always start the night with a rum and coke in each hand, and always alternate sips
spend at least 3.5 hours a day discussing, reading about, or watching nba basketball.
when complimenting a beautiful woman, be confusing, hyperbolic, and head-scratchingly vague all at the exact same time (ie: “wow. you’re definitely the best thursday ive ever seen“). if she asks you to repeat it, just say “not yet” and walk away.
incorporate lingo from “the wire” into your daily lexicon.
despite their convenience, never use straws.
if alone in an elevator with a white woman, try your best to whistle fiona apple’s rendition of “across the universe” to yourself. don’t, under any circumstances, crack your knuckles while doing this
when in doubt, eat breakfast and p*ssy.
call your parents at least twice a week, and ask them questions you already know the answers to.
if raining, try to remember that not having an umbrella builds character. also, try to forget that you’re too cheap to just buy one.
if you’re sure you’re gonna be late, just don’t go. if you’re sure you’re not going, go back to sleep.
if you’re absolutely certain you’re going to have sex later on, make sure to “ask for jake” 2-4 hours beforehand.
loosen your tie, and never, ever, ever button your top button. combined with your dark-brown skin and angular frames, this’ll help to create a look of ironic hipster virility known as the emo mandingo.
dance like no one’s watching. if watched, make damn sure you’re still sipping
you’ve just read a bit of mine. people of vsb.com, what are your personal creeds?
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 265 comments… read them below or add one }
Who is Jake? And whybare you asking for him?
@VSB,
1.) Never forget that even though I have so much less than some people.. I have a whole bunch more than others
1a.)Never boast or brag about things you have wether it be education level, tangible items, materialistic things….. None of that shyt has a dayum thing to do with the type of person you are
2.) Never smoke pot in the presence of anyone under any circumstances (unless it is a signifigant other that smokes also… If he doesn’t then he goes in the “anyone under any circumstnces” group)
3.)As a lady… NEVER GET DRUNK IN PUBLIC!!!!… Hell.. let my mamma tell it, ladies are to NEVER get drunk at all.. only tipsy and buzzed are acceptable forms of intoxication
4.) Maintain a high standard of cleanliness (lifestyle and personal hygiene) Shave!!!!
5.) Know when it is time to throw away a pair of shoes
6.)NEVER date a man that does not occupy his OWN residence.
7.)Congradulate.. dont HATE! If you know somebody thats doing good things in life, trying to make improvents, let them know thats whats up! If you need a tip to improve yo shyt, ask for some advice, and keep it moving. Pass that same info on to the next person, so they can come up too!
8.)Be open change
9.)Be in-tune with your intuition
10.)Understand that in life, although negotiation and compromise is necessary at times. It is perfectly fine to say “THAT IS ABSOLUTLY UNACCEPTABLE” and stick to your guns!
@Killa Kam,
you know jake. trust me
this
“if you’re sure you’re gonna be late, just don’t go. if you’re sure you’re not going, go back to sleep.”
defines my existence.
and the phrase “emo mandingo” almost ended said existence.
my creed:
1. when in doubt, eat chicken.
2. tolerate no b*tchassness. if you witness it, set the perpetrator straight. putting up with the sh*t makes you an aider and abettor, and therefore also guilty of b*tchassness.
3. wear high heels. but carry flats in your purse, just in case.
4. never take yourself so seriously to the point you can’t laugh at yourself when you do something foolish.
5. when mad, overly excited or in need of extra emphasis, switch from regular english to pidgin (and laugh secretly at non-nigerian/ghanians confusion)
6. always know where the nearest exits are.
7. bring every conversation to the topic of football (real, not american).
8. a little cleavage and a nice smile will get you far in a seemingly helpless situation.
9. throw random song lyrics into conversations if relevant, just because.
10. nas vs. jay-z => NAS.
@puff,
“4. never take yourself so seriously to the point you can’t laugh at yourself when you do something foolish.
5. when mad, overly excited or in need of extra emphasis, switch from regular english to pidgin (and laugh secretly at non-nigerian/ghanians confusion)”
Puff, abeg make u na get out my headspace with this your list u don make! Wetin cause am?
Tee hee! I stan for BOTH those comments
@puff, 10. nas vs. jay-z => NAS.
Jay Z baby!!!!
LOL that is the greater than symbol right? if not F!ck it! Jay for me!
@shay_d_lady, Jay Z for me too.
@puff, 10. nas vs. jay-z => NAS. BRAVEHEEEEART! shoutout to jungle, wiz and nashawn!
i remember in college during spades games and nas vs. jay z debates, i was alway team nas. you couldn’t tell me nothing different. over time, i’ve grown to love jay, as it is widely known, there really is a jay line for everything.
good list:)
ps) real football rocks:)
@puff,
8. a little cleavage and a nice smile will get you far in a seemingly helpless situation.
I look down upon other women that can’t understand this basic concept.
@puff, Good list!!
@puff,
“9. throw random song lyrics into conversations if relevant, just because.” – that’s my shiiiiiit, and as much as I’m also a Nas fan but i always got Jay-Z quotable in the pocket (I’m not a businessman, I’m business-maaan), cause that’s what he does best i.e come up with catchy phrases, like jingles and shyt.
@puff,
10. nas vs. jay-z => NAS.
the way a person answers this debate tells you everything you need to know about them.
@The Champ,
lol so i’ve heard. ditto the erykah vs jill argument (i say erykah).
@puff,
“8. a little cleavage and a nice smile will get you far in a seemingly helpless situation.”
i have recently embraced the phenomenon…it worked wonders…
10. nas vs. jay-z => NAS.
Jay Z can go kick rocks.
Do watch all NBA Playoff Games especially the Heat Games.
Do put on your sexiest walk when you notice buddy behind you looking at your ars.
Do not under any circumstances let ninjas know you are feeling them more than he’s feeling you.
Never ever brag about good chex to your home girls.
Under no circumstance shall a woman take her shoes of in the club unless your getting to beat someone’s ars with it.
Do sip wine read vsb comments and crak up as if you just saw The Dave Chappele im Rick James skit for the first time in your life.
@JamaicanGirl,
The sexy walk with a little ” i see you brought ya T*TTIES TODAY” always does the trick.
And you left one out. When wearing open toe shoes, do something about the toes.
Do watch all NBA Playoff Games especially the Heat Games.
this is how i feel about the Celtics
@JamaicanGirl,
see this here ninja…this sh!t right here ninja (please excuse that katt williams flashback) –> “Under no circumstance shall a woman take her shoes of in the club unless your getting to beat someone’s ars with it.” <– made my morning. yes, lawd!
i can’t stand it. woman up! my feet could be killing me but you would never f^cking know. the walk STAYS in tact. be at the club (on the rare occasions that i go) wanting to give chicks lessons. smh
@ Champ
pray tell wats “ask for jake?”
@PrincesMo,
word that starts with ‘m’ and rhymes with fasturation…
word that starts with ‘m’ and rhymes with filtration/hesitation/infestation/incarceration…is it comin to ya? if not just keep working at it, i promise it’ll come
“just keep working at it, i promise it’ll come”
@sisanda,
pun intended?
@eff yo couch,
vsb.com: where daily triple entendres happen
My personal creeds are easy. They are the IG Commandments I and Kindred created.
1. Thou shalt engage in debauchery and foolery in ALL circumstances and places (school, church, & classy functions included).
2. Thou shalt ROAST at all times, including, but not limited to: hair, clothing, feet, general fugliness, etc.
3. Thou shalt roast in all forms, including verbal, nonverbal, and written – preferably all at once.
4. Thou shalt burst out in song and dance in random places at random times.
5. Thou shalt say things that induce gut-wrenching laughter often, without even trying.
6. Thou shalt not try to be ignant, but find themselves unable to be Un-Ignant.
7. Thou shalt quote at least one of the following movies at least once a day (and twice on the Ignance Sabbath): The Color Purple, Anchorman, Coming to America, and What’s Love Got to do With It.
8. Thou shalt find all non-ignant folks self-righteous and siddity.
9. Thou shalt cause random strangers to smile, laugh, or stare in amazement of the ignance…and want to be your friend.
10. Thou shalt use obscure words to heighten the Ignance, and ensure that it can only be understood by the educated Ignant elite.
11. Thou shalt perpetually refuse all offers of Sense (i.e. The Lord: Here’s some sense. Me: Naw, I won’t be having use of that. Thanks though!).
12. Thou shalt make up new words and use it religiously as if it’s in Webster’s Dictionary itself.
13. Thou shalt be so ignant that we transfer such character to whatever is around us, people and inanimate objects alike (i.e. Sheena’s radio comes on whenever she pauses her TV).
14. Thou shalt make other ignant people want to look at you and retire their ignance.
Oh and last but not least. Thou shalt be AWESOME!
@Luvvie, I likey.
14. Thou shalt make other ignant people want to look at you and retire their ignance.
That’s a lotta ignance.
Oh and for clarification sake
There is a distinction between IGNANCE and IGNORANCE. Ignorance is the lack of knowledge where it is believed to exist (definitely a negative), while IGNANCE is:
IGNANCE (adj.): when one has a SENSE OF HUMOR that is RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. Usually exhibited by those who can induce cackles just by being themselves.
Yes, I’m an IG-ologist of sorts
@Luvvie, LOL I love this list and yes before you I was under the impression I was ignant but much like Mutumbo the writing was on the wall and I retired to save myself the embarrassment… on another note..am I the only one that didnt know he was still playing?.. like for real I thought he retired 6 yrs ago
@shay_d_lady,
Mutombo oughta be in someone’s NBA museum. Yes, him himself. I thought he had retired too. Womp.
@Luvvie,
LMAO. I so believe your list!
@Luvvie,
4. Thou shalt burst out in song and dance in random places at random times.
Thats me all day long!
7. Harlem Nights is my favorite.
(DELLA RESSE YELLING) I AM! IN CHARGE OF DA GIRLS!
@Luvvie and The Dutchess,
U r 2 women after my own heart. I love 4 and 7 too! i randomly burst into random song and dance at work, on the streest, at home, with people, and just by myself. I love musicals and disney movies! And i also love to quote film! I love “wats love got to do with it” obviously: eat the cake ana mae, u betta sing that song the way i mfing told u sing it!, and (stuttering) now i’m through with them narcatics ana mae are just some of the classics. I also know 95% of the bridget jones script and I frequently like to recite it in my very best british accent, chip chip cheerio. All in all very good list, 2 thumbs up, life is too short, u must enjoy it and when in doubt bust out the score to west side story when all else fails
@PrincesMo,
YESSSSS!!! West Side Story is my 2nd favorite musical (behind Sound of Music). Methinks you rock, Princess Mo
@Luvvie,
I am 16 going on 17…
those are my top 2 fave musicals as well. SoM and then WSS… then Grease
@Luvvie, I heart your list! I do 4 all the time…and people think I’m nuts because of it…
I’m Ron Burgundy?
I’m Ron Burgundy?
yessssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!! lmao
@CoCoPuffs,
LMAO!!! Ron Burgundy: “I’m in a glass case of emotion!”
@CoCoPuffs,
“Milk was a bad choice!”
@Luvvie, LOL you beat me to the punch. Yes, the IG Commandments are a long-standing tradition. Viva le IG!
@Luvvie,
“7. Thou shalt quote at least one of the following movies at least once a day (and twice on the Ignance Sabbath): The Color Purple, Anchorman, Coming to America, and What’s Love Got to do With It.”
I would add The Playas Club to the list as well. That’s my movie!!
@Bourgie Bama,
Not Playa’s Club!! “Make that money. Dont let it make you” lol.
@Luvvie,
IG Posse STAND UP!!
@Luvvie,
4. Thou shalt burst out in song and dance in random places at random times.
does this include the hambone?
@Luvvie,
1. Thou shalt engage in debauchery and foolery in ALL circumstances and places (school, church, & classy functions included).
yes…church is the best. Libaries are fun too.
Womp. My creeds are being help by moderation. Pleeeeaaassseee let it through Champie McHumptyson!
@Luvvie, The Man got me too. I thought i used the correct lingo, but i guess not…
in no particular order…
~baaaangles, always the baaangles
~incorporate bscottisms into everyday speech (even around ppl who don’t know who bscott iuhh)
~never walk around with chipped polish (esp on the toes)
~2 [well arched] eyebrows are always better than 1 [fuzzy] eyebrow
~festive hair must be moisturized — avoid looking like a tumbleweed or Unique from FTLORJ
~fresh breath is not negotiable
~light[er] skinned ppl get ashy too, so don’t make an example of yourself — lotion is the skin’s friend
~never feel the need to explain your disdain for the Lakers or Cowboys, or any other sports team on your sh*t list
~always carry a license, cash, debit/credit card, medical insurance card, and AAA card
~the solution to any of life’s problems can be found in
bscott vidscleaning, shopping, and/or sleeping~never go to a nigerian wedding
everalone@Gem-nasty,
“never go to a nigerian wedding ever”
Dont make me give you a swift roundhouse kick to the medula. *ice grills*
i actually witnessed all forms of abuse you just stated (plus many more) all in one day at a nigerian wedding last weekend. so you’re only perpetuating the stereotype LOL
@Gem-nasty,
*taking a page from the Book De Champ* “STEREOTYPE DEEZ!”
@Luvvie,
It’s people like you, going around Chuck-Norissing everyone that’s gonna make these Amerikan folks stop going to african weddings…stop it…atleast wait till they cant see who the perpetraitor is okay
@sisanda,
If Americans stop going to African weddings, then more food for me! *evil laugh*
According to Einstein’s theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you into yesterday.
@sisanda, Its because of this behavior I had a small destination NON-AFRICAN WEDDING.
People in my family still ain’t talkin to me. And I don’t give a good gotd@mn.
LOL. i already threatened my pseudo nigerian homegirl that if her wedding has more than 50% nigerians, i’m sending a gift in my place. she has already declared she won’t let her mother be in charge of the guest list so i’m in the clear!!
@Gem-nasty, Good list!
@Gem-nasty, “~never walk around with chipped polish (esp on the toes)”
I need you to put this on a shirt bc some of them ain’t getting it.
@Gem-nasty,
when i say that chipped polish bothers me, i think its the pits.
@Gem-nasty,
With all the talk of B.Scott I had to google this character. In utter amasement I have started to incorporate “get it squire” in my daily conversation.
yessssssss!!!!!! “get it squirrel” is a personal favorite of mine. i also enjoy saying the following: “sing scarlet” – “i’m only made of wood” – “track. gettin it” – “make your booty bounce” – “comeandgetthesegooddonedebbies”. consider trying them on for size, i think you might enjoy
@Gem-nasty,
Will Do
@Gem-nasty,
B.Scott called… he want’s his swag back.
And before you even go there…
e-ball DEEZ!
hee hee… love ya lovemuffin!
BBMo, i just have one question for you: do ya like my styyy-elll??
@blackberry molasses, HEEEEY LOVEMUFFIN!!!
“b*&*(^, hold my ponytail” is the most recent b.scott phrase in my lexicon.
@Gem-nasty, lmao@ B Scott. Thank you for introducing him into my life. I shall never b the same!
you’re welcome. EVERYONE deserves the gift of bscott in their life. i’m happy to be part of the team that spreads the bscott gospel to love muffins everywhere.
@Gem-nasty, always carry a license, cash, debit/credit card, medical insurance card, and AAA card
girl, this is def part of my creed too (replace AAA w/ my bus pas). i used to have a card on me that listed my drug allergies and emergency contact info. you never know!
lol if i had drug allergies i’d have a card for that too. and YES, always need an emergency contact. i have 3 programmed in my phone.
i also leave notes about where i’m going in my apt and my outlook calendar, just in case i never come back and a search party must be sent to find me.
@Gem-nasty,
Im friend jennifer never leave without her insurance card. She will leave everything but that girl got that insurance card!
“if you’re sure you’re gonna be late, just don’t go. if you’re sure you’re not going, go back to sleep.”
I live by this…seriously, I have been so stressed at my job that I staged a mini protest and slept until 2 pm today
but my creed?
Never feel bad about how I feel or what i think
Never apologize for being true to me and making decisions that are best for me and mine
Ride or die only for those that ride or die for you
Dont run away from problems or conflict
everyonce in a while go completely crazy over some thing completely not worth it… it keeps people off gaurd and fear of your reaction will keep you out of a lot of bullshyt
pineapple juice, redbull and premium vodka is a better cure than most prescription drugs!
dont be afraid to get out and try shyt.. at the very least youll always have intersting stories to tell!!!! LOL
@shay_d_lady, I just discovered the wonderful drink that is Red Bull and Grey Goose. It sure as heck makes going out and try stuff a whole lot easier.
@JamaicanGirl, now add a hit of dole pineapple or soak fresh pineapple in the vodka….it will change your life!
@JamaicanGirl,
Yassssssssssssss!
Double Vodka and Redbull please ;D
@shay_d_lady, “Never apologize for being true to me and making decisions that are best for me and mine”
YES!
@shay_d_lady,
I’ve done the Red Bull and Vodka before but never with the pineapple juice trick. So going to do that this weekend. Thanks for the tip!
@luvtheshoes,
“I’ve done the Red Bull and Vodka before but never with the pineapple juice trick. So going to do that this weekend. Thanks for the tip!”
I tried it back in Nov and all I can say is “Lord forgive me for my sins”
“I’m back and I’m hittin’em hard…”
[Da Band's "Bad Boy This" fades out.]
Personal Creed, huh?
De’s Creed
1. Make prolonged eye contact with everyone within a five-foot radius, no matter how awkward makes them feel.
2. If it is assigned a month before it’s due, wait until the pressure is so strong that it makes diamond-projectile excretion possible (read: the day before), then do it.
3. Write small poems on the back of exams so that the female professors fall in love with you.
4. When in doubt, laugh heartily
5. Assume that the person that is making hand signals is deaf; it saves a lot of time and embarrassment.
6. Turn phone to vibrate in order to avoid sideways glances from those that have never heard french pseudo-booty music (aka the bus riding population of the D).
7. If it is either hard or strongly scented, go sockless.
8. Do not delete numbers, but add them to the DNA list; it prevents the whole Why-don’t-we chill-anymore convo.
9. Spontaneity = GSR (Good Sweaty Relations)
@De La Strait, I love this list! although I dont understand the sockless comment
@shay_d_lady,
If you rewear a sock enough, it gets hard, so you’re better off just not wearing any at all…kind of trife, but hey…..
@De La Strait, EwWWWWW! LOL not what I was thinking at ALLL….my mind was def in the gutter!
@shay_d_lady, Oh nooo. Not the case at all. There is a specific comforter dedicated to that….
@De La Strait, i need to 8th Wonder to come and hit you with a *blink*
@overit, What can I say? Finals are next week and…yea…laundry is at the bottom of my list of priorities at this specific moment in time……
@De La Strait, i wish i had ‘finals’ as an excuse.
great list by the way.
@De La Strait,
What kinda concrete foot are you carrying around to where your socks harden? Jeebs be some moth balls and some thick foot butter for you lol
@Luvvie, It’s just a little dried sweat….a lil lil bit.
@De La Strait,
i just threw up in my mouth a lil bit. imma fed ex you some foot powder. where u at?
@De La Strait,
If you rewear a sock enough, it gets hard, so you’re better off just not wearing any at all…kind of trife, but hey…..
lol…this is true. sad, but true.
welcome and sh*t, btw (i think)
@The Champ, nah. no welcome-o. I definitely commented once many moons ago.
@De La Strait,
And I forgot but LMAO at this whole list of creeds. Methinks I dig you, De La Strait.
@De La Strait, I like and sh%&
LOL hilarious list
@De La Strait, I totally approve of this list. In fact, you had me at #1
@De La Strait,
This:
““I’m back and I’m hittin’em hard…”
[Da Band's "Bad Boy This" fades out.]”
Prompted me to say, “DIE-LAWN!”. Man, that season was the best. Babs screaming “Let ‘em fight! Let ‘em fight!!!”. The days, man….those were the days.
@De La Strait,
I like your moniker. I see someone was paying attention in geography
Creed….
1. Realize that all cartoons suck once they’ve been on the air 10+ years.
2. Never respect stranger’s opinion about hip hop. If you ain’t know them, eff ‘em…and their couch.
3. Know that you will like non stereotypical black people things.
4. Never have the cell volume up in class, ever…unless you teach the class.
5. The side eye is an effect heat check…for everything.
6. Sundays are for the NFL…if you, your mama, your mama nem, your boys, your boys’ mamas, your boys’ mamas nem, your SO, or your SO’s mama nem ain’t dyin leave me alone…the Chiefs are on.
7. It is acceptable to hate anyone from your school’s archrival regardless of age.
8. Know you’re not as special/important/smart/attractive as you think you are.
9. Any money you give to someone becomes a gift regardless of what you think.
@Stank-0,
Noooooooooooo. Flinstones. Meet the Flinstones.
@charli skipper,
They’re a modern stone-aged famileeeeee. From the town of Bedrock – they’re a page right out of historeeeee!
@Stank-0,
8. Know you’re not as special/important/smart/attractive as you think you are. .
My mama said I am, so I am.
::sticking out my tongue::
@Stank-0,
“1. Realize that all cartoons suck once they’ve been on the air 10+ years”
What? Even Looney Tunes? Woody Woodpecker?
@Humble_One, Looney Tunes will never ever go out of style in my book.
@Humble_One,
Right! Don’t even get me started on Looney Tunes.
@Stank-0,
“2. Never respect stranger’s opinion about hip hop. If you ain’t know them, eff ‘em…and their couch.” – talk about subliminal shots…that was funny though cause they shoooooot…aww made me look.
@Stank-0,
9. Any money you give to someone becomes a gift regardless of what you think.
So true! People tend to forget the “lend” part of the conversation and only remember the money you gave ‘em. Heck, half the time they play dumb and act like they forgot you’re the one who lent them the money and start talkin bout how they just got new shoes/concert tickets/weekend getaway.
@Stank-0,
“1. Realize that all cartoons suck once they’ve been on the air 10+ years.”
Are you out of your ever-lovin’ mind? Popeye is the SHIZNIT, fool! Recognize!
@Stank-0,
duuuuuddddde…I was trying 3 nights ago to explain number 6 to some dudes I was hangin with. And they didn’t get it. Don’t call me! FOOTBALL IS ON!!!!!!
Oh and f*ck the losing as$ Chiefs.
What?! I said it. What?!
@VeronicaL,
Don’t hate! They on the come up. In Pioli we trust.
Re: #1
Lemme explain this. I was thinking specifically of the Simpsons which have been “on air” for 10+ years. The Flintstones and Looney Tunes have been on re-run for a minute, right?
I was never a big Flintstones fan, because they made the husbands so damn stupid. Which is why I hate sitcoms.
1. Never leave home without lip gloss. Or think you are too old/too good for lip gloss. Don’t trust them when they tell you it’s unprofessional.
2. When in doubt, smile. With your mouth AND eyes.
3. Never have a female maid younger than age 68 in your house with your man. And don’t allow female friends to be all up in your house or refrigerator at all times of the day and night, either.*
4. Crest White Strips are your friend.
5. Never admit to your real life friends that every time the “Halle Berry” song comes on in your car you turn up the volume and start jiggin.
6. If the man isn’t pursuing you or showing interest, no matter how much you think you like him, he is NOT the one beby.
7. Deter the appearance of wackness by being down to earth and able to laugh at yourself….and others.
*There’s a difference in being secure with your relationship and just being stupid.
@charli skipper, “. When in doubt, smile. With your mouth AND eyes.”
bc smiling with your mouth only will make you look like a pervert or a serial killer. (Tyra taught me that. lol)
@Nicki Sunshine, Exactly. Craigslist Killer, anyone?
@charli skipper,
I like this list. #1 is the truf!! I never go anywhere without my Bath and Bodyworks Mentha Lip shine. My creed, if my lips aren’t gliding then it’s time to reapply.
LOL indeed
@Bourgie Bama,
I know! Acceptable complimentary exchange–
She: “Did you just finish eating chicken?”
Me: “Thank you.”
@charli skipper,
“She: “Did you just finish eating chicken?”
Me: “Thank you.”
mssmtaylor-Cracking the hell up
1. No matter how many times you don’t, never admit to your mama that you didn’t go to church on Sunday. Just don’t. tell. noooo-boday.
2. When said mother starts fussing at your for not going to above mentioned church, laying the phone down for the duration of the tirade with an occasional “mm-hmm” serves as your punishment. Accept it, and move on.
3. Whatever happens, never let them see you sweat. Or cry. Unless it’s a professor or an advisor who holds the key to you graduating now or a semester from now. Those are allowable “tear inducing moments.”
3. If you’ve got holes in your ears, put something in ‘em before you leave the house.
4. please. Please. PLEASE! Get used to yourself. Take yourself on dates, enjoy some good old “me-time,” anything to get yourself comfortable with the fact that sometimes, you may have to be alone, and you wont have to cling to the next Jane, Dick, or Harry to get you through a dry spell.
5. Love others as you’d want them to love you. Smile even when customers get on your negative LAST nerve. It builds character, and lets you know just how strong you really are.
6. Smile through the tough times. Somebody’s gotta, so why not you?
Good post. Here goes:
-God is real.
-My babies come first.
-Balance is the key to life.
-Never be ashamed of where I’m from. It is what it is.
-Be a lover and a fighter – the two can coexist.
-Don’t give up!
-Be easy and relax! Enjoy the moment!
-Return phone calls promptly. I’m working on emails…
- Go after the job and take the job if you get it. Work out the details after you get it. Showing up is half the battle.
-Mascara, lip gloss, and an edible scent! Daily! If nothing else.
-Never be afraid to tell an a$$hole fcuk u. If they want to make up, never be to stubborn to accept an apology.
- Never be too un-humble to apologize when I’m wrong. it happens.
-Fly boots and tight jeans are half an outfit. Add a sexy hat and ur killin ‘em.
-Dresses are great!
-Accessorize!
- Live life. You only get one.
@pgh muse, “God is real.”
He most certainly is.
@pgh muse,
I’m loving the list.
Oh! i forgot one:
-If he can’t respect you completely then he’s not for you! The end
@pgh muse,
“-If he can’t respect you completely then he’s not for you! The end ”
The end indeed
Credo
Dice Vegas for the win! That’s plenty you need to know.
If I make a a mistake, your bad I wont hold it against you.
I Work for me and mine NOT “insert company name” They’re just the current employer.
There is no lack other than the lack created by your own mind. There is nothing but abundance. Does the bird worry to death about it’s future provisions?
For anything else, Paypal me.
Think well my friends. Throw the rest out roots and all.
1. Never leave the home looking less than a 9.5 (hey, you can’t be a 10 everyday. LOL )
2. Laugh… often and loudly.
3. Be charming (even Simon Adebesi wouldn’t be able to resist.)
4. Back straight, stomach in, boobs out.
5. Moisturize!
6. If you cannot pronounce a word correctly, don’t even bother saying it. (skrimp, anyone?)
7. Don’t be scared of your “me” time.
8. Love yourself before you allow anyone else to.
9. Stay surrounded by confident, beautiful people.
10. Pray: first thing in the morning, last thing at night.
1. Never leave the home looking less than a 9.5 (hey, you can’t be a 10 everyday. LOL )
yes indeedy yes indeedy!! be the ringleader, win your category!!
@Gem-nasty,
I curse the day you were ever introduced to B. Scott-isms.
@Luvvie,
signature, seal, stamp and co-sign.
1) when given a choice take both
2)perfection is optional
3)if you can’t beat them, join them, then beat them
4)if you can’t change the rules ignore them
…….and I am out this mug
@double j,
hahhaaha…i concur
laughing at “3) If you can’t beat them, join them, then beat them” – i adopt that as my personal mantra from today
LOL love it
@double j,
“4)if you can’t change the rules ignore them”
I like #4 – it speaks to my inner basketball player!
@double j,
I live by #4 and will promptly be adopting #3. Word to your mother.
@double j,
Love this list!
1.Be true to yourself and f*ck the naysayers. True friends will find you.
2.Love thyself more and you will hate other less. (I hatez a b*tcha** h*ifer that is always up in my cup of tea ‘cause her life don’t amount to sh*t)
3.Exfoliate.
4.Embrace your inner goofy.
5.Do not have s*x in elevators. Or hammocks.
6.Make time for yourself.
7.Don’t be embarrassed to say “I don’t know”
8.Own a fierce wardrobe.
9.When life gives you lemons take note that someone else got an acorn.
10.Breathe doggonnit
(I hatez a b*tcha** h*ifer that is always up in my cup of tea ‘cause her life don’t amount to sh*t)>
i think you need to love yourself a little more so you can hate the b*tcha** h*ifers a little less
@Gem-nasty, LOL I guess you got there.
But that irks me like none other. Stop trying to poke holes in my game because yours aint sh*t.
@Raqi,
5.Do not have s*x in elevators. Or hammocks.
Is there an unfortunate hammock chex story lurking there?
@luvtheshoes,
Most unfortunate. Outside of the fact that it can cause severe injury, it is just downright uncomfortable and nearly impossible. I mean trying to get into a good position and find the right angles is just more work than pleasure. The subjects want to be drawn together rather than pushed away from each other. I don’t know maybe I should try it again on a different day in a different hammock, but so far there is a 2 for 2 thumbs down in my book of love.
And elevators? That is illegal. Just remember that.
@Raqi,
Shay-D, is that you??? lol
@Luvvie, LOLOL
@Raqi,
Nothing’s illegal during Mardi Gras.
@Nikiloveli,
Yeah I guess or maybe we should have gone to Vegas. But having the elevator door open at 2am while you are being pleasured is deemed illegal in one particular hotel located in a Southeastern State of the USA. And you know we probably could have played it off and said he had dropped his contact on the floor and was trying to find it, but him holding my panties in his hand was a dead giveaway.
I wish it was the “having the elevator door open” part that was illegal. LOL
@Raqi,
9.When life gives you lemons take note that someone else got an acorn.
or, you could just get some vodka and have party!!
@missjess,
i like the way you think!
im back…
1. if argueing never back down from a position (even if u know you are wrong) till ur opponent shows signs of wavering… it makes life fun
2. Uber-clean rooms make people get complacent with their surroundings
3. non-perfect things have character
4. Never ever back down from a Real HU arguement
5. if all else fails play the difference card (race, gender, sexual preference, obvious superiority)
6. after 3 party fouls remove your friend from the party and the drink from his hand
7. 1:1 is a survivable female to male ratio at a house party if u are drunk and actually dance
@The_Eighth_Hokage,
“3. non-perfect things have character” – thank you
Sidenote: Naruto fans must stick together aight!!!
@sisanda & The_Eighth_Hokage,
“3. non-perfect things have character” and thank you again.
&Yasssssssssss! Stick together we will!
@The_Eighth_Hokage,
4. Never ever back down from a Real HU arguement .
Is this the Howard -v- Hampton argument?
who cares?? Spelman trumps them both!!
@Gem-nasty, Yep. Spelman hands down.
@Gem-nasty, not.
e-ballin, i see….
@V Renee,
that would be what i refer to
@The_Eighth_Hokage,
****NEW****
8. While complaining doesn’t solve anything, it helps keep me sane and to not be bored
@The_Eighth_Hokage,
1.) does that include a “discussion” on the correct spelling of arguing?
4.) for once we agree.
5.) isn’t that like resting on laurels that aren’t your own?
6.) Should’ve came to play during the Iota joint last weekend. *ahem*
7.) Any ratio is acceptable if everyone in attendance dances…
8.) explains more than you think it does….
when theres time left to complete a task….wait!
DO NOT have a serious relationship with a person you cannot laugh loud or cry hard with!
if you think you are being mistreated, you are!
there is nothing wrong with profanity, regular use keeps you sane
and if everywhere you go you have the same problems its not jealousy because your to cute, smart, etc its you….either accept it and do nothing, or accept it and do something but accept it.
@shay_d_lady,
there is nothing wrong with profanity, regular use keeps you sane .
So true. I may have been a sailor in my past life.
Moisturize!
First deserve, then desire.
Be better today than I was yesterday.
Fugem! Feed em beans!
@Hostess,
Fugem! Feed em beans!
this seems unnecessarily complicated, messy, and time-consuming
@The Champ,
WORD!
they should have fed themselves prior to arrival. *shew*
Sidenote: You know what, before coming to VSB I was always concerned that when i get really old ( you know over 30) that i may loose some of my cool/wackyness/ability to “m” with either hands to the desease known as age. But as i read most of the comments here, i can’t help but give a smile of releaf…like damn “there’s some really cool old people here, who really have a sense of humor n shyt, and this Champ character got the balls to be walking about without a cap on…shyt i should quit being so self-conscious”
So thanks to all the bloggers for allowing me to sleep soundly at night, with having to worry about that one reoccuring nightmare of losing my precious self to the Alzheimers on my 30th birthday.
Does your spelling abilitiez get better as you grow older?
On the topic: You need to Love yourself, before you can even begin to love anyone-else.
@sisanda, lmao at this post. wow!
@sisanda,
“Sidenote: You know what, before coming to VSB I was always concerned that when i get really old ( you know over 30) that i may loose some of my cool/wackyness/ability to “m” with either hands to the desease known as age. But as i read most of the comments here, i can’t help but give a smile of releaf…like damn “there’s some really cool old people here, who really have a sense of humor n shyt, and this Champ character got the balls to be walking about without a cap on…shyt i should quit being so self-conscious”
So thanks to all the bloggers for allowing me to sleep soundly at night, with having to worry about that one reoccuring nightmare of losing my precious self to the Alzheimers on my 30th birthday”
I felt the same way until the lord led me here lol.
I love to spend my 8-5 work day here.
I too will be entering the elderly waters of 30 this yr.
@sisanda,
“I was always concerned that when i get really old ( you know over 30) ”
Old? The hell? It’s a good thing for you that I turn 29 every year. Hmph.
@sisanda,
being that i’m turning 29 in 6 days… i officially e-hate u right now.
@sisanda,
you’re welcome and sh*t
My personal creeds are sayings that are quoted often. Nonetheless I abide by them.
1) Dance like no one is watching: I honestly feel like dancing may be one of the best stress relievers. I LOVE to. I’m not necessarily a good dancer, but I will dance my arse off. ANYWHERE – work, home, bars/clubs/lounges, games, shows. Any and everywhere.
2) Love like you’ve never been hurt: Despite the bullsh*t, I’m a romantic at heart and am never scared to put myself out there.
3) Worrying doesn’t solve anything. Sometimes you can’t help it, but I try my hardest not to.
4) March to your own beat. Fug what people think or say about you. As long as you can live with you, that’s all that matters.
5) Say inappropiate things just to cause a reaction. Most times people are so shocked they don’t know what to say or do. So they chuckle. Sometimes uncomfortably.
6) Laugh everyday all day. Life can be so amusing. Even amongst all the crazy ish that surrounds you. Laugh at it. I do. Besides I think it helps strengthen my ab muscles.
7) Strut the halls everyday at work. Strut like you don’t have a care in the world.
9) Wear wigs (crazy outlandish ones) and act like you don’t know why people are looking….
10) Music makes the world go round. There’s a song for every situation in life. There’s always a song in my head. I LOVE music.
@V Renee,
7) Strut the halls everyday at work. Strut like you don’t have a care in the world.
Yes honey this is a must.
“Get it squire” B. Scott..
@V Renee,
And the church said, “Amen.” The whole thing.
My creeds
1) Never wear a brand new pair of timbs to a Wu-tang concert
2) Beware of women in their late 20s and older with ponytails
3) as long as you have the last minute you always have enough time
4) taste in music and intellect are closely related
5) when people show you who they are believe them
6) never go all out for a woman when you first meet her unless you plan on doing it for the rest of your life.
7) a college degree does not mean you are educated.
9) most dudes that maintain an appearance or stay clean (hair always freshly cut, always dressed fly) are slicksters
10) know your position and play it accordingly.
@Humble_One,
11) You don’t get wack or lame when you get old. People that are corny when they are older were corny when they were younger.
@Humble_One,
11) You don’t get wack or lame when you get old. People that are corny when they are older were corny when they were younger.
lol, you can say the same thing about getting money
@Humble_One,
5) when people show you who they are believe them
HELL YEAH!….sorry. I mean. I do agree.
@Humble_One,
Imma have to agree with all of your creeds.
@luvtheshoes,
Good list
@Humble_One,
“2) Beware of women in their late 20s and older with ponytails”
side eye atchu as I unleash my pony tail
But seriously, I’m feel you… I usually wear my hair in a curly fro but recently ventured off into micro land. I catch myself daily tryna put this coiffure up in a pony tail
@Humble_One, 4) taste in music and intellect are closely related
*nodding head in agreement*
@Humble_One,
Truer Wordz Have Never Been Spoken
Don’t do wrong by good people.
If you’re IN the game…you’re FAIR game.
Help out anyone who asks you if they had the courage to ask and you can.
Take every opportunity to break down loser dudes so they know that, indeed, they ARE losers therefore knocking his loser azz down a few pegs and hopefully helping him recognize his reality versus his expectations are mismatched.
Never do ANYTHING I don’t want to do.
When hanging with single girlfriends make a point to let them know how fugging FABULOUS they really are and be the best wingwoman possible.
When going to a restaurant with someone much younger…ALWAYS pick up the tab.
Always have guest bedroom and guest bathroom ready for guests.
If someone needs a place to stay…offer it to them.
If you know someone needs something and they aren’t the type to ask…make it easy for them and just do it.
TAKE CARE OF CHILDREN AND THE ELDERLY!
If you know a friend’s money is funny, treat them often.
NEVER loan bags. EVER.
Always sleep on silk pillowcases.
Don’t let anyone try and punk you. The ax handle in the back of your vehicle should clear that up quickly.
Only buy things that look cute on you and you only HAVE things that look cute on you.
Remember that people love to be nice to nice people. Even MORE nicer to nice PRETTY people.
@CreoleInDC, I love this list.
@pgh muse,
@CreoleInDC,
“Always sleep on silk pillowcases.”
This is the truthness. Those cotton ones will soak up every single mosturizer left in your hair and it’ll really be harsh on you in the winter. If you don’t sleep on the silk pillows, wear a bonnet.
@Cheekie,
Vain is my middle name. Monica VAIN Mingo.
“When going to a restaurant with someone much younger…ALWAYS pick up the tab.”
I completely agree.
1. If you can’t lead, don’t follow.
2. It’s not that serious.
3. Everyone deserves respect for being. (Not the same level as, say, my mother would get, but more respect than a dog would.)
4. You can’t possibly know everything, but knowing a little about a lot goes a long way.
5. You are what you eat.
6. Buy quality, not quantity. You always end up paying for cheap sh*t twice.
7. No matter how tight money is, do something for yourself once in awhile (mani, pedi, new skirt, etc.).
8. Every grownup isn’t an adult. Beware.
@WordSmith,
“3. Everyone deserves respect for being. (Not the same level as, say, my mother would get, but more respect than a dog would.)”
Word. I have had argument with people about this. There is a common respect we should have for each other. If people had that a lot of problems and issues would not exist.
@WordSmith,
6. Buy quality, not quantity. You always end up paying for cheap sh*t twice.
aint that the truth?!!
@WordSmith,
“5. You are what you eat.”
Does that mean I have to stop eating crackers with my soup?
@RedBeanzNRice,
LMAO.
*straight face*
…yes.
@WordSmith,
6. Buy quality, not quantity. You always end up paying for cheap sh*t twice.
good point (except in regards to kool-aid)
@WordSmith,
Cosign, and Ditto all through this list.
1. No outfit is complete without earrings.
2. Make sure the fro is puffed and moisturized
3. Be the best older sister/cousin possible
4. Lotion feet, even while wearing socks
5. humilty before honor
6. Polish is all on or all off.
7. Get tested at least once a year
@The Dutchess,
Yes to all of them
@The Dutchess,
I love your list, especially this line “7. Get tested at least once a year”
But if you’re Ray J, I recommend once a week. For Public Health’s sake. Really.
@Luvvie,
Seriously. LMAO
The Ten Crack Commandments
1) Never let a fee know your notch #.
- it should never come up
- don’t ask for hers
- she’s undercounting anyway
- the saved chick – a) a true holy roller that you need to get your infidel self away from, b) a born again vegan, if you know what I mean
2) Never let a chick know your next move
- use a nickname if you can
- own 2 phones, she sees only one. In fact, if she a jump off, give her the throwaway #.
- her place or a hotel
- keep the phone locked
- randomly call dates off, or stand a broad up
- don’t be above the business card and answering service in India game, you CEO of something ain’t ya?
3) Trust nobody
- if she fine, best believe there’s one cat in your crew that will a throw salt in your game and try to get at her on the low. Might even wait till y’all have a rough patch. He’s probably the weakest in your squad to.
4) Never get gassed on your success
- you hit the trifecta, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday last week?
Means nothing the following weekend.
- just cause you was running game when you was single, don’t mean you still have it. 2 months of being geeked of a girl, removing that jadedness will kill you when she has a girl’s night out in Atlantic City. Hit the spot, and your game is so last week.
5) Don’t do your dirt @ the job
Your boss, your admin, that cute chick over in human resources – just say no. Not @ work. Not @ conferences. Real talk, you shouldn’t hit happy hour with them on any regular basis.
6) Date a chick on your economic level
- pay for the first date, but be mindful of whether she even considered leaving something on the tip, or suggesting she get dessert later on. She’s testing you for thoughtfulness and how much effort you’ll put in the relationship, you should be mindful as well.
- don’t hand out money. Don’t pay for her hair, nails,shoes – you essentially making her pretty for the next man, not yourself. After a few weeks, you recognize she ain’t *that* fine.
- don’t loan money without a written agreement that will shut down any appearances on Judge Judy.
7) Keep your family and friends away from chicks who you’re not sure about
Nothing worse than your Mom asking you about some jumpoff you brought to the summertime cook out.
- use a throwaway phone
- use guy/business names in the phone. Keisha – Keyshawn. Key Industries.
- no twitter/facebook/myspace/friendster/linked in or any of that stuff.
9) If it ain’t a family function
- don’t spend no time with her hating ass friends and family
- if you have to, impress them and roll out as soon as possible. Don’t give them any ammunition to poison your relationship with
10) Be a good Wing Man
Sometimes you gotta take an L when your potna is trying to get in.
And generally
- if folks say “we don’t need to 2 cars” – always be the one to drive. 2 cars might not be needed, but you need to get the hell on when you want.
- pay yourself first
- good shoes are worth the money. But shoes that are good quality can’t be found by just looking @ name brands.
- keep a crisp white dress shirt in your closet at all times.
- learn to cook.
- always have a plan b,c,d,e…
@WestIndianArchie,
Cracking up @
7) Keep your family and friends away from chicks who you’re not sure about
Nothing worse than your Mom asking you about some jumpoff you brought to the summertime cook out.
Sad but true
@WestIndianArchie,
- use guy/business names in the phone. Keisha – Keyshawn. Key Industries.
LOL
4 Wheels beats 2 Heels.
Drink El Presidente with your rotisserie chicken.
Go Hard or Go Home.
Break up with him if you’re gonna cheat.
Be nice to your siblings.
Don’t tell your boss he’s acting like a b****.
Don’t walk up in a house party to stand up with a friend sip your drink and people watch. Don’t go to an upscale lounge to take shots and get loose.
Know and accept the people in your circle. You shouldn’t be trying to make grown ups change… Knowing what to expect prevents disappointment.
1. High heels are a necessity. If going out, high heels and snug jeans are mandatory.
2. People who only listen to a certaing segment within a genre of music (“I only listen to dirty south”) should be eliminated immediately.
3. Be cautious of people who are fans of pompous, ego driven sports stars such as TO.
4. I will judge your level of taste and general intellect by the type of music, movies and tv shows you watch. It doesn’t have to be the same as mine but if you go saying Wild Hogs (Tim Allen, John Travolta movie) is one of your favorite movies, I will look down on you.
5. As said above, surround yourself with positive people. Negative people will drain your energy.
6. If a possible SO is treating you disrespectfully, uncompassionately, or just flat out bad, leave. People do not fundamentally change over anything longer than the short term if they don’t want to. No sense staying around thinking you gonna change them.
7. Smiles and an upbeat attitude will get you far in life (and far in lines)
@luvtheshoes,
3. Be cautious of people who are fans of pompous, ego driven sports stars such as TO.
**nodding head**
@luvtheshoes, 1. High heels are a necessity. If going out, high heels and snug jeans are mandatory.
Yes, yes three inches or higher at all time.
It’s not stealing unless you get caught
fu pay me
@eff yo couch,
“fu pay me”
Another classic quote that needs to be in the daily lexicon. Even when it doesn’t make any sense in the context, just use it.
@Cheekie,
For no good reason, “f u pay me” is one of my favorite quotes to use out of context.
@shhwhisper,
Yay! I encourage this.
The Creed:
Think freely and without constriction
Be yourself. ALL the time (if you dont like something about yourself you can always change)
Diversify your taste. (While Lil Wayne and “OJ the Juice man” might be cool to listen to, some Coltrane, Davis, Bach or Shubert never hurt anybody)
Try new things. (it helps to always have a new place, experience, or thing to take your friends or S.O. to, it keeps things fresh)
Believe in your friends, but don’t always believe their words.
NaS is the illest rapper alive Nas>Jay-Z (nothing against Jay-Z but of the two legendary albums (Illmatic and Reasonable Doubt) Illmatic is the best, PERIOD.
(if you doubt this check this list and see where they rank)
http://www.mtv.com/bands/h/hip_hop_week/2005/greatest_albums_0505/index13.jhtml
Lastly and most important: Logic over emotion. (let logic be your guide. While your heart may waver, reason will still rein supreme.)
@ESQuared,
me gusta
nice list. but don’t overshadow the power of emotion!!! the part of the brain that controls it is there for a reason and following so-called logic isn’t always the BEST solution for EVERY situation.
1. When in doubt save $80 on a massage and pop the pepsi can instead.
2. Do your hair, iron your clothes, and wear some makeup on Mondays, it’s clinic day at work.
3. Always say thank you to the bus driver
4. Kill them with kindness, never let anger rule you
5. Always have cab fare.
6. Write something everyday: a few pages of fiction, a disjointed and/or snarky comment on vsb, or a passionate journal entry
7. Don’t touch your ING savings account
8. Never get your nails done anywhere else but Nailworks and pretend you go there weekly
9. Always wear matching undies on a date, you never know there might be caught in a natural disaster and have to use your jeans as a flotation device.
10. Avoid those with borderline personality and/or narcissistic personality disorders (even if you work for them)
11. Learn spades before you meet Luvvie.
12. Always, always choose comfort. You can still be fly in something that doesn’t cinch, cut off circulation, or cause blisters/corns.
13. Never drink Tequila, Jameson, or Crown Royal on a date.
14. Never be afraid to be speak your mind.
@miss patterson,
“1. When in doubt save $80 on a massage and pop the pepsi can instead.”
Say Word!
@miss patterson,
“5. Always have cab fare.”
*Sigh* Its funny you mentioned that. I just wrote a post on my blog bout how I had to curse out a cab driver today. He didn’t wanna take my debit card. “B*TCH ITS IN THE PASSENGER BILL OF RIGHTS!”
I hate him. He ALSO had curly hair. May his tendrils shrivel up and die an arid death. East African Cab Drivers are doing me WRONG this week!
@miss patterson,
Love the list! @ #12-14 these are creeds after my own heart. And can I add Southern Comfort, and 151.
@pgh muse,
151 will eff you up something baaaaad. Like waking up in another city, in some strange person’s house, in a room with three bongs, some dudes sprawled all over the floor and no recollection of the previous night’s activity-bad.
I’m just saying. Consider this my PSA message to the world.
@miss patterson, @ #11: yes, you should learn Spades because it builds character. Luvvie’s Spade game is weaker than Ray J’s 401k
@Kindred Smile, oooooh!!! you gonna take that Luvvie?
@Kindred Smile,
See there? In ALL our years of friendship, we aint NEVER played spades 2getha so you cant be goin ’round throwing salt on my spades game.
PLEASE believe I’m making you go BAG when we finally do spades. How you gon talk mad ish BEFORE even seeing me play Spades? I must re-evaluate our 11 yr friendship now.
Yes. It is that serious.
@Luvvie, re-evaluate deez
@miss patterson,
“6. Write something everyday: a few pages of fiction, a disjointed and/or snarky comment on vsb, or a passionate journal entry”
Most def!
@miss patterson,
9. Always wear matching undies on a date, you never know there might be caught in a natural disaster and have to use your jeans as a flotation device.
iDied. © Luvvie.
- learn the word ‘no’. use it. often.
- never attempt to please people that in reality, you know you don’t even like or have a use for. everybody ain’t gonna like you.
and trust me, that’s okay.
-seek advice from people you love/trust if you want to. but take a quiet minute with BBJ to figure out what YOU want to.
-don’t wear tennis shoes/flip flops to the club. just…no. for after the club? if you must. but TO or IN the club? no ma’am.
-make sure your lip gloss is poppin’
-tacky nails are not cute. polish remover is your friend.
-change is good. compromise is great. but know who you are, what you will accept and don’t apologize for it.
-laugh often. loudly. (yes…errbody knows when i’m in the office).
tis all for now…
-
@SouthernGirl,
“- learn the word ‘no’. use it. often. ”
No.
@RedBeanzNRice,
good job. be sure to use it at least twice a day. especially to combat foolishness. or sh!t you just don’t want to do.
@SouthernGirl, yes i agree with the nails comment i need to remove my damn polish RIGHT NOW lol
@Sick of the BS,
Me too. *hangs head in shame*
“if you’re sure you’re gonna be late, just don’t go. if you’re sure you’re not going, go back to sleep.”
This is my creed for life. I remember in high school there was this long process of getting a tardy slip, getting early morning detention the next day and other Neverending Story ish. I hate everyone looking at me when I’m late, I hate the teacher’s “witty” remark about my tardiness, so I just stay home, have my mom or grandma write some half-arsed note to take the next day. I’d say I had terrible cramps…they DO get that terrible…it’s the only thing they’re good for. Annn badda bing. Less work. And I got to sleep in, which is always good for a teenager.
Okay, my creed:
1. Always live in the now. Both the past and future are nothing but worry.
2. Don’t only look at “smart” TV. Crackish mindless TV reality shows like For the Love of Ray J or Making the Band build character and provide fodder for lovely idioms such as “Danger, she smashed the homies”. << Seriously, you could use that for ANYTHING.
3. Drink lots of water. No matter how much VitaminSobeSnappleGaterade conglomerates try to overtake it, there is nothing as satisfying as a cold glass of water. Other drinks only make you more thirsty FOR water.
4. Try to have a good belly laugh once a day.
5. Love thyself. In all matters of speaking.
6. Smile even when unhappy. It’ll somehow make you feel better. There’s some scientists going around saying that the pure action of these muscles moving produce endorphins or some mess. I believe them.
7. Many say the shoes make the outfit, but never underestimate the power of a nice handbag. Those often get noticed more than shoes. At least mine do. It’s because I have a bad addiction. First step: Admitting the problem. I’m only doing that one step, though…
8. Use silly justifications for eating a bad-for-you meal that have nothing do with how it will affect your body like a
54 piece wing @ Harold’s with hot and mild sauce by saying, “Well, it’s Friday and I got paid today and the sun is shining…better go to Harold’s”.9. Dance like crazy in a room all by yourself to your favorite song. It feels so good. And it’s exercise without even realizing it. The best kind.
10. Give out hugs. And accept them. It makes both parties feel good at the same time.
@Cheekie, #8 oh yes, I’m gwine to Harold’s today for the first time in…years. I don’t know how I’ve lived this long without it. I might cry after I finish eating.
1. Soldiers don’t carry umbrellas. Women do.
2. Honesty is the best policy, just don’t count on having too many friends.
3. Always have clean drawers and socks.
4. Store brand is just as comparable to the Proctor and Gamble stuff.
5. It’s nice being cheap…I always have money.
6. But something based on quality once and you’ll never have to by the same thing over and over.
7. What people think of me is none of my business unless I ask. (Thanks Mr. Freeman)
8. Enjoy the company of yourself; that’s the difference between being lonely and alone.
9. Shaming tactics don’t work around here.
10. Never sympathize…improvise…
3. Always have clean drawers and socks.
this is my litmus test. if i’m low on either, it’s time to do laundry.
@CPT Callamity,
8. Enjoy the company of yourself; that’s the difference between being lonely and alone.
…or backed-up and not blue
@CPT Callamity,
Great list!
Especially #4,5,6.
1. Eye contact is good but anything longer than 5 seconds is creepy.
2. Listen to many, speak to few. Learn to shut up because you learn a lot about a person by REALLY listening to them.
3. Having a degree doesn’t always make your smart.
4. Real women s__k d__k. Perfect the skill & don’t be lazy with it.
5. Pron is a very educational tool. Every woman should own some & watch it!! (related to #4)
6. Beringer, Sutter Home, Arbor Mist are not wine! They are sweetened vinegar.
7. There is NEVER an excuse for body odor.
8. Don’t wait for people to do the things you want to do. You will never go anywhere or do anything waiting for folks. Stop being scared and live life!
9. Always wear pretty panties & bras even if you are rocking jeans & a tee. It makes you feel good!
10. Shopping is therapeutic.
11. Treat everybody with respect no matter what their position is in life.
12. Be nice to ANYBODY that handles your food. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE!
13. Learn to be your own company. If you cant stand being alone with yourself then how do you expect other people to want to be around you?
14. READ!! (I don’t understand people that don’t read.)
15. If you have kids…YOU SHOULD BE THEIR ROLE MODEL. Not Beyonce ‘n them!
16. You wont like everybody you meet. Dont waste life minutes forcing it. IT IS WHAT IT IS respect them as a person & move on.
17. Dont take sh*t so seriously. Learn to enjoy even the little things.
18. Family is primary.
@Yaa,
# 4 and 5? Gospel.
@Yaa,
This has officially been added as an Appendix to the “Yaya Sisterhood 36 ways to Live a Fruitful Life”, coming to Amazon soon.
I like this one!
8th’s Creeds:
1. Work is optional, even when your boss is in the office.
2. Maneuvering through DC traffic is like playing a game of Tetris. Be good at Tetris.
3. Don’t trust anybody at your job.
4. You aren’t the finest chick in the club. But you can read.
5. He can’t be your friend…he’s not even his OWN friend.
6. Stop looking for perfection in a person, you’ll never find it.
7. If you have to watch him 24/7…maybe he isn’t trustworthy, boo.
8. Ignant rap saves lives. Get low, beeeyotch!
9. Don’t envy people, you have no idea what thier lives entail.
10. Don’t apologize for what you believe in. Don’t disrespect anyone else’s beliefs, either.
That was a great list lol and quite funny I might add. champ’s creed – “when in doubt, eat breakfast and p*ssy” LMFAO CLASSIC
Ok I have a few creeds (really a-lot, but will spare you =0) I MUST abide by. If I ever find myself slipping I make sure to CHECK myself and/or since I’m vocal about what I would or wouldn’t do- someone will check me most likely my Dad & Mom:
1. NEVER BECOME, BEHAVE LIKE, OR TURN INTO A W.A.B
2. STAY AWAY FROM R.A.N’S – unless you want a good laugh
3. Always, always exert your confidence and sexy – if you’re swag is natural there’s no use in down playing your flyness to make someone else comfortable FK THAT
4. Have an ‘adult’ drink for once. I’ve upgraded from amaretto sour to patron and pineapple or just str8 patron shots
5. Take an “L” to the head – it’s definitely necessary
6. Don’t wear cheap shoes or clothes*
7. Gaze into dudes eyes as they pass you; yup they’ll be ready to run behind that ass after you do that inconjunction with a lil smirk
8. Ladies, if you have a little bit of a rough edge don’t switch that up for anyone if a man can’t handle it then he AIN’T (yes i said ain’t) the one
9. Stay spoiled
10. Love with the expectation of receiving nothing in return!
11. Laugh, Laugh, Laugh & cry when I have to
12. Talk to my parents on a constant basis especially Daddy – he will put you on to the wack ass G these dudes THINK they have
13. My favorite number so i’ll stop here – simply living my life to the fullest possible extent that I can; be steadfast on my dreams and push through all obstacles to get to where I want to be
*cheap shoes are NOT an option, but you can go to H&M and snag a cute skirt/shirt/dress/jacket ever so often
@Sick of the BS,
7. Gaze into dudes eyes as they pass you; yup they’ll be ready to run behind that ass after you do that inconjunction with a lil smirk
this seems tiring
@The Champ, lmfao it’s quick a 1-2 punch look and smirk
Besides Ye Olde Ig Commandments, I also abide by the following:
1. Never explain. Your friends do not need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.
2. No matter how great and storied a life you live, the size of your funeral will pretty much depend on the weather.
3. Hair should always move when the wind blows – it’s a sign of good health and great style.
4. Tip well, and often – it leads to better service and builds a rapport.
5. Time is your most precious commodity, the one thing that can easily be lost, but never gotten back. Govern yourself accordingly.
6. If you don’t know what something is, don’t be afraid to ask. This applies to everything from Benford’s Law to guys not being able to hold their pee.
7. You cannot, and should not, treat everyone the same. Instead, take time to recognize individual personalities to create richer relationships.
8. Always keep at least three boxes of cereal, Jiffy mix, and the ingredients for a quick meal handy.
@Kindred Smile,
Loves #4. I cannot take a poor tipper. I think I was a waiter in a past life.
@Nola Darling, I was joan of arc in my past life…
1. I value words.
2. Because of #1 I cringe when the following happens:
- misuse of homonyms (loose instead of lose)
- mispronunciation of words including coupon (cuepon)* ,specific (pacific), etc.
- made up words like conversate, irregardless, and hurted
3. I am cool and that is it and everyone else is full of ….
4. Be witty and pun often.
5. Give as large of a gift as I want to for whatever reason I choose.
6. Be an awesome friend, sister, cousin, co-worker.
7. Cry as much, or as little, as I need.
8. I will warn you that I am about to let you have it and if you decide to continue, that means you wanted it.
9. Eat well and drink as much as I like.
10. Dance and sing to my internal soundtrack whenever necessary. (think Ally McBeal)
11. Learn and grow on a daily basis.
12. Talk to myself and dare you to interrupt my conversation.
13. Buy as many shoes as I want and believe I need.
14. Never live paycheck to paycheck and/or beyond my means.
* I realize the dictionary says this is an accepted pronunciation but my ears won’t let me accept it.
@Nola Darling,
1. I value words.
lol, apparently not
Don’t dwell on past dudes because they will be all over you in 3…2…1 hmmm is that ____ trying to apologize and be with me. Sorry bub it don’t work like that and smile and walk away haha
Be proactive daily…remember small steps do count
Don’t hender your future because of your past
Smile, wave, say hello to strangers and yes sure they will believe you are crazy but hey all that matters is that you are happy lol
Don’t be scared or nervous because that is only fear and fear will keep u complacent
If you fall…laugh..get up and keep moving because no one likes a stickler haha
Do watch cartoons on saturday morning with a bowl of lucky charms handy while holding a power puff pillow as tho your life depended on it and hey it makes the world go around = ]
Always use smileys when texting even when there’s a texting debate goes on and it will throw ppl off but hey being positive never hurts anybody
Always voice yourself even if its stupid lol
Learn others culture
Read books
Never tell ppl u have so and so money or you invested so and so because they will always plot agaisnt you lol
When indecisive about food always eat healty
Don’t ever say oh ill do something about that tomorrow because you never will…gone head and do it today
Always find something to be thankful about
Remember to depend on yourself because at any given time ppl in general will at some point dissapoint you
Enjoy nature
Dance around the house naked with the blinds open
Pick up pennies
Be honest and know who you are and what u will tolerate and won’t
Use your gut feeling
Always watch scrubs with Zack Braff (he is sooo hawt and nerdy…yes I know he might not be to all but I hart him = ] )
Don’t dwell on past dudes because they will be all over you in 3…2…1 hmmm is that ____ trying to apologize and be with me. Sorry bub it don’t work like that and smile and walk away haha
Be proactive daily…remember small steps do count
Don’t hender your future because of your past
Smile, wave, say hello to strangers and yes sure they will believe you are crazy but hey all that matters is that you are happy lol
Don’t be scared or nervous because that is only fear and fear will keep u complacent
If you fall…laugh..get up and keep moving because no one likes a stickler haha
Do watch cartoons on saturday morning with a bowl of lucky charms handy while holding a power puff pillow as tho your life depended on it and hey it makes the world go around = ]
Always use smileys when texting even when there’s a texting debate going on and it will throw ppl off but hey being positive never hurts anybody
Always voice yourself even if its stupid lol
Learn other cultures
Read books
Never tell ppl u have so and so money or you invested so and so because they will always plot agaisnt you lol
When indecisive about food always eat healty
Don’t ever say oh ill do something about that tomorrow because you never will…gone head and do it today
Always find something to be thankful about
Remember to depend on yourself because at any given time ppl in general will at some point dissapoint you
Enjoy nature
Dance around the house naked with the blinds open
Pick up pennies
Be honest and know who you are and what u will tolerate and won’t
Use your gut feeling
Always watch scrubs with Zack Braff (he is sooo hawt and nerdy…yes I know he might not be to all but I hart him = ] )
@Luckyred, definitely always pick up pennies! lol so agree with that…find a penny pick it up all day long you’ll have good luck
and yes READ..Read a book read a book read a mutha89898 book!
@Luckyred,
“Dance around the house naked with the blinds open”
Yup.
Blasted comment moderation! I see what it was that got it out, but I meant it as the name- capitalization and all! Well, since I’m waiting on the original to go through, I can add:
-Be nice to your local drive-thru person, scratch that… be nice to ANYONE who is performing/providing a service for you. They just may have a sour look because after thanking so many of you a day, no one has returned the favor. Be the first, and I guarantee they’ll smile back and remember you.
- Free hugs are therapeutic. Stand on a corner with some crazy college students and figure it out.
@Beez,
“. Be the first, and I guarantee they’ll smile back and remember you. ”
Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t. Some people are just mad at the world.
@V Renee,
True. I think I insert myself in that statement. After years of being a cashier “summa err-wherrr,” I’m quick to say thank yous. I wish people weren’t so angry at life, but that’s just how it goes…
***On Family and Home***
1. Protect and defend every being in your house, from the husband to the dog(s), as if it were a personal extension of you.
2. There is no “His” and “Hers.” It’s all “Ours.” Unless he gets fly. Then it’s all “Mine.”
3. Never “make-do.” Do it right, or do without.
4. Live within your means. There is bounty for every budget.
5. Toothpaste and toilet paper– you may fall short on all the rest at sometime or other, but if you look up and find your house out of either, go ahead and give yourself an “F” for the day.
***On Church and Spirituality***
1. Religion is just habit. It’s the relationship that counts.
2. People have the GOD-GIVEN right to believe and practice however they choose. Who are you to try to change that?
3. Study, to show THYSELF approved… everybody behind a pulpit ain’t a pastor, no matter what the wall plaque says.
4. I “First give honor to God” and all those living honorably. If you’re sitting here, that should include you. If not, then protocol is the least of your worries. If you don’t like it, quit asking me to speak.
5. I refuse to touch my neighbor and tell him ANYTHING. I don’t know him like that.
***On Life ***
1. Don’t argue. Choose your words so that once you’ve stated your piece, there’s nothing left for you to say. They heard you the first time.
2. Never bring a knife to a gun fight. But keep a blade handy, just in case.
3. Dance, sing, cry, and pray. There are few burdens that can’t be lightened with one, the other, or a combination of all.
4. Love your friends as if they are family.
5. It’s a sad dog that don’t wag his own tail. — John H. Randolph, 1919-2003.
@Nikiloveli,
“5. I refuse to touch my neighbor and tell him ANYTHING. I don’t know him like that.”
hahahahahahahahaha girl I know thats right….
@Nikiloveli,
Ok. This will actually replace The Super Secret Book of the Divine YaYa Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.
1. No matter how drunk or sleepy you are don’t forget to wrap your hair and/or put on a scarf.
2. Don’t eat mexican food or Taco Bell on a road trip.
3. You are not on the Truman Show, everybody is not watching you, so there’s no need to get all cute to run to 7/11.
4. On Sundays, ignore all calls from Cowboys fans until after you know the Skins have won.
5. If you’re eating at someone’s house for the first time, always look in the kitchen before taking that first bite.
6. Don’t go to Walmart or Shoppers Food Warehouse on the 1st or 15th, you’ll be thoroughly irritated and annoyed.
7. Always check the weather for rain before washing your car.
@shhwhisper
anytime for Wal-mart….it’s always packed. I can’t do it.
@shhwhisper,
“4. On Sundays, ignore all calls from Cowboys fans until after you know the Skins have won.”
Change Skins to Eagles and I agree with you. Cowgirl fans get permanent places in the “Sat Down” corner.
@shhwhisper,
“1. No matter how drunk or sleepy you are don’t forget to wrap your hair and/or put on a scarf.”
This is like my personal mission statement. And I’m gonna have to approve #3 too.
What cho creeds is????
Find humor in everything, even when it’s inappropriate.
Hit the bathroom to check hair and gloss upon entering the club.
Read…often.
Take care of your hair.
Wash your hands!
Mow the lawn, even if you’re not expecting company. ;o)
Keep toes pedicured and polished, even in the winter months.
Know how to cook at least 2 fabulous meals.
Stick to your word.
Do not apologize for how your feel…it is NEVER wrong.
Pray…often.
Act ridiculous…it’s fun.
Be random…it’s also fun.
Be fashionably late.
Don’t ask questions if you’re not ready for the answer.
Mean mug.
Never become too old to watch cartoons.
Be satisfied with what you have, and be glad there is more to want!
Smile…a lot…especially if you’re mad.
@This Just In,
Wonderful words to live by.
To thy own self be true.
And then, drink. a lot.
Always take your makeup bag to the hair salon with you. Pretty hair and an oily nose doesn’t mix.
so sad I missed this shyt
pick the best food or embibe for the moment
live in the moment
be on time
be truthy
taste the ‘candy’
take everyone to your house everywhere (read make people comfrotable around you)
be true to the Wu
SING IT BYCH
Wu Tang sap suckaaaaa
Orangatangs and ya mothaaaaa
~Don’t accept a last minute invitation, especially if all the other guest were handed real invitations- and you weren’t. (They didn’t really want you there, imo)
~Women should always carry the necessities with them. Don’t ask me for no lip gloss, or hair brush. “I got mine, you better get yours” – r.i.p bernie mac
~Nothing is worse than seeing a drunk ninja in public, male or female. Have some self respect
I know all of these points have probably been discussed in detail, I just wanted to add my .02
-real friends deserve to be treated as such
-if i don’t huslte i don’t eat
-only ask mom and granny for large sums of money…everybody else will make you feel bad about it.
-remember that EVERY SONG IS YOUR SONG and act accordingly
-always talk during the movie/play/ballet/traffic jam/lecture…fuck the old white people behind you. fuck.them.
-think about what you say
-except if it’s funny. if it’s funny, SHOUT THAT SHIT.
-always buy boy shorts
-mother knows best
-laugh instead of cry
-cry instead of argue
-argue instead of fight
-send funny random texts to your new love at 11:06 every thursday, sets the tone for the relationship.
-LAUGH.LOVE.LIVE.
– Dont get so drunk til you dont know who u came with or how to get back home
—If you didnt roll it or see who did…dont smoke it! (that goes for alcohol also)
—If you are going to engage in oral sex..make sure u know what u doin!
—Ladies…roll with ur own condoms
—Everyone needs to lotion up
—When In doubt…sound it out
—Karma is a B
—Say what you mean and practice what you preach. (Im tired of folks sayin they keep it 100 and cant handle simple truth’s)
—If you know you aint got no money or if something is not in ur budget…stay yo ass at home
—Know when to humble yourself and ask for help
—Jazz is appropiate music for all occasions (except for hood parties)
—-Keep the living room, kitchen and bathroom clean. You can close the door to other parts of the house
—Laughing is better than cryin
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