While popular opinion is that men want a lady in the streets and a freak in the bed, the truth of the matter is, most men want you to be who they want you to be in bed. What does that mean?
Well, it means that all men really aren’t into S&M behavior and some might actually be scared off if you showed up with a whip in one hand and a jar of mayonnaise in the other.
By the way, I have no clue what a jar of mayonnaise could be used for and quite frankly, I’ve just managed to disgust myself.
Excuse me.
*smoke break*
Back.
Now the problem with this disconnect is that so many women hear about men that are into so much different stuff that a woman might be inclined to try some “new things” in order to please her man. But instead of asking, she’ll just give it a whirl and next thing you know, dude is looking at her sideways at breakfast the next morning and refuses to eat her toast.
That’s kind of a pun.
Now don’t get me wrong, a lot of men and women are very happy to have an experimental partner in el sacko and let’s be real, boring partners just are not the cats meow. But you can definitely go too far. So as a service to all the good people out there in VSB land (and other blogs that will rip this for Thursday’s entry and pretend it’s original), here are some things that you should probably ask your partner about before doing.
And yes. Shots. Fired.
1) Biting
While a good softly bitten lip can go so far to express desires a plenty, a bitten bun gets you b*tchslapped, b*tch. Seriously, keep them damn incisors to your self and stop looking at your your partner like a steak (or steak’um for the broke crowd). Biting really isn’t for everybody. For one, that sh*t really can hurt. There’s a reason ghetto chicks use it as a weapon. That and dental work in the hood is so scarce motherf*ckers teeth actually are deadly weapon on some jagged edge sh*t. Or ruff endz.
No more shopping sprees.
2) Food
Eating is an activity of daily living. This is understood. However, introducing food into the bedroom is something that should be treaded lightly. Look, yeast infections aren’t good things. Period. So adding more by bringing in bread, whipped cream, and croutons isn’t exactly always going to come off well. Especially since I have clue what in the world one might do with croutons. Of course, strawberry’s and chocolate is always a good way to go if you must introduce food and all but really, event hat needs to be cleared. Nobody wants chocolate in their crack. You usually wipe that sh*t.
No pun intended.
3) Candles
I might be willing to fight somebody if they “accidentally” poured candle wax on me or my little friend. Candlewax is damn near fighting words to me right now. Candlewax is hot, as evidenced by the presence of an ever-lasting FLAME atop the wick (no gonorrhea). I’m just saying, if you want to introduce stuff that Smokey the Bear has been railing against for decades, you should probably mention it upfront.
4) Whips/Chains/Bondage
In the famous words of D.C. Curry, “I wasn’t a slave, but I heard about it and that sh*t didn’t sound fun then…” How whips and chains made the leap from slavery to the sack is beyond me but some folks love it. However, you can’t just go whipping people. And after seeing Danny Glover’s back in Beloved, frankly, I’m side-eying any Black man who is into that sh*t.
5) Extra people
Suffice it to say, most folks have probably been interested in a threesome or moresome in their lives. However, you can’t just get somebody’s motor running and then say, “oh wait, Betty or Jimbo is downstairs and I KNOW they’d love to get down us tonight.” I’d probably be a little upset and I might not speak to you for the rest of the evening. Maybe that’s just me though.
Anyway, those are some things that you really should consult with your partner before first but we all know that the possibilities are endless when it comes to redroom romper ruckus.
What are some bad bedroom ideas and what should you REALLY clear with your partner first?
Educate the masses who are going to make mistakes this evening.
Care about your fellow human.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Related posts:
- milk was a bad choice: 10 signs that you’re in a sh*tty relationship
- A Piece of Bedroom Furniture.
- the champs comprehensive, omniscient, all-encompassing, and all-inclusive two part guide detailing absolutely everything you need to do to insure that you will always have the best sex that you can possibly have
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{ 48 comments… read them below or add one }
well when i asked my lover what he liked he said i was taking the fun out of the experience and that i should just surprise him… i shudda stuck my finger in his ass………. see how surprised he wudda been then..
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shay_d_lady {October 28th, 2009 at 12:36 am}
@purple pisces, LOL @ my lover…LOL its like your in a harlequin romance novel…..
and LMAO@ i shudda stuck my finger in his ass………. see how surprised he wudda been then..
but he probably would have liked it..
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Selah {October 28th, 2009 at 1:10 am}
@purple pisces,
Dead… just dead at your whole comment.
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 3:06 am}
@purple pisces,
heh heh heh.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 9:29 am}
@purple pisces, I accidentally slapped a girl that tried to do this to me. I say accidentally cos it was all reflex, I really felt like sh!t for it then, and even though she forgave me, I still feel bad that it happened. All I’m saying is just be sure that you are not the one surprised in the end. It ends badly…for everybody.
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:21 pm}
@purple pisces,
i shudda stuck my finger in his ass………. see how surprised he wudda been then..
***filed under “ways people can get shot”***
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CPT Callamity {October 28th, 2009 at 12:51 pm}
@The Champ,
No bull.
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Anonymiss {October 29th, 2009 at 2:00 am}
@The Champ,
Lmao!
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:43 pm}
@purple pisces, if ever there was a bad idea, that would be it. between that and sticking waterbras in electrical outlets, i’m not sure what’s worse.
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the use of video/recording devices… for obvious reasons…
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Dorian G. {October 28th, 2009 at 9:04 am}
@Bajan Girl,
I see no issue of which you speak
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 9:56 am}
@Dorian G., unless she keeps the footage…then we have a problem. I’m a professional, don’t need them kinda problems.
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Me fail english? {October 28th, 2009 at 10:39 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Nobody should be keeping that isht. Proper protocol is to destroy all evidence. Burn after viewing.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 11:30 am}
@Me fail english?, I believe in the art of discretion. If said tape captures an exceptional session, why not keep in your private stash. I just don’t trust others to be able to keep their word.
Reecie {October 28th, 2009 at 1:34 pm}
@Me fail english?, yep.
Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:44 pm}
@Me fail english?, thing is, if you’re gonna burn after viewing, why even record in the first place. get a mirror, gangsta.
you’ll probably get the same view unless one of you is holding the video camera in which case you’re creating pr0n.
and you do NOT delete pr0n.
yeah. biting can lead to an awkward situation. i bit one of my ex’s (i was actually mad at him from earlier that day) in the “process” and everything came to a halt so he could say, “what’s WRONG with you!?”
and candle wax really doesn’t burn that bad.
i think that–before anything goes down–people need to ask about whether or not there should be any talking going on during the chex. i don’t want to be mean, but sometimes a person’s voice can really get in the way of the scene i have going on in my head. and i WILL tell you to shut up.
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shay_d_lady {October 28th, 2009 at 12:34 am}
@charli skipper, think that–before anything goes down–people need to ask about whether or not there should be any talking going on during the chex. i don’t want to be mean, but sometimes a person’s voice can really get in the way of the scene i have going on in my head. and i WILL tell you to shut up.
OH MY GAWD yes… especially if they are an excessive talker…
like for real dude? shut the F!ck up….
and it also helps to define ‘dirty talk”…cause there is a big difference between saying
“imma f!ck the shyt out of you” and
Imm a F!ck the shyt out of you Ho”……
LOL
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Humble_One {October 28th, 2009 at 12:52 am}
@shay_d_lady,
Not a fan of Wesley Pipes huh?
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Lili {October 28th, 2009 at 10:30 am}
@Humble_One,
….When discussing pron with some of my home boys when we were younger (I know…LOL) one said “Wesley Pipes f*&ks like he just got out of prison”. It was such a shocking statement, but I decided to watch and…he was right. lol If that man is not the most hood adult star ever…
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm}
@Lili,
Wesley Pipes f*&ks like he just got out of prison
cats like him are why most men are scared to death of jail
Malange {October 29th, 2009 at 10:31 am}
@Humble_One,
he is the Most annoying. he does his thing but i mute his scenes. lol..
(did i just admit that…)
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Happy Meal {October 28th, 2009 at 1:40 am}
@shay_d_lady,
*dead* here lies happy meal, who should have waited til the sun came up to read VSB.
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Muze {October 28th, 2009 at 2:03 am}
@shay_d_lady, LMAO. gosh. so true. one word can make a BIG difference.
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 8:23 am}
@shay_d_lady,
Hahah!!! Yep it’s a fine line between sexy talk, and WTF did you call me?!?!
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:45 pm}
@shay_d_lady, thing is…it seems like in the realm of dirty talk, everything should be fair game. you can’t go getting sensitive after you let some dude say something nasty b/c he referred to you by your behavior. lol.
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SaneN85 {October 28th, 2009 at 12:40 am}
@charli skipper, @charli skipper, Lol. I agree on the biting tip. I’ve had to tell my ex that ish wasn’t coo. He just wasn’t capable of a soft bite, and had to actually be reminded frequently of how hard he was biting.
Random thought: I’m not feeling the Hip Hop awards.
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:46 pm}
@SaneN85, so you let him keep biting you anyway, despite the fact that he kept trying to get to the white meat.
and i aint talkin’ turkey.
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Sanen85 {October 28th, 2009 at 6:54 pm}
@Panama Jackson, Lol. I didn’t “let” that ninja do anything. He just kept slipping, without thinking. Like I said, I had to frequently call him out on it, and remind him that the reason why he needed to keep his teeth to himself is because he was biting so hard. In the end, he figured it out.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 9:33 am}
@charli skipper, I don’t have a problem with talking, but I must say, absolutely NO talking about your father or similarities between him and I. NO NO NO!! That right there is grounds for immediate dismissal. Have a nice life…I’ll finish myself off thank you very much.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 11:09 am}
and no crying…PERIOD.
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Anonymiss {October 29th, 2009 at 2:04 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Umm…gross… why would anyone think of their father while having sex?? Ew.
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm}
@charli skipper,
biting can lead to an awkward situation
definitely a t-shirt
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I give a warning…. i’m a nibbler and a scratcher. That way they know what they’re getting into…. and if they want out… speak now or hold that ish in til I leave cuz I don’t really wanna hear your complaining during…. why ruin it for both of us?
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 3:15 am}
@Ro,
PREEEEEACH…
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:48 pm}
@Ro, define nibble. b/c nibbles ain’t nothing but small bites.
that’s some squirrel sh*t. and squirrels are evil.
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Ro {October 29th, 2009 at 1:16 am}
@Panama Jackson,
Squirrels are definitely evil…them ninjas BITE. (saw it happen… funniest thing ever…for me anyway)
but i’m talking small, soft bites.
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man Please check before you try that his and hers warming liquid shyt or really any cream or liquid you plan on using on a woman “down there”… all women are not made equal and most of that stuff is not made for the more ‘delicate” women…..I really dont need to be itchin for a scratch after getting some of that good good….
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 4:32 am}
@shay_d_lady, something learned thru trial and error im afraid
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 8:24 am}
@shay_d_lady,
Yeah…irritation and infections are sooo not sexy.
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Dorian G. {October 28th, 2009 at 9:06 am}
@shay_d_lady,
Funniest story ever with that, but obviously can’t tell it here. LOL like Blacklaw said, trial and error lmao
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luvtheshoes {October 28th, 2009 at 11:21 am}
@shay_d_lady,
Absolutely!
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:49 pm}
@shay_d_lady, for real for real, warming liquid just sounds like a bad idea to me period. i envision vats of magma being poured on some unsuspecting woman and her disappearing like the Terminator with a thumbs up in T2.
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klysha {October 29th, 2009 at 3:56 pm}
@shay_d_lady, YES!!!! Please please consult the girl before you break out some warming liquid….had someone “surprise” me with that sh!t one time. Lets jsut say all chexy time ceased for that evening whist I soaked away the pain.
That is some sensitive equipment down there and warming it up is not the business for a lot of women
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Bad massages – massages are nice if you’re good at it, but I was seeing someone who gave the worst massage. I was literally in pain and it was a big turn-off.
Co-sign with the above comment about excessive talking. It ruins the mood.
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 4:34 am}
@Leila, i have advocated this in the past…get ur massage game up just dont be soooooo good that aint no chex afterwards cuz she is straight sleep…unless u are just looking to be totally selfless…in which case I am not talking to u
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Lili {October 28th, 2009 at 10:36 am}
@Blacklaw,
Aaaaaaaah love those massages. My SO does an amazing job, has me zoning out…then suddenly it leads to chex and I’m like “Wait how’d we get from point A to point D”??
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:50 pm}
@Lili, that’s whats supposed to happen.
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Lil'T {October 28th, 2009 at 8:07 am}
@Leila,
YES! I love my man dearly, but we’ve been working on his massage game for like a year now. I think he bruised my kidney the first time he gave me a massage. I’m bout to enroll him in a class.
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shay_d_lady {October 28th, 2009 at 8:26 am}
@Leila, Bad massages – massages are nice if you’re good at it, but I was seeing someone who gave the worst massage. I was literally in pain and it was a big turn-off.
LOL this is so true! My husband used to give great massages.. recently they had been terrible! I thought he was slick trying to get back at me for beating his A$$ in spades! they really hurt but I just found out I have a vitamin D deficiency (no pun intended) and it makes my bones sore to the touch…LOL its not him
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:49 am}
@shay_d_lady, Assuming u a sister you defiitely need to get ur dietary vitamin D up (no homo) if ur a dude (hom0)…..anyway..
http://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/news/20081201/too-little-vitamin-d-puts-heart-at-risk
….and dont forget to let him get in those vagina panties….men who ejaculate weekly are less likely to get prostate cancer
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Bedroom tactics you should ask about
_anal
_slapping
_choking
_hair pulling
_ejaculating in the face, back, hair
_golden showers
_spitting on patner
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 11:33 am}
@SnijanaFleur, why does everyone keep talkin bout spitting?? Is it really THAT common?
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:28 pm}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
i actually don’t see the issue with a little spit here and there. maybe because i’m a natural drooler
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 1:20 pm}
@The Champ, there is a difference IMO between drooling (we’ve all at some point slipped up here) and spitting. One happens naturally as u puttin yo work in, and the other requires effort.
Now if said spitting is directed at certain organs…ok, but for some reason I think in the middle of tworkin it out, just hoggin a loogie on my chest or something. That just isn’t sexy.
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nikki87 {October 28th, 2009 at 2:00 pm}
@SnijanaFleur,
what is this fascination with jackin off on a gurl’s face?? i swear if i even spot a dude in close proximity of my face, shaking his ding, one of us would end up in the hospital and i’d send him flowers
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:51 pm}
@nikki87, before or after you wiped off your face?
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nikki87 {October 28th, 2009 at 3:05 pm}
@Panama Jackson,
only thing i’d be wiping is the sweat off my brow right after i smack the jesus outta him!
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Anger Management {October 29th, 2009 at 11:51 am}
@nikki87, OMG! I. Just. Died.
Music for me is a big deal. Whats playin can really make or break the mood. I prefer some soft R&B playin in the background……I dont wanna hear no ghetto ninjas rappin about how they gon “Beat the pu$$y up” or some song talkin about how they gon f!ck you ,your sister, and your mama……..I can’t go. And if I hear b**** in a song ima go from Niagra Falls to the Sahara Desert for real…..
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 3:40 am}
@CreoleSoul,
can you please send a memo out about this?! why doesn’t anyone care about the friggin’ music anymore?! doesn’t he know that if he pops in d’angelo’s “one mo’ ‘gain”, he’s gonna get EXACTLY what he’s looking for and possibly more? as opposed to the white noise on the tv, or jadakiss…dammit my eyes are watering up right now…
men: please pick some good slow grind music, dammit!! (hint: “come inside” intro, “i need love” robin thicke, “sentimental mood” phyllis hyman)
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Deviant {October 28th, 2009 at 8:42 am}
@cam1ll3,
some men think listening to r&b makes them soft (still deciding if this is a play on words)
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Lil'T {October 28th, 2009 at 8:21 am}
@CreoleSoul,
Music for me is key, but my tastes run a little different. Pick almost any Janet song from Velvet Rope and watch out! My other favorite is a little heavy metal. “I just wanna f**k every girl in the world?” Naw, get away from me. “I want to f**k you like an an-i-mal”? Yes! Anything from Led Zeppelin is good as well.
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CPT Callamity {October 28th, 2009 at 12:56 pm}
@Lil’T,
If I found a woman that enjoyed listening to NIN while getting nailed…that would be something.
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Sula {October 28th, 2009 at 1:41 pm}
@CPT Callamity,
There are out there, I promise you.
My Nine Inch Nails, Marylin Manson and Jane’s Addiction compil gets used plenty and often.
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CPT Callamity {October 28th, 2009 at 2:19 pm}
@Sula,
After a quick recollection, I remember one chick playing “Something I Can Never Have” by NIN and it had me hooked. I refuse to play anything R. Kelly related despite the alleged pedophiles’ power over the women folk.
Dorian G. {October 28th, 2009 at 9:11 am}
@CreoleSoul,
I can see both sides of this. Because truly and honestly it is kinda corny. Also what if the song is “brown skin” by india arie and I’m smashing a white/other jawn? Now she feels all uncomfortable. And lastly sometimes you just want a theme to what you’re doing. There’s no reason to play “softest place on earth” when really you’re just a “tip drill”
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 2:27 pm}
@Dorian G.,
Who listens to India Arie while getting the business in?
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm}
@miss t-lee,
who listens to india arie?
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 2:49 pm}
@The Champ,
Good point.
The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:30 pm}
@CreoleSoul,
i dont know. i’ve always felt that music in the bedroom was overrated. i mean, i guess its supposed to get you in the mood, but if you’re butt ass naked in a bedroom, shouldnt you already be in the mood??
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Reecie {October 28th, 2009 at 2:15 pm}
@The Champ, I think its overrated too, and I am REALLY into music otherwise. I have songs that I think are sexy, but I don’t necessarily wanna hear em during sex. lol
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Snijanafleur {October 28th, 2009 at 3:55 pm}
@The Champ,
Bedroom music is overrated and it’s a turn off. I want to hear both my and my partner’s sexual responses clearly. I don’t watch pron with music either.
@ CPT Callamity
partners better ask before pulling a
-donkey punch
-dirty sanchez [I still have nightmares about the 2 girl 1 cup & 4 girls finger paint dare to watch].
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this post was hilarious. the jagged edge and ruff endz… brilliantness. no more shopping sprees. *dies a little* lmao.
i think it’s important to talk about role playing. because if you’re into playing rape and rape victim, things can get messy (as in, i will cut you) if you just walk up behind me and “lay down, b*tch!” me all unawares.
i’m just saying. some men are into that.
other than that i think you’ve covered all the basics. lol
and YES, candlewax and sex together are def fighting words for me. had some poured on my belly in undergrad trying to be “romantic,” and damn near had to call EMS. had a peeling scab for about a week or so after that.
never again. lol
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 9:46 am}
@Muze, I’ve had a girl into the rape scene, I wasn’t with it. Then she tried to compromise with trying to make me choke her. When that didn’t work she wanted me to slap that a$$. Now I thought we had found something we could work on…till she started screaming that I should hit her harder than I was comfortable with. She drew her own blood clawing herself. Done. There are truly a lot of disturbed women out there…to HADES with that mess!! I shoulda known better when I realized she was a cutter…instead of panic, I was intrigued. Yes my fault. No not ever again.
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Lili {October 28th, 2009 at 10:44 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
She drew (her own) blood during sex?? Dude, I’m convinced you overlooked SO many warning signs. She must have been fine. lol
I’ve never encountered anyone into rape scenes. I’m all for rough chex (of which there are varying degrees), but goodness.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 11:24 am}
@Lili, I’m good at a lot of things, but by far my ability to attract the nuttiest females out there has to be my niche. Still trying to find a way to profit from this.
She wasn’t exceptionally foine, as much as she was just different. I didn’t realize just HOW different until I was behind enemy lines. I thought that typa ish was for 2520s…smh…it ain’t safe no more.
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 10:49 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
This sounds like an episoide of Law & Order:SVU just waiting to happen.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 11:27 am}
@miss t-lee, I thought more like “A Thin Line Between Love and Hate” with Martin Lawrence and Lynn Whitfield. I’m good.
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Muze {October 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa, oh my. yeah i’m with Lili, you had to have overlooked a LOT of stuff to have someone drawing their own blood during sex.
wow.
Jesus def should take that wheel at some point. lol.
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:57 pm}
@Muze, i think it’s important to talk about role playing. because if you’re into playing rape and rape victim,
ummm…folks really play this???
i mean i guess its better than playing “you’re 13 and i’m roman polanski” but only marginally.
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Muze {October 29th, 2009 at 11:42 am}
@Panama Jackson, LOL @ roman polanski.
yes, i’ve had a man ask if we could role play a rape scene. i said um, HELL No, but wow if he didn’t try to convince me.
some people need straight jackets and padded walls. i’m just saying.
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this entire post had me near tears, something is wrong with you Panama! LOL!
shots fired was my favorite part heh heh
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:35 pm}
@Wise Diva,
shots fired was my favorite part heh heh
lol, mine too
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I actually like s&m. I do the whipping and binding. I’ve only been with one woman who was a sub naturally, so it was both invigorating and empowering. She actually had the ‘treasure chest’ and introduced me to that aspect of sensuality.
I don’t like food in the bedroom. It just seems weird, like should I concentrate on eating all the honey, or on taking care of honey.
Candle wax-nah, that ish hurt, and only had her pour a little on me (I was in college, don’t judge, lol)
No choking or asking to be choked—esp if your light skinned, I don’t want any
charges
no urine or blood…..you don’t want to know.
I enter, you are entered. Do not ask about ‘role reversal’. NO. That is all.
That it. For now.
Bond. BlkBond.
PS-I’m still west coastin’ be back soon!
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 3:43 am}
@BlkBond,
young…urine or blood? for real? rowwwrrrr. booooooooo.
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madam_ori {October 28th, 2009 at 9:29 am}
@BlkBond, I agree with the S&M thing. I think people are a little to vanilla these days. Loosen up, people!
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we can talk about this, but at the end of the talk we should agree that he will:
choke me. nicely. please.
spanking is ok.
pull my hair. please. and thank you.
do the biting too.
if any of that intimidates you, then, well…thanks for coming out. god bless. good night.
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 4:39 am}
@cam1ll3, well said…bartender…put a cosmo in that girl hand..
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Dope Fiend {October 28th, 2009 at 5:26 am}
@cam1ll3,
Trust meeeeee! Choke me spank me pull my hair now bite me. please & thank you sir (or ma’am).
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V.E.G. {October 28th, 2009 at 6:40 am}
@cam1ll3,
I am cool with all of these, except for the choking. Don’t wanna end up in a bad situation/accidental coma cuz a ninja got carried away.
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 8:27 am}
@V.E.G.,
Exactly.
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Happy Meal {October 28th, 2009 at 4:43 pm}
@V.E.G.,
I feel you… my rule is… if you must, one hand only please…I’m not tryina die an accidental death and in my mind that’s less likely to happen if you only use one hand.
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 4:49 pm}
@V.E.G.,
i most definetely understand your concern about that. one suggestion? use an agreed upon safe word (can he/she grip a little tighter? “green, baby” the grip’s a little too tight? “red!”). it works.
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Lil'T {October 28th, 2009 at 8:24 am}
@cam1ll3,
Yes, yes and yes. I likes it a little rough.
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Dorian G. {October 28th, 2009 at 9:12 am}
@cam1ll3,
Responses like this is why you should have email addresses attached at the end
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FiveFivewithbrowneyes {October 28th, 2009 at 9:29 am}
@cam1ll3,
I cosign this entire comment .
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This Just In... {October 28th, 2009 at 10:29 am}
@cam1ll3,
COSIGN 110% AITY!
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Lili {October 28th, 2009 at 10:50 am}
@cam1ll3,
I think many ladies are seeing I2I with this post!
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luvtheshoes {October 28th, 2009 at 11:27 am}
@cam1ll3,
Wow! Seems like there’s a lot of us on here who like it gently rough…or is it roughly gentle?
And yeah, if that is too much for someone to get with than I already know we are not going to be compatible. No sense trying to make it work if I know in a year Imma be real bored.
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BeBeLaStrange311 {October 28th, 2009 at 4:16 pm}
@luvtheshoes,
Add one more lady to this mix…
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“..on some jagged edge sh*t. Or ruff endz.
No more shopping sprees.”
I’m so dead! LOL!
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NIC {October 28th, 2009 at 7:22 am}
@Superior motherload, I co-sign!!!
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 2:59 pm}
@Superior motherload, that line kilt me too.
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I’m not down with handcuffing in any form. LOL and ladies keep your fingers far away from my cheeks!
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Dope Fiend {October 28th, 2009 at 5:27 am}
@Da Iceman,
which ones???
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Da Iceman {October 29th, 2009 at 6:53 am}
@Dope Fiend, not the ones on my face! LOL
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Anonymiss {October 29th, 2009 at 2:19 am}
@Da Iceman,
Down for handcuffing but not for being handcuffed…
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2 pennies…
You definitely need to ask if you plan to have sex and add a little “rectal-digital”
for some reason there are still women resistant to u touching or inserting a thumb or finger in they butt when they are bent over……
i dont wanna live in a world where insertion (of a brownie, thumb, or middle finger) in ur butt when we having chex in the style of a dog is off the table.
Aight I get it…thing thing bigger than let’s say 7 inches or so…….u may not want that in there…..but damn….I may have said too much
Side bar: please do not insert or attempt to insert anything in my bootyhole
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*dying from laughter*
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Wow…good shat. I must say that I am a very open minded black man. Anything between a woman and a man is ok by me. I don’t have limits…well…no bleeding unless it’s from a woman’s monthly visit…but other than that…it’s whatever.
Fisting, watersports, squirting, queefing, light bondage and punishment, anal play, all things oral, nipple torture, body worship, clit/vagina pumping, I love female piercings…I can keep going. I like the switch mode…dom/sub…just go back and forth until you pass out. And yes…good music is essential.
Yeah…a woman might need to know what she’s about to get her self into when dealing with me…a finger tip in the azz is the least of your worries.
It seems as if though we as black folks don’t want to open up when it comes to sensuality and sexuality…things are hard for me…since I refuse to deal with anything other than brown skin. I wish more sisters would let go.
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Sula {October 28th, 2009 at 1:49 pm}
@atltx,
It seems as if though we as black folks don’t want to open up when it comes to sensuality and sexuality…
I’m with you. It seems like either black people are REALLY conservative
and I’ve only dealt with a very small minority…yeah rightor we are REALLY good at pretending.Either way, keep looking black man, you will find her.
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 3:01 pm}
@atltx, a finger tip in the azz is the least of your worries.
that’s the funniest sh*t i’ve read in at least two weeks.
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 5:01 pm}
@atltx,
know that we may be shy at first, but there are a number of us that are willing to try anything at least once. in my case, there’s always been a stigma of sorts attached to sexual/sensual activity that is considered outside of the norm. i’m in my mid 30’s and i’m just now discovering what i’ve missed for the last 16 years that i’ve been sexually aware. be patient, be considerate and be gentle when introducing a new concept. it goes ohhhhh so far.
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@Blacklaw, the internet is not a good place to orient yourself to chex. But if it works for you then so be it….
I for one will thoroughly enjoy gentle nibbles but will shout and attempt to call the Po-Po if any of my extreme gadgets is harmed during copulation.
Whips, chains, handcuffs and any digitized gadgets that can enter an orifice are strictly prohibited in or around my stadium. The only none humanoid gadget allowed when the games begin is made out of latex.
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:51 am}
@Entebbe 104, lol @ extreme gadgets
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should talk about toys and wheter or not to use them..it can be a turn off to both parties…and use of c*^k rings before you whip one out and try to slip it on. that could freak someone out if they are unfamiliar with what one actually is.
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It’s toooo early to be laughing this hard.
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:37 pm}
@V.E.G.,
It’s toooo early to be laughing this hard.
thats exactly how i felt after my morning with luvvie
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Any man who want something in his exit (a**) is getting dropped kicked out of my bed. For some reason this is becoming very popular from what i hear. I agree with the list except biting can be good if its in the right location.
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Deviant {October 28th, 2009 at 8:48 am}
@niteshiftnurse,
“Any man who want something in his exit (a**) is getting dropped kicked out of my bed. For some reason this is becoming very popular from what i hear.”
What’s wrong with that (it being popular, I mean)? A man who wants a woman to play with his a$$ is just a man who knows what he wants IMO. How is that any different from a woman who wants her a$$ played with?
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Me fail english? {October 28th, 2009 at 8:58 am}
@Deviant,
I’m not sure why, because when I try to rationalize it, it doesnt actually make sense, but I too would associate a man enjoying butthole pleasures with latent homosexuality. NTTAWT…but in my bedroom that is certainly a dealbreaker.
I also assoc. calamari w/ vomit. Doesnt make actual sense but I’m completely off squid. *shrugs*
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:38 pm}
@Me fail english?,
enjoying butthole pleasures
this line makes me laugh every time i read it
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Reecie {October 28th, 2009 at 3:13 pm}
@Me fail english?, its only homosexual if he wants it with another man.
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Deviant {October 28th, 2009 at 9:31 pm}
@Reecie,
“That’s what I was telling you befo’e”
Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 3:03 pm}
@niteshiftnurse, For some reason this is becoming very popular from what i hear.
that’s why they added it to morehouse’s dress code.
shots.fired.
oh…wait.
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Don’t bring Jack Ish to sexytime or anywhere else that inhibits US the pleasure of ME making the woman in YOU feel like a girl. And making that girl feel like a slut. And making that slut feel like a woman…
BNB. Holla Back
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VeronicaCorningstoneD {October 28th, 2009 at 10:50 am}
@Black is the new Black,
WORD.
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I guess I said too much…my comment is goooone. Am I banned too?
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 3:04 pm}
@atltx, you can’t ban the fingertips in the azz man.
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Food is to be eaten off of a plate, not my body.
Nibbling, tugging, spanking is okay.
Geeeeentle hair pulling is okay.
Dirty talk – not excessive and not anything that is going to cause a fight – is fine.
Music is not required: if I am into the deed I am not gonna hear it anyway.
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Ms. Hall {October 28th, 2009 at 1:26 pm}
@V.E.G.,
“Food is to be eaten off of a plate, not my body.”
I agree with all but this. To this day raspberry sorbet makes me smile.
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Swallow or spit?
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FiveFivewithbrowneyes {October 28th, 2009 at 9:28 am}
@Monk, Depends on what you had for lunch that day or dinner that night.
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luvtheshoes {October 28th, 2009 at 11:29 am}
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes,
Hahahaha
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm}
@FiveFivewithbrowneyes, Bartender…..I would like what is left of my last drink…sent to that young lady….lol
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Thank you PJack for managing to work Ruff Endz, a jar of mayonnaise (which I have an idea what you could use that for) and a shout out to all your biters in post.
Kudos. LMAO!!!
You asked
“What are some bad bedroom ideas and what should you REALLY clear with your partner first?”
Most of the stuff that you see on them flicks…knahmean? My list includes choking, knutt on any parts of my body, slapping my face (WTF?), spitting (n*gga did you just spit on me? FOH!). I understand some ladies might get down like that, but don’t just think that everyone is into that isht. *throat punch* I actually had to tell a dude once, “look– that ish, ain’t real, them chicks get paid for foolishness–I don’t. Stop watching that isht!”
*off to finish listening to BRRRussia. Don’t judge me, it’s been a rough week, I need some foolishness.
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Me fail english? {October 28th, 2009 at 8:54 am}
@miss t-lee,
“slapping my face”
BWAHAHHAHA! My boy said he’s done this to more than one girl and NOBODY has ever actually told him to stop or not do it again. Can you believe it?! Even the ones that he said looked uncomfortable with it. Lord take me now!
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 9:07 am}
@Me fail english?,
How do you not say something? Crazy! This is a prime example of why kats think they can get away with anything.
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Me fail english? {October 28th, 2009 at 9:25 am}
@miss t-lee,
Haha. He deals with alot of young chicks tho (23 & under) so I’m guessing they just dont speak up cuz they think they’ll turn him off or some shet. He knows better than to try that with a grownup without asking, lest he be cut.
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 9:31 am}
@Me fail english?,
“He deals with alot of young chicks tho (23 & under)”
This said it all.
Lili {October 28th, 2009 at 11:12 am}
@Me fail english?,
Age doesn’t have much to do with it. I’m in my early 20s and I’d be boxing in the bed that night if a man attempted to slap (my face). Same goes for ladies I know. That is blatant disrespect, not unbridled chexual passion.
Sounds like he has dealt with some weak-minded women, and happened to pick them from the younger set.
Me fail english? {October 28th, 2009 at 11:43 am}
@Lili,
I wouldn’t have gone for that in my early 20s either. But let’s be real. “Weak-minded” women are more abundant when you’re looking amongst the younger crowd…which is part of the reason some men specifically go for younger chicks.
Smiley Face {October 28th, 2009 at 10:02 am}
@Me fail english?,
O_o…say what now?
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AkShone {October 28th, 2009 at 10:02 am}
“knutt on any parts of my body”
…so, no facials?
Rub it in like lubriderm – (c) Method Man
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 10:10 am}
@AkShone,
“The poetry’s in motion coast to coast and Rub it on your skin like lotion” ~Meth
“…so, no facials?”
Absolutely not.
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 10:15 am}
@miss t-lee, no need to rub it in…could always clean up like scooby doo.
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 10:23 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
Ya’ll are killing me…lol
Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 12:01 pm}
@miss t-lee, dont want to live in a world where i can’t do facials….had one chick like tryna bathe in it….she got the call back many a time….
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 12:24 pm}
@Blacklaw,
LOL!!! Good for that fine young lady.
Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 3:05 pm}
@miss t-lee, Thank you PJack for managing to work Ruff Endz, a jar of mayonnaise (which I have an idea what you could use that for) and a shout out to all your biters in post.
Kudos. LMAO!!!
yeah, i wrote a list of terms i was gonna work in a post and wrote a post around them. lol. okay, that’s not true. but you can never mention ruff endz enough.
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I bout set this broad’s twat on fire one time in the early 200’s with that warming K-Y mess. Her nickname was Backdraft from then on in.
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Dorian G. {October 28th, 2009 at 9:14 am}
@Brandon St. Randy,
LOL we already addressed this above bruh
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I’m trying to figure out the photo. LOL
Is that an air mattress and a tarp or electric blanket?
*scrunched up confused face*
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WuDaMan {October 28th, 2009 at 9:47 am}
@miss t-lee,
Good effort but I’m betting. mattress, electric blanket, top sheet, feathers, & a top sheet?
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WuDaMan {October 28th, 2009 at 9:47 am}
Oh & water sprayed on the assphault
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 9:50 am}
@WuDaMan,
Feathers? Where are you seeing feathers? Or is that pillows off to the side?
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WuDaMan {October 28th, 2009 at 10:16 am}
@miss t-lee, You know what I was wrong. Aparently it looks like that electric blanket must have cought on fire. & those are burn marks on the matress blanket and sheet + pillow. woe
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Ok..Men, please don’t try to jam your penis into my booty hole without first discussing it with me…that can kill a mood real quick and get you thrown out.
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miss t-lee {October 28th, 2009 at 12:28 pm}
@QueenT,
Or throat punched.
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:42 pm}
@QueenT,
so, as long as its discussed before hand all bets are off?
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QueenT {October 28th, 2009 at 3:42 pm}
@The Champ, I mean, I may be up for it or I may not…but don’t just assume.
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 5:10 pm}
@QueenT,
because if you assume…you prolly won’t git to put it in my a$$. ‘k?
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See i’m all about positions so I can visualize myself knocking it out. It also helps with stamina cuz as you have her all twisted up you can really hype yourself up (in your head of course) like “dayum i’m nice!!!! I’m tearing this uuuuppppp!!!!” So thats why I make sure that shorty is flexible, its one of my initial questions. Of course you gotta find sly ways to ask, or just risk pulling a muscle.
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:58 am}
@Dorian G., lol..cosign
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I swear ‘fore God, Jesus and all’nem…if you so much look like you’re about to squinch your face up and spit on me….!!! boooy..I wish you would..!
)
If you wanna tie me up you better ask…DON’T commence to reach above my head for those silk ties you had hidden on the back of the bed posts while we chexing…you will get kicked and fought (true story).
Strawberries in intimate places are a NO NO! (and that’s all imma say about it
All that fancy stuff where you want to put me upside down in a headlock with a spatula and some honey with my pinkie toe hanging from the ceiling fan…naw bruh… I’m aight…
Tantra…yes…yasss…yaaaaaasss!
Spanking (lightly cotdamnit!)…yes
Talking…yaasssssss (just don’t hold no hour long dissertation and we cool)
Hair pulling…yasssss
Flip me up, flip me down…within reason (*see above)
….and before you get back there before the twin cheeks and wanna play connect four..? pick another game…
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Angelaontoday {October 28th, 2009 at 12:33 pm}
@Smiley Face, lol…@ “put me upside down in a headlock with a spatula and some honey with my pinkie toe hanging from the ceiling fan”…i cosign
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Anonymiss {October 29th, 2009 at 2:26 am}
@Angelaontoday,
LMAO @ “pinky toe hanging from the ceiling fan”… haha
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oh and.. w ho was the “shots fired’ directed at? LOL
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 3:07 pm}
@shay_d_lady, no clue.
but much like shawty lo…dey know.
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Surprisingly nobody has mentioned this, or maybe its a given…feces. If I’m gonna be entering the dark tunnel/playin a turd burglar, please…be clean. Again, it ends well for nobody.
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:57 am}
@HabitualLineCrossa, ahem…..what?….lmao *turd burglar?* hahahhahaa
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 5:14 pm}
@HabitualLineCrossa,
lmao@turd burglar!!! but cleanliness is a requirement. that prevents embarrassment and awkwardness all the way around.
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Contrary to popular opinion, candle wax is not hot, it pretty much cools off mid-air. That’s all I’m saying…
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:56 am}
@Miss Patterson, true….needs to be done at a certain height… cant be all close scalding ppl and what not
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Happy Meal {October 28th, 2009 at 4:54 pm}
@Miss Patterson,
but it’s no bueno if you extinguish the flame with your fire hose o_O
::remembers the nubian king and gags::
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you left out number 6 man…
don’t bone no chicks who’s husbands and/or boyfriends in special services….
ain’t no nana THAT good
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:55 am}
@kingpinenut, i can only assume this is from experience…in which case, glad to see ur still with us
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anything of or relating to the rear-end. that’s a total no-fly zone and you won’t be “accidentally” slippin shyt in. also, we are having the chex talk, don’t keep asking me why i won’t and all this other nonsense. i. said. no. ninja. and besides the more you keep talking the more the nookie will start walkin’. dead asz.
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 5:17 pm}
@VeronicaCorningstoneD,
also, we are having the chex talk, don’t keep asking me why i won’t and all this other nonsense. i. said. no. ninja. and besides the more you keep talking the more the nookie will start walkin’. dead asz.
begging or getting surly cuz we say no–not sexy. boo and friggin hiss.
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One time, I was “doin’ it doggystyle” and we were both really feelin’ it. Since we were both having a good time, I wanted to try something, so, I pulled it out and it “slipped” up a few inches and went…well you know the rest.
I got about an inch in her ass, she screamed, and shot off like a rocket towards the bathroom. That was pretty much the end of our night.
Yeah, I messed that up. Fellas, clear anal sex with your lady first.
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Blacklaw {October 28th, 2009 at 11:54 am}
@TrueMan, try that finger or thumb first homie…..u got get her used to the idea….before she yelling….it burns it burns….(story for another day)
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CPT Callamity {October 28th, 2009 at 12:31 pm}
@Blacklaw,
Thumbs up…pun intended.
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cam1ll3 {October 28th, 2009 at 5:21 pm}
@Blacklaw,
lmao@”it burns! it burns!”
say no more lol
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Panama Jackson {October 28th, 2009 at 3:08 pm}
@TrueMan, this comment kilt me.
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klysha {October 29th, 2009 at 4:54 pm}
@TrueMan, are you my ex-boyfriend??? I’ve lived out this scene before
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i would think that the first 3 would be commonplace. especially the first one. the last two would definitely be something that you should ask your partner before trying out.
i think other things that should be discussed before being whipped out in the bedroom are: anal sex, golden showers, dirty sanchez, snowballing, etc. (disclaimer: tunde may not be necessarily into any of these things. just giving examples)
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HabitualLineCrossa {October 28th, 2009 at 11:43 am}
@Tunde, feel u. I discovered that women squirt by accident. I was going down on her then next thing I know…my left eye was closed and my chin was dripping. Couldn’t look at her or in the mirror for about a week till I came clean with the fellas and learned what had happened. All she had to do was say she a squirter and that woulda saved me some mental distress.
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The thought of having intimate contact with another dude makes me want to throw-up. That being said, once upon a time when ole girl gave me the “prostate exam”, it instantly changed my melted snicker bar to a frozen one. Round 2…..ding!
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Don’t judge a brotha but…
I’ve found chicks into getting gently choked during a good hump session. They seem to respond positively to a little pressure placed around the neck. I only do it if they enjoy it (which seems to be a lot). I will not attempt a donkey punch or a dirty sanchez or anything though…I’m not really a sadist.
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The Champ {October 28th, 2009 at 12:45 pm}
@CPT Callamity,
i actually have “donkey punch” on my bucket list
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klysha {October 29th, 2009 at 4:56 pm}
@CPT Callamity, I’m scared to ask what a donkey punch is
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Somebody needs to tell me what the hoo-heezy a “dirty sanchez” is.
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Caballeroso {October 28th, 2009 at 1:28 pm}
@Lil’T, Dirty Sanchez = fecal moustache
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Entebbe 104 {October 29th, 2009 at 7:29 am}
@Caballeroso, Mr Sanchez was one nasty Spanish speaking person.
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this entire post made me laugh. y do guys insist on spitting on their fingers then stickin’ that mess in our pleasure pockets?? that sh*t freaks me da hell out! plus saliva gets our vjayjay dry. so that plus u tryna put in your pleasure pole str8 after = BAD IDEA (friction, heat, dryness…all around mess)
Sum1 mentioned it b4 but i hate prattlers in bed. i mean really, would u shut up already…i’m tryna arrive down here!
butthole = no go. for some reason i always think, once u break that muscle or it loses elasticity ur sh*t would keep fallin’ out uncontrollably lol! its weird, i know but i can’t help it.
sumthing else that freaks me out, when i hear guys talking about how they like to do anal and then stick it in her vjayjay after or put it in her mouth…REALLY?? that sh*t is nasty as hell! i’m getting the chills just thinking about it
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HabitualLineCrossa I also don’t see spitting as drooling. Spitting isn’t major but talk to your partner about it first. Maybe you
want to put in less workget it wet faster. It might also come off as disrespectful and disgusting; hence, a turn off. Spitting anywhere else on the body is a no no. I don’t see a positive purpose in it.nikki87
Maybe it gives some men a false sense of power when their partners submit to the semen throwing on their purrty faces.
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i dunno know but he could get injured pulling that sh*t with me.
also i have to add, if a dude was down there and suddenly pulls a loud, nasty sounding HAAWK and spit, i think my first reaction would be to laugh, then kick him between the eyes
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nikki87 {October 28th, 2009 at 3:28 pm}
@nikki87,
i get the tickles easily lol!
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Okay, wow! Crying tears ova hear, ya’ll are too funny!
I used to consider myself a conservative (read: boring) lova once upon a time, then I met my current beau. We met and hooked up quite hastily (don’t judge!) and after some smoke and spirits, he introduced me to some things and after he opened up this new world to me, I was emboldened and tried some things that he loves me for
. Point is, we turned each other out and like trying new things still some years later!
What I can say that I do NOT like is name calling….”What did you just call me?”
So yes, please talk to your partner before trying anything, but remember also that you can’t knock it unless you’ve tried it.
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klysha {October 29th, 2009 at 4:59 pm}
@rikkola, calling me out my name…unless you’re calling me baby or some similar term of endearment is a quick way to snatch me right out the mood
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Um I could of sworn that Oprah was the one with messed up back in Beloved? Lol.
&& Good post.
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Panama, I’m actually sad I read this a day late. Too much comment craziness to be readin’ at work
Gotta co-sign on talking too damn much during sexy times! I don’t need an ESPN play-by-play of all the sh*t he’s gonna do to me Then, I’m gonna put my **** in your *** and make you come like a wild banshee… THEN, I’m gonna….
God damn! Where’s my iPod, so I can drown out “Bryant Mumble” ova here!
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@Blacklaw,
Side bar: please do not insert or attempt to insert anything in my bootyhole
Aaaamen.
I’m down with gentle roughness but, that does NOT mean you can flip me and dunk into my boot. No. NO.
You get to flip me, but don’t go there. Don’t.
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