Wu-Tang is for the children.
We’ve spent a significant amount of time here at VSB trying to help the womenfolks understand what men are truly looking for in women. And despite all of this help, I still happen to see scowling, angry-visaged, treebiting looking women running rampant on the mean streets of DC.
Sensitive thugs aren’t the only people that need hugs. Boobs and nubs both need hugs.
With that in mind, and with the recession going stronger than Peyton Manning in the 2nd Half of a football game (so sad Sanchez), I figured what the hell, why not shift the focus to the hombres? Fact is, a lot of men out there do suck. Women say it all the time and by law I’m required to deny, deny, deny, but I’m not blind nor stupid. And according to the great homeless philosopher, Homeless Philosopher, “ni**as are n*gg*s, worldwide. You got a dollar?”
There a few things that all grown a** Black men need in order to not only succeed with the ladies, but for life. Allons-y.
1) A Barber
Unless you rock a baldy, every grown a** man needs to have a barber to keep him looking professional and presentable. Hell, the only person higher up on the ladder than a Black man’s barber should be his mother. In fact, a ninja-barber relationship is so important (and fragile) that I just STOPPED going to my barber years ago because I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was gonna shave my own head from here on out. He might think I’m dead. Either way, every Black man needs a first-name-basis-knows-facts-about-my-family barber.
2) Credit Card/Actual Credit Report
While I appreciate the commercials for Eastern’s Motors in the DC Metro area for their use of B-list celebrities and their non-synced lip-synching, your job should NOT be your credit. You should have an actual credit score. And at least one credit card that doesn’t include the words RUSHCARD on it. While I’m not going to tel anybody what their credit score should be (Little Baby Jesus knows that all of us have our times of financial strife), you shouldn’t be getting denied service for a cell phone line. Women frown upon men who cannot own and operate cellphones. Trackphones and MetroPCS do not count.
Speaking of credit…
3) A job
Yes. You need a job mofo. There comes a point in life where you just can’t justify that hobby that takes up all your time with no real return on life. I’m looking at you Teeny. And your ilk. I have a lot of hobbies too. Some of them pay. What, you think Panama Muhf**kin’ writes for free? You need income. What is any woman worth her salt going to be doing dating a man without a job after she’s 22 years old. Women are going to college and graduating. Us? Kinda.
There’s a slight bit of leeway if you just so happened to lose your job in this recession. Blame Obama (it’s been a year now).
4) A dream/Aspirations
Marty Mart had a loft dream and got murked out in Memphis for it. So don’t dream so big. Besides, little kids of different colors been playing together since the 80s. Pick something else. But at least have the nerve to be somewhat ambitious. Women hate men without goals. Hell, I hate men without goals. Youstink. Get your sh*t together, soldier. At least dream of owning something. Even if that something is a box of new pencils.
5) At least one pair of sunglasses
Because you WILL see women who look fly and they will attempt to lock eyes with you as an opening to getting you in trouble. Plus, its easier to look at a** while you’re with your girl if you have on shades. Not that I’d know about that, but I do wear my sunglasses at night (no club) nowadays.
6) Good shoes
A good woman will judge you based on your shoes. If you’re walking around in some Buster Browns that look more beat down than Rihanna in a Lambo, well gangsta, you really need to step your game up. Work harder and spend some money on some decent casual kicks. And no, Nike Boots do not count as quality shoes, you moron.
Patrons of VSB, help a brotha(s) out. What does every grown a** Black man need in order to succeed in life and with women. Let’s do our civic and social duty today.
Kick the truth.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
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{ 414 comments… read them below or add one }
Great list!!! Every grown a** black man needs at LEAST 2 or 3 tailored suits. Job interview, Church, Funeral, hell just to get fly. Having a decent suit game is imperative and def missed the cut on this list *drops mic*
@LeathIllmatic, I am pretty sure there is nothing more beautiful than a Black man in a (tailored!) suit. Whew lawd *fans self*
@Liz, Some men just don’t realize the importance of owning some nice suites. I made it objective to purchase 2 suits last year and I came through. My suit game used to suck!!! I am a graduating senior (WSSU) and I’m definitely going to be putting them to good use. Money well spent.
@LeathIllmatic, awww. yes, definitely! I didn’t realize it, but suits can cost a lot of money! But you’re right, def money well spent.
@Liz,
i don’t understand the men that throw on some ol’ ill-fitting, ragged, “your legs too short to dance with God but the legs on these suit pants are more than long enough, thank you” ass suit and think they doin something.
@Liz, A lady friend of mine told me of the “hotness factor” of a dude in a tailored suit. So I offered to perform reverse strip for her bachelorette party. I’m poppin’ out butt naked and then will proceed to dress until I get to be the hot dude in the tailored suit. Hey, if it works out I could add that to my dreams/aspirations list.
@I Don’t Care,
HAHAHAHa..I like this idea
@Liz,
“I am pretty sure there is nothing more beautiful than a Black man in a (tailored!) suit. Whew lawd *fans self*”
Co-sign!!
@LeathIllmatic, “Every grown a** black man needs at LEAST 2 or 3 tailored suits”
Co-sign!!! A nice suit will upgrade any man.
@LeathIllmatic,
*swoon, faint, resuscitation, SWOOOON…panty drop*
Ummm, yeah. A man should have a suit…
@LeathIllmatic,
Some men also need Court suits. *Looks at most of hip hop community.* Folks’ church suits can’t be worn to the court. The judge will have no mercy on you if u looking like a Blueberry Pimp. Or Apimpnamedslickback.
@LeathIllmatic, YES! suits and at least one good all purpose blazer!!
@LeathIllmatic,
I agree. Jogging suits ROCK!
@Monk,
LMAO
Velour right?
@miss t-lee,
You know it…lol! It’s cool to have a variety though. Comfort is a helluva drug.
@miss t-lee, LOL, I’ve managed to avoid velour for the longest…
But I’m a sucker for polyester joints :-/
“you niggas wear suits ’cause ya’ll cant dress no more…”
@GtuddaC, sounds like unemployed logic to me.
@LeathIllmatic,
Yall killin us…How many women have “tailored” anything? I’m not talking about ming lee taking in your jeans due to ass/waist ratio (that shit is so damn sexy)…I’m talking bout authentic (not 10% 120 wool/90% polyester) super 120 wool cut for you and sewed into a garment. Was quoted $1100 on an entry level wool suit years ago…and that was after many pairs of trousers that led to a discount. The point…increase that by 50% for today’s price. For a basic suit that is VERY hard to distinguish from an off the rack nordstom brand suit – $500 during one of their sales.
@atltx,
I have tailored suits but that was because I took advantage of overseas tailors where the price was right. Worsted wool but nothing real fancy. I don’t wear the jackets much but the fit on the pants is so dead on, i rock those with different blazers.
Add that to a list: A black man needs at least two blazers for more casual events.
@CPT Callamity,
The last good tailored anything i bought in the us was over 5 years ago. Was in Qatar since…tried a tailor over there…fail…literally fell apart at the seams. Found a super nice fabric store that was dirt cheap…brought numerous yards of material back and tried a black tailor on peachtree…not a good look…waste of money…could have went to the jos a banks/ghetto 2 slacks for $75 store and looked better. Outside of Chinh Tailor in 3rd ward houston, texas…I have yet to find a decent priced quality tailor. Clothes i bought from this cat back then still look good.
@LeathIllmatic, yeah. i left that off just to see how quickly somebody would add that to list.
(read: i forgot to add that until i woke up in a cold sweat at 3am like HOLY BATCAKES BATMAN, i forgot the most important element of being a grown mofo)
@LeathIllmatic,
its not a need. some cats dont have jobs where a suit is needed and those otehr things u can wear a button down and slack to. Its a nice thing to have but a suit aint mandatory. btw I own a sportjacket that I almost never wear.
I completely forgot about the almighty all purpose blazer. So far Ive learned that looking nice in tailored suit makes women faint….and one dropped the e-panties *heads to mens warehouse* lol
Great topic. Ive learked this website for nearly a year and never engaged on the comments. Yall are funny! I also learned not to subscribe to the email notifications when your email is sent to your BlackBerry as well. SMH
@LeathIllmatic, yea a suit was going to be my contribution as well. *hi five*
@LeathIllmatic, so true–a nice suit on a man makes a world of difference.
A go to dish in the kitchen. You don’t have to be Iron Chef, but the ability to make something that is not BBQ or microwave popcorn should be expected.
The ability to remind a women of her jeep. She should want to ride you.
Decent diction. You don’t have to sound like me or Sidney Poitier, but you should sound like you have a modicum of intelligence.
A suit. I know men without suits, and it confuses me. You can’t tall T it up forever.
Knowledge of atleast two obscure R&B singers.
Car insurance. If a woman drives your car, she should not be fearful that if pulled over she can’t reach into your glove compartment for proof of insurance.
@Legendary Dash,
cosign. good diction is a must (that’s what she said). i can’t stand it when a man can’t talk to me with ease. a good mouthpiece can take a man a long way with me. (oh, wait. she said that too.)
@charli skipper,
Knowledge of atleast two obscure R&B singers
Lol, seriously? Walk me through this one? How will this help them with either life or women?
@charli skipper,
Sorry I meant the above for legendary dash. Technology is hard
@Legendary Dash,
Knowledge of atleast two obscure R&B singers
Lol, seriously? Walk me through this one? How will this help them with either life or women?
@ofloveandotherdemons,
It would allow you to BS your way through conversations if you run into a woman who is heavily into soul music. I have encyclopedic knowledge of William Bell just because.
@Legendary Dash,
Alright Sir, I guess that makes sense. But what if your current play doesn’t listen/like R&B? Is there a plan B?
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I have extensive knowledge of The Kinks, X, Husker Du, and Bad Brains for The Rockphiles, The Rawkus and Def Jux catalogs for the hip hop heads, and being from Alabama I know my party blues. Knowing my party blues have never helped me though, even with the older chikas. They just want to play Tupac’s Thug Passion when we kick it.
@Legendary Dash, if a chick is heavy into soul music, sad to say it probably won’t go much further than India.Arie and Jill Scott. hell, knowing about The Sylvers (non-obscure like a mofo) probably won’t get you any more points than knowing about Metro Station – though you can use that to tell your chick to just, shake shake, shakeshakeshshake it.
@Legendary Dash,
I make no effort to learn anything about music otehr than what I like. You know how that works in my favor? It gives her the chance to show me things I dont already know anything about. Stop fronting for these women.
@Deviant,
Stop fronting for these women.
Exactly. What type of women wants that anyways? It is so… not genuine. Not a good look.
@Legendary Dash,
A go to dish in the kitchen cosign, cosign, cosign. Plus it’s not even that hard as it doesn’t have to be some flamebe’d, saute’d Martha Stewartesque dish. I mean, barring that Ramen&Spam&FrozenPeas one-pot dish that you picked up in college, even an omlette made right works.
@wanjiru,
Yep. Them microwave Steamfresh vegetables and the Foreman Grill can work wonders with proper seasoning.
@Legendary Dash, Car insurance. If a woman drives your car, she should not be fearful that if pulled over she can’t reach into your glove compartment for proof of insurance.
is this even an option anymore?
when i was in high school in Alabama, you didn’t need insurance OR a car inspection. folks were basically driving around in death mobiles putting other folks lives at risk with no fear of reprisal. i thought they shored that little no insurance problem up literally everywhere.
@Panama Jackson,
I was a home in Alabama and got pulled over in a chika’s uninsured whip on Labor Day whilst making a run to the store to keep her BBQ liquored up.
@Legendary Dash @ Panama
What parts of Alabama y’all from/in?
I do recall there being many insuranceless folks rolling through the streets of AL back in the day though
@klysha,
I am from Birmingham. The law says people should be insured, but it is a law that is routinely broken by a lot of drivers.
@Legendary Dash,
I used to live in Mobile and I know the cops were getting tough on that. In fact, before I left two years ago, they had check points to where they would check your license and insurance just to see if you had it. It would be a line of cars down a major street just to do that.
A checking account with checks that if need be will be accepted lol
@shay-d-lady,
LOL! But I agree. Giving me cash and asking me to make out a check for you is not hot.
@wanjiru,
Not opposing checks, but I think every man should have some cash on his person always. My father taught me to never leave the house without some money in your pocket. You don’t have to carry around the carnote money of anything like that, but you never know.
@Monk,
That’s true. Those ATMs can embarass you something serious. And, as you say, you never know. You just might end up at the gas station off route 40 that doesn’t accept cards and the ATM never, ever works and where will you be? Trying to collect all the quarters and dimes in your car as you try and calculate whether $3.79 will get you to the next ‘real’ gas station.
@Monk,
yeah, one of my professors taught us to always carry enough cash in case you have to bribe a policeman. (we from the n.o….who dat!)
@Monk,
co-sign, I like to roll with emergency cash all the time!! AND on the shoe game I held a crowd last week explaining to a couple (2520s), surrounded by onlookers( more 2520s), where her husband could step his shoe game up!!
AO for president!!
@shay-d-lady, lol–a check that won’t bounce!!!
Wow…thats a pretty complete list! **two thumbs up**
@SyncSerious, hallelujah.
I’m going to need him to have a good relationship with his mother (if not both parents).
Based on my observation, I believe it will impact the manner in which we communicate with each other.
Respect and love for women in general is a big plus for me
@Poetiksoul27,
Respect and love for women in general
Definitely. How can you expect a man to treat you right, if he is carrying a titanic sized chip on his shoulders against everyone with a vagina? No bueno.
Treating everyone with respect is a ‘no compromise’ issue with me. You can disagree with them, dislike them for whatever reason, hate them, whatever, but I still need you to treat them like they are someone’s loved one.
@Poetiksoul27,
co sign! One of the first questions I ask is, How is you mom? If the follow up is that bitch crazy! I’m gone.
@Poetiksoul27, what if he don’ know his momma. or was raised by cavemen.
or what if he dances with wolves?
@Panama Jackson,
LOL Cavemen? OK Those circumstances are definitely noteworthy as I imagine a great number of men may not have had that maternal bond in their lives. However, I don’t find it excusable, especially for a “grown ass man” in our society–with all the resources available and what not. We all have hardships, but there are usually opportunities presented to overcome them. He can seek out a mentor, learn from his buddies who’ve had secure relationships, etc. Hell, maybe (just maybe) I’d be willing to teach the right one :=) *no phone calls please!
@Poetiksoul27, cosign about the love & respect thing. If he’s calling women Bs and Hs, then that should raise a red flag.
A role model with all of his teeth…
(Weezy should NOT be your “go to” guy for quotes!)
A favorite book…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition doesn’t count…Think hardcover, preferably nonfiction…
A faint idea of how to chew with his mouth CLOSED!!! ugh…
(sorry, personal moment)
A hobby that doesn’t involve a ball, music or pron…
*I shall return…*
@Tenchi,
A role model with all of his teeth…
Lol, that made me laugh.
@Tenchi, A favorite book…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition doesn’t count…Think hardcover, preferably nonfiction…
hmm…while it might force me to side-eye somebody, why is this necessary? i know plenty of you educated mofos that dont read sh*t that doesn’t involve your job or making money.
A hobby that doesn’t involve a ball, music or pron…
please do expound on this, aside from pr0n, i don’t see how those other two are problematic hobbies.
@Sir Panama Jackson,
We already had a convo about the book thingie. Lol!
I like men that like to read. To me, it means they are able get out of themselves and read about the world at large… And since literature is like my #1 pastime, it becomes a litmus test on grownupedness (new word, get with it.
)… So yeah, that’s my take on it.
@Tenchi,
Love your list! It’s an on-point list for “grown men Sula might be interested in”.
And this –> A favorite book…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition doesn’t count…Think hardcover, preferably nonfiction…? Priceless!
@Tenchi,
why does a man have to have a favorite book? Not discounting the importance of reading but I dont see the necessity. I read evry so often but I can’t say I have a favorite book to bore people with.
@Deviant,
Like I said upthread, we all have our measuring sticks as to what is important to us. For me, a man that can reference a book they liked enough to remember is an indication of “maturity”…. But I can understand it not being a widespread necessity, but for some of us it kinda is…
@Tenchi, A favorite book…Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition doesn’t count…Think hardcover, preferably nonfiction…
this is a good one.
@Tenchi, “A faint idea of how to chew with his mouth CLOSED!!! ugh…
(sorry, personal moment)”
let’s add to that “and knows how to properly use/hold a fork, knife, and spoon in case we decide to visit one of the millions of restaurants in this country!”….(sorry personal moment of my own)
@Tenchi, being an author, he better have a favorite book. Even if it’s just the Bible. Brother man needs to let me know he reads.
“And no, Nike Boots do not count as quality shoes, you moron.”
funny, funny…
“Nike Boots do not count as quality shoes…”
…and neither do Stacy Adams shoes.
(does this call for a ‘shots fired’?)
WHO DAT!!!!!! (sorry)
@Penelope,
Nor do those “Prada” shoes that all promoters wear so they don’t have to buy real dress shoes. Yeah I said it
@Penelope, i think it depends on where you from. if you from the D or the Chi, Stacy Adams are definitely considered quality.
@Panama Jackson,
Umm… who said the Chi approves of Stacy Adams as quality? Don’t go spreading rumors bout my city!
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Co-sign. My side-eye was all sideways and backwards at that statement. I mean, I know we got some country folks here, but we also got a ton of folks like me that will clown the mess out of a Steve Harvey-ist.
@Thuggie Luvvie, just saying, when i think Chi, i think Stacy Adams. that and polyester Fucci shirts and Fersace clothing.
and gators.
@Penelope,
“I guess [that] just New Orleans…”
What’s up with that ‘WHO DAT’ flavored daiquiri? lol
@Penelope, Who Dat Nation here–now back to the topic. LOL
A dentist
@Mali, Co-d*mn-sign….
@Mali, EXTRA Co-Sign!!!!! Halitosis is running rampant in the U.S.!
“And no, Nike Boots do not count as quality shoes, you moron.”
As a proud native of the DMV, I’m gonna leave this one alone… Also, I wear sunglasses all the time to the point where when I’m not, people will usually come up and be like “Wow, I’ve never seen your eyes before.” I hate light, my eyes are sensitive to it.
As far as what else needs to be on here, I’d add to the dreams one by clarifying that a dream has to be something that you’re working, whether actively or passively, towards achieving. There’s a difference between a dream and just wanting to do/be something. I WANT to be the defensive coordinator for a major college football program; that’s not my dream (not anymore at least). To quote Mad Skillz, “a dream ain’t a dream if it ain’t given a chance.”
I’d also add a favorite book to this list. Like, an actual book that you can tell someone lots of stuff about. Don’t tell me The Bible is your favorite book just because you can recite a verse or two knowing daggone well that the last time you opened that joint coincided with the last time you went to church 15 years ago.
@P., As a proud native of the DMV, I’m gonna leave this one alone…
now you know ninjas in DC take this Nike boots too far. i’ve seen dudes in my building at work with a suit on and Nike boots. and i dont work for DC government where that kind of thing flies.
shots.fired.at.fenty.
@Panama Jackson,
“shots.fired.at.fenty.”
Hahahaha
@P., I just wanted to say that I love that you quoted (Mad) Skillz.
@Reecie,
I’ve been listening to dude since From Where dropped in like 95, I still can’t get down with this plain ol Skillz business.
@P., I dig it. he’s from the hometown so of course I been listening since forever.
@Reecie,
Yeah, my cousins from Richmond put me on way way way back in the day. I try to tell other people, but it always ends up with me having to explain why it’s East/West End instead of side lol.
a passport.
we be flyin’ now y’all. no more road trips, heck even to go to PR you need one. step ya game up and go get a lil more culture in your life.
@jana.love, Haha. Cosign! I can’t even look at you if you don’t have a passport.
@jana.love, leaving the country is overrated. just like speaking alternate languages.
#americabitches
@Panama Jackson @ jana.love
I’d have to co-sign to a passport, and add a second language or at least an interest in different cultures.
@jana.love, You need one to go to PR now? I was just there last year and didn’t take mine with me….even though it doesn’t exactly feel like it P.R. is supposed to be America
@jana.love, Double Co-Sign! I like to travel and I don’t think I should have to plan my trips around the time it will take you to get a passport (unless it just so happens to have expired recently, then that’s ok).
@jana.love,
CO-SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!! and preferably you’ve been to, or want to go to, someplace that is not located in the carribean or mexico….
A library/book collection…I don’t care if it’s just 5-10 books, every man should own a few tomes just on general principle. Many women like to know that a man reads more than just the latest issue of King or XXL. Besides, reading is fundamental.
A grown man hat (a fedora, paperboy, driver’s cap, etc.). Nothin’ wrong with a nice fitted cap, but a grown-ass man should LOOK like as a grown-ass man.
A grown-man wardrobe. I know a few VSBs have mentioned a suit upthread, but let’s just cover the whole closet while we’re at it. XXL white Ts, skinny jeans, etc. have their place in the world…but every man reaches an age where he no longer wants to look or dress like a 15 yr. old. Again, a grown-ass man should LOOK like a grown-ass man.
A scent…cologne can be tricky, cuz everyone’s body chemistry is diff. But even if all you use is plain ole soap, just smell like you’re clean.
Your own place…’nuff said.
@DG,
*applause to your 3rd paragraph*
@DG,
A grown man hat (a fedora, paperboy, driver’s cap, etc.)..
IDK about this one. Maybe it’s all the cowboy hats that “grown men” from around where I’m from wear, but a man with a hat barring winter head gear, just doesn’t do it for me.
@wanjiru,
Places like TX notwithstanding (they do rock cowboys in the south), I’m a hat dude…mainly skullies and paperboys. Back in the day, a hat was considered part of the ‘fit. Look at any old pictures of Black life… men wore hats, not du-rags…seems like men took more pride in the way the dressed back then, even though they likely had fewer clothes.
@DG,
Would a library card be suffice?
@Monk,
Provided that you actually go to the library…Absolutely…it’s actually a huge turn on for me.
@lovin’ me, i actually have one and use it. although the library near me is terrible. i have to drive a bit away to find good books.
@DG, A library/book collection…I don’t care if it’s just 5-10 books, every man should own a few tomes just on general principle. Many women like to know that a man reads more than just the latest issue of King or XXL. Besides, reading is fundamental.
ill consider this necessary for procuring women when i’m assured that all women read more than Oprah’s magazine or Essence.
and i’m a reader. my bookshelf will whoop all y’alls bookshelf’s asses.
@Panama Jackson,
I don’t know about that Mr. Jackson. I have shipped enough books home from moving cross country a few times, that I may have 2.5 bookshelves of reading material.
Mostly about Russia, Central Asia, sci fi, anime, and war history but that’s besides the point.
@Stank-0,
I can see that my bookshelf can get giddy with yours. Lol!
@DG, There’s nothing like a good smelling man. Every man should have a signature fragrance.
The main sticking point is addressed: have your sh*t together. Brothers have the unfortunate rep of being unemployed or underemployed, so we all look like slackers and losers. The average Black man knows the spiel of this mythology all too well, so he might as well not even bother stepping anywhere near a female that isn’t his mother until his life’s together.
He’ll probably also wanna be degreed to the teeth, banked, and in shape with a brand new car and other real and personal properties all in his name. And if he’s remotely balding, his head must be shaved at all times.
He’d also probably find it in his best interests before becoming a grown *ss man never to crank out a single kid or catch any cases or diseases.
BTW, guys, don’t subscribe to alternative philosophies…our sisters have proven that they want Protestant Christians.
OK, I’m done with that…now for the fun stuff. I think a grown man should have:
-Drinking buddies, fishing buddies, someone to roll to the game with…basically, the bros he can put before hoes. Friends are important to keep life in perspective.
-A nice stash of tools for tinkering on things. Whether it’s the massive red Snap-On cabinet for the whips in the garage, or soldering iron, digital caliper, needle nose pliers, Dremel and such for computers and small hobbies.
-Some sort of thing to look forward to on his days off that has nothing to do with chasin’ *ss. Maybe he goes cycling or is formulating his own craft beer…or maybe he has that man cave he’s working on with surround sound and a humidor the good cigars will be kept in.
I ain’t got much more right now…
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I know all too well that usually on Protestants need only apply. Even the neighborhood bicycle balks when they find out that I am a Secular Humanist.
@Legendary Dash, yeah, devoutness (devotion?) to Christianity is optional. Being able to claim it when it’s convenient will usually suffice.
@Legendary Dash,
What? No. I know several women (ok, me and my group of friends) who could care less about who or what you believe in. As long as you treat people with the same compassion and respect you’d like them to give to you, then we cool.
Seriously, you can’t have encountered only devout *insert religion* type of women. If you have, then you my friend need to expand those social circles.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
You and your friends are in the minority. For fling purposes my lack of spirituality is cool, but sistahs tend to withdraw when it comes up that I am not religious at all.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
What part of the US are you in, because down south, most of the ladies I’ve interacted with want you to be protestant. Say anything else and you may as well be a devil worshipper because it’s all the same to them.
@Caballeroso, P.E.,
See, y’all want your cake and eat it too. If one of those “liberal” girls were to walk your way, you would find them “too” liberal… You have to choose what it is that you want.
I have lived in Texas since I moved to the US so I consider Texas my adopted home state (I claim that sh!t like I was born here… lol!)… Anyhow, I have a nice group of friends who are not gung ho about religious affiliation (ok it’s not the majority I will admit)… But the point is… we do exist. Even in the south. I promise.
@Caballeroso, P.E.,
The south is a tuffie for the secular ones; I mean, they don’t call it the Bible belt for no reason. I’m currently in SoCal, but I lived in Texas for four years and trust me, even then I still managed to rustle up some heathen friends. I don’t know, maybe Sula is right, the ‘lost’ manage to find each other.
@ofloveandotherdemons, yeah, i’m gonna go ahead and agree with mi hombres here. in part though. i’ve messed with plenty of chicks who claimed my lack of religion was a problem but then started making ways for it to be okay b/c they didnt want to lose me. until the religion stuff came BACK up and then i had to chopping block them. like ginsu.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
No. I know several women (ok, me and my group of friends) who could care less about who or what you believe in.
Word!!! Sh!t, I am a self-proclaimed Eastern Philosophy (Taoism is my preference) Catholic raised black girl. And I am actually attracted to the non-devout who have developped a theory on life by their own means (I like the secular humanist bit, good job Legendary!)… And I know plenty of us like that…
Or maybe the liberal chicks tend to hang out together?
@Sula,
The secular humanist buys me a bit of time because it sounds like a Christian denomination.
@Sula,
Lol, you might be right. Or maybe we are a little more open to what we are willing to accept in a mate. Or not. Lol. I have friends that claim to be super liberal, but have a nearly pathological aversion to anyone the professes any type of faith. I think that’s just as bad as being a religous fanatic.
You know what’s funny? I was raised Catholic for most of my formative year as well. I have a theory that Catholics tend to be more lax with the religious dogma. Even the super devout ones; as long as you don’t rub your beliefs in their face, they are pretty much willing to live and let be. Well, that’s my theory anyway.
@Ofloveandotherdemons,
but have a nearly pathological aversion to anyone the professes any type of faith. I think that’s just as bad as being a religous fanatic.
One of my bestest friend in the world is a self-proclaime Atheist… who can not stand anybody else believing in anything or something. I usually have to remind her that she is doing as good a job as the religious right and the extremists muslims by not accepting difference of thoughts. But I kinda get where she’s coming from. She was raised in an uber-evangelical household. Poor lass.
And you might be onto something with the Catholic thing… then again, the new Catholic generation is trying wayyy too hard at times. *rolleyes*
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
He’ll probably also wanna be degreed to the teeth, banked, and in shape with a brand new car and other real and personal properties all in his name. And if he’s remotely balding, his head must be shaved at all times.
He’d also probably find it in his best interests before becoming a grown *ss man never to crank out a single kid or catch any cases or diseases.
Phuck, man! Do you need a hug? I feel like I should send over a dossier on all the good/ non-trifling qualities women have to prevent you from throwing in the towel on us. I swear we aren’t all bad.
@ofloveandotherdemons, I love y’all too. Just wanted to have fun covering the bases of the often cast line that a Black man is an “ain’t sh*t” undesirable.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
I was about to say the same thing… Sounds a bit personal up there, darl.
Maybe we need to do an intervention on LA chicks (that’s where you hail from right, SGPL?)
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
A nice stash of tools for tinkering on things. Whether it’s the massive red Snap-On cabinet for the whips in the garage, or soldering iron, digital caliper, needle nose pliers, Dremel and such for computers and small hobbies.
Yes!!!!!!! This is the truth!! Truer words have never been spoken. Tools increase a man’s secksy by a hundredfold.It’s cliche (but it had to come from somewhere), a man with a tool belt? And knows how to use them? Yes! Yes!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
BTW, guys, don’t subscribe to alternative philosophies…our sisters have proven that they want Protestant Christians
I have to cosign this. It seems that sisters are strictly Protestant Christians. And some of them prefer you to wear it on your sleeve. I wonder how this works considering that there are more women than men in the church?
@Humble_One,
Am with @ofloveandotherdemons on this. Maybe, it could be that me and the people I know are semi-heathens, but saved devotees just were never for me.
@wanjiru,
That makes 3 of us. It’s a start.
Most grown men should have:
* Boxer briefs- They segzy. Well, IF you can fit them. Baggy boxer briefs are about as segzy as Re-Re Franklin’s spaghetti strap burn mark.
* Wallet – If you still carrying cash around in your random pockets, please grow up. You aint going to the store to go buy Now and Laters and Chico sticks with your change. If you don’t have a wallet, at least go get you a money clip.
* Square-toe Kenneth Coles – Upgrade your shoe game. Kenneth won’t do you wrong.
* Cufflinks – Just ONE pair is all I ask you to own.
You’re welcome, fellas.
@Luvvie, Square-toed shoes are incredibly ugly. That is all.
@Legendary Dash,
Agreed. Even slightly squared pointy toes give me the heaves, but full on squared…GAG! But to each his on.(Lol, me trying to put a positive spin on it )
@Legendary Dash,
Really??? I ain’t know there was an aversion to square-toed shoes. I’ve seen ‘em worn by some fellas and they’ve looked incredibly nice.
@Luvvie,
My feet are flat and large, square-toes look like clown shoes on me.
@Legendary Dash,
I agree…iCan’t with those…me no likey
, they make you look like you have flippers instead of feet, lol
@Legendary Dash,
Thank you very much!! They are the ugliest thing known to men! Lol!
Yeah. No square toe shoes round these parts. If you can’t get a proper and nice looking dress shoes game, just stick to the semi-dressy or even wear all-stars. That square-toed business is just not it.
@Luvvie, love Kenneth Cole (and Cole Haan for that matter, don’t sleep)…
But square toed shoes by any name are type-disgusting. I wouldn’t wear pointy toed shoes either, unless I wanted to play that old video game Kick. There are some with a narrow square toe or a mild point that are cool.
@Luvvie,
I so heart you for the square-toe comment. Thing is, my man will NOT wear them. Nuh-uh, not in a month of Sundays. He likes the slightly rounded or “regular” shoes as he calls them. I’m just glad that he didnt’ embrace the really, really pointy Ali-babaish shaped shoe (variously called Nkunda/ BBB etc.)
@Luvvie,
Again I must express my hatred of ninjas pulling out random balled up crumpled ass dollars from this pocket and that pocket. They got a dollar in their shoe a 20 in their sock! I hate it! Get a wallet!
@Luvvie,
Say no to kenneth cole. Bally’s has sales two to three times a year. Shoes usually costing $450 to $600 will be $150 to $210. Get to know the sales folks…they will set your size in several styles aside and call you as soon as the sale begins. Remember… a good leather sole/heel and a good shoe repair shop will save you big money.
@Luvvie, * Square-toe Kenneth Coles – Upgrade your shoe game. Kenneth won’t do you wrong.
yeah im with the folks. square toes shoes are clearly a preference thing and perhaps b/c you live in Chicago, home of the pimps and the gloom hand, where square toed shoes might help provide an asswhoopin’ more effectively.
@Panama Jackson, wasn’t gonna say anything up top but damn…I’m in the Chi and do own a pair of semi-square toe Stacy Adams LOL!!! They not multi-colored/layered or got some crazy design or no sh!t like that. They low key as hell but I loves them shoes.
You might have a point though. I own more dress shoes than gym shoes. Them shoes get compliments damn near every time I wear em. Something primal goes off in a girls eye when she find out they Stacy Adams. I actually DIDN’T wanna get em because of the label. Who knew?
@Luvvie,
cufflinks? really? thats mandatory?
@Deviant,
So you’ont have any shirts that call for cufflinks? Not N’AN shirt?
@Thuggie Luvvie,
I got shirts I can wear cufflinks with but I’m not a cufflink guy.If I wore cufflinks I’d feel liek I was betraying everything I stand for. I may as well start wearing sportjackets with jeans and get those fake dreads dudes in the DMV wear that look like somethign lil girls wear.
@Deviant,
You sound so much like my dude… He will wear the nicest dress shirts with the nicest cut suit… and wear all-stars underneath (*smh in despair*)… just because it “will betray everything he stands for”…. Good thing he makes it look good *heavy sigh*…
@Deviant,
hold on now I wear dress shoes with slacks I’m no ragamuffin. Just dont do cufflinks
@Deviant,
If I wore cufflinks I’d feel liek I was betraying everything I stand for.
Hahahaa, that’s my stand on heels. Might as well shave my head, don a yellow robe thingy and stand handing out Krishna pamphelts by the subway station.
These are what I think of when I hear square-toed shoes. Yall won’t wear these?
http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/men/shoes/dress-loafers/76864358-timms/97 OR http://www.aldoshoes.com/us/men/shoes/dress-loafers/77658011-laughman/28
Are these a NAY for the fellas?
@Thuggie Luvvie,
Nah, those shoes are not acceptable. They also look like they will have a creased worn look after one or two wears.
@Thuggie Luvvie,
They are a Nay for my particular taste buds… Then again, I grew up with boys wearing JM Weston and Alden loafers around me so my taste buds might be skewed a certain way.
@Luvvie,
“* Wallet – If you still carrying cash around in your random pockets, please grow up. You aint going to the store to go buy Now and Laters and Chico sticks with your change. If you don’t have a wallet, at least go get you a money clip.”
YES! I especially cringe at the rubberband for the dolla bills. WTF?! Are you completely serious? Makes me want to make a rubberband gun and pop a nicca with it.
@Luvvie, i stopped carrying a wallet last year. i carry a card case now, since i hardly carry cash (if any). i think think they fit me better anyway.
Every black, grown a$$ man needs…
At least one smooth pair of loafers; think dark navy blue or chocolate.
3 different sets of sheets. Maybe black one week, blue the next, and sum sort of pattern. Switch up your sheet game.
Authentic dvds and cds. All your movies cannot be bootleg.
Not a favorite book, but a current reading list. You must be reading a book that you can discuss at all times.
A professional email, not dat_ni66a@yahoo.com, please dont.
Grooming kit, for clean nails.
Chap stick or have a mean “lick ya lip” game like myself. I remember a certain sumbody on here saying Gucci Mane look like he had the “powered donut” chapstick editon.
Breathmints or gum. But if you brush your teeth thoroughly and rinse with listerine (da gold kind) you shud be good. Yall be faking with the half-a$$ brushing ur teeth.
Plan b, plan c, plan d.
Bass, its hard getting transactions done in this word without bass in your voice.
Kat william’s said it best, at least one signature move in the bedroom.
U shud have knowledge of the female anatomy…clit, labia majora, labia minora, hymen
At least one professional overcoat…peacoat, trenchcoat.
And please brothas only wear at the most two peices of jewelry.
Yep dats about it.
Grown a$$ man does not need…
Razor bumps, yuck
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
Bass, its hard getting transactions done in this word without bass in your voice
But, but, but… the poor men, they can’t control the timbre/tone of their voice. I don’t think they have larynx (or whatever it is that controls tone) transplants. Do they? Aaaaaahhhh, poor men.
And this:
Lol. Actually, your entire list makes me say a little thank you for having a vagina. Man, forget pimps; it seems it’s hard out there for a regular old guy.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
LOL. BTW love your name
@The Hallway/TheSunk, *rousing round of applause and standing ovation from real black women everywhere*. Please do not fail to mention dress socks, a grooming kit and most importantly your name as the primary on a lease/mortgage somewhere. That is all.
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
Um… hymen?! LOL! I mean, I know unlike the unicorn it exists for some women in the over 18+ age-group,but … um, isn’t that kinda rare-sightings of the Churrascaria/ Big Foot type?
@wanjiru,
kinda rare sighting…that thang better be extinct…the hell kinda grown ass woman has a hymen? That’s some scary shit…
@atltx and Wanjiru,
My bad on that part I was just throwing as many names in as I could at that point.
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
Plan b, plan c, plan d.
Yeah. I was just about to add this… Def need backup plans.
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
U shud have knowledge of the female anatomy…clit, labia majora, labia minora, hymen
This is the truth…you gotta know your opponent. Every man should dabble in the gynecologic sciences (I think I know the female anatomy better than many women…I’m a student for days).
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
“3 different sets of sheets. Maybe black one week, blue the next, and sum sort of pattern. Switch up your sheet game.”
I can’t agree more. There is nothing more annoying than sweating up those sheets during some great luvin and then returing a few days later to see those SAME sheets on the bed. *smh*
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
dat_ni66a@yahoo.com,<—– I couldn't even read anything else. lovin' me's Time of death= 9:54 am
@The Hallway/TheSunk,
*dead* at “A professional email, not dat_ni66a@yahoo.com“- i feel u on that one!!!
1. A sense of self- They should know who they are, what they value, what and whom they are willing to stand up for, etc.
2. Good support system-Family, friends, online buddies, whatever. After all everyone needs to know someone is in their corner.
3. Outlet/Release valve- Because inevitably life will suck huge monkey ball at some point, so they’ll definitely need some way of coping.
4. Someone or something that makes you truly, insanely happy.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Excellent list.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
good stuff
@ofloveandotherdemons, so basically, he needs a good therapist since most of us spend our entire life looking for these things in unison?
@Panama Jackson,
Haahhaa, yep! I think most people have at least two of the four. And those without are probably scouting out bridges or tall buildings to jump off of or stocking up on semis or automatic for their killing spree, either they won’t really have to worry about any of the four much longer.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
like your list the best.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Yup. That’s a list I totally stand behind. Good job chick!
@ofloveandotherdemons,
Yeah, I was heading in that direction. All the rest is personal preference in my view…well, a dentist is something everyone should have!
HE NEEDS: Nice undershirts,socks and underwear…
No transparent, see-thru, sheer, and holey wifebeaters with yellowed arm pits. …No loose socks, dingy socks, holes in the toe socks(don’t try to scrunch your toes up,I can still tell), no socks that look like robin hood’s shoes…Nice undies please, No old, stretched out waistband, dingy, saggy in the crotch, non-tighty and non-whiteys…I prefer boxers and boxer briefs but as long as they are nice and fairly new with some stretch left in em’ I can kick it…
HE NEEDS: A good razor, shaving brush and luxury brand shaving cream to keep the bumps to a minimum…
HE NEEDS: Health Insurance…Can’t kick it with a man who has not seen a Physician / Dentist in 5-10years, Can’t kick it with a man who has a weird mole he never got checked out, hasan’t had an STD test or his plumbing, sperm-count, or prostate checked out, has un-treated Asthma, or gum disease and wisdom teeth that need to be pulled.
HE NEEDS: To yays his child support on time…Please don’t tell me you haven’t paid in years cause she uses the cash to get her nails done or you don’t think he/she is yours but you haven’t paid for a Paternity Test yet, don’t tell me I have to drive because your license was revoked for non payment, or we can’t go on the surprise cruise, vacation, tour or trip I planned because you can’t get a passport or leave the country.
@WonderWoman, HE NEEDS: To yays his child support on time…Please don’t tell me you haven’t paid in years cause she uses the cash to get her nails done or you don’t think he/she is yours but you haven’t paid for a Paternity Test yet, don’t tell me I have to drive because your license was revoked for non payment, or we can’t go on the surprise cruise, vacation, tour or trip I planned because you can’t get a passport or leave the country.
bad week?
@Panama Jackson, To Pay…(not yays…sorry musta missed that typo) anywho..not a bad week but a bad year!
2000 was a very bad year!
@WonderWoman, HE NEEDS: Health Insurance…Can’t kick it with a man who has not seen a Physician / Dentist in 5-10years, Can’t kick it with a man who has a weird mole he never got checked out, hasan’t had an STD test or his plumbing, sperm-count, or prostate checked out, has un-treated Asthma, or gum disease and wisdom teeth that need to be pulled.
YES!!!! I know a lot of dudes that have jobs (good paying jobs at that) and REFUSE to pay for health/dental insurance…Gawd…that just irks me…I had to convince my older brother to enroll in his insurance plan…and when he did two weeks later he needed to go to the hospital. I saved his @ss $20k….I know that crap is expensive but men…get some d*mn insurance…and take care of your innards…*steps off soapbox*
Lol, I see this turning into a list of ‘things I would like my man to have,’ rather than the ‘ things a man needs to suceed in life/with women.’ At least I’m hoping that some of things listed so far were done with the former criteria in mind instead of the latter. If not men are seriously phucked.
@ofloveandotherdemons,
LOL. But dude! A general list that cuts across ALL creeds, nationalities, religions (or non thereof?). The list would be woefully short.
A wi.lly (required). In working order(preferred)
T.esticle (required); a pair (preferred)
Should been born a man (preferred- no required- no preferred).
And all the rest is then preferred/ desired/optional
@wanjiru,
Hahahhhaaa, this did me in. Basically, what I was going to list . Honestly, life is pretty much a crap shot. Even if you have all the stuff listed by every person here you could still end up selling paper bags on the side of some highway.
So your list is the God honest truth…oooohh, and I’d throw in a s**t load of luck.
@wanjiru, ROTFL!!!!!!! Yeah, that’s pretty much required!
I can see how some of the lists seem very trivial, but most women won’t really know how a man treats his mother, what he believes, if he is caring or compassionate without at least few dates first.
If my “date” doesn’t have nice undies, doesn’t take care of his skin, body, teeth or health, and does not pay his child support, we wont get past the first few dates for me to find out anything other than, that particular man is a child in a man’s body who needs to grow up and get his stuff together…
The same applies to women, If we had bad skin, bad breath, raggedy underwear, hammer-time in our shoes, body odor and bad credit, no bank account and a slew of baby daddies no man is gonna get close enough to us to care what our religion is, how we get along with our father, or if we love what we do…just saying…
every grown man needs:
-a good sense of humor and a sense of chivalry–these go together because sometimes i may say something to offend you (accidentally, of course). if you don’t have the wit to know to laugh it off, i need you to at least have the class to know that i don’t know any better and not resort to raising your voice, calling me names, or just acting like a bratty waynch in general.
-a knowledge of current events–if you come up to me talking about “what it do?” (which, by the way, should never be said to me.) and i respond with, “omg. can we talk about that ignorant comment pat robertson made about the earthquake? i don’t know if he’s racist, but i was disgusted.” and you come back with “what? who is pat robertson? earthquake? girl, ain’t nobody racist,” i am never going to answer your phone calls or allow myself to be seen in public with you.
-dental floss–okay, people. i don’t know if folks is (yes, “is”) just too modern to have the time to floss these days or if they just wake up with fresh minty breath so they don’t have to work for it like people such as myself, BUT flossing is integral. actually, i believe men should adhere to my 6 step method (1.floss 2. brush 3. tongue scrape 4. gargle 5. swab down the inner top and bottom lip with a gin soaked q-tip and 6. rinse at intervals throughout the day) to ensure breath freshedness, but at the VERY LEAST your a*s must floss. slobbing me down and chatting me up with 4 day old pork chop scraps stuck in between your teeth is not the business.
and um….vsb (PANAMA!), i’m going to need you to stop dogging the rushcard. maybe folks with the rushcard aren’t all bad. maybe said folks had excellent, EXCELLENT credit circa january 2009, and 2009 was just the douchbaggiest year ever. they might not even be hood.
maybe certain folks have a law degree and no money and are still being hounded by the hospital’s collection agencies ever since they racked up those charges on that fateful day they got hit in the face with a bowling ball and had to get it fixed, because when they’re used to getting compliments on their face it’s hard to adjust to having a bowling ball impact lookin face so instead they just signed up for dental surgery and caps they couldn’t afford and now their *ss is shame to use their rushcard all up in the supermarket because their favorite blog keeps callin it janky even though in their heart they already knew it was. okay, forget the the “they.” don’t judge meh, betches!but, yeah, it is pretty good advice for black men to have a real credit card, though…i mean, i can’t marry a ninja with a rushcard.
@charli skipper, Good additions! I am actually going to suggest that 6 step mouth attack to some folks I know!
@charli skipper, i mean, i can’t marry a ninja with a rushcard.
how you gonna tell me to stop judging the rush card and then say you wouldnt marry a ninja with one. yousoshady.
@Panama Jackson,
um…i’m trying to compromise with you d*mnit
@charli skipper,
I want to know about the bowling ball incident. Share.
@charli skipper,
“i mean, i can’t marry a ninja with a rushcard.”
Word. By the same token, I may de-friend a sista who pulls out a Baby Phat card. lmfao
@charli skipper,
omg. can we talk about that ignorant comment pat robertson made about the earthquake? i don’t know if he’s racist, but i was disgusted.” and you come back with “what? who is pat robertson? earthquake? girl, ain’t nobody racist,” i am never going to answer your phone calls or allow myself to be seen in public with you.
I don’t understand how this man is still on the air. Well, I do; freedom of speech and all that, but how does he still have a viewership. Does anyone remember the crap he was spewing after 9/11? Jesus be some good sense and empathy for some folk.
Yeah, and that comment he made about Haiti was completely foul and unacceptable. I don’t even think the man is racist; he’s just a narcissistic a** with delusions of grandeur.
oh, and every grown man needs his own place. a woman likes to feel like she’s with a man that she can go to if something’s wrong (or right. heeeey.) and they can have some privacy. i understand that some people might have situations where they’re taking care of a family member or have extenuating circumstances, but if that’s the case then you really need to be taking care of family or have actual, valid extenuating circumstances AND the ability to secure a nice hotel room or something.**
(maybe not the ritz, but i can’t get down in a motor lodge that charges by the hour.) i will not make out or have chex in a vehicle, as i am no longer 14. i will not let you get to 2nd base when yo momma is in the next room (no, not even if her door is closed). and even if we are close and i care about you, until you put a ring on it (lovessss that song) we are still not cool like that for you to have enough access to my house for you to just come over whenever you feel like it. so, basically, you need to have your own.
**i wouldn’t really make a man take me to a hotel when we could just go back to my place. i actually don’t even like to stay in hotels in the same city i live in. but i would want him to know that he might have to take that precaution. there’s nothing cute about you planning a surprise, romantic night that ends with you assuming you’re going back to my house. what if i have to clean up or buy food for the house for you to come over after this romantic night? fool, you don’t know my schedule like that.
@charli skipper,
“i will not make out or have chex in a vehicle, as i am no longer 14.”
Youze a fast lil girl!
@Ivyette,
lol. maybe i should rethink my wording. i wasn’t chexin in cars at 14, but that was about the last time i would have found it semi-o.k. for a guy to think that was o.k.
the ability to have a conversation without throwing the ni**er word in at least once, come on, now really??? It doesn’t matter who you are referring to, there is ALWAYS another word that can be used, and with a little originality and some thought I’m sure you can come up with one. Oh, and the ability to think & actually have a position on something & be able to debate it, not just some ISH you heard on Sportscenter, or worse yet some position you got because you HEARD someone else talking about it & you figure it must be the right thing to say…I love a lively debate & if you can’t have a point about something & be able to support it, well….*SIGH
@bajanflchick, I love a lively debate & if you can’t have a point about something & be able to support it, well….*SIGH
i feel like some of y’all are venting.
(pointing at you)
@bajanflchick,
Oh, and the ability to think & actually have a position on something & be able to debate it, not just some ISH you heard on Sportscenter, or worse yet some position you got because you HEARD someone else talking about it & you figure it must be the right thing to say…
Afreakingmen!!! I can’t stand people that just regurgitate someone else’s thoughts and opinions without giving any thought as to whether or not you actually believe them. I mean its one thing if the person’s views you are rehashing are actually in sync with your own, but if you are just saying them to keep the status quo, then FYL. Thinking is definitely underrated.
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!
Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don’t care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.
Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.
Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharper;
I alone am dull.
Other people have a purpose;
I alone don’t know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.
I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.
@The Unameable,
Please pardon my ignorance, but I’m having trouble correlating this to todays topic. Any assistance you can offer to that end to assist me with establishing the connection is humbly appreciated.
@The Unameable, I am different from ordinary people.
so does this mean that you DO know which way to go?
@The Unameable,
*snaps*
Every man should have the ability to tell a b*tch from a lady. This is an essential skill when picking a wife or someone whom you wish to mother your child.
@Monk,
LOL. You know I’m not gonna let the bytch out at least 2 hours and 13 minutes after the wedding vows, right? But seriously- this is HAAAARD! It calls for mind reading, clairvoyance, anthroplogy and a pscyh degree to be able to get this one right IMO.
@wanjiru,
True…very hard, indeed. I’m a firm believer that people can change so that lady or perfect gentleman can turn out to be not so lady-like or gentlemenly, but if you take the time to really get someone, you’ll know the core of that person and what’s really in their heart and how their personality truly is.
It takes time but from experience, one learns to decipher the bullshyt from the real deal.
@Monk,
Ummm… In my experience, EVERY woman is a combination of b*tch, lady and h0e… Really…
@MeteorMan,
I wouldn’t say that necessarily. A woman can be bytchy AT TIMES and I don’t think that makes her a flat out bytch. But if that’s really the essence of her character, then that she may be. Some women may possess all of these characteristics, but usually, one takes precedence from what I’ve seen.
A good sense of humor…I like to laugh and if brah man NEVER EVER laughs we will be more oppsite than a paenut butter sushi sandwhich (sticking tongue out in disgust)
@Tahirah,
than a paenut butter sushi sandwhich
Lol, that’s just wrong and disgusting…and something that I now want to try. And big yes to the sense of humor.
UR a Grown Azz Black Dude=You are familiar with the following:
1. Clean, hole-free, stain free,properly fitting menswear: i.e. boxer-briefs, socks, normal pair of jeans, min. 2 tailored shirts, min. 2 suits, decent leisure shoes, decent formal shoes.
2. When in the presence of females, you know better than to start firing off about ‘some b*tch’ you know from ’round the way. Many of us females (depending on the context) will only reply to calls of : Miss, ma’am, honey, boo, sweetheart etc.. You drop a ‘b*tch’ bomb in my area> I b*tch-slap you.
3. Clean living quarters i.e. no stank-doo-doo lookin’ drawers floating under your bed, a nice/neutral smelling bathroom (no girl in her right mind will ever touch you again is your bathroom looks/smells like that super nasty one from Trainspotting).
4. You know how to handle sexy times in a mature manner: a grown man feels no need to blab to the boys about a female’s booty size, weird birthmarks, how good her head game is…, not all females are lookin’ to be the Kim Karkrashian of the block.
5. You own a decent bottle of a l’eau d’somethin’ pour homme: not some cat pee smelling stuff from Duane Reade drugstore, but a proper scent that helps VSSs track you down easier.
@GeekChicness, 4. You know how to handle sexy times in a mature manner: a grown man feels no need to blab to the boys about a female’s booty size, weird birthmarks, how good her head game is…, not all females are lookin’ to be the Kim Karkrashian of the block.
at least not talk about that when you’re around…
Grown men should have a ‘word’ that means something. If they say they’re going to do something, they should just do it. No reminding, prodding, etc.
@Ms. Smart,
co-sign.
@Ms. Smart, that’s a people thing.
but lest we forget that people generally suck.
and not in the good way.
Great list and comments!
One thing I can add to this list that a grown man needs is a mentor or friend that is older (could be his dad) that has been through some things in life and can give him sound advice ( the crckheads on Georgia Av doesn’t count) … I am tired of guys taking their sandbox friends advice to heart when homie hasn’t been in a serious relationship or haven’t left kindergarten yet…
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil, there are some wise crackheads up Georgia Ave. especially near the Penthouse.
@SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil,
Word.
A friend of mine told me of the “hotness factor” of a dude in a tailored suit. So I offered to perform reverse strip for her bachelorette party. I’m poppin’ out butt naked and then will proceed to dress until I get to be the hot dude in the tailored suit. Hey, if it works out I could add that to my dreams/aspirations list.
@I Don’t Care, sorry I meant to reply to something above. (I guess I’m not too astute on this commenting thing “my bad”)
@I Don’t Care, this is pretty funny.
This seems like a given to me. What grown man reading this didn’t think he needed ALL of this…certainly not one of the VSB’s who read and post on this site on the regular….clearly this was meant for the not so very smart brothas out there….forward this along to your homies who you think need to read this…I dare you, lol
Good post.
@QueenT,
lololol PREACH
@QueenT, i’m glad you give us all so much credit.
you must be of the optimistic-about-life variety.
it gots to be said…..
a real man can’t be livin his life tryin to do what other folks THINKS he needs to do…..he gots to do what NEEDS to be done…..
@kingpinenut,
See!! This right here!!!
@miss t-lee,
btw ms T…you will always hold a dear spot in my heart….my parents used to clean Albertson’s stores back in the day….
pukin and hidin…the SHAME!!!! smgdh lol
@kingpinenut,
*snickering*
You know you’re my favorite kat in the far Northeast right?
Make that the only kat I know in the far Northeast.
@kingpinenut, i agree with this 100 percent.
@kingpinenut,
So true, and really applies to everyone. It’s a constant struggle to actually practise this though (at least for me) and not give in to peer pressure or the path most traveled route.
@kingpinenut,
yeah, i cosign this one, too….
A sense of purpose and direction that he can clearly state, explain, demonstrate and follow through.
The ability to converse (not conversate.)
Stature and presence (those with “swagga” need not apply.)
Ingenuity and focus.
The ability to draw a box and step outside of it, mentally and philosophically.
@Smiley Face,
Oh and Patience.
@Smiley Face,
The ability to converse (not conversate.)
Thank you so much for that. Grown men and women do not that one of those words not a word at all.
@Smiley Face, you hating. i love conversating.
@Smiley Face,
Stature and presence (those with “swagga” need not apply.)
I’m glad you said this…Lotsa women throw this term around, but I associate “swagga” with ppl like Soulja Boy, Weezy, Chris Brown, etc. I’m a grown-a$$ man, so If having “swagga” means being like them ni%%as, then I don’t need it at all (maybe its just the term…don’t know)
@Smiley Face,
Yeah.
A working relationship with his dentist! If your teeth are yellow/brown/missing/rotten so forth and so on you ain’t, and I said ain’t getting no play.
@Stustustudious,
At 27, I will tell any kid to floss and brush just like the dentist tells them to. Because of sucky dental insurance, a root canal and another one in waiting, my dentist is getting rich off of my ass.
@Stustustudious,
Shout out to Phil Collins.
That’s all.
1. A strong woman aka your Michelle Obama
2. A strong drink to deal with said strong woman (drinks can only have 2 ingredients, one of which is ice)
3. 7 Suits that fit your *current* body. (and your woman should not ever dress you, ever, ever, ever ,ever)
4. A doctor, lawyer, accountant, mechanic, barber, dentist, you know well enough to refer to someone else to. You should be able to send your wife to your mechanic and not get ripped off.
5. A deep knowledge of your neighborhood, city, region and state. You know what side of town to avoid when you twinkling your golds, and where to cop some broccoli rabe if need be
6. A sideline – You’ve got your job with benefits, but you’ve got something else bringing in a few dollars.
7. the wisdom to know when you can do it yourself, and when it’s more cost effective to outsource it. Very few men out there couldn’t do an engine and tranny transplant if they Had to, but the smart ones know their time is valuable.
@WestIndianArchie,
Your entire list is on point. Like, the ENTIRE list. And I like it even more cause this made me smile “Very few men out there couldn’t do a..tranny transplant if they Had to” .
@WestIndianArchie, “Clapping my hands” well said….
Ima need the dream or aspiration to be something positive or attainable. An ex of mine tried to rekindle something. I asked him what his dreams were and this mofo said “I just want to sit in my basement, drink my beer, smoke my weed and live off my wife.” And his a** couldn’t figure out why we couldn’t be together. Oh yeah, he was content to just get his unemployment checks until it ran out.
Another guy told me his goal in life was to win the freaking lottery.
I need to upgrade my pool of men.
@meka, I need to upgrade my pool of men.
this is the basic premise of “Life 101″ for a lot of women.
@meka, they said this with straight faces? We don’t believe you, you need more people.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I was about to say. Maybe they were just joking and sh!t.
Every grown man GOTS to have some smell good. Kenneth Cole, Pleasures, Coolwater, even…*shudders* Sean John.
@Tx10inch,
Yeah, a man wearing a good cologne is my weakness. Just the other day I just about fainted after some dude walked past me and I got a whiff of his Kenneth Cole. *swoon*
@Cheekie,
Yeah, I love cologne too…but some men just smell good naturally..
But the ones that find a cologne that just lightly clings to their skin and is masculine but not overpowering…yuuuuummmmm
Aiight…menfolk gotta chime in..
The dude in the pic up top is all kinds of wrong. Brown suit with pastel purple tie and shirt? Might as well have on a green w/ dookey brown pinstripes… 8 button steve harvey and matching green faux alligator stacy adams.
Now…requirements listed so far by all are not too far reaching. However…realize that us men folk are works in progress. WE NEED EXTRA TIME TO GET PERFECT CREDIT…that’s the woman’s job…yall handle the finances…get over it.
@atltx, I’m good. A woman handling my finances is asking for me to get ripped off or for her to be the boss of me.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
A woman that you can’t trust with your finances…you shouldn’t trust at all. And understand this…women are the boss…buck that and you and your boy tyrone will be too close for comfort friends…
@atltx,
You know what, I think it really depends on the type of person. Some women are good at handling finances and others will rather defer to their men… I would rather be the financial manager in my household, the mother has been grooming me since I was 11 (was responsible for food buget of the entire house)… so I am used to that, and I like it that way. My dude likes it too, because he’s not the wisest financial planner out there… Yin-Yang. It works.
Then you have my folks, where my mom is a spender and my dad is a saver (make that an extreme saver… lol!)… So, the father figure is responsible for the big financial decisions etc… Again Yang-Yin…
Find your match, work it out, and live life. Simple.
@Sula,
Great examples. Balance all over. Sounds like the “spender” in your parent’s relationship had an understanding of finances and appreciated your pop’s frugal ways of dealing with money.
My mother was a big spender and handler of finances back in the day…and my pops was/is still cheap as hell…outside of stuff for his family. During the reagan years, stuff got tight…my moms slowed down her shopping and understood why she had to. I’m a retarded combo of the two (spender/cheap as hell)…becasue of this…gotta have a woman that is financially savvy. My paycheck hits the bank on this day…all i need is a cash allowance that she can pull out and give me…teach me about all that other stuff later. Straight ol skool and not ashamed of it.
This should go without saying…a “spender” that goes out and blows the mortgage on whatever can not be trusted.
@atltx,
“My paycheck hits the bank on this day…all i need is a cash allowance that she can pull out and give me…teach me about all that other stuff later. Straight ol skool and not ashamed of it.”
lol…I can just see you looking for a white envelope with a per diem in it as if you were on an overnight school trip.
Don’t know if this has been said yet:
Every grown a$$ black man should have:
1) A go to person who will prevent you from doing anything that is less than advantageous, stupid, short sighted, or down right ni**erish. (These things would include dating strippers, voting on American Idol, wearing short sets, or driving drunk.)
2) Control of his emotions. This is true in two major situations: In love and in crisis.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
i will dump a man i am in love with if i ever catch him wearing a short set.
@charli skipper, You are a wise woman.Vaya Con Dios my child.
@charli skipper,
Dear America,
Please clarify. Is a short set a good thing or a bad thing? Is it a reward for some good loving (Beyonce, 2007, “Sugar Mama”) or is it an unforgivable lapse in good tase?
Signed: An Immigrant
for the rest of the world.
@An Immigrant, There is nothing good about a damn short set. Imagine a Fourth of July BBQ somewhere in rural South Carolina and one of your uncles, a cousin, or some other male relation walks up wearing a plaid short set with the shirt opened a bit. He probably has on some random, no-named brown sandals of some sort too. Add in some gold teeth, the bottle of cheap liquor that he his is carrying, and you have the model bama. He is usually so tacky that the mosquitoes refuse to bite him. Think Jerome from Martin but with a southern accent.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
yes! with the brown sandals. and/or brown no name loafers w/o socks? what! no thanks, chicken george.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Howcome (yeah, i said it) dude gotta be in S. Carolina? I tell ya’, ya’ll clown the South hard (even if it’s true 90% of the time)…lol
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
Forget the brown sandals. What about the short set with dress shoes and dress socks.
@An Immigrant,
it really depends on the decade in question. circa 1993, eh. they may have been a good thing. but at this point in america’s history, no man needs to be wearin a short set unless he is trying to date the checkout girl at the piggly wiggly. that being said, i love the part where beyonce says “that was so good, i wanna buy him a shoit set.” in my mind though, she said that in 1989.
@charli skipper, You know of Niggly Wiggly. Where are you from?
@Wuyoung,
Niggly Wiggly! lol. I love it! I’m in Louisiana.
@charli skipper, Louisiana huh? You’re in short set hell! One final note for the day short sets bring out my inner Sgt. Waters from A Soldier’s Story. Every black man should have an inner Sgt Waters too. For those extra ignorant times.
@charli skipper, i don’t believe you. and you from the south. you know ninjas down south rock short sets on the reg’lur.
@Panama Jackson,
They sure the heyll do…lmao Mostly the older kats though.
@miss t-lee, Younger bamas are wearing them now. I seen it!
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E. ,
Wow, really? I’m glad this hasn’t started round my way…lol
@Panama Jackson,
i am in the south, not of the south.
@charli skipper, Just stay out of SC. It’s a special kind of negro here.
@charli skipper, i still bet you like short sets.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
I feel out of place at family reunions if I am not rocking a short set or linen suit. They are the uniform of the Southern family reunion.
@Legendary Dash, As for feeling out of place, imagine walking into a family function wearing good clothes while carrying good beer…. sheeeittt!
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
I have done the good clothes thing, and was the subject of intense murmuring. I was also unprepared and unable to defend my sack racing championship.
As for good beer, isn’t that an oxymoron?
@Legendary Dash, I’ll have you know Budweiser is one God’s greatest creations.
@Legendary Dash,
As for good beer, isn’t that an oxymoron?
You will be surprised about crafted beers. I am by no mean a beer person, and by that I mean I don’t usually like or drink beer (except Monacos : pale ale + pomegranate syrup, but I digress)… Anyways, I went to this beer “tasting” pub in the West Village in Manhattan called Barrow Street Ale House, (across the street from Centro Vinoteca)… I had the best tasting beer of my life! It was a Belgian crafted dark beer that tasted like chocolate, but still got you good and affordable… They have a huge selection of beer… It definitely changed my view of beer. Try it out if you are ever in the neighborhood. It was good stuff.
@Legendary Dash,
Actually my bad, it wasn’t Barrow Ale House, but Blind Tiger. (I had to google it.
)
@Legendary Dash,
I must unfortunately agree. One uncle will feel contractually obligated to rock the short set. They family so I love ‘em anyway.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
What’s so wrong about dating strippers? Strippers are people too, dangit!
@Sula, Oh yes they are people. Just flexible people covered in glitter with crappy working hours.
@Wuyoung Agent of M.E.,
you can work with the hours…trust me…
@atltx,
LMBAO.
A few things every grown man needs in his life.
Friends
A crew of REAL dudes that are at least 80% on the same page as he is.
Tools.
How is it that you don’t own a set of tools? I find myself in Sears, Lowes, and Home Depot dreaming of what I could do with certain tools. Maybe it’s just me but I have a hard time paying somebody to fix something that I can do myself.
Bad Woman Sensor.
This is like a spidey sense for problem chics. Every man needs to have this sensor tuned to know recognize the signs she gives to leave her alone.
A moral code.
You can’t go through life just doing whatever you want to do to win or come out on top. You have to have a code to live and die by.
A direction and a reason why you do what you do.
Too many dudes have to purpose or reason why they are doing what they do. There has to be some science behind the moves you make. If not you will get crushed by adversity.
@Humble_One, I agree about the crew of real friends. I also make it a habit not to be the smartest person in my crew. If you look around and you happen to be the smartest please add some new blood to continue to stimulate growth.
I have to agree with the suit. I have one currently and when I wear it I feel on top of the world. That jawn just fits perfectly, it’s almost unfair.
The lone addition I can think of is your own Jedi Council. This is very different from your homies and the peanut gallery. These are the collection of individuals (generally more men than women) that you look to for sound advice.
My own coucil is pretty varied but the consistent thing is they are all at least 5-7 years old than I am. They have been through most of what I have so I can lay out the scenario and get a very good opinion for a plan of action.
Actually one more, you need a straight up friend. Someone you can call who will do everything in their power to help you out if you get jammed up. I can truly say I have two bonafied friends here in the DMV. One helped me in a big way once when I needed it.
You need that guy who you can call at 3AM talkin about, “Son, this is a for real emergency” and their response is,”I’m on the way.”
@Stank-0,
I feel ya on the Jedi Council. When I think about it, I have one myself. My older sister, who probably given the best advice over my lifetime, my frat brother that is a lawyer that gives good legal advice and life advice and one of my college professors who kicked my ass in is class but I respect the hell out of and became one of my biggest mentors.
@Stank-0,
Mentors are underrated. The Jedi Council will get you a long way in life.
That jawn just fits perfectly, it’s almost unfair
This made me crack the hell up.
VSP bookmarked on their internets (ha!) browser of choice.
Especially this post. ; )
I co-sign with pretty much everything else above me.
@keisha brown, VSP or VSB, it’s all good. we love you all the same.
i just assume you meant VSOP b/c you just got finished drinking some good cognac.
@Panama Jackson,
LOL. Nah..not yet.. soon ; )
^^and by VSP.. I meant VSB. lol.
Good list… Personally I think it’s more important to have a ‘Plan b’ or a coat than some sunglasses. To that effect, I’ve seen more dudes with sunglasses outside than coats this winter. lol
Here’s my list:
*A dictionary. If you think that atheist means “free thinker” or not having a religion or “believing in science,” YOU FAIL. Most women claim to want to a protestant guy because of two reasons: 1. The ‘equally yoked’ verses in the bible. 2. People who generally claim to be atheist seem to be unsure of themselves and are insensitive towards people with “religions.” Want woman wants her guy insensitive towards what’s important to her?
* A car. Even if you don’t use it because you live in a huge city with amazing Public transportation…
* And in that car, always have a clean (button down) shirt and sport coat (and know what a sport coat when you see one). Don’t question it… just have it ready…
* The colors pink or lavender somewhere in your “dressy” wardrobe. Get over it. If you go somewhere nice, and ol’ girl wears something, why not have your tie have a dash of a bit of what she’s wearing. 1. you get points from her because you understand her sense of style and that you’re secure with your sexuality. 2. You show that you and your lady are trying to present yourselves as an unit.
* A favorite wine. This implies that you’ve tried multiple wines. Not saying have wine all up in your crib just cuz some women here say you should… no… Think… Occasion and/or person specific. Unless that’s your thing…
* Know how to do your own taxes. This doesn’t mean do you own taxes. Just know how. At least be able to figure your W-2 from your last pay-stub of the year.
* Have a open-mind or already diverse interest in music. Man… some women only know of Beyonce and Keysha Cole, but there’s nothing wrong with bobbing your head to some non-lil’ Wayne rock or some music WITHOUT words…
* Have up to date pictures. Don’t question it… just do it…
@MeteorMan,
“*A dictionary. If you think that atheist means “free thinker” or not having a religion or “believing in science,” YOU FAIL. Most women claim to want to a protestant guy because of two reasons: 1. The ‘equally yoked’ verses in the bible. 2. People who generally claim to be atheist seem to be unsure of themselves and are insensitive towards people with “religions.” Want woman wants her guy insensitive towards what’s important to her?”
Can we shout this one from the rooftops please?
@MeteorMan,
Good list, dude.
@MeteorMan, * A favorite wine. This implies that you’ve tried multiple wines. Not saying have wine all up in your crib just cuz some women here say you should… no… Think… Occasion and/or person specific. Unless that’s your thing…
i just don’t do wine at all. i do not like wine. if that were a dealbreaker for most women, i’d be Gary Coleman.
short.
@MeteorMan,
A good wine? For real? I ain’t gonna lie…that shiraz stuff is good and will sneak up on that azz. No offense…a man should determine what his favorite whiskey is first.
And what happened to the good ol days of just needing a rubba in your wallet? Being a man is so damn complicated now…seems to resemble what women have to go through.
@atltx,
Screw wine…grown men drink scotch…single malt.
@CPT Callamity,
I was introduced to the single malt scotch by an ex of mine… And was conquered by the smoothness of it all… And I am not even a whiskey kinda girl… After that, I could only tolerate a Johnny Walker Green label at the very minimum… Yup, champagne tastes with beer money… story of my life. Lol!
@CPT Callamity,
ok…ima hip yall to a little secret. Before “scotch” became popular via Macallan (no specific region by the way) in the movie love jones…erbody was on that crown royal for whiskey. Now…what is the difference between a single malt scotch WHISKEY and crown? crown is a blended whiskey…meaning the contents of one bottle does not come from one specific type of grain like the single malt stuff does. Now…try a scotch by the name of Cluny (1/4 the price)…and then some of the expensive Macallan…you’ll stop wasting your money…it’s just name branding. To confuse you even more…try some jack daniels single barrel…or some basil hayden made by jim bean…the difference? Where the water comes from…scottland vs. u.s. And for the finish…try that johnnie walker blue label and follow it with a shot of red label…you won’t notice THAT much of a difference between the $160 bottle and the $25 bottle. American whiskey is a force to be reckoned with…once you get into the many different types. Take any and all whiskies neat or on the rocks. Never any chaser.
Throw in a nice medium/full bodied cigar while getting in some “me” time on your patio…prepare to relax like a grown ass man should.
@atltx,
Sounds good. As my taste matures I’m going to get into the more aged selections. I’ve actually had Glenlivet which I enjoyed and I believe I had a MaCallan or something similar. I’m very familiar with American whiskey’s from Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, Maker’s Mark…
I like a good whiskey more than I do wine at times. Thanks for the hints.
@MeteorMan,
“A dictionary. If you think that atheist means “free thinker” or not having a religion or “believing in science,” YOU FAIL. Most women claim to want to a protestant guy because of two reasons: 1. The ‘equally yoked’ verses in the bible. 2. People who generally claim to be atheist seem to be unsure of themselves and are insensitive towards people with “religions.” Want woman wants her guy insensitive towards what’s important to her?
”
This reminds me of ol’ dude on The Real World (Ty) who claims to be an antheist. I respect that. Don’t agree with his belief (or lack thereof, depending on how one looks at it), but he is probably the hugest hypocrite and moron evah. He says that the religious chick is not “open-minded” because she won’t say there is no God. WTF?! How does that prove she’s open-minded? By going against her belief? No, by accepting YOU for who YOU are regardless of your separate beliefs would be open-minded. Also, using his crazy logic, I bet he wasn’t willing to say that there IS one. How can he call her close-minded when he was the one forcing her to state HIS beliefs as hers?
@Cheekie, I charge all that stupidity on the Real World to the cast all being young…. serves as a reminder that no matter how cougarish I start to feel I cannot date a guy under 25 ever again….(the real cut off is now 30 but I left those extra 5 years in there just in case I’m feeling cougarish and meet a mature acting 26 year old…. cuz dang youngish men be cute… men my age are starting to look like life done beat them over the head with a stick.) okay I had a moment of digression in this comment
@MeteorMan, excellent list
@MeteorMan, I think I’ll adress the dust-up I created about religion here:
If you think that atheist means “free thinker” or not having a religion or “believing in science,” YOU FAIL. Most women claim to want to a protestant guy because of two reasons: 1. The ‘equally yoked’ verses in the bible. 2. People who generally claim to be atheist seem to be unsure of themselves and are insensitive towards people with “religions.” Want woman wants her guy insensitive towards what’s important to her?
You make a valid point to an extent, but what MAN wants his woman insensitive towards what’s important to him?
When I said upthread that sisters only care for Protestant Christianity, it’s because as I’ve been around this here block, I’ve noticed that our women have this effed up disease carried by many Americans of being culturally insensitive and having blinders on for people who don’t think like them. I’ve seen them turn up their noses as if not only atheists, but Rastas, Buddhists, 5 Percenters, Muslims, et al…even Catholic and Orthodox Christians are awful people because they dare to subscribe to something other than Protestant Christianity like Joe Blow around the corner.
It’s even funnier because these “normal” folks generally weren’t active seekers of the code that was right for them to live by. Never asked a single question to vet out whether or not what they were taught as a kid made any sense. Often they just accepted the church they mama went to, or whatever she said she was, on face value and left it at that. One look at Myspace the past few years and you know that most don’t even know they’re Protestants. Don’t even know these other persuasions exist in many cases. There’s Christians (the kind they are) and there’s everybody else (doesn’t matter what they are, they ain’t got it all upstairs and therefore are bogeymen who can’t be trusted). Just as ignorant and lazy in thought as ever (which is really a disservice to Christianity when you think about it).
It’s honestly really sad.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
woah big homie… Slow ya roll… I understand your vent and all. But reading the topic of this blog post and seeing the words: “Protestant Christian” made me think about people who don’t know what the word “atheist” means, Christian or not. It’s really about knowing what you talking about or claim to be… it’s about knowing what you call yourself assigning yourself to be a part of. This is true for peoples of all belief-systems… dang man… titles in general…
I agree with you. Anyone that follows something brainlessly is wack-> period. But choosing one option or the other doesn’t inherently make you open or closed minded. And I always believe a person should develop their own reasons for doing anything. Nothing I said implied that a MAN should allow “his woman insensitive towards what’s important to him.” Yes, this is all on the basis that our people was forced into a belief system by Christian culture+slavery and in the sake of tradition, people continue both the good and bad aspects of that culture. Notice I said culture, not belief-system or religion. There are still others who actively make choices to take hold of the Christian belief-system while there are others who call themselves “atheists” as some reactionary dogma to the close-mindedness, judgment and mistreatment placed upon them by so-called Christians. And still on EVERY side of the fence there are people saying, “Well, my parents brought me up to believe/think like ________.” It’s about identity, knowing who you CLAIM to be and knowing who you are…
My “dictionary” statement was a very simple analysis of how one should approach their understanding to it. The reasons wasn’t listed in accordance to any type of priority. Don’t be unsure of yourself and know what you’re talking about while being sensitive to what’s important to her… Yes, that’s what you’re supposed to do if you’re serious about ol’ girl. If she’s an idiot about it, then forget her… but in the meantime, until you can determine if she’s like that or not, that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you’re supposed to do… dang homie… We can even say that based on your rationale, you SHOULD approach and attempt to sway and teach people who are dismissing others due to close-minded reasons… Then wouldn’t those outside of Christianity by doing it service?!?!?! The implications are glorious, the ramifications are immaculate… But that’s a whole ‘nother story… Sorry for the book…
@MeteorMan, It wasn’t a vent, money…if it sounded like one, I apologize…I was just tryna voice where certain segments of the population are coming from. All in the name of understanding, family.
Clean nails and a fingernail clipper….add a toe nail clipper to that list as well
I’m seeing stuff like “he should have clean sheets” and “he should have nice socks and underwear”.
Sounds like a whole bunch of 15 year old kats are running round chere disguised as grown men. Mercy!
@miss t-lee,
LOL, for real!
@miss t-lee,
Either that or these women’s selection process is just that bad.
Every man should have the ahh haa moment…
The kicker about all of this…all this stuff is great until you realize that your whole existence is based on having appealing qualities vs. know who you really are. Suggestion…go through the “scraggly/rough” look (early/mid life crisis) as soon as you can so you can sit down and figure yourself out…otherwise, you’ll never fully understand that folks don’t judge you based on who you are…but what you look like…trust me you don’t know the magnitude until you have been to rough/scraggly land. Once you truly understand that concept…get back on your game…find a good a. men’s clothier (non-feminine) b. hat maker c. barber shop with established well skilled barbers that promote a good atmosphere.
Got a new one: A grown Black man needs to be fearless. He needs to develop a strong will and be secure in himself. He needs to be all this when others aren’t. No room for the weak, no room to be a bugeyed, train-comin’, shook *ss spook in these times. And this doesn’t mean being foolhardy and especially not being a thug (we really need to leave the thug aspirations behind in the last decade). Simply means he has resolve, he’s mentally tough, will kill the spiders that women are scared of and stuff like that.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
A grown Black man needs to be fearless. He needs to develop a strong will and be secure in himself
Bingo!!!!
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
good stuff
A couple things grown men need:
- A Mind of his own (yeah, women ain’t the only one who have friends barking in their ear tellin’ them ish that will only do more harm than good.)
- Some good lotion. Classy ladies don’t want their man’s elbows looking like their 3rd grade chalkboard.
- To Kill TEETH Harvey for writing that dayum book.@Cheekie,
” To Kill TEETH Harvey for writing that dayum book.”
Quick, fast, and in a hurry.
@miss t-lee,
Interesting you should say that. With the amt of women coppin’ his book, you’d think ol’ Steve was the Relationship guru or something.
(He’s making a killin’ financially from sales, btw)
@DG,
Yeah…they’ve they made this kat out to be some type of guru in the field of relationships, but like I tell all my girls…that ish is truly common sense.
I have much disgust for this book, as I do for most common sense type dating books i.e “He’s Just Not That Into You/The Rules”
Ugh…
@miss t-lee,
I feel ya’ darlin…but common sense is not always “common” if you know what I mean. What may come easily for you, someone else may have to have it beat into them. Think of a warning label on a cup of coffee: “caution–hot…drinking or spilling may cause burns”. To you, this is just common sense…but please believe, some ignorant mofo out there burned himself/herself and sued, thus prompting companies to put these labels on all their products.
@DG,
“but common sense is not always “common” if you know what I mean”
I stay learning that on the daily…lol
@Cheekie,
“To Kill TEETH Harvey for writing that dayum book.”
I think his book is BS. But now when women don’t buy what I say I just tell them Steve Harvey said it and not me.
@Cheekie,
My neighbor is reading his book and all i can do is shake my head. She is a very nice looking woman…with azz and tits. She gets tired of dudes staring at her…so she has an attitude. What does harvey want women in her predicament to do? Let the disrespectful comments ride and just deal with it?
I haven’t had a barber in 12 years. Once I learned how to cut my own hair and fade properly, I’ve avoided barber shops except to get a proper shape up every so often. Although I’d love to have a good discussion with the patrons, I also know that in 20 minutes time I could cut my hair and be fresh to death without my barber pausing to interject on some sports related beef. Cut my hair bama.
Nike boots = with you on that. I’m still try to figure out who designated these as dress shoes.
Every black man needs a computer. NO more f*ckin excuses! When I meet cats and they say “I ain’t really into computers” or “I don’t know nuffing about computers” yet they are walking around with $400 Droid phones, your priorities are off. No wonder you can’t make a resume. No wonder you can’t apply on line. No wonder you are operating like it’s 1994. Your Xbox doesn’t have an office suite built in, playboy. Invest in a f*cking computer and learn how to use it.
@CPT Callamity,
“I don’t know nuffing about computers”
Seriously. That’s the worse excuse of the damn decade.
@La Bakir,
I work in IT and hear it daily. Besides, you can get a desktop for under $300 and internet service for less than $50 a month. It still boggles the mind.
@CPT Callamity, Even if you can’t afford internet…places like Panera Bread have free wireless…and you can always bum off someone else’s, lol
@CPT Callamity,
“Every black man needs a computer. NO more f*ckin excuses! When I meet cats and they say “I ain’t really into computers” or “I don’t know nuffing about computers” yet they are walking around with $400 Droid phones, your priorities are off. No wonder you can’t make a resume. No wonder you can’t apply on line. No wonder you are operating like it’s 1994. Your Xbox doesn’t have an office suite built in, playboy. Invest in a f*cking computer and learn how to use it.”
This reminds me of that this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hENrQg8MM5U
“B!tches love the smiley face!”
@deviant,
Sad but true.
Hello!!
I’ve been looking at the site for a few weeks now due to reading about it through Essence.com… And since my college homie Shay_d_lady is a frequent “commentator”, I had to keep reading it everyday!!
With that said and sh*t, everything that has been added about what Grown A** Black Man should have is ON POINT!! I would like to add that men should have all WHITE teeth.. The days of “Jerome in the HOUSE” are over!! I personally never liked it anyway.
A tuxedo and at least one Swiss, French, or British made wrist watch. For what you pay to rent a tux, you can buy one that you can wear for the next 10 years. For all of you who don’t know, “Semi-formal” actually means wear a damn tux. It’s just a test to see who doesn’t know any better. For God’s sake stop wearing all those cheap ass over-sized fake blinged out watches that look like spinners for your wrist. You do realize that’s like a “rob me please” sign, right?
@Carl,
Cosign on the watches. I don’t get dudes walking around with a heavyweight champion belt on their wrist. Either that or men with watches that are too small.
@Humble_One,
a heavyweight champion belt on their wrist.
*dead*
@Humble_One,
Back in tha day one of my former homies had a watch that had a spinner mounted on it… In a crowded place full of women, we would manually spin it… Everytime he did that, a little part of me died… lol
@MeteorMan, LOL, is he now the ex-homie because of that watch?
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
He was dismissed from the Jedi Council and sent into exile. Misusing the force and sh*t… lol
@MeteorMan, in degrees of negritude, that ranks up there with fanged grills and cars painted with company logos…
A theme song
and
A belief in a higher Divine power
@OrangeStar616,
A theme song
co-sign! How could I have forgotten about this?!?! But maybe file this under both genders. I know many women if you asked them about their theme song, they’ll draw a blank…
@MeteorMan,
my theme song is “smooth criminal.” get into it.
@charli skipper, LOL
@charli skipper,
The Emperor’s Soundtrack – Lupe Fiasco
@MeteorMan, LOL
@OrangeStar616,
“A theme song’
I’m totally thinking about that scene in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka right now…lol!
@OrangeStar616,
Right now my theme song is “Dont Be Cruel” by Bobby Brown
To contribute to the list:
A man should have his own spot. You can have a roommate, but you can not be living with Moms then expect a grown self-respecting woman to come visit you at your Momma’s at any time it’s dark. Talkin’ bout “I have my own entrance…..” That’s still your Momma’s house and I don’t come into anybody’s home uninvited.
That said to comment on your great post, Mr. Jackson:
#1. LOL@ brothers avoiding the convo of shaving their own heads wit their Barber like it’s a break up. Reminds me of the convo sisters would have with their stylist if they decided to get braids.
#2. Having a cell phone is not my criteria for financial maturity. I totally get the gist or what you are saying, but a cell phone is used as an example (I recall it was used before too). If you got Metro or whatever, because it’s financially mature while you focus on doing other things and staying current, I can’t be mad.
Every grown Black Man should have some plans. There are plans for all kinds of situations:
A Plan – to get your woman in and out of the hood without incident. You know some of the best spots (music/food/etc.) are in shady places. If you can get in, have a good time and get out without a)looking like a punk, b) getting arrested or shot cuz you had to prove you weren’t a punk or c) making your girl fight for you – you done good.
A Plan – to achieve whatever bullsh*t dream you told your girl about on your second date.
A Plan – for what you want to do on dates. My pet peeve is men who will ask me out, then have NO IDEA where they want to go or what they want to do. “Ionno, what do YOU want do do?” This is either an old trick to just “hang out” at my place (um, no) or a sign that you’re not too bright. Planning the date allows the man to control costs and shows that he’s “the man”.
A Plan – to keep your woman in check. Not an Ike Turner plan, just the right words or look to give so that she knows you ain’t playin’ with her silly self. Trust me, we appreciate the occassional checking, if for no other reason than it usually saves money.
A Plan – to keep your outlook right. Ever met a dude that has been chasing scallywags and Beyonce look-a-likes all his life? Walkin’ around mad at anything with a vajay-jay cuz he didn’t make better decisions. This also applies to jobs and education. If you spend more time complaining than you do working to correct you’re part of the problem.
A Plan – in case sh*t just falls apart. This includes all of the grown man stuff – wills, life insurance, health insurance, savings, etc. If someone is depending on you (whether it be the wife or kids or both) don’t bet on your own immortality. Leaving your family azz out is not the business.
@Lil’T,
“A Plan – for what you want to do on dates”
Can we broadcast that message live? I can’t stand that either!!! It’s like “Ninja, you asked me out…there for you should have a plan!!!”
@La Bakir,
Guurrl – I had one dude hemmin’ and hawin’ on the phone so long I told him never mind about the date and hung up. He was cute, too. Dang shame.
@Lil’T, LOL! I don’t blame you!
@Lil’T, I don’t disagree and sh*t.
@Lil’T,
Yup. Grown men need plans!
@Lil’T,
Yeah. I like this list.
Part deux…
How did all of us forgot these?!?!
* A backbone. When life get hard, not saying you have to pull a John Q, but put your foot down homie.
* Know how to dance (salsa, tango, some Jamaican ish, etc). Why? Get your seduction game up… It’s never too late to throw that into the mix.
* A sweater vest AKA “shirt protector.” Don’t hate on it… It won’t keep you warm, but it’ll save you money and embarrassment from spills…
* A voter registration card… Vote or Die tryin’
* One drawer or box of random stuff… This is actually really important. A man has to be a guy too…
@MeteorMan,
sweater vest = no.
@deviant, come on son, sweater vests are ill…if your geezut ain’t pokin’ out the front.
@deviant,
sweater vests go hard… I’m not a fashion guru, but functionally, they repel spills pretty well. Seen ‘The taking of Pelham 123′? They booby-trapped his coffee and it spilled, homie just took off the sweater vest and kept it moving… definitely an anti-drink-terrorism method. Cuz sh*t happens… lol
@MeteorMan,
how about not spilling stuff on your shirt? I’d rather be stoned (“The Lottery” style) than be seen in public with a sweater vest. besdies that my woman would probly lock me out of the house for wearing one.
@MeteorMan,
um dude… sweater vests go hard? did that even feel right to you when you typed it?
@MeteorMan,
I don’t dance…..all I do is this….
@Deviant,
“playas don’t dance but we boogie every chance, like ants in our pants.”
ComicBookGuy…you see me? LOL
@miss t-lee,
Girl, you a fool for that one.
Love your list…especially,
“A Plan – to keep your woman in check. Not an Ike Turner plan, just the right words or look to give so that she knows you ain’t playin’ with her silly self. Trust me, we appreciate the occassional checking”
Great list, agree that a suit is a must as well as a few other items.
- A wallet; TI should be the only rubberband man out there.
-A checker; Could be your girl, your mama, or big brother or best friend. Someone to check your ass when you start bugging out.
LOL… i was thinking the same thing!!!
Left one out
A Goon; I think its rather self explanatory
Come to think of it, the pose of duke in the pic reminds me of the Buddy Christ in that movie Dogma.
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
That was a hilarious statue.
A BED!
A real bed….
Not a pull out sofa bed…
Not a futon…
Not a pile of sheets on top of an inflatable mattress…
A real bed…
And not just to make me comfy when I come over but you deserve it too!
@WonderWoman,
This makes me wonder: Do grown men have waterbeds in 2010? Like, do ya’ll know ninjas still rockin’ these?
@Cheekie,
I want you to know, you just made me laugh out loud, real LOUD in this cube dayum it.
@Cheekie, NO, the last water bed I saw was back in 90-91! I decided not to go swimming Lol! But, I have seen many a futon and many an inflate-a-bed with the explanation “this is only temporary baby, my bed is on layaway”
@WonderWoman,
Yeah, the last time I saw a waterbed, I was a shawty. I thought they were fun. But grown and/or sexy? Hells naw.
@Cheekie,
My BFF #2, still had one in ’01…this was shortly before it sprung a leak and dayum near flooded her apartment. My ainnie and uncle had one…they still may have it, I haven’t visited them since the late 90′s though.
@Cheekie,
Damn. I had one dude back in the day with a waterbed…..sex is really not fun on one of those damn things, you can never get any purchase.
Ugh!!!!
@Cheekie, YES! I know a grown man who still has a waterbed. By all other definitions he’s really grown…over thirty….high paying (6 figure salary) job in a management position at a very prominent company…homeowner…like a real house in the burbs with a yard and a garage….BUT he still has a waterbed circa 1989….he’s like why buy a new bed when I have a perfectly fine bed already….. if we were dating I’d give him a pass on the bed though since he has most everything else together….he’s just cheap when it comes to stuff he doesn’t care about…. new furniture is something we could work together on as a couple
@klysha,
“BUT he still has a waterbed circa 1989….he’s like why buy a new bed when I have a perfectly fine bed already”
I can appreciate that sentiment…if I’m comfortable with something that I own outright (i.e., not making payments) and it’s serving its purpose (i.e., it’s comfy and in good shape), I’m cool with it. We generally don’t get too caught up with furniture and decoration-type stuff unless/until it becomes necessary (eg. we buy a house/our woman tells us we need to invest in new furniture). I didn’t start buying furniture ’til moms complained about the cushions on my old couch…said she was sinking into the frame…moreover, when my lower back started aching from sleeping on it, I knew it was time for something new.
@klysha,
So, does he use the term “motion of the ocean” often in bed? Wait, you wouldn’t know that…thankfully.
@Cheekie,
The only man who MAY still own a waterbed, I imagine, is the Red Suit man who sells roses in the clubs on V-day…he strikes me as the type that may be in possesion of one. I’m sure he’d show it to you if let him…
Other than that, no…we don’t generally do waterbeds anymore. thanks for your consideration. lol
@DG,
“I’m sure he’d show it to you if let him…”
*gag*
@Cheekie, a waterbed is a kids’ thing?
All great posts!!!
1 more to add:
Every grown a$$ black man should have the ability to tell the difference between a woman being NICE and a woman that wants to SLEEP with him.
@divalive,
What about the women that want to be nice to you by sleeping with you? Don’t you think allowing for smash time is a nice gesture? lol
@MeteorMan, It’s the ultimate nice gesture, if u ask me…
@MeteorMan, LOL!!! Buyer beware I say*.
*refer to Humble_One’s post:
Bad Woman Sensor.
This is like a spidey sense for problem chics. Every man needs to have this sensor tuned to know recognize the signs she gives to leave her alone.
@AliLaine4, aww thanks for stopping by a leaving a comment!!
and LOLOL @ Jerome in the house! yes, a dentist is in order.
Men need to have a code, a standard that you live by, that all (your close circle) around you should know and respect.
Know which battles to fight and which ones to let go. Keep your emotions in check. Action does not mean reaction.
You should have preferences (wiggle room) and rules (non-negotiable). Be decisive and know what you want.
Be respectful to all, a gentleman, but still be a MAN. Never let ANYBODY run you.
Be a hybrid. Be able to function on the block, and in the board room. The goons have their place, but running with them 24/7 is asking for trouble.
Have a plan (and back up plans) for everything. Things seldom go exactly according to plan so you must try to see how things can play out and try to never be caught off guard.
Accept responsibility for your own actions.
Never trust anybody with more than you’re willing for them to betray you with…this includes family, friends, and spouse.
Know thyself, stay honest with thyself, become who you want to be, and make no apologies for it.
Follow through with all you want in life…but know which things you should follow through with and which you shouldn’t. Greed is good, but greed also has a cost. You should be willing to bear that cost if you are willing to pursue that goal.
@HabitualLineCrossa, Deep! Does a man with all of these qualities actually exist? I have met men with some or even most of these but still working on or developing one or two of them…would you require all of them?
@WonderWoman,
Well, my dad for starters.
But those are not really qualities as they are more so standards to abide by, live with… And I am sure plenty of men around you have them.
THANK YOU divalive. I’m tired of guys thinking that just because I’m striking a conversation with you or asking you about your day means I want to see your holey drawers.
@MeteorMan
Umm, negative. There are less debilitating and traumatic ways to be nice to men lol
I like your list minus the part with the sunglasses. I don’t really care for a man with sunglasses especially when worn inappropriately i.e. when its no dayum sun and when ur talking to me. Plus I see it as a sign of weakness. Also some of the comments on what a grown ass man should have is good but some are more people preference in what they look for in a man.
@hehe, I don’t like sunglasses either…too many bamas and posers have ruined that look “the stunna” shades etc o_O
Great list!!! I would add:
*a bank account. I sadly know dudes that still get money orders to pay bills. It is not a good look!!
*your own place. Having a roomie after age 25 or still living at home “to help your parents” are both lame! If you dont have your own spot I automatically think when you come to my place you are spying closets etc. to see where your sh*t might fit.
*at least ONE healthy relationship. If you’ve only been in bad relationships and you think it was THEM. More than likely…it is YOU.
*good underwear.
*a suit
*your business in order (valid license, valid tags, car insurance, valid passport, voter registration card, some form of health insurance, etc.)
*a primary care doctor & a dentist and you visit them as frequently as you INSURANCE allows
*a clean bathroom. I think men can go in and not touch anything but themselves and the faucet. Ladies are more hands on and touchy in the bathroom. I shouldnt have to hover over the seat, flush the toilet with my foot and then use toilet tissue to dry my hands at any dudes house.
@Yaa,
still living at home “to help your parents” are both lame!
I think this is very cultural…
@Sula,
I agree – and I wish shared living (of any arrangement) was a little more prominent in Black communities. Mostly because I see too many people who are spending close to their entire month’s income on rent, or living in dangerous neighborhoods because it’s all they can afford. Meanwhile, 2520′s are got 5 dudes in a luxury home and are paying half what we pay. Get some roommates people.
@Lil’T,
Exactly! Lol!
Besided, sometimes it just makes financial sense to share or live with the parents. My girlfriend (Thai) stayed with her parents until she had to move to a different city. Less than a year living on her own, she was ready to buy a house.
My other girlfriend (Indian dot) says, living with different generations in the house allows your kids to learn by behavior and knowledge gets transferred by osmosis (on her sharing a house with her husband’s family)… And when you think about it, it kinda makes sense.
So yeah, I’ll appreciate a Black man whose priorities are in order instead of one who tries to impress by wasting their money on rent.
@Yaa,
*your own place. Having a roomie after age 25 or still living at home “to help your parents” are both lame!”
Depending on where you live, having a roomate(s) may not be a choice. Places like DC, NYC, etc., where avg. rents can be $1500+, may make shared living arrangements necessary just to get by…
Without another body to split that rent each month, a man may have to forego some of the other things on your list (i.e., a suit, a primary care doctor, good underwear, etc.)
@DG, I agree with all of you! I wish I would have stayed home longer because it was a struggle for me starting off. I AM TALKING ABOUT THE DUDE “helping his parents” and really not doing crap towards his future or who is a burden to his parents. I know dudes still “helping their parents” and they dont have anything to show for living in their parent’s basement but pushing a fancy whip. I have a 21 year old & she is more than welcome to take her time to leave the nest (she is actually away at college now) BUT when she leaves she will have something to show for it!!
@Yaa, That’s a different situation altogether (you gotta be specific round here). If a dude is saving towards something, or if a parent falls on hard times or becomes ill, living with the folks makes sense. But if he’s just spongin’ off of them to avoid having to make it on his own, then no, that’s pretty triflin’.
Every grown A man should have cash on hand. You never know when an emergency will come up. You might be somewhere where a credit card is not accepted. Keep some emergency cash in that other required thing–a wallet.
Hmmm, interesting lists. I am really struggling these days to figure out what I really want. Some of this seems so material and petty…but I can understand.
I’d say:
a kind heart
a giving spirit
a loving energy
a willingness to listen
a moral code
love in his life other than in a romantic relationship
if a father, one who actually gives his kids those most precious gifts -time and concern
a true blue platonic female friend
an ability to roll with the punches
the strength of his convictions
a life philosophy that he lives by
a passion about something
a signature drink and cologne
an education or a willingness to learn from life
the ability to forgive
a best friend or friends with sense
his own shit that has nothing to do with me
a passport and a thirst for adventure or at least an interest in doing new things
the willingness to wear a condom if requested
compassion
patience
@empirestategirl, So on point. I couldnt agree with you more.
Why is it so hard to find these BASIC things? For women these things are common. I appreciate the passport. It takes you places you’ve never been and opens your eyes to something new.
I’m just tired of the same old thing..
Every grown a** man should
1.Wash his hands WITH soap when he uses the bathroom.
2. brush his tongue (just as important at flossing)
@jazz, ok not really sh*t you should have but def sh*t you should do
I find the eastern motors commercials catchy.
I was reading another blog today and the topic was ‘whats wrong with gay marriage’. of course the msg boards lit up with ppl casting stones and passive-agressive electronic arguments about homosexuality. then someone posted this:
“PS: So why are all the good Black men gay?
1. your mama adores me,
2. your sister wants me, and
3. even your wife want you to be more like me.
Today’s modern Black woman’s suitor for marriage is a check list equating to the average Black gay brotha: well educated, an intellectual, good job/career, worldly exposed, traveler, speaks proper english, speaks second language, integrity, sensitive, strong and masculine. But is this construct the definitive recipe for a good Black man? No! However, again, it is what the modern woman is seeking as a good marriage suitor.
My straight brothas – please up your game; I’m tired of getting all this unwanted play.”
So I got to thinking about this blog topic and stopped for a second: wait..I want a gay man??? Then remembered that the 1 key feature I want my man to have is an attraction to ME and ONLY ME (and my gender I suppose). lol.
Then I remembered that this post is not about what I want..but what every grown a** black man needs in his life.
carry on. lol. ; )
@keisha brown, yeah a lot of these lists do sound like descriptions of gay dudes…. I think there might be about 11 straight black men on the planet who meet all these criteria some of the people listed.
Ooh, how I miss eastern motors commercials…I need to go back home to the DMV!
6 Things That Every Grown A** Black Man Needs In His Life???
I think a lot of people missed the point of this post and started listing their requirements for a mate. This is just what any grown man needs regardless of his walk in life or his relationship asperations…or whether he’s gay or straight even.
and it’s actually a pretty complete list…I agree with everything except the sunglasses…that’s extra and unnecessary especially since it’s hard to trust a dude while he’s wearing sunglasses…I need to see your eyes ninja….
Only additions have been mentioned already…
a place of his own to stay (unless he’s supporting family or some other circumstances apply i.e. lives in high cost of living area, temporary fix while saving for a goal…etc…)
a suit is nice or at least some grown up clothes and the means to go buy a suit if one is needed.
some skills at SOMETHING useful…cooking, fixing stuff, general life skills, a trade, money management….something…know how to do something so you can bring something to the table in life….and the skill can not be limited to things that can only be done on a video game console
Every grown a** man needs to have a conversation that include more words than just the bare basics. They need to know what kind of conversations to have based on the setting. They also need to know when to just be quiet, because everything doesnt need a comment. Just be easy and be you, but read the newspaper and not just the sports section.
A man needs his own place and his own ride. Especially if yr @$$ is over 25.
And furniture in his houyse dammit!!! I’m tired of nuckas rolling through with their pimped out rides, soundsystem, nice threads, etc etc with no furniture except a tv and no food in the fridge.
um… you also forgot, 1) a suit 2) a car 3) a job other than selling drugs 4) clean bed sheets
Hehe. I’m glad I stumbled upon this. It definitely gave me a good laugh.
I, though, would add “A Good Woman” to this list.
Grown ass black men need:
1. More than 1 pair of formal/work shoes;
2. Natural hair, no waves, perms or relaxed hair brother pls!!! I’m sick n tired of nuckas walking around with their gotdam hair blwoin in the wind. Da f#ck?! NO!!!
3. Your own ride, unless u stay in New York or some $hit
4. Your own place
5. Furniture. Nuckas be rolling in phly rides but forgot to buy a sofa/couch?! Com’n Son.
6. Tools
7. Atleast 1 freind you’ve known from college/university…even better high school.
8. Favourite author
9. Favourite cd other than some hip hop artist
10. A mirror.
His own place.
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