two weeks ago, i outlined six signs that you’ve fallen into the friend zone, a detailed look at that infamous “coitus-less abyss” where women take pleasure in turning unsuspecting men into eunuchs.
it’s common knowledge that women employ this tactic, intentionally turning their jolly wetwets to janky wet blankets, to vet and hopefully discourage uninspiring and uninteresting potential mates, but whats not so common knowledge is the fact that…
…men do it too.
***please re-read this last sentence for ultimate clarity and resonance***
***done yet? ok***
thing is, while there’s one easily perceptible tell to see if a guy’s been friend zoned-ed (“are they f*cking?”), the signs of a woman being friend zoned are much more subtle, mainly because a man can sleep with and even be in a relationship with a woman he’s placed there.
with this in mind, i’ve decided to share six signs that a woman’s been friend zoned, a phenomenon i’ve coined “close bus syndrome” (cbs)
why cbs, you ask? well, it describes what happens when you’re waiting for a bus for a while, and just end up catching a bus that might deliver you somewhere close to your destination. instead of waiting on the bus you really want, you decide to take the close bus because you’re tired of standing and want to ride something…anything.
when women have been friend zoned, they represent the “close buses”, being taken for rides by men who don’t even sit down cause they’re bracing themselves to jump off at any moment.
so, without further ado, here’s six signs you’ve been close-bused
1. you only see him when he’s ***fill in the blank***
drunk. tired. horny. sleepy. hungry. dead from clubbing. broke. dopey. sneezy. bashful.
basically, if the adjective that fills in the blank sounds like it could be the name of one of the seven dwarfs, you’ve officially been close-bused.
2. you’ve never met any of his friends. not one. you haven’t even met his neighbors, co-workers, pets, or favorite panera bread waitor. in fact, you’re not even fully convinced that you’re not the only person on the planet who knows that this dude exists.
guys like to show off women they’re interested in and in relationships with, for two reasons:
1. this is our way of saying to the world “guess who i’m f*cking?? jealous, aint you???”. crass, yeah, but its science and sh*t, and, like the champ, science is never wrong.
2. to vet
if you’ve been seeing a guy for a decent amount of time, and you still havent met any of his people, he’s either hiding you because he thinks he’d catch a beastiality charge if people knew you were sleeping together, or he figures that you’re not important enough to vet because you’ll be gone soon anyway.
3. he’s seemingly never happy to see you.
the close bus look of disgust starts early
basically, if he makes a face like an infant with gas everytime he sees you or you attempt to discuss plans, i wouldn’t start picking out the names of those grandchildren yet
4. he speaks to you with the exact same voice inflection and tone he uses when playing madden with his boys
even if its subconscious, most guys will change their tone and speech patterns a bit when speaking to a woman theyre interested in, even if its changing “niggas” to “nigras” or dropping the f-bomb once every 50 words instead of once every 10.
if you’re his close bus, you’re probably his “nigga” too, but not in the awww-inducing “she’s my road dawg, man. my nigga” sense but in the “nigga, go make me some grits, nigga!” sense.
5. you were a consolation prize
if a man makes a serious, “there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that i’m interested in this chick” play for one of your girls, sisters, cousins, co-workers, parole officers, etc…and gets thoroughly and publicily rejected, there’s no way in hell he’s going to ever look at you as anything but a consolation prize, and consolations prizes get close-bused.
i guess the only way to avoid this ever happening is to have ummm, “aesthetically belligerent” friends and sisters
6. he doesn’t care
although we love to feign nonchalance, because it makes us seem cool and cool men get laid, we do actually care about the sh*t that ya’ll do…if we care about you, lol. if not? hmmmm…
….if “i’m moving next week”, “i think i’m gonna cut my hair like tong po in “kickboxer”, and “i think i lost my citizenship” are all met with the same lazy shrug and half-hearted “damn…thats messed up” as he looks up from his carpet, maybe its time to re-think those joint lease plans
so, vsb…am i right, or am i right?
—the champ
Related posts:
- damn you, shakira (six signs you’ve fallen into the “friend zone”)
- That’s Just My Friend: Signs They’re Cheating On You With A Friend Of Yours.
- mercy, mercy, me…please?: the four cruelest things women consistently do to men
- milk was a bad choice: 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship
- three signs that he’s a “good dude”
{ 373 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow this is crazy i’m pretty much just a lurker and i’m first–like winning the lottery
@PrincesMo, Dang! I was only gonna comment so I could be first!
@Hostess,
LOL. You still get an A for effort from me
@PrincesMo, Hahah Finally a “first” comment i can get behind. WELCOME!
how is this 1st comment different than any other????
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
You didn’t make it.
@PBG,
ROTF!!! U stoopid
@Liz,
LOL thanks.
you’re right.
i’ll add a number 7:
if you call him more than he calls you. and if he just happens to not be around his phone/have no service/being arrested every time you call him, it’s time to gracefully bow out.
@puff,
“if you call him more than he calls you. and if he just happens to not be around his phone/have no service/being arrested every time you call him, it’s time to gracefully bow out”
Yep…kats get three calls before I stop calling, for good.
@miss t-lee, Damn. I only do two. Why? Cus people have been trained that they get three chances so they take for granted that after the second call, they’ll hear from you (not you per se) again.
@Hostess,
me too. two calls without a call back is the limit that anyone new i’ve met will get
@Hostess,
“I only do two.”
shat, two seems excessive for a woman. If he isn’t calling…Im thinking the second call probably isn’t going to turn things around.
@Princess Duvet, I have T-Mobile. I have not gotten many messages so I give other people the second call benefit of the doubt.
@Hostess,
i just got a message last wednesday wishing me happy birthday.
my birthday was dec. 30th
@The Champ
D@mn you just now getting that text from me. My bad. But being honest, I sent it the same day you got it. Ill try to be better next year.
I kid I kid I kid
@Hostess, you know that’s a good point to only do two calls. When I was younger I used to do that crap, but now not a chance. Men’s ego get bigger when you calling seeming like you’re desparate.
Also, the last guy I dated I fell victim to #2, and when I realized I hadn’t met his friends, I already knew why. I confronted him, he verified what I was thinking, I broke up with his dumb ass.
@miss t-lee,
my rule is if i leave 2 voicemails and get no response/reply, then i lose your number. Then if she actually does call back afterward, convenient amnesia sets in and I start asking questions like (but not limited to) the following:
We met where?
…and why should I talk to you?
@Cornell Westside,
I do the convenient amnesia thing as well.
*snicker*
@puff, same goes for text messages.
I dont think that shyt happens in real life…..but if it does.. I guess thats a good list..
I did have this one dude that was hot and heavy for me for a while and then fell off but that aint the same thing…….but it sounds like the same behavior is prevalent whenever a dude aint feeling you whether its at the beginning or end of a relationship he.ll apparently regardless of if there is a “relationship”…
@shay-d-lady,
But it does happen in real life. I see it all the time. I’m not trying to tell you what happened in your relationship but I know that guys don’t split hairs over details the way women do. You’re either in, in-between, on your way out or out. If it isn’t the first two (hell, the first) you can be neatly categorized as a friend. I always tell my girls: remember, you’re his friend until you’re not. To me at least, that’s all there is to it.
PS: It sucks knowing this because I can always tell when I’m about to get played/not get what I want from the situation. But at least if I stick around, it’s intentional, not because I didn’t recognize the signs. Now why I would stick around is what makes me a woman the times when I’m not thinking like a man. Haha.
@shay-d-lady,
“I dont think that shyt happens in real life…..”
I think it happens plenty. Chicks ignore the signs, or they are so dyckmatized they don’t even realize it’s going on.
Yep.
@miss t-lee,
*dykmatized* I love it!!!
@shay-d-lady,
I dont think that shyt happens in real life…..but if it does.. I guess thats a good list..
lol…trust me, it does. it was easy to make this list because all i did was list sh*t that i did while close-busing
@The Champ, I guess I should count myself privileged to never have been close bussed… LMAO
@shay-d-lady,
To jump on the bandwagon, this does happen. I was just “close bussed” like a muthafudger, but in my case just reaping what had been sowed.
“a man can sleep with and even be in a relationship with a woman he’s placed there”
If a man’s placed a woman in the friendship category, why would he be in a relationship with her? Just thinking about myself, I would never be in a relationship with a man who I placed in the friendship category cuz that would be a waste of time…Funny pic by the way….
@Leila,
“I would never be in a relationship with a man who I placed in the friendship category cuz that would be a waste of time”
and that’s why you’re a woman…i don’t think in terms of waste of time, it’s more like “Do i have anything/anyone better to do right now?”, simple logic
@sisanda, exactly! sometimes I feel like I am the only woman amongst my friends who understand men. sigh
@sisanda, Is it a problem that I am a woman who uses this same logic?
@Suga&Spice,
for what it’s worth, I’m a woman who uses this logic, too. I don’t think it’s a problem. Man, I’m just glad there’s finally a name for this condition: “Close bus”
@sisanda,
it’s more like “Do i have anything/anyone better to do right now?”, simple logic
good point
@sisanda,
I dig ur point, cuz its true. Hell, I’ve employed the same logic myself before
@Leila, It’s called SETTLING FOR THE MOMENT. Women do this too.
@Leila,
Men and women both view the concept of a relationship romantically. Even the most jadest amongst us believe that there’s someone out there that will make us feel brand new every day.
So you could be with a girl for YEARS. She cooks, she cleans, handles her bed room duties – but at no point do you actually get emotionally involved with her.
Dude can be right next to you every day, and still so distant that you’re never sure if you know him.
@WestIndianArchie,
“Dude can be right next to you every day, and still so distant that you’re never sure if you know him.”
Sad, but true.
@WestIndianArchie,
Dude can be right next to you every day, and still so distant that you’re never sure if you know him.
This is true. Why would a man want to live like that? What does it benefit him?
@pgh muse, “This is true. Why would a man want to live like that? What does it benefit him?”
That’s what I’m wondering. I’d rather be single than settle and be miserable.
@pgh muse,
He has companionship and that very interesting and often all-encompassing thing: s3x-on-demand with no effort to put in.
Men (and some women) are very simple creatures. They can fulfill emotional needs using other ways or not fulfill them at all.
I can relate to this because I’ve done it. I didn’t go through with the wedding because after all I’m a woman (and my emotions are very important to me) but I am thinking men can do this much more often. H3ll, I even know women who marry someone while loving someone else. Because the groom is a “better fit” than the other guy. I know because I almost did.
@SuperSula,
hmmmm… I don’t understand living like this, now a better fit being one thing, and I know that in relationship, love may be the last thing on the agenda… because some people marry for comfort, some for positon… whatever. But personally, I can’t see opening my life and body everyday to someone that I can take or leave. That’s crazy to me
@pgh muse,
Yup, I agree with you. Reason why I bolted. It’s hard for me to live without being able to share my intimacy and be accepted in someone’s as well.
But it’s done. Over and over again. It also might be slightly cultural. *wet blanket alert* African women (in general) were not necessarily taught to look for love in a marriage. It always had more of a connotation of doing the right thing (by society’s standards). It’s only with recent generations that Love has started factoring in.
I have a girlfriend who married a man 15 years her senior because he helped her and her family through a very big crisis (her mother died from Cancer and he cared for the mother from day one and even brought her corpse back etc…). I told her that I think she was brave but was that the right thing to do? She told me and I quote: ” What do you want me to tell my father when he tells me that we can never repay the debt we have with this fellow, and besides he’s a good party“. I understood where she was coming from. Now 8 years and 4 kids later, they are still married (although IMHO it’s very obvious they can stand each other). But to most people, it’s still better than “being single and looking for love”… which I find ludicrous… and ridiculous.
C’est la vie, I guess.
@SuperSula,
That’s a great story, madam. Human beings are something else. it’s funny to me that the world over it’s the womenfolk who are called upon to do the right thing and up hold tradition…
@SuperSula, She had 4 kids in 8 years??
Uterus says: “I’se tired, boss!”
@pgh muse,
If you want to do the cost benefit analysis here
- the (emotional) cost of a faux relationship is nil
- the benefits are great
The only downside is the carnage when you want to leave.
@WestIndianArchie,
Right…. and if you actually marry the person that you’re in a faux relationship with, then you have all of the debts you’ve accrued together to situate when you divorce (because you will). And then there are the children to consider. And the whole mess you’ve made of your life… when you could have just been honest in the first place. And then you want to go blame everyone else… but you did it. I know men do this, but it’s INSANE. Men want to avoid commitment and emotional bonding that much? Why?
@pgh muse,
You’re not getting me.
We (typically) don’t value the commitment and emotional bonding for commitment/emotional bonding’s sake.
@WestIndianArchie,
So why not just be an eternal batchelor? Why live a lie?
@WestIndianArchie,
The reason I asked that is because I’m really trying to understand. And all that trying to understand this phenomenon brings me to is two points) 1 – a man can say he doesn’t value bonding, but he always does it… most times with multiple partners. This doesn’t provide evidence of a lack of desire to bond (or a lack of value for the bonding process). It’s evidence of a desire to bond, just superficially. Bonding between people is all we have whether those interactions be between males and females, females and females, males and females and so on. Men do this so that they feel like they have some kind of autonomy, I guess. Always wanting their cake and to eat it to… it’s called selfishness.
@WestIndianArchie,
And… We (typically) don’t value the commitment and emotional bonding for commitment/emotional bonding’s sake.
What else is there besides the bonds and relationships that we build, really?? You can work, you can party, but aside from relationships with other people and with the world around us… there really is nothing else. So cultivating a relationship is never just for the “sake” of commitment or bonding. Cultivating relationships IS living.
@WestIndianArchie,
The only downside is the carnage when you want to leave.
yeah, that carnage can be a b*tch (pun intended)
@Leila,
yeah i feel the same way you do.. unfortunately some men dont think emotionally
you said ‘janky’…this made me chuckle. i’ll be back…
All of this hits so close to home but I think each man & situation has its own set of rules. In most instances, we know when we’re on the bus with a guy, however, some rides are a little more scenic and longer than others. I just jumped off a moving bus and have road rash…
@Amber J, Women want each situation to have its own special nuances. But they don’t really. It’s all the same. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s not Aflac!! It’s just a duck.
@Hostess, ducks are not friends…
@Amber J,
road rash? that doesnt sound very cute
@Amber J, O thats what we callin it these days….
ok, i’m back. i think there is a special group of friends even for close-busing. like have you ever been a date with your guy and realized you were double dating with his friend and the girl he was cheating with? (yeah, neither have i) i think when a guy is really diggin’ you, he likes to show you off to the friends as well as the acquaintances. seriously, just cuz you met his boy Tyrone does not mean you won his heart.
…and furthermore if he takes you to the obscure mall like south hills mall instead of monroeville mall (where everybody hangs out) to go to the movies…know that you are sooooooooo NOT special. (lol)
@Miss Patterson, haha. Same with restaurants. If it’s away from everyone, then it’s a sign…
@Miss Patterson,
and furthermore if he takes you to the obscure mall like south hills mall instead of monroeville mall (where everybody hangs out) to go to the movies
lol…damn. someone obviously hasnt lived in the burgh in a while
@The Champ, so monroeville mall isn’t the popular mall among high schoolers anymore, i take it?
@Miss Patterson,
lol…you know what, actually it still is. i was gonna dispute this, until i remembered how i was engulfed by a sea of 15 year old hoochies, snizzles, wiggers, and young kanyes the last time i went there on a friday. i felt like i was on 106 and park
@The Champ, i don’t think i fell into any of those categories. i was just a big eyed ingenue in an ellis uniform. this explains why i didn’t have a chance with y’all close-busin’ kind. it’s not easy being innocent and pure, the world just takes advantage of you. *cue in saxophone* (in my head i keep saying close-busting…i’m funny. carry on)
@Miss Patterson, have you ever been a date with your guy and realized you were double dating with his friend and the girl he was cheating with?
LOL yes…..but I knew my status at that point.. me and my ex were on one of our..we just friends kick…and the movie was he got game…so you know what was going down!
@Miss Patterson,
just cuz you met his boy Tyrone does not mean you won his heart.
But the contrary is true. If you have never met anyone, even Tyrone means that he’s not digging you like that.
@SuperSula, i definitely agree. meeting no one is a bad sign as well.
if he’s saved your name on his phone as a guys name – suspect the worst. this happened to a girl i know – she’s misplaced her phone somewhere in the house, and grabbed her ‘boyfriends’ phone to call herself and locate it…
so she dialed her number, and on the screen, up popped the word ‘Thabo, ‘ one of the commonest boys names in the southern african hemisphere….
and she’s like… ‘whaaaa??’
shady, shady, yet slick that man…
@superwoman, I had a friend..we were visiting her so called “man’s” dorm room..we kickin it and shyt joking and laughing..the phone ring.. she joking pretends to reach for it.. dude dayum near took her wrist off trying to knock her hand out the way… I would say that was a sign
@superwoman,
I changed all my phone number names to women bc my psycho ex would take my phone and call any male name he saw, family or otherwise, so I saved them all as girl derivatives of male names, i.e. Carla, Michelle, Alexis, ‘Champ’aletta, etc…..
*I was young and stupid, I have since gotten my lifespace in order, lol
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
*I was young and stupid, I have since gotten my lifespace in order, lol
i’m glad that you issued that disclaimer…. cell phones can bring the drama, for sure!!
@superwoman,
“cell phones can bring the drama, for sure”!!
fo sho
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
Is your name Toya? My college roomate used to do the same thing.
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
‘Champ’aletta made me giggle. I think the Champ should consider it for any female children he has.
@puff,
” ‘Champ’aletta” sounds like a homely girl
@Intellectual Hedonist, good, she’ll take after her father. lol
@Miss Patterson,
Zing! Shot fired.
*chuckles*
@superwoman, I want everyone to know that the new Treo has an auto purge option where it can automatically delete texts and phone calls from certain numbers after a certain time. A serious investment for the serial cheater
@From Da Hip Peyso,
WHAT?! That is the bizness. Do all Treo’s have this feature???
@Elle Bella, the ATLella, just the 800 i heard
@From Da Hip Peyso, oh lordy, more tools for the shadies!!!
@superwoman,
“…so she dialed her number, and on the screen, up popped the word ‘Thabo, ‘ one of the commonest boys names in the southern african hemisphere….
and she’s like… ‘whaaaa??’
shady, shady, yet slick that man…”
vsb.com: where south africans say different south african things every week
@The Champ, i live to amuse you, champie. although i’m not sure what’s so south african about my post….
If everytime you are with them they answer every call, BUT when you call this person they rarely answer. It’s like, “uh-ruh, you tell me you are not a phone person but you stayed on the phone the ENTIRE time when we were together” ….
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
That’s so true.
@goldiilocs,
I agree…true stuff.
@goldiilocs,
definitely true…I almost became a close-bus behind this…but as Ms. Norwood said, almost doesn’t count.
@goldiilocs,
welcome and sh*t
@goldiilocs, welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
@Extra-Strength Alise, PM,
good addition and sh8t
This seems strangely similar to “jump-off” status. But not quite.
Either way, “No thank you, sir. I don’t want none!”
The Cats, (Sampson, Delilah and Rufus) and I will be just fine up on the porch.
@PBG,
Co-sign. I’d be rockin’ next to you knittin’ a hat b4 i’d accept that.
‘aesthetically belligerent’ = officially my favourite phrase.
great post!
@Wambui, i know, i know – hilarious, not?!?! very great post, Champion-one!
you are appreciated!
@Wambui,
long time no type and sh*t. welcome to vsb
@The Champ, do you keep a list of ppl and the date of their last comment?
@From Da Hip Peyso,
lol…i just know when i see a screenname that i havent before, thats all.
@Wambui, welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
Wambui,
You from Kenya?
this is actually some good stuff…and i feel champ when he says you make women friends because you want something….but at the same time are really waiting for something better…
ive done this. millions of times. it makes me kinda sad that ive done it. but. like my uncle says, “…it all comes out in the wash, its the balance…” you get placed in the friend zone….they get placed in the friend zone….
wtf…they place you in the friend zone…you place them right back in that biatch!
@The Ghost,
ive done this. millions of times. it makes me kinda sad that ive done it. but. like my uncle says, “…it all comes out in the wash, its the balance…” you get placed in the friend zone….they get placed in the friend zone….
its the circle of life and sh*t. welcome, btw
@The Ghost,
welcome!!!
*shooting gold stars*
@The Ghost,
welcome.
i feel your pain. it makes me kinda sad, too.
This post had me in tears, ESPECIALLY that baby picture!
Thank you for arming me with the knowledge I need to jump off that bus next time.
@Nicki Sunshine,
jump off? lol, you can’t jump off the bus if you’re the bus.
@The Champ, LOL at ppl not getting the analogy
@From Da Hip Peyso,
Y’all are too much.
@Nicky, just lock your bus doors… until the driver gets in.
@SuperSula, Thank YOU! Sula feels me.
@The Champ, LMAO! Well, uknowwhatImean.
@Nicki Sunshine,
lol…its ok. we still love ya and sh*t
@The Champ, Thank you *hugs*
holy SHIT that was on point! The close-bus metaphor is perfect. “Riding something, not sitting down cuz we might get off at any moment.” Bahahahaha. Sadly yes we do do this. It seems either sex can be assholes when it comes to deciding whether or not to give the other sex what they want.
@Knowledge of The Union,
It seems either sex can be assholes when it comes to deciding whether or not to give the other sex what they want.
very true. assh*leness is tied to no gender. welcome and sh*t, btw
@Knowledge of The Union,
welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
-
LOL @ the consolation prize aka “The Field Goal”
As far as #1 goes, I spent a decent part of the 90s as some sort of adjective, but it didn’t mean I didn’t love ‘em!
@Maximillian,
As far as #1 goes, I spent a decent part of the 90s as some sort of adjective, but it didn’t mean I didn’t love ‘em!
lol…yes it does
“nigga, go make me some grits, nigga!”
so mad at that. so mad.
“asthetically beligerant”
livid!! lmao!
every morning sbould start with a laugh this good! nice work champski!
@shatani,
if you substitute “laugh” with…wait, nevermind. no nasty snarks today
now how imma get a language warning for copying and pasting what YOU wrote! lol
@shatani,
because i’m the champ, and you’re not, thats why
Champ, I hate you for ‘asthetically belligerent’. I intend to ad this phrase to my verncular.
Bwahahahhahahahahahaha!
These are very good signs, especially the ‘not meeting any of his people’. I approve of this list.
Not too much else to add right now.
@blackberry molasses on her Crackberry,
Champ, I hate you for ‘asthetically belligerent’. I intend to ad this phrase to my verncular.
theres a $2.25 royalty charge for every time you incorporate it.
@ Champ
Did you really have to take down grits in this post? Leave grits alone. They’re innocent.
@Ms. Hall,
i’m a fan of grits, which is why i gave grits the shout-out. me and grits have no beef and sh*t
The Champ, I love that pictures of the baby giving the finger…I might have to snag that one.
Reference the topic…thank you for putting it out there. See that’s why I like coming to this blog—because you give it to us raw…whether people take heed to it or not–people can’t say they weren’t informed.
Okay, I’m about to get off the net and tune out the world around me. I’m on a deadline to finish this manuscript and I’ve procrastinated a month too long so I have no choice but to finish it now.
@Shelia,
vsb.com: where the champ gives it to women raw.
*blink*
@8th Wonder, exactly!! that champ… he’s so… raw!
“if you’ve been seeing a guy for a decent amount of time, and you still havent met any of his people, he’s either hiding you because he thinks he’d catch a beastiality charge if people knew you were sleeping together”
Bwahahah. Why must you make me laugh so early? I’m still trying to finish my oatmeal…lmao!!!
This list is toooo true. Way too true. I hope everyone is taking notes. I’m about to copy and paste it to a few folks…lol
@miss t-lee,
right…we are going to see so many women in denial on this post…cant wait!
@sherylalx,
I think so too.
It’s happened to all of us at one time or another. The point is to recognize the signs and not let yourself get played.
@sherylalx,
I was THAT GIRL a few months ago. I used to use the famous “but he just taking it slow, I mean I dont want him to meet my peeps either”
I was a lyin foo you hear me?!!
@miss t-lee,
As a matter of fact, I think some dude is attempting to “close bus” me right now!
Not.
Going.
Down.
*side-eye*
“I see you, Oscar. You AND your sweater vest!”
@PBG,
Don’t let it happen!!! Throat punch ‘em if you have too. lol
*sidetracked*
Would that be an argyle sweater vest with a matching tie? Never mind girl, don’t let it happen!!!
@PBG,
men that weat sweater vests should never get any pu$$y…except Tony Dungy he got a SB ring so that cancels the sweater vest effect out
@Deviant,
lol!!!
@PBG
I don’t know if Im laughing at “Oscar”, or at his sweater vest. Either way ish is funny.
@PBG, I don’t know if Im laughing at “Oscar”, or at his sweater vest.
This was just hilarious. Thank you for my first real LOL of the day.
@PBG, Cut him first. Just stop calling and returning his calls.
Disclaimer: This may cause him to stalk you because he won’t be able to believe you can cold-turkey his ass.
@Hostess,
or he will just bang someone else
@Deviant, Oh I didn’t say he wouldn’t bang someone else. He will if he can. But if he has been treated by her and other women as THAT GUY, his ass might lose it when some woman decides to disengage. She takes his control away.
@Deviant, great point. Ppl forget that there are multiple buses that will take u close to where ur going
@Deviant, Which he is more than welcome to do. As a matter of fact, I encourage and endorse such behavior. If his behavior on that last date is any indication of his level of skill and performance, again I say
“No thank you, sir! I don’t want none!”
I don’t come down off the porch often. I don’t have time for foolishness. Gettin’ too “old and crotchety”.
Mmmmhmm. I see you too. *side eye of death*
@PBG,
Oscar better fall back before I take him to a Chinese Juke Joint and leave him for dead.
@8th Wonder,
who the hell is oscar???
@The Champ,
Oooo, you late as usual. Check upthread.
@The Champ,
Actually, Oscar is a time machine driver that Luvvie, Alise and I met in a cave after having escaped from a haven for hoodrats in the suburbs into which I’d unwittingly led us for the night. We fled from the place, terrified, holding tight to the hopes and dreams of our fathers, from jungle dresses, popped bottles, elderly DJs and threadbare hairhats!
He and his trusty sidekick took us on an awesome adventure for food, but we ended up in an alternate universe. We landed in a “Chinese Juke Joint”(c) 8th Wonder, where apparently….“history went to die.” (c) Luvvie.
Colored foolishness, gay mayhem, drunken sluttery and n!99@-shyt ran rampant around us as we ate our delicious authentic Asian cuisine. It was as if President Obama was never born, MLK never had a dream and Sojourner was a lie…” da truff wont in hur”(c)NaturallyAlise. We barely made it out of there alive after setting off an epically IGtastic roasting session, the likes of which had never been seen before. References to Greek mythology, woodland creatures and medical miracles were made. We brought down the house.
Oscar and his sidekick ushered us quickly toward the exit when some heavily intoxicated slore unexpectedly emerged from her alcohol induced coma and declared that the ePosse had “gone too far” and “enough with the jokes”. I, of course, took off my earrings, but Oscar intervened to avoid an all out melee as Luvvie and Alise both were behind me, reaching into their purses. Lucky for her. Hmph!
We were thankful to not have had to form a powerful prayer circle or get beat down by the gay mafia, who was posted up in the front of this lovely establishment, dressed to the nine’s in stunna shades and eyebrows more fierce than Auntie Patti’s @ her BET tribute.
All of this loveliness occurred on the Eve of the Inauguration of the Beloved One, in my glorious hometown, the Nation’s Capital.
But that food sure was good. And, Oscar called the next day. *palin wink*
the end.
@PBG
While yall were roasting the other creatures in the “Chinese juke joint” (workcite 8th), did anyone slide in a crack or two about Oscar’s sweater vest?
@V Renee, Oscar doesn’t actually wear a sweater vest. That’s just my colorful euphemism for the “crotchety old men over 35″ that I tend to date, since I am 35 myself.
Oscar is quite fashionable, no doubt picking up pieces yet to be presented to the world of haute couture in his adventures in his Delorean.
@PBG, I am sad I missed this tom foolery :’(
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Yeah, you could’ve at least helped us fight off the gay mafia if need be.
@PBG,
thanks and sh*t for the recap.
really.
thanks.
@The Champ,
You’re welcome n’ sh*t. Just had to put this whole “Oscar” thing into perspective.
I forgot to mention the vodka and cranberry being mixed in a bucket. But hey…that’s how they roll.
@PBG,
Im sitting in awe @ this whole comment.
Wow. Just wow.
@Dom,
Imagine having been there.
This story will premiere in its full unabridged version this coming Monday on my blog. The rest of the ePosse will post their tributes to Inauguration Weekend Tomfoolery that day as well.
@PBG, i’m so glad i can shut the door to my office. this was hilarious. i could envision the entire scenario.
@Miss Patterson,
T’was a sight indeed.
@PBG, l lurve and quit you for this foolishness.
@PBG,
I’m dyin..
omg
cant
breathe
Thinkin back, I think I’ve been close-bused by a few guys I was really into.
But I’ve gotten lazy in my older years, I can’t be catchin nobody’s bus. So I invested in a car for door-to-door service
@Imperfect,
**fedex-ing vsb “how to make a great analogy” handbook to imperfect***
@The Champ,
Ehh…didn’t make much sense to me either, but it looked good when I was type-readin it half sleep. Lol.
“2. you’ve never met any of his friends. not one. you haven’t even met his neighbors, co-workers, pets, or favorite panera bread waitor. in fact, you’re not even fully convinced that you’re not the only person on the planet who knows that this dude exists.
guys like to show off women they’re interested in and in relationships with, for two reasons:
1. this is our way of saying to the world “guess who i’m f*cking?? jealous, aint you???”. crass, yeah, but its science and sh*t, and, like the champ, science is never wrong.”
I don’t know about this one. I did this with my ex. I wanted to keep my relationship world separate from the world with my boys. I don’t think I would do this now. IDK. I felt the same way George did on Seinfeld as far as his fiance hanging out with Jerry, Kramer, and Elaine.
“4. he speaks to you with the exact same voice inflection and tone he uses when playing madden with his boys
even if its subconscious, most guys will change their tone and speech patterns a bit when speaking to a woman theyre interested in, even if its changing “niggas” to “nigras” or dropping the f-bomb once every 50 words instead of once every 10.
if you’re his close bus, you’re probably his “nigga” too, but not in the awww-inducing “she’s my road dawg, man. my nigga” sense but in the “nigga, go make me some grits, nigga!” sense.”
I’ve been guilty of this too. I use the same tone of voice with women that I use with men. I have had some women complain about it. The ones that have said something are usually the ones that were silly in the head.
@Humble_One,
I felt the same way George did on Seinfeld as far as his fiance hanging out with Jerry, Kramer, and Elaine
If you’re comparing yourself to Georges in relationships then we have more problems to deal with than “close-busing”…
@Humble_One,
on the changing voice note…
i’ve noticed how if i’m hanging out with my guy friends and one of them gets a call from their girl,
a) the ringtone is some corny shit like “let’s get it on”
b) they go from yelling and swearing to doing the quick check of the phone, a lil smile and putting on the bedroom voice talking about, “i’ll be right back, i gotta take this…”
- always, without fail, cracks me up. like i don’t know who you’re talking to, ni99a, keep it real.
Looking back, I have rode some “close buses” on occasion, some I’m not so proud of because of the end result – hurt feelings. The females’ feelings were hurt and I felt bad that I actually caused that hurt to someone I genuinely cared about…just not like that.
@Monk,
if you cared it wasn’t a close bus was it?
@Deviant
I think it still can still be considered a close bus. Just because you close bus someone doesn’t mean you WANT to hurt their feelings.
@Deviant, see that’s why they just a close bus. I mean the bus is left for chicks who give butterflies in the bread basket but no rose glasses. You know the chicks that have you all lustfully ambivilant.
@Deviant,
See I think you guys are confusing “close bus” with “jump off”… From what I understand a “Close bus” is someone you genuinely (somewhat) care about but do not ever want to commit to long term… She’s not special enough. She’s cool but not special.
@SuperSula,
“She’s cool but not special”
in a nutshell
@Monk, this is less of a close bus and more of an express bus when u meant to catch the local
LMAO!! This is a great list Champ! I would add…
1. He only wants to see you at night. If this is happening to you, it’s b/c the dude does not want anyone to see you with him by the light of day.
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
Yep…straight cutt buddy status…lol
@miss t-lee, exactly. I think cut-buddy is the 2nd cousin to the close bus…except the cutty bus isn’t close at all, it’s actually going to the other part of town, and you will have to take the southbound Marta, a 2nd bus, and a cab to finally get to where you’re going. lol!!
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
thats too much work for a cut buddy. if you cant walk around the corner screw it
@N.I.A. fabuloussince1982….,
except the cutty bus isn’t close at all, it’s actually going to the other part of town, and you will have to take the southbound Marta, a 2nd bus, and a cab to finally get to where you’re going. lol!
this made my head hurt
@miss t-lee,
I agree if you getting Vampire Treatment” in after dark… out before sunrise….you are the bus!
@Jai, Not a bus. A dirty, unlicensed hack that you hop in when you don’t want to walk back to where you parked your car after the club. Toss him a couple dollars for the 5 min ride and chuck the deuces.
Great post Champie poo poo! This might go in my top 10 of funniest post. Anyway, to the matter at hand…
I in the recent past hoped off the bus myself. While riding it was cool because I felt at some point things would just change. He didn’t show any of the signs you mentioned. I was at ALL the holiday parties, was known at the job as “the wife,” went on expensive trips and even had my bills paid. In the end, I was no more than a friend. I know because he made it clear that we could never really be serious. We got along well and that was it. When it was time to make the next move, I made it alone. I’ve been happy every since. I’m too good for the bus.
@Ivy st., why would you hop off the bus if you’re getting bills paid and expensive trips? whats wrong with you!? is that REALLY how it happeneD?
@The Ghost,
It’s not about the money. A woman wants to be cared about and wants to feel wanted. The signs I was a friend: I never met his parents, he met my parents after 2 years of dating, he actually discussed taking one of his coworkers to “coffee” with me (the last straw) as if I should be cool with it. Towards the end he became distant to the point, the money wasn’t worth it. Also getting some of your bills paid isn’t a big deal (I’m a grad student, I don’t have THAT many) for someone that can do it. It doesn’t mean they care about you or the situation. It just shows they don’t value the money as much as others.
@Ivy St., ouch…sounds like a bummer…you were getting played
@Ivy st., You were on no regular bus sounds like u were on an Acela train….
@From Da Hip Peyso
A lonely, fast ride to nowhere
@Ivy st.,
My ex and I went through a very similar situation. We were hanging out with our mutual friends, even family etc… etc… Having a great time together. But I think I was just not his “one”… Some will say bad timing… Champ (and I) say “close-bus”…
We were close, had fun for what it was worth. When I realized that it was all it was ever going to be. I respectfully told him I needed to move on… We are still friends…
I am co-signing on the “consolation prize”!
I found out I was one after the fact and my eyes were opened.
To this day, if a friend says “I want to set you up with so-and-so ” my first question is “Has he tried to holla at you or anyone I know?” If the answer is “Yes”…I tell her I’m out.
@Datalore,
To this day, if a friend says “I want to set you up with so-and-so ” my first question is “Has he tried to holla at you or anyone I know?” If the answer is “Yes”…I tell her I’m out.
what if this occurs while youre sitting on your own couch? do you still bounce?
*chuckles*
Rode the bus once…… “hated it” *2 snaps and around the world*
Bought a Corolla. K.I.M.
I would like to add this to the list – He tries to hook you up with other male friends/associates, because yall would be good for one another.
@V Renee,
Oooooo…yeah…that’s bad. Then you try to play it off like…”Oh ok! Yeah, give me the number!” Then you walk home snottin like Ben Stiller in “There’s Somethin About Mary”.
@nia,
LOL@ the visual!
@V Renee,
This recently happened to me, but I’m happy about it. I like his boy better. LOL!
This post made me realize I’ve been close bussed in the past. Knowledge is power and I intend to use it accordingly in the future.
Don’t answer her call, but send a text 5 minutes later.
Start off calling around 7pm-8pm, but switch it up and don’t call until after 10pm. Always.
Order pizza while she’s doing something to you she doesn’t usually do.
See her stumble in the street in her stillettos and be the first person to laugh and point.
Consistently push her head towards your lap whenever possible.
Act mad if she tells you she doesn’t want to have chex. Don’t talk to her until she’s ready to give it up.
@Lil’T, Outside of #1. Who in the heck does this stuff?
@Suga&Spice,
Thank you! You just don’t do that ish to a friend. The older I get the more I realize how wise my father is. He told me when I was a child that most people use the term friend loosely and in fact don’t know the real definition of the word.
@Voiceofreason,
Your father is a biter he stole all that friend talk from Whodini. lol
@eff yo couch,
Lol! eff yo post! Pops is older than Whodini.
@Lil’T,
wait Lil’T you forgot if it’s that time o the month he starts putting on pron n fast forewards to oral scenes.
@WuDaMan,
Ooo, that’s a good one. We on the same page, Wu.
@Lil’T, I actually had a roommate that did that to this bad biddy. *smh*
I disagree witcha Champ. This is not a friend, this is a JO. However, there are some comments that I agree with. I have women friends. They are usually very “aesthetically belligerent” or a girl that I tried to holla at a long time ago and shut me down but I still talked to her all the time thats it. The latter aint really my friend cuz i would still scrape.
The former is my ninja. She can usually cook really well. All of my friends have in fact met her because she has fed all 10 of my squad (at least 5 of us were at one point above 250lbs). She always takes care of us when we’re too drunk to move or too sick. We’re always at her spot b/c she has a real nice couch and a nice TV and a PS3 that she doesnt play. She does all of this b/c she likes one of us, which one? Nobody knows.
I like the CBS thing though.
@From Da Hip Peyso,
“I disagree witcha Champ. This is not a friend, this is a JO.”
I agree. If you really consider someone a friend you wouldn’t do any of the things listed. Friends don’t get dogged. The guys who have been interested in me, but ultimately became my friends are guys that I genuinely liked as people. I enjoyed spending time with them I just didn’t want any sort of physical relationship.
i agree with this list sounding more like signs of a JO (a modified version). if a dude is going to sleep with a girl he “close bused” yet treats her like a random somebody (not let her meet any of his folk, doesn’t care), she’s nothin more than an eff-buddy.
i know lots of guys who have “friend zoned” girls and done just as Peyso– had girly cooking for him and his boys, her crib being the hangout spot, etc. these are usually the girls they DON’T want to sex or be intimate with. i also know dudes that have girl friends that all his boys (and maybe even family) know, they hang out in public in the day time, they have deep meaningful convos, etc…and he HAS slept with her (or at the very least would sleep with).
while the list is entertaining, i don’t really buy it. so, no deal.
@Outrageous G.E.M., gemmie…i have to respectfully disagree here. close busing is very different from a jump off. close-busin’ is like a pseduo-relationship. you spend as much time together as you would in a real relationship- he might cook for you, sleep over, lay in bed and watch james bond with you on saturdays, he might even make eye contact with you during s*x. but he is intentionally emotionally available…he won’t give you a title, he’ll grunt when you want to have the conversation about where the relationship is going, any recognition of your birthday will be half-a$$ed, he won’t hold your hand in public, he’ll introduce you as his friend, and he won’t celebrate valentines’ day with you because he doesn’t do ‘hallmark holidays’. basically, he’s a d*ck. and if you let him, he will continue to be a d*ck.
the close-bus perpetrator won’t let you go without a little bit of a fight. a jump off will just roll off the bed, collect his boxers and say ‘Peace!’
pardon me, i’m going to go back in time and give myself a copy of this post. however, i will not give the champ credit for being right.
while i very well recognize the difference between a JO (where i mention elsewhere can be a mutual “understanding”) and a “close-bus” i still don’t see a good argument to say close-bussing some one is the same as a “friend zone” type of situation.
we can just agree to disagree on that point.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
Scipio Africanus said it best:
The Friend Zone for men means no-sex. The Friend Zone for women means no or little emotional connection/intimacy. In other words, the Friend Zone amounts to each gender being denied what it really wants most, typically (the sex/emotion dichotomy).
and your point…???
@From Da Hip Peyso,
i’m sorry, is she getting anything out of this? cos there is no way in hell that i’m going to feed 10 hungry ni99as, bathe them and provide them with my hd tv and all i’m getting is a big pile of dirty dishes. i, for example, cook occasionally for my male friends, but only because they always buy me alcohol. two way street and whatnot. she must really REALLY like one of y’all (im talking pre-nup and baby names lined up) to be doing all of that.
@puff, i mean she gets to hang out with some reasonably attractive, popular, successful guys. Hear our funny jokes. I bet that she’s prolly waitin on one of us to slip up and fall into the cutty. It aint me though.
@From Da Hip Peyso,
This is some groupie BS. I feel sorry for her. If she’s feeling one of ya’ll it would make more sense to make it known which one, and focus on him.
Sounds like she might be feeling a few of you (I’ve seen this situation happen before) and cant make up her mind.
@From Da Hip Peyso,
I disagree witcha Champ. This is not a friend, this is a JO.
see, its not a jump-off because you can actually care about and spend tons of non-coital time with the close-bus. thing is, they’re a close bus because the guy is just going through the motions, and will never not just go through the motions with her.
@The Champ,
This post actually lets women know they’re in a relationship of convenience or that they’re being used, not that they’re in the friend zone. The fact that you’d even consider calling a woman a “close bus” means she’s not really your friend and you don’t take her all that seriously. All the signs listed in your post are negative. They don’t denote friendship and based on the explanations that follow, no one could ever infer that a man cares about a woman he treats that way.
@Voiceofreason, yeah i agree. as i look back in time i don’t really consider my close-bus experience(s) to be friendships. it’s very complicated, but i don’t believe they were my friend. they might have cared to lose me, but they weren’t my friend. friends don’t manipulate.
@The Champ,
How is this possible? Like seriously… how many years does someone spend with a closebus… and how many blessing do you block living this way?? that is the epitome of using someone, because they don’t know that they are the close bus.
@pgh muse, close-busing can go on for years. however, and i know we’ve touched on the whole disbelief of karma thing. but the person who close-bused the sh*t out of my a$$ is now on his second divorce. sad, isn’t it? funny that he tried to reach out to me, but pattycakes wasn’t haven’t that mess.
@Miss Patterson,
but pattycakes wasn’t haven’t that mess
I heard that… crazy. Boy I tell you.
I once rode this bus all around Atlanta. Took a couple of years for me to realize the dayum thing was never going to my side of town.
@Suga&Spice
Haha. I like the way you phrased that.
So where did the bus go? In circles?
@V Renee, Yes, honey! Rode the same route for years. Crazy thing is everytime I attempted to get off somewhere else I let that dayum driver talk me into staying on for another ride.
But you know what, after reading the champ, I think I may have worded this all wrong. *sigh* ah well. You get my drift.
@Suga&Spice,
lol…yeah, you worded it wrong, but it made perfect sense (if that makes sense)
Based on this list I could say I’ve never been friend zoned, but that would be a lie. I get blatantly friend zoned, and I usually hear something like “I think you’re really cool, but you’re more like a wife than a girlfriend, and I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”
Once I was placed in the friend zone by a guy who called me everyday and talked to me on the phone for hours. All his boys new me and his mother even told me she was excited to meet me. He loved strutting around with me in public. I told him I was considering a breast reduction and he flipped. He did all this stuff, but he would never try anything more than hug me, and he was completely straight. If I asked him what he thought about being in a relationship he’d say no, he just wanted to remain friends. That was my last friend zone experience and I’ll never have another because I will no longer accept being in the friend zone. A woman in the friend zone looks pitiful. Kind of like she’s just hanging on hoping the guy will change his mind about her one day. It’s almost like she’s giving s3x hoping to get love in return.
Now that I think about it, I don’t believe in any “friend zone” relationship in which the friends are s3xual. In my opinon, real friends don’t kiss or have any sort of s3xual contact.
@Voiceofreason,
“Now that I think about it, I don’t believe in any “friend zone” relationship in which the friends are s3xual. In my opinon, real friends don’t kiss or have any sort of s3xual contact.”
Exactly!!! I’ve never had a male friend. I mean a serious friend! Why? Because even if we interacted under the guise of friendship, I knew that they’d screw me given the opportunity. FRIENDS don’t want to screw friends. And if a dude says he screws his friends, I say, “Yeah I knew there was something strange about how you and Mike were interacting.” This angers them but gets them to understand the point.
“thing is, while there’s one easily perceptible tell to see if a guy’s been friend zoned-ed (”are they f*cking?”), the signs of a woman being friend zoned are much more subtle, mainly because a man can sleep with and even be in a relationship with a woman he’s placed there.”
That’s genius. Bottle it up and sell it. Seriously.
Nothing from me today…I’m guilty of close bussing when the woman fails to contribute anything that I could really use to my repetoire.
Humh. I think this close-bus thing applies if it’s like that fro day one. Men also get into a rhythm–particularly when they get old and crotchety (35+). When they first meet you, they go out of their way. Once they think they have you, not to be confused with once y’all start having chex (Hostess, 2005)* regularly, they get lazy. You may have met all their friends and family but when their asses get comfy, they are happy sitting on a couch scratching. This, IMO, isn’t the Close-bus thing. It’s a mf getting lazy and going back to the person he really is.
*cite me dammit
@Hostess, why was him working all hard to please you not who he really is?? I mean he liked the newbootie potential. You get him something new n see if he goes there on that like when you 2 first got 2gether. (just saying don’t assume the worst[he's a player])
@WuDaMan, I’m saying going all out ain’t him. It’s mostly not a lot of men. They go hard when they believe they have to–when they smell competition, there’s a holiday, they piss their woman off, they fall into some new ass that they shouldn’t fall into (guilt), etc.
Oh and f* Sports Center!
@Hostess, n how do you know it’s not the rest up for the next ‘big ups’ to his lady.
Sometimes you need to rest. What if ole boy gets in good takes a chill moment then get’s back to it. Errbody know round 2, 3, 4 gets more and more exciting. Unless the breaks are too short and nobody has enough strength to lift their arms.
Forget Lifetime!
@WuDaMan, All I’m saying is I’m not watching Sports Center! I hate it. And I hate when a relationship gets ‘Sports Center’ comfy!!! Oddly, I don’t mind the repetition on CNN but the repetition on Sports Center pisses me off.
This thread was brought to you by the letter T for Tangent!
@WuDaMan,
Forget Lifetime!
LOLOL
Hmmm. Have I ever been close bussed? I don’t think so. Cuz I be damned. Yall hear me? I BE DAMNED!! I don’t stick around long enough for that bus. It’s too many ninjas out here for me to be waitin around for some sucka that don’t want me. All the females that do get close bussed, blame yoselves. Yall be knowin wassup. Talkin bout, “I thought he was feelin me!” Yeah right. Based on what? That he was f*ckin you??? Have you not become familiar with the male species??
In the famous words of Dap…..”WAAAAAAAAAAAKE UUUUUUUUUP!”
@nia,
“Hmmm. Have I ever been close bussed? I don’t think so. Cuz I be damned. Yall hear me? I BE DAMNED!! I don’t stick around long enough for that bus. It’s too many ninjas out here for me to be waitin around for some sucka that don’t want me.”
i just eloped with this comment..sipping sangriatini’s with it too..
Totally agree..(when is the movie “he’s just not that into you” coming out???)
I don’t even understand why we women do this to ourselves. Is it ego? Is it close busing is better than no busing? what the fyck is it?
If one man doesn’t want you..there are plenty more who would and will. What does hanging on to one peni!s do for all of us? Im sorry nia is right..we are ALL TO BLAME for this foolishness.
Everyman is NOT going to like you/love you/ adore you, thats just the way it is. Shapeshifting and dyck pixie keeps you out the game and from finding YOUR lid for YOUR pot.
@Princess Duvet,
I think it depends on the size of the bus you’re riding. That can confuse a gal.
@Lil’T,
“I think it depends on the size of the bus you’re riding. That can confuse a gal.”
i be dayumed..thats what a BOB is for. Your imgination. xtube….
anywhoo..there is no dyck big enough to make me play myself like this (champster..SAVE the nasty snark!!!).
not one. Is six minutes of pleasure worth weeks of feeling like shyt still..what exactly does revisionist dyck pixie buy a woman.
wake up ladies….
@Princess Duvet,
(champster..SAVE the nasty snark!!!)
ok.
see how easy that was?
@Princess Duvet, i’m guessing i shouldn’t go to the xtube website at work…
@Lil’T,
lol. I have to agree with Lil’ T only because I’ve been there and back. A big D can eff with the mentals, but I think this happens when both parties aren’t honest, there is limited conversation prior to jumping in the sack, all that. I think that ladies need to be clear and vocal the beginning.Not saying pressure him, but don’t just silently think that all your good works, cooking, and co*chie are going to make him wife u. Cause that’s not the case. Women need to treat themselves well first. Cause when u do that you won’t settle for a partner who won’t.
@pgh muse,
et tu pgh?
“A big D can eff with the mentals, but I think this happens when both parties aren’t honest, there is limited conversation prior to jumping in the sack, all that. I think that ladies need to be clear and vocal the beginning.Not saying pressure him, but don’t just silently think that all your good works, cooking, and co*chie are going to make him wife u”
I have to disagree here. Women know DAYUM well when a guy is or isn’t feeling her. This is 99.9999% NON-VERBAL communication. A man will say ANYTHING to get you into the sack. At what point is she tuned into his ACTIONS. I argue you don’t and shouldn’t HAVE to ask a man shat about where you stand blah blah blah..HE SHOULD BE SHOWING YOU. he shows you in the time he keeps, as stated in the post (the people he brings you around) etc. etc.
How does good se!x even come out of playing make believe boyfriend? That;s a serious head trip where a dyck trumps intuition and what he’s SHOWING you. I still maintain you could save all the those little saucer cup rides (at disney) ..that still make you feel like shi!t after.
@Princess Duvet,
And here I was, just calling this foolishness my 20′s. Tee-hee.
Girl, I got 2 names and phone numbers that may have you singing a different tune. I’ve since recovered my senses, but that DDDM (double digit d**k monster) has gotten me in some situations that I can only smh at now – and I don’t regret a single one. It was worth it, guuuurrrl, it was worth it!
As my girl Wiggy Houston says, “It ain’t right – but it’s OK. I’ll regain my senses anyway.” Ok, so maybe I modified a bit…
@Lil’T,
“I got 2 names and phone numbers that may have you singing a different tune.”
this is useless without EXACT double digit measurements…LOL..just kidding I like my fallopian tubes.
seriously..
i hate to be a wet blanket..but i just cant see close busing being something a yaya would sign up for. You can’t fu!ck your way into a relationship.
Hey Ladies,
Maybe we just need to identify these men for what they are: roller coasters. A fun ride, but you don’t expect them to go anywhere but up and down. And if you’re lucky, side to side and around in a few circles. heh,heh. Close bus indicates you think you’re going somewhere.
Really, though – I can feel what you all are saying pgh and princess d. I may be a little more *ahem* adventerous, but in the end how a man treats me has always been the deciding factor. Too many times when I was younger (key word here) I would cut a bamma off for doing the EXACT same things to me that I was doing to him. It’s why I don’t get too mad about this stuff – if it’s more than I want to deal with then he can take his DDDM and keep it movin’. It doesn’t mean the guy is horrible, it just means we’re not on the same page.
@Lil’T,
I agree wholeheartedly. Really. U have to live your life… there can’t be rules and whatnot for everything… And I’m not mad at your adventurousness AT ALL Lil T, cuz I’ve been there. Sheit… lolol some D* deserves a meal afterward… lol. You WANT to fry that man some chicken!
@Princess Duvet,
Eh… I can only speak for myself, and the experiences that I’ve had. *** this is a disclaimer that I am in big D* / good D* rehab*** I’ve never ever been “closebussed” or in a situation like this that Champ is describing here. But I have been in a compromised relationship / situationship because I was addicted to what the D* did – and in that compromised relationship I was never disrespected because I’ll not allow that period – but in the end I didn’t get what I wanted, which was a full commitment. So I can’t speak for anyone else… this man that I was involved with did all the things he thought he had to do (and the things I told him to do) to keep me around and in the situationship – but it wasn’t enough for me. I understand and agree with what you are saying. Which is why it’s important to be smart in affairs of the heart. I can just relate to what Lil’ T said.
@pgh muse,
“I’ve never ever been “closebussed” or in a situation like this that Champ is describing here”
Im also with Nia..i don’t think so. Maybe this is more wet blanket, but I cant go into something knowing full well I’m fisrt-second-third-fourth runner up.
a “situationship” is the distant cousin of the close buser (however most of champ’s list doesn’t fully apply there)..and when I saw that “S” bus headed in that direction i made every effort to depart. It wasn’t always easy.
big dyck or not…i dont like to send a message to other women (posters here on the BUS today)
that its justifiable or a co-sign.
@ Princess Duvet,
i dont like to send a message to other women (posters here on the BUS today)
that its justifiable or a co-sign.
Absolutely not… I don’t think anything I said was a co-sign. And if it came off as a co-sign, that was unintended. One of the reason’s that we share experiences is so that other people can learn from them. If you’ve never been in a situation, how can you accurately defend or dismiss it? Another reason we share experiences is to let another person know that they are not alone, and that someone else understands and has been there. I have been there and I understand. And I also understand where I am now. We are all human after all, and everyone has experiences that they may not be particularly proud of, but have learned from. If everyone were perfect, or all wise, or all knowing we’d step out of the womb fully grown with no need to even grow, learn and experience. But we don’t.
@pgh muse,
Hmmph – where is Alise when I need her? She’ll co-sign on some hosh*t…
My personal motto is that my youth is (was) for having fun. It wasn’t all about relationships and being 3rd in line. I couln’t be bothered worrying if I was his 2nd pick and he was my 5th. Now I’m a little older and wiser – but only because I took the time to cut up, fall on my face and learn. I don’t think I could’ve just picked up some of those lessons from other people’s stories, I had to live it for myself. My only regrets are of stuff that I didn’t do.
@Lil T & pgh muse
I wanted to chime in and say that I so agree with people having to learn their own lessons. Isn’t that what life is all about??
Sh*t I never claimed to be perfect, never wanted to be perfect and never will be perfect. You make the decisions you feel are the best for you (and that can mean what feels the best *wink) at the time. If it was the wrong one, learn from it (or dont) and keep it moving.
Life is too short to ALWAYS be looking in a rear view mirror. I usually only look to see if my butt is getting bigger.
@ LiL T,
“My only regrets are of stuff that I didn’t do.
”
I generally agree here..but sometimes I’ve been able to learn from other women just by telling me water was wet. We all are human and have human failings. But we as women need to have these kind of discussions because we are personally responsible and accountable for how men treat us.
We ultamately dictate their behavior by what we will and won’t accept. I love the cumbyya’s. but i do also like to temper it with a little accountability.
With that said..life is for the living. I put the “F” in fun, my 20s were freakin great, I only argue i didn’t need to always do the dumb shyt once I knew the shyt was dumb.
@Lil’T,
oh, indeed it can.
@Princess Duvet,
The movie is out on Feb. 6th. It looks like its going to be pretty funny!
@Dom,
The trailers are funny. But its what we as women do to ourselves all the time. Maybe this will also be a wakeup call put to the tune of a little humor. funny makes the medicine go down easier.
@Princess Duvet,
funny makes the medicine go down easier.
oh yes it does.
im going to see the movie with all my girls… kind of a way of looking back at how stupid we were and laughing.
Have I ever been close bussed? I don’t think so. Cuz I be damned. Yall hear me? I BE DAMNED!
i’m with you. the hell if i let some dude disrespect me and treat me like a piece of a tail in the name of so-called friendship. gtfooh. if it’s just about sex, then a mutual understanding can be agreed upon and JO status can commence. but if i’m feeling you and you are not-so-covertly using me until you to find something better?? I BE DAMNED. you’d get kicked off my moving bus before you had the chance to request a stop.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
Now, I only have my experience to go on – but I know that I’ve given some guys less than stellar treatment. Given that I am a fundamentally flawed individual I can only get so indignant when it comes to guys and their shenanigans. Men are people too, and frequently they don’t know what the hell they doing or how to go about it. *singin’* People change, feelings change…I may have thought of a guy as a JO, then caught feelings or vice versa – the same could have happened with him.
We as women figure out “when to say when” for how a man treats us, but I can’t say I’ve always been so divalicious that I avoided the close bus every time. And I ain’t even knockin’ it – that close bus may take you in circles before dropping you off on the wrong side of town, but it can be a fun trip (specially when you’re looking back on it)! Just keep a little change in yo pocket for cab fare…
@Lil’T, or a number of a dude so he can come pick you up when u got dropped off….
i think i see what you’re saying. but i can honestly say i haven’t been any man’s close bus. thinking back on the last 4yrs i’ve been in grad school (my more independent adult years), i’ve friend-zoned many a dudes almost instantly. the ones i did date, to see how things would work out, i was the one to call it off becuz most of the guys got too emotionally attached too soon and i was just not that into them.
i say all that to say, i have been lucky enough to be the one who manages who gets on and off my “bus” and when. i have yet to let a passenger “ride” for the hell of riding since i happened to be passing his stop and he was just tired of waiting.
Unless you’re married to everybody you’ve dated or was the one to always fall out of love with your SO, then yes you’ve been close-bussed.
I think there is some confusion in the term (The Champ we need clarification on aisle 3).
I understand it to be: “I’ll date you even if I think I’ll never fall in love with you and spend the rest of my life with you, but you’re a cool chick and we get along, so yes let me close-bus you”…
But then maybe I read wrong…
@SuperSula,
“Unless you’re married to everybody you’ve dated or was the one to always fall out of love with your SO, then yes you’ve been close-bussed.”
i need clarification then..cause people sometimes fall in and out of lust-hot passion. (and sometimes “love”) .IN A MARRIAGE…a husband could be close busing his wife one week and making love to her the next.
Maybe Im a literal interpretationalist…
i don’t think i’ve ever been close bused either. Could be denial ..but strictly to Champs list even in a “situationship” none of his indicators applied.
@SuperSula,
I understand it to be: “I’ll date you even if I think I’ll never fall in love with you and spend the rest of my life with you, but you’re a cool chick and we get along, so yes let me close-bus you”…
lol…why does this sound like a chorus to a neyo track, featuring joe buddens or some sh*t?
seriously though, that is the main point i was trying to convey. downthread, Scipio Africanus summed it up even better
@SuperSula,
hmmmmm yes, i think you did read it wrong. i don’t understand how a situation that doesn’t end in marriage can be considered a “close-bus”. esp with the examples i gave where i was the one cutting the ties. soooo how is it that i’ve been close-bussed?? it doesn’t make sense given the “6 signs” outlined in the post– none of which i’ve ever experienced with some one i was interested in romantically.
@Outrageous G.E.M., i bet it happened and ya think it was called off for another reason
according to Champ’s list, i haven’t been friend-zoned since i was in high school– a time i wasn’t sexually active and i had a “Daria” outlook on adolescence anyway.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
I was a Daria too, girl.
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
I’d post up like a hobo on your bus before i got off e-boo..
lmao!!!!!!!!!!
in other news, did you grow, e-boo?? *snicker*
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
just 4 today e-boo…lol.
But what if that’s the way both of you feel? This close bus thing sounds an awful lot like cutty budies, jump-off’s, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, etc. It’s all fun and games until you realize someone is treating you the way you’ve been treating them.
BTW – at least I know that we sistas ain’t the only ones riding the close bus – them 2520 gals done went and made a movie about bammas who don’t want them. *smh*
@Lil’T,
…it’s a book that was made into a movie; actually, not a bad read.
@Resident GRitS
Well the book was made because of a line from SATC, if I’m not mistaken.
@V Renee,
You are correct. The guy who wrote the book worked as a writer/consultant for SATC. He also had a horrible talk show for a while…lol
@miss t-lee,
Yup, that talk show was HORRIBLE!
@SuperSula,
LOL!!!! He was the last person who should have had a talk show.
@Lil’T
“He’s Just Not That Into You”
Am I the only one that wants to see this movie?
@V Renee,
No, you aren’t. But first I have to see the Biggie movie, Grand Torino and My Bloody Valentine.
I’ll watch Drew Barrymore gettin’ carried later, lol.
Damn, ya’ll bringing all the signs today. Where was this post six months ago when my black arse hopped on my bus.
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes, u hopped on ur own bus?
@From Da Hip Peyso,
My bad worded that all wrong. Became the bus.
@From Da Hip Peyso,
LOL
This is funny and sad at the same time. Shyt like this is the reason why people don’t get married anymore… or at least wait until they’re 40. There are two separate instances in my early 20′s when a couple dudes tried and I repeat TRIED to pull this on me. Ha Ha. I thinks not. Even if you have to go without a man for a while, LADIES get a life that doesn’t revolve around men and you will be a lot happier. Remember poor Lil’ Kim in Notorious, all in love with BIG and he was playin’ the shyt outta her. Now he may have had feelings for her too… and i know it’s hard ladies when you’re in love… but the point is to be smart and have all 3 of your eyes open from the BEGINNING!! That way you will never be close-bussed… just my $.02…
@pgh muse,
co-sign. They should put Lil Kim’s picture in the dictionary right next to the word jumpoff
@eff yo couch,
I felt so bad for my girl the Queen Bee!! And BIG was such a ni99a about the whole shyt!! But he put her on… so that’s one JO sitch that got her millions…
@pgh muse,
Sorry to those who haven’t seen it yet!
@pgh muse,
I think we all know how it ends.
@nia,
True.
@nia,
Bwhahaaahahaaaa!
hilarious!
@pgh muse, i have a special place in my heart for her. didn’t see the movie, but she’s a Cancerian. Negroes always tryna mess with us Cancer girls.
@pgh muse,
I’m mad cuz you tellin all the movie. Oh who am I kidding – I’m gettin’ the bootleg anyways…
@Lil’T,
I’m mad cuz you tellin all the movie
why? were you dead or something inbetween 1993 and 1996?
This is brilliant.
Really.
You’ve nailed it. I always contended that women can’t be in the Friend Zone because a man will almost always engage in coitus with any woman willing who’s not related to him (usually!) and is not beyond-hideous.
But now I see that the Frined Zone shouldn’t have the exact same meaning for each gender.
The Friend Zone for men means no-sex. The Friend Zone for women means no or little emotional connection/intimacy. In other words, the Friend Zone amounts to each gender being denied what it really wants most, typically (the sex/emotion dichotomy).
@Scipio Africanus,
The Friend Zone for men means no-sex. The Friend Zone for women means no or little emotional connection/intimacy. In other words, the Friend Zone amounts to each gender being denied what it really wants most, typically (the sex/emotion dichotomy).
wow. you nailed it and sh*t.
I’m new here, but I just had to comment. I feel like a sure fire way to know that you’re OUT of the friend zone and officially in relationship zone is when your dude’s cell phone rings and he doesn’t even ask who it is, just tells you to pick it up. That’s love, lol
@Texaschic,
No one here to welcome you properly? Bootleg Welcome Wagon to the rescue! (the real one should be around shortly).
*throws packing peanuts, fell-off-the-back-of-the-truck DivaDust 2.0, paper shreds and Red Hots*
WELCOME! Try to stay out of the corner unless they’re offering treats, send your prayer requests to PBG and enjoy yourself. I’ll be seeing you if you ever land in the “go sat down” or “ig” corners. We don’t have treats, just liquor drinks…
@Texaschic, so does that mean every guy that you are with who doesnt allow you to answer his phone is up to something?
Just a general questions, ladies, in your minds are there any “legitimate” reasons why a man may not want you to answer his phone?
@The Ghost,
I’d have to say yes. The same “legitimate” reason I dont want him answering mine: I PAY THE DAM* BILL!
Thats enough for me. Its my phone and I’ll answer it.
If its really that bad and you dont trust him that much, its time to call it quits. Then again, I dont know any women who trip over this anyway.
@Texaschic,
What it do babygurl? Gotta get my welcome on for anyone from tha Great State. Good peoples up in here…hope u stick around.
@Texaschic,
welcome!!! *shooting gold stars*
*giving side eye to lil t and her bootleg welcome wagon items*
Pretty accurate list, Champ.
I have been close-bused before, in college. It didn’t start out as a close-bus situation, but it certainly ended that way, and I saw the signs, but continued to try to take things back to the way they were before when I was his priority and not his option.
Women KNOW the signs. So the question becomes, are you going to deal with reality and keep it moving, or continue to be cbs’d like a fool….
@8th Wonder,
::applause::
@8th Wonder, “I have been close-bused before, in college. It didn’t start out as a close-bus situation, but it certainly ended that way, and I saw the signs, but continued to try to take things back to the way they were before when I was his priority and not his option.”
Same thing happened to me in college…and I also saw all the signs as it started happening…smh.
“Women KNOW the signs. So the question becomes, are you going to deal with reality and keep it moving, or continue to be cbs’d like a fool….”
I agree 100%
@8th Wonder,
I think this happens a lot more… It usually starts as a normal relationship until the guy realizes you are not his one. Then, well, the signs come up.
Thank god I was a full-grown adult when it happened to me and I was able to cut my losses, have a conversation with said fellow, and move on.
i agree with this list.
i would like to stress that if a guy is “into” you, he will call. don’t make excuses for him. if you don’t get a call, or a text back… he isn’t interested.
dude i was talking to a while back had my mind going nuts. he lives across the country, so our relationship depended heavily on “the call”. He would call every other day… then every 2 days. then it turned into like once a week… then once every 2 weeks. granted we weren’t boyfriend girlfriend, but we definitely weren’t friends.
i gave up on him because of the call. i knew he wasn’t serious. it was weird though because the times i did travel to see him, i met everyone he knew in that city… co-workers, neighbors, homies… everyone…
but still, the call was the deciding factor for me.
ladies, it doesn’t matter how busy the dude is… what type of job he has… how often he travels… if he wants you, he will find the time to call, consistently.
@laylah, this is so true…and the same applies to dudes about women as well.
if you really want to do something, you will make time for it…
@laylah, I have a question then. What happens if everytime he calls you, you’re asleep (i.e. He works late, he’s pledging, etc) whose fault is it now?
@From Da Hip Peyso,
i highly doubt that dude doesn’t have five minutes to spare during normal daytime hours. 5 minutes? a lot of times, we don’t even want a lengthy conversation. call her just to tell her she’s on your mind. it takes two minutes and it goes a long way.
@laylah, i will say that that “5minutes” never ever is JUST 5 minutes. it always turns out to be 15 or 20.everytime you try to make it JUST 5 minutes…there is always drama
@The Ghost,
i dont know, maybe it’s just me. I would much rather prefer to get the 5 minute call consistently, in comparison to the 4 hour call once every 2 weeks (which is what i was getting in above situation).
if you truly are busy, i think she’ll understand the 5 minutes. if i were really feeling the dude and he had legit reasons for needing to cut the convo short, i would.
I think there is a misconception about this whole “close bus” thing.
From my understanding, it’s definitely not a jump off situation, but rather a situation where the guy is no longer feeling you as much as he did at the beginning. He’s finally found out that you’re not his one and that this is as good as you’ll ever get it.
Which if both of you are not looking for long-term committed relationships can work. But if you the female is looking for that, then it’s better to just move on because it will not ever get past that stage.
It doesn’t mean he has been disrespectful or even, he’s just not that into you. You’re the cool, nice chick he can hang out with but he’s not ready to step forward with.
And unless a chick has married her first love, and has never been broken up with (meaning all her breakups are a direct result of her falling out with dude) then she’s been close-bussed at some point. It’s pretty simple.
@SuperSula,
Cosign.
It doesn’t mean he has been disrespectful or even, he’s just not that into you. You’re the cool, nice chick he can hang out with but he’s not ready to step forward with.
i don’t buy this logic at all. did we read the same post?? i have a feeling you are making up your own definition of a “friend zone” for women. a dude who is always ***fill in the blank*** when he sees girly, is never really happy to see her, won’t introduce her to his friends, only hooked up with her becuz he got rejected by her bff, and talks to her like one of his boys?? hmmmm that doesn’t sound like he respects girly or even cares about her–so you damn right he doesn’t want to take the “next step forward”. i can’t even see a good argument for dude liking girly.
in my adult life (i’ll be liberal and say my so-called adult life started in college) i’ve had plenty of males friends and even dated many dudes that i (obviously) didn’t marry and NONE of them treated me with the “signs” listed in Champ’s post. not one. that’s not to say i’ve never ended up in the friend zone (though i can’t even remember the last time this happened) or that close-bussing doesn’t happen at all (clearly plenty of VSSs have been there had it done to them), but i–GEM OF THE OCEAN–damn sure haven’t been “close-bussed” as a post-adolescent female.
@Outrageous G.E.M., i envy you women with physically present & emotionally available fathers. it clearly had its benefits. lol…actually, that wasn’t really lol material, was it? gemmie, i’ll just give you dap instead.
lol i would hardly say my father was “emotionally” available. my dad’s idea of having the “sex talk” came when i was 18, on my way to college, and he said “you should take some 24hr pills with you so that even when you’re sitting on the other side of the room from a morehouse man, there won’t be any accidents” lmao but yes, he was there. and so were my older brothers. they def made sure i knew the deal with triflin negros.
@Outrageous G.E.M., well your daddy was right. i wish somebody would’ve warned my a$$ about those morehouse men. d@mn them! *snicker*
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
I may have “made up” my own definition… but apparently that’s what The Champ wanted to convey… I just had X-ray vision into his brain and were able to extricate the words that were blocked there…
lmao yeah ok. yall all have given varying definitions with little overlap yet yall all mean the same thing?? ooooookay. whatever you say boss.
I think all this tomfoolery would end if men and women would just be HONEST with each other!!!
***crickets***
***tumbleweed***
No? Ok….carry on…
@nia, come on it would end if they were completely honest. I mean this is the country that truthiness was coined.
@WuDaMan, sadly you are sooo right…honesty for some reason doesnt seem to work. Its like there is this invisible line that can’t be crossed. because people can not handle the outright truth. (whether good or bad)
right b4 finishing college i manned up, told this girl my true and honest feelings….and she said…i ruined the suspense….
It forces you to end up playing a whole lot of childish games, as opposed to being honest and upfront.
you make your bed…..and you must lay in it
@The Ghost, suspense did yall meet @ a mask u raid (the drizawls)? Truth can work @ the necessary places and times. And she was prolly tryinta play you get the sausage w/o buying the pig.
love the nomdeplum btw
@WuDaMan, nomdeplum btw?
@The Ghost, you call yourself The Ghost. To me it is reminiscent of Ghost Face Killah. you see what I so poorly spelled out phonetically rhyms with what I ment to say which was nom de plum. Your tag name/handle. And btw stands for By The Way
@nia,
I think all this tomfoolery would end if men and women would just be HONEST with each other!!!
wheres the fun in that?
Gotta agree with the broad strokes. I’m sure I could clarify or sniggle with a detail here or there, but that’s pretty much it.
Let’s think about the differences between the two
- the dude who’s been friend zoned
1) stays put and holds the torch, one day she’ll see the light…
2) Pretends that he’s a friend, but is secretly scheming
3) Thinks he can use her, “I can talk to her friends, or she can make me look cool @ the club” – but usually fails
or
4) grows some nuts and rolls out
The chick who’s been friendzoned
0) Default – she wasn’t even aware secks was on the table.
1) never realizes it, and thinks they have an actual friendship, ooh this is so refreshing…quiet as kept – too much wine one night and they could be doing the horizontal hokey pokie.
2) holds a torch (very uncommon)
3) pulls on the Vicky straps and rolls out!
But the 4th option
The faux relationship
- Not a Jump Off – the chick gets smutted out
- the FB – one call solves it all
- Not a FWB situation – we play DOA4, smoke some herb, and handle some BI. No fuss, no muss. (often leads to a relationship if you’re not careful)
The faux relationship.
For the chick gaming on a husband and family, and still got the career jumping off – there’s an ideal window.
Years 14-23 she’s taking coccyx measurements and building husband hooking skills. Around 22 she finds her future neurosurgeon. (please note that there’s clearly an overlap between Lil Kim status and Clair Huxtable). 23 they’re murried, and she’s a few years into her career. 25-26 she’s cranking out the first young’un.
Here in lies the danger of the faux relationship.
If she’s the typical chick, she’s caught up with time.
She needs things to be on time.
So Mr. MBA rolls in and bowls her over.
He gets his shirts ironed,that stew peas and dumpling he likes (even though you’re not Jamaican)..he gets to be a filthy bowcat and no one is the wiser.
She invests time, energy, expectations, her body and most of all emotion. This is the best friend he can ever get. Slow neck and someone to pick up his mail while he’s on business? He gets everything he wants.
For her, this is a relationship.
For him, this is just a diversion.
A little time? A few “meaningful” dinners on “meaningful days”.
Some child support here and there.
She doesn’t have him.
What she really wants out of a relationship – she can’t get from him.
Of course, she’s not stupid.
No, for him, it’s something far better than stupidity.
Denial.
Oh when she asks, he’ll say x,y, and z to placate her. It’s in the manual.
“oh, i’ll pick up my stuff and put it in the hamper”
“i’ll wash the dishes”
“i’ll stop sleeping with your Auntie”
Problem solved, nagging stops.
But that foolish advice she gets from her friends, people who haven’t slept with him, – it all seems to match up when she wants it to, and not match up when she doesn’t want to.
She’s in Denial, an almost perpetual state.
And just when she’s fed up, when she is tired of not getting what she wants from him….just to the point of breaking up and breaking out….
He pulls out his last weapon.
He does makes a mistake and then does one of those flawless recoveries..and she thinks, “maybe he does get it”
That weapon is hope.
And she’s on the hook even longer.
Ideally she meets this “wild at heart cat” early in the game, but that’s not how it ever works.
It’s always in the prime or off by a few years, ruining the plan.
She woulda been better off with that dude that helped her learn statistics. Maybe no initial passion, but a solid, caring, loving, and giving partner.
@WestIndianArchie
I always love your comments…..
@V Renee,
Me too!
You should write a book, WIA.
@WestIndianArchie, maybe she should have gotten the dude who helped with statistics…but at the same time….there is no fun in the process, shit is about the entertainment value. life is pretty dull and boring going with the sure shot. my motto: if it wont leave me…then i dont really want it. maybe thats because i have issues with being or becoming dull and mundane…i dont know.
plus.the part about giving slow neck:classic, she probably likes that her self.tpain isnt the only person that likes giving head
@WestIndianArchie, clapitupmyhammies!
@WestIndianArchie,
So soo true. A situationship at it’s best…
okay real talk. Who isn’t a close bus?? I mean if you are completely happy with anyone, I would say that you were either 1. effing perfect (so are they btw) 2. dilusional about your own imperfections. 3. completly satisfied w/ your (ambitionless) imperfections and theirs and how they match.
close bus it’s people trying to get home.
@WuDaMan,
Word.Life.
speaking of the closebus…i have a question. i met this girl.we went out on a couple dates. i was really into her, not in any rush to speed things up, really content with taking things slow. things were going well. good conversation, good chemistry.out the blue she stopped calling me as often.i felt that, and kinda gave her her space.she just called after about 1 and a helf weeks and told me that she had been dating someone she knew for a while and they were getting serious.HERES the BOMBSHELL: she then told me I was an awesome guy and said she liked spending time with me and thought we she still be JUST FRIENDS, so long as that was ok with me.
ouch.im a lil hurt now.but.why does she wanna be friends? or is she just saying that?is there any benefit for me to stick around? why did she hav to call me at all, i was kinda already getting the hint.
i’ll be honest though,im not a player.and im really serious about monogamy.i really was and still am interested in her and would literally wait around for her …but are there any signs that that is the right thing to do?
@The Ghost, dawg, dont wait on her. be out of there.
@The Ghost,
“but.why does she wanna be friends?”
She has to find a way to keep you in the picture, without being with you. I’ll tell you right now, you’re the Plan B. If it doesn’t work out with ol’ boy, she wants someone to fall back on.
My advice: don’t wait around, and don’t agree to the friendship. You’ll end up looking like a chump.
Hope this helps.
@miss t-lee,
i agree. don’t wait for her. she wants to keep you around for plan b, or, she just said that thinking it would pacify things and she wouldn’t hurt your feelings.
if a woman really wanted you, she would never, EVER, tell you she was getting serious with someone else. we just don’t do that.
do not wait on her.
@The Ghost,
Don’t wait for her, man. I see another bus coming down the street right now…
@The Ghost,
Women like to think all is right in the world. It’s what makes us happy.
So she wants to make sure your heart is not *too* broken. But I’ll heed Peyso’s advice and just get the h3ll outta there.
@The Ghost,
She prolly said she wants to be friends bcuz she didn’t want to hurt you any further. Move on. I, personally, don’t think there’s anything wrong with being cool if you can. Why not? But don’t be pressed. It’ll hurt for a while. But heartbreak happens to all of us. like Lil T said, there will be another bus coming around the corner.
@The Ghost,
Can I answer your question on my advice blog? I’m pretty sagacious n’ shyt.
If 3 or more VSBs/VSSs endorse my advice skills, you should say yes. For realz.
There are times when I think its acceptable for a dude to get on the close bus. However, I think when the bus driver finally asks you if you’re going the right way, you gotta get yo arse of that bus
@From Da Hip Peyso, wats an example of one of these times?
@From Da Hip Peyso,
Yup.
I’ll say when both of them are in college for instance and not thinking of anything serious… But when “the talk” comes, the person riding the bus should be able to say: “Wrong route, partner I’m sorry, I’ll get off at the next stop”… And not mumble something like :” I think I can recognize my neighborhood, just keep on going and I’ll let you know when to stop”… It’s the latter that creates those emotional scars women so often complain about.
Now, if you’ve told her that it’s not your route and you want to get off and she offers to take you around until you find your spot? Then, proceed with a peaceful conscience. You did your part.
Being on the wrong bus beats standing at the stop under unclement weather.
This list really doesn’t sound like she’s any sort of friend to me. Hell every scenario listed reminds me of a straight up ho i didn’t want to be seen with. At least with a friend your gonna put it out to your boys that yall just cool. (even if you pipin her)
just my experience..
@Tx10.5 *shugs* who knew?,
I agree that the list can be confusing. But I think in essence, The Champ is talking about those “relationships” that never go anywhere. They are in a relationship but the guy is just never “ready” to take it to the next step.
(meanwhile, when and more importantly how did you find out it was 10.5 instead of 10? I’mma tell your e-boo!!
)
yeah *tapping foot* how’d you find out?????? cuz it damn sure wasn’t thru MY observation….
@Outrageous G.E.M.,
maybe if u paid more attention to ya boy…you would’ve noticed!!!
i mean, you get what you give…
I might be a serial close busser (is that a term?). I mean, probably the last two relationships I have been in, I have liked the guy, but knew that I didn’t want the relationship to go anywhere. I told them up front that I wasn’t looking for a relationship but sometimes convenience makes our actions look otherwise. We would spend time together, movies, dinners. Nights spent together. They met my friends, maybe even family if they happened to be in town.
I enjoyed them, but not enough to spend the rest of my life with. In essence, they were my surrogate boyfriend. Was it wrong? Like another poster said, if you tell someone that this bus isn’t going to take you to your destination and they still offer to take you around, whose fault is that?
*shrugs*
@melodi,
“surrogate boyfriend”
Yet another sugary verbal confection, a flowery costume for B.S. Mother ReRe’s Inaugural Hat set upon the head of a gremlin or donkey.
Ladies, just because we put on lip gloss before we say this junk to a man doesn’t make it authentic or even pretty. Before we can expect better in relationships, we have to be better in relationships. That means honoring the our relationships by being truthful, in word, deed and sentiment.
@PBG,
Wasn’t that what she did?
If she tells him she’s not looking for a relationship what else can she do?
I mean jeez, we can walk around being responsible for every single human being’s well-being. When does personal responsibility settles in?
@melodi, I have been in your shoes for some period of my life. I was not looking for anything serious and was pretty upfront about it. It worked fine in some cases, we were in a relationship with a time stamp on it. For others not so much. When I was ready to engage into something meaningful like a long term commitment, I was upfront about it too and did just that. It is what it is.
@SuperSula,
She may have been honest by what she told him, but not by what she did. Actions speak louder than words, all day everyday.
If one doesn’t want a relationship, then one shouldn’t play act one. What man wants to do a guest appearance in a woman’s life as “Boyfriend/Husband”? I know I’m not trying to be a future wife’s stand in. No thank you.
The words “appearance, convenience, surrogate” all scream “NOT REAL”. She’s just skipping along looking for something that feels good for a month and expects him to go along w/it cuz “She called him Baby, Baby, Baby…all night long.” No telling what he wanted because Melodii didn’t mention it, which in and of itself is quite telling because that indicates to me that in her mind, what he wanted did not matter.
It all appears to be self-serving and therefore, not honorable of either the parties involved. Not of her (ultimately, whether she believes it or not) and definitely not of him.
I love you Mr.Champs, in a very VSB type way, but this whole friend zone thing is complete and utter BS.
ATTN:There is NO Friend Zone.
When you think you are in “the Friend Zone”, you are actually being punked, big time. Either you are with a person or you are settling (see: Lil’ Kim). Settling for either a.) being a jump-off or b.) being an obsessive, whiny little hanger-on, relegated to a role that YOU don’t really don’t want to play. You’re going all out and putting your heart and soul on the line and this bama/bama-azz broad is calling you their “friend”. And not even the kind of “friend” that I use for my boos cuz I’m too damn grown to have a boyfriend or a boo. Oh, your “friend” would do that to you? Put you somewhere you don’t wanna be?
Psshhh…get better friends. Miss me w/that Friend Zone shyt. You are SETTLING.
Settling is the most horrendous act of disrespect of SELF anybody can commit. Self-denial is suicide. We ALL have the right to have what we want, the way we want it. If you don’t think enough of yourself to hold out and have what you want, then you may as well go dig your own hole. And if this “friend”, putting you somewhere can’t/won’t participate with you on fulfilling some mutual relationship goals, then unless you are actually LOOKING for a friend, step the eff off. Pronto. You’re wasting time.
Settling has never gotten anybody anywhere! Look what happened when the Native Americans allowed some pale faces to come on over and “settle in”! Can you say “utter decimation of a people”?? And how about Blacks “settling” for Civil Rights Act instead of pushing for Reparations when we had them bamas on the ropes! Settling makes you nothing more than the sediment on the bottom of the Fish Tank of Life.
Friend Zone=Settling and settling is for suckas!
The Friend Zone is an illusion, and I am not fooled. Get like me.
this entire comment speaks volumes. i especially appreciate…
And if this “friend”, putting you somewhere can’t/won’t participate with you on fulfilling some mutual relationship goals, then unless you are actually LOOKING for a friend, step the eff off. Pronto. You’re wasting time.
@PBG,
The Friend Zone is an illusion
And how is that different from what The Champ is saying?
I don’t believe reading that this was a place anybody should find themselves in….hence the 6 ways to recognize that you’re there…
@SuperSula, I made my comment based the number of folks I see alluding to this alleged friend zone, speaking as if it actually exists. Close bus=friend zone. And there is no friend zone, therefore, no close busing. You either have a solid partner in a real relationship with mutually beneficial standards, goals and expectations… or you’re a jump-off with none of those things. Plain and simple.
Kthxbai!
@PBG, actually all failed relationships can qulaify as close bus / friend zones. So long as you qualify successful relationships as ending up in side by side burial plots.
@WuDaMan,
Not the side by side burial plots! Lol!
one things
“well, if a guy would intentionally close-bus a woman, how they hell can you say that he considers her to be a friend?”
theres been maybe 10 variants of that statement made so far today. i understand how someone could feel that way, but, in many cases, the “close-busing” is subconscious. for instance, it took me maybe six months to realize that i was close-busing someone…and (shamefully) another six months to find a way to end the relationship.
it was a messed up thing to do, but, the thing is, i didnt even realize i had done it until a year or so later.
also, just because you didn’t fit any of the signs listed doesn’t meant that you’ve never been close-bussed. they’re just signs…not edicts.
@The Champ
So basically it’s a relationship not going anywhere?
@V Renee,
What I have been shouting from the galleys since this morning.
And “friend zone” is an expression, it doesn’t mean the person is your ace boon coon (I love you Lil’ T
)… It just means you’re romantically interested in the person and the person does not have the same level of romantic interest in you.
In men speak it translates to –> She won’t have s3x with you.
In womanese, it translates to –> He’s not letting you in his intimacy, spending quality time, choosing his game over a long-planned outing….all those things a woman might want from a relationship.
@V Renee, oh it’s going somewhere just not your home. Where home = you w/ the picket fence 2 kids n a lil dog in the back going woof woof.
ok, i’ll take the bait. i do not buy the notion you can subconsciously close-bus some one by exhibiting the 6-signs listed in the post (though you can apparently be close-bus’d outside of those signs). you’ve been messing with girly for A YEAR and it never once occurred to you that you’re NEVER happy to see her?? that you NEVER introduced her to ANYONE you know?? that you only call/see her when you’re <>?? and you only gave her a chance cuz her homegirl didn’t want you?? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!! that’s some BS if i ever saw/heard it.
i’m not saying close-busing doesn’t happen or it’s not a real situation, i’m just saying i don’t buy that it’s a “friend zone” equivalent* or that it can be done subconsciously.
*you don’t treat “friends” like that. you’re just not interested in making her wifey is NOT the same as saying she’s your friend.
I just thought of another way to recognize you’re being “close-bussed”.
The “emotionally unavailable” man. Oh, he’s been hurt, or his mama didn’t love him enough, or he’s trying to get his life together, or he’s just decided to become a monk in Katmandu and don’t want to date.
All of those reasons can be summarized into one: “he just doesn’t think you’re special enough.” or as Miranda will say “He’s just not that into you”.
@SuperSula, or he is not in the market for a relationship despite your desires for him to be that for you.
@WuDaMan,
Yup, that one works too.
Oh so very true. Someone just tried to CBS me until i realized it. Had to take my bus elsewhere dammit.
Usually just lurk here, but that was pretty dead-on. I got totally CBS’d by my husband after 3 years of marriage, and now I can explain better why it didn’t work out….
(a lot of people have difficulty understanding why I would leave such a great guy (and he is pretty great guy) in the absence of any conspicuous abuse).
Thank you!
lol i love it, i shared it with my coworker…its soo true
Wow….close-bus syndrome. I think we’ve all at some point been the close bus or have taken the close bus…even if it’s nothing more than for rebound purposes. I think that’s why a woman’s bus fare should be above average so just anybody looking for a ride just can’t hop on the bus…make him run after it, flag the bus down before allowing him to hop on.
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