It was only a matter of time before Ray J. made it onto Very Smart Brothas.

We here at Very Smart Brothas, Inc. believe in mass education. In fact, if we had a presidential platform to convey to the people, we’d preach a message of education for all. Hell, I even believe in responsible crime. I hate dumb criminals. That’s how dedicated to education I am…I even want the lower dregs of society to step their reading game up.

Wu-Tang and Panama are for the kids.

With that in mind, The Champ and I, decided that we’d like to open Pandora’s box a little bit today. We often find ourselves telling our friends things that we wish our boy/girlfriends would just realize in order to make our own lives better. Yes, we are indeed selfish bastards. Relish it. It is in this vein that we’ve decided to share with the world the things that we wish the opposite sex knew about us in order to make our lives and relationships more cohesive and fluid.

Because you see, fluidity is the cure for flaccidity. I can’t get it up if you keep me down.

(That’s actually not true.)

I slay me sometimes.

So without further adieu, Very Smart Brothas Presents…

THINGS WE WISH THE OTHER GENDER KNEW ABOUT US

Panama’s Wish (You Knew) List-

1) It actually does hurt when you boo. It wasn’t just a commercial. Men have feelings too and we kind of wish you’d look a little deeper at times. For instance, I’m not just the hardened killer and murderer I present myself to be on the outside, on the inside I like poetry and reading cook books.

2) The whole leaving the toilet seat up, yeah we know its not a good look, but realize that in the middle of the night (when we usually leave it up), we’re doing our best to aim straight in a sleep-induced stupor. The toilet seat? Just be glad I’m not pissing on the walls.

3) Generally speaking, you talk too much. It is what it is.

4) We couldn’t possibly care less about your shoe collection. Or clothes for that matter. In fact your fashion sense? Totally don’t see it. Especially when our shoe game is way more vicious. To hell with your pumps when I can look at and admire my Jordans.

5) We love you despite the fact that your taste in music makes me want to stab midgets AND squirrels. Truly, we only listen to you talk about how good Raheem Devaughn is because you also told us that Carl Thomas could sing. We just think you’re comedians. You know, the unfunny kind. Like Pauly Shore.

The Champ’s List -

1) we occasionally fake it too. don’t worry, it usually has nothing to do with you, its just that sometimes our pillows are a bit more desirable than your ***insert perfunctory vulgar related vagina euphemism***, and its much easier for you us if we faked it than if we just stopped in mid-stroke, pulled out, said “sorry babe, it aint happening”, and fell asleep

2) if we seriously desired that your boobs were bigger or your ass was fatter, we just find somebody with bigger boobs or a fatter ass. since we’re the ones who approached you, we were pleased with what you brought to the table before we even knew what your name was, and there’s really no need to obsess about this. if we’re with you, we love how you look.

3) if its necessary that you have to be seen when the game’s on, at least try not to be heard

4) every time you complain to us about those “bitches at work”, we lose less and less respect for you and your intelligence. seriously

5) lastly, for your own benefit, you should probably know that there’s literally nothing that you can do to make a guy who wants to stray stay. nothing. if he says his mind’s already made up, its been made up for months and he’s just now getting around to telling you.

******

So…what do you wish the other gender knew about you? Huh? Huh????