- tayediggs: n {taydigz} swahili for “black female boogeyman”
yesterday afternoon, the reggie bush essence magazine cover controversy — black women upset that essence would feature a man who’s dating a non-black woman on its cover, even though every other 4th string NFL running back has a more legitimate beef with essence (“if his no burn getting ass is getting magazine cover love, why can’t i???“) — sparked a gmail convo with a friend from college and i.
the friend thought that this was just another example of how often high-profile african-american men choose to be with non-black women (nttawwt). (half)jokingly she remarked “i won’t say that half of ya’ll run out and get white chicks, but at least 49 percent of ya’ll do”
when i replied that her perception was way off, she cited the study that was bouncing around the web last year about black men being almost three times more likely to marry outside of their race than black women as proof.
i then showed her the actual numbers from that study (3.7% of married black american women and 8.4% of married black american men had a non-Black spouse), proof that while it’s technically true that african-american men are more likely to marry outside of their race than african-american women, the difference between 91.6% and 96.3% is hardly worthy of any “all ya’ll n*ggas is playing in the snow” hysteria.
she replied (paraphrasing) “for real, i dont care about no damn study. all i know is that whenever i open up a magazine or watch a show about some famous black guy, at least half of the time he has a white girlfriend or a white wife and a bunch of little curly-haired kids. my eyes don’t lie to me”
i saw this discussion was going in circles, so i quickly changed the subject to jill scott (this always works).
still, she did have a point. if you just went by the impression pop culture and the media gave us, it would seem like high-profile african-american men have a tendency to sprint to the first non-black woman they could find as soon as their number hit. even militant-ass van jones and craig robinson (michelle obama’s brother) have white wives. this sh*t seems to be ubiquitous.
just to see how her perception truly jived with reality, i did an impromptu study of my own last night, looking at the black men currently on top of the pop culture food chain and who they’re in relationships with:
barack obama-black wife
will smith-black wife
jay-z-black wife
lebron james-black, ummm, long-term concubine, which is as good as a wife in akron, ohio.
hmmm.
i then thought of a few more uber-popular african-american men across various genres.
muhammad ali-approximately 17,000 different black wives
michael jordan-married a black woman while he was at the height of his popularity, even though said black woman was known nba groupie (which kind of throws salt on sister t’s theory).
jim brown-multiple black punching bags, errr, wives
jesse jackson-black wife
bob johnson-black wife
r-kelly-underaged black wife
oedipus rexusher-black wife
*in fact, i can’t think of ONE black male r&b or rap superstar that’s married to a non-black woman. not one. a free vsb t-shirt to the first person who can*
eddie murphy-black wives and biracial men
mike tyson-crazy black wife
chris rock-black wife
sam jackson-black wife
magic johnson-banging black wife that nobody in their right mind would ever sleep with
shaq: black wife, supahead, and numerous unnamed supahead doppelgangers
interesting.
then, just for sh*ts and giggles, since black professional athletes are thought to be the ones most enthralled with non-black booty, and since the nba houses the most recognizable and highest-paid black athletes in all of sports, i looked at the entire roster of the 2009 nba all-star game.
out of the 22 black american players in that game, i could only name two who definitely didn’t have a black girlfriend/wife, and one doesn’t count because he’s Jesus (ray allen) and the other doesn’t count because he’s a bitch (kobe bryant)
although i realize that my half-assed study was far from infallible (i think the term “statistical noise” was invented for sh*t like this), you can’t deny that it punches a couple holes in the weak “he’ll leave your ass for a white girl once he makes it” argument. the stats and the naked eye show that the vast majority of us still prefer to date and marry black women, regardless if we’re at the top or the bottom of the food chain.
the mythical successful black male exodus from black women is just that…a myth, a scary campfire story/lullaby told by those who want black women to think that we don’t believe that they’re the bangingest women on the planet, and believed by those needing a reliable crutch to explain their own dating difficulty. reggie bush just happens to be their most recent boogeyman.
i thought about logging back on to gmail that night to tell my homegirl about what i found, but i eventually decided against it. she probably didn’t want to hear what i had to say anyway. it was late, and i’m sure her usual lullaby helps her sleep.
—the champ
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{ 395 comments… read them below or add one }
I LOVE this post!!!! Simple as that!!!!
@Bourgie Bama,
ummm, thanks.
welcome and sh*t, btw.
@The Champ, Great post!! My dad use to always tell me perception is way more dangerous than truth.
I just think black men have unfairly been the whipping boy for the relationship woes of black women. I am mad about it actually. Whenever something goes wrong in the black community admonish black men; however, we never get to bask in our glory. Let’s just agree that finding a suitable mate is hard enough, now you have to relegate yourself to one ethnic or cultural background.
@xave, “Let’s just agree that finding a suitable mate is hard enough, now you have to relegate yourself to one ethnic or cultural background.” – HEAR HEAR!
Being bi-racial and multi-cultural; I feel torn on this issue. If there are black men out there that still have some old slave mentality that they have won this forbidden “prize” by being with/marrying a white woman then he has issues to work out with his therapist. Otherwise I am perplexed when black men and women (okay – its mostly the women) have issues with interracial relationships. Isn’t this Dr. King’s dream? You should find someone that makes you happy and accepts you for you – the skin color shouldn’t matter. And so many black women are always complaining about trifling black men and blah blah blah that I wonder why they don’t try some latino flavor or a little vanilla. I dated black men but also made the decision to step outside the box and diversify. I seriously swore I was going to end up with a blue-eyed blondie – I couldn’t cook for sh*t and can barely rock to a beat – so c’mon. Fast forward > who am I married to? A Thai with a little bit of hood in him! lol! So off from what I thought! But I was open to finding love in whatever package it came in.
what genre is ice cube? seal?
@Stan Visitor,
seal! good one!!
cant get much whiter or blonder than heidi klum — she’s german for cryin out loud!
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
Uh yeah, but Champale said SUPER STARS, not former one hit wonders.
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
*dead*
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
ouch. LOL
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
but Heidi gets GANGSTA son!
@Stan Visitor,
Maybe I have glaucoma, but I thought Ice Cube’s wife was a sista. Perhaps you mean Ice T.
@Stan Visitor, Does’nt ICE CUBE have a black wife?
@Stan Visitor,
ice cube’s wife is a sista, and seal is a british born rock star (ie: he doesnt count).
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
I agree…Seal doesn’t count! Besides… I think Heidi Klum gets a few points for being one of the coolest white chikks ever. She’s German, and evvvvvvvvvvverybody knows German girls tend to be aroused by the ethnics!!!! ……Oh, and for those who didn’t know.. She was the one who persued him. I read an interview she did, and I remember her telling the journalist that the first time she saw him, he was in a pair of speedos, and she saw what looked like an anaconda in his shorts…. and she thought to herself “I have to have that man!”
@Lanieanna, “my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun…*whip sound*”
18,432nd greatest lyric ever
@Panama Jackson,
Heidi has what my friend calls a “skinny girl phatty”
AND she is ONE COOL white chick!
@Stan Visitor,
Now, I’m prone to give the side-eye when a successful brotha flocks the the 2520 chick, but I think Seal and Heidi Klum are so cute together! Something about them just works. I mean, I know that something has something to do with Seal’s super-sperm, but they just fit, IMO. And yes, I somehow managed to use the word “cute” and “Seal” in the same sentence. Forgive me.
@Cheekie,
I think Heidi and Seal are cute too and God Bless em’….cause none of my homegirls were checkin’ for Seal!
Cube’s long term wife is black. Ice T’s first girl, Darlene (the one on the “Power” album that helped Ice sell albums and had brothers open), had black in her. New wife is white.
@Stan Visitor, ICe Cube has a Black wife
@Stan Visitor, There genre would be…OLD..j/k.
I was thinking the same thing and then I said to myself “self, would you wanna maryy ice cube, and my self said NO.: As for seal he seems truly happy and Heidi Klum seems like a nice woman so I can’t hate. It is what it is.
oops… ice t
@Stan Visitor,
Retracted.
@Stan Visitor,
i’m hesitate to call ice-t a superstar, because i doubt that you (or i) own or even know anybody that owns any ice-t records.
sh*t, other than “colors” and “cop killer”, can anybody even name an ice-t song without google?
@The Champ,
Um…New Jack Hustler?
@miss t-lee, that was a dope song. but it wasnt even the best song on that soundtrack…”i wanna sex you up”
but i’m with you, while Ice-T might not be the greatest rapper ever, he’s had plenty of songs folks who dont think hip-hop starts and ends with Wu would know
*lookingatyouchamp*
@Panama Jackson,
you’re a die-hard rap fan so you dont count. i just dont believe that the average hip-hop fan between 25-40 came name more than 3 ice-t tracks off of the top of their heads
@The Champ, high rollers.. Im your pusha….
LOL
@The Champ,
Yeah 6 in the morning
@Princess Jai,
True, but that was so wack I didn’t even bother to buy the vinyl OR the cassette. Just sayin.
…..and I don’t think Co-Co can be counted as a YT girl either… I mean have you guys seen this chikk? The only thing YT about Co-Co is her complexion.. If I could go to bed at night, and wake up with a different body….. it would be hers. No homo, but she is fine….. I don’t think anyone can argue that.
“No homo, but she is fine….. I don’t think anyone can argue that”
i would. she’s not hot to me, at all
@Lanieanna, yeah, i dont find her appealing at all.
@The Champ,
lol, i didnt realize the remaining two members of the ice-t fan club were vsb-ers
@The Champ,
TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY!
****shake ‘em up, shake ‘em up, shake ‘em up, SHAKE ‘EM****
@The Champ,
Law & Order: SVU!
Liz told me she’s willing to date whites so it ain’t just the bruthas steppin out. Just sayin…
@Anechoic, LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. See. You ain’t even right!!!!!
Besides, I am only doing my exodus because ya’ll BEEN gone!
@Anechoic,
liz just loves red herrings, thats all
@The Champ, and white guys.
Hey Champ,
Umm… Ice-T is married to CoCo. She’s white. And Kanye is trying to wife Amber… but most most important is Ice-T. He used to be a famous rapper AND he’s on law & order- my fav show. Can I get my shirt
???
@AshleyG,
I see your Ice T and raise you a James Brown. Can I get a free t-shirt too? Size smedium, please.
LOL
@MoreAndAgain,
LOL! touché!
@MoreAndAgain,
Do Michael Jackson or Rick James count as R&B? If so, I see the Ice T & James Brown and double down w/MJ & RJ.
@MoreAndAgain,
ummm…james brown is dead, lol. i mean, if we’re gonna start naming dead ninjas, why not just say othello or some sh*t?
@The Champ,
*dead& @ “othello”
@AshleyG,
oooooohhhh – and Prince! He tends to like non-black women. I think Vanity (1/2 Canadian, 1/2 Black) was the last Black women he was linked to.
Dang, I fold! Unless I get points for bringing up the oldest crooner.lol.
@Madame Zenobia,
They may be non-black women…. but I have never seen him with a YT woman… I heart Price!
I have never seen Prince with a YT woman. non-blk… yes, but YT… no! But his mamma is white, so he gets a pass
@Lanieanna,
Prince’s mother is not white or italian – she’s black. The movie took artistic freedom with that.
http://prince.org/msg/7/135562
@Madame Zenobia, He dated Nona Gaye before that Maiyte (sp?) chick he married.
@Madame Zenobia, “Canadian” isn’t a race. Thanks.
@AshleyG,
***cutting and pasting reply from above***
i’m hesitant to call ice-t a superstar, because i doubt that you (or i) own or even know anybody that owns any ice-t records.
sh*t, other than “colors” and “cop killer”, can anybody even name an ice-t song without google?
welcome and sh*t, btw
@The Champ,
I can name some Ice T songs, but I’m a hip hop head from California
“I’m Your Pusher” -Ice T
@AshleyG,
Amber Rose isn’t white though. Well she’s half African. Cape Verdean.
Great post Champ! Denzel Washington is another one I would add to the list:)
@Leila,
lol, i thought i put him there. that was an oversight, as well as spike lee (another top of the pop culture food chain cat).
@The Champ, is spike lee really a top of the pop culture food chain cat? hell, the most relevant thing he’s done in years is call out Tyler Perry…and really it sounded more like hateration.
not to besmirch his body of work, i’m a fan. just not sure i’d ever think of spike lee and pop culture in the same sentence since..hell the 90s.
@Panama Jackson,
i think he’s still there, at least in the black community. you ask anyone in the hood to name three black directors, and the answers are always gonna be spike lee, tyler perry, and justin slayer
lmao @ tayediggs: n {taydigz} swahili for “black female boogeyman” andummm, long-term concubine, which is as good as a wife in akron, ohio
ha-frikkin-larious!!
again, good post, champikins!!! but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after snizzles. is there a large population of chicks like that still out there?? or is it about as prevalent as black men who marry 2520s?
besides, unless you’re taye diggs el-dubbs (tiger) or any otha brotha who clearly has issues with dating black women, why does it matter if a brotha dates/marries a non-black woman? if dude happens to fall in love with some irish, italian or armenian babe, so what?
im more inclined to hate on or turn my nose up at a marriage that is CLEARLY on some infidelity, abuse, [insert other foolishness here] than an interracial one. id be PISSED if cbreezy or the r-uh made it on an essence cover over damn reggie bush. he went to a whack predom 2520 high school (my hs’s rival grrrr) anyway. most brothas from socal tend to date non-sistas, that’s who they’re around more and tend to click with. big deal. theres more important ish to get my panties in a bunch over.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, “again, good post, champikins!!! but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after snizzles.”
Just had this convo last night with a friend, along with “name me 5 good black men” and “I know many good black women that cannot find a black man”.
It get tiring after a while…………………..
@microman,
It get tiring after a while…………………..
it does get tired hearing that you’re not attracted to black women, especially when at least half of the space on your pc is taken up by files from black p*rn.
its so hard being a man sometimes
@The Champ,
@The Champ,
Yeah.
I am sending her here especially to read the “true” statistics. She is a numbers person so I wonder if the loss of only a few % points of us black men to the other side will change her tune any.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after snizzles. is there a large population of chicks like that still out there?
i dont know if there’s alot of them, but i do know that they make alot of noise
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean, what does get your panties in a bunch then? if not this…THEN WHAT?!@?!?!?!?!?!
this is the MOST important issue in the Black community now that ni**as buried the n-word.
@Panama Jackson,
the bunching of my panties are none of your concern, sir!
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
the bunching of my panties are none of your concern, sir!
thats not what you said last night
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
but i guess i didnt realize there were so many sistas who were still on that argument about famous (or not) brothas going after
You and me both!! That there was even an outrage over a talented and successful young black man because he’s banging a groupie? Do we not have other things to pour our valuable energy into?
I on’t know, I’se tired.
@Sula,
right. im not checkin for these 2520-loving “superstars” no way so im not concern if they’re NOT checkin for me either. heaven only knows what kinda crazy infections they got. no thanks.
add tim duncan to the list from last years all star game. still….good post and way to destroy the myth a little.
@malael,
i didnt count him because he was born in the virgin islands.
@The Champ, that’s still America bub.
it’s the US Virgin Islands. If we have to claim DC then we have to claim the Virgin Islands.
@Panama Jackson,
i know its the US, but i still aint claiming that sh*t.
aww why is MY comment still in moderation?
I won my shirt fair and square!
@AshleyG,
your comment (literally) needed more people
ooh I want that shirt!
quick, let me think…
umm, ok they’re not married but Mario’s dating some non-black female from that group Rich Girl…
doesn’t count?
ok ok…um Ne-yo and his chick (I think) !…but they’re only dating also…
alright, Ice-T and Coco! They have to count!
@Popular Demand,
*refreshes page*
well…wasn’t as early as I thought. guess no shirt for me
@Popular Demand,
yeah, i’m sorry. not only was your quickdraw kind of slow, you ended up shooting blanks, lol.
welcome and sh*t, btw
@Popular Demand,
Ne-Yo? His dude is a darkie?
@bittersweet’s baby,
Bwahahah
@bittersweet’s baby,
*highfive* AND *dap*
aww VSB, you blocked me???
I’m a fan!
i take back my last tiny rant, i see my posts after all. please and thank you, vsb…
everybody beat me to the Ice-T punch, but could I get an honorable mention/VSB Snuggie for Lionel Richie?
@Penelope,
but could I get an honorable mention/VSB Snuggie for Lionel Richie?
no
@Penelope,
lmao
I swear fo Jeebus I will QUIT VSB if there is a VSB snuggie made. Because a that wouldn’t be very smart. Or brotherly.
@Cheekie, sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeit, we got VSB snuggies, condoms, and hair dryers on the way.
we do THIS!
@Panama Jackson,
I support the condoms and hair dryers. I will never support a backwards robe. Unless you buy a regular robe and wear it backwards.
@Cheekie,
lmao @ a regular robe and wear it backwards
@Cheekie,
What?? Cheekie? Come on! That would be the invention of the century!… Now that they have Snuggie Jumpsuits, I would love to have Very Smart Sista emblazoned on mine. Lol!
@Sula,
o_O
No.
I’m a Snuggieist. I hate them. I hate them because they make you raise the roof around campfires. I hate them because it is just a backwards robe. I hate them because of course, there are ones for your dog even though they have natural Snuggies. I hate them because I wish I woulda thought of it first but nothing so stupid would even enter my mind as sellable. I hate them in a box, I hate them with a fox. I hate them, Sam I am.
@Cheekie,
*dead at this whole comment*
@Cheekie,
Bwahahaha!
*I’mma still offer you the jumpsuit one… it’s no longer a backwards robe, it’s a jumpsuit!
)*
@Sula,
“*I’mma still offer you the jumpsuit one… it’s no longer a backwards robe, it’s a jumpsuit! )*”
That’s a onesie, though, right? Also already done. But I love onesies (for sleeping ONLY, Lady Gaga and Beyonce) so if a Snuggie is an even toastier onesie then I’ll consider. I didn’t know that, though so Imma Google it now! Thanks, girl! lol
p.s. i hear ray allen’s wife IS black. at least part.
@The One & True GEM… of the Ocean,
she is? cool. i’ll add him to the “more proof that i’m right” portion of this discussion
@The Champ,
that want necessarily aimed at you, champikins. that was just for other ppl who may not know. cuz she doesnt look “black” per se. but she don’t look 2520 either.
i just want my C-boy to get some credit!
@The Champ, she IS for sure half black half white.
her mother is Cape Verdian (african) and her father is white.
Ice T is married to a white woman. He is not super current right now but he is an icon in the game. You raise some valid points with this post but I still can’t say that I co-sign completely, because I think we would really need to do a thorough breakdown on this to really get an accurate statistic….I ain’t ready to roll with you on this one yet Champ…..
@QueenT,
You raise some valid points with this post but I still can’t say that I co-sign completely, because I think we would really need to do a thorough breakdown on this to really get an accurate statistic….
so basically, facts aint enough do disprove what you want to believe to be true?
@The Champ, You don’t have all the facts you have some facts….you checked the whole NBA roster? What about the NFL? There are too many holes……I think you may be off on this one.
@QueenT,
i didnt check the entire roster of the entire nba and nfl, just the 20 or so cats at the top of the pyramid. but, i’d bet my stimulus check that if you did examine those rosters closely, you’d find that probably 70-75 percent of the black men were in relationships with black women.
the whole black athlete banging becky thing is over
overblown, overrated, overreported, and overwrought.
@The Champ, So it’s mass hysteria? I don’t think so, Champ. I am not convinced. However, tomorrow is another day and another post.
how could you all forget about
bucketheadlamar odom.or do they have to actually be men that black women…hell all women…are interested in?
@Naomi, ewwww- but good one
@Naomi,
or do they have to actually be men that black women…hell all women…are interested in?
lol, thats the thing. whenever you see a list somewhere online showing all the black male celebrities with white women, like 80 percent of those men are off-brand pseudo celebrities like gary coleman and “that 5-dollar foot long n*gga from the subway commercials” that nobody is actually checking for anyway.
thats why i specifically named black men who everyone has heard of, and who could have basically had their pick of any woman.
@Naomi, well can they at least be literate men?
For the record, Ray Allen’s wife Shannon is bi-racial – her mom is black (African/Cape Verdian) and her father is white.
So really, you got Kobe (the bitch) and his non-black but not all the way -white either wife.
@The GingerFly,
yeah, gem of the ocean said that upthread as well.
i love it when people prove that i’m even more right than i thought i was. thanks and sh*t
@The GingerFly,
Same thing for Amber Rose as well. She is Cape verdean and Italian, so yeah, Kanye has a somewhat Black girl as well.
“the other doesn’t count because he’s a bitch (kobe bryant)”
so true….
Anyways, I’ll be honest when I saw the Essence cover I raised an eyebrow and shook my head a little – especially since its supposedly a “Black Love” issue. I thought “Reggie Bush as the cover for a Black Love issue?” Then (as a Saints fan) I thought “Instead of taking pictures your lame self needs to be on a field practicing so you can stop being the 3rd leading rusher, 6th leading receiver, while sucking up $13 mil worth of salary.” Yet, I digress….
I think the perception has a lot to do with the fact that when it originally came about it did seem very true. Think back to the 50′s-70′s and black men at the height of their game – Sidney Poitier, Quincy Jones, OJ Simpson*, Richard Pryor, Rick James*, Harry Belafonte, Julian Bond, Lionel Ritchie – all respected black men who excelled in their fields, all with white wives and some of them did leave black women for white ones.
I also think the notion really comes from personal experience as opposed to celeb watching. Being in jobs where the one or two Black men in high positions have white wives, knowing a Black man who specifically/only seeks out white women, knowing a Black women who has had a BM leave her for a white woman, etc.
When this topic comes up I just have to remember there are some high profile white men with black wives: Robert DeNiro, Robin Thicke come to mind. Colin Farrell samples the chocolate occassionally. (Bill Maher apparently likes Black Women, but BW such as Supahead and others of her ilk.) Though interestingly enough I can’t think of any high-position white men in jobs or other networks around me with Black wives….hmmm….whatever, It is what it is. In conclusion, was Reggie Bush the best choice for the Essence cover? No, probably not. But should we freak out or get mad about it ? No. Why get your blood pressure up?
*These unions should be a cautionary tale to all white chicks.
@Madame Zenobia,
“Instead of taking pictures your lame self needs to be on a field practicing so you can stop being the 3rd leading rusher, 6th leading receiver, while sucking up $13 mil worth of salary.”
indeed!!!!!!!!!!! i got NOLA going almost all the way in my damn bracket lol
@Madame Zenobia,
oh, and while you def dont see or hear of it too often, there are some high-powered white men who have black wives. i guess i know from personal experience. one of the biggest names here in PGH (and the world, i suppose) for transplant medicine has a black wife. and his family (from a previous marriage) practically disowned him because of it. yet you see them EVERY where together. all the high profile events in the city.
its rare, i concede, but its prob not as rare as we think.
@Madame Zenobia, Co-sign it being more of a personal experience type thing. In the burb of DC where I moved (where there aren’t a lot of people who look like me), several months passed before I saw a black couple together. It was always a Black man with a white wife and bi-racial babies.
Then I visited PG county and saw more Black couples. (And was relieved…LOL)
@KaNisa,
“Then I visited PG county and saw more Black couples. (And was relieved…LOL)”
LOL…
@Madame Zenobia,
and, he has the nerve to be in the club after a loss. We saw his ass in Republic after they lost to Tampa! sir…go watch a tape…
@Madame Zenobia,
same goes for my personal experience. also these guys always give the same reason and say that they don’t see color. i say i understand that white is the absence of color, but it’s more than preference when you are NEVER interested in black women, it’s prejudice. ah well.
to me you don’t have to give a reason as to why you date someone other than you like/love them if someone asks you why you’re going out with a *insert color here* woman or man.
@Madame Zenobia, oooh you said it girl, Bobby Deniro loves him some chocolate. hehehehe… Colin can get it too.
@Madame Zenobia,
I think the perception has a lot to do with the fact that when it originally came about it did seem very true. Think back to the 50’s-70’s and black men at the height of their game – Sidney Poitier, Quincy Jones, OJ Simpson*, Richard Pryor, Rick James*, Harry Belafonte, Julian Bond, Lionel Ritchie – all respected black men who excelled in their fields, all with white wives and some of them did leave black women for white ones.
this is a good point, but all i’m trying to express is that this is much, much less prevalent now than people would think to believe.
also, i think people just tend to notice black men/white women couplings more because they stand out more. i mean, if i go to the mall and walk past five black/black couples holding hands and one black/white couple, i’ll probably notice the black/white couple first
@The Champ,
also, i think people just tend to notice black men/white women couplings more because they stand out more. i mean, if i go to the mall and walk past five black/black couples holding hands and one black/white couple, i’ll probably notice the black/white couple first
I think I’d notice the black/black couple holding hands first….this scenario…black couples openly showing each other love…. seems as rare as unicorns these days…
@klysha,
Regardless, you def will notice the black/white coupling, whether you notice them first, second, or last…I think that’s Champ’s point….they just stand out more.
@klysha,
I think I’d notice the black/black couple holding hands first….this scenario…black couples openly showing each other love…. seems as rare as unicorns these days…
I wish I saw it more often, it’s a beautiful thing.
@klysha,
“black couples openly showing each other love…. seems as rare as unicorns these days…”
Word. I may notice the interracial couple, but the black couple holding hands is the one that’ll make me do a double take.
@klysha,
I think I’d notice the black/black couple holding hands first….this scenario…black couples openly showing each other love…. seems as rare as unicorns these days…
damn. that was all sad and sh*t
@Madame Zenobia,
The thing is when I heard of the outrage yesterday, I did a bit like The Champ and checked my surroundings and the black men I know.
And of all the black men I personally know, frequent and admire, only 2 are married to white women. One is my uncle and his wife can prepare more African foods than I can and the other one is a colleague of mine. If I remove the non-American Black men in the bunch, I am left with only my colleague.
And these men run the gamut as far as success, prestige and appeal goes. So you might be right in the sense that it’s more a matter of personal experience than anything else… So I would rather people be accurate in their description of the “phenomenon” and say FROM MY EXPERIENCE and stop quoting unfounded statistics.
@Madame Zenobia, is your screen name from an episode of Happily Ever After on HBO? Don’t ask…I..um…babysit alot. Yeah…that’s it..
ROFL at Oedipus Rex aka Usher! I like your study, you should do the same with European footballers i.e Thierry Henry and friends, I think they are the ones that are all swirled up in that corner of the world.
@Superior Motherload,
you should do the same with European footballers i.e Thierry Henry and friends
no
@Superior Motherload,
Even there isn’t it all perception? Except for Thierry Henry, the other two that instantly come to mind have black wives (Didier Drogba and Samuel Eto’o)!
My gut tells me that the heated response to the Essence article has more to do about how this message of perceived rejection triggers a lack of self-worth & bad self-image in black women than it has to do with the idea of interracial relationships diluting our *precious* blood line. Like Champ pointed out, perception is a motherf*cker. When I was in grade school, I was keenly aware that my mother and both grandmothers were very light. My brother also happened to date a bi-racial light-skinned girl. So as a brown-skinned girl, I didn’t have a lot of immediate examples of men with brown-skinned women. When I added the media into this mix, my observations only multiplied (especially in the ’80′s: Coco from Fame, Lisa Bonet, Jasmine Guy etc.) The conclusion you make from that is that the image of you is not what’s hot. As a young girl, my mother attempted to counter this image by buying me as many black babydolls as she could find, the browner the better. But that didn’t necessarily work. I always gravitated towards what was more popular- my white Barbie dolls.
In the 90′s, the ‘hot women’ of the day started to look more like me skin-tone wise but their bodies were voluptuous and/or they possessed some exotic trait about them that I couldn’t attain. Like the Fly Girl from In Living Color who had hazel/green eyes. Or Janet Jackson who was ‘thick’, had curly hair, and rocked the perfect jeans in the ‘Pleasure Principle’ video. Anwyay, I didn’t fit into that image either. I was a plain jane and 100 pounds wet.
I could take you through each decade and point out all of the ways in which I didn’t fit in, and honestly I still struggle with these competing images to this day. In fact, I was just telling my best friend today that Victoria’s Secret models TODAY look like super “slender” runway models now. But back in the day, it was all curvy Frederica and busty Tyra. Back then, men actually collected VS catalogs and I was built like a beanpole. Now it’s the opposite, and my beanpole days are gone.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you read the comments on the link to the BET blog, it’s full of hurt. Hurt that is masked by anger. At the end of the day, I don’t think anyone really cares about the race of Joe NBA Blow’s wife, but rather “is anyone attracted to me? will I ever fit into the conventional & more popular standard of beauty? and will this definition ever be broad enough to include my image?” When I’m really, really honest with myself, and i’ve stopped rolling my eyes at the snizzle on xyz’s arm, these are the questions that pop into my head. Because let’s be honest folks, 95% of us wouldn’t even be here if our family tree was limited to just Black folks.
@Miss Patterson,
“We are all victims of conditioning, even our conditioning has been conditioned.”
My 5 year old niece once told me she wanted hair like the lady on TV and it was a 2520 woman with mousy brown hair…poor baby.
@Miss Patterson,
I was SO in the process of writing a response just like this one!lol. THANK YOU *high five!!*
It took a lot for me, personally, to get over having the media not validate my beauty. I’m surprised that I did it at 25, but I think what helped was a complete disconnect. I don’t watch tv the way most people do (definitely no MTV, BET, or VH1 on my plate) and I don’t read fashion/gossip magazines or listen to the radio. You would think I’d feel out of the loop, but the internet more than makes up for my loss of those other mediums.lol
@Miss Patterson,
but rather “is anyone attracted to me? will I ever fit into the conventional & more popular standard of beauty
and this is exactly my point. i mean, you can talk about cats not being married or cats “turning gay” or cats in prison or whatever, and i’ll agree because the numbers back you up.
but, there’s no evidence that the vast majority of black men aren’t attracted to black women. none.
another point that gets overlooked in this discussion is the fact that, for many of these women upset about the reggie bushs of the world, they’re not upset that black men don’t find them attractive perse….they just want the most high-profile and attractive black men to find them the MOST attractive.
there’s a quote about feminism and attraction that basically sums up what i’m trying to convey in one sentence. if i find it i’ll leave it as its own comment
@Miss Patterson,
Wow. I think your explanation is exactly right. Which saddens me to no end… as much so as when
peoplewomen marvel at my level of confidence, charisma and love of my dark skinned, full figured self. Validation should start (and end) within. Unfortunately, many of us were taught? allowed? to look outside of our minds/homes and inside of tv screens & magazines for standards of beauty and acceptance. And this is why some of us will always strive to attain who or what they believe others think is hot even if they think it’s not. Damn that. Cultivate your own garden.@bittersweet’s baby, no, true Validation, comes from a much higher source, and when you receive that, its affirmed thru cultivating your own garden!
@OrangeStar616,
Yup, that too!
@bittersweet’s baby,
Validation should start (and end) within
Word.Life.
@Miss Patterson, excellent commentary
@Miss Patterson, Kudos, a well written synopsis of why 93.7% of black women are upset about this topic!
To this day I still don’t know what side of the fence I’m on when it comes to interracial dating. Part of me wants to celebrate love as universal, unprejudiced, and yadda yah but the Helena Andrews (even after her podcast *hey Soror*) in me still feels like “where is my equally yoked (I use this term collectively to include religion, education, and attractiveness) black man?”
My theory… if I’m not married by ?? age deemed appropriate by societies’ superficial standards at that time, that just means my Louboutin collection will become increasingly more impressive, lol!
@Eks Mah,
where is my equally yoked (I use this term collectively to include religion, education, and attractiveness) black man?”
thing is, if you use the “equally yoked” argument, you have to realize that you’re probably going to be graded on a negative curve
@The Champ,
Ohh touché Champ…
so does that mean you’re justifying all the stereotypes about the mythical “Ideal Black Man” being nonexistent or are you saying that my own qualifications will serve more an a hindrance than as an asset to a relationship?
@Eks Mah,
both and neither, if that makes sense.
put it this way, i have no problems with a person having standards. who am i to tell somebody what they should or shoudnt expect in a mate.
but, with that being said, anyone (male or female) looking for someone who is “equally yoked” in the aspects you mentioned, immediately limits their dating pool, and its a bit odd to hear a person with self-imposed limitations make a statement about the lack of options.
John Legend is another…
@aijuswannabme,
another what?
@The Champ,
Male celebrity with a beard.
@Cheekie, lol He’s dating a Thai-Norwegian.
That is all.
Only prob I had with Reggie Bush cover of Essence was that its an OLD pic from a GQ photoshoot he did. If Reggie wants to be with an Armenian blow up doll, it’s his prerogative. But I WILL say this. That man is FAHN!
@Luvvie,
I thought it was just me that realized that the picture they used is something I got in a forward like 3 years ago…
I too only had issue with Essence recycling one of Reginald’s old photos. He’s yummy to look at and I kinda like him & Kimberly together so it wasn’t an issue at all but… I get it. Black women’s mag w/ black guy on cover who’s dating non-black woman? Not a good look. Essence officially needs to be replace by Honey.
@Made In Hawaii, OMG i sooo miss the print version of that magazine
@Eks Mah,
Me too…that was one of the few I’ve ever subscribed to.
@Made In Hawaii,
so no man who’s ever dated a non-black woman can be on the cover of a black magazine?
@The Champ,
That’s the question I am wondering about.
I mean, really? So people will have to dig through dating histories before putting someone on a cover? What the heck is wrong with us that we need validation from an Essence cover? It’s a magazine for Chrissake, not your mama n’em or even your friends. It has NO impact on your direct life. And don’t tell me to think about “the youth” because the youth I hang around does not have the same self-esteem issues my generation has. They have other issues (notably a high sense of entitlement) but self-esteem is NOT one of it. We gotsa to do better.
@Sula,
I get the feeling you’ve got a bone to pick with reality TV fostering the unchecked growth of narcissism in the US, too. Am I right?
@Shay,
A little bit. The navel-gazing can get out of hands at times. Lol!
lol @ Champ. Yeah, that would be going WAYYY too far.
@Sula,
“What the heck is wrong with us that we need validation from an Essence cover? It’s a magazine for Chrissake, not your mama n’em or even your friends. It has NO impact on your direct life.”
I’m not sure about everyone, but I know that those who purchase and/or subscribe to Essence are just a bit disappointed. I mean, any other complaints for a magazine such as glaring omissions or offensive articles we can complain about, but not this? To me, it’s the same thing. And I’m sure Essence will print at least one letter in their editors section. It doesn’t necessarily affect our lives, no, but it’s something we’re purchasing that we’re disappointed in, is all. But, again, I’m just speaking for those who have a rationale reaction to this, not those that are hooping, hollering and crying about it or otherwise allowing it to affect their daily lives. lol
@The Champ,
Of course one can.
I was just stating that I kinda see what the uproar is about for some black women….
At the risk of sounding out of the loop, what’s a 2520?lol. Actually, I know what they are from context, but what does 2520 refer to?
As far as Reggie Bush, and interracial dating in general, I’m more interested in Black women working on our collective image issues. Just because the media keeps telling us no one wants us, doesn’t mean it’s true. And, it definitely doesn’t mean we’re not beautiful.
Other than that I have nothing to say because Miss Patterson already said it.lol
@MoreAndAgain,
2520….25th letter of the alphabet is “Y”, 20th Letter is “T”…put them together and you get “YT”
2520=YT=whitey
@Smiley Face, oh that is funny…
@Smiley Face and @Ananiwaa,
OMG! That’s kinda funny.lol. ok, thanks for the explanation.
@MoreAndAgain,
Just because the media keeps telling us no one wants us, doesn’t mean it’s true. And, it definitely doesn’t mean we’re not beautiful.
AMEN SISTA GIRL!!!! say it again!!
i guess my feelings towards the “black is beautiful” argument is overlooked because im not brown skinned enough. but i def think we as mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins need to do a better job of making lil brown/tan/beige/black/almond/etc girls know that they are beautiful, regardless of their features, skin complexion, [insert any physical characteristic here]. so what if even EVERY black male celebrity dates non-black women?? that doesn’t make us sistas any less beautiful or attractive. it just means there are plenty of black male celebs who are missing out on the goodness that is us. cuz there are plenty of GOOD “average” men out there who love us for us.
and who wants to be with a funky, cheating, lying-a$$ celeb anyway?? LOL
I would hope that in 2010 people would get indignant over things that actually matter (Iran going nuclear, the achievement gap, breakdown of political discourse in America etc…) Reggie Bush is good looking, regardless of who he chooses to ugh…interact with. He was chosen for the cover for his sex appeal, not his cultural relevance to Black women… Could they have chosen better NFL athletes for the cover like Adrian Peterson from my alma mater who are actually wrecking shop in the NFL? Yes.
Did they, no?
Does it matter if an overly-paid athlete who most of us probably would never have had the opportunity to interact with chooses not to date people of his same ethnicity? I think not.My pastor used to say “Those with your skin, ain’t necessarily yo’ kin” Perhaps these people have issues with their ethnicity, or perhaps they’re just choosing to be attracted to people around them. Je sais pas.
@Kayle,
“I would hope that in 2010 people would get indignant over things that actually matter (Iran going nuclear, the achievement gap, breakdown of political discourse in America etc…) ”
I honestly wonder why people say this whenever someone discusses or criticizes something as if there is a set number of things we should only discuss and bring into the light. Who says we’re NOT indignant about these things? This just happens to be a topic that people are concerned about. And rightly so, since it is a magazine that supports Black Love and the customers that pay for the magazine (including myself) should express said concern. Doesn’t mean we feel it is more important than larger issues. Because the way I see it, there will always be bigger issues. Doesn’t mean we should ignore the smaller ones (because they can become bigger ones).
@Cheekie,
basically…
@Cheekie,
Darling I want to agree with you, but this interracial dating issue is trite. I mean where do you go from, “Yes he likes dating non-black women, and?”
What good this kind of conversation even provides? I mean what is trying to be achieved by the outrage? Will Reggie Bush dump Kim Kardashian because of it? Will not seeing it on Essence make it less true? I am trying to find the validity or even usefulness of the outrage… especially when it is most likely based on personal (often biased) observations than reality.
It gets old. And this very dark skinned black woman, who sees no problem with people dating whom they deem interesting enough, wants to move on to more constructive debate.
@Sula,
I think it was the timing of the thing that bothered me. Not that he was on the cover. It is the February issue. Valentine’s Day issue. Essence celebrates Black Love. Why couldn’t they put a man who is with a Black woman on the cover for that month?
For the record, though, I don’t see every single interracial coupling as wrong. What I do see wrong are the Taye Diggs of the word who publicly diss us to go to a 2520. Or the brothas who fetishisize about non-Black women with Black body parts. Like, um, we BEEN doin’ this. But, it’s better because she has what ya’ll like about us, plus the purty long hair and other 2520 features? Yeah, that’s sweet. o_O
But anyhow, not saying this is Reggie Bush’s mentality. I actually like him and Kim together. And like I said in another comment, it’s not like he has dissed us in any way. I just think Essence would’ve made a better decision if they celebrated the Black love they purport themselves to celebrating in the special lovely month of February.
@Cheekie,
So wonderfully well stated.
Liking the comments right now, but I got admit that anyone who fails the paper bag test is treated like they pissed on a bible. Its not only the media but all the world that tends to lean on this subconscious idea to always play-out the darkest person in the room. It’s not only black women but anyone who darker than a McDonald’s iced coffee.
But if anything piss me off about this Essence lasy-ass cover, is that they couldn’t pick a better person to put on the damn thing. Really Essence?!?!, U gonna start the year with Reggie who been having a lackluster season. How about the Brotha or Sista that is doing something other than entrainment or sports on the cover PLEASE????
@Mr. Gundam,
OMG YES! Co-effin-sign!! I’m tired of those who choose careers in the entertainment industry being the ones (most of the time) who get shine in the “Black community”. We used to invent stuff! Now, we’re thanking the heavens that we finally got a Black President, but we have more rappers than The Bronx has bodegas (store on every corner).
And, I’d just like to take this moment to add that Reggie Bush isn’t even all that sexy to me, possibly because Kim bitched him. And, possibly, because he comes off as having no personality, since he doesn’t talk, and all.
@MoreAndAgain, Hey don’t forget about Lamar Odom. He has to get the sucker of the year award for marrying that 2520 after 30 days of knowing her. How much you want to bet that the Kardashian who just had a baby leaves that 2520 within a year and tries to get a basketball or football player, and the sad thing about it is there is a sucker out there who can’t wait to give her all his money!!!!!
@Mr. Gundam,
but I got admit that anyone who fails the paper bag test is treated like they pissed on a bible.
eh. i wouldnt say that. obviously, intra-racial colorism exists, but its not as if all “darkies” are immediately resigned to a life of lonely netflix and cat food
@The Champ,
I will have to agree with you.
@The Champ, your right about that. I would say that all to often any person or group who wants to be part of the “2520s” club (i.e. the model minority) had to first disconnect from there own culture and also disfranchise the darkest ppl in the room (i.e. community, school, anywhere they can imagne)
@Kayle nopoe it doesn’t matter. But that’s a strawman arguement and you know it.
The point is this: Targetted audience.
Why do you expect a black audience to be different from any other audience?.
A magazine rights about black love and then puts a man who doesn’t practise it on the cover. It’s stupid and will only be attempted by a black magazine because they presume it’s readership are stupid and the pool to pick from is minimal.
It’s like a Peta magazine featuring a butchers advert. It’s a nonsense.
@soul,
A magazine rights about black love and then puts a man who doesn’t practise it on the cover.
lol, im sure he loves himself and his momma. thats some black love for ya ass right there.
and, regarding this..
“It’s like a Peta magazine featuring a butchers advert. It’s a nonsense.”
…i realize that its good to sometimes use hyperbole when making a point, but this is so off-based i couldnt let it ride…unless, of course, you can find a quote of reggie bush saying “i hate black women”
@The Champ,
You know…. you are quite right. Excuse the hyperbole.
And I didn’t mean that Reggie hates black women at all. It’s more about the editors and their ‘we don’t even have to think about our target audience at all, they’ll take anything we dump on them’
GREAT POST!!!
@YoungBelizeanLady,
thanks and sh*t
I see your friend’s point, but I gotta say that some high profile sistas do the same thang. Tatyana Ali, Halle Berry, Diana Ross, Paula Patton, Diahann Carroll – hell even OPRAH used to date white dudes – one white dude in particular is the REASON why her show went national – the fat nasty, but business savvy, Roger Ebert! Did anyone ever stop to think that it could be all about who the media chooses to portray and highlight? I know it sounds “conspiracy theorist”, but perhaps THEY (the media) are the ones sending that message to make us feel as though we’re “second best” based on those in the “limelight” who date and marry outside of their race? (both men and women)
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
Did anyone ever stop to think that it could be all about who the media chooses to portray and highlight? I know it sounds “conspiracy theorist”, but perhaps THEY (the media) are the ones sending that message to make us feel as though we’re “second best” based on those in the “limelight” who date and marry outside of their race? (both men and women)
i actually agree with what you’re saying. but, i dont think its to push that black women are “second best” as much as its to sell magazines and get ratings because they know we’ll eat this sh*t up
Jon Legend. But I don’t want his yellow ass no way. I like them tall, dark, and handsome.
It’s funny that this post (good one today VSB-High Five) focuses on black love. Which I love. I wouldn’t want to date a man that dated or would date a 2520…but even in our non-interracial daters supporters disputes and discussions we, I, discriminates within our own race. I love super charred black men. I have a friend who will only date black girls who looks mix. It’s a never ending cycle that will always be an interesting topic for blogs.
I have no idea if this made sense, I literally rolled over, read, and commented.
@JumpOnIt,
John Legend? That ain’t his chick, that’s a beard.
@miss t-lee,
…i’m mad at you for this! LMAO
@Smiley Face,
Sorry…lol
I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.
@JumpOnIt,
lol, it made sense. and yeah, you’re right, there are literally hundreds of subtopics to this topic that can also be blogged about or discussed.
one more thing…why would you NEVER date someone who just happened to date a white woman in his past?
@The Champ,
Cuz I love black men. Love black people… I want someone who feels the same way
mmmmmm Mos Def was married to a white women like a hot minute ago….
@TreeTop, If you’re talking about that chick from Canada I think that she was Bi-racial.
@TreeTop,
she was biracial.
welcome and sh*t, btw
Michael Jordan is known for his white concubines. It’s a known fact he doesn’t like anything that doesn’t pass the paper bag test.
@Bianca,
But he liked Miss Juanita enough to marry her azz, and sorry but she was 2 shades darker than a PB. LOL!
@Bianca, I forgot! What is the paper bag test?
@Just X,
Uh oh….let me help you out…lol
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorism
@miss t-lee,
Happy belated birthday to your mom, Girl!
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
?????
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
Yeah I kinda messed up on that one, T. There’s another “old schooler” on here who’s mom shares the same B-day as me. Sorry bout that, but I couldn’t delete it! *shakes fist* Darn you Champale!
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
CTFU!!! Trust, I was seriously confuzzled.
@Just X,
Look it up.
It should’nt matter what color you date. It should matter who you date. Reggie bush messed up with his pick of miss overrated her self kim kardashian. How in the hell is this woman famous and why? She has no talent except for the ray j tape(now that was downright hilarious) I don’t mind interracial dating or marriage but if he marries her he’d be a sucker just like lamar odom. I guess they run to the white girls because they want to be famous too! Black women stay strong, this brotha will never leave your side.
@Just X,
She’s not talented, she just fell into the who “celebutante” thing. She’s also not white, nor is Khloe – they’re ARMENIAN. Yes their skin is pale, but they are Middle Eastern people. I happen to like Kim and Khloe – can’t stand Kourtney, but eh…
At any rate, it doesn’t matter how they became “famous”, the fact is that they did and they are in the spotlight for one reason or another. Are you?
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet,
At any rate, it doesn’t matter how they became “famous”, the fact is that they did and they are in the spotlight for one reason or another. Are you?
lol, damn. somebody took their snark pills this morning
@Just X,
According to that tape, she actually has ZERO talent IMO. Her moaning was second-rate porn star at best, she can’t give head for shit, and all I was worried about was what thread count those sheets were and how the hell Ray J’s corny ass was stroking it. I don’t consider myself to be a mackstress of the porn/celeb sex tape by any means, but #comeonson. They were both trash.
@Pinks,
this is a good point. regarding kim kardashian, i havent been more disappointed in a performance since the 3rd matrix
@Just X,
Well she does have a banging body!
People are actually mad at Reggie Bush because he’s doing the “Bush Push” w/ Kim CarKrashian? Sorry, maybe it’s my age, but his face looks like a snotty little kid I’d beat up at my gym, so I’m not hurtin’ over that. (iHATE those stupid Pharell-Mini Me earrings he always wears! “Ice” or no ice> earrings like that are for girls w/ party dresses, not big azz runningbacks!)…WHEW! anyway…
What does bother me is that some VerySmartSistas immediately associate his choice of girlfriend as a minus point against our beauty. We are so versatile on various levels: our fashion, our body types, skin shades, our HAIR (naturals and weavers alike), mannerisms etc;
Yet pop-culture seems to remain our Achilles’ heel. Mind you, the current Essence issue also contains a stupid “Secret Sex vacations” article as well. Secret sex? What the eff is that? I’m grown= I get booty when, where and however I wanna.
We walk/bounce w/ our heads high until some fool in a magazine/crappy cable celebrity show/useless celebrity blog spots ‘one of ours’ dipping their toes in the vanilla pool. Then we’re all Mama, the popular kids said I’m fugly! Why, mama, WHY?! Don’t sweat this kinda shite. The true admirers of your hotness will come worship you as they should (regardless of race).
@GeekChicness,
“Kim CarKrashian”
*snickering*
@GeekChicness, total concurage, (can’t “say a word to take away the beauty I am” Bitter:Sweet)….Reggie Bush is shiesty as he11 anyway.. integrity anyone???
@GeekChicness,
We walk/bounce w/ our heads high until some fool in a magazine/crappy cable celebrity show/useless celebrity blog spots ‘one of ours’ dipping their toes in the vanilla pool. Then we’re all Mama, the popular kids said I’m fugly! Why, mama, WHY?! Don’t sweat this kinda shite. The true admirers of your hotness will come worship you as they should (regardless of race).
lol, you just basically wrote my entire entry in less than 100 words
@The Champ, I was thinking the saaaaame thing! Maybe you should have consulted with GeekChicness before writing this.You would have been finished a lot quicker
But either way you’re post is right and it’s foolishness that women allow themselves to be tricked by the handful of black men we see on TV dating other races. If you look in your community I am sure you will still find that the majority of black men in or around your neighborhood are dating beautiful sistas.
And besides anything seen on/in TV/Magazines/Etc. is usually either fake/falsified/or pumped up to seem better…we all know this..why do we allow it to mold our mindsets???
If your beautiful…own that ish!!!
I know I do!
Have a great day vsb peoples!
@GeekChicness,
We walk/bounce w/ our heads high until some fool in a magazine/crappy cable celebrity show/useless celebrity blog spots ‘one of ours’ dipping their toes in the vanilla pool. Then we’re all Mama, the popular kids said I’m fugly! Why, mama, WHY?! Don’t sweat this kinda shite. The true admirers of your hotness will come worship you as they should (regardless of race).
^^Exactly! If we are going to be as confident and hot as we say we are, then we can’t let BS like this offend us or make us think something is “wrong” with us.
Besides, Kim is famous for what–having Ray J’s goods in her mouth. Reggie is a fool and we should thank his handlers for taking him off the market.
@GeekChicness,
I am pressing the “Like” button for this message.
Yo Champie, I have a friend just like the one you mentioned in the post. She’s convinced that the the majority of BM and boo’ed up with 2520 chicks. I keep trying to tell her that even though what she sees is really not the case, living in Austin doesn’t really help my arguement…lol
She even has a game that she plays everytime we go out, It doesn’t have a name, but she literally counts every BM/WW couple that we see when we’re out. She really knows how to take the “happy” out of happy hour.
@miss t-lee,
well, as a veteran vsb-er, its your duty to forward this post to her
@The Champ,
@miss t-lee
Yes, and it’s also your duty to not use the term “BM” unless you’re referring to a bowel movement.
Your unscientific survey is a mythbuster. Holla at them and maybe they’ll put you on.
Brief aside: I’m gettin off work and walkin to the bus and this big booty black woman passes me by. I thought I was seeing things (I was tearing up it was so cold outside). I look again. She’s wearing a coat and it’s obvious she got a bubble in there. I was freezing but I walked slow to savor that booty.
That is all.
@Stank-0,
come on man, you know this comment is useless without a cell phone pic. stop being selfish and spread the joy
Oh word? sistas still read essence? isn’t that the same magazine that had Mr. Sean Puffy Combs on the cover, with his baby’s momma of SEVERAL children, talking about REAL LOVE? HA!
I think Chris Rock hit the nail on the head by saying that most sistas, are just angry at the fact that they’re not at all into white guys.
The reason why most brothers either laugh or don’t respond to comments like “…but when he gets on, he’ll leave your ass for a white girl…”, is that we simply don’t believe you. You need more people. Every guy on here, myself included, knows at least one single, eligible brother that is looking for love, from a black woman. But he’ll get zero play, for all the typical reasons – not over 6′, not making 6 figures or as much as the woman, and now that us light skinned brothers are played out – not dark chocolate enough, etc. etc. etc., until they’ve raised their standards bar so much that they’re in eternal singledom (is that a word?)…or at least until Reggie Bush is back on the market. And he will be.
Sistas go to the bar after work and laugh amongst each other about how the security guard is trying to hit on them. Guys talk about how the girl bussing tables at TGIFridays “can get it”. If you’re picky, thats great. . Be picky. Just stop belly aching when we are,
…And stop readin’ that b.s rag of magazine!
@DirtyJerz,
I happen to love this post very much. When it comes to dating, I can admit that a lot of my sisters have our heads up our cooches. We say that we want this type of man, but when he doesn’t fit into the perfectly defined mold of what we had in mind, we toss him to the side like plenty of men have done Supahead.
I don’t have a problem with interracial dating as much as I have a problem with men who paint all Black women with one stroke, one color, on the same canvas. We are all NOT golddiggers, drama queens, reformed hoes looking for a home to call our own (or yours, for the right amount of bangage), or whatever other excuse men give a to why they don’t date us.
Don’t rule all of us out because a few may have done you wrong or weren’t your cup of tea.
@DirtyJerz,
Every guy on here, myself included, knows at least one single, eligible brother that is looking for love, from a black woman
i know like five of them myself
@DirtyJerz,
But he’ll get zero play, for all the typical reasons – not over 6′, not making 6 figures or as much as the woman, and now that us light skinned brothers are played out – not dark chocolate enough, etc. etc. etc., until they’ve raised their standards bar so much that they’re in eternal singledom (is that a word?)
Random: I don’t know why but I started hearing Betty Wright’s Cleanup Woman song in my head after reading this.
But yea, love the comment. You hit the nail right on the head.
@DirtyJerz,
I’m framing your post with a caption that reads, “Most On-Point Sh*t I’ve Read This Year!”
& down w/ other myths too unicorns glidder butterflies yadda yaddy sparkles snuggies
@WuDaMan,
french toast and canadian bacon
Uh, Ice T has a white wife. Isn’t her name CoCo?
@BrownEyedPanther,
ice-t doesn’t count because he’s not a rap superstar (anymore) and coco isnt a human being
FInnaly addresed. Somebody was talking about tiger saying thats what he gets all these brothers being with black women then leaving for white women. I ask anybody to name 5 name 5 black atheleths or rappers or whatever that were dating black women then switched to white women. Hell just name 5 that date interacial
@So Cool, um, Amhad Rashad, but then, we KNOW what thats all about!LOL
@DirtyJerz, Thats one
@So Cool, Thats right. and he’s the only one! lol… just one they can charge us on…and cot dammit, he gets a pass!
@DirtyJerz, oh, and OJ Simpson!LOL
@So Cool,
Michael Jordan, Ahmad Rashad (mentioned), OJ Simpson (mentioned) Lionel Ritchie, Ice T, hell, Malcolm X did it too, before he turned Muslim.
(You said rapper, athlete or WHATEVER. Lionel and Malcolm fall into the “whatever” category.)
@RedBeanzNRice on a Diet, you gotta give Lionel Richie a crossover pass. Didn’t his wife try to kill him? LOL
@DirtyJerz,
His wife tried to kill him AFTER she found out he was steppin’ out with the YT chick!
Great post.
I think that aside from perhaps the psychological issues involved, one of the reasons why this perception is so wide is for two reasons:
(1) The out of the ordinary stands out, so one is more likely to remember the fraction of Black men in IR than the overwhelming majority who aren’t. People don’t consciously think about the fact that all of the above Black men married to Black women are in fact with Black women (except perhaps Barack or Will or maybe one or two others), but they do remember the Tayes and Wesleysof the world.
(2) People tend to focus more on those who are relevant to them than those who aren’t, which is why one might notice the men in IR relationships that one might find attractive (“another one got away”), but not his three crusty homeboys who are down for the sistas.
I’d also be interested in seeing the extent to which these points affect people’s perceptions about Black male dating/relationship habits more broadly. There’s a perception that most “eligible” Black men are sowing their oats far and wide rather than settling down. I suspect that the real phenomenon (and the reason why there are bitter blog posts from men about women wanting thugs or bad boys) is that only a fraction of “eligible” men are reaping the benefits of that status, with another fraction willing to settle down and be fairly monogamous (and therefore finding themselves married or in long-term relationships), and another being left relatively in the cold. Since the latter two groups, for different reasons, aren’t even in contention among many of the women with the complaint that “eligible” men want to play the field (hence Jeneé Desmond-Harris’ summer article at the Root and the ensuing fallout), that they even exist is forgotten, and so the perception about the specific segment that are in contention to them is assumed to be true of all “eligible” men. Similarly, the men who are getting theirs probably don’t think about the fact that many aren’t.
It’s no different from bitter men complaining that it’s easier for women than men, because women get approached and get to pick and choose, which ignores that (1) not all women have it equally made in this respect (especially as far as actual relationships rather than mere sensual healing goes), and (2) not all women who get approached by many men get approached by the men that they actually want.
“because women get approached and get to pick and choose, which ignores that (1) not all women have it equally made in this respect (especially as far as actual relationships rather than mere sensual healing goes), and (2) not all women who get approached by many men get approached by the men that they actually want”
Good point….as I’ve told several female friends, being cute is a blessing as well as a curse, cuz you have to deal with both the unwanted as well as the wanted attention…
You bring up another point as well…why is it so memorable when famous blk men date/marry interacially, so much so that they’re often pigeonholed as liking only white or non-blk women, yet the same doesn’t hold true for blk women who date/marry interacially? I mean, Taye Diggs and Wesley Snipes may still love blk women (I’m just speculating here), but they are and will forever be labeled as preferring white meat. Just a thought…
@Helagramki,
I suspect that the real phenomenon (and the reason why there are bitter blog posts from men about women wanting thugs or bad boys) is that only a fraction of “eligible” men are reaping the benefits of that status, with another fraction willing to settle down and be fairly monogamous (and therefore finding themselves married or in long-term relationships), and another being left relatively in the cold
yeah, i actually wrote about this a couple weeks ago. the only black men taking advantage of the numbers discrepancy are the ones at the top of the food chain. the rest are either in relationships, or struggling to find compatible mates just like everyone else
For starters, Essence is suffering from the downshift in the economy so they knew exactly what they were doing when they put Reggie Bush on the cover of the “Black Love” issue. And they have succeeded. When’s the last time anyone has discussed the cover of Essence? I wasn’t even sure it was still in existence until yesterday. Mission accomplished.
Secondly, I’m a sista and currently dating a black guy who typically dated 2520′s in the past. Yes sistas, I snatched one back for the team! He’s really opened my eyes at how cruel sistas can be and much more accepting 2520′s are and I can’t even argue with him. These NFL players are surrounded by white people so that’s all they know. Its not that they’re not attracted to sistas, its just that we’re foreign to them. They don’t know how to approach us. We’re very intimidating in comparison to non black girls. Think about it. So the next time you see a black male with a non black female, think to yourself if you would have given him the time of day had he approached you, before you judge. My boyfriend is someone I wouldn’t have dated at 25. I was too immature and wouldn’t be able to accept that he talks kind of “white” or likes to go to bars instead of the club. Sistas need to be more open minded. We could take a page from the 2520′s book on that and would find happiness a lot sooner.
@Mello Yellow,
My boyfriend is someone I wouldn’t have dated at 25. I was too immature and wouldn’t be able to accept that he talks kind of “white” or likes to go to bars instead of the club.
what changed?
@The Champ, I realized that I was dating guys based on how I wanted to be be viewed by others. I wanted my man to look and behave a certain way because I wanted others to see me and envy my relationship and see what a good catch I had. It took some time for me to figure out that there are a million girls all looking for the same few guys and completely ignoring the perfectly good and stable men out there. And no one envys a relationship in which you’re getting dogged out…no matter how foooiiinne your man is. Now I’m envied because I’m genuinely happy and in love. Its a process…especially when you’re a cute girl and you think you deserve perfection…but the smart girls eventually get it.
@Mello Yellow, I went to an all white highschool and a predominately white college. While I did have a best friend thats black we mostly hung out with 2520s. And you know what?…We had FUN! There wasnt someone always clocking what you wore, who you were dating, or what car you drove. It was good times all around and free shots on the girl with the american express card. Its not a far reach to understand why some black men that have a hard time connecting with black women would feel safer dating white girls. Its hard to be judged by people that have no ruler to measure u against.
@sxyscientst, Amen! Men approach women who they feel comfortable around and we can’t blame them if they were brought up around more non black people or if they were accepted by non blacks before they were accepted by blacks. All we can do is become a better people for it and learn from it.
@Mello Yellow,
I’m adding you and sxyscientst to my list of VSB/VSS folks who actually know what’s up!
@Caballeroso, Thanks!!!
@Mello Yellow, you must be my VSB doppelganger!!!! Why did you just echo my whole life story
Not sure he qualifies as “superstar” but T-Pain is married to a white/spanish woman.
@TPeezy,
Fiddlestix! If I hadn’t stopped typing to get my Cap N Crunch fix..
@TPeezy,
T-Pain qualifies as an autotuned roach.
@Cheekie,
LOL, damn.
“in fact, i can’t think of ONE black male r&b or rap superstar that’s married to a non-black woman. not one. a free vsb t-shirt to the first person who can”
So Superstar is a strong word for me…but his bank account suggests otherwise. Did somebody already say “T-Pain?” If not, send his wife the t-shirt cuz he is a sight that will make your eyes sore…
Wait, is that where the word ‘eyesore’ came from?!?!
@bittersweet’s baby, LLS, dude is facially challenged, and physically,(pudgy boys don’t do it for moi) LOL
Excellent read! Though I don’t wish to stereotype all single African-American women (cuz’ I’m currently single my damn self!), I think this whole theory of black-men-wanting-to-date-any-race-of-woman-besides-black is a really simple way for some to avoid looking at themselves. Face it, ladies, a lot of times we get in our own way when it comes to finding a mate.
Case in point. A friend of mine met a very handsome guy who fell into her ideal age range, was a successful engineer, and was absolutely crazy about her. She’d met him through another friend of ours who knew him well, so there was no question that he was a decent dude. The poor guy was damn near whoring himself trying to get this girl’s number. She turned him down why? Because he wasn’t 6’5”! Really!?! REALLY?!?!?! I mean 6’1” won’t cut it when the cat fits all your other criteria? You’re only 5’2” your damn self!!!
And the whole time I’m thinking, “Thirty years from now when you’re the bitter old cat lady, those four inches won’t bother you so damn much”.
@Danni,
Co-sign…while I can’t/won’t knock anyone’s preference(s), that height thing that many women seem to be caught up on always annoys me. In my experience, the shorter the woman, the greater her height requirement…women who are barely 5 ft tall themselves always seem to want a dude who’s 6+ ft. What many of them don’t realize is that they’re competing with tall women (5’7″ and up) for the same guys. You essentially cut your available dating pool in half with that requirement…which can lead to *old-cat lady syndrome*
*potential double-entendre
@DG, I’ve gotta say, short girls who do that annoy the crap out of me. Get out of my pool, lol! I’m 5’9″ barefoot and I love my 4-5″ heels. I don’t even search for a guy that tall (i.e., >6’2″), especially since many of the ones I meet tend to have a “thing” for short girls (5’4″ or less). He could be my exact shoeless height for all I care. All I ask is that when we’re out together, people wouldn’t mistake him for my kid brother.
@E.Jay,
I can appreciate that sentiment. As long as dude is your height or taller, cool. But alot of women get caught up in that “look up into his eyes” BS….it’s akin to a man saying that he wants a woman who’s a size 6 with at least 36Ds….well, what about all the women who don’t meet that criteria?
@DG, Ok, I’m 4’11 and yes I do have a height requirement… and it’s not six-foot anything! As long as he’s at least 5’7″, then I’m good.
And yes, I have turned a man down before because he didn’t meet my height requirement. He was 5’4″, which means with my 4-inch heels on, we were damn near eye-to-eye! That just wasn’t cool with me!
@Dear CaliGirl,
Please remember those words you just typed that on January 8th, 2010 @ 2:08pm VSB Time (because it has a time zone of his own)on this very site.
We do not want to see a Helena Andrews-like article from you in 5 years.
Thanks for your understanding,
Your fellow Very Smart Sista.
@CaliGirl,
Short guys need love too girl…besides, he’s nearly half a foot taller than you…and I assume you don’t wear heels all the time.
Anyway, you like what you like…like I said, we all have our preferences…
@Danni,
welcome and sh*t
@Danni,
I’m sure these are the same women on ABC talking ’bout “Woe es me! I’m 34 and single and I need to have a babies now because my eggs are drying up!”
Oh and this is just one of my personal gripes – if you’re 5’2″ why do you need a man who’s 6’5″?!? I don’t get it. Short women have the whole height spectrum to choose from. Wanting a 6’5″ man is just selfish and inconsiderate.
@RemaAtWork,
Short women have the whole height spectrum to choose from. Wanting a 6′5″ man is just selfish and inconsiderate.
U sound like you want to kick somebody…
@RemaAtWork,
You know what, I’m 5’3” and I actually feel for the taller girls. Ya’ll barely have men to choose from…especially due to those giraffe men who LOVE extra short women. I don’t have to have a 6’5” man. Just a guy that I can rock reasonable heels with and he’s still taller. Which doesn’t eliminate much in terms of height.
@RemaAtWork,
I had this chick I was dating tell me that it doesn’t matter that I’m under 6’0 because she’s had all the kids she planned to have. Women say and do some eff’ed up ish! It’s not just the men.
@Caballeroso,
She actually said this out loud? Like seriously?
I personally don’t care much about height… I once dated a guy I was slightly taller than… and I am 5’4 and 3/4. Lol!
@Sula, Yep! She did. At 5′ 8″, I’m gonna have to move to Tokyo where I’d be considered tall. Problem is, all the sistas will then say “oh, he only dates asian women now that he’s successful”. A brotha just can’t win.
@Sula,
You’re in the minority then…a man’s height is often one of the first things a woman will mention when describing her ‘ideal’…that idea of ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ has been around for ages…
@Caballeroso,
I’ve heard several women make statements like that too…damn shame….
@Caballeroso,
Thats horrible, who says these things?!?
Who cares?
As a natural hater, I find it lazy look down on things based on skin color. Do better for 2010. Captain Kirk was laying down Green Brizzles on Star Trek. That’s progress.
@skullylover,
welcome and sh*t. and, since you’re a natural hater, you’ll fit in round these parts
!!!!!!!! MY LIST OF WHITE MEN WHO MARRIED BLACK WOMEN !!!!!!!!!!
I don’t understand the fuss about IR dating/marrige. I don’t understand why other black women have an issue with black men dating YT women, or any other kind for that matter. What about black women who have dated/married YT men?
Robert Dinero is married to a black women and this is his 2nd black wife, and all of his children are bi-racial,
Paula Patton and Robin Thike,
Simon Cowell from american Idol and Terri Seymore,
Wolfgang Puck has a black wife,
Roger Ebert (the critic) is married to a black judge,
Iman and David Bowie,
George Lucas ( the star wars guy) is married to a black woman,
Fanny from jaime foxx Garcielle is married to a white man,
Aiesha Tyler has a white man……….
@Lanieanna,
You have enlightened me today. I knew about De Niro, David Bowie and Iman, and Robin Thicke and Paula Patton, but I had no idea George Lucas was with a black woman, and she got her own, too. She is the president of an investment firm. And Roger Ebert? That one surprised me, too.
I didn’t even get my Essence in the mail yet, but I ain’t gonna lie. In the first few seconds of seeing shirtless foine-arse Reggie Bush on the cover (old pic or not…then again, that is a fail on their part), I woulda been fanning myself.
Then, my brain woulda switched back on. And yes, I would’ve immediately thought of him being with Kim Kardashian (who I actually think is really pretty). I don’t have a problem with them being together, but as mentioned above by others, him being the choice of the cover. Black fantasies? Yeah, thanks for making sure it REMAINS a dayum fantasy, Essence. I mean, yeah I know the average Essence reader has a slim chance of landing that nicca, but the real fantasy is Black love with a foine brotha. And that fantasy is pissed on by putting a Black man who with a non-black woman. If a Black magazine that celebrates Black love is gonna put a half Black love on the cover of the effing Valentine’s month issue, then that is a fail, IMO.
@Cheekie,
And that fantasy is pissed on by putting a Black man who with a non-black woman.
lol, you must have some weak-ass fantasies then. i’m saying that because i know when xxl (or whoever it was) had their stacey dash (who’s married to a white man) cover, you couldn’t piss on my fantasy with a walruses d*ck.
@The Champ,
LOL. I think you’re combining chexual fantasies with just basic life ones. Like I said above, when I first saw the cover of Bush, I was fanning the hell outta my face. I mean, him being with a non-Black chick doesn’t make him less foine (it also helps that seems like a dolt and rarely speaks so he probably won’t have a Taye Diggs moment and publicly diss sistas).
I’m talking about the “fantasy” of Black love, period. That’s what Essence is always raving about and that’s what you’d think they’d support in an effing VALENTINE’S DAY issue.
But then again, someone brought up somewhere else that customers were probably writing to Essence to have him on the cover or trying to sell to younger audiences. Both of which, may be true. Just shoulda used their noggin for this one is alls I’m sayin’.
@Cheekie,
thing is, what does ANY bucket naked man on the cover have to do with love? i mean, if it was will smith’s half naked ass on the cover by himself it would have said just as little about black love.
lust? sure. sex? definitely. but actual love? nah.
@The Champ,
True enough, but maybe I say that because on the very top of the issue in all CAPS it says, “Black Men, Love & Relationship Issue”. *kanyeshrug*
Ah well, he’s still foine.
@Cheekie,
but maybe I say that because on the very top of the issue in all CAPS it says, “Black Men, Love & Relationship Issue”.
But he is a black man and he is in a relationship. He fits two of the criteria listed.
@Sula,
“But he is a black man and he is in a relationship. He fits two of the criteria listed.”
Yup, but again, if Essence is about Black Love then they missed the mark. If the February issue was supposed to be about lust, then I concede (but then again, it’s for Valentine’s Day…which is primarily about love, but okay) And if there is even one article inside the issue about supporting the power of Black love between two Black people (which, I bet there is…that’s what Essence is about), then that’s why I believe Reggie Bush wasn’t a good look for a Feb cover.
@Cheekie,
You know they just put that kat on the cover to sell magazines, pure and simple. I don’t even think they put that much thought into it.
They will sell a grip of issues purely because chicks wanna lust over that cover. Just like every other year when they throw “xyz” shirtless Black men on the cover…lol
@miss t-lee,
Yep. That was just my thing. They didn’t really use their thinkin’ cap. I mean, they used it to sell, but not to sell what they allegedly stand for.
But yeah, I said the same thing somewhere else where I heard lots of readers may have requested him as the top cover guy (which is a double fail for jackin’ the GQ pic) and they want to lobby to the Reggie Bush demographic and/or younger readers.
@Cheekie,
Key word is “allegedly”.
I haven’t had a subscription to them at least since the early part of last decade. That ish was getting tired to me back in ’01, and that’s sad.
Ice-T! He’s high yella but I should get a t-shirt for that, right?
@Carl,
nope
T Pain has a white wife i believe
@BKSweetheart,
lol, according to cheekie, autotune roaches dont count
I don’t even think of Kim as “white.” Based on their family’s look, I just assumed “Armenian” meant European Puerto Rican.
@An Island,
I don’t even think of Kim as “white.” Based on their family’s look, I just assumed “Armenian” meant European Puerto Rican.
lol, me neither. she looks how i bet mary magdalene looked, and we all know Jesus loved the dark meat
@An Island, my fathers armenian and it’s more middle eastern than white. Armenia borders Turkey and Iran.
@The Champ “she looks how i bet mary magdalene looked, and we all know Jesus loved the dark meat”
LOL the country Is actually in the Ararat mountains which are mentioned in the Bible.. so you might be right. Not to mention many years ago one of my fathers cousins who is a college professor did a family geneaology and traced it back to the first guy and he looked like some straight out of the Bible.. head scarf, genie pants, long beard lol.
@BKSweetheart,
Email me and the Champ your picture (and those of your sisters if you have any) . . . for research purposes.
Ice-T & Coco. Are they married? In any case the outrage was unfounded. As I wrote on my blog earlier…
I support Reggie’s fineness. I support his cover. What I don’t support is women getting mad because a black man is dating a white woman. Ok, so what? Seriously, so what? It’s nothing new, frankly it’s old now. He is among many an athlete with non-black wives/girlfriends/jumpoffs. *yawn*
Doesn’t affect my life nor yours. His choice in a mate has nothing to do with how fabulous YOU are. There is too much emotion and hurt feelings over a man you don’t even know. If he weren’t with Kim K., he still wouldn’t be with YOU or ME. Let’s keep it funky here.
Would it make everyone feel better if he was dating a black woman? Should he be with a black woman just for the sake of it? In the end does it really matter?
If Reggie said “I only date white women because they’re better,” then there’s a problem. Then I would understand the outrage.I didn’t see anyone getting all hot in the collar at Diana Ross, Mariah Carey, Kerry Washington, Halle Berry, Iman, Beverly Johnson, or Veronica Webb or Naomi Campbell on covers. All of whom date/marry outside their race. Sounds like a double standard to me.
Reggie is still ok in my book.
My real issue is when people say “I ONLY date x,y or z.”
Too much importance is placed on the shallow. Love is deeper than that. Love should not have an intent to “marry outside my race because I want my child to have ‘good hair.’”
That’s not love, that’s self-hatred. At the same token, one shouldn’t deny themselves happiness with another person just because they happen to be of a different race, ethnicity, creed, or what have you. We are all human and should be with whomever makes us happy. A match is a match.
@Dash,
good comment
btw, welcome and sh*t (i think)
@The Champ, yea thanks, my first time :smiles nervously, looks down, wrings hands, shuffles feet from side to side:
@Dash,
*slow clap*
@Dash,
Ya know, even though I didn’t like the choice, I love this comment. I didn’t get as angry as others, but I was just disappointed. And to be clear I’m not mad at his relationship at all, just the decision that Essence made to put him on the cover for next month (and a lot of other sistas feel this way too, and I think a lot of people are combining the two, when they’re actually two difference issues). And no, his relationship doesn’t affect my life, but Essence a magazine issue that I read and pay for. We’re talking about the Essence cover, not his relationship.
But yeah, just wanted to clear that up. Your overall comment, though, is actually spot on and I agree!
@Dash,
Hello everyone…I’m SUPER late on this post however, I had to say something. I read ALL of the comments following THE CHAMPS original post and I noticed that no one mentioned that Essence is a magazine of contradiction on another level. They promote “Black love” however, they have articles saying if you can’t find a Black man…then try “something new.” Or the Sanaa Lathan syndrome, as I like to call it. They even posted pictures of these “healthy” interracial relationships on their site. Apparently, Jill Scott just got in the act too-check it here: http://bit.ly/dhJqpZ. Check out this other article in February http://bit.ly/bsZ7h6.
All I’m saying is that we can go on and on about “I like them together” comments “I don’t like it because…” comments but as we continue to support a magazine that doesn’t have our best interest; I suggest to stop buying the damn magazine. I still think the topic is relevant. I’m super mad I didn’t know about this site until now. Thanks.
@Dash,
Hello everyone…I’m SUPER late on this post however, I had to say something. I read ALL of the comments following THE CHAMPS original post and I noticed that no one mentioned that Essence is a magazine of contradiction on another level. They promote “Black love” however, they have articles saying if you can’t find a Black man…then try “something new.” Or the Sanaa Lathan syndrome, as I like to call it. They even posted pictures of these “healthy” interracial relationships on their site. Apparently, Jill Scott just got in the act too-check it here: http://bit.ly/dhJqpZ. Check out this other article from February http://bit.ly/bsZ7h6.
All I’m saying is that we can go on and on about “I like them together” comments “I don’t like it because…” comments but as we continue to support a magazine that doesn’t have our best interest; I suggest to stop buying the damn magazine. I still think the topic is relevant. I’m super mad I didn’t know about this site until now. Thanks.
“3.7% of married black american women”
So when they say the number of Black women marrying non-Black men has doubled, they make it like it went from 20% to 40%. GTFOOHWTBS
Also, I think if we look for it we’ll find it or remember cases that support what we want to believe. In this case, it’s that respected Black men in the public eye always go for non-Black women. Myth.
@Ms. Smart,
GTFOOHWTBS
Get the F out of here with that bull ish?
I LOVE IT!
Yup! (in agreement) @ the post. I remember someone also posted (I think it was here) a website which gave examples of a bunch of famous black men (athletes, celebs, etc.) married to non-black women and even on that site about 50% of those wives who were accused of being white were actually black.
Yes, you have the urban radio station in my area play a clip of some black dude saying “Where the white women at!” to make it seem that it’s all bad…but f*ck all dat! Not so! Sisters, quit falling for the okey doke, love you, and live and be. I am also tired of the peanut gallery perception that sisters are that dayum pressed and concerned about who some random negro is dating. Do you! Date who you want to
Plus, keep it real, some of the brothers dating white women many sisters don’t even want and in some instances ain’t even worth having (which is proven when said dude catches a case).
@legitimate_soul,
Yup! (in agreement) @ the post. I remember someone also posted (I think it was here) a website which gave examples of a bunch of famous black men (athletes, celebs, etc.) married to non-black women and even on that site about 50% of those wives who were accused of being white were actually black.
and the word “famous” was used really loosely, like “famous” = “more than seven people outside of your family actually know who you are”
@legitimate_soul,
I am also tired of the peanut gallery perception that sisters are that dayum pressed and concerned about who some random negro is dating.
I swear their PR is better than PETA’s… They seem to be everywhere, when in fact they are not the majority!!!
@Sula,
I swear their PR is better than PETA’s…
LOL! Sooooo true!
The have been recent reports that black women out number black men by a lot. Then if you take away the ones in prison and the drug dealers you take away another half of the already shortage. And that’s why I think many black women are mad. I personally am not mad about the fact that black men are choosing white women. Especially not at Reggie, Kim is like my black sister lol I love her. But then again I have a man and am happy. For the sister’s with a shortage Steve Harvey suggestions that you go for the older black man or reach out side your race also.
@JoVonna Munns, In reality black women dont out number black men. Black boys and girls are born at approx. the same rate 49/51. However, depending on where you LIVE you may. If a woman cant find a decent black man in her city and she doesnt date outside her race and doesnt want to date an old fogey like steve suggests (tryin to get his nasty self some young cutty) I suggest that she move. Why sit and lament the lack of a good male population?
@sxyscientst, http://tubefoot.com/v/wCoI-B9AYjs,why-are-42-of-black-successful-women-are-single-abc-news-nightline.
Check out this link. You will find it interesting.
@JoVonna Munns,
The have been recent reports that black women out number black men by a lot. Then if you take away the ones in prison and the drug dealers you take away another half of the already shortage. And that’s why I think many black women are mad.
lol, thing is, even those stats are misleading, because they dont account for women in prison or gay or married to white men or already with child or, etc, etc. there are all these caveats to eliminate black men from the pool but none to eliminate black women
I guess my main question is what do all the OTHER women have on us? Why are they so much more appreciated than women of color. We can pretend that its not prevalent but honestly….then we’d be “frontin.”
I know a good amount of men who I consider close friends who will mess with black women but ultimately see themselves with a Chica, Shelly Wu or a Becky…I mean are these women just better equipped for marriage from a cultural standpoint? (That’s actually probably the best quesion I’ve come up with regarding this topic.)
Those same friends are quick to tell me these OTHER women treat men better and are more domesticated…..like what are we women CATS? Jesus!
@Jackie,
I don’t think it’s an issue of other women being better at all. We black women ROCK! I think part of the issue is sisters feeling they have to fight a perception of being less, when one fool or one article said something that a whole lot of people co-signed on. I think it’s internalizing negativity, thinking and believing there is a lack of partners, and perceiving ourselves as a victim in some cases is a fraction of the issue. I also think it’s about what women accept and if you accept and identify as the woe is me sister, then that’ll manifest. No dayum body wants to date a victim. One person is not all people and we are all guilty of feeling that one incident or one comment is representative of a large group of people as a whole. Plus, people just are not a match for a lot of reasons that have nothing to do with race.
@Jackie, An associate of mine is in the process of leaving the woman he has been with for eight years for a Becky that he just met. One of the reasons he cited was that the new chick maes him sandwiches and does his laundry. I asked him why didnt he stay with the old chick and hire a maid? How is that even fair? oh yeah..he also says the old chick is fat…honestly ol girl is far from fat and looks like a model in the face…becky is shaped like and looks like Olive Oyle…wtf?
@sxyscientst, oh yeah…I forgot to mention that the becky is currently married to an unemployed man that she imported from the Bahamas…
@sxyscientst,
Wow. GTFOOHWTBS!!
I mean really….
But I don’t want to say that we are the victims. Becky’s can sometime be coniving. Honestly, for every black man that chooses those OTHER women it makes it that easier for me to find a brotha who loves chocolate; I actually have two but that is for a different VSB posting…..lol!
@Jackie,
I guess my main question is what do all the OTHER women have on us? Why are they so much more appreciated than women of color. We can pretend that its not prevalent but honestly….then we’d be “frontin.”
**in order**
nothing
they’re not
you wouldn’t be frontin
again, how many more facts or personal antidotes from black men who love black women do you need to see to believe that a good deal of the stuff you’re speaking about is in your head?
sure, both of us could probably name black men who prefer “other”, but for each “other” preferrer i can name 10 who dont
@Jackie,
Why are they so much more appreciated than women of color
Where does that even happen? Let’s even forget boyfriends/husbands for a minute. Your brothers, cousins, relatives don’t appreciate you? Your friends, your father? They don’t appreciate you? Are they not all black men?
I, for one, have never felt the sentence above to be true. And I am as black as they come. Sentences like this one make me cringe, for real.
So true…successful black men don’t just up and marry non-black women. They’d rather just not get married at all. Great, I guess…?
@E.Jay,
I love your avatar. Thanks and goodnight.
@E.Jay,
lol, thats another topic by itself. welcome and sh*t, btw
I just logged on about 3 weeks ago. I dig this blog with a golden shovel. nice work.
But what about Tim Duncan? He is/was a major superstar and has a snowbunny.
@GoldinPhoenix,
welcome and sh*t, and thanks for the compliments. as far as timmy, i didnt include him because he was born in the virgin islands
I realize how this is about to come across but here goes.
Im personally just tired of this discussion. I recognize that some black women want to marry within their race and that they have opted to only have black men as an option and then further narrowed their options by having standards and additional requirements of those black men but REALLY get mad when an “Ice T” and Lamar Odom (okay maybe that is a stretch) marry a 2520, really if either of them were to step to you you would brush them off with the quickness of Sensei Obama catching a fly.
We (as women) need to cut it out and be A. more realistic, and B. stop hating. Just as you have your personal taste in men, these men have their personal taste in women. Trust me Ray Ray may be married to a “black woman” but he messes around with plenty of 2520′s in the Boston area; and no matter how much money Kobe makes, you dont want him.
We need to just stop.
@Intellectual Hedonist,
Trust me Ray Ray may be married to a “black woman” but he messes around with plenty of 2520’s in the Boston area
word?
@The Champ, i mean that is what I heard from my peeps that hang w Rondo and em
Not my list, but…
10 Reasons Black Men Won’t Date Or Marry Black Women
1. black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted, irresponsible, regressive, and tend to EMASCULATE black men.
2. black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of black men.
3. black women are strong headed, too independent, present great challenges in relationships.
4. black women are masculine, in that they are controlling, and like to run the relationship.
5. black women expect too much, they are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar worker.
6. black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
7. black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
8. black women are not sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.
9. black women’s tolerance is far too low, they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggle in white America.
10. black women do not cater to their man.
(search the topic yourself)
@Joppie,
Is it too early to call bullisht on this entire list?
@miss t-lee, Hellz yeah it’s too early! Yall just started with #8 in the year 2000. ROFL
@DirtyJerz,
I’m sorry you’ve been running across frigid chicks. I can’t help you with that.
@miss t-lee,
The list was apparently compiled from answers given by black men. So when asked the question, “Why do black men date white women” this list could be used to answer, “Because maybe they don’t do 1-10″
None of them may apply to you. There may be a woman out there who displays ALL the traits.
@Joppie,
*snickering*
Thanks for sharing.
@Joppie,
welcome and sh*t
and, it usually isn’t our custom at vsb to post lists given out by the hebrew isrealites standing outside of east liberty kutz. but, since you’re new i’ll let it slide
@The Champ,
Thanks Champ. I’ll do better next time!
Stop ya’ blood clot cryin! yall didn’t make no fuss when Ray J was dating her!
And what do you mean my woman aint Puerto Rikkan!?!?!?
@Reggie Bush,
Bwahahahaha!
@Reggie Bush,
shouldn’t you be in a bucket of ice somewhere?
@Reggie Bush, Cause Ray J wasn’t dating her… he was Ho’ing her out. lol
@Reggie Bush,
This is the most I’ve ever heard (or uh…read) you say, like ever. Frankly, I didn’t know you talked. Just grunted. But, you’re fine.
I had a friend who sang that same lullaby… once whilst driving her in the car, she saw a midget women with curly headed babies and was like… ‘see even midgets is taking our men!’ … I was dead at that comment!!
When they start making songs like this you know us black girls are in trouble!! Track 4 – Shelly Nicole’s Blakbushe – Blak Girls
pic1= new Image();pic1.src=”http://www.myfreemixcd.com/desktop/trackplayer.php?aid=4357&palyer=ESA”
@Sian, “see even midgets is taking our men”
BUAHAHAHAHA
Wait! i thought we werent allowing the mention of midgets on VSB… I been gone too long.. I missed y’all something awful
@Sian,
I had a friend who sang that same lullaby… once whilst driving her in the car, she saw a midget women with curly headed babies and was like… ’see even midgets is taking our men!’ … I was dead at that comment!!
$56
thats how much i would have paid to see that. welcome and sh*t, btw
ice T has a white wife
@Anonymous, i can’t believe that’s your rebuttal to the argument. Ice-T?? the same 75 year old who got sonned by souljah boy. lol
Wasnt mos def’s first wife maria yepes non-black?
@Djet,
nope.
welcome and sh*t, btw
it is kind of odd to put reggie on the cover of ESSENCE’s black men, love & relationships issue, no? a worthy cover the other 11 months of the year. but not this one.
@tiffany,
who/what would you have put on the cover instead?
@tiffany, Yeah, Tiff. I’m a black man, I’m in love, and i’m in a relationship….what else is there?
Isn’t Dr. Dre’s wife non-black?
@angie,
She’s mixed (I thought). Sorta Mariah Carey-ish
Can we stop basing our lives off of what celebrities do? I mean really, all of the Hollywood types (from A list to D list) live in a completely different world. They have a different economic system (they get expensive shit for free as “gifts” by the people who make expensive shit), they have a different justice system (if you cry hard enough you receive a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card, while there’s someone who will forever be in a vegetative state because of you), and they have different social norms (they create and sell their own sex tapes/nude photos to ADVANCE their career). None of that shit flies for our “everyday people” selves, so why oh why are we (specifically Black women) comparing our men to men from Planet Hollywood?
Sidebar: I’m lumping anyone from the entertainment industry (athletes, singers, rappers etc.) into “Planet Hollywood,” not just actors.
I am a black woman and I agree with you, that there is no mass exodus of black men choosing white women over black women. I think it only seems to be this way because the media focuses so heavily on some of these women because they are either deemed to be “pretty” or they have shock value. In Reggie Bushs’s case the media is all over KK because she’s supposedly pretty and she’s got shock value…Ice T’s wife is plastered all over the place because of shock value etc…I believe that there are plenty of good black men out there.
CR
T-PAIN’S WIFE IS WHITE
@BOOTY BOPPIN,
word? Kinda surprised about that one. Lol. Well not really..
So, I read the post and I am just a bit confused. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal if a Black man dates a woman outside of his race, what is the big deal? Making emphasis on black men dating a non-black woman makes us sound ignorant. For instance Reggie Bush, so of course we know he dates Kim Khardashian, what if he didn’t prefer Black women, isn’t that his right and preference to have? I would think we would be wiser to be more accepting to everyone no matter what nationality they are. I just think from a woman’s point of view if black woman gets mad that a black man is dating a white woman they are basically hating.
Some when people choose to step out of their comfort zone and dab a little in another race in finding a significant other I don’t think it has anything to do with “making sure my culture accepts the fact that I choose a different nationality than my own.” I think what they are thinking is as long as I am happy then that’s what it is.
Yes, it is nice and great to see people of our culture marrying and dating within our race, as well nice to see our people of our culture dating outside.
So that is my opinion. And yes I am black. Half black and filipino and I do prefer Black men but if by chance I seen someone that I were attracted to outside of my race and they treated me great, I wouldn’t be hesitant to talk to them.
Don’t know if someone mentioned William Cohen, former Second. Of Defense, is married to a black woman.
for the record, it doesn’t really bother me when black men date women of other races. i DO take issue sometimes in a “kwanzaa – collective work and responsibility, etc” kind of way – but i digress. especially because personally, i’m open to anybody.
but as much as i’m sick and tired of my fellow sistas complaining about men who date whoever they want – i must admit i understand both sides of the Essence article argument.
for example, if the picture was of a FYNE gay man – people would be even more upset. there IS something to be said for the fantasy aspect of it all. the subscribers to the magazine do so because it represents them – and how they’d like to be represented. reggie bush is a #FAIL in terms of wish fulfillment for many black women IMHO – and that’s why he perhaps isn’t the best choice.
i guess on the flip side of the coin – the focus shouldn’t be on who HE loves – it should be on who WE love – and i don’t think he ranks at the top of our “list.” so to speak.
Billie Holiday, Sarah Vaugh, Pearl Bailey, Eartha Kit, Lena Horne, Diane Caroll, Diana Ross, Janet Jackson, Alfrey Woodard, The cute sister with dread from “Living Single,” Halle Berry, Paula Patton, Garcelle’s Beau, Iman, Beverly Johnson, Naomi Campbell, etc, etc, etc,
All of these sister I love. All have married, dated, or sexed white men. In the world I live in (and most of my black male friends as well) these women are no less womanly, attractive, or less authentic in their blackness because of it.
Another unfair double standard in our community in regards to black men? You bet. Nuff said.
@Dave,
And there it is….
As men, we generally don’t care whether Halle, Taraji, Sanaa, Serena, or any of the chicks gracing the covers of King, XXL, etc. have dated or are dating a non-black man….farthest thing from our minds…when it’s all said and done, they’re still beautiful, still black….
@Dave, You are 100% right. Prominent black women have been getting with white men forever. The list of celebrity black women with white husbands is long. White men have had their choice of the most desirable black women for 400 years! The double standard has become a joke.
@Dave, it began as a reply to Dave and evolved.
True, but you don’t hear black women who are celebs or in the public eye speaking negative on black men/men of color. I like other posters more so have the problem w/ speaking of black women in the negative ie drama, b****, h**, and then have a Kim on your arm who is known for what a sex tape, gold diggers and always wear weave just to name a few. When white women can be all of these things and in many cases wouldn’t look at the black men twice if they were not who they are. Fall in love with who you want, but we need to make sure our kids and look beyond the physical and economics to character and morals.
My last thought It seems like self hate when you date marry exclusively outside your own race, speak negatively of the women/men in your race. Then your children don’t associate with people of your own race. I have seen this often in my Gerogia community and I don’t understand and this is no matter what race you are.
@Licia,
Sister, did I say something you did not agree with? Did Reggie Bush call sisters Bs and Hs and all of that stuff and I missed it? If you answer to to both questions is “no,” I hear you but there is no ” but” to what I said. Lets keep it clean and basic and not come up with abstract and possible senarios. Lets assume you are talking to brothers on here that don’t get down that way and are not so narrow-minded.
The post is about the double standard that in our communities in regards to mixed dating. It’s really simple and it’s not defensible. I hear sisters not in and out of the public eye complaining about brothers in and out of the public eye dating non-black women. Those who do are considered sellouts while black women are often seen as something very different.
I do not here the same thing from the progressive set of black men I hang with….educated and otherwise.
Bottom line: if you are a sister and you have called a brother something negative because he was with a non-black woman
you are out of line and history says you should not judge so harshly.
I get tired of this topic reeeeallll quick, but this post just made my day. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, especially for this:
…the other doesn’t count because he’s a bitch (kobe bryant)
and oh, I’m about to memorize that Census Bureau link (via Wikipedia) so I never have to get into another convo about black men not wanting us, ever again.
@Kiana,
…the other doesn’t count because he’s a bitch (kobe bryant)
Yuuup. He is.
Dammit Jerz ya tellin em to many lol
love this article, thanks vsb!
Champ,
I really enjoyed reading what you wrote. I like the way that you went out and found those statistics that shows black women can still have faith in their black men. Yes I said their men because I feel that as a race we belong to eachother. I mean I have nothing against interracial couples, I just find it so beautiful to see a black man and woman together…there’s a sense of strength and unity in it…there is for me anyway. Either way, just wanted to say wonderful article and thank you for giving black women hope, eventhough it is sad that some of us need it…but we do. So thank you!
Loved this post guys!! Still trying to read the comments too….but ummm I think I’m the only one who doesn’t find Bush attractive(maybe cuz he’s a Trojan). I mean he’s cute but there’s more to it than being cute. they shoulda just put Boris or even hill harper hell!
Let me count the ways
My reasons for not dating a white man are all tangled up in race and preference and preference and race; there may not be a difference. Let me try this. There is nothing on the face of the earth like a brother who has his act together – no white man, no other non-white man. (Nothing that is, except perhaps a sister who has her act together). A together brother? One who has given some thought about who and what he wants to be – what kind of man; what kind of husband and father, one day, what kind of world citizen; what kind of man of faith; what kind of bread winner, either for himself or for a family. And has come up with some answers to grow with.
Put all of that together with the way a brother moves and talks and looks at you when he cares about you – like no other man from any other group can, and why would I ever want anything else? Show me a brother like that and I will show you the quintessential man. (Quintessential- the essence of a thing in its purest and most concentrated form) There you have it. -Patrica
Champ I was wating for post regarding this!
THis cover bothered me, I will admit it. So much so I emailed Essence to let them know about it. I got a few responses from them as well, with I really was suprised about.I have not read Essence in years, but the cover made me never want to read it again.
My issue was in that picture was old, the issue was about Black Women AND love, and the guy on the cover is a wash up, talent-less NFL hack that is dating a white slutty woman.
We all know that if Kim was black, everyone especially Black men would not be seen with her. I think she is a beautiful woman, and he is a handsome guy, but don’t give him anymore attention for dating a sub-standard woman with no talent and a sex tape and a head full of weave. Why should we give him attention with he can’t seem to find one of us to date in the whole world?
The main issue I tend to have with men with non-black mates, is that always find reasons to put down black women as their sorry explanantions for dating (usually) low class white women.
I have no had problems with finding quaility black men to date. The issue is the fact that society thinks they can sell us bullsh!t ( as black women, and pretty much all black people). We need to expect more as consumers. Reggie would have been great if the article was about Black men in mixed raced relationships.
Many black men lusting after white women I dont want and clearly don’t want me and thats fine. But we have to be more mindful of the perception we give to young children who do not know any better. Many young girls read Essence, how can you have an issue dedicated to black love with Reggie Bush on the cover?? I mean really….
And Kobe is bitchmade.
@phillyphilly,
Now that I know what the article is about, I understand why people are angry. I didn’t know they were preaching about black love in that issue. So now it makes sense. Anyways, you are so right that if Kim was black he wouldn’t claim her.
Just in case no one else has stated it:
Ice-T – white wife and hip hop celeb (icon?)
Nick Cannon – does she count?
May I have my t-shirt please?
Thanks for the welcome. I hope you understand my beef. As mixed race child, I found I had the obvious adaption issues moving around the US where the black folks didn’t feel you were black enough and the white folks didn’t care for you because you had some soul. As a functioning more or less well adjusted adult, I find issues based on color to be redonkulous. If your preference is to date those of your race, fine. But don’t hate those who don’t share the same thought process. On the opposite of this, I also don’t understand those who date other races exclusively. I’ve dated women of various races, you end up with who you want to end up with.
And if you are going to hate, take more pride in it, religion, class status, favorite sports team, vertical jump, 40 yard dash time, there are much better reasons to hate.
SV
This myth has been passed along from one generation of black women to another for decades. It is now virtually impossible to convince black women that it is not true. Citing census statistics makes no difference. People will believe what they choose to believe.
I think there is a clear double standard when it comes to interracial relationships. Black women with white men is wonderful, but black men with white women is digraceful. I recently saw a list fo black women who are married to white men and it read like a who’s who list of black women in arts and entertainment; business and finance. Why the double standard?
@anonymous,
Well in my world its quite the opposite. It’s like now black men are expected to date whomever but black women are still given the side eye if we decide to date IR. Maybe its because we don’t do it as often but I still think its unfair.
Damn kinda throws our recent article out the window. Great Post!!
Your article was incredibly disrespectful to the wives, ex-wives and girlfriends of many of the men you mentioned. I wish I could say I was surprised but I am not.
http://www.notverysmartbrothas.com, should be the name of this two bit blog.
You left out Colin Powell married to a black woman
also Ben Carson first surgeon in the world to sucessfully separate conjoined twins that’s top of the game there.
There are plenty of an Elite Class top of his game black men that are married to black women, I just haven’t been able to get on yet:) But i’m still proud in knowing they do exist.
Umm…Dr. Dre is married to a white woman (although no one is checking for his ‘roided out behind).
My homegirl always talks to me about this sh*t, and she always cites ONE of my boys from high school who only dates white girls. It’s always on some “are you sure you wouldn’t marry a white girl?” tip.
I personally suffer from the misconception that I only like light-skinned Black girls, despite the facts that this girl that I was tryna smash from 1st* to like 9th grade was not light-skinned and that the one celebrity I found most attractive was not light-skinned (Nia Long).
*When I was 6, I didn’t know what smashing was and was just tryna go to her crib and watch cartoons or some sh*t, but theoretically it’s the same idea.
I want that T-shirt! LOL. Charlie Wilson is married to a white woman. Does Terrence Howard count as an R&B singer? You know he likes white women.
@Ms.Bee,
I think Terrance Howard just likes women. Period. Lol.
I think black Americans should quit the reverse racism (by the way) I’m a black female but not American.
Isn’t Obama, the president, a product of interacial dating???
In this day and age why shouldn’t black men have a choice of whom they choose to date? If they don’t like black women so what? What about black women dating white men?
There is way too much hypersensitivity in America over race issues. Thought the civil rights movement ended decades ago…like MLK dreamed of a day when ‘children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.’
JOHN LEGEND has swirl going on. And he could have easily been with a beautiful sister.
And most of the ballers on the list of the unmarried, are not dating sisters any more because of their baller status, they can travel to many different exotic places and they meet other women of all races in which they think: the lighter the skin and the finer the hair she must be for me, she is of quality.”
And it bugs me when people see biracial kids and automatic say, ‘they so cute’. *eyes* What makes them “so cute” their “fine curly” hair?
I’m curious in what is this site’s view on black rappers and artists images of women in their videos or lack of positive images of black women in their videos.
@Life,
well i’ve noticed this past year or so there’s been a lot more non-black women in hip hop videos. one part of me is happy because now they cant say its just us out there shakin our assets and lookin like hoes. but being that the women they choose are supposed to be regarded as being the creme of the crop when it comes to women… i am a bit concerned that the bw are being replaced. nothing im gonna allow myself to lose sleep over tho.
Stuff like this used to bother me but know I’m like why should I really give a f**k??! I have no plans on marrying a professional athlete or a rapper and I don’t care if my man has five PhD’s or not. Most black men I come across date black women. A lot of them also date hispanic, asian, and white women. But they date bw too. And this isn’t even to say that I’ve seen many bm with ww. And out of the few I’ve seen, they weren’t men I was interested in anyways. The problem I have is when men I am interested aren’t interested in being committed to one woman….but that’s a whole notha subject.
thou hath layeth the smack diz-own! thou ar t rightness personified.
Isn’t Timbaland’s wife white?
I don’t know where most of the posters are from, but over here, on the west coast, most black men date non-black women. I have lived in Cali, Arizona, Nevada and now Seattle. I grew up hearing from my peers stuff like I don’t date black girls, and I want a sister with a cute little curly fro(mixed), I date for diversity(thats the new one). In my high school the black girls were so lonely that even the mixed girls would complain about brothers being with white girls, and their mothers were white. In Nevada, my first day of biology 101 was tough because I asked the one brother in my class to see his notes(missed a few things) and he rudely shoved his notebook at me while smiling in a white girl’s face. That was my bad omen because I watched brothers run through and through the same group of trashy white girls, but they never asked me out. And was actually harassed when I cut my shoulder length hair to that halle Berry Pixie. The one brother I had, when we moved in together turned to me one night and said ‘you’re really pretty for a black girl’-he didn’t usually date black girls and I guess after being with me for months he had accepted that this black girl he fell in love with was on par with all his boys’ white girlfriends. The relationship died when while making love he told me that ‘the way I was doing him, reminded him why he kept coming home to sisters’.–yeah I went dry on that one. And when we broke up, but still lived with each other until I could move, he made sure he brought this blonde chick home repeatedly.–Seattle, the first guy I dated was biracial. He had never been with a full black chick, a few biracial girls, but never a dark black woman. Our first time was odd because he was in awe of my nude body. He made several comments about my brown nipples before I had to break it down why he was making me uncomfortable. It made me sad, like some racial fetish. But he was cool, we dated a year and he treated me well. But I felt like he was dating me for therapy, need to get in touch with his black side. His father left his white mom with 3 kids in a very white, rural town called Yakima, where he experienced alot of racism that his mom swept under the rug. And his mom would always talk about how bad black men were. Which leads me to my current man. He’s african, my preference because they as a group seem to really appreciate me. From african men, i get ‘u are sooo beautiful’ from black american men I get ‘you’re cute’. But even my African Prince admitted that he use to want to ‘marry white’ because he thought that white people knew how to navigate american society better. Here in Seattle, I would say that 3 out of 5 brothers date white. thats no exasgeration, ask any black person from this busted town.–two points I have to add : 1)Most of our famous black male writers seemed to have serious white women fetishes, richard wright, ralph ellison, W.E.B dUBOIS, Frederick Douglas, Chester Hines, Eldridge Cleaver. why were all the enlightened lusting for white women while their people were oppressed. 2)On this issue,I think most black men feel condemned by this issue. to the point that even if a brother isn’t swirling, he’s still looked down at. I wonder if this is the reason that black men keep on saying that black women are being over dramatic and try to convince us that all this WHITE WOMAN worship is a product of our imagination. Or maybe, u guys live in places that have larger black populations so u guys aren’t effected by it the way I am–One more thing, I avoid brothers who swirl, or at least try to, because I get thinks like ‘you’re not like most black girls’, u remind me of Condoleeza Rice(wtf), or u have to prove to them that u are not ghetto and that u are an educated, cultured person. And above all, when u mess up u have to here that you’re just like the rest of those black girls.–which means when I should’ve tripped and cussed a brother out, I held my tongue and didn’t get to ‘black’ on him.–this issue has effected me so much that i realized i no longer talk to brothers until they give me the green light, a smile or an hello. yup, unless u live in south seattle, black people out here tend to avoid each other.
@leeha,
As someone from the West Coast I feel you. I went to public school in an upper-middle class major city in CA and there was only one neighborhood kid who had a black mom that I remember. I have noticed that there is a high % of black men who choose to swirl. The facts are what they are, but i think people tend to cluster in groups, so I bet the % of BM in IR is higher in SF or Seattle or San Diego compared to Atl or Memphis.
Black women believe that black men don’t marry sisters and the perception is the complete opposite of reality. A black woman can walk into a room filled with loving black couples and the only one she will remember a week later is the lone brother with the white girl. At the same time, she will celebrate every time she sees a sister with a white dude. Black women give Robin Thicke major props for marrying Paula Patton but when a black athlete or entertainer marries a woman with the same facial features and complexion, he is accused of hating darkskinned sisters.
T-pain has kids by a white chick … not sure if he is married to her …
This is Great. The End.
Is it also possible that white America seems to be more comfortable with interracial love than black people loving each other? Does this signal to white America that black people are not really out to get them?
What do yall think?
Actually, I can think of one. ICE TEA!
I don’t know ANY brothas checking for white girls like that. If it happens, it happens. But no one I know is specifaclly checking for them (and I live in NoVa). People, this is propaganda. Those in power have now deemed that it’s cool for white men to start dating black women. Why? Because the rapid growth of the hispanic population is kicking their a$$ and they better start making some alliances with a minority group they feel comfortable with.
Quincy Jones ain’t NEVA had a black wife!!!!
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