while the new freedom, raging hormones, omega jungle juice, and close living quarters usually turn coed college dormitories to ceaseless freshman freakfests, there’s always an unlucky woman or two who goes above and beyond the call of booty, their first semester sexploits making their name a synonym for hotivity their entire campus career.
for us it was angel, a busty canadian-jamaican whose “freshman fifteen” might have been how many guys she boned before christmas break.
because her close homegirl had my nose wide open from three extremely frustrating months of the mr. miyagi treatment, i never had much interest in being a notch on angels croutchless belt. still, we’d occasionally spend time studying together because of a class we shared, and one late winter night a chem 101 cram session slowly and subtly morphed into a fully clothed fluffer match.
we knew my roommate would be getting back to the suite shortly, so angel suggested that we move to her dorm because her roomie was staying the night with her bf. while walking to her room, we happen to pass by one of my teammates, who gives me one of those exaggerated “what the hell?” smirk/squints of jealous hate that assh*le harlemites are famous for.
he then proceeds to follow us to her room, invites himself in, and sits on her roommates bed reading a cosmo and talking about the lox while i’m shooting this ninja the sharpest eye daggers i can possibly muster. if looks could kill i would have murdered a mil
after an hour or so, angel (understandably) grew tired and told us she was going to bed. we leave, and as soon as the door closes, he starts cracking up:
“my bad, son. i had to do it. i couldn’t let you get your rocks off before me. plus, i did you a favor anyway, b. you aint really wanna beat, i could see it in your eyes.”
so, if you’re keeping score, not only did he intentionally c*ck-block, he admitted to intentionally c*ck-blocking me, and had the audacity to give me a freakin rationale!!!
although i should have immediately cut him from the homie’s list because of his blatant g-code violation, i ignored the red flag and we stayed cool until our senior year, when i finally got tired of him trying to bag every single woman i had any type of sexual involvement with.
we all know about romantic relationship red flags, but what about our friends? watch barbie in the nutcracker online
along with the blatant c*ck block, here’s four other friend red flags that should make you run for your life
they just started selling pre-paid legal
from waterboarding to listening to a kid cudi freestyle, there’s many different ways to die slow. still, none of them compare to having to listen to a pre-paid legal sales pitch for five minutes every time you talk to your boy. i think the automatic “straight to voicemail” feature on new cell phones was devised for this single purpose.
on the plus side, it does make you pretty creative. i’ve devised at least 15 great responses to the “hey, how come you never pick up the phone anymore?” question you’ll inevitability get after awkwardly running into them at target. also, while in minute three of one of my friend’s sales pitches, i thought up three unique ways to murder him without anyone finding out.
they’re a terrible tipper
i know its a recession and all and cats are on budgets, but one consistently bad tipper has the power to make your entire crew pissed at each other, starting arguments over who’s gonna pay extra to make up for charlie the assclown’s perfunctory 2% gratuities.
they stink
everyone has had that friend who, for whatever reason, just can’t get their scent game quite right. it might not even be their fault, but if you continue to hang with the cat who smells like new jersey drive, after a while people are just gonna assume that both of you stink.
since its not nice to throw a balloon of bleach at them every time you see them, you should probably just end the friendship immediately. or, if you’re nice, introduce them to other, aroma deficient ex-friends so they can stink together.
they’re always fighting…and always losing
while there are many benefits to having a bruiser in your crew, being cool with someone who always gets their ass kicked is like having a bird poop on your funnel cake: it doesn’t look too bad until you remember you’re about to eat sh*t
i know i’m missing a ton. people of vsb.com, any additions?
—the champ
Related posts:
{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }
attn whores, i had a really close friend who would be mad cool-until a guy came around, then it was “ugh, i’m so hot i wish i was naked right now”
it never failed that the dude this was directed too and i would catch each other’s eye and one or both of us would crack up, it was the most obvious ploy for attn, it was comical.
until it got annoying, lol.
Reply
Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:10 am
@overit, I think there’s one or two of those trying to infiltrate every friendship circle.
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overit Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:23 am
@Hostess, aint it the worst? oh, and i remember another time during a friendly 3 way convo with one of our boys, who is like our brother, she said: “what are yall doing? i just got out of the shower, im still dripping wet”. i was like oh, gotta go. told my boy to hit me up cause i could not deal, lol.
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overit Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:59 am
@overit, i’m sorry if i’m repeating, but i cannot stand competitive friends. one of my friends is into a lot of the art i’m into, and actively pursues it like me so of course i love to have some to talk to about my love for prisma color markers or acrylic vs. oil, problem is, she is always trying to be better. she told me straight up she has jealousy issues and is highly competitive, and i told her straight up to take that mess somewhere else or pretend like we don’t have this art thing in common.
champ, you’re reminding me of a lot of annoying people today. can we do a post on the nice things in life and sh*t?
*if you respond with “no” i’ll get the e-posse to jump you after school
Gem Possible Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:13 am
@overit,
dang, got something on your mind, etwin?? lol just breathe and get overit.
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:22 am
@overit,
champ, you’re reminding me of a lot of annoying people today. can we do a post on the nice things in life and sh*t?
*if you respond with “no” i’ll get the e-posse to jump you after school
jump deez
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:25 am
@overit,
“what are yall doing? i just got out of the shower, im still dripping wet”
lol, some women just really enjoy being c*ckteases. every guy will tell you that.
i wonder ladies, is there an equivalent for men?
Beez Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
@The Champ,
Of course there is.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 7:42 am
@Hostess, I know that chick and politely dropped kicked her out of the circle.
Reply
Peysonic Temple Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@Nicki Sunshine, how do u perform a polite drop kick? just wodnering….
blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
@Peysonic Temple,
ask her very nicely to stand within range of the flying scissor kick that is coming to her head.
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
@Peysonic Temple,
i assumed it had something to do with being nude
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@Peysonic Temple, U do it with a smile. lol
charli skipper Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:32 am
@overit,
yes. that mess is so pathetic. like when they randomly start talking about chex when everybody is trying to chill at a bar and watch the game. um….we’re all adults here. chex isn’t taboo anymore. noone’s impressed. k?
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:06 am
@overit, look at you bringing back memories for me too.
right after i graduated from college, i was dating this chick with quite the bufuguly roommate. anyway…every time i’d roll thru their spot, the roommie always rocked this silky robe that was ever-so-form-fitting. like that joint laid down quite gently over her curves. so of course, i wasn’t allowed to be in a room with her by herself b/c of her clothing choices.
too bad she was bufugly or it wouldn’t have been so appalling to me. who want’s to see a mongoose all gussied up?
not I.
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overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@Panama Jackson, i HATE when girls do that, knowing another girl’s man is in the room. i’m not inititiating any type of convo that could be deemed suspect around my friend’s man, that ish can wait until its just my girls and i.
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TheDutchess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@Panama Jackson,
“mongoose all gussied up” *choking*
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@Panama Jackson,
gotta watch for the roomates. chick be ready when ya boy gets there ause if not we gone be sittin in the livin room gettin lightweight molested/harassed by ya best friend/roomate/freakaleek. And why when yall break up the rooomate is the first ta call?
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@Panama Jackson,
“who want’s to see a mongoose all gussied up?”
you know, this actually was the original title of the “tiny and toya” show, until t.i. threatened to shoot debra lee if they didnt change it
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
@The Champ, LMAO.
WuDaMan Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@The Champ,
Why must I cry
K to the... Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
@overit,
I had that happened to me. What’s crazy is my (then) 6-year-old sister pointed the attention steal shenanigans out to me because the bish was tryna flirt with my boo while I was NOT in the room. Needless to say, after acts of tomfoolery this so-called “best friend” of mine pulled…we are no longer friends.
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overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@K to the…, kids are so honest, lol. i love it!
Reply
Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:45 am
@overit,
“attn whores, i had a really close friend who would be mad cool-until a guy came around, then it was “ugh, i’m so hot i wish i was naked right now””
These are one of the most low-self esteem having ninjas on the planet. Stop it, you’re trying too hard, thus automatically failing.
Reply
Sula Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
@overit,
I have been hanging out with a new group of friends (all my friends up and moved on me *sad face*) and I might have just discovered the “one” in our crew… All day saturday, she was on an “Am I not hot? And I am a doctor? And everybody wants to talk to me” campaign… Right now, it’s still in the comical phase… I might have to get out before it gets into the annoying and tragic phase…
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1. They don’t drink.
2. They don’t play any role in the stage play that is ‘The Crew’.
3. They always want you to invite your single folks but never know any to invite. In other words, we have a gathering and this person doesn’t know any men but is going through my phone tryna ick and choose which dudes she wants me to invite. Stack-Ho!
4. They are NEVER on time for shyt. This person doesn’t respect other folks’ time and probably just don’t give a damn.
5. They itemize the bill.
Reply
Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:13 am
@Hostess,
Why Number 1? What’s wrong with not drinking?
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puff Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:28 am
@Selah,
where do i begin?…
i keed. it’s only bad when you all out to a bar, and there’s the one friend who sits in the corner mean mugging at everyone else getting their drink on. i’m like, “why did you come??” —-> this doesn’t account for any designated driver situations btw none of my people drive (nyc)
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Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:09 am
@puff, Yes. But the people I’m talking about don’t drink because they are hoping someone else, of the opposite sex gets tipsy enough to give them the time of the day.
Example: This one hoe–who got put out of the co-ed posse, had us believing she didn’t drink and was something of a church mouse. Well, we later found out that in the company of our girl’s husband, she was doing shots and offering belly shots. Da helle?
overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@Hostess, lol, clearly your experience with non drinking folk has not been a good one.
i find it interesting how things such as drinking and other acts have become deal breakers. i think the main thing is if the person who is not drinking can still have a good time and be just as uninhibited as the drinking folk, there is no problem.
BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
@puff,
all my folks is anti sober and fuq a designated driver. its easier to drive than walk lol naw for real know ya limits
Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:30 am
@Selah, I live in a drinking city. All of our gatherings involve a beverage or six. So if one person refuses to partake, I think they are sitting off to the side trying to do some sneaky shyt. Well, I don’t think. It’s happened. Damn. At least get a drink and babysit it. The only exception is if they have parents or grandparents who are alcoholics.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:10 am
@Hostess, not sure i can totally agree. i mean, as a staunch advocate for drinking i’m total agreemance. however, i got compadres that don’t drink at all. i feel like as long as they aren’t arseholish about it and never say, “you drink too much” then they can come out and play.
the second you mention my attempts to see how quickly my face can meet the wood parquet, you got to go.
of course you really can’t go bc who’s going to drives us home. but i’ll be sure to berate you with my vicious rhetoric at a much later date.
Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
@Panama Jackson, You proper spelling and usage of parquet made me giggle. Next you’ll be talking about shams and bedazzling bed linens.
Leila Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:17 am
@Hostess, “They are NEVER on time for shyt. This person doesn’t respect other folks’ time and probably just don’t give a damn.”
I co-sign! My last ex was always at least an hour late for everything. It drove me crazy. Even if I gave him a different time, he couldn’t be on time for anything.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 7:44 am
@Leila, cosign squared.
One of my girls is always late for everything and it makes me NUTS.
Imagine getting ready for the club and being told you are leaving at 10:30 and not leaving until 1. I no longer come to her house to “get dressed” and now if they aren’t ready at 10:30 (which I know they aren’t), I won’t go.
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luvtheshoes Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:03 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
I have a girlfriend who is always running an hour or two later than planned so I just use it to my advantage…I get to her house when I said I would and pre-party off her liquor until its time to go. You don’t want me dranking up your stock? Then you best be ready to go when you said you would be.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:21 am
@luvtheshoes, HIGH FIVE. lol. I love that.
I can’t do it bc I don’t really drink (the taste gives me a weird chill) and I end up SLEEP.
Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:11 am
@Leila, people who can’t be on time for anything should all be shipped to Utah and forced to listen to Lady Gaga and Walé’s song “chillin” on repeat for at least 2 hours.
btw, i hate that song.
Reply
A-Town Genius Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:46 am
@Hostess,
Yeah what’s the deal with not drinking. I happen to not drink and it works out because hey at the end of the night someone has to get everyone’s drunk @sses home. No one I know has ever had a problem with it.
Reply
Leila Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:04 am
@A-Town Genius, Personally, I’m cool with people who don’t drink as long as they don’t judge me drinking. I’m not a big drinker, but when I was out last weekend celebrating my birthday, one of my friends who doesn’t drink was shooting me dirty looks the whole night.
Reply
A-Town Genius Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:48 am
@Leila,
Nah,
No judgment here. Only time I could call myself coming close to judging someone is if they end up sloppy drunk every night. It’s cool every once in a while but I don’t think you should not be able to remember what you did last night everytime you go out. That’s just triflin.
blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 6:24 am
@Leila,
when I was out last weekend celebrating my birthday, one of my friends who doesn’t drink was shooting me dirty looks the whole night.
This is a candidate for getting dropped from the crew. Not because they don’t drink. Because they are obviously have a touch of the Judgmental.
It was your BIRTHDAY for crying out loud! (And happy belated!)
Judgmental folks can miss me with their ENTIRE BEING.
Sula Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
@blackberry molasses,
Judgmental folks can miss me with their ENTIRE BEING.
Words to live by.
shay_d_lady Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:12 am
@Hostess, 4. They are NEVER on time for shyt. This person doesn’t respect other folks’ time and probably just don’t give a damn.
damn this is me… but I really do care.. I just have an issue with chronically undercalculating how long its actually going to take me to get there….
its a disease I inherited from my mom
Reply
V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:49 am
@shay_d_lady,
it’s me too. But I do care. I just can’t get it together. And I always take a nap before I go out and those naps turn into marathon sleep sessions most of the time, making me late.
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overit Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:34 am
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans, i really love sleeping, lol. i am well convinced i was a koala in my former life.
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:28 am
@overit,
or a mattress
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Terminator The Champ, EXCELLENT!
Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:35 am
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans, By saying you can’t, it makes it seem like you don’t care to make a change. Do you arrive at work/class late? If there’s a ‘get in free before 11′ event, do you manage to get in free? If you can show up on time for things where someone has some authority over you, why can’t you should your friends that same level of ‘give-a-damn’?
Luvvie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:56 am
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans,
You good for flat out missing stuff, not just being late. LOL
V.E.G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@Luvvie,
Once I fall asleep…
I am trying to work on it. The naps, tho. The naps.
Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:33 am
@shay_d_lady, But if you KNOW this about yourself, why do you continue to allow it to happen??
Reply
Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:14 am
@shay_d_lady, so let me get this right. you’re ALWAYS late and you know why you’re always late. yet you remain late.
i’d be ready to strangle you with the strength of 12 worker ants.
“yes they deserve to die and i hope they burn in hell!”
i dont really feel that way but i love that quote and it seems as apropos here as anywhere else.
Reply
shay_d_lady Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
@Panama Jackson, @shay_d_lady, so let me get this right. you’re ALWAYS late and you know why you’re always late. yet you remain late.
i’d be ready to strangle you with the strength of 12 worker ants.
“yes they deserve to die and i hope they burn in hell!”
Yes, and Yes…. and like VEG a lot of times its the Nap… I havent quite been able to pinpoint how long I can nap before it turns into full fledged hibernation… couple that with my inability to gauge how long it will actually take me to get from 1 place to the next…there you have it.. when its do or die for like an interview or meeting.. I have to be extremely early but I cant ever seem to be. .”on time”
overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@Panama Jackson, ok, LMAO @ Hostess and Panama’s genuine concern for the tardy folks on the blog.
each one, teach one.
Sula Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
@shay_d_lady,
I think I have a lateness problem in general (even at work)… I would probably not last in a job that has strict hours… but it’s also probably because I don’t care enough…. who knows?
Reply
Blue Skyez Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
@shay_d_lady,
“damn this is me… but I really do care.. I just have an issue with chronically undercalculating how long its actually going to take me to get there….”
Gawlee. I totally feel your pain I’m always anywhere from 1hr-2hr late for everything except for classes and work. I think its a mindset that goes along with chronic procrastination. If someone tells me to meet them at 8pm, my mind automatically thinks “oh I could start getting read at 6:30pm” but then I really finish getting ready at 7:55pm and I still have an 1 hour plus change to drive. It happens too much. Being chronically late can destroy your life.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:30 am
@Hostess,
2. They don’t play any role in the stage play that is ‘The Crew’.
yeah, there’s nothing more annoying than a person who never wants to be a team player. i’m just gonna start referring to these cats as ocho cincos
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:19 am
@Hostess,
4. They are NEVER on time for shyt. This person doesn’t respect other folks’ time and probably just don’t give a damn.
Yep.
Reply
Yaa Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@Hostess,
4. They are NEVER on time for shyt. This person doesn’t respect other folks’ time and probably just don’t give a damn.
This is an issue for me. It isnt that I dont respect other people’s time. I think I just take for granted that I am just chilling with my friends and get kind of relaxed. I am under constant pressure to be on time for work, getting the kids to school, etc. This is the one time I can be easy & take my time. IT PISSES MY FRIENDS OFF. I am working on it.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:44 am
@Hostess,
“1. They don’t drink.”
This is only a problem for me if they proceed to be the mean-mugging wallflower who pouts because everyone else is living it up and they’re sucking up all the of fun outta the room like a Black Hole. If they know how to have fun without a drink (which is a great quality in anyone), then this ain’t a problem for me. Designated driver, by default. lol
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Hostess Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@Cheekie, YES. This is an issue too. Don’t get somewhere, then get pissed cus everyone else is having a ho-ha good time and happen to be drinking.
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Omar Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@Hostess,
As a non-drinker I have let it be known you never know when we come in handy, as the only non-drunk person I once prevented a woman from getting her ass whooped in the street (and by extension prevented a ninja from going to jail in his junior year).
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1. If they have crazy relationships.
If they’re tire-slashing/bussin windows/callin cuzzin Ray Ray to go beat up their dude (or any other activities that could land them in jail), I reaaallly don’t need to be their friend. Especially if after all that ridiculous activity they get back with the dude….. uhmm no. You’re crazy. You could get me deaded. Next.
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trin-trin Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:28 am
@Selah,
i’m wit u…unnecessary drama u do not need to be around
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Gem Possible Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:15 am
@trin-trin,
as my girl used to say, ALL drama is unnecessary lol
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
@Gem Possible,
im allergic to drama i start sneezin an shii
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 7:45 am
@Selah, Dang, I have demoted a friend for just about everything that has been mentioned so far ESPECIALLY this one. lol
Reply
luvtheshoes Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:07 am
@Selah,
On a similar note, I’ve been contemplating demoting a friend who always has the same problem with men over and over and over again and wants to bit@h about it over and over and over again. I get real tired of hearing about the same drama and her never doing anything to change her situation.
Definition of insanity – doing the same thing but expecting different results.
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Sula Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
@Selah,
Co-sign.
Drama related people in general make my head hurt.
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LOL @ they stink. I got a boy that can’t control his sweat glands. Twenty minutes into every party and dude looks and smells like he just escaped from Shawshank. What makes it wild too is that he’s mad extroverted so he stays trying to hug up on girls, and be the lead man when attacking a female crew. Its kinda comical seeing their faces wince up when he gets all close trying to set the table.
I know I’m wrong for laughing, but it really is funny.
He knows about it too, I mean we don’t suggested every type of deodorant, homemade remedy and antiperspirant known to man. Dude just sweats like the spanish dude in that commercial. But thats my boy tho so what are you really gonna do? Can’t tell that ni99a to stay home.
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:26 am
@Dorian G.,
Yes you can. LOL! He knows it and nothing has changed? You legally have the right to do so. lol
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overit Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:26 am
@Dorian G., I have a friend who is MAD sweaty, there is a special deodorant that she uses, i’ll get the name, it works wonders! you should reccomend it to your boy.
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An Island Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:53 am
@Dorian G.
I may be wrong, but botox was originally created for people like your boy. He may want to look into it.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 7:46 am
@An Island, Botox is for that. I heard Wendy Williams talking about it.
Maybe he should see a doctor?
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An Island Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:47 am
@Nicki Sunshine
Yep, yep. Although anything Wendy signs onto medically would scare me, everything she does is excessive.
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:22 am
@An Island, LMAO!!!! Don’t get me started on those boobs.
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:33 am
@Dorian G.,
Dude just sweats like the spanish dude in that commercial
are you referring to the axe commercial where the dude sprays sweat everytime he lifts his arms?
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:04 am
@The Champ,
Why yes, yes I am
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Sula Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
@Dorian G.,
That is a funny commercial.
Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@Dorian G.,
“What makes it wild too is that he’s mad extroverted so he stays trying to hug up on girls, and be the lead man when attacking a female crew. ”
This is the most perplexing principle since M equals M-C squared. It’s the same with folks with ozone depleting breath the one who is always all up in someone’s face…like why you gotta be that close in the first place, and furthermore you the LAST one that should be that close.
And he knows darn well what he smells like. I mean, a ninja’s smell don’t got ish to do with her personality…his personality could be dope…but it ain’t my fault I don’t wanna be the friend of someone who makes me dry-heave whenever I stand next to them. I’m thinking of my health…which is rational.
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:06 am
@Cheekie,
See you’re thinking like a woman. I don’t have to smell him, even if he tries to dap me I’m telling him “damn, you sweaty as hell, you need a shower dude”…him “yeah I know”.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:48 am
@Dorian G.,
Not wanting funkiness and bad breathe all up in your space is being clean, not female.
I can tell someone to fix their ish ’til the cow comes home. Doesn’t mean they’ll listen and it doesn’t mean it’ll work since they’ll be that far gone. lol
Peysonic Temple Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:16 am
@Dorian G., Degree makes a clinical versions its $26 a stick
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Sula Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
@Dorian G.,
He needs to consider Botox for his sweat glands. Apparently, it works for that too.
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i had a homegirl who whined and pouted and threw tantrums if she didnt get her way…and we are grown!!! on top of that she was selfish and had to have all the attention on her all the time. she has succeeded in alienating everyone she was friends with because no one could put up with her attitude. i don’t know how i stayed friends with her as long as i did.
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:42 am
@trin-trin,
“Don’t nobody wanna hear a grown man whine” is one of my mom’s favorite sayings. Why does she love this saying? Idk. lol but it goes for women, too.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:43 am
@Selah,
“Don’t nobody wanna hear a grown man whine”
why did this sentence just make me envision a fat guy winding in a living room and knocking all types of sh*t over?
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@The Champ,
nooooooooooooooooooo!
Now everytime my mom says this (which she often does) I’ll have that image in my head. thanks. LOL
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
@Selah,
no problem
superwoman Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:04 am
@trin-trin, hmmm, i think i know this girl! she’s a friend of mine. i love her, but she’s tiresome. she’s always throwing stupid disses when she feels someone else is getting too much attention. eg – last week, we were out with friends, and one of the cuter guys complimented my hair, then everyone chimed in about how they love my natural ‘fro. she jumped in on some “yeah, but doesn’t it get really nappy and knotted very quickly? and your hair’s actually really thin, it just LOOKS thick, right? ”
it was so embarassing, coz everyone looked at her like…. ‘you are NOT an okay bunny!’ and i’m sitting there thinking ‘ok, what was that for, girlfriend?’ it’s just unnecessary and counterproductive, coz it’s obvious what you’re doing, and you look childish.
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overit Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:40 am
@superwoman, “yeah, but doesn’t it get really nappy and knotted very quickly? and your hair’s actually really thin, it just LOOKS thick, right? ”
LOL @ her comment, straight calling herself out. i know such remarks are from a place of insecurity, and i always try to remember the child teased at the playground, but then i see the grown arse person in front of me, and i must issue a failing grade and tell them they cannot pass, just GO.
(ok, that annoying song from Jo Jo just popped in my head. it irked the ish outta me the way the background would be her shouting “leave!” “now!”)
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:57 am
@overit,
“(ok, that annoying song from Jo Jo just popped in my head. it irked the ish outta me the way the background would be her shouting “leave!” “now!”)”
UGH. I know. Like she had musical tourettes or something.
And it sounded generic as hell.
Chocolate Girl Wonder Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Cheekie,
I love that song.
Blue Skyez Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
@superwoman,
yeah you really need to drop this friend if she continues with the envious back handed comments. Those kinda of friends spew an aura of hate all around your fab-ness making you never be able to fully enjoy your life while hanging around them.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@trin-trin,
“i had a homegirl who whined and pouted and threw tantrums if she didnt get her way…and we are grown!!!”
LMAO. This is probably way more embarassing than having a kid who does this. Because even though parents don’t like the stares from their bratty kid whining, at least it is an attributed associated with children. A grown folk? Not so much.
I’d be all, “Um, she’s not mine…”. lol
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he may need a prescription
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“for us it was angel, a busty canadian-jamaican whose “freshman fifteen” might have been how many guys can she boned before christmas break.”
I must begin a slow clap for the ignorance that is this line before I continue reading … *starts slow clap*
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:41 am
@thismayconcernyou,
LOL! I thought only 2520s did this. In teen movies. lol
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shay_d_lady Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:14 am
@Selah, no chile, the slow clap should be used everywhere.. I lUUUUVS the slow clap.. and whats funny, is no matter how inappropriate the venue or time someone always joins in.. LMAO
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:26 am
@shay_d_lady,
LOL!
Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:59 am
@shay_d_lady,
HAHA, so true. It’s like this magnetic force. Sometimes someone starts clapping, then you’d start clapping too, looking around confused not really knowing what the clapping is for, but doing it because everyone else is doing it. Besides, mass applause is a beautfiul sound.
thismayconcernyou Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:20 am
@Selah,
NO, the slow clap is vitally important to all facets of American life. When I write my first screenplay, I will write in a bad slow clap purposely. It is necessary.
Until then, slow clap at this: Celebrity Twitter Rules … http://tinyurl.com/m644w5 …
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:25 am
@thismayconcernyou, bwahahah at the article.
thismayconcernyou Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:05 am
@Selah,
I said slow clap, Not “bwahahah” … lol … no seriously, thanks.
And Shay is right, someone is always seconds the slow clap … lol
Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:00 am
@Selah,
This makes me wonder…does anyone know someone who actually laughs like that (Bwahaha)?Like they literally pronounce the ‘Bw’ when they laugh? That would be hilarious to me.
Dom Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@Cheekie,
Yes, yes I do. Her name is Ashley and she’s one of the funniest people I have ever met in life.
T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:00 am
the slow clap and the golf clap are must assessories of the cynically hip
Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:18 am
@T. Troy Stewart, this is very true.
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:45 am
@thismayconcernyou,
thanks and sh*t. its always a good thing to be slow clapped before brunch
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thismayconcernyou Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:08 am
@The Champ,
Why didn’t you tell Eddie Levert that you copyrighted “and sh*t?” You need to go get that money, bro … lol.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
@thismayconcernyou,
eddie scares me, as do all other men who only button one button on their shirts
Luvvie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@thismayconcernyou,
Correction. Not ignorance, but IGNANCE. There is a difference. Please get it right ‘fo u sully the good name of IG
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thismayconcernyou Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:10 am
@Luvvie,
Forgive me Luv, but you do know that most every time I type “ignorance,” I mean “Ignance,” unless, of course, I’m talking about someone who truly doesn’t know any better …
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
@thismayconcernyou,
my freshman year there was a junior chick that preyed on us lil freshmans dorm ninjas she was hella fine too but if ya kno if you touch her no female on campus will touch you so u stay away. naw dogg you run from that broad.
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The friend who never has any money….Yup they go out with you and have a funky good time with you but when its time to settle the bill they’re whistling dixie and there’s tumbleweeds blowing by.
The you ready to go friend…just got paid, friday night, party jumpin, feeling right but she’s ready to go home and now you gotta spend the rest of the night avoiding her.
The One-Upper friend…doesn’t matter what you do they did that and took it a step further. You won the powerball? They won twice. You went to Diddy’s white party? They co-hosted. You know the type, no matter what you did they did that and can tell you why what you did ain’t ish compared to what they’ve done.
The b!tchassed friend….the one who pops off at the mouth and gets the whole crew involved and if a fight breaks out so do they. What’s messed up is that you don’t realize they were nowhere to be found until the rehash/play by play with the rest of your peeps.
The here we go again friend…you don’t believe a word out of their mouth but they sure are fun.
The devil on your shoulder friend…the person who encourages your bad behavior all in the name of having a good time. Well I kinda like this friend but the wrong kind can be dangerous.
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Selah Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:54 am
@Nola Darling,
“The you ready to go friend…just got paid, friday night, party jumpin, feeling right but she’s ready to go home and now you gotta spend the rest of the night avoiding her.”
i.hate.that. it’s like – if you’re ready to go , then GO. ain’t no one stoppin you. But I’m here havin fun. Hope you got a ride. lol
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Dat Chic Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:27 am
@Nola Darling,
Your list had me rolling “its time to settle the bill they’re whistling dixie and there’s tumbleweeds blowing by.”
But he “The b!tchassed friend” is the one you have to identify and cut off immediately !! Can’t have fun when every outing ends with a court date.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
@Dat Chic,
my folks was the dude that was always broke but always wanted to tag along. now tha ninja got a range rover. i should charge him intrest on the petro fetti he still owe.
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superwoman Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:53 am
@Nola Darling, the one-upper!!!!! the bloody one-upper!!!! GRRRR!!! at what point was this conversation declared a competition, hey??? you’re joyfully ‘Oh, my honey surprised me with a romantic dinner for two” – she’s all “well, my man’s flying me to mauritius for the weekend.” WHAT???? FOR WHAT GOOD REASON ON GODS GREEN EARTH ARE YOU SAYING THESE THINGS TO ME??? i was just sharing info as a friend, and you’re pissing on my parade! nx!
it makes me CRAZY!!! even your PROBLEMS are nothing compared to what they’re going through! “god, i had to have a root canal”, the response – “well, my asthma’s been acting so crazy, i’ve had to give up wheat, oranges, lamb, bacon, tomatoes and oats AND i think i might be diabetic.”
go away. far, far away…
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MrsVboy1 aka shay Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 6:32 am
@superwoman, I’ll one-up that, lmao *sorry had to*
i had a friend that eventually fell out with b/c not only did she need to one up me in everything, when she didn’t have anything to one up me with, she didnt want to talk to me about it.
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overit Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:45 am
@superwoman, i HATE people who want to compare wounds. i only vent about personal things to a very small group of people, like 2. it just so happens one of those people i’ve known forever, and she’s really a great person. the only annoying thing she does is when i tell her about something i’m working through, she cuts me off on some “all my life i had to fight” ish. bish, its my turn! didn’t nobody call on you to testify, put your hand down and wait until after i’ve at least finished my darn story.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
@superwoman,
i got locked up over a one upper. he saw what i was doin an tried ta do it to but he got caught up and dropped a dime on me cause he cant do no time
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 7:48 am
@Nola Darling, I love this list!
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:48 am
@Nola Darling,
The One-Upper friend…doesn’t matter what you do they did that and took it a step further. You won the powerball? They won twice. You went to Diddy’s white party? They co-hosted. You know the type, no matter what you did they did that and can tell you why what you did ain’t ish compared to what they’ve done.
lol, i had a one upper friend in college who was particularly annoying when concerning deals. for instance, if i told him i just copped a pair of j’s on sale for 70 bucks, he’d reply “damn, nigga. 70 bucks? you got your head beat. i could’ve copped them for you for 10 dollars”
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Ms. Hall Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@The Champ,
LMAO. I’ve encountered this person. Usually our final conversation ends like this: “…What?! I got mine for $10 and a bag of Cheetos.”
I am so over these people.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:20 am
@Nola Darling, i think i know at least one person who fits into each of those categories.
i’m actually a slight variation of the devil on your shoulder friend. then again, i’m also the ninja that will tell you to jump off a bridge if you call me talking about ending life. dont talk about it…BE ABOUT IT.
basically, never call me if you want to get talked off the ledge. go hard or go home.
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N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall.... Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:39 am
@Panama Jackson,
PJ on the suicide hotline
“you gonna slit your wrists? well, go ‘head then! what you calling me for?” *click*
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall…., yeah…pretty much just like that.
This reminds me of the scene in “The Best Man” where Taye and Nia are studying and then start dancin to the music. Then when they’re about to do the do, the record skips. Who was the c*ckblocker in that situation? Stevie? The song? The record player?? Maybe Taye’s teefeses was too sharp on her fo’head.
I like rambling. It makes me giddy.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:50 am
@nia,
Who was the c*ckblocker in that situation? Stevie? The song? The record player?
white women
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:22 am
@nia, see, that’s why you should take care of your music. that way it won’t skip in the most unfortunate of situations.
on a sidenote…there’s no way in the flying frog f*ck a skipping track would stop me once the train leaves the station. you might as well keep going. if anything, the skipping gives you a different rhythm section to work to.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@Panama Jackson,
co-sign nuthin stoppin the 5.7 v8 350 when the light turn green. you gotta focus danielson fooooooooocus
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
@Panama Jackson,
yeah, maybe taye was more turned on by stevie than nia
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@nia,
I love how this happens as Stevie is crooning, “Alllllways” because actually it’s never. As in never gonna happen.
The bootleg stereo is definitely the c*ckblocker here. Or was it the CD…did he put a CD in? Well maybe that joint was scratched.
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it’s time for bed, sweetheart.
*takes nia by the hand, leads her to her, (still rambling), to the bedroom and tucks her into bed*
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:57 am
@superwoman,
it’s time for bed, sweetheart.
*takes nia by the hand, leads her to her, (still rambling), to the bedroom and tucks her into bed*
vsb.com: where girl on girl date rape happens
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@The Champ,
LMAO.
That was totally a Lifetime movie pervy villain move, superwoman.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
@The Champ,
lmao lolololol
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superwoman Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
@The Champ, and you Cheeky,
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!!! ha ha ha ha ha, you guys!!!! so wrong!
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Ya partna back in school would have been reading Nikes AND palms pulling some sh*t like that and cutely admitting it to me…I’ll be damned if I’m denied some surefire chex on account of one and he wasn’t first.
Other red flags include:
-never learning how to drive in cities where it’s in your best interest to, How’s my one folk gonna be 33 and married and still not have even a bucket?
-fiending…for anything. I don’t mind that you, say, smoke, but quit acting like the thing you smoke is crill. Got to know when to put your “needs” on pause for a while until an appropriate time.
-if you can’t ever take one for the team, everything’s gotta be your idea or on your terms (tends to come usually from females, but dudes are guilty of this too).
-if you act brand new every single time you have a new girlfriend.
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shay_d_lady Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:43 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, if you can’t ever take one for the team, everything’s gotta be your idea or on your terms (tends to come usually from females, but dudes are guilty of this too).
oh my GAWD I hate that..its always where they want to go and what they want to do or they act an a$$ or suspiciously cant go if the get together is at someone else’s joint….
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Humble_One Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:34 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“-if you can’t ever take one for the team, everything’s gotta be your idea or on your terms (tends to come usually from females, but dudes are guilty of this too).”
I can’t stand this. And if they do decide to “compromise” they rif the whole time and try to ruin it for everyone else.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Ya partna back in school would have been reading Nikes AND palms pulling some sh*t like that and cutely admitting it to me…I’ll be damned if I’m denied some surefire chex on account of one and he wasn’t first.
i was in too much shock to do anything. its like walking down the street and seeing a baby driving a whip. you know you’re supposed to do something, but you’re paralyzed with amazement.
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overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:37 am
@The Champ, LMAO @ this mental image. i hate you.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
@The Champ, I’ve been there with the in-shock thing….way too much Monday Morning quarterbacking in my head of people who should have gotten stomped out.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
take on for the team hell yea if you gone be down be down
actin brand new a$$ ninjas 4real mayne
i hate tha chian smokers that neva have fade tho i dont care if we grew up together “you aint put ends on this maaaaaaan”
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
@BLUNTBLAZER, yeah, I meant to add that one too. Don’t be that guy who never has a bag or some cream on it, but wanna smoke everyone else’s trees up.
But I haven’t smoked in six years, so I’m owed quite a few freebies, LOL.
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The Male Attention Whore.
The highly insecure friend that HAS to have the spotlight.
Whether he is being a comedian or hater at YOUR expense and is a ‘one upper friend’ as someone stated above.
If the attention ain’t on him or he feels you left him out…he’s gonna be rude and/or straight up lash out. If you check him on his dirt, he literally b*tches like he has PMS for weeks on end. Maybe much longer.
1,
LC
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:05 am
@Lady Chi,
it seems like most’s peoples idea of a faulty friend has to do with how they handle attention. interesting and sh*t
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overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:40 am
@The Champ, this has to do with the total transformation a friend undergoes to get this attn. like, what happened to my girl who could be goofy and didn’t weigh each word on the chexy scale?
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:07 am
@overit?,
Answer: She’s trying to get her back blown out
overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@Dorian G., in your world, of course.
Bobby Drake Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 1:02 am
@Lady Chi, PREACH!!!!
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“everyone has had that friend who, for whatever reason, just can’t get their scent game quite right.”
It’s also bad when you’re the friend of someone whose best friend smells like that. And you want to tell your friend, but can’t quite find the words to say it … And you’re just wondering how the hell they do it/have done it for so long and they don’t smell.
my unfortunate addition is “they look like a Klingon.” Some people (read: women) like to think that having that ugly friend actually helps your game …but it hurts it. If you and your friend run into two guys, and your friend is busted, old dude’s homey is not going to want to take one for the team. That’s a beanball most guys I know will pass on. Sorry. You’d be better off stepping out by yourself.
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V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:55 am
@thismayconcernyou,
“like to think that having that ugly friend actually helps your game”
I have heard women say they like to be around less attractive women and I don’t get it. All my girls are cute.
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thismayconcernyou Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:53 am
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans,
They say it builds up their “self esteem” because they know guys are looking at them … IDK …
That’s like having dumb friends so that you’ll look smarter. Inevitably, they’re going to make you look dumb and/or bring down your level of intelligence a notch or two.
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Sheffield Swats Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans, I have heard women say they like to be around less attractive women and I don’t get it. All my girls are cute.
Total cosign. Hate having to talk the bouncer into letting the ugly friend into the club. Feels like that scene in “Knocked Up”. “Can’t be letting a bunch of old pregnant b****es in the club.”
Also hate when the guy I’m dating asks me to bring my friends out too, and his friends’ faces drop when they see the wildabeast batting eighth in the order. Might sound shallow but had to drop that friend…she was bringing down our average.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans,
I have heard women say they like to be around less attractive women and I don’t get it. All my girls are cute.
this is why i only hoop with midgets.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:26 am
@thismayconcernyou, i’ve taken one for the team before with a uber ugly chick. i mean…she looked so bad, she made me seem like at least a 9.
anyway…i just liquord up all to be damned (we had a shot contest…not sure who won though i’d wager that we bof lost). after that she was cool as a fan. luckily, i never saw her again.
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thismayconcernyou Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@Panama Jackson,
If you’re a 3 like you claim to be, and she made you look like a 9 … I wasn’t a math major, but that would make her at least a negative-8.4
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@thismayconcernyou,
yea my one patna can never take his shoes off at my crib and i dam near need a gas mask when i go to his spot cause this ninja feet be glowin they so bad like bruce leroy when he got his ninja mojo.
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oh my gawd.. the prepaid legal or any other of those bullshyt pyramid schemes.. I had a friend worry the shyt out of me to sign up for aisle 19…
and he keeps sending me these videos and calling me on some “whassup girl, long time…. hey did you ever look at that video i sent? man I hate for you miss out”
ninja, if I missed out in all this time……
the other friend issue I have is the cant handle your own business…
i mean if you still calling folks to help them fight your battles at 30? there is a problem.. I mean dont call me cause your c hilds teacher treating him bad wanting me to go up there with you.. or have your sister call me cause I hurt your feelings at the picnic.. man up….
and also the lost touch .. got a degree, a job and now you are Bougie black bytch extroadinare…….all of sudden you no longer eat fried chicken or chicken on a bone…and you always talking about. the problem with black people.. like your not one…
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Lady Chi Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:26 am
@shay_d_lady,
LMAO@The Lost Touch. So true.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am
@shay_d_lady, the problem with black people.. like your not one…
see that’s the problem with black people…always finding the problems with black people.
damn black people.
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the friend that really can’t stand your a*s and you know it but yall have been friends so long that you both try to pretend. she gives backhanded compliments and wears her a*s on her shoulder whenever you’re havin a good time or receiving a compliment.
the convict friend. a simple ride to the grocery store with him could easily turn into a high speed–w**d concealing, “dear Lord, i promise to make better decisions if you just help me please,”–chase
the friend that thinks he/she is so tough. “But I know they wouldn’t try that with me or else I’d….” Um….h* sit down.
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Lady Chi Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:43 am
@charli skipper,
“the friend that really can’t stand your a*s and you know it but yall have been friends so long that you both try to pretend. she gives backhanded compliments and wears her a*s on her shoulder whenever you’re havin a good time or receiving a compliment.”
LMAO, on point…this goes for males too.
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T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:12 am
@Lady Chi, dudes don’t do that….unless they’re gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that)
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V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:57 am
@charli skipper,
“the friend that really can’t stand your a*s and you know it but yall have been friends so long that you both try to pretend.*
Ya know, I had a frenemy. And I realized I started to resent her b/c of her behavior. The friendship went down in flames. Very ugly flames. I spoke my mind, finally, and she went there, too.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:57 am
@charli skipper, that frenemy BS is crazy don’t see why folk tolerate that …its enough folk that hate in the world why have that in your immediate circle??????
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:28 am
@charli skipper, the convict friend. a simple ride to the grocery store with him could easily turn into a high speed–w**d concealing, “dear Lord, i promise to make better decisions if you just help me please,”–chase
um…on the real, you have a convict friend? that’s not on good behavior? i’d say that’d be a flaw on you, not on them.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@Panama Jackson,
doesnt eryone have a convict friend? if you dont then you are it. My patna know was up and they tell me before they get in or b4 i get in. you need convicts from time to time id rather be wit um than against um
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charli skipper Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
@Panama Jackson,
he’s not really a convict, i don’t think. but he always is involved in some type of contraband. but i forget, or think he’s grown up, because 90% of the time i see him working a 9-5, going to church, and talking about starting a burger king franchise….then, out of the blue, there’s that day i forget how ignorant he is deep down inside and get in his car.
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Ugh! and the “overdramatic, always need a da*n hug, always dating losers and think you still supposed to give a da*n and be there like you were when yall were 19 and it was cute to be dating losers, even though her a*s is all of 26 now” friend. always giving out cries for help on the da*n facebook over petty sh*t when you have real life, “very special episode” type issues going on up in this piece.
Oh wait. This is the same friend that can’t stand your a*s. Hm…I really need to eliminate her from the competition.
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V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:00 am
@charli skipper,
“always giving out cries for help on the da*n facebook over petty sh*t when you have real life, “very special episode” type issues going on up in this piece.”
Let the choir say amen. Two years ago, I had lost my job and ended up the hospital and was facing a serious diagnosis. My *friend* called – ironically, the same one who couldn’t stand my arse – and I thought she was checking on me. Nope. This chick was going on and on about her ex-fiance. It was unreal.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:29 am
@V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans, guess she figured that since you answered you were doing ok.
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V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:19 am
@Panama Jackson,
LMAO. Maybe so.
BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
@charli skipper,
i dated a chick whose best friend/roomate was like this and I hated it seemed like erytime i wanted ta kick it with my girl ring/knock comes her roomate cryin talkin bout how her dude beat/cheated/embarassed her and how she needs some support. We was chexin one time and the chick came and sat on the bed sobbin i told her gimme 5 min to put my clothes on/hyper bang this chick then yall can pillow fight/cry on eachother shoulder and drink tea.
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The dude that has a team full of ugly bi*ches. Cause no matter where you are, he’ll roll up on you with a sh*t eating grin and two Malaysian Tree monkey looking women, one for you and one for him. And dead to rights, he’s already told boogerwoof number two “all about you.” And she over there smiling with her three good teeth, trying to fix her lips to cover the gray dead bicuspid in the corner. Then before you can turn around, him and swamp donkey number one have disappeared to go have unprotected sex somewhere, leaving you stuck while Pizza the Hutt’s ugly sister eyebones you and tries to tell you what a freak she is.
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charli skipper Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:17 am
@Brandon St. Randy,
this right here has killed me.
but on another note, i hate it when people with imperfect teeth try to smile all strategically. first of all, i see those brown a*s teeth. and the fact that you’re trying to cover it is drawing my attention there. and most people’s teeth aren’t perfect anyway so it’s whatever. you better be proud of your irregular smile, betch! i really need to start a camp for low self esteem young smilers.
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V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:01 am
@charli skipper,
“i really need to start a camp for low self esteem young smilers.”
*V.E.G.: 1975 – 2009*
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:10 am
@Brandon St. Randy,
The dude that has a team full of ugly bi*ches. Cause no matter where you are, he’ll roll up on you with a sh*t eating grin and two Malaysian Tree monkey looking women, one for you and one for him
this made me choke on my bacon spaghetti.
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WuDaMan Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
@The Champ,
Wait bacon and spagetti? *swooning*
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Humble_One Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:19 am
@Brandon St. Randy,
Why is it that the dude that keeps ugly broads around are the ones that brag about how many women they have?
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:31 am
@Brandon St. Randy, dude. perhaps we know some of the same people. has to be.
i got a hombre who seems to have an affliction for ugly women. if you put 10 women in a row, all of them 8s or better and put one 2 in the pile…he’s going for the 2 9 times out of 10. and i dont understand it. i’d like to commission a congressional study into this phenomenon.
i refer to his women as safe picks. nobody else in their right mind wants them so they’re not going anywhere.
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SxyScientst in her lovely blue n white Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@Brandon St. Randy, I.HATE.U.HARD for this ish!!! Im pretty sure Im out of a good paying gument job cuz of your words!
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Ms. Hall Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Brandon St. Randy,
I can’t believe how many euphemisms for ‘ugly’ there are in this post. “Pizza The Hutt” ain’t right. It just ain’t right. LOL.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@Brandon St. Randy,
lololol flatline…………. dam dogg you gott me rollin hard lol dam tell um how you feel. 80% of the time hookups= the ugly friend that gets no play even in the dark
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i haven’t read anyone’s comment, so if i repeat, so what…screw you!!!
1. daddy issues/man issues–i’m sorry, but i had my dad around, and i don’t really want to hear your whining about your dad. i know it’s harsh, but to do it all the time is annoying
2. ms. drama, closely related to ms. complainer(man, money, school, job)–this chick always have something going wrong in his life. Always…no silver lining to that gray cloud.
3. ms. constantly complain about shyt–ok, i’m sorry your life sucks, but darn, stop complaining and do something about it. go back to school, join the peace corp, volunteer at a food bank. something, but stop coming to me complaining about you pathetic existence.
4. ms.ineedmaleattentionallthetimeevenifitisnegativeattention –STOP IT!! You are embarrassing yourself, and most importantly you’re embarrassing me. this chick is related to ms. daddyissues.
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:41 am
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay….,
“3. ms. constantly complain about shyt–ok, i’m sorry your life sucks, but darn, stop complaining and do something about it. go back to school, join the peace corp, volunteer at a food bank. something, but stop coming to me complaining about you pathetic existence”
You must know my cousin, who I’m slowly cutting off for the above mentioned.
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T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay….,
People who use the disclaimer “i haven’t read anyone’s comment….” instead of just reading the comments witcholazyarse….
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N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall.... Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:24 am
@T. Troy Stewart,
first of all, i wrote that at 3:30am after i got home from watching harry potter, and i was half asleep. you’re lucky that it’s at least slightly coherent….
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T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:26 am
@N.I.A. LivingLifeOffTheWall…., Harry Potter at 3:30 in the morning, huh…
I am going to have to read one of those books or see one of those movies one of these days…
V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:20 am
@T. Troy Stewart,
I haven’t read any of the books or seen the movies either. I figure its a cult and one day all the fans will be in a big park, wearing capes, drinking Kool-Aid.
blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
@VEG,
co-signage.
Deviant Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
@V.E.G.,
“I figure its a cult and one day all the fans will be in a big park, wearing capes, drinking Kool-Aid.”
What are you talking about, people to that every Sunday! Speaking of the bible… If one can’t read a book and manage not to fall into an abyss of sheeple and lose all their common sense… That’s on them!
Red Flags:
1. The one who’s consistently overestimating how many books they can get when you’re playing spades.
2. The one who’s always boosting you up to fight (the “I know you ain’t gonna take that -ish” instigating type) but ain’t nowhere to be found when the -ish goes down.
3. Any man with an abnormally large and high-set behind- a shelf booty brotha. While I don’t have any justification for this, something about it in general just makes me throw a flag up.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:12 am
@The Lioness,
1. The one who’s consistently overestimating how many books they can get when you’re playing spades.
yeah, i refer to this person as “my girl”.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@The Champ,
*shots fired*
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Ivy St. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@The Champ,
I bet you wouldn’t say that to her face.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@Ivy St.,
bet deez
People with entitlement issues. You know, the ones who wonder WHY they got a ticket for parking in the handicapped spot. The ones who get extra mad when you go to the bar, its crowded and the bartender doesn’t stop in the middle of what they are doing to serve them because they arrived. Now they want to leave because the spot is whack.
People with measured response issues. The ones who will b*tch out a waitress when their order is wrong. Fool, you f*ckin up the food for the rest of us!!! The one who constantly wants to fight because someone is wearing the same pair of jeans they are.
Them: “How dare they wear True Religions. Only I can wear em. That wench! She knew I was going to wear them tonight!Imma fight/spill a drink on her.”
Me: “Uh, why? She doesn’t know you.”
Gluttons for punishmentThese people want you think they are being sacrificial and awesome, but they are really using the fact that they always take the L as a bargaining chip/reason to be self-righteous. The day will come when they want you to pony up for all the ‘favors’ they’ve done.
Latent self-identity issues. You know who these people are. They went Greek in undergrad and now their whole house is done in their colors and they are constantly talking about their org. Like to the point of SADDOWN. Or, they have a professional degree and never miss an opportunity to remind you they are a doctor or lawyer or professional lion tamer. Or they in a relationship and you see them morphing into their significant other. They’re going to drive you INSANE.
Willfully ignorant (not to be confused with IGnant— IG is awesome!) This is the person who JUST found out Michael Jackson died. Or, they are the person that doesn’t care about the Supreme Court Confirmations. Or, they don’t know that you lost your job because of some bullshiggidy… 3 weeks ago.The worst part about these people… they’ll want to jump in on the conversation after eavesdropping for a few minutes to get the Cliffs Notes version… then will have the NERVE to try and speak on the issue with authority. Fool, SHUT UP.
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T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am
@blackberry molasses,
People with measured response issues, yes! Combined them with People with the super power to turn ANY situation into a dramatic one and you have a person who could possible cause World War III.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
@blackberry molasses, wait wait…
Michael Jackson…DIED?!?
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blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Panama Jackson,
GO SADDOWN.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:40 am
@blackberry molasses,
“People with measured response issues. The ones who will b*tch out a waitress when their order is wrong. Fool, you f*ckin up the food for the rest of us!!! The one who constantly wants to fight because someone is wearing the same pair of jeans they are.
Them: “How dare they wear True Religions. Only I can wear em. That wench! She knew I was going to wear them tonight!Imma fight/spill a drink on her.”
Me: “Uh, why? She doesn’t know you.””
YES! Especially the waiter thing. I cringe when folks scream at the waiter for something that is the COOK’s fault. I don’t want no one New York-ing my food so stop starting ish with folks who have the upper hand (i.e. serving food you’re about to CONSUME)
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:27 am
@Cheekie,
I used to work in a restaurant back in HS, and I know that ish from first hand knowledge–do not p*ss off your waiter/waitress.
I saw so many people’s steaks get “accidentally” dropped on the floor…it wasn’t even funny.
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Oh, and people who willfully use DirtBoy’s image in their posts without WARNING people first *o_O @ Champeski*
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:14 am
@blackberry molasses,
use deez
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blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
@The Champ,
as what… badminton birdies? ping pong balls?
thanks, but NO.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@blackberry molasses,
“as what… badminton birdies? ping pong balls?”
sunglasses
blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
@The Champ,
no.
BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
@blackberry molasses,
actually i thought the pick came in handy cause as a cali ninja i dunno i was lost untill i seen the pic then i understood
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What about the “friends” who can never be happy for you?! Hateration. Eg.Hey girl I just got this promotion! Her: oh. Doesn’t everyone get a promotion after 2 years? Me: blink blink. Then there is the “lawyer” friend who always wants to argue the opposing side when you make a casual comment. Forcing you defend why you love the color green! Woosah!
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:13 am
@Cayenne,
welcome and sh*t
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Cayenne Reply:
July 17th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
@The Champ,
Thank ye kindly! been reading over a year, just got a crackberry so now I can comment at work. bwahahahaha! the precioussss….
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:34 am
@Cayenne, as one of those people who will argue anything and everything if i’m bored…
…i hate myself too.
hold.me.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
@Cayenne,
my friend roasted me bout that but if you make stupid choices what ima do lie about it.
example : “i jus bought a new crysler 300 dogg now im the flyest nigg at burger king” ………. now wtf do you say to that do you lie and congratulate him or do you skool him/hate on him
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L-ing MBO because I know your pain with the pre paid legal mess. My cousin bamboozled me to going to two meetings by disguising them as a “family meeting.”
BTW- Your friend needed his a&& kicked.
RED FLAGS FOR those friends who:
1. Always have drama following them. Pretty soon, you may get caught up in it too.
2. Are your beauticians becauase they will always have you sitting in the shop longer than regular customers and you still have to pay full price or you only get $5 off.
3. Seems to have an enemy or someone “jealous” of them. 9.5 times out of 10, your friend is the problem.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:23 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
L-ing MBO because I know your pain with the pre paid legal mess. My cousin bamboozled me to going to two meetings by disguising them as a “family meeting.”
a friend bamboozled me by saying he was “having a get together” and named a couple hot chicks that would be there. apparently he used this line with everyone, cause when i showed up there were exactly three (admittedly hot) chicks there and like 11 dudes all listening to the same bullshit spiel
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
@The Champ, WOW. He is going to hell for that lie. lol. Had yaw thinking it was a party.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:37 am
@Nicki Sunshine,
“1. Always have drama following them. Pretty soon, you may get caught up in it too.”
And addition to this, “folks who always have drama following them…and is in denial about loving said drama”. Like they enjoy getting in arguments because they love the sound of their voice. MOFO, this ain’t Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and I ain’t a theatre major, get that drah-mah away from me.
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Nicki Sunshine Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
@Cheekie, “and is in denial about loving said drama”.”
YESSSS on that addition. Especially when they have to announce how much, they “hate drama.” lol. Those be the main ones calling you fifty’ llem times with some he say, she say.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
@Nicki Sunshine,
Haha. Word.
And “fifty ‘llem” may be my favorite way to e-spell that phrase. As always, I love when folks e-speak the way they speak in real life.
“there’s many different ways to die slow. still, none of them compare to having to listen to a pre-paid legal sales pitch ”
CTFU!!!!
One of my x’s sold this crap. Ugh…I was always stuck listening to presentations and ish (because I was trying to be supportive).
I guess it’s kinda hard to do that when you’re on permanent eyeroll because you don’t believe in the product.
Friendship red flag?
When folks can’t figure out that they are the common denominator in their situations.
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Humble_One Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:18 am
@miss t-lee,
What I find funny about people that do the pre-paid legal and other pyramid schemes is that they swear up and down it’s not a pyramid scheme. I’ve had friends that have tried to get me into this several times. I tell them I don’t do pyramid schemes and they look at me like I’m missing out on the chance of a lifetime.
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:33 am
@Humble_One,
I’m sure this is the same thing Bernie Madoff told his folks.
“No way…this isn’t a Ponzi scheme. It’s the chance of a lifetime.”
*nervous laughter*
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:34 am
@miss t-lee,
“When folks can’t figure out that they are the common denominator in their situations.”
Oooh, this is a good one…one that a lot of people don’t realize, or don’t want to realize.
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V.E.G. is headed to New Orleans Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:23 am
@miss t-lee,
“When folks can’t figure out that they are the common denominator in their situations.”
This is one of my pet-peeves. I am ok if you constantly have issues in life and will listen but if you can’t figure out that you are the problem…I can only listen so long.
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@Champ
Your story about the harlemite cat from college reminds me of my run ins whith NY cats back in my late teens. The dudes from NY I met at the time were some c*ckblocking haters. They also didn’t know how to act around women. I couldn’t understand how a city that made Wu-Tang Clan make these type of ninjas. My view of NY cats changed when I met my boy KB and his fam. These cats were cool. KB end up being one of my closest friends.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:27 am
@Humble_One,
I couldn’t understand how a city that made Wu-Tang Clan make these type of ninjas.
me neither. before college, i always pictured the typical new york cat to be a mix of raekwon and the gza, but my experience with harlemites changed my entire perception.
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How bout…
Mr. Me Too, a play cousin of Mr. 1-Up.
Mr. “I’m gonna borrow yo ish and never give it back.” Or if they do give it back, its so messed up you don’t want it anymore.
Mr. “You gone eat yo’ cornbread?’ – I swear this dude in college was always askin for some, a bite, a slice, a swallow, a swig, etc…
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:30 am
@maximillian,
Mr. “I’m gonna borrow yo ish and never give it back.” Or if they do give it back, its so messed up you don’t want it anymore.
this is especially true with the cd/dvd thiefs. i’m still pissed about lending my bronx tale to a chick in 2002 and never seeing that sh*t again.
f*cker
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:39 am
@The Champ, DVDs i’m missing (or had to repurchase) from my collection due to those arseholes:
friday
trippin’ (greatest movie most people have never seen)
baby boy
bamboozled
forrest gump (how you gonna take my FG…that’s blasphemy)
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@Panama Jackson,
I lost a bootleg of Soul Plane to this kat that only made it to date #2.
I should’ve called and thanked him for taking it off my hands.
BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
@miss t-lee,
dam i bought macaveli cd 4 times
The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
@Panama Jackson,
trippin’ (greatest movie most people have never seen)
i LOVED trippin. i mean, the movie was a 85 minute sitcom with a couple greatly gratuitous nude scenes and randomly uber hot chicks thrown in for good measure, which also describes my usual friday nights
overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
@The Champ, which also describes my usual friday nights
at your improv class right?
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
@Panama Jackson,
and me with:
-an irreplaceable tape of when the homies were on the 11:00 battles on the Wake Up Show, gaffled when the one folk moved to MS…nonja calls twice afterwards and doesn’t bother to leave a number.
-my The Killer/Hard Boiled tape, lost when a chick I was seeing moved away after her “boyfriend in jail” got out.
Good old fashioned Myspace trackdown didn’t work for either one.
Sheffield Swats Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@The Champ, this is especially true with the cd/dvd thiefs. i’m still pissed about lending my bronx tale to a chick in 2002 and never seeing that sh*t again.
Err, not gonna lie…I’m notorious for borrowing DVDs right before I know I’m about to chuck the deuce at a dude. I think that copy of “Maria Full of Grace” is my payment for listening to your lame stories about past relationships/bad conversation during dates. *shrug*
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An Island Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
@Sheffield Swats
If you’re going to do that, you should send him a check for the meals you ate and the shows you got to watch FOR FREE. C’mon now, if it you had such a bad time you shouldn’t be angry at HIM . . . you selected his lame azz. You’re not entitled to severance on your way out. [/soap box]
Ms. Hall Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:46 am
@maximillian,
“Mr. “You gone eat yo’ cornbread?’ – I swear this dude in college was always askin for some, a bite, a slice, a swallow, a swig, etc…”
Laughing Out Loud, right now. I hate this person. Mainly because they usually have nothing to share in return.
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People with degrees from Community Colleges, Phoenix College, Barber College…etc…etc…etc…who think they are somehow superior to you as if they have a Masters Degree from an Ivy League school.
I’m not talking about folks who go get the degree and handle theirs…I’m talking about YOU if you’re that fool who now feels as if drinking from a Dixie cup is beneath you because you got a AA in Typing Tech.
And stop bragging about shopping at Whole Foods all the time, you can get f*cking POMEGRANATE (not pomogrant) juice anywhere you Short Bus Ned, you.
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Humble_One Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:31 am
@T. Troy Stewart,
These people actually exist?
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T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:35 am
@Humble_One, the lady in the cube next to me is the basis for this…
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:37 am
@T. Troy Stewart,
“And stop bragging about shopping at Whole Foods all the time, you can get f*cking POMEGRANATE (not pomogrant) juice anywhere”
This just means you spent too much for it.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@miss t-lee,
“This just means you spent too much for it.”
Co-sign. Thus, you’re snooty and not all there in the head.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@T. Troy Stewart, if you ended up in “college” bc you happened to be watching TV at 3am and saw an ad for Everest College…you should be really humble when it comes to discussing education…
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Kindred Smile Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@Panama Jackson, LMAO “You’re sitting on the couch, watching TV, and yo life is passing you by…get up, make that call to Everest”. I’ve never seen a commercial that guilts you into obedience. Yay, Everest!
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:49 am
@Kindred Smile,
Do. it NOW!!!!!
I freakin’ loathe these commercials…lol
Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@miss t-lee,
lol, me too. You know a college is hard-up when they gotta demand folks to go there.
T. Troy Stewart Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:53 am
@Panama Jackson, indeed LOL
“and I don’t care how many colleges you went to, “WUTANG” is not a spellable word on SCRABBLE, Mom!
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V.E.G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@Panama Jackson,
LMAO
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just can’t get their scent game quite right.
this made me chuckle. thanks, champ.
i am sitting in the airport and have no patience to read the rest of the comments or come up with my own “friend red flags”. but the ones i’ve read so far are pretty good and on point. i don’t cut friends off completely, but i def make myself “busy”. very “gemmy’s got a man (aka thesis project) at home”-esque.
i’ll be flying most of the day so i’ll miss all today’s convo. hope everyone has a BEAUTIFUL (and very smart) day!!!!
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Ivy St. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:59 am
@Gem Possible,
Great, so I can make my list now… lol
Have a safe flight!
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Friendship Red Flags
1) The habitual line stepper.
This person never understands boundaries. This is the person that takes ish without asking. You let them borrow your ish and they give it back f’ed up.
2) The self-preservationist
No matter what the situation this mofo is always trying to get over. Or they put themselves over you and the group in any situation.
3) The broke partier
The man or woman that always wants to have a good time at your expense. Not only do you they want you to pick them up but they want you to pay for their drinks or even pay their way inside.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:48 am
@Humble_One, Lord YES…@ the habitual line steppers, you have to respect folk and their boundaries in any relationship for it to be a healthy one, be it fam, friends, or of the romantic variety……
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1. People with False perceptions. You are not that hot. Maybe because you grew up in Cheyenne, WY, where there are no black people to compare yourself to, you have a deranged sense of hotness. You are NOT that paid. Maybe in Mississippi owning two 78′ cutlass classics make you a baller. dismissed.
2. Dudes who keep asking me when I’m getting married. Are you serious? I mean, I expect the women to, but guys?!? Like seriously, the only reason you’re married is because she got pregnant and you were not trying to deal with her father/brother/crazy uncle, etc. and child support. Ni**a, stop acting like you Heathcliff Huxtable. Fin.
3.People with low self esteem. It’s not my fault that my parents loved me more than yours. I have no hand in your self-esteem (cue Kat Williams). Get over it.
4. People who play God. Don’t take it upon yourself to try to ‘humble’ me. You will be disappointed…and we may have to fight.
All for now…
Bond. BlkBond
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miss t-lee Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 9:59 am
@BlkBond,
Glad to see you’re back.
AYE!!!
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overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@BlkBond, cue Kat Williams): BISH! Its called SELF esteem, esteem of you muthaf**in self!
LOL.
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LMAO…….
I will never understand how dudes stay friends/cool with snake a** negras, who continually bite them in the back…SMH…to me thats a recipe for disaster….seen it happen a few times, cause eventually you are going to get tired of snake bites or the venom will kill you figuratively speaking of course LOL
But let me add. …..folk who are too pressed/thirsty off the rip for your friendship.. sends up all kinds of red flags…when you really connect with folk it just flows naturally there is no need build irrigation systems etc LOL
Thats says to me something not right with you and your intentions….
Trying to compete with you, always trying to outdo, out shine you, thats not a friend.
folk who try to manipulate you, be it emotionally or otherwise…not a friend, they want to control you LOL
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
@OrangeStar616,
I will never understand how dudes stay friends/cool with snake a** negras, who continually bite them in the back
i think thats a rite of passage every guy has to go through at some point. it builds character and sh*t
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@The Champ, mmmmmm
interesting and sh*t……
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Hilarious. I know that Harlem look anywhere. C*blockin’ was the main reason I didnt keep a lot of male friends around at Howard. Dudes that cant pull girls were immediately limited to simply “what up cuz” status and never let into the circle. Lack of play spawns playahatin.
Also diarrhea of the mouth is a bad one…my name being Shaka, it wasn’t easy to really do any dirt in college since people knew who I was before I knew them. But what made that worse was the batchmade naggas that were constantly blowin me up to people I didnt want knowin all my biz. Nothing like havin complete strangers give you the “oh, I heard about YOU” and you immediately have to get ready to explain whatever half-truth they heard from the Ted Koppel in your crew.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:37 am
@shakashawshow,
Hilarious. I know that Harlem look anywhere.
i didnt realize harlemites failing at friendship was this common. who knew and sh*t?
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:17 am
@The Champ,
You must have not went to school with any NJ cats. I’ll trust a Harlem ni99a with my last dollar and my life before a dude from East Orange.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
@Dorian G.,
you know, one of my best friends from college was from new jersey (irvington) and he was one of the most trust worthy cats ive ever met.
BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
@shakashawshow,
shaka? keak the sneak’s real name is Kunta.
I gotta african name thas hella original thas why i tell chicks fake names
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Humble_One Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I have an african name too. I am trying to find some way to incorporate my name and Barack’s presidency when I talk to women.
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overit? Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
@Humble_One, African names are hot.
Cheekie’s List O’ Red Flags for Homies is below. And because I like creating little mini-plays…an example for each:
1. Debbie Downers. That ninja who always has something negative to say.
Cheekie: *twirls around in new dress that accentuates
that azzher lovely features* Like my dress?Debbie Downer: Um..I can see an errant roll when you bend backwards. You shouldn’t wear it.
Cheekie: *tosses Debbie into the Grand Canyon*
2. Buzzkillers. Always tinkling on your buzz.
Cheekie: I got a 99.5% on my chemistry midterm!! (addendum: this would never happen in reality)
Becky Buzzkill: Yeah, but maybe you should’ve shot for that extra half a point…it would’ve upped your GPA.
Cheekie: *throat crane kick*
3. Leeches. Those who suck everything outta your life, from your wallet to your style.
Cheekie: I’m thinking about putting half of my paycheck into my savings account since I get a third check this month.
Lola Leech: Oh, speaking of which, I know I just asked you for money this morning and I’ll pay you pack whenever, but you got 250 bucks I can borrow until next
centurymonth?Cheekie: *Mileena fatality*
So, that’s about all I could think of…I’ve already seen some posted that I was gonna say, so maybe I should reply to those…
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Kindred Smile Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am
@Cheekie, +2 points for the mention of Mileena
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Humble_One Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@Cheekie,
“Cheekie: *Mileena fatality*”
You are compassionate. Fatality is more kind than a Brutality.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Humble_One,
Yeah, I was considering a Brutality, but I like to be creative with my brutal kills. Brutalities are just a bunch of punching and kicking. It’s better to freeze someone and knock their head off, or electricute them to death, or give them the kiss of death, or gobble them up whole and spit them out, or toss your sharp hat at them to chop them up…or if you’re really feeling crazy…turn them into a baby.
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Friend I haven’t seen mentioned yet:
The Joke Killer. This person always tries to piggyback off of an existing joke, but never gets it quite right, thereby killing all laughter within a fifteen mile radius. Example:
Kindred: …and then she got the nerve to say she might be pregnant! We all know her womb is more barren than Stevie’s temples.
[laughter]
Joke Killer: Yeah, wouldn’t no n*gga buss one in that!
[sad, sad silence]
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Kindred Smile,
AHAHAHAHA. The above is too too true. Ninjas always gotta add something to an already perfect moment.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
@Cheekie, lololol
its always the muggs that aint funny but try ta add a phrase at the end and make the joke theirs
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they just started selling pre-paid legal
i know this is a big time college hustle…or was…but people actually still do this…WHO AREN’T IN COLLEGE?
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Kindred Smile Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:51 am
@Panama Jackson, Oh yes. Oh yes.
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WuDaMan Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Yo @ FAMU people was selling cutco knives. smh. I can’t stand pyramid schemes
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Legendary Dash Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
@WuDaMan,
I had a couple of ignant Rattlers knock on my door recently trying to get me to buy those knives. I sat em down on the couch and lectured them on their stupidity.
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lastly, and this friend red flag has been created in the last 5 years or so…
the perpetual picture popper and poster
n*ggas got jobs, crazy ex-girlfriends,
missing teeth, and families and sh*t, and don’t want to have every single public outing captured and posted online, but there always seems to be a person around intent on doing that exact thing.analog motherf*ckers
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Kindred Smile Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@The Champ, shout out to Luvvie and her cam, SegzyRed
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Luvvie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@Kindred Smile,
SHUT YO *SS UP!! Segzy Red has captured many a good occasion. You be the first one tryna get all up in it when you just got ur hair did. HMPH!
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V.E.G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@Kindred Smile,
I thought of Luvvie immediately after reading Champ’s comment.
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Ivy St. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:02 am
@The Champ,
Oh stop it!
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Yaa Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@The Champ, Yes!! I have a friend who will not only post the pics but label the pics “YAA YOU WERE TORE UP…LOOK AT YOUR EYES “.
I got kids on FB…they dont need to be seeing dat!!
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@The Champ,
LOL. Facebook has good intentions when they ask folks permission before a ninja can tag you, but they can still post the pic without your permission. The name don’t mean a thing, especially if your employer doesn’t even know your name and sees that pic of you hanging off a chandelier drinking a bong.
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The Flake. That person that never comes through. They say something and you just automatically keep it moving or throw it in the “We’ll see if that really happens” category.
One time in undergrad my bff and I had planned a trip for spring break with another friend of mine, J. Hotel reservations were made. Driving plans were being formulated. Money was being put to the side. Then J starts talking about how she isn’t sure she’s gonna go. Then she’s going. Then she not sure. And oh, she got this last minute invite to go visit her aunt and maybe she’ll do that instead.
I don’t remember all of the reasons now but I remember talking with her about the visit with the aunt and it wasn’t anything pertinent and I think the aunt had invited her ages ago and she never went and then AFTER already making plans with us decides she might wanna try and be a decent niece and go. never mind all the other holidays that were soon coming up and the fact that her aunt said she could come anytime.
My bff and I wound up not going because being poor college students at the time we couldn’t afford it without her share. That was one big example but J was always doing stuff that like. From small it doesn’t really matter just say you don’t want to stuff to other people are actually counting on you stuff. Drove me insane.
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:40 am
@SouthernGirl,
“The Flake. That person that never comes through. They say something and you just automatically keep it moving or throw it in the “We’ll see if that really happens” category. ”
Oh, yes, I know this one all too well. Always planning ish and it never happens. Made me all cynical about planning, in general.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
@Cheekie, LOL I know that one too LOL…….she also a bragger SMH…but she is more of a distant associate than a friend…..
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Oh yeah, I had a friend in one circle that stunk so bad he had fumes…
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
@maximillian,
was he from delaware?
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*The friend that has to CONSTANTLY be in contact with her mate. I am not hating on their relationship but if we are having a girls night out & you’ve gotten your permission slip signed and are out why do you have to keep calling and texting giving him status updates?
*The Freaky Friend.
I will admit to flirting (OK..I AM A BIG FLIRT) but this chic follows through on most of her flirtatious threats. She will go home with any & everybody!! It makes the rest of us look bad & we often get approached the same way that she does. I guess they think birds of a feather…..
*The Bad Dresser.
She alwasy shows up wearing some BS. We get out and she gets insecure about the outfit that she chose to wear. We have to spend the rest of the night telling her IT AINT THAT BAD because she is also the chic that always offers to drive LOL. We know that once her insecurity really kicks in that she will be READY TO GO!!
*The No Game Having Designated Driver (also The Bad Dresser)
She always offers to drive. It isnt that she doesnt drink but she is just a better drunk driver than some of us (really tacky & unsafe but true!). She has absolutely no game & when we go out she ends up sitting around and is always READY TO GO early. Especially once we leave her to go and have fun!!
*The Broke Friend.
I am not sure how she gets us EVERY TIME but she always ends up out with us with no money. Every time she either “forgets to go to the bank” or “just deposited a check” or some other lame excuse. I think she gets us because she is the person that ALWAYS comes up with the best ideas. She researches the weekend section etc. & knows about all the upcoming events. She is really in the know when it comes to things to do! So when she presents them we get excited, agree to attend but forget who we are dealing with. I guess we are paying for her research services.
*The Hypocritical Christian Friend.
I have friends from all walks of life & not all of us are Christians. We all get along until this chic decides that TODAY is the day she is gonna do her missionary work. Any other day she cusses like sailor, drinks like a fish & f**ks like a prositute!! The minute she hears a church song or gets some email forward then she starts up on how the rest of us are gonna burn!!
*The Six Degrees of Separation Friend.
You cant know anybody that she doesnt know. You cant metion a celebrity without her having some sort of link or connection to that person (“My mailman’s best friend baby mama’s dentist knows Oprah’s third cousin”). Some days we randomly make up people just for entertainment purposes & she will still make a connection.
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@Yaa,
No offense but I didn’t know you needed game as a woman
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Yaa Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@Dorian G., Not offended at all! And….I am ALWAYS on my game
. I guess some people WAIT to be chosen?
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@Dorian G.,
LOL, in today’s day and age, a woman most def needs game. A lot men are either too stuck on themselves or shy to approach a lady these days. And a lot of ya’ll say you appreciate when a girl approaches you. So, yeah, we gotta have game, too. And besides, even if ya’ll do approach us, the game of life and dating takes two to tango. A lady has to be up on hers, as well.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
@Cheekie,
hell yea get um girl
dam see wha you did Champ with all tha harlem talk
V.E.G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 11:27 am
@Yaa,
“She alwasy shows up wearing some BS. We get out and she gets insecure about the outfit that she chose to wear. We have to spend the rest of the night telling her IT AINT THAT BAD because she is also the chic that always offers to drive LOL. We know that once her insecurity really kicks in that she will be READY TO GO!!”
Dump this friend. lol.
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BLUNTBLAZER Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
@Yaa,
lol the freaky friend. As a guy we do think that if the friend is game 8 times outa 10 so is her friends
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
@BLUNTBLAZER,
I’m finding the older I get the less true that becomes. But man in college it was a 9.5/10 guarantee that if the friend was a slide the whole crew were slidable
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Dakota B Reply:
July 16th, 2009 at 8:47 am
@Yaa,
I’ve had every type of friend you got.
But don’t forget the ‘UGLY FRIEND’ who is always ready to go five minutes after you step in the club and she knows that noone is going to talk to her.
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I can’t stand friends who blow smoke up your butt. Let you believe everything you do – even when your ish is raggedy – is the greatest ever. I appreciate folks not passing judgment, but I also expect friends to help me grow. If a friend is blowing smoke up my butt, I am not gonna progress.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
@V.E.G.,
If a friend is blowing smoke up my butt, I am not gonna progress.
so you just lay there?
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The friend that will never try anything new and gives you the side-eye when you do. I realized a long time ago that I can’t be friends with folks who balk at eating anywhere but the Cheesecake Factory, going to see any movie whose budget us under $100 million (or might involve subtitles), and hasn’t traveled somewhere Carnival Cruiselines doesn’t go. When this person screws up their face and hit me with, “Brazilian food?!?! That’s some bourgie ish!”, I know it’s time to shed ‘em.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@Sheffield Swats,
lol, sh*t, i know folks who think the cheesecake factory is too bougie. i keep em around though, just in case i lose my car keys
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blackberry molasses Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
@The Champ,
yes, these friends have a purpose. One taught me how to break into my own house when I lost my keys. I then moved out of town not too long after.
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@Sheffield Swats,
No but who the hell wants to PAY to see a movie with subtitles?
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
@Dorian G., if John Woo’s involved, we can do this…
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This list was hilarious. And your story of blatant and unrepentant cockblocking made me want to beat that dude’s butt.
My list
1. Mr. or Mrs. Unhappy Complainer
Wet blankets suck. More importantly they have the ability to make you a wet blanket which would ruin you life.
2. Mr. or Mrs. Can I Borrow A Dollar?
One of my main rules is never have friends who are comfortable asking you for money. This doesn’t mean you can’t pay for your friends are lend them money when needed. It means that you should not have friends who see asking you for money as a standard part of their lives. These people are leeches and I can’t deal with them.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
@Big Man,
ive had fantasizes about going back in time just to elbow his ass in the ear
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sales pitches are the worst. my cousin tried to sell me a prada bag and life insurance in the same conversation.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
@GiGi,
how does this even happen?
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
@The Champ,
lol, that’s what I wanna know. Only thing I can think of is one would need life insurance in order to carry a Prada bag in the hood?
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I’m definitely gonna have to De-lurk for this one.
1. The friend that stopped maturing at 19.
Y’all know that person that sticks out like a sore thumb in the group. Everyone is fresh off work in their business casual gear and the friend rolls up to Happy Hour in baggy pants and a tall tee (Yea, I did say tall tee..smh). This friend still tries to holla at his “female friends” that just graduated from HS this past year even though we’ve been outta high school going on 5 years now. Ol boy spends his whole check on clothes and alcohol but then hits you up 4 days before payday asking for gas money b/c he’s flat broke.
2. The friend that tries to incorporate their kid into everything and then has the nerve to wonder why they get left out.
It’s cool that you decided to have a kid at 21. Even more cool that lil TyQuan provides comic relief during a family cookout or an extended stop at Wal-Mart. What’s not cool? Trying to bring TyQuan to the movies at 11:30pm to see The Hangover w/ the rest of the crew b/c you couldn’t find a babysitter. What else isn’t cool? The fact that we all have to suffer through an entire movie’s worth of a crying 2 year old b/c it’s past his bedtime and its too noisy from all the laughter and cussing. And now you get mad at me b/c you didn’t get an invite or call when everyone wanted to go to Dinner. Oh well..
3. The two friends in the group that are having chex but try to front on everyone as if they’re not.
C’mon now. We’ve all been cool since we were in Middle School. It’s kinda obvious when both of yall decline invites to go out within 5 minutes of each other. Or the fact that y’all always seem to get caught playfighting and/or touching on each other. Y’all can’t even fool Ray Charles on this one. Sorry..
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
@brran1,
The two friends in the group that are having chex but try to front on everyone as if they’re not
people still do this?
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Red Flags $HO.
-MLK non violent types:
I shoulda known my ninja was a fake track star ninja back when I was 15 and he was 17. He is/was the biggest playa i eva seen But this ninja is softer than baby whipes. Anyways one time we was kickin it gettin tacted out with some dudes we met earlier that put 5 on it. We get out all roasted and they start talkin like aw man that shi was weak yadayada and my boy gets so scared he faints/takes a seat/melted on the fence. Im like dam my nig they jus playin dog helpin him up. He neva had my back if we got into sumthin but i was quick ta ride 4 whateva. cant trust people like that. now he is a security guard/wanna be cop def dont trust him.
-ninjas who get emotional over a broad:
I had one homie that would talk major shi bout eryone and they mama but as soon as you crack a joke bout his girl aww mayne he all emotional like carl thomas and dam near ready to fight ova some chick he gonna dump in 3 weeks. then afta the dump he comes back to the clubhouse like my bad i was trippin ova that chick im gud now. YEAH RIGHT go sit in tha corner.
-ninjas that expect tha hookup:
I have a few homies that i have played chuck woolery for and got them a “fuq connection” but i mean come on dogg ery chick i date dont hava friend/cousin/sis that wants to date you matter fact i dont even like double dates you are jus a wingman that i hit up if im on puss overload. so dont get mad cause im goin out ona date/chillin with a chick/bangin a chick while you tryna sleep. exp: goes for money, purp,drank etc, etc.
thas my big 3 beware of these ninjas
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@BLUNTBLAZER,
-ninjas that expect tha hookup:
this is why if i ever opened a store or nightclub it would be under a pseudonym.
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I have had every type of friend on these lists and my top three are
Hey Hater – Not just once in a while, either. Every single time you even so much as mention a guy you just met, there is something they gotta say. “Oh, yeah he tried to holla at me two weeks ago”, “Oh, you talking about the one who has be f*cking wit (insert known slut with the herp here)”, “Oh, you mean that somb*tch who constantly cheated on so and so”, “Oh, I heard he did this and that”. Now coming from a place where everybody knows everybody and somebody always has something to say about somebody, it’s hard enough to get the real from the rumors. It’s always been in my mind to judge a ninja for themselves, but damn it’s hard to get that seed outta your head once it’s planted. When starting the rumor doesn’t work, this person moves on to “I used to f*ck with him”, knowing damn well your personal rules keep you from talking to anyone close friends/family have been through. She also will be quick to go after that ninja as soon as you have ruled him out, just in case you change your mind later on. On another note, if you’ve been talking for a minute, she’ll throw in that she saw him somewhere and he was tryin to holla at her knowing she was your girl.
Nanny wanted – The one who’s calls you have to ignore when the weekend is creeping up because you know she’s looking for you to babysit her three kids at least one day every single weekend, no exceptions.
the Super Leech – The one who “isn’t really a smoker, just a social smoker” so refuses to buy cigarettes, but bums a cigarette every 30 mins while around. This one has the audacity to actually text just to ask you to bring a single cigarette to her. Makes sure to eat at least one bite off of everything you have, ask for a drink every time you order one, and will not hesitate to use her kids to ask for money. “My electricity got shut off and the girls are in the dark”, “I don’t have money for diapers or formula”, “The school is requiring a $1000 laptop for four year old James”. Once she got the money, you see her with brand new J’s on every week for a month before she starts to little by little pay you off. She done borrowed so much, you almost lose track of how much.
Ooooh, y’all got me started on my sister. I’m done.
Edit: I just noticed this is more than one of my sisters. Sad times.
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The Champ Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@SaneN85,
lol, i see you had some sh*t you had to get off of your mind.
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SaneN85 Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
@The Champ,
What gave me away?
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Oh, and I wanted to co-sign on everybody’s comments about New York cats.
Maybe it was just the variety that attended Howard, but my experiences with New York cats there convinced me that most of them are impossible to be around on a regular basis. Old faux-hard ninjas. On the regular, I had to remind cats that I understand that New York is a rough place to live, but homie, I’m from New Orleans.
Checkmate.
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Dorian G. Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@Big Man,
Weezy and Baby aren’t helping your argument
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Ms. Hall Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
@Big Man,
I’m adding ‘faux-hard’ to my lexicon. Loves it.
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Another friendship red flag….
if your friend acts like this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsqGWckavY0
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Cheekie Reply:
July 15th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@blackberry molasses,
No you didn’t, BBMo…no you didn’t.
*kicked the bucket*
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Dorian
Cats can believe that Baby ain’t a gangsta at their own peril.
When did kissing men affect your ability to kill people and inflict pain? I mean, Wayne’s gangsta is suspect, but Baby? Nah. Baby might sleep with men, but that dude ain’t soft. Homosexuality and gangsta are not mutally exclusive.
Or else soft cats would not be so worried about going to jail. Big Dick Bubba who got you washing his drawers and catching the wall is probabaly a stone cold killer.
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The friend who is incredibly green. Let’s call him the “Derwin Davis”. For whatever reason homie has never been hipped to any game. You consistently have to school him on things to the point that hanging out with him becomes a chore. I have a friend who I had to send text reminders for him to kick his jumpoff out of the house, and snatched the phone from him when he was on the verge of inviting the same jumpoff to a group outing.
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“… having to listen to a pre-paid legal sales pitch for five minutes every time you talk to your boy. ”
ROTFLMAO!! So true – I had to start communicating with one of my friends through FACEBOOK ONLY b/c every time I talked to him on the phone or saw him, he always tried to sell me prepaid legal services. I don’t know what it is about prepaid legal that makes people sell it with such fervor…
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LOL! I’m mad he cockblocked and freely admitted it afterwards!
Me and my girls call it nana-blocking (for obvious reasons).
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