Now last Friday, The Champ and I decided to open the floodgates and ask people what their dealbreakers were. Well I’ll be damned if nearly every possible dealbreaker wasn’t covered. Apparently, people know exactly what they don’t want in life.
That got us thinking though, what are the things we do want in a mate (or one night jumpoff that we mistakenly thought could be a mate)? Realize that we here at Very Smart Brothas, Inc. believe in not only highlighting the negatives, we also want you to share smiles and spread joy like Vanessa Del Rio.
You might not realize it, but that’s both a pun AND a double entendre.
See? Very. Smart. Brotha.
So without further adieu…
Panama’s Short (and soon to be expanded) List of Thangs He Like:
1) Nice hips – I don’t know what it is about a woman with finely shaped hips but ooooh I just wanna lay in her hair.
2) Smilers – I love me a woman with a pleasant disposition who keeps smiling. In any event, it’s better than evil smurfs who always rock a scowl. If my only two choices in life are a woman with a scowl and a hyena? Well, I’m going for Whoopi Goldberg everytime…at least she smiles.
3) Goofballs - Nothing is funner than a chick with a goofy side. Granted, it’s often amazing when you find out that your girl is a total doof, but there’s a certain cuteness and innocence in goofy chicks that’s way better than chicks who’ve spent years on Riker’s Island.
Okay, that’s a lie.
4) Chicks that can sing – And I don’t mean women that DO sing…as in, they open their mouths and unleash the fury. I mean women who can actually hold simultaneous notes that sound like they were supposed to be created. Simply stated, women who can’t sing but try to sing and suck are the devil and should be thrashed wtih some Nike shoelaces.
5) Teeth – Well, duh. Though I’ve heard that a toothless woman can, ya know, whistle good.
THE CHAMP’S (short) LIST:
glasses: maybe I’m completely nuts. maybe my peculiar fetish is concrete proof of me being completely and utterly narcissistic. maybe the young champ shouldn’t have put his glasses on to get a better view of the screen when first “discovering” emmanuale in space on cinemax (who knew aliens were so damn friendly?) who knows? all I know is that in all honestly, rocking the right pair of lenses can give a woman as much as a TWO point jump in my mental rating scale. Yes. TWO. TWO freakin points!!! Do you realize how much of a difference two points makes???
we’ve all heard of beer goggles, but I think I might actually have the first documented case of glasses goggles
the ability to make me laugh as well as the ability to laugh at herself:
super serious chicks need not apply.
and, i don’t know if this belongs in a list such as this, but i’d be remiss if i didnt find a way to mention how excited the “little” champ gets when he sees…
…a woman quietly laughing to themselves while reading a book:
*i won’t expound further because it’ll make me too aroused excited, but i will say that between this and the glasses fetish it’s safe to assume that i’m somewhat of a nerd. i’ve actually made peace with this fact, and i’ve decided to move on.*
***btw, ladies…i hope you all noticed that, despite our somewhat short lists, we both placed a premium on stuff deriving from happiness (“laughing”, “smiling”, and “goofiness”). take that information and make whatever conclusion you want***
***************
What are the things that draw you in every time???? Won’t you be…won’t you be…won’t you be our neighbor?
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{ 183 comments… read them below or add one }
aw you guys are cute!
For some reason, my Deal Makers aren’t all that physical. But here they are:
1) Humor. Whether it’s slapstick funny, or that smart genius humor, I love a guy with a sense of humor. I think smart genius humor trumps slapstick though. In the end, I love to laugh so the harder I laugh, the more I like you. Funny men can appreciate my goofyness, as well as not be afraid to be goofy in front of me.
2) Taller than me. I like tall men, because at 5’9 1/2″ I need some height on you. Before I liked nerds, I liked basketball players. If I could get a nerdy basketball player? I’ll be set fo’ life!
3) nerds. I’m a bit loose with this term though. You don’t need to be solving physics equations, or fixing my computer problems (altho that is cool), but to me a nerd is someone engrossed in whatever makes them tick. Writing, art, science. I like nerd passion. That didn’t sound right.
4) Works a crowd. First, it’s going to be hard to pull me because I have this shell I like to hide in when it comes to the opposite sex. Men who are personable and know how to work a crowd always have the best chance with me. I’m not sure if this is cause or effect, but I like a guy who works well with others, is well-liked by many, and does a good job at putting people at ease.
5) Family men. I like men who are really close to their family and enjoy just kickin it with their family on a random Sunday afternoon or something. I find it endearing and telltale of how they’ll act when they start their own family.
I support nerd passion because it is sexy.
I find that a man that works a crowd can be very attractive as long as he does not go overboard. Confidence is hot but arrogance is not. (I’m so sad that rhymed. -2 cool points)
A man that is close with his family is so wonderful and seems to be a quality that is approaching extinction. lol
Yeah there def is a fine line between works a crowd and That Obnoxious Guy. A man who can find the right balance is perfect!
Liz, I’m like you reference humor. I like a man with a good sense of humor who can make me laugh. Life can be too serious at times, so I need laughter.
1). Attitude. Not in a hood way, but someone with a strong personality that can stand up for themselves.
2). Independent. Goes with #1 but also someone that’s looking for a connection, not co-dependency.
3). Gots to chill – I can party with the best of them but I’m not about the clubs and sometimes I like to spend a Friday or Sat night on the couch with a movie and a beer.
4). Flexible. I won’t elaborate.
5). Positivity. I’m a pretty negative guy, so I need someone who can prevent me from climbing up the clocktower with a rifle.
Re: #4
You should always elaborate…
I like this one. I need a man with this quality: someone that’s looking for a connection, not co-dependency.
“Dealmakers”? Did y’all coin that term? If so, kudos. This is me, trying to be your neighbor:
1. Shyness. Upfront isn’t always so sexy. I like a man to be a little bit hesitant about his approach in what he says and does, as it relates to me. In this context, hesitation equates thoughtfulness and actually caring how I may respond to him.
2. I love nerds and geeks. Someone that actually knows something about something I don’t know is *eek* lip biting seductive.
3. Someone who sneeks public affection. Obvious public affection I can do without, but I love sneeky public affection. Like when I guy (I’m dating lol) holds my hand or rubs my booty on a crowded train. Or how about something simple like winking or blowing me a kiss when we’re out with our friends and they’re not looking. Stuff like that is fun!
4. Funny writers. It great to be funny in person, but if you can send me a funny one liner in a text message or a funny mid day email about how someone sneezed on your sandwich during lunch, I just may marry you.
I gotta agree with number four. Something about a man being witty on the IM can make him really appealing.
Good list, btw.
sounds like someone I know…..too bad he’s crazy….
You’re still alive? That’s unfortunate.
oh shit
So I had to go ALL the way back through the archives of that one site to figure out why you were so mad at me…LOL…I had COMPLETELY forgotten….
Mea Culpa!
Truce? Can we start over Boogs? This is a big step for the Killa eating crow like this!!!
Boogs you are right.
Geeks can be very sexy…
There’s something oddly enticing about them.
I’m just glad that the boogiemonster is back
This site gets yummier by the day. I love deal makers, it’s the stuff that gets my butterflies flitting around in my belly!
1. Bookworms. When I see a guy’s personal library that has books that I aspire to read one day or have already read for enlightenment, you’re campaigning for star player status.
2. A grown up attention span. Like when a guy actually remembers something I said a week before and actually makes a connection. Extra points for recalling my friends names, or any identifiers about them. Yes, I know you have ears, but it’s good to know there is something between them actively connecting dots on my ass.
3. Not judging my MTV reality show obsession. Not only is it hot when I don’t get the gas face that I even watch the network at all, you understand my disdain for Spencer and join me in calling him an asshat each week. Dude, I’m checking to see if I can decipher your ring size.
I can do this all day, but I’ll stop here with my uh short list.
lol YES @ #3!! In general, nobody should EVER try and understand, decipher, or discourage me from my propensity to enjoy ‘low brow’ media, be it TV shows, music, movies, etc. It is what it is, you can join me, or you can exit stage right!
what the deuce was I writing?! er, I don’t have ACTUAL dots on my ass. I swear.
Dude, I SO hate Spencer and absofreakinlutely ADORE LC. I mean seriously. Like from the first time I saw her.
Viva la Hills!
Liz, to piggyback on your #1. I prefer a man who reads not just magazines but all types of books…fiction/non-fiction.
1. Knowledge.
Something about a man being more knowledgeable than me on any particular subject is sexy. I’ve always been a teachers pet and school oriented, so when I can just sit and listen to a man and actually learn something for him I didn’t know before, I love it. I think this is why I end up in relationships with dudes who are older than me, cause I just enjoy learning shit. It’s weird.
2. Eye contact.
I hate men who can’t look people in the eye, I guess a man always staring me in my eyes when engaging in conversation is a sign of confidence. I know for a fact it was one of the first things I picked up on when I met my man. It made him seem sincere to me. Sincere is a good thing.
3. Passion.
Why is it so hard to find a dude that’s truly passionate about something? I don’t care if it’s your Starwars action figure collection. Just for fucks sake, be interested in SOMETHING exclusively. There’s nothing like watching a man light up and feel his energy when he’s doing or talking about something he’s passionate about, it’s an aphrodisiac.
4. Conversation.
Not only in person, but on the phone. I’m a phone person, and prone to having long drawn out talks about nothing in particular on the phone. I like a dude that doesn’t mind me being talkative. And who will listen to my crazy theories and ideas and my general longwinded ness.
5. Individuality.
I didn’t realize how important this is until I got older. So many dudes care so much about how they are perceived that they most times don’t act like their true selves ( mostly in front of their boys ). It’s so refreshing to hear a man say ” fuck what they think ” and actually MEAN it. I think it’s probably the most redeeming quality a man can have, because that kind of confidence is contagious. Being with a dude who is comfortable in his own skin makes you feel secure in yourself and your relationship. That shit is the sexy beyond all sexy.
Without reading the other comments yet…I wanted to post my list:
1. Has God in his life.
A man that has God as a priority in his life turns me on. I want to be able to pray with my man or ask him to pray and he not look at me like “what is a prayer? How do I do that?”
2. Taller than me. I know…I have slight superficial tendencies…but I love looking up.
3. Muscles. Granted, they don’t have to be Tyson Beckford ripped (minus the gay)…but I have a fetish for nice cut bodies. Whew!
4. Humor. If he can make me laugh during my most worst moods….he’s a winner!
5. Caring/Giving. I can’t be the only one concerned & loving in the relationship. If I’m sick…nukka go make me some soup w/out me asking you!
6. Sexual. I’m a nympho so he definitely should be as well! Word is bond! lol
7. Spontaneous. I don’t plan my life moves out in advance….love it when a man suggest things and goes for it: (i.e. – “baby I’m bored, let’s drive out of town for the weekend just cause”)
hmmmm there are plenty more but I should at least start to do SOME work.
I love it! This makes me feel superficial and guilty, as my list has recently downsized to “cute, tall, has a degree”.
Panama, how many blogs do you have????
Haha. That’s definitely my short list.
Only 2…well, that is unless you count the other 7 blogs I have.
Y’all have just explained to me why I get no play even though I’m cute, goofy, and a wearer of eyeglasses. I am a mean mugger. It’s a time saver though. I don’t have to suffer through lame approaches from dudes who have no chance.
That said, my deal makers are as follows:
1. An adventurous spirit. Try something new. If you suggest it, all the better.
2. Smart, geeky, off-beat funny. My ex was the master of funny one-liners that *no one else* would think of. I would just look at him like: dude, how the EFF did your brain even come UP with that joke? Amazingly sexy.
3. Sexy hands and feet. I can’t really explain what makes a sexy hands. But when I see a man with sexy hands, my mind immediately starts thinking about what they’d feel like on me.
4. Intelligence and knowledge. Know what you’re talking about and talk about it like you know something.
5. Secretly goofy. I was with one guy who had this suave player side that he liked to show the world. But when we were together, his inner nerd/goofball came out. So HAWT.
I’m a cute, goofy, mean mugger myself. It’s unintentional, usually I don’t realize I’m not smiling…
Having expressed that, I’d like to add that I love it when men aren’t easily intimidated. I think it’s cool when a guy politley requests that I smile just so he can strike up a conversation with me.
Ya know, I told a chick to smile yesterday because she had this straight sourpuss on and her reply was, “there’s nothing funny right now.” Mind you, she was out with a gaggle of her homegirls chillin’and shooting the breeze.
My first thought for ole girl was that she doesn’t have a man.
And guess what…I was right. Chicks for whom smiling is foreign just aren’t attractive as a rule.
If a woman is hanging out with her friends and she still can’t smile that’s a problem. I’m referring to situations in which I’m not in a group setting.
Let me tweak your final statement if I may…PEOPLE for whom smiling is foreign just aren’t attractive as a rule. But let’s get back to what is attractive, shall we?
)
On the flip side, being told to “smile” on command is not cute.
Maybe she had a rough day and needed to have her moment of bitterness so she could get through it. But you couldn’t just let her be cranky. Noooooo, you had to tell her to “Smile” which really is the wrong thing to say to someone who isn’t in the mood to be smiling. And then to interrupt a moment when she’s kicking it with her girls?
*Crossing arms rolling neck* You’re lucky you didn’t get cussed. I personally would have said “No Negro. I don’t feel like it,” then said something to my girls about obnoxious and intrusive men inserting themselves all up in this conversation here. But then, I’m kind of surly like that.
its always puzzled me when women intentionally make themselves less approachable (ie “the mean mug”) to weed out a-holes, seemingly not realizing that a-holes are the only ones who’ll approach a woman who’s intentionally made herself unapproacable.
can someone explain this logic to me?
I’m a mean mugger & eye roller…not on purpose…just force of habit. Half the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it!
I don’t think women do the mean-mug thing to make themselves seem more unapproachable…I think a lot of it is they’re either tired, stressed or just out of habit.
(A) Not every woman knows that bit of truth.
(B) Not every woman realizes she’s mean mugging as Ms. Freckles points out.
In my particular case, it’s an indiscriminate slash-and-burn strategy. I know the dudes who ignore the mean mug and approach me are clueless a-holes. They are automatically rejected.
The problem is that when I’m not mean mugging, I get approached by *even more* dudes who don’t interest me. Mean mugging saves me from having to shoot down a whole lot more folks.
I freely admit to being particularly picky and hard to impress. There’s something about being overtly appraised and chatted up that turns me off 99% of the time. I’m weird like that, I guess.
I do best when I get to know someone and get a sense of their vibe under different circumstances. That’s why — for better or worse — my flings / relationships since college have been co-workers and friends of friends.
high five
I wish I could master the art of mean mugging. I’m always smiling at nothing in particular. Which gets me accused of “flirting”. When in actuality, that’s just how my face works, and I tend to be polite to service people.
Taco Bell dude: Hard or soft taco?
Me: Hard, please. ( smile )
Boyfriend: Hard -please-? You really want it -hard-, huh?
I wish I could have rolled my eyes at him and fixed him with my best screw face. Would have saved me an argument.
LMAO! What the hell is it with Taco Bell employees?! I had a similar exchange with a guy at the drive thru window regarding their “Spice up the night” slogan. I was greatly amused.
Smart. Just be the opposite of stupid and we’re good.
Funny. I think someone on this site said you can’t be funny if you’re not smart so these go hand in hand.
Nice hands. I love big, manly hands.
Big body. I love big, manly bodies. Not in a Big Pun sorta way but if you qualify as a linebacker on somebody’s football team…I’m going!
Fragrant. I love men who wear good cologne. It’s such a turn on!
Tits McGee = best name EVER.
I gotta agree. I love that name.
Love it so much in fact I’m trying to figure out how I can steal it on the sneak!
hey tits, you should have just went ahead and prefaced all of your statements with “big, manly” (ie “big, manly fragrance”", “big, manly funniness)
1) Intelligence….and I don’t mean top of her class or able to explain heisenberg’s uncertainty principle that’s smart….I’m talking about the ability to make inferences and adapt to situations on the fly….
2) Sassyness – I like a girl who can give it as good as good as she can take it….NOTE, this is not “being difficult”….think Gina on Martin…NOT Pam….
3) Nice breasts – this doesn’t mean huge G cups necessarily, though those can be nice….they can be nice B’s that sit right too….
4) Positive – I like glass half full, to compliment my glass half empty….
Hmm, judging from that first statement of yours, you are a nerd. I approve
My Top 9, Quick and Dirty, PG-Rated List of Deal Makers(Basically the ones I can remember right now, which is not all inclusive. Um, my memory sucks.)
1. Sense of humor – A man that can make me laugh makes my world better. That being said…
2. A man that knows when NOT to make a joke – There is a time and place for laughter. A man that knows when to be serious rather than humorous definitely turns me on. It shows maturity and every funny man can’t do it.
3. Music – A man that plays an instrument (namely sax, drums, trumpet or piano). This requirement is also satisfied by a man that can sing, or make GOOD music…it sends me to the land of giggles and splashes.
4. Witty banter – I like to talk trash. It’s hard to meet a man that can keep up with me but when I do, I am oh so intrigued.
5. A man that can drive a car with authority – Every guy I’ve ever dated had this quality. If I can outdrive you, I might try to tell you what to do. lol
6. A man that is intelligent and reads after college is over – self-explanatory
7. Blushing – a man that blushes melts me, not sure why. This only works for attractive men, that I’m into. It’s just cute (no homo)
8. Nice shoulders and back region – something about this region…it’s just hot. Can’t explain it and won’t try to. See, I’m already warm and fuzzy inside.
9. A man who owns (no leases) a 2007-2008 BMW – Just jokes people. (no gold digger)
LMAO @ #9….a BMW will melt and make any woman all fuzzy inside. (j/k)
Good list. I think number two is VERY important. It’s all good when you find that deliriously funny guy all women want. Except when his ass “jokingly” refers to your breasts as meat bags while in front of your former college professor.
Right, you can never refer to my breasts at all in front of my college professor. I must admit though the term meat bags is funny and I would laugh to myself.
LOL. He always has clever words for my breasts.
” sweater cows ” are by far my favorite.
Meat bags and Sweater Cows are classic…
I would like to submit the following synonyms for breastesis: Mahogany Mellons, Slambo Jambos, Gruesome Twosome, RACK-berry mollasses(es), Punch Monkeys and Tonka Trucks, WMDs (as in weapons of mass destruction).
And no, these clearly don’t have the same cleverness (as your man’s endearing terms) but I thought I might just throw them out there anyway.
i prefer “thunder kittens” myself
RACK-berry molasses sounds like something an old asian person would say…
Sorry, I’m not right.
My apologies to Asian people everywhere for that last comment.
I couldn’t help myself.
i’ve always been prone to funbags myself. then again, i’m a simple fellow.
LMAO. Punch monkeys.
Classic.
LMAO!! You just bout killed me w/ all them pseudonyms for boobs.
1) Originality. I lose interest in you as soon as I hear a cliched joke or metaphor. I’ve heard it all and said it all, and if you can’t find interesting ways to express yourself, then maybe we can’t be friends.
2) Confidence. Arrogance is a turn off, but confidence is what draws me to you. (The ultimate dealmaker is swagger. You can be any race, age, gender, I don’t care. The right swagger — and trust me, fake swag is more obvious than tyra banks’s hairline — makes my knees weak.)
3) Reading recreationally. Who the fuck doesn’t read? What? Reading makes you sleepy? *knocks cup over and leaves*
4) The most important thing, said many times before, is humor. Ive dated ugly, fat, skinny, short, etc because their humor just always had me euphoric. I’ve forgiven small penises for humor. In F*k Marry Kill situations, I always choose to marry the funniest one. And going back to #1, it has to be original wit.
5) You got a goal? You fight for it? Even when you fall off the horse, you get back up and go right back at it? You have my support 100%.
6) Fashion sense. Oooh boy.
7) I get along with your closest friends.
I think there’s more. Shrug, I’m tired.
HOLD UP…did you say you forgave small penises for humor??? LMAO!!!!
I must thank you for my Friday crack-the-hell up for the day! Thank you.
lmao youre welcome!
I agree with everything you said…except, wait *cleaning off my glasses* Did you say you’ve forgiven small penises for humor? You did.
Jess, you deserve better. You can get humor and non-small penises in the same man. lol
Correction…you can get humor and one non-small penis in the same man…he should not have multiple penises. lol
Queen, I was seriously thinking the same thing. Because a small mr. weenie is a instant NEXT! So sad…so so sad.
Swagger is imperative. Chumps need not apply
Contrary to popular belief, I am a very nice person. And contrary to popular belief, big dick isnt always great dick. Finding humor AND baseball bat in the same man is a goldmine, but I’m just sayin, defense mechanism humor is sometimes the funniest humor there is.
You CAN get the two in the same man… but you don’t always.
A relationship is a relationship and honestly, if you find a great guy, would you REALLY leave him because his penis wasn’t up to par? Without giving it a shot at least?
There’s a smaller chance of me forgiving a big dick for lack of humor
To answer your question…yeah, sorta!
I’m really not a shallow person but I don’t think it’s asking too much for your dick to not be the size of a marker.
Jess, I believe you are nice and I know what you are saying. There is definitely more to a relationship than penis size and humor is at the top of my list.
However, if you met the funniest man ever, gave Mr. I’m Not Packing a try and you couldn’t tell the difference between his goods and his finger, do you think the jokes would get you through? I’m just saying…if you are not past menopause, it might not work for you.
I will end with this…Baseball bats don’t have to be big…but they should be non-small. lol
non-small LOL.
I give them shots, still. I give them chances to get better. Some men (not all) can learn to find what makes you rock, you know? I can’t just assume that all small dicked men aren’t good in bed, the same way that I can’t assume all big dicked men are good. If it was a lost cause, of course I’d let him go.. but I’ve definitely forgiven them for the overall. Especially in the name of humor
” Big dig isn’t always great dick. ”
Preach.
dick, not dig.
“Big dick isn’t always great dick.”
Jess,
Keep trying to educate the masses.
Your partner in the cause,
Deviant
http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/2008/04/11/snake-eyes/
No big isn’t always better…because too big can have a sistah straining to pee the next morning. BUT…a nice size penis is the greatest!
This whole conversation is hilarious! How do you just matter-of-factly refer to a man as “small dicked”, as if his fate has been sealed because of his size (or lack thereof)?!? LOL! Somebody please tell me what the female fascination is with the size of male genitalia? I guess what I really want to know is…do women really think it is the size that matters or is it really the ocean’s motion? And would a woman really drop a dude over this issue?
oceans motion? not alwyas important, but cant get to england on a raft, nah’mean?
how do we matter of factly refer to em? Because size IS a fact. its something you can’t change. Whether or not he’s GOOD can’t be stated matter of factly. It’s not fascination.. I mean.. for dudes, a hole is a hole is a hole.. but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to go after a woman whos vagina felt so cavernous that even your 9incher felt like a pebble down a well. Apparently there are women who would drop a dude at the mere sight of size, I just drop them if there’s no possible way around it.
Kegels, everybody, get with the times.
Jess, you need an HBO special…”can’t get to england on a raft, nah’mean?” LMAO! You really put it down on this one, thanks! And thanks for a good laugh!
yeah, if I was drinking water while reading that I definitely would have spit it out
For the record, the vagina is not a hole…
*squints*… question mark?
Sorry…
It’s not a hole in the common sense of the word.
It’s like putting your finger in pudding. Once you take it out, there’s no more hole.
*Dead*
@Deviant –
That might have been the funniest shit I’ve heard all day.
“once you take it out, there’s no more hole…”
ROFLMBAO.
YO, HAHAHA
Uh…
Yeah. I can’t lie to you, D*stroy.
We (and I’m speaking collectively and not personally) shouldn’t be fixated on size but we are. Mostly because we don’t know any better.
You can’t blame us though. This is America where we believe “Bigger is Better” applies to just about everything.
except vaginas.
true.
loose lips…
I mean, that average size for a dick is about 5 to 6 inches. And in my experience, MOST men are average. Though I’ve seen men and women add on “inches” when what they really mean is girth.
ie: Girl I got a 9 inch dick. It’s HUGE.
-Usually his dick is 6 and a quarter, but considerably thicker than average.
On the subject of dick size, the best sex I ever had was with a dude with a six inch penis. So, it’s all relative I suppose. Though, I think there’s a correlation between loving the dick you’re with. If you’re in love with, or committed to the dick, chances are you gain more pleasure from him being inside of you, as opposed to a dick that you’re not particularly attached to. So if you REALLY, REALLY like the man attached to the dick, you’ll still get off even if he isn’t the biggest one you’ve ever had. Otherwise, I think it’s just about getting it as deep as it can possibly go, and being stretched just right. That’s usually when a woman needs a bigger dick, if she’s looking for purely sexual gratification.
Either way, I agree with Jess. If you’re really into the person, penis size becomes less of an issue than it is if you’re looking for something quick.
Size totally matters. I have seen my share (2) of small d*ck men. It was so depressing….almost made me wonder if one day one of the guys would be able to afford an enlargement of his manhood. I’m sure dude hates my guts to this day for casually stopping the foreplay and dismissing myself from the home immediately upon seeing the total travesty! Still shaking my head at that poor man. Maybe a midget would be in his best interest to please in the bedroom.
I’m asian. I was born with a high tolerance.
Hi-fucking-larious
So I guess it’s true…Asians got little dicks
We were just talking about this shit over on stuffblackpeoplehate.com
Read it girl
haha, not all of them. they’ve got reach.
My list–sorry, it’s a little lengthy:
1. Exceptional Shoe Game: The right pair of heels accentuates the female body perfectly.
2. Best of Both Worlds: Brilliant but still has a little hood in ‘em. (e.g. a woman with a PhD who can still walk it out).
3. Knows her limitations: a woman who knows how to say “I don’t know.” Too many people are not secure enough to admit when they don’t know something. Not cool.
4. Well cultured: is into art, music, theatre, traveling etc.
5. Short (5’6 and under): I am 6’6″ and I can’t have a woman who is going to try to dunk on me if we somehow find ourselves on a basketball court. This is why I had to shut Tyra Banks down…and yes her ego was shattered.
6. Stays fit: there is nothing like being able to work-out with your woman. Not to mention you get to see that “sweat glistening all over her body!”
7. Afro-centric(-esque): I am not looking for my lady to be Marcus Garvey reincarnated but she must have an awareness of black politics and issues surrounding the African Diaspora.
8. Extensive lingerie collection: ‘nough said.
9. Doesn’t ask me for material things: Don’t ask and you will get what you want/need. I find that the woman who asks for things is a woman who is unwilling to get it herself. A man who truly knows his woman will always be aware of what she likes, needs and wants.
10. Knows how to please her man: Men are pretty simple…food, sex, beer (or wine) and sports (whether watching or playing). This is the condensed list but believe it or not, these things do truly make most of us happy.
What about the 5’8 sistas…they don’t stand a chance…:)
So…what city do you live in? :^)
**complete co-signage**
…with the exception of #8. a thong and one of my old t-shirts does the job for me
I feel you…as long as thongs are in the equation…I’m good. What is it that makes a thong so special and why do they never get old?
the thong just makes the booty a bit more intriguing, which is amazing when considering how intriguing the booty already is. its just….wow.
Yeah…wow, indeed. *dreamily looking off into nothingness*
Is that right? I just might be your dream girl.
But are YOU the dream guy is the question, with a name like that
I like a good looking man who doesn’t realize he’s that good looking.
Men who don’t eat meat turn me on.
Scarcasm is sexy.
Large penii are great as well, as long as the owner has read and memorized the users manual.
Long eyelashes melt me.
College degrees are so necessary, unless he was too busy, say recording “Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite” to finish school. Passes go to current students, if I am feeling like dipping in the young boy pot for a spell.
Did you really mean to type “scarcasm”? Because if not, I am totally copping that term post-haste. “Snark” is so last year.
Uh….yeah…cause, um….my sarcasm is so bold, it SCARS you.
Scarcasm (C) Sister Toldja, 2008
Penii*? – That’s just greedy.
(” Won’t Do” plays in the background)
I would say this is a case where less (dick) is more (appealing).
*Should I be asking Google about a man with multiple wangs?
Girl, I don’t really care for the degree
There are alot of made men (Diddy) who did not have to go to college to be content and successful. College is generally that gray area where you are trying to figure out what the fuck you are going to do with your life and/or where you go if you have to have the degree/training to get the job you want.
I say if he know what he want, and figured out how to get it sans the student loans or the typical route to a decent job (college)than he is even that much more intriguing.
Now we got more shit to talk about than fucking Howard…but then again I can always talk about Howard
D*, that is NOT FAIR! You are tall as hell! I am 5’9 and you are still way taller than me! Let the short mens have the short womens! It is only fair.
Sister Toldja
“Only built for 5’11 and up”
The physical stuff:
Taller than I am
Full lips and great teeth
Big, Strong Hands
A great walk and great posture a la Denzel or Isaiah Washington….(swoon, swoon)
The non-physical stuff:
I also agree: Diverse musical tastes
Ability to work a nail and hammer (a handy guy)
Appreciates the Arts
Possesses a Quiet Humor (unlike the guy with all the punchlines)
A smiler
I love your guys’ lists! Can’t wait to see what else you come up with.
1. Swagger – It’s inexplicable. I just know it when I see it. You got it or you don’t.
2. Intelligence – Noted by the ability to hold a conversation about sex, politics, religion, whatever and hold your ground against opposing viewpoints without citing mass produced rhetoric or rehearsed unoriginal thoughts.
3. Humor – The dry, witty, intelligent kind. With a just dash of silliness. I need someone who can enjoy movies like Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy as well as the latest Will Ferrell parody. I appreciate a sharp wit more than anything else. Wordplay is very sexy. (Kudos VSBs for the combination pun and double entendre… maybe VSB should stand for Very Sexy Brothas)
4. Vocabulary – Any man who can articulate his thoughts extremely well is a turn on. The more syllables you can use without sounding pompous the better.
5. The Voice – The Voice increases the probability that the answer to every question is “Yes.” It makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up and makes you want to lay down. – I like to believe the sound waves induce a particular biological response and send your hormones racing (like aural pheromones).
6. Individuality – I’m a nonconformist myself. So I need someone who isn’t afraid to go against the grain with me.
7. Reads for Pleasure – Reading is sooo sexy.* But only certain types of books… For instance, a man who is always reading self-help books is not attractive as he will appear weak.
8. Music – A man who knows his music can get the panties. They come off even quicker if he’s well-versed about hip-hop prior to ’96 and can make me relive those days when radio was relevant.
9. The All-Important Mouthpiece – It’s magic! It incorporates #2, 3 and 4, is used to express #6, 7 and 8, is a dead giveaway of #5 and is a main component of #1. This will transform even the most average guy into a champion when used properly. (The ability to say the right thing at the right time is paramount.)
*Reading to me… even sexier.
I really liked your list. I cosign just about every single one of these. Especially vocabulary. I’m always impressed with a man that can use a word I don’t know, or I really like.
One of the best conversations I ever had with a man was about words that we like. ( Idiosyncratic, matriarch, pertinent, etc. ) It made him go from a 6 to an 8 in my book.
idiosyncratic is a very sexy word.
well worth the 2 point bump…
done. if we’re both single by the time we’re 50, we’re going gay and getting married.
Bet.
Yeah, this actually was a very good list. You’ve got a way with words too, I can tell…
and Jess, you’re a riot.
I try.
I totally feel like we are cut from the same cloth
Will be sauntering over to your blog most likely for now on (no homo)
LMAO! You guys are hilarious. I admit, my perception is skewed because most of the people I know are under 5’11. Also, I once had a bad experience with a tall girl my freshman year of college–scarred me for life. She was like 6′ and she was laying in my dorm bed watching a movie. Granted the bed was a twin, but we were practically fighting for position. Her big ol’ legs were everywhere and I began feeling claustrophobic. That really f-ed with me, mentally. **NOTE: now that I put this in writing it sounds stupid. I’m ashamed of myself.
D*Stroy, we all have our preferences so don’t be. I have dated guys 5’8 or a few inches shorter…but I prefer taller guys because at 5’8, I like to look up, not down.
My bad–my last comment was directed to Boogs, Shelia, Sister Toldja.
two I originally forgot about…
Blushing. only people of a certain disposition have the capacity to blush, and it just so happens that women in possession of this disposition are the ones mostly likely to make me all warm and fuzzy inside
I don’t think I’ve mentioned anything physical yet, which is quite negligent when you realize how much I, ummmm, “adore” a favorable atwr (ass-to-waist ratio). no other physical attribute does it for me like a perfect atwr does. in fact, at least 5 of my top 7 stupidest decisions of all-time were done because of some type of post-perfect atwr haze I was in.
I have a more-or-less intangible one but for some reason it’s often come up as uberenticing for moi: chicks who are embracing of their lack of perfection and proud of it anyway.
there is nothing more sexxy than a confident woman. and i don’t mean a woman who walks into a room like she’s the cat’s meow when she’s more like the dog’s shit. I mean a chick who holds her head high no matter what and is comfortable in her own skin. she is who she is and likes it. no apologies for not being who her friends or folks thinks she should be, she is who she is.
that, my people, is that shit.
of course that assumes her being who she is isn’t a devil-worshipping streetwalker who’s special place incinerates one’s jimmy.
always wear condoms people. and smile.
LMAO @ “incinerates one’s jimmy”…
Shit, I think I’m your dream girl too
1. a great smile, that includes good teeth and nice lips… you know the smile Im talking about the kind where the whole face lights up…
2. strong shoulders…nuff said
3. a great conversationalist, willing and able to talk about anything from American Idol to politics, to his take on cloning, his theory about who killed Biggie and Tupac and why, and other shit that’s too heady for me to think of right now
4. He should be at least 5’10″-I wear 3″ heels regularly so the man gots to be tall enough to ride the rides…
5. He needs to be comfortable in silence
6. He needs to own more than one or two dapper suits and still be able to rock the timbs, or Nikes.
7. Have some goals other than being the next Madden champion on his block
8. Have something of his own that he earned, a degree, a house, something
9. Not afraid of confrontation, either confronting me about my mess, or being confronted about his
10. Be family oriented
forgot one…articulate. Nothing gets me more aroused than a man who speaks proper and makes me have to run for the dictionary or thesaurus to look something up… mm mmm
madden!
Pure comedy
My Deal Makers
1. A dude who is not the center of attention. I dont like the dude who is the flahest/flyest dude in the room. I am usually attracted to the quite dude at the venue, the one just watching the game and not conducting a ‘hey look at me!’ show.
2. Big hands. Dont know why, it just is what it is. I am top & bottom heavey. So the thought of big hands makes me feel all feminine and stuff.
3. A good tipper. I always think it shows how appreciate a man is when someone takes his needs into consideration
4. A man who is smarter than me and isnt afarid to prove it to me. or go down trying to prove it.
5. A man who smiles with his eyes. Lips have been known to lie.
6. A man who will sing along with me to the song on the radio. Sounds corny but a dude who can recite the lyrics to Renegade off of Jay-Z’s Blueprint in on his way.
7. A man who can sit in the room with me read a book, watch a game and listen to music (independently or simultaneously) all without feeling the need to say a word.
8 A man who accpets my selective memory retention. Some things are just not worth using up my mental space for. If I really need to know, I will ask again
“A good tipper”
this is actually a “deal-maker” for me as well, not necessarily great tipping but a woman who is kind and gracious with waitresses, cab drivers, store clerks, etc.
Any man that is courteous to wait staff or other service staff gets the WAY thumbs up.
ya know what’s interesting, i had a chick break up with me b/c she couldnt handle the fact that i am often the center of attention. funny thing is, i dont go in looking for it, i’m just loud and fun. sexxy too. she HATED it. all her friends loved me and wondered why she didnt bring me around more.
insecure heffa. lol. life lesson: being pretty won’t get you everywhere in life if your personality sucks dick.
It depends on the setting. Sometimes I don’t mind a dude being the center of attention. Other times, it can be annoying, especially if I’m trying to be low-key and your monkey ass is causing all types of noise.
ya know, i contend that adding ‘monkey’ in front of anything makes it better.
except monkey root beer. that’s just stupid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVD4JwdikDc
You’d appreciate that then.
That’s how I like to use “monkey” as an adjective. In that same voice, actually. ;\
PURE COMEDY! that video made my day!
If her personality sucks dicks, you needed to keep her ass…
What were you thinking
I’ve notice that there’s a lot of height discrimination going on…
That’s not a good look. You ladies are probably passing up top notch guys just cause you’re not eye to eye with his sternum…
If myself and the guy can’t see “eye to eye”…and requires me to look down…no thanks, I’ll pass.
Freckles,
You sure do have a lot of specific criteria…
Are you in a relationship? I’m just asking to satisfy my own curiosity.
Ok, I haven’t finalized my list for posting yet, but I just wanted to say, I’m glad my mama still chose my daddy even though he’s not a “reader”. And she is a voracious reader, I mean has read all the classics and then some. I mean my father stays up on current events, etc, and he ain’t no fool, but growing up, I would ask my daddy, “hey did you read Hamlet?” Him: Read the beginning. “What about Lord of the Flies?” Him: I think I read the end. Yeah, he was no help when it came to book report writing time, but thank goodness because of his field he could help me with my science projects. I say this to say, that sometimes it’s about balance. And people make the world go round…
I get what you’re saying, my husband doesn’t read one-tenth as much as I do. (I average about 3.5 books a week.) But at the same time, if the last book you read in it’s entirety was written and illustrated by Beatrix Potter, then we aren’t going to be able to have much converstation.
what about Dr. Seuss. don’t be sleeping on Dr. Seuss. you got to read between the lines! that shit is deep. at any rate its better than anything frances cress-welsing ever wrote.
OOOOOOOOOOOH. Dis.
the hardest class I ever took as an undergrad was an English class studying the work of Dr. Seuss, it had to do with timing and meter and other stuff that I do not remember because to this day I cringe at the thought of that class. It’s the reason I have a collection of Dr. Seuss books on my shelf.
LOL! Panama, You are silly.
@Nikiloveli – Yeah, my comment was already getting long, but I agree. I mean you want to make sure the man has read something recently, a newspaper, a JET while he was standing in the checkout line and hopefully he won’t give you the blank stare when you call out authors like frances cress-welsing… But to be like “is that all you got on your bookshelf?” You might miss out on something…
um, who is frances cress-welsing? (asked only somewhat rhetorically cuz i *do* know how to use google.)
I’m way late & didn’t read the comments.
Ideally speaking this is what I like (in no particular order) but some items are negotiable, of course.
1. Over six feet
2. Fun to be with (i.e. likes to try diff things & overall an interesting guy)
3. Good dresser
4. Nice teeth/smile
5. Decisive/take-charge type personality
6. Ambition
This question was inspired by a side bar with The Champ:
Is there an article of clothing (or some other material thing) that a man can wear, that is an automatic dealmaker? For example: if a woman puts on her good thong, a man is going to be rendered completely helpless against its powers. Does such a thing exist for a man? You know, that universal ace in the hole. *my notepad and pen are ready*
Hmm…
I don’t know about that one…
A good suit.
no. a well cut man in a fit, non-stretched out wifebeater (preferrably a black wifebeater) really does it for me, but many people disagree. Some women love men in broxers, many disagree. It’s not our fault, men are easy
for me its the little things like, well trimmed nails (fingers and feet). Im not saying you have to go get a mani and pedi every 6 weeks, but you need to at least not have dry crusty cuticles, and ragged dirty nails.
I agree with the nails thing.
Though, I kind of got into doing a dude I’m with’s nails for him. He may think of it as homo, but it gives us something to do while sitting in bed watching TV.
Ree is right…a good suit (not one with bright colors and whatnot.)
It might not be universal but sometimes basketball shorts and a T-shirt when he’s chillin…oooh weeeeeeee Not sure why that works, but it works.
I have a thing for basketball shorts or sweat pants with no draws worn underneath. The thought of there’s this thin fabric separating me and penile entertainment is sexy.
Co-freaking-sign. Why do I love dick so? It doesn’t even seem right….
that is just aking to get head in the car…
aking=asking
I guess I better retire that four piece, ten button, flourescent yellow, pin-stripe joint with the full length jacket. Man, and I loved that sh*t too. oh, yeah and my feet are pretty f’ed up too! LOL! I’m serious about the second part, though–I laugh out loud because I’m crying inside.
dont cry, come over Ill give you a pedi and wear the suit lol. on the real tho. my ex who was 6’6″ and a basketball player I used to give him a pedi all the time *he wore a size 16. He loved it. It was great bonding time for us
Girl, I forgot about the basketball shorts and a beater
Even better, me in the basketball shorts (I collect them bitches)
The right pair of sweatpants with a nice t-shirt (like those old dalinkwent tees… those were hot)
I love to see my man dressed in a well fitting suit. However, he is a basketball coach, so I usually only get the visual on Sundays. sigh…
a form fitting thermal shirt
I dont know what it is about a dude in a white or black thermal, I just love that shit
Oh and nice shoes, I don’t care what anybody tell you, don’t have on no crumpled up ass shoes
I’m with you on the thermal. Especially with some nice jeans and a good belt. I usually don’t like jewelery on men, but for some reason a flashy chain or watch when paired with a thermal is bearable.
A man who wears boxer-briefs (and fills them out rite) is SEXY as all to be. Also…
**Square-toed shoes (Kenneth Cole or Cole Haan, especially, not those Prada casual shoes that urban youth like to wear in the club)
**A man in a well-tailored suit looks so powerful and in control. Also EXTRA sexy.
Girl a man that does boxer briefs justice is a great thing to have. LOL I once told the man I love while watching him walk around in boxer briefs, “You are so sexy from the waist down.” Now that didn’t come out EXACTLY the way I meant it… but… he understood me. LOL
Hmm… it depends on the man. But I have seen shoes and/or boots that let me know that I want to be in that man’s life. But that has also happened with certain watches, jackets, pairs of jeans, never with sneakers though… I’ve never been a sneaker fan. But it could be almost anything… I think, as long as it works for them and they are working IT. But I don’t think there’s any ONE thing that just works for everyone – for me.
two words: boxer briefs.
1. Handy: not everything requires calling a service tech to come to the house to fix, paint, haul, plumb, cut, screw or hang. It’s nice when a guy who can handle the basics.
2. Has friends and gets along well with his family.
3. Athletic & Adventurous: we can kayak, play tennis/racquetball, red light green light… jump out a plane, climb a mountain…
4. Decisive.
5. Accomplished.
6. Worldly.
You guys are so out of control! I heart you all.
1. Funny (to me) – I don’t care if everyone else thinks you’re corny, if you make me laugh, that is solid gold.
2. Smart – Knows things that I don’t know and likes to share in a non-arrogant, didn’t you know this, way.
3. A genuinely nice person – Like no effort needed, just nice.
4. Laid back – Can just go w/ the flow and make me put my Type A, we need lists and a plan aside (for a little while anyway)
5. Driven – You don’t have to have it all right now. You don’t even have to have it all figured it out. But if you have an idea, and you’re committed, and you have the drive to see it through, I’m right there with you…
Okay, I’m late, too. But I did read the previous posts.
My Dealmaker list in no particular order:
1. Attractive (includes well-groomed–I have a thing for cologne, too; appropriately dressed)
2. Christian (but NOT of the Jerry Falwel or hypocrite varieties)
3. Intelligent/educated (this includes being a ‘reader,’ engaging me in good conversations without always dominating the conversation, putting the focus on himself exclusively, or making every verbal exchange like an oral exam (like I have to PROVE that I understand what he’s talking about)
4. Ambitious/accomplished; has a goal, and is continually striving towards it.
5. Fun to be around
6. Not a douch-bag. I wasn’t sure how else to say it. But just a guy who isn’t a total a-hole or irresponsible: compassionate, cares about others, doing the right thing, etc.
I could probably think of more, but that’s it for now.
d:
I got a little scared when you did your short list… it sounded like you were describing my baby sister, glasses and all! ;-p
okay now for my dealmaker list:
1. genuine
2. confident
3. honest
4. intelligent
5. funny
6. nurturing
7. believes in a higher power
I’m a simple gal.
Hmm, my deal makers. . . I’ll list eleven. Obviously, there must be physical attraction. Though I’m not really going to focus on that since I find different combinations of things attractive so there’s no single body type/features that I can list.
1. At least 5’4″ tall.
2. Gives good hugs. Snuggling/cuddling must also be included.
3. Likes to play with my hair (or lack thereof).
4. Has something that she’s passionate about that she is working on or working towards.
5. Can spend time with me without needing the entire time to be filled with conversation.
6. When we have discussion or arguments, is willing to consider alternate points of view and amend ones own if it is demonstrated that she’s wrong. However, if she is right, she should not back down and just agree with me “to keep the peace”.
7. Has just as much fun making up after arguments as I do. Willing to bribe me with physical affection if necessary
8. Has a life. IE, does not spend all free time in apt doing nothing. Has other activities in her life than just me.
9. Can cook. I can cook too, but sometimes I don’t feel like it.
10. Compatible sense of humor. My humor is a blend of sarcasm and nerdy humor. My fav comedian is currently Lewis Black. If you can get down with this, we’re good.
11. Someone I can be myself with and talk to for hours. It won’t necessarily be an unbroken string of conversation, but there have been very few people in my life with whom I could hang out with for hours at a time and we never really run out of stuff to talk about.
Conversations are naturally filled with pauses and silent periods where we both process the info we’ve shared and alter our train of thought.
I have to agree with #6. If you are right you should be able to demonstrate someway that you are right..otehrwise I’m going to draw the conclusion that you think you are wrong and you have bowed to my infallable wisdom.
I hate it when people say “lets agree to disagree”…if I wanted to do that I would not have bothered to engage you in a debate in the first place. Adults should be able to discuss different viewpoints on subjects without someone goin soft or gettin angry.
I love it when a girl can hold her own with me in a discussion like that without getting emotional. I gain respect for her and it makes the rod rise.
1. 6 feet or taller
2. a beautiful smile..a man who actually likes to smile?? lawds…lol
3. A man that is creative enough to write poetry and expressive enough to recite it with passion.
4. self confidence – always a PLUS
and…
5. THICK MUSCULAR THIGHS!! *That just makes me moist!* lol
I dont have one bit of intelligent banter to add to any of this, since anything I can think of has already been said… oh except a man that plays Sudoku. I called this guy on a Friday night once and he said he was home playing Sudoku. I had to run and ring my draws out.
Anyways, some of the phrases/statements in this comment section are classics!
YESSS I love Sudoku! And if he can beat me at sudoku (solving the puzzle faster), he may have a fiance by the end of it.
My List
1. Humor – I’m Ignant AS HELL (not ignorant, but IGNANT as in senseless), and I need someone can match my ignance, or at least aspire to it. A good laugh can take a man FAR with me.
2. Tall – I’m only 5’4 but I do like a man who I gotta get on my tippy toes to kiss.
3. Nerdy – I’m a nerd of sorts so I appreciate fellows nerds.
4. Umm… Black men that love Black Women – There have been many times that I’ve been turned off from a guy *(who somehow succeeded in getting my attention earlier) when I saw him skip all the Black women in the club to go talk to the only white chick there. Is this bad?? Well I can’t help it.
I’mo just stop there.
Re #4
“Can you uh do me a favor my brown skin angel? Can you tap that white girl for me! My milk of magnesia!! After the devil made you he broke the mold!!”
ROTFLMAO @ “My milk of magnesia”
LMAO @ Milk of Magnesia. Then I’d proceed to give you the DEATH STARE. Grrrr…
1. Clean women are a big turn-on. Not as in overly-obsessive clean but great hygiene and keeps a neat, odor-free home.
2. Appreciates my corn-ballish humor and not afraid to laugh at themselves.
3. Positive disposition is a must. A woman who knows how to smile, laugh, have fun, and genuinely treats people with kindness and respect goes a long way.
4. Knows how to dress but not overly trendy.
5. Someone without absentee-father syndrome. I know it’s not their fault that daddy wasn’t there, but please don’t bring un-resolved issues whether it’s with your father or other men into our relationship.
I guess that’s it for now…y’all some fools with these comments though…LOL!!
Damn finals… I missed this post.
My short list… well… definitely no pun intended on that, but here goes…
1) Funny
2) Smart – but I think you have to be smart to make me laugh – as I don’t find dumb shyt funny.
a) And if you’re smarter than I am, well hell, I’ll either love you or hate you.
4) Sexy. Sooo different from good looking. An average looking brother, or even a non-conventionally-attractive brother who is SEXY over a fine brother ANY DAY
5) A dude that thinks I’M the bomb. There’s something so ATTRACTIVE about a man who is genuinely enamored with me… it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
6) Someone who all my friends love… or better yet, someone who’s personality makes me want to even introduce them to ALL my friends. Seeing your significant other making someone laugh across the room, or having your girl turn from talking to him and give you two thumbs up??? Wow. Good shyt.
who’s = whose thanks. Damn I am the grammar/spellcheck nazi. Sorry.
Fuck cosigning.
I’ll pay for #5 myself…
(No ego.)
Les Yeux: The eyes!
I love it when a man speaks with me and looks into my eyes when he’s talking, as if I’m the only person in the room.
French and Italian men have ruined me for life because they will damn near look into your soul when they are talking to you. Love it.
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