One of the most important aspects of dating is that initial call back. Not the first phone call, but the call after the first date that validates that the parties involved enjoyed themselves and just might consider another outing that might lead to another outing, henceforth and forever more, yaymen.
Chuuch.
Yes, the after first date call back is a vital part of the dating experience. It’s almost as vital as the date itself. And the date?
Totally vital.
Which is what makes the lack of a call such a downer, like Debbie. Not to be confused with Little Debbies which are always an upper. Mmm, good. Frankly, the call back (much like after that first lovin’ experience with a new partner) is an esteem or morale booster and confirmation that, “hey, you did your job (unlike Suisham), and a good job at that. Rah rah, sis boom bah. Take my money, my house and my car, for one hit of you, you can have it all.”
And who doesn’t like to be confirmed? They even do it for the Supreme Court so you know it’s a big deal.
Well, sad to say, everybody doesn’t get called back and for various reasons. Some obvious, some not. Usually the guy is expected to do the calling back (1950s, anyone? As if.), but sometimes women, given the circumstances of the date and their affinity for disregarding gender roles, will do the calling. Or won’t. Like I said, sometimes you don’t get all call back. And here are 10 reasons why (basically don’t do these things, you scholarly scholar, you).
1) You smashed the homey
Guess you really can’t undo that one, but say your date finds out that you (totally innocently) are the girl or guy they used to engage in chandelier-style monkey coitus with. There’s a good chance you won’t get the call back. Unless you’re on For The Love of Ray J 2.
2) You cursed out the waiter
Even if Pedro deserved it for being a totally inefficient f*cktard, nothing screams “we’ll never see each other again” like being totally uncouth and losing one’s temper in public if your name doesn’t have 6 syllables and end in -a or -ique. Newsflash, people with credit cards (no Rush card) actually feel shame at times.
Sidenote: Isn’t the Rush Card one of the silliest ideas ever? So you put money on it upfront so you have plastic, because presumably you don’t have a bank account. Perhaps I’m an elitist here, but I’m willing to bet that if you don’t have a bank account you don’t really need a piece of plastic to eat out or buy sh*t online. You probably think online is what happens in prison.
3) You smelled like teen spirit
I’m not sure what that smells like, but if you smell like that, I don’t want no parts of no parts of you. The Great Relationship Future Deflector is emitting odor, involuntarily and constantly.
4) You have staunchly opposing political viewpoints
If politics comes up on the first date and you are both diametrically opposed to one another, things tend to go south quickly. And not the good South either. Not Virginia. We’re talking Robert E. Lee’s South. Unless, of course, you’re James Carville and Mary Matalin.
5) You talk Roe v. Wade and disagree on who Roe or Wade were
If dude thinks Roe v. Wade involved the Miami Heat, it’s pretty much a wrap for the future.
6) You pull money back from the cash tip on the table
Mostly because you should just die, and its hard to call dead people. Even Verizon doesn’t go that far.
7) It’s a blind date where you said you looked like Janet Jackson, but you really look like Freddie Jackson (or vice versa)
8 ) You eat with a fork and your thumb
I’ve seen this happen with my own two eyes, and no, I never called her back. I did watch in disgust and dismay. At The Cheesecake Factory.
9) You flirt endlessly with anybody who comes into your vicinity
For some reason, when you’re on a date with somebody, they want to feel special. Yeah, I don’t get it either.
10) You scratch more than two crackheads who stole a reel of Scratch ‘N Win Lottery tickets
Because, like, ewwwww.
Those are just a few reasons why you’ll never get a call back (so don’t do them), but I’m sure I missed a few at least. What are some other ways to ensure that you will absolutely not get a call back? Inquiring minds would like to know.
-VSB P aka THE ARSONIST aka TANGLE JIG P aka GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, HE A 3
Related posts:
- How to Answer Questions So That I’ll Never Call You.
- Is Age Nothing But A Number?: 5 Reasons To Date Somebody Older Than Yourself
- link of the week: the booty-call contract
- the champs comprehensive, omniscient, all-encompassing, and all-inclusive two part guide detailing absolutely everything you need to do to insure that you will always have the best sex that you can possibly have…part two
- All By My Se-eee-eelf: 5 Signs That You’re Dating Somebody Who Isn’t Dating You.
{ 62 comments… read them below or add one }
I don’t know what I like more: Your diction or the pictures that accompany the entries. Amen to #7.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:31 am
@TheSoleblog, how about we just go with both for $1000 please Alex.
beeeeeeeehave. rar.
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You reach into my plate when I’m done eating and finish my meal and then ask if I want to finish my drink and then finish it for me. Bonus You Will Never Hear from Me points for saying that you had no money to pay rent but you prayed on it for a week and God answered you by sending you your tax return money the day before rent was due. Awful. Just awful.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:30 am
@An Island, the freethinker in me would be one mad dude if I heard that bonus come from a chick’s mouth.
But on the finishing things part, is it supposed to just stay left behind at the table to go to waste, what do you mean? (Disclaimer: Not that I do that sort of thing, I’m just curious.)
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An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:35 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like
If you literally pick up my plate, and then my glass, and start finishing my leftovers we got problems. It tells me you don’t understand the concept of ordering and enjoying your own d@mn food, that you have no respect for my boundaries, and that you’re a f*cking pig. Seriously, who puts their mouth on the glass that a stranger has been drinking from? Nasty. You don’t even know my last name. That’s some borderline homeless person shyt. Now if you want to reach across and pick at some of my food, fine. And if you’re still thirsty, order another drink or get a refill, don’t be drinking after me.
As for the God stuff, that was only one of the things she told me was a result of divine intervention. The Lord gave her the temporary power to completely understand some foreign language when she was alone abroad and trying to get back to her hotel (and the stories went on like that). I usually feel a little bad about the no call back, but that one was deserved.
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IVR Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:04 am
@An Island, “The Lord gave her the temporary power to completely understand some foreign language when she was alone abroad and trying to get back to her hotel (and the stories went on like that).”
I believe I may have seen a movie like this. Antonio Banderas learning some nordic language over a campfire. . .gtfoh
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:11 am
@An Island,
LMAO! This would be great on film.
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
@An Island, ahhh, the “I’ll just have some of yours” girl…any and all variations can be type-annoying on the wrong day.
Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@An Island, you had one of those dates you just keep going for the stories. i wouldn’t have even taken her home until after went to some public event to just see her in action.
An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
@Panama Jackson
Nah. Incredibly religious women are a major turnoff to me (she invited me to her Aunt’s 4-6 hour church service that Sunday for our second date). Plus, I’d just wrapped up a session with a hotter version of that girl so I wasn’t in the mood to play along.
Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:44 am
@An Island,
You reach into my plate when I’m done eating and finish my meal and then ask if I want to finish my drink and then finish it for me.
I had a chic do somthing similar to me. The difference was that I didn’t finish eating. I was pissed. I couldn’t believe she took her fork and ate off my plate while eating. Without even asking. I had another woman do this to me using her hand instead of a fork. That ish is mad disrespectful.
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An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:33 am
@Humble_One
In my case it was a blind date that I didn’t find attractive (and on a side note, don’t let your boss hook you up with people, it never goes well). Now if she were beautiful, I’d have been dumb enough to laugh at that (“Wow, she really feels comfortable around me” or some dumb shyt like that), but being VERY average looking, my brain was functioning fully and she was actually being evaluated.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Humble_One, i dont even like it when my woman does it. i just do not like sharing food.
im like Joey in that episode of Friends.
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Hershey's Kiss Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
@Panama Jackson, I am all about being Joey from Friends and that is exactly what came to my mind after reading this.
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
@An Island,
seeeeeee….no! don’t take food off of my plate period unless it’s offered and even then I will hand you a small saucer with the food on it! don’t go reaching all willy nilly over my food!
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
@An Island,
“You reach into my plate when I’m done eating and finish my meal and then ask if I want to finish my drink and then finish it for me. ”
UGH! Word. This would give me odd flashbacks of grandma eyeing my plate asking, “You ain’t gonna finish that grissle off the rib? That’s the good part!”
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I went on this date once and this guy made lemonade out of the lemons, water, and sugar on the table. If they have to bring you a mini-plate of lemons, just stop being cheap and buy a lemonade.
Also, I think getting plastered on the first date should put you on that do-not-call registry. I shouldn’t have to drive you back to your place if we drove in separate cars.
-Dee.
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MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:37 am
@SuperDee,
Stop the madness. He literally made his own lemonade! Wow!
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Just X Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@MzKang, Ditto -I can’t believe that happened. If it happened to you what would you do?
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MzKang Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 12:21 am
@Just X,
Lol. Do everything in my will power not to make a rude face, subtly question his actions, make a mental note, and continue on.
kamakula Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:54 am
@SuperDee,
Actually, he was showing you that nothing gets him down, that no matter what, he’d make a way to take care of you.
*sigh*, try to be subtle, they complain. Slap everyone with the red amex, they still complain.
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lovin' me Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:14 am
@kamakula,
“Actually, he was showing you that nothing gets him down, that no matter what, he’d make a way to take care of you.”
lol…I heart this comment…
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@kamakula, i know right. dudes pull out macguyver tactics and folks act like they didn’t love that show.
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@Panama Jackson,
everyone loved that show
miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:03 am
@SuperDee,
“I went on this date once and this guy made lemonade out of the lemons, water, and sugar on the table”
I had a homegirl do this ish once when we went out for lunch. I told her if she did it again that would be the last time we’d be having lunch.
This is also the same chick I also had to teach how to leave a proper tip.
*I’m learning home training isn’t really all that common.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:13 am
@miss t-lee,
“*I’m learning home training isn’t really all that common.”
It’s definitely not! I had the girl’s night out from hell this Friday. I shall discuss in a more appropriate thread in the future. Ugh!
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Moni in the middle Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
@Me fail english?,
This is the main reason I hate going to group dinners. You always end up short because some social retard with no home training/couth thinks that the price on the bill is a suggestion, or that they are magically exempt from tax and tip.
klysha Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:42 am
@SuperDee,
“I went on this date once and this guy made lemonade out of the lemons, water, and sugar on the table. If they have to bring you a mini-plate of lemons, just stop being cheap and buy a lemonade.”
Hold up my mom used to do this all the time. She probably still does sometimes. The lemonade from the restaurant is usually too sweet I think. So she asks for a bowl of lemons and some sugar and makes her own for free…maybe that’s country but I’d actually think a guy who did that was resourceful
granted this may not be a trait to be showing off on the first date
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
@SuperDee,
“I went on this date once and this guy made lemonade out of the lemons, water, and sugar on the table. If they have to bring you a mini-plate of lemons, just stop being cheap and buy a lemonade.”
Girl, this cracks me up because there is actually a Yahoo article floating around there with this on the list of ideas for economically eating out. I think they put it on the homepage right when the recession was fresh. They said instead of ordering lemonade, order water with lemon and then use the sugar packets already at the table. I sh*t you not. Yahoo advice FAIL.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
@Cheekie,
That’s terrible. I mean what’s so bad about water? How many lemons do you need? Where do you put all those rinds?
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@Me fail english?,
And furthermore, the rinds are probably nasty and grimy as hell. Ya’ll heard about how terribly they handle lemon slices (and other fruit slices for drinks) in restaurants and ish, right?
SuperDee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
@Cheekie,
My local news did a segment on how dirty lemon rinds were. And Yahoo needs to stop, people like this are the reason why McDonald’s and Burger King try to charge you 10cents for an extra Honey Mustard for those dry nuggets.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@Cheekie,
Aww, hell. What do they do to the rinds?
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@me fail english,
“Aww, hell. What do they do to the rinds?”
*sigh*
Well, apparently there were some surveys/experiments done at local restaurants (the video circulated the internets…I got mine in a forwarded email). And they found that a lot of the cooks/bartenders that handle your food don’t wear gloves, thus are handling the fruit with their hands. And of course you’re leaving that ish up to chance with folks that don’t effing wipe their arses after tinkling/droppin deuces. They found all kinds of fecal matter/bacteria on them joints. Blech. And then, they stick it on the rim of your glass. *gag*
legitimate_soul Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
@Cheekie,
And furthermore, the rinds are probably nasty and grimy as hell. Ya’ll heard about how terribly they handle lemon slices (and other fruit slices for drinks) in restaurants and ish, right?
^ My homegirl of years and I used to hang with this one sistah who would give waitstaff a hard time when ordering and always ask for lemon wedges to clean her silverware. She’d be real ‘extra’ about inspecting things and make the whole experience uncomfortable. Her behavior was a sure fire way to get your food spit it, and I asked her, “What you think your food is being sautee’d with if you got to “lemon down” your silverware? You gone’ lemon-down the kitchen too?” To find out the lemon wedges might be nasty as hell is hilarious! She had no answer to my question at the time and we quit going out to eat with her.
miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
@Cheekie,
Yahoo’s advice shoulda been “keep ya broke azz at home”. If you can’t afford lemonade, should you really be eating out?
*snickering*
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WTF Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
@SuperDee, My mom used to do that all the time with lemons. SMH, always hated it. WTF Mom? Finally she stopped doing that and now I’m just forced to watch the Golden Girls every time she cuts on the tv.
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(re: Suisham) don’t be so hard on your boy (tries to hold it in…don’tsay whodatdon’tsaywhodatdon’tsaywhodat f*ck it’s gonna come anyway)
WHO DAT?!
but aside from that– what? you don’t like the Rush card concept? *Surely* you’d be captivated by the fairer sex culminating the date by saying, “no, babe, I got this one,” as she places her BabyPhat card on the receipt tray.
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mari Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@Penelope,
I’m gonna have to join you and say WHO DAT?!!? I made an international phone call with my entire family just to say that for about 5 mins, lol
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:36 am
@Penelope, the only baby phat that belongs on a tray is ….
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Penelope Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
@Panama Jackson, while I normally pride myself on being able to laugh at what would otherwise be an obscure trivia/ pop culture reference from you, this one eludes me..the best I could do was to think of a certain Tribe Called Quest song to fill in the blank left by your ellipsis
@mari, I’ve waited 42 years for this moment in the Saints franchise history. Odd, since that’s nearly twice my lifespan.
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… or immediately after the date be talmbout here’s a pic of me so you don’t forget what I look like (then proceed to send 3 to my phone).
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lovin' me Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:15 am
@Happy Meal,
Ugh! that’s the 1st thought that came to my mind…i hope you erased it.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:16 am
@Happy Meal,
LMAO! I HATE when ppl would send me their pics or ask for my pics. Thirsty ninja, we aint family. I dont need access to your wack ass pics.
P.S. MOST ppl look worse in their pics so you’re doing yourself no favors having this photo etched in brain.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Happy Meal, people do this?
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Happy Meal Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Sadly yes. It happened to me roughly 2 weeks ago on the day before my birthday. Luckily, someone stole my iphone so i could pretend like i never got them.
oh yes…AND he was 32 with a college degree
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Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
@Happy Meal, That was a sweet gesture. He knew you would fantasize about him in your dreams and wanted to provide you with an image for reference…and they say chivarly is dead.
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Happy Meal Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
@Caballeroso,
you know, I never even thought about it like that… Just because you went to bat for him I’ll let the first sent photo slide I’ll even factor in 2 points for good behavior since he was clothed in those pics…but the next one talmbout….”and this was me two weeks ago” I just can’t let go. lol
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
@Caballeroso,
You men stay defending each other. His ass was just vain!
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- Talking about your ex
- Cussing out a little kid (happened to me earlier this year)
- Talking about yourself non-stop
- Calling your date by the wrong name
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:14 am
@Leila, talking about mostly yourself or calling your date the wrong name shows you’re not very thoughtful. Talking about your ex shows you’re not over your ex. I feel you’re allowed maximum one mention of one ex as a follow up answer, then you move quickly to other subject matter.
And if you say I’m “just like” an ex or some dude I never met, that’s gonna be a problem.
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SouthernCharm Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
@Leila,
cussing out a little kid? really? expound, please. lol
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people with no bank accounts love rental cars and hotels lol you need plastic for even low budget hotels and rentals.
fork and thumb…lol that’s why you always order rolls…so you can scoot the food with the bread instead…or make a sandwich which makes it that much easier LMAO!
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kamakula Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:08 am
@shay-d-lady,
Rushcard is marked debit. Hotels may take that, rental car companies won’t – If they do, it’s only after preauthorizing about 3x your rental amount which you probably can’t afford and probably tossing in a fee for good measure.
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shay_d_lady Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@kamakula, so they arent the same as those pay day cards? Avis will let you rent with one of those. My cuz has had a rental car for a month with no bank account using the pay card joint..
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
@shay_d_lady, pay day cards, rush cards…etc…
i’m just glad i got good credit.
Anytime someone says Danger in any context, I say “she Smashed the homies,” and keep going like nothing happened. Back on topic, you’ll get no call back if you order my food for me. My food is important, I know what I like. Also, if you spit when you talk and don’t notice. Hate that.
And btw. I stopped lurking last week, this is my 3rd comment and I never got a welcome and sh*t….Greatly disappointed.
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Lili Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:22 am
@Manny,
On behalf of the creators of this wondrous site,
welcome and sh*t.
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Officer Ricky Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:22 am
@Manny,
Ahh shiiiii ma niggens.. don’t even trip man. Now this is where VSB really exists, in the commentary. I was super late on “she smashed the hommies..” had to do my web crawling and now I’m hooked!
She smashed the hommies.. oh yah, welcome n sh*t.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
@Manny, I posted to 3 weeks worth of posts before I got a “welcome and sh*t”…that’s due to the nature of VSB traffic. This place is focused on the morning of the post. After that work morning of activity on the day the entry was posted, that’s it.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Word. Posting after 5pm EST means you’re basically talking to yourself. Welcome and sh1t tho.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@Me fail english?, the east coast bias is real.
Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:41 am
@Manny, (officially) welcome and sh*t
and “she smashed the homies” is such a great statement. and people say ray j is good for nothing.
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Lili Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
@Panama Jackson,
If you want to get technical, the comic genius that is Tom Green created the phrase “Danger- she smashed the homies”.
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If you have a monster in your mouth that attacks me every time you speak. Halitosis is a MONSTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:21 am
@talking silently, when my boy first told me about pyorrhea a few weeks ago (after I asked why his patna’s breath was assassinatin’ me) , that was my instant and retroactive diagnosis for anyone I’ve ever met in my life whose breath I didn’t get temporary relief from after a Doublemint came their way. Even Dam-Funk can’t put that kinda stank on it.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:42 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
anything that ends in ‘rhea is just evil.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@Panama Jackson, Rhea Perlman’s mom was on to something when she named her.
MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@Panama Jackson,
lmbo, that’s the truth.
Come on bruh. It’s chicks that need to do the call back these days. Because it’s been established we’re looking for their approval and they know it! Guys only need to do the call back after sex to show
insecure young fat girlsthat the thrill wasn’t in the chase.Otherwise, chances are you ain’t hearing from her again, PERIOD, if:
-She had to part with one dime on that first date. If she needed an emergency cab ride to Poughkeepsie even though your date was in Anaheim, she wanted you to pay for it.
-You spill one damn thing on her. Especially if it smells vomity.
-Your first dance with her just didn’t sit right with her.
-You look anyways incompetent or like you can’t hold her down under pressure.
-You didn’t let her turn to Kiss-FM the minute she first entered your car.
-You turn down the invite to her auntie’s church.
All of them have a level of seriousness to them, but the first on the list is crucial! She wants, if not expects, to live out that entire first night for FREE.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:15 am
Damn, y’all, no more edits?
Also, if you didn’t praise her wack *ss angsty Nubian poetry.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:44 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, i’m a serial deep poet ninja killer. i’m so quick to say, “i don’t get it. but maybe it’s me…not you. because clearly you get it. just not sure anybody else would. but maybe youre just deeper than the rest of us. but still…i dont get it.”
that’s a real quote i hit a chick wtih. her=not happy.
i like backhanded compliments that aren’t complimentary.
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lovin' me Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:25 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“-You look anyways incompetent or like you can’t hold her down under pressure.”
OH EM GEE! I cannot tell you how effing ridiculous and lame it is for a man to just roll over and play dead when the ish hits the fan. If you can’t roll wit me through tough times when I don’t need nothin’ but support…you gots to go baby, find somebody else who can deal with wackness.
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Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@lovin’ me, He’s a lover not a fighter…that’s what the police are for.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
“All of them have a level of seriousness to them, but the first on the list is crucial! She wants, if not expects, to live out that entire first night for FREE.”
LOL. The more you type, I swear… If I didnt know any better I’d swear we used to date.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
@Me fail english?, LOL, in what respect? My takes come from having been around the block and noticing a lot of patterns.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:33 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Some of the stuff you write is kinda detailed and it reads like “the other person’s perspective” of experiences I’ve had. Like when you were talking about chicks flipping out cuz your phone sent a text several times. There were a few more stories that had me like “oh shet….Charles? Is that you?” Lol.
Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:46 am
@Me fail english?, vsb: where long lost hates reconnect and take shots
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
@Panama Jackson,
haha. I swear he’s lying. That ninja name is Kyheim from Troy Ave. in Bed-Stuy. Frontin like he from Cali and shet to throw me off. lol
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
@Me fail english?, nice to see you’re paying attention, dahling!
IVR Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@Me fail english?, “That ninja name is Kyheim from Troy Ave.”
Werd??? That’s my hood I might know that dude! St. Johns and Troy holla BACK LoL jk . . . I dont know any dude named Kyheim . . . know a few Kyshons though . . .
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
@IVR,
Uh oh! *too close for comfort alert*
We may actually know each other, lol. J/k ( I think)…
BKSweetheart Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
@Me fail english?, aww snap BK in the house, let me find out.. Schenectady btw St Johns and Sterling
IVR Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@Me fail english?, “Uh oh! *too close for comfort alert*
We may actually know each other, lol. J/k ( I think)…”
HA! . . .dont worry about it . . . probably not (unless this is Marsha . . in that case u still owe me $5) . . .But I was one of those kids raised by overly protective old folks . . . wasnt allowed to stray from the confines of St. Johns between Albany and Troy.
@ BKSweetheart “aww snap BK in the house, let me find out.. Schenectady btw St Johns and Sterling”
One of the few times I was allowed to stray was to go play ball in that rundown play ground over by schenectady and sterling . . . or just walk to the rec center . . . Those chinese jamaicans still got a bakery over on schenectady bet. Lincoln and E. Parkway? We used to hit that up after church at St. Matthews! *reminiscing*
Brooklyn is definitely in the house!
BKSweetheart Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
@IVR – yeah I’m right up the block from there, are you talking about those basketball courts?? I believe that’s like Schenectady and Prospect Pl. I don’t hang out around there but I recently went to this neighborhood bar right across the street from there and I was actually somewhat pleasantly surprised. I mean for a hood bar it was actually pretty low key. I know what bakery you’re talking about!! I think it closed though.. now they got the Chinese Trini spot poppin right next to the fire station.. Haven’t got up the gumption to try it out yet though LOL.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
@IVR, BK
*DEAD* @ ST. Matthews. Is that the official church of Panamanians/Dominicans (some Haitians) too in the area?
Haven’t been round the way since like…Springtime. And I never got anything from that bakery. I got my Easter bun up the parkway.
Scipio Africanus Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:58 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, Total co-sign on letting her part with oen dime on that first date.
Fellas, when she pulls out her wallet – IT’S A TRAP!!! (c) General Lobster from Return of the Jedi. If you want it to work DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT let her pay a dime for that first date. Only time you let her start to spend her own money on you is *after* you’re very, very sure she likes you.
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1. That political viewpoints one is NO JOKE!
2. I’ll do a call back
3. I find the later dates lead to me deciding to not call
4. I’ll pick up the check on the first date if I reach it first
5. Yeah…the spilling on the clothes thing…NO GO
6. The exception to the fork and thumb thing is if you took your date to Medieval Times (I’m trying to make that happen…when you pull up dudes would be like WTH?)
I’ll think more on it after I wake up
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:37 am
@Siobhan Means Woman of Wisdom, I think bringing up politics or religion at all on the first date is a no-no. Just tacky on a billion levels. Plus I think views on other subject matter will hint at those two anyway.
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kamakula Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:04 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Really? I think it’s good stuff. No need to get into in depth conversation but telling or asking someone how they voted or if they grew up Catholic/Baptist/etc isn’t that big a deal.
Being a guy (and thus the one who pays for most of the date), the quicker I can cross off my dealbreaker list, the better. Who wants to be 5 dates in, a couple hundred out, only to find out you were first cousins and if you’d only asked about where she’d had her first communion, she’d have told you the hilarious story about Rev Wright which wasn’t so funny because that was when you figured out that you were in it.
Not that this has happened to me. . . just saying
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:27 am
@kamakula, if you’re looking for wifey/hubby versus just something to cut, then you’re right.
Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:48 am
@kamakula, man, asking who somebody voted for is the litmus test of the decade, b/c for most of us, there’s generally a right answer and a wrong one.
if they say i voted for Bush, you automatically make assumptions bout people…etc. thats why i only talked about pr0n on dates.
Siobhan Means Woman of Wisdom Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
@Panama Jackson,
You voted for Bush? #fail
As a military member I want to shake the hell out of you
Siobhan Means Woman of Wisdom Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
@kamakula,
You know that’s a good point…it would be bad to spend time getting to know someone you’re going to end up sworn enemies with…or related to *side eye*
Siobhan Means Woman of Wisdom Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Tacky? That is like the lifeblood of our generation…we live and breathe politics LOL.
I love engaging conversation…and small talk…well I get bored
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-you’re texting/bbm’ing/gchatting/AIMing more than you’re conversing with me
-you get wasted….and black out (yeah, it happens)
-you use poor grammar (yes, I judge you)
-you don’t bring anything to the conversation; complimenting me all night, or dissin’ other women as a means to compliment me, does not count as conversation, or flattery
-don’t do noodles for your entree’, boo
-you want me to analyze you when I tell you what I do for a living, or say, “So, what am I thinking right now?” as if I said I’m a mind reader, fool
-taking me to a place that you frequent so much that every 10 minutes you “gotta go say wassup to [ya] man’s n ‘em…”
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MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:43 am
@Mis.Education,
yes, yes to this whole list! I need to work on my bbm’ing habits myself. Though, if he was interesting and engaging, my phone would remain in my purse.
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DG Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:27 am
@Mis.Education,
I agree totally with your first point. Excessive texting/IMing/phone usage, especially on a first date, just ain’t kosher (it’s actually pretty rude). In fact, unless you’re an OB/GYN or emergency room doc, or you have a young child/dependent, I think the phone/PDA should be put away on a date…
Now if the date just ain’t going nowhere, so be it…
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:50 am
@Mis.Education,
“-you want me to analyze you when I tell you what I do for a living, or say, “So, what am I thinking right now?” as if I said I’m a mind reader, fool”
LOL. This isn’t enough to not get a call back, but it is certainly annoying. Anytime I say I majored in psych (I dont do anything psych related, mind you) ninjas wanna ask “So what I’m thinking?” like psych is short for psychic. Da fcuk? Are you slow.
That and “what do you do for fun?” are two of the most annoying date questions known to man.
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Mis.Education Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
@Me fail english?,
I think I hear that question (and others related to my field) so damn much that it stops me dead in my tracks. Be original!
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Soula Powa Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
@Me fail english?, Please expound. Why is “what do you do for fun?” an annoying question. I think it strikes a the heart of what I’m going to be doing with you on my free time later.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@Soula Powa,
I’m curious how you expect ppl to respond? What do I do to occupy my time?
*takes deep breath*
…cook, work out, read, shop, hang out with fam, watch movies, shoot pool, comedy shows, concerts, talk on the phone, bowl, go to the movies, swing by the gun range, smoke a blunt, get a pedicure, take a nap, roll in dirt, steal shampoo…
I mean do you really want me to sit here and make a long ass laundry list of all the random stuff I do to keep from bouncing off the walls? Do men expect one woman’s list to be very different from another’s? I dont have any real hobbies so for me it just seems like a pain in the ass filler question. There’s gotta be a better way for you to get a feel for my personality without making me feel like I’m filling out a questionnaire.
Soula Powa Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
@Me fail english?, Just by your very detailed list, I can respond with plenty of things we can go do because we BOTH like them. Dates tend to go better when that is the case.
There’s gotta be a better way for you to get a feel for my personality without making me feel like I’m filling out a questionnaire.
That one question saves me from playing 20 questions about whether you like live comedy/music, read for fun, etc. If you can find a better way to do that, I’m taking notes.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
@Soula,
I don’t date much but I tend to make good friends with the guys I do meet/date. And I get to know them well without ever having them make long lists of anything. Not saying the answers aren’t useful. Just that its a pain to make the list.
In fact, I’d say much like the “what can you cook?” question, if somebody can answer that in one or two sentences they’re boring (or they can’t cook, lol)!
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@Mis.Education, do you see pasta as different from noodles or a different kind of noodles?
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Mis.Education Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I have…never been asked this question before. I’m really sitting here thinking, too! LOL. I guess I’m backwards, because I always thought of noodles as a type of pasta…
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:50 am
@Mis.Education, welcome and sh*t (i think)
i hate to say it, but in DC i’m notorious for going places and running into legions of people i know. i’m kind of a big deal, ya know.
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Mis.Education Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Thanks for the welcome, I’m happy to be here! Fun procrastination is also good procrastination to me.
You know, that’s fine being a “Mr. Popular” – it’s always good for me to know that people like the person I’m on a date with (‘cept them scallywag types…), and are happy to see you out & about. HOWEVA, for a first date at least, can you pick a place that’s not your regular stomping ground? Or on a night that it’s not SO poppin’ that I get lost in the crowd 17 times (I’m only 4′11, dang)?
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*We meet at a spot, have a decent time, and then he asks for a ride home after the date. Man, if you don’t got transportation, you better fake it.
*Your baby’s mother shows up angry…with your baby.
yep, I had a small run in with some real quality fellas back in the day.
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Mis.Education Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:33 am
@MzKang, not with the babaaaaaaay! dang! epic FAIL.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@MzKang, the baby mama thing happened in some movie too…what movie was that? Something New??
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MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I’m sure it’s been in a few. Can’t remember if it was in Something New, but I know there was a scene in Daddy’s Little Girls…don’t ask how I remember that movie.
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Rushcard has one thing going for it – they report to credit agencies. Your bank debit card does not do that. Payment history, length accounts have been open, and oldest credit account all go a long way to boosting that credit score.
That rushcard could be the difference between Jamal buying a new car and Jamie having to recruit his grandmother AND a shady Armenian* from CL to cosign his auto loan.**
*You do not want to rip off the Armenian money train!
**I should write commercials.
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Lili Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:13 am
@kamakula,
I’m not being facetious, but I’m rather curious how you know that Rush and his prepaid Visa report to the credit bureaus…
I didn’t expect that venture to really pose any benefits besides giving someone the option of paper or plastic.
Not to mention that free $5 deposit when you refer a friend.
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Sula Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
@kamakula,
I also thought the concept was good… especially for people trying to rebuild their credit history who can not go by traditional means.
There is also another usage. For people with NO credit whatsoever (foreign students who just moved for instance), it’s an easy way to build up credit. They may have a bank account but can not get a normal credit card because of their status as temporary resident… So the Rushcard might help them build that credit. There are secondary markets to every venture. You just have to find them.
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Stank-0 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
@kamakula,
I miss that show. They could have retired if Vic’s boy had had some self-control and not cake off his woman a new Lex.
They should have bodied him and ol boy for tossin all that cake in the furnace.
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I’m a visual thinker, so #8 is really fooling with my senses….how do you eat with your thumb and fork? Was she half-raccoon or sumthin?
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An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:39 am
@DG
I don’t know how you usually roll, but assume in that example that the date actually has two hands.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:53 am
@DG, somebody using a fork in one hand and scooping food onto it with their other thumb.
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DG Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Appreciate the clarification….the scooping action thing definitely ain’t cool. That’s why I take women to soup & sandwich joints…lol.
Only worse table offense I can think of is chewing with your mouth open…
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YAY! I’m finally done with FINALS! GIVE ME FREE!!! I could keep up with y’all again. That picture of Tyrone is hilariousity!
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N.I.A. lovesthekids.... Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:34 am
@Blue Skyez,
Congratulations!!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:53 am
@Blue Skyez, congrats and i hope you passed.
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legitimate_soul Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
@Blue Skyez,
Congrats!
It is, it is! His ‘pinky rang’ game and “I’ll put it on ya” expression is slaying me!
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lol @ the Suisham reference.
After Haushka in the Vikings & Bengals games, this Ravens fan has no sympathy for the Redskins.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:56 am
@P., you know whats tough…while watching the skins game and the score was 30-23 washington, i told my girl that the ’skins were being overly cocky for a 3-8 team. im like, we’re gonna blow this. i see it. motherf*cking laron landry out there trying to make saints players look bad.
then suisham misses the fg.
then who, but who, gets the f*ck burnt on the meachem TD that tied the game??
laron landry.
summmamab*tch.
and THAT’S how you lose a game.
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Soula Powa Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@Panama Jackson, As a fellow ‘Skins fan, I missed the game because I was helping my grandmother with errands. My brother hit me with the constant texts when we were in the lead and everything was sweet. Then, silence. I’m kinda glad I did not watch that missed FG live.
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“You eat with a fork and your thumb”
*DEAD*
1. Do not tell me how much your budget is for the date, then proceed to order a coke and a side plate of french freis to dinner. Nucka i agreed to come out with you, so i am sorta , so I am not going to order a coupla bottles of champange and lobster for dinner. Damn!!!
2. Do not ask me to come wait for your sister with you at the bus stop (esp. if we supposed to wait for this bus for 4 hours- W.T.F?!)
3. Do not ask me to walk you 15 miles to go meet someone- NO!!! I got dressed up for this date, and i do not intend walking for 15miles!!!
4. Do not after all of the above, and after we have said our goodbyes, and I have made my escape come find me to show me your modelling portfolio book- infront of all my colleagues and friends (whom i have told about my disastrous date). *SMDH*
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
@mateosmuse,
“show me your modelling portfolio book”
lol! I had TWO guys do this on FIRST dates. One guy showing me his website all on his phone. (He’s starting to blow up now though. Maybe I shoulda been nicer) Another dude shownig me these 8×10s and his SAG card. I guess they give those out to anybody. Sheeit, I might be a member of the guild if he is.
Ummmm, do you think I’m an agent?? I’m not your damn fan. Who the eff cares?!
P.S. I will not stand for a man looking better than me. Take a hike!
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mateosmuse Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
@Me fail english?,
I am not yr damn fan *cosign*.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@mateosmuse, 2. Do not ask me to come wait for your sister with you at the bus stop (esp. if we supposed to wait for this bus for 4 hours- W.T.F?!)
you gots to explain this one. 4 hour wait for a bus???
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Yeah. I feel like at that point they might as well make a road trip out of it and meet her halfway.
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mateosmuse Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
@Panama Jackson,
this dude wanted to pick up his sister from the bus station, she was coming in out of town. I don’t know what this dude was thinking asking me to go there…and for a 4 hour wait. SMH!
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MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
@mateosmuse,
This list is a little intense. 15miles of walking, 4 hour wait!!! Those dates would not have made it to the end of the night.
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mateosmuse Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
@MzKang,
This all happened on 1 date. SMH! I was young, very young.
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Stuff that’ll keep me from calling…
When leaving the place where you met for drinks, never say, “Man, all them girls were trying to holla at me, but you were scaring them from talking.” Um, wha?!
Trying to borrow money.
Start dissing black women during conversation.
Trying to introduce children to me.
Introducing family members to me.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
@Jade (not a prOn) Star, yeah, the last people I wanna know if we’re not official is your effin’ family. So I can get judged based on your previous taste in dates or their funky *ss prejudices? I’m good. And again with getting invited to church or being offered “foods” I don’t eat.
Her friends though, sure, we can chop it and clown a little…if she was at your rest when I came to pick you up. Her *ss can NOT come along though, you don’t know how many times girls have tried to sneak their 3rd wheel friend up on me. Obviously a three-screw ain’t going down, so…kick it with her on your own time!
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:51 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
HAHA! I used to do this all the time in college. Most dudes went along with it.
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Won’t call back if…
1.You don’t want to pay for refills so you damn near drink the bottom out of the glass.
2. You chew ice or slurp (loudly)
3. You try to ‘accidentally’ brush up against my thigh or I see you lookin’ at my butt a lil’ too hard while we walk side by side (you ain’t slick)
4.You ask me why I ‘talk like a white girl’ (true story)
5.You got stanker than stank breath and you have the nerve to want a kiss
6. You brag (or outright lie) about your life experiences
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
@Ivyette, so why do you talk like a white girl?
jokes.
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Ivyette Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@Panama Jackson,
so why do you talk like a white girl?
LOL… I think it’s more about me speaking correctly (most of the time) and having a different sense of humor than most people.
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
@Ivyette,
I think talkin’ like a white girl is relative. Like, in some circles it’s saying “like” all the time, but in other (more ignorant) circles, it’s just talking in complete sentences. lol
miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
@Cheekie,
‘Round chere if you know the difference between a subject and a predicate, you “talk like a white girl”.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@y’all,
Hell yeah. It’s totally subjective. People from my old neighborhood and my extended fam say I talk white too.
I talk how I type. Lord help them all.
IVR Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
@Me fail english?, “People from my old neighborhood and my extended fam say I talk white too. ”
I get that too . . . nowadays my cousins tell me I sound southern due to my little military stint. And don’t let one of them call me at work . . . talkin about . . . IVR?? Really?? Why you sound like that??
Ivyette Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
@Cheekie,
I think everyone is correct. If you speak in a complete sentence, know about subjects and predicates , or if you *gasp* pronounce your g’s and d’s, you “talk like a white girl”.
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
@Ivyette, co-sign the sense of humor. I catch hell because my sense of humor is much broader than just Def Jam/Bad Boy/Comic View. I can appreciate Latino comics too, does that mean I just grew a sombrero?
Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
@Ivyette,
I agree. I get this too. Because I say Chicago and not Chicargo or wedding and not weeeeddin(short e). In regards to humor I think my brother and I are the only black folks that can’t miss an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
@Humble_One,
“In regards to humor I think my brother and I are the only black folks that can’t miss an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.”
No.
Things that will not only cause a “no call back” but also renaming dude “Don’t answer #_”
1) The entire date, I spent listening to air or other people’s conversation
2) Excessive eye wandering, if he asked me out on a date, then may be he need to control his urge to stare at TnA
3) The cell is visible for any other reason than an emergency, or it continues to go off..put it on vibrate
4) Not having enough funds to cover his half of the date
5) We plan a date, and he brings a home boy..wtf
6) Just a bad rude attitude, or staring everybody down..”WHAT? YOU MAD AT DINNER?” -Katt Williams voice
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@YoungBelizeanLady, welcome and sh*t
2) Excessive eye wandering, if he asked me out on a date, then may be he need to control his urge to stare at TnA
you know, if more women would show us their TnA on first dates, our eyes wouldn’t wander so much.
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Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
@Panama Jackson,
you lie…
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YoungBelizeanLady Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Thank you for the welcome
.
and I agree with Smiley Face. If we showed more TnA, the eye wandering with still occur, just slightly later in the date. Along with the guy having a misconception as to how this date will end, i.e the Bedroom.
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Yonnie3k Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
@YoungBelizeanLady, lol @ the Katt Williams reference. “Nucca, you bangin’ on breakfast?!”
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He says “I usually don’t date black women, but you’re so different,plus my mother is going to love you”. This actually happened to me on Saturday night!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@Syreeta, was his name Eldrick??
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Terminator Panama Jackson, EXCELLENT!
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Does number 6 count if your date is not looking?
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
@eff yo couch, if a tree falls in the forest….???
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- If we go to Chili’s and you order Fajitas pronouncing them “Fa-gy-tas”
- If I meet you online and we converse for months but it’s not until you are on your way to meet me that you mention your front teeth got messed up really bad from getting hit in the face playing basketball years ago
- If it is a first date and you mention anything about marrying me and/or how we should procreate because our genes would make superstar athlete children.
- Talking non-stop about yourself. I mean literally – NON-stop
- Asking ME on a date, then asking me if I would mind paying this time because he “got me” next time after he gets paid. Scuse me?
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Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:05 am
@RedPlum,
When I said “Fa-gy-tas” I was only joking with you! Hehe? No?
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RedPlum Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:11 am
@Caballeroso,
lol it was all too serious to be a joke
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
@RedPlum, does it count if you know they know better?
i love ordering Kwesadilas.
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
@RedPlum,
“- If we go to Chili’s and you order Fajitas pronouncing them “Fa-gy-tas””
My mama pronounced “quesadilla” “ka-sell-dah” at Chilli’s one time. LMFAO @ that hot mess. Thank everything that is holy she pointed them out to me saying they looked good before she actually ordered them. It woulda been a *facepalm* moment for me.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
@Cheekie,
lol@ *facepalm* moment.
Letters all in the wrong order and everything, huh? haha@ MamaCheeks. Older black folks love to get “creative” with new words. Word to Barama (Mama English’s name for our POTUS)!
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
@Me fail english?,
LMFAO @ “barama”. That sounds like a liquidation sale event at a furniture store.
And yeah, the “ka-sell-dah” is now a running joke. I never let her hear the end of it. She gives me the death-stare, but she has a sense of humor. She goofy, too.
Kaye Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
@RedPlum,
the first one instantly made me think of Peter Griffin….smh
maybe they should put pronunciations in the menu…lol
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*If all ur money is balled up and stuffed into ur pockets! Get organized son!
*If you keep answering ur cell phone all night!
*If you complain about every little thing!
*If you have road rage!
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A-0 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:53 am
@Stustustudious,
Hey theres nothing wrong with a lil road rage. Have seen the way some peopel drive?
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
@Stustustudious, *If all ur money is balled up and stuffed into ur pockets! Get organized son!
you better be glad he has money to spend. its a recession.
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Stustustudious Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I’m sorry, I can’t! I just can’t get over this. Everytime im in line behind some guy pulling out some from this pocket and that pocket and his sock and what not, I feel sorry 4 his motha!
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If you talk about your experience as an adopted black child in a white family and tell me you’re looking for a good black woman all within 5 minutes of meeting…chances are likely with a chance of definitely you’re not getting called back, or if you call me,that I’m going to have ignore your call.
Girls with daddy issues are a mess. Men with mother issues? Can’t even see it.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
@Kayle, where’s your compassion??!?!?
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Number 8 is definitely on my list…I’m sorry but the minute I see you either lick your fingers or use your thumb to eat anything other than fries, fried chicken and what not you get the inner O_o “oh heyell naw” from me. Add to that..if I see or hear any parts of the digestive process going on…chances are slim that we will be compatible because I’m not going to want to get to ANY restaurant with you.
If you have the brilliant idea of taking me to the movies and I had no earthly idea of what movie it was because your arse either talked or laughed out loud the entire time and then have to nerve to ask me what happened!!!! Da hell!! – 55 points if we go to the “Boulevard” to watch a movie…
If you think Houlihan’s is bougie….like for real?
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@Smiley Face,
“If you think Houlihan’s is bougie….like for real?”
LMAO! I once had a dude tell me I should be able to tell he’s feeling me cause he takes me to “the finer restaurants” (Those were exact words!).
Wanna know where he took me? Benihana and Cheesecake Factory! LOL!
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
@Me fail english?,
Since when is the Cheesecake Factory a finer restaurant? FOH!
Did I miss the memo?
*sniggling*
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
@miss t-lee,
lol. Girrrrrl. You shoulda seen my face. You ever been so dumbfounded you couldn’t help but just give a toothy grin to hold back the hysterical laughter.
I bet he thought I was the crazy one.
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am
@Me fail english?,
Oh heyell naw! LOL
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@Me fail english?, whoa…EVERYBODY knows that cheesecake factory is top shelf. they require shoes and everything to eat there…
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I should’ve asked him to explain. Like where the hell do you take the girls you’re just biding time with? Checkers?
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
@Me fail english?,
Same with folks that think Red Lobster is fine dining. I die a thousand laughable deaths everytime I see folks dressed to the nines going there. WTF…it’s an effing casual franchise. Calm down. lol
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@Cheekie,
Yes! This same fool never had lobster before. So while we’re at Benihana, I suggested he try it while we’re there cuz I’ve had it here and it’s good. He says “Nah. if I’ma get a lobster, I’m getting it from Red’s” like they’re the grand masters of lobster making or smthg?
Where the eff do I find these guys?
Soula Powa Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
@Cheekie,
Alls I’m saying is everybody ain’t able. I’m happy for the fact that y’all are at the financial level that Red Lobster is casual. Some people aren’t there yet. It is what it is.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
@Soula Powa,
I hear what you’re saying but this dude was at the financial level where he was able. As much as he spent on jewelry, sunglasses, giving me money to get my hair and nails done, etc. It wasnt a money thing. It was a “I aint used to nothing” thing.
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
@Soula Powa,
What me fail english said.
Look, I ain’t in no position to be eating out everyday anyway…Red Lobster or not. But the thing is, regardless of financial level, there are still folks that believe Red Lobster is the top of the line when it comes to seafood. It’s kinda like the conundrum when rappers all of a sudden come into a lot of money and buy bling before they buy a dayum house. You can’t buy class is all I’m sayin’.
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@Smiley Face, and you haven’t casually dated in how many years again?
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Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
LMAO!!!! Lemme ‘lone! I’m engaged now so I don’t have to put up with it anymore! *doing happy dance*
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Hahah love the Tyrone Davis pic…lol
#8?!?!? For real? In the words of Champster, “please expound”.
IDK–I don’t really have any set rules as to why he won’t get a call back, but as you mentioned I’m old school, so rarely do I make the first call after an outing. Ball is in your court ninja.
If I do call, that means you’re super duper fly, so don’t do anything to mess it up.
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Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:36 am
@miss t-lee,
re #8 I’m guessing when folk use their thumb as a Knife to scoop food onto their forks, lol.
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 9:59 am
@Smiley Face,
Okay…that makes sense…lol
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
@Smiley Face,
Ugh, I hate that. Looks like they’re sweeping trash into the dustpan. lol
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You were on the phone the whole time…goes back to your date wanting to feel special.
One of you was trying to f*ck on the first date, the other not so much…no call back there!
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…and don’t pick your teeth while you’re talking to me or anyone else…dats not sexy, not sexy at all…
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I had one guy harass me for a date. I finally said yes and he had the nerve to take me out to a restaurant did the ordering of the food appetizer (yes we only had an appetizer because he said he didn’t get paid til Tuesday. And did all the talking. All about himself and how great he was. I wouldn’t have minded picking up the bill for a whole meal plus drinks if he hadn’t been so arrogant and full of himself. Oh and he said that since he didn’t drink I shouldn’t order a drink either SMDH. He got no call back and I ignored him when I saw him around the neighborhood.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
@A-0, I finally said yes and he had the nerve to take me out to a restaurant did the ordering of the food appetizer (yes we only had an appetizer because he said he didn’t get paid til Tuesday.
that’s funny to me.
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No call back from me if….
…you state that you couldn’t be with a guy who doesn’t have kids because you will not be having anymore. Ok, so why are we here?
…cosign on the Halitosis comments above!
…your conversation sux! Know something about something and have an opinion, please! And no, I don’t mean talk about yourself all night.
…cosign on the texting and phone calls comments above.
…you decide you’re going all out and start ordering the things on the menu that you always wanted to try but couldn’t afford (unless of course we’re at Taco Bell, then you get a pass). (I exaggerate for effect.) Once we’re boo’d up, then yeah, I’ll treat you to the best, but on date one…not so much, I don’t know you like that.
…you indicate you are a virgin or are waiting until marriage…been there, done that, life’s too short, I ain’t going back.
…your conversation focuses solely on religion, Jesus, the church, what Paul said, yahda yahda yahda. Go date Paul then!
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
@Caballeroso,
“…you state that you couldn’t be with a guy who doesn’t have kids because you will not be having anymore. Ok, so why are we here?”
I had a dude come at me like that on the first date. Talkin’ about he couldn’t have anymore kids because the factory was closed. He assumed I had some already, he was looking crazy when I said I wanted children…lol
Let’s not waste each other’s time.
Some people say that’s too much info on a first date, but in this case, I welcomed it.
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These are funny. I’ll just add the stuff that has happened to me or a friend:
-I agree with Leila on talking about your ex. I couldn’t figure out if dude was tryna make me jealous, if he was still in love with her, or if he was just so boring that he had nothing else to talk about. Anyhow, dude proceeds to tell me about how she was basically a lunatic whose sole mission in life was to emasculate him. I kinda felt bad, but I couldn’t respect him after that. So why call back?
-Peeing in public. Yep, dude peed on the side of an open restaurant that we were about to patronize! I mean, he could’ve walked like 10 more feet and used an actual urinal. Clearly you dont respect me or yourself for that matter. No call back.
-Asking me to leave the tip. Absolutely not. Some girls are cool with dutch or chipping in on a first date. I’m not one of them.
-Showing up an hour late. This just happened to my homegirl. I actually thought dude liked her too. But that’s what her ass gets. She had us waiting nearly an hour for her on Friday!
-Manhandling me. I had a dude grab my foot from underneath a table, put it in his lap and inspect it to see if I had pretty feet. No call back.
-Overshare (which probably goes along with talking about the ex). Dude seemed a little bitter/touched on the date..but he was so cute!
So we get to playing phone tag and I decide to leave a msg…
*gospel music intro* Hello, you’ve reached Darnell. Sorry I can’t come to the phone right now but you should know that everything you do will come to light. You thought you was gonna go around town playing me out?! Well I’m God’s child! Can’t nobody hold me down!
*beeeeep*
*click*
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
@Me fail english?,
“-Asking me to leave the tip. Absolutely not. Some girls are cool with dutch or chipping in on a first date. I’m not one of them.”
*daps*
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An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am
@miss t-lee
Ha! That’s my sign to “friends” that we are actually just that. I won’t necessarily make them pay for their meal, but I do want the last thing they think to be, “Hey, maybe this isn’t going to go as I planned.”
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:08 am
@An Island,
Hahahahaha
That’s great.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
@Me fail english?,
OH SHET!!!
How could I forget the worst date of my life!! I won’t bore yall with a big ass novel but here are the take homes:
-If you badger me to work in your strip club
-If you “rape-kiss” me
-If you take me to your hood for no reason other than to show me off to your family/friends (one of the singly most awkward moments of my life..and his ex was there!!)
-If you see the dudes who robbed your club last month in the pool hall and confront them while Im with you in the parking lot. Talmbout “but you was in the car” like bullets can’t pierce steel.
smh. It was a rough night. Needless to say… we saw each other again
I was a broke college student. He liked to give me money *hangs head in shame*
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An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:07 am
@Me fail english?
“rape-kiss” . . . hilarious and disturbing all at the same time.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:10 am
@Me fail english?, ahhhhh the rape-kiss, LLS had that happen once, and I truly wanted to vomit, that sh*t nauseated me to the 9th degree, that killed any chnace dude had!
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@OrangeStar616,
Girl, he literally grabbed my face with his hand (Im already grossed out by hands touching faces. Even if its not my own).
On second thought, that wasnt the first date. That was the LAST time I saw him. It wasnt so much the force as it was the hands on my face. I hopped out the car in traffic I was so pissed.
OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@Me fail english?, LLS, dayum, LOL!!
Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:52 am
@Me fail english?, awesome principles you got there, girl…
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
Damn your sarcastic tone! That’s probably the reason we stopped dating! lol
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:43 am
@Me fail english?,
I’m mad at this whole comment!!! LMAO!!! Had me swinging and I’ont even know this/these dude(s)! GIRL!!!!!
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SouthernCharm Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am
@Me fail english?,
“-Asking me to leave the tip. Absolutely not. Some girls are cool with dutch or chipping in on a first date. I’m not one of them.”
Well at least you know what you want out of life.
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@Me fail english?,
*dying* @ the overshare message. Even God givin’ him the side-eye like, “I’aint wanna know all’at!!!”
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legitimate_soul Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
@Me fail english?,
-Peeing in public. Yep, dude peed on the side of an open restaurant that we were about to patronize! I mean, he could’ve walked like 10 more feet and used an actual urinal. Clearly you dont respect me or yourself for that matter. No call back.
^ Dude couldn’t wait and use the bathroom in the restaurant?
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legitimate_soul Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
@legitimate_soul,
^Sorry, for the double question and I know that was the point of your post…but it’s just so triflin’ and nasty that I’m dumbstruck.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@legitimate_soul,
I still dont get the rationale behind that. I asked him (visibly annoyed) why didn’t he just wait? And he gave one of those man answers where they’re not actually listening to the question but any ol words come out. Like “‘Cause it’s sunset!”
Da fcuk? This fool had the nerve to call me like once a week for the next couple months after that.
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Ivyette Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
@Me fail english?,
Cosign for “-Asking me to leave the tip. Absolutely not. Some girls are cool with dutch or chipping in on a first date. I’m not one of them.”
You could possibly say the same for any future dates. Oh boy….I think I touched a nerve for the “Who pays first” crew.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@Ivyette,
Yeah I don’t believe in paying for dates while you’re courting me. If I’m paying for you to eat Ima need a better title than “It’s Complicated”. lol I just thought the first date thing was universal. Who knew?!
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
@Me fail english?,
“Yeah I don’t believe in paying for dates while you’re courting me.”
Can I get an amen?
Especially not the 1st one. But then again, I know we’ve discussed this on here before.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
@miss t-lee,
That discussion may have been before my time. I dont know any women who own up to going dutch, but I have met (well, at least heard of) men that expect a split. Which means somewhere out there it’s a woman doing it. For shame!
miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
@me fail english?,
It mighta been before you found us…lol
It was a hotly contested debate, especially when I said I don’t even do the pretend reach for the purse…lol
*Your cell phone has a Minneapolis area code but you live in Detroit.
*You tell me that you are in the “music biz” and you were Tupac’s bodyguard and one of his best friends- “sigh” and major side eye.
*You tell me the best girlfriend you ever had gave it up after the first date and all you did was share a pack of Skittles and talk, and I should be just as “open minded”
*Wonder aloud if the woman who gave me a compliment on my shoes at the restaurant would be interested in a threesome.
*Tell me how much money you make a year, how much money you have in your bank account and 401k, how much your mortgage and car note are and ask me how much money I make a year and calculate how much our combined income would be.
* Tell me that you are not marrying anybody that does not look like a combination of Lisa Ray and Jennifer Lopez.-yeah ok good luck son!
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IVR Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@PrincessCutc, “*Your cell phone has a Minneapolis area code but you live in Detroit.”
What if every single person you know lives in Detroit . . . including your family that have not evolved into the calling other area codes without a phone card deal yet . . . (I have a new york area code). Maybe I’m missing the logic here . . .
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PrincessCutc Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@IVR,
For this particular person, it was all part of him being very evasive and the whole thing had a unofficial “witness protection” feel to it.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@PrincessCutc, must be situational cuz i know a rack of ninjas with out of area code numbers.
hell it took me years to get rid of my (404) area code…i’m still a little misty about that…
MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@Panama Jackson,
MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Dang, multi-tasking isn’t working for me today. Sorry about the blank post.
Sula Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
@PrincessCutc,
*Your cell phone has a Minneapolis area code but you live in Detroit.
I hardly meet anybody with a local cell phone nowadays. People keep the same phone while moving from city to city.
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before I read over the comments, I’ll just add…… you ain’t the one.
Some folk will waste time on folk. knowing they ainl;t the one, and some folk won’t. Some people do fillers and others only the real thing…some would say how can you tell only after one date, if you have to check your pulse every five minutes or so to see if you still alive, cause they elicit nothing in terms of chemistry… I’d wager they are not the one.
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@OrangeStar616,
“some would say how can you tell only after one date,”
My question is how could you not?!
Always go with your first mind. Everytime I gave a kat a 2nd chance that should not have went past “go” I’ve been wrong…lol
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
@miss t-lee, very seldom does your intuition or gut stir you wrong, almost never.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@OrangeStar616, steer, not stir my bad…007 LLS
legitimate_soul Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@miss t-lee,
Always go with your first mind. Everytime I gave a kat a 2nd chance that should not have went past “go” I’ve been wrong…lol
^Co-sign!
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8 ) You eat with a fork and your thumb
I’ve seen this happen with my own two eyes, and no, I never called her back. I did watch in disgust and dismay. At The Cheesecake Factory.
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! That ish happened to me with this fool at Macaroni Grill…AND he licked his fingers!!! I’m almost positive I had that same look of disgust and dismay on my face….needless to say, he NEVER got a call back…WHERE are your freakin table manners?? I would venture to say, he probably eats at the kids table on holidays…
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@This Just In…,
I dont understand how people lick their fingers. That is some low class, disgusting shet. Even in the privacy of your home. How do you stick finger into ANY orifice like shet is all good? In public no less?!
Most of these dealbreakers I’d just bite my tongue, smile, and quietly write a man off the list. But ohno! Ima have to tell you bout that there. Off with your head!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@Me fail english?, y’all must don’t eat good wings. cuz a good set of wings will have you licking your fingers.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I eat wings and still dont lick the sauce off my fingers. Everybody has their things that they think are just horribly gross. The licking fingers (along with hands on faces) is my thing. Blech!
Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@Me fail english?, So let me understand this….you’ll eat the wing that your fingers picked up, so long as the wing acts as a buffer between your mouth and your fingers? Do you use a napkin to pick up the wing or perhaps a fork? Just curious.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@Caballeroso,
Well as long we’re extending to the absurd, do you also stick fingers in your nose and ears at the dinner table? Ya know, to work around those pesky q-tip/Kleenex buffers.
Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
@Me fail english?, touche’
Well, i once upon a time went on a date with a chick and her breath smelled like she gargled with doo doo. Very nice girl but what do you say to her when she calls, “hey, unfortunately I really couldn’t focus on anything you said because I was too busy trying to hold my breath when you spoke”.
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1. If your biological clock is ticking loud enough for me to hear it across the table, I’m not calling back (true story, every other word out of her mouth was about her desire to have kids NOW)
2. If you are only capable of discussing pop culture, I’m not calling back.
3. If you ask me how much I make… you guessed it, not calling back
4. and finally if she actually believes Lil Wayne is a better MC than Jay.
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Xave Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
@Mr. Kay,
“If you are only capable of discussing pop culture, I’m not calling back. ”
This is a great one. I mean if your primary source for the news is US Weekly then I am not calling you back.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@Mr. Kay, well can she really help that, women do have a window, unlike men, and at least she was upfront and honest about her desires etc !!! LOL
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@OrangeStar616,
Yeah, there’s a such thing as a woman acting like she’s obsessed with kids (bad) but depending on how old they are that isht needs to come up earlier than later.
I was watching Dr. Phil and he had all these old ass childless men talmbout “they dont wanna hear anything bout some kids for the first few dates.” lol. What are yall’s old asses waiting for?
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Me fail english?,
they probly aint waiting for anything. They probly dont want kids.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@Deviant,
I meant why are they waiting to talk about it. If you dont want kids and she’s all for it, seems better to establish that early on before folks (women) get all attached and try their hand at changing you.
OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:51 am
@Me Fail pretty much, some folk have time to waste I guess like I said before tho * kanye Shrug*
Mr. Kay Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@Me fail english?,
I can understand and respect the “window” and I know it’s a discussion that needs to happen relatively early on… but d*mn, the first date? Can I enjoy the bread the waiter JUST put on the table before having to discuss having kids? H*ll I don’t even know if we’re going to make it to dessert before my “potential bunny boiler alarm” starts going off. I think the kids discussion should at least wait until we’ve exchanged home numbers and not just cell phones.
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@Mr. Kay,
lol@ Bunny boiler alert
OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@Mr. Kay, ditto Me Fails “LOL”
SouthernCharm Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@Mr. Kay,
“4. and finally if she actually believes Lil Wayne is a better MC than Jay.”
What? Cancel that *****! I’ll buy me another!
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
@Mr. Kay, 2. If you are only capable of discussing pop culture, I’m not calling back.
i feel you, at the same time, i’m visibly annoyed by people with no concept of pop culture.
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
@Panama Jackson,
you have to find that balance.
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Yonnie3k Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
@Deviant & Panama,
Finding the balance is crucial. I went on a first date with this guy last Wednesday and I started talking about Tiger Woods. He cut me off IN MID SENTENCE to say, “If he wasn’t famous, would be be talking about this? I don’t discuss things like that” <— something to this effect. WTF??? Mind you, we had just talked about politics and history for the last 30 minutes (he's a history professor) so its not like he could have thought that I wasn't well rounded. It was a MAJOR turn off. 1) b/c he cut me off so rudely and 2) b/c I like to laugh and that Tiger Woods voice mail was HILAROUS!!
Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@Mr. Kay,
I feel you on #1. I went out with Lisa in September. She was 41 and told me she wanted to be pregnant by January because she did not want to be pregnant at 42. Bye bye Lisa and thanks for sharing…oh, and good luck with that.
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Can’t stand desperation, it’s just ugly in a man and on that note gossiping and negativity is too!! I’ll Pass the Convo was Trash!!
Also, when I hug you at the end of the night and your Peen is so hard its poking me in the belly button….YOU.DON’T.GET.A.CALL.BACK
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@TiP,
I would think wood is the goal. Why go out with a girl that doesn’t give you wood?
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
@Deviant, on a first date tho, thats a bit tacky, yucky, and presumptous even if she knows, she wants to possibly phcuk you LLS!!!
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
@OrangeStar616,
LLS? dont know what that means
so I’m the only one that whips it out on first dates? How am I supposed to break the ice then? I don’t wanna talk about your day.
OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:43 am
@Deviant, laughin like sh*t…….come on young, nothing wrong with erections or letting your size be known EARLY,
but not on the first date, wait til its gets to the heavy petting phase @ least..I guess for some tho that is the first date LLS
Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@Deviant,
the heavy petting phase should start when I pick you up and say hello
TiP Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
@Deviant,
I mean wood is good, when both parties are ready. But the first date? I mean I know you wanna smash cause you asked me out but show a little self control.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
@TiP, you short, huh?
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TiP Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
@Panama Jackson,
Yep, 5′5 with brown eyes, smile like the sunrise…plus I dig tall men.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
@TiP, 5′5 ain’t short girl its just right says another 5′5 chica
MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
@TiP,
dang, making me feel midget size, lol. I’m only 5′3. You are right, tall men are scrumptious.
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@MzKang,
Also 5′3”. 5′5” ain’t short! lol
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
@MzKang,
girl don’t feel bad..i MIGHT be 5.5″ in some heels! “short as a second” as my daddy used to say, lol
Ivyette Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@TiP,
LOL @ “Also, when I hug you at the end of the night and your Peen is so hard its poking me in the belly button….YOU.DON’T.GET.A.CALL.BACK”
Just give him that 90 degree hug. The top half of your body embraces him while the lower half of your body is far far away. Now, if that thing is still able to poke you…
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Yonnie3k Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 7:51 pm
TiP could also give him a Christian Side Hug
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MzKang Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 12:37 am
@Yonnie3k,
Lol. The kids at my work have to give side hugs. Maybe I should play that for them.
Yonnie3k Reply:
December 9th, 2009 at 1:17 am
@MzKang, Where do you work? And WWWHHHYYYYY do they have to give side hugs?
I was in the car with a male friend of mine, and this dude actually pulled out a cup that he keeps in the back seat to pee in! He was like “excuse me, but I gotta go”! He peed in the damn cup and then poured the pee out at the red light. AND THEN PUT THE DAMN PEE PEE CUP BACK IN THE BACK SEAT!!! That was in October, I haven’t spoken to him since!
FELLAS? REALLY? A PEE PEE CUP?
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Xave Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:03 am
@Stustustudious, At least you know the guy doesn’t suffer from ED. lol
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
@Stustustudious,
while on a road trip a cat I was rolling with used a empty coek bottle as a pee bottle so we wouldn’t waste time stopping for him to pee. He was filling it up every half hour. All of us on the trip thought it was genius. The people driving behind us probly thought otherwise as he emptied the bottle out the window as we drove on the highway. Turns out he was diabetic and his having to pee constatly was the first sign of it.
Don’t knock the genius of the pee cup
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Caballeroso (EMT) Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
@Deviant, Yes, polyurea is an advance warning to diabetes mellitus. Also, polyphagia (overeating), polydyspnea (excessive thirst/drinking), or urine that smells like fruit loops.
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Moni in the middle Reply:
December 10th, 2009 at 1:49 am
@Caballeroso (EMT),
VSB: Helping me study for exams (even when I’m actually procrastinating).
Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
@Stustustudious, he did this in front of you? lol.
wang freedom fo’ lyfe.
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Stustustudious Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
@Panama Jackson,
yeah he did it in front of me! I’d been looking at the wang for 4 years. It wasn’t a frist date, but I was disgusted enough not to talk to him again!
Relationship OVA!
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MzKang Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
@Stustustudious,
I am disgusted by this. Who does that?!?
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Back in the day I took a girl to Pizza Hut.We ate and all that everything was cool. After we finished we were tryin to tab out and leave but the server was takin too long to come back to our table. I’m thinking maybe we need to go to the register to pay so we get the pizza box (we aint kill the pizza) and walk to the register. The kids that were working there didn’t even look up at us to ask us if we wanted to pay. First thing I’m thinking is “free meal, lets bail” but the girl is hesitant for some reason. I think she thougth dipping out on the check was wrong. Whatever for that. We causally went out the front door with a free meal in hand. The rest of the night she seemd bothered by the fact that we stole a pizza and she ended up naggin me about it till we gave teh whole thing to some “homeless” guy. (while in college in Nashville it wasnt unusual for people to pose as homeless to get handouts. You ccould make more money doin this than working some jobs there. For this reason I assumed every guy I saw begging was holding more cash than me which was mostly true). I didn’t talk to her for like 2 weeks. I saw her at a football game some tiem afterward and she just said I was too grimey for her tastes. I wasn’t even mad. I took pride in this.
Basically I’m saying I think stealing could probly lead to not getting a callback. Some people think this kind of thing is wrong.
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
@Deviant,
I forgot to add that on the way there I may have murdered a kitten. I was driving extra fast down a backstreet for no reason. It was dark and there may have been cats trying to cross in front of me. It was either him or me and I aint swerving off the road for no cat. I think that upset her for a lil bit. She forgot about it after I stole the pizza.
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A-0 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
@Deviant,
lmao…so to her you was a theif and animal killer.
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Panama Jackson Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Deviant, these comments are hilarious. thank you and good night.
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
@Panama Jackson,
I live this sh!t man
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@Deviant,
iCan’t with you today! LOL!!
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
@Smiley Face,
so what about tomorrow?
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@Deviant,
maybe…lol
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
@Deviant,
So you stole a pizza and murdered a kitten? Did you eat a baby, too?
Oh, seriously, though…*high five* on the Pizza Hut. It ain’t like it’s always worth paying for anyway. lol
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Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Cheekie,
I’ve eaten baby cows and unborn chickens. Do they count?
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
@Deviant,
I ain’t a PETA member, so nope.
But if I were….*shakes fist*
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@Cheekie,
lol@ ate a baby. I dont care how cute and fly Deviant was. She better NOT have called you back after this. Just blatant misanthropy (and whatever you call hatred of kittens) all on this date. And he just had to pick the cutest animal on Earth to waste
. I would’ve prayed and cried the whole car ride.
Deviant Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
@Me fail english?,
I’m quite handsome but I’m far too modest to say that kind of thing about myself.
She was quite bothered by the posible kitten murder but I refused to turn around and check if there was a body cause you don’t pull over at that time of night and get out of the car in that hood. Wasn’t trying to be in the news at nine as the lastest robbery victim.
I won’t speak on whether or not she called me back (she did) cause I dont kiss and tell and my girl reads this and just the fact that I recalled a date with another chick irks her. I just tell the story cause I got a free pizza.
Yonnie3k Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
@Deviant, oh. my. god. It took me a while to read this whole comment b/c I was dying laughing at the first sentence. You are TOO MUCH.
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Kaye Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
@Deviant,
*DEAD* especially after the possible murder of a kitten.
I’m also all for free stuff…I woulda walked out too…
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My overall excuse for not calling back is:
She gives me nothing to call her back about. There are some chicks out there with dry personalities and that is the ultimate deal breaker. If she has nothing of substance to offer or can’t get the gears in my head spinning above 5000RPMs then she gets discontinued.
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Scipio Africanus Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
@CPT Callamity, Unfortunately there’s way too many women that never learned the value of having real personalities. Well no, I’ll say when date time comes, alot of them stop being the way they are around their freinds and family (which is generally cool, fun, maybe even a little funny) and suddenly jump into “show me what you got” mode, where they just expect the dude to put on a show for them while they sit back and passively observe you.
They don’t get called back.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
@Scipio Africanus, brothers are in this post hitting nails right on their respective heads today. Good stuff.
Pair her “show me what you got” aspect of with her aforementioned “wanting a free outing” aspect and a man should have every right to feel like “what’s in this for me?!?”
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@CPT Callamity, reminds me of the chick that likes to just be quiet. I’m in the game like “booch, I wanna be entertained too! You thought I was here to just throw money at the wall to see what sticks?”
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BKSweetheart Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@CPT Callamity, now that’s TOO funny but at the same time.. you got these psuedo intellectual ninjas who think cause they have an MBA or some shyt that all you want to do is talk about business and politics the whole date. That’s all well and fine (i’m knowledgeable about both) but at the same time, i don’t want to feel like I’m being tested to see how smart I am or how much i know about what’s going on in the world. Its like ninja, you f*cking wanna be yuppie douchebag, I meet guys like you a dime a dozen.. I need not try to impress you… how about you impress ME.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
@BKSweetheart,
Hell yes! Even worse are the ones that you’re not on a date with, not talking to, not even giving any attn. You say one thing about your opinion on this, how you read bout that and they wanna jump in and beat you in the head in the middle of the mixer like they got smthg to prove. Get the chip off your shoulder. It only lowers your stock!
I call it “pulling a Morehouse”! LOL (Hey, Pan Pan)
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CPT Callamity Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
@BKSweetheart,
Sorry you ladies have those experiences. I’m one of the more fun dates. I crack jokes on myself. I point out something other patrons are doing. That’s why most of the time the chick picks up the tab (I do offer but…).
@ScipioAfricanus:
How right you are. I’ve sworn off “dating” though. Now I just make arrangements to meet for drinks with no pressure. I call it a Liquid Screening. If I can’t have a decent conversation over a beverage whilst sitting at a bar, I don’t want anything else to do with her after that. Saves a lot of time and headaches (and cheese).
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Getting too fresh with me on a first date would be on my list….
had this guy…who I happened to not be all that attracted to once I saw him in good lighting do that to me….he came over and sat on my side of the table and was trying to rub on my legs and stuff on a daytime lunch date a few blocks from my job…. just ewe…ninja I don’t know you like that and haven’t you ever heard of personal space……
his number was promptly lost
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am
@klysha, I had a bisexual looking stripper from ATL o_O , approach me rather aggressively and tried to give me a lapdance @ Cafe on Ocean dr, in the middle of the afternoon wit a family seated right next us…FAIL,
“so I walked away,
he called me a teaser,
you’re on a mission kid, yo he’s a TRAMP ” LLS
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@klysha,
Haha. That reminds me of Harlem Heights when that creepy Piere guy was rubbing the girl’s leg as he was asking for a date. Why not just speed this up and shoot yourself in the foot, perv?
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Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
@Me fail english?,
Harlem Heights? The show about the bougie negroes right?
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
@Humble_One,
Yessir. The extended Roc-a-Wear/Dr. Palmer’s/AT&T commercial. I’ll watch almost anything with black folks in it. Don’t judge me!
legitimate_soul Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
@Me fail english?,
I saw 3 episodes back to back. I judge no one!
- You act stiff and super-formal, like this is a real job interview
- You seem bored (in which case you probably won’t mind that I not call you back, so it’s all good)
- You spend more than 60 seconds talking about any other guy not related to you
- You look significantly different than your picture (for my internet dating heads)
- I ask you for another date sometime in the next 5 days, even a really short one, and you act like it’s going to be super-difficult, and you don’t say “yes” right then and there (if she’s really interested, she’ll make time – no matter WHAT she’s got going on)
- You make it clear that you’re not going to be sexually active (I hate myself for this one, but I’m just being honest. It’s probably for the best on both sides that I not call you.)
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
@Scipio Africanus, everything you just dropped is behavior seen almost exclusively in chicks. Not a VSS here can attribute any but one of these traits to dudes…because we just don’t behave that way.
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Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
@Scipio Africanus,
Glad I’m not the only one!
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An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
@Scipio Africanus
“You look significantly different than your picture (for my internet dating heads)”
I’ve never and probably will never do internet dating, but the more I talk to my friends well . . . fish in a barrel and all that. And some smart sexy women too! Anyway, don’t people have a problem with their picture being put out there? I mean, what if a co-worker sees that you’re on, or some person you barely know? It just seems like it screams, “I can’t do things the normal way.” What am I missing?
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Scipio Africanus Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
@An Island, That’s why I stay off of Match. I’ve perused it a few times and spotted a few people I know, just in a matter of maybe a half hour. I’ve mostly spent time on other sites.
But I’ve found that alot of women aren’t nearly as approachable as theyd’ like to think they are. Once I left college, options for meeting women became way fewer. You really can not just walk up to a young lady on the street and introduce yourself. You just can’t. No, I take that back, if you’re super good looking or you have Jedi mind powers or she’s eyeballing you like a plate of cheesegrits in Jill Scott’s kitchen, you can. Otherwise, no.
So once your mine your friends’ friends, shite where you eat (work), and realize the club won’t work, what do you have left? Probably not a whole lot.
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CPT Callamity Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
@Scipio Africanus,
Your #5 and #6…Brilliant!
#5 especially. I know a chick that I could call on Saturday and say “hey, when’s the next time you have free”so that I can setup a follow up. She is ALWAYS on some “well, I have a church dinner tonite, a happy hour Monday, a banquet on Wednesday…” I’m like you’re that busy huh? Well can you at least finish your degree before overbooking your social life? sheesh!
An Island Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
@Scipio Africanus
Interesting. The club/bar is good for sheer numbers, but definitely lacking in the personality department. Same for waitresses, hostesses, women who actually stop to talk on the street etc. Imma think on it.
Wonders to self:
-how many people here eat BBQ or burgers. People are talking as if their dates still suck their thumbs or put an unwashed hand in their mouth after they wiped their *ss or something.
-if the VSSes notice that females are by far bigger offenders with the cell phone thing than guys could possibly be. If I had a dollar for every chick I’ve seen date her phone…
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
I eat BBQ and burgers and I absolutely DO NOT lick my fingers. That’s why God made napkins.
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Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
That’s BBQ or burgers and even still at restaurants, there are wet naps and this is a first date. Why I got to hear slurp slurp slurp smack, why do I have to see you hunched over your plate like a pig in a trough…datssonotchexyatall?! Hell on a first date don’t even take me to a restaurant who menu is primarily finger food…
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BKSweetheart Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
@Smiley Face, haha yeah I once went on a date with this dude and he was eating like cheese fries or some shyt and kept licking every single one of his fingers… it was GROSS!!! But the worst part about it is that while he doing it, he’s sitting up there with this big azz grin on his face like that shyts whats cookin on the concrete…
Needless to say, there was not a date #2
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Being deadly gastastic on the first date.
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YESSSS!!!!!!! I was upset due to last night’s debacle, but I tell you P nothing makes me feel better than the good ole VSB dealbreaker post! Its like being home sick and turning on Maury, you know what you’re bout to get but it doesn’t make it any less entertaining. Allow me to grab my snuggie and sip on some bailey’s while I watch the show.
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Dorian G., maybe it’s time for DC Black folks to focus on the Capitols. Because Skins, Natinals, and Les Bullets will not bring any relief to y’all.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, you know what I got a funny feeling the Skins bout to be Vicious, for real tho!!!!!!
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Stuff Ghetto People Like Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@OrangeStar616, and I thought Raiders fans were insane.
OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like, I’m telling you, memba I said it next year LOL
Dorian G. Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@Stuff Ghetto People Like,
And its Lez Boulez
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“Isn’t the Rush Card one of the silliest ideas ever? So you put money on it upfront so you have plastic, because presumably you don’t have a bank account. Perhaps I’m an elitist here, but I’m willing to bet that if you don’t have a bank account you don’t really need a piece of plastic to eat out or buy sh*t online. ”
To answer your question, hell to the yes. Hell, Russell Simmons himself should be too elitist to even create the m-effer. GTFOH w/ “In today’s world, you need plastic”. Yeah, REAL plastic, not some bootleg 3-dollar-bill credit card with an effing Baby Phat feline slapped on it.
“What are some other ways to ensure that you will absolutely not get a call back? ”
- You pull out the wallet, showing baby pictures, one of which resembles an albino Flava Flav and you coo about how you want some more little rugrats running around the crib. First off, it’s too soon for a first date and even if your date DOES want to have kids in the future, she/he wouldn’t want ‘em to resemble yours.
- You (a male) carry a murse.
- You (a female) have an Adam’s apple that even an Apple Orchard would envy.
- You make that “old people — sans teeth — eating creamed corn” sound when you eat.
- You (male) say, “Lets join forces” when the check arrives after the meal. On a blind date. Seriously, some douche on The City (don’t judge me, I love me some ridiculous reality tv) actually said this. He needed to go t SADDOWN hell, promptly.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@Cheekie,
lol@ “let’s join forces”
This would get a chuckle out of me. But no money.
And I never met anyone with an ugly kid but I have def. seen ppl pull out pics of some un-cute ones. My punk ass just lies like “aww they’re adorable”. I’m easily intimidated.
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
@Me fail english?,
“My punk ass just lies like “aww they’re adorable”.”
LOL! Yeah, I usually try somethin’ slick like, “Aww, look at the baby!!”. See? I didn’t comment either way. Babies just elicit “aws” because they’re little. Didn’t mean I didn’t think they look like Gollum’s 3rd cousin twice removed.
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
@Cheekie, @me fail english?
This is where the saying “bless your heart” is most applicable.
Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@miss t-lee,
Or “Awww…look at him little hands!”
klysha Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
@Me fail english?, I usually go with awwww they’re so precious!!!
cuz I think all of God’s children are precious
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1. Your late, like real late, thirty minutes or so, then I won’t be there and you won’t be getting a call. Exceptions made if I am briefed about it and you couldn’t control it.
2. If you aren’t close to your family, without an explanation, or you are too close to your family, you won’t be getting a call. The concept of a man being real close to his mother is great, until somehow its you pitted against his mother.
3. If your main source of information is from TMZ, Bossip, ect., things will get stale real quick like. I don’t have to debate whether the abortion finance option was necessary, but at least tell me something you have passion for outside of work.
4. If you give me a grocery list of why your other relationships didn’t work in the span of five minutes, from High School to the present, no call back. Guess what, maybe it wasn’t all them girls, but you.
5. If I find out your 41, lie about your age, and are still hitting the club scene three times a week. Not even a follow up text will be provided.
6. Your in a relationship, but it ain’t working. I’m not the life vest, nor a rescue boat to save you.
7. You tell me how you have a thing for Asian girls, and they are just different, especially the Korean ones. Ummm…good for you, did you notice I’m not Asian, and those comments are about as stereotypical as you could get? Pass!
8. You don’t like animals and/or kids, then something is up.
9. You use PIMP at any stage of our conversation.
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A few reasons I will not call you back
-You use terms like “good hair”
-You show your cleavage and it looks like someone did a holeshot on a gsxr b/w your tata’s
-You can only talk about pop culture
-You don’t have an opinion about or can’t discuss social issues or current events.
-You order the most expensive thing on the menu and don’t eat it.
- Every topic ends up being about you talking about you.
-Your taste in music is the same as a 13 year old girl.
-Religion comes up every 2 seconds in your conversation
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Caballeroso Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
@Humble_One,
I think we’ve dated the same chicks, see comment 32 of this post.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
@Humble_One,
“You show your cleavage and it looks like someone did a holeshot on a gsxr b/w your tata’s”
Hmm. This sounds bad…but I dont know what it means.
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Smiley Face Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@Me fail english?,
me either..i’m confuzzled
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Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
@Smiley Face,
Same. O_O
Can I have a google image of this phenomenon or somethin’, please?
Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
@Me fail english?,
holeshot – the starting performance of a vehicle. A vehicle that is fast off the line (though not necessarily fast overall) is said to have a good “holeshot”. I said holeshot because when a holeshot is done their are tire marks or skidmarks from the motorcycle left on the ground. This chic had some type of rough motorcycle type skid mark b/w her tata’s.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
@Humble_One, interesting, I learned something LOL,, and damn to that brawd, how does that happen? LLS
Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
@OrangeStar616,
lol. Yeah I’m not all the way there yet. Like is this manspeak for “stretchmarks=no call back”?
Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
@OrangeStar616,
The woman had her shirt open showing cleavage. Between her tatas was a long dark mark running north/south. The mark looked like a skidmark. Maybe it was her birthmark? IDK. But it was a turnoff.
Everyone’s stories are hilarious. I really don’t have much of a list because I would usually talk to a woman enough times to know whether I would want to go anywhere in public with her, you know, catch the bad habits on the phone so there aren’t too many surprises. But I got a few deal breakers.
Rude – I can’t stand classless women, so act like you go some home training and treat people with respect.
No/limited conversation – Can’t do dumb women. The world is bigger than what wack music is out and Ray J.
Ordering the most expensive thing on the menu – Hey, I just met you. I don’t know you like that and you ain’t my momma. Only she has that privilege.
Talking on the phone – A clear sign you are not interested in what is happening at the moment.
Smacking while you eat – close your mouth. You are not a cow.
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Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
@ComicBookGuy,
No/limited conversation – Can’t do dumb women. The world is bigger than what wack music is out and Ray J.
This is too common amongst men and women.
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ComicBookGuy Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
@Humble_One,
I know. It’s really sad.
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OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
@ComicBookGuy,
“boys with small talk and small minds don’t impress me in bed”………oh but it don’t get that far LOL..
ComicBookGuy Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
@OrangeStar616,
As said by the still lovely Sheila E. That woman has aged wonderfully.
Things I haven’t called a guy back for:
1. Getting so high that you end up puking all over my bathroom.
2. Offerring to cook me a home cooked meal for a date and then suggesting pizza rolls for that home cooked meal.
3. Leaving me alone in your apartment for 45 minutes (on our 2nd date) while you run something to your cousin.
4. Eating your dinner while sitting with prison posture…ya know, hunch over your plate thinking somebody is going to shank you for your steak. Holmes, ain’t no one trying to grab your steak at Outback.
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miss t-lee Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
@luvtheshoes,
“Holmes, ain’t no one trying to grab your steak at Outback.”
This just made me laugh real loud here in the cube.
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Kaye Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
@miss t-lee, me too…got tears forming…
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klysha Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
@luvtheshoes, I’m so mad at the home cooked pizza rolls
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You admit to killing someone and show no remorse.
You speak so agressively I’m compelled to ask you if you’ve ever hit a woman.
You try to be slick with a coupon and the waitress busts you out. Seriously? Either take me somewhere you can afford or tell me up front you have a coupon.
You consistently drop names.
You haven’t graduated from high school AND have no G.E.D AND you’re 40.
These are all true.
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Me fail english? Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
@Nola Darling,
“Either take me somewhere you can afford or tell me up front you have a coupon.”
LOL. I think I’d be kinda impressed with this. I’m frugal my damn self. I can appreciate another bargain hunter. Esp. if it means we’re still doing the stuff we like. (I cant take cheap ppl who just resign themselves to doing nothing but cheap isth!)
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BKSweetheart Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
@Me fail english?, “(I cant take cheap ppl who just resign themselves to doing nothing but cheap isth!)”
Yeah but how about those folks that are just cheap for no d*mn reason. They sit up there and brag about all the cool stuff they do and the cool stuff they bought but when it comes to taking you out, it’s like, wanna go get a slice?
yeah, NO! you cheap azz sommamab*itch
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Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
@BKSweetheart,
“Yeah but how about those folks that are just cheap for no d*mn reason. They sit up there and brag about all the cool stuff they do and the cool stuff they bought but when it comes to taking you out, it’s like, wanna go get a slice?”
This is a woman’s definition of cheap. Obviously if he bought cool stuff for himself and did cool stuff for himself he isn’t cheap. If he was cheap he wouldn’t do those things for himself.
BKSweetheart Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
@Humble_One, hell yeah thats my definition of cheap.. why? cause you’re bragging. you’re trying to impress me (a.k.a. get in the drawers) but when it comes to actually putting your money where your mouth is, you trying to be slick and get the most while spending the least. I’m not a gold digger but at the same time, aint nothing worse than a cheap ass ninja…
If I met you here in the Financial District in NYC and you had a suit and tie on and gonna sit up there and tell me all about your fancy job and shyt, when it comes to us going out, you BETTER not be on no “wanna go dutch?” shyt. F*ck that. NEXT!
OrangeStar616 Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
@BK Sweets, a CHINCHY a$$ dude is the worst, thats in my top five offenses and pet peeves.
Esp if a mofo got it and esp if you ain’t tryna dig all up in a nucca pockets…….cheap bastards!
That sh*t ain’t cute.
Cheekie Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
@Nola Darling,
“Either take me somewhere you can afford or tell me up front you have a coupon.”
I love how TGIFridays be treatin’ folks when they state on their coupon that their “buy one entree, get one free” coupon is not valid on Valentine’s Day. LMFAO. That’s what they get! Eff your cheap life. And Fridays shouldn’t even have to tell folks this, but alas…
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Humble_One Reply:
December 8th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
@Nola Darling,
“You haven’t graduated from high school AND have no G.E.D AND you’re 40″
I know you said this is true but I can’t believe it. Where did you find this dude? Could he even find a job?
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LOL at your list, especially #7. I didn’t call a guy back because all he talked about was work and how much money he made. I figured if he thought that his money would inpress me, then he had the wrong girl.
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There are too many reasons not to call someone back….and the eff’d up part is that the sometimes change from date to date. But two that are totally unacceptable in my book…
1. If your hand wanders anywhere near your phone while we are on a date
2. You talk about your ex or ask me about my ex.
I also don’t like you asking me if I liked the date…the hell outta here! If you gotta ask, then you know the damn answer.
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Omg, you can actually choose a Rush Card with a picture of a diamond on it.
Hell no he didn’t do that.
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You’ve obviously dated women I’ve dated before…LMAO!
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Thank you and sh*t. I appreciate the welcome. I appreciated the new phrase, but why was Tom Green there? I HIGHLY doubt he and Ray J are friends.
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If dude is trying to pressure me into having sex!! Seriously! This can take a dude from 10 to zero on the smash potential scale. Even if I was going to give it up I’m def not gonna do it now.
Pre 401k I might’ve chuckled and let that ish slide BUT ninja I’m grown and don’t need no persuasive “joking” comments about how much you want to smash. No call back & No buns for you!
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ok so the lemonade thing…i do it cause restaurants don’t serve REAL lemonade its that minutemaid tainted commercialized lemonade that i hate so i make my own freshly squeezed lemondae and the rinds go in the bowl on which they brought them or in an empty glass…it’s not about the price it’s about the taste…and i tip extra if no side eyed look when i ask for a bowl of lemons…uh huh
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Those not receiving a call back:
- As you’re driving me home from our first date, a deer jumps across the road in front of your vehicle. You pull the car over, pull a gun from the backseat, and chase the deer into the woods!
-You tell you me you have 3 children; I tell you I’d never date a man seriously with that many kids since I have none. You tell me no worries, you’ll kill the kids if you have to!
(All true stories, I swear!)
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I discovered Very Smart Brothas today, after finding out that you were the 2009 Black Web Award Winner for Best Blog (Black Weblog).
So winning does account for something! You’ve got a new fan… me.
VSB is a FABULOUS blog by the way, smart & witty; two of my favourite attributes. But you already know that!!
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