in keeping with our committment to fight crime, i’d be remiss if i didn’t tell you that i was once in a relationship with a woman who later revealed herself to be completely insane. because i am still scared to death of her dont like to go in-depth about past lovers, i won’t get into any particulars, but i wanted to bring this topic up just to provide some sort of public documentation in case i end up “missing” someday show you all that the champ is human and sh*t, and how to avoid the mistakes ive made. so without further ado, heres…
….five signs you’re dealing with a crazy-ass bastard
1. you’re scared to break up…for two separate reasons:
a) what they’ll potentially do to you
and, more importantly.
b) what they’ll potentially do to themselves
“how did it last that long?”
ask anybody (myself included) who stayed in a relationship with a slightly anti-sane person this question, and they’ll all give you a variant of the same answer.
“yeah, of course, i feared that she’d delete my hard drive and grind off the heels of my ken cole dress boots if i ended it. but, to be honest, i was more scared about what she’d do to herself. sh*t, suicide, homicide, growing a shag, dating a skinhead, and publicly releasing a niagara of synthetic tears…anything was possible.”
2. you keep a list in your head of completely and hilariously random topics you try to never, ever, ever, ever bring up.
several years ago, i dated a woman who’d go batsh*t bongcrazy whenever anything having to do with vegetables was brought up.
i’m not making this up.
vegetables.
like lettuce and spinach and sh*t.
i once asked her why, but i lost interest once i heard the term “seattle communists” in her explanation. moral of the story: don’t date aka’s.
3. they have a list of completely and hilariously random places they’re never, ever, ever allowed to visit
chuck e cheese
walmart
back yards
madison square garden
walking across bridges
the state of delaware
within 500 yards of any post office or beer distributors
no matter how stupid the reason, crazy-ass bastards love being banned from random ass, seemingly unbanable places. its a virtual rite of passage, like confirmation for catholics and teen pregnancy for hispanics.
4. for whatever reason, sex is usually accompanied by tears
lets just say that i learned the hard way that a woman doing a naked wall-slide and sobbingly uncontrollably for ten minutes directly after an orgasm isnt a good thing, and could possibly lead to more terrifyingly hilarious behavior, and lets just leave it at that…ok?
cool.
lastly…
5. …they’ve made YOU crazy too
whether it’s changing your account passwords twice a week, hacking their email just to see if they’ve hacked yours, or finding yourself apologizing for completely and utter defensible sh*t (“i’m sorry for telling you i got to work on time yesterday. i didnt realize that it would make you think about your stepfather‘s foster kids“), there’s no truer sign that you’re dating a crazy-ass bastard than the fact that you’ve started to do crazy-ass sh*t yourself, just to potentially pre-empt their craziness.
its a circle of crazy. a sphere of insanity. a loop of lunacy. a wheel of wack. a disc of dementia. a circumference of cuckoo
i’d go on, but…wait. hold up. i’ll be back. i think someone’s knocking on my window.
hmmm. thats odd. noone was there, but there’s a bucket of what looks to be chicken blood on my windowsill. i wonder why that is?
oh well. did i miss anything?
—the champ
Related posts:
- 5 signs that you just might have to marry her ass
- the sad tale of the BAB: three signs that you might be a bitter-a** bastard
- milk was a bad choice: 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship
- six things every grown-ass sista should possess
- but when he gets on, he’ll leave your ass for a white girl…or not
{ 377 comments… read them below or add one }
Dang. Why’d you have to bring Kanye into this?
Anyway…
You gather a round table of friends to figure out how to rid yourself of the person. After much discussion, you all decide a written statement is best so that documentation exists that you didn’t want anything to do with said person. You know it’s rude but you do it anyway…cus documentation will help the person be convicted if some stuff goes down.
You research how to limit their access to you on Facebook. Then, you do it slowly because you know flat out un-friending them might mean CSI’s will wind up at your house spraying luminol on you very light sofas.
Crazy people will have you spending the final 20 minutes of your work day trying to mapquest new routes to get home.
@Hostess,
so i guess its safe to say you have some experience in this arena?
@Hostess,
Dang. Why’d you have to bring Kanye into this?
Right???
Plus, Amber Rose might just be the bangigest girl in the news right now. (even though I will gladly take Kanye off her hands.
)
@Ms. Sula,
Have you seen her sans makeup?
Not good.
@Ms. Sula,
Plus, Amber Rose might just be the bangigest girl in the news right now. (even though I will gladly take Kanye off her hands.
)
as far as bald white women go, you’re right. in fact, if i had to rank the all-time bangingest bald white women, natalie portman in “v for vendetta” would be first, amber rose would be second, and “agatha” from “minority report” would be 192nd
@The Champ
I am soooooooo mad that you said “agatha” from “minority report”.
That is hilarious!
@The Champ,
Is Amber Rose white? I always thought she was light-skinned?
Have you seen her a$$?
@Ms. Sula,
i think shes full-snizzle, but i could be wrong.
and no, i haven’t seen her ass. why are you asking? did she steal something from you?
@The Champ,
LMAO! STOP!
@The Champ,
The size of her butt made me believe she was a black chick…
…plus she stole Kanye.
Re-DONK-ulous…and she got a walk on her too.
***Thumbs up, Ye***
@AkShone,
Eggs-actly!
@Ms. Sula,
The chick is indeed FIERCE! Although I still side-eye her b/c something bout her looks mad shifty. I trust her as much as I could pull her hair in a fight. Hmph.
@Luvvie,
One of my homeboys said she looks like a guppy.
I couldn’t stop laughing.
@Ms. Sula,
Amber Rose might just be the bangigest girl in the news right now
True.
@Hostess, “Crazy people will have you spending the final 20 minutes of your work day trying to mapquest new routes to get home.”
Now you know you dealing with someone crazy if you have to do that.
Another one is making sure you don’t turn on the front lights just in case they are passing by and can see a light in your living room.
Hey..look sometimes being banned from random places is just a sign of having a colorful past.. and in no way shape form or fashion should that be used to deem a person as “crazy”……
@shay-d-lady,
i feel like theres a story lurking here….
@shatani, Chile you know there is always a story with me…
@shay-d-lady,
well?
@shay-d-lady, and I would like to add since I cant edit my comment
I am FIRST!!!! Yeah and The Watchmen was Awesome!!! F!#k the haters…..
@shay-d-lady, oh not first… haters The Watchmen was still EXCELLENTLY AWESOME
what on earth is happening to kanye?!?!
i think one sign youre dating a lunatic is that you find yourself in heated arguments over hypotheticals…DAILY! this friend of mine used to date a chick that had a new, “what would you do if…?” question for him every day. every. day. and they would be dumb stuff like, would you date again if i died. what if i was just in a coma. what if you woke up and i wasnt here, would you worry?
now keep in mind, they didnt live together and were barely dating 6/7 months. she didnt want him to have a single thought that didnt involve her, she wanted him to give up women altogether if she ever didnt exist for some reason, and when he answered like a normal person she lost. her. shyt.
now i told him that heffa was crazy from the first time i met her…but he was enthralled by the booty, so he tried to withstand the insanity storm. hot chicks have much more crazy leeway than the facially subpar….
@shatani, HEY SHATANI!!! I missed you on the midnight crew…..
@shay-d-lady,
hey lady! i got home like an hour ago and thought i would check out vsb
@shatani, “hot chicks have much more crazy leeway than the facially subpar….”
be careful this statement can cause the gates of He_ll to open up….
@shay-d-lady,
I am still amazed at how things went down on that post. WOW.
@iloVEGrits, I am still amazed at how things went down on that post. WOW.
whispers “me too”……..
we shall now refer to that as “the post that shall not be named”…..
@shay-d-lady,
well, how am i to know what to read if we dont mention the name of the post!?!?!
@iloVEGrits,
Yeah me too. Whooo it was some tension in this piece. I shall jus whistle and walk away
@shatani, Kanye is doing what Kanye needs to do to keep his name on the airways. He’s not slick!! And he is on his way to being a legend–outside of his mind. Let’s see…Haters? Check! Being called crazy? Check! Having his significant others put under a microscope? Check! Being called gay? Check! A legend indeed.
In semi-unrelated news, after last week’s absolute foolery, I suspect the VSB are on their way to being legends too. Or at least they’ll get offered a show on BET or MTV. All I ask is that I be allowed to have a weekly segment. OK, monthly. You know, since I never got my baby-tee. What?
@Hostess,
um…what foolery do you speak of?? what do i need to go back and read?
@shatani, yes chile.. you need to go back and read….
@shay-d-lady,
I guess I need to go back and read to, cause I’m lost
@shatani,
Please quit speaking of it lest that isht pop back up like Candyman. I’m scared…how many times have y’all mentioned it already?
@Nikiloveli,
*howling*
@Hostess, you are right Hostess..they are making Kanye the T.O. of Hip Hop.. I mean every thing he says is breaking news… gotdayum it…
@shatani,
“hot chicks have much more crazy leeway than the facially subpar….”
As do hot men. Do you think any of the crazy dudes I dated were fugly? Noooo. lol.
Interestingly, a former friend of mine dated and eventually got engaged to a guy she thought was ‘safe’ and would worship her (her words) forever: skinny, lacking any personality or sense of humor, freckled and missing a front tooth. When he kept her hanging on the wedding and left her for another woman, who he married three months after moving in with her, SHE went crazy. Was not pretty to witness.
@iloVEGrits,
I have to agree with you. Some of the finest ninja’s be crazy as hell..
My ex
Didnt want to let go, so he cut up all of my jackets, coats and shoes.
My ex ex
Used to stead the remotes to my tv and my house telephone. (this was before I had a cell
@mssmtaylor, I still steal remotes……
@BROOKLYN’S OWN… Peyso,
me too, lol
@The Champ,
what’s the point of stealing remotes?
you think it’s gonna make them call you, just cause they don’t wanna get up to change the tv?
@The Champ, it jus really annoys ppl
@BROOKLYN’S OWN… Peyso,
yal crazy lol
@sw dee,
“what’s the point of stealing remotes?”
its fun watching someone trying to survive in a remote less living room
@iloVEGrits,
Why did I chuckle at the toothless part? An why do these unfortunate-faced dudes get away with ish like that. Ur friend was FAB too. *shaking head* I guess his swagger carried him despite his busted grill??
@shatani,
DAILY! this friend of mine used to date a chick that had a new, “what would you do if…?” question for him every day. every. day. and they would be dumb stuff like, would you date again if i died. what if i was just in a coma. what if you woke up and i wasnt here, would you worry
Yeah, this is a sure sign of crazy. People who insist on volleying hypothetical questions/nonsense at me make me want to stick their hands in a blender and push the puree button. I currently work with a girl who is the queen of this. Only her hypotheticals all involve some pretty graphic violent scenarios. Yep, I’m scared of her.
@shatani,
“and when he answered like a normal person she lost. her. shyt.”
“lost.her.shyt.” made laugh so loud I woke up the mancub! I could hear you saying it! funny as h3ll!
@shatani,
what on earth is happening to kanye?!?!
i just think kanye is the first hip-hop star to go full rock star on us. seriously, if you look at kanye in a hip-hop context, he’s nuts, but if you look at him in a rock star context, everything makes sense. he’s basically become the black billy joel
@The Champ,
if you look at kanye in a hip-hop context, he’s nuts, but if you look at him in a rock star context, everything makes sense.
You might be onto something here… I didn’t understand why people were having such a hard time with it. I am typically more rock n roll than hip hop, so this to me was typical behavior… Interesting!
@Ms. Sula,
is anybody a little country? *snicker*
@SouthernGirl,
lmao… I’ma go’ head and guess The Champ is a lil’ country?
@shatani,
I appreciate the crazy that is Kanye. It’s refreshing. Oh wait does that mean I’m crazy?
Either way if I was half the star Kanye is, I would be wilding out too. I would DEF. take on the persona of a rock star.
@V Renee,
Glad I’m not alone.
Wait… does that mean I’m crazy too? Well, I will call it “Avant-Garde” Get with it!
@Ms. Sula,
Wait… does that mean I’m crazy too?
yup
@The Champ,
It’s being “avant-garde”, man. Not crazy.
Ha ha ha!
first I’d like to say that crazy attracts crazy…but yeah the one thing I found out from my one go round in crazytown was that their choice of music is key.. and a lot of times they write crazy wack a$$ poetry.. …
@shay-d-lady, I would agree. Consistently attracting crazy or inspiring crazy doesn’t just happen. When I was at my craziest, I attracted a lot of interesting characters. You know what cured my crazy? I had a dude out-crazy me!!! Like, he went to levels I didn’t know a man could go to. Now that I’m sane, I have only attracted one crazy in the last decade. I’m pretty sure he was just a glitch in the matrix though.
@Hostess,
i dont know anyone who’s batting a thousand on that…sometimes they get in under the radar…crazy can be tricky!
@Hostess,
“I had a dude out-crazy me!!! Like, he went to levels I didn’t know a man could go to.”
LOL. I just imagined yall in a heated “You Got Served”-style competition. Like you cut up his clothes so he lights your cat on fire, all slow-mo and dramatic like leaving you dumbstruck. Your jaw drops. And the crowd goes wild. Hahaha!
@Me fail english?, Bwahahahaa!!! It was like that except with less property damage. He had my ass at parties holding my phone just in case he called. He had me not wanting to go home just in case he was sitting there on my steps waiting for me. He eventually married some churchy girl. He probably beats her.
@shay-d-lady,
yeah, i cant be bothered with no whackazz poets….and no wannabe rappers either.
i also think that crazy attracts crazy….my boy was a certified crazy magnet. im like, you must be giving off some “i love lunachicks” kinda vibe or something! he would meet some chick and then she would turn out to be crazed and he would be scared to leave cuz she might hurt herself….lawd.
@shay-d-lady,
“crazy attracts crazy”
Since my history of attracting crazy men has been well documented on VSB I am a little offended by this. And a little worried…
@iloVEGrits, dont be offended.. crazy does attract crazy.. but maybe you have good crazy and crazy is just indiscriminate? LOL
@shay-d-lady,
Don’t try to smooth it over now. lol. I will be consulting a professional. lol.
@iloVEGrits, Aww He.ll… I tried…
@iloVEGrits,
girl, go on and consult…everybody should!
@iloVEGrits,
Since my history of attracting crazy men has been well documented on VSB I am a little offended by this. And a little worried…
it probably has something to do with your stew.
@iloVEGrits,
Let me temper this with “you know I love you right?…”
hehe
@shay-d-lady,
one go round in crazytown was that their choice of music is key..
Every girl/guy I’ve known who has been crazy about Slipknot, Rancid, Marylin Manson or Iteris have all been certifiable. If they loved any other heavy metal/ goth/ prog bands they turned out to be beautiful human beings, but any fans of those bands above I’ve met were unhinged.
@shay-d-lady,
but yeah the one thing I found out from my one go round in crazytown was that their choice of music is key.. and a lot of times they write crazy wack a$$ poetry
if i extended the list to 10, this definitely would have been one of them. crazy people typically are “sympathetic” to crazy ass entertainers. its like one big crazy circle-jerk
@shay-d-lady,
Girl you must know my ex then?????
hahahaha yes that joker loves to write some poetry but its not crazy.. Its usually about God, Drama, STD’s etc. Basically it usually has a positive message. But that ninja is NUTS do you hear me? Straight bonkers.
@mssmtaylor,
“hahahaha yes that joker loves to write some poetry but its not crazy.. Its usually about God, Drama, STD’s etc.”
I am SO SORRY sugar noodle, but any combination of “God, Drama and STD’s” sounds pretty dern crazy to me…he wasn’t a Kappa was he?
@GOODENess,
God, Drama and STD’
yeah…this has the makings of the worst spoken word performance ever
@The Champ, yeah…this has the makings of the worst spoken word performance ever
What is God….What is ….DRAMA…..
LOL
but ur ah ….dont just th ink crazy as in crazy artist….one time I fell up on ol boy and he was sangin the shyt out of Phyllis Hyman “living in confusion”…..I realized then he was either crazy..or g.a.y…LOL….I wished it would have been the latter…..
@The Champ,
yeah…this has the makings of the worst spoken word performance ever
Or the best. I’m dying to know how that trifecta merges. Seriously, this has Sarah Silverman skit written all over it. She’s already shagged the black His whose name shall not be spoken in her show; this seems like the logical next step.
@GOODENess,
hahahahaha nah he isnt a Kapa hahaha.
He’s supposed to be moving to the ATL to “make” it big tho.
@shay-d-lady,
Methinks you have a point. I went on one date with a wackazz poet who had dread-bangs. Seriously. He must have been batshat insane.
@Nikiloveli,
DREAD-BANDS!!!
*eyes closed, hand to the heavens*
no ma’am! how the h3ll did he get your phone number that led to the conversation that led to the scheduling of ANY date-type activity (other than a swift trip to the barber shop)…with muhfuggin “bangs” of ANY sort?? huh? huh? huh? explain thyself!! who does that?
as a matter of fact…
I say good day to you ma’am! I SAY GOOD DAY!
@GOODENess, LOL he probably had them pulled back with a headband thingy when they met….
@GOODENess,
He asked me to a nearby restaurant after I heckled his azz throughout his show. I thought that took moxie, so I gave him a shot. Plus, he wore a hat. He whipped it off mid-meal, and I ended up at the bar taking shots with our gay waiter.
Misty water-colored mem’ries…
*dead*
@Nikiloveli,
Methinks you have a point. I went on one date with a wackazz poet who had dread-bangs
his name wasn’t p.m. dawn, was it?
@The Champ,
Why, why, why?
*Looking through patient eyes* for an answer!
@Nikiloveli,
dread-bangs
???? WTF? Two words that should never be combined!
@Nikiloveli,
Dread-bangs has me stealing away to Jesus. *dead*
@Nikiloveli,
I went on one date with a wackazz poet who had dread-bangs
*snort* *chuckle* *snort*
Why????
I have the sinking feeling his poems included more than one reference to ‘nubian’ ‘babylon’ ‘earth mother’ , ‘lions’, ‘zion’ and the *mother land*. smh
@ofloveandotherdemons,
LOL! And of course he’d have to use a bongo for full effect.
@Dom,
omg yall too much for me.
not the bongo???!!!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Nah, he had one that was all about “closing the gaps between synapses” called…”Thinking.”
H8 him.
I have to come back in the morning to address this.
Vegetables tho???
@overit,
i knew someone like that. because he doesnt eat vegetables. at all. ever. now, when he would say that to people it usually sparks a conversation that ends with him telling them to go fvck themselves cuz he’ll eat what he damn well pleases….
so yeah, vegetables are a touchy subject…
@shatani, yeah veggies and water are a touchy subject for hood ninjas…..
@shay-d-lady,
0_O
so,if we were having a lighthearted convo…and carrots happened to come up he would flip out on me?
@JaimeJJS, Im just saying in my experience hood ninjas dont eat vegetables(greens and cabbage doesnt count unless they can eat them WITHOUT sweat potatoes or sweat a$$ cornbread) or drink water…..and when they are dealing with someone that does and the subject comes up (and come on I dont care how hard you try there is always a bit of incredulousness(is this a word?) that comes across as condescension……and down hill it goes……In my experience…
@shay_d_lady,
yeah, thats a word.
@shay_d_lady,
I’m dating a dude who refuses to eat veggies as well. He didnt go crazy about it but he does get defensive. I made dinner last week and tried to put salad on his plate. He ate around it of course.
@shay_d_lady,
Heh. I tend to date a lot of smokers and whenever they leave the room I break the cigarettes at the filter. That drives them crazy too. But I don’t care ’cause I’m pretty “off” myself.
@shay-d-lady,
@shatani, yeah veggies and water are a touchy subject for hood ninjas…..
this is true. i had a teammate in college who’d refuse to drink water, complaining about its taste. do you realize how much an athlete who refuses to drink water inconveniences himself??
also, this is the same guy who’d stuff his size 14 feet into 11.5 sneakers, like a 6’7” black geisha
@The Champ,
like a 6′7” black geisha
*crying*
Oh hell naw!!!
@The Champ, this is the same guy who’d stuff his size 14 feet into 11.5 sneakers, like a 6′7” black geisha
lol!
@The Champ,
well, that must of hurt.
did he shuffle when he walked????
@JaimeJJS,
no. he was just really pigeon-toed and really grimy. like on some “skit on an onyx album” type sh*t. i could literally write a different 600 word story about him and his odd life everyday for the rest of this month
@The Champ,
like a 6′7” black geisha
ctfu. Oh lawd!
@The Champ
6’7″ black geisha???
LLooorrrrddd I den heard it all today. Now I wanna hear more about this black geisha.
LMBAO
You know you’re dating someone crazy as hell when you have to rationalize/defend the things they do to friends and family while they look at you like you’re trying to eat a live goat – even though you KNOW how crazy it is.
For example: “No, Ma, its OK that she slashed up my autographed LeBron jersey….she DID have a bad experience in the Cleveland airport.”
or
“I was wrong to try to surprise her with plans tonight without checking – I’m not the only important person in the relationship. Her schedule IS just as important as mine.”
@Madame Zenobia,
oh yeah…my girl is dating a dude right now! she got tired of that look on my face, so she just stopped talking about him! lmao…i still have yet to meet him. she said, she doesnt want the committee to meet him cuz she feels like we all hate him….im like, you have never shared a positive thing about him! its either all craziness or nothing.
i think when you are dating someone for months and months and you dont want your friends to meet them, thats a HUGE sign. he hasnt met her friends and he doesnt have any friends for her to meet….
another sign. no friends!
@shatani,
another sign. no friends!
nah. crazy bastards have friends because their friends are either also crazy bastards or scared to death to unfriend their asses
@shatani,
no friends = crazy azz woman or man.
(Women)
“I dont need no friends cause all the b!tches jealous of me”
(Man) ” I dont too crazy to keep friends”
who the heck has no friends?
@shatani,
another sign. no friends!
YES! Dead giveaway! I learned my lesson.
@shatani, “i think when you are dating someone for months and months and you dont want your friends to meet them, thats a HUGE sign”
Yes, that’s a huge red flag. When a man tells me he doesn’t have any friends, I run in the opposite direction. Learned my lesson a long time ago.
@Shelia G,
I think its worse news when they do have friends and THEIR friends keep trying to drop you hints to run. For example, “Yeah, I’ve known him awhile and…you know…it takes a LOT of patience to be his homie. You probably don’t want to rush into a relationship or anything…..keep your options open.”
@Madame Zenobia,
wow..
yeah a sistah might wanna not get too serious about that dude.
@Madame Zenobia, exactly. If the friend or family member tell you something about the person; take heed. They know them better than you.
@Madame Zenobia,
For example: “No, Ma, its OK that she slashed up my autographed LeBron jersey….she DID have a bad experience in the Cleveland airport.”
LOL
btw, i wanna say welcome and sh*t here, but i’m not completely sure if you’re new or not
@The Champ,
Thanks for the welcome. I’ve never posted before, but I’ve been reading the site for awhile.
@Madame Zenobia,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
I realized I was dating a crazy after I was on the phone w/him and JOKINGLY remarked that I was going to transfer to the Virgin Islands, for a good hour I had to listen to this man cry about how selfish I was for leaving him, how we were meant to always be, how much I would be missed, .wth, it was a joke.
I told him to latch off and hung up,however, this was some level of crazy even I wasn’t prepared for.
Ol’dude called my parents telling them I was leaving. He told them that I said I was transferring away.He had my whole family believing I was about to hop a plane.I didn’t know he had called them until my mother called me bewildered and confused.
Like,he actually got my OWN family to believe I was about to be ghost.
The kicker is when we broke up he told me to work on my”clingyness”.
The whole situation still makes me cross eyed when I think about it.
@JaimeJJS,
The whole situation still makes me cross eyed when I think about it.
lol, your space bar issues made me cross eyed reading this
btw, “transfer to the virgin islands”? transfer in what context?
@The Champ,
ha. a job.
@The Champ,
lol, I was thinking the same thing and was like “hmm, I could see how that could make a grown man cry”.
@JaimeJJS,
Contacting your parents on their cell phones, esp. if he doesn’t KNOW them, is also a surefire sign of crazy in my book. As if they’re gonna make me get back with you. Fool I’m grown!
I’ve been unknowingly taken to Crazytown a few times and so, I’ve since developed a keen sense on when someone’s trying to take me back there and all kinds of red flags go up.
This last one was a doozy. It was a blind date and it was ‘OK’… We talked on the phone for a couple of weeks and I wasn’t too sure about him but, I was bored so I figured I’d entertain it. I couldn’t help the ‘off’ sense I got from him but, I couldn’t put my finger on it so I figured WTF, I’ll meet him. Anyway, we go out and I still felt like something about him was ‘off’ so, when I got home, I Googled him—and, oh my. Mind you, his name is VERY unique, and addresses matched so, I didn’t doubt it was him. First I find out that he lied about his age… stupid lie but, whatever, I’m done with him. And then, there is a Daily News article about how this dude pleaded guilty and spent 3 years in prison for, get this, BEATING UP HIS GRANPARENTS! Yes, he was a ‘reign of terror,’ as the article states, to his grandparents for 4 years. He punched his 80 y.o. grandmother in the face and knocked his 82 y.o.grandfather to the ground… I was disgusted.
He kept calling me and I wanted nothing to do with him so, I figured I’ll tell him I didn’t feel any chemistry—I’m no dummy, if he beat up his grandparents there’s no telling what he would do to me. I told him and it was cool… so, I thought. Dude left a voicemail message to top all messages… I would love to share it with you guys—can we add attachments on here?
@EssenceBK, LOL! my Crazytown situation was vaguely similar. basically when sumn is off but u can’t put ur finger on it–HE IS CRAZY. That’s what I have learned.
Sorry we don’t have attachments on comments. u can upload it to sendspace, zshare or something tho and post a link tho, if u want.
@Liz,
“when sumn is off but u can’t put ur finger on it–HE IS CRAZY”
I have found that when I want him in ways that words can’t describe and I start cooking for him…HE IS CRAZY. sigh.
@EssenceBK,
OMG. That would have scared the pi$$ out of me.
@EssenceBK,
so let me get this straight… we’re waiting to GOOGLE ninjas until AFTER the (blind) date now??
NO(fuggin)WAY!!
iGoogle
@GOODENess,
testify!
and then i text message at least three friends where im going, who im with, and (if i know) where he lives! im not tryin to end up no doggone statistic…
@shatani,
Me and my girls always do that. Especially with someone new.
@shatani,
*high 5* OK!?!? and I camera phone his arse and send it to them safe folks! The news will need a recent picture of the offender…
(assuming of course I haven’t already sent them a pic, because I camera phone you when I give you my number, just in case the exchange was a cosmo-no-no I can tell you I’m married or something the next day)
@GOODENess, Google, ZabbaSearch, and OffenderSearch are close personal friends of mine. I don’t even hide it either. And I also like to find a few ppl who know them. It’s not hard to do. But a lot of women don’t want to know the truth. With my last crazy, I shoulda nevuh went out with him a second time when I realized he was probably lying about where he went to school.
@Hostess,
Lying about trivial stuff is a HUGE red flag. If I can rationalize why a person lie, I usually cut more slack, but lying about your age, what school you went to, etc…oh hell no!
@GOODENess,
sh*t, i google as soon as i learn a first and last name. actually, sometimes i dont even wait for the last name, lol. i’m done with surprises.
@The Champ
I haven’t met too many men who admit to googling chicks.
@V Renee,
Actually, this has yet to become a habit of mine… Maybe I should.
@GOODENess,
Please believe me… lesson learned.
@EssenceBK,
And then, there is a Daily News article about how this dude pleaded guilty and spent 3 years in prison for, get this, BEATING UP HIS GRANPARENTS! Yes, he was a ‘reign of terror,’ as the article states, to his grandparents for 4 years. He punched his 80 y.o. grandmother in the face and knocked his 82 y.o.grandfather to the ground… I was disgusted.
wow, lol. this was some serious crazy. i’m mad you dated a “reign of terror”, LOL
@EssenceBK, Girl he was beyond crazy–he was psycho.
@Shelia G,
If you could only hear the message…
why u gotta bring my organization all up in this?
i have dated crazy before. hard to shake. I had to change my numbers and skip town.
@Liz,
moral of the story: don’t date aka’s.
why u gotta bring my organization all up in this?
because your organization needs a better vetting process
@The Champ, LOL. Maybe you’re the crazy one.
Punk.
@Liz,
me thinks the lady doth protest too much
@Liz,
I was just about to say the same thing Liz….why we gotta be the crazy ones???
/
Not nice Champ….not nice at all.
@This Just In…Welcome to SIXBURGH!,
I was just about to say the same thing Liz….why we gotta be the crazy ones???
/
good question
@Liz,
Thanks Liz. I was thinking the same thing. Forreal, Champ? LOL.
@Bailey,
lol…i call it like i see it. how was i supposed to know that aka’s have lettuce issues?
I want to thank you Champ. Parts of your post had me laughing a deep, from the gut laugh. Appreciate it.
@iloVEGrits,
vsb.com: where the champ is felt in women’s guts
@The Champ,
I mean, wow. That was two steps past suggestive. LOL
“how did it last that long?” <~~~i’m sure many women have pondered this question when it comes to Champ
WOWSERS @ “its a virtual rite of passage, like confirmation for catholics and teen pregnancy for hispanics.” thankfully there are some rites of passage i’ve missed out on…
as many WEIRDOs as i’ve dated/talked to, i’ve never been around long enough to see them exhibit any of the signs Champ mentions. altho, similar to #2, i had a list of things not to bring up for fear of being overwhelmed with long-winded stories that lead to bird-walks down completely irrelevant paths.
i will co-sign with shat (hehe) on getting into arguments about hypothetical craziness. that’s the worst!!!! i don’t like dealing in hypotheticals to being with, but you wanna go toe-to-toe and WW3 on some “what if….” nonsense?!? go away, sat down, do better, and reevaluate life.
lastly—Watchmen was money and ~3hrs of my life i regrettably can’t get back. what a horrible way to spend a night where i had to lose an hour (thanks dst). tragedy *smh*
@Gem of the Ocean, Watchmen was money and ~3hrs of my life i regrettably can’t get back. what a horrible way to spend a night where i had to lose an hour (thanks dst). tragedy *smh*
WHAAAATTTT….what were your problems with it? what were you expecting that you didnt get? I am seriously trying to understand …..
i actually had ZERO expectations walking in. i didn’t know much about the comic book and i was really just going becuz i thought a superhero flick on IMAX would be HOT. it was, in fact, NOT.
i’d completely deconstruct all i saw wrong with the film but my time does not permit (which is why i haven’t even read any other comments). i will say that many of the scenes were RANDOM and irritating for me to watch. like the sex scenes, Dr. Manhattan’s bits dangling about (altho i realize this was how he was depicted in the comic–which i still think pointless), them trying to fit too much into an already too long movie and still not really doing justice to the storyline. the action scenes were mediocre at best. also this idea of an alternate history seemed underdeveloped and didn’t really transport me to that time period or want to appreciate this idea of “watchmen” and how they fit into the politics of the times.
bottom line, there was very little i actually liked or felt drawn into. *shrugs*
@Gem of the Ocean, Watchmen was money and ~3hrs of my life i regrettably can’t get back. what a horrible way to spend a night where i had to lose an hour (thanks dst). tragedy *smh*
WHAAAATTTT….what were your problems with it? what were you expecting that you didnt get? I am seriously trying to understand …..
@Gem of the Ocean,
“how did it last that long?” <~~~i’m sure many women have pondered this question when it comes to Champ
ponder deez.
@The Champ,
I think you missed the double entendre there. . .
@kamakula,
damn. you’re right, i did. maybe its time to buy a new double entendre detector
@The Champ,
But does she still get to “ponder those”? Cuz it seems like an intriguing pastime. Jus sayin.
Signs you are dating a crazy:
You are constantly walking on egg shells around the person. Every interaction with the person, no matter how mundane, sends your blood pressure to stroke levels. You are soo on edge, since you don’t know what will trigger the melt down this time, that you hardly remember what the conversation was about.
@ofloveandotherdemons, another sign..everytime you try to do something nice..i.e. cook dinner, clean, buy them a gift it ends either in anger or tears….start the twilight zone music…
@shay_d_lady,
True. I have a theory about people like this. I think that they are living their life based on some internal script the rest of us aren’t privy to. They basically act out whatever scene is on the page that day regardless of what is going on in the real world. You doing something sweet/considerate for them, ie buying them gifts, cooking dinner for them, is irrelevant. If their internal scripts calls for screaming, tears and guilt that’s what they’ll do. External stimuli be damned.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I think that they are living their life based on some internal script the rest of us aren’t privy to. They basically act out whatever scene is on the page that day regardless of what is going on in the real world
so basically, crazy people are exactly like stephon marbury?
@The Champ,
What did Stephon ever do to you?
I once liked him very much…
(Ok, two admissions of liking crazy dudes… should I re-evaluate my life?
)
@Ms. Sula,
you know, at one time, steph was one of my favorite players in the league. but, you cant watch something like this…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWxgbyYrT5A
…and not know that the guy is completely insane
@The Champ,
stephon marbury
Sadly, I had to google his arse to figure out who you were talking about. Sports is my kryptonite.
@shay_d_lady,
lol @the “twigh light zone music”
@ofloveandotherdemons, Crazy will get you so used to walking on eggshells, it becomes the norm. You just accept that this is the way it is. And if they’re really good, they’ll convince you that ALL relationships eventually get to this same point of ‘passion/love’.
oh and there are a lot of scenarios that can get you banned from Chuck E Cheese’s…..its the devils ghetto…..Im just sayin
@shay_d_lady,
I would say that if you are banned from Chuck E Cheese, consider yourself lucky. lol.
@iloVEGrits, I do chile…..LOL
@shay_d_lady,
“oh and there are a lot of scenarios that can get you banned from Chuck E Cheese’s…..its the devils ghetto…..Im just sayin”
and the list got a little longer when they started serving beer and wine…I’m just sayin’ too…
@GOODENess,
and the list got a little longer when they started serving beer and wine…I’m just sayin’ too…
this happens at an actual american chuck e cheese???
@The Champ,
Yep.
You must haven’t been to Chuck E Cheese’s in a while…lol
@shay_d_lady,
oh and there are a lot of scenarios that can get you banned from Chuck E Cheese’s…..its the devils ghetto…..Im just sayin
ummmm…name one, please
@The Champ,
Offering well-meaning, constructive discipline to stridently rambunctious offspring of passing acquaintances.
@Nikiloveli,
so basically you whooped a stranger’s toddler’s ass?
@The Champ,
Such strong language…I merely offered a bit of corporal encouragement. And I knew his mama…kind of.
@Nikiloveli,
I approve of you doing this. You were doing a public service.
yes… i know… WRONG. don’t care.
@The Champ,
Offering well-meaning, constructive discipline to the stridently rambunctious offspring of a passing acquaintance, for one…
@The Champ, my little girl was trying to ride this helicopter ride that goes up to the ceililng and back down, lights up and makes noise and shyt right…well I put her in it put her coin in and this big fat a$$ lil boy runs over and sits on the front of the ride he had to be like 12..the ride couldnt lift his a$$..I asked him to get off…now his mom is looking at me and him and doesnt do anything..I ask him again….finally I say.. Get yo fat a$$ of this dayum ride..he runs over and THATS when his momma wants to come over..the first thing she said was “i dont preshiate you talkin to my son like that… and I was like I dont APPRECIATE your fat a$$ son sitting on the ride like that….guess where it went then…
@shay_d_lady,
**reminding self to never invite my chubby little cousin to play with shay-d’s kids**
@shay_d_lady,
aint it tho?
I cant stand that place.
Well, sorry you had to go through that, Champ, but I agree that at one point in time we’ve ALL gone through it.
About #5, I used to date this dude back in the day that would have me doing crazy things JUST so I wouldn’t have to go through it wit his loopy ass. Like one time I was on the way to his house via bus and I had to stop in the store and buy a pack of gum JUST so I could get a receipt with a date/time stamp showing that I was actually in the vicinity of the bus stop at the time I was “supposed” to be there. Sure enough, when I got to his house it started, but I whipped out my receipt and ended it. Gawd that man was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. *sighs* You live ya learn.
@RedBeanzNRice,
I dunno if I am happy or concerned that your go-go-gadget a$$ out-crazy’d him, anticipated his fit and provided yourself with an alibi…you were almost UNDERSTANDING his little blue check having behind…be afraid!
@GOODENess,
Almost understanding it? Hell, I had a PhD in his psychosis! But see, evidently I broke it off – hence the words “I USED to date this dude back in the day…” lol
@RedBeanzNRice,
girl, you know thats a sign of abuse!! when you find yourself becoming adept at anticipating somebody’s irrational fits and you can prevent them??? shiiiiiiit….thats too much! lmao
my girl is in a relationship like that right na…ole boy didnt believe she was out with the girls, so she wanted to take a picture with her cell phone and send it to him. I. REFUSE. if she wants to entertain his psychosis and take part in the cycle of abuse, then so be it…i think he is ridiculous and i will not take part in the foolishness!
@RedBeanzNRice,
…was the bus late? like, why do u need proof that u were @ the bus stop @ a certain time? is your arrival not proof enough?
i suppose i shouldn’t attempt to understand the crazy, i’m just saying…
@Resident GRitS,
Honestly it’s because he used to have this obsession with me cheating on him, so he wanted to be “ahead of the game”. I wasn’t cheating on him, but in retrospect he was doing all that cause HE was the one that was cheating on me, (I think he was, anyway) so I guess he had that “you won’t play a player” attitude. Like I said, ya live, ya learn. : (
WHY THE HELL AM I UP?!?!? Anyways. I think the sign for me was that dude was always “JUST CHECKING ON YOU BABE”. Later I realized that I was somewhat being stalked. There are laws against his CONCERN for where I was, why I didnt call, or what I was doing every minute of the day. I actually caught dude driving down my block one day!!
I agree that crazy people will turn you crazy. I remember this other guy I dated back in the day had me straight tripping. His craziness completely rubbed off on me. It was like a competition to top the other person’s craziness. Then finally I caught myself on 95 about to drive 2 hours to his dorm because I swore I heard a girl in the background while we were on the phone. I stopped myself after an hour of driving and went back home and broke off the relationship.
Another sign is that when somebody has a bunch of stories about dating crazy people (SORRY CHAMP LOL!!!). I think that crazy people attract crazy people. Drama loves drama. I can detect a crazy person from GO and dont even bother. So the fact that you actually got into a relationship with them, makes me question your sanity LOL. OK…now I can take my arse to bed!
@Yaa,
“crazy people will turn you crazy”
I sooo agree with this. I know that, for me anyway, being around crazy folks, men, friends, co-workers, bosses, whatever, brings the mildly crazy person buried deep, deep inside of me to the surface.
In 2008, I resolved to remove the crazy people from my life. I choose sanity.
@Yaa,
thats the thing…they HAVE to turn you crazy, otherwise you wouldnt play with them. you have to turn a complimentary shade of crazy so ya’ll can do the insanity tango! and remember, we have to do what they do only backwards and in heels!
and it looks like you got Champ pegged! lol
@Yaa,
Another sign is that when somebody has a bunch of stories about dating crazy people (SORRY CHAMP LOL!!!). I think that crazy people attract crazy people
hey, i dont have a bunch of crazy chick stories. only like seven
@Yaa,
yeah I agree with that.
I dont think I’m crazy, but for some strange reason all the crazy men flock to me.
Back when I was around 21-22 I was still living with my mom.. I had just left his house and I told him that I was going home. I guess he didnt believe me because when I went back outside to get my purse out of the car.. this ninja was parked like 2 cars down sitting with the engine off.
Talking about ” I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.”
Let the church say “Crazy”
@mssmtaylor, ABOUT TO LOOSE MY D*MN GOOD JOB OVER “NINJA”. Now that was funny!
@Yaa,
girl wasnt it tho?
and another time after I moved out my moms house I came home one night and he was standing in my car port with all black on. he may as had black face paint under his freakin eyes.
I ended up having a child with the fool…then the negro wanted to leave me alone. aint that some ish?!
@Yaa,
So opposites don’t attract ? I always thought extremely crazy people seek out the sane to balance them out.no? ok.
two words… TRUCK RUNNER
ok…you know he’s crazy as a bat shyt sundae when:
-HE takes YOU to a strip club, gives YOU a stack of unos, and gets publicly IRATE when YOU have the nerve to “tip a bytch right in front of my face!” (leading to being kicked out of said establishment a la trend #3)
-he LOVES you in week 2 and uses your picture as his MySpace backround!
-you get a Spanish inquisition via text message everytime you change your MyFacePlanet status!
-he cries (an ugly a$$ “my homeboy is boning my mama” a$$ cry) when you tell him that you can’t kick it today because you have to (insert perfectly reasonable reason to unKick-it with someone)
finally…
-you catch him in the bathroom with the shower running, trying to steam open your mail!
*and scene*
@GOODENess,
(stands…slow clap)
@GOODENess,
definately deserves a standing ovation. lol
steam open your mail. Not serious!
@GOODENess,
This actually happened????? Wow.
@GOODENess,
-you catch him in the bathroom with the shower running, trying to steam open your mail!
LOL. this is classic
@GOODENess,
Encore….encore
“moral of the story: don’t date aka’s”
…or Kappa’s
@GOODENess, what ya’ll got against the Pretty Ones?!?!?!
@Liz,
pretty girls are cool…and every greek woman in my family is an AKA (seppin fuh me), but hunny love… a man is a man and…
MEN SHANT BE PRETTY!
sorry…I am sure there will be a cor-NUPE-copia of former scrollers attempting to refute my claim…but all VSB aside…I have NEVER met a masculine Kappa…EVER! somethin’ bout that shimmy shakin’, pretty boy, mirror checkin’ cane twirlin’ is just shouts less than sane (or maybe just less than straight) to me…YO!
@GOODENess, I’m have a Kappa on my lineup and initially I thought he was gay.
@Nicki Sunshine
he probably is. Sorry to all the Nupes out there, but there is something not right with swirling candy canes, looking in the mirror and all that hoop-la.
@V Renee, “he probably is”
*** turns around in circles and screams “WHY????” *** lol
He’s a complete gentlmen though, that’s why I’m feeling him a bit BUT like you said, it’s something not right about “pretty.” I like my men Big and SKRONG.
@Nicki Sunshine, u should have a que in ur line up…..
@BROOKLYN’S OWN… Peyso, Bc u are taken, I had to get another, but I do now.. we hung out this weekend.
@GOODENess, yeah true. I don’t think I could date a Kappa. it’s too much goin on there. LOL.
@GOODENess,
***Rushes up to put a dollar on the pulpit, fans furiously with funeral home fan***
mmmHMM!!
@GOODENess,
They also like to write you sh!tty poetry!
@GOODENess,
A Kappa, and some Patron and herbal refreshments, bought the crazy out of me. Luckily I pulled it together before it was revealed.
@GOODENess, GIRL them Kappa’s got probablems but its the ques and the alphas that got crazy…..
@shay_d_lady,
I am sorry Shady, dust thou speak ill of the Ice Cold Brothas?? ok…on a shear numbers game, there are more Alphas, therefore it’s a given that there could possibly be a higher percentage of crazy in Old Gold…
but I will VEHEMENTLY co-sign on Ques being Qrazee!! There is one in my complex now that lives by the mailboxes and I SWETTAGAWT he just so happens to check his mail when he see’s my truck pull up! He keeps asking me can he cook for me! H3LL NAH! I dunno what he done put in that food man! My son needs his mama!
*taking a drink and reminiscing *
…but the nutty broads have the best coitus.
Cost-benefit analysis is required on a case by case basis.
@Master Sergeant Vernon Waters, LMAO.
@Master Sergeant Vernon Waters,
“…but the nutty broads have the best coitus.”
same goes for the guys…I swear a man made me see the LAWD when he spoke in tongues…but (a few months) after I reagained consciousness…I realized, it wasn’t worth it…
@GOODENess,
“same goes for the guys…”
Ditto. I have dated some doozies but those are the ones who, when I think about them, they bring a smile to my lips. Good, crazy times.
@iloVEGrits,
“I have dated some doozies but those are the ones who, when I think about them, they bring a smile to my lips.”
um…ew?
@Master Sergeant Vernon Waters,
…but the nutty broads have the best coitus.
you know what, i think this is somewhat overrated, and a fallacy.
its not that crazy chicks all have great coochie, its that the crazy chicks we put up with are put up with because they have great coochie
@The Champ
The word coochie makes me giggle.
@V Renee,
me too. hehe
see?
@The Champ,
This is very true.
I can testify on #5. I dealt with a crazy b*stard who made me second guess everything I said….
@Nicki Sunshine,
really? everything?
@The Champ, Everything to him. For instance:
Him: I’m not ready for a relationship.
Me: I am….
Him: But I’m not.
Me: Okay cool (goes out to date other people)
Him: What did you do yesterday?
Me: Not much. I went on a date.
Him: WTF? Why would you do something like that?
Me: Didn’t u say u didn’t want a relationship?
Him: yes, but that’s not what I meant.
Me: *** confused as all get out ***** and we argued about this many times.
Another guy made me think I was crazy to have emotions so he bought me all kinds of cds and stuff to get rid of them. He was really, really good at word play. lol
@Nicki Sunshine
“Another guy made me think I was crazy to have emotions so he bought me all kinds of cds and stuff to get rid of them. ”
okay now this is pretty funny.
@V Renee, Funny and tragic… he almost won. LMAO.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Ok I got people coming in my conference room wondering what the hell is so funny.
Why must yal purposely try to get me fired???????????????
@mssmtaylor,
Sorry, I have a bunch of craziness.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Yeah crazy gifts are a sign as well. One dude bought me for our first date, a Lil Kim cd and bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream. I don’t listen to her nor do I drink that but I thanked him wildly for it.
This was also the dude who in the middle of drinks bent down, damn near pulled me clear off my seat and yanked my ankle from underneath the table and placed my foot in his lap so that he could inspect my toes. Once they had been deemed to his liking he insisted on keeping my foot elevated, on his lap for the rest of the show. NOT. COMFORTABLE.
He was a Que. And that was when I decided that I would only date men I could take in a street fight.
@Me fail english?,
LOL My ex would do that! And massage my feet under the table. I found it so awkward when we were younger; I would always make him stop, but I eventually gave in…it grew on me. It was cute.
@Me fail english?, WOW… he snatched your feet up. What the effe? He’s been watching too much Boomerang.
@The Champ,
LOL!!!!
@Nikiloveli,
lol…i’m glad you’re the only one who caught my jab. good job
@The Champ, You and these dayum jokes over my head. STOPPIT. lol
I’m laughing that you called out Kanye…hilarious!!!
“b) what they’ll potentially do to themselves”
Oooooh Lawd, been there, done that, do not wish to visit again. Kats threatening to do bodily harm to themselves is sooooo not cute.
@miss t-lee,
i will 302 a mofo wit a quickness!!! dont mess with a chick that knows the steps!
@shatani,
Aw snap…you know the steps?
See– I would just call the cops and let them sort it out…lol
@miss t-lee,
Anyboyd threatening bodily harm to themselves is not cute…
@WuDaMan,
True.
Wait! Stop.
I don’t know how I forgot this incident. I don’t know what we were talking about or what came after. But I do remember us arguing, him getting real calm and saying…
“I will kill you before I…”
This man is the reason I’m pretty sure it’s damn near impossible to whoop my ass with your right hand while driving with your left.
“This man is the reason I’m pretty sure it’s damn near impossible to whoop my ass with your right hand while driving with your left.”
…Rhianna????
@AkShone, All I’m saying is there was an ‘incident’ involving me touching his radio. He got all puffy chested like he was gonna ‘jump bad’. He pushed me into the door, I lifted my left leg and aimed for his head. Thinking back, it probably wasn’t a good idea because we coulda gotten into an accident. But I will be damned thrice over is some dude can drive with his left hand and whoop my ass with his right!! We had airbags though. But hey, that’s just me.
@Hostess
Oh wow!! Dude was serious about his radio.
I feel you on the driving AND whooping my arse. Not going to happen.
CB must be extra good at multitasking.
On another sad note, I had a guy friend who was in the car with his baby mama (baby in the car too). They got to fighting, she grabbed the wheel and flipped the car. He died. Whenever I see her out in the clubs partying I want to punch her in her mouth.
@V Renee,
On another sad note, I had a guy friend who was in the car with his baby mama (baby in the car too). They got to fighting, she grabbed the wheel and flipped the car. He died. Whenever I see her out in the clubs partying I want to punch her in her mouth.
***giving v renee the “princess duvet honorary wet blanket of the month” award***
@The Champ
I know I know. SMH. I just realized I told another tragic story down below. My apologies.
Im about to go outside in the sunshine so this wet blanket can dry off.
@V Renee,
Damn. Thats tragic as hell.
@Hostess,
Well you know what Chris Tucker said about touching a black man’s radio, lol…
**Sidenote**
I was impressed with your skills inside the car in this description…
“I lifted my left leg and aimed for his head”
Not that I want you to kick me in my head, but that was kinda seck – c.
VSB: Where VSS’s are flexible enough to kick dudes in the head while going 40 mph…and not crash.
@AkShone,
Real talk son I wanna see a slow-mo multi angle replay…
@AkShone, Lemme just put this in perspective for you. He pushed me up against the passenger door. I still had my seatbelt on but was kinda turned with my back against the passenger door. I’m from the D and we protect our faces so I was tryna keep that as far away as possible while getting in some ‘licks’ of my own. Sooooo, I say all that to say, it wasn’t any contortionist move. It was a survivalist move!!!
@Hostess,
“I will kill you before I…”
this statement in itself is scary because it lets you know that for this person, killing ISNT the last, worst-case scenario option, lol.
@Hostess,
OMG my girl said the same thing happend to her in chicago some years back.
Said she was laying on dudes lap and I think he had just whooped up on her. said he was stroking hair and said very calmly ” I will kill you if”
She said she packed some panties and hopped on a bus to Utah.
@mssmtaylor,
WHY the F**k was she lying in his lap if he’d just beat her azz?
See, THIS is why I have a concealed handgun license.
@Nikiloveli,
“See, THIS is why I have a concealed handgun license.”
Yep…I’m thinking of getting mine…lol
@Nikiloveli,
Girl I’m thinking about getting me one too.
@Nikiloveli,
Regarding the same friend I mentioned before. So she is dating a guy now long distance. He dont want her going out, he doesnt want her wearing certain things etc. She thinks its cute. She had the nerve to tell me that she likes a brotha to put his food down. I’m like ok its one thing to not want to be in a relationship with some guy you can run over, but its another thing to be in a relationship with a brotha that will run you over with his car.
Tire marks on ya face is so not cute.
@mssmtaylor,
“Tire marks on ya face is so not cute.”
WHY did you just have to make me laugh that hard and loud? Snorting is not the business.
@Nikiloveli,
I love this site.
vsb: where people go to crack the fluck up.
LOL @ the visual of a “naked wall slide”. Cuckoo indeed.
@nia,
i still dont know how she managed to do that without getting a brushburn. i guess she was a pro
What’s good VSB folks? I’m back in the mix…for today at least. Been some busy times.
I was gonna do a post on this. I didn’t know how to cover it without possibly offending a crazy an delusional ex who would find a way to crash my website and burn down my house. A crazy chick can definitely make a dude equally as crazy. An oblivious and inexperienced chick can cause the same thing though…
@Slim Jackson,
I didn’t know how to cover it without possibly offending a crazy an delusional ex who would find a way to crash my website and burn down my house
its a thin line. be careful and sh*t
Signs of crazy @ss bastards that I have dealt with
1) any sign of OCD
I have dealt with a woman like this. She would have to have all her food in the cabinets and refrigerator lined up in a certain way. I also dealt with a woman that would have to unplug everything in the apartment before she left.
2) random acts of prepubescence behavior
If I meet another grown @ss woman that acts spoiled and throws tantrums it will be too soon.
3) the ability to not hold yourself responsible for anything
To somehow blame me for everything and never hold yourself accountable is amazing to me. I’ve known men and women like this.
4) They make you crazy too.
Everyone knows that I am a laid back cool type of dude. I almost never get mad. My ex pissed me off had me throw ish and get all off my mark. It took her 4yrs into the relationship to finally break me down and have me lose my cool.
5) Scared to break up with them.
I was told by my ex that if I was to break up with her to make it look like she was leaving me. She told me not to break up with her.
@Humble_One,
“I also dealt with a woman that would have to unplug everything in the apartment before she left.”
She may not have been crazy. She may just have been tryin to save on her energy bill. Learned that on Oprah. Even if something is not on, if it’s plugged in, it still uses electricity. If you unplug stuff, you can save a few bucks. Just a little FYI….
…..However, if after she unplugged, she had to plug and unplug 57 times for each outlet, she might have been a little OCDish….
@Humble_One,
3) the ability to not hold yourself responsible for anything
To somehow blame me for everything and never hold yourself accountable is amazing to me. I’ve known men and women like this.
this is true. crazy people have an odd relationship with accountability. either all of the world’s problems are their fault, or nothing is. there’s no inbetween
@Humble_One,
Great list!
Especially the OCD thing.
I am scared of people (in general) who have food specifics, and are generally too OCD about anything. It just means they are absolute control freaks. And me thinks that’s a very close relative to crazy.
hmm…last bit of crazy i had was back in high school. ole dude met me after a basketball game because he wanted to surprise me with a gift. it happened to be a gold necklace, and i thought the jewelry thing was waaay too early, so i turned it down. amazingly, he got visibly angry about it (which kinda scared me)…i was never before so happy that my mom was on time picking me up from a game!
several other events caused me to break it off with him, and for about 4 years, he was still calling my parents’ house, trying to sweet-talk them into giving him my contact info. within that span, i would never answer their phone, for fear of having to deal with his dramatics…
@peachi,
and for about 4 years, he was still calling my parents’ house, trying to sweet-talk them into giving him my contact info. within that span, i would never answer their phone, for fear of having to deal with his dramatics…
i’m a bit confused. were you still living there?
@The Champ,
nah…and they told him this. he just kept calling, especially over the holidays, when he figured i would be home visiting
Vegetables really? lol….I’ve attracted a few crazies. There was this one guy who on our second date was already making all these plans for us, meeting his whole extended family, getting married, and children and we barely knew each other. I stayed as far as away as I could but he would call me at least 3x/day and was always on my campus even though he wasn’t a student. Even after a month of unanswered calls, he didn’t get the hint that there was nothing there until I told him that I was seeing someone else…..I’ve also dated the guys who expect all women to be crazy. I have a pretty chill personality. My last 2 ex’s would purposely start fights with me to get me worked up for no reason.
@Leila,
“I stayed as far as away as I could but he would call me at least 3x/day ”
Yep.
This guy once called me 13 times in one day.
This was on day 2 of knowing him.
Needless to say he got nexted real quick, and he’s the reason that I don’t let ninjas know exactly where I live ’til this day.
That is until I’ve made sure that you’re completely sane. I’m not tryna end up misplaced.
@miss t-lee,
I made the mistake of giving the bouncer of a club my number after he walked me to my car. How so very stupid of me. This dude called me like 7 times a day during business hours. That ninja knew I had a job. He called me one day from like 4 different cell phones. Why the hell did he have so many phones?!
Needless to say..my number got changed real quick and I havent been to that club since.
Another guy I met seems sane at first. I wasnt immediately turned off by the tat of his ex wife on his neck. I did some digging and apparently this dude beat her face so bad she was unrecognizable. I told him that I didnt feel comfortable talking to him anymore and that I didnt think it was a good idea for him to continue calling me. This dude was not gonna let me go. Mind you we only talked for a few week. He went into the whole ” I’ve paid my debts…I’m rehibilitated (warning sign that ninja has made license plates before) after I hit her we got married.”
I had to once agian chance my number.
@mssmtaylor,
“I wasnt immediately turned off by the tat of his ex wife on his neck.”
Nothing says “be initially put off” like (a) A neck tattoo (b) an ex tattoo, or (c) A tattoo of a face.
@Nikiloveli,
I think you may be right.
@Nikiloveli,
Nothing says “be initially put off” like (a) A neck tattoo (b) an ex tattoo, or (c) A tattoo of a face.
so a neck tat of the face of a person’s ex would probably make your head explode, huh?
@The Champ,
Just a little. But I’d be running too fast to care.
@Nikiloveli,
Nothing says “be initially put off” like (a) A neck tattoo (b) an ex tattoo, or (c) A tattoo of a face.
Neck Tatoos are yet another sign of crazy.
@Nikiloveli,
Some Mexican dude in Chicago that tried to pick me up had a tatto on his head and down the side of his face. I didn’t give him my number but I can’t front, I thought it was kinda sexy
@Me fail english?,
I once dated a dude who actually had “Sexy” tatooed to his neck. He was sexy, dont get me wrong, but he was also crazy as hell. I ran in to him a few years ago and he tried to change his name up on me after we stoped talking. Too bad for him I have a good memory.
@mssmtaylor,
We are GROWN UPS! not JUST a neck tattoo…not JUST an ex-tattoo…but an EX-NECK TATTOO!!
DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT 2 HUNNIT DOLLARS!
@GOODENess,
hahahaha yeah I know…chile I know…
*shaking my head*
@Leila,
“My last 2 ex’s would purposely start fights with me to get me worked up for no reason.”
They might have just had an “angry chex” fetish. I’ve had a dude break it down to me, about how the adrenaline rush heightens the sensations and whatnot. He made a lot of sense. I almost put down the box cutter and invited him out of the bushes.
@Nikiloveli,
hahahahahahaha
@Nikiloveli,
” I almost put down the box cutter and invited him out of the bushes.”
Oh…Em…Gee!!!! pure and sudden hilarity!
“what they’ll potentially do to themselves”
I dunno. My crazy ex threatened to off himself in the heat of an argument (when we were breaking up) but I was so fed up, I asked him if he wanted a gun or a knife because I’d be willing to provide either.
@luvtheshoes, Bwhahaha ice cold
In my opinion, if you’re dating a guy and he strongly feels that the best way to take a p!ss is in the shower, then he’s batsh!t insane.
*glances at Champ, backs away*
@Kindred Smile,
whats wrong with shower pee?
@The Champ,
Ewwwwww! I knew you was funky. I’ma start callin you George Costanza. Seinfeld fans will catch the reference.
@nia,
he pissed in a public shower. Thats different.
@Deviant,
No, it’s not different. See, you funky too. Or maybe that’s a man thing. I can not see me lettin piss run down my leg in the shower. The toilet is right there! Ladies, can I get some help? Or is it just me?
@nia,
It’s not just you. If you’re pissing in the shower, you are essentially forcing me to bathe in your toilet, azzhat.
@nia,
we being men, when we pee it doesn’t run down our leg it shoots out in a direction of our choosing away from our person. We don’t have to stand in it or near it if we do not wish to.
@Deviant,
You must be one of those folks peeing in swimming pools, uh?
@nia, I support the Costanza-isation of The Champ.
@Ms. Sula,
I stopped getting in any public pool the first time I realized other kids peed in the pool.
@Kindred Smile,
That don’t mean you’re insane that means you are efficient. Nothing wrong with whizzing on the shower ans long as you clean the shower at least once a quarter.
@Deviant, Maybe I should be more specific.
You’re crazy if you get in the shower expressly to pee, not if you happen to go once you’re in there already.
@Kindred Smile,
WTH????? That IS some crazy ish!
@Deviant,
That don’t mean you’re insane that means you are efficient.
they just dont understand. women would be much happier if they allowed themselves to shower pee
@Deviant,
Please don’t try to justify yo nastiness. I don’t care if the pee parts like the Red Sea and waterfalls on the sides of your shower while you freely wash up in the middle as the Israelites walk through. It’s pee! In the shower! Where it’s not s’posed to be! And it’s nasty!
Just own it like Champ does.
@nia,
who tried to justify it? I just explained how its done. God gave me the ability to piss anywhere I deem fit so I do this. I like to piss on the side of my building every morning just so people know whats mine. I write my name on the wall and sign it in cursive.
@Deviant,
What’s your address???? ****calling the proper authorities***
@nia,
call em. I’ll piss in their faces
@nia, I don’t care if the pee parts like the Red Sea and waterfalls on the sides of your shower while you freely wash up in the middle as the Israelites walk through.
O goodness. I just died! LMAO
@Deviant,
Da hell? I’m more grossed out by the fact that he only cleans the shower quarterly.
Reason #3957 why me fail maintains a separate residence
@Me fail english?,
You know??? Bathroom smellin like a circus elephant…
@Kindred Smile
Okay so I had a guy reveal to me that he pees on women in the shower, but they don’t know that he does. I was grossed the phuck out. That just sounds disgusting.
I hope you guys are cleaning your tubs after EVERY shower.
@V Renee,
I do it at the end of the fiscal quarter
@Kindred Smile,
So I once, inadvertently, watched some adult entertainment with a ‘golden shower’ scene. I still get sick to my stomach when I remember it. Yeah….NO. To each their own, I guess.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
and by “inadvertently” you mean “paid 15.99 a month for yellowwaterhoochies.com” right?
@The Champ,
Ummmm, why you be calling me out over this here intraweb when you are the one who sent me the link to site in the first place? Talking about, you could give me the actors 40% discount on the membership.
Hmm, hmmm, selective amnesia much?
Ah, the crazy…
I once dated a dude who used to scurry into the bathroom after while I showered to check my laundry for signs of infidelity.
Same dude made several pseudo-threatening phone calls to a male friend of mine, after we broke up, because I’d once mentioned that we IM’d steadily throughout the day. Nevermind that he was about 1200 miles away.
When we broke up, he bought me a puppy and stalked me for weeks until I sent him a pic of said puppy curled happily in the lap of my new beau.
@Nikiloveli,
When we broke up, he bought me a puppy and stalked me for weeks until I sent him a pic of said puppy curled happily in the lap of my new beau.
thats just mean, lol. im surprised he didnt kill the puppy
@The Champ,
Whatevs. Do NOT stalk my friends, and don’t try to get fly with the Loveli. I’m so fly I’m sprouting wings RIGHT NOW.
#1.When I wake up and your staring at me as I wake up,saying you like the way I sleep I write you off as potential axer/cuckoo/a no no. That ish is not romantic in no way, no form.no ma’am.I’m gone
#2 .When I see you outside battling the neighbors dog,going ape $h!t ,talking bout he was after you,I’m gone.
#3. When you begin a poem dedicated to me with: “The rain,it wipes away my sorrows……” I’m gone.
Moral:Don’t talk to guys on the MFL in Philly.Just don’t do it.
@Rita&Rice,
“#1.When I wake up and your staring at me as I wake up,saying you like the way I sleep I write you off as potential axer/cuckoo/a no no. That ish is not romantic in no way, no form.no ma’am.I’m gone”
Okay…every man I’ve dated has done this. I wake up and he’s looking down at me, all glowy.
I am really starting to worry about myself now.
@iloV.E.Grits,
I wouldn’t worry to much.
well, he also told me that watching me sleep makes him want to beat it up (referring to himself).
I just didn’t know people like this existed.
@iloV.E.Grits,
If you’ve watched Twilight there is that one scene where the lead vampire is watching the chick sleep. All my friends are ‘Ooooh, thats so sweet.’ No, that is stalker behaviour. Stalkerish.
@Rita&Rice,
#1.When I wake up and your staring at me as I wake up,saying you like the way I sleep I write you off as potential axer/cuckoo/a no no. That ish is not romantic in no way, no form.no ma’am.I’m gone
OMG! my x used to do this! it used to drive me crazy, and when i mentioned it to some friends, they thought it was cute!!!
Nah, i’m good!
@SwDee,
Lol. My pookie used to do this and I thought it was so cute. Now he just crushes me under his dead weight until he wakes up
@Rita&Rice,
“Don’t talk to guys on the MFL in Philly.Just don’t do it.”
**de-lurking to co-sign all up and through that**
But I have a question…. why were you talking to randoms on the MFL?? You are either BRAVE or CRAZY yourself…
@blackberry molasses,
no.he approached me . I mean, he was well dressed,attractive.I was young,naive, going through a whole “Live in the moment” phase.
@Rita&Rice,
indeed…. been there, done that, got the copies of restraining orders.
@Rita&Rice,
#3. When you begin a poem dedicated to me with: “The rain,it wipes away my sorrows……” I’m gone.
or if you 35 still hatin yo mama cause she didnt come to any of ur track meets when you was younger.
Chuuch. This post is on point, esp. with 4 & 5. The crying is accompanied by pleas not to leave her…yeah. That’s that Thin Line flashback with Lynn Whitfield.
Yeah, I start getting crazy b/c of her: apologized for eating lunch…at lunchtime. Of course I should be calling her, silly me for seeking nutrition and sustenance. She wanted to communicate at all times. Felt like Chris Rock, “I’m on the phone. In the car. I’m driving. I’m Driving. Listening to the radio. Changing the station…”
I think only nice looking women can get away with the insanity thing though…or women with that good good…
Bond. BlkBond.
@BlkBond,
No matter how cute you are it gets old after awhile. Appearance doesn’t trump everything unless you are just a completely shallow human being.
@Deviant,
I know. I had to let that crazy broad go and lock the door after she was gone. She continues to reach out to me every few months or so. Guess she is waiting for me to let my guard down.
I’m not that shallow…
@BlkBond,
Yeah, I start getting crazy b/c of her: apologized for eating lunch…at lunchtime
LOL.
Maannnn,
Don’t ever mess wit a chick who you think has multiple personality disorder. (Of course she devulged this info AFTER i beat it up.) So, then of course I was stuck. After I tried to break it off I start to get these bizzare circumstances of events:
-Voice mails telling me it’s ok to break up but begging me to not stop f*ckin her. (what can i say? under normal circumstances this might have been cool, but the chick had major mental issues.)
-Late night phone calls as her alter ego “Robin” (the sadistic chick who don’t take no sh*t) telling me when and what I betta do.
-Drivin by my job just “to talk” and then tryin to flip on me with “Robin” and or “Gina” (the emotional needy one who constantly needs to be around me and cries uncontrollably for just telling her “I’m busy, I’ll ttyl.”) True story people.
i neva saw her take any meds and so I always wondered if she was just makin this sh*t up to mess with me, but yo boy finally changed his number (for tha second time) and God answered my prayers and sent her to England. (military pcs). Thank you sweet baby Jesus.
@Tx10inch,
they let nutjobs in the military? She holds assault weapons?
@Deviant,
Yep…they sure do.
TX–glad you made it out safe dawg…lol
@Deviant,
Let them in AND train them potna..SMH.
@Tx10inch,
what?!?!?
you’re lucky to be alive!
@SwDee,
4 sho
@Tx10inch,
wow…. even if she was just messing with you (I would say ESPECIALLY if she was just messing with you) you didn’t just get crazy, you got CERTIFIABLY INSANE.
So tell me, out of the multiple personalities, which was the best in the sack?
@blackberry molasses,
“So tell me, out of the multiple personalities, which was the best in the sack?”
LMAO. Great question.
@blackberry molasses,
lol. Da one I originally met “Tasha” was the the cool chick, even in tha sack she was straight. No issues. It’s until things got serious and i tried to break things off that the “others” popped they’re head out. SMH. Crazy man.
@Tx10inch, she sounds like a casestudy and would make an interesting character in a book.
@Shelia G,
She sounds like a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.
@miss t-lee, “She sounds like a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.”
It would be a 5 star production – because she is crazy.
@Tx10inch,
Da hell? I thought multiple personalities aren’t aware of what the other personality do?
You dated a girl that FAKED a multiple personality disorder. That’s a whole new level of crazy.
@Nikiloveli,
It was tha only thing she faked though. *rim shot*
ok, i’m done…it was way too easy Niki. lol
@Tx10inch,
“ok, i’m done…it was way too easy Niki”
great! my double entendre detector is working again
@The Champ,
double entendre detector
huh? ova my head on that one Champ..
@Tx10inch,
Double Entendre Dysfunction apparently… oooh… Champ had Double E.D!!!! I think there’s a pill for that.
@Tx10inch,
OMG I been through that sort of. Yo my saving grace was the threat of a restraining order.
Cops I pay them to fight.
1. you’re scared to break up…for two separate reasons:
a) what they’ll potentially do to you
and, more importantly.
b) what they’ll potentially do to themselves
“how did it last that long?”
I can TOTALLY relate here. I knew I was dating someone crazy when he kept threatening to take his own life when I would break up with him. The very last time I broke up with him, I thought he had un-crazied himself because he didn’t call me for a week. One night I received a phone call, and he told me that he was in his hometown with a gun pulled to his head, and I was in my freshman dorm freaking out. I heard the gun go off and his phone hung up. I started screaming believing he was dead and my roommate asked, “How could he kill himself and hang up his phone?” It made sense. I called his mom just to make sure he was alive. She called him on three-way and he answered. Now that’s bat shit crazy!!
DAMN the intensity of those college freshman relationships!
@Reci,
yeah that brotha is crazy
@Reci,
I heart your college roommate, and I hope you kept her.
@Nikiloveli,
LOL! I do, too! I couldn’t and still can’t stand her apathetic, matter-of-fact as.s, but she’s one of my closest friends. She’s my complete opposite. I guess that’s why we balance each other out.
@Reci
D@mn that’s some crazy sh*t right there. In college there was a girl who’s bf found out she was messing with another dude (a Kappa – go figure), drove up to the campus, locked himself in her dorm room and killed himself.
@V Renee,
Wow. That’s horrible. I know I laugh about the situation with my ex now, but I took it seriously each and every time he threatened his life. If I knew then what I knew now, that idiot loved himself too much to cause himself harm. The fuc.kin lunatic still e-mails me to this day.
@Reci,
Agreed! Same type of sitch with my ex. After I while, I knew he was just being dramatic and was too self-absorbed to ever really kill himself. Hence why I called his bluff (asked him whether he wanted a gun or a knife and I’d gladly provide either)…pretty much ended all further crazy antics on his part.
@V Renee,
What? God!
Reminds me of that sad, sad story of the dude who killed his beautiful and smart ex-girlfriend. He then proceeded to barbecue her. Cut her in pieces. Happened at Sam Houston U in Hunstville.
This story still gives me nightmares.
@Ms. Sula,
this entire thread is cursed
@Reci,
LMAO. There was another site where the blogger asked people to share their worst Valentine’s Day story to win a prize. Why did this one chick tell a story about her man called to say he was gonna kill himself over the phone. Then she heard two gun shots and silence. She goes on to say that he died of two gunshot wounds to the head.
Oh really? He shot himself twice? IN THE HEAD?
GTFOH!!
I was mad as hell all the other commenters were sending their condolences, but at least she didn’t win the contest so I didn’t say anything.
@Me fail english?,
“Oh really? He shot himself twice? IN THE HEAD?”
This is hilarious.
@Me fail english?,
Then she heard two gun shots and silence. She goes on to say that he died of two gunshot wounds to the head
Efffing hell, that is one talented ninja.
@Me fail english?,
Twice??! Maybe the first one went through his nose or somethin’?? I joke..I joke! I kid..I kid!
That’s pretty ridiculous.
“a) what they’ll potentially do to you and, more importantly.
b) what they’ll potentially do to themselves”
Let’s keep it real. I’m only concerned about a)–what they’ll potentially do to me.
@Shelia G,
Let’s keep it real. I’m only concerned about a)–what they’ll potentially do to me.
yeah, after a certain line is crossed, it does get to the “you know, i don’t give a f*ck anymore” point
Question: Is it considered crazy if when I tell a girl to calm down and/or relax she does anything but be calm and be relaxed. She says me telling her to calm down makes her feel like I think she is being irrational and crazed. She thinks its patronizing. I’ve heard this complaint before. I’m curious as to what you wise people think.
@Deviant,
Depends on the situation I think. And weather or not she’s really acting crazed or not.
@Dom,
anytime I say calm down/relax/chilll out its a problem. I say that to people alot cause thats what I think people should be doing.
@Deviant,
Yo were you puffing on the sweet sweet dojah @ the time?
@WuDaMan,
probly
@Deviant,
Sometimes the “Calm down” and “just relax” are very patronizing… and irritating. And some dudes just know what intonation they have to use to push the strongest buttons… I’m just sayin’.
@Ms. Sula,
I cant see it. When I say it its cause I want you to do just that.
@Deviant,
It depends – are you being dismissive or honestly trying to direct the convo in a more productive direction. If you’re saying calm down to change the topic or you really don’t care about her side of things then yes, you’re being patronizing.
If you’re saying calm down because she escalates even the smallest disagreements into a loud, neck-rolling, finger snapping argument. (IE, you want pepperoni pizza but she wants sausage.)
Or you say calm down because the conversation is going way off to left field. (IE – the conversation was about trying to find some time to spend together this weekend leads to how you not being able to re-arrange your schedule means you’ll be a terrible father who won’t ever spend time with your kids.) Then yeah, that might denote craziness – at the very least it denotes immaturity.
@Madame Zenobia,
You broke that down quite well. I concur.
Why does this sound familiar?
Like d*mn. #1 hits pretty close to home. And 2-5 as well.
Ok, so I date crazy men. Yes, CRAZY MEN.
Well, at least I used to. Before I
became Joan of Arclearned to choose them much more wisely.But this was a hi-la-rious post. Yes, I had to break the word down because it was hard to stifle my laughter during this wee hour de la noche.
But yea, dating did make me a bit crazy. But at least I’m the fun crazy. I get no complaints.
Here by way of Hostess. I checked in at 1:15 pm, it’s currently 2:22 pm and I have laughed for a SOLID HOUR. You guys are FABULOUS!
I knew this guy was crazy when he removed a tampon from my vagina before sex.
I… I.. I… I can’t stop laughing. I literally CRIED reading this article. *hiccup* I don’t know if it resonates bc maybe I’ve sorta kinda been there, or because it’s just funny. My cubi partners are confused about what’s going on. I would like to do work today… but I can’t. I just keep moving from post to post. God help the children I’m supporting to be writing grants for. SMH.
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