although the champ staunchly believes that theres absolutely nothing you can do to keep someone from cheating (to quote chuck klosterman, “cheaters cheat because they think being monogamous is unreasonable. there’s no other reason.“), there are a few ways that you can definitely push em closer to the edge. you can’t actually drive someone to cheat, but you can definitely buy the car, carry them to the passenger seat, and put the keys in the ignition.
here are four sure-fire ways to insure that your mate will be sliding on the super slippery cheating slope (***editors note: the champ is obviously a big fan of alliteration***)
1. stop f**king
there’s no lonelier place in the world than a bed where your mate has decided, for whatever reason, to stop having sex with you, and no better, more efficient way to put the cheating key in the ignition. honestly, its actually easier sleeping next to a mate you’ve never slept with, than one who all of a sudden decided to rock their rusty-ass chastity belt to bed. unless you have some type of serious physical impairment, the reasoning behind this never matters. its always stupid, you’re always stupid for doing this, and it’s just plain f*cking stupid. stupid.
i’m on punany punishment cause you’re mad at me? f**k you! f**k me.
you’ve all of a sudden started believing that i’m only with you for the sex? f**k you! f**k me.
you’ve decided out of the blue to become born again and celibate? f**k you! f**k me.
of course, i understand that grown-ass people occasionally have libido-deading responsibilities that realisticially dont allow for spider monkey mummy matrix sex every day of the week. sh*t, i never thought i’d say this, but sometimes during my 17 hour meetings at work, instead of daydreaming about some combination of a naked stacey dash, a car seat, a universal remote, and 12 empty packets of orange kool-aid, i’m sitting there literally fantasizing about the nasty things i plan to run home and do to my…pillow. sleep sometimes trumps sex, and thats okay.
still, after a while, the pillowbating needs to discontinue, or your mate is either going to not cheat…but want to, not cheat…but only because they’re not able to, or cheat.
2. romance, schmoemance
you didn’t realize it, but you started having sex with her at 8:45 in the morning while she was on the bus headed to work. no, you didn’t actually physically have a morning quickie in the passenger aisle of the EBA, but that little “mornin, cutie-pie. sexy ass…damn. nevermind.” text you sent her made her smile and produced the first tiny drop of anticipation moisture down there that will continue to accumulate throughout the day.
the 1:17 text saying “i have a surprise for you later on“? more drops
being early for the date, and softly kissing her when you see her, pulling her close enough so that she can tell you’re wearing her favorite cologne, but not so close that she can feel your lil general “standing at attention”? leaky faucet
opening your car door for her. gently guiding her in with your hand slightly beneath the small of her back? brazilian rain forest
at this point, she’s not even thinking about anything else other than “please, please, please God dont let him do anything dumb tonight to f**k this up” and your work is done.
going from a consistent serving of that…
…to this…
you: “come over and let me hit. and on the way stop and get me some fries…and condoms. peace, homie”
her: “it’s 9:47 and i haven’t heard from you all day”
you: “damn..yeah, you’re right. you better hurry then. wendy’s drive-thru is gonna be closed soon”
…will soon get you a one-way ticket on the “i wonder why my girlfriend just rubbed the mailman’s ass and smiled” express
3. be like ike
isaac “ike” austin was a somewhat decent power forward/center for the miami heat and the la clippers. originally passed over and cut by many teams, he went to europe for a year to refine his skills, and eventually returned to the NBA a much better player. he made such improvement that he actually won the NBA’s most improved player award in 1997. this improvement eventually led to him being offered a very lucrative multi-year contract with the orlando magic.
so, did ike continue to improve after he finally got his big payday???
nah.
he got fat, his game got worse, and he was out of the league within three years.
if you want to insure that your mate will thirst for cheating on you, be like ike. do everything you can to break the implied relationship contract you agreed to when you first got together. gain 50 pounds. stop bathing. start wearing your late uncle’s clothes. end all oral. get giant tear drop tats on your adams apple. do everything you can to make them believe that they were a fool for committing to you. be like ike
4. cheat, or act like you’re cheating
you’d think this was common-sense, but you’d be amazed at how many cheaters and cats exhibiting cheateresque qualities i know who were flabbergasted at the fact that their mate actually had the gall to return the favor. for clarity’s sake “cheateresque qualities” refer to qualities exhibited by someone who actually isn’t cheating, but consistently does things that would make any reasonable person assume that they are. these qualities include (but aren’t limited to)…
receiving mysterious texts and phone calls at odd hours
referring to members of the opposite sex by ambigiously sexual nicknames. (put it this way, no woman in a relationship should ever refer to any guy who’s not related to them as “big daddy“. until you’re single again, his name is “james”)
being consistently unavailiable at not unreasonable times
intentional aloofness
being named “angelina jolie”
athough you shouldn’t be held captive to some non-trusting mate’s emotional whims, be considerate. if you ask yourself “honestly, is he justified in thinking that i’m unfaithful?” and the answer is “yes“, and you do want the relationship to continue, then stop being an inconsiderate asshole. it’s really not rocket surgery, seriously.
hopefully no one here will ever put the cheating keys in the ignition. if so, you might as well just hop in the back seat. shit, at that point, your mate shouldn’t be the only one who’s getting a ride.
–the champ
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{ 520 comments… read them below or add one }
you’ve done it again my friend. bravo! bravo! I agree wholeheartedly with every statement of today’s post. Well done Champ! Teach the masses!
graci
I’m with Miss P…though I’m a bad man in the sense that I think monogamy is a crock!
“I’m with Miss P…though I’m a bad man in the sense that I think monogamy is a crock!”
expound please
btw, this is a future entry topic
I don’t think monogamy is “natural” in the sense of a state of being that is inherent to humanity (and I do mean that for both genders, although women are socialized to be more monogamous of course).
I think its amusing that we talk about how humans are one of the few animals on the planet that have sex for pleasure and then in the same breath say that monogamy is natural.
For me, those two statements are contradictory because we understand fidelity to be about sex (or rather, an equation of sex with love, which to me is specious).
This of course is a tough sell because thousands of years of socialization and them damn Puritans have most Americans equating sex and love even though our sexual behavior can more adequately be explained as an outgrowth of gendered socialization (or more simply…sex for men and women is about power, nothing more), than anything “natural.”
I also think that we are cynically trapped in an antiquated sexual ethic precisely because sex and love is so gendered. Meaning that women assume that a man says what I’m saying cause I just wanna fuck. And a man assumes a woman will hate the idea because she would never just wanna fuck. And I’d be foolish if I didn’t concede that part of why monogamy is repellant to me is because I’m a man, like all men, socialized to see monogamy as something that is limiting and I don’t necessarily want to be limited.
Like most social mores, I look on monogamy as just another way to control behavior (mostly a woman’s behavior…which has worked beautifully of course) that should be re-examined on an individual basis.
Because I generally eschew binary oppositional framing, I think a healthy relationship is most likely some construct that is not monogamy as currently defined and not some hippie sexual freedom notion.
“And I’d be foolish if I didn’t concede that part of why monogamy is repellant to me is because I’m a man, like all men, socialized to see monogamy as something that is limiting and I don’t necessarily want to be limited.”
monogamy actually has much more of a positive benefit for men than women.
i’ll expound later.
Hmmmm. I think I can guess what you might say, but I’ll wait till you post.
***expounding***
polygamous societies, where men are allowed to have as many wives as possible, actually are the worst possible social construct for most men, and the reasons have nothing to do with culture and social mores and everything to do with math.
for instance, lets say that you have a polygamous village with 100 men and 100 women. lets also say that there are 3 very rich and powerful men in the village, and they’re able to marry and support multiple wives each (for numbers sake, lets say they each have 7 wives). this means that the remaining 97 guys only have 79 women to choose from, basically insuring that there will be many men who will just never have a wife. polygamy is great for a guy at the top of the food chain, but the average guy suffers greatly. if youre talking about the society as a whole, polygamy is much much more beneficial for a woman.
this actually also ties into the dynamic surrounding suicide bombing. the typical suicide bomber is a
single young guy who lives in a polygamous society. the vast majority of these men have no wives or girlfriends, and dont have any real prospects in that regard in the foreseeable future.
this is why the promise of the “32 virgins” in the afterlife is so appealing to many of them, and this definitely ties into how they’re so easily convinced to commit suicide.
Tyler shuns: “Puritans have most Americans equating sex and love even though our sexual behavior can more adequately be explained as an outgrowth of gendered socialization (or more simply…sex for men and women is about power, nothing more), than anything “natural.””
sex is about power more than anything else? confirm.
Tyler says: “I think a healthy relationship is most likely some construct that is not monogamy as currently defined and not some hippie sexual freedom notion.”
well are you suggesting that in lieu of the social construct demanding monagomy it should be some form of an “open” relationship?
Tyler quibbles: “Like most social mores, I look on monogamy as just another way to control behavior (mostly a woman’s behavior….)”
are you attempting to, thru the power of suggestion redundancy and superfluous commentary make anyone believe that monagomy and social mores were created [by men] to opress women?
If the idea of monagomy at it’s inception was indeed created by men to control women it certainly is the other way around now isnt it?
just checking……..
Champ – the scenario assumes that the women would only have sex or “marry” one man. Again, a male-centered construct.
This is my point. When folks start talking about other forms they are still very very male-centric. I would suggest that if there are 100 men and 100 women, then everyone has 199 options (because of course sexuality is fluid).
I am not a polygamist, I’m merely playing devil’s advocate because again it’s less for me about marriage or sex but understanding how those two things have been historically entwined…then un-entwining them (i say that not glibly, of course)
To GK – when I say sex is power I’m talking about the conventional construction of power. Our society’s views of sex are rooted in a Puritan ethic of “body is dirty, soul is pure”. As such, we are taught to be extremely ambivalent about sex. Men are supposed to sew our “base urges” and women are supposed to control theirs. And more pointedly, in a relationship sex is often a point of contention for just these reasons. Much of what Champ’s post is really about is power, the notion that sex (or not having sex) has the potential to control.
Not necessarily an “open” relationship. It could be understanding multiple relationships that take different forms. It could potentially be the understanding that “monogamous” relationships are short-lived because things change, people change and needs change. I don’t think it’s necessarily an either/or proposition.
Most Western societal rules were designed to constrict. There needs to be order. But women as the gender needing to be “controlled” stretches back to Original sin..this notion that women are inherently corruptible. Not every rule that controls women or is intended to control women naturally benefits men, I’m constructing gender as a continual oppositional frame. Just because it sounds harsh or overwrought or even an overstatement, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
my bad that’s NOT constructing gender as a continual oppositional frame.”
Tyler said: “Not every rule that controls women or is intended to control women naturally benefits men.”
true but i don’t believe that most rules [i.e. monagomy] are meant to control women especially in todays society.
generally speaking [men and women=mankind] needs order and control. the million dollar question is always who/m is/are doing the controlling and where are they drawing the lines.
i define “open relationship” as being: that a person is free to sleep with whomever they want and be open with their partners about who they sleep with and free of prejudice (regardless of living situaions, love or otherwise) i think we agree on this definition because you said: “It could be understanding multiple relationships that take different forms.” somehow you thought i might have meant otherwise.
Tyler writes: “Much of what Champ’s post is really about is power, the notion that sex (or not having sex) has the potential to control.
if you read my posts i challenge this notion in it’s current construct. …and there is a prevailing attittude from you that asserts that women are always the more oppresed when it comes to social mores. well in this case [using sex to control and as power] certainly skews better for women today.
Tyler you say: “But women as the gender needing to be “controlled” stretches back to Original sin..this notion that women are inherently corruptible.
i don’t believe women are inherently corruptible however i do believe that women/a woman is more easily influenced and persuaded physically and emotionally. [versus a man]
if i were constructing an offensive i would attack my opponents at their weakest point. we all have weak points male and female. if were going to attack a man physically/numerically/technologically stronger than me and mine, psy-ops would advise that i consider going thru his woman/women to get to him. it has worked on many ocassion. i guess you need references now huh? perhaps this is why the story of “The Original Sin” records that the fallen angel attacked mankind directly by way of Eve and not Adam.
talk black to me Ty
i don’t believe women are inherently corruptible however i do believe that women/a woman is more easily influenced and persuaded physically and emotionally. [versus a man]
I take issue with this for a number of reasons, the greatest of which is that I believe very little behavior is truly gendered. I believe we all are born with the capacity to behave a number of ways and that what happens over time is we are socialized to behave in certain ways (according to gender more times than not)
if i were constructing an offensive i would attack my opponents at their weakest point. we all have weak points male and female. if were going to attack a man physically/numerically/technologically stronger than me and mine, psy-ops would advise that i consider going thru his woman/women to get to him. it has worked on many ocassion. i guess you need references now huh? perhaps this is why the story of “The Original Sin” records that the fallen angel attacked mankind directly by way of Eve and not Adam.
Your comments actually prove my point because you seem to assume that there are inherent differences between men and women. I do not. I think any gender differences are purely socialized. Again – boy babies tend to be more emotional than girl babies, yet women end up being more emotional. Why? Socialization.
Further, your acceptance of original sin doesn’t refute any points I make – it proves them. This comment accepts that women are more corruptible than men. This is sexist.
Yes I do always assume that women are more oppressed. but let me unpack that a bit. That statement doesn’t mean that every moment of a woman’s life is oppressed and horrible. Understanding power dynamics means that you understand that the POTENTIAL for oppression is always there. It’s like when people say that a black man could get shot walking to the store. A cop could take his life in a routine stop. That is how power works. You walk around, you live with the knowledge that someone else has power over you. Men do not have that to the same degree from women that women do from men. Simply a true statement.
I don’t make comments to suggest that men are not harmed in life by sexism or patriarchy. Far from it. My point is to put that harm into perspective. It is in no way the same as harm that women suffer under sexism and patriarchy. Again – this is just simply true.
Tyler says: “…I believe very little behavior is truly gendered.
Tyler later contradicts: “…you seem to assume that there are inherent differences between men and women. I do not.”
so you don’t believe that men are naturaly and inherently physically stronger than women either?
is physical strength male versus female one of the areas where you feel society has also socialized the differentiation?
Tyler says: [men compared to women] “It is in no way the same as harm that women suffer under sexism and patriarchy. Again – this is just simply true.”
we agree on the above quote because by definition sexism is geared against women particularly [not exclusively] and patriarchy by definition puts men in leadership position over women and children BUT what you have asserted in earlier conversations is social mores were created [primarily] to control [exercise power over] women. i’m not so sure about that. some perhaps. all or most, not so sure. {especially in todays society}
mores – the accepted traditional customs and usages of a particular social group, moral attitudes.
manners; ways.
women have been responsible for crafting social mores as much as men have. they continue to change and women certainly contribute greatly.
Tyler quibbles: “Further, your acceptance of original sin doesn’t refute any points I make – it proves them. This comment [fallen angel toppled paradise thru Eve because she was more easily influenced by emotion and possesed less physical strength than Adam] accepts that women are more corruptible than men. This is sexist.”
corruptible – capable of being corrupted
corrupt – marked by immorality and perversion; depraved. venal; dishonest: containing errors or alterations, archaic. tainted; putrid
Eve did not have to be any of the definitions of corrupt or corrptible to naturally be weaker physically than a man and more easily persuaded by her emotions.
i didn’t say i accepted original sin [not that i dont] i did however attempt to explain how the story can make sense.
Tyler says: “Men do not have that [POTENTIAL for being oppressed] to the same degree from women that women do from men. Simply a true statement.”
we agree on this statement and i understand the male female power dynamic you speak of but where we seem to disagree is that any of it is natural. [particularly where it regards physical and emotional aspects]
Tyler reports: “Again – boy babies tend to be more emotional than girl babies, yet women end up being more emotional. Why? Socialization.”
i’d like to analyze the study you speak of and say that it is but one study which does not prove unequivocaly, anything.
i patiently await your equivocation and splitting of hairs sir. lol!
so you don’t believe that men are naturaly and inherently physically stronger than women either?
is physical strength male versus female one of the areas where you feel society has also socialized the differentiation?
I actually wasn’t talking about physical strength. I was talking about behavior. I probably should have been clearer when I said there are no inherent differences in behavior in men and women. Of course men have a Y chromosome and tend to be stronger, but that is separate from behavior.
I think at this point it does seem like splitting hairs because one grasps at different language to say the same thing over and over. I think we have fundamental differences in how we view the world and that’s okay. I think we have to agree to disagree.
Tyler we may have to agree to disagree, respectfuly.
you say: “I actually wasn’t talking about physical strength. I was talking about behavior.”
parting shot.
you’ve already stated you believe how sensitive men and women are to emotions is a learned behavior. i guess we both agree that inherently women are weaker than me in general physically. wonder why? i don’t pretend to know, but it’s true huh?
interesting.
fire back.
Tyler says: “…I believe very little behavior is truly gendered.
Tyler later contradicts: “…you seem to assume that there are inherent differences between men and women. I do not.”
so you don’t believe that men are naturaly (sic) and inherently physically stronger than women either?
is physical strength male versus female one of the areas where you feel society has also socialized the differentiation?
***there’s no contradiction here. he says clearly that male and female behavior (<<<—— ) is gendered, and though there are differences in men and women’s strength, think of the activities boys are encouraged to participate in versus those activities that are stereotypically female. can you truly say society doesn’t also gender physical development?
i’m with Tyler here. too often behaviors are ascribed along gender lines, and we never question why we so readily accept them. every time i hear the emotional/rational dichotomy that supposedly describes the major difference between women and men, i get annoyed because it’s rooted in a legacy of undermining women’s intellect and relegating them to position where they can be easily dismissed.
as for the monogamy thing, yeah it’s not natural. unfortunately, people have become so wedded to the idea, alternative, more healthy options are frowned upon. too bad.
You know what, I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right. I have will-power and I’m able to ‘deal’ with it. She on the other hand, was flippin’ out and swearing up and down that I was cheating just because I put her on punishment.
Although I have no indication and she didn’t seem like the type, she could’ve been getting her groove on without me knowing. We spent a lot of time together so I really don’t think so, but I’ve learned to not put nothing past no one.
The fact that she accused me of cheating (which I wasn’t) doesn’t help because I know that’s one characteristic that cheaters tend to have – accuse the other person of cheating. Basically, it’s their guilty conscious kicking in.
Actually, that happened to me in another relationship, but that’s a different story.
u know I got a real problem with married women withholding sex from their husbands then get mad because they cheat. Neither of them are right but withholding sex because u just dont feel like it, he is just to rough, or she doesnt like it like that………….what the heck is that???????
I want to do a poll and see how many married people have cheated. I have like 4 sets of Godparents and I think they have all cheated on each other. I know church people……friends…..whats really the problem
I’m married and I don’t cheat and really don’t have the desire too @ utc. If he started holding the sex for long periods of time well I might jus t have to rethink. Naw I’d leave before I cheated. Married sex or new freedom sex is sooooo much better than sex with a side of guilt. Me cheating is a blemish on my character and no one is worth that.
I’m a realist so I can’t say for absolute sure that the hubbie hasn’t cheated (my heart says he hasn’t but most women who have been cheated on feel this way too). If he did she got crumbs. I ride until it’s empty so there is very little or nothing left to give. Sorry TMI …..lol
“Naw I’d leave before I cheated. Married sex or new freedom sex is sooooo much better than sex with a side of guilt. Me cheating is a blemish on my character and no one is worth that”
*mt zion academy holiday basketball tournament*
I ride until it’s empty so there is very little or nothing left to give. Sorry TMI …..lol
lol…thats a good strategy, actually
The majority of my married friends have cheated, mostly because one was withholding sex from the other. I’m also seeing some of them just openly dating and don’t care what their partner thinks.
thats just fucked. Why even stay married? is it just for taxes?
The majority of my married friends have cheated, mostly because one was withholding sex from the other
Really? Wow.
This isn’t giving me much hope…lol
The majority of my married friends have cheated, mostly because one was withholding sex from the other
lol…me thinks you need some new friends
LOL!
LOL
That whole “I’m not f&ckin you til you do ____” is wild. It’s one thing if you just totally aren’t into it. But you’re in the mood and you’re gonna deprive your partner and yourself? That’s some controlling type shyt.
@ K.:
If I’m in a realationship with someone and they start doing some f*cked up shyt and showing me a side I’m not used to seeing from them, it kills my sexual desire for that person. When I did it, I wasn’t depriving myself of sex, I just didn’t have a craving for it with her like that. I don’t think that’s selfish at all.
Here’s an example, if your husband/boyfriend comes home and beats you one day, I’m sure you’re not gonna wanna give him some the next. I know that’s an extreme example, but hopefully you see my point.
I definitely agree with you to an extent. What many people seem to be calling ‘witholding sex’ is actually a lack of desire for your partner @ that time in my mind. Ain’t no way in hell that my S/O would be able to do some f&cked up shyt to me then expect me to get hot for him 5 mins later.
For that to drag on for weeks though, would mean that there’s some fundamental misunderstanding that we can’t fix. I’d just have to get out of the relationship.
“What many people seem to be calling ‘witholding sex’ is actually a lack of desire for your partner @ that time in my mind.”
Exactly.
“For that to drag on for weeks though, would mean that there’s some fundamental misunderstanding that we can’t fix. I’d just have to get out of the relationship.”
Precisely!! That’s why it didn’t work.
A pattern started occurring that was disguised during the building stages, so I didn’t recognize her major character flaws. Not to mention, she was older than me (not that anything’s wrong with that), and she probably had more experience at hiding such flaws and putting up a front.
I do not agree with witholding sex. Period. I think it is foolish and selfish. Just because we mad means we aint fucking??? Naw dude, that shit is not going to fly with me.
If a dude ever tried to pull that mess on me, I wouldnt cheat but, I would pull out the Bag O’ Tricks and let him hear/see what he decided to give up to prove a point.
Negro, you can either be right on in a relationship Your choice.
say it S&S
i’ll be damned if im married and I’m not getting any.. hell that’s when you can do it w/o feeling guilty
yeah! i think it’s even in the bible too: “thou art shall do it frequently when thou is married” (i think i just guaranteed myself a free ride to hell)
it really is in the bible…about not denying each other…methinks corinthians but my heathen ass aint gonna open the bible this a.m. to find out.
yes! i knew it! (seriously, i think i kind of did) I love being right, especially when the Bible can back up my randomness.
Em, I’m gonna need you to find that scripture cause today I am going to go home to my wife, put on some square-framed glasses and preach the good word to that @ss!
LOL!
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
Actually the bible says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
And the Torah precedes that by saying, “Sex is the woman’s right, not the man’s. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman’s right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife’s three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband’s occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time,”
Actually the bible says, “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
And the Torah precedes that by saying, “Sex is the woman’s right, not the man’s. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman’s right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife’s three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband’s occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time,”
vsb.com: bringing the Bible and booty together since 1913
I AM SO LOVING THE TORAH! Hmmm….
“Mrs. Patterson-Goldberg” has a nice ring to it…
L’Chaim!!!
Yeah it says something like the husband owes the wife due benevolence. (sweet sweet lovin)
1 Corinthians 7 is where it speaks of not with holding sex from your spouse unless you are fasting or a mutual agreement.
A little TMI but what the heck I’m having a good day.
One time during our days of courting the sig and I were spending the weekend together. We were sitting on the bed watching CNN when I became overtaken by desire. I made a move on him but he wanted to hear what was on the news. I made another move and he stilled wouldn’t bite. He said hold on for a sec. So I told him something like “eff you. I will go do it myself. You know what Imma do it right here so you can see how it is suppose to be done.” That got his attention. He turned off the television and said I want to see this. LOL
Yeah, them bag o’ tricks.
That reminds me of when this girl started trying to get me in the mood while I was watching a NBA Playoff game. I’m like, “we were here together all day, and you pick NOW to try and do something”. Unfortunately for her, I didnt budge. She had to wait until the game went off.
Wait for a freaking basketball game? Boi you done lost your mind.
Would you be willing to wait until hell freezes over? LOL
So I told him something like “eff you. I will go do it myself. You know what Imma do it right here so you can see how it is suppose to be done.” That got his attention. He turned off the television and said I want to see this. LOL
an ex did this exact same thing to me before. i wanted to catch the last five minutes of this cavs game, but she quickly, ummmm, “convinced” me to just catch the highlights on sportscenter
raqi…you get the slow clap for that story. applause, applause!
Suga&Spice says,
“Just because we mad means we aint fucking??? Naw dude, that shit is not going to fly with me.”
In certain cases, damn right we ain’t fucking!! In most cases, if I’m upset, I don’t even wanna be in the same space as you so how can we? I’m not gonna withhold over no petty disagreement or nothing like that. But there are justifiable circumstances.
The Bag o’ Tricks is cool and it can work for some things, but then again, I’m the type of dude who feels with my heart and think with the head on my shoulders before the one between my legs.
” I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right”
For a whole month! Damn, what she do to deserve that?
okay! I’d have a serious ATTITUDE like errday
” I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right”
For a whole month! Damn, what she do to deserve that?
yeah, i wanna know too
See anecdote below…
Trust me withholding the booty is what almost had my homegirl cheating. She was convinced he was with someone else.
Ain’t no way I’m laying up next to some live in D and he ain’t giving it to me. Ima take it.
“Ain’t no way I’m laying up next to some live in D and he ain’t giving it to me. Ima take it. ”
LMAO! How do you go about taking it?
My suggestion: just jump on it.
*disclaimer*
I’ve never been married.
Take it easy 2Degreez…I see what you’re up to. I don’t want to hear about you in the news because you just went ahead and “took it.”
LMAO! Can you imagine hearing something like that on the news? What icon/photo would go in the upper right corner of the screen near the anchor’s head?
Handcuffs.
::snicker::
“crazed woman robs wang”
What icon/photo would go in the upper right corner of the screen near the anchor’s head?
LOL! A woman’s hand squeezing the life out of a jammy.
hey i told one of my married friends the other day that they should just go in there and take it. lol. no good advise I guess….
“it went on for about a month until she started acting right.”
but why brotha? a whole month? penis punishment no es bueno!
Every time I scroll pass this comment I can’t help but think, ‘how? Men are usually much easier than that’
There was one other time he was going to hang out with his friends and I honestly was being a real bytch that day (As guilty as they come). He was sitting on the settee putting his shoes so I managed to straddle him and explicitly confess (yeah right) “but I am aching to feel you inside of me” coupled with the perfect heavy sigh and wet tongue on the neck.
Again I ask how did she allow that to happen. Does she know what she is doing? Or even how to do it?
Raqui boasts: “Every time I scroll pass this comment I can’t help but think, ‘how? Men are usually much easier than that.”
i know it blows ur mind cause because collective concious and accepted mentality is puss* trumps everything and twice on sunday. that’s probably why u are suprised.
Raq i make a point not to be that easy even if i want it. puss* doesn’t trump everything and twice on sunday for me. i am not at your whim or will for a coochie snack. you almost sound like you were proud admitting: ” I honestly was being a real bytch that day (As guilty as they come).” before you persuaded him to stop in his tracks and have a coochie snack for perhaps being a long suffering patient puppy dog.
many of my brethren have made themselves subject to this kind of pandering and control but i’m not having it. sometimes yes, but if i smell a test or something manipulative i launch mortars. i dont negotiate with despots, terrorists and the like. [wont stand for torture or hostage situations neither] i will go nuclear if you escelate a war of wills. i guess you could say i am the special forces of this shit.
genuis my comment was stated laced with sheer sarcasm but I know that’s hard to convey over a monitor. My goal was to state that I don’t know of any man that has held out just to make a point. For an entire month at that. Most men could care less and just want to get the cashmere kitty. And some don’t even care if she purrs. On top of that most women that have the invested time into a relationship knows how to get next to her man. Just like you all should know how to press our buttons.
My confession to being a bytch meant that I was just being bytchy and didn’t really have a reason for not wanting him to go. I just didn’t want him to. That’s that.
Now have I ever been left wet without play? Yes. For an entire month? Hell to the naw.
“i am not at your whim or will for a coochie snack”
this line was actually in shakespeare’s first version of “the taming of the shrew”, before he went back and edited it
Nah…the preface.
hee-hee!!
raqi…i wanna be like you when i grow up and get married. you make marriage sound so much fun!
(& naughty!) lol
“Again I ask how did she allow that to happen. Does she know what she is doing? Or even how to do it?”
She’s definitely skilled in the area of seduction, but I just wasn’t feeling her during that period of time. Once again, men do have two heads, but I’m a man who refuses to solely think with the one below.
And just for clarification, I didn’t put her on “penis punishment” out of spite, I just didn’t want it. Later, she referred to it as “penis punishment” and it’s been apart of my vocab since.
STANDING OVATION!!!! That was nice Champ. I will not put the key in the ignition.
But one thing that stood out to me is…………….I am going to be honest. I am living for God. I try not to have sex………..and then sometimes I fall and I do have sex so……
your statement-
“you’ve decided out of the blue to become born again and celibate? f**k you! f**k me.” So That gives u the right to cheat on me???? That would have to mean our relationship was nothing but sex and there isnt anything or a bigger goal that we are trying to accomplish.
This is a common dilemma that many born again Christians in relationships face. The relationship may not have been only about sex but it was an important part of it.
The truth is the person will have to chose between their religion and their significant other…
so true Monnie
a hard decision to make when you’ve already slept w/ the person, but nevertheless it has to be done sometimes
if you already had sex before whats the issue? Does God give mulligans?
lol
if you’re stoping for religious reasons it’s hard when you know what you’re missing. Now if the sex was bad…holla im celibate:-)
I still don’t see how or where religon says you stop having sex after you have already done it. Someone make sense of that for me. I’m calling B.S.
I’m with you on that.
Me too!
I agree. And I could be wrong but a sin is a sin. It’s not like you get extra points for cutting out sex. You can easily pick something else to refrain from.
I had a friend whose boyfriend cheated because she gave up on sex. I told her she should have stopped gossiping instead.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is the funniest thing I have ever heard in my whole life. thank you! And you are just downright ignant for it!
It’s true! She and her boyfriend would be happy, and the world would’ve been better off because she stopped running her damn mouth!
checkmate! 2Degreez
“…give up gossiping instead.”
you’re killing me over here.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo!
Too. Funny.
I think the rule goes any sex outside of marriage is not cool or kosher or what have you.
if you have already been fucking what difference does it make?
Moses felt he didn’t even redeem himself for the murder he committed before he freed the Jews why is a couple of weeks of celibacy gonna get regular joe or jane if Moses couldn’t get a Mulligan?
This is true. The difference is you committed the sinful acts prior to being saved and those sins were forgiven, as well as the sins that you will commit in the future.
The thing is, once you become saved, you shouldn’t continue on in the same lifestyle. We are human and we will sin, but committing those same sins over and over again with the mindset that “I’m gonna do it and can get away with it” is neglectful to your purpose as a Christian and disrespectful to God.
*I can’t believe that I am on the internet talking about the bible*
this is what I think…I could be wrong but I don’t care…I think some girls stop having sex cause they engaged in so much fucking previously they want to feel like they can recapture some sense of , whats the word, purity that they lost long ago. there is the train of thought that you can stop having sex and then pretend that you are a born again virgin and that erases the past and you can act all innocent and such. Honestly I’d rather be told I just suck at sex* than be told I’m stopping the sex for religous or any other reasons cause I’d just think you are a jackass or bullshtting me**.
*I would still think you are a jackass but at least you have a legitimate reason
**other legitimate reasons are pregnancy, on the rag, medical issues such as broken pelvis, the herpes, stinky snatch, just has sex with that other guy, still numb from last time we fucked
I started this thread and just got myself together to get online but I dont think that when I decide to stop having sex its BS. I am taking your statement not to mean all women because I havent “fucked so much previously”. I am a Christian and I do believe in Heaven and Hell. I do believe that sin is sin and no one is bigger than the other so why would I give up gossiping instead of sin…. Blasphemy. I am not perfect never said I was but when I walk this walk daily I TRY not to do wrong. I dont think that anybody can fault me for that.
So I can be the jackass or wateva other clever names you decide to call me to get into heaven. To each its own
@Deviant. “some girls stop having sex cause they engaged in so much fucking previously they want to feel like they can recapture some sense of , whats the word, purity that they lost long ago. ”
Are you being serious or were you just trying to get a rise out of someone with this statement? Please tell me you were joking!
@Deviant. “some girls stop having sex cause they engaged in so much fucking previously they want to feel like they can recapture some sense of , whats the word, purity that they lost long ago. ”
Are you being serious or were you just trying to get a rise out of someon
you know what, there are women who partake in this. i know because i personally know of a couple, and i’m gonna assume that theyre not the only two women on the planet who have done this
So I can be the jackass or wateva other clever names you decide to call me to get into heaven. To each its own
i definitely would call you a jackass, i’m just try to convey the position/strain a change like that can put on a relationship. i’d honestly advise any unmarried person who was adamant about getting saved to make sure that they were single when they decide to do it.
i was serious I know people that take that very stance
You know…I consider myself a Christian but I really can’t get down with all of the Biblical principles. I mean some of the stuff in there just doesn’t add up.
My Christianity begins and ends with Jesus Christ… as a source of fundamental behavioral insipiration. love, uplift and demonstrate kindness to your neighbor (things like that). Is it really that complicated? Is an all loving God really to be feared? Is God going to condemn me for premarital s*x? Lustful thoughts? Lying? Divorce? I Doubt it. Especially since I am trying to be a good person.
I’m right with you on alla that.
I think the idea is that if you ask for forgiveness for sin, you actually have to make an effort to stop doing it. Many people believe very strongly in heaven/hell and aren’t willing to burn in h3ll for some out-of-wedlock azz. I’m not one of those people but I can see the reasoning behind it.
ok I got that. I can accept that explanation. Kudos to you
Yep, what K. said. That’s why people who have these beliefs realy need to be in intimate relationships with others who feel the same way. Too much convincing, drama and b.s. if people are unequally yoked.
can’t say I agree with it though
If you’re not supposed to have sex before marriage, just because you’ve done it once doesn’t make it ok from then on.
It’s like saying well, since I already killed someone, I can continue doing so with impunity.
sex and muder..I cannot equate them on any level. I guess that is because I look at this and everything in logical terms and not religous or spiritual terms. it just doesn’t made sense to compare the two in such a way.
this comment is based off a non married couple havin sex. if im tryin to be right w/God, I will stop b/c havin sex before marraige is a sin in God’s eyes
i was in a similar situation when i started attending a church regularly with a guy i was dating back in the day. except that he’s the one that took the ‘candy’ away. i really have no problem with the idea of abstinence but it’s very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship if intimacy is mutually exchanged in the beginning and then suddenly taken away.
So That gives u the right to cheat on me????
nothing gives another person the right to cheat, i’m just saying that certain actions can plant the seed in someones head
If one person wants to start practicing celibacy after a sexual relationship has started and the other doesn’t, I dont think it can work. One person is always going to feel put upon and resentful and the other will feel pressured and guilty. If my mate decided to stop sleeping with me I’d leave. Celibate people need to find other people that share their beliefs on sex; i think it’s too stressful for all parties otherwise.
1.) I believe that if two people are in a relationship, the decision should be made between them both to be abstinent/celibate. In a relationship you cant do it alone, because you mate is your tempter. If they arent traveling down the same path as you then I it is time to seperate.
2.) @ Deviant…”if you already had sex before whats the issue? Does God give mulligans?” The reason why I stopped having sex was I hated feeling guilty about it. That was one thing in my life that I knew there was no God in. Sex was created to be a soul binding connection between a man and a woman, husband and wife. In constantly having and profecting GREAT sex with men who had a .001% chance of being my husband, I was wasting time and keeping connections with people I didnt need in my life. I believe that in order to fulfill and move toward my purpose, I had to rid myself of sexual things. Abstinence/celibacy is not for everyone, but I want to do what pleases God and I am changing each aspect of my life to do just that.
“”Abstinence/celibacy is not for everyone, but I want to do what pleases God and I am changing each aspect of my life to do just that.”"
theres a difference between this (going into a relationship celibate) and stopping cold turkey right in the middle of a relationship. it would be much easier to deal with a celibate woman than a sexual indian giver
*a sexual indian giver*
Hee Hee .10x worse than a regular indian giver
@Champ….I agree that is why I said, it should be a mutual decision, if its within a relationship. And the person who is trying to be abstinent has to be willing to deal with the fact that the other person may not be able to deal with it. I also believe that if this is the path you have chosen, you should be upfront about it. Again, it aint for everyone.
Since I made this decision I tell it all upfront, and if a guy sticks around after I spill the beans, then I make sure the when we do go out, we are not in a place or a position where you can be confused or misinterprate anything I do. So there is no night spending, no midnught movie watching on the couch and no 2nd or 3rd base.
I hear ya Abcde A-Lexus
i guess you’re not going to be a Abcdefgh A-Ho
because you’re a Abc A-Christian
but don’t be a Abcdefghijklmnop A-Phony A-Pharisee
cause that would be a Abcdefghijklm A-Mess
i’ve been wanting to do this since i saw your screen name because im a Abcdef A-Fool
this is just one opinion of a Abcdefghijklm A-Mayne
Abcdefgh A-Heh, heh heh (he inahles) whhoooooo….
@GK. You showed out making fun of abc’s screen name like that. **chuckling**
@GK…(and Elenda) ok…this was funny as hell to me…and I am not sure if I should be laughing as hard as I am because ABDCE is my real life BFF but the shit was ill…good one GK…
@GK its not Abcde individually….its Ab-suh-De! Get it right! LOL!
** peeking into the room and whispering
I got a kick out of it too….. I couldn’t help it, but it was funny.
**Running
You’re right genius, you are a “Abcdef A-Fool” for this. And I’m laughing uncontrollably out loud!!
“its not Abcde individually….its Ab-suh-De! Get it right! LOL!”
you serious? you can’t be serious..youre not serious
“The reason why I stopped having sex was I hated feeling guilty about it. That was one thing in my life that I knew there was no God in. Sex was created to be a soul binding connection between a man and a woman, husband and wife. In constantly having and profecting GREAT sex with men who had a .001% chance of being my husband, I was wasting time and keeping connections with people I didnt need in my life.”
Amen! I couldn’t have said this any better myself.
Thank you girl! you said it PERFECTLY for me.
AMEN AMEN AMEN……….
I try. Its hard out her for an abstinent pimp. LOL!
^^^^^^
I need that on a shirt, for real.
RIGHT NOW!!!
“Its hard out her for an abstinent pimp. LOL!”
definitely a future t-shirt
@ Champ…Can I be first in line to wear it? And since its promoting Abstinence it can only be sold in sized XXL and up, so as not to entice the non-abstinent folks. So no baby tees or tanks. LOL!
“@ Champ…Can I be first in line to wear it? And since its promoting Abstinence it can only be sold in sized XXL and up, so as not to entice the non-abstinent folks. So no baby tees or tanks. LOL!”
lol…good idea
and they need to have long sleeves and turtle necks!!
and be lime green with HOT pink writting…its harsh on the eyes!
NOT TURTLE NECKS. no I know I cant fit a baby tee but I loved screened tees and tank tops. they have our size but you will have to sell them for more.
Yes, Yes…Say it
pass the offering plate…
Very insightful..
and I hope more brothas will read NUMBER 2
Thats some truth right there..lol
and I hope more brothas will read NUMBER 2
you can sped that process up, lol. we don’t mind if you forward our entries to your people
“www.verysmartbrothas.com” is on my text signature right now!
great post by the way…
“being early for the date, and softly kissing her when you see her, pulling her close enough so that she can tell you’re wearing her favorite cologne, but not so close that she can feel your lil general “standing at attention”? leaky faucet
opening your car door for her. gently guiding her in with your hand slightly beneath the small of her back? brazilian rain forest”
Word.
LOL. You went from being like Mike to like Ike.
LOL. You went from being like Mike to like Ike.
I noticed that as well.
Hilarious.
“athough you shouldn’t be held captive to some non-trusting mate’s emotional whims, be considerate. if you ask yourself “honestly, is he justified in thinking that i’m unfaithful?” and the answer is “yes“, and you do want the relationship to continue, then stop being an inconsiderate asshole. it’s really not rocket surgery, seriously”
This rings true with me. As I don’t want my mate to feel threatened, I expect the same. It’s alright to know that you’re lady got it going on because of the reactions she gets, but there’s no need to feed into it and get all wreckless. That’s just basic respect.
Some folks do lack that though.
I agree wholeheartedly. The problem is when you come across guys with unreasonable expectations. I’m not a dcotor and i’m not on call 24/7…if I miss your call and call you back 15 minutes later, i’m not just finishing up fucking someone, i just missed your damn call!
Sorry, perosnal ish coming through. Nothing is worse than a crazy dude dressed in regular dudes clothing.
“Nothing is worse than a crazy dude dressed in regular dudes clothing.”
LOVE this quote!
Thanks! And I found it out the hard way
Ain’t that the truth! Can I please get this on a t-shirt? Haha!
yes I give u plenty of daps Champ!
I have experienced the “stop f*#kin” syndrome..
and I will be honest..IT DROVE ME CRAZY! I would ask him if everything was aight and he would reply yeah…BUT…as Jill Scott said, “the coochee was easy” and this dug wasn’t takin advantage. We went from errday to maybe once a week. Now in my situation the fool was cheatin…dayum it hurt.
so how does a woman avoid cheatin?
I keep my appearance up, romantic as hell, shoot i hold it down…now what?
I remember a conversation similar to this matter. If I remember correctly, the general consensus was that the reason the man was cheating usually had nothing to do with the woman they were cheating on…
ooh you know what , i’ve heard the same thing before. it’s still crazy to me though. It’s like no matter how good of a woman you are, a nigga can still decide to go and cheat w/ some chickenhead…WTF?!
“the reason the man was cheating usually had nothing to do with the woman they were cheating on…”
this is true. very true. a cheater is a cheater. the one time i was cheated on (that i’m absolutely sure of) was by a man who still cheats to this day. he’s also married (go figure) and in the midst of divorce #1. karma is a biotch!!! but seriously, although a woman can help put the keys in the ignition sometimes there are just men (& women) out there that don’t subscribe to monogamy. cheaters suck.
“now what?”
That’s it. There is only so much an individual can do. If a person is prone to cheating they will do it no matter how good you are giving it to them. A cheat is a cheat is cheat.
My grandmother used to say “keep his belly full and his prostate empty”. Words to live by however…
A cheat is a cheat is a cheat.
did your grandmother really say that? if so, she’s awesome.
you ain’t never heard that? I have always heard it from my NanaB…she would tell me “lil red…keep his stomach full and his nut sack empty”… it always made me uncomfortable…and she would laugh so hard I could see all the gold teeth in her dentures…I swear old country people are the BANGINEST!
*I swear old country people are the BANGINEST*
They really are. You will never hear more gangsta/true ish than from old country women.
This totally sounds like something my grandma would say.
My MawMaw has some sayings fo’ yo’ azz.
She says the ish anywhere too, even in church. She don’t care about “nann folks”. lol
So true! Because I know my grandma always keeps it real….lol!
“lil red…keep his stomach full and his nut sack empty”
see, you didnt know this, but your grandma was actually the first inhibitant of our vsb corner
so it’s genetic? SWEET!
“A cheat is a cheat is a cheat.”
Truer words were never spoken, and add to that monogamy isn’t natural.
“Truer words were never spoken, and add to that monogamy isn’t natural.”
i differ (and refuse to beg) with this statement
You can differ, and I’ll respect that.
Monogamy is a behavioral choice that is incompatible with biology.
“Monogamy is a behavioral choice that is incompatible with biology.”
i dont disagree with the first half of this statement
lol…damn. when did i start using lawyer-speak?
“i dont disagree with this statement, but i do feel that it by itself is dangerous because it lacks context and implies that we shouldn’t be held accountable for our actions”
This could be the smartest statement of the day.
Which part do you disagree with?
the part about it being incompatible with our biology. i’m gonna address this topic more fully another day (read: “i cant make the point i want to make in under 500 words”)
“You don’t even walk around you creap!” Luther was killin em haha lol
“so how does a woman avoid cheatin?”
stop dating.
this is the only sure-fire way. you can do stuff to insure that you dont push the person out the door, but, if a person truly wants to cheat, theres nothing you can do to stop them
“stop dating”
uugghhh, but i don’t wanna
What can a woman do? Just one of those things us girls have to live with. We always have to be responsible for every damn thing, Keep the relationship, keep your man and if he cheats it’s your fault. Now if you’re goodies weren’t locked up in Azakaban (and no that does not denote my age, I just love reading) or buried by the Hades then it sure as hell aint your fault. Just means that there was some deficiency in DNA transcription.
Everybody is right Soulfirelp. The only control you have is over the man you choose to date and what you choose to do when you start dating him. Once you’ve tried to choose wisely and handled your business in everything else, there is nothing more you can do.
“Once you’ve tried to choose wisely and handled your business in everything else, there is nothing more you can do.”
yeah. the best way to prevent cheating is to make sure the person you enter the relationship with has character.
well said ForReal and Champ
im making more of an effort w/ this now. im trying to be extremely selective w/who I allow in my life. No one is perfect, but Champ you sd it, I have to right to choose someone with good character..
(exhalin)..i need a VSB hug
“(exhalin)..i need a VSB hug”
*giving soulfire a vsb hug and shit*
since we already have a black man running for president and if we were to have a black VP on the ticket it would most likely decrease the chance of the black man running for president to get elected I say
CHAMP FOR SECRETARY OF STATE!!!
In other words- u da man!!!
CHAMP FOR SECRETARY OF STATE!!!
lol…thanks for the suggestion, but i dont think i’d want the fbi looking into my finances (assuming they havent already). i’d hate having to explain away my thousands of sources of zero income, lol
“thousands of sources of zero income”~ thousands? really
you have me wondering
oh yes…i find a new way to get zero income almost every day, lol
now that I think of it so do I… so much to do and so little time. UGH ***sigh***
People cheat because at the end of the day, they want to. I have yet to hear of someone who was forced/pushed to cheat.
so when a woman or man is punished for something that was done (with holding sex) is that not being FORCED to cheat……………he/she wont give it to you and you are a dog in heat what are we to do?
he/she wont give it to you and you are a dog in heat what are we to do?
leave.
*Standing and slow clapping for Champ*
number 2, at the very least, is plenty reason to cheat. it also nearly made me pee my pants, but that’s another matter. “brazilian rainforest” *dying*
I disagree. I don’t think anyone can force you to cheat, but like Champ said they can push you that way. One of my girls would only have sex with her husband like 2 or 3 times a year and this went on for a few yrs. She got so involved with the kids that she neglected her husband. He tried talking to her but she wouldn’t listen. He ended up cheating. I’m not saying what he did was right, but when you ignore your partner’s needs, they might feel like they have no other option. He apologized like crazy and they worked through it, but I can see how he felt like he had no other choice.
Frankly, your friend owes her husband an apology too. You don’t get to ignore your partners needs in a relationship where you’ve signed on for life.
I agree…I am from the school of thought that you don’t EVER get to ignore your partner’s needs…married or otherwise…if you have committed to someone…you have committed…don’t cheat…leave…and don’t let your control issues (and inability to effectively communicate) manifest themselves into the bullshit formerly known as holding out! it starts more trouble than it solves…damn!
Just recently the hubby and I got into a bit of a heated tiff and this was right at the start of a Sex Everyday for Six Consecutive Months pact. I tell ya that man had me mad as hayo but my commitment trumped all. And my word is my bond along with at the end of day I could somewhat see his side of things.
So yeah committed relationships carries much responsibility.
“my commitment trumped all…So yeah committed relationships carries much responsibility.”
you give me hope Raqi…gone girl
Spit that!
*Kingdom Hall*
***dead @ Kingdom Hall***
Sure now you wanna die now. I was ready to jump in a grave on a casket when you said you was sizzling on the floor a lil while back.
nobody replied to it…so I thought it slid under the radar…lol…thanks for letting me know you’re watching me…
FulaniGirl, this is gospel. Although, as Champ pointed out, you may do things to put the keys in the ignition, one still possess ALL the power and responsibility to actually do it.
A lot of folks don’t realize also that the desire to cheat may have existed in the person for a LONG time and they’re just looking for a lame excuse to move foward with it.
Why do you have to call out Wendy’s like that? The power those fries have on a relationship can be used for good you know.
I gotta agree with FulaniGirl – those foul acts you describe can certainly accelerate a breakup (speaking from personal experience), but anyone who cheats because of those reasons was already looking for any excuse.
BTW, why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman? I never understood that – if someone is willing to cheat on their significant other, they’re probably gonna cheat on you when the next good thing comes along. On the other hand, I know of a couple of marriages that started out as affairs, so maybe I’m wrong.
fries can acta
“BTW, why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman? ”
Some reasons that women decide to be the other women (as read/heard from these women)
-some feel that if the wife was doing her job, her man wouldn’t be slipping in her mo’ bippy (yea! I got to use the phrase)
- some just want a man so bad that they are willing to be second fiddle (bump the fact that they totally disregarding the sanctity of marriage)
-I have heard some women say that they like married men because they could have the male benefits without the responsibility (this is also one of the main reasons that men decided to the be the other man. )
“why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman?”
I’ve wondered the same thing. I would never get involved with a married man just out of respect for marriage and I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me (karma). I’ve talked to a few women who’ve been involved with married men and they feel like the marriage doesn’t mean anything to the guy if he’s cheating on their wife and some are delusional and think that the man will leave their wife for them (I’ve never seen this happen). I’ve also talked to some guys and they really could care less if they’re involved with a married woman. They’re in it for sex and see it as a win-win situation because they get the sex without a relationship.
i’ve met women who claim to love being with married men b/c it “frees” them up from actual relationship ties. they get wined&dined, money and great sex and then send the guy home back to his wife. I say WTF…i’ma believer in karma also. that’s too scandalous of a life for me to lead
I agree. I can’t mess around with married guys… seems like it would bring too much drama and a lot of other stuff I don’t need in my life.
Besides karma is a b*tch!
I don’t think cheating being the ‘other’ is right, for a variety of reasons, but I’m also of the opinion that ain’t every marriage sanctified.
BTW, why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman?
Some people just don’t care. They will settle for a piece of a person doled out to them at very small intervals.
“why would anyone willingly be the other man/woman”
pussy with minimum responsibility
Why do you have to call out Wendy’s like that? The power those fries have on a relationship can be used for good you know.
lol…yeah, i know, thats why i mentioned them
I have been the other woman knowingly and unknowingly (to keep it funky, i was the love child of a “other woman,” so i was born with zero respect or even concept for marriage) and at when i first found out in the knowing situation it made my skin crawl but i liked him so much it was hard to let go.
i came out and talked to him about it and he basically told me that they were “going through problems,” and she knowingly pushes him away; im not the first time he cheated and i wont be the last. when she found out the first time she begged for him to stay but she is still not nurturing the relationship so nothing has changed for him. of course we would both deny the affair and they are not separating anytime soon. My dad is STILL with his wife so i know they never leave them. but he is just as much a fling to me as i am to him. when it ends, itll be over and i dont see myself falling in love (god forbid) or anything like that so i just rock on having a good time with him until things end.
as far as karma, which i actually do believe in, i have been having shitty relationships long before i started seeing a married man, so i think it would be pointless to blame it on him and this affair.
at the end of the day its a fucked up situation, but i dont feel bad for her at all because if you are in a relationship and choose not to nurture it, you are putting the key in the ignition.
“but i dont feel bad for her at all because if you are in a relationship and choose not to nurture it, you are putting the key in the ignition”
so if you were seeing a guy you were in love with and he happened to step out once or twice or twenty times, you wouldnt have any problem with it?
if by “step out” you mean cheat and by “in love with” you mean committed to, i would have a problem with it if i was giving him what he needed in the relationship. if he bought a house for us to live in, takes care of myself and our son, loved me took care of me and just needed me to “take care of him” (and by take care of him i mean suck him off like a champ) even after those long days at work, make some dinner and have a seat, i’m not gonna throw my masters degree and 6-figure salary in his face, ima get on my knees cause im that type of girl.
if im superwoman and he stil feels the need to cheat, theres no reason for me to stick around because i cant please him, and i believe that life is about self-satisfaction and you have to do what you gotta do (within reasonable limits) to maintain that. thats just me.
“i believe that life is about self-satisfaction and you have to do what you gotta do (within reasonable limits) to maintain that.”
hmmm. doesn’t that contradict this…
“…i would have a problem with it…”
i guess what i’m trying to say is, if life is all about “doing you”, how can you get upset about someone else “doing him”?
well i thought i was making a condition by saying “within reasonable limits” and such. for me, i feel like to get into a committed relationship, you do what they need you to do to make them happy and vice versa. once you decide to quit making them happy, or what you do isnt enough to make them happy, cheating sometimes happens and at that point i would blame myself for coming up short. thats just me and how i do mine.
ok.
*ima get on my knees cause im that type of girl.*
A t-shirt if I ever saw one. wouldn’t wear it everywhere though
i had a feeling that one would catch on, lol
As a rule, i take issue with people saying ‘always’ and ‘never’, and when it comes to cheating men, people get real comfortable saying they ‘never’ leave. And the good people of vsb are no exception.
it’s just not true. It’s not the norm, but it happens. Now, are they a good relationship candidate after that? Lots of folks will say hell no, but that doesnt mean these negroes don’t exist.
It’s like telling a kid they’ll never make it to the NBA. Are their chances good? no. Should they bank on it? no. But somebody’s asses were playing in the championship a couple months ago. Just sayin.
Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in
Good post Champ!
Monk said
You know what, I’ve done the “stop f*cking” thing before and and it went on for about a month until she started acting right. I have will-power and I’m able to ‘deal’ with it. She on the other hand, was flippin’ out and swearing up and down that I was cheating just because I put her on punishment.
Penis Punishment for a month? (gotta bite Goodness! ) Boooooooo! Are you serious? A man holding out is unnatural!!! Listen that is a rsvp to cheat. You do realize that women have to do nothing to get laid. NOTHING. And when we are being held out on we are not nice people. Ok I’ll speak for myself, when on penis punishment sistah’s not nice at all.
Fo real. A whole month? And that worked? Dude I think you got cheated on, I might be wrong but I doubt it. She was acting right ’cause she got laid!
Like 30 whole days or was it Febuary. Naw deal breaker. Damn if a woman gains 50 lbs, gets lil wayne inspired and tats her face and neck hold out for a month and er uh you will meet a whole different me. We together like fo real and I’m on PP for some shit I said or did? Number one deal breaker for me. I say f*ck you but you still won’t f*ck me? That is just not right.
Every now and again my hubbie will do this, but he knows that if it last for more than a week something’s got togive. Shit I’m married I am supposed to be bumpin’ uglies like all the time, it’s on the license. Put out brotha, it’s good for the community.
I totally agree with this post! Great points. Whenever I hear of people cheating my first question is I wonder what drove them to cheat. Especially in marriages, I have heard married women say they hold out on their husbands. WTF! No should never come out of your mouth about sex when you are married.
Monnie made a good point this does happen alot for born again Christians who are trying to get on the right path. It can sometimes be hard for the mate to adjust to the change. Especially if it has been going on for a while.
A man holding out is unnatural!!!
**Homeless Outreach**
lol…this made me laugh aloud
is a woman holding out unnatural?
…miss t-lee or any other woman who cares to speak on it.
Genius…
I don’t really believe in the whole holding out thing.
Now I might not talk to you for a couple of days up to a week or so (strong believer in the silent treatment) but, withholding the booty is just wrong. This goes both ways.
**See my earlier post about laying up next to some D and not getting any…lol**
miss t-lee thats nice and all but you or somebody said it was unnatural for a man to hold out. [on sex] …and you at the very least affirmed it.
Raqui i’m asking you too because you agreed and then agreed again. …and for anyone else who agrees.
the question remains:
Q: is it unnatural for a woman to hold out? [on sex]
@ genius~it is unnatural for this woman to hold out.
A little TMI for you: I knew that there was something wrong with me when I was holding out while in my 14 yr relationship. I had my doctor run all kinds of tests and even went to see a psychiatrist. After about 2 years of testing it was my psychiatrist that enlightened me. Come to find out my body was reacting to something my mind didn’t want to admit. I knew the ba*stard was cheating and didn’t want to admit it to myself, so my mind shut my libido down. Go figure, who knew your mind could go into self preservation mode. Once we broke up. All is normal and better than ever. Thank God, I really thought I was loosing my mind. I actually missed having relations but physiologically had shut down.
I’m sorry. I thought I answered that.
Yes.
Genius it is childish for a woman to hold out, however not uncommon.
It is unnatural for a man to hold out. 99.8% of you ejacks can fuck without emotions and 75% of you probably do.
So for a man to start talking about “imma cut you off ‘cause you hurt my feelings”!?!?
That shit ain’t natural.
Or something like that. I have run out time.
Here’s a funny (well to me it is) before I leave…
When I ask my husband “do we have to watch this?” his response usually is “do you want to have sex? No? Then yes we do.”
Or when he is banging on something in the house making a racket, “can you not find anything quieter to do?” His answer, “do you want to have sex? No? Then nope Imma finish this.”
And good night.
Raqi~I love you! this shit is pure comedy. It would be even more hysterical if it weren’t true.
Raqui your husband sounds like a man after my own heart. HONORABLE. he knows how to shut that shit up too.
do you wanna have sex? No then STFU! LOL!!!
big up to you Raqui for taking the shit like a sport and not getting all weepy and whiney. love ya Raq.
SALUTE!
theres my t-shirt of the day.
Q: do you want to have sex?
A: No
…then shut the fuc* up!
ahhhhhh ha ha ha ha (inhales) whoooooooo!
Raqi,
Question: Does “uncommon” = “unnatural”? Sports are cool to me, but I’m not neccessarily a fanatic as a great percentage of men may be. I can’t read off statitics and shyt like that. Hell, I even had to click the Ike link that Champ provided to see who the hell he was. Are dudes like me “unnatural” because of this or am I just not-your-average dude?
And if you feel like women holding out are “unnatural” also, then it’s really not a ‘man’ thing but moreso of a ‘HU-man’ thing, right?
Yes @Genius I think that a woman holding out is unnatural. Is this a set up to get bar-b-qued Khan style? I know women do it all the time, but not all women. Most of the women I know (who are all over the age of 30) don’t feel like the vagina is a bargining tool. Now the downtown slurps is good bargining tool. just jokes, really but not really
the wrath of khan huh?
Nut we not bbq’ing niccas today, we just stir fryin’em.
i do believe that women not only attempt to use their cooch as a bargaining tool but moreover as a hostage.
looks like everybody answering agrees that a woman holding out is unnatural.
it begs the question: why do so many women employ the tactic?
Nut, i know u haven’t a clue because most of the women Nut knows (and they over 30 and shit) don’t hold out. keep living and keep your eyes and ears open.
“A man holding out is unnatural”
I agree and then agree again. While I do agree with The Champ about being overwhelmed from work and wanting to do nothing but fall face first into a pillow, he (my hubby) usually gets over that after a few hours of sleep and is guaranteed to be seeking to lay the morning wood at the crack of dawn. So I don’t know about that other thing.
Tired is one thing. That normally means you’ll get some in the morning. Lol
Holding out for weeks at time is crazy.
@ Raqi,
I’m not married but I’m sure if you’re hubbie did something real drastic that irked the hell out you, didn’t see anything wrong with his position (maybe because he’s seen others to the same thing and get away with it), and refused to own up to it, I’m sure you wouldn’t be wanting to sex him down like it’s nothing wrong. I know sex is instinctual, but if you have something really laying on your chest and he refuses to acknowledge it, would you STILL be able to just fuck him cause he was feeling horny?
Please, that’s weak.
Agreed. If you find yourself in a relationship where you constantly are angry enough to want to hold out and not fuck for weeks on end, you should leave. Marriages included. Cause relationships just aren’t supposed to make people so damned unhappy.
For Real says, “you should leave.” I totally agree. You live and you learn.
@NUT…LOVE the name…and after reading this comment…it fits…lol…you’re dope…
Put out brotha, it’s good for the community.
great t-shirt right here
I got a t-shirt slogan!!! Ok I started doing a dance, not cool.
VSB is like crack!!!
@NUT…
“Put out brotha, it’s good for the community”
HA!…this fool typed “for the community”…that reminded me of this standup Mike Epps did…about the “community”…you is funny gal….I’m sniggling!!
hahaa you know I seen that one too. I think that boy a retardate
hell yeah…he was all “stop liking it in my head”… LOL…
“Sniggling” LMAO!!!!!! I love that word!
it reminded me of Otis the Security Guard from Martin. He hemmed up some kid in a school hallway for “sniggling.”
That’s exactly what she called it too, “Penis Punishment”.
To Nut, sometimes when relationships go through rocky moments, sex can be the furthest thing from one’s mind. She could’ve stepped if she wanted to at that time or cheated or whatever, but I know I wasn’t gonna compromise MYSELF and how I felt just to satisfy her desire to fuck without her making any compromise of doing and saying foul shyt.
“A man holding out is unnatural!!!”
I’m calling bullshyt on this. That’s like saying that if Mo’nique’s ass walked up to any man and wanted to fuck, he wouldn’t refuse just cause he’s a man. That’s like saying that men have no standards with whom they give dick to. There’s brothers out there like that, but that’s just not me.
I know that men love sex, but I’m a firm believer that women enjoy it just as much, if not MORE then we do. Just check vsb’s comments since it’s inception for proof.
Sex is a BEAUTIFUL thing, but it’s not EVERYTHING.
A month is a long time @ Monk. What I think is a bigger compromise is being unhappy with your mate for an entire 30 days; that is a long time and I don’t think I could do it. Like I said after 15 days or so you would be dealing with a different person; I would feel like I was in a battle with you. I would feel like you are going out of your way to let me know that you are not attracted to me and wanted more time to smear it in my face. It happens, losing attraction, but why stay? It just seems like it would be done out of spite instead of resolution.
Didn’t you say that it didn’t work out? Can you agree that not wanting and/or withholding the sex was a big sign that it wasn’t going to working out? A 30 day stand off with genitals as the hostages would be a sign for me; a deal breaker. Like you said it’s not just about the sex it’s the lack of attraction. It would make me ask myself, why am I here with this person? I’m sure that in less than 30 days I would have my answer and planed resolution. That is who I am. I’m not into dragging myself through an unneccessary ordeal for any person that I know I’m no longer attracted to. Either we can resolve this or we can’t it is that simple and there is no need for a 30 day stand off.
30 days without sex is not really that long to me. I’ve had droughts before (as I’m sure we’ve all had) so the time period is of lesser relevance.
And yes, the relationship didn’t pan out but it didn’t have anything to do with me not fucking her. It probably made her feel unwanted and undesireable but hey, I’m not the one who brought that on. Like I said, I should’ve been ghost on that Memorial Day. That’s my fault. I chose to stick it out for the 30 or so days and then continue with the relationship after that looking for a resolution. It was a lesson learned.
I still stand behind not forcing myself to dick down my chick and ignoring obvious issues in the relationship just because. Even if you do that to relieve the tension or satisfy your needs, the issues still remain.
Champ I agree 1,002% with your entire post. Even when mad anybody can be persuaded if you open yourself up to it. (Pun intended) There are three powers that be that I have learned to practice and accept. The power of apology, forgiveness and touch. And hell I have even seen them work in reversed order.
You know I am not under some delusional misconception (I know same word) that the only gratifying sex my husband can get lies between my legs. But hell I am not going to give him a reason to have go find that other elsewhere either.
People talk a bunch shyt but sex is a viable part of a healthy relationship. Period.
Now about them (LOL) text messages. I was once a scoffer but now I likey.
Why in the hell did I say viable? Now I have to go back and read the email I just sent to a colleague and then explain to her why I said “vital”. Damn, damn, damn. No more multi-tasking.
vital…viable…they both begin w/ “v”
i can see how it happened girl…lol
People talk a bunch shyt but sex is a viable part of a healthy relationship. Period.
***st. barts annual summer carnival***
I love the revised GoodFellas reference.
Keep it up…lol
I love the revised GoodFellas reference.
lol…thanks. i think it would have went over even better if i had a podcast, and hired ray liotta to say those lines for me
I could see it. lol
Only you could find away to make Ike Austin relevant in ’08. Not sure if that’s something to be proud or ashamed of…
i think its a bit of both. btw, i’m sure this is the most ink ike has received since like 1999, lol
i’m sure this is the most ink ike has received since like 1999, lol
I’m almost positive it is.
CTFU
I remember this kat, but I don’t remember him being THIS bad…dayum.
from google:He averaged two points and 1.1 rebounds during his rookie season.
I’ve never been good at b-ball (softball was my thing) but I think even I could have averaged 2 pts.
he is going to google himself and be excited to see his name in such recent rotation…you’ve brightened his day…be proud…(Genius Khan impression) hug yourself!
I think you’re right.
INSTEAD OF CHEATING….LEAVE!!! WTF are you in a relationship/marriage for if you want to cheat.
Cheating is not a need…it’s a want.
exactly,
they should have a tshirt,
“i cheat b/c i’m greedy, not needy”
INSTEAD OF CHEATING….LEAVE!!! WTF are you in a relationship/marriage for if you want to cheat.
yup.
I love beginning a day with laughter, but I just want you know that coffee came out of my nose from #2.
lol…i’m sorry. i’ll dip into our t-shirt fund and spring for a new cup
I love your blog too @ Kit; very insightful.
@NUT…YO!!! That blog is crazy. I just read it based on your shout-out and I got hooked. It is so damned captivating! I had to peel myself away but I am damn sure going to finish what I started. Riviting.
TRILLA!
@ kit~great Blog KUDOS
*laughs* Thanks everyone! And Champ, I like hot chocolate mixed in my coffee. *laughs again*
Ok vsb folk I will try to keep this super short, it sort of relates to this post and I need some fast assistance and I know you people (so far) can give great insite.
story: A guy I used to work with (3 years ago) recently found me, guess he had been looking and asking around about me until he gave up. Anyways I been in contact with him (went on dates) and everything seems perfect. He shares my same values about money, kids, and religion and all the stuff you would want in a mate. BUT I am slowly starting to think im not attracted to him. Dude isnt shrek or nothing but kinda dorky lookin, skinny with glasses and I just CANT get over him being so darn skinny, I mean he might weigh what I weigh soak n wet!!
he said he has tried to gain weight but just cant. Now to the average eye he don’t look so bad but I just been having bad dreams about that first time we (do it) and I be like ugh its like fucking myself!!!! (insert laugh).
how this all relates: I don’t want to be shallow and miss out on a good guy cuz he doesn’t look like Morris chestnut but I still want to have my boo be the first thing on my mind and the last. Right now I don’t feel an attraction to him physically like I know I should. I don’t condone cheating but this would cause me to cheat for sure. So VSB folks what do i do??
I’ve been in this situation before. You meet a great guy that has the qualities that you’re looking for but there isn’t that chemistry. You’re better off as friends. You can’t force an attraction and that’s a must. There’s just no compromise on that.
Its really just a physical attraction issue. I am thinking maybe i will grow to be attracted to him more?? But he aint gonna get no bigger I know that lol. I don’t like skinny dudes.
I don’t condone cheating but this would cause me to cheat for sure. So VSB folks what do i do??
let him go and let him find someone else.
oooh you took the words right out of my mouth
It’s too bad there isn’t chemistry cuz he sounds like a cool guy…but I wouldn’t force a relationship just because he meets other mate worthy qualifications. Personally, I don’t believe in ‘growing into’ diggin’ someone physically… either there’s a rainforest (see #2) or there isn’t. Hope that helps some with your dilemma.
You can’t force chemistry.
If it’s not there, it will never be there.
I agree…that ‘growing on you’ thing sounds more like a rash than love.
Everybody deserves to feel wanted. And good on paper relationships don’t tend to work for long. The difference between your best friend and your man is that you WANT your man. If you don’t WANT this guy, in a rainforest way, …he should just be a friend. It’s tough, but true.
I agree…that ‘growing on you’ thing sounds more like a rash than love.
*choking on my chicken strips and celery*
Everybody deserves to feel wanted
*t.d. jakes*
That comment make me choke as well
*dead*
LOL..i’m saying. If someone said my looks ‘grew on them’ my feelings would be hurt.
It can happen cant it???
How is actually wanting to be attracted to the man you’re with shallow? That’s completely normal!
It sounds like you want to be with someone and since he’s available, he’ll do. That isn’t fair to him or you. I would say just be single until you find what you’re looking for.
people settle all the time, how yall think flava flav got so many kids lol
sike nawl I feel yall, it just sounds shallow, what Imma say I like u but your not sexy enough!!
“what Imma say I like u but your not sexy enough!!”
no, you can just say i like you as a friend, period. he’ll get it, don’t fret. just be tactful.
The honest thing would be to just tell him “I like you but am not attracted to you.” But I just can’t tell anyone that unless they were an azzhole so I would go with “we’re not compatible.” I dunno, go with something direct.
And Mikki, better to say it sooner than string him along and say it later.
Just tell him that you’d be better off as friends and leave it at that.
Is this a question of settling? Not sure. She’s attracted to him in every way but one. I wouldn’t necessarily advise moving on.
Think about it this way, if she was attracted to him physically and compatible on several levels, but was unsure of his beliefs/policy/whatever on children and raising them, you wouldn’t be telling her to step away. Instead this is something you’d generally advise someone to discuss with the other person, perhaps seek to find common ground.
What makes this situation different?
I think what makes it different to me is he looks how he looks. And she’s just not attracted to skinny dudes. They discussed him gaining weight and he says he has tried and can’t do it.
If they had different beliefs on children that can’t be compromised (like she wants 2 and he wants none) i’d tell her to walk then too.
Its different i think because its just a physical attraction thing, if i can’t get past that how am I to continue to move forward on the rest.
Well, how are they going to even make babies when she isn’t attracted enough to want to f&ck him? How do you find common ground when it comes to basic physical attraction? It’s either there or it isn’t.
He isn’t the last man walking the earth…she’ll find someone whom she’s both physically & otherwise attracted to.
“What makes this situation different?”
the fact that she likes him, but isn’t attracted to him. she recognizes that he has attractive qualities, but that recognition is different than actual attraction.
Hmm, based on the responses to my comment and further reading, I’m thinking I misunderstood the situ.
I don’t want to be shallow and miss out on a good guy cuz he doesn’t look like Morris chestnut
@MIKKI…first of all…Morris Chestnut is like 5’5 so he has his own (I will cheat on your short ass)shit going on…lol…
but seriously, you ain’t gonna like this, this is EXACTLY what we were taking about yesterday!!! for you, his inside and outside don’t match…I can only answer this question as far as what I would do…and sadly, I would have to leave him alone…completely…not friends…nada…he is obviously attracted to you in the way that you’re not attracted to him…he sought you out for crying out loud…so being his “friend” would hamper his ability to really move on…be honest with him…let him go…and let him find someone that can love him the way he deserves…he said he’s tried to gain weight and he can’t…so if that is something that you don’t think you can ultimately come to terms with” a) that makes me sad and b) you need to let him find a woman that will appreciate his “skinny butt”…you would want someone to do it for you…so this is your opportunity to BE what you WANT in a mate…honest…
“Morris Chestnut is like 5′5″
Nooooooooooo!
Damn I knew he was short but I thought he was at least 5’7. Ah well I’m 5’4 I just wouldn’t wear heels w/ him LOL.
lmao u just worked around that ish lol
Morris Chesnut has never done a thing for me.
I find it equally hilarious now that I know he’s a shorty. Ha!
I would have to leave him alone…completely…not friends…nada…he is obviously attracted to you in the way that you’re not attracted to him…he sought you out for crying out loud…so being his “friend” would hamper his ability to really move on
this is the best option
so…if you agree with me…does that mean that you are rubbing off on me or vice versa? lol…
corner logic is a muh-fugguh ain’t it?
“corner logic is a muh-fugguh ain’t it?”
sounds like something bodie or slim charles would say
No friendship Champ?? i beg to differ. A friendship can work, especially if they haven’t slept together. There’s no intimacy connection.
@NY…I gotta beg to differ with you…there is no physical intimacy…but this brother searched her out years after they worked together…his feelings were genuine enough for him to pursue her…intimacy and friendship (even if it is one-sided) quickly becomes more trouble than it’s worth…
He’s right you can’t be friends with him. If he was pursuing you liek that he won’t want the colsolation prize of frriendship. Wasn’t that plutonic friend fantasy thing disucssed on another blog? I thought it was concluded that its a farce.
“No friendship Champ?? i beg to differ. A friendship can work, especially if they haven’t slept together.”
ah, chick logic rears its ugly head again
you know why I think men never have this problem? Me personally don’t even speak to girls really that I wouldn’t bone. The motivating factor to even initiating contact with a woman is her bonability. You can call it shallow but I’ve never had this problem ever. I’ve never had any of my friends bring this up either. I’d call this discussion crazy but I guess it depends on your point of view.
Well, usually men do the approaching so that makes sense.
man…I hate when that happens…I think “chicks” should get some cool points for the fact that I am a “chick” and it was my comment that you copied, pasted and co-signed on… huh? huh? huh?
Goodeness YUP you are right but why you just have to go ruin my life with that morris chestnut info!!!!!
I am in utter disbelief!!
just shoot me nah!!!
please say it aint sooo!!!!! 5’5?? really now??? my feelings are hurt.
ok I feel u tho, its just not there. I mean I wouldn’t want to get off work thinking about how the stock market just went down two more point instead of how i can go home and fuck the sheeit outta my boo, it just aint right.
ok maybe he’s 5’7 but it doesn’t matter, that extra two inches only counts if it’s below the waste…
I like my men tall and slim because I am short and not…so I wouldn’t see his frame a problem…slim I can handle…TUMMY THUMB? now that’s a deal breaker! check please??
girl saying morris is 5’5 is an exaggeration you should never throw out there!!!! I almost had a heart attack!!! 5’7 is doable as fine as I think he is plus im only 5’3 anyways. But point is I know the diff between a man that makes me wet by just looking at him automatically vs a man that makes me have to touch myself to get the job done, and i cant have that
“I know the diff between a man that makes me wet by just looking at him automatically vs a man that makes me have to touch myself to get the job done…”
@MIKKI…DAYUM…I didn’t know it was like that!! that’s really eff’d up! I don’t even think I could get that close to someone I wasn’t the least bit attracted to…WTF? I just keep hearing it in my head…
“… to touch myself to get the job done…”
MAKE IT STOP!
lmao!! I’m just saying he just don’t do it for me. Not ugly I just cant get hip to him!!!!
its annoying actually
u are funny girl
**snaps**
Let it go, especially if your trying to save the friendship. He may be upset at first but, at the end of the day, he will respect your honesty. Some people are better off as friends.
I know I’m gonna get all sorts of ripe fruit thrown at me for saying this but uh, I think you should continue to date him until you are absolutely sure you aren’t attracted to him. This might mean having chex with him a few times to make sure. You might have to get wasted to put out, but whatever.
You didn’t say that y’all are in a committed relationship so why not find you a dude who is hot. Keep finding dudes you think are hot until you find one you have chemistry with. Then decide between him and Mr. Lukewarm.
In other words, act like a man.
I agree with you. I think you should at least have sex with him…. I had a friend that said “skinny dudes throw the dyck good” and swore by it. The same friend also swore that skinny dudes usually was packing “that one meat” if you know what I mean. He may blow your mind/back and you may become attracted to him.
I had a friend that said “skinny dudes throw the dyck good” and swore by it
Don’t believe the hype.
Explain to me how imma fuck a dude I hardly want to kiss put a bag over his head??
*blank stare*
Impossible.
You can’t.
The end.
thats like tellin me to sleep with flava flav, he mad coo but that don’t mean i want to get down like that lol
I said you might have to get wasted.
What the heck is having chex??
thats bogus
“This might mean having chex with him a few times to make sure”
actually this might work for both parties. an issue many (read: “all”) guys have with being in the friend zone is that they didnt even get considered for a piece of the pie. if you do “chex him up” a few times and you’re still not feeling him, i think it would be easier for him to accept being in the friendzone.
so yeah, hit him off a couple times this weekend, and report back on tuesday
so yeah, hit him off a couple times this weekend, and report back on tuesday.
I would but I been on a sex strike since october of last year, I can’t be randomly wasting my goods on a maybe!!! If i can get a guarante stamp im all for it.
dude may be a lil peeved with you then offering the colsolation prize (friendzone) with no going away gift (pussy)
I’ll take a shot of Crown in memory of his efforts, for they are for naught
LMBAO
Mik if you’re not wanting to screw him you will want to screw someone else. deal with it.
would you like screwing stick-boy if you did. perhaps.
would it be enough to hold your sexual attention. maybe but probably not. not to keep him on in a full time position. you’d probably subconciously be looking for a better fitting candidate but keep him until you found it.
my opinion.
@Mikki. I think it is perfectly okay to continue to date the guy. You won’t cheat because everybody knows skinny guys hold it down!!!! LOL, okay, maybe that is a stereotype (though I have found it to be true) but, hell, eventually, you will get past the fact that he is not your type.
The few guys I dated that were not my type were the best bf’s ever! js “give love a try”
1. You kinda stole my topic for Thursday!!! I was riding to work thinking about how so many of my married friends have started to complain about having to have chex with their husbands. How is it that people can be together for five years, get married, and their chex life goes to pots. He’s busy getting his jolies from (c)orn and she’s getting hers by checking for the UPS guy. To the ladies especially, when you stop putting out, who exactly gets hurt? By my math, you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. Put out, then still be angry. I know it’s hard to do, but it’s possible.
2. This one happens because you start taking your mate for granted. Always a no-no. Now, the quickest way I’ve seen to make a man stop taking a woman for granted is to know other men want her. Take your asses out and other men are checking for you when he goes to the bathroom, if his ass isn’t crazy, he’ll rethink his stance on taking you for granted. That, or start beating you, keeping you locked in the basement, or just break up for you for the chick who doesn’t attract so much attention.
3. Maintain and improve. I’ve known dudes who got with a flyyy chick only to find out that all those clothes she was wearing were borrowed and shared with friends and her upkeep was all coming from her almost maxed out credit cards. So then when they get married and she goes to pots, he’s shook. But the truth is, she was holding on by a thread before they even got together.
Hostess read my comment.
I totally understand what you are saying, my delema comes from when you feel like the person was laking in the looks department from jump street but you settled because of all the other fine qualities they had, but now when u see eye candy you start thinkin bout eating the candy!!!
Earlier this week, I wrote about how the thing that you were on the fence about in the start usually crops back up well after you thought you could get over it. If his ass is sweet, kind, loving, and ugly, you think you can get over ugly. But if he has a bad day, ugly gets popped to the front of the list and you’re walking around thinking, “Why am I even with his UGLY, sour, stingy, hateful ass?”
“Take your asses out and other men are checking for you when he goes to the bathroom, if his ass isn’t crazy, he’ll rethink his stance on taking you for granted.”
haha. This will usually get the man to appreciate you so much more. I’ve been in this situation and it always makes me laugh that it takes another man’s attention to get my man to treat me better. Too many guys get comfortable once they’re in a relationship.
1. You kinda stole my topic for Thursday!!! I
my bad. your royalty check is in the mail
You know what I hate? When the dude does ALL the good stuff in number 2 … got the brazilian rain forest action going on … AND NO FREAKIN SEX OCCURS. Don’t send me sweet ass bordering on erotic text messages then your ass be tired at the end of the damn day. my bad. /rant.
I thought only women held out on sex, not men.
I’m perplexed.
Don’t send me sweet ass bordering on erotic text messages then your ass be tired at the end of the damn day. my bad. /rant.
lol…this is pure game right there.
by the time you actually get around to having sex, that brazilian rain forest down there has just gone ahead and morphed into the atlantic f**king ocean. this is a good problem to have
“by the time you actually get around to having sex, that brazilian rain forest down there has just gone ahead and morphed into the atlantic f**king ocean. this is a good problem to have”
says WHOM? I don’t want my lady parts all hot and gush-gushy wet if I’m not gonna get any. Y’all get blue balls, well dagnabbit I get blue labias.
THIS exact situation is why I am grumpy today.
“well dagnabbit I get blue labias”
Have you ever had your 82 year old mother-in-law walk in on you?
well dagnabbit I get blue labias.
***sending cheryl to the corner with goodygood**
*well dagnabbit I get blue labias.*
Bwahahahaaa!! I must leave the building now.
*well dagnabbit I get blue labias.*
That’s true, stop all the teasing and start pleasing. i don’t need you to figure out the science of leading up to the bumpin. a Brazilian rain forest is just fine to get me started, because after we get started it will turn into the Atlantic ocean….all that extra waiting is just a tease that causes irritability. The four play from the office, text messaging, caressing the back is great, but don’t hold out to long.
“I thought only women held out on sex, not men.”
It’s crazy, riiiiiiight? But alas, there are men out there who hold out too. smh.
never had it happen…but I’ve heard stories…I would be LIVID! We can have the “angry, sultry sex” that some well-versed sister alluded too before…and then go right back to being mad at each other…but who can stay mad with all this honey-baked goodeness all to themselves…I mean really? who? LOL
Goodie! you so funny!
Don’t send me sweet ass bordering on erotic text messages then your ass be tired at the end of the damn day. my bad. /rant.
I hope you punched him in the throat when he got home.
damn…t-lee…you trying to make a brother’s teeth click up in here? no way! if he makes it wet…he better walk in with the quicker picker upper!! I am all for taking it! let him come in…shower…and tell him to lay down while you give him a cocoa oil rub down…then SHOW him what the text messages had you thinking all day…who doesn’t want a massage with a happy ending for all involved…I mean, really…you can’t f*ck a soft d*ck…so there is a transition point from taking to giving…
Pardon me, I’ve been feeling violent that last couple of weeks…lol.
@Cheryl. It is glad to see that men do it to. I am the first one to send out freaky a$$ text messages all day then be too tired when I get home. Sorry. At the moment I was texting I was really feeling it. Sometimes the day is just too long!
“@Cheryl. It is glad to see that men do it to. I am the first one to send out freaky a$$ text messages all day then be too tired when I get home.”
see, this is how women end up with wangs in their mouths after they fall asleep, lol
“this is how women end up with wangs in their mouths after they fall asleep, lol”
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I vote that this act of midnight maraudership be called “slumber lumber”
I vote that this act of midnight maraudership be called “slumber lumber”
i’m actually jealous you thought of that before i did
LOL!
I must say that I thought I had some original sh*t with “s*xual indian giving” til’ I saw your comment which preceeded mine by two mins. That hurt me.
Dying!!
LOL I have never woke to a wang in my mouth but I did once wake up mid orgasm from having a hand shoved in my panties. And few times with a chin pressed against the cashmere kitty.
And that is waaaay to much info. So imma bow out for the rest of the day. LOL
@Raqui. Ummmmmm, can we send you to the corner yet?
I’m saying…CHAMP so busy busy GOODIE getting he ignores all the other f*ckery that goes on up in here…the corner would be so full…you wouldn’t even be able to tell we were in the corner anymore…it would just look like we were all standing really close together!
the scary part about that is that some these folk up in here would really enjoy the closeness. you can never tell who’s fondling you when everyone is all real close… Can’t wait.
Which way is the corner again?
yeh…i’m starting to get really jealous.
hmm…morning chin…niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
*miss patterson gazes off and begins to sigh*
And few times with a chin pressed against the cashmere kitty.
This is actually my favorite way to wake up.
I’m a bout to send this whole blog to the damned corner!!! Y’all negroes and negresses (and all those in between) are out of control!
ahhhh ha ha! this nicca said she got some chin. what a way to wake up. yo ass is feeling saucy today. look at Raqui.
LMAO!!!
You know what I JUST realized…getting caught with the slumber lumber is really f-ed up. I mean, what if somebody snuck into your crib and did that to you. The fact is anybody could get it (man or woman) if the perp set out to indiscriminately distribute that slumber lumber. I shudder at the thought.
What is this witholding s3x (beware the spam/p-0-r-n filters) stuff? So people actually do that? For me someone pissing me off would absolutely kill my libido…I’m not ‘witholding’ anything, I’d just rather slit my wrists than be anywhere near you, let alone f&ck you.
I would think that a s3xless relationship is an indication of some major probs reach far beyond “my S/O is just holding out.”
I would think that a s3xless relationship is an indication of some major probs reach far beyond “my S/O is just holding out.”
you’re right. there’s usually a giant pink-ass elephant in the room, its just that the no sex is how those issues usually manifest
Even when Im mad I fuck.
The End.
And you’re into it? You’re not thinking about how much of an inconsiderate, disrespectful azzhole he was being 5 mins prior?
Well, kudos to you. I guess.
K. The angry fluck is doable. Now that doesn’t mean I haven’t blurted out a time or two “will you just finish already” or have been so detached from the dance that he says “just forget it”. But it’s still doable.
OMG! that is tragic…just don’t do it then…I would feel reallly rejected getting it like that!
Yikes.
Now that doesn’t mean I haven’t blurted out a time or two “will you just finish already” or have been so detached from the dance that he says “just forget it”.
lol…this is the worst. one of my ex’s did this to me once, and it was the last time i actively tried to get some angry nookie from her.
btw though, she’s an “ex” for a reason, lol
Champ peep this…We are at a friend’s house having dinner and just socializing. I go to ask him a simple question while he and the other men folk are gathered around that damn television. His response was not only short and cold but answered as if I was being a nuisance. We are in “public” so I let it ride.
Now you ain’t gone tell me that ninja forgot what he did just a mere hour ago when he tried to roll up his horny ass on top of me. Yeah I let me. But not before I let him know I was not feeling him at that moment. But he persisted and I gave it to him just as cold as he made me feel.
LOL I love that man to death.
sounds like u and hubby got a healthy relationship Raq and that’s just too dam good for yall selves.
Applause!
To be honest, often times it usually helps with communication…..I’m less (less being the key word) mad than I was before, and therefore able to truly process my emotions. Sometimes you can be so wrapped up in being mad/upset that you aren’t willing to feel any other emotion. And while he’s caught up in the aftermath bliss, he’s more willing to communitcate and see my side. Really it’s just a reminder – keep f*cking up and this will no longer be yours.
I’m telling you, it works wonders.
Even when Im mad I fuck.
Love it mayne!!!!
“Even when Im mad I fuck.”
T-shirt!
And I do too (mostly). But when you are angry more often than not, it gets hard. And that’s when it’s time to leave ( I keep saying this cause i wanna make sure I got my own damn lesson).
V Renee,
You are truly an inspiration.
“Even when Im mad I fuck.”
someone mentioned this to me earlier (i think it was ms. p) but today has the potential to be the best t-shirt day here yet
*Soul Clap*
V Renee grits teeth: “Even when I’m mad I fuck.”
i wish i would catch a trick wearing this t-shirt.
i’ll make you mad just to help you burn off that anger bitc*.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooooo….
although its slightly simpish, this would be the perfect t-shirt pair that a couple could wear to an amusement park.
she rocks the ““Even when I’m mad I fuck.” shirt, while he’s wearing “”i’ll make you mad just to help you burn off that anger bitc*.”
vsb.com: where acceptable simping happens
Champ this is the only coordinated t-shirt shit i would ever wear. i absolutely hate matching gf bf t-shirts and shit. we are not each others accessory. i am not a bracelet or a billboard for u. that shit is the corniest. hey if anyone does this, that’s your thing it’s not for me. i think Will Smith is Jada’s fashion accessory when they make public appearances sometimes. i hate it.
I have withheld s*x from my wife. I once kept her on punishment for a whole 3 minutes. But it was one of those things that should’ve been prefaced by the statement “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you.” In the end I caved…cause she is fine as hell and she knows what I like. And besides, married men know…don’t pass up s*x under any circumstances–it just doesn’t come around often enough for us to be “choosy.”
Now me on the other hand…in the past I have been forced into celibacy (aka puntang punishment) for exteded periods. And it sucked (without the actual sucking). I mean I am 27 years old…don’t deny me of what makes me human. It seemed terribly unfair…I mean sh*t, when you’re married (and committed) you don’t have any other options…at least no sustainable options. What women don’t realize is that even the best men will begin to act out (not necessarily cheat) if his s*xual needs aren’t met…so, taking away s*x always has the potential to really backfire.
In closing…taking away s*x is selfish, cruel and inhumane. If you or someone you know has been the victim of S*xual Retraction (commonly known as S*xual Indian-giving) write to your congressman or the American Civil Liberties Union. Because the puntang should NEVER be withheld.
Oh yeah…this article is an NY Times op-ed piece that my wife sent to me. The topic is how to find the ideal husband. enjoy.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/opinion/06dowd.html?ex=1216267200&en=25aae3e26b10c1ef&ei=5070&emc=eta1
Printing to share with some folks now…they don’t seem to believe me when I tell them this.
What women don’t realize is that even the best men will begin to act out (not necessarily cheat) if his s*xual needs aren’t met…so, taking away s*x always has the potential to really backfire.
truer words have never been spoken, anywhere, ever
great article, btw
Loved that article!
That article was incredible and very well timed. I just sent it to all my single girlfriends!
me too
Good article.
Amen @ D. I’m married and I would never hold out, but my sweetness he does. Not right man, not right. And I understand tired and will take a morning wood raincheck.
I want to f*ck when I’m mad, eases tension. and there is a way to take it, but I’m respectful ‘n stuff so I don’t most of the time. When he’s sleeping I just jump on and have myself a ride; he said that he feels violated but he was smiling when he said it. I just think that he holds out because he wants me to get all aggressive. He calls me nasty nut, He likes it. I love what he likes.
“I want to f*ck when I’m mad, eases tension.”
Word up! There is a thin line between anger and s*xual desire. Some how I always end up on the side of the latter.
good 1 D. sad but true what women attempt to control with their coochie especially in marriage. i start launching scuds and shit. maybe i’m just stubborn and resentful. when a woman starts using her coochie to dominate my will it ends up being an egregious error.
i’ll show your crazy, CRAZY.
i’ll show your terrorist a terrorist.
i’ll see your crazy and raise you 1000 crazies.
call my bluff trick.
Somehow I don’t believe you’re kidding.
Wow.
thank you & your wife for that article. I’m distributing this article to everyone I know. good stuff.
I got a question though…that will not be answered cuz y’all east coasters are asleep now but when does porn watching become cheating?
(see article christie brinkley)
I love today’s topic so I am chiming in… btw I didn’t read all the entries yet so excuse me if I’m duplicating sentiments.
Most of the married men (at least 3 per year) that approach me with the intent of cheating do so because their wife has stopped giving up the goods. They do not deny that they still love their wife, but they are frustrated due to lack of sex.
To date I have not knowingly had relations with a married man. I know what it is like to be the one cheated on and I would never want to be the one to inflict that type of pain on another woman. I agree with Nut in that cheating or being a cheater “is a blemish on my character and no one is worth that”. So I refuse to be the one to help you cheat.
I usually end up counseling the married man to speak to his wife, most of them (2 out of 3) end up confiding in me more than I really needed to know (I should become a marriage counselor).
Hebrews 13:4 – Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the immoral and adulterous.
“I usually end up counseling the married man to speak to his wife, most of them (2 out of 3) end up confiding in me more than I really needed to know ”
lol…this is funny. i cant imagine trying to hit on someone, and then being counseled by that same person about why i shouldnt be hitting on her.
That’s part of some married guys’ “game.” Get her sympathy then pounce. A lot of women fall for it on some “his wife doesn’t treat him right and he’s gonna leave her for me…when the time’s right.”
Homey don’t play that… I tell a man outright, if you are cheating on her, what makes me think I’m so great you won’t cheat on me. No way!!
I also go into immediate counseling mode. Asking all kind of intrusive questions.
Why doesn’t your wife want to have sex with you? Can you perform? Is she not happy with your performance? That you are aware of, does she masturb*te? Is she cheating on you?
they pretty much either stop talking to me all together or get pretty defensive about how they can perform and what is wrong with their wife, or them for that matter.
I go into ‘deleting their number’ mode. I don’t really care what’s going on in his marriage. Plus they always have the same ole story anyway.
“I go into ‘deleting their number’ mode. I don’t really care what’s going on in his marriage”
philly’s blunt nonchalance always kills me, lol
Remind’s me of one of my favourite songs by Ginuwine What’s so different ?
You did it to him/ her why wouldn’t you do it to me?
a successful marraige [defined as sticktuitivity] can often hinge on living in mutual denial of infidelity. [don't ask, don't tell, dont be overt]
i am not condoning or calling for cheating ways, just observing what goes on. …and this does not negate the obvious exceptions but recognize that they are a shrinking minority and a phenomenon. [especially considering the longer a couple is together] at some point the longer a couple stays together one or the other if not both will have cheated or cheats. [doesn't HAVE to be chronic, don't have to fall in love etc., etc.]
i don’t care who you are momma, daddy, preacher, preachers wife, teacher, lawyers, judges, sanitation workers, college educated, educated idiot, uneducated, idiot savante, moral majority, evangelical, usher board 1, 2, 3…, holy, unholy, christian, non christian, ad infinitum.
the prevailing thought in our society is that men are worse than women when it comes to being commited. men we get the bad rap and most of the blame. you hear things like:
“It’s like no matter how good of a woman you are, a nigga can still decide to go and cheat w/ some chickenhead…WTF?!” soulfirelp
“the general consensus was that the reason the man was cheating usually had nothing to do with the woman they were cheating on…” Monnie
MOST of the time men who cheat are not cheating with other men and they are not cheating with women who are oblivious to their being married. (most of the time)
we’re all who-errrs just with different price tags.
we all have a set of criteria that we would use to justify and rationalize under what circumstances we could cheat. [being married] my husband is physically unaable to screw, my wife is frigid since having kids and dosen’t screw enough. [the examples go from most simple to most elaboratre]
christians there is NO excuse for cheating and also NO excuse for divorce. it’s not an option according to the bible EXCEPT DEATH do you part. just leaving won’t turn the trick.
i guess Champs observation was that there are things one can do to inspire another to cheat. I agree but add that when a man or woman wants to cheat there is nothing you do or don’t do that will absolutely stop them. that person will create the circumstances they need to justify and carry out their desires. [i.e. start a fight]
this is just one black mans opinion.
. I agree but add that when a man or woman wants to cheat there is nothing you do or don’t do that will absolutely stop them. that person will create the circumstances they need to justify and carry out their desires. [i.e. start a fight]
**church**
A few years ago my friend cheated on her husband and he found out and confronted me about it because he said I should have stopped her and told him about it.
my response to him was along these lines (Genius comment) “when a man or woman wants to cheat there is nothing you do or don’t do that will absolutely stop them. that person will create the circumstances they need to justify and carry out their desires” and then I also told him that it was not my responsibility to ensure that his wife was happy in their marriage that it was his, and that being that I was her friend my job was to support her in her happiness
**editors note** when my friend approached me about her intent to cheat, I told her that I was opposed to it and that I wanted nothing to do with helping her in her ways, I encouraged her to speak with her husband and let him know how she was feeling and that I would not support her in her endeavor to cheat.
IH, i’m curious about whether or not they worked it out. And if they did, was he on some ‘get back’ ish for a while. I’ve found (as most of us have i’m sure) that women are a lot more likely to stay around after being cheated on than a man is.
ForReal: the one thing I learned from their relationship as a WITNESS to it is that marriage is work all day everyday, overtime even. They have made it work. Because they put time into it. He forgave her and she forgave herself. But they work on it EVERY day, and some day’s its harder work than others. It’s been 2 years since and they are still together trotting along
Good stuff.
I agree.
QSN: I wrote about the men only because I couldn’t remember any reasons of why the women cheated.
@ Genius *christians there is NO excuse for cheating and also NO excuse for divorce. it’s not an option according to the bible EXCEPT DEATH do you part. just leaving won’t turn the trick. *
Riddle me this: if you are married and your spouse is chronically cheating on you (beating you or otherwise not holding up their end of the marriage contract), do you continue to be disrespected and unhappy and hold yourself to a broken contract? Are you suggesting a married Christian person just has no recourse for inappropriate treatment? Short of killing him i mean
Infidelity is a justifiable reason for divorce…biblically that is.
I thought so as well, but I’ve found that this is one of those topics that gets lost in translation/confusing and hotly debated among lots of Christians.
D* Scroy u may be right. tell me where that is, in the old testament somewhere KJV. Corinthians and most marriage vows say until death. Corinthian says even if your husband or wife leaves you don’t re-marry. [implies you are still married]
GK, I’m glad you called me to the mat on this one because frankly I was spouting information that has been consistently passed on to me. The only issue is I never took the time to verify the information. While trying to do some quick online research (to save face) I came to realize that (as Forreal alluded) the biblical references are ambiguous…making the debate inconclusive, at best.
As a person who knows little about religion…I should have stayed my half-@ss-knowlege-having-@ss out of the discussion.
ForReal i’m just sharing what the Christians’ responsibility is according to my understanding of the bible.
if i’m wrong in my iunderstanding maybe someone will help me get it right.
Now Genius, you know I would not take it upon my self to just tell someone they are wrong…at least not you
And I know this is a hotly debated issue. But i’ve not run across anyone yet, who shares your understanding of the bible, that can tell me what a person is to do if they are in a bad cheating/beating/kids getting molested/ otherwise untenable marriage.
I’ve seen and heard of too many Christian women who stay in really horrible marriage situations because they don’t ‘believe’ in divorce, and they end up dead, broken, or with some jacked up kids depending on how bad it is.
Champ thats right we tame shrews. me, u, Big Buck, Wu da Man, D*Scroy, Monk, Deevs, P-Jack, John Witherspoon, No Hero, and most of the men on this site are not puss* whipped, we whip puss*.
bang Bang BANG!
LOL!
ForReal i’m not suggesting that anyone stays in a marriage if they or their kids are being abused. i’m just stating what my understanding of the bible is. there are a lot of people posting today speaking of their morals and quoting scripture so i wondered if they felt the same conviction concerning marriage and what the bible says. if they did not, i didn’t think you could pick and choose when to be convicted regarding Christian biblical/moral edicts.
do tell me where the bible allows for divorce in cases of abuse and your other examples. i wanna learn. i will certainly direct you to Corinthians as 1 example for my understanding.
talk black to me.
I know of no direct passage that says that it is ok for divorce in certain cases (I’ll admit that I am not that knowledgeable of the Bible either… working on that), but I find this
*Let the church open to Malachi 2:16*
16 For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence…
In my way of thinking, both of them wrong but I would make the decision that is best for me i.e. chuck the deuce.
Hey GK,
I’ll start by saying i’m no biblical scholar and don’t profess to be. The trouble that we run into is that a lot of what is said in the bible is open to interpretation- hence Catholics vs. Protestants vs. Baptists, etc. All Christians, yet some key biblical issues are interpreted in different ways. Earlier, i wasn’t questioning your interpretation as much as I was wanting to know if people beleive divorce isn’t an option in a bad situation, then what was the proper recourse.
My understanding and interpretation is that you are allowed to divorce under certain circumstances: someone is an unbeliever , adultery, and ‘uncleanliness’ (which can be interpreted many ways). The two main passages i derive this from are:
*Deutronomy 24: 1-2 (divorce because of ‘uncleanliness’)
*Matthew 19:9 (divorce because of sexual immorality)
Even in I Corinthians 7: 10-16, i see all kinds of equivocation on the divorce issue- ‘don’t depart from your husband *but if you do* remain unmarried’, ‘if you marry an ‘unbeleiver’ and they want to leave, *let them leave*’. Which flies in the face of not marrying an ‘unbeliever’ in the first place but i digress…
Now, i agree that God isnt’ a fan of divorce. But based on my interpretation of the above passages, He does see circumstances where it is acceptable or else it wouldn’t even come up as an option, and adultery is one of them.
Well that’s my church for the week
I’ll add that I’m certain others could produce passages like ‘cleave unto your wife’ and interpret that to mean you cannot divorce. I get that and I don’t quibble with what people base their understanding on. I just personaly don’t want to see one more sad-eyed woman with some sad-eyed kids watching her stay with her philandering husband because she believes she ‘cannot’ divorce and feels she has no other option than to live unvalued.
That “stop fucking” thing broke my last relationship. According to him I was holding out. But what he forgot is that he didn’t make any effort either … or maybe his efforts were just misdirected instead.
One night this fool stripped down naked and tried to pounce on me after I came back all hot and sweaty with a runny ass nose from a two mile run. And then got mad that after an ENTIRE 2 MINUTES of foreplay that I wasn’t dripping wet and ready to go. (I tried even though I wasn’t really in the mood and my body physically reacted to that lack of mood-ness. He took it personally.)
After that, he cut me off. No hugs. Dry ass kisses. No cuddling. Why? Because he’d get hard and want to have sex and what if I didn’t want to? Um … yeah.
“One night this fool stripped down naked and tried to pounce on me after I came back all hot and sweaty with a runny ass nose from a two mile run”
hmmm…this is a hard one. i know we (ladies) like to be all cute & smellin’ fresh when we’re about to get some but wait…he stripped down naked? i just lost my concentration….where was i? oh yeah, couldn’t you just suggest taking a shower together? then everybody’s happy, right?
not me…I love sweaty sex…all salty and slippy and slide-y….whooooooo! new respect for the term “slippy mo bippy”!!!!
even funky sweaty sex? cuz there’s ‘it’s gettin’ hot in hurr’ sweaty sex and then there’s ‘after the gym’ sweaty sex. i think the latter requires a relationship…it’s up there with having sex on the rag. but i digress…i have a feeling you have no problem with either type of sweaty bippy… lol! you know you my gurl.
*thinks about how I feel after a two mile run*
- slight headache
- hungry as hell
- sweaty as a pig
- sore
Um yeah, dude was being selfish & unreasaonble. There’s something to be said for a person who thinks that WHENEVER they want some their partner should be fired up & ready to go. Isn’t it about BOTH of your satisfaction? Sheesh.
After that, he cut me off. No hugs. Dry ass kisses. No cuddling. Why? Because he’d get hard and want to have sex and what if I didn’t want to? Um … yeah.
yeah, you should be glad to have gotten rid of this dude
Would you throw a flag on the bed for “bitchassedness?”
“2 MINUTES of foreplay”
Throat punch. For real.
My x used to try to pull that ish in the morning. I told him if you ain’t willing to go the whole way, don’t even wake me up.
Real Talk.
““2 MINUTES of foreplay”
Throat punch. For real.”
you never know. alot can happen in 120 seconds
Nah…not that much.
oh my bad…i skimmed past the 2 minutes of foreplay….no bueno.
withhold i guess if you’re not feeling it you’re not feeling it. not mad atya. one thing is for sure, a woman can still do the do where a man has an appendage that has to get hard before the act can take place. however if we don’t get hard there are all kind of implications there but if a woman is not excited or is dry there are no implications really. how fair is that. ok so life is not fair.
here’s the thing thing. [not aimed at you withhold]what i have observed is that women [again with the sense of entitlement] expect the man to make the first move towards sex. in a long term, supposedly exclusive relationship or marriage this responsibility can be stifling especially. a man wonders if i don’t initiate sex would she ever initiate. (overtly clearly, take a decisive step, not make a hint) does she really want it or does she think she’s doing me a favor. unfortunately i believe that most women although they like love sex just as much as any man, feels like they are doing a man a favor more than herself. infact i know married women who feel like their husbands owe them something and expect a man to feel this debt for sex.
tell me i lie.
a man wonders if i don’t initiate sex would she ever initiate. (overtly clearly, take a decisive step, not make a hint) does she really want it or does she think she’s doing me a favor.
good point
yup! men want to feel sexy too…ladies…you have got to let your man know that he turns you on! when he is on the computer…walk up behind him…let your lips graze his neck (just below his ear)…part your lips…repeat…softly kiss…and walk away…lol…he will follow…
GK…i feel you bruh. I don’t have a problem with the initiation of sex, but due to a few encounters of being put on penis punishment I’ve developed a little complex when it comes to being the initiator. (i’ve just discovered i have the worst ex-lover stories of all time) but anywho, one dude told me it was unladylike for me to initiate. (this was the holy-roller). so, to answer yr question for me it’s on a case by case basis- if the next bf is cool with exchanging the baton then by all means i will initiate.
Here’s the thing…I think I cheated on every guy I dated long-term back in the day (which makes me wonder why they sought me out later, but I digress). For me, cheating came into play when I (a) got bored (b) he stopped doing the things he did for me at first or (c) when sex started feeling more mechanical than pleasurable .
After my last relationship, I stopped dating and took a good hard look at myself. I was a punk, pure and simple. Instead of just saying, “look, you aren’t listening to what I’m telling you about my needs, so we’re through” I’d instead go find someone else and break up after I’d done so. Kind of like finding a new job, but still working the old one until you’re sure the new one will work out.
After years of soul searching, I now know what triggered my actions. Cheaters CAN be reformed, but ONLY if they want to…
I was a punk, pure and simple.
i agree, but good for you to make that realization and the corresponding changes
Cheaters CAN be reformed, but ONLY if they want to…
***Easter speech***
*Cheaters CAN be reformed, but ONLY if they want to…*
Tell that truth.
cheating is selfish and counterproductive…I have been a cheated on…and used that pain to justify being the other woman…I was in an ignant place in my life then, and won’t revisit it…I can’t say that I have ever been in a relationship and stepped outside of it…I will leave your ass first…you will not be able to say…”oh she left me for some ho-a$$ a-phi poetry nigga with locs and shit”…you will know that I left your ass because of YOU!
@Goodeness
Why are you in my head? Thats EXACTLY who I cheated on my last bf with! The other guy was a bit of a man-ho, wrote poetry, and had locks that smelled like peppermint.
As committed as I had been to bf, I knew we were breaking up soon and I wanted my poetry boy for a few years. The sad part is I didnt even feel guilty afterwards.
not the peppermint locks!!
lawd what is the world comming too!
Yes! Flashbacks! He was a dirty dirty dog, but the bone…
lmao !!! STOP IT
(high 5-ingDOM) that bone will getcha er’time….er(muhfuggin)time!
Great post Champ, as usual! I’ve been lurking on this site for quite a long time and you Smarty-Art Negroes are on to something (all ya’ll especially the commenters)! This site is at least worth 4 to 5 laugh out loud moments a day!
First off, women who hold out sex from their partner for dumb azz reasons like, “I’m mad” and such are not only giving the keys to the car, your asses are chauffeuring the bitch! I’m speaking from experience, marriage is very difficult and sometimes the sex gets boring as hell! I’m not saying cheat but, “I understand!” When you get married it’s a lot easier to cheat than to leave. Hell, what if you don’t want to leave? What if you love your spouse and your kids and just want some “strange” or some “not some familiar”? Leaving is not always the best option. Sometimes it’s stupid and costly. A lot of the advice to just leave if you aren’t satisfied is coming from folks who are not married. Well, let me tell ya’ll something. When you get married it is forever! Did you get that FOR-EVER! That’s longer M*A*S*H, FRIENDS, The Cosby Show, Major League Baseball season and the NBA playoffs combined! Life is not just black or white, sometimes it’s pink! I know I’m gonna get roasted for this but I believe it may sometimes be better to just get a little side action rather than to ruin a family. Sometimes cheating can spice up your current relationship. Your spouse can sense and maybe even smell the difference in your pheromones and that in turn causes them to react differently towards you and start back doing somethings that they may have been neglecting.
Would I want my wife cheating on me? Hell to the Mickey-Frickin Naw ! But, I for one have never told my wife no. Though she’s told me no many times. I believe if you are married your body doesn’t just belong to you. Many women fail to ever grasp that concept. The comment earlier about “keeping his nutsack empty” was true gospel! I have many married guy friends and the ones that cheat aren’t getting it at home. I for one have never even thought of cheating when my sack was on empty, only when it’s on full and I’m tired of taking care of it myself.
Aritocrat I agree marriage is a fulltime duty. My new motto is be the perfect partner that you expect of you spouse. And that includes everything.
“women who hold out sex from their partner for dumb azz reasons like, “I’m mad” and such are not only giving the keys to the car, your asses are chauffeuring the bitch!”
*Nam nyoho renge kyo*
Sidebar–does Budhist chant qualify as an adequate phrase to express co-signage? (see “What’s Love Got to do with it” circa 1993)
Aristocrat, what took you so long….EVERY word you wrote was pure gospel!
*Nam nyoho renge kyo*
lol…this works
*Nam nyoho renge kyo*
D i like the way this shit sound coming out of my mouth and in my head. ima use it for my mantra yo.
flyness.
LOL! Do your thing playa!
first of all i am so mad you did the Buddhist chant up in here. so you agree with everything? even this?
“I believe it may sometimes be better to just get a little side action rather than to ruin a family. Sometimes cheating can spice up your current relationship.”
“I believe if you are married your body doesn’t just belong to you.”
That’s archaic as hell. It’s selfish for a spouse to ignore their partners sexual needs – that applies to witholding s3x AND expecting your partner to have s3x whenever and however you want it at all times. Many men fail to grasp that.
@Aritocrat…
I know you think you are going to get roasted…but you might be surprised…as a previoulsy married woman…I will agree that it’s not always a “stay” or “go” situation…(mine was, but I digress)…I still don’t think cheating is a viable option…WAY more trouble than it’s worth…yeah your mate may react differently to your change in pheromones (I LOVE THAT WORD) but that change could her “Al Green”-ing your ass rather than giving you Sexual Healing…ya dig? consistent company from the same partner can get monotonous…(trust me I was with the same guy for 11 years) but life, and love, is what you make it… go out new places as a couple… take a class together… role play… google some sexy shit and try it at home… why don’t you initiate what you think you want…or change up something more than your pheromones to get her attention…write her an amorous letter and put it in her car…something!! wanting some “strange” and not acting on that desire is what separates us from the animals…you committed to “forever”…”forever-ever”…right? then stop the yap and make it happen…women go through the same boredom…so I know of what I type…get yours!
there is a song that has a hook that goes…”skip over your fo’sho booty, looking for some more booty….you’ll end up with no booty….no booty!!”
that’s REAL talk!!
Goodness I agree all day long.
These men folk got to come with it. Give me a reason to want you…
@Raqi…now you know we gotta do it too…I have done this type of thing for the 2 most significant relationships I’ve had…and (looking at my naked left ring finger) yup STILL SINGLE….lol…so…it goes back to…if they want to cheat…they will cheat…independent of what you are doing…men and women alike…nobody is safe…tragic…but true…you just got to BE what you WANT and take pride in that!
@Goodies…These are really great ideas.
*pen and pad in hand…. taking copious notes*
Don’t tell my future husband, even in the case of infidelity, there will NOT be any divorcing in my household…..We just gon have to work through it “playa”. That word does not exist to me. The ONLY thing that can lead to divorce is physical harm to either myself or kids. I guess I should throw in emotional abuse- but he’ll learn if you want to “emotionally” abuse me, be prepared…your feelings will always end up more hurt than mine. Bottom line – Divorce is not an option.
Now if you cheating and we can’t work through it – be prepared to find me hiding in the bushes of your “jump off”, not discretely following you, GPS tracker literally in your ass. The whole shabang!
I’m not sure about this. Staying in a destructive relationship is worse for children than going through a divorce. In such a situation, all they learn is that it is ok for people to treat each other in a destructive manner.
While divorce brings its own set of problems, it can be the best solution in some cases.
*All they learn is that it is ok for people to treat each other in a destructive manner*
*While divorce brings its own set of problems, it can be the best solution in some cases.*
I can’t cosign strongly enough.
“I’m not sure about this. Staying in a destructive relationship is worse for children than going through a divorce. In such a situation, all they learn is that it is ok for people to treat each other in a destructive manner.”
***2 bean pies and a copy of The Final Call***
as a reasonably productive product of such a union… I have got to say…it was a lot of hard work to overcome all that counterproductive, self-sabotaging, emotionally abusive bullshit! I am a proponent of divorce…and I issue this statement…(once again)
What God hath put together, let no man put assunder…but what man hath put together, BURN BABY BURN!
“I believe if you are married your body doesn’t just belong to you.”
Thank you…and this is in the Bible as well. I’m telling y’all, the Good Book has more common sense advice on how to navigate marriage…
I agree with a lot of what you said. Here are some points I would add in general:
*If you wouldn’t want someone to do it to you, don’t do it to them.
*if you are with a person that has no problem doing stuff to you that they don’t want done to them, you picked the wrong person
*Unfortunately, sometimes if you don’t make the right decision, you have to ‘make your decision right’ and deal (i understand why people feel this way though I feel it’s FAR from ideal and it makes me sad)
Which leads me to the ultimate..
*Do everything in your power to make the right decision in the beginning when you have the chance.
You’ll never see me get mad at any man or woman that says they aren’t ready to get married…a ‘good’ marriage is serious and I assume they know themselves better than me.
good post Aritocrat. I don’t agree that it could ever be easier to cheat than to leave. Cheating changes people; both people. It scares the character and hurts beyond repair sometimes.
When I was younger I cheated on this dude and he was forever changed. I was forever changed; just thinking about it now still makes me sad. He trusted me with his heart and I did the wrong thing. We were just dating. If we were married and had kids I couldn’t imagine the damage. There is no justification for cheating, there is no reason for it. I’m just saying be the azz from a distance there is no reason to stay close.
“Great post Champ, as usual! I’ve been lurking on this site for quite a long time and you Smarty-Art Negroes are on to something (all ya’ll especially the commenters)! This site is at least worth 4 to 5 laugh out loud moments a day! ”
you know, smarty-art negroes was actually the second runner (btw, “geniusassdingos” was the first runner-up) up to verysmartbrothas when p and i were thinking up the name
“When you get married it is forever! Did you get that FOR-EVER! That’s longer M*A*S*H, FRIENDS, The Cosby Show, Major League Baseball season and the NBA playoffs combined!”
Lol. I dont think people really think about how long that is. People today are so used to instant gratification that even a year is a long time!
I have to disagree with what you said about cheating as an alternative to breaking up a family. If youre cheating the family unit is broken anyway. My dad cheated on my mom and it led to divorce.
I still respect my dad, but I dont see him with the same amount of respect I used to. Once you’re in a marriage, whatever issue you are having needs to be taken up with your S.O. Inviting other women into the bedroom (even if its JUST the bedroom) leads to problems all over the house.
“I still respect my dad, but I dont see him with the same amount of respect I used to.”
question (and i’m not being a smart-ass) but do you think you friends might see you with less respect after finding out that you cheated on your bf?
Sorry, I just saw this.
Personally, my friends were surprised. Like I said, I had no shame and talked about it. But I was doing the least of the dirt in the group. I have learned that women do just as much, if not more, scandalous shit than men do!
Anywhoo, if I was married, and for 20 years like my father, I would deserve the fucked up looks I got for cheating. When you’re married the consequences are more severe for cheating, as they should be.
“forever”…”forever-ever” Dang, I wish I had thought of that! Marriage is like a car, if you get a good one like a old school Chevy, or a Big-body Benz, you can ride that sucker to the wheels fall off and keep sprucing it up and feel good about it. But, if you get a Hyundai or a damn Chrysler Sebring expect that sucker to stop on you and its gonna become a money-pit! Eventually you’re gonna want another. So, what I guess I’m saying is choosing the right partner is most of the battle. Most of us end up upside-down in some bull-shyt car that leaks oil and the air only sometimes works and we’re looking at the new shiny thang like ooohhh, I’d be soooo fly in that new ride! Actually, I don’t know what the hell I’m saying! LOL!
Do you think that people in general aren’t choosing spouses well, or are they blind-sided long after they’ve said “I-do?”
I think it is a little bit of both. Often people make poor decisions in their spouses but at the same time you never really know someone until you are married to them. You get to see the good, the bad and the downright dispicable. Not to mention the fact that people are always growing and changing which are not always in ways that benefit a relationship.
Well, looks like I better change my name from Angelina Jolie. And all this time, I thought it was my hair that was the problem.
#3 “Be like Ike” is the main reason I have cheated in the past. I mean, I understand that some people get comfortable and feel like they no longer try; however, that is the easiest way to get me to cheat.
My mate and I was have a conversation the other day and he was talking about if his mate (me) gains 50 lbs, he would probably cheat. I told him if my mate stops talking to me regularly, I’m out. We all have deal breakers.
At this point, if any of the above are happening, why not end the relationship versus cheating?
A friend of mine who loves big women, married a big woman. After marriage she gained a little more weight (50lbs) and suddenly he wasn’t interested in her anymore. And thus, the cheating ensued.
I had to get on dude because he never even spoke to her about it and never tried to help her move toward a healthier lifestyle. Instead he found himself a slim goodie with a fatty.
Even though I disagreed with my friends actions I understood them. He was no longer attracted to her because she had “let her self go.”
The question is: in a relationship are we obligated to maintain our appearances or accept the consequences of letting ourselves go?
“After marriage she gained a little more weight (50lbs)”
*chokes* A little?!
PLEASE don’t let yourself go. If I let myself go I wouldn’t even want to look @ myself in the mirror let alone expect someone else to want to look @ me.
I’m in the gym 5x a week for that same reason. A while back I wrote on VSB…I used to be tall and skinny. Then I got married and I put on 25lbs in my stomache. Its ok to be tall. It is ok to be skinny. But never, ever allow yourself to be tall, skinny and fat simultaneously. (especially if you are like me and you wear your clothing fitted). My wife always made me feel great about myself…she swore she loved my belly…but 3yrs (and 30lbs of muscle) later, I can see a difference in her behavior toward me.
“I’m in the gym 5x a week for that same reason.”
Team D*stroy! I’m doing 3x but I’m TRYING to work my way up to 5x…if only I could roll my azz outta bed in the morning.
Tall, skinny, and fat simultaneously?! LMAO!
“but 3yrs (and 30lbs of muscle) later, I can see a difference in her behavior toward me.”
lawd-ha-mur-see-jeezus!!! I bet you can…
“but 3yrs (and 30lbs of muscle) later
I bet there be some serious furniture moving over there at casa de la d*stroy…lol
Whew-wee!!!
D* Scribes: “My wife always made me feel great about myself…she swore she loved my belly…but 3yrs (and 30lbs of muscle) later, I can see a difference in her behavior toward me.”
this also answers ur question earlier about are we obligated to keep up,appearances and if we don’t should we be doomed to live with [negative] consequences [from the partner]
yes you should keep or regain a good appearance for yourself first and your partner. …and your partner should be helpful in keeping you or getting you back there while being affirming and inspiring without being mad, rude or ugly about it.
great observation too that people change and grow.
a man gets married thinking a woman won’t change and woman get’s married thinking she can change him.
we all grow and change but are our core beliefs in synch such that we grow in a direction that enhances the relationship or not? that’s the million dollar ?
let’s wrap our brains around that.
“a man gets married thinking a woman won’t change and woman get’s married thinking she can change him.
we all grow and change but are our core beliefs in synch such that we grow in a direction that enhances the relationship or not?”
Whoa…That was deep. seriously. That final question really should be the means by which we establish our longstanding relationships (potential marrital partners etc).
*Whoa…That was deep. seriously. That final question really should be the means by which we establish our longstanding relationships (potential marrital partners etc).*
Agreed, it should. But it’s not. And thats why our sh*t is f*cked up now .
after my 14 yr relationship I hit the gym (curves for women) for a year 3 times per week minimally and walking 3 miles on the off days. I lost 30lbs and gained some great legs, I recently started running (not doing too well with that though).
It is hard to get up in the morning especially since I like to get to the gym by 6am so I can have a more productive day.
I (and my doctor )would be more comfortable if I lost 30-50 more pounds (my doctor warned no more than 50), but I keep hearing from men, that they like my “thickness”, I however keep reminding myself that both my parents have diabetes and cholesterol issues and that I do not want that to be my future so thickness be damned, I am on a mission. wish me well.
btw my goal weight is based on my conversation with my doctor. I initially wanted to be the size I was before I entered my relationship, he advised me that for my height and body type that was unhealthy and probably unrealistic given my age and work schedule.
Intellectual H. , Much props…dropping 30 is really an incredible accomplishment by any standard!!!!!!
And yes…(we) brothas do like thickness too…so don’t get too crazy!
Good job on losing that weight! Take your time with the running b/c it is indeed hard. I dunno how far along you are but starting w/ 5 mins non-stop, then 10, 15, etc will go a long way. Or focus on the distance and try to run further each week. You’ll be getting faster and going longer before you know it! The weight will just fall off.
I just started back up a month or so ago…trying to lose 20lbs…almost there.
K… You are doing the damn thing. 3x/week is no joke. props.
Also, try interval training. You oscillate between sprinting and jogging (or walking). It is said to be the most effective running technique. I have seen great results using this method. I could go on for days about fitness…it is my second addiction (VSB being my first).
Actually that is how I started running.
1 minute running 90 sec. fast walking work your way up to 3min run/3 min walk than a 5 min run 3 min walk, 10 min run/ 3 min walk.
I need to get a personal trainer. “someone to work my body”
Check out what we were saying yesterday D*Boy…I think we all agreed that we are obligated to maintain. You can’t go ‘changing the product’ (to quote Goody) or breaking the implied contract by changing the game up and letting yourself go, phsically or behaviorally).
damn. Forreal…you didn’t have to do me like that. Now I look like the only dummy who repeats sh*t because he doesn’t stay on top of the posts. thanks!
my bad y’all.
*wallowing in the shame of unwitting repitition*
Aww D*Stroy I wouldn’t do you like that! I was only pointing out that your ideas were so gangsta, gully and hot that we all tried to be like you and talk about them before you did
LMAO!!!!!! oh…then that changes things. LOL!
I’ve been reading this blog for a couple of weeks now and this is my first time posting on VSB. Always a good read, thanks for the edutainment. I learned of your website through ST’s blog (Big shouts to my HU fam). What’s good? I look forward to catching up with everything and posting a lil bit. Peace!!
Oh and I see that a few of you are in DC, I recently moved back here, let me know where it at. Well this weekend it is everywhere given the 100 year AKA celebration. With that said, I advise any men reading my post to stay away from DC, we don’t need you, LOL!!
I just reread my comment post and found it to be a little ambiguous/adrogynous. So with that said I wanted to clear it up.
Kam77 = Grown Ass Man
ST = Sista Toldja
HU = Howard University
Glad that is clear now.
welcome and shit, and thanks for the compliments…and shit
and we understood the acronyms the first time, but still thanks for leaving a cliffnotes comment
Hosteness I saw your comment pop up in my inbox but I couldnt find it lost in the comment section.
Thing is that I won’t continue to date this guy knowing I am not that attracted. I mean am I gonna wake up one morning and say whew I HAD A WET DREAM!! PROLLY NOT.
I don’t have time to read what everyone has already said today so if you already said what i am about to say….you are a genius! LOL!
Not only is it not alright to withhold the sex, the sex must also be consistently enjoyable. If I had sex with a woman every time she wanted it…..for 2 minutes…..she is still very likely going to cheat on me. And if every time I wanted some head she tries to peel the skin off with her teeth……I will break a vase over her head and leave, never to return! LOL!
I will never be the one to withhold sex. EVER. I don’t care if i just decided that I hate your guts and I want you to stop breathing forever. As a matter of fact I think i enjoy sex a little more when i can’t stand your ass! Either way, if you are going to stop having sex with your partner then you should just leave them because you are asking not only for them to find satisfaction elsewhere, but the sexual tension will run over into ither aspects of your relationship. Now that you aren’t screwing me I can’t stand the way you chew, or now that we stopped humping, your laugh really gets on my nerves. You get the point. The moral of the story is FUCK YOUR PARTNER NO MATTER WHAT! Especially if his name is Buck, because that nicca will flip the script on you faster than a time traveling DeLorean!
“I will never be the one to withhold sex. EVER. I don’t care if i just decided that I hate your guts and I want you to stop breathing forever.”
I am over here in TEARS!! ignit as hell…and smart at the same time…BigBuck ~ my favorite sweet and salty snack! ha!
You are so going to get it one day GOODENess! LOL!
@BUCK…promises…promises…
**sending bigbuck to the corner with goodygood and ms t-lee with some jumper cables, a box full of condoms, milk, and a paper shredder**
Just don’t give him a vase…I’d hate to see something bad happen.
paper shredder
It was all good ’til you typed that.
::snicker::
I know right, especially since y’all aint got not paper over there, what you gone do shred the condoms? That’s nasty! well I guess you can shred the box the condoms come in. **shrugging shoulders**
heeeeeey IH…did you try the tea yet?
@ Good,
I think I bought the wrong one, I tried the what I thought was the Smirnoff Green Tea, it tasted like hand soap. I have to buy some at a LQ near my house, I’m out in the styx here and they may not have it. I will give it another try.
@CHAMP…can I get some cold water… 6 packs of apple now/laters…and a spatula!
what color?
green to match the apple now/laters!
Goodie! the corner smells like budissy now. i’m leaving! LOL! although…now that i think of it no one ever invited me over here to begin with.
And if every time I wanted some head she tries to peel the skin off with her teeth……I will break a vase over her head and leave, never to return! LOL!
Wow…just wow.
CTFU!
You are going to get it too! As a matter of fact you and GOODENess need to meet me in the corner in 15 minutes for a little “chat”!
@BigBuck…(high 5ing t-lee) ALLLLREADY! ou don’t know nothing bout these here TEXAS stallions hunny….rodeo indeed!!!
He don’t know about the dirty 3rd…ha!
Be careful now! Your boy is rather well traveled….I have broken my share of Texas stallions in my day! Bring that over here if you want to…..it ain’t gon go like you think!
I ain’t skeered a you man!!!
“And if every time I wanted some head she tries to peel the skin off with her teeth……I will break a vase over her head and leave, never to return!”
I couldn’t even finish reading the post. I just spit out my dunkin’ donuts iced coffee all over my screen and keyboard. Someone owes me a coffee
Personally Buck I have always been a fan of the throat punch. **you know reach around between your legs**
BRILLIANT! I will definitely use that it if it ever happens! Maybe i’ll do that and THEN hit her with the vase!
Don’t get me started. I used to be a medic and all them domestic disputes (amongst others) taught the kid a few things.
Big Buck while i agree that these things you say can happen and are true, i also know that sex doesn’t fix or trump everything in my life/relationships.
if you got a raggley ass chew or a ugly ass laugh sex doesn’t cover that up. before i started humping you maybe i overlooked it to see how good the nookie was but after that curiosity is fullfilled or anytime other than when we are having sex that laugh and that chew is still horrid.
most people are eating and laughing more than they are having sex, least they should be. (minute for minute; pound for pound) i haven’t met the sex that makes me overlook shit i don’t like about a person. the real substanitive core problems will rise above the sex and for me atleast negatively effect the sex life at some point. [that's just me]
puss* seems to be the be all to end all for most men though and women seem to know it.
with that said let’s all do more grudge fuc*ing. i’m all for it, dam the small shit. real issues are another thing thing for me though.
puss* don’t run me.
Well I was just giving general examples of things that may not really bother you that much, but when the loving stops, your frustration amplifies everything else into a bigger issue than it normally would be. It is not about puss* running you, because please believe it don’t run me(“I whips puss*!!!). It just makes things a little calmer.
Word up Genius and Buck “pu$$y aint nothing but the skin on your bone you can fuhk it you can suhk it you can leave it alone”
@ WuDA…whatchu know bout that there bwy???
What’s in a name yadda mean **wildly shaking imaginary dreads**
Speaking of what people know about. I always wondered if this song was inspirede by that one by Parlament you know “I’M THE TOMCAT AND YOUR MY LITTLE OLE… P-U….”
The reason I put her on ‘penis punishment’ is because she was gradually becoming very disrespectful towards me. I should have left then, but I was hanging on to the chance that we could still work things out and go back to the ‘good ol’ days’.
The final straw came when she started calling me out of my name and bringing up personal shyt in front of her family and friends during a Memorial Day cookout. After that, I pretty much didn’t want to be bothered with her. When she would make sexual advances, I quickly brushed her off. How she acted really turned me off and I didn’t desire her in that way.
After some of her family members told her how she was wrong, she eventually apologized and the feeling I had of “not feeling her like that” subsided. It wasn’t like I set aside a designated time period for the punishment, it just so happen that was how long it took for us to both get back to that level.
Needless to say, the ‘fresh-off-of-punishment’ sex was the BOMB!!
I don’t think I was wrong at all for ‘holding out’ though. Say for example, if you’re a committed patron of a particular restaurant and you enjoy the food, service, ambiance, etc. so much, you go regularly – then, you go one day and the service is shitty, the food is repulsive, and the vibe isn’t on point. Eventually, you may go back, but you wouldn’t be wrong for laying off of them for a while until they corrected those issues.
Ok, that might not be the best analogy, but hopefully, you catch my drift.
Then again, maybe it IS a good analogy cause you EAT at restaurants and men eat…never mind.
Monk i feel ya reasoning dawg. using sex as a weapon of mass distraction is where i draw the line.
there is a difference between a genuine problem motivated not out of selfishness that effects your sex life and sex that is withheld or weilded for manipulative, selfish and tyrannical reasons.
what’s your motivation makes all the diff in my book.
I think that is a great line to draw. I mean the sex drive is one of the basic needs of a human being there is a reason that it’s oragins in the brain come from the same are that make you want to sleep eat breathe and so on. I mean really would you want to take their breath away so that they hear where you’re coming from and if so leave em alone.
I think that is a good line to draw too kahn. The way I see it the sex drive originates in the same area of the brain as the desires to eat drink and sleep. And would I want to take any of the other things away from them until they saw my point? Nah I’d just leave they ssa. If effective adult comunication doesn’t get throught to them their loss.
Champ looks like you were a step ahead of the mighty TIME magazine. Here’s the link.It’s called Why we Cheat
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1820942,00.html
so i may be late, but i think that there is nothing that a woman can do to prevent a man from cheating. essentially it all boils down to what he decides to do in that moment. cheat or not cheat.
well i guess i would just end up saying the same thing that is in the article. i will end with
if your man is a hoe… there is notihng you can do to change it.
I recently subscribed to the site and love it. It’s interesting how common sense is just no common. This article proves that on soooo many levels! Love it!
Leslie McFall has an interesting way to deal with the so-called exception clause in Matthew 19:9 that appears to allow for divorce and remarriage for marriage unfaithfulness.
He has written a 43 page paper that reviews the changes in the Greek made by Erasmus that effect the way Matthew 19:9 has been translated. I reviewed McFall’s paper at Except For Fornication Clause of Matthew 19:9. I would love to hear some feedback on this position.