“hey guys my name’s “…….”, and I was wondering if you could help me out with something. i really want to date more black girls but I’ve always had alot of trouble attracting them. I’ve gotten much better at talking to girls than I was as a freshmen (now a senior) but this has made me more attractive to every type of girl other than the ones i actually want to date.
despite a few experiences, I’m still more interested in them than all the other girls combined. I hope you guys can help”
the quoted text is a portion of a hilariously naive and surprisingly sincere (seriously) letter emailed to us yesterday. although i was tempted to dismiss him with some snarky reply about black women being prone to the same tendencies and sudden bouts of being bipolar synonymous with most women, i had to admit that the kid has a case.
while every sista obviously has her own unique likes and dislikes, there are a few rules and mores to remember when dealing with them that probably aren’t as universally applicable with non-black women. this isn’t an attempt to pigeonhole as much as it’s just one of the unique things that make african-american women the bangingest on the planet and the most maddening to deal with
anyway, to answer my man’s question, here’s eight things to remember that will help you attract a black woman
1. make it known that you’re genuinely interested in and attracted to black women
there are myriad ways to do this, but the easiest is to just find a group of black women somewhere and let them overhear you make a disparaging comment about a “typically attractive” non-black woman while matter-of-factly lauding the looks of a sista who doesn’t fit the usual american standard of beauty. (ie: “eh. megan fox is overrated. they need to stop playing and cast my girl jilly from philly in transformers 3“)
if this doesn’t work, just talk sh*t about taye diggs
2. care about what you wear
while you don’t have to go all farnsworth on us, its important to know that the grunge/grimy look probably isn’t going to go over too well, especially if she thinks your eight year old etonic rocking ass is going to dirty her carpet. also, remember that their beautifully oversized nostrils makes them particularly susceptible to a strong scent cologne game, so act accordingly.
3. don’t be scared to show your inner stringer bell
i’m not suggesting that you build a drug empire while taking business courses on the side and b*tching abut “40 degree days”, but remember that even the sidditiest sista appreciates an educated guy who shows that he’s not uncomfortable occasionally visiting the hood during the day and dealing with hood phenomena.
4. make sure to compliment her hair whenever you can, especially if she’s darker skinned then you are. if she’s fair-skinned, find a way to compliment her “blackness” and “realness”. if you’re the same complexion, just pretend that she’s darker
***by the way, if she invites you to actually touch and play with her hair, she wants to have your babies***
5. be a little crazy.
while all women are impressed by a man who can protect them, projecting an understated sense of subtle iwishan*ggawouldness is a black woman’s kryptonite. seriously, pull this off and you’ll be swimming in more black thongs than scott storch.
although this can be difficult to project, i’ve found that slightly raising your head, holding eye contact, and smirking when faced with adversity usually does the trick. if this doesn’t work, just start repeating yourself when frustrated, but make sure your voice gets slower and lower each time (ie; “where’s my pepper? i asked you to bring me pepper. where’s my pepper? i’m not going to ask for my pepper again”)
6. make sure that at least one of her girlfriends is attracted to you. not “thinks you’re attractive”, but “would sleep with you if given the opportunity”
there are benefits to the whole “not enough good men” mindset permeating the black community. this is one of them
7. belong to something
whether its a fraternity, church, civic organization, or the crips, for whatever reason black women seem to be genuinely enthralled by men who belong to some type of group. if i had the time, i’d figure out exactly why, but i’m pretty sure it has something to do with frankie lymon
8. have an appreciation for gospel and/or 70′s soul music
if you don’t actually appreciate gospel and/or 70′s soul music, you can fake it by shaking your head and making a “they don’t make music like they used to” or “couldn’t nobody sang like mahalia jackson, boy” comment whenever any contemporary music is heard.
if its beyonce, just roll your eyes. and spit.
people of vsb.com, what say you: do you think there’s a specific set of rules to remember to help someone attract and/or date a black woman?
if so, am i missing anything?
—the champ
Related posts:
- no he didnt!: the five worst times to approach a black woman
- 3 completely practical reasons why he’s with a white woman
- the girlcrush: 10 women every (straight) black woman seems to go gay for
- how helena andrews (and every other successful and lonely young black woman) can improve her luck
- four completely practical and non-racist reasons why i never have and most likely never will date a white woman
{ 256 comments… read them below or add one }
Do not show overwhelming insecurities when it comes to black men. My ex was deathly afraid of me leaving his a** for a black man because he was the only 2520 I’d ever been with. This was an extremely unnattractive quality. I guess this is something for after you’ve already attracted a black woman, but it’s the first thought that comes to mind.
Oh, and ‘ol girl from the picture used to be on One Life to Live. Just a little bit of useless information.
@SaneN85
Isn’t that Regean Gomez? Wasn’t she on that awful Robert Townsend show, too? Just another bit of useless info.
@V.E.G., no, this one is Renee Goldsberry. What was the name of that show again, the Parent Hood or something? The funny thing is that show lasted a good minute.
@SaneN85,
Wow. They look alike. She should talk to her daddy.
And yeah…it was the Parenthood…and lasted waaay too long, considering the quality.
@SaneN85,
and she was in this movie that came on tv1 this weekend. age did a number on lisaraye in a very long 8 years…
@SaneN85, what’s a 2520?
@Carl,
2520=25th and 20th letters of the alphabet=yt=”white”
welcome and sh*t
@Carl,
This question needs to be permanently placed on the VSB sidebar. It’s the 2nd most asked question. The first is “Is Panama REALLY a 3?”
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Good look.
FAQ’s like a mugg.
Yep I said like a mugg…lmao!!
@miss t-lee,
heh heh. I pronounce them “fack-u’s”. Cuz that’s what I feel like telllin ppl who ask them “FACK YOUS!” (Italian Style)
@Thuggie Luvvie,
YES @ “FAQs” idea.
I nominate:
- Will Champ ever “those deez”?
- How does Liz cope dealing with Panama and Champ?
- Is there a WuDaMan to English translator?
- Does Champ buy his toast from Costco or Sam’s Club?
- Has Panama ever been to Panama?
@Cheekie,
nominate deez
@Champ,
For what? “Most Similar to a Pair of Mustard Seeds”?
@SaneN85,
My ex was deathly afraid of me leaving his a** for a black man because he was the only 2520 I’d ever been with.
did you leave him for a black man?
@The Champ, see, what had happened was…
It really depends on who’s telling you the story. Since it’s me telling this story; it involves him, a 15 year old racist girl, an unplanned pregnancy, and a hidden drug addiction. If he tells the story, he throws in an ex of mine, and a fabricated story of “two nondescript black men” that showed up at his job to beat his a** and he just knows I sent them.
@SaneN85,
I think I’m gonna need the movie rights to your life.
@SaneN85,
you’re not related to shay-d-lady, are you?
@The Champ, see, what had happened was…
It really depends on who’s telling you the story. Since it’s me telling this story; it involves him, a 15 year old racist girl, an unplanned pregnancy, and a hidden drug addiction. If he tells the story, he throws in an ex of mine, and a fabricated story of “two nondescript black men” that showed up at his job to beat his a** and he just knows I sent them. Let’s just say, it’s complicated.
I guess I double-posted.
Me Fail, you don’t even know the half of it. That movie would have to be a 6-part mini-series, at best.
LOL
I gotta agree with the list if not the reasons behind it.. but hey
a tisket a tasket and all that shyt….
@shay_d_lady,
who you callin a b*tch??
@The Champ,
“who you callin a b*tch??”
Ok, this totally made me guffaw.
This is list is so hilariously full of stereotypes yet dead on.
Luvs it.
Tell a sista her butt looks high and round in her jeans (2520s like to hear their bootays look small, sistas do not. If we are told this, the offending jeans will be tossed).
@V.E.G.,
Tell a sista her butt looks high and round in her jeans (2520s like to hear their bootays look small, sistas do not. If we are told this, the offending jeans will be tossed).
this only works if she doesnt have a big butt. if she does, you want to compliment her on everything except for her ass
@The Champ,
“this only works if she doesnt have a big butt. if she does, you want to compliment her on everything except for her ass”
True.
*cueing up “Heard It All Before”
@miss t-lee, *cueing up “Heard It All Before”
LOL, you always have the right song. i was doing karaoke to that all by myself this am as i got ready for work, lol.
I also want to say though that the letter has a bit of a national geographic feel.. you know the peculiar interest shown to other species/animals….like he is interested in black women because of the perceived stereotypes and differences..which is why he wrote a letter for “help”……
I dont know.. maybe its just me ……
@shay_d_lady,
it’s not just you….
@shay_d_lady,
definitely not just you
@shay_d_lady,
“the letter has a bit of a national geographic feel..”
Haha. So does the advice. Beautifully enlarged nostrils deez!
@shay_d_lady,
like he is interested in black women because of the perceived stereotypes and differences..which is why he wrote a letter for “help”……
question: whats the difference in a brotha being interested in sistas because of how “unique” they are and a white guy with that same interest?
@The Champ,
“question: whats the difference in a brotha being interested in sistas because of how “unique” they are and a white guy with that same interest?”
Because that “uniqueness” is attributed to racial aspects? And of course it’s different coming from someone who doesn’t share that race.
Or are you saying the “uniqueness” is not a racial thing for brothas?
@Cheekie,
Hmm. I think the difference is that since we’re all aware of how little intimate contact people from one race tend to have with another, we assume that the stereotypes black men are attracted to are more rooted in real life examples. Stuff he grew up around first-hand and they’re probably closer to reality. Whereas with a white man, who’s prob had less contact with “us”, the stereotypes are more likely to rise from some outlandish, Nell Carter caricature. Even though it may be essentially the same stereotype attracting them both.
Add to that the nuance of who can tell the “in-joke” and who cant. I mean if a black man stops you in the middle of ordering to say “You aint gotta front with me, I know you want the fried chicken”
it’s a different feeling (for most black women) than if your white date said that same isht. Again, same stereotype; different results. I thought this was all fairly obvious. *shrugs*
@Me fail english?,
Okay, so I get the remedial award for the day. I stay answering rhetorical questions that Champ already knew the answer to…knowing that he already knew the answer to them.
And why I wrote all this in response to Cheeks boggles the mind…
*is real Dumass material*
@Me fail english?,
Rhetorical or not, your comment needs to be plastered on 2520 men’s foreheads. lol
Great comment!
@Cheekie,
Or are you saying the “uniqueness” is not a racial thing for brothas?
does it make a difference either way?
@The Champ,
“does it make a difference either way?”
Yeah because since you’re comparing the two (what white men appreciate and what black men appreciate in us), both “unique” attributes should be racially tinged. The “unique” things that white men appreciate in us are because of our racial makeup.
@shay_d_lady,
The guy want’s and is attracted to Sistas. Its just that simple.
I didn’t get a National Geographic feel from this request for help. Attraction (at least initially) is passionate and a bit animalistic
Listen in on a candid discussed with black men about the things they like about black women.. I guarantee the first thing you hear won’t be “no one can recite Miah Angelu the way they do”. You most likely will hear ( Ass so Phat dat you could see it from the Front ~ Mos Def). + other awesome reasons why we are awesome.
I do agree 100% with Me fail english?
-Beautifully enlarged nostrils deez!!!
I agree with everything mentioned above, even with the stereotypes. V.E.G. is right on though. I was at the club the other night and this dude told me very politely that my bootay looked nice in some jeans. He immediately became more attractive. My bootay is not like most sistas, I err on the small side so it made me extra happy, lol. What a shame… but true.
@MiaBee,
My bootay is not like most sistas, I err on the small side so it made me extra happy, lol. What a shame… but true.
lol, this is exactly what i said upthread. if a woman doesnt have the stereotypical “black” booty, you can definitely make points by complimenting it whenever you can. the best is to just be like “damn. is your butt getting bigger? where’d you get all that from?”
@MiaBee,
I’da bought that nice fella a drink & bought him a short set for making my night. I’m also a petite chica.
whether its a fraternity, church, civic organization, or the crips,
this made me spit my peppermint tea all over the screen. lol.
No, I don’t think there are a specific set of rules to attract a black woman. Just don’t be stupid… or gay.
IDK. I say, go to church or join a African or women’s studies class next semester so you can get close to some sistas. And be sensitive, but not too emo. Honestly though, I have always been attracted to the black man who can just talk to me without running some lame azz game. Just being cool and being himself. RelaxRelateRelease. Trust me, we can smell your fear, and we take it as weakness. And the last thing you want to do is appear weak to a black woman. Try that. We don’t bite
unless you want us to?.@insomN.I.A.,
I have always been attracted to the black man who can just talk to me without running some lame azz game.
Make that any man, white, latino, black, Indian(from India, not the “Indians” Columbus found). And being chivalrous will work wonders!!
@insomN.I.A.,
“from India, not the “Indians” Columbus found”
Almost passed out.. but I have no problems with taking Columbus Day off.
@insomN.I.A.,
Trust me, we can smell your fear, and we take it as weakness.
you know, even the coolest cat has a bit of apprehension when approaching a woman for the first time. the fear might be there, but some do a better job of hiding it than others.
basically, your fear smelling game needs more people, lol
wow at #2 and #4, i was laughing though cuz i hope it was meant to be funny. hope.
p.s. i’ve let many a folks touch my hair, i don’t know what the big deal is….blame it on the the tyra show
@Naomi,
p.s. i’ve let many a folks touch my hair, i don’t know what the big deal is….blame it on the the tyra show
or jim jones. i blame everything on jim jones
@“where’s my pepper? i asked you to bring me pepper. where’s my pepper? i’m not going to ask for my pepper again”)
Wow over some pepper
Da List 2 Da List
1. Be mysterious, black women or most women love mystery.
2. Somehow show that you can cook, I almost jus bagged a chick for expressing my love for cooking, and that I’m da sh*t at.
3. Ur the Sh*t. NO, ur actually Da Sh*t keep that in mind.
4. Have something unusaul about you, pair of shoes, rock a bald,
chew a toothpick while spitting the pimpin’, put a pen on your ear like ur important.
5. Care about something whatever it may be Africa, Animal rights(idk really know about that), etc
6. Know when to be aggressive or even passive agrressive, black chicks like a guy whose not afraid to talk slick borderlining a$$holish
7. Study sum women clothing know what’s hot and what’s not. But u dnt have to be on no gay sh*t
8. Know at least three quotes, black chicks like to know that you’ve read a book a few times.
9. Show that you respect ur mother, for some reason they believe if you respect her, u wont do them bogish.
10. Be courteous even to the slvtbags, because all women remember a gentleman.
11. Please dnt be ashy, dnt let ur lips be chapped. Black Women will get in yo azz for such behavior.
12. Once you get her admit some type of inner conflisct that she feels like she can help you with like organization(???), changing your life from being a thug, learning how to love, all that bs. N she’ll stick like flies on, yes sh*t. Why because your Da Shit.
13. If she has a problem with family that you dnt exactly know about agree with her, cus black chicks hate when you disagree with how they feel about otha people. They feel like ur not down for the cause or sum sh*t.
14. Somehow indicate that you eat that monkey, idk how jus be creative lick your lips excessively or sum sh*t.
15. Be slick and subtle with ur flirting. And deny it when they bring it up it pizzes yet turns them on.
16. Black women are attracted to men that act like their chewing gum. Try it works idk why but it does.
17. Let ur whites be white, and let ur blacks be black. Black women dnt F*ck with lint and dingy sh*t.
18. Squench( how you spell squich anyway) your eyes once in awhile to show interest.*shoulder shrugg*
19. Plez know how to spell.
20.Have a I’ll F*ck the sh!t outta you quality, something, you gotta have at least one.
21. And if all else fails try walking up to her like Tupac after beating a case with the gangsta bop.
Dats about it
@The Hallway,
“10. Be courteous even to the slvtbags, because all women remember a gentleman.
15. Be slick and subtle with ur flirting. And deny it when they bring it up it pizzes yet turns them on.”
Cosign. Confidence is key.
@The Hallway,
Agree on #’s one, five, eight, nine, & twelve (lol),
@The Hallway, Cosign on 9, 10,11 and 12!
@The Hallway,
I know that’s right! lol
@The Hallway,
“5. Care about something whatever it may be Africa, Animal rights(idk really know about that), etc
13. If she has a problem with family that you dnt exactly know about agree with her, cus black chicks hate when you disagree with how they feel about otha people. They feel like ur not down for the cause or sum sh*t.
17. Let ur whites be white, and let ur blacks be black. Black women dnt F*ck with lint and dingy sh*t.
18. Squench( how you spell squich anyway) your eyes once in awhile to show interest.*shoulder shrugg*
19. Plez know how to spell.”
LMAO! These are all funny and true.
@The Hallway,
13. If she has a problem with family that you dnt exactly know about agree with her, cus black chicks hate when you disagree with how they feel about otha people. They feel like ur not down for the cause or sum sh*t.
***the prevailing word world outreach center***
@The Hallway,
major points for 2, 9, 11, 14 & 17! any dude who’s good in the kitchen is already halfway there!
@The Hallway,
17. Let ur whites be white, and let ur blacks be black. Black women dnt F*ck with lint and dingy sh*t.
cool list, but this one in particular had me weak. so true!
Champ, the post was on point too!
@Everyone,
Thanks for the feedback.
you have to walk the fine line between being nonchalant and overly aggressive in courting her. sway too far in either direction and it’s curtains for you.
@Tunde,
i don’t know if its a fine line. leaning towards the nonchalant side seems to work alot better. i think thats with most women though
@The Champ, maybe its not a fine line but some guys can’t ever seem to find a happy medium. and i do agree the nonchalant side does work a lot better.
@“where’s my pepper? i asked you to bring me pepper. where’s my pepper? i’m not going to ask for my pepper again”)
Wow over some pepper
Da List 2 Da List
1. Be mysterious, black women or most women love mystery.
2. Somehow show that you can cook, I almost jus bagged a chick for expressing my love for cooking, and that I’m da sh*t at.
3. Ur the Sh*t. NO, ur actually Da Sh*t keep that in mind.
4. Have something unusaul about you, pair of shoes, rock a baldie,
chew a toothpick while spitting the pimpin’, put a pen on your ear like ur important.
5. Care about something whatever it may be Africa, Animal rights(idk really know about that), etc
6. Know when to be aggressive or even passive agrressive, black chicks like a guy whose not afraid to talk slick borderlining a$$holish
7. Study sum women clothing know what’s hot and what’s not. But u dnt have to be on no gay sh*t
8. Know at least three quotes, black chicks like to know that you’ve read a book a few times.
9. Show that you respect ur mother, for some reason they believe if you respect her, u wont do them bogish.
10. Be courteous even to the slvtbags, because all women remember a gentleman.
11. Please dnt be ashy, dnt let ur lips be chapped. Black Women will get in yo azz for such behavior.
12. Once you get her admit some type of inner conflisct that she feels like she can help you with like organization(???), changing your life from being a thug, learning how to love, all that bs. N she’ll stick like flies on, yes sh*t. Why because your Da Sh*t.
13. If she has a problem with family that you dnt exactly know about agree with her, cus black chicks hate when you disagree with how they feel about otha people. They feel like ur not down for the cause or sum sh*t.
14. Somehow indicate that you eat that monkey, idk how jus be creative lick your lips excessively or sum sh*t.
15. Be slick and subtle with ur flirting. And deny it when they bring it up it pizzes yet turns them on.
16. Black women are attracted to men that act like their chewing gum. Try it works idk why but it does.
17. Let ur whites be white, and let ur blacks be black. Black women dnt F*ck with lint and dingy brothas.
18. Squench( how you spell squich anyway) your eyes once in awhile to show interest.*shoulder shrugg*
19. Plez know how to spell.
20.Have a I’ll F*ck the sh!t outta you quality, something, you gotta have at least one.
21. And if all else fails try walking up to her like Tupac after beating a case with the gangsta bop.
Dats about it
@The Hallway, I love how you finish your list of 21 tips with “Dats about it”. Really gives off the impression that this was a condensed version. Too funny.
@SaneN85,
Im sure sumthing will pop up l8r it always does. N i will post it. Glad to have made u smile tho.
@The Hallway,
Ha, good all around points.
@The Hallway, ****slow and steady claps into a frenzy****
Good list.
@The Hallway,
“1. Be mysterious, black women or most women love mystery.”
I was gonna put this too, because this is probably want automatically gets my attention with a guy. Maybe it’s because I’m nosy…
@Cheekie,
Yeah you cnt just lay everything out on the table. Women dnt like to know too much about you, just enough.
@The Hallway,
Leave us wanting more and all that jazz…
It helps if you talk fondly of your mother. Not in a sick momma’s boy, oedipus-complex kind of way, but in a healthy manner. We deduct points from brothas with mother issues. It also helps if your mother doesn’t have bizarre cliniging isses either. i.e.) the kind of mother that drops in unannounced, calls you repeatedly during dates, etc.
@Miss Patterson,
fondness of mother — good addition, saks.
@Miss Patterson,
This is probably true of most (black) women. But I think I might be the only woman in America who doesnt think any differently if I know he has a good rel’ship with his mom. Considering how a lot of black women spoil and dont discipline their boys, this could actually be a negative thing to me. Not to mention all the men I know who love their mothers, sisters and daughters to death but are shetty in romance.
@Me fail english?,
Considering how a lot of black women spoil and dont discipline their boys, this could actually be a negative thing to me
Yup.
@Miss Patterson,
you know, i think speaking fondly of your dad earns even more points. pretty much everybody loves they momma, but if poppa wasn’t a rolling stone and you still have a good relationship with him, you get “benefit of the doubt” points
@The Champ, “you know, i think speaking fondly of your dad earns even more points. pretty much everybody loves they momma, but if poppa wasn’t a rolling stone and you still have a good relationship with him, you get “benefit of the doubt” points”
Sooo . . . if pops was/is an absent jerk and you love mom dukes but you have had solely a celestial relationship since the age of 14 then no points . . . damn . . . guess I betta stick to the gypsy women. LoL . . . nah, I just try not to go to that areas unless asked. Normally, women around these parts are too busy asking if you got kids and being surprised at the response of “no” to get into all that parent stuff on the first convo.
@The Champ, this happens so rarely though. i think it might be an urban myth. in fact, i have only dated *one* guy who knew his dad, had a dad, or whose dad was alive and that was in high school. so, let’s just stick with mommas. kthanksbye.
@Miss Patterson, Good comment.
@Miss Patterson,
in fact, i have only dated *one* guy who knew his dad, had a dad, or whose dad was alive and that was in high school
Interesting.
@Miss Patterson,
With all due respect sis, the “urban myth” you speak of is of the perpetually absent Black father. Me and all my friends know our fathers and are extremely close to them. I love my mother to death but my dad is my hero.
@ThePhiladelphiaNegro,
“my dad is my hero”
*applause*
Me too.
@Miss Patterson,
“It helps if you talk fondly of your mother. Not in a sick momma’s boy, oedipus-complex kind of way, but in a healthy manner.”
This is too true. Adoring your mama is too sexay to me. I’m close with mine, but there is something special in the way a son loves his mama. And yes, the addendum at the end is needed. I don’t want no Malik (The Game), just a man who has a healthy relationship with his mama.
i love this site & i’m a Latina
@h3avensent08,
Intellectual Hedonist, is that you?
@Luvvie,
no sorry..
@h3avensent08,
i love this site & i’m a Latina
great. we love latinas and sh*t too
@h3avensent08, “i love this site & i’m a Latina” There are a few of us (afro)latinos on here . . . te mando saludos y bienvenidos a la loquera que es VSB.
@IVR,
http://translate.google.co.uk/translate_t?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&text=te+mando+saludos+y+bienvenidos+a+la+loquera+que+es+VSB.&sl=es&tl=en#
“7. belong to something”
^^ Easily the best suggestion on the list for the kid who sent the e-mail especially since he’s still in undergrad — just join a respected org on campus (in this case a predominantly Black one) and make it do what it do.
I was on some “Me Phi Me” b.s. when I went through which (although I had my share of flings) impacted my game to a degree. Broads of all types love social proof.
@Unlikely Scholar,
I would’ve actually put a qualifier in there. Be the leader of some shet. Women aint swooning over any ol rank & file ninja. We like the alpha males. If you cant even get close to captain/head crip/ CEO/grand wizard just stop trying and be a loner. That can be sexy too. But nobody likes a following asz man. They got you playin backup like the Pips= no soup for you!
@Me fail english?,
Women aint swooning over any ol rank & file ninja.
lol, trust me. i’ve seen many a woman swoon over non-leading, due paying or just on the team type of cats, just because they were a part of something.
@The Champ,
You must consort with a lot of loser ass women.
@Me fail english?,
lol, damn. i’m hurt and sh*t
@Me fail english?,
Heheh, Ad hominems in da hizouse.
You’re qualifier is correct and so is Champ’s (and most men’s) observation. Either way, the ‘average’ woman chooses a man w/ group affiliation over the loner. The unique, non-creepy loner image does work for a good amount of outliers though.
@Unlikely Scholar,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
@The Hallway
You just made my night. That sh*t was hilarious! “squench” your eyes did it for me. Guys squint their eyes all the time cause they think it’s sexy. Women think it’s hilarious, which I guess is a plus because black women like someone who can make them laugh ; )
@Naturalbarbie,
Hit her with the Idris Elba Stringer Bell Look. Lol
@The Hallway, the Stringer Bell look bring all the girls to the yard…..
@The Hallway,
*sigh* Oooh-wee, this will definitely get me.
Not all men can accomplish this, though. So if your “Stringer Bell” look actually mirrors a “Carrot Top” look, then don’t even try.
@Naturalbarbie,
Love the quirkiness of your site. Very original
@Naturalbarbie,
i think “squench” might have to be added to the vsb lexicon
LOL @* if she invites you to touch and play with her hair, she wants to have your babies* true, true…….or least try!
@Naturalbarbie,
try to make babies or touch her hair (or both)?
LOL. The list is hilarious, but as a black woman, I can’t really identify with any of it (especially #8, because I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to gospel music, and outside of a few artists I don’t really eff with 70s soul). Dude I married didn’t do any of that to catch me. I *do* agree with dude’s #5 upthread, because I have a soft spot for social justice issues. Actually, if memory serves, dude won me over by attending an anti-death penalty march.
@thewayoftheid,
yea. the halllway’s right. “joining a cause” could have been number 9 on the list.
btw, welcome and sh*t (i think)
@The Champ,
thx for the welcome. lol. longtime lurker emerging nshyt.
@The Hallway
Thanks : )
I’d edit #8 to say “Have an appreciation for underground/oldschool hiphop and 90′s R&B (and Neo Soul).
@Anonymiss,
lol, basically, anything thats not currently on the radio/mainstream
Black women tend to like my hair. I always take that as a green light and an excuse to go further…and I never drop a line. I merely tell the truth.
Me a flirt? Never. I just conversate.
@Shay,
lol, ok tariq nasheed
“if i had the time, i’d figure out exactly why, but i’m pretty sure it has something to do with frankie lymon”
That made me laugh. Ha ha, ha, ha.
@chaoticdiva,
did you actually laugh or just say “h-a, h-a, h-a” over and over again?
@The Champ,
Even better is the placement of the commas. Like the first two came in quick succession. But the last two were delayed.
@The Champ,
I’ll never tell. *evil grin*
you need to strike a balance midway between not being needy and showing her that you care. i cannot stand a guy that blows my phone up, asking me if there’s a problem with our “relationship” if i miss 2 phone calls. but, on the other hand, i appreciate and love when a man isn’t afraid to put himself out there and let me know how he feels about me, even if other people are around or he isn’t sure yet how i’m going to respond.
um….don’t call other women b***ches or any other sort of derogatory name. actually, i wanna say don’t curse in the first few encounters. even though i don’t mind cursing in general, and i curse myself, something about a man who is just beginning to know me railing off with profanities and calling other women h**s makes me feel like i must be looking like peppermint patty right now. like, does he even recognize that i’m a woman!? are we about to go back to his house and chew some tobacco and have a burping contest!? I’M A LADY DA*NIT!!!
you don’t have to try to fool me like you don’t curse or anything, it’s not that serious. but i’d just like you to acknowledge my feminity when we first meet.
and, i agree with this:
“***by the way, if she invites you to actually touch and play with her hair, she wants to have your babies***”
the guy on the pity date with me is not allowed to touch my hair. or anything else. but if i’m sprung, i’ll be trying to lure you in with that mess all night.
@charli skipper,
whats a pity date?
@The Champ,
Let me answer that: Most of what I generally go on. Does that make me a worse person than I already am?
Funny post Champ. Haha. I think the list is good. Every man should be confident and know where his balls are, and not be afraid to assert himself, at the right time. But, I just have to wonder why men think women like a$$holes, or a$$holish behavior? Can we delete that thinking from the dynamic, please? You didn’t say this in the list – but it was eluded to in a comment or two.
@pgh muse, PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
@pgh muse,
When it comes to the pursuit of the drawls, men are all about pattern recognition and for the most part, the path of least resistance. We notice who you let hit and who’s shoulder gets the tears. I would go ahead and pick an arbitrary number such as…35 and say that thinking is predominant at that age and below but I don’t really believe that. It all depends on the woman. MOST women say they want one thing, and go for the other…and more women wanna sit on the the a$$holes d!ck than his more sensitive counterparts. You may not like how said a$$hole approached you, but it is a numbers game and its more effective than not…MOST of the time.
@HabitualLineCrossa, hmpf. That shyt needs to die. I feel bad for the young women who feel compelled to affirm this behavior. I’m sure that there are degrees of a$$holishness… some things are worse than others, but a lot of it is pretty base. I got propositioned pretty rudely by a young man yesterday. All I could say to him was “Wow. You’re talking to me about sex and you don’t even know my name.” He hit me with the blank stare like I screamed for Jesus or smthng. Stuff like that needs to change pronto.
@pgh muse, PREACH…I laugh but if I hear one more dude proposition me with some variation of “So when you gonna sit on my face?” I might lose my composure and let my polite facade slip
@HabitualLineCrossa, more women wanna sit on the the a$$holes d!ck than his more sensitive counterparts.
I really think this is a misconception.
@pgh muse,
Yeah. What a lot of dudes miss when they try to emulate the a*holes is that these guys usually didnt start off as a*holes. They start off cool, polite, engaging and maybe a little aloof. All good things. As time wears on they get cruel, manipulative and just plain lazy as these women let their guards down. By then, the women are already “stuck” on him.
It’s not like ninjas just walked up to us in the club like “Buy me a drink bish!” and we start blushing. Although, that would be funny…
@pgh muse,
I disagree.
I mean, total jerks don’t get the drawers, but it’s obvious even from some of your earlier statements that it makes sense to err on the side of being an asshole. Better to be thought too cocky than too sensitive.
One has them calling you a jerk while wondering what makes you think you’re so fly, and that leads to curious drawers.
The other has them thinking you might be gay, and that leads to desert dick.
@pgh muse,
thing is, ms muse, i dont think you can minimize or ignore how seeing certain “successful” behavior can alter the way a person acts. the line crosser said it best:
“When it comes to the pursuit of the drawls, men are all about pattern recognition and for the most part, the path of least resistance. We notice who you let hit and who’s shoulder gets the tears”
young guys see that the ones who seem to have the most success with women all seem to exhibit asshole-ish behavior, so they try to model it. this happens much more often than i think you (and me fail) want to admit
@The Champ,
Nah, I know the as*holes have success. What me and pgh are disagreeing with, is that its the assholishness that is attracting the women and getting the positive results.
I think men think there’s a causal link that’s not there. Co-occurence but not causation. Basically women will let men they like be a*holes. We won’t start liking a man we otherwise didnt want off the strength of his a*holeness. Some women will, but not to the extent that merits so many men saying basically be a douchenozzle to get chicks. I think we all know douchenozzle men who still get no stank.
@The Champ, Big Man, Me Fail
**Hi-Fives Me Fail (ED extraordinaire)**
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Me Fail is brilliant.
@pgh muse,
Thanx, ED!
But I wonder if this would be so hard to understand if it were in reverse. Women see guys going ga-ga over diva-like (dramatic, stuck-up, rude) women all the time. But if every raggedy ass dust bunny of a trollop took this as a cue to start acting high-siddity cuz “guys love diva/a*hole behavior”, would Champ and Big Man clap to that? Hell naw! They’d point out that the divas we’d originally witnessed also happened to favor Mariah Carey and Gabrielle Union, make a post about how your place on a man’s scale of relative attractiveness determines how much “diva-ness” he’ll let you get away with, they’d name that post “the post that shall never be mentioned”, and the rest (as they say in France) would be history.
@Me Fail, every raggedy ass dust bunny of a trollop took this as a cue to start acting high-siddity cuz “guys love diva/a*hole behavior”,
I think Monk said that these are the women who’s heads are gassed up. But I do think that your putting it out there in reverse may help them (and errbody reading) understand that this behavior translates between both males and females. Men are attracted to these attractive women – and they are allowed this behavior because they are attractive. We are attracted to certain qualities in these attractive men – and they are allowed this behavior. Once again, good job!
@pgh,
True. I disagreed with Monk cuz he mentioned it in regards to trends among black women…as if it were new or more common among sistas. Nah, homie.
me fail and pgh muse
this…
“I think men think there’s a causal link that’s not there. Co-occurence but not causation. Basically women will let men they like be a*holes.”
…is true.
i wanted to bring that up in my original comment, but couldn’t find a way to articulate it. its not that women are attracted to a-holes, but that the men that women are attracted to are basically “allowed” to be a-holes. some choose to, some choose not to.
my point was that, regardless of the reasoning behind it, there are young men who think that being an ass will attract women, and for many of them it comes from them seeing successful a-holes.
i guess its similiar to what i was telling one of my students a few years ago. he cited weed smokers like allen iverson and santonio holmes as proof that weed doesnt hurt your ability to play a sport. i reminded him that guys like allen iverson and santonio holmes are so naturally athetic that they could smoke crack every day and still run 4.4 40 yard dashes, but if your 5’9 150 pound ass wants to get a scholarship somewhere, leave the weed alone.
i had a point here, somewhere…
@The Champ, “allowed” to be a-holes
This is why it is necessary for conversations between people and the sexes to be had. There are lots of misunderstandings between people. Good job Champ
@pgh muse,
Yeah, most of my girlfriends in committed rel’ships are with cool ass dudes that just “fit’ into our circle of friends. Not a buncha douches chewing toothpicks and quoting Nietzsche. Haha
I’m curious what the letter writer (assuming he actually exists
) thinks his problem picking up black women is. I can almost guarantee he’ll have no more luck doing the stuff on the list.
@Me fail english?, interesting interesting. If the letter writer actually exists heh heh, I wonder if he’s a 2520…that does change the game a little doesn’t it?
@Me fail english?,
I’m curious what the letter writer (assuming he actually exists ) thinks his problem picking up black women is
lol, he actually talks about it in the letter. i didnt want to print the entire thing, though, and put all of his business out there
@The Champ,
Boo-urns @ Champ
You’re not even gonna give a hint? And no, I have no plans to “hint doze”
Good list but yet stereotypical. Every black woman is an individual. I mean all of them don’t rock weaves and wigs and perish the idea of a man touching their hair, for example. I would suggest, that dude just be himself..because telling him to turn into something he just isn’t will not work…approach a black woman on your own merit and if she likes YOU it will be made known. If one turns you down move to the next one….the right black woman will come along who complements your personality and lifestyle. There are alot of us so good luck.
@QueenT,
Every black woman is an individual
word?
If all this fails you, got to the gym and work out. Being built bags black babes.
@Da Iceman, I can’t lie…gotta co-sign…I stay in the gym so the dude should too LOL
@Siobhan Means Woman of Wisdom,
On a side note: Single ladies you all need to join a gym. But not just any gym like the Y or Lucille Roberts. You need to join the eye candy gym. Every 10-mile radius has one. It’s where all the muay thai fighters, athletes, models and bodybuilders go. Good lord! There’s so much eye candy at my damn gym I’m thinking about catching a charge. Have yall seen the bodies on some of these break dancers???
*rocks self to sleep*
@Me fail english?,
Yes, I do BJJ as a hobby and we throw other disciplines in for variation…all those men are just beautiful LOL. I visit a few crossfit boxes too…my goodness
I’m thinking about stepping up to full marathons, from the half, and some of those trainers are just…wow
Siobhan <3 eye candy!
@Da Iceman, co-sign
@Da Iceman, “Being built bags black babes.”
Alliteration bags black babes.
@Michelle Huxtable,
“Alliteration bags black babes.”
So do tongue twisters.
@Da Iceman,
Being built bags black babes.
Try saying that six times really fast.
I thought the list was funny…orgs in undergrad are good but I can’t do the whole frat thing…I know WAY too many shady dudes because all these chicks are crazy over frat dudes.
And again allow me to commend you your choice of the fabulous Renee Elise Goldsberry for the image….I ♥ her on Broadway and beyond (i.e. TV and movies)! REG stan status LOL
@Siobhan Means Woman of Wisdom,
And again allow me to commend you your choice of the fabulous Renee Elise Goldsberry for the image
thanks. i felt that she’d be an appropriate pick.
btw, by “felt she’d be an appropriate pick” i mean “googled “black woman” and this was one of the first pics i found”
@The Champ,
Shame…but glad she came up on the search! Expose REG to the world…on that note I have to go buy tickets to this Broadway charity show she’s rocking at this month….<3 REG!
I’m fair skinne and if you mention my blackness, you are CUT.
Don’t be so PRESSED… matter of fact, ignore us a little. lol. I talked to a 2520 for a very short time (he got on my nerves) but in that period, he wanted to know EVERYTHING ABOUT ME in just 10 minutes of conversation.
Don’t overdo it… Sometimes 2520s feel they have to go overboard with the MTV hood speak slang. That is unnecessary.
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Don’t overdo it… Sometimes 2520s feel they have to go overboard with the MTV hood speak slang. That is unnecessary.”
Different dynamic but when my 2520 colleagues do this it makes me wanna ask them to go for a coffee break with me so I can push them in traffic
@HabitualLineCrossa, LMAO! I already know.
@Nicki Sunshine,
YES LAWD! If you want to know everything about me in 10 minutes what makes you think that you’ll get more than that? I instantly get peeved at 3 or more questions in a row…stop interviewing me, lol.
CO-sign at the MTV jargon…keep it to yourself
@Smiley Face, Girl, yes.. I hated it.. I actually felt like it was intrusive.. once I was on my way to school and he’d asked me everything about the school. QUIT MEDDLIN. lol
@Nicki Sunshine,
Don’t overdo it… Sometimes 2520s feel they have to go overboard with the MTV hood speak slang. That is unnecessary.
Exactly…I guess my contribution would be, stop trying to prove how down you are. Either you are, or you aren’t . No amount of talk will help you in that area…lol
@miss t-lee, That’s a good point.
@Nicki Sunshine,
I don’t have any 2520 friends, so I was sorta unaware of this tendency.
@Big Man,
I have 2520 friends and for the most part they’re comfortable in their whiteness and dont do this silly shet!
Although, two guys at the gym last night stopped by my Roman chair with one insisting the other “tell [me] the story”. What story, you ask? Why, no story at all. He just wanted to let me know that his great grandmother was married to a black man back in Italy. Ya know. Before it was all trendy and stuff. *wink*
*filed under: “Who gives a rat’s heiny?” or “Useless info from possibly racist schmucks”*
@Big Man, Turn on MTV.. there are plenty of displays. Or any VH-1 dating reality show.
@ me fail english?
“He just wanted to let me know that his great grandmother was married to a black man back in Italy”
See..that right there is the type of ish I’m talking about. Stop being so dayum extra.
Did you give him a cookie afterwards?
@t-lee,
No cookie. But I was tempted to throw a 25 lb. free weight!
@Nicki,
You just reminded me of Becky Buckwild from “Flavor of Love”
Flav: Yo. What the fcuuuuuuk happened to ya accent?
@me fail english,
“You just reminded me of Becky Buckwild from “Flavor of Love”
Flav: Yo. What the fcuuuuuuk happened to ya accent?”
HAHA! Yes! Her “blaccent” annoyed the hell outta me because it was so forced. You could just tell.
LMFAO @ how he gets 2520 when she gets mad.
*edit
I mean to say “she”…not “he”. Though, it could be more appropriate actually. We’re talmbout Buckwild here. Actually, change that to “it”.
@Me Fail,
I have 2520 friends and for the most part they’re comfortable in their whiteness and dont do this silly shet!
Mine either. We are all who we friggin’ are!
@Nicki Sunshine,
“Don’t overdo it… Sometimes 2520s feel they have to go overboard with the MTV hood speak slang. That is unnecessary.”
I HATE this. Like the swagga clip on CNN. I cringed everytime they said it. I’d rather you use the word ‘awesome’ 583 times a day (which I LOATHE) than trying too hard to be “down”.
@Cheekie, I HATED THAT TOO.. I hate when they have to get all sister girl or say something with a neck roll. Or a snap or a “I know what you sayin’ girlfriend.” Lol. I’m mad at myself for knowing all of these examples.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Yup! Those definitely irk. Why the neck roll gotta be all exaggerated? And also, their neck roll ends up having no rhythm. Typical. *snicker*
@Cheekie,
Chile, the worst is when old white folks say “Fiddy” Cent. LMAO. Speak english, fool! We pronounce that word “FIF-tee”.
Even the black ppl who eff it up (myself included if Im speaking fast) don’t say it with a hard “d”. And if we’re effin it up it’s not slang and not on purpose. No need to follow our lead!
@Me fail english?,
Exactly! It’s condescending as hell, too. Like, “See, I can talk funny just like you funny people…See how I do it? See?!” See deez.
@Cheekie,
Haha. This is the real reason Im scared to date a white man. I might crack his effin skull on some reverse Miss Sofia shet.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Pssh not me, I don’t wanna know $hit about you. In fact I stopped reading after “I’m”.
Just playing boo, but tell me how hot and bothered you just got over that sentence lol.
@Nicki Sunshine,
Don’t be so PRESSED… matter of fact, ignore us a little. lol
Errrr… no.
Are we discussing how to pander to a black woman or how to attract one? Are they primarily the same? No. Would you rather chase & kissas, or experience the object of your affection sacrificing pride image and time pursuing you as well? (even from jump)
See there are things that people know they like and are attracted to (which changes) and even more they are oblivious to. (which are more fixed) Women often don’t know why they are attracted to something or someone. But when they are, it’s difficult to deny even when they can’t figure out why or if it doesn’t meet their “criteria.” when you learn to create & pick up on this inner tension you can manipulate it without being fake or criminal. The one thing that ALL men can learn to motivate women, no matter your looks etc is the art of creating anticipation and creating mental sexual tension. (money not required, no muscles required, no organizations etc.)
Branch thought.
Never underestimate the stupidity of people formed in groups. Human psychological group behavior is much different from animal psych group behavior where more interaction leads to more sophisticated behavior. For instance birds flocking, schools of fish and ants transcend their collective brain trust many times over where humans in many cases do not enjoy the same results.
@Triple Crowns,
Are we discussing how to pander to a black woman or how to attract one?
its not the same thing?
@The Champ, It might be for you?
@Triple Crown,
Shots fired
@Dorian G.,
lol, yeah. he caught me. i have no response.
okay
i thought i was the sh*t because i knew what a 5 percenter was.
what is a 2520?
@flamboyantchiq, A white person….
YT = white
Y= 25th letter of the alphabet
T= the 20th letter.
It confused the hell out of me too when I first got on the blogs.
You’re gonna get some poor sap done up with this list.
@miss t-lee, Truth be told all ole boy got to do is get out there bait and follow up. This will @ least give him some confidence to get out there interact see where he fit. Give him a chance to dig his feet in and ride that phillie all the way home.
@WuDaMan,
I hear you talking…
@miss t-lee,
You’re gonna get some poor sap done up with this list.
so i should retitle it to “how to get throat punched by a crazy texas chick?”
@The Champ,
Go right ahead…lmao.
@The Champ,
LMFAO @ you renaming the post that. I can see the comments now. And everyone is gonna know you’re referring to miss t-lee. lol
@The Champ, what’s up with all this throat punchin’? Why not just chop a ninja?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Because chopping does not have the same effect as punching.
Thank you for playing.
Good day sir.
***by the way, if she invites you to actually touch and play with her hair, she wants to have your babies***
Yes!!
And to add. Don’t be too “black”. Skip the super baggy, saggin to the knee jeans, the durag, gold fronts, cornrows and basically anything else you’ve seen in a Plies video. Unless stated otherwise, we hate those stereotypes.
@Imperfect,
lol, so basically just follow the morehouse dress code
@The Champ,
lmao @ belonging to the crips. good guide.
@undressingHER,
lol, sh*t. the “brick city” documentary was telling the truth
Great post.
@Kamala Jones,
thanks and sh*t, kamala jones
I’m like Paul Harvey wanting to know the “rest of the story.” I wanna see the rest of the email and sht. ~lol~
I’m going to see Paul Mooney at Uptown tonight. I just read an interview that the AJC ran where he mentions the phrase “black Anglo-Saxon” and says that it is a black person trying to be white.
One of the reasons that I would like to know the rest of buddy’s story is that I would like to know if he is one of those “white African-Americans.” You know those white people who are so enamored with the Black culture that they literally want to be black.
I mean seriously – white people have been tanning for decades. They now wear weaves. They buy more hip-hop music than the entire Black population combined. They wanna call themselves ‘nggas’ so bad that they invented the term ‘wigger.’ We can’t keep our slang in our neighborhoods to save life. And I could go on with the mainstreaming of African-American culture in this country. (Which should be seen as a good thing, I guess. Or not.)
I just wanna know WHY dude wants to attract Black women. As a Black woman, I know what’s in it for him. I just wanna know how he sees us.
And yes. All of that is based on the assumption that our email buddy is white.
@SexyCool,
You know what raised the Rosewood-fantasy red flag in my mind was that he claims to be fairly successful with all types of other women but not us. I call BOOSHEET!
Black women are a harder nut to crack but not THAT much harder. If you dont have a problem bagging everybody else there should be ample tan booty getting thrown your way. It might not be the Michelle Obama/Sheneneh/Erykah Badu fantasy you imagined, but Im sure there’s a woman who happens to be black somewhere that’s feeling him.
Which brings me to the reason he’s going to keep failing. If he won’t even narrow it down beyond “black woman”as the letter excerpt suggests then how you gonna do a targeted search that includes “anyone with melanin and vaginas”? But that would mean we’re assuming there WAS a letter in the first place….*sniggling* (c) t-lee(?)
I guess my main point is, I dont think there’s a special black girl list so much as there’s a special assertive woman list, which may or may not apply to a black woman. Concentric circles fo’ that ass.
@Me fail english?,
You bring up a good point. Broomquita taking MARTA to work down at the Fish Supreme on
Bankhead HighwayVeterans Memorial is not going to be attracted to the exact same things as Girl Melanie who has an engineering degree and works at PBS&J planning bridge construction projects.You gotta come at them differently.
@Me fail english?,
Hahahah I just sniggled @ “melanin & vaginas”.
That sounds like the title of an off off Broadway play.
@miss t-lee,
I just literally laughed out loud and nearly snotted. Thanks t-lee!
How are you going to mention touching a black woman’s hair – first of all, if you’re going to mess with black women you need to learn to identify weave. Your chances of successfully touching her hair increase if it’s all hers. But here are some conditions that will dramatically increase your chances of getting your azz whooped for even reaching towards her head:
– she has a fresh perm. the “fresh perm” smell should be all the warning you need.
– she’s already wrapped her hair up for the night
– she saw you doing something dirty with your hands
– she wears natural hair and works around white people
– her hair is “unusual” – long, unique texture or style. Anything that would attract the special attention of strangers.
@Lil’T,
lol, thats why i said “if she invites you to do it”
I can’t get behind the music guideline. Being a music snob I cannot advocate pretending to like any genre of music just to impress anyone. I’m just unable to do it and I think people that play that role suck as humans.
I’m saying this while at the same time I do appreciate ol school R&B but I’m no fan of gospel music.
@Deviant,
I’m just unable to do it and I think people that play that role suck as humans.
thats an entire post by itself “ways to suck at being a human”
..”their beautifully oversized nostrils makes them particularly susceptible to a strong scent..”
We fall for any dude who’s part of a church group?
cue in David Attenborough voice over “And here we see a large-buttocked black female, prowling outside a house of worship for her next potential mate. Notice how she uses her over-sized nostrils to sniff out her Caucasian suitor”.
Here’s a tip for white boys: don’t act like a goof, DO NOT assume you can talk about our ‘booty’ or make any sexual references to us/ about us within the first few hours of meeting me> and we’ll be cool.
@GeekChicness,
“cue in David Attenborough voice over “And here we see a large-buttocked black female, prowling outside a house of worship for her next potential mate. Notice how she uses her over-sized nostrils to sniff out her Caucasian suitor”.
________________
(flatlined)
@miss t-lee,
Funniest ish all day.
Flatlined alongside you.
Bring out the defibrillator. STAT!
@GeekChicness,
“And here we see a large-buttocked black female, prowling outside a house of worship for her next potential mate. Notice how she uses her over-sized nostrils to sniff out her Caucasian suitor”.
HAHA! For some odd reason, this made me picture a sista scoping out Joel Osteen. He’s what I think about when you mention a white dude and church. lol
@GeekChicness,
cue in David Attenborough voice over “And here we see a large-buttocked black female, prowling outside a house of worship for her next potential mate. Notice how she uses her over-sized nostrils to sniff out her Caucasian suitor”
lol, this made me spit out my cream of wheat. welcome and sh*t (i think)
He shouldn’t try to act black to make his prospective dates comfortable…that sh*t is annoying as hell and chances are he’ll just end up looking like a fool! blk women are known for their tempers. They would trip da hell out when they find out he ain’t who he was claiming to be and was in fact, cramming notes from ‘how to act black for dummies’
@nikki87, btw the writer sounds like a 2520 so this only applies to him if that’s the case
@nikki87,
Haha! Like “Soul Man” with Rae Dawn Chong and C. Thomas Howell!
@Me fail english?,
lol, u kno right? it’s kinda funny to watch when u’re not actually in it. i was in a similar situation, this dude had the fake-a*s walk, the ‘hood’ antics, the fake voice and EVERYTHING! i didn’t kno if i wanted to die from laughter or just die…smh
“I’ve gotten much better at talking to girls than I was as a freshmen (now a senior) but this has made me more attractive to every type of girl other than the ones i actually want to date.”
Ya know, I was tryin’ to be Inspector Cheek-seau and figure out who sent this and….BAM! Aha! Champie, don’t front. I know you sent this to VSB under another name. An errant lowercase ‘i’ in the above quoted (bolded). Your trademark lowercasing smack dab in black. So, maybe ya shoulda had Panama write this, instead? lol
“if its beyonce, just roll your eyes. and spit.”
…like Bodie. Apparently, womens like that.
“seriously, pull this off and you’ll be swimming in more black thongs than scott storch.”
I am so confuddled as to how he bags as women as he does. And the quality (in terms of beauty) of women he does (if his stories are true). I mean, I know how, but HOW?! That mofo is a tool in the largest degree. He’s the tooliest of tools. He’s like…the hammer.
Anyhow.
More ways to get Black chicks:
- Be prepared. Yup, Scar from The Lion King was up on his game as he shimmied amongst the hyenas. Be prepared for anything. That includes crazy ish like some 1 and 1/2 legged hobo running up to your girl asking for a 3 dollar bill. Be prepared to handle said craziness. You will be rewarded.
- Be Idris Elba.
- Be up on that deep ish like politics and whatnot.
- Have THE VOICE. Like, ya know, Maxwell. If you do? Ching, ching!
- Have THEE VOICE. Not a singing voice. That “makes a chick melt while listening to you on the phone” voice. Deep. It’s always better.
- Write blogs. Ya’ll know it’s sizzling in the e-streets.
@Cheekie,
“Have THEE VOICE. Not a singing voice. That “makes a chick melt while listening to you on the phone” voice. Deep. It’s always better.”
*Tabernacle*
@Cheekie,
*Pulls mask off of “letter’s author” Scooby Doo style*
It was ol’ man Champ from the abandoned blog site all along! *shrieks*
And he would’ve gotten away with it too…if it werent for those meddling kids. *shakes fist furiously*
I still cant believe blogs have real fans. *Signs up for Blogger account*
@Me fail english?,
*dying* @ the “Scooby Doo” reveal. ZOINKS!
@Me fail english?,
I need a Toe Tag after reading this Shyyt.. At work holding back tears.!!!
“**Pulls mask off off “letter’s author” Scooby Doo style*”
Glad I scrolled down and read this.
LMAO!!!!!!
@Dat Chic,
Haha. Did you hear the spooky music too?
@Cheekie,
- Be Idris Elba.
(Or Joe Clair)
THAT would get me.
Laughing at my own inside joke.
when speaking to a chick make sure you mention “the little things” that you like about her. if she has nice teeth(mention it), if she has nice feet in her sandals(mention it), if u notice she is missing a toe(dont mention it). Get where im goin w/ this? anyone can point out the 34DDs sitting in ur face just wanting to come out for the right gentleman, but when you say u like something small and less obvious about her….the drawers are yours.
@Freaknik,
True. I think this approach will work for women in general.
@Voiceovereason,
True. Just dont let it be too obscure a detail. Like “nice…shoulders”. Which can either make you seem awkward, lame and ignored or (with the raise of an eyebrow)slick-talking, fresh and slapped.
@Me fail english?,
Lol. Not “nice…shoulders”! I’m sure someone out there has tried that one before.
@Me fail english?,
so no remarks about her banging ass knuckles?
@The Champ,
Nope, but knee caps are OK.
Without even reading the comments, I already know this post is outstanding. Well done sir.
@Dorian G.,
lol, thanks man. that made my day and sh*t
@The Champ & Dorian,
Get a room!
@Me fail english?,
You mad?
@Dorian G.,
*Delurking* I agree. Very funny post, Champ!
Gotta love everyone’s throwing around of references I didn’t think Black folks were up on…
Also, co-sign #6. Sisters more than any other seem to love having the issue of other women interested in “taking her man”….once that territorial sh*t kicks in, that man got her.
Otherwise, I got nothin’. Can’t think of much else to add…though all y’all do make sisters seem awfully superficial and shallow, like Ned Beatty can bag a fly *ss 21 year old sister if he only does any of the aforemention.
All I can offer is when talking to her, just be firm in your convictions and what you like without debating and trying to convert her on the first date and vice versa. Y’all both need to let their particular music be their politics and religion. Men aren’t the only ones on the hot seat; give a woman enough rope, she’ll hang herself too. All of that made more sense in my head.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
lol. Made perfect sense.
And Ned “squeal like a pig” Beatty is and always has been the black woman’s kryptonite. U aint know?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I just upset you brought up Ned Beatty.
Between this and Me Fail’s Nell Carter reference upthread I feel like I’m having an 80′s flashback.
I’m really lost when it comes to t0 #4. What does being fair or dark have to do with hair?
@harlemhoney,
What does being fair or dark have to do with hair?
everything. welcome and sh*t, btw
Loved this list! Y’all are all types of rude and improper for this…and ON POINT!! LOL
@The Hallway: Broham, you need to teach a class!
@Cheekie! Co-sign many many times!!
@GeekChicness–Double triple co-sign…can’t stand when a 2520 or any “other” talks to me like I was a regular on BET’s Uncut! You can find another way to appreciate the curvatures sir. Kthxbai!
Will definitely be back!
*adds to Google Reader*
@MyzDevyneOne,
Thanks. Funny you say that, because they call me the professor at school.
@MyzDevyneOne,
welcome and sh*t
My advice…
don’t change anything about yourself…
be comfortable in your own skin.
Get out there (while sober) and just start opening your mouth. You are guaranteed 1 out of 10 women that you approach. Figure out what you like and go for it. All theycan do is tell you no.
If you’re not nervous when you approach a woman…she’s nothing but a potential notch in your belt. Don’t waste your ratio on bullshit.
Capitalize on being shy…you’re also sneaky and good at NOT kissin and tellin…women like that
learn how to give massages, eat cooch, kiss, and get guts. Gettin guts is different from Fuc*ing and making love. Gettin guts is a deep intimate exchange between two persons that are attracted to each other. It brings about tears, cussing, and the offering of sexual acts that you didn’t expect.
Don’t fake conversations…if you don’t have anything to say…it is what it is.
Do NOT wear skinny jeans
@atltx,
Stamp of approval on this list.
@atltx,
“If you’re not nervous when you approach a woman…she’s nothing but a potential notch in your belt. Don’t waste your ratio on bullshit.”
***nodding head***
I dnt want to put BLACK( yes, black) women out there like this.
But yall attracted to black guys who have and are still dating their fine black chick for a host of reasons:
1) I woner what he’s doing to her?
2) a.I can take him from her
b.U jus like the excitement of homewrecking. Alicia Keys is ur role
model, she’s superwoman aight
3) A lil curious? Un Huh curious
4) U could honestly jus admire their companionship
5) U want the best of both worlds.
6) U dnt want a commitment, so you can send em’ home when you please
N plez dnt bs, the bs’er
@The Hallway,
“b.U jus like the excitement of homewrecking. Alicia Keys is ur role model, she’s superwoman aight”
You’re obviously trying to incite a riot.
C’mon son!!!
@miss t-lee,
U know yall do, sumbody does. Sumbody’s a homewrecker, yall all cnt be sum angels.
Most of the time its your friend.
@The Hallway,
“Most of the time its your friend.”
No.
Eughhhhhh I haaaaaate college there are NO good looking guyssss heree… and all I can do is studyyyy….. euuuuuwwwww.
And I hate short guys…. eughhh…..!!! Just because I’m small don’t mean I want a short guy…..!!!!! They seem fragile!! like I’m gonna break them..
Anyway, great post, sorry for the rant… you’re beautiful… i e-luv youu, seriously (Champ).
@Ramona,
LOL @ this whole reply. I love VSS!!!!
i agree with the #1…let it be known u like black girls. when i see an attractive black guy i don’t even try to attract him any longer because there is a pretty good chance he’s one of those guys that don’t like bw. or he is super picky (even tho he most likely looks average and isn’t all that)
i’m dark and i really don’t care if a guy compliments my hair. then again i’m not high maintenance.
also, if you’re 252o let’s not bring up your whiteness as soon as we meet. example: i’m at the club and feel dude tryna dance with me. I turn around and see that’s it’s your standard-issue 2520 dude. he then replies, “oh, you must not want to dance with me because i’m white.” huh? 0_O what? I turned around to make sure you were not ugly/crazy/tacky/etc. but now that you’ve made it extremely awkward, i’ll just turn my attention to the bar. kthxbye
Be yourself…. sincerely, honestly, and most genuine.
As a caramel colored lady, I have to admit that #4 is sooooo true for me. Why is it? I don’t get it. I love to think I’m dark so when someone compliments me on it, esp. if I have a tan, I’m geeked! Damn shame!
Here’s a few I’d like to add: 1. Don’t ever ever ever tell a woman what you’re afraid of — particularly if it’s stuff we’re not afraid of — i.e.- squirrels, the dark, birds on the beach, etc.;
2. When you have your eye on one woman in the group, make that one woman feel special. Don’t eyeball her friends, then take the first one that returns the eyeball;
3. ALWAYS be confident. Confidence is to black women what a big ass is to a black man. If you’re insecure in your approach or what you’re going to say, then you’ve already lost. The ugliest dude with the most confidence can get much further than the finest insecure dude. I never want to be stronger than the man I’m with.
So i got lucky & found this beautiful creole/black mixed girl on a free ad site, and we started emailing back and forth, things seemed hot in print, we arranged to meet, the day came and she backed out because she didn’t want to cheat on her bf–cool w/that because i felt her speaking from her heart–disappointed cuz she’d sent pics that showed her whole package and yeah, i want some. She said she wanted to stay in touch so we are and gettin’ to know each other–we cool w/each other–really like to talk–sometimes 5 hours non-sex, a little flirting thrown in by both of us–of course i’m still talkin’ smack to her but not crossin’ the line too far–but she knows i think she’s fine–yeah i’m white–being real, sure it’s still in the back of my mind that one day maybe she’ll give me the goods but i’m stayin’ cool as i can–but the girl makes me weak, really she is all of that an’ she knows it–am i just her ego massage, or is she hangin’ around because she does like me, or i’m a potential backup–i’m all messed up now–lol–but whenever we click i’m still feelin’ her. Haven’t acted the fool too much, just enough that she knows she’s fine. (Or have i?) Thoughts?
Interesting how we both started out just looking for some sexy–and it took a different turn–but I really do LIKE this lady. Notjussnothernotch.
I did the annoying lexicon throwback thing trying to show I could relate while not trying to be a wigger–your posts made me both laugh and understand a different perspective–I’m just intrigued that me and the lady bumped sexytext tease time, but after the actual meet up failed to materialize, it was her who suggested we stay in touch because I’m such a sweetie–presumably for getting my fiend on for 2 days (I told ya she makes me “weak”)–and not bustin’ up some furniture or somethin’ when it all fell thru. Sissy? Her bf is too distracted for her right now–wtf? Better get his game on. lol I dunno–something crazy happening here cuz I’m really likin’ this girl esp. after talkin’ with her over time–and I’m fiending for her too. Need some cool splashdown—>Relax*Relate*Release–>Laffin, haven’t been this ackward since junior high. Bring me some water?
Love,
2520