I’m one of those people that believes when it comes to the opposite sex and dating, you usually get what you deserve. It’s not to say that if your man cheats on you that you deserved it, but generally speaking, I think that somewhere along the line, you’ve been given some kind of hint as to what kind of person you’re dealing with.
People just don’t ask the right questions. We get so caught up in wanting somebody, that we forget that we’d hate it if we ended up dating an axe-murdering serial killer who committed all of his crimes while wearing a pink thong and yelling out “Zorro”. Thing is, you might know that if you asked about Zorro, haphazardly. But who does that?
Panama, that’s who. You see, I’ve learned over the years to ask certain questions to make sure that I’m not dealing with crazy broads (even though I generally skew towards crazy skee-os. Woe is me.)
Anyway, I’m going to give you some questions that I like to ask and some answers that let you know that you should NEVER share teeth action with these folks.
Panama: Damn, girl, you shole is fine. What’s your email address??
Her: Oh, it’s lickemhighlickemlow69696969@roundandbrown.com.
I’m all about the professional email. There’s no way in Sam Hill I’d ever date a chick who gave me an email that demonstrated her pr0nstar aspirations. And hell, if she’s coming at me (no pun intended) like that on the first day, you can imagine what she’s got cooked up for the future.
Kids. That’s what.
Panama: Do you like/know your daddy?
Her: My daddy is a sorry sack of a man/I don’t know the bastard.
Sorry, but its just REALLY hard for me to date a woman who doesn’t like her daddy at all, let alone, doesn’t know him. I don’t do daddy issues.
T-shirt?
T-shirt.
Panama: What’s something interesting about you?
Her: I used to juggle midget balls to make extra money in college.
For real, who juggles?
Panama: What’s your favorite meal?
Her: Fried bologna sandwiches with a tall glass of Kool-Aid.
Look, I love Kool-Aid as much as the next man, but if your favorite meal includes fried bologna sandwiches, I’m going to believe that nobody was able to take the hood out of you and you and your project compadres just might get me shot. You also probably thing TGIFridays is fine dining.
Panama: What’s your best feature?
Her: The tattoo I have of my ex-boyfriend’s family tree I have on my back. I know it wasn’t smart to have him tattood on me, but it’s a really good picture of a tree.
If you’re able to find the silver lining in such f*ckery, your optimism level is beyond even what I consider healthy levels. You clearly make bad decisions and might get me dead.
Panama: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Her: Ya know, I just hope to be alive.
Aight, Pac. I might not even finish that date. I might just slide to the bathroom and jump out the window on some Ron Browz stuff. I’m the Black man….I’m supposed to be worried about being alive.
Panama: Do you believe in magic?
Her: Oh hell yeah, he was a great basketball player for the Chicago Bulls.
You see, you demonstrated that not only do you know jack sh*t about sports, you’ll answer a question you clearly don’t know the answer to. You just might testify against me in court OR try to kill my dog, Twinkle Toes B*tch Slapper, or TTBS for short.
Panama: Who’s your favorite musical artist?
Her: OJ Da Juiceman!
You should just go die. Immediately.
Panama: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon light?
Her: Dancing is gay.
What?
Panama: You seem to be coughing a lot, are you okay?
Her: I’m just getting over the avian swine flu. I’m good though.
*dead* And I’m out. Damn Mexicans (no NAFTA).
~~~~~
So, good samaritans of VSB.com, what are the vital answers to questions that you’d want to know before entertaining a further courtship with somebody? And what would be the wrong answer that would make you want to stab their eyelids with toothpicks made of chrysanthemums?
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Related posts:
- “Will you ask to bite my burger even if there’s still food on your plate?” and 5 More Crucial Questions Men Need to Start Asking Before We Decide to Commit
- 10 Reasons Why You Will Absolutely Not Get A Call Back
- Questions For The People, By The People
- link of the week: the booty-call contract
- “greens, please” the vsb guide to questions random whites probably shouldn’t ask
{ 335 comments… read them below or add one }
Damn Mexicans (no NAFTA).
i.hate.you.
okay you are ridiculous but I feel you….
like when my manager cracked a joke on me and I said “et tu Jennifer” and she asked me if I had my fingers on the home row when I sent my response? WTF?
I too am about random questions…..
What was the best gift you have ever given….if the answer includes dinner at red lobster or jordans and you are over the age of 25 youse out…
can you floss the teeth in the back of your mouth? any answer other than yes, or I try but its hard, or man I know thats why Iuse those little pick things is an instant diqualification you wont be using my 2,500 dollar dental cap up on yo raggedy mouth
@shay_d_lady,
LMAO @ 2,500 dollar dental cap!
@shay_d_lady,
smh@ ur manager. Not because she didn’t get the Caesar reference. Just cause “E”, “T” and “U” are not on the home row.
This is why I need to work for myself.
i do get slightly perturbed whenever i have to explain the “et tu [fill in some one's name]“. becuz typically after i explain it, ppl are still on some i don’t get it ish.
@Gem of the Ocean, and she didnt..chile..smh…
@shay_d_lady,
That’s kind of like when I wished my niece’s ENGLISH TEACHER a happy Ides of March.
She totally hit me with the smile n’ nod.
Not. a. clue.
@shay_d_lady,
“okay you are ridiculous but I feel you”
if i had a dollar…
@The Champ,
you’d have a negative bank balance.
zing!
@shay_d_lady,
well you can’t expect everyone to understand latin. it is a dead language. kinda.
@Blue Skyez,
Not kinda. Latin is completely dead.
…
But Shakespeare-anisms should be more widespread knowledge.
also if I call your phone and you have a call or ring back tone I dont give a dayum what it is….. we no longer need to conversate (lol)..a nd those on the job junt this goes for you too.. I also a have a thing about professional email addresses… my girl sent me her cousins resume and her email address was luvmychocolatepearl@randomemailhost.com I was mad at her and her cousin
@shay_d_lady, The ring back tones will get you nexted in my book, not to mention if your voicemail is of you rapping or your fave Uncle Luke song, wtf!
@JamaicanGirl, or if your voice mail is of you rapping period…ala
what up fool, i got a lot goin on
so leave ya number at the sound of the tone…
ur ahh.. no sir
@shay_d_lady, It was worse, it was more like this
( in the tune of Jay Z, Izzo)
S to the izzo T to the izza A izzo N to the izza, i missed your call cause i was freestyling, leave your message at the tone, vamos son of a b%$#@
I could not breathe, i thought i was hallucinating so i had to call back to make sure i was not hearing things.
@JamaicanGirl, LMAO.. GIRL that dont even rhyme!! I would have had to rap him a message
dude, that shyt is lame
you need to leave the game
and if you cant guess
delete my number
so your phone has 1 less…
LMAO and ended it with a beatbox….like peaches from coming to america
@JamaicanGirl,
“S to the izzo T to the izza A izzo N to the izza”
Wow this kid is going places
@sisanda,
please don’t encourage that fool!
@JamaicanGirl,
I hope he was not older than 16, cuz if he was then he needs a lotta prayer!
@JamaicanGirl,
LMAO @ “i missed your call cause i was freestyling”
frikkin hilarious!!
@JamaicanGirl,
“S to the izzo T to the izza A izzo N to the izza, i missed your call cause i was freestyling, leave your message at the tone, vamos son of a b%$#@
I could not breathe, i thought i was hallucinating so i had to call back to make sure i was not hearing things.”
*You just killed me*
@JamaicanGirl,
Tell Stan that rhyme was horrible.
@Me fail english?, Stan is dead in my book. I don’t know who or what made him think that was ok.
@JamaicanGirl,
officially dead
@shay_d_lady,
yes yes very true about the ring back, if your over the age of 18 with a ring bak u need to reevaluate ur life. and LOL at lovemychocolatepearl, i’m mad at u for putting her email address up there but even more mad at her for putting that on a resume…smh and crying for the children lol
@PrincesMo,
if your over the age of 18 with a ring bak u need to reevaluate ur life
f*ck reevaluating. just die
@The Champ,
f*ck reevaluating. just die
dang…I guess I need to break the news to my home girl…either get rid of the ring back or be prepared to meet your maker.
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,
lol, its an easy choice
@The Champ,
LOL!!
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,
My best girlfriend has a ring back tone, too. Hers is gospel though? I’m not sure if that makes it ok or not.
@PrincesMo, Help! What’s a ringback tone??? Is that another way to say a ring tone (like a musical one)?? (I’m feeling old all of a sudden)
@klysha,
It’s when you call someone and hear “Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick, AYE!” instead of ringing.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! i hate that damn song
@Gem of the Ocean, me too… i thought it was a joke when I first heard it…
why is the chorus replaying in my head?!?!?!!
dammit!!!
@Jae,
LMAO!!!
@Jae,
LOL!1 I’m tempted to call my home girl just to see what’s playing…brb….
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,
Ok, she must have removed it, b/c she used to have Hello by Beyonce…so I every time I called…”you had me at hello, hello, hello…”
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!, one of my employees pays for a ring back subscription so its like calling an urban hip hop station the song changes each time you call…..
@Jae, LMAO!!!! Okay I know exactly what it is now. Thanks! I have a couple of friends with this feature…. and I hate it cuz their taste in music sucks.
@Jae,
It’s when you call someone and hear “Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick, AYE!” instead of ringing.
i’d ask “what the hell is this?” but im scared to
@The Champ,
“Panama: Who’s your favorite musical artist?
Her: OJ Da Juiceman!”
I thought it was appropriate with PJ’s reference to the great Juiceman, aye.
@The Champ,
Make the trap say AYE!!!!!
just reading all of this has made me happy that i’m about to be old as shyt tomorrow and not privy to any of this information.
@Jae,
It’s when you call someone and hear “Quarter brick, half a brick, whole brick, AYE!” instead of ringing.
I hate you. That song comes on everyday on my way home from work! LOL
@Jae, lmao! i love the way u answered that.
@PrincesMo,
sawry what exactly is a ring back? Is it when you can hear music when you call someone?
@PrincesMo,
OMG I called this guy and his ring back was some ole pretty ricky love song. That is so not hot. Did I mention he was a grown azz man?
@shay_d_lady,
one of my good friends has a call back tone…it’s really unfortunate b/c it’s not cute…at all.
@shay_d_lady,
I hate callback/ringback/whateverback tones.
That is all.
@shay_d_lady,
luvmychocolatepearl@randomemailhost.com
I’m really hoping you just made this pile of pig shyte email address up!
@YGB,
“I’m really hoping you just made this pile of pig shyte email address up!”
*I just died*
i’m too tired to respond, but you are SO IGNORANT panama jackson, i knew gem would respond to the damn mexicans lol, and no nafta? unacceptable lol.
Panama: Where do you see yourself in five years?
Her: Ya know, I just hope to be alive.
i cannot right now, see ya’ll in the AM.
@overit,
i’m too tired to respond
ummm…arent we reading your response right now?
@The Champ, umm no, when i really respond it is a lengthy and humorous one.
me: so whaddya do?
him…shyt with what?
or
him:I own a company… if the company is any of the following.. business consultant (with no specialty and no degree, please) record company CEO, phone, beeper, hotwing spot especially if its an all in one..interior designer, model, …its over
@shay_d_lady,
How about this guy I used to Model with wanted to date me. When I finally said yes, and we went out, he literally had nothing to talk about because he hated politics, literature, current events and science. I was dumbfounded. And he STILL wanted to make a 2nd date.
…and lol at the “Beeper King”. All I can think of is Liz Lemon.
@chaoticdiva,
“he literally had nothing to talk about because he hated politics, literature, current events and science. ”
So basically he’s a pretty face but dumber than a box of rocks??
@chaoticdiva,
How about this guy I used to Model with wanted to date me.
by “model with” you mean…wait. nevermind. its too early.
Me: When was your last relationship?
Him: 2 days ago. We just broke up.
(wrong on so many levels…)
Me: What do you want to do career-wise?
Him: A [local] rapper. Or maybe an actor. I’m also thinking about starting my own clothing line when I get big.
(…yes, I have heard this NUMEROUS times…don’t act like you haven’t).
Me: Who did you vote for in the last election?
Him: Vote? I never vote. I’m not even registered to vote!
(*sigh*)
Me: Do you have any kids?
Him: I don’t know. I’ve had a few pregnancy scares though…
(either he got something because of his lack of condom use, or he’s a man wh*re…or both)
Me: Have you ever been arrested (in terms of felonious charges)?
Him: Once. For possession/ possession with intent to deal/ a scuffle with the police/ grand theft auto. But baby, its not what you’re thinking…like it wasn’t exactly my fault.
(not only is he not a person you want to be around, but he’s not man enough to admit his wrong-doing)
Me: Do you read?
Him: The scores on Sportscenter at the bottom of the screen…yea.
(facetious little f*cker)
Me: Where are all the places you’ve been to?
Him: The westside, downtown, and I went to the suburbs once because Kroger was out of cheese and the next closest one was the rich people’s one.
(Sadly, there are people like this. Sadly, I’m related to several…)
Me: Do you have any nicknames?
Him: T-Bird/Pookie/Crow/Pooch/[you get my drift]
(do I even have to spell it out?)
Me: What do you do for fun?
Him: [enter coonish activity here]
Me: Who’s your favorite rapper?
Him: {anybody from Dipset}/ {Any snap music artist}/ Soulja Boy
…I could go on forever….
@chaoticdiva, Lmao!!!!!! I cosign all
@Satya, “Me: Where are all the places you’ve been to? Him: The westside, downtown, and I went to the suburbs once because Kroger was out of cheese and the next closest one was the rich people’s one.
(Sadly, there are people like this. Sadly, I’m related to several…)”
It’s sad that I know so many people like this! I co-sign on the whole list.
@chaoticdiva, Me: Have you ever been arrested (in terms of felonious charges)?
Him: Once. For possession/ possession with intent to deal/ a scuffle with the police/ grand theft auto. But baby, its not what you’re thinking…like it wasn’t exactly my fault.
LOL unfortunately I would also have to answer this question in the same fashion with those same charges…..glad I changed my name!
@shay_d_lady,
Please write an autobiography. I promise to buy it. I won’t download or anything, scout’s honor.
@Nikiloveli,
I’ll buy it too.
@chaoticdiva,
“Me: Who did you vote for in the last election?
Him: Vote? I never vote. I’m not even registered to vote!
(*sigh*)”
You are so right! this will get you gone real quick, i don’t play wit black ppl not voting, u have no excuse. For all the people who marched, where lynched, harassed, terrorized, shot with fire hoses etc all for the possibility that u could vote and have ur full constitutional rights for ur monkey ninja talk about some i’m not voting mess, i just can’t. During election time i was sho nuff defriending people on facebook for not voting, and i was oh so serious.
Glad I wasnt the only one taking is oh so serious last year.
@chaoticdiva,
I think this about sums it up for me!! hahahaha!!!!
@chaoticdiva,
LOLOL! Oh my dayum!
LOL @ coonish activity
this reminds me, me and the homies have a coon-dictionary to update…
@chaoticdiva,
Me: Have you ever been arrested (in terms of felonious charges)?
Him: Once. For possession/ possession with intent to deal/ a scuffle with the police/ grand theft auto. But baby, its not what you’re thinking…like it wasn’t exactly my fault.
(not only is he not a person you want to be around, but he’s not man enough to admit his wrong-doing)
this is a good point. i can’t stand when cats just wont admit that they f*cked up.
@The Champ,
Lol. I used to volunteer coaching ex-felons on job readiness, soft office skills, etc. So I’m going around the room doing an icebreaker and wouldn’t you know all these fools begin with “I was wrongly accused of…” and end their spiel with “…but I aint do it”.
Until, this one cat (my favorite student, natch) stands before us stony-faced and starts with “I was wrongly convicted of assault attempted murder…haha, nah I did that isht!” After he came clean I noticed everyone else was admitting guilt in subsequent trips down memory lane.
Way to set an example Kaashaun!!
@Me fail english?, Omg. This is hilarious.
@pgh muse,
Girl, the worst part of it was AINT NOBODY ASK THEM BOUT THEIR CRIMES!!
All I said is “why are you here and what do you hope to get out of it”. These dudes started thinking I was a substitute P.O. or the ACLU or smthg!!
What is this Oprah Winfrey isht?! Ninjas sharing they feelings with the group now? Is this what’s hot on the cell block streets? I don’t care if it was your man’s gun and how that makes you feel on the inside. Just come to my class on time and don’t talk about my butt (within earshot).
@Me fail english?, lmao. U are FUNNY! See. U do have a talent!
@Me fail english?,
by “volunteer coaching ex-felons on job readiness” you mean “strip at prisons”, right?
@The Champ,
exactly
@The Champ, I somehow missed this earlier today. lmao.
@Me fail english?, LOL this made my day, go on Kaashaun!
@chaoticdiva,
You sound like you’ve met some of my boys. You aren’t from Detroit are you?
@chaoticdiva,
“Me: Where are all the places you’ve been to?
Him: The westside, downtown, and I went to the suburbs once because Kroger was out of cheese and the next closest one was the rich people’s one.
(Sadly, there are people like this. Sadly, I’m related to several…)”
Hilarious…….
@chaoticdiva,
“Me: Who’s your favorite rapper?
Him: {anybody from Dipset}”
smh@ the 730 Purple Dip Skull Byrd Gangs
You know it’s bad when even the ninjas he looks up to don’t have your respect.
@chaoticdiva,
Why does everyone hate on the career in entertainment? Just asking…
@Monk, my theory, 99% of the people who aspire to make it in the entertainment industry don’t. So when someone…especially someone who is over 25 says they aspire to be a rapper or something of the sort people (by people I mean me) tend not to take them seriously. (They might get a pass if they’ve been diligently grinding at it for years and have real talent and a real back up plan but that’s extremely rare). I for one wouldn’t bet my future on some guy who has all his eggs in the becoming the next Jay – Z basket.
I just died. I quit you and errythang you stand for–namely f√ckery and foolishness. lol.I am too tired for this nonsense right now…
@shay d, I can’t reply to comments on my phone but I truly cannot with that email addy. straight foolish.
@SouthernGirl, y am I foolish? LOL i aint the one 30 years old with a girl six email address that I am using on my RESUME!!!!
@shay_d_lady, no girl! i was saying the chick was foolish, not you! lol.
@SouthernGirl, I know girl that was tongue in cheek.. LOL
@shay_d_lady, oh thank BBJ *wipes brow in relief*
Me: What is the last book you read
Him: ion’t read books but i mess wit vibe and source
Me: What college or university did you graduate from
Him: i got me my GED and then got a job
Me: where do you live and who do you live with
Him: I live in *insert skuzzy nyc neighborhood. ex: Qnz no nos=Corona, soutside jamaica etc.. and My momz lives with me.
Me:What do you do for fun
Him: roll an L, record my latest rap album, chill wit my manz n nem on the block or any other hood act
Me: what qualities do you like in a girl
Him: you know. my shorty gotta be 100%. she gotta have a fat @#$, be loyal, cute face, and a ride or die chick
that’s all for now… wait
Dear Panama, you are a dag nab fool. lmao
@Satya,
lol @ Jamaica Queens. Why is my family from there (on the line of St. Albans, right off of Linden)…muahahaha! And sadly, when I think of the cousins when they were repping that area until they decided to grow up and move on, I definitely concur.
…its just like when a dude will say he lives on the Eastside of Detroit. (not the just barely the Eastside, but deep…like really deep). Same goes for Inkster and Flint.
@Satya, Me: what qualities do you like in a girl
Him: you know. my shorty gotta be 100%. she gotta have a fat @#$, be loyal, cute face, and a ride or die chick
LOL this might be what my hubby said….
aww and whats wrong with a GED and a job? shyt I know plenty an electrician/plumber/hvac dude t hat did this and their doing better than I am! LOL
@shay_d_lady, I feel you on the GED and a job. He’s working and doing something with himself. Can’t knock a brother for trying lol.
@Bailey,
I’ve said it plenty of times…if that kat is bringing home a check legally, I don’t care if he’s a plumber, electrician or a sanitation worker.
@miss t-lee, ummm this guy was 28 and was a cashier at a grocery store. NO BUENO!!! A manager maybe I would have thought about it but a cashier…and part time at that. nope!
@Satya, First of all a part-time nothing ain’t never gonna work. If I hit a 40+ every week, you best to hit one as well…lol
Job wise, I’m talking within reason. A cashier at a grocery store part-time best to be your side hustle. Let’s not get crazy…lol I’m just saying I’m not necessarily gonna kick someone to the curb for a blue-collar trade.
@miss t-lee,
don’t forget the benefits!!
@Me fail english?,
Exactly.
@Satya,
“Me: what qualities do you like in a girl
Him: you know. my shorty gotta be 100%. she gotta have a fat @#$, be loyal, cute face, and a ride or die chick”
Lol@ him reading you his BlackPlanet profile.
Haha, I used to live in two of those places you and chaotic diva just named. . Try us out, we’re not all that bad:).
Then again, we’re originally from Brownsville and Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn so with the exception of Far Rock, QB and Bricktown Qns has always seemed kinda suburban and quiet.
@ the lowered expectations of my youth
@Me fail english?, lol I was born in Bedstuy moved to East NY and now in the burbs of Qnz. As in there aren’t many negroes and seeing Benzes Lexus and other luxury cars are a daily occurance
@Satya,
That’s what’s up. But girl, you know even in ENY you can see plenty of luxury cars on a daily. All parked outside the bricks (PJs) and what not. Hahaha!
@Me fail english?, lol sad but true. I just visited my Grandma this weekend and saw my ex-bf. He has a fully loaded Range parked outside the brick but him his daughter and baby mama share a room in his moms apt.
ok let me rephrase luxury cars are parked in driveways and garages and the owners don’t fear their cars will be seized by the Feds lol
This post was right on time, so yesterday i went on a lunch date that went a little something like this….
In the car on the way to lunch, phone rings:
Him: (looks at phone) It’s my mom, hold on
Me: Ok
Him: Hello
Mom: (because she was that loud) When are you coming home?
Me: (thinking in my head) I know this Ninja does not live with his mom
Him: I don’t live with my mom, she’s just asking when im coming to visit.
Me: (breathes a sigh of relief, then ask) Where do you live
Him: At random apt complex
Me: I thought they only have two bedrooms at that complex, you have a roommate
Him: Not exactly
Me: Im sorry, expound
Him: I live with a friend, but shes moving
Me: She, are you guys dating?
Him: Not anymore
I quickly text my homegirl to call with an emergency that lunch date was too over. This ninja had the nerve to try to take me out while he’s shacking up.
Some other questions that i ask
Do you hate pets?
Him: Yes i have 8 pits
yeah im good on him, this ninja house must smell like a kennel or he’s on some Mike Vick type stuff, i may be forced to testify against him.
Do you own any weapons?
If he owns more than 2 handguns, a shot gun in addition to a machete and samurai swords this would be a good indication that this fool will kill you.
@JamaicanGirl,
“Him: I live with a friend, but shes moving
Me: She, are you guys dating?
Him: Not anymore”
Hey what’s wrong with that?….he was just…giving her time to get over him, then she could move out and carry on with her life and shyt, i think that’s considerate at its best!!! right? (I’m not sellin it if you not buying it)
@JamaicanGirl,
This ninja had the nerve to try to take me out while he’s shacking up.
Really? Thats how you feel…..
@JamaicanGirl,
That ish happened to me!! I was out with this fool and his roommate/girlfriend’s parents walked into the spot, and her mom went off (not on me though, that would have been super ugly…for her)!! He tried to explain that, but it didn’t work…seriously??? Is that what’s good in the streets now?? Lawd!!
@This Just In,
Oh hell naw! lol
Lol@ the guns thing too. Sounds like my pops closet. He’s not a murderous maniac though. Scout’s honor.
@JamaicanGirl, “Do you own any weapons?
If he owns more than 2 handguns, a shot gun in addition to a machete and samurai swords this would be a good indication that this fool will kill you.”
lmao!!! I may have to add this to my list of questions
Bwahahahahaha @ this whole post. Heee-ha-larious.
As usual, comedy.
My boy used to ask chicks what they thought of Reparations for Slavery. We just wanted an answer that required A thought.
And yes, someone even said “Who is Reparations.” I hope she don’t burn herself on the cold water.
@saule wright,
there are few things more entertaining than asking people random questions. seriously
@The Champ,
My boy is the king of random questions. He regularly asks women if they like biscuits. Once he called me and asked me what I thought Paul Wall was doing. I told him I didn’t know, but whatever it is he’s sitting sideways.
Q: Have you ever danced with a devil in the pale moonlight?
Now, the correct answer according to Michael Keaton is to BUST you dead in your mouth. If I do this, you’ll know that I saw the movie and understand the reference, but is that really what you want?
@Resident GRitS,
at least its creative
it’s not creative. it’s already been done.
@Gem of the Ocean,
so “creative” only means “undoubtedly original”?
perhaps i should have said “it’s predictable”.
@Gem of the Ocean,
perhaps deez
@Resident GRitS,
…ok, y’all REALLY went the other way on this one.
About the daddy issues thing….
Why punish someone for the lack of the father’s presence. How would you prefer they answer the question?
@goldiilocs,
The animosity in the response denotes daddy issues. Even if you despise/don’t know your pops, there’s always a tactful way to answer that question.
If your dad is an @sshole you can say: My father and I have extremely different personalities so we have a tough time communicating.
or
If you never knew him b/c he walkewd out say: Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to get to know my father.
Answers like that show that you’re sane. And they also show that while your father has issues, you don’t.
i know plenty of men who don’t date women with daddy issues. period. wouldn’t even matter how they answered the question — all dude would need to know is that you have a case of the dead beat daddy.
@Gem of the Ocean,
Yeah and I’d kinda resent a dude who expected me to put on the job interview voice to answer a VERY personal question he’d just asked me. If dude’s want polite answers they need to stay outta my booze…er…business!
@Me fail english?, I agree. If I’m mad @ my father at the present moment in time and u ask then u get an answer… lawd.
@goldiilocs,
Why punish someone for the lack of the father’s presence. How would you prefer they answer the question?
same reason why people are “punished” for other stuff that they can’t control (looks, height, extra chromosomes, etc). some sh*t you just dont wanna deal with
@The Champ,
did you say extra chromosomes? lmao
@The Champ, extra chromosomes?? repent now fore its too late.
@goldiilocs,
I have a deadbeat dad but I usually answer that question w/ something regarding my relationship w/ my stepdad. Hypocritically enough, if a dude seemed to have animosity towards his mama or woman/mama issues in general I would not date him.
@goldiilocs, About the daddy issues thing….
Some people want waaaay too much. The same people who aren’t checking for females w/ daddy issues probably have skeleton’s the size of Jonah’s whale popping outta their closets. Ugh. But they can pass judgement cause they clean up well? Gimme a break.
@pgh muse,
True, true. I know women who don’t have daddy issues, but they have so many other hidden issues its ridiculous. I think it’s best to take folks on an individual basis and patiently let them reveal themselves. Crazy can lay dormant for a loooooooong time.
@Voiceofreason, Yup. The Craigslist Killer, for example. Perfect on paper, perfect in appearance, and deranged as H3LL. People can want what they want. I’m not knocking that, but blanket assertions like “I don’t date women with daddy issues”? To me, and this is just imho, are ninjas to be wary of. More than half of Black people born in this country count as people w/ daddy issues.
@Voiceofreason,
“Crazy can lay dormant for a loooooooong time.”
Word. The “no daddy issues” people may be eliminating lots of good people only to wind up with some crazy, father-loving nutjob
@Me fail english?,
Word. The “no daddy issues” people may be eliminating lots of good people only to wind up with some crazy, father-loving nutjob
doesnt the same rule apply for any characteristic though? i mean, doesn’t any preference or deal-breaker run the risk of cutting out lots of good people?
@The Champ, People can find attractive what they find attractive, but “I don’t date women w/ daddy issues,” is not a preference, it’ s a diagnosis. How do you know if a woman has daddy issues? What define’s daddy issues? And how is this person who’s doling out this label qualified to label anything? If you say you like tall men, that is a preference, or long hair – something like that. But daddy issues? That’s a judgement, not a characteristic.
exactly @ pgh. by good, I meant people that may have been perfect for you. Not good on paper
If you don’t like tall guys, I don’t care how compatible the two of you are. You’re not going to be physically attracted to his tall ass.
On the other hand, between “Daddy issues” vetoes being vague, presumptuous and having little to no bearing on your relationship, you wind up eliminating a lot of people you would’ve been totally attracted to.
It’s like the difference between saying I won’t date a man whose parents aren’t married instead of just saying I want a man who values marriage. One of these things just doesn’t address a person’s character and seems like an unwise way to date.
Just say you don’t like promiscuous, man-hating, car thieves. That would be a better strategy numbers-wise.
@Panama- I will defend those of us with no-good daddies. It ain’t our fault! And as long as we don’t take it out on you then we should be cool.
THings I ask:
1. Have you ever dated a stripper?
If the answer is YES, I’m out.
2. What’s your favorite city you’ve visited?
If they haven’t been west of the Mississippi, I’m out.
3. What’s your favorite restaurant?
If it’s something that has more than 3 locations nationwide, I’m out!
@Babs,
3. What’s your favorite restaurant?
If it’s something that has more than 3 locations nationwide, I’m out!
So what if he just has a true appreciation for Red Lobster’s cheddar biscuits? Lol.
@Voiceofreason,
So what if he just has a true appreciation for Red Lobster’s cheddar biscuits? Lol.
or max and erma’s loaded fries?????
@Voiceofreason,
those biscuits are de-lish, but RL damn sure ain’t my favorite restaurant!
@Babs,
Yeah, those biscuits are the business, but I quit all those folks who dress up to go there like it’s fine dining. Ninjas, this is just a regular ol’ restaurant…just because the sell lobster don’t make it fine. Hell, Aldi’s sells lobster (of which I would not TOUCH if I were you).
@Voiceofreason,
Just became a fan of “Red Lobster Cheddar Biscuits” on Facebook. Thought of y’all
@luvtheshoes,
Haha…I recently became a fan of it as well. lol
@Babs,
What is your favorite restaurant? And why do you think if someone has been west of the Mississippi, they’d like any of those cities better than one east?
@kamakula,
I don’t really care what their favorite city is. The fact that they aren’t well traveled is what would give me pause. I once went out with a guy who had never been out of the Southeast, with the exception of one trip to the Bahamas. *blink* As someone who is well-traveled I knew he was not the man for me. I need you to get out and explore this wonderful world!
As for my fave restaurant, it’s a toss up between two near my house. One is Japanese and the other is black-owned with with a variety of dishes.
@Babs,
All of your questions revolve around the guy having a little dough and dating only “good girls”. That’s on par with the daddy question. Some of it can’t be helped.
P.S. – Dem cheddar biscuits are the sh*t – quit hatin’ on a chain, lol!
@Lil’T,
OK?!? Them biscuits go hard.
@miss t-lee,
“The fam ain’t eatin’ cheddar biscuits but this random broad is eatin cheddar biscuits.”
I’m starting to believe in addition to there being a Jay line for everything, there may also be a Boondocks quote for everything.
@Lil’T,
My questions have nothing to do with money. Your favorite restaurant can be Jimmy’s Rib shack for all I care. It has nothing to do with the QUALITY of the restaurant.
I once went out with a guy and I asked him what his favorite pizza was. After he mentioned pizza hut and papa johns, I asked if he had ever tried (insert names of non-chain pizza in Atlanta). He admitted that he had never had pizza from a place other than pizza hut and papa johns. AND PIZZA WAS HIS FAVORITE FOOD!!!
@Babs,
::Chuckling::
Maybe he didn’t feel a need to try anything else, since Pizza Hut and Papa Johns were good enough. If it aint broke don’t fix it.
Or maybe you could’ve tried it together for your next date. You may have been able to open his eyes to something new. LOL.
LOL sometimes you gotta encourage ppl to try new things and step outside there small little box.
i don’t have the patience but maybe it’ll work for you and pizza hut guy lol
@V Renee,
I could see if if I were 24, but I’m 34 years old. I’m not in the habit of showing a man something as basic as pizza.
slice in atlanta used to be my spot!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
Their pizza is yummy. Haven’t been there in a minute.
@Babs,
I gotta agree with V Renee. I haven’t been on too many pizza eating excursions in ATL, but as a New Yorker, I know it’s hard as hell to get a good slice, much less Italian food in general outside of NYC. I might be inclined to eat something from a chain where I will at least know it will be decent.
Good Chinese food is also hard to find outside of NYC and becoming increasingly more difficult to find within the city limits!!
@Me fail english?,
lol, so everyone outside of new york city is eating nasty-ass food?
@The Champ,
Possibly.
@The Champ,
it’s a distinct possiblity, that is unless you live outside of the US.
@Me fail english?,
Sorry, I lived in NY for over 5 years and was disappointed by the Chinese food. The best Chinese I’ve ever tasted comes from the House of Lee in a town outside of Pittsburgh called Bellvue.
@Voiceofreason,
I know. That’s why I said it’s increasing difficult to find good Chinese food within the city limits (meaning NYC)
@Me fail english?, I can’t second this Me fail. There’s lots and lots and LOTS of great food in NYC..LOTS! But we gots some good eaterys in the 412.
@pgh muse,
I second that! Pittsbugh does NOT disappoint in the food department.
@pgh muse,
Maybe it’s a tourist trap thing. I can think of quite a few nasty ass spots in NYC that people trick tourists into going to (Rainbow Room, Sylvia’s, etc.)
When I stayed in PGH I was only disappointed in one place and that was a bbq joint (forgot the name)
@Me fail english?,
you need to visit San Francisco…I’ve had the best Asian cuisine on the west coast….
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,
I was about to say… The West Coast has the best Asian Dining I’ve had… although authentic Vietnamese in the H is really, really hard to beat.
@Babs,
I agree with your point about the daddies. My pops is the man (:) ) but I’ve met some real a-holes. And now that I think of it, if your Daddy treated you, your mama or any of your siblings like isht and you have NO “Daddy issues” I’ll lose respect for you.
I look up to my parents cuz they’re admirable people. Not just because…
Also, some people just don’t have very sophisticated palettes so I couldn’t care less if KFC is their favorite dining establishment. But if they’re not willing to sit in a different kinda restaurant and just eat some sorta chicken once in a while, then we have a problem.
But if they’re not willing to sit in a different kinda restaurant and just eat some sorta chicken once in a while, then we have a problem.
i’m the same way! i used to mess with a dude who was so close minded to everything. he liked what he liked and wasn’t willing to try different.
and his fave restaurant was Friday’s. i HATE that place. i will judge you if it’s your fave spot. so we were bound to end…
@Gem of the Ocean,
lmao. I’m not a Friday’s fan either. How you do a little bit of everything, but do none of it well?!
My sis swears by the French Onion Soup, but that’s not enough reason to keep going back there.
@Me fail english?,
I had a few classmates in law school who loved Fridays…I’m still trying to figure out what there is to love about that place….
LMAO @ “How you do a little bit of everything, but do none of it well?!”
thank you!!!!! uugghhh
@Babs,
The not liking chain restaraunts “rule” is something that I was just introduced to within the past year. It’s amusing to me.
How long has it been around?
@V Renee,
Very amusing. I’ve only ran into this recently as well.
@V Renee,
I have a variation of the franchise rule, but it only applies to me. I try not to eat at a chain restaurant if I’m visiting a new city.
@Voiceofreason,
I agree with this here. If I’m out of town, I don’t want to eat something that I can get at home. Like if I’m on the East coast, I WILL be eating seafood. Ummm ummm good!
@V Renee,
The not liking chain restaraunts “rule” is something that I was just introduced to within the past year. It’s amusing to me.
i didnt hear about it either until several months ago on vsb.
@V Renee,
I think it all depends on where you live. When I lived in Podunk-ville, a trip to the Olive Garden was a treat. But living in a major city with awesome restuarants makes it so that we don’t ever have to eat at a chain. Also, if you knew me, you’d know how much I love food. Everyone at my job knows if they have a questions about a restaurant to come to me.
So maybe that is why it’s more important to me than to others.
@V Renee,
Lol!
My question to the “non-chain restaurant” thing is this what if they genuinely tried every single thing and just prefer Olive Garden pasta? or IHOP pancakes? They don’t like the fancy schmancy stuff?
They can’t be blamed for having unsophisticated palettes much like someone can’t be blamed for having “daddy issues”.
@V Renee, I don’t know how long it’s been around, but a lot of my friends in DC have this rule. I have eaten in restaurants of all kinds, and I’m cool with trying new stuff when I’m in the mood, but from doing this I learned that I have a very simple palate. While my mind and the rest of my body have a healthy sense of adventure, my stomach does not. My stomach is apparently closed minded and racist and I’m okay with that. A guy who isn’t going to be trying to force me to eat chocolate covered scorpion or pickled goat head is okay by me.
1. What kind of music do you listen to?
If your answer consists of only southern rap or California foolishness, it’s over before it began.
2. Do you have any children? How many? How old are they?
Foolery: more than 2; any under the age of 5. I don’t need your baby mama calling at 12 am, asking for you to bring over some pampers, telling you the baby has a fever, and you running out to save the day like Mighty Mouse- NONE of that foolishness.
3. How would you describe your style of dress:
Foolery: Grown and sexy, thuggish; anything that consists of white tees or bedazzled items, Ed Hardy, or urban wear.
4. What would you like to be doing in five years?
Foolery: Makin ‘dis money (or anything else Plies would say)
@Nicki Sunshine, boy ol boy dudes with infants and kids under 8 for me are NO NO NO NO GO DON’T….
@Nicki Sunshine,
“What would you like to be doing in five years?
Foolery: Makin ‘dis money (or anything else Plies would say)”
LMBAO. Men who quote rappers in their everyday speech make my tummy hurt.
@Me fail english?,
I quote rappers in my everyday speech *hanging head for shame*… *Sade singing* Is it a criiime?
@pgh muse,
You get a pass
I think I even quote them from time to time. I just cringe when I hear people say in the middle of a serious conversation
Him: “Males shouldnt be jealous. That’s a female trait.”
Not only do you sound foolish taking life cues from Jiggaman but now I have an inexplicable urge to question your anger over his wholesale distribution versus your nickel-and-dime operations. Non-sequitur, yes. But pressing all the same.
@Me fail english?,
Thanks 
I think i prolly quote rappers these days bcuz half of the day my brain generates thoughts as facebook statuses… omg. This has to be bad news…. i shall run away and read War and Peace now!
@Me fail english?, “LMBAO. Men who quote rappers in their everyday speech make my tummy hurt.”
Don’t get me started on “money over B**hes”
@Nicki Sunshine,
1. What kind of music do you listen to?
If your answer consists of only southern rap or California foolishness, it’s over before it began.
lol, what is california foolishness? does this have anything to do with coolio or c-bo?
@The Champ,
I’m upset you just referenced C-Bo.
hah-ha!!!
@miss t-lee, i was thinking the same thing Miss t-lee.
@The Champ, LMAO.. or any of that get crazy (see: seizure for dance moves) music
OJ Da Juiceman is her favorite artist…aye!!!!! lmao!!!!!
My question, “do you have any mental illness in your family?”
Think I’m playing, I like to know what I’m dealing with from jump.
*sniggling*
@miss t-lee,
Mental issues are real. And they run in families. True story.
@V Renee,
I know…trust and believe.
@miss t-lee,
lol. Damn, how long do you wait before you ask that?
@Me fail english?,
You work it in early…like during the initial convo, but you have to make it seem like you’re joking though. That was you’ll get the real answer.
@miss t-lee,
lol, so basically you hafta be like
“haha…you know whats funny as hell to me? bipolar people. i love watching them hug babies while cussing out waitresses. oh how i heart manic-depressives. you dont happen to be one of those, do you???”
@The Champ,
Not quite like that…but you get my point grasshopper.
@The Champ, you’re an arse. my students jut realized i’m reding stuff of the net instead of prepping th lesson due to my laugh outburst
@miss t-lee,
LOL! I was once asked if I was on any medication for a mental illness. It was the first time we were talking and he just came right out and asked. I thought it was funny, but he said he’d had some issues with the last chick.
Then again, he was also really paranoid and a little “off” so he might have been looking for a kindred spirit.
@Dom,
You never know…you always gotta ask.
“Aight Pac”
LMAO.
Most men tend to not answer the “Do you have a girlfriend?” question honestly. So I like to ask, “Do you have a male or female friend with whom you are intimately, meaning physically, involved with at least one time each month?” I find that I need to be as specific as possible.
@Ms. Hall,
I like it…I’m gonna use it. Thank you.
) LOL!
@Ms. Hall,
Well, a girlfriend is a woman with whom you have finished dating and have decided to exclusively be in a relationship with to evaluate their potential for marriage.
A girl that you’re just dating or is your booty call does not a girlfriend make.
@kamakula,
details details….
@Ms. Hall,
I always ask “is there someone that would be very upset if they saw us together?” Because they might not have defined the relationship, but she might be his girlfriend in her head. Very important!
@Ms. Hall,
Everyone usually has someone that they are “dealing” with. Whether “talking”, dating, fukcing, wifing, “hanging out”. All that.
So I guess I just need to know is there anyone with whom you are deeply committed to? Someone who believes you are THEIR MAN.
@Ms. Hall,
“So I like to ask, “Do you have a male or female friend with whom you are intimately, meaning physically, involved with at least one time each month?”
I will be adding this to the list of first encounter questions.
@Ms. Hall,
I usually ask: “Do you have anybody in the whole wide world that might think of you as a potential something.?” I’m not saying you have a girlfriend, but do you have anybody who thinks they’re your girlfriend?
They usually think I’m being on “their side” and spill the beans about so and so crazy broad… and get nexted.
@Sula,
I’m not saying you have a girlfriend, but do you have anybody who thinks they’re your girlfriend?
great way to pose the question…lol
if we are discussing television programs and they make any mention of looking forward to the Plies reality tv show….
@shay_d_lady,
The Plies what??? Please tell me this isn’t real.
@Voiceofreason,
How is this any different than any of them other craptastic Vh1 shows they are churning out by the dozens? lol
@miss t-lee, it is different its like the difference between using dang and dayum……one of them is clear cut profanity….LMAO
@shay_d_lady,
hee-hee.
Splitting hairs I see?
Got it…lol
@miss t-lee,
But I feel like they’re trying to ease us in to crappier and crappier ish. Before we know it they’ll be putting F-List celebs in a house on the Westside of B-more with 5 random crackheads to see how it plays out…and I’d watch it. *sigh*
@Voiceofreason,
It’s a slippery slope…lol
@Voiceofreason,
Now THAT sounds like entertainment. I honestly couldn’t pick half of the Celebreality “stars” out of a line-up.
I mean wtf is a Daisy of Love? Was “For the Love of Daisies”, “I love Daisy” or even “Real Chance of a Shot at Daisy Love” taken? Who the eff is she?
@Me fail english?,
I saw that broad the other night drinking champagne out of a krazy straw and I was too through.
LMAO @ ““Real Chance of a Shot at Daisy Love””
@Voiceofreason,
get outta mah head…I was just pitching the idea of MTV’s Real World – Bmore Careful edition…lol
or they could set the Duel series in the middle of a drug turf and see how urban kids live on the daily…lol
@Voiceofreason,
Before we know it they’ll be putting F-List celebs in a house on the Westside of B-more with 5 random crackheads to see how it plays out…and I’d watch it
lol, they already did this. it was called “the corner”
@The Champ, LOL, i swear i was gonna make a reference to “the corner”.
@miss t-lee,
I need the answer to this one too. How is it any different?
Here’s a few:
Monk: So did you catch last night’s episode of “For The Love Of Ray J”/”Flavor of Love” (or any other celebreality show on VH1)?
Her: Who? What’s that?
It’s ok to say that those shows does nothing for you, but if you don’t even know what these shows are, you may be a little too pretentious for my taste.
Monk: “What means the world to you?”
Her: “My money, my doe, my hair, my nails.”
*bewildered look*
Monk: (again) “What means the world to you?”
Her: “Diamond rings, shiny things…”
It’s ok to want the finer things in life, but when they encompass who your character is, there’s a problem that I’m not willing to deal with.
@Monk, Monk: (again) “What means the world to you?”
Her: “Diamond rings, shiny things…”
hey thats a set up!!! you should cancel her out if she doesnt know to answer “diamond rings, shiny things” its one of the few Camron joints that I liked!
@shay_d_lady,
Yeah, she should get points for responding that way. But she should CLEARLY be joking and follow up with a real response.
@Monk,
lol. To your first point, I could see where it’s not so much fun to date someone who can’t recognize the same pop culture references as you, but they may not be pretentious.
When Champ posted that pic of the Ray J girl I had NO IDEA who it was. I only watch what’s on my Tivo and since I never record VH1 there’s a very good chance that I’ve never heard of your favorite Celebreality stuff. Although, that’ll all change now that the Gotti show is back!
@Me fail english?,
When Champ posted that pic of the Ray J girl I had NO IDEA who it was. I only watch what’s on my Tivo and since I never record VH1 there’s a very good chance that I’ve never heard of your favorite Celebreality stuff. Although, that’ll all change now that the Gotti show is back!
thing is, theres a different between saying “oh, i didnt know ray j had a show” and “vh1? whats that??”.
you dont hafta be all bossipy and sh*t, but i dont know if i could be with someone who lived in a complete pop culture vacuum. i mean, you need something to talk ab out inbetween toast and gotdamn, right?
@The Champ,
LMAO @ Bossipy. I’ma have to start using that one.
@Monk, “riding round town in a hot pink Hummer… when it come to the figgas i’m way way worse than them hustlin ninjas”
lol dam they just don’t make tracks like that anymore.
*looks for HOT 97 cd with that track*
where do you live…
in xxx apt
do you have any pets
yeah, I got a pit bull, Rott, or any dog/animal that clearly should not be cared for in an apt…
Not only ask the right questions but really LISTEN and take in
the answers, darling for what they are, instead of having selective hearing, you’lll save yourself alot of grief if you employ these things
Worse than any of those answers is a vague, but resounding confirmation of the negative.
If you can’t answer any of the below questions within .5 seconds, you are a liar and we can’t be friends. Such questions include:
“What do you do for a living?”
“Do you have kids?”
“Who do you live with?”
And is it just NYC dudes who love to answer these questions “Yamean, I’m out heah!” or “I mean, it is what it is baby girl?”
Uhhh, wtf is that sposed to mean? Matter of fact, nevermind.
@Me fail english?,
No, it’s not just NYC dudes. Replace “babygirl” with “sweethaht,” and you’ve got DC/PG dudes.
@Me fail english?,
“And is it just NYC dudes who love to answer these questions “Yamean, I’m out heah!” or “I mean, it is what it is baby girl?”
Absolutely not! These answered have migrated from the east coast all across the frigging country.
@mssmtaylor,
lol. I still would like to know what exactly “I’m out here” means. Congratulations, I am out here as well.
Aren’t I? *confused*
no boo. it’s “aint i??” get with the times!!
@Gem of the Ocean,
lol. *dons sunglasses indoors for no reason*
Me: How would you rate the POTUS first 1oo days in office?
Him: I don’t know, I don’t really pay attention to politics and stuff…
Me: what school did you attend?
Him: well, I attended randomsouthernHBCU, but I left after I pledged randomBGLO. School just isn’t my thing….
Me: Godfather I or Godfather II?
Him: neither. I only watch black movies. I love Belly, and Get Rich or Die Trying is my shyt!!
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!, Me: Godfather I or Godfather II?
Him: neither. I only watch black movies. I love Belly, and Get Rich or Die Trying is my shyt!!
I gotta co sign.. I mean I slick give the side eye if you choose Godfather 1 over 2 but I give you a pass since they are both good movies..
@shay_d_lady,
Come on GF1 or GF2 is a hard choice. They’re both excellent.
Now if that kat says he loved GF 3, then you can give him the side-eye…lol
most dudes who like those “black” movies also like the Godfather. in fact, i’ve never met a young black man in touch with his “urban roots” who didn’t.
@Gem of the Ocean,
most dudes who like those “black” movies also like the Godfather. in fact, i’ve never met a young black man in touch with his “urban roots” who didn’t.
id beg to differ. the godfather is a bit too long and tony for their tastes usually. scarface, on the other hand…
@The Champ,
yeah, I know a lot of dudes who love Scarface…but I’ll take Michael Corleone over Tony Montana….
ok, maybe it’s just the dudes EYE know
@The Champ, u used the word tony… how loquacious of u.
@pgh muse,
loquacious deez
@pgh muse,
“u used the word tony”
Can we file this under “Words straight men should never use”?
@Me fail english?, BWAhahaha! Girl. U stoopid.
@Gem of the Ocean,
I know dudes who don’t like the Godfather…but then again, those dudes don’t like sports, either and are generally a waste of both time and space….
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,
I applaud this comment.
yes, wastes of space they are indeed
@N.I.A. HappyHumpDay!!!,
I know dudes who don’t like the Godfather…but then again, those dudes don’t like sports, either and are generally a waste of both time and space….
The Godfather is not the end all be all to whether a guy is worth anything, and it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with liking sports, how many Italian/mob gangsta movies do you have to like to be considered cool, all of them or just scarface and godfather, both of which while i can see there historical appeal are long and boring for the most part
@Razz,
you need to re-read what I wrote…I’m speaking specifically about the few men I know who don’t like the Godfather, and those men also happen to not like sports.
As for the Godfather not being the end all be all, I don’t think I said that it was the end all be all…in fact, I know I didn’t say it was….
Who do you live with?
- My girl but I don’t like her (true story)
What’s your favorite restaurant?
- Why go out to eat when I have food in the fridge?
Are you single…and by single I mean no ‘situations?’
- I’m single but um, well, I’ve been on & off w/ my ex for like 7 yrs and I dunno if we’re getting back together.
Why did you & your ex break up?
- *insert angry voice* That ho was crazy & she slept w/ all my boys. After I fogave her she had the nerve to leave me b/c I chew w/ my mouth open!
@K.,
“Who do you live with?
- My girl but I don’t like her (true story)”
The variation I heard was, we’re broken up right now, but we live together.
This was in a one bedroom apartment no less, while I saw there, and he was making me dinner.
This was also after I went to use the bathroom and saw some Bath and Body Works stuff on the counter.
@miss t-lee,
Ummm wow. So where was ol girl? Hiding in a closet? This kind of reminds me of that movie “The Break Up” with J. Aniston and Vince Vaughn.
@V Renee,
She was supposedly out of town. Needless to say, I didn’t stay for dinner. I wasn’t trying to be on the news. I like to think I can hold my own, but I wasn’t in my element…lol
(Based on true conversations)
Me: You have any kids?
Her: But you know, kids just come.
Me: Huh, what do you mean ‘kids just come?’
Her: They do…you know, when you’re in the heat of the moment sometimes you don’t stop.
Me: You’re losing me now…
Her: Well I had like 4 abortions!
Me: 4? *uncomfortable silence*
Ah yes…
Me: So what would you say your hobby/talent is?
Her: I dunno. I don’t think I really have one.
Me: Okay, so what is it that you do to occupy your time outside of work?
Her: I dunno. I just do me. Watch TV, ya know
Me: If there is one thing you do good, what is it?
Her: *Insert selection here* Eat, sleep, shop.
Me: You’re a worthless shack of sheep shuckings aren’t you?
Now I just ask the very basic like are you constantly at the doctor’s office, why is it taking you 8 years to get a bachelors/associates and do you live in an area that has the nickname of a warzone?
@CPT Callamity,
Ummmm wow 4 abortions? I assume that’s her contraceptive of choice? Why would she disclose that?
@V Renee,
I’m just as surprised as you. I didn’t realize I was so charming that I would be privy to this type of information. That was the last phone call we had btw…
@CPT Callamity,
LOL! I AM the second girl! I do a lot more than eat, sleep and shop, but I am also a talentless bag of sheep shuckings. Talent questions make me sad
edit: Hol’ up! WTF is sheep shuckings? Is that the shearings?
@Me fail english?,
In recent years that’s a question that I pose because I notice a lot of advanced degree chest thumping, but outside of that there is no spark no substance. I don’t usually say it to down someone but it makes for more interesting conversation and outings if that person has something besides those three mentioned things or else…you do nothing but go out to eat (necessary but cliche and boring), sleep (boring and I don’t want to watch) or shop (boring 10X3). Pick up a hobby…as long as it’s not scrapbooking.
@Me fail english?,
Could be shearing…but then shucking implies to peel off…
@Me fail english?,
I was going to curse and found the closest euphemism that I could. Shuck means “to take away, strip or peel.” I guess I stuck with it cos it sounds nasty enough.
one answer that hasn’t been mentioned yet:
the champ: “how do you feel about ***insert anything regarding politics or sports***?”
chacleta: “it doesnt matter. its all fixed away”
i’d say that i hate conspiracy theorists, but since i know “hate” is a very strong word, i won’t say that i hate conspiracy theorists. you know, i’d even consider having a cup of hot chocolate in the same coffeehouse that a conspiracy theorist might have frequented in the past. sh*t, i might even enjoy it.
considering that, i can accurately say that i am strongly averse and possibly slightly allergic to conspiracy theorists.
@The Champ,
Go ‘head and punk out. I’ll say it.
I hate conspiracy theorists. And ironically, they’re usually the most know-nothingest, ill-informed ninjas in the room
@The Champ,
“chacleta: “it doesnt matter. its all fixed away”"
and then you ask them to explain/elaborate and they get to stuttering and then…silence. yeah, i’ma need you to stop repeating shyt b/c you think it makes you interesting or ‘different.’
@The Champ,
Oh, yeah, co-sign on that. That response is usually a cop-out way of avoiding an actual intelligent discussion because they don’t know anything about said topic aside from reading a snippet of it on E! News.
me: do you like the lakers?
(any answer other than NO or some form of kobe bashing is unacceptable)
here are some questions that if a dude asked me them i’d have to next him….
him: how many kids you got?
(negro why you assuming i HAVE kids??)
him: why don’t you have a man?
(really dude?? just don’t go there)
him: can i have a good night kiss?
(if you have to ask your breath probably smells like booty lint)
him: you look exotic. so what, you got indian in your family or somethin?
(why must you be ignorant with it??)
him: so do you taste as good as the drink margarita?
(don’t be so fresh right off the bat)
him: what are you in school for?
me: neuroscience
him: what’s that?
(strike 1)
me: study of the brain (spinal cord and nerves)
him: oh so you like can work with crazy ppl?
(strike 2 AND 3 — your knowledge is limited and i just can’t with you)
and this next one isn’t so much a particular question but a convo (from yesterday) that made my eyelid twitch….
him: what movie do you want to see?
me: the soloist w/ jamie foxx
him: he better be funny
me: it’s not a comedy
him: what the hell? why jamie don’t make comedies no more?
me: *exits stage left*
@Gem of the Ocean,
LMAO @ this entire thing.
and wtf @ booty lint?!
Farealdo, I’m tired of men who ask stupid ass questions like that too. I’m a grown up and if I wanted to kiss you I’d do it. Please don’t ask again.
Also, don’t ask me open-ended questions like what I can cook or what I do for fun or how come you don’t like me? I have not interest in making long ass laundry lists with my Friday night.
LOL @ “and wtf @ booty lint?!” girl with me there is ALWAYS a b.scottism lurking… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlyvbHlzZJc
and this…
Also, don’t ask me open-ended questions like what I can cook or what I do for fun or how come you don’t like me?
girrrrrl preach that word!! i hate that too!! like in time you’ll find out what i like. what i don’t like is probably a shorter list. and YOU are making your way near the top, sir.
@Gem of the Ocean,
“him: can i have a good night kiss?
(if you have to ask your breath probably smells like booty lint)”
that just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. gross!!!!
him: what are you in school for?
me: neuroscience
him: what’s that?
(strike 1)
me: study of the brain (spinal cord and nerves)
him: oh so you like can work with crazy ppl?
(strike 2 AND 3 — your knowledge is limited and i just can’t with you)
I kid you not, my eyes got big because I was in such disbelief. Dumb dumb dummy!!! Ugggghhhhh!!!
it happens so often it’s not even surprising to me anymore. whats worse is so many of my friends think i’m going to be a neurologist. neurologists don’t STUDY sh*t, first of all. and second, who said i was in med school?? lol
@Gem of the Ocean,
“him: why don’t you have a man?
(really dude?? just don’t go there)”
Oh, this is another one!
Typical exchange:
Him: You got a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because I’m single.
LOL @ “Because I’m single.”
i REALLY wanna say “because i meet guys like you” but i just let it go
@Gem of the Ocean,
“i REALLY wanna say “because i meet guys like you” but i just let it go”
LOL…I feel ya!
@Gem of the Ocean,
me: do you like the lakers?
(any answer other than NO or some form of kobe bashing is unacceptable)
May you be blessed all day long for speaking the truth!
and may you be blessed as well
@luvtheshoes,
“(any answer other than NO or some form of kobe bashing is unacceptable)”
Yeah, ya’ll menses sure do know how to hate on the Kobe. It’s default as hell. Never fails.
@Gem of the Ocean, LMAO, not what is neuroscience. that is a red flag for so many reasons.
@Gem of the Ocean, LOL!
Here is the one I get all the time.. O.K.. Everyone has heard the infamous New Orleans Accent Bayyyyyyyyybay! LOL! Well I was born in New Orleans, But I grew up in the Netherlands, so I have a “different” accent than most of the locals….
Dude: you have a very nice accent, your not from here are you?
Me: Well I was born here, but I grew up in the Netherlands
Dude: Where is that?
Me: It is in Europe, Many people call the country Holland
Dude: Yeah! I know where that is! Have you ever gone to amature night @ The Apollo?
Me: (WTF look on my face.. in my head saying “ninja what?”)Yes… yes, honey.. I have gone to amature night many times
****end of convo****
My main beef is with ONE question because it’s been asked too many times and it has been asked one too many RIGHT after he says hello:
“So, you got any kids?”.
No, MOFO, do YOU? I mean, I get you wanna know as to avoid baby daddy drama, but this question should NOT be right up there with (or worse yet, BEFORE) “How you doin’?”.
@Cheekie,
lol…i could see myself asking this as the first question.
@Cheekie,
OMG – I get that question A LOT. As the 1st question. Matter of fact it’s not even the question of “Do you have kids?”, but “How many kids do you have?”.
@V Renee,
““How many kids do you have?”.”
Yeah, this too! It is definitely becoming more and more commonplace. Sadly.
Me: You are down to your last $150.00. What do you do? Get your hair done or pay off the shut-off notice utility bill?
Her: Get my hair done.
Me: Peace
Me: Do you know who Noam Chomsky is?
Her: Who the f is that?
Me: Peace
Me: What kind of books do you read?
Her: Zane and other “black woman cry” or urban erotica
Me: Peace
Me: Do you watch the news?
Her: No it’s too depressing
Me: Peace
Me: What kind of music do you listen too?
Her: Whatever is on 106 and Park or WJLB’s top 8 at 8
Me: Peace
@Humble_One,
Me: You are down to your last $150.00. What do you do? Get your hair done or pay off the shut-off notice utility bill?
Her: Get my hair done.
Me: Peace
“Shoulda paid your light bill, you bought an outfit.”
~Project Pat “Chickenheads”
lmao yesssss!!!
Me: Do you know who Noam Chomsky is?
Her: Who the f is that?
Me: Peace
dag homie, no room for learning something new with you i guess.
@Gem of the Ocean, lmao. Right?!
@Gem of the Ocean,
For some reason I am still trying to figure out I have attracted women that aren’t intellectual. When I tried to show them something new they didn’t care or it went over their head.
@Humble_One,
I feel you. I’m on the opposite side of the fence though. I’m all about learning new things but I’m more of a dilettante. I’d be unhappy dating someone who wanted to talk quantum mechanics on my day off
@Humble_One,
i feel you. some ppl (whether they know ish or not) don’t like to be taught new things. but for those that do, you may give them the red light before you have a chance to see what her mind is capable of.
@Humble_One,
Me: Do you know who Noam Chomsky is?
Her: Who the f is that?
Me: Peace
You’re tough!
Seriously. Who is Noam Chomsky? I’d like to know.
@Voiceofreason,
He’s a political theorist, author, post-modernist (don’t call him that to his face) thinker. He taught linguistics too (I think he may be emeritus now). He’s been accused of being an anarchist but I haven’t come across anything suggesting that. (He says powerful people have the onus of justifying/legitimizing their positions. I don’t recall anything about dismantling the power sturcture tho…)
I think a lot of people don’t hear about him cuz his books have been banned in a lot of places. Also, it’s pretty dense and abstract stuff. It can be hard to understand if you don’t have a professor or adjunct book synthesizing.
Lots of people reference him though, so even if you haven’t studied him…you probably HAVE studied him.
@Me fail english?,
Thank you for saving me the work. I haven’t read all of his work. My father schooled me to him.
@Humble_One,
I was a psych major, so I didn’t find out about him til undergrad. So most of what I know of him relates to cognitive psychology. Come to find out he had an opinion on EVERYTHING. Frankly, the man intimidates me!
@Me fail english?, not all of that, but some of that lol.
@Me fail english?, I was gonna say that.
@Me fail english?,
Thanks! I hate NOT knowing things.
@Humble_One,
***snip***
Me: Do you know who Noam Chomsky is?
Her: Who the f is that?
Me: Peace
***snip***
Weedin like a motha – nice…lol
The date question of the day: Do the pets sleep in your bed too?
Any chick that says yes is out
@KingPine,
Aw…come on. Trust that you’d rather have my dog sleeping on my bed than some of the trifling men trying to get there.
@luvtheshoes,
smh….i’m biting my tongue….
I know some single chicks that smell like straight up K9
Coincidence, I think not….
@KingPine,
Good point. Them chicks must just have bad hygiene and laundry service
@KingPine,
“The date question of the day: Do the pets sleep in your bed too?”
If a dude said yes…I’d be out too.
I love dogs as much as the next person, but not on my furniture and definitely not on the bed.
@miss t-lee,
This reminds me of when I was cat-sitting for my sister and the little bastard jumped on my head while I was sleeping. She forgot to tell me she locks him out of her bedroom at night . >(
@Humble_One,
LOL. Tell her GTFOH with that wack azz “literature.” That’s usually a red flag for me too.
@pgh muse,
*throat punch*
@miss t-lee, I cain’t be putting people that i have to interact with off the internet out there like that… otherwise I’M DYING 2 tell cuz the shyt he said to me was BANANAS! (at least i thought so…) I’s sorry Miss T-lee :0)
@pgh muse,
LOL!! I’ll let you make it, this time.
@pgh muse,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! you can’t do this to us!
@V Renee, Forgive ME! I’sss sorry!! girl my finger’s are twitching over the keyboard i want to type it sooo bad! but i cain’t. i just can’t. he doesn’t deserve the public humiliation although what he said to me was way outta pocket…
@pgh muse,
Well can someone at the Happy Hour retell the story on behalf of you?? Would that be acceptable?
i’ll post it on twitter!!!!!! hahahaha
@Gem of the Ocean, lmao. ok.
@Gem of the Ocean, I just hope that when I reveal my tidbit ya’ll don’t sit there and hit me with the *blink* like… u had us wait till Friday for that?!…
@V Renee, nope. he said something pretty ummm… singular. And almost all my info is a few short clicks away I’m pretty transparent on this site, and if he reads the site (which i kinda think he might) then I’d be outted as a business telling, blabbermouth snitch, and I have a working relationship with this cat…
so basically he’s reading this right now and knows you talkin bout him. and knows all pgh-VSBs will soon know about his transgressions. *smh* you are so not good at covert operations.
@pgh muse
@ Gem of the Ocean
I thought the same thing while reading through this thread…
@ Gemmie, eh… lmao… I didn’t think of it that way. Good point. Oh well.
*shrugs* welp, see you friday!!
@Gem of the Ocean, lmao. Gotta love that Gemmie.
@pgh muse,
I’m definitely gonna ask you about this on Friday. People who get outta pocket need to be humiliated sometimes. It helps them grow.
@pgh muse,
@Me fail english?, Ionno, Me Fail. I think we have one cuz Champ’s a native and it’s half his blog, and there is a pgh presence on this blog which is kinda miraculous… If u were here u’d definitely would be welcomed (i’m sure),. Ne who… There have been VSB meet up’s in other cities. I definitely don’t think there’s anything to stop NYC Vsb’ers from meeting up for happy hour
But u’d really have to ask one of the powers that be if there’s any particulars that go into the organizing… alas I’m just a guest @ this party 
@pgh muse,
They’d probably just tell me to set it up all by myself. Well you can set deez, Champ!
I’m lazy.
I hate the kind of answers that liken to you being proud of doing something you’re SUPPOSED to be doing.
Me: Do you have kids?
Him: Yes and I take care of my kids.
Um…that ain’t optional fool.
I only asked the question in the first place because I never dated guys with kids. If I was even considering changing my personal rule…you just got benched.
@CreoleInDC,
“I hate the kind of answers that liken to you being proud of doing something you’re SUPPOSED to be doing.”
WORD. WTF does the ninja expect, a key to the city? I wrote about this conundrum recently.
Beware of self-pimpage: http://sistersoundoff.blogspot.com/2009/03/whos-your-daddy.html
@Cheekie,
Sliding your blog in there was kind cheeky, Cheekie. ROFL!
@CreoleInDC,
Teehee!
Will you quit it!! This conversation DID NOT occur! Please say it “ain’t” so!!
*LOL*
I am just shaking my head…
I must say this is one of the FUNNIEST post i’ve read in a looooong time..*no NAFTA* “I have the avian swine flu” who says that??? Pure genius…
Um I leave for a week and all of a sudden VSB has a rookie class?
I totally agree with this post. I 100% believe, that the tell tale signs of a genuine F*%K -up are definitly displayed in the beginning of a relationship. We ignore these signs for a multitude of reasons. We may wanna do the “humpty-dance”, it may be because they are financially competant, and we’re thankfull the sweet baby Jesus didn’t send you another broke azz… They may be entertaining…. BUT POINT BEING……. we still ignore these signs.. Its not so much ignoring the signs that is the problem, It’s acting surprized when you realize the person you are dealing with is not someone……well…….. that you want to deal with. LOL!!! I have LIVED this moment more than once… I’m sure every single person in here has lived this moment! Sheesh! I cant wait to find Mr. Right! But it really applys to all relationships, not just romantic ones!!!
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