Charm. Pt. ii

by Panama Jackson

344 comments

1 Anechoic { 07.15.08 at 12:28 am }

I have no problem following these steps around women that I have *no* interest in. When I get around someone I like, well, not so much.

This results in a lot of messed-up situations.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:21 am}

you know, i’ve noticed that i’ve been that way before too. around women i dont particularly want to sleep with i’m open, engaging, and gregarious, but if i just met you and i’m thinking about getting into your seven’s, i become aloof, distant, and “mysterious” (not my words.)

thing is, this isn’t intentional. i’ve always done this as long as i cant remember. its like, until i see that you’re interested in me, you’ll have absolutely no idea that i’m interested in you.

i wonder why i do this

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JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 9:38 am}

I do this same thing with men…and I’ve never been able to figure out why. So then we both walk around pretty much pretending to ignore the other, not knowing that we’re mutually interested…which result in neither of us getting what we want. Quel strange…

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:45 am}

“i wonder why i do this”

with a chick you don’t want to hit, you have nothing to lose so there’s no real thought process going on. with a chick you WANT to bed comes the thoughts of not f*cking it up…so one might think to step back a little in hopes of not doing anything to screw up the possibility.

people think too much methinks.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am}

“people think too much methinks.”

a couple of zombie’s usually has a way of stopping that

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Suga&Spice {July 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am}

And the chicks you usually dont want is the one who is into you, because you are being youself. Being yourself oozes confidence And we all know how women feel about confident men.

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NY {July 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am}

Champ that sounds like the 2nd grade analogy of when little boys push on little girls cause they like them Aka “grow up”..lol..just kidding, but thats what it seems like if you don’t let it be know right off bat.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am}

“Champ that sounds like the 2nd grade analogy of when little boys push on little girls cause they like them Aka “grow up”..lol..just kidding, but thats what it seems like if you don’t let it be know right off bat.”

i think i just like to get a read on people before they get a read on me. this same thought process is behind why i never sit with my back to the door in any public place. i want to see you before you see me

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NY {July 15th, 2008 at 11:42 am}

I see you keeping that guard up…nothing wrong with that.

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Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:48 am}

@NY - similar analogy, i call that ‘5th grade flirting’.

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boom {July 16th, 2008 at 7:52 am}

note to champ: Sevens are so 4 years ago.
but i guess if you were Too up on women’s fashion, i might worry about you. boomshakalaka

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genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am}

Anechoic, J Boogz, Champ not being able to be witty and inviting [fully expressing yourself] or claming up around someone whom you are attracted to is more than likely fear. FAFC.

i have felt it before when i was attracted to someone but mostly not. i guess i just stopped caring what people might think. methinks that i have found a non-chalant space that is self accepting and genuinely don’t attach my worth to whether they accept me or not. stop seeking approval. desire, intend and righteously will instead.

when it comes to a woman i’m attracted to i don’t depend on or define myself by the results of our encounter and subsequently i move freely. when you do this most people will look at how you move and fully express and accept who you are and wish they could do the same thing. by doing this you can change the mood of a room. (being self accepting can invite and emancipate others) some won’t get over the hump but that’s just to bad for themselves.

here’s the thing thing. you shouldn’t be attached to results. sure, have desires and have healthy intentions but know that the results won’t make or break you. this goes for everything especially in the dating world. as for males and females: they keep building them everyday. what’s the big ass deal.

the law of detachment and the law of attraction.

FAFC!

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 10:33 am}

with me, there’s a bit of narcissism attached into that too. it’s like i’m saying in my head “okay…you have potential, but you’ll need to prove to me why you have potential before you get a read on me”

i know this is weird as hell, lol, but it works for me.

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genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am}

Champ says: “okay…you have potential, but you’ll need to prove to me why you have potential before you get a read on me”

thats a good attitude. [narcisscitic or no] never rush, move fast when its time to move swiftly but never rush.

my whole thing is never seek approval, never think or act from a position of neediness or fear and never attach your worth to the results.

we are creators and there is plenty more to be created. there is more of where everything came from. more well suited men and women, money etc.

having omething or someone doesn’t necessarily give you satisfaction or a feeling of abundance. there are many people who have a shitload of money but live in fear of loosing it. …and then there eare tose who have lost multiple fortunes and are able to regain it multiple times.

i work on total self acceptance and mastering my inner world.

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JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 12:31 pm}

“my whole thing is never seek approval, never think or act from a position of neediness or fear and never attach your worth to the results.”

i agree. my self worth is certainly not attached to the outcome. additionally, my thought process has always been…if he’s interested, he’ll make it known , thereby initiating (as i feel a man SHOULD). so if i had to give a reason why i don’t directly approach, this is why.

now the ignoring part is directly proportional to how interested i am…so if i’m REALLY interested, it’s like they don’t exist. all the while, i’m watching like a mofo, giving myself time to decide if it’s something i’d want anyway. i mean, if i encounter them, i speak, but that’s about it. again, if he’s interested, he’ll usually wonder why i seem so aloof, ask me directly or make some other excuse to speak to me, which usually breaks the ice. now why this has worked, i don’t know…cause it isn’t logical. but what about dating/relationships is?

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Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 5:16 pm}

Good advice GK.

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2 The Cuteness { 07.15.08 at 12:44 am }

I find good manners and diction quite fetching on a man. There’s nothing like a Southern gentleman of the darker persuasion gently placing his hand on the small of your back on a flight of stairs or taking your arm as you cross the street. Manners=swoon. Inane artsy babble=chastity belt.

I suppose I’m somewhat of an aberration b/c ignoring me is the surest way for a man to be x’d out of the equation. I’ve always been of opinion that if a man doesn’t have the good sense to recognize that I’m the closest thing to perfection he’ll every encounter and act accordingly (i.e. openly pursue me), then he’s obviously a cretin. One does not date cretins.

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Alise {July 15th, 2008 at 12:52 am}

I concur with the manners, when you think you have met the guy who resuscitated chivalry it is an instant turn on…

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Mimi {July 15th, 2008 at 9:14 am}

I’ve always been of opinion that if a man doesn’t have the good sense to recognize that I’m the closest thing to perfection he’ll every encounter and act accordingly (i.e. openly pursue me), then he’s obviously a cretin. One does not date cretins.

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LMBO! I love this…this is my motto from now on

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:46 am}

LOL…this is quite funny.

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D*Boy- D*Stroy {July 15th, 2008 at 9:17 am}

Manners are good… but I have found that women often equate them to b*tch@ssness which is not a highly coveted trait in any man. Perhaps its just a fine line.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am}

“Manners are good… but I have found that women often equate them to b*tch@ssness which is not a highly coveted trait in any man. Perhaps its just a fine line.”

it is. typically, women from nyc are the worst with this.

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:47 am}

women from up north tend to suck the most anyway.

yeah…i said it.

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 10:07 am}

Wow really?
It’s like that up North? Daaang.

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Dom {July 15th, 2008 at 10:08 am}

“women from up north tend to suck the most anyway.

yeah…i said it.”

I think women from the north just have a different attitude when it comes to being pursued. We are a little tougher on our men and in general expect them to act more “macho.” I think its the weather that makes us so cold-hearted.

And unlike women from the South we arn’t willing to do anything to keep a man. Yeah, I said that!!!

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:14 am}

“And unlike women from the South we arn’t willing to do anything to keep a man. Yeah, I said that!!!”

Hmm…so let me get this right, a woman who’s willing to do anything to keep her man is to be frowned upon?

I do think cold-weather chicks don’t have as sunny a disposition as southern women. then again, i’m from down south so perhaps i’m biased.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 10:20 am}

“I do think cold-weather chicks don’t have as sunny a disposition as southern women. then again, i’m from down south so perhaps i’m biased.”

this is true. thing is, underneath the northface they’re still the same, its just that you gotta get through all them damn feathers to see it.

Dom {July 15th, 2008 at 10:30 am}

“Hmm…so let me get this right, a woman who’s willing to do anything to keep her man is to be frowned upon?”

In my opinion, yes. And by anything I mean drastic measures like lying dead to his face, faking pregnancies, actually getting preggers just so he’ll stick around, and generally dealing with things you wouldn’t normally put up with just so he’ll stay with you. Thats crazy to me but I have seen all of that with chicks in the south…and thats in the past year alone! Then again, maybe I just dont know enough up-north women cuz I have a feeling the same sh** goes on up here too.

Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:35 am}

@Dom: okay you mean psychotic behavior to keep a man. not, cook and make him feel like a man.

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 10:45 am}

“Then again, maybe I just dont know enough up-north women cuz I have a feeling the same sh** goes on up here too.”

……

Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:54 am}

hey! i’m from up north and i love chivalry. and my brother lives up north too (nyc) and he created chivalry. the nyc ladies swoon when he does all that door holding, back spotting madness. who said that was b*tchy? but then again my brother is awesome & has good genes so maybe this plays a part in it too.

miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 10:27 am}

And unlike women from the South we arn’t willing to do anything to keep a man. Yeah, I said that!!!

Don’t get it twisted.

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The Comeback Girl {July 15th, 2008 at 10:28 am}

“And unlike women from the South we arn’t willing to do anything to keep a man. Yeah, I said that!!!”

wow …somebody else had some truth serum too this morning LOL….

This is ummm…rather true.

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Leila {July 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am}

Life is different up north, especially in NYC. It’s a lot more faster and hectic, so our expectations might be different. Also, we’re not as trust worthy as women from down south and it takes more to impress us. But, we’re very loyal and we’ll have your back. I’m from new york and i like guys with manners because I like to be treated well. But, I don’t like a guy who’s too soft. It’s a balance.

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AroundHarlem.com {July 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am}

Please speak for yourself regarding trustworthiness.

Thanks.

Leila {July 15th, 2008 at 12:14 pm}

Oops that was a typo. I meant to write that we don’t trust as easy.

ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:05 am}

Dom, you AINT NEVER LIED! I’ve noticed and heard things from Southern women that blew my mind. One day i just realized we were raised differently and where I’m from i don’t care how many bills you are paying, you aren’t ‘entitled’ to a chick on the side too.

And I don’t think we are as hard on our men here (in d.c.) as women are in ny. Manners, among the grown set, count for a lot.

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 1:39 pm}

heard things from Southern women that blew my mind. One day i just realized we were raised differently and where I’m from i don’t care how many bills you are paying, you aren’t ‘entitled’ to a chick on the side too.

I wanna know what part of the South you’re referencing…this ain’t gonna fly round this way. lol

The Cuteness {July 16th, 2008 at 12:19 am}

Oh please. Southern women are no more apt than any other group of women to fake pregnancy tests and put sugar in gas tanks. I’m as country as cornbread but I’ve got plenty of Northern girlfriends and I could match anyone tit for tat with “crazy lady” stories from their exploits alone.

However, those of us who were raised to be ladies pride ourselves on being feminine at all times. We’re going to smile politely if a gentleman introduces himself instead of mean-mugging. If he acts improper, we’ll cut him a nice side-eye instead of getting loud and suggesting fisti-cuffs. When our man says that he misses Sunday dinner at his nana’s house, we’ll surprise him with a homecooked meal instead of Hotpockets and beer. Also…we’re fixing his plate and serving him first. If he wants seconds, we’ve got that too. We take pleasure in being pretty and our men like us that way. We treat them well and they in turn spoil us rotten. In my opinion, that’s a rather equitable trade. When you hear a man singing the praises of Southern sisters, he’s not talking about Jackie-O and ‘nem. He’s refering to ladies and yes, we do have the game on lock.

I’ve read a number of comments on this blog from posters stating that they can’t remember the last time they had a date or asking why no one goes on dates anymore. The answer is that plenty of men are asking women out on dates. They just aren’t asking the ones who don’t smile, who suffer from attitudith stanksus, who chase them down like Monique after a pork chop, who don’t take care of themselves, etc. All one has to do is take off that hard exoskeleton, put on a flirty dress and smile and I guarantee that one will get asked out. Try it free for 30 days.

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Monk {July 16th, 2008 at 12:35 am}

Are you listening ladies??

AroundHarlem.com {July 15th, 2008 at 11:46 am}

Clearly you’ve been meeting the wrong women.

Expand your horizons.

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AroundHarlem.com {July 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am}

[“Manners are good… but I have found that women often equate them to b*tch@ssness which is not a highly coveted trait in any man. Perhaps its just a fine line.”

it is. typically, women from nyc are the worst with this.]

I disagree.

Chivalry could never be mistaken for b*tch@ssness.

I think you’ve mistaken the New Yorker’s keen ability to recognize b*tch@ss behavior before you’ve even noticed us.

ex. You’re out in public acting a certain way — un-chivalrous, but when you step to you you act as if you’re the perfect gentleman.

Meanwhile, we saw you exhibit the opposite behavior before you even noticed us.

That’s b*tch@ssness.

Constancy is the key to not being mislabeled.

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GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 9:48 am}

my kryptonite is a genuine gentleman…and chivalry doesn’t equal punk…it’s been my experience that the women that feel that way aren’t used to a MAN adn don’t know how to allow a man to open a door, pull out a chair…etc…gentlemen are most effective on ladies…not just females…but if she feels that way…you don’t (or shouldn’t) really want her anyway …and if you get her…f*ck the sh*t out of her to SHOW her there is no b*tch in you, and move on to find a woman that will appreciate that sh*t!!!

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Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 5:19 pm}

When it comes to LADIES, you bring out your gentlemen side. When it comes to undeserving females, you save the manners. Ladies will appreciate it…hoodrats wont’s, simple as that.

I do agree, it is a fine line though.

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3 Kitsune { 07.15.08 at 12:50 am }

Pay her rent.

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utc115 {July 15th, 2008 at 12:55 am}

are u serious? thats shallow.

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soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 1:12 am}

it may be shallow, but it’s true for many women

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am}

how is that charming though? is it the constant reminder that he’d do spend that much money for you?

or is it the constant reminder that he has ENOUGH money to pay two rents at the same time and is essentially paid?

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utc115 {July 15th, 2008 at 10:05 am}

I say you had the bills before he came so you can still pay the bills when he is there. Pay Your Rent…….that is foolishness if I have ever heard any. Charming…..heck naw

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Kitsune {July 15th, 2008 at 10:18 am}

It was a joke. Although for some women that would charm the drawls right off them.

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Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 5:20 pm}

I knew that had to be a joke.

Anechoic {July 15th, 2008 at 1:56 am}

Hell no. It just makes you feel like a sucker when she leaves you.

Besides, if she can’t be her own person and pay her own rent, she’s probably got other problems.

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soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 1:58 am}

“Besides, if she can’t be her own person and pay her own rent, she’s probably got other problems.”

this is true

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tiffany {July 15th, 2008 at 7:27 am}

kitsume didn’t say that the woman “can’t” pay. s/he just suggested that the man do it as a way to get the drawz. sounds like trickin to me. but um.. if ya got it? </weezy>

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ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:10 am}

Not sure why, but the phrase ‘it aint trickin if ya got it’ just speaks to my soul on a deep level. I love it. Alright, carry on…

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 9:06 am}

This isn’t charming.

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am}

that’s what i think as well.

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genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 10:00 am}

Kitsune spits: “Pay her rent.” [to charm her]

heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooo!

this sounds like the beginning of an “unhealthy bitc* dependency.” (for the man)

if a trick wants to charm me she can start by unfixing her mind to think such as this and unfix her lips to spit this blasphemy.

FAFC.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 10:14 am}

lol…i think kitsune was being facetious

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Kitsune {July 15th, 2008 at 10:19 am}

I was being facetious indeed. Thanks Champ!

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Cheryl {July 15th, 2008 at 1:33 pm}

I like flowers. Sending me flowers, picking me flowers, etc makes my insides all warm and gushy.

Planting the bulbs in my front yard for me so I won’t have to get dirt under my fingernails? Yeah that means you get sexually harassed right in the front yard with all the neighbors watching.

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Cheryl {July 15th, 2008 at 1:57 pm}

I didn’t intend for this response to go here. My bad.

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Nut {July 15th, 2008 at 7:59 pm}

Cheryl said
Planting the bulbs in my front yard for me so I won’t have to get dirt under my fingernails? Yeah that means you get sexually harassed right in the front yard with all the neighbors watching

I can’t agree more. I love flowers and if you plant something for me, every time they bloom I’ll think of you and get all moist.

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4 utc115 { 07.15.08 at 12:54 am }

I like good conversation. No we dont have to be into world affairs (those are good conversations too). Not a conversation on how you would wear me out……but good conversation. Women love to talk. We like to be heard.

Holding my hand or putting your arm around me in a public place is charming.

Just being a gentleman. holding doors, Going to retrieve the car and picking me up from the door when its raining……..and i think I got this from a movie but ordering my food for me.

How about staying awake to cuddle and chit chat awhile we have made love………………….running a bubble bath. Massaging my feet.

Now paying me no attention will get u no where. If u walk off and start to buzz around the club with other women u really arent interested you are playing games.

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Treezy F. Baby {July 15th, 2008 at 2:28 am}

Yeah listening to my every word and giving me the sense that you can feel me is very charming. Just lemme talk and talk and talk and show that you don’t even care to interrupt cause your just enjoying what I have to say that much. I love a guy that WANTS to listen to what I have to say.

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:27 am}

“Just lemme talk and talk and talk and show that you don’t even care to interrupt cause your just enjoying what I have to say that much.”

lol…all that’s happened here is that the guy has been placed in a conversation coma. his attention isn’t due to interest as much as its “her words are making the blood rush from my brain and i cant move my neck”

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Deviant {July 15th, 2008 at 10:30 am}

I have a sister that likes to call and talk about what I feel is nothing. I know she just likes to he heard so I give her that fantasy. I just let her talk while I drift of to fantasyland in my mind. To her it seems as if I am listening but I am actually planning what I will do after I stop the facade. I have mastered this skill to perfection. I know I am not the only guy that knows how to do this. I think women (the boring ones that blather on about nothing) should be aware of the fact that you make us have to do this to you and ourselves.

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JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 12:43 pm}

I think men should also be aware that women do this too…at least, I know I do when somebody (male or female) is prattling on about some sh*t I could care less about. And don’t let me be on the phone with a dude and I’m sleepy…then it’s a whole other level…I miss entire chunks of convo. If you gotta ask me, “Are you falling asleep”…seriously, it’s 1AM, and you’re running your mouth about nada…WTF do YOU think? (yes, i’ve said this before)

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Deviant {July 15th, 2008 at 1:09 pm}

I believe you I do this to dudes too. I do it at least once a day at work.

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NY {July 15th, 2008 at 9:24 am}

utc115..you hit the nail on the head…bravo! all those things you mentioned holds my attention as well. It lets us know that your in it to win it, I crave attention as well, without it i get a little pissy:( my guy doesn’t really do PDA’s, i say it form of affirmation and showing that person that they stand out from the rest. Plus it can be a form of 4-play before the actually boogie if its done right…

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:52 am}

yeah i actually think this is a really good list. i was just listing general stuff.

i’ve always felt that certain touching of a chick will always excite her a little bit, especially if it’s the most sexual non-sexual contact ever.

“and i think I got this from a movie but ordering my food for me.”

really though? now do you mean you told him what you wanted and he ordered it for you from the waiter…or do you mean he decided what you were going to eat and ordered it for you?

both seem a little odd to me, but i imagine the latter wouldn’t go over so well with most women.

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utc115 {July 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am}

@ Panama. I think the latter would go over well. Just say we have been on a couple of dates and u know what I like. Or it could(maybe) be a romantic dinner that you have planned and taken care of everything so that it is ready when we arrive…………

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am}

Or it could(maybe) be a romantic dinner that you have planned and taken care of everything so that it is ready when we arrive…………

that’s totally different as i’m planning the whole thing. the element of surprise alone means that you have no say so anyway.

i think this is really a case by case thing. i don’t know too many women who would be happy with me ordering for them…maybe once they’d think it was different. but if that happened one too many times…yeah, no.

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utc115 {July 15th, 2008 at 10:52 am}

anything that happens too many times is redundant so one time is enough. thats charming……

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genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 11:13 am}

utc115 states: “anything that happens too many times is redundant so one time is enough. thats charming……”

this sounds almost like polygamy. LOL!

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AroundHarlem.com {July 15th, 2008 at 12:00 pm}

“i think this is really a case by case thing. i don’t know too many women who would be happy with me ordering for them…maybe once they’d think it was different. but if that happened one too many times…yeah, no.”

I’ve seen/heard both women and men discuss doing this before. Some women seem to like it and some men seem to like doing it.

I’m a picky eater, so I’m not too sure about this.

Anyway, here’s a link to a blog where a woman describes an ideal birthday evening/celebration with her boyfriend.

The link is actually quite interesting in that it describes chivalrous behavior plus details about a man ordering a woman’s food.

http://abelleinbrooklyn.blogspot.com/2008/07/thank-you.html

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The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 1:36 pm}

“i think this is really a case by case thing.”

i agree. shit, its even case by case with the same chick. i’ve ordered someones favorite drink for them before, and got props, and got the side eye for doing the same thing a couple months later

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Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 5:25 pm}

I’ve experienced this too Champ. Case by case basis is the best way to handle this.

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Dom {July 15th, 2008 at 10:19 am}

It can as long as he knows what I like. I went out with my new beau on saturday and he loves to order for me.
Sometimes he just looks at the menu and picks something I might like, or he’ll ask what Im having and order for me. Usually it results in something that’s good but I prob wouldnt have ordered for myself. It shows he’s paying attention to what I like and dont. Also, he always asks if can order for me first, he never just assumes that he can.

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ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:13 am}

If I go to the restroom or something when we get to a restuarant, and when i come back you’ve ordered my favorite drink and appetizer, i ain’t mad at ya. But you have to know me first.

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Leila {July 15th, 2008 at 10:52 am}

I would not want a man to order for me. That would not charm me at all.

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Deviant {July 15th, 2008 at 11:10 am}

It seems like some Fred Flintstone shit to me. I’d feel like I was treating a woman like a child if I ordered for her.

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 11:30 am}

Yeah…not the business.
At all.

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ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:15 am}

I hate being ignored. Nothing will put a man on the ‘no draws’ list faster than ignoring me. I’m not interested in ‘winning’ anyone’s attention. I mean, i’m not from the South LOL

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5 ftm { 07.15.08 at 12:57 am }

Bravo on this post, Panama. Its smart, funny and pretty much the damn truth.

And I am a female. Sue me.

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:53 am}

thanks.

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6 soulfirelp { 07.15.08 at 1:10 am }

I’ll admit that I do love to laugh. So if I guy can make me laugh “w/him,” this is a good thing. However, that helps you during our initial greeting. This doesn’t promise you the panties or even a date, there has to be something more brought to the table. I’ll also admit that playing me to the left can be intriguing…but if played 2 the left too long, I get annoyed and then I’m done.

Here’s my short lists of charming things
(we’ve heard this already)
good conversation that reveals common interests and intelligence

genuine compliments

good memory(remembering that i had a long work day, so u leave a vmail saying hello and other sweet stuff)

ok..this one is a repeat also
being a freakin gentleman!!!(open my doors, hold my hand, if i have more than one bag…ask to carry it for me…jeez luiz!!(exhale)
so many men have lost this characteristic….or were they even taught?

humble spirit -this is important

overall…excellent post P!

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 2:58 am}

“genuine compliments”

genuine is the operative word.

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 9:08 am}

being a freakin gentleman!!!(open my doors, hold my hand, if i have more than one bag…ask to carry it for me…jeez luiz!!(exhale)
so many men have lost this characteristic….or were they even taught?

Sadly–this is becoming extinct.

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 9:52 am}

t-lee…I know some gentlemen, but so many women are accustomed to doing that stuff for ourselves, we don’t let them show us what they’ve got! I will stand and wait for a brother to open the door if we are both going through…

as for teaching them…that has something to do with it too…I taught my son to open doors and let sisters go first…he gets upset if I forget and open my own door! I mean arms crossed with a frowny face “mommy I was trying to be a gentleman!!!”… lol…I hope these little girls mama’s are making sure their daughters expect such treatment!

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 10:10 am}

I mean arms crossed with a frowny face “mommy I was trying to be a gentleman!!!”… lol…I hope these little girls mama’s are making sure their daughters expect such treatment!

This is too cute!!! Love it.

I’m accustomed to it to. I let the man be the man, open the door, pull out the chair, etc. My Dad had my Mom, my sister and myself spoiled, and he taught my brothers how to do the same. He still does the same for my step-mom. It’s not a dead art, just a dying art.

[Reply]

Dom {July 15th, 2008 at 10:25 am}

Thats good! My mom used to do the same thing to my brother, including making him walk on the outside of the street if he’s with a female, take his hat off in buildings, and make sure he walks across the street with us.
I know I certainly grew up accustomed to such treatment and any man who offers less gets dropped real quick.

[Reply]

Leila {July 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am}

he gets upset if I forget and open my own door! I mean arms crossed with a frowny face “mommy I was trying to be a gentleman!!!”…

Too cute!

[Reply]

ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am}

“he gets upset if I forget and open my own door! I mean arms crossed with a frowny face “mommy I was trying to be a gentleman!!!”… ”
This is so precious. You go Miss G…can you help a few other sisters raise their sons?? Do a workshop or something….LOL

[Reply]

boom {July 16th, 2008 at 8:26 am}

word. i have an ex who consistently walked thru doors in front of me, doing the ever-so-lazy turnback hold the door open.

and i never stopped noticing it, even after a year. every time he did it, a flag went up in my southern gal brain. i’m such a fucking lady, so you be a gentleman please.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:30 am}

“genuine compliments”

what exactly is a genuine compliment? i mean, saying that “gosh…your ass looks scrumptious as hell. i want the recipe to THAT” can be just as genuine as “you have a great smile”

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am}

CHAMP…if you can get away with saying it…and you mean it…say it…but that’s just my opinion…genuine compliments are just that….genuine…but make sure you pepper in some non-sexual ego strokes too…and you got a winner!

[Reply]

AroundHarlem.com {July 15th, 2008 at 12:05 pm}

“CHAMP…if you can get away with saying it…and you mean it…say it…but that’s just my opinion…genuine compliments are just that….genuine…but make sure you pepper in some non-sexual ego strokes too…and you got a winner!”

Perfect response Goodness.

We want to know that you sincerely like us as a person and that you like what you see.

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:14 am}

“gosh…your ass looks scrumptious as hell. i want the recipe to THAT” can be just as genuine as “you have a great smile”

you’re fired. a disingenuous compliment is one that sounds like it’s coming from your homie rather than your lover, i.e.) “you look aaaiight”/ “you straight”/ “naw, you look cool”. this will result in a lifetime of pounds and hi-fives, homie.

[Reply]

soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 11:22 am}

i mean, saying that “gosh…your ass looks scrumptious as hell.

funny…real funny

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:55 am}

“good memory(remembering that i had a long work day, so u leave a vmail saying hello and other sweet stuff)”

yeah, this one does work wonders in the charm department. as a man with beaucoup female friends, i’ve witnessed the both good and bad fallout from men doing, or not doing this.

y’all just all want to be the most specialist.

[Reply]

ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:23 am}

“y’all just all want to be the most specialist.”

*fanning myself with a church fan*

That’s the key right there. Make a woman feel wanted, not just sexually, though clearly that’s important to, and you are golden.

well, okay, you are golden if you are a viable candidate. A troll making me feel wanted isn’t quite the same, though i would never be rude to any guy, no matter how fugly, who was sincere with his.

[Reply]

soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 11:24 am}

y’all just all want to be the most specialist.

yes…the MOST specialist of all!

[Reply]

genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am}

soulfire lp laments: “ok..this one is a repeat also
being a freakin gentleman!!!(open my doors, hold my hand, if i have more than one bag…ask to carry it for me…jeez luiz!!(exhale)
so many men have lost this characteristic….or were they even taught?”

what have women of today lost or not been taught(as it relates to their date or sig other etc.) where is womens respectful attention where it relates to a man?

soulfirelp adds: “humble spirit -this is important.”

i see very little respectful attention being given to men in similar situations and stages of relationship where women long for chivalry. i do however see a lot of self importance, lament and expectations that a man should be chivalrously attending to a womans needs, wants and desires and she usually has an heir of entitlement and not humility to accompany it.

what say ye?

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 11:46 am}

GK - I feel you on this…but the comments are skewed to what women want, because that’s what the post asked for…lol…if it had asked what men want/what women do for their men to make them feel like the king that they are, etc…the comments would have gone the complete opposite…I know this type of thing feeds the “entitlement” monster, but it was the topic of the post… but I still e-love you though, lol

(when I am in a relationship) I try to be what I want…supportive, complimentary, sweet, attractive, respectful, funny…etc…but again…I think most wome are that way…or maybe I should say, I feel that they should be that way…I can’t wait until this topic graces the screen on VSB

[Reply]

genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 1:23 pm}

yep Goody, i read the post and i know it’s all about how to charm women but soulfire reminded me about how many women including those heard here on numerous ocassions lament how chivlary is lacking among men. it may be off message but hey when and where i’m inspired, i let it fly. i aint scared of u mu fuc*az. e-lubbs u too.

[Reply]

soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 11:57 am}

i feel you too GK.

I agree that women today aren’t being taught how to be respectable ladies as much. It’s one thing for me to expect my door opened, but I am wrong if I ignore u and don’t give u a thanks in return. When i taught school, I would see the girls calling “young gentlemen” gay or lame for opening the door. or if he wasn’t cursing at them or trying to grab all over them, they weren’t interested. that was crazy to me. i didn’t understand their perceptions about what respect was. and still don’t

as for myself, I appreciate gentlemen and I strive to be a good woman in return.

[Reply]

genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm}

“as for myself, I appreciate gentlemen and I strive to be a good woman in return.”

keep up the good work.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 1:38 pm}

““as for myself, I appreciate gentlemen and I strive to be a good woman in return.”

keep up the good work.’

i agree. carry on, trooper

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 5:38 pm}

I’m in total agreeance GK. It has to be a two-way street.

[Reply]

7 Ebony { 07.15.08 at 2:11 am }

I can get with the list except for #5. It will surely backfire on you. “Playing me to the left” will get you played to the left and without communication we’ll never get anywhere.

Being a gentleman is definately high on the list…

Showing that you have some class about you is important too. A woman would like to know she can take you somewhere other than around the way (to be more specific…she wants to make sure you can be taken somewhere other than the bedroom).

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am}

You know, #5 is the only one on her that requires any real gaming on the part of the man…but i’ve found that many women are charmed by men who keep their attention in a work the room kind of way. somebody that truly just stands out. not sure why that works, but it’s worked for me before.

then again, i’m sexxy.

[Reply]

Ebony {July 15th, 2008 at 4:17 pm}

“then again, i’m sexxy.”

Go on with your bad self. If you can make #5 work, you definately have some skills.

[Reply]

8 Ms.Devereaux { 07.15.08 at 2:21 am }

Great post!! All is very true and work like a charm…lol.

I would also include…

-Be informed, know what is going on with the world around you.

-Appear interested in what I do and who I am as a person.

-Try to be honest as possible. When a man is just honest it can be almost a turn on.

-Of course be a gentleman that should be a no-brainier

-Smile, women love men with a nice smile. It appears that you are a warm and friendly person.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:31 am}

“-Try to be honest as possible. When a man is just honest it can be almost a turn on.”

this is good, in theory…

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 9:59 am}

It seems the only way being honest can be a turn on is if you assume every man lies to you. In which case, ouch.

Sounds to me more like getting credit for some shit you’re just supposed to do.

For the record, I know a lot of men lie (and i’m with the champ, always being honest is only good in theory), but wow, that bar must be REAL low.

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:18 am}

“and i’m with the champ, always being honest is only good in theory”

in the words of omar, do tell…seriously explain.

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 12:47 pm}

people want to feel good about themselves and about their choices. if you tell folks the truth all the times, a lot of ungood will come into the picture. people often say they want the truth, but in actuality, they’re only glad they heard it in retrospect.

so cautiously honest is usually the best form of action.

[Reply]

Ms.Devereaux {July 15th, 2008 at 2:08 pm}

I don’t assume every man lies. However, I do get your point and would agree with ‘cautiously honest in usually the best form of action.’ (in some cases) People lie a lot for no reason, so for I do better with honesty matters if it hurts my feelings or not. Everyone who knows me understands that is how I operate. When dating I am as honest as possible and yes there are times when men don’t like it. Now I don’t always chose to answer everything either.

Yes it may only be good in theory, but it depends on who you are dealing with.

[Reply]

9 aja { 07.15.08 at 2:27 am }

Simple: Smile at me without saying a word and then wink.

Thats all it takes for me..lol The best things that are said that are left unsaid but shown with gestures..( i.e. a wink, a raised eyebrow, etc.)

If a man is a flirt, but only with ME..he can have the world..lol

[Reply]

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:32 am}

“Simple: Smile at me without saying a word and then wink.”

damn. this really is simple. “aja” must be swahili for “easy”

[Reply]

ForReal {July 15th, 2008 at 11:24 am}

Champ, I’m mad at that!! LOL

[Reply]

aja {July 16th, 2008 at 1:01 am}

champ..take notes..maybe you’ll learn a lil somethin from Khan..;) lol

[Reply]

genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 11:37 am}

aja i feel ya. a wink and smile speakes in volumes. less can be more. some people claim to find it hard to experss to someone (they are attracted to) their interest.

key: there are many forms of verbal and nonverbal communication but most people usually look to the verbal. communication goes two ways. input output. call and response. cause and effect. …and too many people have chained themselves to the results instead of seeking to fully express themselves and being totally self accepting.

[Reply]

10 Monk { 07.15.08 at 2:36 am }

As many have stated, being gentleman-ly is one way of charming a female. My father raised me to be very chivalrous and treat all women like queens or princesses. I do this…Until, a chick shows me that she’s not worthy of such treatment.

I pay close attention to body language and certain patterns when courting someone and I tend to make a mental note of certain things. For example, when I open the passenger side door for you and walk around to get in the driver’s seat, you better be reaching across to pull the latch on my door. Even when entering into places, when I hold the door open for you, I don’t expect you to breeze right by without saying ‘thank you’ or anything. That’s rude and it shows me that you’re not willing to reciprocate with the simplest of tasks. Basically, you want royal treatment, but aren’t willing to give it. GTFOH!!

I’m not really with the pay her no attention notion just for the simple fact that if I’m interested, I’m trying to feel her out (not neccessarily physically - but maybe). I’m paying attention because if my interest in her grows, I’ll know how to carry things and I can use what I’ve learned to my advantage. Of course one shouldn’t be ‘all-in’ and trying to remember her life story, but knowing she likes cheese on that Whopper w/ no onions, cut in half, with a Hi-C fruit punch without having to ask gets brownie points.

I feel you on the artsy aspect and I believe that women like men who are just passionate about something other than work, sports, or family. Those things are great but if a man is passionate about some form of art, it shows more complexity and adds to the intrigue. Not to mention it makes great conversation if she shares the same passion.

Another thing, if you’ve really hit it off with a lady and you’re both feeling each other and have probably shared a make-out session or two, PLAY IN HER HAIR!! Now this doesn’t neccessarily apply if the chick is unbeweavable, but if you get the chance to really massage her head, play in her hair, or even wash her hair, she’ll love you for life.

Just think, she has all that booty, breast-asis, legs, etc. - but you choose to massage her mind. Not only does it relaxes her and open her up, it gives you the opportunity to work your way gradually down. I guess this is moreso seduction instead of charm, huh?

Sincere compliments out the blue that aren’t typical, being aggressive and taking the lead, and stimulating her psyche are also sure fire ways of charming a chick.

[Reply]

Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 2:56 am}

“PLAY IN HER HAIR!! ”

shhhhhh….!!! don’t be telling folks that. damn you!

[Reply]

Suga&Spice {July 15th, 2008 at 8:12 am}

I love a man who will wash my hair. I am the most relaxed and unsuspecting right after my hair is washed. My high school boyfriend used to do it everytime I would get stressed out. I loved it!

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 9:09 am}

For example, when I open the passenger side door for you and walk around to get in the driver’s seat, you better be reaching across to pull the latch on my door

She’s gotta pass the test huh?
(Quote jacked from A Bronx Tale)
::snicker::

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 6:23 pm}

Damn skippy!

[Reply]

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:37 am}

“Another thing, if you’ve really hit it off with a lady and you’re both feeling each other and have probably shared a make-out session or two, PLAY IN HER HAIR!! ”

dammit monk. you weren’t supposed to reveal this. you can’t give away EVERYTHING!!!

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 9:50 am}

Apparently the hair thing is big with some people…
myself, not so much. Back of the neck yes…hair, no.

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 6:01 pm}

Oops, my bad Champ.

[Reply]

The Queen {July 15th, 2008 at 9:49 am}

Yeah, I can’t lie. I love for a man to play in my hair. This only works though if I’m already into him anyway.

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 6:22 pm}

You’re absolutely right Queen. Once a female is into a guy though, initiating subtle (even playful) touching breaks down barriers and make her feel even MORE comfortable, but she has to have some type of attraction to him before hand.

[Reply]

GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 9:57 am}

Another thing, if you’ve really hit it off with a lady and you’re both feeling each other and have probably shared a make-out session or two, PLAY IN HER HAIR!! Now this doesn’t neccessarily apply if the chick is unbeweavable, but if you get the chance to really massage her head, play in her hair, or even wash her hair, she’ll love you for life.

MONK - I love you for life for just typing that….you trying to get these men straight LAID up in here! I love to feel a man’s hands in my natural…it is sensual and relaxing…and yousay WASH it! lord!! don’t let him know how to greas a scalp….have a sister proposing up in here!!! LOL

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 5:59 pm}

GOODENess, I loves ya back. The washing and massaging usually leads to lots of hair pulling later on but I digress…lol.

[Reply]

JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 9:59 am}

“I feel you on the artsy aspect and I believe that women like men who are just passionate about something other than work, sports, or family. Those things are great but if a man is passionate about some form of art, it shows more complexity and adds to the intrigue. Not to mention it makes great conversation if she shares the same passion.”

Yes, passion is good. I’ll take passion about sports, cause um, I’m a sports chick myself. But as long as you have SOMETHING meaningful (and legal) that interests you, to the point where you’d engage in it for free cause you love it that much, it gets my attention (can apply to any number of things).
Playing in the hair…classic…thanks for throwing that tip out there, playa! Lot of mofos don’t know nothin’ bout that right there…

[Reply]

Leila {July 15th, 2008 at 10:59 am}

“I’ll take passion about sports, cause um, I’m a sports chick myself. ”

Me too! I grew up playing all types of sports so I love guys who are really into sports, especially basketball. I don’t care too much if you’re passionate about the arts. But, i do want a guy to have a passion about something. I like to see that spark and excitement.

[Reply]

Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:01 am}

“Another thing, if you’ve really hit it off with a lady and you’re both feeling each other and have probably shared a make-out session or two, PLAY IN HER HAIR!! Now this doesn’t neccessarily apply if the chick is unbeweavable, but if you get the chance to really massage her head, play in her hair, or even wash her hair, she’ll love you for life.”

Here you go with specific “game” tips. I was being vague and here you go sharing the game with the opponent. LOL.

i wonder if bald chicks like head massages as much as…men like them. heh heh heh

[Reply]

genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 11:44 am}

“i know you’re lying, i can see it in your weave.”

Panama says: “unbeweaveable!”

LMBAO!

[Reply]

soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am}

bravo!

Sincere compliments out the blue that aren’t typical, being aggressive and taking the lead, and stimulating her psyche are also sure fire ways of charming a chick.

yes! especially the aggresive taking the lead part. i am that woman who loves for her man to lead. charm me man

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 6:14 pm}

You know what, it’s far too many guys who tend to be intimidated by a woman they are interested in and they’re scared to just take charge. Some of it may has to do with being raised solely around women or lack of confidence or maybe both.

[Reply]

Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 6:10 pm}

The thing fellas have to realize also is you can only play in the hair but for oh so long cause if you keep going, it’ll be too relaxing and you’ll put her to sleep.

Now if you’re tired yourself, this could be a good thing and she’ll probably have erotic dreams about you.

If you’re not so tired, you have to know when to pump the brakes she’ll be able to do erotic things with you.

Before you know it, you’ll be pulling her hair in no time.

Sorry for the details, but I just had a flashback.

[Reply]

Nut {July 15th, 2008 at 10:12 pm}

if you get the chance to really massage her head, play in her hair, or even wash her hair, she’ll love you for life.

I’m so glad that you shared this @ Monk. No questions asked you got whatever you want and there will be steak and eggs in the morning. This will relax a me everytime and it never gets old. Throw in some whispered sweetness and it’s over.

[Reply]

Monk {July 16th, 2008 at 12:00 am}

Welch’s grape juice on the side please.

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Nut {July 16th, 2008 at 12:32 am}

Indeed. It’s so crazy when asked how a women would charm a man I was so surprised that not one persons said offer to cook for him. I guess that’s my southern desperation (read: charm). I knew I had my hubbie in the pocket the first time I made him a steak. I’m a damn good cook. The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach that is no lie.

[Reply]

Monk {July 16th, 2008 at 12:42 am}

Nut, it’s not the only thing that us men consider but it’s definitely up there. It speaks to trait that’s disappearing in some circles of women.

[Reply]

11 Treezy F. Baby { 07.15.08 at 2:41 am }

I like I guy who is a bit of mystery: this is very charming because as he does open up I feel like its a personal invite inside him.

Play against my expectations. I don’t know why this works but I get so charmed by someone who flips script on me in a GOOD way. For example, I met one of my best guy friend’s friend and when he met he started asking me a buncha questions: what do you do? Me: I’m a college student. Him: You’re in college, really? Where (enter low-level shit school here)? Me: Umm no…(enter uber-prestigious institution of higher learning here) . Him: That don’t make you better than me! I’m playing I knew you went there, I heard you’re cold girl…go head with ya smart self! I love how he made me think he was just a jackass but was really creating interesting dialogue. I dunno it worked for me. Maybe this should be called “make her thing you’re an ass, but just play it off and show her you’re just a semi-ass.” LOL.

Show your male leadership skills EARLY in the game. This gets me everytime, when a man just steps up and does something super ALPHA male not in a way that he’s trying to impress me but just cause it’s natural to him to do so. Example, I think the reason I got so stuck on my superthug was because when we were on our first date, I saw my professor walk into the door. I was gonna just blow her off but dude INSTRUCTED me to go say hi to her. Just him telling me to go do something was mad sexy. But this is the kicker and show’s he true leadership ability. As I’m getting up to walk to her table, he gets up to and follows me…as I say hi to her my date is saying hello to my professor’s companion. Take charge and be the man from the jump!

[Reply]

utc115 {July 15th, 2008 at 9:37 am}

Alpha men will do that for u. AMEN amen and AMEN!!!!

But taking charge is a good one. Give me instructions

[Reply]

shay {July 15th, 2008 at 9:59 am}

people just don’t understand how swaggerlicious leadership is…

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 10:04 am}

***Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah***

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The Comeback Girl {July 15th, 2008 at 10:45 am}

“don’t understand how swaggerlicious leadership is”

***calling all to the first ever world convention where we will now seek the common truths of hindu, buddah, christianity, islam, and tao.***

[Reply]

JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 10:55 am}

truest truth i’ve heard today…

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GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 10:00 am}

TREEZY… that sounds like EXACTLY what a man should do…not thug-ly at all…but I guess he showed his inner doo-rag in other ways…the stroy made me smile though…

[Reply]

JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 10:02 am}

Love ALPHA men…love men who take charge in a “this is how I roll” way rather than a “i’m a bitchazz so i’m overcompensating” way

[Reply]

genius khan {July 15th, 2008 at 11:53 am}

Treezy, Good Good, utc115, shay, t-lee, j boogz you all are good team members from good teams thats why you respect and crave good leadership.

you gotta good team girls you just needed a new coach.

supervise and delegate. good men give good instruction. good leaders have confidence and are not afraid to take risks. sometimes good leaders come off like assholes and they say and do as they feel regardless of who disapproves but itcomes with the territory.

usually people love them or hate them no in betweens, feast or famine. love to hate him or hate that you love him. passion, they lubbbs it. no apathy.

[Reply]

miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 1:42 pm}

usually people love them or hate them no in betweens, feast or famine. love to hate him or hate that you love him. passion, they lubbbs it. no apathy.

I agree completely.

[Reply]

soulfirelp {July 15th, 2008 at 12:03 pm}

mystery is good girl

say that and say that

Example, I think the reason I got so stuck on my superthug was because when we were on our first date, I saw my professor walk into the door. I was gonna just blow her off but dude INSTRUCTED me to go say hi to her.

(church moan)hmmmm…yes sir

[Reply]

12 Miss Patterson { 07.15.08 at 2:43 am }

if ever i need to define what an e-love/hate truly entails, i will direct folks to this post, but i digress…
1. making a woman laugh is a definite charmer
2. the aloof man may get an eyebrow raise, but never the panties.. . if you’re serious about the woman you’re pursuing i wouldn’t try this one, you’ll lose her quick. it only works on women who still haven’t figured out that their dead-beat dad isn’t the one to model their male suitors after.
3. artsy, not so much. i hate “poet voice” and men that use words & phrases like queen, soul, and building a nation make me dry heave. oh yeah, and if you’re not Yuroban don’t pretend you are.
4. Quirky works, but not fake quirky. I invented quirky, and I can smell a b*llshitter a mile away.
5. see #2- if this approach does work, the more aloof you are the more she’ll pay attention. and if this is just about the panties you just screwed yourself. you’ll get the clingy, baggage havin’, low self-esteem chick you men love to b*tch about at your doorstep every single night. (booyah! joke’s on you)

I’m with the other ladies, if you can demonstrate that chivalry is not dead and you can make a woman laugh you have a much better chance of gaining her interest. However, I still firmly believe that a woman needs to be attracted to you first. But if this merely about the conquest then i got nothin’ for you…

[Reply]

Monnie {July 15th, 2008 at 9:30 am}

“2. the aloof man may get an eyebrow raise, but never the panties.. . if you’re serious about the woman you’re pursuing i wouldn’t try this one, you’ll lose her quick. it only works on women who still haven’t figured out that their dead-beat dad isn’t the one to model their male suitors after.”

Word.

[Reply]

The Champ {July 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am}

“I invented quirky”

first t-shirt quote of the day

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shay {July 15th, 2008 at 10:02 am}

“i hate “poet voice” and men that use words & phrases like queen, soul, and building a nation make me dry heave.”

i always wondered why trying to make the next thing you say the smartest i ever heard was so important… be yo’self, fool!
also if we are on the phone and you have to sigh at the beginning of every sentence cause you think its sexy, kill yo’self.

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:04 am}

“3. artsy, not so much. i hate “poet voice” and men that use words & phrases like queen, soul, and building a nation make me dry heave. oh yeah, and if you’re not Yuroban don’t pretend you are.”

you’re telling me a man chewing a chew-stick wearing earthtones with a huey newton tshirt on that only refers to you as “sister” or “my earth” or “my black queen” doesn’t make you just want to go erykah badu his ass???? what if he comes with his own line of scented oils he sells on the train?? or what if you replace scented oils with incense?

and what if only wears birkenstocks?

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GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 10:10 am}

@P Nasty…not a “chew stick”…LMAO…

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The Comeback Girl {July 15th, 2008 at 11:00 am}

those chew sticks work…they usually are chewed by men with the preetiest bestest teeth.

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Nut {July 15th, 2008 at 10:21 pm}

I like chew sticks!! What they make your teeth so white and they make your breath so fresh.

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 10:13 am}

you’re telling me a man chewing a chew-stick wearing earthtones with a huey newton tshirt on that only refers to you as “sister” or “my earth” or “my black queen” doesn’t make you just want to go erykah badu his ass???? what if he comes with his own line of scented oils he sells on the train?? or what if you replace scented oils with incense?

FAIL

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Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:31 am}

“…on that only refers to you as “sister” or “my earth” or “my black queen” doesn’t make you just want to go erykah badu his ass????”

you know what killed this sh*t real quick for me the entire city of Atlanta and the tree people at Clark (ndugu & nzinga ring a bell???) What makes you think that just bcuz I have a natural that I want to make out-of-wedlock babies with you, carry them around in bjorn and wear matching head wraps? not to mention these dudes tended to be the biggest players in the game…and with the exception of their memorized queen/earth/sista monologue they typically don’t have a brain to blow out..too much gonga.

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Monk {July 15th, 2008 at 6:34 pm}

LMYAO!! Miss P, you won’t believe I had a tree hugger as one of my roommates my sophomore year at CAU…LOL!! That was an experience for dat ass. You got me over here dying laughing just thinking about them and I kinda feel bad like I’m wrong for laughing.

You took me back with that one.

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GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 10:09 am}

3. artsy, not so much. i hate “poet voice” and men that use words & phrases like queen, soul, and building a nation make me dry heave.

PatteeCakes…girl you hitting on some stuff for me this morning! Brothers see the afro, the tribal tats, and my “unique” sense of style and immediately make assumptions about who/what I am…in TX, when you have natural hair and afro-centric style people seem to automatically give you credit for a sensibility and depth of character that you may not actually have! Just because you think I LOOK like I want to have a casual conversation about the diluted focus of the post-colonial Negro and how it’s tainting future generations, doesn’t mean I do! I’m just trying to get off this train and go get some Smirnoff tea and some chicken wings!

IMO, “artsy” has a negative connotation of pretense and snobbery that makes the word so much less than a positive attribute…

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:20 am}

LOL…i wrote a WHOLE post about chicks with the “hair” which i used to allude to “deep” chicks stereotypical existence.

somehow, it started a shitstorm of controversy…and i still think i’m right.

http://jacksongtickle.com/2006/05/19/shut-your-sh-and-clap-your-hands/

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Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:37 am}

i don’t see this as controversial…perhaps for the tree people but i actually agree with your hair post (what is the world coming to?). i kid, i kid. i’m a walking contradiction. in spite of my ‘fro you can’t label me, i invented quirky remember? back to today’s post…carry on.

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm}

thank you kindly.

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GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 12:22 pm}

PANAMA…you rock…”When was the last time you met a woman with the “hair” that had the best of Ying Yang Twins bumping in their ride?”

ummmmm…yesterday..lol… I love me some Whisper Song (remix)…I agree with er’thang you just typed!!! I am my hair…very much so…and I wear it this way so you will have an idea of what you are geting yourself into BEFORE you even speak to me…now that being said, my is an extension of me…my thought processes…my preferences…and lifestyle…but there is more to me than that…I don’t mind being stereotyped for the most part…my issue comes in when you approach me based on what you think I want to hear because of how I look and it’s not really who YOU are…just be YOU…I am just a Southern soul sister with alot of love to give…yeah I got a fro…rock earth tones and tribal tattoos…I don’t wear makeup…I read…I spit…I got God but no religion…and prefer Little Brother to Young ANYBODY…but I still (occasionally) do dumb shit…I eat fried chicken…I know how to “Superman that ho”…drive a big ole gas guzzling truck…I curse in 5 languages…and I dance like a stripper…and WHAT???

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Panama Jackson {July 15th, 2008 at 12:51 pm}

lol…cursing in 5 languages is tight.

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AkShone {July 15th, 2008 at 1:52 pm}

“and prefer Little Brother to Young ANYBODY”

FYI Goodie, they’ll be in MIC City on August 2nd…still wainting on them to get back to ATL.

The lord didn’t bring you this far so you could fumble on the one, n*gga - Phonte

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GOODENess {July 15th, 2008 at 2:28 pm}

AkShone…you know I knew that right?? it’s a benefit concert for the homeless…featuring Big Daddy Kane, LB, adn Strange Fruit Project…and guess who already has her VIP ticket?? (happy dance) oh yeah! that’s right… I’m gonna put on my “good clothes”!!!

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miss t-lee {July 15th, 2008 at 3:30 pm}

Big Daddy Kane

I am so upset!!!!

AkShone {July 15th, 2008 at 6:04 pm}

Aw hayo naw, d@mn BDK too?!?! I’m green…that’s gonna be THE show to see. I need to check and see if the Rock the Bells tour will be coming this year to ATL, they’re supposed to be on that…I missed it last year.

Miss Patterson {July 15th, 2008 at 10:24 am}

Goody, you my girl. that’s exactly the artsy i’m talkin’ about. makes you wanna press your hair real good sometimes…

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JBoogie {July 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am}

Girl, I’mma go ahead and co-sign on this…cause I do rock the natural and I live in hot azz TX. The “hair” makes folk think I’m making a statement…which I am, just not the one they’re thinking. I am deep…but I wear the “hair” because I have a science degree, spent hours in chem lab in college, and realized that it couldn’t be good to put that stuff in my hair if I had to wear a heavy rubber apron, googles, and use a chemical vent to work with them in experiments.

I, personally, don’t spend most of my time debating “deep” sh*t…I’d really rather talk about something less draining.

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Leila {July 15th, 2008 at 11:03 am}

“I wear the “hair” because I have a science degree, spent hours in chem lab in college, and realized that it couldn’t be good to put that stuff in my hair if I had to wear a heavy rubber apron, googles, and use a chemical vent to work with them in experiments.”

LOL!

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The Cuteness {July 15th, 2008 at 6:40 pm}

True! I’m a physician. Dermatologists are doing a brisk business treating Black women in their 40s for baldness. Unintentional baldness is not a good look.

I read the article. I suggest that Panama check out nappturality.com. There’s a ridiculous amount of natural women of all types on that site. From th