The days of general courtship are gone. The good old days of seeing a woman, talking to her, getting her phone number, and waiting a day to call are damn near extinct. Today, the game is brand new, largely because everybody is crazy nowadays.
A few years ago, I was getting off the train, and I saw this young lady reading the book “On The Down Low.” The first thing I wanted to do was walk over to this chick and say, “don’t believe everything you read sistah.”
And you know what? She would have pegged me as one of the DL brothas referenced in the book – all in a matter of seconds. That’s when it dawned on me: the first few seconds of any interaction between the sexes is the most vital. People say first impressions are lasting. Well, I say first impressions aren’t only lasting anymore, they are damning. I blame changing times and attitudes about dating…and that book “On the Down Low.” I honestly think that book has done more damage to the dating scene in the black community than Bobby and Whitney.
I’ve never read the book so I can’t comment on its contents, but the author, J.L. King’s appearance on Oprah and the eventual bestsellerizing of his book have f*cked up the game something awful. I’ll admit that there are DL brothas out there. I work at a club where we have a night where they run rampant. But I’ll be damned if EVERYBODY is a candidate.
The big problem is that there is a dating gap in the black community. Yes there are more successful women then there are black men. And now all these women are looking at random things Black men do to determine if he’s gay from jump, creating a further rift because now you’re just PISSING us off.
And what does this have to do with the first 30 seconds? Well, its been stated that women know whether they would sleep with a man within the first 5 seconds of meeting him. Well, I doubt that now. Maybe it USED to be that way, but, like Obama, sh*t changed.
It USED to be that a man was aiming to convince the woman that she wouldn’t lose anything by taking a shot on him. Getting the woman to smile sincerely, or laugh was usually a good sign. It’s all a game and everybody knows it so you just used your best stuff…even if your best is just being yourself.
So what’s the game like now?
Well, within the first 30 seconds the dude must convince you that: he’s NOT gay, isn’t a convict, isn’t on drugs, has no kids, has a kid but is taking care of his kid(s), has a job, has a LEGAL job, doesn’t live with his momma, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with another woman (or man) that he’s sleeping with, isn’t married, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with his baby momma, has a car, has a car that runs, passed the SAT on his first try, can spell onomatopoeia, can’t spell B-R-O-K-E, isn’t broke, that he’s NOT gay, etc.
It’s so crazy to me that it used to be that a man would have to do something to convince a woman that he was gay somewhere along the lines, if it wasn’t readily apparent.
Now men, specifically black men, have to prove that we aren’t.
I’m not saying men aren’t to blame at all here. Dudes been acting really crazy behind women as of late. I don’t know what happened but men are becoming as erratic and emotional as women are STEREOTYPED to be. But still…
Fellas…just remember you got 30 seconds to convince this woman that you are worth talking too, AND that you aren’t some DL brotha. I’d tell you how to do it but I have no idea because nowadays, everybody’s a suspect.
So sad, JoJo. So sad.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P
Related posts:
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 55 comments… read them below or add one }
dang, is it seriously that deep?? are women really assuming gayness that quickly? honestly, of all the ways i thought this post might go…this wasnt one of them!
Reply
em {November 18th, 2008 at 8:28 am}
@shatani, I do. I went on a first date this guy and I dismissed him as gay because he ordered a cocktail and drank from the stirrer.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 9:37 am}
@em,
” I dismissed him as gay because he ordered a cocktail and drank from the stirrer.”
Now this is ICE COLD!!!!
Reply
shatani {November 18th, 2008 at 1:45 pm}
@miss t-lee,
im sayin!!! thats deep!
Reply
Peyso {November 18th, 2008 at 10:41 am}
@em, he might be a devout homosexual (not that there is anything wrong with that)
Reply
Intellectual Hedonist {November 18th, 2008 at 2:09 pm}
@Peyso, please email me circa1908 at yahoo.com
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 10:50 am}
“I dismissed him as gay because he ordered a cocktail and drank from the stirrer.”
I feel he left you no other choice.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 10:55 am}
@em,
Did he order an appletini? Easy on the tini?
Reply
ListenToLeon {November 18th, 2008 at 11:16 am}
@em, he might not have been gay…He could have just been a b***h or something.
signed,
<— Devil’s Advocate
Reply
Sim1 {November 18th, 2008 at 10:56 pm}
@shatani, – ummm, YES! I live in Atlanta. You might not be able to tell in 30 seconds, 30 minutes or even 30 days.
Reply
That’s why I keep a signed statement, witnessed by my father, pastor, mayor, and the last five women I’ve slept with, in my wallet.
These statements have a use-by date (typically 30 days from the last time all signatures were collected). I find it best to have everyone sign after the noon holy communion service.
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 1:30 am}
@kamakula,
You so silly….
Reply
Shelia {November 18th, 2008 at 1:40 am}
@kamakula, “I find it best to have everyone sign after the noon holy communion service.”
ROFL
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:44 am}
@kamakula,
LMAO.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:06 am}
@kamakula, you are stoopid lol.
Reply
Miss Mahogany {November 18th, 2008 at 4:35 am}
@kamakula,
Well atleast you have it notarized that’s a start now, how will you fill the other 25 seconds?..
CTFU!!!!
Reply
kamakula {November 18th, 2008 at 11:38 am}
@Miss Mahogany, I suppose we’ll use that time to determine whether we’re taking your car or mine.
Reply
sisanda {November 18th, 2008 at 5:06 am}
@kamakula,
Lmfao…shut the F**k up!!
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 9:38 am}
@kamakula,
This is hilarious!
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 10:07 am}
@kamakula,
So can we expect Luvvie to be on this list?
::ducking::
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 10:31 am}
@V Renee,
oh SNAP!!!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 10:57 am}
@V Renee,
OOOOO OH NO SHE DI’NT (Sheneneh voice with long fingernail). I need to go have my morning hot cocoa. Hisssssssssssssssss
Reply
kamakula {November 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am}
@V Renee, shhhh, luvvie and I are keeping that on the DL (I am allowed to use that term in this context right?). So yeah, she doesn’t appear on the list of last five women. . .
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:39 am}
@kamakula,
Thanks boo!!! I knew u’d stick up for me!
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 2:49 pm}
@V Renee,
@kamakula,
So can we expect Luvvie to be on this list?
::ducking::
burn!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 10:56 am}
@kamakula,
You STOOPID!!! lol
Reply
Well, within the first 30 seconds the dude must convince you that: he’s NOT gay, isn’t a convict, isn’t on drugs, has no kids, has a kid but is taking care of his kid(s), has a job, has a LEGAL job, doesn’t live with his momma, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with another woman (or man) that he’s sleeping with, isn’t married, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with his baby momma, has a car, has a car that runs, passed the SAT on his first try, can spell onomatopoeia, can’t spell B-R-O-K-E, isn’t broke, that he’s NOT gay, etc.
Damn! Now this here is just unreasonable. For real. And chicks wonder why they’re single. I honestly don’t care about a dude’s car/job/parental status, etc immediately upon meeting him, because I have my own to be concerned with. I’ll care when all that affects me, and that is NOT within the first 3o seconds.
5 seconds in, huh? I usually say w/in an hour, I know whether or not they even have a chance @ the Glittery PBG Golden Ticket. I guess I’m a slow bake as opposed to a microwave. *smnh*
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:36 am}
@PBG,
“5 seconds in, huh? I usually say w/in an hour”
I’d say within 15 minutes.
Reply
jolie fatale {November 18th, 2008 at 10:31 am}
@PBG, Damn! Now this here is just unreasonable. For real. And chicks wonder why they’re single. I honestly don’t care about a dude’s car/job/parental status, etc immediately upon meeting him, because I have my own to be concerned with.
SO I assume you like wasting your time?
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am}
@jolie fatale,
I don’t see it as wasting my time. I simply have the luxury to stroll through courtships and have all the fun I want because I’m dating w/out the pressure of expectations. I am in my mid-30’s, already been married and divorced and had all the children that I want to have. I can afford to take all the time I want….it’s mine to do with as I please. This type of freedom makes everything so much more simple.
Reply
this is a depressing post…but, pretty on point. i don’t assume EVERY man i meet is on the dl. but every once in awhile, a masculine acting (can’t be fooled by trivial things like masculinity anymore) gangstalicious will be revealed and remind me to get my head in the game.
but one of my best friends is gay. and he thinks everybody is on the DL, so, i have to keep his a*s from tainting my way of thinking, too. although, i’ll be darned if he hasn’t been right a few times.
and wanda sykes ain’t makin it no better…
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:41 am}
@charli skipper,
Were you surprised by Wanda Sykes coming out? I wasn’t. She always seemed more than a little bit butch to me. I’m happy for her coming out though. No matter who or what we are, we all want a lil’ freedom.
Reply
charli skipper {November 18th, 2008 at 1:50 am}
@PBG,
i wasn’t really surprised, but i just thought of wanda as more of an asexual being than a lesbian. lol.
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 11:04 am}
@charli skipper,
ASEXUAL!!! HILARIOUS. Me too.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 2:52 pm}
@charli skipper,
me too actually.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:46 am}
@charli skipper,
Was anyone surprised about Wanda Sykes? Really????
Good for her, though. Life is too short to not be anything but who you truly are. Be free and let your (disco) light shine (this is what I tell a friend at least once a month; one day he shall listen).
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 1:49 am}
@V.E.G., exactly I am happy she came out but he..ll I figured she was.. just like Queen.. I mean i love her but I always figured she was a “ladies first” type of gal….
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:52 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
I am going to need Queen Latifah to come out and stop frontin, though. Unless I missed something, she still claims to date men, yes?
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 1:55 am}
@V.E.G., she is not out of the closet but you right she needs to…cmon queen you aint foolin nobody but yourself….
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 10:44 am}
@V.E.G.,
And I don’t even understand why she has to keep it up? It’s not like men see her as some sex symbol n.e.way. It won’t be damaging or hurting her image.
I don’t know. Then again, until you’ve walked in someone else’s shoes, you can’t decide what’s best for them.
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 10:59 am}
@V.E.G.,
Yeah. Dana’s been rumored to be Lebanese for years. Folks still say she wasn’t acting in Set it Off.
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:00 am}
@V.E.G.,
Queen Lareefah aint say she dates men. She just had an interview where she said she doesnt care what people think about hr sexuality and she will keep that part of herself private. She ain’t make no d*ck-loving claims though.
But yes, that closet shonuff is stuffy. Prolly bad for allergies.
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am}
@Luvvie,
Um… I read something – in a real magazine, not a tabloid, in the last two years where she said she was dating a man.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm}
Perhaps “A Man” was her name.
No?
Oh, okay.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 12:28 pm}
e-twin,
imma need you to stop with the foolishness….
LMAO
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 1:59 pm}
LOL it was a valid question!
Intellectual Hedonist {November 18th, 2008 at 2:18 pm}
@8th Wonder, Im with you on that if “A man” was not her birth name then it was a pet name
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 2:53 pm}
Perhaps “A Man” was her name.
ok…this made me literally laugh aloud
charli skipper {November 18th, 2008 at 1:51 am}
@V.E.G., I cosign and lol @ this statement:
“Life is too short to not be anything but who you truly are. Be free and let your (disco) light shine (this is what I tell a friend at least once a month; one day he shall listen).”
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 9:39 am}
@V.E.G., i missed that pflag annoucment but i agree…if she likes it i love it.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:01 am}
@V.E.G.,
And the Wanda Sykes announcement was met with crickets because 1. it is no shock and 2. she’s not really relevant. So…
Reply
Beez {November 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm}
@Luvvie,
Church. I read that ish the other day, and went, “Meh,” and proceeded to read something meaningful, like The Lockhorns.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am}
“Life is too short to not be anything but who you truly are. ”
@V.E.G.,
Who’s to say she wasn’t? Why does it even matter? I don’t understand why someone who is homosexual has to announce themselves to the world on GP. No one and I do mean no one was checking for Wanda Sykes like that. Same for Queen Latifah. Until she played a lesbian in Set It Off, no one cared what she was doing in the bedroom because they didn’t have any feelings about her one way or the other. And by feelings I mean the boner inducing kind.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 11:44 am}
@Deviant,
True, Deviant: they might be out and proud in their personal lives.
And I agree that you don’t have to announce that you are homosexual, let alone heterosexual. But Wanda got married. And I’m happy that she announced she got married instead of trying to hide it and pretend like her wife was her chef/trainer.
I just called Queen Latifah out cuz i was watching Living Single on YouTube when I typed that post.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am}
@V.E.G.,
“Queen Latifah. Until she played a lesbian in Set It Off, no one cared what she was doing in the bedroom because they didn’t have any feelings about her one way or the other. And by feelings I mean the boner inducing kind.”
And y’all need to stop: Queen is a pretty woman.
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am}
@V.E.G.,
“And y’all need to stop: Queen is a pretty woman.”
I agree. She’s not unfortunate in the face (c) PBG
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm}
@V.E.G.,
I didn’t say she was ugly. I’ve just never heard of any man who said he would like to “give her the business” and her secksual orientation wouldn’t prevent that from happening.
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 10:42 am}
@charli skipper,
For your friend? It’s wishful thinking.
I would want anybody to be gay too, if I was.
Reply
I was just talkin to my friends about this like 2 seconds ago. It’s hard not to suspect when everday some guy I know comes out and I didn’t suspect before(k maybe not everyday but a lot)
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 2:56 pm}
@Naomi,
..and by “alot” you probably mean like “2″ right?
Reply
“Well, within the first 30 seconds the dude must convince you that: he’s NOT gay, isn’t a convict, isn’t on drugs, has no kids, has a kid but is taking care of his kid(s), has a job, has a LEGAL job, doesn’t live with his momma, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with another woman (or man) that he’s sleeping with, isn’t married, that he’s NOT gay, doesn’t live with his baby momma, has a car, has a car that runs, passed the SAT on his first try, can spell onomatopoeia, can’t spell B-R-O-K-E, isn’t broke, that he’s NOT gay, etc.”
Wow…you summed it all up…although it takes more than 30 seconds…lol
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 2:58 pm}
@Shelia,
how long?
Reply
Shelia {November 18th, 2008 at 6:53 pm}
@The Champ – lol…at least an hour.
No, but seriously, there are questions that men and women should ask during initially meeting someone. Some folks will lie, so you might not find out all the answers in one meeting. Some things will be revealed if you keep your eyes opened and don’t put on any blinders.
Reply
“The first thing I wanted to do was walk over to this chick and say, “don’t believe everything you read sistah.”
_______________________________________
I am saddened by the fact that, before I continued reading your prediction about what the judgmental woman would think, I had time to think about how that’s exactly what I would have thought …and told my friends later on…Oh, I’m so jaded, Lord!
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 2:47 am}
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA HAHAHAHA
ha
*sigh*
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 2:59 pm}
@charli skipper,
smh. i weep for the young and sh*t
Reply
PJ:
I don’ think it’s THAT rough out there for you. Yet. lol.
Yes, sistas ARE giving the side eye to the dude who gets a facial every three weeks and a manicure once a week, but I don’t think we are going around forcing every man to prove to use they are not gay within the first 5 seconds of meeting.
Seriously, though: there are sistas out there who are hella thirsty and are dating known homosexuals (known to everyone but her). True story: a former friend was dating a guy who was so flaming – not that there is anything wrong with that – that he broke my gaydar. This guy would see Terrance Howard on tv and fall out of his seat. I seent it wit my own two eyes! But she had excuses: he has sisters, he’s sensitive, etc. etc.
If this guy could convince one reasonably intelligent woman he was straight for the 8 sexless months they dated, it cannot be too difficult for a dude with some facial hair* and a lil bit of base in his voice.
*Sadly, there are some dudes who are so deep in the down low that we will never, never, never know that they like sausages.
Reply
Shelia {November 18th, 2008 at 1:42 am}
@V.E.G., “This guy would see Terrance Howard on tv and fall out of his seat. I seent it wit my own two eyes”
VEG – say it ain’t so. He was all the way out the closet. I don’t care how many sisters, aunts, mamas he had.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:48 am}
@Shelia,
Everyone saw it but her. Never mind that he knew – and was friends with – every gay black man in that small a$$ town she was living in.
Sigh. What a sista will do just to say she’s got a man.
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 1:52 am}
@V.E.G., I have two such known cases..in 1 case the g.a.y man not only designed her wedding dress.. (full of tina knowles type bedazzlement and lace foolishness) but also chose the “makeup color pallete”
Her excuse..he grew up with sisters so he knows what looks good on women…. yeah chick
second lady married her “hairdresser” who had renamed himself…valandis…..and used mac makeup….her exuse? He had bad skin…LMAO…
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:56 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
LMAO.
I just choked on a cheesecake brownie.
I don’t know what’s funnier: the image of a guy altering his woman’s tacky House of Dereon wedding gown while telling her the copper shadow brings out the gold in her eyes OR the thought of a dude named Valandis wearing Mac C40 over his 5:00 shadow.
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 1:59 am}
@V.E.G., LOL he didnt have a 5:00 shadow… he had laser hair removal… honey the writing was spray painted a glittery irridescent pink on that wall
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 2:02 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
WOW @ the laser hair removal on his face.
I personally give the side eye (just kidding!) to any clean shaven man. V.E.G. likes a beard (and not one of them scrawny goatees. Real men have facial hair..though this is not a deal breaker, lol. Icing on the cake, so to speak).
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 10:36 am}
@V.E.G.,
you are a woman after my own heart. my man is not allowed to shave his beard off…EVER. I get furious with him when he does. Keep it neatly trimmed but never should it be gone.
Peyso {November 18th, 2008 at 10:47 am}
@blackberry molasses, You must not like men with jobs…..
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 11:35 am}
@ Peyso
show me your statistical proof that men who have beards can’t hold a job.
My boss who is a senior level CDC staffer has a beard… not to mention my HUSBAND
methinks you need mo people
Peyso {November 18th, 2008 at 12:55 pm}
@blackberry molasses, much harder to get a job with a beard, ask any interviewer.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 1:17 pm}
@Peyso
guess it depends on the field. us public service (me) and creative types (hubby) are much more liberal.
i’ll let you slide by wit that one. everybody gets one. this was yours.
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:03 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
also…not every man can grow a beard.
i see what you’re saying though. a black man with no facial hair scares me.
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 5:13 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
I work in engineering. I interviewed with a beard. I keep a thick beard now. People I work with have said they dont know many black dudes that dont have facial hair.
temps {November 19th, 2008 at 12:43 am}
@V.E.G., you must know some of us are told by our employers as a condition of employment you must shave all facial hair-some firms stop at mustache but others do not..now you want the rent paid or you want me rocking the Freeway beard?
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 2:51 am}
PLEEEEASE. You are so out of order all over this thread. I am dying at the sisters and the glittery pink handwriting.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 2:08 am}
@V.E.G.,
“tacky House of Dereon wedding gown”
Please tell me nothing like this exists anywhere in the universe. Please.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 3:04 am}
@PBG,
You know that some where, some chick is dreaming of such a gown for her wedding. And if there isn’t one, she will get one of those ‘inspired by’ designs.
puff {November 18th, 2008 at 2:21 am}
@V.E.G.,
mmmmmm cheesecake brownie = my shyt. god bless the person who thought to combine the delicious softness of cheesecake with the sweet gooey loveliness of chocolate. i got a free one today from the spot on my campus – they know me there cos i stay buying em all the d@mn time.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:26 am}
@puff, cheescake yes, chocolate no! LOL, this guy told me once that I cannot under any circumstance tell his mother I don’t care for chocolate. Apparently, a woman who does not like chocolate has sociopath tendencies. I can’t be the only one!
ps) I like chocolate cake, and can even do a piece of chocolate at certain times. I definitely could live without it though.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm}
@overit,
don’t feel bad. my mother doesn’t go wild for chocolate cake either and people stay trying to ‘borrow’ or ’share’ her with me.
dat’s my awesome mamma… get yo own!
eff yo couch {November 18th, 2008 at 10:42 am}
@puff,
“god bless the person who thought to combine the delicious softness of cheesecake with the sweet gooey loveliness of chocolate. ”
That person obviously had a case of Jungle Fever
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 11:18 am}
@eff yo couch,
lmao
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:21 am}
@Shay-d-lady, LOL @ “(full of tina knowles type bedazzlement and lace foolishness)”. Who ever let her near a sewing machine was a comedian, and also evil.
*shuddering at the thought of walking down the aisle in a tacky House of Dereon wedding gown*
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 3:03 am}
@overit, and beleive you me the house of damnitswrong wedding gown was even more of a catastrophe than expected.. I mean it was huge it was lace and silk and sequined with a old fashioned hoop and it was so deliciously wrong on so many levels…
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 10:39 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
the visual i have of this catastrophe is making my a$$ twitch.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:02 am}
e-twin, I encourage you to consult a doctor about this ass-twitchage, it bothers me.
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:02 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
Yeah that constant a$$ twitching aint kosher…
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 12:32 pm}
8th wonrda and Luvster,
it is a response to things that offend my sensibilities. its either that or i start gagging… i know people don’t want to hear that. at least the twitchery is imperceptible to other people.
Shelia {November 18th, 2008 at 9:09 am}
@Shay-d-lady, “not only designed her wedding dress.. (full of tina knowles type bedazzlement and lace foolishness) but also chose the “makeup color pallete”
These women are really in denial–shaking my head–now these are examples of women who are willing to accept a piece of a man just to say they have one–that ain’t right y’all.
Reply
charli skipper {November 18th, 2008 at 1:56 am}
@V.E.G.,
um…..I just got invited to a wedding. Whose, you ask? A guy that I know was OPENLY, excessively gay in undergrad. Now, it’s not my place to judge anybody’s sanity, and I know love is love. But I am going to go to that wedding just to give his bride the da*n side eye. She needs at least 7 more people.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:58 am}
@charli skipper,
Maybe college was a ‘phase’.
I have a friend who, at 30, is going through a ‘phase’. His words.
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 2:01 am}
@V.E.G., thats what my g.a.y cousin’s SO claims as well but they have been together for like 10 years…
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:07 am}
@charli skipper,
Maybe she’ll have enough bridesmaids to meet her “more people quota”. But I’m sure at least 2 of them will be giving her the side eye as well. *smnh*
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 3:24 am}
@charli skipper, make sure you get to the bridal shower. The gift??? “Hiding in Hip Hop” by Terrance Dean high-light up chapter 30, titled: “If That’s Your Boyfriend, He Wasn’t Last Night”.
Reply
Peyso {November 18th, 2008 at 10:50 am}
@charli skipper, wasnt Donnie McClurklin goin through a phase too?
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am}
@Peyso, so i heard…but is it really a phase or do you just choose not to act on it for religious reasons? i think its the latter. i don’t think being gay is a phase…unless you’re auditioning for girls gone wild or some sh!t.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:04 pm}
@charli skipper,
how is one “excessively gay”? i mean, does he walk around all day with a d*ldo in his hands while humming journey’s “don’t stop believing”?
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 3:34 pm}
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 3:39 pm}
@The Champ,
“don’t stop believing”????
Really?
LOL!!!
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 9:41 am}
@V.E.G.,
” But she had excuses: he has sisters, he’s sensitive, etc. etc.”
Ain’t that much sensitivity in all the world…
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:15 pm}
That’s right, e-twinny…
Not even if you’re Ralph Tresvant.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 2:41 pm}
@8th Wonder,
Yep!!!
Reply
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 11:03 am}
@V.E.G.,
“he broke my gaydar”
LMAO!!!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:05 am}
@V.E.G.,
Gurl I know a coupla folks who are dating DL bros and don’t know or choose not to care. One of them is dating a guy that is flaming, he glides when he walks. It looks like he is walking on clouds (FIERCE walk, I tells you). Plus he does a MEAN makeup and can perm hair.
His boo would rather be with him than be single. “I can do bad all by myself”. I’mo need some women not to be so deep in denial that they are standing on the lost city of Atlantis.
Reply
i’ve never run across dudes and just assumed the worse–that they’re gay convicts living in the basement of their pedofilic aunt and uncle while working as a mechanic on other ppl’s cars becuz he, himself, does not have one. like, those aren’t my worst fears.
actually, him being a stalker is my worst fear. and as much as i screen for the “i could be your worst night mare since i’m a few psychotic episodes away from being committed to western psych institute” in the initial meeting, i ALWAYS seem to miss it. even 30min into convo. *smh* i know V.E.G. can probably testify…. so eff a gaydar. i need a potential-stalker-alert system. that’s what would be more useful.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 1:49 am}
@Gem of the Ocean,
Preach!
My gaydar is one of the best around. But my psycho-alert was broken the day I got it…should of sprung for that warranty.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:07 am}
@V.E.G.,
“My gaydar is one of the best around. But my psycho-alert was broken the day I got it…should of sprung for that warranty.”
LMAO. Yuppp
Reply
I hate the DL..it is being used to further ostracise out and proud g.a.y men as a way to avoid our own s.e.xual irresponsibility. The the aids epidemic sweeping black females is not due to solely to the DL phenom. Its like the “condom”broke pregnancy or the initimidated man ..yeah it happens but not nearly as much as proclaimed. Secondly I hate the fact that it seems like people only attribute the “dl” behavior to african american men. 2520″s do that shyt to infact the invented the cover up marriage shyt. and lastly every publicly “outed” dl man I have seen was very obviously stereotypically g.a.y….
Reply
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 1:57 am}
@Shay-d-lady, LOL.. I can only apologize for this horribly spelled and worded quote….I shall refrain from making anymore comments until i get home and in front of a full computer screen
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:27 am}
“I hate the DL..it is being used to further ostracise out and proud g.a.y men as a way to avoid our own s.e.xual irresponsibility. The the aids epidemic sweeping black females is not due to solely to the DL phenom. Its like the “condom”broke pregnancy or the initimidated man ..yeah it happens but not nearly as much as proclaimed. Secondly I hate the fact that it seems like people only attribute the “dl” behavior to african american men. 2520″s do that shyt to infact the invented the cover up marriage shyt. and lastly every publicly “outed” dl man I have seen was very obviously stereotypically g.a.y….”
now this is a dust ruffle i can get under in the rain.. very true.
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 10:57 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
Preach sister Shay-d-lady!! Preach on!
Reply
I think it takes more than 30 seconds, but within 20-30 minutes I can figure out if we would be compatible. That’s long enough to see the red flags and figure out if the flags are purplesaurus rex and shyt…. The gay thing rarely come to mind unless he’s out there in Al Neyo Reynolds-Gill lipgloss and skinny panted with a belted shirt, so otherwise I have to give the benefit of the doubt on that one…. Thats what dating is for, to get to know someone, we gotta bring “just dating” back for realz…..
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 2:55 am}
“Al Neyo Reynolds-Gill lipgloss”
lmao
FOR REAL???
What is WRONG with you people tonight? Please contain yourselves!!!
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am}
@Jen,
What is WRONG with you people tonight? Please contain yourselves!!!
This is how we do on VSB! Well, I try not to act a complete fool, but Holiday Heart brings out the fool in me.
“I myself believe that when it comes to matters of the heart, the only sin is turning your back on love because of what other people think. ”
-Holiday Heart (2000)
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:04 pm}
@overit,
LOL u stoopid for that quote lol
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:18 pm}
@Luvvie,
Sheeeeit, stoopid nothin! That right there is gospel! Preach, Holiday! *snaps*
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:08 am}
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
“he gay thing rarely come to mind unless he’s out there in Al Neyo Reynolds-Gill lipgloss and skinny panted with a belted shirt,”
Umm, Alise, you already know I have NO problem putting you on timeout!!! LMAO hot mess.
Reply
I’m sorry P-Fiddy but sometimes OTHER GAY MEN are responsible for this tangerine and scarlet “DL” letter. In fact i’ve had to run a few guys past my gay husband (also my favorite Starbuck’s barista).
Second to blame is Terrance Dean’s “Hidding In Hiphop” where he outs many a “straight” R&B and hip-hop artist. Actually this has become largely my “is he gay?” bible.
running a close third is just language…after mentioning a few gay husbands if a dude Im interested in proceeds to state anything violent or harshly homophobe or negative in ANYWAY….ding ding ding…into the “repressed homosexual tendencies” box you go.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:25 am}
dear Lord PLEASE don’t let him sing in the church choir and tryta holla then I gotta run you past 2 gay husbands, Dupont Circle on a Sat night (to see who looks at you “that special way”), and pass a gay bookstore two blocks over to make sure you don’t look like you “too familiar” up and through.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:28 am}
@The Comeback Girl, lol @ Dupont Circle. I almost got a place there, and errybody and they mama was like “you know that’s where the gays live”. I love Dupont though.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:30 am}
@overit, “I love Dupont though.”
i do too…I usually take ALOT of my first dates here..just as a bit of a social experiment.LOL..
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:33 am}
@The Comeback Girl, exactly! LOL.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:10 am}
@The Comeback Girl,
That is absolutely ingenious.
I don’t have a gay husband/boyfriend. I have a gay nephew (he’s 22) that keeps me in the know w/what the gays and the young folk are up to.
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 3:13 am}
@PBG, “I don’t have a gay husband/boyfriend. I have a gay nephew (he’s 22) that keeps me in the know w/what the gays and the young folk are up to.”
we need to start “rent a gay husband” our first customer: 8th wonder.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:04 am}
Yes, I am in dire need!
Gay me forward!
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 11:06 am}
@The Comeback Girl,
Can I be number 2? But I want mine for fashion purposes.
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am}
@VOR..i dunno if we can a la carte the gay husbands.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am}
@The Comeback Girl,
I was so sad when my gay boyfriend moved to Germany and got married…
luckily, he still consults on my shoe and accessory game
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 11:44 am}
@BMo
“I was so sad when my gay boyfriend moved to Germany and got married”
which is why you must find a GAY HUSBAND. Gay boyfriends are fairweather. They come and they go, in one season out another. GAY husbands are with you to the day you take your last “lip glass” breath.
holla..
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 1:19 pm}
@The Comeback Girl, is a finding a new gay husband cheating on my real husband?
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:46 pm}
“The Comeback Girl, is a finding a new gay husband cheating on my real husband?
”
not at all your Gay Husband is JUST LIKE you ONLY anatomically male (sometimes) and GAY..he can never replace your actual matrimonial husband.
you gay husband is soft and pink, has a wicked shoe game, loves all the chick flicks and cries at the appropriate parts, never tries to mack you down -when you just wanna talk, and just warm and cuddly…like you.
***writes down “my gay husband” companion barbie doll idea …to pitch to mattel one day soon***
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 2:59 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
*whew*
I’ma head over to Bump after work for a cocktail and start screening applicants.
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
after reading this comment thread, its no mystery why more guys don’t post on vsb, lol. gosh and sh*t
IVR {November 18th, 2008 at 3:50 pm}
@The Champ
“after reading this comment thread, its no mystery why more guys don’t post on vsb, lol. gosh and sh*t”
I think this came up with the question. . . which posts sway toward the women folk a few posts back. . .
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 3:07 am}
@The Comeback Girl, yeah in the south a grown man in the choir is code for g.a.y….LOL especially if he is the musical/chior director….
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:12 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
My girls’ and my code word for a suspect DL brotha is “Oh, he looks like a tambourine player…”
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 3:15 am}
@PBG, lol …
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 3:17 am}
@PBG, LOL aint that from madea? LMAO she aint lying though.. a grown man playing the maracas, tambourine, or triangle gets a mean side eye…
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:22 am}
@Shay-d-lady,
Damn sure is! LOL! We’ve been saying it so long I’d forgotten where we got it from LOL!
It’s late and a Monday night. I feel like we all should be sitting around drinking sangria having this discussion.
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 3:26 am}
@Shay-d-lady, NOT the triangle.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:29 am}
@overit,
You know some lil’ zestfully tangy boy is somewhere tapping a triangle right now.
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 11:12 am}
@PBG,
LOL! When I was in college if a guy was “rocking the cuff” he was considered gay because most of the gay men who attended my school cuffed their pant legs.
Shelia {November 18th, 2008 at 9:12 am}
@Shay-d-lady, “LOL especially if he is the musical/chior director….”
LOL – now you know you’re right. I love a man who can sing though but when he can hit a high note higher than me, something ain’t right.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 2:59 pm}
@Shay-d-lady,
is that just down South?
Reply
“Fellas…just remember you got 30 seconds to convince this woman that you are worth talking too, AND that you aren’t some DL brotha. I’d tell you how to do it but I have no idea because nowadays, everybody’s a suspect.”
Did I miss a memo or something? Granted, we are feeling a dude out early, but I usually am not worried about his sexual orientation. Another thing to add to the list? Is it really that serious? I don’t know, I thought my Holiday Heart radar was on point…
I also definitely give a guy more than 30 seconds. I’m with PBG, in an hour I definitely know If I want to continue talking, and 30 minutes I’m pretty sure.
Something V.E.G said did have me a little scurred though:
“*Sadly, there are some dudes who are so deep in the down low that we will never, never, never know that they like sausages.”
Eeek.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:33 am}
@overit, ““*Sadly, there are some dudes who are so deep in the down low that we will never, never, never know that they like sausages.””
i don’t know bout this!! yall some praying women. God/Allah/Buddah/Source DOES reveal all. You just gotta want to KNOW. Some women don’t want to know as VEG discussed up top.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:40 am}
@The Comeback Girl, see, I’m really not worried about this at all. I really believe what you said, “God/Allah/Buddah/Source DOES reveal all” as truth. I also WANT to know, that has been my problem, I WANT to know everything. I stay vigilant waiting for bullsh*t to pop off lol.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 2:53 am}
@The Comeback Girl,
I think that, yes, you need to want to know. Cuz most people show you who they are in some way.
But I think there is that 1% “DL” brothers (co-sign with Shay-d on this being a tired, sensationalist way to ignore ‘real’ issues) who are sooo deep you gotta either do some sleuthing to pull him out the closet or somebody – i.e. a former lover – has to out him. And have photographic or DNA evidence.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:56 am}
“But I think there is that 1% “DL” brothers (co-sign with Shay-d on this being a tired, sensationalist way to ignore ‘real’ issues) ”
Jesus be a petri dish…cause VEG I believe I would get that nagging feeling. My 3rd eye is too attuned for DL foolywang.
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:57 am}
“But I think there is that 1% “DL” brothers (co-sign with Shay-d on this being a tired, sensationalist way to ignore ‘real’ issues) who are sooo deep you gotta either do some sleuthing to pull him out the closet or somebody – i.e. a former lover – has to out him. And have photographic or DNA evidence.”
OH GLITTERY BEDAZZLED JESUS, I REBUKE THIS MESSAGE!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:06 pm}
@8th Wonder,
I’mo need you not to glitter AND bedazzle Jesus. What kinda House of DamnYouWrong Christ is you praying to??
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:46 pm}
@Luvvie,
If pigeons can ride the train and black squirrels and deer can be in gangs, then surely Jesus can be Glittery. In a world like that, He probably should be.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm}
Shoot, MY Jesus gets his shine on. Ain’t no dull Jesus up in this dancery.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:34 am}
Now, I know I told you Holiday Heart references were not allowed.
You ain’t slick.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:36 am}
@8th Wonder, LMAO, I had to. He just tickles me so.
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 2:40 am}
@8th Wonder,
Aif Wondra, what you know about some “Holiday Heart”, that movie is comedy and aint supposed to be…. lawd!
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:49 am}
I know certain movies….just don’t need to be made.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 3:02 am}
@8th Wonder, Don’t make me share some HH quotables, there were like 100.
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 3:02 am}
@8th Wonder,
You know…my momma loves that movie…LOVES.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:32 am}
@V.E.G.,
H3ll, I love that movie! I always crack up @ the scene when Holiday called himself so casually doing Nicki’s hair.
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 11:42 am}
@PBG, lmao! Me too, and he has his head cocked to the side.
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 3:09 am}
@8th Wonder, LOL I Loves me some Holliday Heart.. in that funeral sanging “baby love” in that deep a$$ voice…LMAO
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 9:44 am}
@8th Wonder, *dying* at the holiday heart references!!!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:10 am}
@8th Wonder,
Holiday Heart is that BIZNESS!! I always give Ving Rhames the side-eye now in his tough roles b/c I always picture Holiday and his MEAN Aunt Jemima scarf game.
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm}
@Luvvie,
Why me and my mama in love with some Ving Rhames, so we try to block out Holiday Heart bc it just messes up the fantasy….
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pm}
@Relax, Relate, Alise, I have tried, and Holiday Heart has seared his perfectly coiffed, scarf wearing, chest clutching self into my brain. He won’t go away.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:55 pm}
@8th Wonder,
i have never seen this movie! i’m going to have to now.
Reply
This is news to me. I don’t immediately suspect that a man is gay. I can pretty much tell from your mannerisms, your speech, your stride, and your appearance whether I need to ask you to change my tire or help me pick out a mean winter boot.
Because I can tell (And because I’d never entertain a man that didn’t exude manliness anyway, cause I find that sooooo sexy), I never worry about such things. Is that wrong?
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:42 am}
@8th Wonder, “Because I can tell (And because I’d never entertain a man that didn’t exude manliness anyway, cause I find that sooooo sexy), I never worry about such things.
Is that wrong?”
yes… he is called the uber thug bi-sexual lol..NTTIAWWT
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:44 am}
I mean, I’m not even talking about a thug. Just a man with dirt under his fingernails, that walks around with a beer in one hand grunting and watching the game and eating everything like its his last meal, and looking at me crazy when I rant, much like I am now, etc.
Still no, CBG?
Sigh, I’ll take my wet blanket in a nice shade of blue, please.
Is there any way it can smell of warm vanilla?
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:48 am}
“I mean, I’m not even talking about a thug. Just a man with dirt under his fingernails, that walks around with a beer in one hand grunting and watching the game and eating everything like its his last meal, and looking at me crazy when I rant, much like I am now, etc.”
ummmm no !!!!
im just tryna be a beacon of light at the high heel halloween drag race extravaganza. Every woman in the DC metro urrea NEEDS an honest gay husband to sort these situations out.
Me personally I am in a bit of a tickle lol…since i love artsy fartsy men…and we know the arts LOVE them some “Ms. Tony said how you wanna carry it”.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:52 am}
“I am in a bit of a tickle ”
i mean a pickle LOL..bed time..
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:54 am}
@The Comeback Girl, I used to work with a gay dude, he was a trip. He definitely sized up anyone I talked about in 30 seconds, he would scrunch up his face and say “he sounds like a WRECK girl, let him go”. I stayed calling people wrecks for months afterwards. CBG, did you go to the high heel halloween drag extravaganza? That was so out of control lol.
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:58 am}
@overit, “CBG, did you go to the high heel halloween drag extravaganza? That was so out of control lol.
”
i missed it this year
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 4:05 am}
@The Comeback Girl, I didn’t go, I just saw it on the news lol. Too much for me to handle.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 2:55 am}
I do need a gay husband. I’ve been looking for one for a while, but unfortunately all the gays I know don’t “know” they’re gay…if they did, they would’nt still be dating women.
*blink*
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 3:02 am}
@8th Wonder,
You must look harder, 8th. Every girl needs a gay husband. Your lifespace is incomplete without one.
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 3:15 am}
@V.E.G., I must co sign.. my gay male friend moved to be with his people in atlanta.. We grew up together..met him at C.L.U.E fieldtrip in like 5th grade….He is a messthough, honey he gets people right together.. hes the one that told me “chile dont let the kids looking anythang OTHER than yo best”.. LOL h.ll he got my shoe game right, my makeup and hair game straight and told me of the wonderous reverse cow girl position…LMAO
He also could whoop a$$ and taught me how to carry a razor in my hair and the nside of my cheek a
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 3:30 am}
@8th Wonder, that’s right. Find you a Holiday Heart!
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:10 am}
LOL that’s enough outta you.
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:13 am}
@8th Wonder,
YESSSS 8th wondra!! You MUST add a Gay Hubby to your posse. They can be pretty awesome. Me and VEG are natural hags so we tend to have them flock to us. Maybe its our fierce shoe game.
And 8th, you’s fabulous, so I know the gays love you!
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:31 am}
Awww, thanks Pooks!
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 11:06 am}
@The Comeback Girl,
But the fatsy artsy ones that are gay are usually liberal enough to be gay UPFRONT. They don’t need to hide.
It’s the ones in normal/regular life that have a harder time.
Am I the only one who heard that Kanye’s “Love Lockdown” is supposedly his coming out song? (And I luuuuv this song). Well, he didn’t help matters by debut-ing it on Ellen either.
(That will hurt my soul though. *sigh*)
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am}
@MsSula@Work, “Am I the only one who heard that Kanye’s “Love Lockdown” is supposedly his coming out song? (And I luuuuv this song). Well, he didn’t help matters by debut-ing it on Ellen either.”
not Ellen…and this is why i am extremely sensitive about some men i date…cause if you can speak TOO much on prefab housing design, the last foreign film you saw, James Baldwin, convection ovens and G. Garvin…imma have to love you…but imma also have to meditate on your orientation lol.
…and again run you up on the gay hubby tribunal.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
G. Garvin
is G. Garvin Gay?
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:21 pm}
@ pgh muse
no but if my man is all up in his cook books and cooking shows…i dunno…i may have to wonder????
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 1:44 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
true true. that may be a thing to make a sista go hmmmmmm…
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 5:32 pm}
@The Comeback Girl and pgh muse,
So now a brother who;s passionate about cooking is gay too?!
When will it end?
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am}
@MsSula@Work,
“Am I the only one who heard that Kanye’s “Love Lockdown” is supposedly his coming out song? (And I luuuuv this song). ”
I’m laughing so hard right now…I hadn’t hear this rumor though….lol
I hope this is the reason he sounds tone deaf on that ish.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am}
@MsSula@Work,
“Am I the only one who heard that Kanye’s “Love Lockdown” is supposedly his coming out song? (And I luuuuv this song). Well, he didn’t help matters by debut-ing it on Ellen either.”
well, well…. things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm
now i’m gonna be dissecting the lyrics and seeing if they’re applicable.
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
You know what? The lyrics are somewhat incriminating (or maybe this a case of if you look hard enough, you’ll see things)
The debut on Ellen was a bit hmmm, interesting too.
Anyways, samples of lyrics that can make you go…. mmmkay.
Sample 1 of possibly incriminating stuff
I’m not lovin you
‘Way I wanted to
See I wanna move
But can’t escape from you
So I keep it low
Keep a secret code
So everybody else don’t have to know
Another one
I can’t keep my cool
So I keep it true
I got something to lose
So I gotta move
I can’t keep myself
And still keep you too
But then again, I so feel what he’s talking about because it pertains (almost word for word) to my last *situation*. And it was a fully heterosexual one…. (in case you wondered…
)
I still love the song though.
*le heavy sigh*
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 12:36 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
I cain’t STAND that song…. It would really make me sad if Kanye weren’t hetero cause I just think he is… I also kinda think Neyo is too…. (i could be wrong lol) but that song makes my skin crawl. really.
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm}
@Ms. Sula..did Yey write this song?
its all in interpretation what if he;s talking about somebody in the industry and not “the family”…
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:43 pm}
Kanye very well could’ve been talking about the industry itself.
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:57 pm}
@ PBG…oh SNAP ..thats deep rhat der…
“Kanye very well could’ve been talking about the industry itself.”
***hip-hop interpretation 201***
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:50 am}
@The Comeback Girl, these long arse acronyms are too much! At the risk of sounding like a douche, What is NTTIAWWT?
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:53 am}
not that there is anyting wrong with that
NTTIAWWT…
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 2:55 am}
@The Comeback Girl, gotcha!
*palin wink*
I just have to share.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3CYmdco5-M
2:59 is particularly unacceptable.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 3:50 am}
@overit,
I got a lil teary eyed.
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:55 am}
@V.E.G.,
I did too. Wowsers. I do love that movie.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 4:04 am}
@PBG and V.E.G, lol. Holiday Heart was amazing! He did right by that little girl and he loved Jesus.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 11:15 am}
LMAO at this summary/review. Please submit this to imdb.com.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:24 pm}
@overit,
That’s the best movie review ever.
Shay-d-lady {November 18th, 2008 at 4:10 am}
@overit, my two favorite quotes from this clip
I have always had a switch in my walk and music in my talk….
I dont want sympathy and I aint offering any
But is it just me or does Holiday and Alfre share a slight resemblance…it might be that forehead…
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am}
@Shay-d-lady, that first quote is the best, I think Jen quoted it upthread all nonchalantly (go Jen!). I think the funniest quote is: “Oh no baby. I’m from the old school. I marched with King – I ain’t about to start marching with the queens.” SMDH.
Alfre Woodard is…interesting. She plays a MEAN crackhead, I’ll tell you that. She just moved so much in that movie, do crackheads move that much? She would be standing still just jerking aroung and twitching. It just made me uncomfortable.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:08 pm}
@overit,
Crackheads are an interesting people to watch. Thats why I loved “The Corner” so much!
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 2:33 pm}
@Luvvie “Crackheads are an interesting people to watch”
And this is why Frankie on Keyshia Cole’s show CRACKS ME UP!
“Spell O-N Backwards”
“Ima say what I feel if you don’t like it go in there and wash the dishes”
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:27 pm}
@overit,
Alfre did do a serious crackhead portrayal in HH.
But everybody knows that Khandi Alexander (Fran from “The Corner”) plays the best crackhead around. Every time I see her on CSI: Miami, I think “Why are they letting that crackhead chick work on the dead bodies???
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:14 pm}
@PBG,
But everybody knows that Khandi Alexander (Fran from “The Corner”) plays the best crackhead around
i’m sorry, but nobody beats andre royo (bubbles from “the wire”). f*ck an emmy, that n*gga should have won a nobel prize for that role
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm}
@The Champ,
Yeah, and I actually loved Bubbles. That crackhead had some very endearing qualities.
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:14 am}
I keep waiting for yall to say that you’re joking about loving Holiday Heart……looks like Ill be waiting on that until McCain becomes POTUS.
smh
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 11:48 am}
@V Renee,
Why? That was some good acting. I really believed Ving Rhames was a tr-annie.
Reply
Tell the truth…
you’re giving off gay vibes aren’t you? This is your way of admitting it?… LMAOOOOO
I’m just clownin. But what happens when you really do live in a place that highly gay populated?..like say ATL?…I mean you can’t help but have your senses heightened….LMAO
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:15 pm}
@Miss Mahogany,
just use common sense and pay attention.
really, this goes for all relationships.
Reply
I dunno about you guys, but down here the closets are manufactured a whole lot more spacious, with air-conditioning, and all the amenities one might need to remain in it for let’s say..oh, a lifetime. So one would assume that our women would be a lot more paranoid over these how do u say it..”D.L brothas”…well i guess seeing that our rate of unemployment and overall poverty is of Michael Jackson insanity, the need to eat outweighs the need of a partner who’ll frequently try to blind with his overly-eager one-eyed python rather then one who’ll stress over your handbag clashing with the colour of your belt.
Is it me or does it seem more “socially-acceptable”/easier for a woman to terminate their membership from the Carpet-Lickers Asc. and reclaim straightdom, then it is for a male to terminate his membership from The-broken-wrist Society.
So to all women still in search…i pray for you
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 10:09 am}
@sisanda – “I dunno about you guys, but down here the closets are manufactured a whole lot more spacious, with air-conditioning, and all the amenities one might need to remain in it for let’s say..oh, a lifetime”
Now this right here is some funny sh*t.
Reply
YGB {November 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am}
@sisanda,
I’ve been a lurker here for a while. Just wanted to ask – are you from South Africa?
Reply
sisanda {November 19th, 2008 at 1:49 am}
@YGB,
Ye I’m from The Mighty S.A where grimy and slick wordplay is the order of the day. And it’s all good that you decided to come out YGB, brave step
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:15 am}
@sisanda,
“I dunno about you guys, but down here the closets are manufactured a whole lot more spacious, with air-conditioning, and all the amenities one might need to remain in it for let’s say..oh, a lifetime”
This made me chuckle. Then it made me sad
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 11:20 am}
@sisanda,
Yeah I think it easier for a woman to migrate from the Isle of Lesbos than it is for a man to leave Sparta.
Mainly because women are more accepting than men. So your support system for returning to straight life is better than for a man. Plus men are like “oh you were a lesbian, cool”. Mainly because they don’t care and on a more immature note they think they might be able to get you with another girl.
For a man. I’m going to tell you straight up. I’m not kicking with a former fudge-packer. Because I don’t want to be associated with that in anyway. So now you don’t have a support system to get back into straightland and women ain’t gone date you because now they have to worry about you being taken by a girl and a guy.
“Wood has Spoken”
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:24 am}
@Wood,
“Yeah I think it easier for a woman to migrate from the Isle of Lesbos than it is for a man to leave Sparta.”
Hilarious. But true.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}
@Wood,
You’re definitely right. A lot of 2520 women travel thru the Isle of Lesbos during their college days but it seems as soon as they graduate, them fools be straight-laced again.
Maybe there oughta be a 4th sexuality called “College”
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 12:44 pm}
@Luvvie,
LOL. I love it. That would be great for them.
Reply
alright, so i napped on it and i can honestly say, that the man doesnt need to prove his “all about the ladies”-ness to me within the first 30 seconds….but ive seen enough to know that there is a distinct possibility that a man may like to play hide the banana(s) in his spare time!
now, granted i mostly see 2520’s with this affliction, but imagine being married to a man for 15-20 years and one day discovering that he’s been telling you he’s working late, but really he’s been going to the local park at night lookin for dudes to give the business to. (man, i hate that phrase and song!) i mean, thats the kinda thing to make a woman lose her sh!t….ive seen that.
like i said, thats mostly with 2520’s but in reality…black folks just generally dont go to therapy like their white counterparts. so thats to be expected…
so, i guess, my assumption is never that dudes are homosekshul until proven otherwise. however, i am a realist and there is a possibility he like-a de wang.
Reply
malaika {November 18th, 2008 at 6:49 am}
@shatani,
Hell this is probably my worst nightmare, you know how stupid you feel when he’s been playing around with a woman? Now how about ..
Honey I just dipped it in his behind…..
I would take you on holiday……… to the Kenyan border with Somalia and just mention that you’re a billionaire. I guess that’ll be the last I hear of you…
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 11:10 am}
to the Kenyan border with Somalia and just mention that you’re a billionaire. I guess that’ll be the last I hear of you…
I don’t know how I feel about this statement…
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 11:54 am}
@MsSula@Work, LMAO me too! Somalia is a hot mess but damn. This is something my dad would say though..lol
Reply
Well I can see how that book might make it hard for straight guys but not thaaaaaaaaaaaat hard lol give me fifteen minutes and I can suss out the gayness almost immediately though I can cosign on VEG’s idea that there are some so deep in the DL that we will never find out. That is more common in African countries. I think with the exception of South Africa gayness is actually illegal in most countries which brings the phenomenon of DL to a whole new level. Seeing as how most countries are extremely religious ( Kenya is said to be 88% Christian with the rest being Muslims or hindus) all of which do not recognise gayness it kinda takes the DL to a whole new level. The religious people can just barely talk about it, condemn it despite the facts there are a whole lot of gays coming out. Not in the public arena but in the malls and pubs and restaurants we all go to. I guess it’s a case of being ostriches. The problem is that a whole lot of them are respected officials, public servants and the ilk. Married of course our society frown more on an unmarried man past 40 I think. And even if their wives found out no one would believe them or even want to believe them. I guess after 20 years of marriage and finding out then, there’s not a whole lot you can do. I know I’ve gone tangent but I guess the main problem is that the girls who should be reading the book arent and the ones who shouldn’t are. He should have just released it here though on second thoughts he’d probably have been deported like Corsi.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:20 pm}
@malaika,
its amazing how different parts of the world have the simultaneously similar and dissimilar certain issues can be in different parts of the world
ok, i just re-read that comment and realized that it made absolutely no sense. its not my fault though. i havent been right since luvvie soiled my toast
Reply
malaika {November 19th, 2008 at 3:06 am}
@The Champ,
sorry bout the toast Champie, how bout you come on over n visit n I can bake you bread then do your toast?
Reply
Oluchi {November 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm}
@malaika,
exactly. i come from a country that doesn’t really recognize it either. hence my misconstrued comment below by sisanda (i think). it’s simply not in my thinking to associate black men and gay. hence, i don’t do that 30 second thing where i’m waiting to be convinced that a brother isn’t gay. it doesn’t even occur to me that he might be unless it’s flamboyantly out there or something major tips me off, like checking out dudes while talking to me.
Reply
Call me prejudiced but I never associate black and gay unless it’s in-your-face. I don’t know… I guess all the first gay people I knew were another race or because half of all my gay black friends seemed straight from the jump til they revealed otherwise.
The first thought running through my head when I meet a brother is, in no particular order
1. will he like me?
2. will i like him?
3. what is going to come out of his mouth that will either turn me off or keep him around?
I can’t speak for anybody else but I’m still with the school that likes men who are themselves and sincere. I don’t really judge them in anything else.
Reply
sisanda {November 18th, 2008 at 11:02 am}
@Oluchi,
“seemed straight from the jump ”
“going to come out of his mouth ”
“likes men who are themselves and sincere”
Look i don’t really judge eaither, but maybe the truth has been infront of ur eyes and you needed to read between the lines…it’s called perspective. Here let me illustrate an example:
“men aint sh!t” (sounds decisive doesn’t it)
“The men i choose to F**K with aint sh!t” (more likely)
Reply
Oluchi {November 18th, 2008 at 3:41 pm}
@sisanda,
what do you mean the truth has been in front of my eyes and i need to read between the lines?
i’m honestly confused. i’m talking about my perception of black men in general and how i judge them, not commenting out of some back experience where i discovered a brother was on the DL. I’m know people aren’t always what they seem. I’m just no sure I do the 30 second thing the blog talked about. Neither have I read or been affected by the DL book.
Reply
This whole DL thing is just crazy to me, you got dudes coming out at the basketball court after a game of ball. Damn near scary to have friends now a days. I could almost understand why women are trippin on it. None the less, all men are not gay. I would think the greater majority of us aren’t, so stop coming at us sideways.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 11:53 am}
@J. McFly,
Why scary? Are you implying that gay people are scary? It’s not contagious you know. And I would think the dude had more to fear by coming out than anyone else.
But I do agree with you, all men are not gay and I don’t think that a woman should be worried about a guy being on the DL until she decides she’s giving up the goods.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:26 pm}
@J. McFly,
This whole DL thing is just crazy to me, you got dudes coming out at the basketball court after a game of ball
please tell me this was hyperbole? i can’t imagine the following scene occuring:
***the champ drinking a giant bottle of gatorade and rapping to his boy after a hard fought game at the park***
“good game, man”
***champ’s boy”***
“thanks. hey, lemme hit that”
***champ passes the bottle of gatorade to his boy. his boy shakes his head and remarks***
“nah, man. not the gatorade. i’m gay. when i said lemme hit that…i meant YOU”
Reply
Oluchi {November 18th, 2008 at 3:46 pm}
@The Champ,
LMAO. where do you come up with this stuff?
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:03 pm}
@Oluchi,
With a dome the size of Champ’s, his imagination is prolly a Widescreen, epic movie the length of “The Lord of the Rings” Trilogy. He can’t help it.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 4:09 pm}
*chortle*
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 4:04 pm}
I would definitely pay to see this happen in real life.
Reply
kamakula {November 18th, 2008 at 4:11 pm}
@The Champ,
Nah, it would be more like:
**the champ drinking a giant bottle of gatorade and rapping to his boy after a hard fought game at the park***
“good game, man”
***champ’s boy***
“Yo Champ, you need to stop slapping my ass when I make those 3-pointers”.
*** Champ ***
“oh, Am I making you uncomfortable?”
***champ’s boy”***
“No, actually I like it”
***Champ***
“Then what’s the problem?”
***champ’s boy***
“Champ, you better sit down…”
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 4:18 pm}
@kamakula,
i think i like my scenario better. if our scenarios were chicks, mine would be aisha tyler and yours would be steven tyler
Reply
You should read the book. My grandmother actually bought me a copy…lol It’s pretty dayum funny…yet scary at the same time.
No–you don’t have prove your not on the DL or the laundry list of items that you provided in the first 30 seconds of meeting.
You only have to prove that you’re not a tool, and you’re not crazy. The rest we can find out after you give us a call and we have that 1st awkward conversation.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:27 pm}
@miss t-lee,
lol, damn. does your grandma buy you condoms too?
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 3:32 pm}
@The Champ,
I think she’s out the game, but I can never be too sure.
Reply
That dang DL book threw so much salt in the game. I think so many sisters shoot themselves in the foot by trying to turn on their imaginary gaydar to filter out gay brothers. They need to turn on the “is he of good character” radar first, or the “will he beat my ass and rob me blind” radar. BUT first , before all that, they need to put on their “am I right with myself” radar. once that is straight, everything else will fall in place.
P- nevermind all that yang I was talking at the morehouse alumni party, hehehe I was truly just jking, even tho your homeboy was cosigning
u rock!
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 11:13 am}
@eysqueen,
In a nutshell. The gaydar thing just let women make excuses instead of working on what really matters: themselves!
Reply
sadly, i have to agree here…
i think that it’s actually a combination of the “on the down low” book (which i’ve never read) and all the e. lynne harris books too… harris made it so hard to trust a man! and so many tv shows and movies have male characters that are on the “DL” so women now have to ask themselves if screenwriters are in fact basing these characters on reality or more fiction. the mere fact that we can say “probably reality” is so frightening to us!
i mean, being left for a white woman is one thing but being left for a man is totally different and slaughters our psyches and demolishes all of our thoughts surrounding men… while reading harris’ books, the only thought that i had was, “dayum, i would hate to be that woman that thought her man was str8″
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 10:58 am}
I am trying to decide if I’d rather be left for a man or a white woman.
At least if he was gay, I could just say he was torn and conflicted. It doesn’t mean that he didn’t love ME.
If he left me for a white woman, I would have a time coping with the fact that I had been sleeping with a self-hating zip c00n.
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:08 am}
@Jen,
Ima go ahead and say leave me for the white woman!! I would be in jail if I was left for a man……seriously. Phuck that.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:11 am}
@V Renee,
Yeah…I’ma go white woman too.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 11:13 am}
Believe me, I know most Black women would rather be left for the white woman. I am a different type. A very different type.
Reply
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 11:27 am}
@Jen,
I’d choose the Nordic Ice Princess too, but am I the only Black woman out here who doesn’t care about the ethnicity of the paramour? I think I’d feel the same pain regardless of whether the woman was black, white, or whatever.
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am}
It is worth noting that I am uncontrollably Black.
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am}
@Jen, “It is worth noting that I am uncontrollably Black.”
DEAD…and oh so true lol! Go head Jen Garvey.
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}
@Jen,
*looks to the east*
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:30 pm}
@Jen,
“I am uncontrollably Black”
I need that on a shirt, like last week.
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 12:31 pm}
@Voiceofreason,
Nope you are not the only one. I could care less if you left me for a purple haired heiress of the kingdom of Klingon.
The.simple.fact.is.YOU LEFT ME!
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am}
@V Renee, yeah ummm….i gotta agree here…leaving me for a man would most def. devistate me more than leaving me for Becky..hell if a 2520 is what you want let me go help you find one….but another man?
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 11:15 am}
@Jen,
I totally understand what you mean, and wholeheartedly agree.
Society makes it hard for black men to come out. (i.e Proposition 8 in Cali, anybody?) so it’s “understandable” although not excusable.
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am}
@ladebelle,
I don’t think you can go by TV’s in books. I’m not stupid I know there is a DL epidemic out there, but I think it’s sensationalized.
You take a risk with anyone you give your heart to, but the media shouldn’t deter you.
These people are out to sell movies and books. They have to make it seem like more than what it is to make people buy it. It’s never as bad as it seems. But choose a mate a pray on it and everything should work out fine.
Reply
I don’t know about this one. I do think a dude has 30 seconds for his sales pitch to a bad one, but I don’t think proving a love for vajayjay only is one of those things. Perhaps it’s a geographic issue. All those other issues you mentioned could be hidden as well. If it gets to the point she gotta hire a PI, he’s done pretty well.
Reply
P, you stated “I work at a club where we have a night where they run rampant. ”
Do you think the men who attend these are noticeably g.a.y, or do they look like they may have a wife/gf at home that is none the wiser that they are look for some dang a lang??
I ask because, I don’t know about yall, but I’ve seen the specials where DL men visit these clubs on DL nights. The mofos do NOT look g.a.y and that sh*t is scary. Not to mention I accidentally on purpose clicked on some homo-thug pron on R U D E.com (why did you introduce this site to me Champ, WHY???) and those mofo’s looked straight, except for the fact they were playing hide the sausage with one another LMAO.
I say all of this to say, “G.A.Y until proven straight”.
Thank you and good night.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 11:11 am}
I cannot say that I feel men are gay until they are proven straight, but I do think that any man can be proven gay at any time. I wouldn’t be shocked-and-appalled that anybody came out of the closet. I do not believe that gaydar is infallible or that every man in The Family will have a switch to his step and music to his voice (thank you, Holiday Heart). I just hope that any man I date will be the type of bold, confidant brother that, if gay, would not be in the closet in the first place.
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 11:18 am}
@Jen,
Ok, you need to get out of my head today!
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 11:36 am}
@V Renee,
You gone be lonely with attitude. It will reveal itself in due time.
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:51 am}
@Wood
As long as I have me I will NEVER be lonely.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:21 pm}
@V Renee,
“As long as I have me I will NEVER be lonely.”
That is coincidentally the Champ’s Mantra. But substitute “me” for “my right hand”. HUZZAH!! Zing!! hehe
Reply
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm}
@Luvvie,
HAHAHAHA! Dang, can you at least wait until the man is present so he can defend himself if need be?
Or did I miss something and that really is his mantra?
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:31 pm}
@Voiceofreason,
you didnt miss anything. luvvie’s just mad that i replaced her in my wednesday lineup for my hand, thats all.
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:05 pm}
@The Champ,
“you didnt miss anything. luvvie’s just mad that i replaced her in my wednesday lineup for my hand, thats all.”
You replaced me??? Champ, you know aint no replacing me. I wake up and piss excellence, glitter, unicorn hair, eye of newt and phoenix feather.
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 4:10 pm}
@The Champ,
I wake up and piss excellence, glitter, unicorn hair, eye of newt and phoenix feather
i always wonder what substance it was that would come out when you’d squirt. i had a b*tch of a time getting it out of my sheets
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 4:58 pm}
^^^ beacuse of that mess up there, I am now Six Feet Under.
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:47 pm}
@Luvvie Oh Snap!
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:41 am}
@V Renee,
Ok, the GAY until proven straight is a bit much b/c men will have to STAY trying to prove to you that they are straight, and u’ll prolly think “why is he overcompensating”which will then make u think he Is gay. It’s a never-ending cycle of you playing D*ck Tracy (pun intended?? possibly).
Reply
I would make my usual long winded comment here….
but today is our thanksgiving potluck. Can’t even concentrate on this post. I got me some ginger-infused buffalo wings to fry. tee-hee.
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:22 am}
Off the break, I say your wings need more people.
Or maybe more drumsticks…I dunno yet.
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 11:33 am}
Guuurrrrl, you know I’m just playin’ – I’m making some ole gangsta wings!
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 am}
I know that’s right.
Plain-ass wings represent!
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:03 pm}
@8th Wonder, Regular ass wings presiding!
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 11:50 am}
@Lil’T,
i was all thinking in my head “hmmm i wonder what that tastes like… ” and then ya’ll go and bust my little bubble…. lol. regla ole wings is good too. but something about that ginger just SOUNDS good…
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm}
@pgh muse, Those buffalo ginger wings aren’t bad. They just taste like regular ol’ wings, that’s all. And I’d probably knock down a 3 year-old for some right now, cuz I’m starving.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:52 pm}
@PBG,
lol… not the 3 year old!! u poor thang. right now I’m eating triscuits and sardines (the mustard ones) (they ARE good Dang It!) for lunch with my door shut. Here **holding out plate**
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 4:01 pm}
@pgh muse,
My mother always says “A starvin’ man will eat sh*t with a toothpick”. That’s what I think about eating sardines, mustard or otherwise. And I just ain’t that hungry yet. Don’t think I ever will be.
Sooo…thanks, but I’ll pass! LOL!!
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:29 pm}
@pgh muse,
“A starvin’ man will eat sh*t with a toothpick”
lolololololol!!! I’m dying! That’s ok PBG. I tried. I also have some reese cups (the devil)… how ’bout one of those? I’ll share cuz i’m on a diet.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 5:35 pm}
@pgh muse,
You are gonna hate me by the time we finish this food thread, but ummm…I hate peanut-butter and am not a big fan of chocolate either.
Just give my a$$ some dry crackers and call it a day.
But not Triscuits, cuz they feel like cardboard in my mouth. Seriously, like I took a big bite out of a basket. Bleh.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 6:09 pm}
@PBG,
Dang… no reese cups?!?! Really?
I think you are the first person I’ve ever e-met or otherwise who doesn’t like reese cups. Oh well, I won’t hate u… but I’m sho not gonna try to feed you! Shoot… u sound worse than my son. Trying to feed him these days is like pulling teeth. Cursed Halloween. All he wants from sun up to sundown anymore is candy. this is him 1st thing in the morning “C’I (u know the contraction for can I?) some candy.”…
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 11:49 am}
@Lil’T,
ginger-infused buffalo wings to fry
after pop tarts 4 breakfast these really sound delicious. Mmmmmm meat!
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am}
@pgh muse,
after eating my plain arse oatmeal, that was sounding fantastic!!!
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 11:58 am}
@miss t-lee,
Girl, I KNOW!
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:05 pm}
@miss t-lee, Cream of Wheat is better!
Actually I like oatmeal too, with brown sugar and cranberries. I know it sounds 2520ish, but oh well. I love breakfast food, and I just had to share.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm}
@overit,
I love cream of wheat too. As well as malt-o-meal.
That’s what kept us full during winter when I was coming up…lol
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 12:19 pm}
@miss t-lee,
Cream of Wheat is the BOMB… i love it! I only eat it though when it’s on sale cause for some things i’m cheap and it’s like $4 a box… i just look at that little red box and then the $3 pail of oatmeal and get the oatmeal.
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:26 pm}
@pgh muse,
$4 for a box of Cream of Wheat?!?!?!? Shut up!!!! It’s never more than $3 down here…wow.
I go on oatmeal hiatus every now and again, because you do get tired of eating it…lmao
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 12:49 pm}
@pgh muse,
I’m starting to get hungry now. Am I the only person who crumbles up bacon and toast and puts it in my Cream of Wheat and/or Cocoa Wheat?
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:33 pm}
I’m starting to get hungry now. Am I the only person who crumbles up bacon and toast and puts it in my Cream of Wheat and/or Cocoa Wheat?
yes. well, my niece used to do that, at least until she turned 2.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 12:31 pm}
@miss t-lee,
I know. Isn’t that crazy! and that was at Sav-a-lot… i don’t know what was up with that…
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:36 pm}
@pgh muse, Them dang grain prices…lol
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm}
@overit,
that sounds GOOD to me. I am a breakfast food kinda girl myself. I eat so much oatmeal though that I get tired of it. I’m on oatmeal hiatus right now.
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:39 pm}
@pgh muse, it IS good, try it:) Yeah you can only do oatmeal so much, besides its breakfast, the possibilities are endless.
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 3:22 pm}
@overit,
Then my oatmeal is Connecticut 2520 then.
I eat it with some brown sugar, dried fruits (raisins, cranberries, apricots), some granola, and sprinkle the top with a spoonful of nuts (either pecans or walnuts or slivered almonds).
Hmmmm, delicious!
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 3:45 pm}
why you tryna cop my oatmeal steelo? LOL
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 12:55 pm}
@Lil’T, ginger infused chicken sounds good. Imma have to ask though if you used a dab of splenda in the marinade LOL..
Reply
Working at a Black HIV/AIDS organization where the Exec Director was a flaming Gay really opened my eyes to the culture of the un-hetero. I found out many things in the short time I was there.
1. I’m a natural hag. Me and VEG were loved by the gays there.
2. Some gay men actually are envious of women and want to be us. Some get mad when they realize they can’t be us.
3. According to the gays we hung with, there are soooo many DL guys around that it makes no sense. One of them (who happened to go to the same school as I) let me know how many of the basketball players were trying to freak him, and how many did. The machoest of the macho, who never acted like they knew him were calling him for incognegro dates. I just couldnt.
*Sigh* On that day, my eyes became fixed in a permanent state of side-eye.
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 11:26 am}
Sadness.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 11:30 am}
@Luvvie,
Funny. I actually wanted gaybash folk while working there because of that a$$hole. Thankfully I got myself right.
But, yeah: some of the dudes that neo-midget gay executive assistant messed with were macho at first glance. Like, the ball player.
But others were quite deserving of the side eye. Example…that well dressed chocolate brother who was his birthday date (the one who’s name we couldn’t remember!)? He was quite feminine.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:37 pm}
@Luvvie,
3. According to the gays we hung with, there are soooo many DL guys around that it makes no sense. One of them (who happened to go to the same school as I) let me know how many of the basketball players were trying to freak him, and how many did. The machoest of the macho, who never acted like they knew him were calling him for incognegro dates. I just couldnt.
you ever think that the gay guys were just liars? i mean, women accuse men of being liars all the time, but i guess once we start gerbeling then every thing we say is true
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:07 pm}
@The Champ,
I knew he wasnt lying b/c he was currently dating the captain of the school’s bball team. Reason I knew was, old dude used to text him all the time and he’d show it to us.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 5:53 pm}
@Luvvie,
Yeah. He was dating one dude on the basketball team. I didn’t see any other texts from any other dudes.
Dude WAS a liar…lied about where he lived, being ‘rich’…I think I am with Champ on this one.
No word out of that kid’s mouth was trust worthy.
Besides the basketball player was a known bisexual, even to his teammates.
Reply
Some ladies take that “instantly call a man gay” stuff too far. Women, if you can’t tell immediately, I say wait for a minimum of three outward signs of gayness before writing him off completely. Some dudes were raised around nothing but women, so they have a few mannerisms that appear sweeter than a Cinnabon topped with Skittles…but they’re not actually gay.
If dude slips up three times, well then..three strikes and you’re out of the closet. If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably has a beak and feathers. And enjoys penis.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:38 pm}
@ListenToLeon,
what are the “outward signs of gay-ness”?
Reply
ListenToLeon {November 18th, 2008 at 5:13 pm}
@The Champ, I’m referring to any action that propagates a gay stereotype.
Reply
I DO believe that there is a lot of DL behavior that goes on, and I can not be convinced of otherwise. I just get the feeling that some men just want to try any and everything chexually, ended up either poking a booty or getting their booty poked and liked it. SO my question is, are many of these people on the DL really g.a.y or were they really freaky and ended up g.a.y? Now Im not talking about the g.a.y since birth mofos, but the other ones.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}
@V Renee,
“I just get the feeling that some men just want to try any and everything chexually, ended up either poking a booty or getting their booty poked and liked it.”
LAWD, please stop the madness! I am @ work today, I cannot stay in a constant state of prayer. This was a disturbing sentence V. This gay by way of freak is scary @ me forreal.
*interfaith service*
Reply
(Slow applause…)
Bra-f*ckin-vo, PJ…
This sh!t has really gotta stop. I was talking to a female friend of mine about this very subject not too long ago. I was saying how this so-called “phenomenon” is just overblown propaganda. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure this happens and my heart goes out to any sista it’s happened to, but when did being black and male corner the market on being a closeted “happy” dude. I live in Atlanta and when I’ve had these conversations with women it always has the same rebuttal:
“It’s true, my sister’s best friend’s, brother’s baby-momma’s cousin twice removed had it happen to her…all this time she thought he was straight…shyyyyyyyyt, I ain’t taken no chances!”
I mean, I’m all for a woman being cautious (we live in a crazy world), but to make assumptions based off of 8 degrees of separation, overblown media exposure and subjective views of male (read: black) masculinity…yeah, sh!t gets tough in an already disarrayed dating pool. I think that it’s terrible if this happens, but the greater affects of this, is and has been an additional stump on potential black relationship between men and women.
Reply
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 12:13 pm}
@AkShone,
**Pimp Glitter**
And quit giving well groomed skinny guys the side (he look like got some kinda body karate) eye. smh
These half scientists is driving me crazy. (a little bit of knowledge is dangerous)
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:44 pm}
@WuDaMan,
Did you just pimp out the Glorious Glitter???
Nooooooooo!!!
*LMN wall slide*
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 1:19 pm}
I cannot HANDLE the wall-slide.
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:39 pm}
@8th Wonder, me either 8th, me either…smh
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:03 pm}
@WuDaMan,
**Pimp Glitter**
lmao!
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 4:23 pm}
@AkShone,
And that’s the word!
Reply
I have a question that’s kinda related. Would the fair ladies of VSB be open to dating a Bisexual man. A man that is open with the fact he likes other men. So once it’s out in the open you don’t have to be shocked if he does leave you for a man. I’m not talking about a sissy, but a normal looking cat that likes men.
And not some dude that openly cheats or DL cheats, but is opn to telling you that if we break up I’m going to get a dude.
(Disclaimer: I have not and never will go to Sparta.)
“Wood has Spoken”
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 11:53 am}
@Wood
No.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 11:57 am}
@Wood,
The answer to your question is a simple” NO. Just… No.”
*Drops the mic*
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 12:46 pm}
*appplause*
That girl GOOD!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:09 pm}
@8th Wonder,
Thanks ya gurl. “I believe the children are our future (thank you), treat em well and… let em lead the way…”
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 12:11 pm}
@Wood,
No. But i have wondered how many women are down for this. I had a girlfriend who was heavy in the church and her faith was so strong that she said she would marry a dude who was delivered from his homochexuality…
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:17 pm}
@pgh muse, said she would marry a dude who was delivered from his homochexuality…
ain’t no such a thing…i too am strong in my faith but i just can’t get with this. in my opinion, in cases such as these i don’t think you are “delivered” from homosexuality as much as you choose not to act on it or pray for the strength to overcome what you perceive as a sin, for religious reasons. you’re still gay but choosing to live another life according to what you believe and to me, that means i’m still with/married to a gay man.
in my heart i would feel that i could never be what a wife and partner is meant to be because there will always be a part of you that i just cannot reach. just be who you are. i don’t have a problem with homosexuality and i’m a christian but that’s a whole ‘nother topic…
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:22 pm}
@SouthernGirl,
“in my heart i would feel that i could never be what a wife and partner is meant to be because there will always be a part of you that i just cannot reach. just be who you are. i don’t have a problem with homosexuality and i’m a christian but that’s a whole ‘nother topic…”
Complete co-sign.
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 2:41 pm}
@SouthernGirl,
let the church say AMEN!!!
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:09 pm}
@SouthernGirl,
I agree completely. Be who you are… I have to imagine that kind of denial of oneself has to drive a person a little batty. Really. All repressed… It’s sad.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:16 pm}
@Wood,
No.
(this was said emphatically with a he*l preceding it.) I also said it at my desk in all the languages I know, including sign language.)
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:28 pm}
@overit, so much for my multi-tasking skills, one to many parenthesis:)
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 12:17 pm}
@Wood, “I have a question that’s kinda related. Would the fair ladies of VSB be open to dating a Bisexual man. A man that is open with the fact he likes other men. So once it’s out in the open you don’t have to be shocked if he does leave you for a man. I’m not talking about a sissy, but a normal looking cat that likes men. ”
hell nawl…bi-sexual men are GAY men who fancy women sometimes. that is all. I know women who are open regarding men being “sexual@y experimental”..but i personally draw the line at other men (and other women but thats another post for another day).
a few people have spoken on this above…the larger discussion is about homophobia in our community..where being on the DL is the only other obvious solution rather than telling the truth about who you are.
that is the saddest part of this all. People running around today not wishing to acknowledge their gay/lesbian kids. And so the DL is the fallout for folk (particularly our own people -tho DL is indeed a 2520 phenom as well).
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm}
Is homophobia REALLY that rampant as to where people have to hide in the closet? Sometimes I wonder if people just have a whole lot of bytchazzness in them.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 12:57 pm}
@V Renee, “Is homophobia REALLY that rampant as to where people have to hide in the closet?”
i think so..if you can’t name one gay person in your family WHO IS OUT and WELCOMED..you got some homophobia going on.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:11 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
that’s a good way to look at it.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:04 pm}
@V Renee, based on your “Gay until proven straight” statement, I find insurmountable irony in your question.
But to answer your question, yes…homophobia is REALLY that rampant. *sadness*
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 2:15 pm}
@PBG
“Gay until proven straight” does not equal homophobia. I do not fear or dislike gay men, I just don’t want to date or have chex with one.
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm}
@Wood,
Hell’s no! That’s just not my thing. And I might be wrong for saying this but bisexual to me is just gay with benefits. If a man is comfortable with saying he likes men and women I can respect it because he’s being honest and I always respect honesty. But I’m a straight woman and I want a straight man.
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:08 pm}
@Wood, oh H3LL NO!!! Just NO!
Reply
“Would the fair ladies of VSB be open to dating a Bisexual man?”
Hells nah.
We can’t be after the same thing…it’s not gonna work.
Reply
V.E.G. {November 18th, 2008 at 12:12 pm}
@miss t-lee,
Okay! Truth is, if you like the big black stick I can’t do nothing for you
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:15 pm}
@V.E.G., as I like to tell kats that don’t have a chance… “I can’t help you.”
Reply
BGOL! BGOL!
Now that I’ve said that…
Seriously, I’m not wasting my time trying to prove anything to anyone anymore. I know that this homophobia that has permeated the dating scene (thanks to that fruity author writing about the DL) has made most women paranoid, but it’s really insignificant BS.
The only thing I’m concerned with are women who have histories of dealing with DL dudes or jailbird buzzards.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:42 pm}
@CPt Callamity,
BGOL! BGOL!
this made me literally laugh out loud and sh*t
Reply
Unfortunately, i have seen empirical evidence that the “DL lifestyle” is more prevalent than the guys on here want to believe.
One of my overtime gigs is doing HIV/STD testing and counseling at the bath houses and gay clubs and pron theatres in Philly.
I have seen people that I know are married with children or have girlfriends up in these places having clandestine anonymous encounters to satisfy their appetites. Men whose wives and girlfriends I know personally. THEY DO NOT IDENTIFY AS GAY or BISEXUAL. Let me repeat that…. THEY DO NOT IDENTIFY… they don’t see themselves or their behavior in that light. Ask many of these men that question and prepare to get cussed out or worse.
You won’t see any tell tale signs from these guys. They have adapted to their situations so well that they will come off as the typical straight guy. Their ability to deny and compartmentalize is unbelieveable. I mean to the point that while I’m in the upstairs office of a bath house testing them, they are still trying to kick it to me, a WOMAN. I’m like, “dude… seriously?”
This is all a product of the fact that the need to deny their true selves in order to maintain their social status in society is so deep, its pathological. And it is direct a result of people not being more accepting and tolerant of differences. If they weren’t so vilified, they wouldn’t feel the need to hide under false marriages/relationships with women.
Personally, I didn’t suspect all men of being gay until proven straight, because that’s just nonsensical. However, I don’t put ANYTHING past ANYBODY. But in meeting people, someone who lies about something that deep is probably just a liar in general. They have to be to lead that kind of a double life. I just prayed for a spirit of discernment so that I could spot them early and next them quickly.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:22 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
“THEY DO NOT IDENTIFY AS GAY or BISEXUAL. Let me repeat that…. THEY DO NOT IDENTIFY… they don’t see themselves or their behavior in that light. ”
This was one of the things ol’ boy talked about in the DL book…so even if you ask, they ain’t gonna tell you…lol
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:28 pm}
@miss t-lee,
“This was one of the things ol’ boy talked about in the DL book…so even if you ask, they ain’t gonna tell you…lol”
It is not about them telling you. It is that fact that they dont see THEMSELVES as being gay or bisexual. When they say “no”, they actually believe it. Some of these guys cannot cope with their true sexuality, so they do believe they are straight men who just happens to like other men’s penises sometimes.
The human mind is a powerful tool, and one of its objectives is to shield its owner from excessive pain, thereby allowing people to cope with whatever is going on. This is why disassociation happens to some trauma victims. But I digress…
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 12:33 pm}
@miss t-lee,
Maybe you should ask more specific questions like “do you like dyck in your a-hole?” or “do you like to put your dyck in other men’s a-holes?”
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:38 pm}
@Deviant,
LOL!!!! You’re right, you’re like Ed Bradley…asking all the hard-hittin’ questions.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 1:03 pm}
Hard hitting question??
*winces for the a-hole*
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:22 pm}
@miss t-lee,
ur silly. this made me laugh.
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 12:24 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
If this comment was Jim jones, I’d put my beef aside with him/it, and *gasp* shake his hand. THAT is how awesome it was. To say I co-sign is to say Paris Hilton just “dabbles” in sluttery. Understatement.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:29 pm}
@Luvvie, Paris reminds me of a Praying Mantis.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 1:03 pm}
@overit,
That’s funny. She reminds me of a homely, cock-eyeded h0.
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 1:12 pm}
@Jen, you know what? I quit you.
A homely.cock-eyed.ho.
I can’t. I just can’t! lol.
Voiceofreason {November 18th, 2008 at 1:21 pm}
@Jen,
CTFU! My stomach hurts!
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
“One of my overtime gigs is doing HIV/STD testing and counseling at the bath houses and gay clubs and pron theatres in Philly.”
BBMo’, I bet you have some of the BEST stores ever!!!
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 2:34 pm}
@PBG,
you have NO idea
i have seen, heard and smelled things that (pause) should not be (pause) spoken of… at least till i finish processing them *dry heaves*
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm}
@blackberry molasses
“However, I don’t put ANYTHING past ANYBODY.”
Me either, which is why I give everyone the side eye. Im not saying Im opening up a case and doing an investigation to find proof that you are straight. It’s just that don’t put anything past anyone. People walk around with closets on their backs full of skeletons. Im just behind them, trying to see if a bone or two will fall out. My dog will then sniff the bone to determine whether its male or female (along with other things)
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:20 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
However, I don’t put ANYTHING past ANYBODY -
this is exactly where I am with it. I’m not out there accussing folks, but i have seen some evil in my life and straight men with wives/ families / live in Baby mamas lie like rugs. They lie without blinking their eyes so I have to imagine that DL men are even better liars than that… are these men sociopaths BB Mo’? Is that a clinical diagnosis of their behavior? It’s so disturbing that a human being can be this selfish and this afraid…
Reply
Some of the comments on this post have saddened me greatly. It just goes to show how easily swayed people are by propaganda.
The “DL” book and “Invisible Life” before it are not the issue. The “DL” is not a new fad. It’s a remnant of a time when speaking about any untraditional lifestyle was met with opposition and hatred. People have been “passing” for centuries.
I think the big picture here is the betrayal and there is really no prevention for that. Of course it’s scary to think that someone you trust would repeatedly put you in danger but all you can do is make sure that your candidate is well vetted before you put them in orifice.
***I was getting long winded so my original comment can be read here: http://insidethemindofadeviant.wordpress.com/2008/11/18/the-dl-no-hughleythe-dl-no-hughley/ ***
Reply
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 1:47 pm}
@Deviant,
I like the way you think Devs. Great mothuh fluggin post yignuh. It’ll make you think. MMMm MMM I’m brain storming already. (sorry got samual l jackson beer add playing in the back of my head).
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm}
@WuDaMan,
Thanks.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:24 pm}
@Deviant,
Of course it’s scary to think that someone you trust would repeatedly put you in danger but all you can do is make sure that your candidate is well vetted before you put them in orifice
PREACH!!!
Reply
With all due respect, I think this topic would have been relevant in 2005-2006 maybe… when dl was considered an “epidemic.” At the height of it all, it was almost like black women were on a McCarthy-era- communist-2008 election-who’s a socialist or muslim-pallin-around-with-terrorist-witch hunt. I can understand the scare at the time, but at this point, it’s just time to move on.
I say that b/c this day in age, with gaydom everywhere on mtv, regular tv, pop culture, etc, it is highly irresponsible, selfish, unhealthy, nasty, and all that ish for a man or woman not to fully disclose their sexuality.
In the words of the late Pimp C, if you like boys, then be with boys. Be you. But don’t go around contaminating the p*ssy population! Sh*t is repulsive.
With that said, I think it just comes down to trust. Do you trust the man you’re with not to lie, cheat, steal, or abuse you? Then you should trust he loves your vajayjay MORE than you do.
No need to read into everything, looking for all kinds of signs, b/c a real man, and a good man at that, has balance.
A real man will get his hands dirty, but knows how to clean up nice.
A real man can jump b/t conversations such as how Wayne using the vocoder totally f*cked up The Dedication 3, how Donovan McNabb couldn’t be that stupid to not know an NFL game can end in a tie, or how scary this bailout could get if expanded to consumer finance and auto companies… at the same time there’s nothing wrong with him noticing a pair of pumps his woman would look good in with or w/out clothes.
A real man can sit up on the couch and watch a chick flick with you… if it’s immediately followed by a double shot of fellatio. lol
I’m just saying… some dudes may give you reason to turn a side eye, but no need to look at every guy that way.
*Epiphany: In the course of this rant, I just realized the theme of today’s topic. It DOES have relevancy. Ladies: when you break down, scrutizine, and examine everything a black man does in order to determine whether he is gay or not… in a way, you’re subconsciously emasculating us… which is kinda, sort of an insult when we’ve only known you for 30 seconds. LOL
Okay… I need my coffee.
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 12:40 pm}
“A real man will get his hands dirty, but knows how to clean up nice.
A real man can jump b/t conversations such as how Wayne using the vocoder totally f*cked up The Dedication 3, how Donovan McNabb couldn’t be that stupid to not know an NFL game can end in a tie, or how scary this bailout could get if expanded to consumer finance and auto companies… at the same time there’s nothing wrong with him noticing a pair of pumps his woman would look good in with or w/out clothes.”
DAMMIT SC….
We ain’t gettin no younger, so we might as well do it.
Lets get married* and shyt.
*if not in real life, an e-wedding will do.
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 12:56 pm}
@8th Wonder,
Jagged Edge feat. Aif Wondra coming to the stage performing their smash hit “Lets Get Married (The E-Nuptials Remix)”
Alise: That girl is gooooooood….
PBG & Luvvie: Yeah, good and terrible.
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 1:05 pm}
@8th Wonder and SC,
Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join SC and 8th in internet matrimony.
If there are any of you that disapprove of this joining post now or forever hold you peace.
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm}
Wait, he hasn’t even accepted yet!
You all marrying the man off, and he doesn’t even know I proposed…
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 2:44 pm}
@8th Wonder,
he need to hurry up and get his behind to this e-altar!
I gots the Diva Dust ™ cannon waiting for the “i do.”
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 3:01 pm}
Yeah, I’m starting to get a lil sad, standing here with this near-wilted bouquet of flowers in my hand…
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:13 pm}
@Wood,
*sitting on Aif’s side in the front pew, waving Obama church fan w/big hat on*
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:11 pm}
im just here for the sheet cake..
***passes my plate***
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 2:55 pm}
Humming “Oh my Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord…mmHMMMM” a la “Glory
Whoo chile, they need to come on w/ this wedding already!! I’m waiting to do the Hustle and the electric slideat the reception.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 12:42 pm}
@SouthernCharm,
Yes.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 12:43 pm}
@SouthernCharm, “Ladies: when you break down, scrutizine, and examine everything a black man does in order to determine whether he is gay or not… in a way, you’re subconsciously emasculating us”
***sniffles***
im sorry..you want some pie?
lol
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:52 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
CBG, I’d like some pie (sweet potato) and as the eldest DC VSS, your contact info as well. We want you to come out w/us later on.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 12:58 pm}
@PBG, i’ll email you.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:45 pm}
@SouthernCharm,
This was good.
Double Kudos on the PimpC reference.
*walks off singing I’ma red hot undercover piiimp*
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 12:51 pm}
@SouthernCharm,
“A real man will get his hands dirty, but knows how to clean up nice.
A real man can jump b/t conversations such as how Wayne using the vocoder totally f*cked up The Dedication 3, how Donovan McNabb couldn’t be that stupid to not know an NFL game can end in a tie, or how scary this bailout could get if expanded to consumer finance and auto companies… at the same time there’s nothing wrong with him noticing a pair of pumps his woman would look good in with or w/out clothes.”
You know what.
(cue Alicia Keys “You Don’t Know My Name”)
Hello? Can I speak to — to Southern Charm?
Oh hey, how you doin?
Uh, I feel kinda silly doin’ this,
But um, this is the sista from VSB, on VSB.com, you know, the one whose overit?
Yeah, well I see you on Tuesdays all the time
You come in every Tuesday during a work break, I think
And you always speak the truth, with or without your coffee
And my manager be tripping and stuff
Talking bout I gotta work and shyt
But I always make sure to comment
Cause I think you’re kinda charming
Anyway you always got some real point to make
‘n your comments are shining all bright
So, whatchu do? Oh, word? Yeah, that’s interesting
Look man, I mean I don’t wanna waste your time but
I know girls don’t usually do this,
But I was wondering if maybe we could get together
Outside the blog one day
Cause I do look a lot different outside my work clothes
I’m just sayin, PREACH.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 12:53 pm}
@overit,
gone girl…break it down!!!
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 12:54 pm}
@overit, I’m gon’ shake the beans out of you when I see you! I’m supposed to be having a migraine attack @ home and you got me laughing like crazy in here!!
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 12:55 pm}
I just died.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:00 pm}
@overit, im having a heart attack…
***Jesus come take me now..oh wait let me get my heels. I can’t down in New Balances***
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 1:09 pm}
*chokes on brunch waffle*
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm}
@overit,
wow girl…. that was just… no words. classic. well done.
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 2:19 pm}
@overit,
HILARIOUS! Loves it!
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 2:58 pm}
@overit,
U aint invited to my funegro since you the one that KILLT me dead!! Someone call Austin & Royster’s. PBG, strt a prayer circle that my soul gets into them Pearly Gates of GLORY!!
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 1:12 pm}
check out the Charming One getting e-proposals and sh*t
but I gotta say this
“how Donovan McNabb couldn’t be that stupid to not know an NFL game can end in a tie”
pised me the H3LL off on Sunday. Syracuse U produced this? I am not impressed SU. I’mma need y’all to do better.
Reply
Wood {November 18th, 2008 at 1:22 pm}
@SouthernCharm,
I see I must be the object hate again. And as SC’s best friend I can do that. He ain’t this smart in real life.
Naw real talk you put that down bruh.
SouthernCharm blog coming soon…lol
Reply
AkShone {November 18th, 2008 at 2:03 pm}
@SouthernCharm,
…la verdad, hombre.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:46 pm}
@SouthernCharm,
i’m in staunch approval of this comment
Reply
Intellectual Hedonist {November 18th, 2008 at 4:07 pm}
calling Southern Charm over to have a seat, as coffee has been prepared to your liking, preparing to give a shoulder rub
Reply
temps {November 20th, 2008 at 12:54 am}
@SouthernCharm, you hit the nail on the…all I know the sex after watching The Devil Wears Prada was nuts I love womens shoes so shorty got it good that night….But I aint so to the left I am telling her the shoes look great with her belt. I told her whatevr you do to these shoes just leave em on…in the bed!!!!
Reply
With all this talk of the DL and undercover secksuality, I wonder how many women would be willing to strap up to keep their man at home and disease free if he expressed that’s the kind of thing he liked?
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 1:08 pm}
*blink*
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 1:21 pm}
@8th Wonder,
*facial tic*
Deviant, no! What is going on today? This is not okay, I (breaking down)…just want a MAN, who wants a WOMAN, who likes VAJAYJAY and enjoys pleasing WOMEN. I don’t want a SHE-MAN, a SHE-HE, or a IT-WHAT?
I just (hiccup) want (gulp) a MAN. Is that aight with you? I just need the madness to stop. I really do. I’ma leave the scenario game to A certain Tribe called Quest.
*sobbing*
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm}
@overit,
*throws a toasty fleece blankie around Overit’s shoulders and escorts her to the VSB Prayer Cubicle to write out her feelings in a glittery email to Baby Jesus*
Can somebody bring this chile some tea w/milk??
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pm}
@PBG,
*rubs overit on the back and places steaming hot tea with milk and a mckenzie’s broadway roll on the table next to the still being written glittery email to baby jesus*
let it all out girl. let it out…
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm}
@SouthernGirl and PBG,
*leans on Southern Girl’s shoulder*
Yall are the best e-family one could ask for!
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:25 pm}
@overit,
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 3:10 pm}
@SouthernGirl,
Gat dang! Did you say McKenzie? OOooooh I miss them doughnuts.
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 3:49 pm}
@WuDaMan, me too…*memories*
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 1:38 pm}
@PBG, thanks PBG…I don’t know what got into me.
Just thought of strapping up I…I think I see Baby Jesus…
*passes out*
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:52 pm}
@overit,
“or a IT-WHAT?”
oh my LORD TODAY…not a it-what?
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 2:31 pm}
@overit,
*e-hug* it will be alright… hush now…
*hums e-spiritual*
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 2:31 pm}
@overit,
Why not? Are you suggesting that there is only one type of heterosecksual?
So if a man says like women but likes a good rimming every now and then, that makes him gay? Even if he says he’s not secksually attracted to men?
Reply
V Renee {November 18th, 2008 at 2:46 pm}
@Deviant,
Heterosecksuals like doing freaking things with people of the opposite sex.
Homosecksuals like doing freaky things with people of the same sex.
As for what those freaky things are…well that’s between the 2 individuals.
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 2:47 pm}
@V Renee,
I concur.
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:47 pm}
@Deviant,
So if a man says like women but likes a good rimming every now and then, that makes him gay? Even if he says he’s not secksually attracted to men?
good question (and potential topic and sh*t)
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 2:56 pm}
“I (breaking down)…just want a MAN, who wants a WOMAN, who likes VAJAYJAY and enjoys pleasing WOMEN. ”
@overit,
That can’t be all you want or you’d have one by now. There are plenty of these going around. They may not be the brightest, most handsome, nigaraguans but they do exist.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 3:01 pm}
@overit,
It’s gon be alrite, Chile. let’s take a swig of Bailey’s for lowered expectations.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm}
@overit,
whooo… u funny girl.
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:25 pm}
@8th Wonder,
*blink, blink*
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:10 pm}
@Deviant,
I bet some of those “independent/aggressive” ladies would do it.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:34 pm}
@PBG,
This made me laugh! Ur silly!
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 1:16 pm}
@Deviant,
go somewhere and sat down……
Reply
overit {November 18th, 2008 at 1:24 pm}
@Relax, Relate, Alise, (sniffle) that’s basically what I wanted to say.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 2:31 pm}
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
You’re right. Back to the grown up table for me. Me thinks that some of you may not have evolved to a point where you are comfortable with questions about secksuality that differs from the norm (happy, straight, and forked).
Reply
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 3:20 pm}
@Deviant,
Come on over Devs these trickens need to learn to respect/tolerate/celebrate other cecksualities. I mean it ain’t like the guys be on the dl by theyselves. They have a female to cloak and dagger their activities. And what about the other foot? It’s got a shoe on where the woman has got on a steel toe timbo. And no she’s not just a tomboy… Hey since you up can you bring another cold beer over here and pass that mack n cheese.
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 3:53 pm}
@WuDaMan,
what u know bout the Cloak and Dagger…. do we need to have a meeting?
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 4:09 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
my Ma is a psychologist w/ like 30+ years in the game. Now you wouldn’t think that she would let me loose in the real world w/o a lil info.
not unless you can cloak me from your hubby while I dagger your goodies. Nope! No meeting necessary.
Oh yeah I’m slightly insulted that you would question my man meat’s love for woman’s meat.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 4:32 pm}
woah!
not what i meant at ALL!
come here, i’m going to tell you a secret that might get me kilt by some 2520 men in cloaks and strange signet rings…
*whispers* its also the name of one of the oldest secret societies in the Ivy League
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 4:38 pm}
and if i insulted you, i am deeply sorry. i offer a baked good of your choice as an apology
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 4:52 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
Sorry I missed the Dave n Buster’s event. mmmmm baked goods aye. I’ll have a turducken, no caflouti w/ apple brandy whipped cream n caramel. mmm mmmm my favorite apple desert. I think that there should be a State of Philadelphia event that we amoungst all the other Illadelphians should hit up.
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 5:33 pm}
@WuDaMan,
I said “a baked good” as in ONE. You askin for a whole meal!!! But I can see about your apple dessert…
I too believe that the Illadelph VSBers need to sidle up to some bar in fellowship…
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 4:46 pm}
@WuDaMan,
Actually those are MORE rampant than people are willing to talk about.
It’s just passed upon/ignored because men don’t mind it as much.
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 4:56 pm}
@MsSula@Work,
*screeeeeeaaaaching of the tires*
Real talk. I think that everybody fears pns. Men don’t want other pns in their women, n women don’t want pns in their man.
There is no room for x-tra pns. Unless you are a pron star or a fan of that type of pron…
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 5:13 pm}
@WuDaMan,
Interesting perspective and sh!t.
In other words, (other) p3n!s is the devil.
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 5:51 pm}
@MsSula@Work,
Faulk No. I own one myself and guess what when used propperly he is some kinda incredible. Now when husband penos is used anywhere outside of peeing and on in around the wifey… it’s a bad sityo. And that is their own wifey.
Oh wait you said other pnses I think that’s just what I’m saying.
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm}
@Deviant,
Trust, I do some things not considered the norm, but that is just not an option for Alise, not a condemnation for anyone else who chooses…. but still go sat down, lol
Reply
Relax, Relate, Alise {November 18th, 2008 at 3:32 pm}
@Deviant,
Oh, also, usually when it comes to sexuality it ain’t just about the act, so a woman doing that for a man who is bi/homosexual is still not the same thing… that would be like a man performing oral on his bisexual woman and and that quieting her urge for a woman,….
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 5:46 pm}
@Relax, Relate, Alise,
I wasn’t speaking of bi/homosexuals in particular. I just said keep him at home and disease free. There are heterosexual men who like a little a-game and may visit their proctologist more than usual.
And sexuality is not defined by the act but who you choose to act with. Doin’ it doggystyle doesn’t mean you’re into dogs.
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm}
@Deviant,
Ewwwwww.
That’s a big hellz nah.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:32 pm}
@Deviant,
Do you mean if he wanted to try something in his rear? Or do you mean he was saying that he like sausage in his rear? I think it’s a difference between some beads or something and a pen!s.
Reply
kamakula {November 18th, 2008 at 4:26 pm}
@pgh muse,
In general, if you’re strapping something on, it generally starts with a did and rhymes with waldo.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:46 pm}
@kamakula,
did and rhymes with waldo – heh heh heh…
I think this is prolly too extreme a form of backyard play for most straight men. at least I’ve never met one who would go for this (or anything close to it). If my SO suggested that he was interested in a (di)d wa(ldo) in his tushy, I think that I would look at him real crazy cause i would begin to question if I ever knew him at all…
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 5:56 pm}
@pgh muse,
that’s part of the point i’m trying to make. if a straight man was into it, you’d think he was gay. Because the act is associated with a certain preconceived notion of what it means to be gay.
When really he may just be into the sensation. Some women enjoy a-nal secks but if a man likes it he’s gay?
So I’m not surprised you don’t know any men who’d cop to it. It automatically but an “x” in that column.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 6:26 pm}
@Deviant,
But isn’t that for men to kinda make untaboo?? i’m sure if more men were willing to be vulnerable with their partners and say “hey boo, i’d like to try a little something in my bum tonite.” his woman would try with him… i mean as long as it isn’t too freaky. But it’s males who put the whole stigma on male anal manipulation in the first place. so ya’ll messed up urselves if you want some of that.
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 4:38 pm}
@Deviant,
Well, that’s not quite the same is it?
If he’s truly gay, he won’t be satisfied. The idea is to have s3x with another man, so a strapped-on woman won’t do.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:47 pm}
@MsSula@Work,
Right! Gay people are attracted to the same sex period… not just the organs (or the physical act) but the whole person.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 6:04 pm}
@MsSula@Work,
I understand homosexuality. By “that kind of thing” I as referring to the acts and not the attraction to the opposite sex. If a man wants a man, nothing about a woman is going to attract him.
Unless she’s manly looking.
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 6:12 pm}
@Deviant,
In that case, if the (di)l wal(do) works for them, then great!
Would I do it? I don’t know. I know I don’t like to say “never”.
Reply
ooh! Question: is it gay or DL-ish (as opposed to just plain ol’ b*tch*ssly) for a guy to ask his girl to leave a hotel where they are staying in a different city–on a conference–so that he can “hang with” his boy from the same city?
Relevant facts: 1) these are two grown a*s men.
2) the guy begged the girlfriend to come along
3) the guy was dead a*s serious about having her leave–to stay with a friend also at the conference–
4) these are two grown a*s men.
Subquestions: 1) why would she have to leave?
2) wtf?
Disclaimer: this is just a hypothetical situation…mmhmm. or, it happened to a “friend” of mine.
Reply
eff yo couch {November 18th, 2008 at 1:27 pm}
@charli skipper,
My only non gay answer to this quesiton is maybe they hired some strippers to come dance in old boy’s hotel room and he knew his girl wouldn’t approve so he made up a lie to rid of her.
of course something like this would never happen, so with that said them ninjas is gay (no that there’s anything wrong with that)
Reply
SouthernGirl {November 18th, 2008 at 1:29 pm}
@charli skipper, idk charli…i know guys like to chill without the women folk around sometimes but…the facts as given, this doesn’t sit well with me…
Reply
AkShone {November 18th, 2008 at 2:07 pm}
@charli skipper,
…um yeah, that duck is quacking.
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 2:27 pm}
and waddling while flapping its iridescent pink glittery wings
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 2:36 pm}
@charli skipper,
The fact that he begged her to come along and then asked her to leave suggest that maybe some facts have been ommited from the retelling of this story.
Maybe your “friend” wasn’t being 100% about all the details.
Reply
MsSula@Work {November 18th, 2008 at 4:49 pm}
@Deviant,
I concur.
This story is missing a few lines. Thanks much.
Reply
charli skipper {November 18th, 2008 at 5:16 pm}
@Deviant,
uh uh. that’s pretty much it. he begged…HER…to come, saying “I won’t know anyone there and we can have some time together and see the city” and blah, blah, blah. Then, when…they…get to the city, they have a coupla cool days and nights–no one knows they’re staying together–And on the final morning of the trip I, um….she…awakens to hear him talking to a friend about meeting for lunch while he’s town. But lunch turns into a night out. A night out turns into a night in. And …she…gets asked to leave, so the friend can stay the night and not have to drive all the way back home. The friend was cool as hell. But a big r.i.p. was put on that…relationship.
My gay friend was like, “uh uh. that’s gay.” my girlfriends just thought he was lame.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 6:32 pm}
@charli skipper,
There is a chance they met some other girls they wanted to train. Thats what your boys do for you when you show up from out of town, they put you on to local pu$$y.
Reply
Deviant {November 18th, 2008 at 6:33 pm}
@charli skipper,
They’re staying together but are they phucking? I mean what’s this relationship like?
It does sound mighty suspect but unless you say she heard “Mmm” and “Aah” a whole lot, there’s no way to tell for sure.
I will say that the dude in question seems like an a-hole either way.
Reply
I just came here to say, more than 90% of women are jacked up. From woman’s logic to woman’s Intuition, and now a woman’s gaydar. Most women operate off of their emotions (we know this is nothing new and you can’t help it, your emotional creatures and I love yall) instead of proof, facts, or just asking questions. I think that operating off of emotions is like a crap shoot, sometimes your right and most times your wrong. Basically what I’m trying to say is give a ninja a break . . .30 seconds? Come on people!!!!
Through our actions, you will find out if a man ain’t shyt, gay (not that there’s anything wrong witht that), or anything else that’s fcuked up that will send you running for the hills.
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 1:34 pm}
@eff yo couch, I agree w/your statements.
Anytime you go searching for some hokey-@$$ bullshyt, you will more than likely find it. Why? Because your mind is already gone there, so it’s simply a short jaunt for the rest of you to follow (incidentally, this is also my standard advice for folks who want to dig up evidence of a cheating mate). If you’re already suspecting a dude of being gay, for whatever reason, then EVERY thing he does is going to look zesty. Just let the ninja be. Not much can be hidden forever, just give it time.
Reply
eff yo couch {November 18th, 2008 at 1:44 pm}
@PBG,
thanks, you explained my point of view better then I did.
It’s like a man is guilty of whatever until proven otherwise. This is unfair on men but I understand where the ladies are coming from . . .and that place is call crazy land, lol. Okay enough bad jokes for the day
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 2:05 pm}
@PBG,
“…your mind is already gone there, so it’s simply a short jaunt for the rest of you to follow.”
Me and this sentence along with its prepositional phrase are gonna have some babies..
its SO true. I subscribe to as a man thinketh..but i guess i need to “thinketh all the way through”.
glitter for you PBG and Eff.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:43 pm}
@PBG,
I agree with this… totally. But I don’t agree with eff’s assertion that women shouldn’t listen to their intuition… i swear if I listened to my intuition more often in my life instead of “giving people the benefit of the doubt” i would have avoided some nasty situations. Why wait for someone to do something wrong to you?
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:52 pm}
@pgh muse,
“Why wait for someone to do something wrong to you?”
If you (not “you”, but the generalized “you”) have that much suspicion in your heart, then you need to leave that person alone. Period. It will make you feel better…trust me, I do it all the time.
But don’t be salty when he turns out to be a nice guy and you let him go because of loosely based prejudices and other societal fear tactics.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:09 pm}
@PBG,
you let him go because of loosely based prejudices and other societal fear tactics.
This is true PBG. That I agree with 100%. I really do. Nice is as nice does and I’m not saying that women should walk around in a state of paranoia. I’m saying that from the door if something doesn’t feel right, a lot ot time it isn’t right. i guess the hard part is being able to decipher which is god tryna tell you something and your own craziness getting in the way. An older lady told me (and it was true) that you DON’T have to have someone in your space at any price. (did that make sense?)
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 4:24 pm}
@pgh muse,
Another old lady told me “It don’t take all day to recognize sunshine…or bullshyt”.
That’s why I’ll just step if I have that much doubt. I know sometimes I lose being that way, but my sense of discernment is getting better so I come out on top more often than not.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm}
@PBG,
Another old lady told me “It don’t take all day to recognize sunshine…or bullshyt”
Right! i agree wholeheartedly. It don’t take all day. i’m just saying that sometimes we know what’s up from jump, but we don’t listen. Usually being “nice” instead of protecting ourselves.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:59 pm}
@PBG,
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 5:43 pm}
@pgh muse,
If you know what’s up from the jump, then just leave. I know I used to stick around far too long cuz I hate to be wrong. But now, I bounce cuz I know that mistakes are ok as long as you learn from them.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 6:23 pm}
@PBG,
But now, I bounce cuz I know that mistakes are ok as long as you learn from them.
Yes ma’am!! I agree with this all day long. I want some golden sprinkles and prayer to go with mine too.
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 3:37 pm}
@eff yo couch,
Sometimes people find out these too late though and should listen to their intuition.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:49 pm}
@eff yo couch,
I just came here to say, more than 90% of women are jacked up.
lol…damn. at least i say “87.5″ but you had to go with the full 90.
Reply
All I wanted to say is:
*This reminds me of the Boondocks episode, “The Story of Thugnificent, Part 2″- will the world ever be ready for a gay rapper?
*This also reminds me of the worst scene of Team America: World Police- Everyone has AIDS!!! AIDS! AIDS! AIDS! **
Homies over hopes, yall.
**Disclaimer: I do not claim to know anyone’s status, this is merely a joke. Get tested though, if you don’t know.
-Resident Virgin
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:51 pm}
@Beez,
thanks, beez
Reply
i’m new to this blog…just started reading last week.
anyway, i just have to say i was really surprised at this article. i mean, it may be true and my gay-dar is is VERY accurate but i never assume a guy is gay until i have tangible proof. i mean, a guy using a straw to sip his girlie cocktail? i may raise an eyebrow but i know A LOT of very STRAIGHT guys that buy women’s jeans too (and believe me, i’m not in agreement with that practice at all! i don’t want my man going in my closet and asking if he can borrow those hot hudson’s i got from nordstrom last weekend. not ok.) but call me crazy…i just like to think all people are straight until proven gay. i mean, i was even shocked by clay aiken’s coming out and my sister was like, “that’s not news, we all knew he was a faggot.”
so guys, i would say i can definitely perceive who you are in a 30-minute convo but i don’t base anything on that conversation. i’m willing to believe the best about you until you prove otherwise. i don’t think it’s healthy to have suspicions in the beginning…getting to know someone should be fun…you shouldn’t be looking for ways to eliminate them. i wouldn’t want a guy doing that to me…
anyway, that is coco here for ya.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 3:04 pm}
@coco,
Hey Coco!! Im part of the unofficial VSB Welcome committee. I shall give you a tour of both “corners”. To the left is the Prayer Circle Corner. The Head Usher in Charge is PBG, and we got a computer set up available to send that Sweet 5 lb 7 oz Brown Baby Jesus an email. To the right is the “other” corner. Apparently, I’m interim monitor until Goodeness returns. That’s where foolishness goes to roost.
All in all, welcome to our humble abode.
Reply
coco {November 19th, 2008 at 2:03 pm}
@Luvvie,
Thank you for the welcome…I’m finding myself more and more at home the more time I spend here.
Reply
AkShone {November 18th, 2008 at 3:09 pm}
@coco,
“i may raise an eyebrow but i know A LOT of very STRAIGHT guys that buy women’s jeans too”
…what???? Aw, hayo naw!
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 3:26 pm}
@AkShone,
That made me cringe as well.
Bet not roll up to me with women’s jeans on…we’re gonna have some problems.
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:52 pm}
@AkShone,
yeah. i’m gonna need her to expound a bit with that one
Reply
coco {November 19th, 2008 at 2:06 pm}
@The Champ,
Well you must understand, I have lived in Seattle for many years. The pacific northwest is predominantly white. So most of these men are while skinny males wearing these women’s pants…I’ve had friends try on jeans in the same stores I try on jeans…most wearing smaller sizes that I do which is just sickening! Anyway, I in no way shape or for condone this practice…but I tell you the truth, these guys are STRAIGHT through and through!
Reply
I’m baaaack….and still off topic.
Gangsta Wing was pronounced dead before half of the buffet line got past. Last words overheard were “Whatz up, homie!?!”, then the distinct firing of bleu cheese, and then – nothing. There is a small memorial of dingy tissues to mark the spot where the mighty Gangsta Wing fell. Wash your hands before you wipe the tears away.
singing – *I tip my pepsi in your memory. Take a drink and I….start to think and I….*
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 2:53 pm}
@Lil’T,
And I BET you didn’t put none off to the side in some Reynold’s wrap for me!!
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 3:06 pm}
What?!? You know I got a plate loaded up, wrapped in 2 sheets of foil and hiding on top of the vending machine. I aint new to the wing game!
Reply
I don’t know what happened but men are becoming as erratic and emotional as women are STEREOTYPED to be.
They are just acting like the mothers who raised them…Cus you know they didn’t have daddies…Cus you know Black kids don’t have daddies…
Reply
WuDaMan {November 18th, 2008 at 3:21 pm}
@Hostess,
smh…
learning by example needs a p.r. person.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 4:26 pm}
Moment. Of. Truth.
Reply
And since I’m so late – I’ma just comment on y’alls comments….
Southern Charm – your e-pimpin’ is FABULOUS. Ya hear me? You just got an e-proposal and an e-rap from 2 of the flyest sistas on vsb.com – you may very well be the Very Smartest Brotha Up in here.
Eff- yo, your horns are looking great today. And I’ll have you know that I only purchase round trip tickets to crazy-land. Although my return flight was delayed due to weather.
PBG – did I hear you say something about a get together, or was that just buffalo sauce in my eye?
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 3:37 pm}
@Lil’T, Yes, Lil’ T…the DC VSBers are gonna try and show Miss Gem of the Ocean a grand old time since she’s here for a brain-nerd conference. Send me your contact info so you can get in the loop. You need a FB profile, woman! LOL!
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm}
oh snap – you may have just uncovered my techno weakness. Last time I did a page it was for Black Planet in, like, 2004 or 5. *hangs head*
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 4:20 pm}
@Lil’T,
Well, it’s almost 2009. Get a FB so you can keep up with us, at least. You can’t be left out of our shenanigans and tomfoolery.
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 4:37 pm}
@PBG, ok, I actually just went and created a fb account (and found one of my good friends from h.s. – yay!) anywhoo…now what? I searched for PBG, but nothing.
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 4:56 pm}
@Lil’T,
You just gon’ make me holla out my gov’t joint on VSB, right??
search for cashawnt125@msn.com.
IVR {November 18th, 2008 at 4:26 pm}
@PBG,
DC Outing? When? (sorry, they made me do work today)
Reply
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 4:33 pm}
@IVR,
I’m very upset that you weren’t at the happy hour. What do you have to say for yo’self?
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 4:38 pm}
You have me crackin’ up over here. Because I can see your face in my mind and it is very. serious.
bwahahaha!
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 4:59 pm}
LOL!
I laugh cause you’re right.
IVR {November 18th, 2008 at 5:02 pm}
@8th Wonder,
“I’m very upset that you weren’t at the happy hour. What do you have to say for yo’self?”
umm. . .will a “my bad” work? I was at a fundraiser . . . kinda sorta. . . when’s the next one?!?!
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 5:10 pm}
@IVR, We’re trying to get out to dinner @ the Cheesecake Factory. I still need Overit to give me some more details, or else I’ll be sitting up there eating by myself, scamming on bartenders.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 5:49 pm}
“We’re trying to get out to dinner @ the Cheesecake Factory”
??? im so confused i got sumtin bout some columbia heights…confusion and A.D.D are not compatible…mama needs a power nap.
i’ll holla.
Just discovered your blog. Interesting & Amusing so far.
Reply
Liz {November 18th, 2008 at 3:41 pm}
@Danyelle, thanks for dropping by!
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:55 pm}
@Danyelle,
thanks and sh*t
Reply
@PBG,
I agree with this… totally. But I don’t agree with eff’s assertion that women shouldn’t listen to their intuition… i swear if I listened to my intuition more often in my life instead of “giving people the benefit of the doubt” i would have avoided some nasty situations. Why wait for someone to do something wrong to you?
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 3:58 pm}
@pgh muse,
theres a difference between listening to your gut, and pulling strings on the proverbial blazer.
ok, that made much more sense in my head
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:15 pm}
@The Champ,
Hey Champsters. I agree. But I also think people don’t pay enough attention to their gut either. You have to use good sense and be open to find out which is intuition and which is just fear talking.
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 3:59 pm}
@pgh muse, Girl, YES! That could be a post all by itself: If I Had Only Listened to My Intuition, I Could’ve Avoided…
-briefly dating a man who says the word “Fabulous!” with no irony and extra glitter. Still got the willies on that one…
-seriously dating a man who turned abusive. That bama had more flags on the play than the Bills/Browns game. A sista was out the door like my hair was on fire… as soon as I got my wind back.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:20 pm}
@Lil’T,
Girl I could write a dang BOOK. For real. But I’m thankful for the experiences cuz they made me the scrumptuliciousness that i am today
… j/k sort of 
Reply
Lil'T {November 18th, 2008 at 4:56 pm}
LOL! You know the vicous cycle…
You’ve been at home for too long. You wonder if it’s because your standards are higher than the average pole vaulter can manage…
So even though the next semi-attractive man you meet is making your gut do the twist, you tell yourself, “Self, you are so silly. Stop being so judgemental and just give the guy a chance.”
3 months later you are sorry. So sorry.
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 5:01 pm}
I.have.been.there. **sheds single tear for younger, stupider BBMo**
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 6:19 pm}
@Lil’T,
Right!!! I mentioned earlier up thread in a convo w/ PBG that an older lady told me (at a time that i DESPRATELY needed to hear it) that you do not have to accept somebody in your space at any price. This was such a valuable lesson for me cuz i was always tryna be nice and appease other people. I NEEDED to hear this. I had just had my first son… people will try to test u. It’s true. And there are people out there who pray on naieve (stupid) girls… it’s just a fact.
8th Wonder {November 18th, 2008 at 4:24 pm}
*sigh*
I’m FINALLY at a point in my life where I listen to my intuition. I used to ignore the HELL outta that joint.
Then have the nerve to be upset when things when exactly as I thought they would.
Reply
Jen {November 18th, 2008 at 4:29 pm}
@pgh muse, COSIGN!!!
God grants us *DISCERNMENT*.
I have deeply regretted every time I have chosen to ignore my intuition.
EVERY SINGLE TIME. Sometimes, to horrific results. I am not just referring to romantic relationships, either.
Do NOT give them the benefit of the doubt. It ain’t worth it.
Reply
The Comeback Girl {November 18th, 2008 at 4:39 pm}
@pgh muse, sometimes a random reach (rooted in fear) is masked as “intuition”. Errythang talkin to you ain’t of God. true introspection i suppose comes with knowing the difference.
Reply
pgh muse {November 18th, 2008 at 4:51 pm}
@The Comeback Girl,
Errythang talkin to you ain’t of God
this made me laugh. But i think you’re right too.
Reply
Ummm…new poster so please excuse my ignorance. What is a 2520????? Well I figured out the what but I guess what I’m asking is why.
Thank Ya VSB’ers
CJnPA
Reply
Liz {November 18th, 2008 at 4:08 pm}
@CJnPA, you and me both actually. Somehow I missed the memo.
Champ, where is our glossary, hmmmm???
Reply
PBG {November 18th, 2008 at 4:18 pm}
@Liz,
I heard it was due for publication on March 32nd, 2009.
I’m just sayin’…I heard that.
Reply
miss t-lee {November 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pm}
@PBG,
Yep that’s the date I said…March 32nd
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 4:19 pm}
@Liz,
Champ, where is our glossary, hmmmm???
ummm, miss “managing editor”, i thought you were gonna build it.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:13 pm}
@CJnPA,
2520s = White people
In the alphabet,
Y = 25th letter
T = 20th
YT = White
Thank you. That will cost you a bowl of rice.
Reply
@Luvvie
LOVE IT!!! Too too cleaver!!!
Many thanks and I’ll even throw some chicken and broccoli in with that rice.
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 4:29 pm}
@CJnPA,
first off, welcome to the party **sprinkles Diva Dust ™**
secondly, you should know that in paying Luvvie with rice, she means a bowl of jolof rice with some fried platain thrown in. chicken and broccoli are okay… but jolof is better. trust me on this one.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:35 pm}
@blackberry molasses,
BBMo, I loffff u! U kno me well well.
Reply
blackberry molasses {November 18th, 2008 at 4:42 pm}
i have to rep for my fellow Africans. you know this
Reply
kamakula {November 18th, 2008 at 4:30 pm}
@CJnPA,
if that’s jollof rice, make sure there’s enough for Lavoie to feed me.
Reply
Luvvie {November 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pm}
@kamakula,
Ah ah! Wetin be Lavoie? Is that a new name I just acquired?
Reply
kamakula {November 18th, 2008 at 6:18 pm}
@Luvvie,
abeg, i’m sorry oo! The handwriting recognition on my laptop sometimes changes things and I didn’t notice.
Reply
OK…I can do the platains I’ll have to go to the Carribean store for that rice though. I haven’t seen it at the local Giant.
@Blackberry
Thanks for the heads up though. I wouldn’t want to come to the party with the only dish nobody touched!
Reply
The Champ {November 18th, 2008 at 5:03 pm}
@CJnPA,
you’re not from the burgh, are you?
Reply
Panama I think it’s like in the movie The Last Boyscout. Bruce Willis n Damon Wayans was leaving the police garage and someone yelled out ‘damm free agents ruined the game.’
I’m just saying.
Reply
speaking of the DL, i just remembered this story i heard on the radio driving in to work one morning. the topic was ‘the worst thing you’ve done for love’ or something generic like that.
this chick called in and said she pulled a left eye (r.i.p.) and blew up/burned her man’s house down! why? cause he cheated on her with a man. and she said her happy @ss down on teh curb and waited for the cops to come. and she did her time and wasn’t sorry about it. or so she said…*shrugs*
Reply
@ Champ
Nope…West Chester. It’s about 40 minutes west of Philly.
Reply
There are alot of ways you can convince a woman you’re not gay within 30 secs…let’s see
Don’t refer to your friend as your homeboy
Don’t hang with gay men (brothers, cousins, co workers) (they are cool but a bird of the same feather do what???? Flock together)
Don’t complain about your weight
Don’t complement her on her bag, shoes, or hair
If a bug comes by you dont run like a P***Y
And stay away from the rings. .I like them too they are very cute. Sorry hun they’ve taken over.
Avoid those things in 30 seconds and you might get a number.
Reply
I really don’t have a comment on this topic, but I will say that “So sad, JoJo. So sad” is killing me this morning. LMAO. I needed that.
Reply