***as a service brought to you by verysmartbrothas.com, the brothas have decided to list their “unique” deal-breakers when it comes to the opposite sex, and would like for you all to do the same. note, these aren’t you garden variety “i can’t stand women with bad hygiene and goatees” types of pet-peeves that basically everyone shares, but quirky shit thats unique to you***

panama’s list

1. Women who only listen to one genre of music - If you’re entire catalog consists of “neo-soul”, Cash Money Records, or smooth jazz a la Kenny G, well you can count me out like New Edition. And while you’re counting, go on ahead and light yourself on fire.

2. To piggyback on the first one, women who only have 10 CD’s period - You clearly don’t care about music which means you have no soul. And if you have no soul that makes you Elvis. And I do not like Elvis. So….first, open up the medicine cabinet. Next, open the Ibuprofen. Then, OD on pills and finally, die smurf die.

3. Women who think fine reading includes Zane or Eric Jerome Dickey - Yeah, so…no.

4. For that matter, women who don’t own books - Unintentional ignorance is as much an STD as HIV. Much like that phat badunkudonk you’re carrying around, I’ll assume your lack of intellectual prowess came from your mama because daddy didn’t hit it right. Basically, I want nothing to do with you or your tainted ignorant smurfin’ gene pool.

5. Women who think Love Jones is the best Black movie ever - Mostly because it isn’t.

the champ’s list

1. smokers

(I tried dating a couple smokers before, but even going down on them has a bit of a cigarettey residue. it almost makes you wish that you were at a restaurant, so you could get a refund… )

“ummm, excuse me waiter, but I didn’t order this ashy-ass smoked saltfish. please send it back immediately”

2. women who don’t appreciate the value of a good comedy. i honestly feel that it’s a sign of a serious emotional defect if you ask someone to name their 15 favorite movies, and the list is comedy-less. for whatever reason, these types of women also usually have excessively hairy feet. i dont know what any of this means.

3. women who make annoying food choices (ie, eating pancakes without syrup)

4. women who (even in passing) mention an attraction to someone who I’ve deemed “unredeemable” in my head. (ie. jones, jim or owens, terrell)