“…i love talkin bout your ex all night/we can stay up all night listening to your life…
…my, my, my, my, you’re making me crazy, and….i dont know what you wanna do”
it was the summer of ’91. her name was shakira, and her half black, quarter-chinese, quarter-unknown mutt ass was the object of the 12 year old champ’s desire. every day that summer, we’d play double dribble in her basement, and she’d bring me a glass of terrible lemonade from her kitchen.
despite the fact that we hadn’t actually hugged or kissed or even held hands, i was convinced that she was my girl…in my head at least (conveniently forgetting the fact that she was 14 and about to enter high school).
this all changed one day towards the end of the summer, when her usually sunny disposition had disappeared. when i asked what was wrong, she replied…
“alex doesnt wanna go with me anymore. champ, you’re a boy…help me. what should i do to get him to wanna go with me again???”
instead of actually attempting to reply with the giant lump in my throat, i dropped the joystick, left, and never spoke to her again. i also never ate an eggroll again.
looking back, i had definitely been placed in the “friend zone”, and to insure that “shakira” doesn’t happen to any guy ever again, here’s six signs that you’ve somehow fallen into that dreaded, coitus-less abyss
1. you’re “dating”, and she makes any reference whatsoever to anybody else she might be seeing.
even if it’s “unintentional” (which it never is), most women aren’t going to let a guy she’s interested in know that she’s seeing other people, for fear that it might scare him away. she might imply that she’s “busy”, but if she’s into a cat, it stays the ambiguous “busy” instead of the ball-shrinkingly unambiguous “damn…do you realize this is my second date this week?? you’re lucky you caught me“.
2. you all havent been physical before, but she makes any reference whatsoever to sex she’s had before
basically, if you’re sitting around shooting the sh*t and she’s telling you about “that time a couple years ago in the movie theater, with the bus driver, the basketball trophy, and the stopwatch“, consider yourself neutered. her “freeness” of the tongue if proof that she now officially looks at you as a “friend“, not a “potential sex partner“. the next time you see her, you might as well just leave you balls in your glove compartment. if you’re not going to use them, they should at least be somewhere safe
3. you go over her crib to “chill” or watch a flick, and she looks as if she just completed a decathlon.
- ***if she greets you at her door like this, just hand her your nuts so they can go in her purse***
if you haven’t slept with a woman yet, and she allows you to see her at her hair-curlered, scuffed timberlanded, dirty-t-shirted weekend worst, the chances of her ever seeing you in a sexual manner is about the same as the likelihood that ann coulter’s adams apple isn’t bigger than her balls.
as neurotic about their appearance as most women are, (unless she’s still in college) there’s no way in hell she’s gonna allow a guy she’s actually interested to see her at her “worst” before they actually sleep together.
4. any compliment about her looks or her potential as a mate is responded to with the same lazy “thanks” you’d get after loaning a co-worker a broken pencil
to expound:
guy complimenting “interested” woman: “you’re killing that dress tonight”
interested reply, accompanied with eye contact, a smile, a slight blush, and a undetectable tingle of the vagina: “thanks”
guy complimenting “uninterested” woman: “you’re killing that dress tonight“
uninterested reply, accompanied with a forced and somewhat condescending return compliment, to ease the awkwardness she’s feeling: “awwww, thanks hun. your socks are really nice too. they really compliment your knuckles”
5. she either refers to you by one of the killer b’s (“buddy” or “brother“) or uses this phrase (“he’s like a **fill in the blank** to me“) at any time when describing you.
just the thought of hearing this from a woman i’m interested in gives me cold sweats and hot flashes. i think i’m just gonna move on
lastly…
6. she tells you she’s not interested in or ready to be in a relationship…
…which is her polite way of saying she’s not interested in or ready to be in a relationship, with YOU...and she probably never will be. if a woman actually says these words to you, believe her. its the realest thing she’ll ever say
there you have it. six surefire signs. don’t get shakiraed.
—the champ
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{ 416 comments… read them below or add one }
She was only a quarter chinese and you NEVER trusted chinese women again?
hold a grudge much?
@Intellectual Hedonist,
lmao!!! he probably doesnt trust much “other” anymore either…
@Intellectual Hedonist,
She was only a quarter chinese and you NEVER trusted chinese women again?
yup. i dont even eat chinese food anymore
@The Champ, Yousa lie, talkin bout u dont eat chinese food. You need 16.5 more ppl
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
oh, my bad. i meant to type “chinese women”
@The Champ, haha
The Golden Rule of the Friends Zone: If you think you may be in the Friends Zone, you ARE in the Friends Zone.
@Jarrod Halsey,
I agree.
@Jarrod Halsey, AMEN
this is the funniest shat i ever read lol..
Good list Champ. You should do a post on how to tell if a guy is putting a woman in a friends zone.
@Leila,
1. He hasn’t tried to have his way with you!
2. He hasn’t tried to have his way with you!
It’s as simple as that! No questionares, no looking out for “signs/signals”, no equivocal statements that could be construed as a sexual inuendo, it’s as simple as that!
If only woman could be as simple as men sometimes, it would’ve saved me movie tickets, popcorn (the large pack),cooldrinks (the large cup), and unnecesary erections (the really large kind) on a heffer who actually thought i was adorable and enjoyed “spending time” with me, whilst F**kn a ni99a whose always hustlin her for cab fare and Mcmeal. But I’m no longer angry though…i promise
@sisanda,
you sure sweetie…here’s a nice e-hug just in case though! lmao!
@shatani, thanks…but i cnt e-hump u now cause my PC got a virus, my low RAM results in some delayed reactions, and my hard drive keeps on crashing.
(to us everything a woman says can be constued as a sexual inuendo..LOL..ahh the simple pleasures!)
But I’ve really learnt my lesson, from now on when i meet a girl i kinda sorta like i tell her straight up “I’m genuinely interested in gently fornicating with you, and i don’t want to be your friend casue i got enough of those…so what do you say?”
OMG, why Sisanda? What have I ever done to you, huh?
Gently fornicating?
*DEAD*
@8th Wonder,
its good to start off gentle…
@sisanda,
Tell ‘em why you mad Sisanda!
roflmbao.
@YGB, I agree 100%. If he hasn’t tried to mack on you or sweet talk you, then you’re in the friend zone. It’s not that complicated with men, haha. They thrive off one thing: sex. And if its not there, you’re a friend.
@Leila,
hmmm. good idea.
thing is, i dont know if the friend zone really exists for guys. i mean, there’s the “i’ll beat if you let me, but i’m not gonna really try” zone, but i dont know if we have a friend zone equivalent.
@The Champ, there is a friend zone for guys. You can also call it the “You have no positive physical characteristics but you cook really well so we can hang out from time to time zone” (Or maybe I only have this…..)
smh. tragic.
@GEMiniscing…, tragic, but true.
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
good point. theres also the “you have good looking friends, and hopefully you’ll introduce them to me” zone
@The Champ, “i’ll beat if you let me, but i’m not gonna really try” zone”
Future topic? lol…
@Leila,
does that even happen?
@Leila,
Good idea….
I think no wait I know this guy just put me in the friend zone. And I am not ashamed to say I was heart broken about it.
@Leila, A woman can’t be in the Friends Zone. Even if he’s not actively trying to bag you, if you threw it at him and he still didn’t accept, it’s just because he doesn’t find you attractive.
That’s *not* what the Friend Zone is.
@Scipio Africanus,
good point.
I’ve said & done every single one of these. But, we only do it in an attempt to not hurt your feelings. I mean, we are not stupid! We can tell when you’re feeling us. We just don’t want to gut punch your pride.
@Candace, just rip the bandage off, letting us hang on to some semblance of hope and then crushing us later is much worse than a dick punch.
@Anechoic, hahaahahha lol
That is so true my man, so so true.
@Anechoic,
LMAO! dick punch…damn.
welcome, Anechoic!!! *homemade confetti*
NOT homemade confetti!!
@shatani,
are we saving the real confetti for Tuesday?
@Intellectual Hedonist,
nah, i just got some construction paper and a new diamond cut paper shredder!
@Anechoic,
agreed
@Anechoic,
sowwy… welcome committee got in the office late this mawnin
Welcome!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0 ™** (yes, I am aware you are a dude. I don’t care. Bask in the sparkly goodness)
@Anechoic, lol@ dick punch.
welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
@Anechoic, ya know men are guilty pulling off the bandage slow too. Men rarely want to see us cry or hurt our feelings, so *some* guys will string us along until one of our girlfriends shakes the sh*t out of us. The difference between women and men is that men will try to hit and then wanna be your homie & your spades partner the next day.
@Candace,
Co-Sign Anechoic. I’d rather have my feelings hurt today than get hit with Lame Friends Speech #47 a month from now.
@Candace,
Dang Candace. I was shakiraed before by a young lady in highschool named Candace. You’re not from Detroit are you?
@Candace,
“But, we only do it in an attempt to not hurt your feelings.”
and yet, it does anyway. truth be told, it seems like women strategically break this out at the point where they deem things may be getting a wee-bit uncomfy for them. like dude shows up with your favorite color of roses or something that are only grown in the Sahara and he had to personally go get them…with some cambodian breast milk, and you’re thinking “f*ck, this dummy loves me, and i really want to be slurping up Kobe right now, ” so you say “thanks, i wish EVERYBODY was this thoughtful” thereby implanting a seed of “who the f*ck is EVERYBODY” in our minds…
i’m losing my point.
women are evil.
@Panama Jackson,
i’m losing my point.
women are evil.
pun intended?
@Candace,
I don’t think the feelings thing is not always true. I think a lot of women string cats along. It’s way to stroke their own ego or they on some pimpin’ type stuff.
She thinking I can get this dude to do whatever I want. Both sides play the game. But a guy just has to be careful. He has to learn how to be a good guy without being a simp.
If the chick is always asking you for something, but you ain’t getting some affection (and the pat, pat hug with the booty pushed out is not affection). Then she’s probably playing you.
Previous attempt at being straight up:
Me: I don’t think dating is a good idea for us. I’m happy to be your friend but it won’t ever be anything more.
Victim: Oh, I think I can change your mind.
Me: No I think you should see other people. I’m not interested.
Victim: That’s ok, I’m up for a challenge.
I now have a 3 date rule before person can know where I live because caller id is my best friend from time to time.
@Jeandra,
Why is it the dudes u’re NOT interested in always have nerves of steel?
…confounds me every time.
@Resident GRitS,
Amen to that! it sucks too…im like, dang son didnt we talk about this MONTHS ago!??! why do you insist on making me reject you over and over???
@shatani,
Some men are just gluttons for punishment!
@YGB,
if i were more sadistic that would be cool….but dang, i feel bad EVERYtime you ask to come thru and i say, um…nah.
@shatani,
ditto
@shatani,
LOL! You are more compassionate than me.
@shatani,
I’m adding my story about this to the relationship crypt series… because it is STILL GOING ON 4 YEARS and a MARRIAGE later… sheesh!
@blackberry molasses,
that’s when stalkers go right!
@Jeandra,
oh no… still very wrong. as in I married someone else, and he still thinks he has a chance.
@blackberry molasses,
oh, oops! lol
@Resident GRitS,
It NEVER fails. You do your best not to make any sort of eye contact. next thing you know you hear,
“excuse me can i talk to you for a second”
nah bruh, that’s what the eyes to the floor are for. i’m not that shy.
@Resident GRitS,
It’s because the worst has already happened. You’ve already rejected them, so they have nothing to lose. Either their determination pays off, or they end up right back where they started. No harm, no foul.
girrrrrrl i’ve had very similar convos. its how i earned myself the “Gem’s Stalker Tracker” tallies on the whiteboard in my lab. *smh*
who knew the words “don’t contact me ever again” would ever be translated as “please attempt to win me over at EVERY chance you get”??
@GEMiniscing…,
not to mention the stalkers you don’t know about. they rear their ugly head when you have the misfortune of running into them during non work or non gym hours at your neighborhood target.
@Jeandra,
HAHAHA ” No I think I can change ur mind” Now thats flat out craziness.
@mssmtaylor,
it really is. the next thing in my brain is where’s the nearest courthouse so i can file my papers.
I think first rule should be, be straight up with them. If you meet a girl and you are feeling her why wouldn’t you just hit her with the “Check here if you like me or here if you don’t.”
Addition to her response to her looking fly, and how she dresses you can usually tell if a girl is feeling you by how many LOL’s you get in real life even if the joke is lame. “Oh Nantucket that joke about you not letting go of your eggo’s was hilarious! Hold my titty for me.” You see what I did there
Surprise Friend Zones when you are past the age of lets say 23 shouldn’t happen. You should see them from a mile away and start running.
@James Nantucket,
i see whatchu did there…imma put that in my repertoire! lol
i really appreciate this. please just make it plain and we can get that out the way early on. because i promise you, i am often oblivious!
@James Nantucket,
i agree 100 percent with this entire comment.
@James Nantucket, I would agree but sometimes being that forward can mess the whole thing up. B/c there is what I like to call the long term holla meaning that you aint trying to get the quick beats but you’re going to wear down her defenses slowly but surely (the forwardness throws this off)
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
Why does it sound like you’re hunting big game in the Sahara? Or planning a Packy-Yow type KO of this woman? You know, tap-tap until she’s weak, then POW! – touch her booty when she’s vulnerable?
Wait a sec – that’s worked on me before. Carry on…
@Lil’T, Cuz I am…..
@Lil’T,
Yup, it’s worked on me once… but still I won’t recommend it.
i agree that women should be up front with a guy about her intentions. but not all of us women intend to put ALL our guy friends in the FZ in the beginning. i’ve put dudes in the FZ and not all of them were put there by default (aka upon first meeting/getting to know each other as “friends”). some of them are moved down the intimacy totem pole from cool homie/potential mate level to the FZ.
@ Candace and Jeandra : I agree with you. both.
I always try to preserve a dude’s ego. I used to be direct but that landed me in some hairy situations with angry stalker-type dudes. I learned my lesson quickly.
@ladyb,
“I always try to preserve a dude’s ego.I used to be direct but that landed me in some hairy situations with angry stalker-type dudes. ”
From comments above it seems dudes would prefer for a girl to be more direct. So I think your dudes would have been just as crazy had you been more direct (some people are just crazy regardless).
@YGB,
agreed. crazy gon’ be crazy regardless.
@YGB,
with all due respect to the comments above, that has not at all been my experience, and not just in break-ups but i business situations, too. people say they like directness but the counterfactual is always hypothetical. if we were to conduct a behavioral experiment, i don’t think people’s actual reactions would correlate strongly with their anticipated reactions.
then again, it may be that i take “direct” a bit too literally. that approach only worked once and that’s just cuz the dude was in the south and i was in New England. years later when i ran into him, he was pissed and threatening violence all over again…
whatever. my preferred approach now is just to disappear with no explanations. silence speaks violence and works every single time.
@ladyb,
“whatever. my preferred approach now is just to disappear with no explanations”
Ladies please take note! Works everytime!
@ladyb,
i would like to run away to Bali with this WHOLE comment and sip on some mai tai’s in a tree house and dangle my feet over all this truth.
“give it to me straight” usually means tell me what i want to hear to have me continue to live with my preferred version of the truth, cause i don’t even trust my own inner radar..
also totally agree with YGB..nothing speaks louder than getting gone…there is no room for “re-interpretation” there.
@ladyb,
I used to be direct but that landed me in some hairy situations with angry stalker-type dudes
thing is, these dudes would have been stalkers anyway. you being direct with them didnt cause that, their momma’s did
@The Champ,
.
@The Champ,
perhaps we should blame their mamas and daddies?
@ladyb,
I recommend carrying a pistol. You’d be surprised how well it’ll get your point across. (I’m Texan, sue me.)
@ The Champ,
Does this list apply if the man in question never expressed his feelings/intentions towards said female?
Cuz if he didn’t then he deserves to be put in the friend zone!
@YGB,
agreed!
@YGB,
***The Mormon Tabernacle Choir performs Handel’s “Hallelujah” from Messiah. Conducted by Dr. Craig Jessop and with the Orchestra at Temple Square***
@Princess Duvet,
*LMFAOOOOO*
I am done! Do you hear me? DONE!!!!
@Princess Duvet,
I love the Mormon Tabernacle Choir’s version of Handel’s Messiah… I have it on DVD…
@Princess Duvet,
I quit you.
@blackberry molasses, i second that emotion *snicker*
@YGB,
yes, it does.
@YGB,
totally agree….
@YGB,
no one deserves that
@Deviant,
If you don’t show any hint of the fact that you’re interested or you don’t make any move then you deserve to be in the friend zone!
once upon a time when i was still supergirl and living my fab super-teenlife- 15 years old- i braved the hot gaborone sun and walked over to my good friend marks house to visit, and say goodbye, since i was about to be shipped off to boarding school
as i walked in, making idle chit-chat about this and that, he grabbed me, gave me a SERIOUS tongue kiss (my second in my young life) shocking the hell out of me… then about 7 seconds later, after trying to figure out what the hell was going on, ( i was such a late bloomer, guys) i realised i really, really liked it!
so we kerfuffled clumsily on his mothers living room floor for about two hours, then i straightened myself up and reeling, walked home in the 40 degree celcius gaborone heat. (MY FATHERS COUNTRY IS FRIKKIN HOOOOOOT!!! )
So while settling into school, i though ‘ok, i don’t know what the hell happened that day, but mark is my FRIEND! i don’t WANT him as my boyfriend… i wrote and posted him a long letter to this effect…. he wrote back a somewhat scathingly sarcastic, but accepting one. ( my use of the words ‘i like you, but not ‘that way’ did NOT go down very well…*sigh*)
I was so confused…it all felt so very yummy, but honestly – i didn’t want him as my boyfriend… it took me a while to realise that his deadly weapon was that he had awsome kissing and ‘fondling’ skills – so even if you didn’t WANT him, per se…once he landed those juicy lips on me.. it was over, i never stood a chance, really….
the point of this 20 year old anecdote, you ask…. ?? BEWARE THE FRIEND WITH SKILLS…. all it takes is 7 seconds!!
champ, you were SLOW…. while shakira was whining about alex, or whoever, you needed to have grabbed her and given her a serious smackeroo to remember…he’d have been a vague memory. for at least two weeks, anyway…. ah well. live and learn, ne?
@superwoman,
i love south africans
@The Champ, errr… thank you, i think – heh heh heh!
@superwoman,
You’re officially my superhero. Lol!!
@Sula In Planning., heh heh, this is one of the most embarrassing stories of my life, you!
@superwoman, I’m going to start using the word kerfuffle in daily conversation. Like “I need a good kerfuffle right now” or “hey —-, wanna kerfuffle?”
@miss patterson, ha ha ha, happy kerfuffling!! enjoi!!
Yea, to my knowledge this list is dead on. As apparently I’ve built a house in the ‘Just Friends’ neighborhood and couln’t sell it if I wanted to due to the bad economy. (And no one wants to stay here anyways)
But to be honest, the friend zone has saved my arse on a few occasions.
Some girls after I got to know them a bit were simply not for me, and I thank god that I didn’t get caught in that drama.
But its funny that its hard to be friends and move on to lovers, when that makes the most sense for all parties involved.
@Dr. Watson,
my friendzone is a fabulous neighborhood! its filled with my other friends who are often gorgeous, intelligent and single….i love a hook-up! ive hooked a couple of friendzone dudes up with my single girls in the past….
@Dr. Watson,
Some girls after I got to know them a bit were simply not for me, and I thank god that I didn’t get caught in that drama.
good point. sometimes being shakiraed, in hindsight, is the best possible thing that could have happened to you
@Dr. Watson,
Good doctor, I actually agree that the progression should be from good friends to boyfriends. It would save a whole lot of heartache if that progression was scrupulously followed.
I like my boyfriend to be my friend first and foremost. So the friend zone might not be that bad in hindsight.
@Dr. Watson,
“As apparently I’ve built a house in the ‘Just Friends’ neighborhood and couldn’t sell it if I wanted to due to the bad economy. (And no one wants to stay here anyways)”
LOL! I love your imagery.
I guess these women just don’t know what they are missing.
Ouch! This post just salts the old open wounds.
Between ’00 and ’03 I was he-shakira’d. I wanted this guy SO bad! I think he did/said everything on this list plus had 2 babies. And I still hung around. Tsk tsk tsk
Eventually we did hook up…but I was so drunk I don’t remember it at all.
@Imperfect,
Ouch! This post just salts the old open wounds.
thanks. that was my purpose and sh*t
What happens when a dude has a girlfriend, but you’re feelin him and he’s feelin you, but you both know you can’t do anything about it, so you’re tryin to keep him in the “friend zone” to not disrespect, but also tryin to keep him in the “I will smash yo azz once you break up with your girl” zone???
BTW, I already know the answer. Just hopin yall would tell me that this scenario was acceptable.
And yes, I’m new. I know, I know. I’m welcome and sh*t.
@nia,
dang, nia…its like you dont even WANT your welcome. im a little hurt! *sobs uncontrollably into back of homemade confetti*
i didn’t realize homemade confetti had a front or back. hmmm the more you know…
@GEMiniscing…, lol
@nia,
What happens when a dude has a girlfriend, but you’re feelin him and he’s feelin you, but you both know you can’t do anything about it, so you’re tryin to keep him in the “friend zone” to not disrespect, but also tryin to keep him in the “I will smash yo azz once you break up with your girl” zone???
this is called the “soon to be home-wrecker zone”.
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ
“this is called the “soon to be home-wrecker zone”
LMAO!
lmao exactly. sad to say, i constructed my version of this zone back in college.
@The Champ,
Bwahahaha!
@nia,
Oh no, the welcome committee was not pre-empted!!!!
**considers witholding sparkly goodness**
@blackberry molasses,
i died LOL…
@blackberry molasses,
*gives bbmo the “i’m sayin’” look, tucks shooting gold stars back into my bag and walks away*
can’t be wasting sparkly goodness on folks. we in a recession and sh!t
@SouthernGirl,
Bootleggers to the rescue!! Sparkly goodness she may have missed, but we here at the Bootleg Welcome Wagon recognize that not everyone is worthy of a shooting star (specially us) – so….
***throws paper shreds, packing peanuts and leftover m&m’s***
WELCOME!
NOT paper shreds, packing peanuts and leftover m&m’s!!!!
@GEMiniscing…, see! and ya’ll wonder how folks end up choking and covered with paper cuts!
@Lil T, i cannot condone the use of subpar welcome materials!
@SouthernGirl,
indeed… endorsing bootleg welcome products would be unbecoming of a Sparkly Sista….. people need to learn to stop trying to buck the system. If you are new or de-lurking for the first time, allow us to do our jobs. “It is our plesssha!!!” Dang!
@nia,
“What happens when a dude has a girlfriend, but you’re feelin him and he’s feelin you, but you both know you can’t do anything about it, so you’re tryin to keep him in the “friend zone” to not disrespect, but also tryin to keep him in the “I will smash yo azz once you break up with your girl” zone??? ”
this is called “karma is a biotch-and how you get em is how you keep em” zone.
@Princess Duvet,
Ok, ok. Point taken. Dang it…
@nia,
Thats some funny ish
@nia,
Errr… Ok, hmmm.
That’s as much as I can warrant.
@Sula In Planning.,
lol! E-twin… i was thinking the same thing… like i’m not EVEN getting into this convo… sheit…
good look, champsky!
ive apparently friendzone’d a bunch of dudes without even a thought! but i agree with the guys upstream…if you dont make it known what you want, i cant confirm nor deny that you gon’ get it.
dudes hate to hear me say im oblivious and think its a crock of sh*t, but for the most part its true. i expect folks to like me, im a likable chick! i never expect dudes to be diggin me, so i just naturally start out assuming they was comin to be in the friendzone…
@shatani,
“if you dont make it known what you want, i cant confirm nor deny that you gon’ get it.”
LOL! So true!
There’s a south african saying which echoes your sentiment above and it loosely translates as follows: The baby that doesn’t cry, dies on its mother’s back!
@YGB,
Or another classic I like to use, “closed mouths don’t get fed”. lol
@miss t-lee, sometimes open mouths get punched in the mouth
@Just Plain Ole Peyso
Or get a suprise inserted into them…..
@V Renee,
*Falls the fukk out*
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
True….lol
@miss t-lee, i’m sorry. i skimmed past this too quick and it looks too similar to a certain Ronnie ho-quote and i ’bout fell out.lol
@SouthernGirl,
*snickering*
It’s all good chick.
I wasn’t meaning this in a literal sense, but I forgot about the abundance of freaks on here…lol
9 points for ya’ll.
@YGB,
That is rather catchy, in a stunningly morbid way.
@Nikiloveli,
As a fellow African, I can attest that many of our sayings tend to fall into the ‘catchy yet morbid’ category. Its how we do.
@blackberry molasses,
word!
@YGB,
There’s a south african saying which echoes your sentiment above and it loosely translates as follows: The baby that doesn’t cry, dies on its mother’s back!
this sounds like the title of a ursula rucker piece or something
By the time I graduated high school I would automatically but myself in the friend zone. This was a bad move b/c it was around this time I started getting play. I dont know what changed when I turned 16 but I started winning more often. I am still guilty of this to this day. If I don’t approach a woman I will assume she sees me as a friend unless she makes it more than obvious she wants more.
@Humble_One,
By the time I graduated high school I would automatically but myself in the friend zone.
on purpose?
@shatani
Oh my bad! Don’t cry. Bring on the confetti! And glitter….and dust….and…yeah, all dat…
“You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of another’s imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead…
your next stop,
the Friendship Zone!”
I have heard and dealt with all five of these situations, usually as part of a chain combo, like the girl mentioning how her ex whom she hates got her pregnant last month. Also, I have heard something along the lines of:
“You’re too good for/to me…”
What? Does this mean I am overqualified to be your man? Do I have to fail at something to NOT be to good? Let me know! I shall not pass!
Fortunately, or unfortunately, being my mother’s only child and the only grandchild until I got grown has taught me not to be persistent in such matters; I just move on to the next, with only several exceptions…
@Maximillian,
“You’re too good for/to me…”
wow. this is a new one. thats a line we (guys) usually use, lol
Fortunately, or unfortunately, being my mother’s only child and the only grandchild until I got grown has taught me not to be persistent in such matters; I just move on to the next, with only several exceptions…
it makes me happy to read this. i know sooooo many dudes who are only children or only sons who are persistent as HELL and think every turn down is a challenge to step one’s game up. no, it means step back and step away.
if some one isn’t feeling the wonderfulness that may be you, then it’s their loss and you should save it for some one deserving and blatantly appreciative and wanting of it.
@Maximillian,
Last night a guy said to me. “If I was at that point in my life where I was ready to commit. Then you would be perfect…”
Not that I was looking for anything with this guy but I was like damn! that was a backwards compliment/GTFO comment if I ever heard one.
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Last night a guy said to me. “If I was at that point in my life where I was ready to commit. Then you would be perfect…”
this is game. if a guy actually felt that way, he wouldnt actually say it.
@The Champ,
Well dam*. This expanded my horizons X 500. The more you know…
@Dom,
yeah. if a guy is “shelving” you, he’s not going to let you know it
@Maximillian,
“you’re too good for me”
i used to think it was just us guys who said this. but i think if a female says this then it’s either a cop-out, or she fears she might be able to exploit, take advantage of, or run over you. that’s when you do or say some straight up ig’nant sh*t to balance out the universe and ease her fears.
@Maximillian,
@Maximillian,
A guy used the “ur just too good for me” on me before. I was like damn what does that mean?
And I realized that it basically meant ” I’m sleeping with multiple chicks and I dont have time for your ready to get married azz” hahaha
oh well….
@Maximillian,
My granny always said, “If a person tells you who they are, believe them!”
She knows her self worth better than you. An obviously, she ain’t shite! Move on and count your blessings.
In fact, next time you hear this, pause for a sec then say “Yeah…you’re probably right.”
Great list Champ.
I think that one variable that needs to be addressed though is mixed fuggin’ signals. Sometimes women can give these unintentionally if they are naturally the flirty type. She can be playful and flirtacious giving off signs like physically touching you when you make her laugh, smiling excessively, or even saying suggestive things because she’s so comfortable around you. On the flip side, that may just be her personlity. Before you know it, you’re looking like BBD talkin’ ’bout, “I thought was me.”
@Monk,
I guess I’m guilty of this.
I just love how always having a smile on your face and being polite to people automatically means you’re interested in anything remotely related to anything they have to say.
@Ro, I’m guilty of this too. Guys think that i’m flirting when I’m smiling at them, but they don’t realize that I smile at everyone especially when making eye contact with a person. I also laugh a lot.
@Leila, The same thing happens to me. Thing is, I used to mean-mug all the time…not on purpose, it just was what I did. Now, I smile and speak all the time, and dudes think I’m showing interest when I’m just being nice and polite.
@Leila, I laugh at everything as well. I’m not gone lie though…sometimes my niceness being mistaken for flirting has paid off for me.
When hanging out with guy friends and stuff… they’re always amazed at the things you (read: me and a smile) get by just asking!
Case & point: Our whole new years eve venture was on (read: paid for) everyone but us!
@Ro, as a dude, I’m guilty of this too. You dont know how many times I was being polite to some fugg jawn and then 2 days later i hear “Peyso trying to holla at fuggy mcfuggfugg”.
Girls do it much worse though
@Just Plain Ole Peyso,
lmao! its funny…i remember once telling a dude to stop being so nice to me before i catch a crush! i mean, i was joking…but i see it play out with him over and over. he’s a sweet guy and very complimentary and likes to make folks feel good…and without fail these women start actin like he was leading them on.
i understand why dudes just keep their mouths shut sometimes.
the problem with men and women alike is they don’t know how to read body signals. you (men) wanna read the smile but you don’t read the other signals her body and eyes are giving off. notice she touched you on the arm when you tell jokes just like she caressed the hand of the bartender who brought her drink, and the way she patted the shoulder of the man she had to step around to get to the bathroom. it’s not just you, she’s “friendly”. PAY ATTENTION!! most of the time women are very intentional about letting dudes know they are interested or are just flirting/teasing.
everyone should read a book on body language, what it says about you, especially as it relates to male-female interactions.
@GEMiniscing…,
Love it
@GEMiniscing…,
In a nutshell… wasn’t there a recent post addressing this issue?
@GEMiniscing…,
tell, me, young gemmie, whats the point of “teasing” if you’re not interested at all?
i mean, why do women (and even men for that matter) do any unnecessary behaviors?? becuz they can and they like the responses and attention they get when they do it.
doesn’t take a brainiac to recognize this O Ye of Large Dome Space…
@GEMiniscing…,
zing!!
and i agree gemmie! i would suggest reading that old book Games People Play as well.
@Monk,
I have been told that I’m the “flirty” type… whatever that means. I am just a nice, fun and smiling chick who will laugh heartily if a joke is funny and talk to you with no hungups if something interests her.
So yeah, if those are your cues as to whether or not a chick is into you, you might be “friendzoning” yourself a lot.
In general if I like a guy, he doesn’t have to guess. If he does, then he’s not the one for me.
Good list Champ!! I know I have done several of these things. One specific time in my youth, I told a potential FWB that I was not interested in a relationship right now…meaning he was good enough for the business, but not good enough for me to take home to my father. And he said he understood and said he wasn’t interested in being in a relationship either. 3 weeks later, after a few hook ups, he was introducing me to his parents. And then, I had to just say tell him out right he didn’t do anything for me/had nothing to offer me outside of the bedroom And of course, he played it off, but he never spoke to me again after that…oh well….
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
I guess being a boy toy does has it’s down sides . . . who knew?
@eff yo couch,
He was my friend first, and he propositioned me. I tried to let him know all I wanted was his friendship, not a relationship. He had other ideas….his parents were nice though, and his mama can cook some mean collard greens….
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
*flashbacks….*
What a tangled web we often weave in our young lives.
I almost don’t even wanna type this… but this was an on point post!!!
LOL!!! I can say I think I’ve done all of the above!
Personally, #3 doesn’t count for me. I make it a point to dis robe and get hella comfy upon entering the door. It’s one of the first things I do…daily! So if a guy I’m interested in or not comes by, he sees the bball shorts/sweatpants/ittybitty house shorts, tall socks, & wifebeater/tank/oversized tshirt.
The way I see it, if you’re in the “friend zone” then it doesn’t matter… and if we are dating/talking/chexing then you have/will see me in less so again….doesn’t matter.
You need to make a list for the overly persistent die hards who won’t take the clue even if you left it his pocket wrapped in a $100 dollar bill.
@Ro, “#3 doesn’t count for me. I make it a point to dis robe and get hella comfy upon entering the door. It’s one of the first things I do…daily! So if a guy I’m interested in or not comes by, he sees the bball shorts/sweatpants/ittybitty house shorts, tall socks, & wifebeater/tank/oversized tshirt.”
co-sign 100%. I never ever stay completely done up all of the time. As soon as I hit the door, the professional outfit comes off, and the leggings and Spelman tee is put on. And whomever stops by will see me in that…whether he is a friend or something more.
YAY FOR THE SPELMAN TEE!!!!!!!!!
except i wear my Spelman shorts/boxers around the house. tees are reserved for gym workouts.
@GEMiniscing…, YAY!!
I have specific Spelman tee’s for workout and other ones for around the house/run to Wal-Mart or Target. Sometimes I mix it up with the Spelman tee and the Morehouse shorts.
what c/o are you??
i just need to get new SC/MC gear. period. i’m plannin a trip to the A in the near future so i can stock up on my ‘nalia.
@GEMiniscing…,
c/o 2004. The last time I was in the A and bought some gear was HC 2006. But I will make a few purchases in May for reunion. What c/o are you?
c/o 2005
i haven’t been to the A since 2006 (the week before HC) either. i was thinking of going back for graduation but since it’s not MY reunion i may just go at some random time. i’m hoping to make HC this year too tho.
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
I agree… The wig comes off after the coat.
j/k
@mssmtaylor,
Welcome!!!! **Diva Dust v. 2.0**
now that that’s out of the way…
I quit you and your lifespace for that.
@blackberry molasses, *howling*
@mssmtaylor,
welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
i see you fit right in. lol.
@mssmtaylor,
LOL!! Naw, no wigs here. I only wear my own hair…100% natural N.I.A…
@N.I.A. thinkingofamasterplan….,
So if a guy I’m interested in or not comes by, he sees the bball shorts/sweatpants/ittybitty house shorts, tall socks, & wifebeater/tank/oversized tshirt.”
so you’re telling me that you’d allow the guy who you’re extremely interested in, but just met a few days ago, see you in the riot gear?
@The Champ, I look damn good in my riot gear. (see, the leggings or M’house shorts and Spelman tee).
But, a guy I met just a few days ago wouldn’t be invited to my house to see me regardless of how interested I am. More than a few days have to pass
@Ro,
You need to make a list for the overly persistent die hards who won’t take the clue even if you left it his pocket wrapped in a $100 dollar bill.
Unfortunately those are not VSBs, so they won’t even read this list.
Sometimes I wish y’all were broadcast live on TV somewhere….
(Talk show on HBO anybody?
)
@Sula In Planning.,
I like the plan. I volunteer myself as the first guest. I can do the whole screaming “why, why?” thing as Champ tells the most recent Ex he is 99.9% NOT the babies father.
Or I could do that classy Oprah ish too.
Holla at me ya’ll, I got acting skills.
@Sula In Planning.,
pending and sh*t
I have put folks in the “friend zone” and it always was some combination of your list, to the point I don’t think I even have anything to add… except maybe talking about the attractiveness of another man that is not famous. (on multiple occasions), and as obvious as that may seem, some still don’t get it through their thick skulls. That’s not even dropping a hint, that’s taking the hint and smacking the sh*t out of him with it….
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
except maybe talking about the attractiveness of another man that is not famous.
thats just cold and sh*t, lol
Your list is on point! I’ve done ALL of these things.
In ’09. I’m gonna try this new technique called open and honest though.. see how that works out. LOL.
@Nicki Sunshine,
good luck with that LOL..
@Princess Duvet, It has a 90 day money back guarantee though. Stay tuned!!!!
@Nicki Sunshine,
“open and honest though.. ”
is openess and honesty really the best policy in dating (aside from the obvious) LOL…i mean ..perhaps i need to go off and ponder.
@Princess Duvet,
“openess and honesty really the best policy in dating ”
..for women particularly????..cause im all about the yayas..
@Princess Duvet,
is openess and honesty really the best policy in dating
from a selfish standpoint, no.
from a “i want to be a good person” standpoint, maybe
@Princess Duvet, I think so… in my experience, men say whateva and don’t care if you get hurt feelings about it, so I do the same.
Plus, I don’t want any confusion… now, I am upfront when saying I want a relationship… not particularly with the dater, but that is my reason for dating. That way, if he doesn’t want it, we can cancel him out EARLY!
@Nicki Sunshine,
a part of me believes though that “pure honesty” from others (again outside of real unconscionable acts, ie I’m “not married” when I really am”) might be unreasonable particularly when people are following their inner guide.
A. people know dam!n well when something is over, women hang on for various desperado and ego driven reasons that i shant go into here. B. People know dam!n well when someone is or isn’t feeling them. C..i just wanted to write “C”. 3 is my lucky number.
namaste..
@Princess Duvet, ” People know dam!n well when someone is or isn’t feeling them”
This is very true!
@Nicki Sunshine,
D. (i forgot to address an important point) I don’t think its all that necessary to be exact about your reasoning for dating? why exactly must that be expressed. Aren’t you dating for a connection. And hopefully for fun, more comes of it great, nothing thats ok too…
what are you saying Heiress duvet??
too much importance is placed on “honesty” with OTHERS than rather being truthful with SELF and tuning into social clues.
@Princess Duvet,
“honesty” than rather being truthful with self
I thought the 2 were one and the same? No?
*must re-read torn and beaten copy of Yaya Handbook or order another one already!*
@Princess Duvet, In retrospect, it was because I wasn’t honest with myself… I have been guilty of playing that “I just want to have fun/I’m not lookin” card because I thought that’s what the man wanted to hear.. And I ended up pissed off and pissed on (LOL) when after we had s3x, I developed feelings and he was like “whoa, Nelly.”
So now, I feel it’s right for me to come forth instead of playing the game.
@Sula, i edited myself..i hope that makes sense..honesty with self and with others are slightly different..im still taking a to thine own self be true perspective..if everyone is true to self..do you really need to worry about if someone is or is not being “honest” with you??
@Princess Duvet,
It’s worked for me… most times. There is always a few times when it’ll come back and bite you in the arse but mostly it’s worked.
It probably also has a lot to do with the type of dudes I’m interested in.
I can only recall one occasion that I was put in the friend zone, but I was cool with that because she’s a stripper now and a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket. She is good at her job though . . .
I’ve always been the type to have a crush on a girl and never approach her about it. Girls usually come at me. What’s messed up is I wouldn’t have the slightest clue they where even interested in me. But like they say. . .hindsight is always 20/20. I still have trouble with this to this day. I’m friendly with almost everyone, and some people see that as flirting. If I go the club with my girl, she’s can point out he sisters that’s checking me out. And you know what she’s usually dead on with it. Hell I didn’t even know my current girl/bm/future wife was even interested in me. I guess you can say I’m clueless.
On the other hand some chicks are obvious and bold. So I have used some stuff off of the Champ’s list to set boundaries with those females. So yeah he’s dead on with that list.
@eff yo couch,
you didnt steal teacia’s supply of confidence pills this morning, did you?
@The Champ,
I’m not saying women approach me like I’m some type of celeb or something, but sometimes woman (read: big girls. lol) do
@eff yo couch,
but you dont play dat cuz of moo-moo right? lol
im like you, eff…my girls point out dudes checkin me out. but me? i assume no one’s lookin and go on about my bidness.
so none of y’all ever did the nassy with a man you previously friendzoned? isn’t that what FWB are?
im the only one?
hmph. i dont believe yall, yall need more people.
@Cheryl,
I’m an honest chick. Yes, its happened. And I got caught up in bullsh*t behind it every single time. Therefore, me sticking them in the Friend Zone was the smart thing. Me having a moment of weakness and calling said FZ resident(s) at 3 am was STOOPID.
@Cheryl,
Been there, done that, wrote a postcard to myself to never do it again!!
Personally, I never had a FWB situation end well. EVER. Either the benefits weren’t all that is cracked up to be or post receiving benefits…it was difficult to be friends. Although the former happened way more than the latter.
I quit the FWB thing when the score was:
FWB:3 Ro: 0.
*reading this post and thinking did i write this under the VSB moniker “Ro”?????*
@Cheryl,
Yeah I’ve did it to one of my “friends”. . . a few times. Actually we’ve been friends since we both was 8 and we’re still cool to this day. Again that was one of them situations where I had no idea she was feeling me like that, until she said something about it.
@Cheryl,
if you call a FZ a relationship CLEARLY over long before it was over..then yeah, i did the nassy with my “friend” once.
@Cheryl,
You’re not the only one…lol
@Cheryl, My cousin married and had a baby with a dude who had previously been in her Friend Zone. They’re still together and are happy on some black Ozzy and Harriet stuff.
That’s called The Successful Ladder Jump, and it’s as rare as a 4-leaf clover.
@Cheryl,
you’re not the only one…not at all.
@Cheryl,
Tried the FWB thing twice-
First time: friendship no longer exists..so not sure how beneficial that was…. oh well win some, lose some
Second time: he was orginally my “Twin-brother” ( we have the same bday)….now 5 years strong…who woulda thunk it?
Good post Champ!
Although I’ve probably done all of these, I will have to kinda sorta disagree with you on the last one. As I’ve gotten older, I have a huge knowledge of self-awareness in certain situations…in other words, I know how I am.
Short story:
Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Boy and girl talk, hang out, date, and eventually become girlfriend and boyfriend. Girl starts MBA program while working full time. Boy and girl argue like GF/BF’s do. Girl can’t completely focus on school b/c boy is stressing her. Girl’s grades fall b/c she so stressed from dealing with boy. Girl gets kicked out of MBA program and contemplates committing a felony on boy.
You see where I’m going with this? I know that a relationship affects my focus therefore, if I tell you “I’m not interested in or ready to be in a relationship right now” it may not be b/c I’m putting you in the friend zone….I’m just trying to stay in school!! LOL!! So…in the meantime, I’m choosing to stay away from relationships until October!
Disclaimer: The above mentioned story is fictional…well some of it…lil buddy was stressing me out so I broke up with his a$$. Only two quarters left….how YOU doin??!!!
By the way: HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!
)
@This Just In,
HERE WE GO STEELERS HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!
)
Echoing your sentiment because I TRULY want to see an all PA Super Bowl. That being said…
E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@This Just In,
I’m putting you in the friend zone….I’m just trying to stay in school
I will agree with this. Relationships… especially new ones require time and energy. When u first meet a guy especially, they seem to get REALLY insecure when they aren’t the focus of all ur time and attention? Like u can’t do enough to prove you like them… u just have other things to do besides them. Gawd! Sorry. rant…
@pgh muse,
If I know I can’t give the relationship all the time and attention it deserves, then I’d rather not even go there…I just don’t have it for you….right now…maybe later though. ;o)
@This Just In,
You see where I’m going with this? I know that a relationship affects my focus therefore, if I tell you “I’m not interested in or ready to be in a relationship right now” it may not be b/c I’m putting you in the friend zone….I’m just trying to stay in school!! LOL!! So…in the meantime, I’m choosing to stay away from relationships until October!
thing is, the situation you described is just a “break”. the guy was never in the friend zone.
i was tempted to call bullsh*t on your entire reply, but the steelers fandom saved you
Only thing I disagree on is if you seen shorty/the friend looking not so delectable (rollers in, etc.) before being intimate means you’re just in the friend zone. Just cuz a chick is that comfortable doesn’t mean he won’t be able to get it in at some point.
Everything else mentioned is gravy.
@Slim Jackson, The only way that one works is if that’s part of her general m.o. If not, if she likes to get dolled up most of the time, then you’re in the FZ.
@Scipio Africanus, Agreed.
Don’t forget these Dolden Oldies:
7. She undresses/changes with you in the room, and simply tells you to “close your eyes” or “look the other way.” (This happened to me in college .) Anytime a woman is interested in a man, she will respect his potential to cross-the-line. Women seem to get off on this possibility, though they don’t want it to actually happen. If she’s getting naked with you in the room then she knows it won’t happen with you – you don’t live up to that standard.
8. She uses low-intensity, impersonal pet phrases (you already sort of alluded to this) such as “hun” or “babe.” Those are the black female equivalents of “bro” and “guy”.
9. She *suddenly* no longer returns calls/texts/e-mails/IMs promptly. Promptly is within 3 or 4 hours for calls and texts, and 24 hours for e-mails. In this day and age, no one under 35 has their phone turned off for more that 2 hours, or goes more than a day or two without checking an e-mail account.
Maybe #9 is moreso about plain old rejection, but I’ll keep it.
#10 – She mentions another girl she knows and says that “you’d love her.” She’s tryting to get it in yoru head that you ain’t getting with her.
@Scipio Africanus,
# 9 recently happend to me after dating a guy for 6 mos. I hate rejection.
*sigh*..
@Scipio Africanus,
I think your list is more accurate than Champie’s.
Especially your #8 and #10.
Good thinking!
@Scipio Africanus,
7. She undresses/changes with you in the room, and simply tells you to “close your eyes” or “look the other way.” (This happened to me in college .) Anytime a woman is interested in a man, she will respect his potential to cross-the-line. Women seem to get off on this possibility, though they don’t want it to actually happen. If she’s getting naked with you in the room then she knows it won’t happen with you – you don’t live up to that standard.
**more proof that women are the spawn of dick cheney**
@The Champ, don’t be bitter, darling – it’s not attractive.
has any of our smart sisters ever been put into the Friendzone? Or are you ladies that awesome?
@eff yo couch,
I’ve been in the same friend zone tango with my friend for a few years now.
Other than that, does it count if the only reason you’re in the friend zone is b/c he has a girl already?
@Ro, To yoru first point, he probably just doens’t find you attractive (I’m not trying to offend – that’s just usually what it’s about.)
And to your second point, no, that doesn’t count – that dude just has scruples.
@Scipio Africanus,
No offense taken… its not a matter of attraction… we’ve been close friends for years and just not sure if “taking it there” is the “right” thing… has nothing to do with whether he’s attracted to me or not… I already know he is!
@Ro, Oh, I’ve been that dude before. I realized that it’s a subliminal judgment of what the odds of success are. That is to say, the only way a rational dude pushes up on a longtime homie (assuming he’s genuinely attracted to her and not just trying to hit) is if:
a) He thinks her rejection of him won’t make things weird (I actually just went through this over the weekend with a girl I’ve been tight with since 1991.)
b) He thinks she’s feeling him too and he judges that what the two of them could build would be long lasting and very real, i.e., a potential spouse. This one is tricky because the guy has to feel confident that she really likes him back.
In either case the estimated value of the fallout from rejection and/or a failed relationship is less than than the estimated benefit of the holleration.
In other words, only holler if the friendship can recover, or if you don’t care enough not to.
@eff yo couch,
I’ll be the first brave one to admit… yes. Dude used the “I’d rather help you solve your man problems than be your man problem” OUCH!!
He’s still my homie and we still talk and I get the feeling that he thinks that he might have made a mistake. Oh well, hindsight is always 20/20….. beeyotch!!
@blackberry molasses,
Ugh! I’ve heard, “No guy wants a woman like you unless he’s ready to get married. You’re not a girlfriend you’re a wife. And if I hurt a girl like you I know I’d go straight to he11.”
How in the he11 do you get to be a d@mn wife if you don’t start out as a girlfriend???
@blackberry molasses,
“I’d rather help you solve your man problems than be your man problem” OUCH!!
‘ouch’ indeed! this man is SMOOTH…
@superwoman,
well his smooth a$$ is pouting these days since
1. I am no longer available to play games with and
2. his team just lost to my team
Karma rules!
@blackberry molasses, wooooooow. just d@mn.
@voiceofreason, the only way i can think the ‘you’re a wife not a GF’ thing can work is (if its genuine) its like he knows he can’t f^ck up/act an @ss or treat you like someone he’s “learning on.” like, he knows he prob not in the right frame of mind to give the relationship ithe respect it deserves? so instead of getting with you and messing it up, let me go get my other ho-sh!t/immature-ness out of the way and step to you when i got my sh!t together type sh!t?
or maybe it’s just man crap. idk. *shrug*
i’m not even sure. i lose interest in dudes quick. so if a dude put me in the friend zone, i may not have noticed becuz i had already moved on.
hmmmm… lemme think… i can only think of one instance in college where it was obvious. other than that, i avoid being restricted to any and all zoning areas.
@eff yo couch,
Definitely. But when it happens it’s always with a guy I’d want to be friends with whether I was in a relationship with him or not so it doesn’t really bother me. Well, after I get over the initial sting of course.
@eff yo couch,
Oh I have been put in the Friend Zone once. And it stung badly.
I was on some Brown Sugar type shit, very excited to see my elementary school puppy love who grew up to be the hunky hunk from next door.
Turns out I was friends with his little sister without even knowing. So when she mentionned that her brother Kevin was coming to visit, I was nonplussed. Then I matched the first name and last name and was like don’t tell me Kevin Trudeaux is your brother? Turns out he was. Goodness gracious!
The guy came, we hung out, got along extremely well. And I was really hoping for some action to pop off. When it started telling me how he had a crush on my next door neighbor, I figured it was over and done with.
My lil’ heart was crushed, and I took a nugget of wisdom out of all of it.
Stuck in jury duty this week. After laughing aloud at “at the same as the likelihood that ann coulter’s adams apple isn’t bigger than her balls” in the “quiet jury room” in the basement of the courthouse, I was forced… FORCED… to read aloud to everyone just what had me cracking up. *gets thrown off case* Thanks and sh*t.
@GiGi,
vsb.com: getting you out of jury duty since **whenever**
lmao yes, that sentence had me laughing hysterically as well. as i was watching AC on The View the other day i thought to myself “self–she’s got to have externally hanging gonads that compliment that laryngeal prominence” *smh*
@GiGi, i agree p-fiddy and c-hiddy..need to be writing for tv.
Hello Everyone…
Men put women in the “friendship zone” all of the time:-)
but Also, I have given the friendly “thanks” and sincerely meant it and have been genuinely interested in the person given the compliment. So, what should I say other than “Thanks”
Happy Wednesday beautiful People!
@Jenna Marie Christian,
They sure do. Especially if they see you as “wifey” material but they’re not ready for anything serious. Those are the ones that call periodically to make sure you’re not dating anyone because they want to keep their options open for later on in life.
@Voiceofreason,
Sooo true!
@Voiceofreason,
yes, that pisses me off cause i get that simple ish..all of the time:-)
@Voiceofreason,
Ninjas are puttin women on law-away and sh*t! Yet, we are the evil ones – sheeeeeiiit!
@YGB,
its the Wife Layaway Program
15% friendship deposit to open the account
pay 5% in regular check ins to make sure she is still single or ‘not that serious about that ninja’ all the way up until u cash in the coupon and claim your wifey.
BOOOOOO!
This “friend zone” thing is funny. If a guy pursues a woman and is not genuinely interested in getting to know her as a person I think he deserves to get rejected. I don’t think it’s wise to be friends with a guy who tried to date you 1st unless you genuinely want to be friends with him. Otherwise, it gives mixed signals because there’s hope that you might change your mind, and every so often he might try to act on that hope. Here are more signs to let men know they’re in the “friend zone”:
1. She makes you feel like you’re with your sister or your cousin
2. She tells you how attractive her girls are and tries to set you up with some of them
3. She talks ish to you the way your boys would
4. She tells you one of your boys (that looks nothing like you) is her type
5. She insists upon paying for herself if you go out
@Voiceofreason,
4. She tells you one of your boys (that looks nothing like you) is her type
lol, this made me literally laugh out loud
@The Champ,
Yay!
Champ – 100 pts
VOR – 1 pt
Here’s how you break out of that friend zone ish! As a strong opponent and recovering Nice Guy, I will give you all the proven methods:
1. If she starts feeling too friendly with you, start treating her like one of your boys. Start saying things around her you’d reserve for them and make her feel like a dude. If she doesn’t piss off, she’ll subtly get the hint that you don’t see her as anything as a friend.
2. Selectively ignore her. When she calls let it ring a few times. Hell, go take a dump and then call her back. If she knows you’re easily accessible, she’ll take you as a sucker.
3. Never take her around people you roll with until she’s beyond the “just a friend phase.”
4. Talk about other women in your life or go into detail of your sexual escapades with other women. If she’s feeling you she’ll object to it and try to get you to be more sensitive.
5. When she comes over, conveniently have another lady friend there that is “just friends” and introduce them.
6. Straight up and down: Tell her you have plenty of friends and you don’t need another. That restricts her to anything but being your gottdamned buddy.
Ugh…I hate friendzone.
@CPT Callamity,
So what if she’s cool with this behavior(other than #3)? If a woman really wants to be your friend she’ll be relieved that you’re acting this way, because that way she’ll know you’re seeing eye-to-eye.
@Voiceofreason,
I guess you’d have to suck it up and have a buddy. This doesn’t go too well with me if she’s very attractive. Reason being is because if she doesn’t have attractive friends (meaning she keeps uggboogers around to make her stock rise) then she’ll of course try to dump them on you. If she’s just average then no real loss.
@CPT Callamity,
Interesting. I’m friends with a guy who despises the friend zone. He was finished with being Mr. Nice Guy and then he met me. I wasn’t interested in him but we clicked so well as friends we kept hanging out. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years and aside from his mom and his sister he insists that I’m the most important woman in his life. We have a genuine friendship and he said he wouldn’t even consider marrying a woman that couldn’t accept me as a part of his life. My point is don’t rule out a woman who only wants to be your friend. You could be missing out on a worth while friendship.
@Voiceofreason,
Sounds good on paper. My reasoning is that I have a lot of women friends already. Part of the reasons I have them is because I was a Nice Guy which I look down at now. Nice guys are safe to women, so they are the quickest to be thrown into the friend zone. Again, if she’s a looker then I’d be insulted.
@CPT Callamity,
Then you definitely wouldn’t want to be my friend! LOL! Just kidding.
@Voiceofreason,
I make a pretty good friend there just comes a point where you don’t necessarily need another. Like I hear people saying that they marry their best friend. I still don’t get that one. Doesn’t even sound realistic.
You know…now that i think of it…the reason I despise the friend zone because it always eludes to you either being too nice or not attractive enough. Rather insulting.
@CPT Callamity,
I have a question for you. As a former nice guy, do you find that your experiences with dating and women have improved after you changed?
@Voiceofreason,
Yeah, you get taken seriously and you regain a lot of wasted time back. Now I’m still in a bit of recovery, so things aren’t 100% but I knew I had to get out of being so damned nice. There will be a little more time before i have a full report for you.
@CPT Callamity,
I was a Nice Guy
..but were you a Good Dude? Because as Monday’s post demonstrated, there is major difference.
Women want Good Dudes. Self-proclaimed Nice Guys? Not so much.
@Sula In Planning.,
Yes I’m a good dude. Nice guys suffer for one reason: They don’t know how to control their niceness and end up appearing not as assertive as needed. The best way to break nice guys out of the routine is to get them to speak up and ask for what they want and–hate to say it–embrace some of the techniques that work for azzholes. If I go any further I’ll have to charge.
@CPT Callamity,
2. Selectively ignore her. When she calls let it ring a few times. Hell, go take a dump and then call her back. If she knows you’re easily accessible, she’ll take you as a sucker.
or, call while you’re in the middle of said dump.
@The Champ,
That works too. She might be privy to a turd splash acoustic show!
@CPT Callamity,
ewwwwwwwwwwwwww….. thanks bunches for that. really. no. thanks. bunches.
@CPT Callamity,
While I can appreciate the thought put behind this. This seems like an over-complicated game that you’re trying to play.
You’re probably better off just finding someone else. While I don’t like equating women to fish, they are still plenty out there. And they could be better than one you’re con-ing to get back.
@Dr. Watson,
No cons here. I just notice that when women begin to get a little comfortable with you, they either take the friend zone or the lover zone. That inbetween guy is an afterthought. If you don’t put down which zone you want to be in off top, then you get some of the horror stories printed throughout this forum. NO Cons…just be real.
Don’t take all of this as gospel though. I don’t do much gaming with women anymore.
Jarrod Halsey said it best “If you think you may be in the Friends Zone, you ARE in the Friends Zone”
Thanks for feeling the song, seems we found something everyone can relate to…
@Electric Pete,
no problem. thanks for stopping through. thats easily my favorite song on that album, which is saying alot because i’m feeling pretty much every track.
Hmmm, I don’t know.
The ones I will agree with are # 4, 5, and 6 (somewhat).
The rest not so much.
I (subsconsciously) tend to present my worst to anybody I am interested in. It just happens that way…
And when I dated, I used to be real clear that I was dating (read “going on dates” not “in a relationship with”) other people. Until I start really digging and considering being exclusive (read “start having relations and such”), I’ll be “seeing” other people.
And I reference to sex I have had before in most conversations….
. I am a talker like that.
So cheah, this list is not so cut-and-dry. Sorry Champie!
@Sula In Planning.,
i dont believe a word from your 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th sentences
@The Champ,
lol
@The Champ,
Why am I not surprised?
@Sula In Planning.,
I (subsconsciously) tend to present my worst to anybody I am interested in
I can agree with this. I am very unpretentious with people I’m interested in. The only vanity I reserve is my hair. U won’t see me with fcuked up hair until we’re serious. But up to that point I’m easy like Sunday morning… cause friends make the best partners. And if u can’t be friends how can u be partners? I’m not saying i’m doing anything to scare a ninja off on a first date but i’m going to be comfortable.
@pgh muse,
Dito..Dito.. I got o Co-sign with you
Did anyone already say this:
Once you’re in The Zone, don’t play yourself trying to get out. It’s an uphill battle, climbing on sand, in the dessert, dehydrated with no water, and Taliban on your heels!!!
@Hostess,
i beg to differ. its happened to me before, and a few vss’s here have admitted theyve “opened the gates” as well.
@The Champ, Well the shyt has never happened to me. There are dudes to this day who are still trying to get out the box. They’re all sweaty and tired but still trying to climb out. I made my decision. I think those women you’re talking about weren’t as firm on their disinterest as I have been.
@Hostess,
I think those women you’re talking about weren’t as firm on their disinterest as I have been.
i think “asking me to hook her up with one of my teammates” is about as “firm” as the wang i had in her mouth a couple years later
@The Champ,
“is about as “firm” as the wang i had in her mouth a couple years later”
im just wondering if you could make it a little more graphic next time…maybe add in an element of body fluid.. you know to give it that extra kick.
@Princess Duvet, Yeah he really painted a helluva picture there!!
@Princess Duvet,
That chick musta hurt Champie real bad…
He sounds a tad bitter… for someone so usually uber-cool…
So Champie-poo-poo (cf. Princess Duvet), were your feelings hurt by the FriendZoning?
@The Champ, Maybe you’re just super persuasive. Or, wait maybe she was just ‘easy’. Teammate? Really??
@Hostess,
lol…very funny, but very true:-)
Lol. Great post, The Champ.
Sure fire signs that as a male your stuck in the friend zone:
-She asks you to babysit while she goes out with someone else.
- She’s talking to you on the phone and accidentally says “Girrrrl…” and then quickly corrects herself.
- She tossles your hair or pinches your cheeks like you’re eleven.
- She asks you unabashedly about your other relationships with other women.
Ummm… that’s all I can think of for now
@pgh muse,
LOL @ “She asks you to babysit…” If she asks you to do that, you’re not in the friend zone, you’re in th bytch zone.
And if she starts out a sentence with “girrrrrl…” she probably doubts you’re straight.
@Voiceofreason,
LOL @ “She asks you to babysit…” If she asks you to do that, you’re not in the friend zone, you’re in th bytch zone.
basically. thats almost as bad as chillin with a girl you’re interested in, and getting kicked out because she tells you she has to get ready for her booty-call.
@Voiceofreason,
lol…no, i have occasionally let an accidental “Girrrlll” slip out on me and I didn’t think he was gay..i just got caught up in my story:-)
@Jenna Marie Christian,
LOL! Then that was a he11 of a story and I need to hear it!
But seriously, now that I think about it, I don’t say “girrrrl” too much to begin with, so that’s probably why I don’t let it slip.
LOL me too!
@pgh muse,
Well I have a bad habit of doing the grrrrrrrrrrrl think with everyone, including my SO, it always comes out when I am in gossip mode, and makes me stop myself and stop the gossip-talk…
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
I’ve wailed on chicks for calling me “grrlll.” That’s a pet peeve of mine. Anytime a woman talks to you like you’re on of her girls you’re in trouble.
@pgh muse,
Excellent List, e-twin!!
Why did #2 happen to me last night? *smh*
But the kid knows he’s in the friend zone though. His title is my “little brother”.
His own take? He’s acting as my “fauxbeau” to protect me from myself since I’m in an LDR et al…. *rolleyes*…
Ah, the FriendZone.
@pgh muse,
OMG I think I’ve hit a ninja with the “grrrrrrrrl let me tell you” lol
@pgh muse,
I’ve done this one… “She tossles your hair or pinches your cheeks like you’re eleven…”
Its fun to see the reactions. Thats a surefire sign you will never ever b*ne.
- She tossles your hair or pinches your cheeks like you’re eleven.
*light bulb just went off*
Sonava*#%$^ !!!! ….I’ve been friend-zoned….
@BmoreCreative,
I just snickered loud enough for someone to walk in my office and ask me what’s so dayum funny.
Congratulations.
@blackberry molasses,
Thanks and shit…
you know that feeling you get when standing with everybody else on the street watching a house burning down…. and slowly realize…hey that’s MY HOUSE burning down….
just got one of those….lol
@BmoreCreative,
awwww, po thang **big e-hug**
@BmoreCreative,
You’re now responsible for me finding a stupid excuse for my boss as to why I am wheezing and coughing and spilling hot stuff on the keyboard.
I just dahd. seriously.
@Sula In Planning.,
lol….I’m seriously over here flummoxed and ish…
like….that sneaky @#*#).
she probably friend-zoning me cuz she can’t handle all this greatness…..yeah that’s it….if you scuured say you scuured…lol
LMAO!! oh you remind me of one of my dear guy friends. who is not exactly in the FZ but he hasn’t experienced the goodness that is GEM. anyway…
i pinch guys cheeks all the time. and it’s usually of guys i’m interested. if they have dimples i’m poking them with my finger. basically, i only get up in the facial region of guys i genuinely like.
*sigh* this topic hurts my soul. what happens when you thought you made yourself clear and it comes back to bite you in the @ss years later?
man…..one of my boys, hell, two of ‘em just came out the box on me a little while ago. one of which was convinced i had told him years ago that i wanted to be with him. which i had no recollection of.
i remember the convo where i thought i was letting him down easy, which was made easier at the time by the fact that i had a boyfriend, or so i thought. and though i don’t remember the whole convo i know i in no way said anything to imply that i wanted to be with him because i didn’t and i remember trying to figuure out a way to say it gently because i didn’t want to hurt his feelings since he really was a nice guy.
but every now and then over the years he would make little sly comments about “marrying” me or “waiting on me” whenever we would do the catch up how you doing/who you seeing convo since we don’t really talk that often. i guess i shouldnt have ignored that or laughed those comments off but i thought it was him just putting it out there even though he knew what was up. WRONG! DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!
over a year ago, i broke up with the guy i was with when we had the first convo years ago, like 2003. and sometime in Dec. he hits me with the hee during the catch up convo. i ask what he’s up to, if he’s seeing anyone and the convo goes down hill (in summary) like so. this is all over text by the way:
him: not much.waiting on you to say yes
me: lol
him: not laughing. remember that time on the river u admitted that you wanted to but you were trying to give that boy a chance? (caught the dig cause he knows his name) i told you to call me if it didn’t work out.
me: you talking about D? (and knowing i said no such thing but still trying to be nice so i put the blame on myself) i’m sorry but i must have misunderstood what you were saying at the time (the hell i did) i don’t remember saying that. (cause i didn’t. and if i did, seeing as how we’ve been in contact since then, wouldn’t i have said something, oh, say, last year?)
him: you said you wanted to see what was up but was trying to be committed. so i was never a consideration?
me: in my mind we have always been friends.
him:
eli porter pause (c) C+D
him: understood
me: i’m sorry there was a misunderstanding. you know i wouldn’t intentionally do that.
him:nothing to be sorry for. i misunderstood. thats what happens when you don’t pay attention (so i guess you ain’t been paying attention for 5 years)
abrupt change of convo
him: so when is your mom coming to visit
*sigh*
i don’t even have the strength to recite the other one.
sh!t happens.
@SouthernGirl,
this conversation transcript made me sad… because i just realized how many times and with how many different guys I’ve had the exact same conversation.
@SouthernGirl,
not the ….eli porter pause (c) C+D
LMAO…
i’m the best maaayne…..
…I did it..LOL
@SouthernGirl,
that was the saddest and funniest sh*t i’ve read all day. reading that was like watching “forrest gump”
@SouthernGirl,
ahhh sad face : (
What is it when a woman lets you sleep in the same bed with her but doesn’t expect you to do a damn thing???
Is that some “selective torture friendzone sh*t?? ”
Had a few (pretty similar conversations) do this to me back in tha day:
Her: You can sleep with me but we’re not going to do anything.
Me: Uhh, Ok.. (thinking i still got a shot)
Her: I’m serious!!! We’re just friends..(as she slids in tha bed with only sexy bra and thong on smelling like strawberry kiwi)
Me: Ummm, seriously you expect me to sleep all night with you and not jump from the top rope in that cush?
Her: yes, this how i sleep. I have to be comfortable right?..
Me: Well, I have to be comfortable too and not catch a case so I’ll see you tommorrow…
Her: How can we say we’re friends and not even be able to sleep together w/o doing anything?
Me: Eazy…friends don’t let friends go home hard. *muttering..dis some bullsh*t man..*
How many VSS’s can be honest and ish and say they’ve pulled those similar shananigans?..
@Tx10inch,
lmao… she thought u were one of her girlfriends…
@Tx10inch,
i agree with the Muse… clearly girlfriend thought you were her homegirl… but i don’t even share a bed with my best friends lookin all S3xy Lexy.
FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!! SHENANIGANS!!!! FOOLYWANG!!!!
She really was on some sadistic/ torture/ tryna make you catch a rape or assault charge nonsense.
I have, however…
**hangs head sheepishly looks up from under long lashes and mutters**
…have let dudes I know who are feeling me sleep on my couch and knowingly walked to the kitchen in my nightgear….
@blackberry molasses,
See..yall know yall ain’t right? Why? just why?
SMH
@Tx10inch,
WHAT?!?!?! Its MY house!!! I can walk around wearing (or not) whatever I please!!!
DANG!
@Tx10inch,
She was just trying to chop and screw you (cf. some post last week).
What, you mean to tell me there was no sofa or comforter or something in that whole house? Puh-leeze… She either wanted to be a “good girl” while showing you what she got or wanted to verify your claim to fame.
Either way, she was interested…
@Sula In Planning.,
Either way…games like that make my brain hurt.
**pops two tylenol**
@Tx10inch
She woulda got pummeled and should’ve expected nothing less. I let them know from the gate that there ain’t gonna be no half-naked just friends sleeping.
@CPT Callamity,
LMAO
@Sula In Planning.,
“or wanted to verify your claim to fame.
”
…yep..tryna see if the “cheese steak” could reach to the other side of the bed maybe..not sure.
@Princess Duvet,
true, true..lol
@Princess Duvet,
Girl, that’s what I’m saying. He probably gave her that extra tight hug where she could feel his dangalang through the pants. Didn’t say nothing about it, but the look on her face was probably, “Oh sh*t!” and the look on his face was like, “That’s right.”
Tx10inch – YOU are the tease, my friend. She probably had some condoms stashed under her pillow and errythang. If you had spent the night (and acted like you weren’t concerned with her bra and thong) she would’ve woke you up about 3am with some “Can I get a ride?” type sh*t. LOL!!
@Lil’T,
eye to eye..i 3rd eye’d something and imma leave the salami inferences and conclusions be.
this story is missing something…but im too busy to really delve into the 10 inches of revisionist history he got us swimming in LOL…
@Lil’T,
Damn, why didn’t I think of that?
**pops self in tha head** stupid, stupid…
@Lil’T,
but the look on her face was probably, “Oh sh*t!” and the look on his face was like, “That’s right.”
This made me cackle out loud… because I was the chick in that scenario at some point.
*smh*
@Tx10inch,
Females who do idiot a$$ shyt like this make it hard for the rest of us. I am definitely a no means no advocate… but really? a THONG? If she was simple enuff to think that ur were supposed to ignore her naked a$$ in the bed, then this female deserved to at least get shook hard one good time b4 u rolled out.
@pgh muse,
4sho. a shakin had crossed my mind..but i just moved her into the “shady friend/my freedom is more important than smashin file” and keep it open on her.
@Tx10inch
Did she really only have on a thong and bra?
If so, that’s some bullsh*t. It’s one thing to put someone in a FZ, but to tease them like that is crazy.
If I’m friends with a ninja and for whatever reason we have to sleep in the same bed, I wish that mofo would get in the bed in some well fitted boxer briefs with a footer imprint. He will get raped. Or I will not so discretely pop the Pepsi can right there next to him.
@V Renee,
*sigh* Sadly yes. MATCHING bra and thong with that good smelling fruit lotion that make you wanna jump on fat chicks.
@Tx10inch,
“good smelling fruit lotion that make you wanna jump on fat chicks”
I quit you… and I ain’t even your e-boo.
BBMo i almost quit him and he IS my e-boo. *smh* but he sent me an e-gift so all sins were forgiven.
*shrugs* i’m easy to win over. what can i say??
@GEMiniscing…,
that’s aight. don’t want to make them jump through too many hoops.
besides… i been quittin a lot of people today.
@blackberry molasses,
why what i do? I got luv 4 my big gurls..when i said “fat” in that instance i meant “OBESE”!
@Tx10inch,
I wasn’t offended. Trust. I KNOW I’m fine.
I quit you because you made me laugh so hard I spit out my $4 Italian Dark Roast all over my intern’s prosal. He has to print me a new copy, and wants to know why.
*high five* @ “I KNOW I’m fine.”
that’s my sis.
@blackberry molasses,
“I wasn’t offended. Trust. I KNOW I’m fine. ”
Thank you, cause you know I was over here saying the same thang….lol
*waves @ Tx 10inch*
@GEMiniscing…,
**high five and a low behind the back five as well**
dayum skippy… and if I start to forget, my baby reminds me
@miss t-lee,
HOLLA!!!!!
@miss t-lee,
what it do boo?
*giving e-boo and miss t side eyes and clears throat*
the hell…
@GEMiniscing…
**clears throat**
Err, I mean how’s it going today Miss t-lee?
**mutters while smiling..dis some bullsh*t…**
@Tx10inch,
ok im about to get fired from laughing to hard. that was some serious bull ish.
cheesesteak..im not saying i ever did this before ..but there are some women who like to create se!xual tension..there was post awhile back where a dude (was it slim???) talking about he is a reformed spooner with no other relations after
so maybe it was the buildup she was looking for, whereby the time you really hit it, yall are really hittin it.
@Princess Duvet,
nahh, was already in the FZ w/her.
don’t like mixed signals and ish…
say what you mean and mean what you say…
@Tx10inch,
I would have taken all my clothes off and told her that’s how I sleep. (i really do this)
You could have also used the famous line, where you tell her, “You better not sleep with your mouth open” She would have probably threw something at you, but at least you would get a good laugh out of it. . . I know I do when I tell that to wifey. lol
@eff yo couch,
Or you could always jump out there and tap her booty with erect soldier in hand. Or fall asleep and accidentally rest your hand on said booty. Or…give her the ole dutch oven since we’re such good friggin friends…
“Or you could always jump out there and tap her booty with erect soldier in hand.”
@CPT Callamity,
co-sign, I’ve seen that done in a few p0rn flicks and it’s works everytime like Colt 45
sula beat me to it. but yeah, e-boo, you’d officially been chopped and screwed!!
but this…
Me: Eazy…friends don’t let friends go home hard. *muttering..dis some bullsh*t man..*
…made me choke on my own laugh. but it’s sooo true!! i’ve never slept in the same bed with a friend and expected him not to make a move. an invitation into some one’s bed is an invitation to let them cop a feel, if not more. i expect and want some cuddly business to be going down! if you are truly in the FZ you can sleep on the couch, pahtna.
but more importantly– who the hell sleeps in a bra?!?! or a thong for that matter?? talk about a quick way to get a yeast infection fa real. i sleep in loose comfortable clothing that allows me to be free and my “girl” to breathe.
@GEMiniscing…,
Who you telling? I’m chalking this up to an elaborate set-up on her part to get some. Friend Zone my azz…
lmao yes!!! that girl new EXACTLY what she was doing. had my e-boo so much as exhaled CO2 in her general direction that thong and bra would have been on the floor quicker than you could say “10-inch”.
that’s some “But We Just Friends Ho Sh*t” if i ever saw it. tsk tsk tsk….
@GEMiniscing…,
You’re like my brother Ho Sh*t
My Best Friend’s Wedding Ho Sh*t
Done.
Made of Honor Ho Sh*t
Syd & Dre In Brown Sugar Ho Sh*t
You Like A Play Cousin Ho Sh*t
I Feel At Ease Around You Ho Sh*t
Can You Unbutton This Ho Sh*t
Does This Teddy Make Me Look Fat Ho Sh*t
@GEMiniscing…,
Is My Bra Showing in this outfit Ho Sh*t
Can You Zip Me Up? Ho Sh*t
Let’s go to VS, I need new bras Ho Sh*t
Can you rub my neck (but not touch me anywhere else), I’m so stressed out Ho Sh*t
@blackberry molasses ,
Can You See My Pantyline Ho Sh*t
Can I Test This KY Yours/Mine On You Ho Sh*t
Let’s Take A Bath Together Like We’re 4 Ho Sh*t
10inch Asleep or Awake Ho Sh*t
@GEMiniscing…,
That is hilarious.
@GEMiniscing…,
I hate yall.
@blackberry molasses,
*crying*
@blackberry molasses,
LMAO!!! This is what I miss when I leave work and go to the gym. You all are hilarious!!
@GEMiniscing…,
that’s some “But We Just Friends Ho Sh*t” if i ever saw it. tsk tsk tsk….
lol
@GEMiniscing…,
L.M.A.O! Ya’ll r sooo crazy. truly outrageous… truly truly truly outrageous.
@GEMiniscing…, but more importantly– who the hell sleeps in a bra?!?! or a thong for that matter??
LMAO!! I was thinking the same thing…sleeping in a thong? SMH…silly girl was teasing TX, and for all her trouble, probably had a loaf of bread growing b/t her legs…
NOT loaf of bread growing b/t her legs!!!!!!
sourdough anyone??
*dead*
@GEMiniscing…,
**visualizing Gem in her “loose” clothing letting ANYTHING breathe**
**wipes drool**
Ok. I’m good… Goodnight everybody!!
still can make the e-boo drool after 1.5 weeks of e-courtship?? our e-romance is still in full effect– heyyyyyy!!
@GEMiniscing…,
Studies show you actually should sleep in a bra because it keeps the girls firm. If you keep’em up they never go down.
those “studies” are fictional. saggy, droppy breasts have nothing to do with bras. it’s better to sleep braless (“free-beasting” as i like to say), helps with good ciruclation and breathing.
@GEMiniscing…,
Yeah, those are the same “studies” done in every late night commercial.
If your genes determine that your girls will sag, they will. Plus lots of Hosh*t can possibly accelerate the process.
Just get down and do those push ups.
@Sula In Planning.,
hear hear! push ups, chest presses, butterflies all keep the girls pert and perky
@Tx10inch,
That was uncalled for! She just likes being a tease. Any grown woman knows you just don’t do that ish. I’ve slept in the same bed as a friend before but that was because I wasn’t gonna make my boy sleep on the floor. He was a complete gentleman (and far from gay). He asked if it was OK to sleep in the bed and got under the comforter, not the flat sheet.
how could i forget – i recently got SHUNNED (and HOW!) by s’one i tried to put in the friend zone…
he’s a guy with a bit of a public profile, former editor of one of our larger daily papers, plus we have quite a few friends in common. he also hangs around my neighbourhood mall a lot, so we give each other the ‘hello’ nod greeting a lot.
one fine day, the guys at the bookshop tell me that ‘some guy would like my number. i promptly refused and carried on with my life. a year later, this guy approaches me @ the mall and asks me out to dinner ( mind you this is the first time we’ve ever spoken…) he also confesses that he was the guy who asked for my digits that day….
so i was like…errr, why don’t we rather do coffee (it’s not like he was a complete stranger, plus i thought he was an interesting individual, and was ok with knowing him AS A FRIEND)
ok – so we do our coffee – he hands me a present – a book by a local novelist…. and i’m like….’okaayeeee’. then he proceeds to tell me that he’s been in love with me for two years, ever since i smiled at him in the bookstore (note to self – STOP BEING SO DAMN SMILEY!!!) coz he was going through major sh!t, and that smile was the brightest thing in his life… at this point, he also mentions the little detail that he’s engaged and is set to wed in march ’09, but is prepared to call it off if i say the word…
so now i’m checking to see which exit i can dash for quickest, but decide to just exit with grace, and rather give him the friend story – on some ‘you seem like an interesting person, we have all these friends in common – which is really why i agreed to this coffee, but err… love and stuff – NO.”
his response? and this is classic….
‘NO. you do not have the tools to be my friend. I do not want or need you as a friend. i want you as my lover, my woman. i want to take you away for the weekend, and read to you. i want to watch you as you sleep… i want to…”
guys- the man told me that I DO NOT HAVE THE TOOLS TO BE HIS FRIEND!!!!!!!!!
what does that even MEAN???? i was finished! my friends all laughed at me on some ‘serves you right!’
ah well, at least i got a good book out of it all…
at this point i hastily gathered my stuff (including the book, heh heh) said ‘listen, i don’t think this is going to work out – i’m going to leave now’ and scampered for the door….
@superwoman,
dude needs to teach a seminar – How to win even when you losing in 12 easy steps.
@superwoman
Tell dude, I’m taking that line for future use!
@CPT Callamity, please don’t – it’ll just bring more havoc, confusion and destruction into this world…
@superwoman,
Screw that…the ship is already sinking, why try to save it now?
@CPT Callamity, courage! help is at hand!! obama is at the helm!
@BmoreCreative,
Right? That was on some Jedi Mind Trick sh!t if I ever saw one.
@BmoreCreative, i’m still FINISHED!!!!! unbelievable!
@superwoman,
‘NO. you do not have the tools to be my friend. I do not want or need you as a friend. i want you as my lover, my woman. i want to take you away for the weekend, and read to you. i want to watch you as you sleep… i want to…”
HAHAHAHA!!!
@The Champ, champ, you’re so wrong!!!!! i’m still traumatized!!!
@superwoman,
was he seriously gonna call off the wedding?
now how you gone walk away from a guy who would clearly break his fiances heart to be with you after not even seeing you in two yrs??? tell me that…. lol
@mssmtaylor, so he said. and i believed him…. i was just so perplexed at the speed and direction that the whole encounter was going… one minute we’re having a friendly coffee, the next it’s all intense, emotional, crazy and weird. and he was just giving me this STARE the whole time…. very, very intense.
if you’re the kind of woman who likes dramatic, tumultous and intense relationships, this would have been quite the aphrodisiac. me, i like my men calm and relaxed, no drama, dispensable fiances and stuff…
@superwoman,
I bet dude has several restraining orders against him.
@superwoman,
Since I have nothing better to do at work, I’m going to go ahead and put this out there about homie . . .
We was playing for the other team.
Tools = @nal beeds
lol, I kid I kid.
@eff yo couch, oh Lord! LOOOOOORD!!!!!!
@eff yo couch,
I’m thinking sending you to the Corner is a moot point since yo ignant a$$ lives there, but I’m doing it on GP.
Corner. NOW.
@blackberry molasses,
You know the corner is my home away from home.
“I wish I could give ya this feeling”
“I wish I could give ya this feeling”
It’s also one of my favorite songs by Common
wowsers!!! as many stalkers and whiny bratty dudes as i’ve dealt with, i’m completely flabbergasted by this whole scenario.
@superwoman,
at this point, he also mentions the little detail that he’s engaged and is set to wed in march ‘09, but is prepared to call it off if i say the word…
What a jacka**. He’s lucky you’re nice and tried to be polite about leaving. I woulda tossed my coffee on him and walked out.
@Dom, I was too shocked/dazed/incredulous. escape was on my mind..
@superwoman,
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry girl but BWHAHAHAHA!
@YGB, no ngwana, you’re dead wrong…..
good job with this list champ!
i really can’t think of anything else at the moment… and number 3 is so on point.
if i want a guy to be into me, and he hasn’t gotten into yet (haha), i’m gonna make sure i look up to par. every. single. time.
My post is a little off-topic. Or maybe a lot off-topic but I need some advice…from complete strangers.
I was recently breaking headboards and alienating neighbors with an ex who I reconnected with after many years.
Unfortunately, we had a spat and have not spoken in 13 days, 15 hrs and 39 mins. What? I like to paint a detailed picture.
Anyway, I want this fight to be over because I want more of the nasty, ugly, sweaty, scream-y,monkey sex that we had. I can’t stop thinking about it! But I don’t want to go begging back and making him feel like his sh*t is the best I’ve ever had. Which of course it is. By far.
What’s the best way to handle this situation to get what I want, while hanging on to some semblance of pride?
@VeronicaL,
Love is stronger than pride *cue Sade*
The fact that you know down to the minute how long it is says that its more than just the sex. Woman up and call him.
Wait a minute, Um 13 days. New Years Eve Sex? I guess it would depend on weather you two were talking before that on and off. If this was just some “NYE I dont want to be alone booty” out the blue, then leave it alone.
@Dom,
Thanks Dom,
It wasn’t NYE sex. The sex was for a few weeks prior to that. The “spat” happened NYE day over the phone and we haven’t spoken since. *sigh*
“Woman up”. lol. I like that.
I guess I just wanted someone to say it was ok to swallow my pride and call.
@VeronicaL,
girl, good dack and earth shattering O’s are always stronger than pride… as long as he’s not a complete a$$hole
handle that
@blackberry molasses,
AMEN
@VeronicaL,
Step right into Lil’ T’s Bootleg Advice Corner, where we can give you (sorta) good advice for the low, low cost of .23 cents….
Isn’t there a reason he’s your ex? Did you cause the spat, or play unfair? Doesn’t sound like y’all have reconnected much but your genitals at this point. Give yourself a chance to detox from the good wood and someone will come along to fulfill your physical AND emotional needs soon enough. Because from your description, the wood is the only thing impressing you….
Dang, where’s PBG when you need her?
@Lil’T,
“Dang, where’s PBG when you need her?”
let me see if i can find her and brown baby Jesus..
@Lil’T,
Your advice is on point.
VeronicaL, I will suggest in the meanwhile to head over to this great little gem on the interwebs called good.vibr.ations dot com, where you can find an endless supply of fill-in wood while you figure what your next steps should be.
Do you like him? More importantly does he like you? What were the circumstances of separation? reuniting?
So many questions, so little time.
Y’all we need a forum for real.
@Sula In Planning., The forum is http://www.heyyouasked.blogspot.com, but ya’ll ain’t sending those letters!
To Ms. Veronica,
An Ex…for real? *sigh*
I’m all for going green, but recycling men is not helping the environment @ all. I am a forward thinking type of gal. I don’t go back. At all. I did it once in a big way and I’m still paying for that shyt.
But since you do, I say you have no pride left to protect. Call him. Grovel. Rain down compliments upon him and his superior peen like government workers tossin’ singles @ The Penthouse on the 15th and 30th of every month. You have nothing else to lose because you threw it all away when you went back to boinking a dude who isn’t good enough to be your man.
@Lil’T,
Damn, that’s some solid advice. Made me stop and ponder…hmmm…maybe I shouldn’t call and just detox off the good wood.
Thanks.
I just want to say this is hilarious….
“awwww, thanks hun. your socks are really nice too. they really compliment your knuckles”
Hey yall!!! I’ve missed u. I’m late to the party. Was there bailey’s? did someone get sprayed w/ singles?? No? well it wasnt a party then. Blame my African People Time on folks at work who actually (get this) want me to earn my paycheck and ish. Pbtt! Whats that about?
Anyway, I just wanna say that I cackled the ENTIRE time I was reading the post AND the comments.
I quit the following people:
Champ, BBMo, Gem, THE COUCH, Superwoman, BmoreCreative, Callamity… Am I missing anyone? I’m sure I am. Either way, yall deserve AT LEAST 5mins each in the Corner.
Eff Yo, since you already one of my Corner Roommates, Iunno what ur punishment will be. Mayb I’ll ration ur supply of rice or sumfin.
@Luvvie,
Oh, also Tx10inches is ALSO quitted by me. Yes I said quitted.
*looking around* you gon QUIT me?? YOU gon quit ME??
that’s just pish posh. and i won’t have it.
*starting the Luvvie can’t quit Gem campaign* hell no i won’t go (to the corner)!!!
@Luvvie, whyyyy??? i need support!!! why’re you quitting me, whyyyyyy?
Maybe there should be some sort of cut-off age for the friends zone? I’m thinking 25+ is too old to be getting caught up in the friends zone. If you do then that’s your fault. I think the 2520′s addressed this issue appropriately though… at least with the females. It’s called, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Same can be said for guys… She Just Not That Into You… n*gga!
@SouthernCharm,
“She’s Just Not That Into You…. Ni**a!”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
@SouthernCharm,
Cant wait until that movie comes out.
ummmmm i’ve been meaning to mention this but errr uhhhh that’s NOT a woman in the pic you posted. i mean, it can’t be. even Ann Coulter closely resembles a transvestite. that person just is… well… manly.
I’ve been a reluctant friend many times. It sucks.
But, I’ve also learned that there are ways to deal with this and turn it to your advantage. When a woman pushs you into the friend zone you basically have three options.
1. Take it like a b*tch and keep being her mind whore.
2. Drop her.
3. Begin to treat her like a friend as well and plot for the day when she will become so upset by your nonchalance and throws the vag at you. Then never speak to her again.
See, number 3 is a good move. After all, every man knows that woman need attention like crackheads need, well y’all know. So, if you start treating her like one of the guys she will no longer be getting the ego stroke she needs from y’all’s relationship and she will try other methods to return things back to their previous state. At that point, you try to push things into the sexual realm and then cut your losses.
Y’all can thank me later.
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