Through my travels across the world the Western Hemisphere the South, I’ve come across a plethora of women who seem to have the same question no matter what:
How do I tell if the dude is really feeling me or not?
Now as a man, this seems like total common sense. I feel like men let you know in damn near every conceivable way if we’re interested, but alas, women over think every gotd*mn thing so it stands to reason that most women wouldn’t have the foggiest idea that a man was interested. In fact, most women I know try to think themselves out of liking a dude who probably likes them just in case he doesn’t like them…all the while hoping he does. It’s the most vexing conundrum of all the enigmas.
So as a service, allow me to help out.
Panama Provides Proof – How To Tell If A Man Is Interested In You
1. He calls you first – If a man actually calls you first it means he wants to talk to you which is a clear sign of interest. Anytime you do all the calling to a dude, well, he probably only answers when he’s not getting his knob shined by the chick he actually likes.
2. He calls you first (b.) – He actually talks about nothing with you. You know what I’m talking about. Those asinine conversations about who’s probably got longer toenails and the fact that Sideshow Bob was really the most complex and dynamic character in the history of network television. Any dude willing to sit engage you in those conversations is interested. Otherwise the long convo would go like this:
Man: So when you gonna come thru and let me see what color your panties are?
Woman: You so crazy!
(One hour later)
Man: So when you gonna come thru and let me see what color your panties are?
Woman: You STILL so crazy!
Move on chica. Move on.
3. He takes you out…in public and touches you in a romantic way – I’ll never understand why women go on dates where they don’t have to get dressed (i.e. “movie night”). If you really like a dude make hi take you out. If he isn’t putting forth any effort, he just wants to know if you’re hairs the same color all over your body, if you catch my drift.
4. He hasn’t seen you naked yet, but he’s always willing to do whatever it takes to see you, even if that just means standing on your front porch to talk. I can’t stress this enough, but anytime a man NEVER feels like he’s going out of his way to do something for you, he’s sprung. If you ask for Cambodian breast milk for your Billy Goat and it has to come from the Bronx, and you live in Seattle and he’s like, “oh its okay, I was going to New York in the morning anyway, I’ll stop by and get you some. Do you also want some Burmese too? I can run through Maine and pick that up too.” Yeah, dude is feeling you. He’d also like to feel you.
Pun.
5. Bottom line – anytime a dude is willing to spend any amount of real time with you or on you, he’s feeling you. If he doesn’t ever want to go out or talk to you for an extended period of time or never hints at any activity that would require a considerable block of time out of his day to complete…
…well he’d rather play Wii or Playstation. Unless you want to give him some of that good lovin’.
In which case, he’s got all the time in the world.
It was written.
–Panama Jackson
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{ 107 comments… read them below or add one }
You’d think stuff like this would be obvious. . .
“You’d think stuff like this would be obvious.”
yeah. its not exactly rocket surgery or brain science, yanno?
Since y’all pretty much said it all on the subject I’ll just point out that I almost bought a shirt yesterday that said, “It’s not rocket surgery”
Yeah it’s so logical in fact that that’s what makes it so hard to understand!
My name is Treezy and I am a proud, overly-emotional woman. Stank you very much! LOL.
Oh I forgot overly-analytical.
This is SO ME. Just give me ONE teeny reason to have doubt, I am OUT. LOL. *sigh*
Thanks for this list. Really! I needed this. I must review every few days so as to not go insane LOL.
Once again Liz, me too! I have went from seeing the fact that he answers the phone *sometimes* when I call as a chance that we can fall in love to, “if he don’t make it beyond obvious that he digs me, than he doesn’t and FINE, cause I didn’t like him no way”.
Then again, I have the sick habit of losing intrest when a man likes me and wanting to give him a baby when he plays me to the left. Why do I like the chase? It’s a sickness.
“Then again, I have the sick habit of losing intrest when a man likes me and wanting to give him a baby when he plays me to the left. Why do I like the chase? It’s a sickness.”
fear. both you and lizzzzzzzz both are big, fuzzy, fraidy cats, thats all.
I dunno. I feel like I genuinely like the ones who give me no love and am genuinely disinterested in those who really dig me. Could it be that I am just off base?
I’m gonna go with Champ on this one, it’s fear..plain and simple…the fear of abandonment. You already know the ones who aren’t feeling you is eventually going to bounce, so there’s nothing to lose…you feel a little disappointment but you expected you and gradually move on to the next nobody who doesn’t really want to be bothered.
It’s the ones who like you and could possibly lose interest in you that makes you head for the hills…that’s a different kind of pain, the kind that hurts down to your toenails.
a few grammatical errors and typos there *sorry*
You are so right. *nods at fellow Rattler in approval*
don’t sweat the grammar. im checking for substance, authenticity, openess, self acceptance, belief and i dont even care if you give a shit. justoletyouknow.
“I dunno. I feel like I genuinely like the ones who give me no love and am genuinely disinterested in those who really dig me. Could it be that I am just off base?”
well, yeah. duh, lol. now, taking what you said at face value (that if you meet two guys who are the exact same in every aspect, you’ll be more into the one who could care less about you) it still comes back to fear.
the guys who aren’t into you, in your heart of hearts, you know there’s no future there, so theres no danger of “falling” for real. on the other hand, with the guys who are actually digging you, it might *gasp* actually work!
with that realization comes pressure, and, even though you might talk a big game, many women aren’t ready for that
now, the causes of the fear can go from anything from latent daddy-issues to low self-esteem, but the fear is definitely there.
LOLOLOL. Shut up Champ.
@Sista Tolja: yes, I do the same thing. I am SO trying to train myself to do otherwise! It’s hard though because when you choose the other path, it’s freaky. You don’t know what to do with yourself, it’s difficult to just chill and let things happen. Ugh.
Society has bred this “independent woman” theology into our thick skulls and we have lost the capacity to be just women for a change. To let the man search us out, and do all the work, to let things fall into place.
One way to train yourself to do better is to focus all of that extra energy on a hobby or something positive so the man won’t have to deal with the brunt of your insecurities and restlessness.
I DONT WANT TO BE INDEPENDENT! THAT SHIT SUCKS!!!!!! Lol.
Ok, they can have that shit all day…interdependent, now that’s a different ballgame!!
“You don’t know what to do with yourself, it’s difficult to just chill and let things happen.”
(ie “FEAR”)
I admit some of my habits are due managing fear. Not like I chose to be this way. It just happened.
I just gave a speech at a self improvement seminar last night and in it I outlined 7 Habits to becoming highly effective and successful, and the first was Be Proactive.
“I admit some of my habits are due managing fear. Not like I chose to be this way. It just happened.”
Now this didn’t just mean taking initiative it also meant taking responsibility…and when you look at the core of the word “response” “ability”…it simply means the ability to choose your response.
We have free and independent will, so anything that happens in our lives is our choice. If you want to overcome the fear, choose to do so, but take accountability for the fear as well…nothing in this life ever just happens.
*sorry guys, today i guess i’m in a preaching mood*
EVERYONE has some fears and insecurities…you have to do war on them! If you can specify what they are and your normal reaction to them you’re halfway there…apparently the wonderful family here at VSB is insisting on helping you do that. For each new scenario you’re in, try to consciously challenge yourself to break out of one of your natural habits. Do the very thing you wouldn’t normally do as long as it is not in direct conflict with your morals and see how it works for you.
“For each new scenario you’re in, try to consciously challenge yourself to break out of one of your natural habits.”
I agree with Treezy…we ALL are afraid of something. I may try this the next time I venture into something new.
It’s the masochist in us ladies that allows us to like the chase and to continue liking a guy that treats us like we’re invisible (did i actually put that in writing?)
See, if the guy doesn’t reciprocate his feelings for you then it stands to only validate your negative feelings of self-worth and self-esteem you have for yourself. And so a guy that likes you, you think must have a defect in his personality to see something special about you. (i’m feeling preachy this a.m.)
My grandmother used to tell me “if a n*gga likes you, let him do the chase! You hear me? So stop messing with these knuckleheads!” Wise words, from a wise woman. I miss her…
My grandmother used to tell me “if a n*gga likes you, let him do the chase! You hear me? So stop messing with these knuckleheads!”
That’s right! Why take their toy away anyway? They loooove the chase…don’t you boys?
if it was good enuf for granny then its good enuf for you huh? well this aint grannies time on earth its yours so if you cling to a self limiting belief then thats gonna be u whose freedom and flight is restricted. you’re probably wearing the exact same girdle granny wore too. lol.
i got 99 problems but a date aint 1. u got 99 days….. ha ha
I’m silently weeping right now. Where was this list when I was in my 20′s and gettin’ hoodwinked and bamboozled left and right. First of all, let me just say this list not getting to me before TODAY is the reason I’m single RIGHT NOW. I always tried to be the cool girl and pretend that a man’s aloof behavior didn’t bother me. I told myself that by not making a request for cambodian breast milk or any reciprocation of feelings made me seem less of a bitch. Now I know. If he’s not into you the signs are not all that cryptic. damn.
I’m interested. . and maybe this will become a post on VSB: What are the signs that the ladies are interested in US?
I’m here thinking Panama’s list is a no brainer, then realizing that I couldn’t quite make one for the opposite sex.
Part of it has been covered in the post about money and us loaning/giving you money. I wish I had better answers for you though, particularly re: first meeting someone. Sometimes even *I* don’t know how to tell if I really like a guy LOL.
Let me take a stab at this one…how do you know a woman really likes a guy? here goes…
1) She’ll take a sudden liking to your interests. For example, say you’re a fan of the NY Nicks and NWA. She will begin to study the stats of your team with the precision of a graduate student in basketball and casually bring up her knowledge of the starting five. And the next time you’re bumpin’ to Ice Cube see if she doesn’t suddenly know all of the words to your favorite tracks. As long as you’re interests aren’t illegal, take it as a compliment that someone wants to know what makes you so damn special.
2. She compliments you and the way you look, dress, smile, stare etc. If a woman doesn’t like you she is not going to go there, for fear of giving the wrong signal.
3. She remembers important details about you and your life experiences. I’m not talking fatal attraction here. I mean she’ll remember your birthday even though she’s in the midst of writing her thesis; or she remembers that every Christmas reminds you of when your parents split up so she does something nice for you like makes you a dinner with your favorite comfort food. It means she’s paying attention and not self-absorbed.
4. She appreciates who you are RIGHT NOW. She thinks it’s endearing that you live in a studio with no air-conditioning or that you drive a bright green Geo Metro with a radio ONLY. If a woman can appreciate that you’re conservative and responsible with your money- she’s a keeper!
5. She gives you a nickname, usually ending in “ie” or “y” like Terry for Terrance or Robbie for Robert.
6. She smiles and laughs ALOT in your presence. Almost like she’s borderline autistic. (Lord, forgive me)
7. And finally…She makes eye contact with you while you’re doing it.
that’s all i got folks.
“And finally…She makes eye contact with you while you’re doing it.”
so staring out the window and whistling “glaciers of ice” isnt a sign????
“so staring out the window and whistling “glaciers of ice” isnt a sign????”
ROTFLMAO!!!
lol…uh, no Champ it’s not a sign.
“She gives you a nickname, usually ending in “ie” or “y” like Terry for Terrance or Robbie for Robert.”
*quietly sobbing*
Numpseeeeeeeey!!!!
“She remembers important details about you and your life experiences.”
Yep.
“She smiles and laughs ALOT in your presence. Almost like she’s borderline autistic. (Lord, forgive me).”
Uh-huh.
fantastic list!!
Ah, so it’s that simple huh?
people in general think relationships are rocket science, so we hardly think it could be so simple. If he didn’t like you, you’d know for sure.
The real question, though, is HOW MUCH does he like me? Does he like me as someone he can smash every now and again or as someone he could keep around for the holidays or even someone for a (gasp) real relationship?
Smash. I’ve not heard/seen that term used since HS
Okay, ladies, when a man truly “feels” a woman, she knows it. Her body reacts to his slightest touch. Her ears can locate the sound of his whisper in a crowded room. She feels safe in his arms, secure in his presence. She has a peace in her mind when chaos surrounds her. She is confident that the determination and strength of Hercules is at her side. So I been told, “Chief you make me feel so good!”J/K.
-Personally I feel that a successful relationship seems to be a delicate balance between family, friends, work, play and each other.
To me these seem more like signs for a woman to tell if SHE really feels him.
Yeah and she may not have been touched by a man in a long time, so of course she’s gonna react this way LOL. This is to nebulous to be concrete.
Defeinitely right. I know sometimes I lose this balance when first starting a relationship and then it becomes difficult when everything needs to balance out later.
“Her ears can locate the sound of his whisper in a crowded room.”
I think I wet myself…I remember those days! LAWTJEEZUSFAWTHUHGAWT! A surreal connection that permeates light, sound, and logic! PUH-REECH CHIEF!
@GOODENess… I love you. really I do
solacious aDICKtion.
Very true. Men are pretty simple, so if they’re into you then they will let you know for the most part. But, there is one guy in my life who I am attracted to but I can’t figure out. He calls me and spends time with me. We talk for hours and hours and he sings to me but except for putting his arms around me, he’s very hesitant about making the next move. He’s even told me that he loves me and we haven’t been on a date yet. He’s a little younger and isn’t shy around his boys, so I don’t get why he doesn’t ask me out on a date.
Maybe he is broke.
if you dont mind me asking, exactly how old are you two?
He’s 22 and I’m 26.
Yep, he’s broke.
Exactly. But he is giving you what he has. Time. Appreciate it.
Booooooo! He can come up w/ an inexpensive date idea.
Yeah, K. has a point…there are a lot of things you can do together for the FREE!!
There’s something else to this…we can chalk it up to the generational gap, young girls don’t require much these days and that’s what he’s used to dealing with. But you’re a woman so maybe you shouldn’t see him until it’s in a dating format…we women run the show.
And if he’s not interested in stepping up…Keep It Moving!!
now, the time he spends with you, is this daytime or nighttime? also, when he says he loves you, is it a buddy-buddy “i luv ya” or did he actually look in your eyes and tell you this?
these may seem like insignificant details, but trust me, theyre very important
Champ, those details are critical…good questions.
The whole thing seems a little odd. How do you love someone you haven’t dated? And if you are talking to someone for hours why isn’t any of that time spent in an intimate environment (dinner, play etc).
Sounds like he is good guy and he feeling you but might already be in a relationship (one that is probably deteriorating).
That’s my guess at first glance.
“How do you love someone you haven’t dated?” the same way you love someone you have never met in person *bright spotlight shines center stage out walks Ana B stepping to a stand alone mic, big pointer finger drops right above her head, “I am she, guilty” Ana B walks away”
damn i hope she says it’s daytime hours…
Both daytime and nighttime. As for the I love you, we were just hanging out and he just said it out of nowhere. I was surprised and didn’t say anything back.
My take is that he just doesn’t want to take you on a date. Me being me, I wouldn’t be sitting on the phone wasting my time w/ him nor trying to ‘figure him out.’
…and the winner is!
Maybe he just isn’t sure if you’re feeling him. Have you expressed any interest or shown him any interest or are you waiting for him to take all the leads.
He’s young. He just might not know better.
Next time you’re hanging out with him, make a move on him. No better way to get past such an impasse by forcing the issue.
Sometimes people are afraid to move beyond a certain point. Personally, I have enough friends. If I meet someone new, I’m not looking for just friendship. . .
Damn. I’m notorious for for being oblivious. It’s common for me to think that men who go out of their way for me are just good guys who treat all women the same. Thanks, Mr. Jackson.
no problem.
i understand the predicament women are in, and what with the whole pride problem, you all don’t want to be wrong. but i wonder how many relationships most women have thought themselves right out of.
I know I am definately gulity of this one. But I am an admitted recovering Committment Phobe.
I just realized I used the word “for” far more than I should have.
This makes it so simple. I wish I knew this in my young 20s, it would have saved me so much time trying to figure men out.
so now your duty is to run out and forward this url to every 21-25 year old woman you know. we believe in social action here at vsb.com
In fact, most women I know try to think themselves out of liking a dude who probably likes them just in case he doesn’t like them…all the while hoping he does.
-This is every woman I know.
Yeaaah, it is…it’s just a matter of how quickly before you figure out that he does like you and you reciprocate his advances before he wears out of even trying and moves on. The tragedy happens when the woman never takes the hint and throws him a bone for the effort.
In fact, I think that one of the few pluses of the “dating scene,” is the opportunity to get a feel of how different men approach you and show interest. It gives you some confidence in knowing their signals and gives you the freedom to throw them back. I think the few of us on here who are confident in this area have just had the life experience that makes this so elementary. But for a very looooong time, I hadn’t the slightest clue either.
Then there was London: went on study abroad and found my mojo, got comfortable with and then brought it back to the States. Haven’t had a problem figuring out who likes me since. I think it’s like driving: you can’t be a good driver until you actually get in the driver’s seat for yourself…as with most things in life.
LOL I’ve done this.
It’s amazing to me how much Boomerang really holds the keys to so many dating questions.
Think about it, when Marcus was just trying to break of Jacqueline, he brought her to the hizzouse. See, that was just carnal interest. But when he was really feeling her…them ninjas had tickets to some concert. See, out in public and all that jazz.
So simple. So true. VSB.
“So simple. So true. VSB.”
another t-shirt
This post is so on point.
I think a lot of women think that they have to work for a man’s affections so they don’t look for these signs. They think that if a dude doesn’t seem to be feeling them now, he will once they get to know each other but it’s really the other way around.
You don’t have to chill on some dude’s couch for 6 weeks before he takes you on a date if he’s feeling you. You won’t get the “I am SOOOO busy and don’t have time to call/see you and/or show up when we make plans.” ETC ETC
“In fact, most women I know try to think themselves out of liking a dude who probably likes them just in case he doesn’t like them…all the while hoping he does.”
Well this isn’t me, my problem that I genuinely believe that EVERY guy who steps to me actually likes me for me…so I start them off with a fresh grade, slowly subtracting everytime they do something wrong or inconsiderate(after communicating my expectations and peeves of course) and if at the end of 30 days they have failed the class I move on the next starry-eyed pupil.
Now this isn’t an exact science and I have probably weeded out a few suitable candidates but suitable just doesn’t cut it anymore.
“Now this isn’t an exact science and I have probably weeded out a few suitable candidates but suitable just doesn’t cut it anymore”
so what cuts it?
I knew you were going to pounce on that statement…I’m not a wait and see kind of girl. I give men plenty of time and opportunity to connect with me. I don’t expect instant love but I expect for the chemical balance to be right.
And the grace period is more like 30-90 days depending on the guy but I don’t waste more than 3 months on someone who doesn’t compliment what I’m trying to do in life.
They have to be equally yoked mentally and spritually because at this age it’s no longer a habit…it’s a lifestyle.
It’s funny cause I think I’m finally at this point in my life. Now that I’m a quarter-lifer, I can’t imagine allowing another person in my life who doesn’t qualify. I have enough life experience under my belt now to have a good idea of the kind of person that’s best for me. Now, if I could just get over my early-20′s habit of getting with whomever I wanted just cause I was curious or bored…Sigh. Damn growing pains! Where did my college bubble go?
“Now, if I could just get over my early-20’s habit of getting with whomever I wanted just cause I was curious or bored…Sigh. Damn growing pains!”
I’m almost 29 and that habit has yet to die for me…so good luck with that..lol!!
Now you know most women do not want to read/hear these truths. It amazes me how women can find every excuse in the book why the dude never takes them out, calls, etc. I tell all of my friends that if a man likes you, he will move heaven and Earth. There will be no excuses. None of that working late mess. Nerp. His ass will be Johnny on the spot!
I believe the confuion stems from the changing point. That’s the point where the guy goes from really feeling her to not feeling her so much. He goes from calling, taking her out, etc. to calling and taking out the latest flavor of the month. The old flavor is confused. She thinks this is just a tango and if she puts forward some effort, initiates everything, he will eventually go back to how he was in the beginning. He might. But it’s only because the newest flavor doesn’t want him.
And let the congregation say Amen!
Those were definitely some good points. What it boils down to is oblivious v. obvious with some women. Some are oblivious to certain signs which will tell you that a man is only after your ass for your ass…and other women can easily notice those obvious signs…and they either choose to deal with that type of man or move on.
1st – y’all need editors (y’all being the VSB’s)
2nd – good list. I’m going to print it out and put it in my purse. Not really, but I’m going to print it out. Not quite sure what I will do with it from there. I might use it as a check-off list for a potential maninterest.
LOL. We’re generally aware of minor mistakes that we make in our posts. But thanks for pointing out that we make enough mistakes where we need editors.
But it’s a BLOG!!! I barely skim my posts/comments before I hit “submit.”
My bad PJ – its the editor in me
I think she just volunteered!
this is a blog, not a newspaper or a magazine. probably makes no difference to you. what are you grading for grammar? you choose form over function? syntax over substance? are you anal retentive? now u know this opens you up for people to investigate your writing with a microscope and it may distract from any points you may have. i guess ur point is our less than perfect grammar distracts from our point. ok thats a dangerous precedence you set. i know, i know. fuck me, right? itswhatever. spell my name right.
wow for a comment not even directed at you, you certainly took it personal. my bad, i meant no offense mr. genius khan! please don’t beat me!
Panama…you’re fully right…I had this, over-thought myself out of it and now…I’m wondering how to get it back?
Any suggestions?
Yeah, I’m open to this as well…how do we make it right when we think our way out of a good situation?
Ya know, I wonder if its possible to get the real genuine interest back. Personally, once I’ve expended a great deal of energy on a chick i’m interested in and she shows no interest or plays me to the left, I lick my wounds and move on.
In the future, I might hit if she’s up for it, but unless I was just madly in love, chances are, it’s a wrap on a real interest.
*shakes head and sighs*
That makes sense…so how do you transition?
We’ve planned events to go to this summer, but if we spend more thatn 10 minutes with eachother he starts gushing about how proud of me he is, how he loves my freckles and how amazing he thinks the work I’m doing on the Obama campaign is…and next thing you know I’m listening, but all I want to do is tell him to shut up and kiss me…will we ever be normal(Friend-Girl/Friend-Boy) now that the real interest/pursuit is gone?
Then do it! Seriously.
Ok I’m with Kamakula…kiss the damn man already!!
I did…just as good as the first…but still I’m a firm believer in the man needing to iniate(sp) the pursuit, so unless he has some epiphany, that I’m unaware of I’m with Panama…it’s pretty much a wrap.;-)
yep, i feel you…good luck with that…maybe he reads VSB!
“he starts gushing about how proud of me he is, how he loves my freckles and how amazing he thinks the work I’m doing on the Obama campaign is…” the next time he starts in on this just kiss him to shut him up.
…and so the story goes.
*quietly sobbing*
I don’t know anything else about relationships but what is listed in this post is OH SO TRUE and the very reason why I am successfully single and abstinent. It took a lot of growing up, lessons learned and carpet burns to grasp the lesson of knocking my back out, can not replace taking me out.
I think I took the whole I love sex, we have great sex, this could go somewhere even tho’ we’ve never go out past his/my bedroom, EVER thinking a little too far. Now I dont even give my number to a dude who mentions sex, my looks in a sexual way or who ask “so what you doing when you leave the club?” Thanks VSB.
I think I took the whole I love sex, we have great sex, this could go somewhere even tho’ we’ve never go out past his/my bedroom, EVER thinking a little too far. Now I dont even give my number to a dude who mentions sex, my looks in a sexual way or who ask “so what you doing when you leave the club?”
Oh my sister…I just had an Iyanla Vanzant moment reading your post. I think a lot of us had to go through that phase…it’s good for the soul and sh*t. No worries.
Truer words have never been spoken. It really does seem like common knowledge … but maybe some of these women know this is what really matters and are knowingly fooling themselves into being happy.
Ok call me crazy, but whatever happened to good old fashioned pursuit of the woman by the man. Women have made it far too easy so men don’t feel they have to put any effort in. By responding to “So when you gonna come thru and let me see what color your panties are?” with “You so crazy!” instead of with CLICK you are playing yourself and making them think theres no need for much else.
if people are just interested in each other for sex, why should there be any effort put in?
There’s really nothing more to add here.
thanks for sharing that…society today is so focused on the persuit of sex. But what ever happened to the persuit of love? Or do they go hand in hand? What is the ultimate goal? Sex or Love?
- just a potential future topic for ya
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