**flashback to 2006 as the young champ hits his favorite “pre-game before the club” spot.“**
10:45
we leave.
(in this case, “we” is the champ, my man, his sister, two of his female cousins…and his estranged baby-momma. quite an eclectic group. if eclectic pre-gaming groupings were “purple lips” we’d be “alex f*cking rodriquez“)
11:05:
we make it to “arts”¹, easily the best pseudo-legal spot north of the mason-dixon line to down cheap booze while dodging gunfire and skank spit.
11:06
its always a joy when women do the packed bar “put my arms in the air to make myself as “skinny” as possible while walking past and rubbing my boobs against his chest while i stare him dead in the eye like my boobs arent playing racquetball with his chest” maneuver. its actually one of my top six favorite maneuvers in any context.
11:20
- “is that lasagna you’re wearing?”
a woman at the bar, with a somewhat intriguing princess leia thing going on with her hair, turns around, looks at me, then presses her nose to my chest and takes a sniff. puzzled and slightly frightened, i continue drinking my vitamin water™ and rum. a few moments later, she does the exact same thing, which is basically my cue to put my hand on her mid-back/rib area and whisper in her ear:
“what the hell are you doing?”
princess leia, who easily had the deepest whisper of any woman ive ever met: (seriously, her whisper was a mixture of alicia keys, garfield, and God): “somebody smells good as hell”
the champ, honing in on the kill: “it’s probably me”
princess leia, sniffing again: “nah…its not”
11:40
we decide to leave
***the ladies wanted to go to “aces and deuces”, a dirtier, pricier, and scarier version of arts, which is basically like saying “no thanks stacey dash, keep your money. i dont want to sleep with you. do me a favor, though…introduce me to courtney love. also, if you could, let her know that i hate condoms.“***
princess leia, who i bagged 10 minutes earlier, gets up from the bar stool to give me a hug, and i immediately regret my number procuring decision. honestly, in the history of mankind, has anybody ever gone from a “definite 8, possible 8.5” to a “definite 3, possible tranny” just by standing up???? in less than five seconds she went from a “nice bag” to “glen rice in drag”. maybe i should have paid more attention to the fact that her hands were bigger than my feet.
i’d continue with the story, but i’d probably face some sort of legal ramifications.
anyway, people of vsb.com…its time to share. what are some of your funniest, craziest, zaniest, club-related chronicles? don’t be scurred and sh*t.
¹it was a giant controversy in the hoods of the burgh several years ago when “nats” changed its name to “arts”. apparently “arts” made it sound “too white”. i live in a stupid f*cking city
—the champ
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{ 425 comments… read them below or add one }
lol the voice should have tipped u off! when she stood up, could u see a package or something, what was so different pray-tell?
@PrincesMo,
she was just really, really tall, and her standing up changed the way the lighting hit her face. apparently good light isnt friends with everybody.
also, it was then that i noticed that her hands made her long-island look like a shot of jack
@The Champ, ahahahaha!
u must have been traumatized! Did your princess call you?
@Dope Fiend,
i just got her number. luckily we didnt exchange.
the next morning, i deleted the number and then threw my phone into a fire.
@The Champ, well done! better safe than sorry!
@The Champ
I’m waiting for a guy to admit that he was fooled by a tranny, but didn’t discover it until clothing came off. I KNOW there is some guy or lurker who has that story to tell.
I just want to know if they went forward with actually doing the deed or not. And they (whoever you are) can be honest. We’re all family here
@V Renee, there was a post where a guy wrote about it on another blog. I’m gonna find it
@V Renee,
you have a better chance getting a guy to publicly admit to having a 3 and a half inch wang
@The Champ,
Remember that track Strobe Light Honey by Black Sheep? lmaooo
@DJ Ed Nice,
no
@DJ Ed Nice,
I DO!!!! *singing* I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go!!!
That was the one song they didn’t perform when I saw them (him) in Novemeber. I was sad.
dang, champ…it wasnt you?? ive always had the impression that you smell delicious!
ive done that arm thing….i dunno…at the time it always seems like the best option. but really, im just rubbin my boobies all over folk.
@shatani,
“im just rubbin my boobies all over folk.”
you know, this was actually the original title of “single ladies” before matt knowles convinced beyonce to change it
@shatani,
lol. you, know i can honestly say i’ve never done this. i just squeeze through with a gentle shove/excuse me. all the while brushing the girls up against folks even though i try not to but once you hit a certain cup size you just say f^ck it and go with the flow. i ain’t got time to trying to raise hands to be skinny. it’s not gonna work anyway. lol.
@SouthernGirl,
but once you hit a certain cup size you just say f^ck it and go with the flow
i agree. put em on the glass
@The Champ, LOL back when I was in them streets I used a similar move only my butt was my asset so I would see a guy i wanted and play the oh excuse me hands up but I would then proceed to scoot by with my butt rubbing all up against them….they would also get a hint of the cool water for women or victoria secret pear glaze I was sporting in the late “90″s……that move and F!@k wit ya girl(which came a lil later) got em errytime….
@shay_d_lady,
Got ‘em coach!!!!
*chuckling*
@shay_d_lady
I’m still waiting for the appropiate time to use “F!@k wit ya girl”.
I can’t wait to use it!
@shay_d_lady,
I used a similar move only my butt was my asset
put it on the glass then
@SouthernGirl,
This is too funny. And here I was, thinkin I had the best move to get through the crowd: dance your way through. Get’s me to the ladies room quickly once the seal has been broken.
@Lil’T,
That’s why you don’t break the seal!!!!
Amateur.
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
*snicker*
@Lil T,
girl, i’m telling you…crowds part like moses and the red sea.
although with more more staring and cries of “d@mn!” (esp. when wearing certain tops)…i think im’ma have to start adding a “f^ck wit ya girl” in there too a la shay d and see how that goes. lol.
how about when a very young GOODY was fresh out of high school and new to Houston (U of H stand up!)… I went to a “club” for the first time in my life so I got all cute in a denim dress adn some heels and sh!t you know…college freshman cute…and I swettagawt this man walked up to me…smiled…said “you a thick red piece ain’t you?” and rached under my dress, grabbed the GOODENess and sucked his fingers! All with the swiftness of some sort of cheetah/puma hybrid! I don’t know that I have ever ran so fast in 8 different directions at one time EVER in life…needless to say I was READY TO GO! but the hoochies I was with were chatting with SnackPack and letting him buy them drinks…I waited in the car for 4 hours!!! I hate thirsty b!tches!
@GOODENess,
Oh nooo!!! did this fella have a gold toofus and wear a cheetah print coat? He sound like Jerome from “Martin”
@Luvvie, HA HAHA!! The playa from the Himalayas!!
@Luvvie,
Ooh ow ooh, shut ya maoooouuuuuuth!
@Luvvie,
I say Jerome in the house, I say Jerome in hou-house, shut yo mouth! Without a doubt!
@GOODENess, “you a thick red piece ain’t you?” and rached under my dress, grabbed the GOODENess and sucked his fingers! All with the swiftness of some sort of cheetah/puma hybrid!”
OMG this almost gave me a heart attack–too funny! but that is some crazy mess. who really has the audacity to do something like that!?! it sounds like a lifetime movie with black ppl
@GOODENess, girllllll….thats ridiculous..I bet he was old..that sounds like an old playa in the members only jacket move…..
@GOODENess,
…I am both disgusted and sympathetic.
Sorry to hear that u were so violated on ur 1st time out.
@Resident GRitS,
“…I am both disgusted and sympathetic.”
i was gonna jab somebody with this, but its been a good morning so far. i think i’m a chill
@GOODENess,Resident GRitS,
wooooooooow. i’m gonna have to go with RG on this one. i am stunned. and somehow not at all surprised. ninjas and bullsh!t…
@GOODENess,
YOU DIDN’T KICK HIM IN THE NUTS? BREAK A BOTTLE ON THE BAR AND RAM THE JAGGED EDGE INTO HIS GUTS???? WHAT????
@iloVEGrits, nah, but hindsight is 20/20…it was my first time in a club EVER and I was so shocked that it happened I just started running around like a dufus…I was only 18 years old…my complee GOODY-ness had not yet kicked in…there would have been some smoke in the city if it had…
@GOODENess,
it was my first time in a club EVER and I was so shocked that it happened I just started running around like a dufus
lol…did you think that the cooch grab was commonplace?
@GOODENess, Unfortunately, I can believe that and see that happening to you or any youngin going to the club for the first time. It is disgusting!! That dude is lucky he didn’t get cut….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
OH hell naw!!!!
This definitely deserves a throat punch.
@GOODENess, My mouth is wide open!!!! Too shocking for words.
@GOODENess,
“I hate thirsty b!tches!”
me too, goodygood. me too.
@GOODENess, “I don’t know that I have ever ran so fast in 8 different directions at one time EVER in life” DYING!
You thought twice before you ever stepped out into a club in a skirt the next time huh. lol
Joke is its not even funny, dude is nasty! and them hoochies you was with, hmmmmm! choopid gyal dem!
@GOODENess,
I hope you never went out with them again. Trifling skanks!
@GOODENess, Did those hoochies ever graduate?
@GOODENess,
ew…I’m sorry dear, that sucks.
Sometimes someone does something so offensive, you can’t even react. I’m sure if you could get the flux capacitor and do 88…he’d catch a bad one.
I think that this has to be the funniest post I’ve ever read on this site. Especially since I’m a native and have frequented all the spots you’ve name dropped in this post… i can say no more to protect the innocent… I’ll just say that there is a very good reason that I don’t drink tequila or apple-tinis… or anything tinis..
@pgh muse,
“Especially since I’m a native and have frequented all the spots you’ve name dropped in this post”
even aces and deuces???
@The Champ, I’ve been there once or twice. Don’t judge me. I’m still protecting the innocent.
@pgh muse,
You’ve been to Aces and Deuces? I’ve never heard of that place and I have no idea where it is. I’m in my second year of living in Pittsburgh as an adult and I can say with great certainty that 1601 (formerly Sin) is one of the worst establishments I’ve ever seen. It looks like a bar that used to be a juke joint that used to be apart of the underground railroad. Somehow I ended up there with my cousin one night. I stood next to a cop the whole time just in case.
NOT “It looks like a bar that used to be a juke joint that used to be apart of the underground railroad.”
i’m done.
@Voiceofreason,
It looks like a bar that used to be a juke joint that used to be apart of the underground railroad.
*DEAD*
@Voiceofreason,
“It looks like a bar that used to be a juke joint that used to be apart of the underground railroad.”
Dead! Between Goodeness’ cheetah hoof grab and this, I’m totally crying at my desk from laughing so hard
@Voiceofreason,
beware of any club in the burgh thats named after a number
@Voiceofreason
“I stood next to a cop the whole time just in case.”
HAHAHAHA!
Sadly this doesn’t work in cincy. Mofo’s here will just shoot at the cops too.
@V Renee,
Sadly this doesn’t work in cincy. Mofo’s here will just shoot at the cops too.
sadly, this is no hyperbole, lol
@Voiceofreason, lmao. Sin City? Yeah. If we’re talking about the same place… yeah. Definitely a no go. I’ve been there once in my early twenties… (all of my bar hopping escapades occurred during my childless early early 20′s don’t judge me) I don’t remember which cousin/girlfriend/co-worker thought it was a good idea to hang all night and visit that death trap… but yeah. Never again. If there are no lights, people, or bouncers than its a definite no go.
8 to definite 3 just by standing up sounds like too many long island ice teas and sh*t, and as far as i’m concerned anyone rocking princess leia hair definitely has suspect *raised eyebrow* inclinations…
most memorable, make me smile when I think back on them days, was the brownie/cupcake lady who could be found every Tuesday/Thursday nite @ local lounge in Chi. yea I was young, having just turned 21, but I swear best $5.00 investment that guarnteed a full night of chill, mellow, laughing good times.
Plus everyone at that spot welcomed and knew that 60 yr old walking bakery woman…even anticipated her arrival…never found anything like that scene since…
@maria,
8 to definite 3 just by standing up sounds like too many long island ice teas and sh*t
i’m sure the vitamin water and rum altered my depth perception.
and sanity
@The Champ, You are really working this Vitamin Water angle! Hustle!!!!
@The Champ,
check out a movie called “The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down”
Plenty of vsb worthy blog fodder. You’re all welcome.
@Cornell Westside,
thanks and sh*t
You are indeed a Vitamin Water Slutbucket (aka Slucket). Someone get this man an endorsement b4 he sells the soul of his first daughter to Hugh Hefner
And BWAHAHAHA @ this entire post. I gotta think bout if I have a zany story. In the meantime, I shall enjoy reading others’
I await: Deviant, Eff Yo Couch, NaturallyAlise especially. Oh, and WuDa. They got the BEST tales.
*Pulls up chair & orders Garrett’s Caramel & Cheese popcorn (more caramel please)
@Luvvie,
Wait for real Garet’s ? You don’t mess w/ Nuts on Clark?
@WuDaMan,
You don’t mess w/ Nuts on Clark?
please don’t expound
@WuDaMan,
No, I surely dont mess with “Nuts on Clark”. I’m a Garrett’s Girl
P.S. Champ, “Nuts on Clark” is the name of a peanut and popcorn shop. It could also be the… ya know what, I’mo leave it alone
*whistles away*
i’m ~110% sure i’d never be caught dead or alive in/at/around Art’s.
@Gem Possible,
not even if i have the vsb happy hour there?
nope.
@Gem Possible,
as long as you rocked a vest, i think you’d have a ball at arts
There once was a lovely, poetic, hosh*t diva named 19 yr. old Alise, who ran with a band of sluttacious whores (I told y’all months ago that they run in packs) and hit a club called Power Company on $3 college night (Power company is a Durham, NC legend, but any-hoo) … all of that has nothing to do with anything by the way, just got lost on memory lane and shyt… So we are dancing drinking heavily with our underage selves and every man in that club tried to step up to my crew, and we turned them all down, like ignorantly and rudely, but the encounter that stands out in my mind is this one, bc he actually deserved it:
Swamp Donkey Fella: Hey grrrrrrrl, you shole is fine, and you got dem di*k sucking lips (*DEAD*)
Tanya: uh whaaaaaaaa?
Swamp DOnkey Fella: you heard me? anyway what yo name is?
Tanya: Ni**a please…. hey Alise tell him what my name is
Alise: She ain’t got no naaaaaaaame , get da fugg outta here…
Swamp Donkey Fella: I don’t know what’s wrong wit y’all bit**es, don’t know a real man when you see one.
Us: BWAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAA!!!
…dang i miss college.
@Naturally Alise, “{Swamp Donkey Fella: Hey grrrrrrrl, you shole is fine, and you got dem di*k sucking lips (*DEAD*)”
Charm school, anyone?
@Nicki Sunshine, gurl what you talking about?
Swamp Donkey was clearly the king of charm!
@Dope Fiend, LOL.. I have it all backwards. Maybe I been lookin for the wrong type of man!!!!!
First of all, let me say that the nerd in me is loving the footnote style of writing you having going on this week. Second, i have a couple of good stories but my brain doesn’t work past midnight. I’ll b back sometime today.
@meleka a.k.a Resident Late Poster(rlp),
take your time and sh*t
@The Champ,
take your time and sh*t
EEWWW (yes, I’m 4)
@meleka a.k.a Resident Late Poster(rlp),
days later…
Soph. yr. of college this group of guys from school would throw parties at this local hole in the wall called mt. kenya. This was my first time in a club setting and boy was it memorable-dancing on top of couches, having the whole club doing the cabbage patch & the kid-n-play (hey they were playing oldies) and taking some of my first underaged sips.
Or the time my friend almost got us kicked out of a club in ny for underaged drinking. The funniest thing is I did the jedi mind trick on the bouncer and it totally worked. Imagine a 20 yr old leek screaming at the top of her lungs “we ain’t drinkin sh!t, let him smell your breath!” By then I had caught a whiff of her breath and couldn’t smell a thing anyway. We walked away from him and she ended up going to get more lol.
Oh and i’ve also had a dude lick my neck in the club. The disturbing part of it all is that he was like 4’11. I didn’t know if i should b disgusted or if i should’ve turned around and burped him.
this que was trying to talk to me and everytime I hit the floor he got right up behind me and started grinding his dyck on me.. I got pissed cussed him out and told him some variation of get the F!@k out of my face with yo lil dyck or something and this ninja strips down to gold lame bikini’s and spends the rest of the night steppin in his panties and matching gold boots…..LOL I aint gone lie I gave him my number but I realized later that what I thought was this ninja being crazy and carefree wasnt what it seemed that ninja slick had autism or was just plain mentally retarded…like for real
@shay_d_lady,
PAAAAA-HA-HA-HA!! Girl, I am ROLLin!
…best post of the night.
@shay_d_lady,
gagging on pineapple upside down cake. this is some funny shyt, ya heard me?
@shay_d_lady, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
@shay_d_lady,
O SH*T! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
@shay_d_lady, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!! that is sme classic type sh!t right there!!! autism my ni99a?? (smh)
@shay_d_lady, I am in tears! This is tv show material.
@shay_d_lady,
LOL I aint gone lie I gave him my number
lol…so did the boots convince you, or the matching man-thong?
@The Champ, LOL it was probably that seagrams hunch punch gin and juice…LOL so glad my drinking has become more refined….
@shay_d_lady,
seagrams hunch punch gin and juice
this actually sounds pretty good
@The Champ,
That’s what got me…she gave him the number AFTER he got his inner skrippa on. lmao
@shay_d_lady, ROOOOOOOOO to the QUUUUEEESSS. He did what it took to get the number
@shay_d_lady,
LMAO!! Im mad you gave this fool ur number. Did he call?
@Luvvie, yes and thats how I found out he was mentally challenged…..LOL he was fine though…
@shay_d_lady, lmfao.. I am going to get in trouble at my job for this one.. I busted out laughing.. My boss is seriously going to fire me!! LMFAO LMFAO
Those que’s and those gold man thongs will get you er time!!
@shay_d_lady,
WTF!!! This story just made my day. Thank you.
so far the funniest has been going to “The Legion”… not realizing that its name was short for “The American Legion” complete with Roller Skating Rink set-up and bingo-score-board-thingy…
anyways… me and my two friends were dancing, ((i only hang with non-stuck up girls who like to dance)) and while dancing with one particular guy he asked my friend who was two-stepping beside us if she could dance better than me… he then choose to be offended when i stopped dancing and let him figure out for himself, seems like he thought better of himself when he was a “player”… in a polyester track suit…….. gotta love the south!
@Jay_Delicious,
Not the Legion in Hampton? Man that spot was/is a holder of many a memory! I miss the NSU days!
@Ro,
yea… the Legion in Hampton, still currently living my HIU days….
we use to go to this club called Denim and Diamond..it was a country bar but we took it over…the club was the best thang to hit memphis for young folks..well we gets inthere and it was my first time at a club club…..I was so excited…well anyway this guy tried to talk to me.. he was cool but I wasnt interested due to me being all in love and shyt…he kept on asking me all on the what yo man got to do with me shyt that was poppin in the 90′s…long story short he gives it one more try I say no..keep in mind I had been respectfully declining him..not getting loud, not rolling my eyes no attitude nothing….so of course he goes to the F!@ck you biatch zone…I just walk off… so a little while later me and my girls on the floor doing the four corners to set it off and I feel something hit me on the back of the neck..and then again.. somebody throwing shyt.. this ninja is sitting at a table by the dance floor throwing either reeses peices or skittles (maybe m&m’s you get the picture) at me!@!@!@!!Where the hell did he get the candy from at a club? it was so stupidthat I couldnt even be mad I mean wtf? really?….before I could do anything security came and got his a$$ but that was probably one of the most bytch made moves I have ever seen in my life…
@shay_d_lady,
you got me at work chuckling…that is classic, i don’t think i coulda let it go…he mighta ended up with a drink all over himself and ida been kicked out too…
@shay_d_lady,
Lawd, why must you make me wheeze at my desk?!?!
@shay_d_lady,
Hilarious!! He threw candy at you like he was in pre-school…LMAO!!!
@shay_d_lady,
this ninja is sitting at a table by the dance floor throwing either reeses peices or skittles (maybe m&m’s you get the picture) at me!@!@!@!!Where the hell did he get the candy from at a club?
shay_d_lady, after we get this vitamin water endorsement, i’m going to film a documentary about your life. i don’t need your approval, btw
@The Champ, LOL I am going to take that as a compliment…the foolishness doesnt abound as it did when I was younger but I still find myself in some pretty ridiculous situations….
@shay_d_lady,
it was definitely a compliment. i think we could make money and sh*t, like benzino
@shay_d_lady, I think im gonna get fired b/c of u….
@shay_d_lady,
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ninja was throwin skittles…..
@shay_d_lady,
I forgot to add you to the best stories list but you ALWAYS got the best tales. Epic tales of foolery. LOVE IT!
And I’m DYING picturing a disgruntled fella who is steaming and throwing candy at you. LMAO!!!
D@mn, I remember Denim and Diamond! That was THE spot back in the day. Way too many stories at that place.
They had to shut that spot down…plenty people got shot, stabbed, robbed, waterboarded, you name it. That sh*t was fun, tho!
@AkShone,
plenty people got shot, stabbed, robbed, waterboarded, you name it.
Damn, was yall clubbin or fightin crusades?
@Me fail english?, both.. smh.. it did get extra crunk I had my moms car broken into on that joint and experienced for the first time a dude dousing a chick with a beer at that joint.. it was myfriend and her ex (at the time) boyfriend while little Kim performed “fake ones” on stage…LMAO
@Me fail english?,
Damn, was yall clubbin or fightin crusades?
LOL
@shay_d_lady, you have the best things happen to you.. I’m serious this is the funniest thing I’ve read today.. How the heck does dude throw candy at you.. totally ridiculous!!
Let me preface the following stories by saying I was young and foolish, and I know better now.
It’s Saturday night; a freak ice storm has coated all the highways and feeder roads in Dallas County and the surrounding areas with a thin imperceptible layer of ice. Three close friends and I are at our girl’s apartment, watching the Tudors, downing some beers and Boone Farm wines, when one of us suggests that this would be a perfect night to make the 30min drive from Denton to Dallas for a night of good old fashioned debauchery. The suggestion is met with some resistance. After all, it is sleeting; sleeting in Dallas, which is definitely code RED in terms of driving hazards.
“They’ll be no one on the road,” our friend counters “we’ll get there in ten minutes flat (not unless we defy the laws of physics). Plus, the clubs won’t be so crowded. We can actually dance without being felt up by every anatomically correct arsehat in there.”
All valid points, but the rest of us are still hesitant (we are still somewhat sober, after all). We decide to mull over our prospects over a couple more glasses of wine. The wine is followed by some improvised, janky magaritta-daiquiri-esque concoctions, which, somehow, leads to the four of us standing around the kitchen counter doing tequila shots, debating which of us is sober enough to drive.
Finally, around midnight, we elect X to drive her roommates broke-down Corolla. We pile in, requisite plastic cup of liquor in hand, and start our drive down. Twenty minutes or so, after we exit I-35 and merge onto 1-635, it starts hailing, hard. X in her inebriated state, can barely make out the road, she starts swerving all over the place. We are driving at 15mph (20mph max) straddling two lanes, swerving in and out of lanes, driving across all four lanes (no turn signals, of course). Thank God, the highway is deserted. Hysteria descends. All four of us start shrieking; X’s roommate is balling, my other friend starts chanting something in Hindi (I assumed it was Hindi, could have been some other dialect), the drinks in the plastic cups are being spilt left and right. I’m numb from fright and/or liquor.
At some point, during all this commotion, X decides that the best way out of our predicament is to have one person navigate and another drive. She proceeds with the navigation phase (without informing us of the plan). The girl opens the driver’s door and sticks her torso out. In my little corner, I get hit by a blast of cold air and look toward its source. The other two girls are also staring at the open door with X half hanging out. There is pin drop silence in the car. Finally, X’s roommate, who’s in the passenger seat, leans towards her, grabs her shirt and hauls her back into the car.
“What the EFF!”
After the cursing, the tears and several ‘Oh, my God we are going to die’, we are finally calm enough to hear, X’s dumb as s**t reasoning.
Lo and behold! Once we hear her out, we decide that it’s not such a half-arsed idea. We assign X’s roommate and my friend who’s diagonally across her in the back seat the task of navigating; X will drive and I will look out for any popos.
That is how we drive the remaining 10minute stretch of 1-635E, until we exit lower Greenville area. Two doors cracked open, two girls with their torsos hanging out of the car, 15mpH, disregarding all traffic laws known to man and using up all the Karma and goodwill we’d accumulated in our short little lives. How we didn’t die, kill someone or end up in jail is far beyond me.
Anyway, after all that drama, none of us we’re in any mood to do anything but crawl into bed. So someone called a mutual friend who lived in the area, who (bless his soul) came for us, drove us to his apartment, where we crashed for the night.
Aaaaah, impetuous youth.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Y’all are killin me, early in the morning. Just.killin’.me.
@ofloveandotherdemons, your story sounds like a scene from on of those Lifetime “My Teen When To College and went crazy help me save my child” type movies…glad you and your people made it through…college is definitely the place for the ignit-est of sh!t!!!
I read DALLAS…for so long I thought I was the only DALLAS-ite on here! We should LUNCH!
@GOODENess,
Sadly, I’m stuck in the social abyss that is SoCal. Anytime, I roll down to Dallas to see my sweet peach mother, I’d def. love to do lunch.
I wonder if they are any SoCal VSBers out there? Hmmm, mmmmh? Let a sister know.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
You already know us Texas folks can’t drive on sleet, ice, or any of the variations of the white stuff…lol
““They’ll be no one on the road,” our friend counters “we’ll get there in ten minutes flat (not unless we defy the laws of physics). Plus, the clubs won’t be so crowded. We can actually dance without being felt up by every anatomically correct arsehat in there.”
This is a drunken plan if I ever heard one…lmao!!
@ofloveandotherdemons, the way i was bennin up reading this. LOL! That was some funny shh. lol
How can X start navigating without telling anyone? Classic!
@Dope Fiend,
I just spit my coffee all over the place.
…ima need a tissue
oh.my.geez.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Shoot, you didn’t have to preface the story with that you were young and foolish…simply saying you were drinking Boone’s was enough to know that.
@luvtheshoes,
So True.
@luvtheshoes,
yeah. i’m sure she edited out the md 20/20 reference too
@The Champ,
md 20/20 and boone’s farm?
That’s some ol’ “I live at the bus station” ish. Aah, to be young and crazy.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
*starts the slow clap*
This is a episode of (some mid-nineties TV sitcom) waiting to happen!
@ofloveandotherdemons, wow!!! talk about a drunken night!! sheesh
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I QUIT YOU!!! YOU HERE ME?!?!?!?
my coworker just came to check on me because he thought my whimpering/attempt to breathe while trying not to laugh too loudly was me crying.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
“Denton to Dallas”
UNT or T Dub!?
:::::I used to live the dream @ UNT:::::
@Marty McFly,
UNT. Lord, those were good times.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
The question is when did you go though?
is it:
A) Back in the day when UNT was still live (up through 2003)
or
B) in the crazy, ratchet present day (2004-Present)
@Marty McFly,
I graduated May 2003. I was there before the new lady Pres. Yeah, I here she’s little bonkers.
On Tuesday, while at the Zulu club in New Orleans, fresh from my parade ride, I was attempting to walk out of the club onto the street to see the action out there and a white guy, rocking golds, twists and a Saints Jersey, walked up to me, cupped my buttocks (I was wearing latex leggings but does that mean I want to be groped? NO!) and proceeded to grind on me while LICKING my neck. My cousins were beating him on his back while I attempted to lift my knee and aim for his groin.
@iloVEGrits,
I was wearing latex leggings but does that mean I want to be groped? NO!
at mardi gras? ummmm…yes, lol
@The Champ,
No…it just means that I like tight, shiny pants.
@iloVEGrits, i just jumped out of my seat when I got to the licking part! You already groped me, must you taste me too?!
I’m so sorry!
@iloVEGrits,
Oooo you were rocking the leggings we bought a coupla months ago? I still aint worn mine. I’s afraid. I may get a charley horse in my shin again from tryna pull them babies on.
BTW, were you successful in the aim for his eggs and sausage? And did you use AJAX or Lysol to clean ur neck? Ewww
@iloVEGrits,
*sigh* i hate going in there. ninjas looking at me all sideways and wrong till i tell them who my uncle is. *shivers*
Come to think of it, I’ve had a couple of crazy moments. I attract crazy, it seems:
I had a guy, about four or five years back, SLAP me because I politely said I didn’t want to dance with him. I tossed my drink at him, my girl called the police. His boys then BEGGED me not to press charges because he had a warrant. Do you think I cared??
Not so crazy but hilarious to me:
I had a guy stare at me all night…fine. As I was leaving he came up to me and told me he wanted to give me his number. But not that night. I was gamed! We ended up in a 2 year relationship.
While on a date, about a year ago, we were checking out some reggae at a late night spot and the guy told me he had something for me later (we’d been going out about a month or so) and then he whipped out his johnson. Nobody else saw but I couldn’t get my stuff fast enough.
@iloVEGrits,
As I was leaving he came up to me and told me he wanted to give me his number. But not that night.
surprisingly, this tactic (informing a woman that you’re gonna delay your bagging attempt) works like a charm.
@The Champ, I concur with that methodology
@The Champ,
Yeah…it worked on me. smh.
@iloVEGrits, VEG I have had the dreaded dyck out in club happen to me.. like really? what possesses a ninja to do that?
The year after I came home from college, me and 3 of my friends were @ this club called Voodoo every weekend, w/o fail. And we were serious about having a good time…so much so, that one of us always brought a bottle so that we could get lit on the way to the club and in the parking lot as not to waste valuable time @ the bar once we arrived. Come to think of it, that’s when I started drinkin…*smh*
This particular night, we assume our usual position on the stage (read: a platform under the DJ booth that was no more than 4 inches off the ground…I wasn’t a ‘professional’ or anything) w/a fresh buzz, having fun…when up walks an extremely drunken man of above average girth who permeates our circle to dance w/ (read: eyeball) my girl. We continue dancing on high alert – as if someone turned the music down – awaiting his next move. The intruder, in all his pedophilic glory, begins to wave a $50 bill in front of my girl’s face and says something to the affect of ‘show me what u got.’ We simultaneously stop dancing…and I – the most appalled – uncharacteristically grab the money, ball it up in his face and throw it against the wall behind us. Everything that follows happened in the next 60 seconds..
He grabs my wrist. Hard.
My girl grabs him.
He studies my hand as if I’d hidden the money.
Clearly, his visual acuity had been decreased due to massive amounts of vodka.
He demands I give it back.
I tell him I don’t have it and where he can find it (literally and figuratively).
He demands w/a tighter grip.
We repeat in unison.
He says, garbled, that if I won’t give him his money, he’s going to take our hats…and w/his free hand, grabs both our hats off of our heads SIMULTANEOUSLY (a feat in itself b/c we had to be standing @ least 3 ft apart), expecting that we would immediately be embarrassed and give in.
We both give him the screw face…I had a bandana under my hat and my girl had braids.
We foiled your plan, sir.
With our free hands, we grab our hats and proceed into an oddly strenuous tug-of-war w/dude.
(I told u he was of above average girth.)
Security approaches to intercede.
I tell him what happened while dude repeatedly slurs ‘she got my money.’
Security sees the money on the ground behind us, in clear view.
Security grabs dude from behind and tells him to let me go.
He does not…and, instead, becomes belligerent and issues a bevy of profane insults about bald-headed white men toward Security, who was of course bald and white.
Security is offended.
As dude is pulled offstage, he lets me go and begins to fight Security.
Security’s back-up bursts through the crowd and proceed to jump on dude.
Somehow, my girl gets spun around by the scuffle and, caught amid the mélee, goes down like Raggedy Ann.
Someone in the surrounding fight circle attempts to help her up.
Dude is eventually wrestled to the ground and is subsequently carried to the street.
My girls and I recover from the surreality and decide to leave.
Girl 3 tells me to pick up the $.
Still stunned, I decline.
As I’m walking out, I turn around to see her, pick up the $, put it in her bra and run out behind me.
We drank on him that night and then went to breakfast.
@Resident GRitS,
why were you and your girls all wearing hats at the club?
@The Champ,
I’m unsure.
@The Champ,
I rock hats in the club. Nothing wrong w/ a newsboy hat cocked slightly to the right to set off my outfit.
@Luvvie,
I rock hats in the club. Nothing wrong w/ a newsboy hat cocked slightly to the right to set off my outfit.
hats are cool, but seeing a whole crew of chicks with hats would make me think they were the crazy 88 or something
@Luvvie,
“Nothing wrong w/ a newsboy hat cocked slightly to the right to set off my outfit.”
Yes. Yes there is. Cuz I know you are not rocking the hat to set off your outfit but b/c you didn’t comb your hair. Luv ya.
@The Champ
Okay I was wondering the same thing about the hats. But then I figured that they must have been in a gang or something.
@V Renee,
LMAO! I was thinking it was a gang too. I don’t know what it is about matching ensembles that makes me automatically think “damn, they must be tough”. I’m an 80′s baby? Too many Michael Jackson vids???
@V Renee,
The Champ can do a midnight whisper w/a tranny but I can’t wear a hat to the club?…bullsh!t.
…and I never said we were wearing the same hat.
@Resident GRitS,
The Champ can do a midnight whisper w/a tranny but I can’t wear a hat to the club?…bullsh!t.
LOLOL.
i’m not even gonna bother with a comeback
Woooi babah! I wouda soil my pants wah! It probably had big hands and everything bigger too!
Worse than the time I was dancing with my girl sort of close like and this imperial doofus comes to make a sandwich right on me girl back.
He was resting on the floor by the time the security showed up.
Damn that niggah he cost me like two nights without lovin.
@3dafrica,
“He was resting on the floor by the time the security showed up.”
LOL!!!!!
@3dafrica,
Worse than the time I was dancing with my girl sort of close like and this imperial doofus comes to make a sandwich right on me girl back
lol…were you at the club or the zoo?
@The Champ,
Club…Zoo. Folks be acting a monkey fool at both so…
how fitting is it that the 16+ club in pgh is called “club zoo”??
@Gem Possible,
how fitting is it that the 16+ club in pgh is called “club zoo”??
i remember walking past there a few months ago, and seeing several cars parked out front with older people in the drivers seats. i was puzzled at first before it hit me: these are the parents waiting to give the cub-clubbers rides home. i’m sorry, but if my mom has to pick me up from the club, it aint worth going out
@3dafrica,
“Imperial doofus” is officially in my lexicon. I thank you
This story cracked me up..
Note to self: “try the breast maneuver.” lol
My club stories have been really tame.
I lie. I have one.
I was in Miami at the Love Hate Lounge this past November for my birthday…
This guy has been in my ear for the past 30 minutes babbling… he’s drunk but trying to be smooth and he’s getting on my nerves.
“Ice Cream” by Raekwon comes on so I start moving in my seat, rapping the lyrics.
All of a sudden, this dreaded cat comes up, grabs my hand and pulls me up to dance, right while this guy is still yapping.
I keep dancing. Ice Cream is my song, I’m in a zone. The drunk rap cat gets up and they are both dancing with me in the middle.
After about twenty seconds, they start bumping me. I’m in a back in forth tug of war type thing, back and forth and back and forth.
I stop and just stand there. I’m not the stockiest chick in the world, so when these ninjas are bumping, they are moving me.
I suddenly realized, these ninjas are no longer dancing, they are about to fight.
One is in my face talking about u need to choose who you are gonna dance with (like we’d already entered a six month relationship)… I shout to both of them it is not that serious, storm off, and commence to dancing by myself.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Caramel Sundaes stand up!!!! LOL!!!
@miss t-lee, I could never figure out my flavor. I’m light like the Butter Pecan… but I’m not a Rican. lol.
I saw the shirts on a website. I still want to get one. How’s that for throw back?
@Nicki Sunshine,
You could been the French Vanilla? hahaha
I wanted one to…but the Wu was hating on team chunk.
I still have some of my Wu-Wear tees that I customized to make them fit like baby tees…lol
@miss t-lee, French Vanilla was the 2520s! lol.. why they gotta do the light skins like that? we don’t even have a flavor. Hold up, I customized my Powder Puff jersey and it said Ice Cream Deluxe on the back.
@Nicki Sunshine,
I guess I figured the French Vanillas was the light light sistahs (Lynn from girlfriends) and the 2520′s?
Shows what I know.
@Nicki Sunshine,
i guess they loved you like they loved their d*ck sizes
@The Champ, S3xy persuasive ta tas and thighs. Catch my eyes like highs I want your bodily surprise lookin’
@Nicki Sunshine,
Why must you vsb people try so hard to get me fired at work??? why??????
@mssmtaylor, LOL.. U and me both.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“After about twenty seconds, they start bumping me. I’m in a back in forth tug of war type thing, back and forth and back and forth.”
Are you SURE you weren’t an extra in “Night at the Roxbury” the movie?
@Luvvie, LMAO.. I tell u what, I could have been mistaken for one that night.
Lol. This is all some funny stuff
K…few years ago I went to Syracuse to visit an old college friend with my BFFL. I drank more that night than I have probably ever drank in my entire life (combined). Lol. And there’s somethin about bein in a city where nobody can ID YOU…if you’re ever gonna do some crazy ish, do it away from home. So, I was drinkin alcohol like water and from whomever offered. Dancin and tryin to keep it “clean”. Then I locked eyes with some guy outside of the club and either me or the 6-7 grey goose and cran I had thought he was real cute cause while I was dancin with everybkdy else, I was in the window the rest of the night puttin on a show for him. He never made it inside. Now I have a self-imposed 3 drink maximum
On another occasion while at a local bar turned club on Friday/Saturday nights, I was unintentionally dancin with this guy (I was dancin with my girl, he was dancin with somebody else who walked away and I guess he at some point he started dancin behind me). He moved in closer so I turned to face him. Not bad lookin. He’s touchin my hips. I don’t mind. He’s movin his hands up to my breast. I move his hands back down to my hips and turn to dance with my back to him. He moves his hands to my thighs. I move them back to my hips. He said somethin I couldn’t hear, so I turn to face him so I could lean in. “How much?” “huh?” “How much?” “how much what?” “How much for you to go home with me?” The f*ck! Exit stage left. I haven’t been out since then
@Imperfect,
strangely, both of these stories could only happen in upstate new york.
@Imperfect,
WOW
@Imperfect, “And there’s somethin about bein in a city where nobody can ID YOU…if you’re ever gonna do some crazy ish, do it away from home. ”
This is my mantra.
I was at this sports bar named J’s out in PG. I had gotten 2 steps in the door (heading towards the bar) when a red-headed, freckled, black dwarf pops out of nowhere and sort of attaches himself to the back of my leg. He followed closely (we picked up the pace and his little legs were pumping to keep up) and when we got our stools at the bar he jumped on the back of my stool. From his perch on my bar stool (and 3 inches from my dang face) he continues to make a case for himself. I try politely to let him know that I’m not interested, and my snarky friend (you know the type we discussed yesterday) just turned her back and began laughing about the situation with a different guy at the bar. Finally, she turns to him and says, “You see she’s p*ssy footin around tryin’ to tell you that she’s not interested, but you don’t want to catch a hint and she’s not gonna tell you this so I’ll tell you: SHE’S NOT INTERESTED AND YOU SHOULD MOVE THE F**K ON!” Real. Loud.
@Lil’T,
“when a red-headed, freckled, black dwarf pops out of nowhere and sort of attaches himself to the back of my leg.”
I would have had an asthma attack and I don’t even have asthma!!! I skeered-o-little people
@Lil’T,
I would have fainted. My fear of little people has been well documented on this site.
@Lil’T,
I’m scared of them too. I feel like they know magic.
@Me fail english?,
I’m scared of them too. I feel like they know magic
LOLOL
@Me fail english?,
I’m scared of them too. I feel like they know magic.
LOL!!! Like house elves, apparating and disapparating all over the place….LOL!!!
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
That movie “Leprechaun” f*%ked up my life!
@Me fail english?,
LOL!!! I can’t lie, though, Leprechauns are some scary azz creatures…
@Me fail english?,
*whimper*
*weezing*
*i can’t breathe*
*falls out*
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
LMAO!! Not house elves! Call that fool “Nobby”
@Me fail english?, O.M.G.
@Lil’T,
“From his perch”
I’m done with you today.
*sniggling*
@Lil’T,
“when a red-headed, freckled, black dwarf pops out of nowhere and sort of attaches himself to the back of my leg.”
I’da precisely passed out from an extreme anxiety attack. Not even kidding
@Lil’T,
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!
**passes out**
Oh, and there was the guy I was dancing with who secretly whipped his willie out. I turned around because something just didn’t feel right, and he is looking me in the face and smiling – I guess cuz his business was hanging somewhere around his knee. I could only shake my head and wander away thinking, “Why do the ones with the biggest ones have to be the craziest ones?” Because he wasn’t the first super-sized flasher I’d run into. Shame on it!
@Lil’T, I have a theory about that…you know dudes w/ “pocket monsters” being flashers…I mean, if you had pants full of platinum magic, wouldn’t you want to show people??? c/mon…lol
@GOODENess,
Sad to say, but I would……
LMAO! Everything about this post makes me laugh.
Champie, you no smell good!
“Oh my grandma (voice of little red riding hood) what big hands you have!
@Diffusion Imaging Tensor Ivy St.,
smell deez
DIT?? nerds *smh*… stick with Poison Ivy St.
@Gem Possible,
I figured associating myself with this would help me on my exam.
I’ll be back to my posionous ways tomorrow.
I was at a happy hour spot in DC late last summer and had the following conversation with this guy who was partying with his son. That should have been enough to call for security, but I decided to entertain his foolishness …
Him: We could just date for the Summer.
Me: What?
Him: You could be done with me after Labor Day.
Me: What?
Him: But if you’re feeling Christmas-y (he did just make up a word), we could probably work something out.
Me: What?
Problem is, dude was so serious. But then I thought to myself. There is no truer game than this [insert Jay-Z "Respect the game, ni99a, that should be it.]… Hell, why not?
He turned out to be lame and I was done with him in a week.
@SouthernSole,
welcome and sh*t
@SouthernSole,
lol. i’m gonna leave this whole comment alone and just say…
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
“princess leia, who easily had the deepest whisper of any woman ive ever met: (seriously, her whisper was a mixture of alicia keys, garfield, and God)”
*Crying*
I got a couple…
The midget who offered to take me out and buy me dinner because “I look like I can eat”. *throat punch to you my friend.*
The dude who after exactly 3 minutes of convo asked me “so is we f*cking or is we not f*cking?” (no–we are not kind sir.)
The kat who reached out and touched my azz because “he just had to see if it was real.” (Who literally got punched in the shoulder for touching me. Yep.)
Club nights, one the reasons I love life. ~Malice
@miss t-lee,
The dude who after exactly 3 minutes of convo asked me “so is we f*cking or is we not f*cking?” (no–we are not kind sir.)
i’m just mad that he actually said “or is we not f*cking?” instead of just “or not?”. if you’re gonna be an ass, at least be efficient.
@The Champ,
I don’t think he was worried about efficiency…lol
@The Champ,
Yeah he didnt seem like conciseness was a priority. Hell, you should be lucky he didnt use a double negative.
@Luvvie,
T.O. What’s the rules on them double negatives? I thought that it goes like this; if they are in more than one sentance it does not constitute a double negative. So what about if you put a comma there?
@WuDaMan,
What’s the rules on them double negatives? I thought that it goes like this; if they are in more than one sentance it does not constitute a double negative. So what about if you put a comma there
i thought about this question for a good 90 seconds, but gave up when realizing that it was making me actually do work and sh*t, and i dont do work during the week
@The Champ,
AAAawwww fuhck! Now I’ma have to go back to Florida and rebag my Anglish II teacher to get the answer. smh n sorry I can’t unload my storries right now. I got a bunch o work to do.
I, myself have no truly interesting stories. Just falling in my heels at Love in D.C. Falling down in heels at Amazura in Qns. Watching some girl give head in the middle of the dancefloor at Strata in NYC. And punching the ish outta some dude who grabbed my butt somewhere in Philly.
The funniest club story happened to my sis who happened to be dancing with a guy, who instead of trying to grind or wind up on her, seemed to be pushing her forward…like straight into the back of another guy. My sister is a little braindead so by time she realizes what’s happening, she’s bearing witness to dude she was dancing with grab a healthy serving of “another guy”‘s arseparts. “Another guy” turns around and give my sister the “word? we can do smthg tonite” face. Only my sis throws up her hands, vigorously shaking her head as if to say “now you know that wasn’t me”. Points out the culprit who much to “another guy’s chagrin” is not a 5’2″ woman but a 6’0 (or so) man…who at this point is grinning like the Cheshire Cat. My sis removes herself from the DL rape sandwich and “another guy” still looking confused, possibly devastated, is left in utter shock.
Haha, and all this time I thought that DL thing was a myth like unicorns or communism.
@Me fail english?,
My sis removes herself from the DL rape sandwich and “another guy” still looking confused, possibly devastated, is left in utter shock.
just reading this makes me want to lay underneath our office water cooler and shower
@Me fail english?, What you doin at amazura in heels? That may be one of the largest, hood club/slash step show arenas ever
@Burrito con Peyso,
haha, motorcycle party but I had the flyest boots of life on and had only worn them once that season, so you know had to stunt…and proceed to tumble.
Will never hit Step…ahem, excuse me, SweatCorrect again in my life. Maaaad!
@Me fail english?,
“Points out the culprit who much to “another guy’s chagrin” is not a 5′2″ woman but a 6′0 (or so) man…who at this point is grinning like the Cheshire Cat. My sis removes herself from the DL rape sandwich and “another guy” still looking confused, possibly devastated, is left in utter shock.”
LMAO!! That whole part just killt me. I need yall to call Austin & Royster’s. I demand that people wear dramatic church hats at my funegro. And optional but highly recommended: someone throw themselves to the ground and shout “WHHHYYYYY???”
LOL!! Seriously Champ, the voice should have been your first clue, and the only clue you needed. LOL!!
These stories about dudes pulling out Big WIllie are crazy; that has never happened to me.
So here are my not-so-crazy club stories….
1. I once wore one of these backless halter/J-Lo type shirt to the club, knowing full well that shirt was not going to provide adequate coverage for the tatas. So as the night went on, I am dancing and having a good time, and this guy is staring me down. It is then I realize my lefty is exposed in all of her full glory. So I just put her back, give the guy staring a wink and a smile, and keep on dancing.
2. Another time in undergrad, I attended an Omega party, and this half-naked Que decides to blindside me from the back, grabs me, grinds for like 3 seconds, then licks my neck, and tells me I taste good…smh…but seriously, I went out with him for about a month. LOL!!
I think I have more…but I need to get all of my old-skool memories together….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….
Okay this is the second Que story I’ve heard (shay d lady too), where at the end of the day numbers were gived. I always wondered why Ques acted the way they do, and now I know…..the crazy sh*t they do (barking, licking, grinding, gyrating, stealing kisses, stripping down to gold thongs, tongues wagging) actually works.
whowuldathunk
@V Renee,
Yeah those dudes are wild. One of them pulled his pants down and showed me a brand on his booty because I asked him what he pledged. He could’ve just told me but I guess he thought it was better to show me.
*SMH*
@Voiceofreason,
brand on his booty = g.a.y.
@V Renee,
LOL!1 It worked for that particular dude, b/c he was one of the finest Ques in the room, had a nice package, and that lick hit a spot I didn’t know I had….I had a lot of fun for that month….
College…oh the memories….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., ROOOOOOOOOO
@Burrito con Peyso,
stop that barking.
@blackberry molasses,
LOL!!
2. Another time in undergrad, I attended an Omega party, and this half-naked Que decides to blindside me from the back, grabs me, grinds for like 3 seconds, then licks my neck, and tells me I taste good…smh…but seriously, I went out with him for about a month. LOL!!
i think just about all my spel sisters have stories like that lol
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
The Ques are scary at me. I’ve put my Que story below. They are certified bananas. But I like them, for some reason
@Luvvie, we love u too and all of ur shoes…
@Burrito con Peyso,
@Luvvie,
don’t hate the ques girl! just let go, let flow…lol
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., I’ve also had the “Janet Jackson” happen to me.
“it was a giant controversy in the hoods of the burgh several years ago when “nats” changed its name to “arts”. apparently “arts” made it sound “too white”. i live in a stupid f*cking city”
I thought “Nat’s” became “Art’s” because Art and Nat are brothers and Art took over. Is that just a Pittsburgh urban legend? I still slip up and call it Nat’s sometimes.
@Voiceofreason,
I thought “Nat’s” became “Art’s” because Art and Nat are brothers and Art took over. Is that just a Pittsburgh urban legend? I still slip up and call it Nat’s sometimes.
honestly, i have no idea why the change happened, i just know that there were people upset about it. i think they should just say “f*ck it” and name it “narts”
@Voiceofreason, I thought “Nat’s” became “Art’s” because Art and Nat are brothers and Art took over. Is that just a Pittsburgh urban legend? I still slip up and call it Nat’s sometimes.
Yup. Art and Nat are brothers and Art’s daughter owns CJ’s.
LOLOLOLOL. My life is tame compared to you all.
@Champ, I can’t imagine putting my nose to some unknown man’s chest to smell him. I think that should have been your warning.
Recently a few friends and I decided to pull an all-nighter in Shibuya, Tokyo. We find a spot and the music is hot so we are burning up the floor. While I’m swaying I feel, not a grope, put a tap, tap, tapping on my behind. WHAT?! I whip around to find that the hand belongs to a petite smiling Japanese girl. Strike one.
That morning just before the music stopped a girl who’d chatted with me despite her drunken stupor came to say goodbye. However she walked up behind me and gave me what may have appear to the outside world as a sisterly hug from the side. In reality it was a chance for her to, not really grab, but marginally caress the undersides of my breast. Strike two.
Japanese people really cannot hold their alcohol and lose their inhibitions and their minds after a few drinks. What’s weird is that I have never had to be wary of women. I guess I should file that experience in the foreign culture section of my life.
@Ms. Hall,
At least the girl was subtle. Once a dumb@ass Steeler walked by me and patted the side of my breast. I don’t know if it was a test to see if the girls are real or what, but I felt violated. And when I was in college, guys would regularly stand in my way when I tried to walk by them in crowded clubs. I’d say “excuse me” and they’d step back an inch so that I had no choice but to rub into them. I’d just cross my arms when I had to squeeze through.
@Voiceofreason,
The guys you were in college with were on to something. I think I might try this.
@Voiceofreason,
And when I was in college, guys would regularly stand in my way when I tried to walk by them in crowded clubs.
Full grown men still do this! And I am ignorant for thinking that thing with the Japanese girl may be a cultural thing? Some Asian girl (she looked Japanese to me) got my homegirl’s number in Strata and my friend had no idea she just got bagged by a woman. I knew because I almost got bagged by an Asian girl at a gyro cart, but I was hip to the game. *cool*
@Ms. Hall,
***reminding self to club in japan at least once before i die***
@Ms. Hall,Dude, I had an incident with a Japanese chick.. My same story, earlier that Night, I was at the bar… this Japanese chick and her man are going at it… I’m right beside them ordering a shot of Patron.. all of a sudden, her hands are rubbing up and down my legs. LOL
@Nicki Sunshine,
you sure this actually happened, and it wasn’t a dream you had last weekend?
@Ms. Hall,
Oh, yeah – in my experience Asian chicks (any kind) are REAL free with other people’s tatas. My friends and I had a favorite Chinese restaurant in H.S., they treated us like family. However, EVERY TIME we would go there the old lady would greet us enthusiastically, do that thing where you hold someone’s arms out like “Oh, look at you!” and then moved in for a double fluff of our boobs. We just chalked it up as a Chinese thing.
@Lil’T and Nicki Sunshine,
OMG, your experiences mirror my experiences with Asian women and those of some of my friends. A friend had an old woman “double fluff” her in the grocery store. And at a hot spring an old woman tapped my friends behind and told her she had a nice a$$. I do not do hot springs. I refuse to give these grandmas the chance to grope me sans clothing.
In Asia I think some of the inappropriate touching is due to black folks being seen as exotic. However I can’t believe you got felt up even at the Chinese restaurant. I’ve found that there’s strength in numbers. I just try to stay as close to my girls as possible when we go out.
Sounds like a pink hippo moment….man…am I glad I live in the country
@KingPine,
please expound and sh*t
@The Champ,
The brothers from away didn’t catch any of the signs about the Pink Hippo and it’s flame…..how i don’t know.
I’d think *a$$less chaps* would be a dead give away…
The trauma was great….as was my jokin em.
It wasn’t uncommon to have dinner and a show…the show bein two brothers hittin it on the church steps while popo drove past…..smgdh
got to love charm city
you were hookwinked man
@KingPine,
Da hell? “Pink Hippo” is like the gayest shit you could ever call a club…EVER! I haven’t even been to your city and I know “Pink Hippo” is where you can find some gays at
@Me fail english?,
lol man you need to educate some chicago brothers…that’s all i’m sayin…lol
@KingPine,
thanks and sh*t
This reminds me of a time when I was at a spot here in Detroit back in the day called the River Rock. It was crowded and I felt my @ss get grabbed but I blew it off because I thought that it was crowded. A while later I felt my @ss grabbed again and I looked and saw no one. Later on that night I felt my @ss grabbed again and I looked back and caught her. She started laughing and thought it was sooo funny. I was ready to fight until I saw her and saw that she didn’t look bad at all. I got her phone number but never called her.
@Humble_One,
detroit just seems like one of those cities where all the women are excessively forward. cincinnati is another one
@The Champ
What’s even funnier is that when I was reading Humble’s story I was thinking to myself, I grab guy’s butts and look away from time to time….then I got to your comment. LMAO What can I say – it’s fun!
@Humble_One, U know u liked it.
This is a short story that happened recently . . .as in one month ago. I was playing to host to one of my fellow VSB-ters new to the Philly area, and I was showing him what the city had to offer (read: where the chicks is at) Any who we were club hopping and we ended up at one of Philly’s late night club called Fuzion. Prior to this outing, I’ve only been to this club once and I was thought that club was very upscale and classy. But this time around it was a different story. The club was packed to it’s capacity and everyone was in their full ghetto glory. No sooner than 5 minutes after we walk in a fight breaks out. The End
Okay I was joking. The funny part about that night was me waking up the next morning with a back ache. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking but while we were partying I thought it was a good idea to pick up this big body chick that was giving me the business on the dance floor. I knew I should have stopped after I almost dropped her on my first attempt. But since I’m not a quitter (read: everyone was watching me) I completed the impossible task and paid for it the next morning. My 3 year old had to give me a “George Jefferson” back massage for an hour. I don’t think I told my fellow VSB about the back ache. lol
@eff yo couch, I have also been in many a fight in Fuzion. I used to bounce there and I swear negroes wanted to get their arse wooped cuz we used to straight jump folks
@Burrito con Peyso,
Wait you live in Philly?
@Dorian G., I went to school there from 2004-2008 and I am often there
@Burrito con Peyso,
LOL I think I know you
@Dorian G., Hell, you might. did u go to school in Philly too?
@Burrito con Peyso,
TU mutha********!
@Burrito con Peyso,
Say word, I think I know what school you went to and the scrawny Alabaman. *chuckles*
@Me fail english?, if u know what school i went to, u might THINK u know the scrawny alabaman but it was actually a lesser known alabaman who caused the trouble
@Burrito con Peyso,
Damn, I know of two scrawny Alabamans, but the one glasses didn’t seem like he’d make trouble. smh@ a whole gang of Alabaman pygmies storming the ivy towers
@Burrito con Peyso, i hung out with one, he’s a Kappa. if u know him, i was his Que roommate (one of em) and the other is some dude, i’ve only said 2 words two in my life
@Dorian G.,
VSB: Where possible college buddies reunite.
This is beautiful.
LOL i was thinking the same thing–bruhmance.
@eff yo couch,
Oh snap son I got to get me some of them kids incase I mess around n pick up the lindas tamekas…
Hey don’t forget how I came up on a metro pcs phone. n that was one of the slowest fights I ever seen I totally think I saw a cat take a swig from his drink and continue to kick some ssa… Then again I may be a bit biased. I mean @ my highschool. I remember getting out of school walking outside and it looked like a jail house riot. Ninjas being snatched out of cars. Car windshield’s being kicked out. Blood errwhere… On many a day, not just the last day.
@eff yo couch,
Wu was tellin me you like to frequent the hood spots… which produced a SERIOUS side eye from me. I’m glad to see you were actually DUPED. I don’t go nowhere except Sullivan’s and Manayunk now… basically where my boy DJ’s is where you will find me.
@blackberry molasses,
Hey don’t hate. Hood is as hood does. I woulda nevuh came up on a free cellie n had big booty linda baaaack it up and dump it on me…… mh mh mh good times.
@WuDaMan,
Hey don’t hate. Hood is as hood does.
this is true. you always have fun in hood spots, well, at least if you dont get murdered
@The Champ,
True. No siddiness at the hood spots.
There’s a blues song called “Hole In The Wall”. That pretty much sums it up…lol (SFW)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmjTiX56bWM
@miss t-lee, this is true… nothing pi$$es me off faster than a place full of sididdy folk. Can’t STAND that shyt.
This is a club muthafugga! DANCE! Ain’t nobody caring that you are rockin Jimmy Choos and a Narcisco Rodriguez dress. Just fykin party like you mean it.
@WuDaMan, what you know about that bag it up and dump it? LOL hey ladies…
@blackberry molasses,
Manayunk maybe a 2520 area but trust me it gets hood up on Main street. I used to dj at couple spots on that strip. Main street just doesn’t get the bad rap like Delaware Ave & Spring Garden Street. It’s a c-o-n-spiracy and shyt!
@eff yo couch,
I’ve seen some funny a$$ shyt… like weave in the street and stuff after a girl fight, but nothing that serious. I thought the only reason the cops were out there was to keep folk from slipping on the puddles of vomit on the sidewalk. Gotta freaking play leap-frog to get to your car. *eagh*
I got club stories for days….
first story: club transit on $2 tuesdays in Philly. I went to a school with alot of 2520s and black folk that act like 2520s. We in the club chillin, posted up hard, drunk as a skunk. Anyone who knows me that I’m not a small dude nor is my squad. So some crunk music comes on and the club goes nuts. I’m talking about on some real most pit stuff. Girls are losing wigs and shoes, its bananas in there. There is a lil dude from Alabama that went to my school going absolutely ape sh*t in the club. He’s straight pushing girls, knocking drinks out of folk hand; dude had to be about 5’5, 155lbs. I guess he pushed the wrong dude, cuz now he’s being cornered by about 5 dudes from North Philly. So we see this happening, we don’t really know bol but we know if we don’t help, he aint gonna make it back to school. We run across the club and just started knockin dudes out, like on some royal rumble sh*t. We’re fighting security, we’re fighting dudes who had nothing to do with the fight. We’re hitting girls. Straight knock out punches. We realize that now we’re seriously outnumbered. So we run out the back door of the club. We get chased to our cars. We came in 2 cars and left with one. These Philly negroes are chasing down Spring Garden Blvd. SHOOTING AT US. I’m like “We fitting to die in a high speed chase, sophomore year in college.” We bank a quick right they try to follow and crash. The scariest part was going back to the club the next day to get the other car…..
In the spirit of the greatest frat I know, I have licked/bitten many a woman in the club and it works, surprisingly more times than one would think. One time at Pacha in NYC, a girl licked my brands…. That was a good night…..
@Burrito con Peyso,
“One time at Pacha in NYC, a girl licked my brands…. ”
And you took her home to meet your momma ‘nem?
@Hostess, I took her home but not to meet my momma and nem….
@Hostess,
i’ve been licked in the club by a woman too. i guess the “clublick” is a womans equiv to the “titgrab”
@The Champ,
Holy Shyt. The more you know…
@The Champ, WHAT chicks is licking ninjas brands..and bodies….thats terrible? the boldest thing I have every done was in the middle of a slow wine session turn my head and gently let my lips graze his ear….its a small thing but it instantly makes you aware of each other in that way….but full out licking a dude? he-ll to the naw
@shay_d_lady,
You have no earthly Idea how often the brand thing happen…People watch “School Daze” and they go nuts
@Burrito con Peyso,
lol @ “shootin at us”
exactly why i keep my a$$ outta south bmore….to this day!
@Burrito con Peyso,
Where are your brands?
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., lol. I got three, both arms and chest…
@Burrito con Peyso,
lol…I was just curious….
We’re hitting girls. Straight knock out punches.
uh uh see that ain’t gon work…
@Gem Possible, ya know ya suppose to run away from the fight when it starts, dumb philly chicks wanted to stand around and watch…..
@Burrito con Peyso,
What year’s were you in school?
@Burrito con Peyso,
BWAHAHAHAHA! I vote that to be the best club story yet.
@Burrito con Peyso,
I think u are the reason Transit is new defunct. And I THANK YOU!!!
Morning Champ <3
So, um, yeah… These stories have me crackin’ up… So, why not share a tale of my own?
Hmmm, which one? Oh..okay, that one:
October 2008
Whiskey Lounge @ the W Hotel Times Square
A friend of a friend who I met up with when I moved to NYC stayed over with me for the weekend… After dinner and drinks @ home, we wandered out to Times Square. There was a cute dude at the door of the Whiskey Lounge so we went in.
Inside… We were the youngest chicks there. (23 – 26) So, the night was basically a bust. This Djimon Honsou body double walks up to me and my girl. Put his hand around my waist and pulled me towards him. Whispers in my ear, breath laced with the scent of cheap vodka and a$$ crack, “What’s up? I’m about that money. You and ya girl wanna come with me?”
So, I think I took a blonde tablet that morning because I didn’t realize he was propositioning me to be his trick for the night. He continued asking if I was about that money and told me he was leaving soon to go to another party. The other party was at another hotel and I could possibly go to that party but I’d have to go to the hotel room afterwards if I was about that money.
He bought us drinks and we walked away. Maybe the drink was our acceptance to “The Life”…
He grabbed me by my shoulder and I almost fell to the ground.
So, I then realized that he was trying to put me on his team.
Sepia went to the cute guy at the door and let him know what was up.
Djimon and his boys were escorted outta there,but before they left, he threw a Corona bottle in my direction.
At that point, I hated NY!
Besides the cold weather, being almost pimped by a Djimon Honsou replica, and overpriced night life, NY had nothing to offer me…
Glad things got better. I’m just sayin!
@Sepia, So you mean to tell me ‘About the money’ is code for ‘whore’??
VSB.com: Where you can learn something new everyday.
@Sepia,
What’s up? I’m about that money”
this sounds like something stephon marbury would say
@The Champ,
I have a funny semi-story about Steph in the club, assuming my sis and friends were groupies. haha, he’s an arsehole
@Me fail english?
I haven’t read all the way down, but have you told the story???
@V Renee,
Nah, aint no real story, they were just chillin in VIP thinkin they were hot stuff cuz some Terror Squad dudes were tryna holla at them. They got cut down to size real quick when Steph was being all friendly with them at first, but then when he was taking a pic with some guy he goes “Wait a minute” gently pushes my sis and friends out of view and says, “Gotta get the groupies out the shot”. I got a few rude ass celeb stories though.
@Me fail english?,
They got cut down to size real quick when Steph was being all friendly with them at first, but then when he was taking a pic with some guy he goes “Wait a minute” gently pushes my sis and friends out of view and says, “Gotta get the groupies out the shot”.
ive maintained that stephon marbury is the single most unintentionally funny athlete to walk the earth. nobody can out do him.
@Sepia,
This happened at the Whiskey Lounge? I’m pretty shocked. That’s a cool place.
I have another one from undergrad….
While walking from my car with my girls to a Georgia State party, a car full of dudes pass by and speak, say we look nice, where are we going, etc. So, we are friendly, and say thank you but don’t tell them where we’re going. So, then they want to know names, where we go to school, how my girl’s azz got that big, are my tatas real, etc, and we choose to ignore all of this. So then, as the bamas finally pull away cursing us out for being stuck up Spelman girls, one fool throws a Minute Maid Orange Juice bottle at as. It doesn’t hit anyone, but still….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
i think you can do better
yeah I can…
sophomore year, I hit up this house party with my Georgia State friend, and we’re having a good time. I see this guy checking me out, we make eye contact, he comes over to dance. So, we’re doing our thing on the dancefloor, and this chick at the bar starts staring me down. He tells me he’s with her, and he beckons to her. She comes over on the dance floor and all 3 of us start dancing. Now, I am completely and utterly drunk, and horny and rebounding from a breakup that happened the week before. So, we’re dancing, and they’re both grinding on me, and then she licks my ear. I jumped, like “wait a minute”, then he proposed I join him and his Bifriend for the evening. Sad thing is…I though about it for about 2 minutes….I mean he was fine as he11, and she was sexi and already proved she had a tongue skills. So, I went to tell my friend about the situation, and he looked at me like I was stupid, and he went back over pretending to be my jealous boyfriend being angry that these 2 people were trying to take advantage of me in my drunken state. After that, he drove us back to his place, where I passed out on his bathroom floor, and woke up the next day thankful he got me out of that, but realizing I was a closet freak b/c all I could think about that day was all of the possible scenarios of 2 sexy women and one sexy man….I guess I’ll never know….
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
***filed under “stories with great, but unrealized potential”. if this story were an athlete, it would be len bias or ryan leaf***
@The Champ,
LOL!! Yeah, I decided to leave out a large portion of the story to protect
myselfthe innocent….I’m mad I wasn’t at this post earlier!!!!!!
hmm nothing really too crazy, there was one night we were at i wanna say Transit in Philly, whats the club on like 11 and Race? Anyway it was invite only on like a tuesday and we got tix cuz one of my boys interned at def jam. Common was there, AI and a couple sixers were there, the girl who sang that girlfight song was there, and what appeared to be a whole buncha model wannabes. Anyway so we storm through the line like we were Diddy and em and my boy dap up one of the dudes at the door and we just bout to roll in. Its 5 of us in total, all dudes, and on the way in, I really try to stunt and just grab this crew of 3 chicks who were standing in line on some yeah they with us. So obviously they were mad grateful and on some, “what y’all do?” type steez. So like the dumb college kids we were we’re all honest like oh we go to Temple!!! LOL…1st mistake. Anyway we approach this like a regular opportunity with me and two of my boys taking the three chicks and trying to bag. So we’re simping out buying drinks and the like….2nd mistake. Then my man is like, yo lets go to the VIP room, I’ll just flash my pass first then y’all follow me with the girls. Taking girls to a VIP room…3rd mistake. Long story short, the night ended with the girls thanking us for letting them in and leaving with some members of State Property. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
@Dorian G.,
Long story short, the night ended with the girls thanking us for letting them in and leaving with some members of State Property. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
oh wow. this is especially bad when you realize that state property was composed of some of the grimiest looking n*ggas in the mid-atlantic
@The Champ,
In my defense tho, these were some of the more swagmatic members of the crew if you will. Wasn’t like Oskino and Sparx took my chicks lol.
@Dorian G.,
Damn, they left you for State Prop? Not only are those guys dirty looking, but you probably were getting just as much money interning
And who, in your estimation is swagmatic out State Prop? Peedi? Young ass Neef? bwahahaha
@Me fail english?, If it wasnt O and Sparx, that means it was Rell, Beanz and Freeway lol
@Burrito con Peyso,
Oh you tryin to go in???
LOL nah it was Chris and some cats that he was with that i’m assuming were trying to get their albums off the ground.
@Dorian G.,
Well if it’s any consolation I’ve heard he has lil thing and can’t …”sail”
man…i’m only through reading about half of these stories and i swear i have nothing worthy to add. i have died multiple deaths and it’s only 10 am. *sigh*
i can’t really think on anything funny, just stupid like the time a guy tried to grab me and my girl at the club because we were holding hands to get through the crowd and he thought we might be interested in a threesome. no sir.
or the time a group of white boys came up to us in the little small town college club (ewww…college club. ha! lawd i forgot about that site. anywho…) and one of them was trying his d@mnest to get me to give the swirl a chance. this ended up with me hiding in a room from a racist roomate (not on the same night! jeez…this was few weeks later). lesson learned: be weary of white boys in the club that say they love/have never been with a black girl.
or drama….i went to visit my bff last year for new years and we go the club. it’s me, her, her ex/on/off again/baby daddy (let’s call him C), another couple that they are friends with and despite my saying it’s not necessary, some unattractive but nice ninja friend of there’s that was supposed to be my date.
so C has been giving me the evil eye all weekend long. why? i’m glad you asked. because my girl (let’s call her T) was spending all her time with me and not paying him enough attention. oh really? so i just drove 5 hours (after spending xmas in NO with the fam) to northern Louisiana to see my bff that i haven’t seen in 3 years bc she’s still in the south and live in CHI and you’re trippin’ cause she’s not all up under you? when you live 15 minutes away and have access to her everyday when i’m not around? i mean literally saying things to T like, ‘why does she have to be here?’ but he’s a b!tch@ss ninja and i didn’t care for him anyway because of all the drama he brings to her life but i had been on my best behavior (no, i really was) up until that night.
long story short…he was forcing himself on her, she’s making the please help me face, i wasn’t having it, things got heated, so heated to the point that some chick i didn’t even know walked by, saw the arguement and pulled me into the bathroom because she thought it was about to come to blows, security was called and he was kicked out of the club. *sigh*
sorry. didn’t realize how long that was.
@SouthernGirl,
sorry. didn’t realize how long that was.
smh at how wealthy i’d be if i had a dollar every time i said that
so by wealth you really mean no-money-in-the-bank broke??
@Gem Possible,
*snicker* you know the champ and his delusions…
this is the funniest shyt i’ve read in a long time LMAO
@K.,
long time no type and sh*t
I have club/party stories for days…. so I’ll keep it present.
I had just moved to NC and knew of only a handful of “undergrad associates” (read: we went to undergrad together but we weren’t friends for real). Then a few months later my ex-roommate moved out here. Seeing as her and associate girl had something in common (read: both are lesbians) I made with the intros and it was decided that we’d go out clubbing. Now I have no problems going to gay clubs… I always have a good time with the boys, don’t deal with the chicks cuz that’s not my thing.
So we go to the club and we watch “The Show” then the club pops of and I’m sitting on this corner of a lil stage thing holding purses while they dance. Every so often a song will come on and I’ll get up and dance in the “sister circle” and then sit it right back down.
So the reggae section comes on and I get up and find a space outta the way from everyone and I dance. All by my lonesome. I’m in a serious groove right….i’m talking finger snapping, eyes closed, it’s just me in my own lil world and I feel hands on my hips. I open my eyes thinking my homegirl is having a “2520 lets dance with each other” moment but oh hoe hoooooe!! No BUDDY! It was this stud chick who decided I was gone dance with her. I politely removed her hands and said no thanks…I’m straight. She laughed and said “we all were at one time. but you in here now” So I replied “no, I’m with my friends…they are more your type, I’m just being supportive, thanks….but no thanks!” She walks away… I think it’s over. I go to find my friends in the middle of the dance floor. So we all doing a lil 2 step and then Too Short comes on and the crowd goes nuts, which was my cue to go sat down. But lo and behold, I’m grabbed from behind and some person is big time grinding on me and I turn around and it’s the same chick with this big ass grin and before I could readjust my face, there is this grotesque look of disgust and then her face changes to the “bish, WTF” face like she bout to fight me. The lights came on signaling party over. I damn near ran to my car. They was all “did you have fun Ro?” I said a heartfelt “hell nawl” and was silent the rest of the night.
@Ro,
LOL @ we all were at some point.
@Ro,
@ (read: we went to undergrad together but we weren’t friends for real)
i will cosign this statment…and add, when clubbin goes wrong…this undoubtedly helps explain why.
@Ro,
When I was an undergrad at NSU, we went to one of the many parties at the Legion. The line was wrapped around the building. I was not about to wait so I told my friends, come with me. They was all scary! All but one. So we’re walking up to the front and of course we hear everyone talking about us. “who they think they is?” “they bout to get denied!” and all that stuff. We get tot he door, my girl is monitoring the girls line, saw me and my friend coming, gestured to the bouncer and we waltzed in. Paid our money and was on stage w/ the DJ and the rest of the crew. By the time my other friends made it inside, me and homegirl were nice and tipsy. They were pissed! So they wasn’t trying to hang wit us no more. The dj was playing go-go, so we walking around and I see this dude in a “West Side is the Best Side” tshirt. I ask him what part of the west and we lightweight talking and then all of a sudden, a fight breaks out and security coming from everywhere, I immediately sober up and start looking for all riders in my car and can’t find them, so I head towards the stage. Two feet into that process… a bouncer caveman’s me and I’m thinking he thinks I was too drunk or whathave you…. NO!
This fool takes me to a corner and starts asking me for my number and ish!!!! I tried to duck under his arm and run but this dude was extra brolic and swole. So I gave him the number to the boys dorm and said call me.
@Ro,
what NSU is this?
@SouthernGirl, Norfolk State University
@Ro,
Stud lesbos are scary @ me b/c some think they can turn any girl ghey. And I’m little so I’d make a great arm accessory.
@Ro
Studs are EXTRA aggressive! I have nightmares of them……
@V Renee,
sh*t, me too
@V Renee,
No need to fear butchies. If you feel a little violated, you can easily violate them back with any reference/touch of their “girl parts”. Seriously, next time you get pushed up on by Diesel Dee, pinch her nips and watch her squeal like a girl before running in the opposite direction.
oh yeah, i went to art’s once…dudes had on minks. minks!!! with matching hats. couldn’t bring myself to go back.
@K.,
*sniggling*
I wanna go just to observe. Just post up and people watch.
@miss t-lee,
its worth it if you have good reflexes
NO. no you don’t. i can tell its a terrible place just by driving by. don’t do it!!
@Gem Possible,
C’mon Gem.
Everybody needs a little adventure erry now and again.
@K.
Art’s sounds like this club called Vito’s. You DEF. have to have good reflexes in there. You also have to have an escape route planned, in case sh*t really starts poppin off in there.
@V Renee,
is it anything like the ritz?
@The Champ,
Yup. It’s located about half a mile from there.
i had dudes try to convince me there was something wrong with me cos i was not getting down at a club like the local females…details:
small, unknown club in north Charleston, sc (name escapes me)
i was 23, relatively new to area, hanging out with two acquaintances that I had only been out with once before to a mainstream club in downtown Charleston…anyhow, I’m down to try new places and sh*t, but as soon as we got there my instincts were definitely to turn around and leave…
we got to this spot sometime around 10ish, first off, from the outside this ‘club’ looked like one of those temp. trailers they set up for mobile libraries or overcrowded schools… 2nd off, soon as me and other female walk in, we walk into spot that has no one in it except 10-15 dudes sittin around smoking, drinking and playin dominos on table? Wtf…they stop talking, stare us down, and proceed to keep playing…
pressed as$ female I’m with wants to stay, as does dude, talking bout it’s early…fine, this is why having your own ride is important…as night unfolds, I’m looking around like why the table tops sticky, why the walls look like they colored a shade of piss, why does this place have patchy sections of carpet and why the carpet got cig. Burns….why this glass my drink is in look like someone else’s lipstick from 5 days ago caked on it, and why am I convinced that is this place had a black light lit up in it everyone would turn white due to the undoubtedly high levels of caked on loves juices and why is this club located in butt middle of nowhere…
yes this does eventually get packed…except the more I look around the more I get a sense that this place is the scene of whence unfilmed orgies pop off…the ‘dance area’ is looking like one of b.e.t uncut videos with as% cheeks and I swear vulv@$ popping out of panties…and I don’t know if any of you know that scene from requiem for dream where 2 broads pull out a double headed toy and proceed to get it in as men circle them cheerin’em on and sh#t…
man, all I remember is some ninja tryin to stick his hand under my skirt as he walks past me, talking about yea I know you like this sh@t… and me almost physically getting into with him cos I grabbed his wrist and was was kirkin out on him…
And to top it all off, the dipsh#ts I was there with were tryin to get me to calm down, sit down and ‘be still’ b/c this club was tight? Wtf!?
I ended up waiting in car, in parking lot, on phone until them two knuckleheads were ready to go…oh no taxi’s in north Charlestown do not exist…smh… so many lessons to be learned in that scenrio… so many…
Sorry for double posting and sh@t…
@maria,
So its fair to say that you indeed, did not like that sh@t?
@Dorian G.,
oh it was super! if only every club experience could be so…memorable
*jumps of bridge* to avoid every going thru sumthing like that again.
@maria,
that scene from requiem
lol, a friend and I used to yell “Ass to ass. ASS TO ASS!” at random (and inappropriately hilarious ) moments, as if on cue. That, and “I got these cheesburgers!”
@maria,
***reminding self to go clubbing in charleston at least once***
@The Champ,
north charleston vs. charleston two different clubbing experiences…for real, for real
Another Philly club moment . . . well not really a club moment, but it’s club related. . . this time on Delaware Ave circa 2001.
For some reason Sunday nights down Delaware Ave were legendary. You would see all types of foolishness in the middle of the street like fights, impromptu strip teases, ninjas getting robbed, etc. As I previously mentioned ninjas getting robbed at gun point was the norm on Delaware Ave.
So one Sunday night I was leaving this club called “Maui” and during the let out Delaware Ave would turn into a parking lot. So while waiting in traffic, I see this PTY walking to her car so I decided to holla at her. She was fine and we were feeling each other, soon as I’m about to get the digits a 2520 cop walking the beat tells me to move it along. Before I hit the gas the cop jumped in front of my car with his gun drawn telling me to turn my car off. Your probably wondering why he would act all hostile towards little old me . . .well back in those days I was running wild. (I had a job paying me 30k, which I thought was big money at the time so your know I was BALLIN)
I was riding around with my gun in my lap with no license to carry a fire arm or nothing. So the cop has us in the middle of traffic handcuffed searching my car . . .and guess what else he found, 2 more guns (they belonged to my cousin) Now my cousin has a license to carry and he tells the cop that all the guns belong to him and shows him his license. Once my cousin did this I’m think we were in the clear, but then out of no where a black cop comes in to assist his co-worker. Now during this whole ordeal the 2520 cop is as cool as a cucumber and very respectable towards us, but not the black cop who was “showin out for the 2520 cop” and that’s word to Ice Cube. This was my first time witnessing reverse racism first hand. I thought I was in the movie boyz-in the Hood, when the black cop put the gun in Trae’s mouth. Long story shot the 2520 cop lets us go after several background checks. He even gave us all our guns back minus the bullets and he was nice enough to thank me for not running him over with my car!
@eff yo couch,
back in those days Delaware Ave was WILD. Whenever I came home from school and hung with my friends, some kinda nonsense always popped off. Now its just kind of… meh.
That cop reminds me of Bernie Mac’s character in Dont Be a Menace to South Central….”I hate my GUMS cuz THEY BLACK!”
@blackberry molasses,
”I hate my GUMS cuz THEY BLACK!”
LMAO! This is surely a line that Uncle Ruckus would utter.
Altho I dont have (or cant remember) any crazy club stories, undergrad parties are different.
Freshie or sophomore year of college, I went to a Greek party on my campus’ union. Well the Ques were there in all their barking glory, and they were scary @ me b/c they just looked insane half the time and were usually exposing their ass brands. Anyway, I did my BEST to avoid them. Well this night, it was for naught. They got me.
I was dancing w/ my girls, mining my own bitness when a dude walks up behind me and I’m dancing w/ him. Wells, all of a sudden he turns me around to face him. I see his face and I’m like “OH NOOOO!!!! He’s a Que!!!!!”
I SWEAH ON MY MAMA (thats REAL talk) I ain’t making this up just for shock value.Before I could do anything, he picks me up, swings me (I’m petite. Easy target), and throws me over his head. His frat brother catches me, and then throws me over his head and I land in another Que’s arms. This is when my girls bum rushed him and yelled PUT HER DOWN!!!”
*Sigh* I was sooo damn traumatized and disoriented by the time they saved me. It’s hard being small sometimes.
@Luvvie, oh the que’s love to pick a chick up and once they got ya they got ya…..
@Luvvie,
It’s hard being small sometimes.
***filed under “things a grown man should probably never say in public” along with “ooooh that hurts” and “fushia”***
@Luvvie, and you loved it
@Luvvie,
ummmm… sounds like a standard Que party to me… along with getting bitten. WTF is up with that? A bite on the wrist is okay… maybe even cute. But on the A$$?? Near the GOOD GIRL??? Nuh uh, I’ma need my Ques to SAT DOWN with that shyt.
@Luvvie,
LOL!!
@Luvvie,
Ques do the ABSOLUTE most! I went to the 1st annual Omega Shorty short. Was one of a handful of girls not dressed in a string calling it a bathing suit. Hell, compared to them I was fully dressed in some shorts and a wife beater. Standing in the back of the crowd, sipping my water, laughing at an unfortunate faced young lady with an even more tragic body shape in the most ill fitting bathing suit of the night…and she had the nerve to walk around like a duck all night! When out of no where, and i swear he materialized from the linoleum…but some lil omega from hampton on a dog chain was right behind me, sniffing my booty. I jumped, smacked him (my initial reaction to being scared is to swing… fight or flight… it’s a toss up wit me). I thought I hurt him, cuz I punched the piss out of him, (at least if felt like it to my fist) but he just smiled and bit my left butt cheek, then picked me up, slung me over his shoulder and smacked me on the butt again! Had me in a bear hug with my arms immobilized and bit my right breast, turned me upside down and he caught a knee cap to the forehead and let go… I swear I was bout to hit my head when one of his frat brothers/spectator caught me and helped me gain my composer. In my drunken state, I stepped to all 6’1″ of muscle…cussing his midsection all kinds of out!
The catcher took me to the side and calmed me down.
Omega’s irk my nerves sometimes, I swear…….but in hindsight I am pretty sure that incident is what turned me on to being man handled…in a good way.
I had a white guy try to talk to me about 2 months ago at a mixed club..(down here that means lots of 2520′s and about 5 black folks) this guy tells me he loves black people, he voted for obama he has always wanted to date a black woman…..he then makes some type of comment about how slavery was the worse shyt ever but he is thankful for the big hips and a$$ that is a by product of breeding ….WTF? I just threw my drink on him, stepped down on his instep with my 4 1/2 inch stilletto heels while walking past him (no booty rub for him) and kept it moving….. I hope I put a whole in his dayum foot
@shay_d_lady,
he then makes some type of comment about how slavery was the worse shyt ever but he is thankful for the big hips and a$$ that is a by product of breeding ….WTF
that reminds me of this article from the onion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_blacks_creeped_out_by_all?utm_s
@shay_d_lady,
“hope I put a whole in his dayum foot”
Me too.
I don’t have any crazy club experiences outside of occasionally getting groped by some nasty guy, but I think all women have dealt with this at some point or another. If I have an issue when I go out it’s because I have to play mama for a bubbleheaded friend.
One night I was out with some friends. One is a little too sweet and friendly so she’ll talk to just about any guy, and when she drinks it gets worse. So, we’re all ready to leave the establishment and the friendly one is off with a guy as usual, dancin’ all close and snigglin and gigglin. We finally convince her to leave, and as we’re going to our cars she lets these two random fools get in her car with her. I ask her what’s going on and the guy in the passenger’s seat says “I’m with her.” Of course I tell him he’s NOT with her, and he responds by saying “ask her if I’m with her.” I tell him “look, I don’t care what she says. She’s obviously intoxicated and she has no business driving home let alone driving you and your boy home. Please do me a favor and just GET OUT.” Now dude tries to get smart with me while his janky friend is in the backseat sending text messages. He says, “I know her. I met her month’s ago.” and I say, “I don’t give a d@mn. I’ve known her since I was 7. Are you really gonna be THAT type of ni99a and try to do something to her tonight? You know you’re gonna have daughters some day, right?” He told me he didn’t think about that sort of thing and I told him “off course, cause you’re that type of ni99a.” So after, I sat on the trunk of her car and said I would sit there until those fools got out, they finally did what I asked them to do. I told my girl I didn’t care if she was mad about how I acted because it was for her own good and proceeded to walk to my car. So of course now the two losers are pissed. Of course they started calling me names, telling me they make more money than me, and that they fuched my friends. I’m not easily shaken so I told them they’re just mad because a woman told them what to do and now they’re doing it. Then I told them to take there sorry fuch a$$es back in the club and wait for whoever gave them a ride. There were a few dudes nearby who knew me and I knew they wouldn’t let anything happen to me so I felt free to say whatever I felt necessary.
I was sooooooooo pissed that night. I mean what the he11 would have happened to her if I wasn’t there to be a blockin @$$ bytch? After that I vowed never to babysit a grown person again.
@Voiceofreason,
I was sooooooooo pissed that night. I mean what the he11 would have happened to her if I wasn’t there to be a blockin @$$ bytch? After that I vowed never to babysit a grown person again.
yeah…theres always a friend or two that you hafta leave home because they’re always acting a fool. if you dont have that friend, then YOU are the friend
@Voiceofreason,
God bless you. Cause I’ll defend my girls if they let me, but once she starts protesting and fightin me back in the name of club stick, I let her make her own mistakes.
@Me fail english?,
She actually didn’t fight back. She knew she was wrong for letting those guys get in her car.
I don’t club much, I’ve probably gone less than 10 times my entire life…including strip clubs.
Are strip club stories welcome here…..?
@Saule Wright, I got a strip club story too.
We was in Night on Broad in North Philly. To be honest, its more of a brothel than anything else. Our lost behinds had to walk there b/c we didnt know exactly where it was. We stopped a bar called the Eagles bar on (Broad and Erie) and some dude approached us trying to sell us 10 10 dollar bills for $70. I pass on the offer but one of my boys takes him up on it. So we get to the strip club and my boy tries to use one of the 10s. He gets caught. They take all of his money out of his pockets and check it. They realize that he got 9 more fake $10 bills. They pulls guns on us, we thought we were gonna die. They warned us that they would definitely kills us b/c they dont care and that they would hide our bodies in the back til the end of the week and then dump us in the Delaware River with cement shoes. The sad things is that I’ve been back after this story happen…
@Burrito con Peyso,
D@MN! That’s crazy. That must be one he11 of a brothel if you went back.
@Voiceofreason,
You have no idea
@Burrito con Peyso,
mental note–never go out with clubbin’ with Peyso…..
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., come to the club, i wont let u get hurt
@Burrito con Peyso,
Aww, you gonna be my guard dawg, Peyso?
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982…., of course lol
@Burrito con Peyso, your friend sposed to traded them joints at a resteraunt or a crowded wal mart…LMAO.. hell they slick made the bills at the club so they already knew the business…
@shay_d_lady, the plan was to give it to the stripper but he was $10 short on the entry fee
@Burrito con Peyso,
Night on Broadway is a problem. Took my boy there the night before his wedding and almost didn’t make it out.
Sadly, I too have been there since that day. lol
@Saule Wright,
I don’t have a real story but I was in Upper Deck in Philly one time, which turns into a regular bar after the revue is over. I’m dancing with this one stripper and he threw me into the air, put me on his shoulders and bit the ISHT outta my womanhood!
@Me fail english?, im convinced we have to know each other. u frequent NYC and Philly
@Burrito con Peyso,
We went to the same school and we’re black. Further, we’re blacks who don’t act like 2520′s so I’m sure we smoked some “tea” together at some point. I’m not sure who you are in particular though so your anonymity’s safe..for now
@Me fail english?, this is gonna trouble me, unless i find out….
@Burrito con Peyso,
I was older than you and by time you got to our school, I fell in “love” with a local and spent most of my free time off campus. So I’m not really sure how I could identify myself, other than I’m sure you were dazzled by my late night freestyle sessions in the McDonald’s
@Me fail english?, o snap. i remember the night of the freestyle but not the person who did it, my lost i guess
Hmm, I wasn’t thinking of any one night in particular so I’m glad I’m not getting blamed for anyone else’s lame ass freestyle. My shit was hot fire!
Sounds like we have skrippa stories to tell. I’ve got a few…..
1. First time in, I had no idea what happened in the club, I just knew you could see some Sweater Puppets. I roll out with a $10 in my pocket, it’s $5 to get in the Pink Slip in St. Louis. (then) I order a drink, $5. That’s it. My boy takes a seat at the stage…I didn’t know at the the time that that’s where you sit when you want a lap dance. As she comes over, my boy turns slowly away…leaving me looking like a deer in headlights. She proceeds to grind on me and I give it back for a solid 4 minute song…when she stands up puts her hip and string in my face….I look up and say, “I don’t have no money”. I get cursed out and pushed, she strolls away HEATED. We move away from the stage, my boy is howlin. A few minutes later, I here *ping*. We look, can’t figure out what it is…then another *ping* we realize that the skrippa done went and got change and was throwing stuff at us from across the club. LMAO
@Saule Wright,
Why is it that I’ve never been to St. Louis but I’ve heard of the Pink Slip?
@Voiceofreason,
because all the girls in Nelly’s videos work at the Pink Slip. I’ve been there…. Ummmm… yeah. Leaving that story where it belongs. In the Crypt.
@Voiceofreason,
My homegirl is from Alton, Ill. She has mentioned this place…lmao!!!
@Voiceofreason,
Errbody knows about the Dirty Hole….Errbody
@Saule Wright,
A few minutes later, I here *ping*. We look, can’t figure out what it is…then another *ping* we realize that the skrippa done went and got change and was throwing stuff at us from across the club. LMAO
LOL. this is hilarious. any story involving tiny things being thrown at people in anger is a good one
@Saule Wright,
Are strip club stories welcome here…..?
definitely
Club Fight #2 – I’m in Samba, some cheap club on Spring Garden I think in Philly. It’s poppin in there, cheap drinks ($2 shots) and all types of P-poppin going on. Somehow a fight breaks out. There wasnt enough security to stop the fight, I hop over the bar. We started tossin bottles to people. We make out of the club with at least 10 bottles of top shelf liquor, havent been back since. My drunk a$$ should of taken the register….
@Burrito con Peyso,
Oh shyt son! U Da Man. Wish I was there. mh mh mh
I’ve been laughing for the last hour straight at work , lady at my job thinks I’m biopolar….
Anyway, it seems like only women got stories, well here’s mine…
Last year in a hole in the wall in North Philly, I’m chillin with my homeboy and my two female friends, and none of them wants to dance on the floor, fine by me. I look across the dance floor and see this fine Ebony Goddess (wearing a hoe’s uniform!) dancing by herself with her back against the mirrior-wall. She has on short-short shorts and a wife beater(woman lovers?) on, and I go for the kill; she gave it to me like she owed me money, seriously. We dance for three songs, and I bag her…..then she turns around…..she was pretty, however, she 5 months pregnant!!!!! WTF!!!!
@Toussaintthefree,
LMAO!!!!!
@Toussaintthefree, seriously this story is all wrong for so many levels, and i just had to chime in cuz i know ya, but seriously, where are her friends who are supposed to be telling her that 5 mths prego in the club is not even cute! hence why i strongly believe that lights should be on at the club at all times, so that way no one has to do the walk of shame once the liquor has worn off. oh im cuffing you when i see ya buddy!
and as i write this, my secretary is wondering what has gotten me so giggly, ahh vsb, compromising jobs since god knows when…… : )
@MsSweets26
“where are her friends” – I find myself asking this question ALL the time. I see chicks pissy drunk being carried out the club by bouncers and I think “where are her friends”. Chicks in atrocious outfits “those chicks you are with are NOT your friends, otherwise you would not leave the house looking like that”. Chicks in the bathroom drunk/throwing up – “where are your friends”
@V Renee, I agree, if your “friends” can’t stop you from committing fooleywangness, then cancel them and get some common sense people within the inner circle of friendship. Stuff like that at the club ruins my johnny walker black and gingerale buzz, and in a recession all buzzes have to maximized. I can’t tell you how many times some hot arse mess done killed the evening. oh yes I’m asking where are her friends when seeing a sista girl doing a line of coke in a bathroom at this club i no longer acknowledge……. and that’s all imma say about that. sweet jebus!
@MsSweets26,
welcome and sh*t
@The Champ, thanks! and vitamin water and rum? new one but sounds like a plan!
@MsSweets26,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@SouthernGirl, thank you kindly! : )
@Toussaintthefree,
Is it me, or are all the craziest stories coming out of North Philly?
@Voiceofreason,
Yeah I see that!! The crazy thing about it I’m from NY! Philly knows how to get down and out!
@Toussaintthefree,
We SHOLE do!!! Read my nonsense below. ALL happened in Philly and surrounding areas.
@Toussaintthefree, every story I named except one was in or around North Philly
For some reason I was more likely to go to a hood club when I was in Philly, then when I’m in NYC. I’ve seen some crazy ish happen at the club in NY but they’re not whole stories
-A dance floor so sweaty that people started slipping and busting their asses. And it was def. sweat and not just spilled alcohol. It was so hot up I had to leave cause I couldn’t breathe. (Brooklyn)
-Some fool getting kicked out and announcing he’ll come back and “shoot all this shit up”. Only to return and ACTUALLY shoot all that shit up! (Brooklyn)
-Some girl getting punched so hard by a guy that she fell down the stairs. And no one did anything about it. (Brooklyn)
-Wasn’t a club, but at a block party, some crips shooting at the DJ booth because they weren’t feeling his set. Absolutely ri-damn-diculous (Brooklyn)
And that concludes this episode of “Me fail no party in the Brook”
My clubbing spans back quite a few years but I’ve never had any major stories worth mentioning again about them. I guess that’s why I don’t go to them anymore. One thing is guaranteed each outing that I will and have gone to:
1. No matter how nice I’m dressed, talk or appear…I will get the evil scowl and flip off for no apparent reason. (Do women go to clubs just to test their bytchiness and mean mug?)
2. I would get a glimpse at one good bouncer toss out as the group of rowdy dudes that are swarming in a circle will eventually bump someone and start a melee prompting the DJ to go “ho, ho ho hold up…hold up!”
3. I will get perhaps one number before leaving and probably have a 1 in 8 chance of actually making a connection with that woman.
4. It’s fun watching the drunken white people (if you’re at a mixed bar). They always have the best dance moves.
5. I will always be puzzled as to why I see folks coming to a bar and they spend 1.5 hours looking down and texting someone that isn’t there. Are they not entertained?
@CPT Callamity,
Do women go to clubs just to test their bytchiness and mean mug?
apparently some do. they must come in the same truck with the guys who come solely to ice-grill and fight
@The Champ,
Yeah you go that. Damn, I wish those nigglets would just stay home so that sophisticated folks like me have blogging material to write about instead of play by play hood action.
I ain’t had a chance to read everyone’s… been busy today.
I don’t have “stories”, so much as I have vignettes.
I believe on a previous post I told the story of how these two Euro couples who were swingers tried to get me to join in their five-some after they ‘picked me up’ in a NYC club on New Years Eve…. THAT was some SHYT. I can re-expound if you ask nicely enough….
Commencing the vignettes…
Back in my lushie days, my bestie crew and I used to have what we termed “Left Stall Moments” … named thusly because usually someone overdid it and INEVITABLY ended up kneeling to the porcelain altar in the left stall of whatever establishment we were at. The funniest one , of course, is mine. It involves Three Olives Grape vodka, a SPECIAL kind of BROWNIE, and the ER in the hospital where my cousin was working pool that night as a nurse. Let’s just say if I EVER piss her off, she will RUIN me to the family. Co-incidentally, this mess happened right when my husband and I started dating. I thought he would dump my jacked up self for sure. I found out later he drove his drunken/high self to the ER to come and find me… AWWWWWWWWWW.
There was the time I went to my first ever foam party… which was also my LAST ever foam party. First off, don’t wear cute clothes to a foam party. You will have to BURN them suckers afterwards. Secondly, don’t go to a foam party if you have an aversion to having the Good Girl “handily violated”… because with all that foam flying around, ninjas will try to get away with anything. I mean, you REALLY don’t know who the culprit is… you can’t see anything.
Then there was the time I snuck a bottle of Devil Springs vodka into the Black and Gold ball… that was the first year they were ball gowns with pockets. My girls and I were true lushes… broke a$$ lushes. And once people found out I had a BAR in my dress, all hell broke loose… and someone (not me) lost a tooth.
Oh yes…. getting arrested on Cinco De Mayo. This was interesting. We were in Princeton getting our SERIOUS drank on. My bestest friend spots a REALLY HOT COP, and decides this is a good time to live out her fantasy… “Mrs. Officer” style. In her drunkenness, she walks up to said cop, slaps him on the butt and says “We’ve been bad girls. You need to arrest us.” He obliges and we get our drunk a$$es a ride bacl to her apartment… sirens, flashing lights and handcuffs. The coupe de grace… they dated for 3 months.
Imma stop now…
@blackberry molasses, foam party??? Please expound.
@Tazzee,
foam parties are parties at clubs where they pump soap suds or foam onto the dance floor area. The idea is that is slippery and people will start to get naked. That night I saw serious BS go down… including a possible orgy.
@blackberry molasses,
“There was the time I went to my first ever foam party… which was also my LAST ever foam party. First off, don’t wear cute clothes to a foam party. You will have to BURN them suckers afterwards. Secondly, don’t go to a foam party if you have an aversion to having the Good Girl “handily violated”… because with all that foam flying around, ninjas will try to get away with anything. I mean, you REALLY don’t know who the culprit is… you can’t see anything. ”
Mayne, I hadn’t been to one of those since ’97 or so…didn’t know they still was throwing ‘em…lol
I co-sign the above statement.
@blackberry molasses, Then there was the time I snuck a bottle of Devil Springs vodka into the Black and Gold ball… that was the first year they were ball gowns with pockets. My girls and I were true lushes… broke a$$ lushes. And once people found out I had a BAR in my dress, all hell broke loose… and someone (not me) lost a tooth.
I have done something like this…I spent my junior year of undergrad at Stanford U, and our dorm council hosted a dance on a boat out on the bay, and it was a dry party b/c we are all underage. So, I hid 2 mini bottles in and around my cleavage to sneak onto the boat…one for me and one for my roomie. LOL!
This one is for my fellas…and no, this isn’t a dream. I had the pleasure of hitting a skrippa joint with 2 lesbians…one Vet and one Rookie in the game. We roll in and my Vet was paying for everything since I was in from out of town. She orders two pitchers of beer off the top, and pays one of the “nice young ladies” to pour our drinks for a while. LIVIN IT UP! She buys my lap dance. Then she bought the Rookie one. The chick that was dancing with me danced with the Vet for FREE. And her dance was better. I didn’t care (got another drink). Now, I did trip a lil when she escorted the Vet to the Champagne Room (vet gave me the wad of money so this was ANOTHER freebie) At the end of the night…we closed that joint down….and the Vet lets me know that the skrippa is a lesbian too and they exchanged numbers. No less than 3 minutes later, she called the Vet and met us at a gas station close to the spot. They get out the cars and go at it right at the gas station. They come back to my ride and chop it up with me for a lil bit. I go in the store and get some junk and the dude gives it too me FREE because he said I MUST be getting ready to have the best night ever. We took the Rookie home and the Vet lets me know that the skrippa wants to hang with her for the night. They come back to where I’m staying….
THAT IS ALL…..
best night ever……
@Saule Wright,
Now for that I’m jealous!
@CPT Callamity,
When I have flashbacks, I am jealous…and I was there!!!!
@Saule Wright,
When I have flashbacks, I am jealous…and I was there!!!
LOL
These stories are killing me! Mine is lightweight, but taught me a lesson:
January 1, 2009 in the club helping my friend celebrate her birthday. We’re having a good time and this chocolate cutie comes over to our area and starts dancing with me. I thought he was a friend of her family or something until he asks what we’re celebrating. It’s my girl’s birthday and I tell him he must buy her a drink to continue to party with us. So he and are dancing and chatting it up – having a good time. At one point dude has to hold my hair because we’re grooving so hard and I don’t have a ponytail holder (that’s about as risque as I get in the club, LOL). So he asks for my number, I give it to him and he continue to groove.
At this point an old school jam comes on and my friend and I were reminiscing. We said something about the 80′s and I ask dude what was he doing when the song came out. He informs me that he was BORN in 1980! It was like the record scratched and the entire club got silent (in my head)….Um, naw dude – I was born in 1970 – not ready to be a cougar just yet.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if the last guy I met wasn’t born in like 1982! Now I ask dudes how old they are before I give out my number….
@Tazzee, You don’t know it but you have just made my day!!! Yours is not a lightweight tale!!!
@Tazzee,
It wouldn’t have been so bad if the last guy I met wasn’t born in like 1982! Now I ask dudes how old they are before I give out my number….
i have a similar story, but in reverse. i was 23, and i happened to meet this banging ass chick at the club, who was celebrating her 23rd birthday. we dance for a minute, exchange numbers, and thats that. i call her a day or two later, and while we’re talking, she makes an off-hand comment about her just turning 33. i’m like “huh” and she says, “remember, i told you it was my birthday”. it dawns on me that she said 33, but in my tipsy stupor, i heard “23″. it also comes out that she assumed i was like 27.
i’m going to abruptly end this story right now
@The Champ,
Naw, if it was like everybody else’s story it would have ended…”and then we dated for 4 months” hahaha
So I was a shy 19 yo at a Delta party in the early nineties and the DJ slowed it down with Come and Talk to me. Usually I would have spent the whole first verse trying to get my nerve built up to ask for a dance but not that night. That night I quickly scanned the room, saw this cutie and immediately walked over and asked her to dance. Then came the hard part: concentraating on the beat and thinking of something to say. We’re small talking and I ask how old she is.
Her: Fifteen
Me: Fifteen?! What are you doing at COLLEGE party?!
Turns out her big sister was on line for Delta and the family was there to see the pledges’ step show. I turn to the table where she was sitting and there’s mom and dad who I didn’t notice at all when I asked her to dance. Brief chuckle to myself. Finish the dance and walk her back to the table. Damn! She was the only girl who said yes that night.
Not much of a story and it didn’t happen on club night. But I was BB King’s this past Tues., watching this lil dude fighting from the booth and I assumed they’d toss him out. Lo and behold 20 minutes later, this fool emerges from the kitchen (it’s past midnight at this point. Kitchen’s closed bruh!) with piping hot fried chicken, walking thru the crowd and spitting grease at the ladies. I think I saw him actually get some numbers!
@Me fail english?,
spitting grease? are you sure he was a human?
@The Champ,
LOL, not literally. But he was speaking loud enough for me to hear him over some club speakers. So I figured he must be spraying the chicks he’s talking to with chicken grease
***since panama’s plantation is giving him technical difficulties, he emailed his crazy club story to me. here goes***
Anybody who lived in DC or visited DC between 1998 and 2001 remembers DC Live. It was the best club for anybody who wasn’t quite 21. Seemed like 50-11 floors of entertainment, you couldn’t wear Tims, but you could wear a gun. LOL. I’m joking, only I’m not. One of the few clubs you could wear a thug chic apparel and get in without a problem. All for 20 bucks.
R.I.P. DC Live.
Anyway, this one particular night, I went with some folks from a summer program I was working in. We’d spent all night in the club partying and sweating out to our hearts desire. All kinds of debauchery took place. All of DC’s finest under 21 college students and hoodrats in one venue. It was the greatest of the great places.
R.I.P. DC Live College Night.
Well, this one particular night (lol…I like saying that), I took a liking to this chick. Now, this was before I was the supreme gangsta Mr. Pimpnificent that I am/was today. So it took a little bit of me to just cold approach old girl but she seemed interested. Plus she liked the way I diddy bopped. So around 130ish, we head outside to go our separate ways and we’re still talking as I’m digging into my Game-box to find the right words to smoothly get her phone number. We post up right in front of big ass window next to the main entrance to DC Live (9th and F Streets, NW…what?!?!)
We’re standing there, talking, me playing smooth operator, her playing willful victim of my charms when all of a sudden. I go in for the kill…
…and then a motherf*cker comes CRASHING THRU THE WINDOW.
This ninja had gotten THROWN out the window. There was no jumping out the window for that one, my friends.
So of course we both freak out into opposite directions trying to avoide the melee. After dude landed on the sidewalk, other dudes did indeed JUMP OUT THE WINDOW on that one and commence to stopping the life out of this cat on the sidewalk.
Ambulances and police reports later, I never did find ole girl. I assume her girls made sure they got out of there as quick as possible. Oh well, ho hum.
And to that bum-ass-ninja who got thrown thru the window and messed up my game?
I hope you made it out okay, dunny.
R.I.P. DC Live.
@The Champ,
Yep, I remember D.C. Live. The Ritz was for those suckas that couldn’t get in Live.
@The Champ, just got a visual of that whole scenario, and just say hotdamn, seriously. what kind of ice cube/playa’s club type nonsense is that? holywater all over that situation……
Cuz some enjoyed, I got 1 more story for yall…….
Back when I was at Morgan State around 2003, there was this club called “Hammerjacks” it was a mixed college scene, you got the hood ninjas from Morgan and Coppin and the wild freaky vanillas from John Hopkins.
It’s two of us, walking in like Nas n Diddy from the club scene
of “Hate Me Now”. We get approached by three vanillas who flash us on sight. I took advantage,tipsy and high, I latched on to a mammy like it had rare Cambodian breast milk! My friend grabs one and said “I gotta talk to you somewhere”, she follows…then I follow…realizing he’s taking her to the bathroom!
Sobering up, I turn around…and the other one yells” Yeyyyyy!” and follows suit! So I’m like ‘FUCK IT!’ We go in the bathroom, and I can remember the faces looking at us like “Where were these hoes at!?” We jam in 1 stall, and they’re going for the goods…until the security comes in! grabing the girls by their hair …my black ass got low and went for a stall like I was pissing! They get kicked out, and my friend and I got free drinks all night form some dudes who witnessed our adventure……College
@Toussaintthefree,
“hammerjacks”
I was really tryin to forget that place……and fells point…
my boys came home w/ bullet riddled rides…smh
If my other story don’t get on I hope you enjoy this…..
Ture Story:
Chillin with my homeboy’s dorm, there was a house party going on i wasn’t messing with it , I usually make my holla attempt out the window (i was lame) anyway the party was letting out (at a house party when girls leave, guys leave) and I’m doing my rounds, when a fight breaks out in the parking lot. This guy was getting BEAT DOWN…I mean vintage footwork! Shocked I shamefully look on…. So after a few min the guys disperse…except 1…I look in his hand and he has a lighter trying to light something…when he does throws it on the guy and runs…..it was a pack of firecrackers!!!! The guy starts shaking like sizzling bacon!!!! Who carries firecrackers in a houseparty!!! For Shame
@Toussaintthefree,
Firecrackers…..that is a “finishing move” for that a$$
@Toussaintthefree, this is a serious smh moment, who in the hell has firecrackers at a houseparty? my dude i’m calling ya in the a.m. for you to expound more on why your life is so colorful!
I’m later than a 9 month pregnant woman’s cycle … but I have a story.
Ok, at this “sports bar/restaurant” with my friends and other friends. I took my contacts out earlier to change them, only to realize I had no more contacts. Yay me. So I’m sitting at the bar, 4th drink in with fuzzy vision. In walks This Man.
This Man from across the bar, he was tall and fine. Locs down his back almost to his butt! I stared at him intermittently (which means like a stalker of course) through out the evening. He would catch me staring and look at me for a few, then turn away when he was spoken too. I contemplated sending him a drink, but I didn’t because Zilla was there (Zilla is a story all by himself) and I didn’t want issues (no Zilla isnt an ex or anything, just a very overprotective friend). I didn’t tell any of my girls I was giving this man the googly eyes because they like to see Zilla and I argue and they would have told him.
Towards the end of the evening, after the music had turned off. This Man comes up to me. Now, he is very tall (I’d guess about 6-8) so he leans down to talk to me. We chat some, exchange names, and phone numbers.
As I am walking out of the establishment with my girl, my phone rings and its dude. He wants to meet for breakfast. So my girl and I meet him and his boy at a local grease spot for the meal.
It tursn out, in the light … he looks to be about 60 (and hes 40, which is already a no-no) and even worse ….
worse im telling you …
HE HAS THREE, YES THREE TEETH.
Not 3 teeth MISSING, but all the other teeth missing and only three left.
How did I get out of said meal? I sent Zilla a text and told him where I was and to come there. He was there before the waitress brought dude his t-bone (which i have NO clue how he chewed) and started up. I feigned embarrassment and left with Zilla.
I was clowned for months.
Yup….I have to get in on this…..
So I recently made a move from Dallas to Cincinnati, Ohio and quite frankly, I am used to a woman that is calm, cool, coquettish (essentially a challenge). Moving up north has introduced to a totally new type of creature: the “ruthless, take no prisoners, might challenge me to a knife fight” type who can put the fear God into a grown man.
I was invited by some of my frat brothers to kick it at a spot called Rhino’s Live and I was down to cut loose and act up for a bit so we roll out. I arrive to find a bunch of late thirty somethings (male and female) looking to recapture their youth by snagging some tenderonis 15 years their junior (My hypothesis is that they intend on extracting my youthful vigor via avampire-like bite to the neck so I keep a wooden stake at the ready).
I quickly survey the faces of the well-traveled, leathery old hags and declare that this will be the start of long evening. I saddle up to the bar and quickly befriend a pleasant bartender who concocts a witch’s brew that she ominously code names “Optimus Prime”….(whatever you do, please do not subject yourself to said drink….I did not catch everything that went into the glass but I distinctly remember Bombay Sapphire, 151, and crown….it tasted like a$$ but it got the job done…..QUICKLY!)
3 of the the aformentioned drinks later, I might have been standing on the bar hitting some complicated struts from back in my undergrad days (I may be a oldhead but for some reason I felt the need to take it back) when a obese, young (term used loosely…..I mean, she was sporting FINGERWAVES!!!)lady might have walked up and had the audacity to grab a handful of “My Bizness”. In the midst of my initial alcohol-induced shock, she whispers (sounding like a truck driver with lung cancer) in my ear “I would suck the skin of yo’ (expletive)” and smiles at me with A MOUTH FULL OF BRACES!!!!
***Dead***
1) I might as well rub “my bizness” across a cheese grater rather than take on those braces
2) FINGERWAVES!!!!!
I declared my night closed and DWI’ed my way home
@Marty McFly,
Dang! Obese, braces, and fingerwaves ( I thought they only still wore those here in the South)…no wonder they call it the Nasty ‘Nati!! LOL!!
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
no no, my sista…..you have to be crazy deep south to see those bad boys…Fingerwaves are the norm here, along with hard-gelled french rolls and the legendary Dookey Braids….if i see a “quick weave”, I am outta here
Born and raised in East New York Brooklyn, last stop on the 3 train cant believe I havent seen any other NY’er mention their stop. As for “The East” well what ever is “that hood” in your city you dont go to..thats my hoo, so gangsta NO promninent “real” rap video hasnt been shot here in which the MC wasnt from “The East… as for the whole of NYC ,
,
two words Easter-Coney Island-
that we are city of islands surrounded by water-I can smell the water hear the seagulls from the bricks
the invetion of hip hop
despite not having great weather-having rude ppl-bad drivers and dumb stupid high rents the population rose in the 90′s and 2000′s (8 million and counting)
speaking of which in the day there are 11 million ppl in NYC..so no I dont know you dimwit quit smiling at me
we do actually know where we going-the grid does work-after all the streets are numbered and in some cases lettered-you got lost cuz you lookin “up” at things focus man, focus man!!! Plus youi are walking something most US cities citizens do only at home work or school
we dont shy away from what we are the biggest, dirtiest -smelliest most disgrunteled ppl you ever saw in one city
the five boros if they were cities would still kick ass-Brooklyn has more ppl than Philly-Manhattan has more ppl than Miami and Houston combined-Queens has nore ppl that Detriot-the Bronx has more ppl than Dallas
Each boro is distinct there is no “county” jail or hospital
Queens is the only US census tract where blacks make more than whites!!
“skelly” (amongst other street gamse-coco livio anyone? )all although I here in other East Coast cities its played but I didnt see no one say it
You know Champ, I don’t even have to mention mine to you…
It involves a dude who’s always obnoxious and drunk, a calm, mellow kid who was buzzed, you, and a drunk ugly chick with her entourage of fat bitches and the slap heard around the Burgh that resulted in a 5’5 Asian cop with a nightstick and pepper spray….
Oh the fun times….lol