what the hell constitutes “wifey”? it seems like guys only give this designation to who they consider to be the pick of the litter, but when i look closer, this term is thrown around arbitrarily and it’s confusing as hell.
what base characteristics does a chick need to possess to be given this “esteemed honor”?
–t.k.
six words: a perfect ass to waist ratio
seriously though, I receive a variant of this question at least once a week. unlike women, who each seemingly keep industrial sized laundry lists of attributes and characteristics that a man should posses to be “husbandly” in their f-buddy overnight bags, our (read: “mens”) definition of “wifey-type” characteristics has proven to be somewhat elusive and ambiguous.
wait.
this is a lie.
our definition has always been very un-elusive and unambiguous, and will always be. in fact, if unelusiveness and unambiguousness were “complete post-presidential election irrelevance” our definitions would be michelle freakin malkin.
although we’re a pretty varied and nuanced people, here are three transcendent qualities that most men will agree that all “wife-able” women possess. educate yourself.
1. morning attractiveness
obviously, what’s deemed “attractive” is a mostly relative term, but for a women to be given the “wifey-type” designation from a guy, she usually is one that he can picture himself waking up next to for an extended period of time.
this is actually related to the reason why many women claim to only get sincerely approached when they’re looking their worst (ie “in a t-shirt, ponytail, and sweats at the supermarket”). men know that this image, not the one when she’s at the club rocking 8 inch stilettos and her homegirl’s sweater puppy and bootymeat revealing bcbg dress, is the image he’ll see most of the time, and we bag accordingly
2. unpretentiousness
lets put it this way, if you asked 100 happily married men to describe their wife, i’d bet a year’s supply of ky that one of the first things out of most of their mouths will have something to do with “down to earth“. ppos’s need not apply
3. being ray allen
in the summer of 2007, perennial nba all-star ray allen pushed to get traded from the seattle supersonics. tired of balling in relative obscurity for a non-contending team, allen wanted to be moved to a team with a better shot of winning, even if it meant sacrificing his own statistics.
he landed with the boston celtics, and took a role on the team that saw his production drop almost 30 percent. because of his self-inflicted personal decline, he was able to be a vital cog in the machine that won the 2008 nba championship.
when men give the “wifey-type” designation, there’s a huge distinction between the ray allens of the world, stars willing to play a role if needed, and the gil arenas’s of the world: wildly entertaining stars that you’ll never, ever, ever go anywhere with. while the gilbert arenas’s of the world might use their unbelievable sex appeal to get extra onion rings to go with their chicken fingers, the ray allens of the world get rings on their fingers
obviously, there are other characteristics (possessing loyality, high libido, being compassionate) that most men consider synonymous with “being wifey”, but the three I just named basically cover the gamut.
i hope this answered your question and sh*t, t.k. maybe, just maybe, one day, you might receive the wifey-type designation. until that day comes, though, chill on them extra onion rings. regardless of how much “morning attractiveness” you might have, no guy’s gonna want to wake up every morning next to a chick who smells like v.e.g.’s bathroom.
—the champ
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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
Eff. Jesus.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:10 am
?
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:03 am
lol… Jesus from He’s got game?
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Yep…that’s Ray Allen…lol
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:30 am
i’m mad that i didnt immediately get this reference. i just thought liz had turned all bill maher on us
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ForReal Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
That’s funny. I do wanna see his movie though.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
lmao! yeah, me too…i bet its really well done
genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Jesus Shuttlesworth/Ray Allen in:
“He’s Got Game”
do the knowledge put ki’s in the street….. sweet. Jay Z
Jesus Allen called and said: fu*k u too Liz.
stop h8ing.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooooooooo!
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Champ, is this “hate on the fag hag queens” week??? U can’t be talking bout my homeskillet V like that.
*Puts curse on Champ* May a crisp Chicago breeze blow your hat away. In the middle of January. At 6:30am. During a blizzard. While you shoveling snow.
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:06 am
Is that my back you got Luvvie?
Thanks.
Champ: Feelin the flames on yo azz? You will…you will…
Maybe the bleach/pine sol combo may be too much for some people to endure on a regular basis. *shrugs*
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Maybe the bleach/pine sol combo may be too much for some people to endure on a regular basis. *shrugs*
we have SOO much in common VEG..LOL in fact I was in the middle of cleaning my kitchen with just such a combo…
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:14 am
I mix ‘em up in a bucket and gets to scrubbing.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:33 am
do y’all put a hazmat suit on first… oh wait im thinking amonia and bleach (yeah I did that once, had to clear the house and call the fire department)…never mind party on
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:11 am
“*Puts curse on Champ* May a crisp Chicago breeze blow your hat away. In the middle of January. At 6:30am. During a blizzard. While you shoveling snow.”
who shovels snow at 6 in the morning?
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:13 am
“who shovels snow at 6 in the morning?”
Folks who gotta go to work but find their cars buried under feet of snow (aka everyone in Chicago from December – April)
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
Folks who gotta go to work but find their cars buried under feet of snow (aka everyone in Chicago from December – April)
isnt that what “personal days” are for?
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:36 am
there not enough personal days in the world to get through a chicago winter. trust.
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
In that case, Champ. Your ENTIRE winter would be “personal days”. of which you would end up “personally unemployed”.
We tough in Chicago. 5 feet of snow just means we may get to work 15 mins late
Although an apple biting busty blonds can change concerds dealing deadly drama enacting extremely entreatments for fortunate families going greatly giving honorable hens honestly initial investments in just july jumping kicking knickerbockers knowing losing limits like mysterious men moving nebulous new nikes on opposite ovals pushing past participles quietly queued questing roundabout rotating rovers supplying supple sensual tarts to those untested until understanding very vociferous vulture will willingly washing xeroxed xenon xebecs yatchs you yell zero zip zeta.
Hmm, wifey test – It’s hard to encapsulate this in mere words, it’s more of a feeling that I get that:
a. She gets me
b. I enjoy talking to her
c. I think my parents would like her and
d. She can handle the way my family sometimes likes to roll
I’ll probably post up a bit more later.
Reply
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:07 am
Okay. So now there are 4 of you.
What the he!!
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Yeah, they are like gremlins. Multiplying by the second. It IS after midnite. Maybe Kama grabbed a snack or took a shower.
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kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:10 am
I’m not sure what you’re seeing? I did post a reply earlier which somehow disappeared. I think Liz killed it to get first spot. . .
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:16 am
LOL. Liz gettin first spot DOES seem like a conspiracy.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
“LOL. Liz gettin first spot DOES seem like a conspiracy.”
this was our 50,000th comment and sh*t. i guess its cause for a celebration.
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! My comment was the 50,000th!! That is so fitting! Do I get a free shirt, Champ?? lol
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Girl, we still trying to work on getting your undies back and you asking for a t-shirt, lmao!
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
“Girl, we still trying to work on getting your undies back and you asking for a t-shirt, lmao!”
she needs something to wear. those chicago falls are fierce and sh*t
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
LMAO!! 8th you just made me cackle. And Champ, yes they are. So is the answer “yes”??
Nicki Sunshine Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:16 am
V dot and Luvvie, you guys are killin me! LOL
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:07 am
I am impressed by the use of alliteration, Kama! You’ve earned top seed.
Although I am a bit unsure of its purpose.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:13 am
only a bit?
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kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Well, I’d started around midnight and wanted to see how much I could write before the new VSB post came online.
Now come closer so I can whisper the rest in your ear. . .
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:18 am
“Now come closer so I can whisper the rest in your ear.”
Sweet nothings? I’m a sucker for that.
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:19 am
Where’s your thuggery?
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:26 am
My thuggery went to bed an hour ago. It tried to wait for Champ but got tired.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:27 am
thuggery has no place in this situation.
kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I like the way you anticipate me
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:13 am
“You’ve earned top seed.”
***i had a joke to go with this statement, but its actually a bit too disgusting to type. yes, even i have standards***
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
“yes, even i have standards”
Who’da thunk it.
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
“You’ve earned top seed.”
things you shouldn’t say when proposing
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:07 am
I think we can add one more person to the Wu stable.
Wu recuiting like a Jehovah’s witness up in this piece.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:10 am
its either way to early or wait to late for all of that…LMAO
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:39 am
I was going to make a blood reference…but decided not to.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
not like a Jehovah’s witness!
lmao @ the thought of there being secret Kingdom Hall meetings with Wu presiding… actually… i think i’m more nervous than entertained
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I’m told that I’m wifey material all the time. Yet I am alone.
Am I the only one bothered by this?
*walks off kicking rocks on messed up blocks without the comfort of socks*
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:11 am
“*walks off kicking rocks on messed up blocks without the comfort of socks*”
Dont eff up ur toes, now 8th! You gon end up with them dancer’s feets.
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Yes. Be careful 8th. Jacked up feet will only hinder, not help, the situation.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:19 am
Yeah if your feets look like a Mexican soccer players’, then well you’d have to overcome yet another obstacle. Feet looking like you been hopscotching on hot coal.
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:13 am
I gets told this all the time, too.
I am alone by choice, as I suspect you are. I coulda been married and divorced (!) a few times if I’d have decided to go down that road.
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kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Hmm, see, I keep the wifey thoughts in my head. That way, no harm, no foul.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:19 am
Hmm, see, I keep the wifey thoughts in my head. That way, no harm, no foul.
LOL most men do.. thats why I am thinking these poor guys probably want 8th to be their ‘wifey” yeah 8th I think you are alone by choice…but honey dont rush..when its for you, its for you…God didnt make you that awesome for no reason!!!! LOL
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:25 am
“thats why I am thinking these poor guys probably want 8th to be their ‘wifey””
I dunno, yo…maybe I have a hidden hump on my back or something. But thanks for the compliments, Shay-D, I’m flattered!
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:19 am
I dunno, yo…maybe I have a hidden hump on my back or something.
Stop telling stories 8th, I’ve seen the gloraaaaay that is the Amazon:)
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:39 am
this—>but honey dont rush..when its for you, its for you…<–is true. i coulda been married to two WRONG fools right now. one of which is now serving a life sentence. *smh*
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:19 am
i coulda been married to two WRONG fools right now. one of which is now serving a life sentence
southerngirl, your name isn’t really inga marchand, is it?
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:50 am
lol. sorry to disappoint you. i don’t get my jollies from wet n wild #218 aka what in the hot pink hell?!?!?
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:16 am
Or Yaki Wavy #5b with extra juicy activator
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:38 am
lol. luvvie know what i’m talking ’bout…
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:13 am
I hear that I’m wifey material all the time. Yet I am alone.
Who tells you that you are wifey material? are those guys that you have put in the “friend zone”?
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:19 am
They’re friends of mine that are so triflin to every woman they encounter that they could never be more than my friend, lol.
They usually say some variant of, “You’re a good girl, that’s why we love you. ONE DAY we’ll get a girl like you, but for now, screwing everything moving is too much fun”.
Then I usually give the blank stare/blink combo.
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:21 am
Interesting, I don’t hear this from friends. Usually from boyfriends/guys I’m dating.
Well, my tranny p0rn loving friend said I was wife material a few weeks ago. This disturbed me to no end.
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:31 am
Well, my tranny p0rn loving friend said I was wife material a few weeks ago. This disturbed me to no end.
Did you feed him too VEG?? I am starting to think you cooking some kind of love potion # 9 creole voodoo into the food over there…. in my head I just imagine a whole bunch of zombies drooling at the mouth wondering around aimlessly saying I love VEG over and over again….LMAO
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:35 am
” in my head I just imagine a whole bunch of zombies drooling at the mouth wondering around aimlessly saying I love VEG over and over again….LMAO”
And on this note, I shall speak to all of you on the morrow.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:40 am
ok, see…why the zombies gotta be linked up with the creole voodoo, huh?!?!
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:48 am
lolol. I know, right?
*puts tiny bottle back in its velvet pouch and places it in its secret hiding place*
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:04 am
…why the zombies gotta be linked up with the creole voodoo, huh?!?!
cause VEG is a voodoo priestess!!! LMAO….already tempting ninjas with delishus a$$ baked goods and extra creamy cheesy a$$ mac and cheese..for shame veg, for shame…..
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:02 am
eff “for shame” veggie, i need that recipe!! lol
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:55 am
lol @ shay d. voodoo priestesses do not create zoombies. lovestruck, i can’t help myself as i have been mesmerized by the sight of a mixing bowl and a wooden spoon type ninjas….
Uninspired Muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Thats not voodoo, thats just how we do.
Dont hate us because we can catch a man with our pot and skillet game.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:32 am
I’ve heard that before too. All my guy friends are such jerks in their relationships, but I love em!
I think it was Panama who said that guys date until they are ready to settle, and girls start dating cause they are ready to settle. Perhaps you VSB’s can explain why “good girls” are passed up so often. If a dude deems a chick wifey material, what the problem eyuh??
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:34 am
Perhaps you VSB’s can explain why “good girls”are passed up so often. If a dude deems a chick wifey material, what the problem eyuh??
he might not be ready to settle down..so why would he mess over a potential wifey or deal with the headache of being with someone that wants more than they are ready to give?
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:36 am
Yep, that is exactly what it is.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:44 am
he might not be ready to settle down..so why would he mess over a potential wifey or deal with the headache of being with someone that wants more than they are ready to give?
They never are ready to settle down. Women are more often ready to settle down sooner, but, my point is, is it necessary to engage in meaningless relationships and random hookups just cause you can? If you meet an 8th wonder for example, you would risk losing something that could last forever, for a series of quick fixes?
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:50 am
If you meet an 8th wonder for example, you would risk losing something that could last forever, for a series of quick fixes?
yes because if they get with an 8th knowing they are not ready to commit and mess it up they willl lose her anyway..at least if they hold off until they are ready they have more of a chance at having something real..instead of being forced into a situation…you can tell a person they aint missing nothing all day long..but a lot of them have to see for themselves…..
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:11 am
@ Shayd, reminds me of that Jay Z line, “They say you can’t turn a bad girl good, but once a good girls gone bad, shes gone forever…”
**claiming Shay-d as my personal life coach**
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Eh. I think this is all some really good man PR. When they meet a woman they WANT to be with, their asses are READY. Otherwise, they will sell the notion of not being ready and women will drink that kool-aid because they don’t want to believe the ‘unready’ man doesn’t want them.
Don’t drink the kool-aid ladies. It doesn’t matter if he’s not ready or just doesn’t want to be with you. The bottom line is that you won’t be tying pew bows and picking out dresses and flowers anytime soon.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:56 am
hostess….i feel you.
that is all.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:01 am
“Don’t drink the kool-aid ladies. It doesn’t matter if he’s not ready or just doesn’t want to be with you. The bottom line is that you won’t be tying pew bows and picking out dresses and flowers anytime soon.”
::applause::
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I’m feelin that comment Hostess…
its the same concept as “oh i dont have time for a relationship”…i think thats a crock of sh!t. you make time for things that are important to you. and if you want a woman to be your wife, then you will make that happen too. otherwise, he’s just not that into you.
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:46 am
Yeah. Sometimes you – whether you are male or female – meet someone you are feeling and you can’t help but spend time with them. Never mind that you aren’t ready for “all that”.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
From what I hear, this is how most men end up in relationships, anyway.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:47 am
“he might not be ready to settle down..”
I gotta call bullshyt..
Im sorry…I’ve seen men in MY VERY OWN FAMILY…happen up on the right woman at the seemingly “wrong time” in his whor#dom. And his @zz cleaned his shyt up FAST.
it could be that that PERFECT wifely lid isn’t right for that HUSBANDLY pot; ie ..you didn;t ring all his wifey bells,ie he;s just not that into the “wifey” you.
people “wifey’s” and “husbandy’s” aren’t one size fits all
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Truth.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
veracity.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Perhaps you VSB’s can explain why “good girls”are passed up so often. If a dude deems a chick wifey material, what the problem eyuh??
he might not be ready to settle down..so why would he mess over a potential wifey or deal with the headache of being with someone that wants more than they are ready to give?
took the words out of my mouth
IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
“Perhaps you VSB’s can explain why “good girls” are passed up so often. If a dude deems a chick wifey material, what the problem eyuh??”
That is just life. I don’t like the dating scene. I would just like to meet a woman and have it be all over. Things don’t work that way . . . so I have to deal with all the scallywags until (hopefully) I find my Queen.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
That is just life. I don’t like the dating scene. I would just like to meet a woman and have it be all over. Things don’t work that way . . . so I have to deal with all the scallywags until (hopefully) I find my Queen.
See, why can’t more brothas respond like this? Instead of some variation of “why spoil the good girl” or “why quit having fun”. Those are fine answers if they are true for you, but it seems that is the standard answer.
In short, you rock IVR:)
IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
“In short, you rock IVR:)”
Appreciate it!
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
La verdad.
Ms. L Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Goodness.. where were you when I was dating and looking for a man who doesn’t like the dating scene and just wants to settle down?
IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
“Goodness.. where were you when I was dating and looking for a man who doesn’t like the dating scene and just wants to settle down?”
Prolly somewhere in Brooklyn confused about the world . . . I dont think there are many 26 year old women out here trying to be on that either. . .I cant blame them for that. . .
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
you’d be surprised, IVR…i know plenty of young women on that right now.
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Stop hanging with trifling men as friends. If you have trifling male friends in the friend zone, their stink will funk up your energy. I believe that on some level, when we as women are friends with men like this, we’re co-signing their behavior.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
“I believe that on some level, when we as women are friends with men like this, we’re co-signing their behavior.”
I don’t agree. As a matter of fact, I voice my opinion on how wrong they are all the time. When they are in the presence of women who respect themselves and demand the same from others, they act accordingly. And when they’re around women who would gladly do anyone in the crew, or all of them at once (sigh), they react to that accordingly as well.
The fact of the matter is, men treat women the way women allow them to.
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:53 am
How someone treats someone when they don’t have to be respectful to is one of the true tests of maturity. The justification of ‘I treat a hoe like a hoe’ doesn’t play in my world. As adults we are ultimately RESPONSIBLE for how we treat people. Just because they will allow us to rob the bank doesn’t mean we should–if we have morals. But if we are weak-backed, we’ll rob the bank and not take responsibility for it–cus after all, they left the vault open. I don’t hang out with thieves because when the cops (karma) come for them, I might have my ass siting there and get shot too. No thanks!
I’m not going to be down with someone who treats women (or men) in a way I wouldn’t want me or my daughters (or sons) to be treated. When I got rid of friendships I had with trifling dudes, they were replaced with upstanding dudes and meeting upstanding dudes for dating purposes. If only I could be attracted to them. That’s a topic for a different day. And I think I shall blog about these friendships on Wednesday. *sigh*
But hey, what do I know?? What works for me might not work for you.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
“How someone treats someone when they don’t have to be respectful to is one of the true tests of maturity.”
im so joining the Hostess FanClub right now! i am so with you there. i, personally, dont have ANY trife male friends. i dont have any trife female friends either. why would i associate with people who act in a way that i deem unacceptable?
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:59 am
“If you have trifling male friends in the friend zone, their stink will funk up your energy.”
i agree, actually. having blatantly trifling people in your circle will eventually have negative effects on you
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
“i agree, actually. having blatantly trifling people in your circle will eventually have negative effects on you”
*nodding head vigorously*
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
NOT particular to 8th Wonder cus I don’t know her…But I believe a lot of women stay friends with these dudes because they like for these men to dog other women but think highly of them. They like feeling superior to those women getting dogged. People who blatantly, habitually, treat others crappy shouldn’t have nice friends. They don’t deserve it. For the life of me, I don’t know how Elisabeth Hasselbeck and R. Kelly have any friends. I hate them both.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Well, thank god you aren’t speaking specifically about me. I’m friends with my friends because they are good people, and honestly no different than a vast majority of men walking the planet.
To quote overit below me,
“My male friends engage in random hookups, get the panties when and how they can, and generally do not see these women as “wifey”. What does this have to do with me? Who is to say that homegirl isn’t down for the same?”
My friends don’t live to disrespect every woman walking the earth. However, if a woman approaches them a certain way with a certain agenda, they go with it, fair exchange, no robberies. I don’t agree with this, or take pride in the fact that they treat me (and other women) well, with the exception of a few.
But, I see that I opened this door by calling them triflin without further explanation, so I will take the L for that.
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
8th Wonder: Maybe there is some difference in our definitions of trifling. Who knows. But where good is concerned, under my definition, GOOD doesn’t take advantage even when they can. When I was, oh 25, I had a heap of trifling (whorish, lying opportunistic) male friends. One day, I REALLY looked at them and compared who they are to who I wanted to be and be with. A few years later (shut up Panama cus I AM a few years over 25), I can look at ONE of them who has become a person who takes personal responsibility for his actions, is a great example of a man (not just a tall boy on the wild) to his sons and community. Sure he could cheat on his wife, he could lie, etc. All those things he did when we were younger but MATURITY, personal responsibility, and self-respect causes him to pass on those things. He is a good person. But when I think back, he’s the only one of them that openly expressed remorse for treating women unlike he’d want his sisters and daughters to be treated. He’s the only one who chose to change his behavior before he met a Jazmine Sullivan type chick. He and I are cool. But there were some years where I didn’t return his calls, wouldn’t hang out with him etc. because he was the type of man I romantically try to avoid.
BTW, the other dudes?? They are still doing what they were doing when they were in their late 20’s. Still TRIFLING (by my definition). They haven’t grown. Why? Because at their core, they just aren’t good people.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
*shining up my membership card for the Hostess FanClub*
i definitely agree with this….one’s behavior has consequences. one of the consequences of being a consistently trifling man is that you and i cannot be friends. i dont have a single friend that i am not proud to claim, and i wish to keep it that way.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
“If you have trifling male friends in the friend zone, their stink will funk up your energy.”
It depends on how you define trfiling? I would venture to make an a*s out of you and me, and assume that some of your behavior has fallen into the trifling category as a man. Knowingly having s*x with a girl just so you can, with no intentions of being with her long term? Trifling. There is a lot of behavior that has been described in many posts that can be seen as trifling. It seems everyone is in agreement that is just “how men are”, male priviledge and we as women, should just deal.
Again, how do you all define trifling? My male friends engage in random hookups, get the panties when and how they can, and generally do not see these women as “wifey”. What does this have to do with me? Who is to say that homegirl isn’t down for the same? I have to agree with 8th, and I think you guys might have misunderstood and imagine our guy friends to be raging mysogynists, when in fact, they are your average guy.
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Would you want one of your daughters, sisters, nieces to be with one of your friends? Would you be cool with her having a crazy-sick crush on one of them?? Or would you be afraid that your male friend would take advantage of her wild eyed crush and “engage in random hookups, get the panties when and how they can”?
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
“All those things he did when we were younger but MATURITY, personal responsibility, and self-respect causes him to pass on those things.”
Hostess, I think you, 8th and I are saying the same thing, if not by our posts, than by actions. You don’t know us lol, and we don’t know you. I can attest to the way I carry myself, how I choose to befriend people, and why. My problem with your statement above is that it does not seem your friend is a special case. ALL men conveniently have an epiphany that their behavior might be wrong, I think it is just cause they are tired of the scene. Perhaps I would not want my daughters to be with my guy friends romantically, but I will raise my daughters as I was raised, and advise them as my father advised me. They will exercise sense over passion, and pass up what might be a good night, for something more lasting. I have never been dogged out, disrespected, smutted out, or whatever you call it. I’ve always been treated well by my guy friends, their guy friends, and anyone I encounter, not because it makes me feel superior to the next girl, but because I truly see this as my due right and they act accordingly. Again, my guy friends are your average guys, and from 18-25 your average guy could care less about his future daughter or the fact that the girl he is trying to “bag” is someone’ daughter too. He is thinking about himself only. More girls need to think about themselves.
I will teach my daughter to choose sense over wild eyed crushes as I did that can cloud vision, and I hope she will heed my advice. My point is, and I think someone made this point yesterday, that a measure of a man is not how many women he can get, but how many he doesn’t pursue. In other words, don’t rack up numbers just cause you can. My dad is of this caliber, 3 out of 4 of my brothers are as well. They don’t subscribe to the idea that sleeping around makes you hot shyt. This is why I have higher standards…this is also why I don’t end up in a ton of relationships:)
Hostess Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Champ: It’s like second hand smoke.
Naturally Uh-Lease Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Maybe it’s your bloody barefeet messing up your game….
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:26 am
LMAO Dammit, its too early to be hating you.
At least wait till 10am.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:16 am
“Maybe it’s your bloody barefeet messing up your game….”
lol…you make it seem like 8th has ebola and sh8t
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:26 am
*walks off kicking rocks on messed up blocks without the comfort of socks*
Why Morton’s Toe just came in my head is beyond me. LOL, did I have the Morton’s discussion with you already?
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:30 am
Sadly, this Morton’s ish does sound familiar.
Don’t make me side-eye you, overit.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:31 am
And Morton’s Toe makes me think of the commercial jingle “Trust the Morton’s Fisherman!”
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Trust the Morton’s Fisherman!”
LOL aint that Gorton’s???
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:36 am
When it Rains it Pours, little 2520 girl with the umbrella.
LOL aint that Gorton’s???
You mean goiters? Its Morton’s salt.
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:51 am
You mean goiters? Its Morton’s salt.
but the song..is for Gortons..trust the gortons fisherman..they sell fish sticks..one of the only kind my daughter will eat..
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:37 am
yeah. morton’s is the salt
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:38 am
Hell if I kno. I remember an old, smiling 2520 holding some fish he caught. Looked delicious.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:42 am
lmao.
old, smiling, 2520 with the good fish…Gordons.
young 2520 girl with the salt to season the fish…Mortons.
*case closed*
devessel Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:53 am
hey all: i think the fisherman is Gorton’s. this sort of thing only occurs to me at such an hour.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:05 am
that has to be the most ridiculous conversation! lmao
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:47 am
Which made me think of Lawry’s seasoning salt…
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:52 am
I prefer Creole seasoning. Buy the gigantic shaker. It lasts.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:01 am
tony’s is the sh!t…goes on just about everything.
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:03 am
I prefer Creole seasoning. Buy the gigantic shaker. It lasts.
LOL I use that shyt too and that blackened seasoning is some fi as well….
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:58 am
This entire post about fish and salt just sent my ‘pressha up.
And it made me hungry.
I guess this post is for the mens.
But let’s be real: there are plenty of wifed chicks who possess none of these characteristics. I think its subjective and wutnot, depending on what the guy in question is looking for at the time he decides he’s ready to be married.
I’ve been engaged three times* and each dude told me some variation of:
- I like your energy
- You’re fun/funny
- You’re smart
- You don’t hold grudges or bring up old stuff
- You have a, um, high sex drive
- You have ‘rebound potential’ (i.e. wouldn’t blow up if I had a kid).
- You can cook
*before negroes start asking questions: yes, ring and er’thang. I called it off cuz, well, I wasn’t in love.
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:17 am
currently being a “wifed chick” my husband has always maintained that after the initial appeal of the a## to waist ratio (LOL) that it was because I am driven and strong and yet I still allow him to be a man….he also very much enjoyed just kicking it with me..
oh and I can cook as well
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I’ve been engaged three times*
all that scalp greasing and cookie baking….LOL
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:30 am
It gets you pretty far. lol.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:07 am
shooot, let me get my betty crocker on then!
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
“I’ve been engaged three times… I called it off cuz, well, I wasn’t in love.”
Mmm… I’ll give you the first time but the other two? “Just say no”.
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I know. I know.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:30 am
“But let’s be real: there are plenty of wifed chicks who possess none of these characteristics”
remember though, i didnt just say “married”. it was “happily married”. big difference
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
i dont know any happily married Black women who fit the list, but i know a few white ones…
hmmm…
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What in the french toast jumpsuted he.ll is this? A post for the men??? I mean.. I had a rough day and I was trying to release that now I got to wait for the ninjas to show up so that I can roundly disagree with their wifedom lists….Dayum it!!!!
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:33 am
lol. yup. i too see this being a mostly response driven day for the ladies.
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Ange Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:38 am
I agree! I’ve been waiting all day for this and no men have even given me lists to chop down.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:43 am
if you* build it, they will come…patience, girl…lol.
*the champ
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puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:45 am
lol i feel you – champ’s got me ready to start flinging my fly leopard-print flats at ninjas’ heads.
i just hate when i gotta walk to go pick those sh*ts up so i can put them back on.
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Miss Patterson Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:45 am
is this post for the men? i didn’t get that impression at all. i saw this as being a post for both men & women, perhaps even a good platform for equal gender dialogue for once on vsb. kamakula! akshone! monk! big buck! genius khan! wuda! d*stroy! southern gents! where arst thou?
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:31 am
“is this post for the men? i didn’t get that impression at all. i saw this as being a post for both men & women, perhaps even a good platform for equal gender dialogue”
thank you miss p
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
The Champ is trying to recruit more people (read: actual VSBs).
Seriously, it’s not even lunchtime and the post has been predominated by chicks.
100+ comments by women for women. Any sane man would be hesitant to chime in as men tend not to tread into shark infested waters.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:51 am
awwww…
This makes me sad :’-(
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am
“Why sad, children?” (c) Chef
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:07 am
cuz i don’t think that the ladies are just speaking to ladies… i think they’re sharing and that the brothas shouldn’t b scared to share too
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:21 am
“the brothas shouldn’t b scared to share too”
i never said scared. i said hesitant.
i stated some posts ago that VSB needs to recruit more VSBs. The posts are starting to read like a transcript of a hen house. no offense. but there is a whole lotta cackling goings on.
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am
lol… i hear u Deviant and actually think ur right. The site is called Very Smart Brothas, after all. No offense taken, VSB.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
i take some offense.
puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:04 am
on the contrary – men, give us your $.02! (as contribution to the snacks and drinks fund)
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:08 am
why Dev..this here is the internets…all you got is a screen name and an opinion..
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:30 am
two words: chick logic
the champ lists 3 qualities that constitute “wifey” material and it would seem there is no discussion of the qualities presented but rather female-initiated addenda and debates about the use of “wifey” to convey a man’s relationship to said woman.
as james once said, “talkin’ loud and saying nothin’”
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:39 am
“the champ lists 3 qualities that constitute “wifey” material and it would seem there is no discussion of the qualities presented ”
well…thread it up with what you think those qualities are. You shouldn’t let us cacklin hens aka “split @zzes” (as they say in the country) dictate how or if you express yourself. There’s room for all POV.
Alot of women get clues on how to get a man from other unsuccessful women..sometimes we don’t like the horses mouth..
but im interested in what you gotta say.
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:07 am
there really isnt anything for me to add to the initial post.
champ hit it on the head.
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
“champ hit it on the head.”
…pretty much.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
thanks and sh*t
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:11 am
“Alot of women get clues on how to get a man from other unsuccessful women..sometimes we don’t like the horses mouth..”
i think unsuccessful is one of those… what do you call them?… key words.
Naturally Uh-Lease Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I think we wanted clarification, because in my mind there is a difference, but if there isn’t let us know, but just in my past experience the chick called “wifey” was the chick who was co-habitating with some ninja for 8 years, 2 kids, and not even a marriage proposal of any sort, just clarification Devikins is all we want….
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
there aren’t really any qualities necessary for the situation you’re describing except a great deal of naivete disguised as patience.
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:55 am
“here is no discussion of the qualities presented but rather female-initiated addenda and debates about the use of “wifey” to convey a man’s relationship to said woman.”
Deviant is actin like the brothas who read this blog stay on topic all the time and have relevant discussion to the day’s posts…
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
My PNC states “most men wont sit around and debate something when there is no need. women will discuss cause they never agree. thats why u c women on [vsb] everyday. all the men do on there is correct women.”
the men go off-topic to correct the ever-present female shenanigans (e.g. discussion of withholding the goodies, use of “wifey” as a relationship status, etc.)
genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
men digress (indubitably) women employ chick logic.
heh, heh, heh (inhales)whooooooooooo!
IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
“100+ comments by women for women. Any sane man would be hesitant to chime in as men tend not to tread into shark infested waters.”
I feel you on this. . . sometimes I’m like maybe I should leave this post alone today . . . then im like fukkit yall dont know me! (till wednesday)
But a lot of the “woman” driven posts are topics I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole in person. (Then I have to figure out something to distract me while she goes off the deep end.) Here is a good place to actually see what the he!! these women folk are actually thinking (unless they are e-lying). . .because I, for one, have NO idea.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
“But a lot of the “woman” driven posts are topics I wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole in person.”
i’m curious: which vsb topics would you have considered to be “woman driven”?
IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
“i’m curious: which vsb topics would you have considered to be “woman driven”?”
They don’t start out that way Champ, but it seems that more women comment here than men do so the topics tend to sway to one direction. . .
Champ, are you referring to wifey or wife status? ’tis a difference, “ol’ 90’s R&B Next Lookin’ Boy”
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:30 am
shyt Im old..whats the diff??? I might be all off on the wrong shyt….
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:57 am
i guess it’s one of those things that could vary depending on the guy and his intentions but some guys seem to use the term “wifey” on some let’s play house sh!t, you know? you up in there thinking ya’ll committed and building a future but you’re really just the “right now” chick that’s taking care of home. let kitkatquisha from around the way decide to start acting right or simply just start acting out and you might be SOL.
then you have the guys who really see you as possibly being the one, on some i need to lock this one down type of sh!t and he could be referring to you as “wifey” as well. but basically i see the “wifey” as the term that gets tossed around with abandon while “wife” has a more serious connotation to it.
*shrugs* it’s late…
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:12 am
nah, im feelin you….as i have seen it play out, wifey is just your MAIN chick. she’s the one that gets to ride in the front seat and shyt. but by no means is she the only one.
now, i dont think thats the definition that champ is working from. i think he might be talking actual, “i like it so i put a ring on it”-type wifery. its hard for me to shake that other connotation though.
IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
“nah, im feelin you….as i have seen it play out, wifey is just your MAIN chick. she’s the one that gets to ride in the front seat and shyt. but by no means is she the only one.”
For me, wifey is the one I am with right now, true . . . but i would not talk to another girl if the one I have is keeping me happy . . . once its the wife separating can have financial repercussions. . . wifey u can just leave and thank GOD u didn’t put a ring on it. I dont think its pseudo committed . . . If everyone is happy then eventually u get married and live happily ever after. . . I guess
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:34 am
yeah…i also hated that song for the lame pseudo committed language it introduced into my life. *sigh*
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:14 am
right! at least nate dogg was right up front with it talkin bout, lets play hoooooouse!
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:37 am
“Champ, are you referring to wifey or wife status? ’tis a difference, “ol’ 90’s R&B Next Lookin’ Boy””
to me theres no difference. its one in the same.
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Naturally Uh-Lease Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:41 am
got ya & shyt.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:01 am
to me theres no difference. its one in the same.
good to know and sh!t. unfortunately, this is not always the case…
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Ivy St. Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:09 am
I disagree, even though you are male that thinks he knows everything. The term wifey is used in the 18-25 age group. This is the age group in which no one knows what a true relationship is let alone a marriage. It is a term that guys use to show they are with someone that might be down for the cause or a “good girl.” Whereas, the term wife is used for maybe the 28+ age group and it refers to someone you’d actually “wife.” I’m sure Champ, you will not agree. BTW, wifey sounds ghetto to me. Find another term to show my status in your life.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
“Find another term to show my status in your life.”
no
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
*snicker*
sadly, i missed the basketball metaphor. perhaps that’s what i’m missing….#3. but on a serious tip (do folks still say that?) as much i like to fool myself…i don’t think i was created for the casually-inclined. i hope this doesn’t sound boastful or prudish, and if it does i don’t mean it to sound that way. i only mean to say that i’ve always been a one-man woman, who was more focused on longevity and romance even when the given scenario gave me every reason not to be. i think it’s important to note that when you’re in your 20’s, a majority of brothas aren’t necessarily looking to settle down. and on some level, there is nothing wrong with this. but there in lies the problem. while they’re waiting for men to sort of ‘wise up’ to wifey-like attributes, the women become idle. men graduate from college, deal with like 30 or so chickenheads (who give the good girls a bad name) and then they say ya know “Betty Boop was a nice girl, someone i’d like to settle down with”. Betty Boop became ho like Laura from the Autobiography of Malcolm X and now she’s used up.
Bottom line is it takes a really strong woman to hold on to her principles and her honor while she wades through the trend of casual s3x until that man comes along who appreciates her sincerity, humility, honesty and loyalty and d/d/d free state of mind. I guess what I’m saying is…I know #1-#3, I know that these are the “ideal characteristics”, but our clocks are off…the genders are out of sync, ya dig sho’ nuff? not all…cuz we know folks who got married in their 20’s (maybe some of your parents did) but a lot…a lot of the brothas and sistas are out of sync when it comes to settling down.
~the end
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devessel Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:58 am
what ms. p said. what else is there?
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:15 am
right! i cant imagine why that would sound boastful or prudish. i think knowing what you want is a quality that any gender can get on board with.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:02 am
Preach Ms. P. This didn’t come across boastful or prudish to me, it actually resonated. I don’t think I gravitate toward the casually inclined either, especially when they let you know (if you are really paying tension) that it will be nothing more than stick, hit, thank you overit. Personally, I think I was/am looking for something my twenty something brothas are not looking for: commitment. I’m not saying it has to end in marriage at all, but it seems a serious relationship might as well be marriage for a lot of brothas.
One of my best friends is a guy, and he swears I’m intimidating a lot of brothas because I know what I want and don’t mince words about it.
I think you hit the nail on the head with this: “our clocks are off…the genders are out of sync:. Guys are getting away with a lot more than our dads got away with, and why settle down when you can have your cake and eat it too?
*Dear God, its me again…Overit**
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Guys are getting away with a lot more than our dads got away with, and why settle down when you can have your cake and eat it too?
I dont think guys are getting away with more than our dads.. our dads did it too.. most of the women at the time looked the other way….I know at least down here in the south.. I have grown up with many men (father included) who have been married 30 40 years but aint been committed but half that time… They use to preach to girls… if he a good man (meaning working taking care of home) then you could look the other way, dont let that hussy break up your home etc etc which is why the other woman got such a bad wrap and the man was scott free …..Men are the same now as they were then but now woman are demanding the committment since they are able to take care of home themselves….
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V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:12 am
“at least down here in the south”
It is ‘customary’ in the south for a married man to have a piece on the side and for the wife to not ask questions. One of my cousins is a regular piece for several married men. *smh*
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:25 am
This makes me sad.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:19 am
gawd! i cannot imagine living like that. makes me sad too….
eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:14 am
This makes me want to move down south!!!
j/k . . .not really
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
lmao!! just last week you were moving to MA so you could smoke some decriminalized trees!
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:39 am
“at least down here in the south”
“It is ‘customary’ in the south for a married man to have a piece on the side and for the wife to not ask questions. One of my cousins is a regular piece for several married men. *smh”
Um….I don’t know what part of the South you’re talking about, but that ish ain’t hitting round these parts.
Naturally Uh-Lease Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:44 am
I don’t think it is regional, but is quite common, my grandfather had a woman on the side for over 20 years and all types of outside children, but him and my grandmother have been married for over 50 years, that’s that bullshyt right there.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:51 am
Wow. Your grandfather was a brave dude.
My grandparents were married for 64 yrs. before my grandfather passed, I’m not gonna say he was a saint, because I don’t know for sure…but I know I ain’t got no extra aunties and uncles running around.
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
“I don’t think it is regional, but is quite common, my grandfather had a woman on the side for over 20 years and all types of outside children, but him and my grandmother have been married for over 50 years”
Mine did also and they’ve been together over 50 years, no outside children, but he did have a mistress for 15 years and I never would have known if I didn’t end up dating his mistress’ daughter when I was in undergrad…he then had to come clean with me. It was a very interesting, surreal but shocking conversation. Honestly, I didn’t lose any respect for him, because this is a man who is ALL about family (I know that’s an oxy-moronic statement, but true) and has taught me (outside of this little known secret) the building blocks of manhood. His reasoning was surprisingly eloquent and he ended it with a firm, “you are and will be a better man than I’ve been…don’t let this make you think that it’s ok what I’ve done.”
laylah Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
this is why i live in new york.
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
that dont mean its any better here….
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:19 am
“I dont think guys are getting away with more than our dads.. our dads did it too.. most of the women at the time looked the other way….I know at least down here in the south.. I have grown up with many men (father included) who have been married 30 40 years but aint been committed but half that time…”
i totally agree with this. It goes back to everything married ain’t prototype. And I think some women back in the day were just happy that there was somebody there to put his feet under the table. I’m lucky enough to be able to seperate my frames of married references: the good, the bad, and the “well let’s just go ahead and get married, shyt”.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:26 am
and…the women i know are doing the same..most of us didn’t have ideal mother-father situations and we’re raising ourselves and our men to a higher standard. Anybody can get a pen!is most women want or should want men with integrity, someone who inspires them to be better peoplel etc. etc.
fascinating stuff regarding “the free love fall out” of the 60s and the 70s and the resulting generational shifts…one word ..Obama-fication. lol
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:27 am
“I’m lucky enough to be able to seperate my frames of married references: the good, the bad, and the “well let’s just go ahead and get married, shyt”.”
yeah, that last one gets me! like that song (i cant remember which black boy band sings it) that goes something like “meet me at the alter i your white dress. we aint gettin no younger, so we might as well do this”
gee…how effing romantic!
i think part of the reason our clocks are out of sync is procreation. since medicine is largely unconcerned with women’s “health” (*snicker*) and terribly devoted to ensuring a man can keep an erection well into his 80’s, i would say our clocks are WAY off.
i think its much easier for a man to be into that casual date, sleep around, for extended periods of time-type mess because they can make babies well into their old age. meanwhile, eggs got an expiration date dammit!
and this is what gets me about some of the dysfunctional relationships i see play out (and i see a LOT)…a guy will have a woman that he has no intention of committing to and she’ll be there waiting and hoping until one day she’s had enough and gives him the ultimatum. sh!t or get off the pot…he gets off the pot then and shes crushed because its been like 10 years of him putting her off. so, now he’s wasted her child bearing years (cuz its markedly harder to have a child after 35-40 for most women) and all she has to show for it is wasted time and old ovaries.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:36 am
“i think its much easier for a man to be into that casual date, sleep around, for extended periods of time-type mess because they can make babies well into their old age. meanwhile, eggs got an expiration date dammit”
LOL..i rebuke this message..my clock aint dictatin shat. There are women who have children (and true with increased down syndrome and other risks) as they approach 40. But 40 is the new 25 in my estimation-so I got time.
Additionally there are other ways to have kids that don’t neccessarily have to come straight out of your womb.
i think us women need to be kinda careful with what we tell ourselves and each other based on what “WE THINK” scientifically benefits a man.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:14 am
im just saying its a reality…40 is the new 25 emotionally, spirtually,socially, intellectually. but the fact is, you still got 40 year old eggs! (yes, im bringin the dampened fitted sheets) and while its possible to have kids at that age, its not recommended for some of the reasons you mentioned.
i didnt say your clock is dictating anything…i said this is one of the reasons why our clocks are out of sync with the men’s clocks. they can produce children now, well into their 70s, they got nothin but time! lmao…again, possible, but not recommended.
me? im not telling myself anything but the truth. and the truth is that time is ticking away…i work in social services, i know about all the kids that need adopting and i really have no problem going that route. im not gonna settle for someone just because i want a baby. truth be told, im not even sure i want to actually give birth! my pain allergy gets kicked up when i even think about it. lol
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:58 am
today i have donated those damp bed linens..this is one point that i feel rather polly-anna-ish about. And this maybe escaping a lot of people, but there is a biology to belief. I totally believe that. there is something very real (as i beat that drum for the 50 millionth cazillionith time) about language. My 40 year old eggs (7 years from now) will be 40 year old eggs that Im grateful i didn’t try and concieve with my delayed adolescent 23 year old mind and body.
life and death is in the tongue…and i dont see how a woman COULDN’T make bad decisions by saying well my clock is ticking while in the same breath trying to be determined about making better ones. You can’t have both.
yes your clock is ticking..so the fyck what..big ben is too.
And again just as science dictates reproduction, it also can open another door to adoption or some other form of surrogacy situation. I’d much perfer the latter with the man i loved…then trying to make myself feel better about my ovaries with a man i wasn’t sure about.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:50 am
“i think us women need to be kinda careful with what we tell ourselves and each other based on what “WE THINK” scientifically benefits a man.”
thing is, comeback girl, thousands of years of human biology, behavior, and evolution isn’t gonna be changed by 20 years of medical advances. its just not feasible to believe that.
its unfair for women, but its a reality
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
thing is, comeback girl, thousands of years of human biology, behavior, and evolution isn’t gonna be changed by 20 years of medical advances. its just not feasible to believe that. ”
Poo-ba i understand that..what im tryna say is so what a man can have a kid until he’s 80. That leaves him with what??? 5 years of alive daddy and me time…not every man can and will be the eternal Larry King..lets keep it real.
And seriously who wants to be that (other than Larry) my point is there are logical risks and rewards on both sides of the “grass is greener” fence. And if women just look for them, the woe is biolgically me doesn’t exist and won’t translate into bad mating decisions.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
im not specifically saying that this benefits men…im saying its a contributor to our clocks being out of sync with theirs. im not downing your eggs, CBG! im sure theyre lovely! and i dont doubt that you are a resourceful woman who will find a way to have what she wants….
im just saying that in the grand scheme of life, men have a lot more time to d!ck around (pun intended) than women do, biologically speaking.
im aware of options and i will not be settling just because i want a baby, and i dont think any woman should. im not believing anything thats gonna lead me to poor choices. unless youre seeing something im not!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:43 am
“yeah, that last one gets me! like that song (i cant remember which black boy band sings it) that goes something like “meet me at the alter i your white dress. we aint gettin no younger, so we might as well do this”
gee…how effing romantic!”
Girl! That was Jagged Edge, and I hated (and still hate) that song with a passion. I wish a ninja would be like…well…you seem pretty cool…and I’m bout 35…so let’s just gon’ head and do this…
I’d start swinging. And broads really thought that song was romantic.
*smh*
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:55 am
I know right?
This ish always sounded like, “well…we ain’t got nothing else better to do today, let’s gone on down to the JP and get this done…”
Re-dayum-diculous.
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:56 am
“at least down here in the south”
that is not unique to the south, I know many a Hispanic man that is happily married to a woman has a family with that woman, and at least one woman on the side and sometimes has children with her.
my sister in law tries to keep a tight leash on my brother based upon her experience with her parents, suffice to say she has a sister a few months older or younger with her same name
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
“I know many a Hispanic man that is happily married to a woman has a family with that woman, and at least one woman on the side and sometimes has children with her.”
**inserts more illegitimate people**
ForReal Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
I have always had this theory about how women were taught about relationships and marriage in the south; thank you for lending it more credence!
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
not this woman…
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
“not this woman…”
I concur.
Miss Patterson Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:34 am
I think guys only “get away with” as much as we let them “get away with”. Like you mentioned overit, the trick is paying attention. We all know deep down inside the difference between a guy who wants the p*ssy or who is simply not looking for a relationship, and one who’s really into us. My problem has been that I tell myself that my “relationship type attributes” will somehow supercede a man’s desire to keep it casual. It’s sort of like a repetitive pipe dream. As if he’ll snap out of it [the 'kick it' phase] or something…luckily this pipe dream has run its course.
btw, i love your “Dear God, it’s me again…” signature.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:48 am
LMAO, it is not my signature…yet. Something about VSB makes me call God every hour, whether its a pastor’s meeting or I’m on my woe is me tip, sadly its often the latter.
I’m with you, I’ve always known when a guy is only after s*x, it just sucks cause that’s a majority of the time. It seems the more “wifeable” you are, the less guys you attract. I just refuse to act out of character cause homeboy won’t holla otherwise.
And no, I don’t have Morton’s toe, painted on eyebrows, or a weak arse to waist ratio. I grew up with a huge emphasis on character and that has been the basis for a lot of my associations.
Miss Patterson Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:07 am
“It seems the more “wifeable” you are, the less guys you attract.”
this is my cue…i say “yep, you’re right overit” and take my a$$ to bed.
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:42 am
It seems the more “wifeable” you are, the less guys you attract.
i knew i wasnt the only one who thought this.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:54 am
“It seems the more “wifeable” you are, the less guys you attract.”
eh. i completely disagree with this statement, lol. all of the “wifeable” women that i know personally have to beat guys off with a stick. maybe its not the type of guys that they’re attracted to (which is another topic in itself), but they dont seem to be hurtin for attention
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:06 am
maybe its not the type of guys that they’re attracted to (which is another topic in itself), but they dont seem to be hurtin for attention
yeah, lmao add that as an addendum to my comment. i can get men, no question, the ones i want are few and far between
Ivy St. Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
“all of the “wifeable” women that i know personally have to beat guys off with a stick. ”
LOL! Shout out to Ivy and Gem!
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:55 am
eh. i completely disagree with this statement, lol. all of the “wifeable” women that i know personally have to beat guys off with a stick. maybe its not the type of guys that they’re attracted to (which is another topic in itself), but they dont seem to be hurtin for attention
well i’m not saying zero attention, i’m just saying less of the attention i want. i def get dudes who approach me, but its dudes who are ready to settle tomorrow (umm no) and dudes who i wouldn’t want anyway. i guess it is a shortage of the type of men i do want.
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
“I guess it is a shortage of the type of men i do want.”
This is a key statement in the true context of when women speak on men and their availability.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
“This is a key statement in the true context of when women speak on men and their availability.”
yeah. all it basically means is that “sure, men want me…just not the ones i want”.
this is why i outlined those three qualities in the entry, to actually help women become more attractive to more men.
vsb: where the champ always has women on his mind
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
“vsb: where the champ always has women on his mind”
If by women, you mean 8th Wondra, then I agree.
Killa K Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
“LOL! Shout out to Ivy and Gem! ”
Ivy!! You forgot about Killa K
Intellectual Hedonist Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:30 am
” I’m intimidating a lot of brothas because I know what I want and don’t mince words about it.”
my bmf says this to me too
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IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
“Guys are getting away with a lot more than our dads got away with, and why settle down when you can have your cake and eat it too?”
Excluding all of you wonderful VSS I am pretty sure a lot more women are casually sexing it up and cheating than they used to back in the days and getting away with it. Not you guys tho .. . lol
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Excluding all of you wonderful VSS I am pretty sure a lot more women are casually sexing it up and cheating than they used to back in the days and getting away with it. Not you guys tho .. . lol
LOL, you VSB’s always accuse us of claiming to be perfect. I definitely am not, and never claimed to be. I do know that I have never cheated, and do not go casually sexing it up. That is just me. Could I if I wanted to? Absolutely. This goes back to my whole thing about not doing things just cause you can. It might reflect on your character in a more positive light by choosing the road less traveled and shyt.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
im detecting some sarcasm, IVR! lmao!
i can only speak for myself, but im not a cheater, never have been…whos to say what the future will bring though! lol….i tried to wanna be interested in casual sex but, meh. it aint for me.
but youre right, there are women out there doin up and enjoying themselves and i say kudos to them! gone and get ya some.
puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:14 am
word on laura from the autobiography of malcolm x – one of my favourite lines from that book actually is one he uses to describe her: “if a woman gets really carried away while dancing, what she really is – at least potentially – will surface and show on her face” – because it’s true.
but back to your post: i’m not sure i agree entirely about the genders being totally out of sync. i think it’s true that men are generally expected to “sow their wild oats” for longer than women (actually, pause, why don’t women get to sow wild oats? i want to sow some oats godd@mn it!!!!). at the same time, i think it depends very much on the individual and the way they want to live. i see plenty of guys on my campus who are happily wifed up with no intentions of being otherwise. my sister is about to marry a man who acted the same way. i don’t think it’s so much men not being aware of the wifey attributes that they will eventually want in a partner, but rather society’s influence pushing them to make the most of their youth and whatnot in a way that does not generally apply to women. i guess that’s partly why magazines like GQ and King don’t have columns on “how to get your girl to say i love you”
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:42 am
well, we dont get to sow wild oats because, it seems, we are the dirt in which the oats get sown. wonderful, isnt it?
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
*sigh*
sadness.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
that hurt my heart Shani!
kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
hmm. . . according to Dwight, in the Shrute family, when a man has been intimate with a woman, the family sends him a bushel of wild oats. It’s for him to do as he pleases, make oatmeal, sow in his field, sell, burn, etc.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
i LOOOOOOOOOVE that you tied in the Shrute family tradition!!!!! i could even imagine the Dwight-y way it was stated.
i think i e-<3 you, kami kam *batting eyes*
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
HAHAHA! oh man, i loved that episode! the shrutes are a fabulous clan!
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:00 am
“sadly, i missed the basketball metaphor”
I kinda did too. I think I got it, but then i got confused about the..and “self-inflicted personal decline,” what exactly did he do to himself?
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:05 am
oh wait he did this:
“allen wanted to be moved to a team with a better shot of winning, even if it meant sacrificing his own statistics.”
Good lord I ain’t never read nothin so many times. I think Im just distracted by the utter “i don’t give a damn about sports” of it all. The Champooba could have used some type of department store metaphor so i wouldn’t have to re-read 5 times and marinate.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:43 am
i was really wondering how ya’ll missed the reference when he went ahead and explained it! lol
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:55 am
lol….Well I hear crickets …when i read or hear any sports reference…so thats where I had to reel myself in and really focus.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:57 am
“i was really wondering how ya’ll missed the reference when he went ahead and explained it! lol”
lol…maybe we just have ss’s among our readers instead of vss’s.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
“lol…maybe we just have ss’s among our readers instead of vss’s.”
yeah whatever champoobah.
i have an off-topic question for the ladies (seeing as this post is not for us) i’ve been thinking on for a while:
would you withhold shex from a dude because he did something to p*ss you off?
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Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:54 am
would you withhold shex from a dude because he did something to p*ss you off?
I dont withhold s.e.x however my mind and body are very closely tied together and most of the times if I am mad my body dont feel like getting down….but I aint gone deprive myself if I aint that upset about it…LOL I aint got to say nothing to you a$$….and I will still be mad in the morning..well unless its real good…then I might be making blueberry pancakes and eggs and shyt..
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:46 am
im feelin this…i think a man might see it as me withholding sex, but the reality is that im pissed off dammit! i dont want him touchin me or talkin to me or lookin at me at the moment! lol im not one for going through the motions if im really not feelin it (anymore)
but like shay said, if it aint THAT deep…sure we can have some angry sex…i have a great memory. it’ll still be there in the morning.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
but like shay said, if it aint THAT deep…sure we can have some angry sex…i have a great memory. it’ll still be there in the morning.
I don’t know about ya’ll but arguing for a few hours straight kills my libido. I’ve never had angry sex…
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
“I’ve never had angry s3x…”
…d@mn.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I agree.
Dayum…
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
“I’ve never had angry s3x…”
…d@mn.
speaking of angry sex, has anybody ever seen “a history of violence”? i’m bringing it up because it has the single best angry sex scene in the history of cinema.
Luvtheshoes Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Yep…and that scene was totally hot. I kept thinking ole girl was gonna kick him in the head afterwards when she walked past him on the stairs.
Angry sex can be some of the greatest sex.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
though i’ve never partaken in the angry sex…that scene was both hot and disturbing…
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
* makes a note to see this movie*
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
i havent seen that one champ, but im adding it to my netflix queue!
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
hmmmm guess i’ll hafta start a fight so i can try it… but then again i’m a goofball so i’d just end up laughing the whole time and it would turn into silly s*x…
sigh…
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:54 am
From my ‘man’?
Naw, unless he (tried to) hit me or stole my money or called me some out of pocket name. In which case, I’d cut him.
But, seriously, I am not a grudge holder. I say my piece and listen to yours and then I’m done. I don’t want to dredge it up again four hours later when it’s time for bed.
But, then again, I guess it would depend on the seriousness of the offense. I (knock on wood) I have not had anyone commit any heinous acts toward me.
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devessel Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:02 am
yes,
i have, and i will do it again.
as i explained to a friend just last evening: they must be trained just like puppies and dolphins–’reward’ only the good behavior.
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puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:04 am
giggling at “puppies and dolphins”
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:47 am
lmao! me too! so, deevs says, “no cookie!”
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:34 am
WTF?!
Preposterous. Withholding is never a good look. Maybe you should just get a puppy instead of a man.
Dolphins require significantly more maintenance.
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genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:52 am
devessel says:
“yes,
i have, and i will do it again. [use pus-c to train, control and manipulate a man]
as i explained to a friend just last evening: they must be trained just like puppies and dolphins–’reward’ only the good behavior.”
oh so your pus-c is a reward to a man? [that you already practice carnal behavior with] thats an interesting way to feel about it. what if he feels his ding-a-ling is a reward for a woman and only rewards good behavior etc?
you know who else uses their pus-c in such a way? prostitutes, despots etc. the only way i can see this tactic working in substanitive issues and with any staying power is if the man is feeble minded. there is no shortage of pus-c but granted “in the abundance of water the fool is thirsty.”
i don’t know what punk azz tinky winkies your tactics work on but i do not negotiate with terrorists. (especially in the sense you describe)
get black at me.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:02 am
“oh so your pus-c is a reward to a man? [that you already practice carnal behavior with] thats an interesting way to feel about it. what if he feels his ding-a-ling is a reward for a woman and only rewards good behavior etc?”
good question and sh*t
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:15 am
“oh so your pus-c is a reward to a man? [that you already practice carnal behavior with] thats an interesting way to feel about it. what if he feels his ding-a-ling is a reward for a woman and only rewards good behavior etc?”
ideally, hand-held, battery-operated pleasure toy sales would go up and single-handedly save our economy.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:47 am
“i don’t know what punk azz tinky winkies your tactics work on…”
*chuckles*
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
i was personally chuckling at “i do not negotiate with terrorists” *teehee*
puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:03 am
sorry, i should have been more specific. i meant in a context where it could be seen as a “punishment” of sorts – say y’all had been saving up for something, like a holiday, and he spent the money on a tv he didn’t need. my twisted logic leads me to think that it would be okay to not deny him $ex but to withhold something else – like food.
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devessel Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:07 am
*read twice, then frowns*
i think my answer remains unchanged, but maybe clarified as well: good behavior is rewarded, bad is treated with NO RESPONSE.
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genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am
devessel writes:
good behavior is rewarded [with pus-c], bad is treated with NO RESPONSE.
well if you are already in a sexual relationship with this puppy you’re attempting to train then your witholding of sex is a RESPONSE.
this pus-c as a training tool ideaology is pretzeled. get it corrected.
heh, heh, heh (inhales) whooooo!
Shay-d-lady Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:12 am
I dont think you should use .s.e.x as a reward or punishment.. if you are pissed off at him then tell him. scream, yell but using s.e.x as a weapon is a very dangerous game…it devalues it to me..cheapens it… and its a slippery slope to a relationship where you are doing nothing more than trading s.e.x for favors/rewards..buying of your affection….
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puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:21 am
i agree. this came up in a conversation with friends and aside from trading s.e.x. for favours, i’d feel like i’d be shooting myself in the foot cos he might go elsewhere for it meaning the “punishment” backfired and i’m left mad and horny at home.
devessel Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:07 am
from an academic standpoint…s.e.x is not a right, it is a shared privilege, usually. it is not a reward, nor is it punishment, nor should it be engaged in without the express agreement between both parties (i.e. no means no etc). soooo, from where i sit, unless we have decided to have ‘angry s.e.x’ –which in itself is a separate phenom– there will be none if there is something else that needs to be discussed, like whatthe!@#$wereyouthinking buying a portable HD for the downstairs bathroom during a recession.
am also a fan of not speaking loosely in anger…but that’s just me– a kid who has survived some pretty violent experiences.
and anyone who sees a situation like ‘i-didn’t-get-any-here-so-i-gotta-go-overthere’ as proper justification for stepping out will be graciously invited to remain out.
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:43 am
and anyone who sees a situation like ‘i-didn’t-get-any-here-so-i-gotta-go-overthere’ as proper justification for stepping out will be graciously invited to remain out.
Hmmmmm… One of my best friends just moved to Charlotte… her husband is still in pgh reliving his batchelorhood since his family is out of state. He can’t transfer to Charlotte for another couple months. She is in a city where she doesn’t know anybody and has a brood of young children. She’s mad and frustrated cuz he’s at the bar every other night… maybe (is) talking to other women, or worse, and she’s hemmed up completing her wifely duties. This has been going on for a few months now. He has started not answering her calls, not talking to her in front of other people. Just disrespecting her and they’ve been married for about 2 years now. She’s started talking to other men, she’s lonely and human. She asked me if I think she should cheat. She tries to talk to him about it and he shuts down. He HAS cheated at another point in time… she has given him the heads up that she’s lonely and he isn’t doing his job as a husband – he’s basically neglecting her. He’s taking care of the bills but since they aren’t physically in the same place he’s doing him. So I told her, after we hashed out ALL the scenarios, that she should have her friend, let him take her out, be honest about everything with her friend, not fc*k him, just get out of the house… stop whining to hubby about being lonely and neglected… have her “me” time… and when hubby gets to NC, they can reconnect. What do ya’ll think about that?
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:52 am
i think that if her needs arent being met and he doesnt give half a sh!t about that, then she needs to seriously reconsider whether or not she wants to remain married to him.
i do not think the answer can be found in going on a date with another man.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:12 am
“He HAS cheated at another point in time… ”
i already read this way before you even wrote it..Why are women so SURPRISED at a man who showed his hand from the very beginning. I think there are “husbandly” clues or lack there of that show up on DATE ONE, TWO and THREE.
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:29 am
i do not think the answer can be found in going on a date with another man.
i agree with this in theory, but when they are together my girl’s husband is basically a good dude. He’s good with their kids and is mostly a loving husband. I think that this seperation is really hard for the both of them. He’s not used to going with “it” for a long time… I don’t know. It’s like do they throw it away cuz they are going through a rough time, or do they do what they have to do to get through the rough time?
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:29 am
i do not think the answer can be found in going on a date with another man.
i agree with this in theory, but when they are together my girl’s husband is basically a good dude. He’s good with their kids and is mostly a loving husband. I think that this seperation is really hard for the both of them. He’s not used to going with “it” for a long time… I don’t know. It’s like do they throw it away cuz they are going through a rough time, or do they do what they have to do to get through the rough time?
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:05 am
“i agree with this in theory, but when they are together my girl’s husband is basically a good dude. He’s good with their kids and is mostly a loving husband. I think that this seperation is really hard for the both of them. He’s not used to going with “it” for a long time… I don’t know. It’s like do they throw it away cuz they are going through a rough time?”
i think they need to cut their losses and go their separate ways.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:17 am
keeping it together when you are together is one thing. how you behave when no one is looking is another. i know its gotta be hard for them. i was separated from my SO for two months during katrina and that was hard enough in itself. but that’s still no excuse to be neglecting your wife. if you can’t get through the hard times together, how are you going to make it to the good times?
i don’t see anything wrong with having friends or going out and enjoying your life, but if she’s seriously considering cheating and asking people their opinion about it, she’s already got the wrong mind frame in my opinion. she’s not looking to make friends or establish a new life in this new city. she’s on the lookout for someone to replace here husband.
if she can’t trust him when he’s not right up under her nose or he’s so quick to dimiss her when she’s not in his line of sight, then what’s the point? yes, you have to work at maintaining that connection (cause all relationships require work) but i should be able to send my husband halfway around the world and not have to worry ’bout a thing.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
“i agree with this in theory, but when they are together my girl’s husband is basically a good dude. He’s good with their kids and is mostly a loving husband. I think that this seperation is really hard for the both of them. He’s not used to going with “it” for a long time… I don’t know. It’s like do they throw it away cuz they are going through a rough time, or do they do what they have to do to get through the rough time?”
and then what happens the next time they have a rough patch? he goes and screws other women while she entertains other men? what kind of marriage is that??? and i really wanna consider the “good dude” that stops taking his wife’s calls and is out talkin to other chicks.
im thinkin that term is being used a little loosely here, dont you?
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
im thinkin that term is being used a little loosely here, dont you?
I hear you Shatani, I really do… and I ponder this a lot in just normal day to day relationships. Their relationship usually suits them (my friend and her husband). Neither one of them are angels and this is definitely a rough patch for them. They’ve only been married for 2 years but they have a lot of history, some bad, but a lot of good and I think that they are both maturing. This separation has tested their union to the utmost… but they are MARRIED… and have a lot of kids. Isn’t marriage the good and the bad? I don’t think that you should stay married to someone at all costs, but i also don’t think that it should be easy to throw someone away. He’s not perfect, but neither is she. She is holding it down in NC while he’s here… but he’s held her down in some rough spots b4 too… I believe that their relationship can be redeemed if they are both willing. I spoke with my girl today and she said that they are talking. I don’t know. Maybe they will just end up divorced… but like I said when they are together (in the same physical space) they are happy and make each other happy… so I don’t know.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
i see what youre saying pgh and i will admit to being a bit of a quitter…as i said before, im not the ride or die. that said, being married for the sake of being married is silly if neither person is in it all the way.
if they just werent talking to each other, that would be one thing. but the fact that they are even entertaining the idea of outside conquests tells me that neither of them are fully in it. its easy to be a couple when your partner is next to you. what you do when they cant see you is a true test of your committment and it sounds to me like they have both failed that test.
im not saying it cant be turned around (although, me being me, i wouldnt bother) but i am saying that it has to be a concerted effort on both their parts. there needs to be communication and compromise. and they both have to want it.
genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:07 am
devessel contradicks:
[sex] “…it is not a reward, nor is it punishment…”
this is a departure from your previous entry which states:
“i have, and i will do it again [withhold the pus-c] they [men] must be trained just like puppies and dolphins–’reward’ only the good behavior.”
now u wanna get sh*t corrected. it felt so good when you let it out the first time huh? i wish you a life of sucka azzed miccas that go for this bullsh*t and i hope you like everything else that cums wih it.
taze urself.
V dot Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:13 am
lmao at withholding food.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:53 am
yeah, i was giggling over that one myself! lol
Ange Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:16 am
Why? So I can punish myself? Seriously, that’s childish. Two grown adults should be able to discuss their feelings. I’ll say what I’m mad about en route to the bed. Or table.
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Sex shouldn’t be used or a weapon or a shield.
The use of that tactic between a committed couple [married folks] sullies the act in ways that down the line, can cause irreparable damage. It is essentially psychological warfare and can be the downfall of that relationship.
Please don’t do that.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:56 am
but where do you draw the line? when is it withholding sex and when is it genuinely being so pissed off that youre not in the mood for sex? i mean, its all about intentions and, as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
whatever your intent, wont your man see it the same way? the outcome (no sex for him) is certainly the same.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:08 am
thats true…im gonna say there is a serious disconnect if one person is hurting about something and the other person just wants to get it in.
And when two people are pissed…i guess that negates the whole fact that se!x is being withheld in the first place…because neither party gives a good hot da@mn.
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:26 am
That’s an excellent answer, CBG.
I’m feeling rather “VSB blah” today and have no real contributions to make.
It’s sorta like when a couple gets into an argument and they have to go to their neutral corners to regroup/get over themselves and then they can come back together and be happy and have s3xy-time.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:36 am
“I’m feeling rather “VSB blah” today and have no real contributions to make.”
PBG
sprankle some glitter and turn that frown upside down.. 
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:44 am
PBG, don’t make me throw some gold stars at you…
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Thank you for the VSB Glitter and Gold Stars. I shall that deposit them in my account and see if they can negate some of these hell points I have.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
don’t forget to report back. lol.
ForReal Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Excellent point Shatani. I don’t withhold but on some (rare) occasions i’m too mad/upset to want to get down, and to the guy it’s unfortunately the EXACT SAME THING. Gotta study this conundrum a bit more.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:01 am
“would you withhold shex from a dude because he did something to p*ss you off?”
yes..if he ran over the dog. i mean how you gonna drop it like its hot with a hurt puppy in the driveway.
seriously i try not to let the sun set on bullshyt.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am
lmao…
Concur with a swift strike of the gavel. Address the bullsh*t… just like sex shouldn’t be a weapon too many men try use it as a gotdayum pacifyer (i cain’t spell)… like if i give her some dyck that will shut her up. nah son. If ya’ll can’t work out a problem and you don’t want to have sex then don’t do it. I’m not saying put the “p” on a pendulum and dangle it in front of your man like he’s one of Pavlov’s doggies… but sh*t if you ain’t feelin’ it you ain’t feelin it. his job is to make u want to sleep with him.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
“…like if i give her some dyck that will shut her up
its hard to talk with a wang in your mouth
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Hush.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
lol…you should know this better than anyone else here
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Don’t get hurt up in here.
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
this made me giggle. u stoopid.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:01 am
“…seeing as this post is not for us…”
again, though…how exactly is this post not for you, lol? although many of our entries here may be questions directed more at a specific gender, theres something for everybody in every entry. vsb’s for the people and sh*t.
btw, i kn0w you asked that question to the ladies, but you can find your answer here:
http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/cheat-shiiieeeeet/
“…there’s no lonelier place in the world than a bed where your mate has decided, for whatever reason, to stop having sex with you, and no better, more efficient way to put the cheating key in the ignition. honestly, its actually easier sleeping next to a mate you’ve never slept with, than one who all of a sudden decided to rock their rusty-ass chastity belt to bed. unless you have some type of serious physical impairment, the reasoning behind this never matters. its always stupid, you’re always stupid for doing this, and it’s just plain f*cking stupid. stupid.
i’m on punany punishment cause you’re mad at me? f**k you! f**k me.
you’ve all of a sudden started believing that i’m only with you for the sex? f**k you! f**k me.
you’ve decided out of the blue to become born again and celibate? f**k you! f**k me.”
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first of all, you almost threw me for a loop and sh*t with that ray allen analogy- but you finally brought it together.
Secondly, I think the term “wifey” has set black relationships back in a sense. I either want to be your gf, or your wife…no in-betweens. I’ve seen some of my male friends describe a girl as “wifey” when really he only viewed her as a level 1 f-buddy. Next should be ashamed of how they have single handily added more stress to dating! I think wifey is just another way to say yea i like you, but i’m not willing to “put a ring on it”. (sorry had to do the b reference)
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:45 am
“put a ring on it”. (sorry had to do the b reference)
I LOVE this song… uh uh oh uh uh oh uh uh OHH…. this is me singing… lolol
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:59 am
me too!!! i blast it in the car and sing along more than a person should! im sure random folks waiting for the bus think im a lunatic! lol
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Naturally Uh-Lease Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:31 am
that song. womp. sigh. boo. hiss.
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Not feeling it either huh?
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:33 am
I know I’m not. I can do without Ms. Knowles-Carter, but those of you who love her, enjoy.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
i dont love her specifically, but this song has got me! lol…it makes me happy. plus watching all the crazies on youtube learn and perform the dance, amuses me! they gay guys got it down!
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
*throwing tomatoes* That damn song…
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:44 am
yeah i think this has been brought up before..men throw the term “wifey” around alot…
im gonna throw husbandly around today.
“I think wifey is just another way to say yea i like you, but i’m not willing to “put a ring on it”. ”
the “perpetual girlfriend” is that too, two steps up from a FB. I think women need to start asking for more.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:48 am
men only do what you give him permission to do. And whatever you give he will take. I think alot of the responsibility really falls on us ladies to direct the ship.
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genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Comeback writes:
“men only do what you give him permission to do. And whatever you give he will take.”
do you give your man “permission to cheat, sleep, eat, beat etc? well he wouldn’t have taken it if you hadn’t given it right?
oh no i get it. it’s the attitude behind the meaning that i really take exception to. i now permit all women who feel like this to kiss my azz. thank you.
taze yourselves.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:49 am
i think maybe what she means, or how i see it is, you’re not giving them permission to do it, ninjas can do whatever the hell they choose to, ring or not.
but if you accept it or look the other way, you are allowing yourself to be treated a certain way. therefore, giving him permission to continue said behavior with no consequences.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
right…thats what i was thinking. people treat you how you allow them to treat you.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Southern Girl has it EXACTLY GK..does the truth hurt?
Most men will take se!x on the first night. He might try and double or triple book your @zz on date night. Show up late. Not show up at all …its endless. people period test boundaries. And men get clues on how to treat you namely with how you treat and view yourself AND what you are willing to accept.
Its human nature in EVERY envorinment for people to dance along the edges to see what they can get away with…men are no different.
and women do set the relationship tone.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
i agree with that statement. i remember being told once when i was younger that women set the tone in relationships and i wasnt buyin it at all! lol…i see it now. its not about what you do, as much as its about what you let the other person do.
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
taze yourselves
wow. that’s harsh…
Why is what CBG said so horrible?
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
“taze yourselves
wow. that’s harsh…
”
i think its a GK speak for pre-coital activity..
Khanie Khan..i don’t like that much pain with my pleasure..k?
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:02 am
“I think women need to start asking for more.”
girl, you aint said nothin but a word! i was having a conversation with a friend about another friend who has been with a guy for over a decade and he’s crazy jealous and all manner of nonsense and she just puts up with it. he’s not willing to put a ring on it, but wants to keep her on lock. and my question is, WHY is that okay?!?! why do you think you neeeed to put up with this ish? why do you not deserve to be happy in your relationship?
the answer: she’s in love. *blank stare*
i mean, if thats what “in love” does, then imma stay the hell out of it.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:17 am
“WHY is that okay?!?! why do you think you neeeed to put up with this ish? why do you not deserve to be happy in your relationship?
”
this is true..and to me you also ask with body language. You ask your @zz right out the door…
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:30 am
“i mean, if thats what “in love” does, then imma stay the hell out of it.”
That makes 2 of us.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
women who ask for more might end up with a great husband, but not as many relationships.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
i don’t think you always have to “ask for more” with your mouth. in fact i don’t really think you have to do much “asking”. imho
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
please expound…
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:11 am
lol…ya’ll are really squinting at the dust between the lines. i said “wifey” but it could have been “wife”, “life partner”, or “chick i’m married to and sh*t”.
its all the same thing
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:24 am
it’s really not champ. it’s the same to you because of how you intend it to be. all men don’t think that way. or they’re just going around throwing out labels and interchanging meanings.
if we are taking your meaning for the sake of the discussion, thats’s cool. but let’s not fool ourseles into thinking that’s always the case.
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Lawds 90 somethin posts and its only 11:30pm PST!
Ok. My questions are: What if she or he is missing one or two of your “requirements”? Do some have more weight than others?
Are you willing to overlook some of the not so important ones?
No one is perfect, so you should be willing to live with their imperfections.
For me…i settled once, got burned..and vowed never to do it again. But i also had to realize that some of the fault was mine and had to do some soul searching to get myself right before persuing another relationship. So now i think i deserve to get everything i want in a man (and then some..)
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
good for you! we all have to learn that somehow. apparently, its easier for some than it is for others…
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:13 am
“Ok. My questions are: What if she or he is missing one or two of your “requirements”? Do some have more weight than others?”
initially, number 1 holds the most weight. the further we get into a relationship though, 2 and 3 gain more importance and relevance
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Before reading any comments, lemme just say that I absolutely adore the Ray Allen analogy. Ohmigod! He’s a personal favorite and you just described something I’ve always felt but couldn’t formulate in so many words.
Marriage material the ability to be a Ray Allen.
That’s friggin’ brilliant!
(first time being carded for profanity…
)
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:16 am
thanks and sh*t. i actually hesitated a bit before using ray because he’s actually one of my least favorite players (because of some behind-the scene sh*t that happened with him and my cousin) but i couldn’t think of any other current hoops analogy that worked
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kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Jordan and the wizards. . . oh, wait, that was the opposite. After messing up by trying to be manager, coach, and kwame brown mentor, he decides to single-handedly mount a comeback and reverse his loss.
Yep, this is not a man who sacrificed his ego and stats for the team, this is a man who expected the team to sacrifice their ego and stats for him.
Grr, DC 4 lyfe
Only true DC ppl have even heard of the mixtape of Kingpin Skinnypimp
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I just want to contribute that time is something that we can never get back. As young people societally we are kinda guided to think that you can spend a few years partying and being irresponsible, and just having fun “sowing wild oats” and all that and that you’ll still have time for your happily ever after. That may not be the case. I am not saying that people shouldn’t have fun. I just think that people should live in the present and take life seriously, it’s not all fun and games, and you don’t know what the future holds. So if you have a person in your life and you love them, but are holding back bcuz of a$$ ratios or some other non-sense, don’t be mad when that person moves on. Once something is done, it’s done and it can’t be taken back.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:19 am
thank you, ms muse and sh*t
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
lol. i got u
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I think a wifey is someone that you could step out of the game for. As in no more hollering at other girls (in that manner), trying to get some from the neighborhood jump off. Wifey is the girl that you show to the world. It’s not based on pre-convienced rules, it’s based on you.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:20 am
“I think a wifey is someone that you could step out of the game for”
to you, is the “wifey” designation an art or a science?
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Wow…so I’ve made a personal note to get on these cooking lessons, because not every brotha loves brunch, latin food or sushi…but really the times where it has gotten to “wifey” status, which sounds a bit ridiculous now that I think about it…but I digress…there were a few things that were present in the relationship.
1. Trust…loyalty and ease of conversation standsout.
2. They felt inspired….not in an infatuation kind of way, but in a “I feel so supported I can be successful at anything” kind of way.
3. Champ was right…mornings in bed, for all various kinds of reasons.
4. The Friends & Family Test: His friends wished they were him and his family wished they could change my last name…immediately.
But that’s just my two cents
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:22 am
“but really the times where it has gotten to “wifey” status, which sounds a bit ridiculous now that I think about it”
why doesnt it sound ridiculous and sh*t?
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10 Top Wifey qualities (this is in no particular order)
1. She knows how to cook and actually does it (there’s a difference)
2. Sex/head game is on point
3. Down to earth/ down @ss chick <- there several meaning to this
4. We both have common interest
5. Intelligence
6. Doesn’t nag me about small shyt and while I’m watching sports
7. A woman who appreciates shty, the little things
8. Knows how to roll the perfect dutch
9. Sense of Humor
10. A woman that just gets me
Bonus
11. Goal orientated
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puff Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:09 am
not hating on your list – cos i think it’s on point – but i’d sub 8 for 11. i’m just saying, i’d rather be pulling in that extra $70k a year than be blazed. i don’t need to head on down that tyrone biggums road, crackhead love ain’t pretty.
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:32 am
I totally get what your saying but that list was in no particular order. What happened was . . . as soon as I was about to click “submit” I realized I left off being goal orientated. But then again her goals could be becoming a ‘connoisseur of fine cannabis’ or consuming large quantities. lol
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
are you willing to teach her how to roll that perfect spliff? (am i using that correctly? spliff? lmao)
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:24 am
down @ss chick <- there several meaning to this
What r those several meanings?
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:05 am
“a girl with extensions in her hair
bamboo earrings at least 2 pair”
When I was making that list up I was thinking of wifey/bm. So I guess I would define a down @ss chick as someone who has my back (including that time I knocked up the neighborhood gardening tool, who happens to be her sister . . .THESE ARE JUST JOKES PEOPLE) no matter what. Someone that will have that bail money ready in case I need it (now that really did happen)
Someone that doesn’t mind skipping an expensive dinner, to dine off the dollar menu.
“I need a round the filet not some stuck up tuna”
I need someone in my life to let me know when my shty stinks and to let me know when I’m effing up or about to make a bad decision.
Someone that doesn’t want or need all those expensive material things, but gets them anyway because she’s the shyt. Someone that will fight with me and for me.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Eff yo, I dig this.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
me too!
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:23 am
yeah this is hot couch.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:29 am
cool.
is rolling the dutch negotiable?
eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Since your from the south I’ll let you roll up a swisha sweet for me
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:00 pm
lol. even though that’s not what i meant…
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
i just told my man i dont do bail money. i expect him to have sense and keep his monkey azz out of trouble.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
wow shay, are we still telling ninjas now?
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:25 am
“down @ss chick <- there several meaning to this”
it’s (and correct me if i’m wrong, eff) basically another way of describing “down-to-earth”
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Good question Champ, I see your trying to make me put on my thinking cap. When I originally made that list I included the 2 together.
Now you have me I’m asking myself if there is a difference between the 2? I guess that would depend on how one would define them both, but I’m going to play devil’s advocate and say yes there’s a difference.
I’m thinking a down to earth chick is open minded, but will let you know when your wrong, where as a down @ss chick would have your back no matter what (i.e. R Kelly’s wife after that tape came out)
Also when I hear the term down @ss chick, I get this sense of ghetto-ness.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
“where as a down @ss chick would have your back no matter what (i.e. R Kelly’s wife after that tape came out):
Is this good though? Not everyone is a Cookie Johnson. If down a*s chick means I have to put up with infidelity, I guess I aint one.
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Cookie Johnson takes “down a$$ chick” to another level. There’s infidelity. Then there’s infidelity that could actually kill you. I’m sorry but I’m STILL giving Magic the INTENSE side-eye on
what manwho he got HIV from.Yeah I said it. Cry two tears in a bucket.
eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
In the words on Micheal Jackson . . .
pass the Jesus JucieYou are not alone!!I’m too am still wondering about Magic Johnson.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
This is why we are e-bff Luna Luvvie.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
i think anybody with sense is still side-eying that sitch. i saw her in a magazine recently talking about AIDS awareness and whatnot (very important) but still found myself smh and thinking, d@mn, you really should know…
seriously, i really wonder how things like that play out.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
“Cookie Johnson takes “down a$$ chick” to another level.”
My opinion has always been that Cookie isn’t necessarily down for Magic, she just has no other options.
Seriously, if I was a man, Cookie could get tested 300 times and they could all come out negative and I STILL wouldnt touch her. I feel like she either stays with Magic, or spends her life alone.
That’s not really being down as much as it is dealing with the cards life dealt you.
thoughts?
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
“My opinion has always been that Cookie isn’t necessarily down for Magic, she just has no other options.”‘
8th, you know I heart you. But ain’t no way in H*ll is Cookie’s only option to stay with her cheating, HIV-infected man. NO WAY! There are other choices.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
Lol I heart you too.
I guess I just mean that the fact that she was obviously sleeping with Magic, and then he got HIV, kinda makes her scarlet-letter-esque, don’t you think?
If I met a hella attractive man, and he told me while he was married his wife contracted HIV, there is no way in hell I’d ever sleep with him, and if we cant sleep together, I doubt we’ll be together. So I’m saying, if this is what Cookie’s thought process was (and I’d love to know WHAT her throught process for staying was), then it makes sense that she stayed. Otherwise, I don’t understand why she wouldn’t have left eons ago.
eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Cookie is not a Down @ss chick, she’s crazy!!!
No I don’t think it’s good to be devoted to someone like that. Personally I would be scared to be with someone like Cookie after doing what Magic did.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
Thanks for clearing that up eff. I was a bit concerned lol. When I hear down arse chicks I get mental images of girls I know who got locked up for slinging ish for their man, Cookie Johnson, and every politicians wife who (for a reason beyond my understanding) stood at the podium beside her cheatin a*s man while he tells the world he cheated.
To me, down arse chick is my momma. Holding things down when they were at risk of falling apart and being there for my dad cause, lets face it, yall do not do well when sh*t hits the fan lol. Love yall though!
Jen Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
R. Kelly’s wife is not “down.” She stupid.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
wait, does he actually have a wife!?!?
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
yup. or at least he did. not sure what their current status is legally.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
wow, that just blew my mind!
*scratches ‘down @ss chick’ off my list of traits*
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“it’s (and correct me if i’m wrong, eff) basically another way of describing “down-to-earth””
some dudes see it as taking one for the team, like seriously compromising your credit or criminal history for a dude, which i think is unfair to put someone in that kind of situation.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
shatani aint no ride or die….
meleka Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:28 am
the bonus is to be goal oriented? Shouldn’t that be a pre-req? -rlp (resident late poster)
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Jen Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Sweet lord. Knowing to roll a dutch is required but being goal-oriented is optional?
F.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
LMAO @ Jen. Take what you read on VSB with a grain of salt.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Pretty much.
I agree with the 3 items stated. The Ray Allen analogy is critical. I’d also have to say “a great sense of humor”. I make a lot of reckless jokes and write a lot of reckless ish. If a shorty can’t appreciate my sense of humor, it’s not gonna work…at all.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
” I’d also have to say “a great sense of humor”
the ability to laugh at yourself and be level-headed kind of ties into unpretentiousness (to me at least)
lol…this is my longwinded way of saying “i agree”
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“this is actually related to the reason why many women claim to only get sincerely approached when they’re looking their worst (ie “in a t-shirt, ponytail, and sweats at the supermarket”).”
This I can appreciate. I’m way more “off” than on.
It’s good to know that I can get hollered at in a doo-rag and no make-up at the corner store when I’m getting my Sunday paper. This never happens when I’m done up…lol
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kamakula Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
well, there’s that, but quite frankly you women are amazing and beautiful and a guy can have a hard time making a move with you blasting out sun style wattage.
So, when we can directly look at you, instead of needing sunglasses just to obliquely glance your way, it’s easier to get things done.
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:14 am
Thanks for breaking that down kamakula. I appreciate the insight.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
i need to tell my mama that! she is of the belief that i should be dressed to kill at all times….she is appalled at my sweatpants, t-shirt and jacket combination for going to class. “what if you meet your husband today?” she asks…well, shoot, its best he sees what he’s really gonna get! i clean up nice, but i dont do it that often! lol im a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal…
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Hold the f*ck up!!!
First you attack Jim Jones, I was mostly quiet. Then you attack the Baltimore Ravens, again I gave you leeway. Now I will not, under any circumstances, allow you to attack the Black President, Agent Zero. Who is your team up there in Pittsburgh???!!!??? In fact why don’t you speak on something that you know about, like hockey, or perennially underacheiving college big men?
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
This made me laugh… a lot…
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
“First you attack Jim Jones, I was mostly quiet.”
Are you… dont tell me. You’re a fan of Scruffy McHoboson??? Say it aint so!!!
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
“Now I will not, under any circumstances, allow you to attack the Black President, Agent Zero.”
if you wanna continue to blindly support someone who can’t stay healthy for more than 55 games, and, through his contract (which is easily the worst in the nba) basically insures that the wizards wont be competitive for at least another 6 years, go right ahead. i guess losing teams need fans too
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
that contract is the albatross that keeps me from throwing my full support behind the local team. That was a stupid signing. They should have let one team bid before they gave him all that money. They could’ve let him roll and picked up some other stud. Now they will be perpetual first round losers.
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Dorian G. Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
they did let someone else bid. Golden State offered 5 years 90 mil. we signed him for 6 years 114 mil. Thats basically the same contract at one extra year. What other “stud” was on the market. Either way Gil would have had the top contract of the free agent class and the Bullets would have once again been trash, just like they were before he got here.
Dorian G. Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
“if you wanna continue to blindly support someone who can’t stay healthy for more than 55 games, and, through his contract (which is easily the worst in the nba) basically insures that the wizards wont be competitive for at least another 6 years, go right ahead. i guess losing teams need fans too”
this is a moronic statement from someone whom apparently is a bandwagon Celtics fan. I wouldn’t expect anything less from someone raised in Pittsburgh. Let me address this from the top
1. Stay healthy for more than 55 games – Ok so two years ago Gil plays 70 games, then Gerald Wallace crashes into his knee and he misses the rest of the season and the playoffs. Still named 3rd team All NBA and was an MVP candidate in the first half of the season. Last year he plays 8 games, shuts it down, then plays the final 10 games and playoffs, obviously still hurt. This year has what is hoped to be the last surgery and has shut it down till December (which means he still plays 60 or so games). So ONE SEASON he doesn’t play, now according to you, he “can’t stay healthy for more than 55 games a year” basura.
2. Easily worst in the NBA huh L T F O L. No its better than about half the contracts in the league right now, just ask Minn fans how they feel about KG making $22 mil a year to go to the lottery only to watch him turn it on in Bos.
3. Define competitive. I’m 24. Number of years in my life Bullets were in the playoffs w/o Gil = 0. Number of years in my life Bullets were in the playoffs w/ Gil = 4 (By the way he’s only been here for 5 years). I think he’s making us competitive.
LOL @ “losing teams need fans”. Go gush to your friends about how cute LeBron is, or whatever player/team you like today, hater.
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The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
“hello Orkin…yes..there are whole bunch of crickets runnin round up and through on comment 20.”
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
lmao!
Your list is on point. I hear similar things from my guy friends. This part “many women claim to only get sincerely approached when they’re looking their worst ” rings true too. I get hit on more wearing jeans than when I’m all dressed up. One of the places that I get approached the most is the gym and I always wondered why because I’m in sweats, a ponytail, and sweating. It’s not a good look.
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:12 am
The gym has more quality chicks than the club anyday. Plus I would approach a woman at the gym because just going to the gym says alot about you. But then again you have some women that go to the gym just to meet their next ex husband
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Eff yo,
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
I read an article recently that said that couples should go to the gym together because the sexy outfits, stretching and physical exertion involved in exercise conjurs the s*xual animal in people.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Waddup Yung$$$, where were you yesterday? lol, i noticed yesterday I appreciate your commentary, cause I didn’t see any!
You missed a bangin church service too, I know you love those lmao.
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
He sure did miss the church service. We had a guest deacon, 3 offerings, and a benediction.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I can still hear the tambourines.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
…as sista deaconess hums softly on the front pew.
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
And Sista O’Dell catches the holy ghost, while the head usher clears the aisle so no one gets hurt
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Overit, I really appreciate the love. And I am so mad that I missed out on the service. I got to work and as usual I went straight to VSB. But when I looked at the site I saw that there were about 7.6 trillion posts. Honestly, I felt that I was too far out of the loop to get involved in the convo. So I was forced to actually work.
P.S. I’m mad I missed the service. I needed to testify too.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
You’re always welcome Yung$$$, you stay cracking me up lol. Yeah VSB is on 100+ comments at 2am…its not a game. You are never too far out the loop, you better get in where you fit in next time.
There will be more services trust me. Folks on here need it!
*thumbing rosary beads*
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I’m going to make a tambourine out of styrofoam plates, glue, glitter, finger paint, ribbons and dry beans and bring it to Happy Hour so we can have services there.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
D*Pain, pay no attn to my e-twin overit’s “rosary beads” becuz you might get cursed. she got those beads from Popeye’s when she ordered her #2 with an extra side of red beans & rice for lunch yesterday.
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:16 am
i dunno how i missed PBG’s comment about her styrofoam tambourine but now that i’m noticing–HILARIOUS!!! i would *die* for real if i saw that mess at the happy hour.
i <3 me some VSB-ers boyyyy.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
D*Pain, pay no attn to my e-twin overit’s “rosary beads” becuz you might get cursed. she got those beads from Popeye’s when she ordered her #2 with an extra side of red beans & rice for lunch yesterday.
Gemmy! Where were you today? I missed my e-twin:( And you know you were all UP in my rice and beans, now you wanna ack like u had no part.
Rude!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:13 am
LOL! i can’t resist popeye’s red beans and rice i tell ya–can’t do it!!
but i feel so special knowing my e-twin missed me awww *hugs*. i been working on this daggone poster for this conf i’m going to in DC this weekend. it’s becoming the death of me. i was here (my office) til 2:30a and will likely leave around that time again tonight. *smh* i hate grad school sometimes…
shatani Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:23 am
gemmie i hate grad school ALL the time! what are you presenting?!?! *super nosey*
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:34 am
*weighing how nerdy i should make this response*
i’m presenting some data on a project looking at the later life (adolescence &adulthood) effects of the early life (equiv to human infant/toddler age) administration of a certain type of antibiotic. my data SUCKS but i have to present it since i submitted my abstract. but i don’t know the software i’m using, i just finished collecting data. i’m all kinds of outta order.
and i don’t hate grad school all the time. i love that some days i can wake up at 9a, brush my teeth, and hop back in the bed until 11a just becuz i feel like it. now that’s the life!
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:35 am
p.s. i LOVE the nickname “gemmy/gemmie”. it’s sooo cute and endearing. but it takes away from my gangstaness, so we need to limit the use, OK?? lol
overit Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:38 am
red beans and rice is almost as crackish as vsb!
gurl, i know about being up late. i’ve been on some deadlines lately that make me feel like an indentured servant even though im getting paid. like, i had to remind myself i was getting paid nice to do the work lol. it still was brutal. but this is why i love VSB, cause i get to distract myself and laugh my arse off.
at least you’re in grad school, im starting next year:( i am SO excited to go back to school, but i wish i did it sooner:) oh well, its only been a couple of years, the experience did me good but i think i could be a student forever! especially since Idris makes all the money anyway;)
in short, i feel ya, and air hug!!!
shatani Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:43 am
“i’m presenting some data on a project looking at the later life (adolescence &adulthood) effects of the early life (equiv to human infant/toddler age) administration of a certain type of antibiotic. my data SUCKS but i have to present it since i submitted my abstract. but i don’t know the software i’m using, i just finished collecting data. i’m all kinds of outta order.”
that sounds interesting…how do you control for confounding variables and shyt? what program are you using? i HATE statistics!! thats why my dissertation is non-empirical. lmao! i cannot deal with those programs…spss and minitab make me wanna go on a killing spree!
i do hate grad school, i but i admit im not looking forward to the real world. everytime i think about having to get up and go to work everyday (like every single day?!?!) i shudder! lol…i wanna be a student who gets paid and doesnt have to work for a grade. i just wanna learn for learning’s sake…
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 12:55 am
e-twin: i wish you all the best in your return to school!! my program isn’t course-work intensive so i just do research, which i do get paid to do! no loans for this gem–thankyabebehayseuss!! but yeah, this staying up late ish is for the birds. fortunately this isn’t typical. just cuz i was behind on some ish.
shat: (hehe it’s weird but i love to say/type it!) my experiments are done in rats (don’t freak out–they are gentle sweet creatures, believeitornot) so i can control for a lot. unfortunately, my 2 sets of data don’t coincide so i have different data for the same proj, which is why it’s driving me nuts to put this whole thing together!! and yeah, i hate stats too. mostly becuz i hate matlab lol. but i just did t-tests on this data tho, so very simple. but i’m messing with these graphs, ish not sizing right on the poster, i’m trying to figure out how to say “my years worth of work resulted in basically nothing so you’re wasting your time reading this poster” in proper scientific terms, ya know just foolishness.
overit Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:00 am
look here gem dawg, let me stop, i love gemmie lmao. but i will keep it at gem, and keep the “mee” part inaudible, just pretend you hear it.
ooh your research sounds fascinating. antibiotics are the devil lol. just from experience, i think they are over prescribed.
can we talk about how my doc prescribed me prednisone?? several times?? it wasnt even for anything too major, but good thing i know how to read, that mess aint no joke.
learning for learning sake is my dream. i’m actually in a program now studying natural medicine, but im going to law school. overit could not decide what she wanted to do, and couldnt reconcile her love for public service and natural (real, cough) medicine..so i didnt. we’ll see how it goes:)
Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:10 am
lmao @ gem dawg. that’s more like it!! fits more of my feminine thuggishness, ya know??
girl yes, meds are waaay over prescribed. my pops is a doc and he refuses to hand out prescriptions willy nilly. he be like “get some rest” lol. but yeah beta-lactam antibiotics actually cause neuronal and behavioral changes in adults. it can actually work as a good thing, as an anti-depressent. so um i was looking to find if they cause any behavioral changes if given to “infants” (read: baby rats). and according to my data it might lol. my ish is soooo inconclusive. which is why i deaded this ish awhile ago and moved on to just measuring dopamine in the brain throughout development (pre-adol to adulthood).
law school eh?? good stuff e-twin!! i have a passion for public service too, but i’m going about it in a very diff way lol. gonna save the world thru science. one thug mind at a time haha
and ummmm since when did we start referring to ourselves in the 3rd person?????? lol i love it!
overit Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:18 am
go ‘head, my e-twin is a genius yall! khan that. aha!
i’m proud of ya! and the poor widdle, white, red eyed lab rats. my aunt worked at Georgetown thru grad school and you just gave me flashbacks of a room full of lab rats. one side was paralyzed, one side of the room were rats in cages paralyzed only on one side…it was sad. but the research was fascinating and i know it saves lives. she is doing alzheimers research now. i’m very fascinated by medicine and science, i just pacify it with my natural medicine studies:)
good luck geminator, make the world a better place!
shatani Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
“shat: (hehe it’s weird but i love to say/type it!) my experiments are done in rats (don’t freak out–they are gentle sweet creatures, believeitornot) so i can control for a lot. unfortunately, my 2 sets of data don’t coincide so i have different data for the same proj, which is why it’s driving me nuts to put this whole thing together!! and yeah, i hate stats too. mostly becuz i hate matlab lol. but i just did t-tests on this data tho, so very simple. but i’m messing with these graphs, ish not sizing right on the poster, i’m trying to figure out how to say “my years worth of work resulted in basically nothing so you’re wasting your time reading this poster” in proper scientific terms, ya know just foolishness.”
girl, im okay with lab mice…theyre cute! now actual mice, runnin up and thru my house and shittin everwhere….they need to die!
aww, gemster…i feel for ya. i hope all goes well in DC this weekend!
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
“But then again you have some women that go to the gym just to meet their next ex husband”
Yo, at my old gym there was this chick who had a perfect body, yet she was up in there every day with a skintight leotard situation on, and full make up…doing these pansy ass excercises that didn’t even make her break a sweat.
She wasn’t tryna work out a damn thing.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
She wasn’t tryna work out a damn thing.
hmph…oh yes she was…
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
“full make up”
Dead giveaway. You ain’t tryna work out, you tryna get worked out.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
hey, she gotta do what she gotta do….just dont sit around yappin on the machinery dammit, i got places to be!
Luvtheshoes Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I never did understand the full make-up while working out thing…aren’t you just gonna clog your pores and end up with bad skin???
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Her skin was utterly horrible.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
plus when you sweat, wont it run? you just beggin for some burning eyes!
Slim Jackson Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
In full support on this one…
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:19 am
“I always wondered why because I’m in sweats, a ponytail, and sweating. It’s not a good look.”
Just because you don’t feel pretty doesn’t mean you are. I think some of the best looking woman, are the one that don’t need tons of make-up or an outrageous outfits to look good. I tell my girl this all the time. Natural bueaty will always win over the fake shyt, in my book.
Besides we WILL notice your @ss sticking out whether your wearing pajamas at the corner or at the club wearing a tight dress
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Just because you don’t feel pretty doesn’t mean you are. I think some of the best looking woman, are the one that don’t need tons of make-up or an outrageous outfits to look good. I tell my girl this all the time. Natural bueaty will always win over the fake shyt, in my book.
Besides we WILL notice your @ss sticking out whether your wearing pajamas at the corner or at the club wearing a tight dress
***mt. zion christian academy***
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
“Natural bueaty will always win over the fake shyt, in my book.”
Beyonce has been on this natural/very little makeup look lately, and I think she looks amazing (completely hetero. Maybe. Depends. lol). She used to look a bit draggish at times with all that caked up makeup on her face.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Yeah people hate on her, I’ve seen her without makeup, she’s naturally pretty. That song “Put A Ring On It” is not cute though.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
That song “Put A Ring On It” is not cute though.
i cracked under the pressure. having baby daniel tape my eyes open and freeze my tv with that video on repeat while threatening to stab me in the neck with a pencil finally did me in…
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
*dead*
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
“Just because you don’t feel pretty doesn’t mean you are [not].”
my boyfriend tells me this all the time, lol
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AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
“I’m in sweats, a ponytail, and sweating. It’s not a good look.”
This can be a very good look…in fact I’m sure this is how some adult movies start, lol.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
“I’m in sweats, a ponytail, and sweating. It’s not a good look.”
This can be a very good look…in fact I’m sure this is how some adult movies start, lol.
lol, yeah man. this is actually a great look
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
If you dont look good in sweatpants and a ponytail you dont look good. You should just run in traffic or become a nun.
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
bwahahahah
As for the topic i don’t know why the ladies are acting like this don’t apply to them, then come back next week on some whats wrong with men in ‘08? Lets bust some windows!
Its really not that hard a concept, besides the insanely biased, and flawed Gilbert analogy essentially what this dude is saying is if you want something you emulate what successful people in your position have done.
If you see another chick with a dude that’s in your opinion fly, and you know you can style on shorty, then instead of hating or assuming the worst about him or her, why don’t you instead try to figure out what she and others in her position did to continuously be successful where you are currently failing.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Dorian G, I’m mad you just said we are failing lol. My point is, that if that girl got a keeper, it doesn’t mean the next chick isn’t. My point is there is a shortage of dudes who would want a “good girl”. During the era of the sewing of the wild oat, good girls need not apply. During this time, guys are typically looking for Bonnie or Charlie Baltimore, not Claire.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
i have taken many a long, hard gander at my girl friends and other girl associates with SOs and see what they got going on. and i can honestly say i don’t understand how 80% of them actually keep their men! there’s about another 10% that have men that i wouldn’t let change Goldie’s tires. so there’s only a select few who i actually feel have worth-while (imho) relationships.
problem really is–i am completely capable of attracting men who wanna “wife” me. matter of fact, got 1 dude resigning from his post on an executive board (where i also hold an office) to pursue a relationship with me for fear of “conflict of interest”. and we’ve only been on 1.5 dates and frankly i’m not entirely sure i’m ready to bump that up to 2.5. mostly, the men i date are the problem. or perhaps, i am the problem for giving them a chance to get close enough to date 1. idk.
am i wifey material?? definitely. just need Mr. Right to find me and peep it (i know i’m so outdated with my slang, but i like it). in the meantime i’m unenthusiastically entertaining Misters Right Now and coming to hate the dating game.
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Killa K Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I better be one of those friends in the last 10%
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
you fall somewhere between all 3 categories. i wouldn’t let your crippled bf change my tires becuz, well, he’s crippled. and that would just be cruel. but physical disability aside, i don’t see why he puts up with your poor-spades-playing self. i feel bad for him sometimes. and yet, all at the same time, yall are real cute together and you have a nice/weird relationship.
then again, yall were FBs at the beginning and we all (me and Dr. S) know how/why that even got started in the 1st place… so umm… yeah, i’m not looking to you for “wifey” pointers lol.
Killa K Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:51 pm
“then again, yall were FBs at the beginning and we all (me and Dr. S) know how/why that even got started in the 1st place…so umm… yeah, i’m not looking to you for “wifey” pointers lol ”
Just cause we started out as FB don’t mean I can can’t give you wifey pointers. Au contraire, I am 100% wifey material who was looking for some *cough cough* at the time.
4. the best ever
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double post delete
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1. Must Love Mango
2. Her look is on point
3. She sees past today.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Shortest post ever from you, WIA. But I dig it.
P.S. Mangoes are the bees knees!!
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Itchy azz bees knees.
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
P.S. Mangoes are the bees knees!!
I am African and I approve this message. Africans love them some mangoes lol.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
“I am African and I approve this message. Africans love them some mangoes lol.”
Overit, are you sure we aint cousins??? This Naija chick over here is suspicious lol
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Overit, are you sure we aint cousins??? This Naija chick over here is suspicious lol
Where you from? I’m reppin the East siiiiiiiiiiiiiide (throwing up a crooked E)
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
wait…did you just say east side nigeria!??! LMAO!!!
but yes, as a fellow African, i also approve this message. mangoes rock my socks!
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
I hail from the SOUTHSIDDDEEE (of Nigeria).
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
East side of Africa, as in Somalia..next to Ethiopia:)
Pan African fo lyfe tho! lol….
malaika Reply:
November 13th, 2008 at 6:02 am
We neighbours sweets, representing Kenya love
Beez Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Mango, as in the fruit, or the flamboyantly funny Saturday Night Live character?
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
lol…thats what i was thinking too
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Killa K Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
“1. Must Love Mango”
Speechless
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Not sure if these have been mentioned (b/c I haven’t read all the posts yet) but here are my latest ideas on wifey criterion:
1. Mild mannered: I can’t stand when a woman’s attitude is at level 27 when the situation only calls for a level 6. Calm the f*ck down. for real.
2. Good hygiene: Smell good under any and all circumstances. There is nothing worse than a funk-a-docious woman. Actually funk-a-docious people in general should be jump-kicked in their bellies.
3. Can clean a bathroom: (This is not directed at you, V.E.G. *sniggling*) A bathroom is a place of individual intimacy. It is the drop zone for all types of nasty bodily functions but it D@MN sure shouldn’t look like it!
4. Recognizes and attends to their man’s needs: I think most women know, intuitively, that men are overwhelmed by s*xual desire. Yet so many women don’t satisfy their man and they expect that he will remain happily devoted to them. WRONG. Even if your man remains loyal…that poor schlub is miserable and will eventually develop a wandering eye (by “eye”, I mean p*nis).
5. Extensive lingerie collection: If your drawls are made of faux-crushed velvet and you copped them at the dollar store…you are begging to be replaced. G-Strings, thongs (and other such s*xy unmentionables) should flow like milk and honey from your underwear drawer.
6. MILF: If a woman’s mom-dukes looks good, there is a strong possibility that the daughter too shall keep her looks. I once dated a girl who was gorgeous. Her mother…horrendous. Her mother had the great idea to show me pictures of when she was her daughter’s age. Mom and daughter could’ve beeen twins. At that moment, I knew that the relationship couldn’t last the test of time… because time wasn’t on her side.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
“5. Extensive lingerie collection: If your drawls are made of faux-crushed velvet and you copped them at the dollar store…you are begging to be replaced. G-Strings, thongs (and other such s*xy unmentionables) should flow like milk and honey from your underwear drawer.”
I’m glad mine is extensive, seeing as how Champ confiscated my undies yesterday and refuses to give em back. Lil egg-headed jerk.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
this makes me sad, cuz im really not one for thongs and g-strings…i dont own a single pair! i would rather go commando than wear a thong!
*crosses name off wifey material list*
on the plus side, my mama is hot as hell! i aspire to look that good when im that age.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Okay this:
“Actually funk-a-docious people in general should be jump-kicked in their bellies.”
Slayed me.
Jesus be CPR.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
MILF: If a woman’s mom-dukes looks good, there is a strong possibility that the daughter too shall keep her looks. I once dated a girl who was gorgeous. Her mother…horrendous. Her mother had the great idea to show me pictures of when she was her daughter’s age. Mom and daughter could’ve beeen twins. At that moment, I knew that the relationship couldn’t last the test of time… because time wasn’t on her side.
lmao. d@mn. hell on love, huh?
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
This: Mild mannered: I can’t stand when a woman’s attitude is at level 27 when the situation only calls for a level 6. Calm the f*ck down. for real.
And this:
At that moment, I knew that the relationship couldn’t last the test of time… because time wasn’t on her side.
had me dyyying on the d*mn job. Great list. I especially agree on the bathroom, it should NOT eva, evaevaevaeva, look like what goes down..goes down. Shudder.
Lingerie is a must. I hate when people equate marriage with letting go and they stop trying. This is the very time you should pull out all the stops! IMO.
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Lil'T Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
These are my confessions…… (thanks, Usher)
I change into grandma draws when I get home from work. It’s the first thing I do: take off work clothes (bra and all) and put on comfortable cottons and pj’s. I am sexy’s worst nightmare. According to all men, tis not wifey material. But…ole dude knows how to get me out of ‘em. tee-hee
And speaking of sexy draws – is it just me, or is Victoria’s Secret that her panties will absolutely spring the elastic and fall apart after 3 washes? Damn!
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
bra @ home=no-no for over it, and yeah sweats and a hoodie are my best friends. I might need to amend it to a fitted wife beater and sweats when Idris Elba decides to get it together and come on home, but the hoodie is where its @.
feel me now believe me later.
whoooooooooo!
LMAO…i need a nap.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
“I might need to amend it to a fitted wife beater and sweats when Idris Elba decides to get it together and come on home”
LMAO!!! Unbeknownst to my wife, I put on the dude’s version of that “outfit” every night before I go to bed while waiting for Beyonce to come creepin through my window pane.
P.S. I also light a candle for her each night so she can find her way back to my heart. I love you B.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
LMAO, Yung$$$ you stoopid.
I’m totally going to start lighting candles so Idris can find his way to my inside parts, as in heart? Get yalls mind out the gutter!
**Palin wink*
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
dead @ use of palin wink
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Yall have got to dead this whole inside parts ish, lol.
It hurts me.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
hilarious!!
overit, i do the opposite…with me, the draws come off. i can happily wear my bra all day and a night.
The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
this is a wonderful list
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V Renee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I’m happy you bought up the mom factor. I have seen kneegrows light up like a Christmas tree when they see my mom.
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genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Yung$$$ ur list was dope i wanted to point out a few things but they’re all very well put togetha.
i see way too much of #1 in chix and not just mine. blowing small sityos into full scale debacles. calm the f*ck down indeed.
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Killa K Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
“Actually funk-a-docious people in general should be jump-kicked in their bellies”
Ouch but LMAO
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My list:
No awkward hookup history . . . (screwing acquaintances of mine)
1) attractive to me (no need to be all sanaa lathan with it but whoopi is out of the question)
2) can cook equal or better than I can
3)Intelligent – Must have a degree from somewhere (the degree doesn’t make you intelligent and intelligent people without degrees confuse me so we probably have nothing in common – need both)
4) Doesn’t annoy me on the phone – (I hate being on the phone with most people but every now and then I meet someone that I can talk with for hours)
5) Wants children
6) +/- 2 years from me
7) Similar sense of humor – forgetting sarah marshall was funny. . . I dont care what anyone says. . .
9) Touches me – I recently went out with a girl that held my arm while we walked and rested her head on my shoulder while watching a football game (Go Giants) . . . that was powerful.
10) Drinks – even if it is an umbrella drink . . . non drinkers tend to be all prudish and reserved in my experience. . . so I stay away from these people.
11)A woman of color. (this should have been number 1 actually – no offense to the 2520 lurkers)
Bonus: her scent lingers in my bed . . . this keeps my mind on a woman even if she is not in it with me. . . very powerful
More to follow. . .
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
LMAO @ intelligent people without degrees confuse me.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
i know right! that one got me too! lmao!!
and im right there with you on Forgetting Sarah Marshall, IVR!!! that ish was hilarious! in fact, i need to get my movie back from my friend dangit!
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I liked this whole list.
People sleep on #9, for real.
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AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
9) Touches me – I recently went out with a girl that held my arm while we walked and rested her head on my shoulder while watching a football game (Go Giants) . . . that was powerful.
I totally agree with #9 – affectionate and attentiveness are great attributes in a woman.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
i agree but you gotta be careful with that sh!t. i’m just a naturally affectionate person so that’s gotten me in trouble before with guys i didn’t like, like that.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
People who sleep on #9 were made in a lab.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
People who sleep on #9 were made in a lab.
…or created in a bucket of albino roaches
shay Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
ew that made my skin crawl
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
*GASP* at Albino roaches!!! That visual is gonna haunt my hopes and dreams. Champ, you ain’t ish sometimes.
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
“…or created in a bucket of albino roaches”
D@mn, I had to google this, because I didn’t know these even existed.
VSB: Where they teach you about albino roaches & sh!t.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
now that i know they exist, i plan to NOT google them. ever.
*shivers*
eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
“Bonus: her scent lingers in my bed . . . this keeps my mind on a woman even if she is not in it with me. . . very powerful”
What if that scent smell like yall was eating crab legs in bed?
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
@ eff, I can see that as being very powerful.
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IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
“What if that scent smell like yall was eating crab legs in bed?”
That scent would have been apparent on the date and she would be at her own house in her own bed. I am talking about that bath body whatever the hell it is that women wear. . .
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
You talking bout the smellgoods.
I knew what ya meant IVR.
We’re crafty like that. We want you thinking about us when we leave.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
lol i did too. miss t-lee, i like that the ’smellgoods”. we know exactly what we’re doing:)
besides, they just smell great!
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
“we know exactly what we’re doing:)”
Yes ma’am.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
speakinf of the smellgoods, i need a new signature scent! any suggestions? i was diggin Love Spell by vicky’s secret….but i think im over it. (not to be confused with overit)
V Renee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
That means either 1 or both of you need to go to the doctor.
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eff yo couch Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I just seen forgetting Sarah Marshall this past weekend. Funny shyt
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I just seen forgetting Sarah Marshall this past weekend. Funny shyt
extremely funny shyt
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
ridiculously funny shyt
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Great list, except the non-drinkers part. There are exceptions to every rule:)
And #11 is wonderful, long as it is on the list, the placement doesn’t matter.
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IVR Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
“Great list, except the non-drinkers part. There are exceptions to every rule:)”
I guess, I just have not seen the exception . .. But I am new to living in a normal place where people may actually fit the list. Very Happy to be in DC!
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Lil'T Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Welcome to the uuurrrhaya, IVR. You should come to the happy hour and sh*t.
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I second Lil’T’s comment, you should come to happy hour. Can’t wait to meet ya Lil’T!
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I went on Facebook and sprinkled hate dust on the DC happy hour on the Wall.
Yall folks best have some stories on Thursday!!
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Why you gotta hate Luvvie? You know you will be there in spirit, especially with PBG reppin for the VSB little league.
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Yes, I will be there reppin’ for all VSB shorty-do wops. I hope I can stand to be in heels long enough as to not appear midgety.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
i also appreciate the shorty rep but….still hatin’. *snatches gold stars and storms out*
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
They’d have to be some high ass heels, with your 4′11 self.
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Whateva, SouthernGirl. You didn’t snatch those stars back from me, considering where I like to keep them once they are in my possession.
*shakes tiny fist @ 8th Wondra*
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
lol, PBG. i don’t EVEN wanna know…
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
I ain’t mini size height wise. I’m 5′4 (thats average, right?). I just happen to be petite build-wise (and fist-wise).
But I’m glad PBG is holding it down for us mini fisties.
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Ha! And I’m not petite build-wise (well, not anymore)…I am indeed thicka than a snicka. But 4′11″ is well below “average”.
*sigh*
Please don’t laugh when I have to do a run n’ hop up on my bar stool, ok?
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
But what sucks is if one is affectionate and their partner is a cyborg. I’ll be d*mned if I’m tryna be all cute and snuggly with my boo, and he’s like “Umm… I’m hot. Can you move?”
Grounds for a FedExed throat punch from Miss T-Lee.
I may be a thug (sharrap, ALL of you), but I do like to cake a lil.
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Hee-hee. You are silly.
You definitlely gotta be on the same terms when it comes to the affection.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
I can’t date a cyborg, I needs my hugs and kisses.
And luvvie…your people called in sick today. Sorry.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
*Shakes lilliputian fists at my people*
Lil'T Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
tee-hee!
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
“I can’t date a cyborg, I needs my hugs and kisses.”
me too! and i cant deal with the dude that only touches you when he wants to get down, or thinks that you touching him means its time…like dang, can i get a hug for hugging’s sake??
CHAMP!!! PANAMA!!!!
Come lay your virile, manly knowledge on your girl.
I almost never leave the house without my makeup and hair done. I agree that on the rare occasion that I have, men have approached me and left me wondering “WHY THE F#%K??”
But, is this morning-after bit a culturally unique phenomenon?
White and Latino dudes approach me all the time. Do Black men not approach me as much because I don’t leave the house looking a H.A.M?
Do I need to leave home looking busted to catch a Black man?
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
“I almost never leave the house without my makeup and hair done. ”
And I rarely ever leave the house with makeup on. Mainly b/c I’m too lazy to have to paint on a face in the morn. If my current face ain’t good enough, then don’t talk to me.
I will sometimes put on makeup when I go clubbing, but even that is minimal. I’m a believer in getting ready in 30 mins or less.
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Jen Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
I am just a big believer in going out for the day looking one’s best. Sometimes I’ll slack off by wearing a big headband and my hair up in a ponytail, but there’s always makeup and I never wear sweats or shorts out–always jeans or slacks or a dress or skirt.
My two best girlfriends are the same way.
One of the two girlfriends doesn’t always wear makeup (she does usually), but she wears heels everyday. The other one sometimes wears those Victoria Secret PINK sweats to the library, but her hair and makeup is always done.
I wonder what this says about us.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
“I wonder what this says about us.”
It just says thats ur preference no more, no less. I got girls who would never wear gymshoes out in public (VEG) and I got some who have a proud collection of Chucks. As long as you’re comfortable in your own skin, men will approach you on that alone.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
completely agree…my girls are varying degrees of dressed up. i have one who doesnt wear t-shirts (well, except to sleep) like ever. she was upset that she couldnt find an Obama halter or shirt dress! lmao
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
“I am just a big believer in going out for the day looking one’s best.”
i have to co-sign this..i really don’t give a da@mn if he thinks sweat pants are hot…if a ponytail makes him feel better about himself in approaching me (and lets be real..the sweatpant factor is about HIM and less about..well this is what you look like in the dewy morning light)
bottom line a woman SHOULD look her best more times that not…its not just about catchin a man. Its about being your personal best. And my personal best is not walking around with “pink” or “juicy” on my @zz. sorry.
dont drink that koolaid Jen.
plain john doe men like plain jane women BECAUSE it requires they not step their brook brother’s game up. Takes them off the hook with what they deem as “distracting”..when distracting to me means you value the way you look.
Naturally Uh-Lease Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
I totally don’t co-sign this because I look good as hell in workout gear… uh huh…
V Renee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Work out gear can be rather secksy. I sometimes wear it without any intention of working out.
Lil'T Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
I’m with you on this one, Luv. The less make-up, the better – that ish takes waaay too long. I’m the one making cocktails and pre-eating while my friends apply eyebrows and glitter.
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
If I’m going somewhere important, I gotta get my glittery and shine on. But if I’m just going to get some frozen waffles and Tampico punch, just a lil’ gloss will do.
Weird thing is, I love make-up sooo much, I will put on a full face just to wash dishes. I’m always experimenting, so I won’t go out for real looking like the Crayola spokesmodel.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:57 pm
oooh, girl, we right here ><
i looooove makeup…in fact i think im developing a problem i keep buyin so much stuff! but i dont wear it everyday. i dont wear it to work and i certainly dont wear it to school. but let me be bored on a weeknight (like tonight actually, trying out my new brush! lol) and i will done UP! practice makes perfect on that…now all my girls want me to do theirs before we go out.
i dont think that a full face of makeup = me looking my personal best, personally. but im also of the mind that me looking fine/okay/aight is quite alright! lol
Jen Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Make up doesn’t take long!
You can easily do a ten minute face.
And it shouldn’t take anybody but Oprah more than twenty to twenty-five minutes to shower, perform their daily skin care treatments and brush their teeth. And that is only because she has to make sure that man who carries those special lights everywhere she goes is up and ready.
Makeup won’t keep you from a half-hour get-ready.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
Jen,
Just wondering but do the men who approach you rival your flyness. I mean, do they seem well put together too?
I guess what I am getting at is that I think there are a lot of men who are intimidated by really fly women who take time to put themselves together. Most men aren’t that concerned with their appearance so they are generally on an uneven playing field. For example a man in a suit will kick it to a woman in a dress or a woman in sweats (if she looks good like that). I don’t think that a man in sweats will generally kick it to a woman in a dress.
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Jen Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
When I am approached by men (and I do not consider catcalling approaching), they are almost universally normal-looking professional/educated men wearing the sorts of things such men wear on a day-to-day basis. They are just usually white or Latino. Last brother that approached me did so at the check-out line in Whole Foods. He was a PhD candidate at the local university. This was literally a couple of months ago.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
“Come lay your virile, manly knowledge on your girl.”
lol…this is too easy, like shooting a shark in a barrell. i’m just gonna let it slide.
seriously though (and panama addressed this before a few months ago), along with the “morning attractiveness” bit is the fact that many women have a more approachable aura when theyre “dressed down”. its not so much about men being intimidated as much as its about the general demeanor a women might have when she’s dressed down and headed to target or the library…a stark contrast to the guarded attitude she might be emitting when shes all dolled up at the lounge or some professional event. usually, its unconscious, but men do pick up on that and act accordingly
s
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I agree. Generally women are more approachable when they arent all dolled up. Yall act different. You just do and you probly ont even realize it. Its just easier to get at a girl when she in workout clothes. Me personally I just think you look silly when you have makeup on and you dont need it. Nothin wrong with an occasionall accent I guess but if you are cute anyway why do you have to wear it everywhere? I just assume the girl that wears makeup alot has a bad self image and and I dont wanna deal with that.
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Jen Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Ugh. This n!99a here. STOP PROJECTING.
Besides, men don’t know what they’re saying and are living in denial. Two equally attractive girls sitting next to one another. One is made up and one isn’t. You want the made up one every time. It is sad how y’all act like it isn’t true.
All women look much improved after some powder, gloss and pencil. ALL.
Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
men know exactly what they are saying. women just don’t want to listen.
Jen, this is the 3rd time I’ve heard Whole Foods mentioned in the same sentence as fine, gainfully employed, degree or PhD.
I am planning a Whole Foods trip.
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Deviant Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
bring a blank check
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
lmao! even the gum is expensive!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQTqcFMn2C4&feature=related
lightens the serious relationship mood ol school style
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As a man who’s been married to the same woman relatively happily for over 12 years now after dating for 6 years prior to that, I wanted to add my $0.02 to this discussion.
My top priority for ‘wifey’ (I really hate this term btw; too many people throwing it around loosely. My wife paid the price to be called a ‘wife.’) was a woman who understood or wanted to understand what it meant to be a ‘wife.’ I’ve found that a lot of women are in love with the IDEA of being married as opposed to the reality of being a partner. I always took the role of being the ‘ Man of the House’ very seriously (thanks Dad and Pop-Pop) and needed a woman who was ready to play her part as well. When I agreed to let her stop working and stay at home full time to raise our kids it was a big step for us and it came with a LOT of stipulations. I told her that I would handle the buisness (without fail) of our family (employment, housing, future, etc) OUTSIDE the home but only if she would hold it down INSIDE the home. Meaning, when I’m out here throwing these crackheads/gunshot victims/ scumbags in the back of my ambulance 24 hours at a time for three days straight and teaching on my off days, I don’t need any extra aggrevation on the homefront. My job is to take care of you and the kids and provide us with a stable existance with a secure future. Your job is to take care of the house, the day-to-day needs of the kids and your man. I naturally help out from time to time around the house (thanks mom) but the primary responsibility for things around the house lie with her. It’s her job to have the house clean, the kids fed/homework/bedded, and to have a hot meal and a backrub for her man when he hits the door- No extra rap. Now, this isn’t to define every other person’s priorities but I’m fairly certain that a lot of bruhs can feel me on this. It goes with being unpretentious and real. A lot of women I’ve come into contact with say “well, I’m not tryin’ to do all that.’ Okay, well- that’s your right. You’re also single and looking real sad with that 1/2 gal of Haagen-Daaz watching re-runs of ‘Girlfriends.’ I’m not saying to fully subjugate yourself to be in a relationship but if you’ve got a REAL bruh (goes all out for you 24/7, your protector and confidante, resident comedian and strong-willed leader of your household)-do what you need to do (within reason) to keep him. Because, real talk-there’s a lot of other women waiting in the wings for a crack at him…and they might be closer to you than you’d like to believe. I do thoughtful things, work out and run a lot because I like to (well, maybe not running so much when its winter here in Philly) but also because it’s my job to keep my wife’s eyes and mind focused on me after 12 years. It’s your job to keep yourself tight and have the sheerVickie’s top that stops right at the small of your back and those ‘F-Me’ heels I really dig when the kids are at my moms for the weekend. Keep my eyes and my mind ON YOU. I take the job of taking care of my Queen to heart; it’s at the top of my list. Taking care of her King (yours Truly) is at the top of hers. It’s old-school, and it works.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Wow Opinionated. This whole comment got me re-thinking some ish. If both of you are fulfilled in the roles you play (which you seem to be), then thats the most important thing. You took us to CHURCH!!
*Easter Sermon*
Overit, D*Pain, VEG… Yall best not miss this service
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
*pastor appreciate day Belmont Baptist church*
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
**Unfolds a crumpled twenty dollar bill and places it in the offering.**
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
LMAO @ Dpain, not the crumbled twenty dollar bill!
Its better than the crumpled $1..smh.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I was really feeling O.W.’s post. Normally, I just act like I’m tying my shoe when the offering plate comes my way.
8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
*snorts*
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
*double snorts*
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
I was really feeling O.W.’s post. Normally, I just act like I’m tying my shoe when the offering plate comes my way.
LMAO, this is that VSB bullsh*t. I’ve learned not to bust out laughing at my job. Smiling from ear to ear cause I’m not laughing still makes me look crazy. But umm…I wouldnt know nothing about tying my shoes when the offering plate comes myy way. Actually I used to rationalize it by saying that because my family is African and in true African form, I have 5567887222 aunts, and therefore, 3456457588 cousins, I’d tell myself they were repping for the fam lol.
Now that I’m not a broke college student, my consious be kicking in.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
*choking*
AkShone Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
“I just act like I’m tying my shoe when the offering plate comes my way.”
Lol, trying to tie your laces and you got on loafers…that ain’t right.
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
That must be the one that didn’t get chopped up for the g-strangs @ the Foxxy Playground last night.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
LMAO! Why you gotta put my bidniss out there like that?!
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Hey, I kept one in the cut too, Yung $$$. I ain’t mad @ ya.
miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Man, this was the best comment ever.
2 thumbs up for you O.W.– you sound like a great guy and your wife sounds like a great lady.
*cheers*
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genius khan Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Opinionated these new school fools are ill prepared for these old school rules. (i use he word rules cause it rhymes) they’re mostly not built for it so to speak. (mentally)
way to bring natural back to the male female relationship dynamic.
congratulate urself.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
No disrespect at all GK…
I may be new school but i claim it! my idea of a natural male / female dynamic is more Michelle and Barack than Father Knows Best / June Cleaver / Stephord wife…
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Lil'T Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
You weren’t lyin’ when you said real talk! This is the kind of lifestyle that would have made me shudder to even think of 7-10 years ago, that makes more and more sense as I get older. I find myself doing things that I wouldn’t have done on gp when I was younger, ie. cooking and cleaning.
IMO, the man really sets that tone with a woman.
Women of color are notoriously strong-willed and independent. I think that a man’s level of “da Man-ness” will dictate how strong-willed the woman is who he will be with. I’ve seen it in myself – my man is very softspoken, but he is the natural leader.
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The Champ Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
A lot of women I’ve come into contact with say “well, I’m not tryin’ to do all that.’ Okay, well- that’s your right. You’re also single and looking real sad with that 1/2 gal of Haagen-Daaz watching re-runs of ‘Girlfriends.’
if i were drinking a coldstone’s “cookies and milk” shake while i was reading this, i would have spit it on my monitor.
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Dorian G. Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
I’m guessing you a dark skin man.
*Nods head and gives secret powerful black man hand shake
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
lmao! what makes you say that, dorian?
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laylah Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
This post was amazing and I definitely agree. I think there is nothing wrong with taking the conventional role of female in a relationship. This doesn’t mean being completely subserviant, but if he is deserving, do what you can to make and keep him happy. He will love you for life and you will reap the benefits. (I know I’m young and all, but I’m speaking from personal experience… me and my boyfriend do fall into these roles and it works for us… it has been for a while)
A lot of my girlfriends try and make me feel bad for cooking meals for him and cleaning his house. I’m not saying these are the only ways to show love and appreciation, but they are good examples. I do these things because I want to. He is always in my corner and when I need him, he is there, no questions asked. He is my best friend.
And you guessed it, these girlfriend’s of mine who tease… are most definitely single… and this is not by choice.
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Ummm…Mr. Writer, would you in addition to being a dark-skinned brotha, happen to be of the big-boned persuasion and have an identical twin brother/cousin/co-worker/young uncle raised the same way you were?
I’m just saying…inquiring minds wanna know n’ shyt.
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
You know I was thinking it, but you typed it PBG…lol
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
lmao! ya’ll be crackin me up with that “twin brother/cousin/co-worker/etc” line!
but anyway…do you?
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
I know ya’ll are all applauding this right here and everything… and I think it’s wonderful… i hate to be the wet blanket but i just have a couple questions OW: was your wife a professional woman before she met you? I’m not saying this to down play what a woman does in the home. Or to put down your woman… I have two children and think that a mother’s work is PARAMOUNT to making a family work… and to the development of our communities but mothers are adults too. Mother’s are grown women and I go through this with my SO… just bcuz I have kids doesn’t mean that I am gone. I love my kids but does that mean that I can’t have ANY life outside of my home? None? Really? I have done the stay at home mom thing for a bit and for a while it was FABULOUS… but eventually I still needed something for me. Intellectually… I needed something. So I truly do applaud how you hold down your family… and I’m not knocking this lifestyle for whoever it works for. But I’ve always needed a little independence too. So maybe it’s just me…
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
its not just you.
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opinionatedwriter Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
To PBG and miss t-lee: most of the dudes I ‘m tight with get down the same way I do-but they’re all married. Thanks for the words though. It lets me know that I’m not crazy and re-affirms that I was blessed to have a dad and grandfather who gave me advice on how this ‘Black Manhood’ thing was supposed to be done.
To PGH Muse: Yes, my wife was a full time accountant before she pushed to stay home with our sons. And I encourage her to pursue her outside interests.(She takes dance lessons and is active in her church.) I want her to be as fulfilled as she can possibly be in our hectic life. I do my Masonic thing and I’m active in my church as well, so we both have lives outside of our house. Our understanding is that we are each other’s priority though so all extra stuff would have to be deaded if the need arose-no questions and no ambiguity about it.
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pgh muse Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 6:11 am
OW – I feel you. And do applaud both you and your wife’s commitment to making your family work. I don’t know… my feminist feathers get ruffled from time to time and the She-Ra comes out but I think what ya’ll have going on sounds wonderful… she does get back rubs too right? I have been back to work full time for a while and do want to be home more so I’m working on being home based… I don’t know. I have spoken to male coworkers who have stay at home wives and me personally, I don’t think i could depend on somebody else as a sole source of income… but i’ve always had like 5 jobs at one time since i was like 12… so maybe thats it…
A lot of women I’ve come into contact with say “well, I’m not tryin’ to do all that.’ Okay, well- that’s your right. You’re also single and looking real sad with that 1/2 gal of Haagen-Daaz watching re-runs of ‘Girlfriends.’
That was hilarious-but is SO TRUE. This was gospel. I think my problem is I’m a little new school, but old school when it comes to relationships.
Thanks for sharing opinionatedwriter, I wish you and your wife continued success!
*choir*
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men digress women employ chick logic.
http://flickr.com/photos/barackobamadotcom/sets/72157608716313371/show/
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HW_JW15sd_E&feature=related
is this the good wife?
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
um…
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*looking around*
where’s panama?
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Thanks for the words everyone. I’m just trying to give it like I received it and maybe save someone from some unecessary nonsense. Men and Women have to stop saying what they ‘ain’t gon’ do’ and start being all in for their mate. I’m not saying it’s not tough and my wife and I have gone through it for real over these last 12 years but she’s a quality woman and I’m a quality dude and you don’t find people like that everyday.
Dorian G. – Good call on me being a dark-skinned bruh fam! You could tell just by the tone of the post huh? lol
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Please don’t encourage Dorian, we have enough problems as it is, lol.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Men and Women have to stop saying what they ‘ain’t gon’ do’ and start being all in for their mate.
yessir…it sounds like you two are putting in the work and holding each other down. that’s a good look. having been in a sitch where my SO didn’t have the outlook that you do, i can appreciate it. as long as she gets back rubs and sh!t too. lol. *gold stars for op*
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I was reading some of these funny @ss church references from Overit, Luvvie and 8th Wonder and them… and it reminded me of two quick stories:
First: I was in this hood church which was comprised mainly of teenagers and twenty-somethings. The pastor had on a long white tee with valor sweats and Tims (no lie). At some point the sermon reached its climax and the woman next to me caught the holy spirit. She began crip walking in the aisle when suddenly she threw her self back on to me. She was yelling in tongues and her arms were flailing all over the place and then she hit me in my nose and busted my lip her wooden bangal. The direct hit to my nose cause my eyes to water. At that point, Satan told me to whoop that @ss in retaliation. I wanted to fight her one-on-one cause the sh*t hurt bad as hell but she was a big mama and from the looks of her crip walking ability, she was far more agile than me. So I sat my @ss down and nursed my wounds instead. the end.
2. It was mother’s day (a Sunday) and I was at my father’s house in Newark, NJ (aka the armpit of the galaxy). Outside of his home is a small community garden which has no fence. We were all sharing in an afternoon meal when suddenly we hear angry voices emanating from the streets. We go outside and we see 8 women, in full Church-Sunday regalia, fighting in the community Garden. It was a four-on-four. Teeth were punched, breasts were kicked, weaves were pulled and hats were crushed. Suddenly one of the younger women brandishes a Club (the anti-theft device) and busts another church-goer upside her head. The bludgeoned victim began crying, screaming and rolling around on the floor. The Clubber dropped the Club and ran into a get-a-way car. As the car took off, one of the opposing church-gang members retrieved the fallen club and hurled it through the car window. the end.
Sorry but I had to share that.
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
ROTFLMAO!!! OMG I am in TEARS!!! I just laughed myself into a cramp! D*Pain, you tryna be the death of me. You is trying to kill me b4 my time!!
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A-LMAO-lise Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
…
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
*Still crying* This is HANDS down the funniest comment I’ve ever read on VSB. EVER!
My personal highlights:
- The Ghetto Pastor
- The crip-walking spirit lady
- New Jersey being the armpit of the galaxy’
- The Gang of Holy Rollers
- The Club being thrown through the window.
Seriously. D*Pain. I’m glad my bosses aren’t here today. Otherwise, if I got fired, I’m coming looking for you and wrecking shop!!
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overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Luvvie, those were all my highlights as well. This is the funniest shyt I’ve ever read on VSB. Man, I kinda wish you were rolling to our HH tomorrow in some tims with your cheese curls!
Gang of Holy Rollers. So done.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:25 am
i’m soooooo mad i’m just not reading all this!!! i’m with my e-twin and Luvvie on the highlights.
but really, my fav is the CRIP WALKING LADY!!! wtf?!?! omg lmao that is… ummmm wow.
I wanted to fight her one-on-one cause the sh*t hurt bad as hell but she was a big mama and from the looks of her crip walking ability, she was far more agile than me. So I sat my @ss down and nursed my wounds instead. the end.
i’m glad you left it alone, D*Pain, my spunky e-friend. you mighta not made it to tell this story and put us all on the “Sick & Shut In” list from laughing ourselves to a hospital bed.
A-LMAO-ise Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Those 2 stories just changed my life forever, and I thank you wholeheartedly….
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Alise,
Glad I could repay you for some of the joy you bring to me! LOL!
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Somebody call Austin & Royster’s again. They already have my Final Wishes paperwork.
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Oh you done messed up. I share with you all…
8th’s worst church experience EVER!
So it’s easter sunday and me and my bff at the time (we were in 12th grade) go to our friend’s grandfather’s church. The grandfather was the pastor. Everything is cool at first, the choir is decent, the congregation seems cool.
Then homegirl’s grandfather comes out. This man has on what can only be described as cotton’s interpretation of tragedy. It was a black, purple, gold, red, colors of the wind monstrosity, all capped off with a matching hat and a giant opal and gold ring that I could see clearly from the second floor balcony where we were sitting.
Then came the sermon. It went from how to be a good christian, into shyt that Jesus just won’t tolerate. Yes, I said shyt. This man cussed us the hell out. I remember something about “lazy ass christians”, “the devil don’t give a fukk about you”, and “giving thanks to the lord every damn day”.
My bff and I were speechless. We figured, hey, everyone must have heard this man cussing us out, right? We looked around, and everyone was smiling and cheering pastor on. Our homegirl gave us the damn thumbs-up. Suddenly there was a commotion on the bottom floor. We looked down.
A 12 yr old had caught the holy ghost. They played the sanctified music while she busted moves Melyssa Ford perfected in Fabolous videos.
Needless to say, we never went back. And trust me, there’s no way I could make this up if I tried.
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:06 pm
“This man has on what can only be described as cotton’s interpretation of tragedy. It was a black, purple, gold, red, colors of the wind monstrosity, all capped off with a matching hat and a giant opal and gold ring that I could see clearly from the second floor balcony where we were sitting.”
Aiff Won-draaa! Girl, I’m iz d.e.a.d. and you done kilt me.
Luvvie n’ ya’ll, cover the mirrors and send Jesus an email please…
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
LMAO!!! 8th wonder I was revived from D*Pain’s odyssey, and here you come with your own. You ain’t invited to my Funegro services since you the one who killt me dead!
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Damn that, I’m coming.
In a black, purple, gold, red outfit with a matching hat.
takethatakethattakethat.
Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
LMAO!!!!!!!! This is f-ing hilarious! I just had to take a deep breath. I was going to copy and paste my favorite parts until I found myself copying the whole sh*t! too funny!
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miss t-lee Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Wow.
Just Wow.
*walks out*
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
*follows miss t only to fall out on the church steps and immediately be taken out back for burial*
overit Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
LMAO,I’m so done with all of yall! “lazy ass christians”, “the devil don’t give a fukk about you”, and “giving thanks to the lord every damn day”.
*here lies overit*
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
“Then came the sermon. It went from how to be a good christian, into shyt that Jesus just won’t tolerate. Yes, I said shyt. This man cussed us the hell out. I remember something about “lazy ass christians”, “the devil don’t give a fukk about you”, and “giving thanks to the lord every damn day”.”
shooooot! this is my kinda chuch! i be cussin all DAY! lol
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Yung $$’s story #2 reminds me of something Mother and I discovered while doing some research on our family history a few years back:
My great-great grandfather was one of those Southern men who kept a girlfriend and a wife on the side. According to my great-aunt Maybelle, these two ladies ran into each other in church and got to scrappin’ out front because Big Granddaddy Thomas had bought both ladies the same fabric to make clothes for themselves and they ended up in the same pattern dress @ services. Black women came to blows in the yard of Smithfield Baptist in Cheraw, S.C. at the tail-end of the 19th century. Epic battle, I tell ya!!
I don’t know who won the fight, my great-great Grandma or my great-great grandma-in-law, but it was hilarious to hear my 80-something year-old Auntie tell that dayum story!!
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
i just can’t…*clutches pearls and walks away*
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Damn, not Cheraw! That’s the area my fam is from..let me find out me and PBGizzle may be related.
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Yeah, but you prolly belong to Great-Great Grandma-in-law, though.
The Comeback Girl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
checkin google maps to see how far Cheraw SC is from Lancaster SC storray sounds awfully da#mn familiar lol.
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I can tell you right now that Cheraw and Lancaster are pretty darn close to each other.
pgh muse Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
lawd have mercy…
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Yung$$$, this is why you are my e-bff, I am crying, I swear to the lawd. OMG. “At that point, Satan told me to whoop that @ss in retaliation.” LMAO…i swear my eyes are watering. I’m so glad I like my co-workers and they aint the kinda heffas that be trying to shine on me:)
OMG. The second story reminds me of some shyt that went down during Ramadan at the mosque. Its funny too cause its a predominantly African American mosque, so its church with a lil less emphasis on Jeysus (we love him tho)! We need to have a non-denomational, interfaith sharing fest, cause whether it be the temple, a mosque, a church, or a kiosk, religious folks STAY gettin outta order!
Teeth were punched, breasts were kicked, weaves were pulled and hats were crushed”
Why did that rhyme? Sigh, I swear I look a lil crazier, but thanks for sharing, that really had me in stitches.
ps) The pastor had on a long white tee with valor sweats and Tims (no lie). Say it aint so!
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I just got finished tellin’ Alise that church kids are the worst. I used to have to go get Ike out of Children’s Church every week because he’d be in there acting a plumb monkey azz fool. And I get paid back big time when it was my time to run the 3-4 yr old room once a month.
Those kids are what made me quit church.
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Yung$$$ aka D*Pain Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
“Yung$$$, this is why you are my e-bff, I am crying, I swear to the lawd. ”
Yeah Son! I got an e-bff, suckas!
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Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
And since Overit is my e-BFF then we are a posse by default. We must get a name… lol
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:20 am
We need to have a non-denomational, interfaith sharing fest, cause whether it be the temple, a mosque, a church, or a kiosk, religious folks STAY gettin outta order!
a kiosk tho?!?!?! *lack of oxygen to the lungs*
and you are soooooo my e-twin for saying “outta order”!!!!! *clapping* i love it!!!
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I just went on the VSB group page on FB to try and combat some of that Hate Dust that Luvvie sprinkled w/some of my strongest glitter.
Why aren’t more VSBers my FB friends??
I expect more friends by COB today, especially if ya’ll expect me to be huggin’ folk and throwin’ up glitter tomorrow evening.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
Why aren’t more VSBers my FB friends??
lol.i’d be your friend and all but i don’t know if i’m allowed. is this aimed only at DC vsb’ers?
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PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Anybody can be my friend! I have an e-stalker in London, so you’re allowed.
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SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
d@mn…can i not be associated with the stalker please? lol.
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
LOL! My bad…he’s OK though. Just shows up anywhere I am on the Intrawebs. Imma look up one day and he’ll be a VSB.
SouthernGirl Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
PBG Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Just look on the VSB group page and look for the brown chick w/locs in a pic w/a very bright mixtie. I’m in the DC network, so it won’t be hard to find me.
shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
i want new vsb friends too!
Luvvie Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Yeah I’m on Facebook. To find me, I’m the one spreading hate dust on the VSB happy hour event. “Luvvie” is in my name. Cant miss me.
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shatani Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 11:15 pm
i dunno how to find the group now! ive lost it! lol
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8th Wonder Reply:
November 11th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
I suppose I could friend some people up.
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I didn’t even know about the FB page lol. I need to get on that.
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**Now entering the spin zone**
While your list is great and all, a lot of men can’t recognize wifey material. Women who are dimes, ‘all that and a bag a chips’, and possess all the qualities you described are passed over all the time. Why? (Generalization beginning in 3…2…1) Because men are stupid and there is nothing you can do about it. They are too immature or self-absorbed to see a good woman even if it smacks ‘em in the face.
OR…
You met him at the Wrong Place or the Wrong Time, which also ties into my earlier claim. A lot of women meet men during their immature/self-absorbed phase. Maybe if they were to meet a year later or somewhere in the boondocks, they would hit it off, get married, and have 10 kids. I honestly believe that if I had met my boyfriend a year too soon/ late, or met in a different city we would not be together.
As far as wifey traits go…what the hell do I know? I’m a woman and have no idea how men think. They say they want one thing and go for something completely different. And to think women are suppose to be an enigma. **waiting for backlash from men** Trust me, ya’ll are not as ‘simple’ as you claim to be.
The question t.k. should’ve asked is: Why can’t men recognize a wifey when he sees one? (I’m not bitter. Seriously. J)
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Killa K- You make a lot of valid points. A lot of men ARE too boneheaded and immature to recognize a quality woman. (I knew a slew of these dudes-most of them were in my camp and most of them now have it together) but I think your post puts the blame squarely on bruhs shoulders unfairly and inaccurately. Women can be equally if not more immature and unrealistic than men. They talk about “I just want a good man!” But when a solid bruh steps up with no games or pretense but doesn’t fit exactly how you might’ve envisioned him to be, (doesn’t look like Boris Kodjoe/Idris Elba, works as a short order cook/bus driver, etc. take your pick of MY generalizations. lol) he’s summarily dismissed or placed squarely and firmly in the “Friend Zone.” On another note, I knew a trifling woman back in ‘98 who was told me that she was going to marry some dude who was all into her and had long dollars and the whole nine. The problem was the fact that she didn’t love him at all. She was IN LOVE with the IDEA of being married and the fancy ring, wedding, etc. In fact, this trifling chick told me that she was going to step out on old boy right off the top. She got married to the dude with cash in a lavish, extravagant ceremony (to the tune of somewhere around $30, 000) where she of course, was the star, in June. She cheated on him with the dude she told me about in July and she was divorced in August! Now here she is, foul as Hell wondering why life was treating her so bad! (I told her ‘Cause you foul! You do dirt, you get dirt!’) The truth is men and women are EQUALLY to blame for all these issues and we need to spend more time getting out of our own way, less time playing the ‘Blame Game’ and getting together to make this relationship thing work.
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Killa K Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I do not disagree with you but I think you missed the point of my post. I was trying to make an argument as to why some, not all, men pass over women who are ‘wifey material’. There is plenty of blame to go around and women have their fair share.
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e-twin overit, you on FB?? i need to find you so you can be my e-FB-twin too in addition to my e-VSB-twin lol
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overit Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:43 am
I am!Yay for FB twin status. Twinning all over the worlddddd. Clearly I am not on there as “overit” lmao. I’m going to write on the wall for the DC Happy Hour. I guess that’s the only way to do it right? I shall shout you out so in Seuss rhyme so you know its me.
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Gem of the Ocean Reply:
November 12th, 2008 at 1:48 am
lmao @ the overit/gem code on FB…. (wait…. it’s coming…..) i. love. it!!
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Good list – not sure I agree with all of the items but most of them for sure
I owe myself a bunch of BCBG dresses so I felt really close to the description on that specific part
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