Every woman complains about the same things when it comes to finding some of that good lovin’: at some point in time, all the wrong men were trying to holler. Not only were they trying to holler, they would holler when she would go out of the house in a paisley-print muumuu, some tights, and a headwrap that was NOT the father from the motherland.
Basically, “that” dude is out there lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on you and hold you hostage to his crip-wallking teeth and incendiary conversation about his self-improvement program, Everest College, and why women don’t know a good thing when they see it. Plus, his scurl has NEVER been on fire.
To take it a step further, let’s just paint a picture of the guy women don’t want to holler at them the most, a composite if you will.
Ready?
Set. Go.
Gold teeth. Lime green 3-piece suit with 8 buttons (kind of like a Steve Harvey special), one too many pieces of jewelry, some Stacey Adams wing-tips, a temple-fade haircut with the Philly-dye to fill in his edges, drinking some sort of dark-liquor concoction that MUST include Hennessey. Oh yes, and he is particular to women he can affectionately call “redbone”. He also likes to call you “shawty” or “lil mama”. And he JUST might be 51 and have a child your age.
Possibly.
Most women go wrong by trying to reason with the dude or being nice hoping he’ll go away. These cats don’t go away. They’re like roaches. “No” is not a word that means go away. It means try harder. But unlike the Geto Boys, they CAN be stopped – without a shot to the eye. No Reality Kings.
It’s 2010 and VSB is still in the crimefighting business. If you keep getting hollered at by Svelt Leon you might stop going out and nobody will ever get the chance to talk to you. You’ll end up like the women we assumed Helena Andrews was talking about.
So here are some ways to stop Romeo in his tracks:
1. Tell him you have an STD before he even gets going. Sure you’re deading your chances of talking to ANYBODY in the club you’re at, but be real, you and the guy you DON’T want to talk to are at the same spot. Chances are you probably should stop going there anyway. “Those” dudes travel in packs and they DON’T go to places where it seems like all the women read good. Kids don’t scare away men, but STDs? Fear of God (unless he already has one and thinks a second one might cancel it out – like I said, you shouldn’t be there.)
2. Tell him that your daddy is a cop (and you actually know him). For some reason, Black people really don’t trust police. I have no earthly idea why. But NOBODY wants to date a cop’s daughter. It just seems like a bad idea. Plus, if you know your daddy AND he’s a cop, he’s probably overprotective and watching you like Rockwell. Just seems like a better idea to talk to the chick in the 2-sizes too small pink leopard onesie.
3. Start talking about politics and local elections. This might backfire 1/100 times, but most hood ignant dudes don’t know nothing about no ‘lections. Mostly because they either can’t or don’t vote. To complete the murder, just ask him about his favorite book that wasn’t written by Donald Goines. He’ll go talk to a chick who thinks Zane is fine literature.
4. Ask him if he’s holding any crack on him. Not coca-ina. Crack. Nobody wants to intentionally date a crackhead, no matter how fine she is. That should be a surprise.
5. Say, “I bet you have small wang. (To friends, loudly) Hey, doesn’t he look like he has a small wang?” He’ll either pull it out to prove you wrong and thus embarass himself and possibly go to jail (win/win) or get mad and call you a “b*tch” and roll out because you are crazy, loud, and ignant. Just remember, he may try to kill you later on that night so I’d be careful with that one.
So good people of VSB, what are some other ways to get the wrong guys to not holler?
Floor? All yours.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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- Until You Do Right By Me: 5 Ways That Women Go Wrong When It Comes To Dating Men.
- Dude, I Went To China And All I Got Was A White Guy!
{ 198 comments… read them below or add one }
I usually grab the nearest homegirl and pretend she’s my lover and kinda feel her up, it used to work untill men got freaky and thought that type of thing was sexy….
I also played deaf once…used fake sign language and everything. When I turned my back dude told his homie “I bet she got a fat ***** and I know I can hit” I ruined it when I turned around and said “What the hell did you say!?” He jumped back saying “I thought you were deaf!”
@WonderWoman,
Lol I’ve contemplated being a lesbian. But dudes seem to like that nowadays! So that’s out. Oh and the deaf one, that’s a good one!
@GEELA, yeah, that’s out. it’s just another convo they can use against you.
@GEELA,
lol the lesbian argument usually works if you ask about his sister or female cousins. they get mad offended when thinking about you lickin up on their relatives.
@WonderWoman, LOL!!! thats hilarious!
@WonderWoman,
“I usually grab the nearest homegirl and pretend she’s my lover and kinda feel her up, it used to work untill men got freaky and thought that type of thing was sexy….”
I can’t see this as ever having been a turn off for guys unless you were at a church function (and not necessarily even then).
@WonderWoman, i don’t know what happened, but i originally had being deaf as #6 on my list. or playing deaf anyway. though you really have to continue to play it up for hte rest of the night b/c dudes will pay attention if they think you playing them. he’ll run up on you later like, “i saw you dancing to the music ninja! you ain’t deaf. NOW GET ON MY LEVEL!”
@Panama Jackson,
playing deaf might not work, but the “i’m just gonna walk away because i cant hear you cause the music is too loud” seems to work for me whenever i want to dead a club convo
@The Champ,
negro please. dont nobody be tryna talk to you at the club. you stand alone and lonely at the bar.
@Gem of the Ocean,
its hard for people to see me when you’re all up on deez and blocking the view
First.
None of those would work if dude had a sense of humour.
How you gon talmabout lections at a club? C’mon son.
@Dangerous, how exactly does a sense of humor parlay an STD, like say, gonorrhea, into a funny convo?
I have found that the accidental “elbow’ and a nasty cough works wonders…and its got to be one of those body racking you might throw up joints…..
also tell him your light bill is due and you need new tires….lol
@shay-d-lady, that cough might get you tossed from the club. i know i’d have my bouncers toss a plague-wielding patron. i mean, with the ABC board on our backs over underage drinking, bubonic plague should be really easy to explain in court.
@shay-d-lady,
Pretty much. I always just ask dudes for money. He’ll either give it up and reject you later or ease off. Win-Win-Win
Am I wrong that I recognize those pimps from the Pimps Up, Hoes Down documentary? Naw, i’m good. That was for educational purposes:)
You wrong for mentioning the Philly dye…the beard dye slays me! (I still luh you Philly!)
Enjoyable post as always but I think #4 might get a sistah “chose” cause dude might just have some crack
is wackon him and try to have you strung out makin’ dat money and #6 might get you in a physical altercation with the truly ignent. It’s sad, but it’s some crazy folks (men and women) out here. Some gangsters ran up on me to holler when I was still in middle school (backpack on and everything) and I just kept sayin’ “huh” to everything they said and they left me alone saying I was retarded. I was relieved. L.A didn’t play. Depending on the guy, too much disrespect can get a person shot. Sad, but true.@legitimate_soul,
Correction, not #6, but #5 can get you in a physical altercation.
@legitimate_soul,
haha. I was thinking #5 is not gonna go well AT ALL.
@legitimate_soul, um, if dude pulls out a rock and is like, o! let’s do it, then you say that you only smoke rocks around family b/c its safer that way.
then you scratch yourself.
@Panama Jackson,
*Cackling*….Now that you mention it, I think a good ‘crotch scratch’ (act like you vigorously doing it) will scare a good deal of people away.
Don’t go places where these dudes frequent. Period.
@Monk,
As funding for public transportation and unemployment increase, they will soon be any and everywhere you want to be. Don’t forget, ninjas carpool to the club now. SMH
@Monk,
Where would that be? They seem to be everywhere.
@Ivy St., i’m guessing it would include places with books.
@Panama Jackson,
So, that also rules out Kanye.
@Cheekie, zing!
@Ivy St.,
Stay away from clubs (this should be self-explanatory..that’s where they’re at EVERY weekend), hood malls (this is where they hang out and they NEVER will have a shopping bag in their hand, just a duffel bag selling bootlegs), the most popular malls in the area on the weekend (if you must go, go during the week right when the doors open), flea markets (this is where they shop so avoid), chain restaurants (they don’t like exclusive shyt, they wanna go to the T.G.I.Fridays for happy hour), and the least populated section of the train or bus (if you’re sitting relatively alone, it’s an open invitation for them to approach so blend in with the crowd as much as possible), WalMart or other 24 hour places during peak times (again, go early..they go to sleep at 6am and wake up at 1pm so anytime in between should be fine).
@Monk,
So, don’t go outside?
I think nine times outta ten, chicks encounter these ninjas just walking down the street, taking public transportation, etc.
@Cheekie,
during my pimping days i used to hang out at the gas station to meet chicks. theres no better game than asking a chick in a car by herself if you can fill her tank
@The Champ,
Ya think?
I’d ask you to go ahead and pay for the gas as well.
*snickering*
@miss t-lee,
Might as well Squeegee my windows while you’re at it. lol
@miss t-lee,
ba-dun-dun.
She’ll be here til 5 folks!
@ Cheekie,
How could I forget? Might as well get everything taken care of right?
@ Me fail english?
Make that 4. I get here at 6:45…lmao
@The Champ,
this is hilarious because i never fail to get hit on at a gas station in a blk area…aka most of atl.
one thing i do kno is “i have a bf” don’t work no more. so i usually say “i have a bf…yea…i can’t….he kinda….” and just look real nervous like he could pop out at any second.
@Cheekie,
Yup. Which is why I will reference this post in my formal proposal to Bossman on why I should telecommute.
@Cheekie,
lmao basically. i was thinkin the same thing!! even the dude that look fairly “normal” end up being on some extra whack niggerish pimp ish. theyre inescapable.
Yea I used to say I was a hard core lesbian… never worked. Then I tried speaking my very poor puerto rican spanish… that failed because all they would do is ask me to say “papi”. ::cold stare:: followed by ::rolling eyes:: Currently, I just say I am working on a PhD and it works like a charm. By the time I finish the sentence they are on the other side of the bar.
Sad on so many levels…
@Buxxy,
“Currently, I just say I am working on a PhD”
I do this all the time. Saying PhD in neuroscience is even funnier because half of them can’t even pronounce neuroscience. I get things like nursing or nutrition. LOL! It’s yet to work on older men though.
@Ivy St., Phd works like a bug zapper
@Ivy St.,
lmao i get nursing all the time too. or i get the smarties who say “oh, so you gon be a neurosurgeon, huh, cuttin ppl open and what not?” um no. i never said that. watch too much grey’s anatomy.
@Buxxy, that’s cuz PhD means you might know about high class restaurants like Cheesecake Factory and Applebees.
Ignant ninjas prefer stores with neon lighting that says “open”
@Panama Jackson,
Cheesecake factory and Applebeess are high class?
@Ivy St.,
Per the people in the picture above.
“the chick in the 2-sizes too small pink leopard onesie”
LOL & Eww.
Anyways, it seems that these types of dudes like to loiter around grocery stores, fast food spots & gas stations- during the day too and I never spot they asses before I step out of my vehicle or pull up to a location {damnit, me!}. My sister attends Spelman and when in her area… OH MY GAWD! These dudes are relentless! They’re all like, “Ummm. Damn! Skew me Miss Lady. Won’t ya let me holla atcha? K. I see ya, lil mama. You rollin like that {referring to the ride}? Yo man got you ridin’ big ma’ {just automatically assuming I can’t purchase a ride myself} but I can take care of ya too babay. Um. Ya gotcha lil iPhone… how much ya pay for yours ’cause I could getcha one real low. Won’t ya let me get yo number, shawty?”
*sigh*
All of that and I haven’t said not one word to ‘em. Not one word. But I figured out where I make my mistake everytime (aside from going near where they are) my girlfriend says I look nice and that I need to have a mean face. I can’t help it though because I’m always smiling so …. *shrug*
@Made In Hawaii,
They’re all like, “Ummm. Damn! Skew me Miss Lady. Won’t ya let me holla atcha?
LOL…I betcha u do one helluva live impersonation of ol’ dude(s)…
@DG,
lol @ “Miss Lady.” Don’t you just feel caught and trapped when you hear somebody say that to you? Like, “D*mn!!!!! I was THIS close to making it to my car.”
@charli skipper,
No darlin’, I don’t feel caught…VSB here, not VSS…if someone were to say this to me, there would be some serious consequences and repercussions going on in this piece!!!
@charli skipper, better than him yelling out “yo, light b*tch…you see me looking at you!”
@DG,
Yep! It’s one of my funniest impersonations but I don’t think it’s as good as my Angel Lola Luv impersonation….
@Made In Hawaii,
See I think that’s perfectly acceptable approach. He said “skew me” and he asked if he could “holla atcha”.
I just say Hello, smile and keep it moving. If they persist…”Have a nice day.” “No thank you.” “appreciate it”…and keep it moving.
Usually they just smile and leave you alone after a while. But always with a smile on their faces.
@Sweet Magnolia Brown,
Same approach here. I think they respect the respect and leave well enough alone.
Usually, a sheepish smile followed by a respectful “No Thank You” and “Have a nice day” while keeping it moving and avoiding eye contact results in “Alright chocolate, you have a nice day too”… or some such.
Or maybe it’s the southerner in them. Even southern “ghetto dudes” have nice manners.
@Sula, they have some manners. get it right. i done seent with my own two eyes quite a few southern cats loudly let a woman know that he feels she’s been disrespected.
@Sweet Magnolia Brown,
You’re right. Their respectful approach is appreciated but it never works for me when I walk away. Last time I was hit on by one of those dudes, he walked along side of my car as I was driving out of the parking lot. I had the windows up… and he was still trying to holla! *smh*
@Made In Hawaii,
lol as a Spelman alumnae, i can relate! the west end is full of weirdo supreme-o’s. every step outside of Spelman’s gates was an adventure.
and trust when i say mean muggin doesnt help. becuz then they wanna ask you “why you not smilin pretty gal?” “whatchu got to be mad about with yo fine @$$” “i bet i could put a smile on yo face” etc and so forth. they gon holla regardless.
@Gem of the Ocean,
“every step outside of Spelman’s gates was an adventure.”
And apparently, it still is. My sister says, “once you’re outside of these gates, it’s ‘A Different World’.”
@Made In Hawaii, that’s because it’s in West End Atlanta! People actually thought that scene in School Daze at the KFC was fiction.
@Carl, bwahahahaha…it’s true it’s true!
Just find a way to be a buzzkill. All guys look for the exit in those situations even if old girl is an 11. If you seem no fun or like he has to do a lot of heavy lifting to connect, he’ll say “other fish” and leave well enough alone. Got numbers in my phone right now I’ll never call or text from such bad experiences.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, “heavy lifting” can mean diff things tho to diff folk tho, just acting like a decent human being/man is heavy lifting for some LLS… but I get just being a blower/ball buster LOL
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, buzz kills only end dates for people who read. an ignant cat will take that as a challenge and keep saying he’d like to turn that frown upside down…then you upside down…then face down, legs up…well you know the rest…
@Panama Jackson,
Word. “Buzzkill” don’t work at all. In fact, that’s usually when these fools help themselves to a seat.
These might be a lil’ extreme, but here are a few options for the more daring VSS:
1) Start scratching furiously all over…or, if you have no shame, scratch oh so obviously in the groin area, cuz nothing makes a man retreat faster than the threat of crabs (this is in line with Panama’s #1)
2) Act like you’re a working girl (a la’ Pretty Woman). Most dudes like this think they’re pimpin…so the thought of trying to pimp an actual professional isn’t too alluring
3) Offer to buy him a drink…then put a roophy in it
@DG,
“Offer to buy him a drink”
Sooo pay for him to leave? This can’t work on a grad student stipend.
@Ivy St., I’m guessing it’s not so much the drink, but the roophy therein.
@Caballeroso,
I’d rather carry around a tazor. lol
@Caballeroso,
Isn’t the roofie (or ruffie) the date r@pe drug? Wouldn’t like defeat the purpose of getting him off of you?
@Sula,
I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you’re more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em floories…
Or rapies
@ Plain Ole Pey
floories?!?!
bwahahahha
@Sula, They make you woozy and fairly incoherent…he’d forget you and eventually pass out at the bar.
Sometimes you gotta go w/ the chemical warfare on a ni##a.
@Sula, If he’s knocked out at the bar, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
@Ivy St., it wont work anyway. if you offer to buy me a drink, and put a roofy in it, i’m gonna follow you around all night until the shit hits me and THEN i will become YOUR problem.
@Panama Jackson,
yeah. i think avoiding aggravated assault charges might be a good thing
These have worked or kind of worked:
Say you’re pregnant or extremely fertile
Start signing (only works if dude doesn’t sign cuz otherwise…you could be making ish up and accidentally sign “I want u now”)
Start coughing like crazy
Ask dude if he beats women then go on and on about how all the men u dealt with in the past beat u and how u had to shank a couple of them and that you aint crazy but your family made you go the state hospital anyway.
That’s all I have.
@Naomi, Say you’re pregnant or extremely fertile
saying your pregnant would probably backfire. you alread knocked up. you know what that means?
he can run raw.
@Panama Jackson,
I’m glad you said it…cuz I was certainly thinkin it…
I’m such a sucker for these guys. If I don’t initially save myself by ignoring them right away, I end up smiling at them and listening to their shenanigans. I have a recurring one right now who LOVES ME to deaf. I don’t know what to do but smile.
@Liz, awww…you’re the 57-year-old pimp magnet.
thatssocute.
Where the hell did you find that picture? Lmbao
@JumpOnIt,
The pimp convention where Champ frequents.
@Cheekie, *badumching*
@Cheekie,
frequent deez
@The Champ,
I’ll attend somewhere else. Your establishment didn’t have good reviews.
@Cheekie, girl u on a roll!- smh
i used to try to be all nice and hear the icky, pack traveling, pimp wannabes out before nicely turning them down. F that. negros is about to be straight up walked–the–hell–away from and looking shame in 2010. it’s a new year betches.
my old tactic was to lie about my age. in response to the question “how ol’ you is? ** i would just smile sweetly and say “13.” that doesn’t work now because
1) these freaky b*st*rds just don’t give a d*mn anymore. underaged? no problem; and
2) um…..i guess my baby face isn’t so baby anymore. one dude looked at me like, “13? negro, please” and walked away.
my new tactic is rudeness. works like a charm. to a dude at the gas station said I, and I quote: “so…didn’t sagging go out of style?? unless it ever becomes 1996 again, i can’t give my number to anybody still wearing they clothes like that. but thanks though. ”
**ewwwwwww.
@charli skipper, you using that “get shot” language. you know disrespect i the number 1 killer of Black males between birth and death.
if you try to get a dude in front of his homeboys, bad things might happen.
@Panama Jackson,
That’s the truth.
@charli skipper,
I used to say I was 15 and had to quickly retire that mug as I NEVER remember men giving a damn.
Tell him that the spirits sent you a sign that he would come into your life. Ask for his drink straw or toothpick (because you know he has one in his mouth) to take to your Voodoo Priestess to assure that the two of you live happily ever after.
@Neighborhood Hussy,
um…i love your name. and the word “huzzy” in general.
@Neighborhood Hussy, i wonder if this would really work? like do these dudes care about odd religions enough to go away? my bet is that they dont.
@Panama Jackson,
I dont think they do either and I’ll be damned if I carry a ninja’s spitty, gingivitis toothpick tryna prove it.
loL@ you know they have one in their mouth.
Okay 1st of all that pic is hilarious.
2nd of all–
“But unlike the Geto Boys, they CAN be stopped – without a shot to the eye”
*dead* I still have this cassette tape, with the jacked up cover showing ol’ boys eye…LMAO
Oh and to answer your question, I normally just laugh loudly and walk away. If you make this laugh loud enough, they know not to follow you.
@miss t-lee, i think thats probably a good tactic.
After looking and laughin at the pic again, why is that Don Magic Juan is the only one that can pull of the bright suit? Just thinkin and whatnot.
This post reminds me why I’m glad to be a man. If I had to live with mess like this I wouldn’t be a fun person to be around.
Women holla so infrequently that when they do it’s an ego boost regardless of whether she looks good because you can rationalize it like, “Well she was the only one around that saw my magnificence. If I had been at XYZ, then them bad jawns would have been all on me too.”
On an unrelated note, I can’t wait til I’m old enough to rock the s-curl, wear gaudy suits, too many rings, and leer at the PYTs.
@Stank-0,
” why is that Don Magic Juan is the only one that can pull of the bright suit?”
He can’t pull it off. Most people have just come to accept it.
@Humble_One,
Good answer. *Family Feud clap*
@Stank-0,
This post reminds me why I’m glad to be a man. If I had to live with mess like this I wouldn’t be a fun person to be around.
Me too…but I think as men, we tend to be more cut to the chase…when we approach women, they know exactly why we’re approaching them…our effort/goal is pretty obvious. Women are generally much more coy in their flirting/approaching, so much that a lot of us don’t realize that they’re trying to flirt (I know I’ve been told a few times that I’m bad at picking up hints..lol).
But just to play Devil’s advocate… if there was/is a male equivalent to this situation, how would you deal?? Imagine every time you go out, you gotta deal with 5-10 women, all rhinestoned and glittered, smellin’ like the hair/nail salon (u know that smell), soliciting you for some time, affection, and maybe a gin & tonic…
@DG, But just to play Devil’s advocate… if there was/is a male equivalent to this situation, how would you deal?? Imagine every time you go out, you gotta deal with 5-10 women, all rhinestoned and glittered, smellin’ like the hair/nail salon (u know that smell), soliciting you for some time, affection, and maybe a gin & tonic…
i imagine this is what life is like for Charlie Wilson.
@DG,
Then you’ve never been to Melba’s (Old head cougar bar in Baltimore)…I went up in there unprepared my first night and felt like Bambi up in that spot (babe in the woods)….
Between the lecherous/thirsty looks, slurred and loud hollas, not so discreet ass pinching, basically strong armed for my phone # and being the meat in a mother/daughter dance floor sammich….I truly wasn’t prepared and finally understood the plight of my strong black sistas…lol
got my game face on when I went back the next week though..hehe
@BmoreCreative, Ain’t nothin wrong with a lil’ cougar action….
@DG,
Good question. *Thinkin*
I think they would stand out on attire alone so I would have my Eagle Eye on to watch for the rhinestone mafia.
Also, have earphones in all the time even if the battery is dead.
Other than that…no clue. It’s not something I’ve had to actively think about.
@Stank-0,
This post reminds me why I’m glad to be a man
my word for things that remind me that i’m glad to be a man is “life”
Apparently alot of negras ain’t afraid of herpes, cause half the population has it LOL
as for the others eh but LOL……..that look that says “get the phcuk out of my face” seems to work wonders and has been perfected over the years LLS
Sidenote, I actually a dude follow me in the club once when I was about 21, try to proposition me with some Kenneth Cole shoes o_O AND this mofo actually pulled his dyck out at the bar :-S, like that sh*t was suppose to entice me LOL it actaully disgusted and creeped me out…. that bama phcuked up all the way around LOL
@OrangeStar616,
“that look that says “get the phcuk out of my face” seems to work wonders and has been perfected over the years ”
Yep. I got it down to a science.
*snickering*
@miss t-lee, LOL……
@OrangeStar616, this mofo actually pulled his dyck out at the bar
it must have worked on some chick before. that’s not just something you try out at the bar first.
@Panama Jackson,
SMH that mofo was lunchin, truly, eeewww some people just have NO couth, class, manners, shame, sense, cut cards, limits, exclusions etc
@OrangeStar616,
wait, did he just pull it out, or did he actualy place it on the bar? if its the latter, i have to say that i’m kind of impressed, in a “you ate an entire wheel of cheese” type of way
@The Champ, naw he just pulled it out LMAO not blot out the sun LOL…….
@OrangeStar616,
AND this mofo actually pulled his dyck out at the bar :-S, like that sh*t was suppose to entice me
I was about to comment but realized I was speechless…..
Like “the situation” says on Jersey Shore, you have to have a wingman or in my case wingwoman to take one for the team. Lmao! I have a really nice, attractive friend who unlike me, can’t walk away. So we collect our drinks and I walk away to leave them talking at the bar.
@Ivy St., You aint right for that!!
Tell him you are a Jehovah’s Witness and pull a Watchtower from your purse. (Note: If you are a Jehovah’s Witness I mean no offense, it’s just that chances are, these dudes ain’t tryin to hear that.)
@Caballeroso,
I’m a JW and yes it does work. =)
@j.a.c., do you actually carry around a copy of Watchtower with you?
I’m rude as hell but that doesn’t even seem to work. Some old dude with a gold tooth and a valour track suit walked up to me in the grocery store checkout line. He started to ask me if I realized how fine I was when I cut him off and said loudly, “Oh my God!” He says, “Oh you heard that one before?” Then he continued to talk about how he saw me from “afar” and had to come and say something. “Afar”? Really? It was ridiculous. I kept rolling my eyes and checking my phone. Luckily a friend of mine walked up to me in line and starting talking and dude walked away.
@Michele, i dont know, i think you have to give points to a cat who uses words like “afar”. that means he’s actually read at least one book without pictures.
@Michele,
lol, to be honest, he didnt sound like his approach was too bad. why be rude if dude isnt disrespectful?
@The Champ,
LOL..he must have been ugly or something. Women are like that. If a cute guy had done the same thing she would not have reacted like that. Same with sexual harrasment in the office. I see girls all the time at work flirting in ways that go to far for me. Than this ugly dude comes…makes the same comments and they file a complaint….sometimes i feel sad for the ugly dudes. So i talk with them instead of the cute guys at work..LOL
@Rochelle,
“LOL..he must have been ugly or something.”
Bingo! Ugly people just make folks mad for no reason. lol
@Me fail english?, Why get mad at the ugly people…they cant help that they are ugly. And what is ugly…LOL?? Do guys hate when an ugly girl hits on them? Or do you just talk to her?
@Rochelle,
Well I’m a chick so I dunno what the guys do. But I def noticed that not only do pretty people get passes but ugly people catch EXTRA hell for the most minor offenses. Must be all the pent up anger folks couldn’t unleash on the pretty. I call it the Lil Mama conundrum.
@Rochelle, yes it’s unfortunate…cute guys can get away with some straight up foolishness…but let an ugly guy try the same thing….I find myself being nice tothe ugly guys too out of sympathy sometimes…..which of course results in me not being able to get rid of their ugly behinds most of the time
@klysha, Hahaha, i sooo know what you mean!! Not to be rude, cause what i find ugly you may find pretty. Have you ever dated an ugly guy…forcing yourself to get over the fact that he is not that attractive…his personality and things did the trick. Than..this guy develops a major attitude since he is dating a what he considers good looking women and starts acting like his goodlooking friends who would never ask him out cause he’s ugly. Argh..i so hate that…i just told him he was goodlooking cause i think it is my obligation to make my guy feel great…i did not tell him he’s goodlooking cause he is goodlooking since he aint!!! Hahaha…the annoying thing about the ugly guy is that he has nothing to loose so he gives it his all to get you in…LOL!!
@klysha, being nice to fuglies is why they don’t know they’re fuglies and think they can holla at women way out of their league. Please stop this madness. Just say no.
@Rochelle, I actually do that with ungly women at work too, a little charity is good for the soul
@The Champ,
Yeah, the rude thing bothers me somehow… I think most of them will just leave nicely if you handle them nicely (ok, except a few exceptions… but there is an app for those ones!)
See me personally I just walk away… i don’t have any covert smoke and mirror techniques to get the pervs/old school red pinstripe suit wearin wanna be pimps up off me. Soon as they start in, I’m like “Oh that’s so nice of you to say. K bye!” and I’m out! Simple as that. Don’t even entertain the tomfoolery.
Oh yeah, and DEAD @ “most hood ignant dudes don’t know nothing about no ‘lections.” CLASSIC lol.
@BKSweetheart, they don’t know bout ‘dem
Ohw my gaw…this is sooo funny!! I would never think of telling someone i have an STD. I am the girl that is polite and that gets me into the weirdest situations cause they take being polite for being interested. I just think i should not be rude if someone tells you your pretty..so i say: Thank you..and there is starts. Why do guys take smiling and being polite for me wanting him??
About the ghetto boys…i think they do what they do because the have noting to loose. To be honest…they have girlfriends that make you wonder..what is this nice, cute, succefull girl doing with him??
@Neighborhood Hussy….your suggestion is GREAT..think i’m going to use that one next time
@Rochelle, LOL….you have to say thank you in a conclusive manner, and avoid eye contact LOL…some mofos will take anything as you wanting them SMH, you can blow your nose and he;ll be like she want me dog LMAO
@OrangeStar616,
I smile a lot when maybe i should not…LOL. This one time a guy told me that if i kept looking that angree people would stay away from me. Than i told him..well, its not working since you have been looking at me and walking next to me for 10 minutes allready. Well, i told him that the most bitchy way i could (and believe me..i can be bitchy..hahaha) and that just incouraged him to try and get my number. He loved a woman that is not afraid to say what she want…sigh
It’s sad to say that number one won’t work. I knew a woman with a herpes that would get it in. She had a body out this world. That STD didn’t stop her from getting sex at all. I would look at these dudes like wtf?
Where are the dudes in the picture from? The guy on the left looks like he is wearing a set of drapes..
@Humble_One, she TOLD dudes she had herpes? and they were like cool, im trynna beat?
@Panama Jackson, The STD thing is brilliant. And if a chick feels uncomfortable telling the guy that, just have signal and a nice friend like myself will come over and say, “hey, how’s your AIDs?”. That should work perfectly.
@xave, LMAO.
“hey, how’s your AIDS” sounds like a bad intro to an afterschool special.
@Panama Jackson, It would be magical. Or they can just walk around with a bottle and tell dudes they can meet up after she refills her AIDs prescription.
@xave,
just have signal and a nice friend like myself will come over and say, “hey, how’s your AIDs?”. That should work perfectly.
LOL
@xave,
I’d imagine dudes convincing themselves they aint hear that right and still tryna hit.
@Me fail english?, You maybe right… especially dudes from the south. They have that field slave resilience when it comes to “hollering”.
@Me fail english?,
lol fa real. ive actually heard of stories with women (either in seminars, articles, or books) who had HIV told their partners about it and dudes were still tryna eff raw. *smh*
@Me fail english?, They probably tell them selves if they hit raw all they need to do is rub alcohol on their joint right after… lol
@xave & Gem,
LMAO but SMH
Negroid science is light years ahead of puny regular science. Now that we know you can only get herpes during an outbreak (*cringe*) and even then the blisters immunize you from HIV (since they’re both viruses and all) even on the off chance that you get it from non-gay sex (as if!) you can always do like Magic and eat some KFC to shake the monster…
(I’ve heard some good ones, no?)
@Me fail english?, that Chirs Rock cure, “put some tussin on it!” lmao
@Humble_One,
I believe it. It ain’t slowed Pamela Anderson Lee, and she got the Hep. I’m like Kanye, you kissed the Hep in a video…really, son?
This gets voted most useful blog post EVER.
#1 always works well. I found this out when I was 17 at a 21+ club in Atl. This guy would not hear me say no to a drink or a dance. So I smiled and began making friendly conversation about my mean game of “mononucelosisticitis”. He gave me the o_O face but stayed close by my side. What really sealed the deal, though, was talking about my impending pregnancy. “I know I shouldn’t be at a club right now but I just need to de-stress every once in awhile, ya know?” And then I said “yes” to a dance from a fine dude.
The only problem was o_O tried to throw salt in my game by “warning” Mr. Fine about my disease and pregnancy. I just said Mr. Lime Green is drunk and we moved to the dancefloor. Great night.
My other “go away” plan is to say I’m studying for the monastery and have a very protective father who’s passionate about shotguns. One of those is true.
As someone else already wrote, gay is now considered a come-on.
@Jara, you mean Lesbots being a turn on to most men, cause gay dudes mmmmmmm don’t think they have quiite that same effect on women LLS
@OrangeStar616, naturally.
This post was written for the ladies to turn off “that dude”. Although now I wanna read about how gay men can turn off “that dude”. lol
@Jara, LOL, maybe if you had Queen with you in your crew, a real loud flamboyant one, that would “read” they ass five ways from sunday and possibly expose some tendencies in the process *two snaps with a lemon twist * LLS
@OrangeStar616, ooh now that might work! Homophobia has its uses after all.
@Jara, studying for the monastery? lol. that wouldnt work with me. i’d be like, “so why not take one last romp in the sack before the impending vow of chastity?”
@Panama Jackson, ah you’re the persistent one. lol What I left unwritten is that I then become “annoying Jesus freak” and scold everything under the sun. Extra nagging, judgmental woman = erection dysfunction. Seriously.
@Jara, girl listen, a brotha like myself has a thing for pregnant women… everything gets bigger. lol. I would start going in harder. At least I know I’m not the daddy.
@xave, LOL!!! And what if you met that newly plump pregnant lady who instantly falls in love with your new daddy potential? As in, “Ooh you look like a good child support check!” Insert *crazy eyes*.
The genius of the lie is in the details and follow-through.
Every woman in here needs to learn how to give Academy-award worthy performances.
@Jara,
welcome and sh*t (i think)
@The Champ, *curtsy*
“Gold teeth. Lime green 3-piece suit with 8 buttons (kind of like a Steve Harvey special), one too many pieces of jewelry, some Stacey Adams wing-tips, a temple-fade haircut with the Philly-dye to fill in his edges, drinking some sort of dark-liquor concoction that MUST include Hennessey. Oh yes, and he is particular to women he can affectionately call “redbone”. He also likes to call you “shawty” or “lil mama”. And he JUST might be 51 and have a child your age.”
Yeah, know the type fondly (I don’t wanna know it fondly, though). We call him Charlie Wilson (his surname is Wilson) over my cousin’s house. He stays there with her (guess he’s like family…or a check…same difference). Anyhow. Whenever we kick it over there and I happen to be wearing eff-me boots and whatnot, his eyes would bug out like he was trying to obtain a Guinness World Record (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zt50bwi4sz8) with this skeevy grin on his face. *heebiejeebies* Um, no, with all due respect, Sir (’cause I respects my elders), you have more crust than the earth’s outer layer. SADDOWN. I’ll even give up my seat for ya. Because I respects my elders.
“So good people of VSB, what are some other ways to get the wrong guys to not holler?”
Resemble the lovechild of Flava Flav and Wendy Williams?
@Cheekie, being ugly is how you suggest you get them to stay away?
@Panama Jackson,
It probably helps. Now, those who have no standards, I can’t help you there.
Hmmm… Ladies, what do you do to stop “that” dude from trying to talk to you?
Well, like Kanye once said, “Give me some h**d.. that’ll really piss him off!”
Other than that, I have nothing.
@SouthernCharm, i have nothing…nothing…nothing…if i don’t haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave yooooooooou…
sorry , just felt a whitney moment.
…”sweetie, I was born with man and woman parts….lol!”
@Jackie, yep. that will do it.
@Panama Jackson, unless this dude is from the west villiage in new york. he’d probably say me too. lol
@Jackie,
I vote for that one too!
Seriously, I think the smile and walk-away method is safer. I mean, its a recession, negroes are broke, busted and disgusted….all they need is for you to come flip out your mouth…nah. I am not giving nobody a reason to beat the shit outta me or send me to the morgue. People are crazzy. You never know what you are dealing with..and if he’s wearing neon lime…you know he aint wrapped too tight! LOL.
Smile wave and walk away my sista’s.
Am I the only one getting hit on by a lot of HS boys. I couldnt pass for a day under 21 but damn if these Lil Bow Wow looking ninjas dont be going HARD for the one.
Anyhow, aside from asking dude for money here’s a few that have been successful for me:
-Asking him to put you on with some fine dude WAY across the room (preferably one you’re sure he doesnt know)
-Try to convince him that 25 years ago he had an affair with your mother. And don’t we kinda got the same eyes??? (OK, My girl is the one who tried that one but it worked like a charm)
These are only necessary if you’re cornered for some reason. Otherwise, like posters said upthread smiling politely and walking away works wonders.
@Me fail english?,
*raises hand* i too have been asked to rob the cradle on more than one occassion LOL. this lil HS boy tried to holla at me at the grocery store. i said lil boy, where is your mom cuz you must be lost. he laughed and was like “but fa real, i cant get yo numba?” ummmmm im fresh out of breast milk so calling me would be a waste of time.
then i have a few college-aged admirers. its cute but makes me feel dirty all at the same time. like i get really offended when theyre FINE lil boys tryna holla. if i had hermoine powers id age them about 7-10yrs. *smh*
@Gem of the Ocean,
“im fresh out of breast milk so calling me would be a waste of time.”
lmao
@Me fail english?,
“Am I the only one getting hit on by a lot of HS boys. I couldnt pass for a day under 21 but damn if these Lil Bow Wow looking ninjas dont be going HARD for the one.”
I can out Babyface Kenneth Edmonds so I have no excuse. lol And that round baby face runs in the family, so my sister (14 years my senior) is forever getting hit on by my peers or younger. I be lookin’ at them like, “Nicca what?”. She already robbed the cradle with the last one…ok, he ain’t that much younger. lol It’s a compliment, though. She be beaming and ish. Talmbout, “But thanks, though!!”. Yeah, them mofos better go to homeroom somewhere.
@Cheekie,
Word. Where is yo’ Daddy? (And is he still wit yo’ mama???)
the best way to get a guy to leave you alone is to always have a —to quote “the situation” from ‘jersey shore’— “grenade” for hire around. this way, when the guy approaches, the grenade (which describes an extremely unattractive and undesirable woman) will make so much of a scene (talking loud, throwing up, being ugly, etc, etc) that the guy will eventually just lose interest and walk away.
if it works on jersey shore, it can work anywhere
@The Champ,
Ohw no..dont know what men are like in the US, but from my experience this only gave the guy that had been looking at me from across the room a subject to talk to me about. He felt sorry for a girl like me to have a friend like that and felt the need to keep me company. So sad..could not even think of a subject himself.
@The Champ,
lmfao @ “being ugly” qualifying as “making a scene”
@Cheekie, I thought he meant being ugly as in “acting ugly” i.e. behaving in an unbecoming manner…. or is that just a southern phrase?
@klysha,
Ya know what, it could be! But knowing Champ? lol
The fear, especially with #4 and #5, is that some guys might lose it on a girl who says something like this to them.
I am always nice in my rejection until the guy takes too long to figure it out.
But I have been attacked on a couple of occasions because I was rude to one guy and because, after getting rejected all night, i was the last straw for another.
So be careful ladies, not all men will take it in good humor.
Although the article is hilarious!
A friend of mine once told me that if a guy she’s not interested in won’t go away, she’ll carry on a conversation with him. But while they’re talking she’ll repeatedly scratch her crotch until he decides to go away. So yeah, #1 works like a charm.
@Carl, you are right… perception is more dangerous than truth. I would assume she is burning like a forest fire.
@Carl, yeah but she might take herself outta the running if a more suitable mate was watching from a distance. Then again, dude she trying to get rid off might hit her with the “oh you got that problem too huh?”
Update: I just asked a man de-magnet how to get rid of men.
Her 5 ways to stop “that dude”:
1. Embrace your inner golddigger. Your motto should be: “I have bills, bills, bills.” Then start listing the bills.
Oh did I write 5? Yeah, that’s it.
It’ll get rid of 99.9% of Lime Greens.
I don’t know how to get rid of Lime Green Sugar Daddy, though. Stay tuned…
2 quick, not-so-relevant things to say:
1. I had to do a double take real quick cuz I thought dude on the right was my cousin for a second (but he’s from the South, which either significantly decreases or increases the likelihood that he’d wear something like that; I haven’t decided which yet).
2. lmao @ the Rockwell line. I hope those GEICO commercials have inspired people to find out just how hilarious that song really is.
There was this one guy who kept pestering me on the ride into work in the mornings. (See these types don’t just hang out in front of your local bodega or favorite after hours spot parking lot.) I usually just acted like I couldn’t hear him because I always have in earphones (excellent holla-deterrent). This one guy was so persistent though that he would just wave and gesture and keep trying to start up conversations. So I finally had enough. I took my earphones out and gave him THAT look. The one that’s a cross between “eeewwwww what is that smell” and “don’t make me cut you muthasucka.” You know the one. Pleased as a pig in mud with the attention, he starts asking questions. I give one word answers. Yes. No. Fine. The curtness does not deter. Onto Plan B when he gets to my favorite question. “So, you gotta man?” I smile because I know that He is so not ready for this. “Yeah. Two of ‘em actually.” Confusion crosses his face, like he didn’t hear me right. He says, “Two?” Me: “Yeah, but that ain’t no problem. ” Still smiling, I say, “My baby-daddy bout to get locked up for that bullish he pulled a last weekend. I don’t know why he always tryna cut somebody. Don’t worry, he going to jail for sure this time. So, I’m bout to get off the bus…I can’t give you my cell, because Leon always going through it but…” He was too done with me. Neva said another word. Not even a smile. True story.
I figure that’s when it comes in handy to live in a city that requires a lot of driving. You avoid most of the Lime Greens!
@Sula,
*head nod* LOL!!!
Actually, this one has worked for me…lol!
I wear a bindi and I tell “aggressive” guys it gives me the ability to “see” our future together…
Then I start talking about his momma with all kinds of (generic) familiarity…(i.e describing church hats and how he was raised without a daddy).
He usually backs away making the sign of the cross…
@Tenchi, LOL, thank god( or in your case bhagwan) for ignorance sometimes…hahaha
@Rochelle, hell yeah I hate when I get hit on by some wildabeast! Just because we’re in the same weight class does not mean I’m interested in you
@Carl, LOL…wildabeast! Ahw, but you cant blame a girl for trying…the lesser pretty ones need love tooo. What do you say..you dont get rude do you? Sigh, cant imagine what it would feel like to be turned down. I turned down a not so goodlooking guy and he called me shallow’. I’m not shallow, but there has to be a certain attraction.
@Rochelle, the lesser attractive should be loved by the lesser handsome only. Everybody would be much happier that way. Of course not, I’m never rude. I just ease my way out of that conversation. But it can get real hard at times, because those not so attractive women can be extremely aggressive.
@Carl, I’m still laughing because of the word wildabeast..i see this kingkong-ish female with cavewomen hair…LOL
dead @ 2-sizes too small pink leopard onesie. LOL!!!
“without a shot to the eye. No Reality King”
HAHAHAHAHA
women who smoke turn me off. So if you start chillin with joe camel and the malboro cowboy then I will refer to you affectionately as Ash or Ms. Emphy(sema) regardless of your real name.
LMFAO @ “Just remember, he may try to kill you later on that night so I’d be careful with that one.”
There is always that one dude that just looks so crazy that your scared to be mean to him!
But that same dude get the “Just give me your number…noooo I don’t give my number out…” That one has been working well for me lately.
And if it doesn’t me and my girls have the best eye-talk ever and they swoop in like the CIA to save me!
He’ll either pull it out to prove you wrong and thus embarass himself and possibly go to jail (win/win)
That…doesn’t sound like a win at all. Especially since most flashers don’t end up in jail because it’s not taken “seriously”
For those of us who cannot tell a lie, my proven 1-2 punch is to
1. be real super extra articulate (you know–like Condeleeza Rice. Anti-sexy thanna mug.) Then,
2. simply call them “sir”, as if you’re talking to an authority figure (ie, your pastor, parol officer, principal, etc.).
Zaps the loving feeling right out of’em within about two uses every time.
Just invite him to the Atheist meeting.
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