am
that’s why you don’t break up, or force a break up at your own house. i broke up with one chick at her house after we came back from Chili’s. and promptly walked the eff out…where was she gonna go? lol she was already at home.
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:32 am
“See if your Mama can get you a Metronome and some blue pills”
That was awesome …..’ol’ Rhythym Nation population:0 lookin’ boy”
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kamakula Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:32 am
reminds me of scott tenorman must die. Did you taste the tears of unfathomable sadness? I’ve heard they’re yummy and sweet.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
“the tears of unfathomable sadness”
btw, this is the working title of miss-t-lee’s upcoming series of short stories about her dating life
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:04 am
I can’t stand your arse…
This was funny though.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:35 am
“You stay fumblin’!!”
Damn. That’s just venomous.
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
That was the point, Monk. I wanted to eviscerate that bamma. On top of being wacktastic in the sack, he tried to block my Stan-isms @ an LB show and he messed up my SMFT (single mama free time) and that right there is a capital offense.
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JBoogie Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Oh shoot…I swear I *heart* you for this right here. Absolutely cold it is…but sometimes that’s the only way to rid yourself of them.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Girlfriend… you get mad props for this one
*generous sprinkling of Diva Dust*
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
*twirling ecstatically in the Diva Dust*
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“run a lap around the bed whenever you smack her ass. ”
this right here would have the opposite affect on me..that is so cute. LOL
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:09 am
lmao
*high five for the easily amused*
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:20 am
im retarded what can i say.
*hi 5*
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Really CG? lol
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:50 am
so im the only chick that finds this really charming and funny.
dont make me have to HELP yall enjoy this …i stow my shams and throughs on Friday, Sat and Sunday, but i can bring them out today…. no problem.
backs away from the linen closet **i didn;t think so**
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:51 am
funny, yes? charming, not so much….
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:03 am
I dunno. I’d probably give him the blank stare on that one…lol
Step away from the closet.
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:50 am
*snicker*
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Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:50 am
um…i dont believe you.
let me ask this…how long into dating somebody would this be acceptable to you?
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:00 am
“let me ask this…how long into dating somebody would this be acceptable to you?”
you must work for the CIA cause that question is loaded and what not..but i’ll oblige..
5 mos…does that answer your many many questions in one.
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Ever go to a revival meeting, they speak in tongues ,like shabalaaaaalaaalala gebeng beng ut jt ut…….try it when you are in the saddle. I think it will be more than sufficient to rid you of……also mention that the talking in tongues while you are doing it is hereditary.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:43 am
LMAO! This is true. I’d knock him off me with a quickness.
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:44 am
*crying*
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:09 am
this actually might turn me on though. i dont know if theres a bigger ego boost than making a woman speak in tongues
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Thanks for sharing Champ.
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Cheshire Cat Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Yea I don’t think that would scare me off either. I’d be like “I’m a badddd b*tch! he couldn’t even think straight” hahaha.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Well it is said that an Orgasm is as close to experiencing the Glory of God so this wouldnt be too far from the truth.
I know PJ already gave me my ticket to board the VSB VIP limo to hell, my seat is next to the Good one
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i dont know if i could be that mean! lol….i dont know what im tryin to prove though. intellectually, i know that this isnt someone i want to continue to be associated with. however, i definitely got that “i dont wanna be the bad guy” syndrome.
in reality, being a real d-bag gets the job done and gives that person a story to tell their friends and family for years to come! well, i mean, except for aja’s LMAO…no man is gonna tell the story of ironing his clothes while his woman ridiculed his wangsmanship!
its definitely a problem i have….i feel bad murdering hope. obama would not approve!
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:19 am
“…i feel bad murdering hope.”
Girl please. I love stompin’ on a wack n!99a’s dreams. I can’t keep sending these sub-par dudes back out into the world on that same bull-shyt they came at me with. I’m lookin’ out for my sistern out in the world.
*sangin’* “I make them step their gaaame up…”
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:42 am
“i dont know if i could be that mean!”
You can do it shatani. I know it’s in there, deep down somewhere…lol
I co-sign this whole comment PBG.
Especially about stompin on some punk arse’s dream.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:46 am
lmao! i love that you believe in me, miss t!!
i been tryin to be a dreamweaver, when i should be gettin my boots out to do some stompin. now, i understand….
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:43 am
i feel you PBG…you are inspiring me to do my part!
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SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
I’m lookin’ out for my sistern out in the world.
much appreciated my friend…
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Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:53 am
“I love stompin’ on a wack n!99a’s dreams”
this is the next tyler perry movie.
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Ain’t it though.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
“I love stompin’ on a wack n!99a’s dreams”
this is the next tyler perry movie.
next movie? i think he already made this sh*t
JBoogie Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:11 am
…and we appreciate you for doing ya part homie!
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SouthernCharm Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
*sangin’* “I make them step their gaaame up…”
you make a ninja wanna go to the store and get some wiiine for youuuuu!
cause a ninja can’t attract cristal with a boone’s farm mindstate, right?
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
OK, I love Southern Charm now. He recognizes and participates in my in-Stan-ity for all things Little Brother. ***glitter!!***
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:12 am
i feel bad murdering hope. obama would not approve!
this is why you let them break up with you.
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I would think the easiest way is to just fall off the grid. As in no phone calls, email, crackbook, nothin, not even smoke signals. They will get the point.
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Leila Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:12 am
That doesn’t always work. I did that with one guy who continued to call me 3x/day for a month straight. I had to finally just tell him that I moved on.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
yeah, this might not play out quite right. esp since it’s likely the person knows where you live if you’ve been dating long enough to even “break up.” i’ve had stalkers before and they do come LOOKING for you. asking friends, acquaintances. would your SO really let you just walk away without an explanation?? it’s possible but not likely. if you’re trynna make a clean break, who wants to have to go thru the “tell me whats going on” talk??
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“attempt to give head with a mouth full of chocolate cake.”
I’m so done with you. LOL That most definitely would be a throat punch situation.
J. McFly took my answer…so I’m just gonna co-sign falling off the grid.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:48 am
no papertrail….incognegro
what if you run into them somewheres?? i would say, act like its the first time you met them. however, depending on the level of crazy, that might get ya stabbed.
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Just say hello and then keep it moving. If you even stop to chat, it’s gonna turn into questions and problems.
Or, you could just act like you don’t know them.
I’m not a nice person.
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shay Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
yea i would just ignore them like they werent there.
When you’re asked how your day is, issue a throat punch/face smack/ nut kick (what have you) and just walk away.
Two options:
1. You’d get your arse beat; OR
2. You get dumped.
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Good one Nicki.
My name is miss t-lee and I approve this message.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Why thank you ma’am!
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:10 am
“just walk away”
you mean RUN away…i think there are tons of men who would think its a fair fight to go toe to toe with a woman.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:38 am
you are right on that…. matter of fact, do a 50 yard DASH away.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:42 am
“50 yard DASH away”
a what?? i dont speak football-ese.
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:49 am
that’s track & field my good buddy CBG…
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:58 am
dont they do dashes in football too.
(i was testing you..i saw cool runnings. I know whats going on in T&F)
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:39 am
not “Cool Runnings!” LOL
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:44 am
here’s the bad thing. After i walked away from the computer i realized it WASN’T even about a dam$n track meet. lol but a bob sled. i was hoping nobody even caught that. like you know let me have it. and keep it scrollin.
But i know my caribbean brothers in sisters do well at both. namaste.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:16 am
“you are right on that…. matter of fact, do a 50 yard DASH away.”
for a guy who likes to fight, that wouldnt matter much. my advice: no nut punches or throat kicks at all
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I need a generic disclaimer to put under my idea….
Got one?
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
which idea?
how bout if you take NO interest in the relationship…you dont call first, you dont speak unless spoken to, you take calls on the cellie during the horizontal boom-boom….and if youre living together. start labeling the food and drink that you buy and leaving notes on a dry erase board stuck on the fridge.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:31 am
“start labeling the food and drink that you buy and leaving notes on a dry erase board stuck on the fridge.”
funny…
“um does that pop tart have YOUR name on it???”
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:17 am
and if youre living together. start labeling the food and drink that you buy and leaving notes on a dry erase board stuck on the fridge.
***chuckling***
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JBoogie Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:14 am
i tried this long ago…didn’t work on that particular ninja…you’d think takin’ a phone call from another dude while bangin him would have…but NOOOO…i finally had to be the bad one and tell him he wasn’t cuttin’ it anymore…
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
lawd! now thats a dude in need of therapy!
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d@mn! I really tried to read the comments but it’s not even 8am CST and ya’ll have already turned on my nerd, my hip hop snob and my b1tch…I can’t take any more! can’t be reaching for my bullet this early and I got no (local) options! (arch in back, biting bottom lip)
@GEM – “asymptote”? such stimulation so early in the AM! FIRST HEAD WORTHY COMMENT OF THE DAY! *honorable mention and head points to the whole thread*
@Nat Alise 2.0 – u know I heart u, girl..and that JayZ montage…tasty! SECOND HEAD WORTHY COMMENT OF THE DAY!
@MONK – now u KNOW u were killing me with ur addition to Nat’s comment… my ni99a said “Beach Chair” on that @zz! that’s the sh1t that will make me wanna “Meet The Parents”! messing around with u I will never get off my knees…lol
@PBG – guuuuurl u r cold blooded! Thou shalt not supply wack s3x on a Sunday should be like the 11th Commandment or something! u gotta be in GOOD spirit when u go to church u know? u have received the FOURTH (and final) HEAD WORTHY COMMENT OF THE DAY for my pre-lunch visit just on sheer gangsta…after a Sunday morning of no-breakfast-ni99a s3x, u deserve some GOODE head…lol
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:42 am
no the 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not f*uck with raw C-Poppa” so that has to be the 12th….
*brought to you by the hip-hop snob police….
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:20 am
@GEM – “asymptote”? such stimulation so early in the AM! FIRST HEAD WORTHY COMMENT OF THE DAY! *honorable mention and head points to the whole thread*
vsb.com: where early morning girl-on-girl action happens
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
“@GEM – “asymptote”? such stimulation so early in the AM! FIRST HEAD WORTHY COMMENT OF THE DAY! *honorable mention and head points to the whole thread*”
heyyyyyyyyyy!! never much considered the girl-on-girl action until some GOODE-good stepped into my [cyber]life. thanks <3 lol
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@PBG I heart u! d@mmit! “mama i got dreams” so I’m bout to put on my “good clothes” turn on the “sirens” and tell these ni99as in the “Minstrel Show” to “Get Back” so far until we know “ni99as ain’t listening” cuz that’s how I “make them step their gaaaame uuuup!” I feel u on the community service…if we don’t tell them, they won’t know…but I’m nice with mine and sh1t…ni99as retaliate too quick in the South, lol (yeah, look lost…its a comment to a comment from waaaaay up there but oh well…whaddafuggugonnadew?)
now CHAMP… your post…
-wacky s3x is NEVER the GOODE way to go! I will not allow my stellar record to be tarnished just to get rid of u…now for the sake of entertaining this topic, I MIGHT stop giving u the goods and just dust off my bullet on some ole “I don’t want s3x to be the focus of our relationship, I want intimacy!” type shullbit, but NEVER wack s3x…it’s against my religion!
-the “flow” trick might not always work either (dry heave) I almost had to manslaughter a dude that was actually TRYING to get a taste during “the gift and the curse”, really? who does that? needless to say he is no longer with us…that is just foul! foul I say! release the hounds! *hi 5 t-lee*
-a mouth full of chocolate cake on my red velvet wil get a throat/@zzz punch combo! u trying to have me at the doctor in the stirrups pissed off cuz u wanted to put some desert on my sweetness? NILL YoSELF! (for new booty NILL = ni99a + kill)
I am way too grown to play break up w/ me..I’m perfectly fine being the bad guy…but for the sake of entertainment..let’s explore…follow me…one word…STALKER…I would just activate my memory banks to pull up all the crazy chick logical, possessive, needy, entitlement-ridden fooley-wanged-ness I have EVER heard (or read) and apply it all at one time in a huge “I’m perfect for you why don’t you love me?” campaign and call it a day…
I will play crazy as h3ll before I discount the s3x game…sometimes a sista’s just gotta prioritize!
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I see ya Goody Gumdrops…what it do pimpin’?
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
you know how I roll…just swinging through to get some sanity in this world of mine…how you be t-lee?
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
I’m just fine. Holdin’ down this part of the state…lol
ladyb Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:06 am
there is definitley a sub-segment of maniacs who will go down on you during your monthly visits. i like to think of them as generous people who i WILL NEVER KISS… but they do exist…
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
he called it “gettting his red wings”…I think I dry heaved again from just typing this…he HAD TO GO! and got mad that I was like hellfuggnah you can’t be down there when she’s down there! BARF!
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
“gettting his red wings”…
I, too have heard this term.
Pure nastiness.
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
as have i….i have yet to meet the one to ask that of me though. i would vomit on him and then put him out my place.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:22 am
I almost had to manslaughter a dude that was actually TRYING to get a taste during “the gift and the curse”, really? who does that? needless to say he is no longer with us
you didnt actually murder him, did you?
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
People STILL running red lights???? Damn.
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
nah but if looks could kill…he’d be dead…
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:57 am
“mama i got dreams” so I’m bout to put on my “good clothes” turn on the “sirens” and tell these ni99as in the “Minstrel Show” to “Get Back” so far until we know “ni99as ain’t listening” cuz that’s how I “make them step their gaaaame uuuup!””
I really think there should be at least one thread a day for cats to mend hip hop titles or quotables on VSB. It’s fun and shyt.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
i’ll just have to watch…
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JBoogie Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:27 am
“but NEVER wack s3x…it’s against my religion!”
Yurp…that’s all I’m saying…and EYE would wear this on a t-shirt…
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I got your dance together girl…I will have to youtube it for you or something…it’s dope! but Beyonce has some of it in that “if u like it then u shoula put a ring on it” video! I mean DANG she gets married and now she is putting all this pressure on the fellas! that’s cold blooded! lol
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
“@PBG I heart u! d@mmit! “mama i got dreams” so I’m bout to put on my “good clothes” turn on the “sirens” and tell these ni99as in the “Minstrel Show” to “Get Back” so far until we know “ni99as ain’t listening” cuz that’s how I “make them step their gaaaame uuuup!” I feel u on the community service…if we don’t tell them, they won’t know…but I’m nice with mine and sh1t…ni99as retaliate too quick in the South, lol (yeah, look lost…its a comment to a comment from waaaaay up there but oh well…whaddafuggugonnadew?)”
What do you KNOW about Lil Brother??? Love you for this! People are sleeping on them.
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
PBG is an official Little Brother stan if you didn’t know
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
@ NIKKI…
GURL! I don’t sleep on LB! I was aware of PBG via the incestuousness of MySpace Bloggetry and then she became my soulmate after I found out she was an LB uber-fan! and now she has followed the GOOD-signal (almost like a bat signal but you have to be super duper fly to be able to see it) to the VSB family… “I mean sometimes you gotta ask yourself do you really want to win or just look good losing?”
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Goodie!! You make my lil’ LB-lovin’ heart smile!
You’re the cow’s milk AND the bee’s knees!
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How about consistently talking about how great your opposite sex friends are and hanging out with them more than your significant other. And when your significant other asks to do something, say you already have plans to do that with your opposite sex friend(s). Once you do this enough, the person either has to embarrass his or herself tryna find out what’s good with the friends or just dead the whole thing.
Note: The opposite sex friends must be somewhat attractive.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Note: The opposite sex friends must be somewhat attractive.
this is an important note. gf’s dont really worry too much about your scalawag co-workers
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
thats not always true…some chicks are jealous of ANYTHING with a rump and two tizzles…
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:58 am
This is a good one, Slim.
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
yeah this IS a deal breaker…personally I don’t date a guyu with a female BEST friend…I think he should try her and not waste our (read: my) time… and I wishani99awood go on and on about some work bunny in my presence…disrespect leads to “accidental” tazing and sh1t…yeah I said it!
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I tend to go with the truth. But the most effective way of getting me to break up with you is to call me and say we need to talk. I will immediately make a doctor’s appt and never speak to the man again. Nothing sends me running faster than someone who NEEDS to talk to me. Naw, bru. Nothing good ever follows, “We need to talk.”
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I will immediately make a doctor’s appt and never speak to the man again.
a doctor’s appointment?
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Hostess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:29 am
Yep. He could be telling me he’s cheating on me with a Brazilian midget or a chick from Baltimore! In my mind it’s all the same. I wanna make sure he’s not needing to talk to me because he thinks he gave me anything–as condoms don’t always stop all forms of cooties.
As an aside, since y’all have a lot of readers, y’all need to tell people to get in the habit of getting a check up between chexual partners. I don’t care how many layers of protection they use, they still should get clean bills of health.
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:46 am
“Nothing good ever follows, “We need to talk.””
I just said this yesterday to someone . . it is like my mind is being read on this site . . . When a woman tells me that I avoid her like the plague . . . It’s never . . . “we need to talk – I feel I havent been dome-ing you off enough” . . .its always some sensitive emotional stuff – not that I mind that – but dont preface bad news . . . its like a slap in the face before a kick in the nuts. . . bad business all around.
Panama Jackson Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:58 am
i hate when folks hit you with the “we need to talk, are you going to be around later?”
i F*CKING hate that. like, you got somethign to say, you betta get it out then and there.
folks always wanna put you in suspense mode or something first.
Hostess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:13 am
That is why the moment I hear those words, I run. I have even changed my number over it.
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:26 am
“i F*CKING hate that. like, you got somethign to say, you betta get it out then and there. ”
I feel you, why do women (and womanly men I assume) think this is OK . . .It’s like people who preface questions with “let me ask you a question” . . . WTF is wrong with you?!?!
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Or people that say “I don’t mean no harm, but…” or “This may hurt your feelings, but…” or “No offense, but…” , these people should die a slow horrible death with my face imprinted on their corneas, no offense.
SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:35 am
“why do women (and womanly men I assume) think this is OK ”
i’ve had a guy pull the “we need to talk” on me, in an email. and it scared the crap outta me. i don’t do that sh!t. i just get it out.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Or people that say “I don’t mean no harm, but…” or “This may hurt your feelings, but…” or “No offense, but…” , these people should die a slow horrible death with my face imprinted on their corneas, no offense.
lol…this reminds me of talledega nights, where ricky bobby thought it was ok to say any foul thing, as long as he prefaced it with “with all due respect”
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
With all due respect Mr. Dennit…lol
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:41 pm
see, this is why you people rock my world!!! i know each and every one of you wakes up in the morning to piss excellence!
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:05 am
“It’s never . . . “we need to talk – I feel I havent been dome-ing you off enough” . . .its always some sensitive emotional stuff – not that I mind that – but dont preface bad news . . . its like a slap in the face before a kick in the nuts. . . bad business all around.”
Well put.
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
i did the “we need to talk” with good news one time…it was really rather funny to see his face change like that. from cool to abject horror to relief to come on over here lemme put it on ya….
but yeah…i have to tell my girls about that sometimes. i had one friend say to her dude…listen i need to tell you something. are you free on tuesday? (this was thursday) i was like, girl are ya crazy!?!? do you know how much horror one can dream up in that span of time…why? why would ya do that!?!?
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:06 am
“It’s never . . . “we need to talk – I feel I havent been dome-ing you off enough”
::snickering::
That will never be the topic!!!!
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
sometimes it is! lol
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
“…or a chick from Baltimore!”
this sh1t right here had me making doctor’s appointments in succession in 2006…no offense if you are from b-more…well wait…yeah…offense…cuz you KNOW why!
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
LMAO! i just choked on my sugar free popsicle! b-more has GOT to do better! these folks do not put on for their city…
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Lawwdhammercies! I hate Baltimore! It is just….ewww. I went there to see Little Brother last month w/my daughter and I swear I held my breath the entire time we were there. I just didn’t even want to breathe their AIR! It is American’s anus.
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:35 am
the HIV, the HERP…she’s getting checked out.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
“Nothing good ever follows, “We need to talk.””
i’m with others on this. why even say it and then WAIT to talk?? if it’s me, i’m just gonna come out and say what needs to be said. never give anyone an excuse to avoid you.
and i don’t preface things with “i don’t mean to be….” or “this might hurt your feelings, but…” becuz anyone who knows me knows i tend to be blunt/harsh/whatev and it likely will do all the above mentioned warnings. why say it?? redundancy is a waste of breath.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
*e-twins*
i mean, its not even necessary…in fact, most of my people just assume im about to hurt their feelings whenever i speak…that way they can only be pleasantly surprised when i dont.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
“in fact, most of my people just assume im about to hurt their feelings whenever i speak…that way they can only be pleasantly surprised when i dont.”
LOL oh yeah, we’re def e-twins. *hug*
SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
can we be triplets?
my friends have a tendency to soften my words for me around people who don’t know me. it tends to go like this.
me: something blunt and or unintentionally mean
new person: *blank stare and/or horrified look*
friend: don’t mind her/she’s just blunt like that/what she meant was…
*shrugs*
i try and sh!t. sometimes
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:26 pm
urrgghh. i hate that . don’t sugar coat what i say. cuz um, that’s not what i meant. exactly. i don’t need a translation. me speaky eng-lace just fine. hmph.
*hug* e-trips.
The best way to end a relationship with a guy…
Stop having sex and tell him that you want to see how you connect on an emotional level.
Constantly whine about everything and nag him.
Start fights for no reason.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:28 am
“Stop having sex and tell him that you want to see how you connect on an emotional level.”
see…i think with alot of guys this would probably just lead to cheating, at least until you changed your mind. with wack sex, its like “dammit…i cant take this anymore!!!”
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:01 pm
“dammit…i cant take this anymore!!!”
What if you yelled that out while in The Act?? Could you imagine the look on your partner’s face??? HE-LARRY-US!!! Dayum, I wanna do that!!
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WestIndianArchie Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:30 am
minus the sex part, that’s the story of my last 33 GF’s
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Hostess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I know a chick who used to pull this card. She’d blame it on reconnecting with God. To make a long story short, the guy she played this with is marrying her.
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allonym Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:53 am
haha, my last relationship pretty much ended that way.
we’d been together for two years, f*cking like rabbits for 1.5 years (and going to church services the entire time), then all of a sudden, we hit the “it would be more special after we get married if we didn’t do this for the next year or whatever”.
which became we can’t sleep together anymore – too much temptation.
don’t kiss me anymore – you’re too good at arousing temptation.
no manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship’s primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation – if i’m not getting some, you shouldn’t be either, besides God will smite you.
naturally, there were other issues as well, but these were aggravating factors.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
“no manually increasing the surface temperature of the ship’s primary cannon by repeated linear manipulation”
best surgically clean description EVER
Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am
“Stop having sex and tell him that you want to see how you connect on an emotional level.”
When a guy does this to a gal, she will DEFINITELY break up. This is an attack on her shego (she+ego) and contrary to popular belief, the shego can sometimes be stronger than a male’s ego.
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pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Dude … this is so true. I actually had a guy pull this on me. I don’t know what his motives were at all… needless to say we didn’t make it… but when i bumped into him a couple years later he was all hurt acting and standoffish and stuff. I didn’t understand that at all cuz he was the one tryna play me…
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
“the shego can sometimes be stronger than a male’s ego.”
p has a 30,000 word long chapter about this subject
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Surprisingly, this is actually hard for me. If I don’t want to be the bad guy, that means that you must actually be a good guy. Twice in my life I’ve been in a position where I was utterly bored with a guy who really dug me, and was just too nice to hurt, even though my soul was dying a slow death being with them.
With the first guy, I was able to blame the break-up on a move I was making to another state. To this day, he thinks we would be married now if I hadn’t had to move.
With the other guy, I did a punk move and fell off the grid, however it didn’t stop him from calling/texting/e-mailing, so finally I had to (wo)man up and tell him that it wasn’t working for me anymore. Not fun.
No matter what I would have done, those dudes wouldn’t have left me. What can I say, breaking up is much easier when there’s a jerk involved. That isn’t me.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:31 am
“Surprisingly, this is actually hard for me.”
***leaving this comment alone, and offering a two hour peace treaty with 8th wonder***
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8th Wonder Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:38 am
Lmao, only two hours, eh?
Come on Champ, its friday, I’m sleepy…let’s hug it out.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
ok, ok. come here
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
you and 8th need a room for real….
Have your conjugal visits been approved yet?
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
i already got a room. its called, “the earth”
going to the club, letting him buy drinks all night and whatnot then suddenly backing that azz up against the best looking brother in sight while he watches gormlessly. then beat his a$$ up and leave the club with the other guy. then call him the next day: i’m fairly sure he’ll have a few words for you, probably including, “trifling b8*ch! i’m burning your clothes in my grandma’s crib right now!”
i also need to stop re-watching chappelle’s show so often.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:53 am
“going to the club, letting him buy drinks all night and whatnot then suddenly backing that azz up against the best looking brother in sight while he watches gormlessly.”
lol…damn. this is cold
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:14 am
This could also get you choked in public. Be careful.
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pgh muse Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
U are absolutely right V.E.G…. that is cold but it’s also very dangerous.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
“that is cold but it’s also very dangerous.”
btw, thats exactly what a friend of mine told me about v.e.g.’s vagina
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
This would be funny if it were about someone else.
Since it is about me, I am forced to challenge you to a duel.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
you and what army of midwestern chicks?
KindredSmile Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
*raises fist, gives menacing glare*
SouthernCharm Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
“going to the club, letting him buy drinks all night and whatnot then suddenly backing that azz up against the best looking brother in sight while he watches gormlessly. then beat his a$$ up and leave the club with the other guy. then call him the next day: i’m fairly sure he’ll have a few words for you, probably including, “trifling b8*ch! i’m burning your clothes in my grandma’s crib right now! i also need to stop re-watching chappelle’s show so often.”
right… this will end up being a real-life episode of, “when keeping it real goes wrong.”
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Some relationship constants
1) Typically folks “break up” way before they actually break up.
2) you’re typically more attractive to the opposite sex, when you’re in a relationship
Optimized solution
- as soon as you mentally check out of the relationship, start cheating.
And then “get caught”.
Kills 3 birds with one stone
- relationship ends
- you’ve found something new
- you get to be the bad guy, so the other person doesn’t blame themselves.
The only downside for me have been the restraining orders.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Kills 3 birds with one stone
this stone’s a bit too heavy for me. i dont allow myself to cheat. i almost get the feeling that the universe would collapse if i did it, so its for everyones well-being
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overit Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
i dont allow myself to cheat. i almost get the feeling that the universe would collapse if i did it, so its for everyones well-being
i heart you for that, i suddenly feel the need to call you champie lol.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
i know…i got all warm and tingly!
SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
*hugs champ*
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
“i dont allow myself to cheat. i almost get the feeling that the universe would collapse if i did it, so its for everyones well-being”
I am SO glad that I am not the only person holding up the infidel world on my shoulders…thank you Champ…for this…I give you the Fellatio Friday Most Beautifullest Thing In This World Award…congrats!
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
well, we know at the very least its a tripod! i cant bring myself to cheat…its just not in me.
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“Kills 3 birds with one stone
- relationship ends
- you’ve found something new
- you get to be the bad guy, so the other person doesn’t blame themselves. ”
I dont know about this one . . . I will always think that you may do this to me . . . which in turn will cause me to cheat first . . . just for peace of mind. Does this mean I have issues?
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
yes, but its common issues….its that same ole story “if you cheated on him, you’ll do it to me…”
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
“2) you’re typically more attractive to the opposite sex, when you’re in a relationship”
so terribly true. my moms refers to it as “animal instincts”. predators can smell you are desired/boo’d up and that makes your appeal skyrocket. the chase is on.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
plus, lookin happy and like youre not wanting for anything is sexy as hell….theres nothin hotter than a content man.
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
“- you get to be the bad guy, so the other person doesn’t blame themselves.”
nah…initially, we always blame ourselves…THEN we realize…IT WAS YOU! (pointing with evil monkey of death sneer!)
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I think you should start talking about your ex. A lot.
Ex:
“Benjamin just touched my soul in a way that no other man ever has.”
“I loved watching football with Ben. He made the game fun. It’s so boring now.”
“Ben helped me strengthen my relationship with God.”
“Ben was the only boyfriend my mom actually liked.”
And, at times, stare off into space with a slight grin and peaceful look on your face. When your SO asks “What are you thinking about?” reply “Nothing Ben” and do not correct yourself.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:04 am
you could also create a flickr account title “ben and i”, and add stuff to it everyday, even if its just a picture of a heart or two kittens kissing
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:13 am
You see me Champ!
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
that is blatant misuse of kittens!
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There’s a lot of s3x game humiliation talk going around as the method to engender a breakup from the other party in one’s relationship.
Demoralizing as that may be on the first few dates, assuming that coitus relationships have been a staple activity of a given relationship, I would have a hard time giving credence to words from the presumed recipient of my nightly, morningly, and whenever the f*ck I wantly, ministrations.
In fact, I would presume quite the opposite and think that my partner is, to use the colloquial terminology, talking dirty. This would promptly re-invigorate my manhood with blood pulsing hotter than the heat of a dozen suns resulting in a reverse deflation of my libido and self-esteem, which the aforementioned chastisement was attempting to accomplish.
Then the woman would be put in a tenuous situation. Either turn down what is possibly the hardest specimen of male virility she’s seen in our entire relationship in order to sow seeds of confusion and doubt over my interpretation of her words, or to simultaneously literally, figuratively, and quite ironically, fukk it.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 10:56 am
I would have a hard time giving credence to words from the presumed recipient of my nightly, morningly, and whenever the f*ck I wantly, ministrations.
this is a good point. talking about someones wack sex game kind of loses its luster after they hit you off hundreds of times and provided your tonsils with dozens of samples of your children
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8th Wonder Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Wow.
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Monk Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Kamukula scores!!
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
this is beautiful and sh1t!
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
“the hardest specimen of male virility she’s seen”
I would like you to send evidence of this.
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
(high 5 to IH) agreed…pics and movie clips… goodeness@gmail.com
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
my word! *clutches pearls*
that was so well written that im gonna need a moment alone…
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I hate this! Sometimes being honest doesn’t even work . . . VERY recently (read: 2 weeks ago) I told a woman, i dont want her to ever talk to me again after subtle ways didnt work . . . I called to tell her she didnt pick up so I left it on voicemail. The next day, while sitting here lurking on VSB I get a call and she curses the SH!T outta me . . . so I figure it is over . . . 2 days later, she cooks me a plate and shows up like nothing ever happened . . . this scared me . . . I am still with her. . .I think . . . sh!t i dont know what the hell is going on. All I know is that I am moving in 3 months . . . LoL
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ladyb Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
she read this already – you are officially single.
so… what you doin this weekend?
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
you let her back in?? hmmmmmm sounds like a pp (personal problem–and by “personal” i mean “p***y”).
if you were my friend i’d say “man up, tell her to bounce, don’t answer her calls or open the door. let.it.go.”
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GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
GASP! you didn’t EAT THE FOOD did you? was she from Louisiana? dude…call a doctor! STAT! I think I just saw your life flash before MY eyes!
moral of the stroy…kids…NEVER eat food provided by someone you just broke up with…whether the break up was real or imagined…don’t eat the cake Anna Mae!
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I hate this! Sometimes being honest doesn’t even work . . . VERY recently (read: 2 weeks ago) I told a woman, i dont want her to ever talk to me again after subtle ways didnt work . . . I called to tell her she didnt pick up so I left it on voicemail. The next day, while sitting here lurking on VSB I get a call and she curses the SH!T outta me . . . so I figure it is over . . . 2 days later, she cooks me a plate and shows up like nothing ever happened . . . this scared me . . . I am still with her. . .I think . . . sh!t i dont know what the hell is going on. All I know is that I am moving in 3 months . . . LoL
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:06 am
lol…i think she’s probably been reading vsb as well.
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:23 am
“lol…i think she’s probably been reading vsb as well.”
I doubt it bruh . . . but if so, maybe I’m good now . . . LoL
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am
“days later, she cooks me a plate and shows up like nothing ever happened . ”
You didn’t eat it did you?
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:20 am
““days later, she cooks me a plate and shows up like nothing ever happened . ”
You didn’t eat it did you?”
yeah, I was hungry . . . hindsight, that was probably a bad idea
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:40 am
You were brave my friend! (Shout out to John McCain).
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
“You were brave my friend! (Shout out to John McCain).”
Not brave, brain just wasn’t functioning at the time. Home cooked meals and sexual activity (bad idea smashes) cause this smart brotha not to be so smart.
The Queen Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Well if you are still with her temporarily, don’t sleep with her. Sex at this stage could leave to a whoops moment…then you’ll never get rid of her.
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Yep. If she’s sheisty, and intentional whoops.
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
“Well if you are still with her temporarily, don’t sleep with her. Sex at this stage could leave to a whoops moment…then you’ll never get rid of her.”
Please read earlier comment . . . not so smart sometimes . . . luckily, I dont have oops moments . . . protection and lack of climax the great majority of times (like i can count the number of times. . . ever . . .talk about fukkin wit a shego) . . . but i guess thats for another post . . . *waiting for the onlsaught*
SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
“luckily, I dont have oops moments . . . protection and lack of climax the great majority of times (like i can count the number of times. . . ever . . .talk about fukkin wit a shego) . . . but i guess thats for another post . . . *waiting for the onlsaught*”
whaaaaaaaaa? *backing slowly away from this comment*
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
you know, IVR…ive heard that before. i dont get it, but i know it exists!
however…regardless of whether the whoops is imminent or not, you gotta get ahold of yourself and stop messin with this chick!
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
holdafuggup…you ATE the food and THEN smashed the chick that brought it…in some countries that is a marriage ceremony…you better check her greencard!!
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
“holdafuggup…you ATE the food and THEN smashed the chick that brought it…in some countries that is a marriage ceremony…you better check her greencard!!”
I know . . . I know . . . and if you all knew the FULL details to this bad smash idea (just think master key) I may have my smart card revoked . . . in my defense, I wasn’t aware of these things in the onset and I am moving soon . . .if within the next 3 months y’all stop hearing from me call Alexandria PD . . . lol . . . wait . . . that’s not even funny
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
yeah…ummm you are temporarily suspended from being a VSB to just an SB…lol…cuz the V ain’t in ya…gmail me and I will be sure to alert the authorities…and then VSS will have to roll on her…next time…NO EATEE…NO SMASHEE…say it with me!
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
I love you
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
“yeah…ummm you are temporarily suspended from being a VSB to just an SB…lol…cuz the V ain’t in ya…gmail me and I will be sure to alert the authorities…and then VSS will have to roll on her…next time…NO EATEE…NO SMASHEE…say it with me!”
I know . . . I know . . . *hanging head in stupid brotha shame”. . .good to talk to random anonymous people about it tho . . . now . . . off to enjoy the festivities
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
“you know, IVR…ive heard that before. i dont get it, but i know it exists!”
I know its late and no one is probably here but THANK YOU! I was beginning to think I was the only one in the world . . . I need a connection with a woman . . . I’m easily aroused (read: just stand the wrong way on the metro) . . . but to get to the point where she has “got me” . . . she has to be on some Jill Scott – The Way or He Loves Me sh!t . . . even that cater to you by destiny’s bastard children . . . I am a good man and there is nothing I love more than a woman that can treat me the way that I treat them . . . I have not experienced this very often . . . so emotions check out, but I will do said women as long as she wants and anything she wants me to do to her . . . my body is my public relations manager (no conceit intended, just talking about that shego) . . . maybe thats why they show up with home cooked meals after I tell them I dont want anything to do with them . . . but thank you for making me not feel like an alien . . . I know why I am like this, but I guess thats for another post also. . .LOL!
Hostess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I’ve had men do this to me. Roll to pick me up like we aren’t broken up. Most times it has worked. BTW, Her ass is planning a wedding.
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:14 am
lmao
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:22 am
“I’ve had men do this to me. Roll to pick me up like we aren’t broken up. Most times it has worked. BTW, Her ass is planning a wedding.”
We’ll see if she can find an address to send the invitation to . . . I may show up with a date.
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SouthernCharm Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
did she cook spaghetti? if so, i hope you didn’t eat the skettis… that would be bad. lol
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
GIRL. Yup. You are from New Orleans.
The red sauce!!!!!!!!!!!!
SouthernCharm Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
“GIRL. Yup. You are from New Orleans.
The red sauce!!!!!!!!!!!!”
not a girl. just a guy who’s been put up on game.
*wonders if SouthernCharm has been confused with SoutherGirl… gotta get a new name. perhaps SoutherCharm 2.0 or something
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
My bad, homie. Confused you with SouthernGirl.
My apologies.
SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“*wonders if SouthernCharm has been confused with SoutherGirl…”
hey hey, now…lol…*was also thinking about a name change*…we got a lot of southern’s and muse’s round these parts…
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
nah…SouthernCharm isn’t the most masculine name suga…I only know you are a MAN in my favorite sense of the word because I was online for your debut…otherwise…I would have to say…that although I eLove you like only I can…SouthernCharm isn’t the most “masculine” screen name…slightly mariposa…but your comments usually balance out the testosterone so I have been silent until now…lol…smooches though…(winks and walks back into the corner)
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
i only mistook you for southergirl once….i get it now though. lol
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Yep…don’t eat the spaghetti…especially if the chick is mad…
IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
“did she cook spaghetti? if so, i hope you didn’t eat the skettis… that would be bad. lol”
After confirming what the hell this meant, it made me throw up in my mouth a little. Thank you.
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
After confirming what the hell this meant, it made me throw up in my mouth a little. Thank you.
me too. thanks. i needed that.
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
*0ffering Champ a plate of spaghetti*
shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
um…i still dont know what it means….somebody whisper in my ear please!
V Renee Reply:
October 18th, 2008 at 12:27 am
@ shatani: Let’s just say that urban legend says that some women attempt that voodoo when Aunt Flo is in town. The spaghetti gets a lil uh, how do I say this….extra seasoning added in. Red + Red Sauce=Man Falling Deeply in Love
shatani Reply:
October 19th, 2008 at 10:18 am
aww dammit! why must i ask these questions?!?! *hurl, barf, spew*
but thanks for enlightening me, V…lol
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
my sister in law’s mom did the spaghetti sauce thing to her husband, no matter how many other women he has had in the 25 years they been together, well they been together. He will not leave her
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
It’s all about that sauce…
*ewwww*
KindredSmile Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
**dry heaves**
Change all your social network statuses to ’single and looking’ and change all your screen names to “Gal On the Prowl”
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I have no problem being the bad guy, hell most people swear I’m a mean person anyway.
It depends on the guy… some guys you do things that get on the absolute last nerve, make a big deal out of stupid sh!t, tell his friends all the business (w/o including too many of the juciest of details); some guys you just tell them the truth, just be a bitch about it…even though that doesn’t work all the time.
I told this guy a grocery list of things I didn’t like about him and this fool went thru the list and came up with solutions to each item 1 by 1. The list was not short either!!!!
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I told this guy a grocery list of things I didn’t like about him and this fool went thru the list and came up with solutions to each item 1 by 1. The list was not short either!!!!
lol…you should have ended the list with “and you always think you have the answers”
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The Champ you have a great idea and I’m gonna run w/ it.
Sully their happy place.
pour glue all ontop of their glitter bottle this will forever entrap all of their glitter so it may never be thrown again.
shake up that bottle of colloerd sand you got em @ the fair or pour it into your fish tank
Attempt at an open honest discusion about all the things you hate about that person during coitous
Discretly overtly hit on others while out w/ them
Cut them off completely telling them that Sodom & Gamorah got burned down as so will they
That is all for now I’ll think of more later
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:39 am
“Attempt at an open honest discusion about all the things you hate about that person during coitous”
I could go somewhere with this…but I won’t.
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:51 am
well touch me n the morning and walk away
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I’m just thinking this could possibly work. If you like that kind of thing…
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Well tell me when to go like E40
No cereusly Anty Up w/ how you feel
And don’t give it to em like when you gettin a whoopin from your parents. No. You got to go slow like an old person and stop intermittantly to confuse em like your gonna stop.
miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
I’m too through…lol
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:40 am
“pour glue all ontop of their glitter bottle this will forever entrap all of their glitter so it may never be thrown again.”
PBG won’t like this…
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:54 am
She hates peanut butter n e way
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
No I don’t like peanut butter…but what in the H-E-double hockey sticks does thathave to do with defiling glitter???
I need somebody to hold my mule. Seriously!!
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:41 am
“sand you got em @ the fair”
he!! you live you goin to fairs? lol.
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:54 am
ahahaha yeah but you get the idea take what you gave them that they love and sully it!
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ladyb Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
“shake up that bottle of colloerd sand you got em @ the fair”
Ro, you are a FOOL and you almost cost me a keyboard, LOL! i did that to someone when i was a kid…
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Ro Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
You mean Sportin Life… as comedic as that statement was, it did not come from me.
But I did that too!! It’s a great way to ruin a tired friendship.
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
yeah cuz nobody sullies the english language like me ‘collored’ 4 real self. smh
The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
“Sully their happy place.”
so basically, sh*t on their couch?
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
*medic*
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Yeah get yo skanc on. Come over in a skirt w/ no drws on. Drink a bunch of yuhoo b4 hand and sit on they couch and spray fart. you didn’t deserve to have your perfect verse sullied by their wierd track. So Eff They Couch. Fellas this goes for us too. Put that kelt on w/o the haynes bvds banana hammock or what ever you whear. Actually that is the propper way to whear 1 of these kelts. The ruffles are supposed to rub your buttt and warm you up. And when you get up leave cuz after while they gonna start to realize that ain’t the chitterlings in the living room. That was wile bowls shaking loose on you.
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:07 pm
You sir, are fluckin’ frightening.
*Sigh* i’ve TRIED to get them to break up with me, but my tactics never worked…it just made them want to “do better”…but i’d already mentally checked out anyway. one dude, i just stopped hanging out with him, igged him as much as possible, and talked really nasty…didn’t work. i had to hook up with another dude and FLAUNT it…then he got it. two others…i complained my arse off about any and everything…no go. i finally told both i cheated on them…thus making me the bad guy…one got mad and bounced, the other stayed and “tried to make it work” for a few more months.
i think the problem was that i could never go the wack s@x game route…but perhaps if i’d denied them…that might have hastened their departures.
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Dorian G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“i’ve TRIED to get them to break up with me, but my tactics never worked…it just made them want to “do better”…but i’d already mentally checked out anyway. one dude, i just stopped hanging out with him, igged him as much as possible, and talked really nasty…didn’t work. i had to hook up with another dude and FLAUNT it…”
RED FLAG!!!!! So you “tried” to break up with a dude, but because he “didn’t get it” you were “forced” to let another ni99a smash????!!!???
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
“RED FLAG!!!!! So you “tried” to break up with a dude, but because he “didn’t get it” you were “forced” to let another ni99a smash????!!!???”
***awaiting reply***
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! lol
1
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Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 11:55 am
is the lonliest number that you’ll ever doooo
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
1+1=2
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
maffmatics son!
genius khan Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
yes V dot 1 + 1 = 2 but 1 + 2 = 3 or does it?
more on that later…
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
oh khan i peeped your guest blog over at luvvie’s blog, i commented on it, it was greatastic!
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
(waving both hands like Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter) oooh oooh ooh! me too…me too! I was like YAYEE YAYEE! lol
The Comeback Girl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
i really wish yall wouldn’t bait GK like this…cause his responses are always on some..dali lama i need a moment type level. i aint got time to channel on chakras to try and figure out what he said.
V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
it’s too fun not too
genius khan Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Sporty, 0 is also a number and how lonely is that? lonlier than 1 perhaps.
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Ro Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
what about imaginary numbers? Are they any less lonely than real numbers?
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SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
……………….
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Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
and what about irrational numbers? and do mixed fractions have an idenity crisis?
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
“and do mixed fractions have an idenity crisis?”
lmao… not if they get to know both sides. or intro them to their inverse self so they can be whole again.
blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
“intro them to their inverse self so they can be whole again.”
this was deep… i just had an epiphany.
PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
I think I did too, B.B. Mo’!!
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:52 pm
you mean i which is tantamount to -1^(1/2) and I would guess it is something like around 0 or something great question
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
i thought “i” was the square root of -1
Naturally Alise 2.0 Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
square root of -1 is the same as -1 to the 1/2 power
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
-1^(1/2) = sq. rt of -1
so yes.
I feel like if you just went back to living like a single person that would probably do the trick. And on top of that it also allows you to get into the groove of being single before the inevitable breakup.
So go out with your boys on a whim and stay out all night
Openly make comments like “yo i need to bag a biddie tonight”
Change your facebook profile to single and set up statuses such as “Dorian is back in play!!!” and “Dorian loves this world of fly girls”
Field phone calls and text messages at inopportune times especially when you’re supposed to be alone.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I feel like if you just went back to living like a single person that would probably do the trick. And on top of that it also allows you to get into the groove of being single before the inevitable breakup.
***taking notes***
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overit Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
put the pen down! lol, you already outted yourself, cheating is bad karma, go with your gut champ!
that would do it though.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
you can act like a single person without cheating though
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
“I feel like if you just went back to living like a single person that would probably do the trick. And on top of that it also allows you to get into the groove of being single before the inevitable breakup.”
I actually like this approach…I mean short of actually “baggin a biddie” (please tell me you don’t really say that) I think it could work…good job Dorian…this is gets you head points…but you can’t get the award because “biddie” threw me off…lol…salud
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bang several of her friends. That way u win several ways
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
That’s just wrong.
Side note, my cousin is actually contemplating banging her ex’s best friend – the man whore is pursuing her – to ‘teach him a lesson’.
I told her the only thing that can from this is that she gets a rep for being a trick. Hope she listens.
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Deviant Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
women get way more of a negative backlash for doing this than men.
there is no lesson to be taught in that situation except this: dont think youre teaching your man a lesson by banging his friends..you jus get ridiculed and someone gets a$$ for free.
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
“women get way more of a negative backlash for doing this than men.”
That is only if they get caught or sold out by said man…Don’t get caught and your rep stays in tact
Deviant Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
gusy always discuss this with their friends. Its part of the code, especially if the girl is an ex of said friend. You are obligated to tell yoru friend you banged his ex.
GOODENess Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
unless she was like a former fiancee or baby mama…then mum’s the word… I would hope anyway…but I usually date the flyest in the group so his friends would be a trade down…not gwon be able to do it! lol
Sportin Life Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
yeah & I swear*fingers crossed* me n your ex are like this son *showing crossed fingers* So what you wanna do girl. I won’t tell if you won’t
2 people already took two of my methods…
falling off the grid* and ridiculing their s3x game**
* however, with 2 persistent suitors, this didn’t work. matter of fact, both of them still call or text on occasion, even though I’ve made it clear I’m not interested and OFF LIMITS. some people really are THAT STUPID.
**this eventually worked but only after homeboy took my ridicule as a personal challenge. the encounter following this was the result of a careless drunk dial. i got my rocks off and still put him out at 3 AM in the middle of February. that’s when he finally got it.
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
“i got my rocks off and still put him out at 3 AM in the middle of February”
There are some cold-blooded women on this here blog.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
“that’s when he finally got it.”
and by “it” you mean “my ass”, obviously
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IVR Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:36 pm
““that’s when he finally got it.”
and by “it” you mean “my ass”, obviously”
werd champ, this in no way, shape, or form would be a bad deal . . . unless i was also inebriated and had to find my way home/some other exes house to continue my “night of the classics”
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
lmao @ night of classics!
Deviant Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
“**this eventually worked but only after homeboy took my ridicule as a personal challenge. the encounter following this was the result of a careless drunk dial. i got my rocks off and still put him out at 3 AM in the middle of February. that’s when he finally got it.”
how is this a bad thing? Do you think you won or something?
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blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
it was a bad thing when he busted out my tail-light 2 weeks later…it wasn’t about winning… a sista had drunk several highballs and a Toyko iced tea… i was drunk, horny and careless…
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
“i was drunk, horny and careless…”
btw, these are the exact same reasons ive always regretted sleeping with intellectual hedonist
SouthernCharm Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
**this eventually worked but only after homeboy took my ridicule as a personal challenge. the encounter following this was the result of a careless drunk dial. i got my rocks off and still put him out at 3 AM in the middle of February. that’s when he finally got it.
i believe the correct term for this scenario is “mutual exploitation.” he may have planned to hit and never call… you may have wanted him to hit and never call. everyone wins except he wins a taaaaaaad bit more b/c he’s the man in this situation. lol
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SouthernGirl Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
“everyone wins except he wins a taaaaaaad bit more b/c he’s the man in this situation. lol”
*cough*
bullsh!t
*cough*
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I think just saying ‘This is no longer working for me. Let’s break up.” is a simple way to end a relationship, however…to get dumped…that’s easy. Just start doing all the things the guy hates. If he’s always in a good mood, become negative and overly emotional. If he’s a homebody, start partying a lot.
If you want to be a jerk (I don’t think I could do this stuff), do the following:
1. Tell him you aren’t interested in sex, then use a sex toy loudly in the bathroom.
2. Start talking to a lot of new male friends he never knew you had on the phone.
3. Tell him you are pregnant and then say sike 3 days later. Keep joking about it. He’s not gonna think it’s funny.
4. Tell him you stopped taking birth control a month ago.
5. Tell him you quit your job and become immediately dependent on him financially.
6. Become overly clingy immediately.
7. The next time you go out on a date, flash another dude.
8. At orgasm, yell out another dude’s name…and don’t apologize.
I could go on ALL DAY! Luckily I use my powers for good.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
“1. Tell him you aren’t interested in sex, then use a sex toy loudly in the bathroom.”
it would be even worse if you did he next to him in bed
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V.E.G. Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
that could get you attacked.
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BTW, shoutout to all HP readers, the Hermione reference did not escape me. This made me love yall even more!
Is it me, or can JK Rowling still redeem herself and bring on the book detailing what happened “19 years later”. I was mad at that.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
i loved the ending….but yeah, i could go for some more. im greedy like that.
im slightly obsessed with HP
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I just happened to be lurking over at singleblackmale’s blog (its friday and my goal is to do absolutely nothing work related) and someone made a comment about “taking a break”. I think this is a bunch of nonsense . . . and would probably get me to leave you . . . or agree to the break and screw other broads and you from time to time. Every girl that I know that has taken these breaks tend to still screw their man/ex/break partner . . . it just doesnt seem to make much sense.
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Ro Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“Taking a break” = Broken up in my book…
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miss t-lee Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Yep.
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shatani Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
agreed.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
this is truth. heck, i played these games after me and my ex “officially” broke up and went our separate ways–diff states and everything. even after a year, we still went to visit each other, he helped me move twice. and he had the nerve to be jealous when i said i was seeing other ppl. so glad that phase in my life is over.
live and learn.
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This worked for me~
make sure he sees you put on your sexiest lingerie, (you know the one you keep in the special draw still wrapped in the tissue, with the fragrant sachets) then put on your freak um dress, fmp’s and prepare to go out WITHOUT him.
Make sure when you get home he isn’t there (if you live together don’t stay in the same bed). or don’t come home, stay at one of your friend’s house.
Eventually he will ask why you are wearing the sexist ish to go out and he isn’t reaping the benefits
Eventually he will ask why you are sleeping in the guest room (where he can hear you **rhymes with castigate begins with an m**) or why you aren’t sleeping at home, or where the h@ll are you sleeping when you don’t come home
Eventually he will get the hint.
If that doesn’t work write him a 4 page letter detailing why you need him to call Tyrone.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
“If that doesn’t work write him a 4 page letter detailing why you need him to call Tyrone.”
**cosines on the tangential line**
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PBG Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Gem is starting to make me like math a lil’ bit.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
this is straight evil…. NIIIIIIICE!
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
you know the one you keep in the special draw still wrapped in the tissue, with the fragrant sachets
…………………………………….
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Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
La Perla just aint for errbody
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hahaahah…
So I guess the old “Its not you, its me” thing doesn’t work anymore.
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The Champ Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
it might work, but its not as entertaining
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overit Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
it might work, but its not as entertaining
but compared to the other advice, you have a higher chance of emerging unscathed.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
it doesn’t work. Champie always thinks he can right his wrongs and thus insists on sticking around.
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Let me preface this by saying I’ve never done any of these:
* Flirt with his male relatives (but be wary of the drunk uncle or widower grandpa that might wanna take you up on the offer)
* If it’s still relatively early in the relationship, start using “We”, “Us”, and “This family” a lot.
* Tell him that you’ve reached the point where you finally feel comfortable sharing your colorful past, including being the bottom b!tch in a local prostitution ring.
* If you’ve been to his place, or live together, start pricing everything in the house and continuously ponder what you could get for it if you went back to your “old ways”.
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overit Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
“If you’ve been to his place, or live together, start pricing everything in the house and continuously ponder what you could get for it if you went back to your “old ways”.”
LMAO….shudder.
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blackberry molasses Reply:
October 17th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
“* Tell him that you’ve reached the point where you finally feel comfortable sharing your colorful past, including being the bottom b!tch in a local prostitution ring.”
And then accidentally call out the name of your pimp during a session…
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““i was drunk, horny and careless…”
btw, these are the exact same reasons ive always regretted sleeping with intellectual hedonist”
u were only drunk the last time stop lying and stop calling my phone 5 times a day your whimpering is getting you nowhere
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Dang, Champ, #4 was brutal. Maybe it’s time for folks to go from pre-nup agreements to pre-fug agreements: that posting each others intimate info on the ‘net is an automatic lawsuit.
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LMAO @ #4 too. Once I discovered my friend’s bf on this site- er while I was doing research
Anywho she is one of those i-know-my-man-is-faithful-to-me types swearing up and down he would never cheat on her. Meanwhile ol boy is teabagging some big boob white girl. LMAO!!!! Sad but crazy.
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shatani Reply:
October 19th, 2008 at 10:22 am
awww damn, not teh teabag!! lmao
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Miss Mahogany Reply:
October 19th, 2008 at 10:41 am
YEP! Maybe I should ask my friend if she prefers green or herbal see if she gets the joke. LMAO!!!
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This post would be the WORST post for me to actually put input on…my comments would make you fear me.
But to say the least: relationships are for blind losers that are either hiding the fact that they’re gay or have been paid to put up with whoever is on the other end of the craptastic b.s. I like to call an acid-induced fantasy (see: romance).
I’m done.
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I just read all the comments, and I am trying to figure out how/why no one ran with the gorilla mask comment in the blog post.
By the way, fellas ew, ew, ew.
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9fcruvxq2h6sta61
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this is quite true xx
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